Translation of Selected Poems of K.S.

Nanditha from Malayalam to English

- Obed Ebenezer .S

Introduction

K.S. Nanditha was born on May 21, 1969 in Wayanad district, Kerala. She had been working as a lecturer at

Muttil Muslim Orphanage Arts and Science College, when she committed suicide on 17th January 1999.

After her death, her family discovered a series of poems that she had jotted down in her diary. Though the

poems were probably private thoughts and musings, and unintended to be published, her family and friends

decided to have them published as a collection titled “Nandithayude Kavithakal” (Poems of Nanditha). A

total of fifty eight poems- thirty one in Malayalam, and twenty seven in English were included in this

volume. The poems speak of memories, love, anger, and most of all, death. I refrain from commenting on

the themes, as it would do the readers better to discover it themselves.

As much as I would have loved to include all the 31

translations of K.S. Nanditha’s poems in this article,

constrains of time have limited me from doing so at

present. I have selected 12 poems as of now, which I

have felt are apt to convey the intensity of emotions in

her poetry. The rest of the poems will assuredly be

translated soon.

The photographs of the poems in Malayalam have been

added to the left of the translations in English.

Reference:

Nanditha, K.S. Nandithayude Kavithagal. Olive Publications, 2012.

All the poems below have been translated into English by Obed Ebenezer .S
1.

Prisoner

The beads of sweat you wiped off from your forehead

Fell on the edge of my garment
And became stains.
In your half-closed eyes
I read the story of my losses.
In your pleasant expression
I knew my frailty achieved its identity.
My sleep fading
In your colourful dreams,
My tears freezing in your smile,
My fainting in your lack of emotion,
Was all with my awareness.
I had also wanted to escape;
But…..
I was a prisoner.
Of my thoughts.

2.

You think
About the love you never received.
For you the earth is the mother
You do not see the mother
Who calls you with heart-rending cries.
You are wandering.
Searching for the father,
Forsaking the mother….
Oh Man, What is the use of your wandering?
Forgive me, I love you….
Your weathered face,
Your projecting cheekbones,
Your pale heart
Forgive me.
3.
The wind blows furiously.
The extinguished flame of the lamp within me awakes
I spread like the wildfire.
The smell of burnt hair
The hissing and cracking of the bones,
The melting flesh
The grinning skull.
I laugh
Looking at the
Earth trying to cover up her barrenness
I laugh…
Madly.

4.

The world laughs

At your foolishness;
And calls you insane.
Those sharp eyes do not see anything.
They do not see you.
You are far away
Beyond even a thousand miles.
When their eyes see you
You are laughing.
Not at your foolishness;
But at theirs…..
5.

Prostitute*

Gifting me a sleepless night

Another day passed by.
Even while removing the faded flowers from the flower-
vase.
My hands had not shaken.
Even while the monotonous days passed by
I walked without faltering legs.
The clouds floated in from somewhere
Bringing me dreams
To gift.
In their rain
My dreams were soaked.
Even while seeing them all
My eyes did not shed a single tear.
Before my thoughts drive me insane
If only this remaining movement too
Would cease…

* The word used in Malayalam can also mean a

sculpture/idol of a woman, in addition to holding the
meaning “prostitute”. However, in this context,
“prostitute” seems more apt. Views may differ.
 6.
In Your eyes are smiles
The smiles of the mimosa*.
Words have splinters
Splinters that abrade and break.
It might pain you.
I am aware of
The blood that oozes from your tongue,
Of you becoming impatient…
As the cassia that blooms in December,
Take strength.
Now go to sleep.
To rise again in the summer
To bloom with strength
Now go to sleep
In the autumn.
* Mimosa pudica: touch-me-not plant- its leaves fold
inward and droop when touched or shaken, and re-open
a few minutes later
7.
There is yet a long way to go.
In the sunset hours,
The swelling skies
Holds the heart of the wanderer for a price.
All the travellers begin to tire.

In the moist air

While the moss creeps up
Larvae hatch in the blood.
Clutching the rotting, stinking pack
Forgetting the destination
Waiting only for the path to end,
The travellers keep on plodding.
Blessed are they that stumble and fall
For
They achieve salvation.
8.
On an evening that dissolved into cold
Aimlessly chatting about this and that
I fell asleep
Burying my face in his bosom.

Memories were hued in the redness of your eyes.

I woke up dissolved in red, leaning my head on your
shoulders.
My eyes are burning
From the burst of the flame that glowed on the tip of
your pen…
I also had a vague awareness
Of his shock that my eyes were melting into streams
In the heat of his bosom.

As I whispered
There is music, let’s go to sleep
Through your lips pressed upon my head, it began to
pain,
Compassion spread down through me.

I wished in vain
That the weight of my head wouldn’t hurt you.
Even while sinking into the uncomplaining depths
Wings have savage thirst.
Eyes flicker…

Why did you not ask

Let’s go pick the flowers of fire that bloomed in the
moonlight?
Does my head become damp?
Unable to say no,
Unable to lift my head,
Unable to wrap your face in my arms
And kiss your forehead hard,
I sat.

At the start of a long journey

Horses without bridles prance about,
And stepping into the furnace, they smoulder.
Now where do we go …
Now for me, a return journey.

Don’t lift your eyes to look at me

And make me falter
The sound of hooves that reaches from beyond the
darkness,
And the fire that spreads to the east tell me
That a fiery chariot would come for you.
Chopping off the dreams
That bloom in the infinity of the ocean
Let me now return back.
9.

Abandoned battlefield
Deserted trenches
Crumbling glass-bangles
Fading vermillion,
The parched earth licks up
The spilt love from the shattered clay pots.

A smile trapped in the

Edge of the garment;
Moist eyes….
One more farewell
Along with the running colours of the garment
Soaked in bleach.
Love,
Like the devout virgin deceived by god
Turns into the Thulasi*, and without rebirth
Swoons.

I become alone again.

*In Hindu Mythology, Tulsi was a pious woman who

sought a boon to marry Vishnu, one of the supreme
deities. Lakshmi, Vishnu's consort, cursed her to
become a plant in the ground. However, Vishnu
appeased her by giving her a boon that she would grace
him when he appears in the form of Shaligrama (a
fossilised shell used as an icon of Vishnu) in temples.

10.
Tearing streams of pain
Sucking up the dew that oozed in the mind
A Lotus bloomed;
The offspring of knowledge
And in the eyes of the mother who swooned and fell,
Death.
The sun spreads its flame
To the smiling petals.
It’s now the turn of our minds
To reign ablaze.
11.
While picking up the skulls that have started to crumble
And trying in vain to determine the facial features
Dreams, like quicksand
Pull my legs downward
Throwing my soiled losses
Into a heap in a corner of this cave
That chokes the breath with staleness
Let me take leave…
Why does the darkness that creeps in from beyond
Hold me back…
I want to escape to a world
Where there are no smiling lips
Below hate-filled eyes.
Swatting aside the ferretting serpents
And the whining mosquitoes around me
Let me commence my journey….
In search of my roots.

12.
My birthday makes me restless.
That day…
On a piece of white paper with pale-blue lines
You drew your thoughts
And gave it to me as my birthday gift.
It was fire in the tip of your pen,
It melted me
That day, it was clear daylight
And the night was moonlit.
Today, the sun becomes dim
And the stars fade away.
What I searched in between
The bouquet of flowers made by my friends
The wishes of my younger brother
And the Milk-Payasam* that my mother served,
Was for your pen.
The pen that you threw away.
At last, when I discovered that pen
In between the stacks of old books
The flame on its tip
Had died!

* Payasam- An Indian dessert consisting of rice

or (in later use) vermicelli, boiled in milk or
coconut milk, flavoured with cardamom.