A note to my old self

When you fall in love, take it slow

Don’t be consumed by a rush of emotions
By the butterflies in your stomach
By punchlines that make your face blush
By empty promises that you thought were sacred
Save your heart for someone
Who will wait for you down the aisle
Whom you will hold and protect
Save the words of I love you
For someone permanent
For someone who will not simply pass you by the hallways
For someone who will stay
And my dear, younger self
You know nothing about love
You might feel like love is the center of your universe
And you might make your world revolve around a single girl
And you might feel like you’ve known love all your life
But my dear self, you are gravely mistaken
When a boy tells you he loves you
It’s already eight o’ clock in the evening
It’s cold, and he is not there to tell you in person
And of course you’ll smile, because he sounds like he means it
And of course you believe him
You were hooked, you were in love
But just like in any amateur magic show
Everybody knows the trap but you
When a girl tells you she loves you
She means she’s ready to be inconsistent with you now
This girl will tell you she loves you
Seconds after she shout your flaws
Seconds after you forgive her
Seconds after you pretend that everything’s okay
Because that’s what she expects you to
But at the end of the day,
You choose her
You choose love
And that’s the problem that you, my poor younger self failed to realize
You’ve risked almost everything
For the young love you wanted to keep
For the feelings that you romanticized too much
And gave more than it deserves
My dear self, he is not your world
My dear self, she is not your universe
Your life, your being
Does not start and does not end
With or without him/her
He is not the end of your rainbow
She is not the coda of your favorite song
Once you step out of the limited world you’ve always known
It is then that you realize
Love isn’t as simple as you thought it would be
Love is as wide as the ocean
You can’t simply conceal it
You can’t simply attain it
Love is not the boy who knows all your favorite songs
Love is not the girl with the French braid and big eyes
Love is not a prize
An exchange for risking your self-worth
Love is not a sacrifice
For you to lose sight of who you really are
Love does not require you to tear yourself to pieces
But rather makes you feel whole
Love is not a boy
Not a girl
Not a poem, not a book, not a song
It is so much more
Complex, complicated, imperfect and abstract
Love is not meant to be easily absorbed
By our puny minds
By our fickle hearts
Love takes time
Love requires bigger vessels
A more experienced soul
In order to secure it
In order to keep it there
Love takes patience
It takes courage
For you to build yourself first
Before you can let someone else in

Love stays

You don’t have to worry

You don’t have to be anxious
You don’t have to rush
As the ticks of the clock pass by
Love will always be there
And when love arrives
You will be ready