Running head: EGO-DEFENSE MECHANISMS 1

Ego-Defense Mechanisms

Victoria Schlie

College of the Ozarks

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Ego-Defense Mechanisms

Unfortunately, with a new fall semester comes cold and flu season. No one enjoys

sickness, but I have always hated it with so much passion that sickness not only affects me

physically, but also mentally. I have allergies, sinus infections, and colds often enough that I

should be able to recognize their onset; however, when those symptoms arise, I convince myself

that it is nothing and that I will not get sick. I respond to sickness with denial (Corey, 2017, p.

62). This may seem like something everyone tries to do; no one wants to think they are getting

sick, but my denial continues throughout the sickness and affects my behavior. In observing my

behavior, I see that when I get sick I refuse to believe I am and will push myself to do more tasks

and to work harder (compensation). I tell myself that I will not allow sickness to affect my

routine and tasks because it is not that bad. When I feel it deteriorating me, I refuse to rest

because that would mean admitting that I am sick. I also experience incredible shame and guilt

when I feel sickness wearing me down, as if it is my fault and I should have done better at

preventing it. Thoughts like “you are worthless and weak” and “you are a disappointment”

surface when I am sick. I feel uncomfortable telling anyone I am sick, even if it is visibly

noticeable. I avoid the clinic and medicine at all costs and consistently tell people that I am fine

or that it is just allergies. I see being with people as another task for me to accomplish and prove

I am not sick through, but I avoid anything more than surface conversation because I do not feel

well. This leads to me making plans with people, but then not fully being present or engaged

with them. In analyzing why I revert to denial, my feelings and thoughts seem to match well with

moral anxiety: I subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) feel that I am only of value if I am

living up to the performance perfection I think society demands of me. If I am not performing
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well, I feel I am doing something wrong and experience guilt. I think the coping mechanism of

denial best describes how I react to sickness because I am conscious of my reaction and know

that it is unreasonable while I still do it.

I think from the same root of subconsciously holding myself to unrealistic standards, I

tend to take on too many tasks at once because I feel I am a better person if I can handle more;

the more you achieve, the more society prizes you. Juggling all of my commitments leads to a

buildup of stress and anxiety that usually culminates in a short period of sublimation (Corey,

2017, p. 63). Even if I am completing all of my tasks on time, I will reach a point where I feel

angry, impulsive, energetic and agitated. To cope with these feelings, I usually channel that

energy into dance. I dance more strenuously and for a longer period of time when I am dealing

with anxiety than any other time, sometimes for hours on end. My dancing in these moments is

driven by my need to see perfection when I feel like I am not seeing it elsewhere in my life.

When I am in the dance studio, I can watch my every move in wall-to-wall mirrors, pick apart

every wrong angle or movement, and rehearse again until it is perfect. Until then, and sometimes

not even then, I still feel angry at myself and in general, which drives me to keep dancing.

Seeing myself achieve the correct routine of a dance gives me that sense of accomplishment that

I am not feeling in other areas. I channel my anxiety into dance to both sublimate the energy onto

something else, and also to gain the desired effect that I am not receiving originally. When I am

in this state, which has lasted for up to a week in the past, I am very easily annoyed at people and

seek to be as far away from them as possible. If I am necessarily around others, even friends, I

have a short temper, can be offensive, and think judgmentally. This obviously strains

relationships the longer this state goes on.

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I think much of Freud’s original psychoanalytic theory is too subjective to be helpful,

such as projective tests, simplifying all behavior to underlying, unconscious entities, and

connecting all behavior to early childhood development. However, I think the defense

mechanisms are observable and valid.

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Reference

Corey, Gerald. (2017). Chapter 4: Psychoanalytic therapy. ​Theory and practice of counseling

and psychotherapy​ (10th ed.). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.