Why People Interrupt (and what to do about it)

Have you ever been speaking with a colleague, client, boss or employee and it seems no matter what
you do, you keep getting interrupted? You begin a sentence, then suddenly, someone jumps in to
complete it. Even if the person is right on target with your thoughts, you find it frustrating. Worse yet,
is when the interrupter takes your half-finished thought in a completely different direction than you'd
intended. And he or she would have known that, if he or she had only let you finish without
interrupting. Grrrr.

Maddening, isn't it? Makes you feel like you're not being heard. If it happens often enough, you may
even stop injecting comments into the conversation. "Why bother?", you tell yourself, "I'm only going
to be cut off". Soon you convince yourself it's not worth the effort. Further, you conclude that the
person interrupting is an insensitive boor who is so intent on getting his or her message out, that they
walk all over yours.

The end result? Your relationship suffers. You feel a great sense of disconnect toward this person,
perhaps even anger and resentment.

At a moment like this, you have a choice. You can allow negative emotions to usurp you, or you can
choose an alternate path (and I hope you choose this one): you can shift your thinking by asking
yourself if their behavior is intentional.

COMMUNICATION TIP: ASK YOURSELF IF THEY INTEND TO OFFEND? (They probably

don't).

Connecting with others and communicating well begins with considering the other person's
perspective. At the root of relationships is a magic seed called, "intent". Sometimes people can be
painfully irritating AND simultaneously, blissfully unaware. If there is no deliberate intent on their
part, it makes the behavior much more tolerable -- not necessarily acceptable, just tolerable. It will buy
you a little more patience for them and their behavior if you acknowledge that you are not being
deliberately targeted. They are not deliberately setting out to irritate. So why spend your limited
energy being offended when none was intended?

It may be how they process.

 Here's the reality: some people interrupt because it's how they process and interpret information. In
their exuberance to show you they're on the same wavelength as you, in an effort to express
enthusiasm in the subject at hand, they interrupt and ironically sabotage their very efforts to connect
 with you. It's not meant to be rude or disrespectful. Actually, quite to the contrary -- it's often intended
as a sign that they are actively engaged in what you're saying. They want to demonstrate to you that
they understand so well what you're saying, that they complete the sentence for you.
It may come from a place of service.

 If you are the type of communicator that requires long pauses between thoughts as you process
information, you might unknowingly be inviting this interrupting behavior. Sometimes people
interrupt thinking that a prolonged pause is an invitation to fill in the blank. Or they believe they are
helping provide a service to find the words for what they see as you grappling. They fill in the blanks,
the voids, the dead air with thoughts they believe you are trying to express.
It may be time pressures.

 Other times, people are just rushed and need to speed up the communication process and get on to the
other million tasks that beckon them. Interrupting is their way, albeit ineffective, of keeping the
conversation moving at breakneck speed. They are juggling so many balls and are so time-crunched,
they are oblivious as to how they are potentially damaging a relationship so they can run to the next
urgent matter yelling for their attention.
It may be anger or frustration.

 If someone has tried several times to speak up and feels that they are not being heard, they may resort
to interrupting. It's not right or necessarily effective. It is, however, a very human response, and we all
do it from time to time. Ask yourself if this person is constantly interrupting you, or is it only when
you're discussing certain volatile, emotional subjects? If he or she is angry or passionate about the
subject being discussed, as frustrating as you being interrupted may be, it's less about you than it is
about his or her need to be heard. It's not necessarily against you; it's forthem.
POINT: people seldom interrupt with the specific intent of irritating you... with one
exception ...

It may be a bully.

 NOTE: The rules of normal communication don't apply to bullies. They think and act aggressively,
with intent to hurt, with specific "targets" (people) in mind, and with repeated action. Let me be clear
here -- there are people you think may be bullies, but they're not. Even though their behaviour is
deplorable, rude, and does nothing to foster relationships, these people interrupt without intention.
They don't mean to. That's not an excuse, it's an explanation. Bullies are different. They interrupt
deliberately and with the purpose of demeaning and belittling specific targets. They don't behave this
way to everyone -- it's not part of their speech pattern with the world. It's a technique they use to
prove their superiority only with select individuals. Bullies mean to cut you off at the knees. If they
have an audience, even better for them. They pick on one or several targeted people repeatedly,
whereas they are polite and tolerant and don't interrupt others. These are bullies, and they are
different. Your response to them is completely different. Speak to them directly and let them know that
their behaviour is inappropriate. Draw the line in the sand. Don't let them push you around. Speak to
your boss and/or HR office. Document everything and build a case. In this article, I'm NOT talking
about bullies. I'm talking about regular people who are unaware of their irritating interrupting habit.
They do it to everyone.
Bullies aside, once you understand that we're all different, it helps to build bridges between
communication styles. If you're dealing with someone who interrupts, you might not be able to
change his or her behavior, but you can sure change yours. If you find you're constantly being
interrupted by all types of people, it might be YOUR communication style that needs tweaking. Here's
some suggestions:

IF YOU'RE BEING INTERRUPTED ...

1) Speak faster, get to the point, don't ramble

2) Invite comments before you complete your thought (engage the listener)
3) Ask the interrupter to give you a sec to finish what you were saying (interrupt the interrupter)
4) Become AWARE of how often you're interrupted. Is there a pattern? Is this the only person who
interrupts you? Or do you find yourself constantly being interrupted by everyone? If the latter, you are
the common denominator, so change how you communicate and get different results.

IF YOU'RE THE INTERRUPTER ...

1) Don't repeat yourself. Say it once and move on.

2) Practice being concise (it's really a skill ... which means you can learn it). Avoid speaking in
circles.
3) Become AWARE of how often you interrupt. If it's a pattern, change how you communicate --
you are the common denominator.
4) Apologize when you interrupt, stop yourself, and invite the other person to speak.