From book ‘winning from within’by Arica Areil Fox

Pg 45-end of chapter 3
It’s a Path, Not a PowerPoint Deck
Can Jared snap his fingers and release his vibrant Dreamer power? Can he
attend a one-day seminar on Leading with Vision and turn a lifelong pattern
around? No, we all know that he can’t. Does that me an the change is
impossible? Not at all.

This is why people talk about the “path” to self-mastery. It’s not a “tool” you
gain by attending a
webinar. A path is a set of practices, based on the structure of a journey,
designed to help you move
forward.
Of course, as anyone who’s ever tried to follow a path will tell you, “moving
forward” is trickier
than it sounds. In real life, exploring a developmental path often feels like
you’re moving backward.
It can feel like going in circles. Human beings are a messy business. There
are no straight lines to
heaven.
Like learning anything new, you’ll progress faster and more deeply if you
take a class, work with a
partner or small group, find a coach or teacher, or engage in an experiential
learning program.
However, even if you do all that, a word to the wise: Expect the sense that
you’re moving forward
and backward. It happens to everyone.
Also, though you might sense backsliding, you could be right on one level
and wrong on another.
The inner journey sometimes operates by reverse rules: moving forward can
look and feel like
moving backward. So, while you’re busy ruminating that your process “isn’t
working,” somewhere
outside the reaches of your perception, you’re on the move.
How do I know? Because I’ve accompanied thousands of people on such
journeys. I recognize the
highs and lows. I’ve seen the cycles again and again. I know if you’re aiming
to “fix” yourself, you’ll
get frustrated. And I know that if you’re open to some surprises—even a few
mysteries you can’t
explain—your possibilities are enormous.
I’d simplify a common experience this way:
■ You’re going along fine in life, unburdened by your hidden Performance
Gap.
■ Something happens that puts your Gap on your radar screen—sometimes
big time.
■ You commit to doing something about it.
■ You learn about your inner world—perhaps you start a self-exploration
with your Big Four.
■ You practice a bunch of things at home, and at work. You see a few
changes, mostly subtle.
Maybe you start to handle a specific interaction differently, and that feels
good.
■ You’re not sure much is happening.
■ Then, out of nowhere, you face a significant challenge, maybe one you
didn’t see coming.
■ You surprise yourself by how skillfully and wisely you handle it. Now that
was different.
■ You’re amazed that you’ve closed a Performance Gap that you’ve
repeatedly fallen into for
years.
■ You might not repeat that success all the time. But you gain confidence in
your new approach,
and you start to integrate it into your core way of operating.
■ People around you notice. They start to comment that “you look good” and
that “you’ve
changed.” Often they can’t quite put their finger on it: they ask if you’ve got
a new haircut, or
lost some weight. While they’re not sure exactly how to name what’s
different, the people
around you will experience the shifts that have taken place. And you know
it’s not the haircut.
The good news is that if you start down a path, and commit to it, you will see
results in the outside
world of your inner development. Others’ perceptions of you will change,
and your self-perceptions
—your
profile—will, too. The way you get there might be different than you’d
expect. Or different
from what you would’ve liked. But you’ll get there.

There’s another reason why I know how these cycles work. I’ve been down
this road more than a
few times myself. More times than I can count. I’ve embraced the Big Four,
rejected them, and lived
the
m in every combination. I’ve had wonderfully successful long-term
relationships. I also called off
my
first marriage with my fiancé one month before our wedding. I’ve managed
money well, and lost a
valued role over doubt about my ability to do just that. I have dreams that
I’ve fulfilled, and others
that will never come to pass.
And
so it goes. We’re human. We succeed. We fail. We try to learn, to grow, and
do better next
time
.
To journey is a fundamental act of living. I have a little plaque on my desk in
Boston. It has an axiom of Hebrew wisdom on it. It says: “It is not upon you
to finish the task. But neither are you free to desist from undertaking it.” I
think there’s truth to that. Backward, forward; forward, backward. We’ll
never “finish.” But we can’t desist from
undertaking it.