Documenti di Didattica
Documenti di Professioni
Documenti di Cultura
SECRET JOURNAL
OF
A Self- Observer ;
OR,
Rev. J. C. LAVATER,
AUTHOR OF THE
ISSAYS ON PHYSIOGNOMY, THE APHORISMS ON
MAN, VIEWS OF ETERNITY, &c. &c. &c.
IN TWO VOLUMES.
TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN ORIGINAL,
VOL. I.
lontoon :
P R E F A C E
OF THE
EDITOR.
* If the reader will take the trouble to read the two letters
never
PREFACE OF THE EDITOR. T
fcould
*i PREFACE OF THE EDITOR.,
two more.
As for the reft, we wifh that our readers may pof-
fefs that candour which charadlerifes the Author of
A. P. R.
R. Oftober, 1770.
PREFACE
PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOR.
car,
Vlii PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOR.
balance its
many defects, and contribute to propa-
and virtue.
Upper Thornhaugh-Street.
JOURNAL
JOURNAL
OF
A SELF-OBSERVER.
INTRODUCTION.
JANUARY, 1769.
VOL. I. B Spirit
2 JOURNAL OF A
felves.
SELF-OBSERVER. 3
and there is
nothing in the world I defpife
obferved. But it is
juft the reverfe with a
B 2 artifices
4 JOURNAL OF A
artifices of paflions ; every thing which may
have a remarkable influence upon the im-
better regions.
DAILY RULES.
The following rules fhall always be before
mine eyes; they mall be fufpended fome-
where in my fludy, and read and revolved
I.
without
SELF-OBSERVER. 5
II.
blefling.
III.
prayer.
63 IV. J xvill
6 JOURNAL OF A
IV.
I will read every day a chapter in the
quently in my mind.
V.
VI.
I will make it
every day my principal
bufinefs to be ufeful to my family.
VII.
in the performance of
my occupations ; and
between meals abflain, as much as poffible,
from
SELF-OBSERVER. 7
VIIL
Whitherfoever I may go, I will previoufly
IX.
X.
I will never lay down to fleep without
firft.
having prayed
XI.
XII.
JANUARY
SELF-OBSERVER. 9
JANUARY i, 1769.
ven.
great,
and fomething very mean : if thou,
lefs.
gratulate in an artlefs
manner ! I will, how-
ever, firft learn myfelf how to gratulate with
firft
day of the year without having per-
formed a particular work of charity. An-
other reafon perhaps was, becaufe I wifhed
which it
commonly thrills the foul with,
lity 5
and this idea, ever true and inconteft-
fied.
Have I
prayed for the perfons named in my
C a eleventh
20 JOURNAL OF A
eleventh rule? No-j I have not; I will do
it now. O ! merciful God ! with Thee will
" been
angry with myfelf to-day, for having
"
neglefted it fo long. The fentiment which
" I have chofen for this is Give to him
day :
3
*> with
22 JOURNAL OF A
" with a fenfe of truth ; they are,
plain, fimple
" in divine anfwers to all moral
every refpeft,
"
queftions,
folutions of all problems which
" ever can be ftated. However, only hearts
" which are unto the voice of
plain, fincere
"
truth, and void of paflions, can compre-
" hend thefe anfwers and folutions : Give to
f(
him that a/keth thee, and from him that would
" borrow not thou away ; fays he
of tkee, turn
" whofe all my
property pofleilions are. I
" am the
fteward, and not the proprietor of
"
my fortune. The proprietor commandeth
" me to give unto him that alketh of me,
" and not to refufe the him who
prayer of
" wants to borrow of me, while it mail be
" in
my power to give and to lend; I muft,
" of
courfe, give to him who has nothing ;
"
or, to ufe other words, if I have two coats,
" 1
muft give one unto him who has none-, and
" I have meat, I muft dofoJikewife, though
if
J/hould
SELF-OBSERVER. 2$
" I be ajked. How much more
flioidd not
" will it be incumbent
upon me if that
" mould be the cafe ?" This was fo clear to
" am
I muft pay my houfe-rent, and I fix
"
month, and could hardly keep my poor
<e
children from ftarvings I have laid by
"
every penny but, gracious heaven ! I am,
"
neverthelefs, fix dollars too fhort, and muft
" have them
to-day, or to-morrow ; pray
" hear
me, dear Sir!" Here (he took afmall
parcel out of her pocket, untied it, and faid,
" There,
C 4
24 JOURNAL OF A
" Sir, is a book enchafed with filver
There, ;
" "
Oh ! dear Sir, can't you aflift me ?" My
" God !
good woman, I cannot ajjlft you /" fo
"
living foul ; and I do not go from
like to
"
houfe to houfe, I .rather will work whole
"
nights I have been told that you are a
"
good-natured gentleman. Well! in the
" name
SELF-OBSERVER. 25
two
$6 JOURNAL OF A
in a whif-
two by me," anfwered
*' I
dollars
" and fhe wants fix how therefore can
per, ;
" what
you have faid a quarter of an hour
"
ago I entreat you not to make an often-
:
ceitful
28 JOURNAL OF A
"
ceitful heart ! there, take the money you
" want." She feemed, at firft, not to under-
*' "
book, and it is old," Keep your book,
" and the
money ; and thank God, and not
" me.
Indeed, I do not deferve your thanks,
" becaufe I have hefitated fo to affift long
" name of God, and
you go, in the fay
" not a word more." I fhut the door after
you know
<c
golden ring on my finger (and
" I have feveral), you need not tell a fellow-
" creature in diftrefs that you cannot affift
" him." I
preffed her to my bofom, and
duties.
completed.
I ate little at flipper, and then prayed with
the whole family ; not one of the ferv ants was
performed all
my rules !
countable
SELF-OBSERVER.
every
2 JOURNAL OF A
yet-
SELF-OBSERVER. 33
VOL. I. D I hardly
34 JOURNAL OF A
flattered, O !
heart, and consequently have
been an hypocrite.
Mr. M*** went away, and looking his
manufcript over, I found unpardonabk de-
fefts. Thou haft deferved it, oh ! heart ;
now
SELF-OBSERVER. 3-
traft my firft
opinion? Shall I confirm it?
that would be abominable ; give a contrary
one; how humiliating!
Firft of all I will draw the fcene fo humi-
following letters
t(
fame pafiagas which J, as far as I can
"
remember, fcemed to approve. .It is /,
D 2
" and
36 JOURNAL OF A
C
V and notjow, who ought to blufh, that my
"
prefent opinion is
quite the reyerfe of the
" former
j however, you feemed to perceive
" come
yourfelf, that my applaufe did not
" from the heart. I thank for
you your
" kind, and in every refpeft unmerited, con-
"
fidence, in leaving the manufcript with
" me. How have made
uneafy would it
"
me, if my unlimited applaufe had prompt-
" ed
you to omit making fuch alterations,
" which I now think fo You
neceflary.
" fee I take revenge on myfelf, for my in-
" confiderate approbation, by a franknefs
"
which, perhaps, would difpleafe you, if
"
you were not fo noble-minded, fo modeft,
" and fo humane. I am
ready to give you
**
every fatisfation for my firft, and this my
" Sic. &c.
fecdnd, opinion,"
Good
JELF-OBSERYER. 37.
D 3 odd
38 JOURNAL OF A
odd marriages ;
the Jaft play of the pre-
evening.
Which of my rules has- been executed to
a-
difciple of Jefus Chrift. I am. feized with
a trembling.
Nothing has been done } Aa
heathen could not have fpent this day worfe
than I j and a rational heathen would have
verfation. It is
nothing to me, whether
other people will look upon this day, fo void
of virtuous deeds, as a mark of a very un-
D4 JANUARY
JOURNAL OF A
cantos
44 JOURNAL OF A
cantos of Klopftock'sMeffiah, without hardly
words :
Whofoever fliall do the will of myfather,
which is in heaven, the fame is
my brother, and
thing
46 JOURNAL OF A
rights of a brother,
and co-heir. Heirs of God ;
co-heirs with Chrijl ; children of God ; brothers
Gellert.
SEiF-QBSERVIR. 4;
" Your
note, dear friend, is
very incom-
**
prehenfi-ble to me -,
the little
modcfty,
" which
my bad inclinations have 'left un-
"
touched, was in great danger of being cn-
" from \vcak heart by
th-ely difpcllcd my
"
your
48 .
JOURNAL OF A
" me thus. Indeed you have
your treating .
<
afted very wrong ; you have entirely for-
<e
gotten the rule ; All things whatfoever ye
" would that
menftould do-to you, do ye even fo
" to them. You have
forgot that I am a
" am
poor, frail, erring mortal ; that 1 flill
" look
up to me, miferable, finful mortal ; if
"
your good heart mifguides you, to think
" too
highly of me ; if you can ever ftray fo
" from me O
far truth, as to think great, !
. VOL.!. E particularly
JJ-O JOURNAL OF A
" which
particularly the fincerity with I
"
am," &c. &c.
Having fent this anfwer by the fervant, I
was pretty eafy in my mind ; I flattered my-
felf, at the fame time, to be void of vanity ;
ple!
JANUARY
SELF-OBSERVER.
tions !
Although I awoke before feven o'clock,
yet I tofled myfelf about in my bed, deaf to
the voice of confcience, and callous to the
E 2 Angry
2 JOURNAL OF A
wife's queftion
" whether
Angry at my
" I could not pray and read with her," I fat
fer's hymn-book :
yet fome good thoughts
penetrated through the mift which over-
clouded my mind and my brow. Reading
the words, / renew hereby, in thy
prefenee, the
3 I now
4 JOURNAL OF A
I now went to work with great ferenity ;
every
SELF-OBSERVER. 55
*
pieces
with the greateft coolaefs.'
" fome
?'
Very likely," faid he, perfon may
" to break and it is not Jefi
happen it,
*'
likely that it then may occafion a finful
"
anger in the heart of the pofieflfor, or a
" fecret
anxiety in the mind of him that
" breaks it.
'
If it fhquld be admired, ancj
"
frequently ufed on my table, I
might by
" fo fond of that
degrees grow it, it
might
" me
irritate if
any body, or perhaps my*
" mould break it careleflhofs.
felf, through
" I will therefore prevent any thing of that
kind.".
religion
5$ JOUANAL OF A
At fix o'clock in the evening I was left to
SUNDAY,
SELF-OBSERVER.. 59
nity
&> JOURNAL OF A
fclf
62 J OURNAL OF A
" felf without ! Merciful God !
blufliing
"
guide my thoughts and fenfations, parti-
"
cularly at prefent."
I was cold, and
had pulled up the coach
I
him; bow I
might caufe his laft days to be a
*'
reftore him to me I" Here I flopped, and
flared a while, and prayed with more fer-
vor.
*'
O ! let the tears of his wife be
" dear in thy fight ! Reftore to her the beft
" of me the bell of friends
hufbands, and to !
pocket,
SELF^OBSERVER. 6j
!My
VOL. I. F friend
66 JOURNAL OF A
friend would die without hope, if thou hadft
not facrificed thy life for fuch as trufl in
" how
replaced." Impatience Impatience
! !
my
my journal
thus far." WeU ! Poftillion!
* '
have you not dme yet ? You make it dam V
'
fhameful fenfations.
F z ed
68 JOURNAL OF A
ed his horn, and I almoft fainted away. The
wife of my beloved friend was ftanding at
the door.
" O come blefled
! come, my
" friend!" exclaimed
" Good God! how
me,
" look," I went up flairs with
pale you
to
SELF~OBSERVR. 69
" fick friend, with a
to ourfelves !" faid my
tranquillity
which afforded me unfpeakable
comfort,
"
things to tell you, dear friend ; however,
"
my weaknefs mention
bids me to only
" what is moft neceffary ; I need not to en-
" treat you to double your attention* Firft
F 3 of
7 JOURNAL OF A
" of I thank God that I enjoy once
all,
"
more, before I leave this world, the un-
"
fpeakable pleafure of difclofing my heart
" to
you. I hope God will grant me fun>
**
cient ftrength, and give his
blefling to my
" words. am
I dying, my friend! I mail
" below only a few days longer,
tarry here
"
perhaps only a few hours. God be praifed!
" that after
unfpeakable ftrugglmg, I can
" bear the idea of
dying \ that I can endure
" it at laft at laft Oi friend! my after
" an and can, with
unfpeakable ftruggle ;
words.
SELF-OBSERVER. ^1
"
However, we rnuft make the beft ufe
" of the few
remaining moments ; I begin
"
already talking, and
to feel the effects of
" the emotions of
my foul. Let me tell
" few
you, in words, but enforce it on
" foul I have not led the life of a
your
" Chriftian I have not been an
hypocrite,
"
my friend, not what the world calls an
" have not been a
hypocrite j however, I
*'
have we killed with the moft idle and ufe-
" lefs converfation with plans of ambi-
f*
tion of ambition, my friend God knows
!
"
heavenly true are thou, word of my 3a
" viour :
Whofoever Jhatt exalt him/elf, Jhall bt
" was humility itfelf,
abated! Jefus Chrift in
" the full fenfe of the word is
// enough for
*' the difciple that he be as his Lord / and the
" O
Jervant as his mafter. !
friend, do not
^ forget thefe words ! I die but truth (hall
" never die. Heaven and earth (hall pafs
*
away j but not the words of Jefus Chrift.
" O my dear,
! dear friend j how are my
" beft actions dwindling away on the brinlc
" of the
grave ; and how horribly are my
" faults
and foibles, which I formerly thought
little
74 JOURNAL OF A
" Alas how
little, towering up. ! little dtf
'*
dreadful is the filence of death ; how
" dreadful the ftillnefs of eternity ! O how !
"
nefsj thy mercy which will forget them,
'*
and deftroy, through Jefus Chrift, all the
" bad
confequences they produced to me,
" and
SELF-OBSERVER. 7$
" and others. I am almoft fpeechlefs."
" Thou
art; yes, thou art, lave"
" have now
My friend ! I three things
(<
more on my mind j I have reveral God-
" children, whom I intended to inftrut,
" and to educate. I
thought it fo much
" the more incumbent on me, becaufe it
" did not
pleafe providence to blefs me
M with children of own. I entreatmy you
*'
to fupply my place ; I have fet
apart fqur
" hundred dollars for four of them, whofe
" names and abode wife will
my tell you. I
**
bequeath them to you ; I need not tell
f(
you more.
" You will find a volume of Buffbn
f
s
" Hiftoire Naturelle in my library. I have,
" out of an
unpardonable careleflhefs, de-
"
layed, from one day to the other, to re-
rt
turn it to Mr. N. to whom it
belongs,
" and who muft have
forgot that he lent it
J6 JOURNAL OF A
" -me. Return to him, his
it
beg pardon in my
"
name, and afk him if there is any book in
" he mould like have -
there
my library to } if
'*
is, let him have it ; if he mould a(k none,
*'
him my elegant edition of Horace,
give
" Alas there was much petty vanity in
I
**
friend, how important is
every hour of fo
fhortalife ."
hope, God
*'
tives, which, I will forgive me,
'* and erafe the impreffion of it for ever
tf
from my immortal foul. Go to him as
" foon as
I am dead ; I would fay while I
" am
SELF-OBSERVER. 77
**
am living, if I did not want all my remain-
"
ing moments to converfe with you. Gd,
u and offer him this
hand, which. I am now
"
preflmg within mine, and which is be-
" dewed with the fweat of
my approaching
" tell him that I have fhed bitter
death,
" tears on account of that
calumny ent-
" brace and then go to
him, in my name,
" Mr. M. and D. Go
(I conjure you by
"
my dying moments not to omit it, in
" order to fpare me after my death) and tell
" them what
anguifti of foul this calumny
" has me on my death-bed."
given
Here my friend (lopped; I promifed to
afleep,
78 JOURNAL OF A
and I battened to infert in my jour-
nal, as accurately as poffible, whatever I
heart.
Thoughts
Sd JOURNAL OF A
my Friend.
frill
trembling yes, deareft foul! I have felt
getfulnefs but is it
poffible that I ever .
wife to me " he
; has bequeathed to me
" Has he not ? thou faith-
your friendfhip.
" ful friend of deareft hufband." O !"
my
"
faid I, my whole heart is yours ; I wifh I
" did not live at fo
great a diftance from
" I then mewed
you." in her, my journal,
the paflages relating to her ; (he wept, and
I flied tears with her. God how we were
!
he
SELF-OBSERVES. 83
<
he breathed with he opened
difficulty
" have
mercy on our dear dying brother !
" he is
thy creature I have mercy on him!
" Chrift has fuffered death for him.
Jefus
" Have
mercy on him ; pour light into his
" foul
fupport him, thou God of love ! let
!
" him
powerfully feel thy mercy! grant him,
" in the
agony of death, a diftant foretafte
<;
of the joys of the eternal contemplation of
" thee O thou haft tafted
! !
Jefus Chrift !
"
entirely through and through, that his foul
" and
body may be kept unfpotted until the
"
day of thy coming in glory. Give him a
" foretafte of the joys of the refurre&ion,
" and of the
raptures which thy eternal love
"
infpires ; give him courage, that he may
" not be Make him
terrified by death !
truly
ts
fenfible of thy love, that he may not be
" afraid of
appearing before the light of
*'
thy countenance. Have mercy on him ;
" him ! fave him make him
ftrengthen !
*
Tender we behold in brightnefs,
**
Death and grave afflift no more,"
" tiOH."
"
AND TO KEEP HIMSELF UN-
" SPOTTED FROM THE WORLD!" eXclaim-
flow.
tf
believeth in me Jfiall live, though he were dead.
*'
This, my dear friend !
feels the darling of
<f
our heart much ftronger than we can com
*'
ceive," No fooner had I faid this, but;
to compofe myfelf.
We wrapped my deceased friend up I
Thus
9<3 JOURNAL OF A
of ?
(
Do I dread the body or the foul of ray
nqt
SELF-OBSERVER. g
+
lity in general,
and on religion too, but how
feldom on our immortality, on his and my
Creator and Redeemer! And now he is
11
faid I,
" merciful God why am I
God," !
" even lo am
day, while I furrounded with
" the
flrongeft incitements, complain of my
" Alas am deftitute of
poor heart. !
I ftill
deceafed.
VOL. I. H In
98 JOURNAL OF A
In order to avoid being thought an hypo-
crite (whifpered my heart to me, in a pal-
requifite in a Chriftian.
I was writing this journal till
eight o'clock,
and then went down flairs, full of grief, and
In
fettling feveral matters, and wrote fome
letters to the relations of the deceafed, giving
H 2 However,
100 JOURNAL OP A
Deceafed..
rt
of laft year, appears to have had a fore-
"
boding :
having endeavoured to fettle all
" his affairs with an unufual accuracy, and
"
copied his will.
* He
frequently begged to be left alone 9
-
H4 November
104 JOURNAL OF A
November he had fecretly fold, for twelve
related
" how blefled muft the widow
this,
" of fuch a man be! The tears of
widows,
" which God will mix with to
counts, yours,
your bleffing."
Thus far I continued my journal after din-
pious
SELF-OBSERVER. 105
pious fenfations,
on my deceafed friend.
life.
horror ;
SELF-OBSERVER. 107
"
thy inexpreflible mild, ferene, never-to-be-
" and heart-piercing look, meets
forgotten,
"
my eyes no more. Alas! with a trem-
"
bling hand do I take hold of thine; but it
**
does not return the preflure of mine.
u Thou haft no fpeech not a word, not
j
one
108 JOURNAL OF A
" one look no no
; preffure of thy hand,
" breath for thy friend. is left to
Nothing
"
me, but to flay a few hours with thy
" be taken from me
corpfe, and all will ;
tc
Alas 1
thy forfaken friend fhall then have
" left of thee !
nothing
" O my brother
! ! how many hours have
" how many joys and
I fpent by thy fide !
"
ble, like a child, didft thou clofe thy days,
" dreamed fo focn. O that could
away ! I
" me
implore heaven to grant a death-bed
<c
like thine- thy heroic ftruggles with thy
"
felf, and thy triumph over thy heart !
" Alas!
only a few weeks ago, I received
a letter from thee how little did I appre-
hend
SELF-OBSERVER. 109
" Do not
forget me, my brother, do not,
" furrounded
by immortals, forget a mortal
" man'! And if thou ftill canft do any thing
" for O then intercede for me with our
me,
"
heavenly Father, that I may be enabled to
" live as pioufly, and die as tranquilly, as
" thou didft live and die two
; pray, that
"
parts of thy fmcerity and humility, of thy-
" love to
human-kind, and of thy genero-
"
fity, may be granted me.
" Thou haft fent for me to
thy death-bed
thou
IIO JOURNAL OP A
t(
thou didft fmile at me fo kindly when I
*c
came thou heardeft my prayer, which,
" thou gaveft me
alas !
expired fo foon !
*
thy bleiTmg but when I (hall be ftretched
" out and and ftruggle with death,
languish,
*e
I mall not have the heavenly pleafure, and
*'
the unfpeakable comfort, of feeing thee
"
by my death-bed, lifting up thy hands,
**
and bending thy knees for me. No gof-
" for me no
pel-comfort ; ftrengthening
"
prayer for me ; no heart-confoling hymn
" will then flow from
thy lips, and pene-
" Thou malt
trate my faintly-hearing ears.
'*
not then fee me j at leaft I mall not fee
cf
thee, nor know whether 1 mail be fo
"
happy of being feen by thee."
Hearing fomebody come, I ftarted up,
my
SELF-OBSERVER. Ill
my journal,
as well as I could remember
them. Once more, thought I, I will go
down, and converfe a few minutes longer
leaving it
open fcarcely a third part.-
" Alas!" I
" I have feen
thought by myfelf,
" face for the
thy laft time, my now happy
" friend ! Alas ! the traces of corruption
" chafe me away from the of thee,
fight
" once fo
pleafing to me : Alas ! mud I bend
" head fo foon over
my thy half-ihut coffin,
**
and tell my feelings, in a trembling ac-
" to this without
cent, gloomy folitude,
"
feeing thee.
"Oil will once more vow to thee, on
" remember thy and
thy coffin, to virtue,
"
thy
112 JOURNAL Or A
" be ftretched
thy friendfhip, until I alfo fliall
**
out in my coffin. Yes, once more will I
46
lay my hand upon thy heart that hand
" which has clofed I
thy eyes promife
" thee before
God, and, perhaps, in the
"
prefence of thy immortal fpirit, that I
" will never thee I will five in fuck a
forget ;
" wert a
manner., as if thou Jlill conjlant wit-
" Good
nefs of my life deeds, nothing but good
**
deeds fliall
this hand perform ; pious words',
" words Jhall fiozv from
nothing but pious thefe
" which are now pronouncing, over thy
lips,
*'
coffin, vows fo facred"
fible, to engrave it
indelibly on my mind, by
writing my feelings carefully down.
If I may make a drawing of my fituation,
and
SELF-OBSERVER. Uj
and if I can expeft that an intuitive repre-
fentation of it will afford me fome inftruc-
"
thefe limbs, which are fo dear to me.
"
and fo neceffary, which appear, and which
" am fo fenfible to be very
I effential parts
" of become and
my being, mail all ufelefs
VOL. I. I
" cor-
114 JOURNAL OF A
" and
corruption they are nothing :
Flejh
(t
blood cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven.
" not corruption, he immor-
My friend is is
"
corruption, and it contains not a fpark
" of It matters not, whe-
immortality."
ther thy fpirit, O my beloved ! dwells among
corruption like God, who even in the grave
refides whether thou, who art dear to my
foul not thou earthen veflel, houfe of clay
fun !
Yes, perhaps, thou art yet here; per-
I 2
Il6 JOURNAL OF A
with fenfations as even no female foul, among
all thofe who bewail thee, mall feel.
a Jittle
through my foul,
"
* * * * *#**%
"
My God !"
1
lutions.
of a dear friend.
my drawing, I
perceived that the fkull could
be taken off from the ikeleton. I took it
" what a
beginning of my exiftence !
ftrange
" end here behold the two limits of
! I my
" abode on earth I was at God knows
firft,
"
recovered my health again ;
at prefent I
" am and perhaps to-morrow, per-
alive,
*
haps to-day, warmth and
;
be
124 JOURNAL OF A
" be lacerated either by vermin or matt
ct
and my bones, alas ! will be the only
**
thing remaining of my frame I now be-
et
hold, like that fkeleton before my eyes.
" O! what an unfathomable beginning,
" what an
impenetrable end of my exift-
*'
ence on earth How did I originate,
!
**
know lefs than of what concerns ray^x-
*'
iftc'nce. Thefe meditations I revolved in
**
liny mind,, and could not help thinking it
K
very ftrange. that moft people difregard
" themfelves fo much, as never to reflett.,
" with wonder and
aftonilhment, on their
" own
SELF-OBSERVER. 12$
f<
own exiftence, the beginning and the'end of
*'
their body, which feems to be fo infepara-
"
bly and eflfentially connected with their
" and live -dream rather fhould
being ; (I
"
fay) in conftant amufement and ignorance
" with
refpecl to themfelves, and, as one
" as aliens to themfelves.
might fay
" It came into my mind to provide myfelf
" with a human Ikull the
fight of it will
"
certainly remind me frequently moft pow-
" of I (hall then more
erfully my mortality;
"
frequently at wifer, and with more feri-
"
oufnefs, and be lefs capable to forget the
" vow made at the coffin of friend."
I
my
I afkcd the landlord whether his fon could
"do
126 JOURNAL OF A
" do
you intend to do with a fkull," aflced
"
he, fmiling ; you are certainly no furgeon,
" nor intend to become one
j however, I
" will I will account for it
give you one,
" to fon I think it an honour to
my ; oblige
" and many
you with it." Having faid this,
" me
My ladies, will you give leave to
" fmoke a ? You me with it
pipe indulged
" the other
day."" Why not ?" I lighted
-ff el b^bmcK--
3 my tears
will
SELF-OBSERVER. 133
copy of it.
Having neither hope to fee the
" His
guardian angel takes the charge
Of all his tears till, at the clofe
;
'
Of time, they are transfonn'd to pearls,
" To ornament the viftor's crowu.
"
quently
SELF-OBSERVER. 137
"
quently degenerates in caprice, which
" more
frequently is cried up for it.
Every
"
century, every nation, every town, and
"
every individuum, have their own fcale
" for poizing vice and virtue; whoever ufes.
" a different one, is looked upon by them
" as an importer - - - -----
After fupper I fmoked a pipe, reading in
s Lettres de la Montagne. What a
riddle is that man ! how much in contradic-
ever,
138 JOURNAL OF A.
erring fouL
in
SELF-OBSERVER. 139
mean affectation ?
Why do I ftain even my
good actions ? And why can I not perform
a fingle action with a chriftian fpirit, and
the fimplicity of Jefus Chrift? Will not the
omnifcient
SELF-OBSERVER. 14!
**
cion of hypocrify, that he Will be more
" who
impartial than the wifeft, are ftlll
" blinded
by a thoufand reflections 6tt the
"
world, and the opinion of men !" I-Ie
blufhed.
" I don't think that I
hope you
" believe our friend has been an
hypocrite?'*
"
No that I do not think ; however, I
!
" wifh
you might feel what our friend, in
* the laft hour of his life, with fo much fim-
" and fuch an overflowing of entire
plicity,
"
conviftion, has fpoken to my heart, as
" thank God! have
forcibly as I, felt it at
" his death-bed." ...... ---I
foifie
perfon did expire, and was buried
without delay, while almoft warm, for fear
flie
SELF-OBSEKVIR. 143
"
nefs, to the utmoft of my ability, all thofe
" that are forfaken, that others
may not do,
" from
felnfhnefs, what want of triendfnip
" and
humanity might bid them to perpe-
" a
trate !
If that per/on" faid I, after fliort
" had
paufe, found a charitable profeftor, fit
**
would not have been treated fo cruelly"
on
SELF-OBSERVER. 145
* 'WJOjp'; r * * -'
*
/so nsm fsh
iffw to ,
^'
'
cannot (land it
yet. Thefe and fimilar ob-
I perufed
JELF-OIoKRVER. 149
fion (e).
L 3 O '
thou
1$O JOURNAL OF A
1 thou mean, double-minded heart ! how
terribly quick is thy tranfhion from the no-
bleft fentiments to the worlt. Have I not
Thus
SELT-OBSETIVER. fji
that I
dropped a tear of wild anger with my-
felf, and took a new onfet towards repent-
ance " This curfed
:
pafilon muft be rooted
my foul. How
**
out, if peace ihall refide in
"
fentiments, which flowed from a pure heart,
f<
with fo childifh a vanity ! I blufh more at
within
SELF-OBSERVER. 153
is
always the cafe, thou deceUful heart, when
I ttften to thy whims, and plaufible excufes :
ever}
?
" God
SELF-OBSERVER. 155
" God knows we can do whatever we
wifh,
" if we are in earneft." Indeed this
only
man has fomething fo pleating about him,
is fo gentle and modeft, that I have fre-
however,
JOURNAL oi- A
" If
S.EUF-O* SERVER. |
57
" If do as he docs
I then it will be mere
" imitation. : If I had ftarted that .idea tirft,
*'
then, perhaps, lihould have got the better
Ck
of my lazinefe but nowi I thipk it would
.;
,
" caufc me
difagreeable reproaches. One
" would call me an an imitator^ \
afe* qjervtie
"
follower of Mr.. O- ^-^ and that would be
" would hurt my am-
painful to me-fes,-it
^ bition,, which I am fo anxk>us,to liide from
" and others." Thcfe Jdeas, mc-
myfelf,
Whatever is
good cannot change its na-
I converfed,
during fupper, on many good
fubjefts ; began to fpeak of the fermon, and
No fooner had I
pronounced thefe words,
carried
l6o JOURNAL OB A
carried a good deed from the firft
point of
an unripe refolution into execution. -
VOL. I. M I was
l6l JOURNAL OF A
I was reading thefe two chapters. Matth.
xvi. v. 23. Get thee behind me, Satan : thou art-
rally.
SELF-OBSERVER. 163
WELL
SELF-OBSERVER. 165
on us. ^*'-^'
go thou to
thefea, and cajl an hook, and take up
How inftru&ive :
Left wejhould offend them.
\vill
give no offence rather forego his pre-
Here I
ought to refleft on, and to apply to
rnyfelf, another word of our Lord : The dif-
x. v. 25). Go thmt to
thefeaj and caftan hwk,
and take tip
the fjh thatftrft comet h up, and when
thou haft opened his mwth, thou Jhalt find a
* *****
This day has been fpent well ; I had an
M4
l68 JOURNAL OF A
know what thy right hand doeth (Matt. vi. v.
3.)
and
SELF-OBSERVER. 169
ilruck
iyb JOU-RNAL OF A
world, but to
pleafe all men in all things, not
to ferve God and Mammon, but to rejoice with
Every
IJZ "JOURNAL OF A
'
and
SELP-OBSRRVEi. I^$
very
l>]6 JOURNAL OF A
endea-
very refined deifm, in fpite of my
vours to conceal it from myfelf, and the fre-
for
SELF-OBSERVER. 177
nation !
" can
certainly not be finful." I went; one
hour, or one hour and an half were fpent
in and chattering. " It
gazing, gaping,
"
would, however, have been impoffible to
"
fay
SELF-OBSERVER. 183
u would have been
fay fometbing ufeful ; it
ic
the moft ridiculous and unfupportable af-
" feftation if ( had
attempted to force fome
" moral or chriftian converfation
upon the
" Our difcourfe was, at
company! leaft,
" not fmful."
an airing in
" That exercife"
fledges,
" innocent and wholefome
thought I is ;
" *
N4
184 JOURNAL OP A
*
it be if I were to affect a pious mein, and
" retire from the company. How abfurd
" would it be to bring on
religious fubjets
" the
carpet in a fledge, which advances fo
"
rapidly that one muft take care not to be
" thrown off one's
guard, and where one
" intends to
enjoy an innocent pleafure !"
This argument feems, in the moment of
that
l86 JOURNAL OF A
that it would be too anxious, weigh our
to
"
Live, as thou at the gates of eternity
" (halt wifli to have lived" can I repeat this
too frequently-^- W hatever prevents me from
refle&mg with tranquillity and pleafure on
my laft moment mail be fufpe&ed by my
heart, although the whole world mould de-
clare it innocent ; or, which is the fame,
me !
do we value it r
JAM ARY
lS8 JOURNAL OF A
the Nineteenth.
JANUARY
ALTHOUGH I had fat up laft night
later than ufual, yet I awoke before fix
ferenity ; I
fighed, and thanked God for it-
*f
tisfied with yourfelf ? Who could hope to
be
ICJO JOURNAL OF A
" be and do
faved, if one muft be better,
" more
good than you."
I can fay that I heard this fpeech of my
wife, not only with indifference, but alfo
<f
you think it
poffible, according to the na-
*'
ture of things, to mare the happinefs of
" the mind is not in us which was
Chrift, if
" alfo In Jefus Chrift ? Is not the pureft love
of.
SELF-OBSERVER.
"
my
192 JOURNAL OF A
" and
my dear! my heart is ftill enflaved by
" fo much
thoughtleflhefs, heavtnefs, weak-
ambition, and
(<
nefs, worldllnefs, vanity,
" I never can be fure to be,
irafcibility. ;
"
only one day, I will not fay, perfectly vir-
" but only free of all
tuous, voluntarily,
" or foftered emotions of thefe
excited,
" vices !"
" Whoever
fliatt therefore humble kimfelf as this
" little
child, the [am e is greatejl in the kingdom
<f
of heaven."
\ find this fentence more grand, than it
VOL. I. O and
fp4 JOURNAL OF A
and twenty-firft chapters of St. Matthew.
The fentiment I chofe for the prefent day
ye Jhall receive.
believing,
"
deny that the great reward, which has
" been
promifed to faith and prayers, does
" not extend to our times.
However, I can-
" not but that to this hour I have
confefs,
" this conviction to myfelf,
kept apprehend-
"
ing to expofe myfelf to idle litigations of
" words and ridicule but now I will thank
;
"
God, that he has granted you the fame
"
perfuafion."
02 He
196 JOURNAL OF A
all
thy pofitive promifes !
They difpute thy
and
SJtLF-OBSERVER. {97
able to its
feelings.
JANUARY the
Twenty-firft
and Second.
O 3 My
198 JOURNAL OF A
" am dare
rniferable (lave to my temper I ! I
" not
2O2, JOURNAL OF A
*'
not lift
up my eyes ! I cannot rid myfelf
" of the dominion of that finful paffion !"
" " confider
But, my dear," replied my wife,
" how many days and weeks pafs without
"
your being overcome by your anger!
" come
along with me, we will pray toge-
c<
ther." She went with me into her clofet,
Ihall be my remembrancer.
Thus far I had wrote when Mr. M
came to fee me. We converfed on different
brought
SELF-OBSERVER.
jeted, as if
begging my pardon j this drew
a tear from my eye.
blinds
1ELF-OBSERVER.
mitted.
witneffed
106 JOURNAL OF A
witneffed the unbecoming and wild erup-
tion of my paflion ; Jefus Chrift to whom I
Ererv
208 JOURNAL Of A
by fmiilaf paflions !
have fet !
Thcfe
SELF-OBSERVER. 211
prefent monitor.
P 2 tO
12, JOURNAL OF A
the words :
'
O Saviour that I equalled thee in raeeknefs !
" But I confefs my guilty weaknefs,
Confefs that wild unbridled paflion,
" Stains but too frequently my mind ;
**
Makes me to every chriftian virtue, blind."
when he exclaimed :
" Father !
forgive them-,
" know not what
for they they /do" ,
I fat myfelf down, and began to 'draw a
(/) 'the Editor has been obliged to leave out the fecond
P 3 JANUARY
214 JOURNAL OF A
timents in my heart.
ble
SELF-OBSERVER, 2I ^
wards ? (k).
fee.
* * * *
knowejl
I reaped where I /owed not, and
that
*****
Unto every one that has flail be given, and he
*i * * * *
upon
2l8 JOURNAL OF A
thee !
Thee, who art the fource of all nou-
rifliment, and the fountain of life ! O if I
not
J2-O JOURNAL OF A
not to one of ike leajl of thefe, ye did it not to
me.
life
eternal. Right eouj'nefs, that is, loving Chrifi
rially connefted
- - - - i
- .
-
journal.
JANUARY
SELF-OBSERVER. 2ZI
pentance.
I was occupied all the morning ;
yet I
" When once the trials of this life," &c. &c. &c.
came fo
unfpeakably happy, that I funk
down upon my face, forgetting every thing
around me, and feeling only the prefence of
God. I was fenfible of
my great weaknefs,
my want of merit, my nothing and, O God f
how
SELF-OBSERVER. 22J
infenfibility.
VOL. I. Q *
226 JOURNAL OF A
are equally far remote from fanaticifm.
or fufpe&ed.
It is
impoflible that I ever could be too
humble, or too joyful, when contemplating
the infinite love of God. Chrift entertains
founded on truth.
Q 2 thefe
lz8 JOURNAL OF A
thefe feelings, I am in a fituation in which
it is
impoffible I fhould difpleafe God. I
Q3 JANUARY
430 JOURNAL OF A
My Birth-Day.
day
SELF-OBSERVER. 2J1
true idea I
always remained the farne to
this prefent day, which is my thirty-third
Q 4 And
$Z JOURNAL OF A
And how quick, how almoft incompre-
myfelf,
234 JOURNAL O? A
certain,
2,36 JOURNAL OF A
world is
nothing to me while my heart con-
Alas!
JOURNAL OF A
Six o'Clock, P. M.
powerful
SELF-OBSERVER. 14!
power j which is
righteoufnefs, peace, and
yefterday, is
unfpeakable adoration of thy
divine majefty and lovelinefs. That far ex-
charity ! O ! Father !
my life pafles away !
I
perceive it ! I thank thee, Father, for this
VOL. I. R in
242 JOURNAL OF A
day is
paft !
Yes, to-day, O Father of mercy !
Behold !
O Lord ! I have taken upon me
to fpeak unto thee, who am but duft and
afhes O condefcend to return an enfiMf to
ftanding.
communion
SELF-OBSERVER. 245
communion with thee; that every one of
viour, Amen !
O ! Father !
give thy blefling, that
I may
R 3 enjoy
24$ JOURNAL OF A
JANUARY
SELF-OBSERVE*. 247
R 4 fum
248 JOURNAL OF A
O !
forgive me !
much at fupper.
at it, and
trembled
I
began to combat it. I
fucceeded, and tears flowed from my eyes
tears at my averfion from prayer from
into temptation. I
ought to be watchful in
down,
250 JOURNAL OF A
cidents
SEIF-OBSERVER. 2I
cidents of his hiftory (hould be made known
to pofterity, and fet down in writing, be-
the
2'5fc JOURNAL OF A
the whole world, there flail alfo this that this
betrayed ;
if had been good for that man if he
thy name ! O !
give me the fpirit of fmce-
difpofition.
T.
paflion
SELF-OBSERVER. 253
Ifaiah 1.
(o)
He
254 JOURNAL OF A
worlds.
commentary
SELF-OBSERVER. 255
quently, thought I, is
imagination miilaken
for feeling !
Imagination, which, perhaps,
has no other merit but that of combining
the dry r Do t
not confide too much
in thyfelf, my Beware of pride
heart !
j
that
SELF-OBSERVER. 257
fall!
Twelve years ago this celebrated author
wrote " The
:
greateft of thefe favourites of
" nature has out of the career ap-
ftept
"
pointed to him, feduced by external cir-
" cumftances or pafllons, and an innate in-
" clination to
e^ceffes, and has lavimed his
" his and the tendernefs
genius, enthufiafm,
" of his him
feelings, intruded to for the at-
" tainment of
great ends, on undefervingob-
"
jets, yea on chimeras. lam not fpeaking
" here on of who mif-
Vy thofe miferable wretches,
"
pend theirJliamelefs wit in celebrating thecoarfefi
" and a
mofl infamous lujls, and thus acquire
"
fame, on account of which even Satan him-
" fclf will not envy them. I am chiefly fpeak-
"
ing of the more refined excefles of great
''
poets, who have exerted their genius to
VOL. I. S "the
JOURNAL OF A
" the
higheft degree, in order to deify un-
"
worthy kings, or blooming damfels ; who
" have exerted all their
power, in order to
" intereft our hearts for immoral heroes ;
"
who, with a mean complacency, have de-
" meaned themfelves to celebrate fafliion-
" able
prejudices, and to exalt as great trea-
" and far above their intrinlic value,
fures,
"
power, wealth, beauty, and whatever has
" a a
gloffy outfide, to place thefe things in
" falfe light, &c. &c. &c. Pindar deferves
" to be excufed for having employed, from
"
regard for the religion of his country, his
"
great genius in beautifying the mytholo-
" he puts to the blufh
gy (?) an(^> t>7 doing
5 fo,
L.
<s
many
SELF-OBSERVER. 259
" who
many poets living among Chriftians,
" have not been
tempted by the true, far
" more and
fublime, interefting revelation
" of to attempt what Pindar has done
God,
'
with refpe& to the traditions of the apa-
" ritions of 6dd, and the feats of the demi-
" ^u-c:
gods.'*
Twelve years ago, the fame celebrated
author wrote :
" How little can a great genius
" no
Jhow himfelf in his proper light, if there is
"
Jiroportion between his mental powers and his
" dormant
ings which are lying in the heart
*
of heedlefs youth."
<*
church hymns to the moft charming fong
of Utz."
S 3 jble
a6a JOURNAL OF A
JANUARY
SELF-OBSERVER. 263
" fo is it is
give money," and, indeed,
it ;
peel:,
or promife to convince any body elfe.
things
SELF-OBSERVER. 265
tion .
I read
266 JOURNAL OP A
portance
SELF-OBSERVER. 267
fore
268 JOURNAL OF A
O!
SELF-OBSERVER. 269
O !
my God ! how much has happened
myfelf!
How many good, excellent, and fweet
hours! But, O God! how many have I
!
Incoriftancy
how
SBLF-OBSERVER. 2JI
fcience.
and
SELF-OBSERVER. 273
VOL. I. T The
174 JOURNAL OF A
The duty but this word, if addrefled by
fans :
ye, ye are the foes of my virtue, and
my peace of mind.
But what do I call diver/ion ? Whatever
makes me lofe fight of, or obfcures the end
ofmy exiftence and life whatever prevents
;
fmgling
SELF-OBSERVER. 275
obey!
T 2 O Lord !
276 JOURNAL OF A
fituations
278 JOURNAL OF A
neficial to me.
Uatan, or myfelf, frequently thought evil
which
SELF-OBSERVER. 279
O !
grant me the blefling that I may forget
QL OCT07 1991
SEP 01 8
QL JAN 15 2002
3 1158 00246 1910
Univ
S<
1