Developing Extraordinary Personal

Relationships:
Honing Your Interpersonal Skills

2009 MOWAA Annual Conference

San Diego, CA
September 2-4, 2009
Susan Sarfati, CEO
Beyond Excellent!
1455 Pennsylvania Ave.
Suite 400
Washington, DC 20004
202.365.3440
susan@ssarfati.com
“One of the secrets of life is that all
that is really worth doing is what we
do for others.”
Lewis Carroll

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 Learning Objectives
1. Creating an environment that motivates, inspires and
guides people to success.
2. Understanding how to work with different personality types
and how to empathize with people as unique individuals.
3. Developing and honing communication and listening skills.
4. Understanding the basics of body language and its effect on
building positive relationships.
5. Gaining tips on how to handle difficult people and manage
conflict.
6. Understanding the components of developing high
performing individuals, teams and organizations.
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What are we facing in today’s world?
What is your day to day life like?
Time Deprivation
Financial Meltdown
Downsizing/reorganizing
Budget cuts/freezes
Globalization
Sustainability
Multi-generational demands
Stressed & confused workforce

Your thoughts?? 4
How do you create an environment
conducive to high performance?
Describe a time when you were part of an organization
that was performing at its peak?
What was happening in the organization to make that
happen?
How did the staff and other stakeholders interact with
each other?
What was accomplished?
Share the words that describe the working
environment.
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Understanding Needs

Maslow
Hierarchy

Source: Essential Manager’s Manual by Robert Heller & Tim Hindle

What People Value in the Workplace

I know what is expected of me at work.

I have the equipment and materials I need to do my
job.

At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best
every day.

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In the last 7 days, I have received recognition or
praise for doing good work.

My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care
about me as a person.

There is someone at work who encourages my
development.

At work, my opinions seem to matter.
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The mission and purpose of my company makes me
feel my job is important.

My associates or fellow employees are committed to
doing quality work.

I have a best friend at work.

In the last six months, someone at work has talked to

me about my progress.

This past year, I have had opportunities at work to
learn and grow. 9

- Copyright of Gallup, Inc.

 The Carrot Principle
– How to Recognize Employees

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 Likeability Factor

FRIENDLINESS: your ability to

communicate liking and
openness to others

RELEVANCE: your capacity to

connect with others’
interests, wants and needs

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EMPATHY: your ability to recognize, acknowledge,
and experience other people’s feelings

REALNESS: the integrity that stands behind your

likeability and guarantees its authenticity
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Profile of people who succeed in
organizations

Have the passion for life and for their work

Believe that they work for themselves first and
the organization second
Project positive rather than negative energy
Care deeply about others 13
Pay careful attention to the bottom line
Have an open door policy
SMILE OFTEN
Have a
ARE HONEST
Know their stuff
Beautiful
Day!

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Tips to Improve Listening Skills

1. Shut Up
2. Recognize that you listen for personal success
3. Become less self-centered
4. Prepare to listen – set goals for certain
conversations
5. Check for body language/nonverbal clues
6. Hold your fire – don’t interrupt or plan your
response when others are speaking
7. Listen with your head and your heart

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 Basics of Body Language

Up to 93% of communication
is non-verbal, including
tone of voice, eye movement,
posture, hand gestures,
and facial expressions.

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The eyes communicate more than any
other part of the human anatomy.

Staring or gazing at others can create pressure and

tension in the room.

Maintained eye contact can show if a person is
trustworthy, sincere or caring.

Shifty eyes, too much blinking can suggest
deception.

People with eye movements that are relaxed and
comfortable yet attentive to the person they are
conversing with are seen as more sincere and
honest.
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The smile: There are 50 or so different
types of human smiles.

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Bodily cues are the most reliable of all
nonverbal signals of deception.

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Source: Essential Manager’s Manual by Robert Heller & Tim Hindle

Be aware of cultural
differences!

Personal Space is
important.

Personal space is needed and if it is invaded

can cause an individual to feel uncomfortable
or threatened. 20
Gestures communicate. Hand signals
communicate without any speech.

Touching communicates. Touching can be friendly or

aggressive. The way a person stands reflects their level
of confidence and comfort.
If a person stands tall, they
are seen as more confident.
If someone is standing with
their hands on their hips that
can indicate aggression or
alertness.
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How to Handle Difficult People and
Manage Conflict

Define “Difficult People”

How do you deal with difficult people?

What are your success strategies for managing

conflicts?

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 Parting Recommendations

1. Communicate authentically in every

situation.

• BS serves no one.
• Accept only direct and honest communication
from yourself and others.
• Subterfuge and political machinations only waste
time and opportunities.
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2. Expect and look for the best in
everyone.

• Hire staff and recruit volunteers who are smarter

than you and let them spread their wings.
• Then stay out of the way and encourage them to
go, go, go.
• Find every way to give praise and to collaborate.
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3. Ask every day how you and your
organization can make the most
difference.

• Act quickly, with humanity, humility, and passion.

• The world can’t wait.

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4. Minimize process.

• Assure that the processes that do exist are

necessary and serve your stakeholders well.

• Your work is much too critical and the stakes are

too high to constantly be rearranging the deck
chairs.

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5. Work toward being extraordinary. Be
bold. Resist incrementalism.

• It is OK to be uncomfortable and live with

ambiguity.

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6. If most people think your idea is nuts,
after you have considered it with your
volunteer and staff teams, go for it.

• Not taking the risk at all is usually worse than

taking the risk and failing.

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7. Create the “third place” in the lives of
your stakeholders, after their personal
and work lives.

• Make your organization indispensable.

• Provide a compelling vision for the future and

communicate it clearly and often.
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8. Keep your organization slightly off
balance while making sure that there is
just enough structure in place to avoid
chaos.

• I am not kidding about this one. This keeps us

thinking, not just doing.

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9. Be guided by personal integrity.

• Ask everyday, “When I look in the mirror, do I like

what I see
• What is the legacy I wish to leave?”

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10. Have courage.

• Push yourself.
• Leave your comfort zone.
• Acknowledge that it is OK to fail as long as you
learn from mistakes.
• The stakes are high and the potential results of
acting with courage are huge.

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