Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in

organised group activities in their free time others say that it is important for
children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both these
views and give your opinion

It is frequently believed that parents should motivate their children to utilise their
idle time taking part in an organised group activity ,while some believe that children
should learn to engage themselves on their own. In my opinion , it is better for the
overall development of children to participate in group activities.

On the one hand , I agree that by collaborating with other children as a team they
learn certain mental and social skills that are beneficial for them in future . For
instance , while working on an art and craft project together children not only
improve their creativity and vision but it also helps them in acquiring communication
skills and ideologies of teamwork which prove advantageous to them when as an
adult they aspire for prestigious jobs in multinational companies moreover, parents
are spared from supervising their children as these activities are usually arranged by
institutes which takes full responsibility of the children.

On the other hand, some think that children should learn to occupy themselves on
their own as it makes them more self -dependent and they become more innovative
when they think of ideas of self-occupying themselves . Eventually , they become
more responsible and learn to cope up with the adversities of life on their own .
However , it needs more parental attention and guidance to ensure that their children
utilise their free time in a productive way rather than wasting time on television and
video games .

To conclude, people may vary in their opinion ,but I think involving children in team
activities instills several positive qualities in them which are ideal for their personality
development and attaining socialising skills.

Comments:

Strengths Weaknesses

A few weaknesses – related to some slightly

1. A good answer to the question but
too long again.
2. A very wide range of vocabulary –
not always used accurately. Some
excellent collocation and
sophisticated language choices.
grammar points:
1. Word choice – ‘idle time’-
spare/leisure time; ‘organised’ –
arranged; ‘artistic vision/
imagination’; ‘ideas to occupy
themselves’; ‘cope up’

3. Good cohesion. Arranges 2. Articles – ‘the future’

 information and ideas coherently.
4. Excellent level of support given to all
ideas within the text.
5. A very good answer.
Overall IELTS Band: 7.5
3. Phrasing – ‘art and crafts’.
4. Grammar– ‘which will/ might prove
….’; ‘takes’
5. New sentence / connection -
‘Moreover, parents ….’