Running head: DIVORCE & LOVE 1

DIVORCE & LOVE

Jennifer J. Prince

Salt Lake Community College

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Question:

Interview a person who has been divorced (it is even better if they have remarried). Ask

them how their definition of love changed as they went through the various stages of dating,

engagement, newlywed, married, divorce. As with other assignments try NOT to settle for

“simple” answers. To do this assignment correctly you will need to spend at least 30 minutes

with the person you are interviewing.

Answer:

To consider interviewing someone who has remarried after experiencing a divorce, I

think about friends and family members who fulfill this criteria. I have decided not to interview

anyone, and rather reflect personally as I have conversance with this. By completing this

assignment with self assessment I hope to portray the feelings I had throughout my early thirties

(ten years ago,) when I was divorced and remarried four years later.

The definition of love for me when dating my ex-husband “George” is vastly different

than what I deemed was “love” when dating my second husband “Terry.” George and I definitely

had a whirlwind romantic love experience. We felt passionate love, and had intense feelings of

desire and attraction for one another although he was younger than me; I felt companionate love

for him as well. George has a witty sense of humor and made me laugh often. Because we

enjoyed similar interests and beliefs regarding future family plans and life goals, and we shared a

mutually intense attraction for one another, we chose to marry (Strong & Cohen, 2016, p. 168).

Soon after marriage we learned I had a potentially grave medical condition. We

proceeded immediately with surgery and for several weeks I recovered. Once healed, we were

informed that should we want to have biological children we should do so quickly as I soon may
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not be able to carry a child. We chose to start our family and I became pregnant. Exactly

half-way through that pregnancy, everything went completely awry. It took over three years,

nearly 1 million dollars in medical bills, and a complete miracle for our infant son to survive this

experience. I am sharing this information because it was a very unusual set of circumstances, and

they provided the “excuses” I tolerated when learning of chronic infidelity behavior from my

husband. Had our child not been on and off life-support, and had I not felt so ridden with

displaced guilt, I don’t believe I would have tolerated such behavior. We filed for and I followed

through with divorce on what I call “round three.”

Surprisingly, I was determined to begin meeting and dating again immediately following

the divorce. Because George had three separate affairs in the course of four years of marriage, by

“round three” I was emotionally ‘done’ and eager to move on with my life. I got online and

found a free week membership to Match.com immediately; I met Terry. It did not take very long

for Terry and I to fall “in love.” What I felt for Terry was very different than the love I ever felt

for George. My (now toddler age) son no longer required oxygen assistance however, was still

required multiple trips to the doctor and hospital. Terry was very understanding of my sons

unique health needs, and offered assistance with the exhausting care my child needed. He helped

to carry the heavy health equipment, and never balked at bodily fluids my son could not control

at times when sick. I fell deeply in love with this man who chose to help me with the challenges

in my life.

Although I was anxious meet new people after my divorce from George, I had

reservations about marrying again. I never had to explain to Terry the devastation felt when a

spouse is unfaithful because he had experienced it with his previous wife twelve years prior.
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When Terry and I met he felt ready to marry again, and proposed to me only three months after

our first date. I was not ready for marriage yet and therefore agreed only to date exclusively. We

ultimately moved in together and marrying two years later.

Blending our families has been challenging. Terry has four children significantly older

than mine, and therefore also has grandchildren. Terry’s children have a very strong alliance with

their mother (although it was her decision to step outside of her marriage to Terry and ended

their union.) Children bring very unique challenges to second marriages, and are capable of

inflicting a tremendous amount of duress. In my experience they can feel jealous of a parents’

new love interest/spouse and cause strain in a family. Our love and commitment have been tested

beyond measure. In cultures where teaching the collective construction of love, ( individual

happiness is sacrificed for the greater good of the family/ group) I believe marriages and

relationships have a greater chance of longevity, and sound to me more secure (Strong & Cohen,

2016, p. 158).

ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR PRIVACY

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Works Cited

Strong, Bryan, and Theodore F. Cohen. ​The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate

Relationships in a Changing Society, Thirteenth Edition. ​Canada: Cengage Learning,

2106.

Word Count: 759