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'I 1 L I' .l-I.'Ill'hllr"llllſllbllIII'I-Pl '
bIRECTIONs
Married Perſons:
D E S C R I B I N G

The DUTIES common to both,

And peculiar to each of them.


\

By WILLIAM WHATELEſſY. ſt,


I 'w \

BRISTOL:

'Printed by VVxLLLm Pmz, in NVine-Strect.

MDCCLXVUX.
TO THE

Chrifiiſſan Reader.

CHRHTXAN READER, _
MAR a me: hath ſtarte more that' u e it, than that ar
caſe it. Moſt men enter into this e/tzzze, and being
-. entered, complain thereof. T/zey ſhould raf/zer complain of
themſhloes. It is an unjufl thing, and a fruit eſ Ignorant
pride, to caſt (he blame aſ our grievance: upon God's or
dmances. I had been ha/zþy,ſaith one, had I not been mar
fied- T/zen maſt thoufoohſh both before and ſince thy mar
riage." Uſe it well, itſhafl add to thine happineſh. We make
bitter ſauce, and cry out that the meat i: bitter. Thou liveſt
in Matrz'mony not after God's direction, but t/ze rules (crook
ed rules they be) of thine own lu/ls, and thenſityeſt, Oh that' I'
had neber married ! 0 that I were unmarried I? For/henne
keep ſilence ſ thy Cap/ing ſhew: thy diſeaſe. Thou art indeed
married to an ill (0mþamſi0n, (thy wzc/zedſtY/b, that old
huſband) and art þe/Zered with it: broad. and neitherſeekeſt
a dworce from tlm tyrant, nor endawoure to may) the
A 2 wicked
[ iv ] .
wicked offſpring thered. Hence are thy woe: ; 'not thy
huſband, not thy wyfe, but thy pride, thy paſſion, can/e all
this annoyanre, all thi: dffontentment.
I labour, in th '5 little treatiſe, to plead the cauſe eſ Mar
riage; not ſh much in ſheer/1, a: in deed, by directing the
married to the knowledge and practice of their duties, which
would men/1' all. T/zeſſe whatſover man or woman endeavour
to follow, if theypmve not marriage aſhlace to then-ſoule,
and a refte/[ring to their other griefs, let me never but
grieve. "
Theſe things I commend to thine under/Banding, to thy e.
(ye them, and thenſizy haw thou ſpeedeſt. I intended-Wot
atſi'ſtſor
Lr aſew, and
no uncharzcttahle now_ſure)
(I am communicate them
I hope, no to many. deed.
unproſitahle It

I deſire that thou ſhoulde/i makeſome uſe cff them, thereſon


I make them public . not, be ignorant, and complain ſtzll.
I mean them not to the learned, that ranſind out better ali
vectzcton: for them/dun ; but to thoſe whoſe2 place is not too
good to learn eft/le meane/t tear/ter, even unto men oſ the ſame
1anh, as theyſor the ruſt part were, to whom Iſhahe them.
this work þrcffit, I am glad, then I know itſtzallþl'eaſe.
However, thou haſt it, reader, and better-ſhouldſt have had, if
my ſtore afforded any letter. So I commend thee to the'
Lord.
' 23 OC .
Thi'nc in the Lord,

W. W'.

DIRECTXONS
na w as as w
DIRECTIONS
MARRIED PERvS-OÞNSP

CHAP' 1..

Shaving the firſt principal duty of the marriedrvizz.


Chaſtity. *

M'UST rank theſe duties under their ſteveralI


heads, for the better help oſ mine own and your
memories. They are all of two ſorts; ſome prin
cipal, and ſome leſsprincipal. The principal I term-t '
thoſe which are of the very offence oſ Matrimony ;.
the leſs principal, thoſe which are neceſſary to its
well-being. The breach oſ the former diſſolvethv
the bond, the breach oſ the latter only- diſturbs
the ſociety; iſ thoſe be violated, the obligation isx
void; iſ thoſe be obſerved (notwithſtanding other."
imperſections) the bond remaineth entire, though
not without a world oſ unhap i'neſs. Theſe main;
duties are only two; (haſtily-an due bencuolence. The
reſtraining of themſelves from 'all other perſons, and
the communicating oſ themſelves each to other. For
the firſt oſ'theſe two e: the covenant that 'paſſeth'be
tween yoke-ſellows,v doth make it utterly unlawſul
forthem upon any: occaſion, at any time, (whilſt the
convenant remaineth in force) to give their bodies to
any other. This duty is ſo manifeſt, that no man
can pretend-ignorance of it. The law of God, the
A IIW'
( 5 )
law oſ nature, the laws of all well-ordered ſocietiet,
do enjoin it. lt is written in every man's breaſt, and
none can chuſe, but read it in his own conſcience, if
long continuance in wilful ſinning, have not put his
eyes quite out. This ſin doth untie the knot of mar
riagc, and annihtlate the convenant firſt made; . ſo
that the party wronged, is ſrcc from the law of his
huſbaud or wiſe, and at his or her own choice, whe
ther he or ſhe will accept again oſ ſuch a pcrfidimu
yoke-fellow: for our Saviour himſelf, that utterly
diſalloweth other divorces, doth yet allow divorce,
in caſe of adultery. But iſ it be demanded, whether
the party wronged, may lawſully admit the wrong
doer again, aſterthe offence known? I anſwer, that
in caſe the offenders (having been overtakcn through *
tem tation, or perhaps having preſumptuouſly oſ
ſendhd) ſhall, by apparent ſigns, make known their
truc deſign oſamcndment, and purpoſe of reſorma
lion, then it is very convenient, that this offence alſo
_ be pardoned by the yoke-fellow. For the greateſt
love, ſhould bury the greateſt wrongs, ſo far as God
forbiddeth not to bury them : And we read not of
anymake
ſſto commandment, enjoining
a final ſeparation. the
But iſ thewronged perſon
dclinquent per
ſiſtin his tranſgreſſion, and declare himſelf to be-a.
perſon irrclctormable, then the party wronged, is
bound in conſcience, iſhe can convict it, as to com
plain oſtbe ſin, ſo to withdraw himſelffrom the ſin-.
ner. That married pcrſons ought to live chaſtly in
marriage, all will yield; only ſome may perhaps
plead weakneſs and ſay, that they would, but arc
' not able. To whom I ſay, iſindccd they be willing,
it ſhall not be hard to get power. No Directions can
reſorm the wiiſul ſinner; but to him that deſireth
not to ſin, a way may be ſhewed of attaining his de
ſtre; and chaſtity may be gotten, iſ men will carc
fully labour for it. And for an introduction unto
thoſe. directions, which we have to give in this point,
let this one thing be obſerv'd : that there are ſome
men and, Women that bring their bodies undeſilc
unto marriage. To theſe it will prove more eaſy to
remain pure in it. Others have polluted themſelves
* before
(7)
belſiore their entrance into this eſtate; and theſe ſhall
find, that marriage Wlll more hardly make them ho
neſt: for marriage is like ſalt, that will preſerve
ſweet meat From tainting, but cannot rcſtore tainted
meat to its former ſweetneſs. Wherefore thoſe that
= have been ſtained with unclcanneſs beſore, muſt
heartily bewail before God, their former lewd be
haviour, elſe marriage will never prevail to contain
their deſires within compaſs. But now to the mat.
ter we were about to ſpeak of: a man that hath ei
ther come clean unto marriage, orelſc unſeignedl
repented oſ his former uncleanneſs, ſhall be ſtrength.
ened againſt adultery, by the practice oſ theſe things
'followingz firſt, a conſtant and conſcientious care
oſ performing private religious cxerciles (viz. reading,
praying, meditatſimg, and the like) will ſo puriſy the
heart, that by means of them, a Chriſtian man ſhall
become conqueror over thoſe ſins which ſeem moſt
unconqucrable, whilſt a man is negligent in them, if
he does not omit them altogether. Praye-r and medi
tation will breed wiſdom; and wiſdom entring into
the ſoul, will pr'eſerve a man from the ſtranger that
flatters with her lips. The word oſ God, digeſted
by prayer and meditation, will be as a ſword in the
hand of a valiant man, to cut off the neck of theſe
luſts, as faſt as they make head againſt the ſoul. Eſ
pecially, a man given t-o 'his ſin, muſt often read and
think, oſ thoſe portions of ſcripture, that condemn,
- diſgrace, threaten this ſin, and muſt often' and ſeri
ouſly muſe of the dangerouſncſs of it, and make his
peculiar petitions' to God, for power againſt it; and
thus arming himſelf moſt ſtrongly, where he finds
himſelf ſooneſt wounded, he ſhall be ſure- to eſcape
theſe wounds. -
Sccondly, Painſulneſs in one's calling, muſt divert
the mind From all inflaming ſancies, and find the
ſoul and body both ſo much employment, in things
oſ-a lawful and-uſeſul nature, that there may be no
leiſure for ſuch unlawſul conceits. It is certain, an
idle. perſon, if occaſion, and his bodily conſtitution
ſerve, will at laſt prove adulterous; but the diligent
' hand, joined with hearty prayer to God, willſpre
erve
( 8 )
ſerve a man (atleaſtamarriedman)pureand undefiled.
Wherefore let every man, that longeth to be free
from this offence, ſhun idleneſs, and embrace buſh
neſs: let him chuſe a calling wherein to walk, and,
, give diligent attendanee upon his calling; let his
hand or head, or both, be ſtill ſet at' work in ſome
thing that belong: to his-vocation; and when his
calling (I mean his particular calling) ceaſeth to rey
- quire, or need his preſence, let the works of his ge
neral calling (eſpecially thoſe acts ofreligion fonner
' ly mentioned) take up his mind and thoughts, ſo
- ſhall he be ſure to ſave himſelf from the danger of
this wickedneſs.
Thirdly, Temperance in diet muſt be called in to
the aid of chaſtity. It is-eaſy to put out the fire by
ewithdrawing fuel, at leaſt to keepthe flame within
the chimney. When the blood and ſpirits are in
flamed with meat and drink, not only the body is
apter to entertain the impreſſions of luſt, but the
ſoul alſo is unable to conſider any good: thing that
ſhould repel ſuch motions: but abody kept from
fulneſs, yields itſelf to the ſoul with more eaſe.. Let
him, thereſore, be duly ſparing in his food, that de
ſireth to be chaſte in his marriage.
Fourthly, He that would be free. from adultery,
muſt ſhun the corner of the harlot's houſe, and not
come near the place (if he can chuſe) where ſuch
an one dwelleth, as might cauſe him to offend :. He
muſt reſolutely debar-himſelſthe ſocicty of ſuch, and
keep himſelffrom places, times, companies that may
folicit; and to that end he muſt reſiſt. by prayer, the
firſt motions of this wickedneſs. When Solomon had
ſaid, that he was void of underſtanding that did
commit adultery ;- he adds-further, he ſhall not be.
innocent that toucheth her. > Dalliance will breed
whoredom unavoidably', and unſeaſonable company.
and place, will alxnoſt-enſhrce to dalliance. VVherea
fore a man muffpreſerve his innocency from the graſs
act ofevil,. by ſhunning all manner of dallying; an'd
that he may keep himſelf from touching her, he muſt,
flee from her, and be far away from the pit ſide that
might devour. him,. , Shun, therefore, with all dili
gence,
(9)
gence, all opportunities ofthis wickedneſs; eſpecially
ſhun (as a rockl the company oſ a perſon apt to
tempt, or be tempted; and conſider, that even cold
water will become hot, if it be ſet too near the fire.
And theſe directions are ſuch, as agree to all equally,
married and unmarried.
There remaineth another help. peculiar to the
married perſons; and that is, the due andlawſhl en
joyment of marriage. The ordinance: of God fail
not. to effect the things for which he appointed them,
iſ our abuſe oſthem do not hinder their efficacy.
Now God hath ordained matrimony to revent
whoredom. Wherefore ilet marriage be ulsd as it
ought, and the married ſhall not miſs of this effect
thereof. And oſchaſtity, one chief duty of the mar
ried, ſo much. Let us go forward to the ſecond,
which is due benevolence; intreating you to take
notice, that what ſhall be there ſpoken, will be ex
ceeding helpſul to this firſt duty alſo. We muſt
teach you the lawful frultion of marriage, that you
may attain to purity, one ſpecial end of marriage.

eeeeeeeeeeeeee
C H A P. II.

Treating qſ the ſtrand prinriþal duty of the married, Dun


Benevolence.

HE Married are bound in conſcience to afford


to each other a mutual enjoyment oſ each o
ther, according as either oſ their needs ſhall require.
The ſcripture is as plain this way as may be, Let the
man give unto the wyfe due benmolmce, and a_l\0 the wi bun
to the lllf/blnd. The word ſignifieth indebted lmuvolentc.
It is a debt, you hear, and all debts muſt be paid
when they be required. Thoſe whom God hat/7 joined
(ſaith our Saviour) let no tlzarzput gfimder. And again,
Man ſhall cleave to his wiſe, and the) twain ſhall (16 on:
ſlg/h. And again ihe apoſtle, Let them not dcſraud
each othlr. And yet again, The wiſe hat/1 not power a;"
ner
( 10 )
her own body, but the huſband; neither hath the huſband
power over lus own had', but the wffe. lt is not in the
power of either of them, whether or no they will
live each with other: but they are bound in con
ſcience to do it, and cannot without grievous ſm de
ny it. Marriage is fruſtrate, iſ this duty be not per
formed, and the ordinance of God made void, un
leſs thoſe that live in it carry themſelves according
to his appointment this way. I deny not but that
there may be a time of ſeparation for lbmegood ſpace
together, either for the publick ſervice o the coun
try, or ſor needful private affairs, ſo that it be with
conſent and upon good grounds: butit is not lawful
for a man ora woman to leave each other, totally or
finally, with a mind of not returning again to the
former ſociety.
But let us conſider a little, what rules they muſtv
follow in this their ſocietv. Four thin s muſt be re-o
garded about it, viz. that it be ſanctifie , ſeaſonable,
temperate, and willing. -
Firſt and chielly the ſociety of the married muffi
be ſanctified, that is, made holy and lawful unto
them by the word of God and prayer. They muſt be
both informed by the ſcriptures ofthe lawfulncſs of'
that their conjunction. For God hath ſaid, Let every
man have his own wffa, and let every woman have her own.
hzffiand.
ſ mcn, And
and the bed again, Marriage
undgfiled. is-honourahle
So that amongſtnot'
there' wanteth act

ſufficient warrant, in moſl: expreſs words, to autho


riſe the conſcience ofany man, to take to himſelfthe
benefit of this ordinance. And beſides thisTdue in
ſormation of the lawfulneſs of marriage, it is requi
ſite that they ſolemnly crave the good lL-ave of God,
for the enjoyment of this his ordinance, and alſo his
ſpecial bleſſing upon it, not forgetting to netum him.
particular thanks for his infinite goodneſs, in provi
ding this neceſſary means of man's increaſe and com
fort. This point is not to be denied of any, that will
not deny the authority of St. Paul; for he doth ex
prelly affirm, that marriage as Well as meat ant
drink, is ſanctiſtcd by prayer and thankſgiving. A_.
therefore it would be a bruitiſh prot'aneneſs for any
mill)
( 'U l
man to ſit down to his table, as an horſe to the man- .
ger, and cram himſelf with viands, without craving
the bleſſing of God firſt, and to return again thence,
as a ſox from his prey, without returning any praiſe
to the hand that gave him food and appetite: ſo it
is likewiſe a great licentiouſneſs for married pe0ple,
as it Were brute beaſts, carried forward with the tide
of their unruly appetites, to come together in marri
age, forgetting or neglecting to receive the Lord 's
bleſſing, and to give him due praiſes for that his ne
ceſſary and beneficial ordinance. Doth not every
man's private welſare, and the publick alſo, for the
moſt. part, depend upon the ſucceſs oſ this ſocicty :
The hope of poſterity, the ſtay of old age, the com
fort of weakneſs, the ſupport of evely man's houſe,
together with the flouriſhing eſtate of every church
and common-wealth, doth hang upon the ſmit of
matrimony: for if GOd ſend barrenneſs, or give
either monſtrous or wicked children, how great is
the diſcontent in the former caſe, the vexation and
torment in the latter? And iſ many ſamilies (as it
were ſeminaries) be either empty oſplants altogether,
or peſtered with ill plams, how ſhall the orchards of
the church and common-wealth be ſtored with good
wholeſome trees P
How then can any man eſteem it more than needs,
to crave God's bleſſing in a thing wherein it ſo near
ly concerneth him to attain it? Surely we ſhould
but provoke his curſe againſt us, when we either ſor
g'et it as needleſs, or eontemn it as ridiculous, to make
our petitions unto him, for his bleſſing on his own
inſtitution. Yea, whereas marriage is inſtituted in
part For the ſubduing oſ inordinate deſires, it cannot
e available for that purpoſe, unleſs the Lord give it
that efficacy : and how can we expect that he ſhould
give it, iſ we ſcorn to'beg it, or be thankſul for it?
Yea, certainly, the men that uſe marriage in a bru
Aiſh manner, not ſeeing God in it, nor ſanctifing it by
theſe means unto themſelves, ſhall become bhereb
mere licentious, m 'ne ontrageous,rnore luſtſul, more
impudent than ever they' were beſore marriage: for
What would be profitable to the ſoul in the holy and
* orderly
( 12 )
orderly uſe. of it, in the abuſe will ever prove. as
hurtful. Wherefore let no man ſcoff at a duty plain
ly commanded by God, but know that thou haſt no
reaſon to expect any bleſſing from God, unleſs thou
prayeſt to God for it, and returneſt to him the tri
ute of thanks for that which toucheth thee ſo
nearly as the hope of poſterity, and him as the in
creaſe of his kingdom. And if you will be Chriſ
tians, be ſo in good earneſt, and uſe all things chriſ
tianly and ſanaifiedly, and leam'to know the ſome
and fruit of prayer, even in all things. And ſo much
for thewithout
ſi tified, firſt rulewhich,
of due benevolence,
propagation andit muſt be ſanc
chaſtity, the
- two chief ends thereof, will either not be Bttained at
all, or not with comfort,
It an
ſi Men muſt further
women arebe temperate,
reaſonable I meanan,ſ there
creatures, aring.

ſore muſt remember, that God hath ordained Matri


mony, not for pleaſures-ſake chiefly, but for the in
creaſe of mankind, and not to kindle luſtſul deſires,
but to quench them. We muſt, I confeſs, take
grea-t heed of laying ſnaresspon mens conſciences
in matters of this nature ; a muſt be very careful
not to bind them, where God himſelf hath not
bound them. Now for the ſcriptures, they do not
ſet to men any particular limits in this matter, but
only, in general, they commend unto us ſobriety
and moderation, and ac uaint us with the true ends
of Matrimony. Now t is is a certain and univer-_
ſal rule, that the quantity of every thing muſt, as
near as we can, he fitted to the end. Health, and
ſticngth,.and comfort, are the ends of food, therefore
ſo much muſt be eaten, and no more, as will ſerve
to the procuring of health, and ſtrength, and com
fort. 'ſhe ſame rule muſt be applied [0 Matrimony.
'-.{'he married muſt not provoke deſires for pleaſures
ſake, but allay deſires when they provoke them
ſelves. They muſtnot ſtrive by words and geſtures
to enflame their paſſions. when they ate cool.
But when ſuch paſſions are of themſelves moved,
then they muſt take the benefit of theireſtate to at?
- ſuage them, that they may not be troubleſoml: to
- I cm
1 13 l
them in the duties oſ reli ion, and oſtheirrallings'.
In a word, marriage mtſil; be uſed as ſeldom and
ſparingly as may ſtand with the need of the perſon:
married zſi For exceſs this way doth weaken the body,
and ſhorten liſe: But a ſparing enjoyment would
preſerve the body from divers diſeaſcs in ſome con- ,
flitutions. Exceſs inflamcth luſt, and diſpoſeth the
Ferſons ſo offending to adultery,- Moderation ltills
uſt, and is a great ſurtherance to purity. Exceſs
breeds ſatiety, and makes them weary of each other;
deſirous of ſtrangers : Moderation endeareth them
each to other, and breeds contentment in them
ſelves. Exceſs diſables them, without much un-'
Quietneſs, to endure ſeparation, upon juſt cauſes;
moderation makes it eaſy to abſtain when need re
_ quireth. To conclude, exceſs hinders procreation;
But moderater.eſs is an help to ſruitſulncſs. W'here
fore the former general rule muſt be vcarefully ob
fervsd, and the married muſt no oſtcncr come toge
ther, than for the extinguiſhing oſ this paſſion in
graſted in the body, when it would otherwiſe be "0.."z
come troubleſome to them. lſ imagination and cor
ruption provoke deſires, the body not'necding nor in
ſorcing them, not marriage, but prayer and humilia
tion muſt heal this diſeaſe ; but when the motionsi
ariſe from the bodily temper or fulneſs, the marriage- *
bed was ordained for a remedy. 'Here therefore'
is great need of chriflian prudence :_ That they who
ſtrive for' the maſtery, may be temperate in, all
things; That altho' all things are lawful to them,
yet they may not be brought under the power of
any. But to ſatisſy the natural deſires when Un
Kovokedflhey tend to' unrulineſsj this is a duty
twi-xt yoke-fellows, and this is the temperate en
joymentoſ. God's ordinances, as ſor a man to drink
* when labour or other occaſion- hath made him
thirſty. Now the ſanctified uſe of marriage, will
alſo procure it to be temperate; but they ſeldom ſail
to exceed their bounds, that regard not to make
their ſociety holy by prayer and thankſgivings.. But
this ſociety muſt have a third rule; it 'muſt be
A ſeaſonable, with a due diſtinguiſhing of' the' time;
> * - B . *0
- ( 14, ),
Afi ſeparation,
'purpoſe'i frpm the ranges
'then ' muſt'they'znqt Itak'eallowed-Nor
the ſame liberty

As at other times,
narwhal the "areifor
benEVoſvettcG ſeaſon, Theſeþe
in' 'this ._'kinc_{. debarred

zſeaſonsi-whehjfidd £,and,h'ature ſeparate Jhezman an


wife in thisſſeſpelzþ ' Now in 'armeſ theſe'times it
is 'forbidden*"_,-to_
_wi,_fe,ſi. the huſband
Thisis "flain 'to , converſe
in thel'aſſw, am. 1_9,with' , his
25. alſo
,chap. ct_.xvi_ii'._ \19.Fchap._ uxx'.£v18., oflal'l which laces:
.rharried_.peqple 'ſhould taſte edueþþhotitze'.
nnſie of the ctſſns Falſocondemned by the prophet. is i;
Eas-i
Itſclacha' it:ſixxii;
Mhidh___ 18." Itisalſoorie
Cunizanzſite: of fearful
didſuffer that thpſe faults for_
dehſi'r'ruz-2
tion," And vthev Lord ,in,_rnaking this_conſt_itution,
__doi}i'_..-ſeem to have aimedat ſſthe goodeſ poſteiity
chiefly : ſifþrjfjflſhouldſall out, thatupon ſuch un?
ſeaſonable ,cſionyer_ſation any iſſue ſhouldv follow,
,n£c.d£ m _ſt thevchild inherit numerous) diſcaſes. ct
ſſBuſitZal ourth direflionnxuſt be givenlto the, mar-_
priezi ih ſſthis point, chearfulnſſeſs and willingneſs muſt
ever accompany (theirzneetingslz neith'cr,_rnuſt they
'deny Zthe'mſelves each to 7 other inconvenient. times
po'pyet Yield themſelves with grud ing axhd ſroward-v
piſs, biit. readily', and with all" enion__-rations of
heart
pſilai' 7y',ha-ffcfiion. ;" 'Ijheflzxipture
When-it'intitlcththis dutyteſtifieth
by the _ſo_mu_chk
name t
£g*66d7ctwili, and tgood-Will"that ,is__0wing._ Nowmo
jnh'ncaricactllthat goodzivill which istþhurliſhly and
gt-'Eat'jiſſn'ſitſizſtiie toip'ay
idiſconiehtedly Lgrlant'eſiddehts,wi_th
and it is grudgings.
doubtleſsa anddez
an

laZſiſſſſſſſiihisſſliſiiwuld aliqenate the heart of theyolsei


'ſe dw, aiidſſwoſſrlz' _ſſin,him'on ſhp_a£ſuſpicion £of.__r.;ſ-I
ttzazzaerzyezttsf ifffflmwn .t.h.e.r.>fl>cx Panx- ,

v - ,HERE.a1-e,-ſial.l'o
- fifthe love aſ' 'married people.
bet-desthqſe,.cert=iin.oth;r dark.
r '_.__;.zt v .v p, a * . - * .
ties of, anzn'ferior nature, whichlerye to make
JhFYJFYZRLffPRHZFSlBQLPJQSQZHTYQMÞLZS zed. &wſet
- ' ' though
, <* is'- r ,
th'ough *t)iey'be'hbt'ſo dram-1 touhrriagq as' thefow
mer, iare'yet 'of ſo neceſſary" obſerbaljoh," that' wighx
out=chem'Mani'n'1'oh' ſhall be' nplhifl'ig elſebuuhe
Mother-of'nnfiafmazle rb'pentiflcd Theſe' are like'
wiſe of'twb ſons; ſome rb'mmdn io'botb; ſome pro;"
Ecrto
'iſinds, each"
ſome of them." The 'com'mori'arc'
in'i-e'gard'ofthcmſelvds, ſamealſdof'tWO'
in"regax'd'
of their familiar Nd'w the' Covedant of matrimony
doth bind thbſetdth'e'fmifler,
tiesſi, aKWEiL-as than'ehceyupon
but it 'uhtq all (hdſcfim
notlvhder the ſime
fofciturdasirweicr ' Failih'gv'in' 'th'emffdorh'b'reak'
God's commandment 'veryj'mpch,-l>juc-'iz dptk'fl'qſſt
break the' bohd dſ? matrimony: "1t_fokfditeſh 'th'e'it'
murdalffigic'x,
foffeit 'muſten
"ihdi'r r'nſidtdal, andhad
right yhappi'neſzy it doth
ijSoWErſoL/'ct hdv
Bith'bk'
then meate-s.- ſhdeed- ſhch is Ih'c'flffipcſiniteric'y 'bf
mſian's tiafi'xre,ſiffi3t 'ſooh' W'ill'be. cibndeit'to 'hiſhſclff'a
liberty'whdr'c Gddxg'wes' himctjhone far'allz Mdſtfixſai'
and Wedden "are 'apt 'Fo'th'i'h'lg 'tlfafl t'hey'hhbe due
cauſe' n'dt'FtC" 'efl'duwui'e 'burd'en Of"_li\*ifig'wi'th ſixth
yoke-'feuoiws * as ' hap-e 'rfo'fa'e' lo' þ'e'ſſjbrr'n 'the "amid
that' ſhall be fiame'd. 'Exit-'his a'flfdry'dflxgefodfffiffiſ
For us*to 'acedunt'Courſclvb's freed frbt'n (Mr dmy, By
that whidh- doth' "n'ot 'free us. We "inuſt ſhc'refo're
cibſs'the 'deſiresvſ qur'own'hearts, aritl'k'nizw-tlfflt-y
Woe-are ſtill' bound to 'our yfoke-f'cllow's ſhr 'all'lheir
hard uſage in 'other things, ſo long as in the rhajri
fn'attdrs We' be 'not Wrongcd. Thou art 'no Whit leſs
bound lo_' Continue a'n huſband or'wi'ſc, ſbcCduſc'th-ji
bReLFeilow is utterly 'careleſsbf'ſUch duties'hs'ſhalll '
e n"ar'hed. Arm thyſelf ther6ſo're With Fatieſinceiw
be'ar ffie Whfof than? anfi ta'kc'knowl'edgc'df them;v
flvt tb'inarkc 'thyſelf Pam'y *coficeiie'd 'o'f liberty, bc_
cauſe t'hdu-dbſt 'not' fidd tHekh, b'ufi'o qidkd'thyſcſſ
cauſen 'of dbin' than which 'pe'daincth 'do the'c,*
though gh-y cal-die flcflderlyſ'fequi't'ed.
'le-pin' By®0"dn the" 'edZaL ' ihfs'dfjdut'y:
Hndfiwgdmm,
delWerſied'as To: 'ghc'cdhimbn'dung's,.
'a- neſivcY-Fa'iling let 'ſh'ls' be
ctfple, That Whbxſozsvſiexſſ
thing th'e 'coffifiion'borids' of humanity'aihd'gfhriſtia-"
nily fie every"m'dn to perform duke' Mother, am ſhe
' B '2 t ' married
* ( 15 )
married petſons are bound to perform each to other
in a far higher degree; for the nearer band of Ma
trimony is ſo far from weakening, that it adds force
to the more general bonds of humanity and religion :
So that what the law of love and' piety doth com
mand thee to perform to any perſon as a man or I
Chriſtian, that it binds thee to perform unto thy
yokefellow much more plentifully and diligently:
And yet this alſo muſt be marked, that in theſe mu
tual duties, the huſband is bound to be more abun
dant and careful, becauſe his place is more excel
lent. Theſe common duties look in part to them
ſelves, in part unto their families. That thcyjoint.
ly owe to themſelves, comes all to two heads, love,
and the chief effects of love. For love firſt, their
hearts muſt be united as well as their bodies, elſe
their union will prove more troubleſome than can be
imagined. _Love is the life and ſoul of marriage,
without which, it differs as much from itſelf, as a
carcaſe from a living body; yea verily, it is a moſt
uncomfortable ſociety, and no better than a liv
ing death. This makes all things eaſy ; the want
of it makes all things hard. Love ſeaſons and
fweetens all eſtates; love compoſetb all contro
' verſies; love over-ruleth all paſſions; it ſquareth
all actions; it is, in a word, the king eſ the heart,
__ which, in whom it prevaileth, to them marriage is
what it ſhould be, L'iz apleaſing combination of
.-._ two perſon: into one home, one purſe, one heart,
and one fleſh. Two things are neceſſary about this
i oint: Firſt, to ſhew what properties this love muſi
have; next, to ſhew by what means it may be at
tained. Now the love of man and wiſe muſt have
theſe two properties with, and above many other:
Firſt, it muſt be ſpiritual; ſecondly, matrimoniaL
ltmuſt beſpiritualin its ground, and in its work
ingn.v Love muſt be built principally upon the com
mandment of God, the only ſure foundation of it.
The God oſHeaven, the maker oſ affections, muſt
alſo be their commander ; from whom we have re
ceived the power of loving, from him We muſt alſo
* XCCElVG
( I7 )\
receive directions for the right uſing that power. .
A Chriſtian- mam muſt lowe his wiſe not only bp
cauſe ſhe is beautiful, witty, dutifixſi loving', but
chiefly, becauſe the Loud of Heaven and earth
hath ſaid, Huſhands love you: wives. The wife alſo
muſt love hazſhand, not only, or chiefl-y becauſe
he is a proper man, of good, meahs and Parehtage,
kind to her, andof gpod cari'iage, but becayfle. he.
is her huſhand ; and God, the ſovereign; of all ſouls;
hath. told women,.d=at they Might to be lovers of"
'un
\.,,_x.-.
I.
their hulbimds. Not the ' face, portion, beauty, ._,..
dowry, or good puts of the mad-lied, muſt be the ..
prinei aLcauJhs 0ſ> their Lovingeach other, but the'
wille, God, that hath plainl),t manifeſted his plea
ſure in this mal-ter. That affection which is ground:
ed- upon-this liable ſoundatim, will be laſting; as.
is the cauſe that proeures it: Hot. the commandment
of Godin this matter, oan'never remivve- an aim-w,
tion : But that affection that ſtandeth u other My,
conſiderationpwwill be ſubject to 'changing e'erx - r
hour: For how can the' building ſtand Caſt, if' the,
fount-lation be: rotten) and Dippcryt? Either ſome'
Aorta of contention will over-throw that ill-ground
ed natural love, or oſ its own Accord it will ſall>_
down through age', orelfe it will degenerate into
jealouſy, the 'devout-ing cankcr-wormz that eats up,
the heart ofma'ried perſons, and oonfiimes, or maugre
the ſweet fruit of matrimony :_ But he that loves hlS'
wiſe,,becaufe.ſhe is his wife; and-God-'s plea'ſure'is,
that ſuch a- perſon ſhould be loved, whom himſelf
' hath united in lb near Ft contract, ſhall ſo long
continue to love her, whatever ſhe prove in other'
reſpcctsy-as ſhe continues to be his wiſe. If thou:
love thy wife for that ſhe is Pair, well-ſpoken,-cour
teous, this is Well; but what will become of th
love, if a-l-l theſe fail i? ae all'may, and the moſt'mufl
ſail. Thou loveſt thine huſband, becauſe he is an _
handſome man z- hath an a&ive body,is ofgood witfi '
and OF good behaviour, and'uſeth thee well ;. but.
where ſhall we find thy love, if theſe things ſhouli ,
. alter? asell earthly things may aller. You ſee"
then, there is no firmmſs in that love', which is rzr0-.
_ B 3 'cure s
1 18 )
\

* Curcd Only by theſe motives. But if thou love thy


_wiſe or huſband, becauſe God hath ſo bidden thee,
the maker oſ all things hath enjoined it, then ſhall
thou find thy love conflant and perpetual, as God's
law continues for ever the ſame.
Now the knowledge of thi' property of love, that
it muſt be ſpiritual, built upon the rock oſ God's
commandment, doth meet with a-ll objections, which
many perhaps will make againſt it in- their own caſes ;,
for who (ſaith ſome huſband) can love ſuch a wife?
And what'wiſe cart affect ſuch an huſband (ſaith
ſome women P) I anſwer you both : that huſband
that hath learnt to give God's word a ſovereignty im
his heart,v that hath made reaſon, rectiſied by ſcripu
ture, the guide of his affe-&ions, that hath ſubdued
his a-ffions to hisjudgment, and his judgment to his
Gog, and hath learnt tolhink- it reaſon For the crea
ture to follow the creator's will in all' things, ſeem
they otherwiſe never ſo muchagainſh reaſon: in a
WOrd', 'had man that: hathhis affections ſpiritual, can
beſtow them even on ſuch a wiſe; and' ſo ſhall that'
Woman alſo, that hath attained' ſuch ſpiritualncſs of'
love, find it not impoſſible to continue her love to;
ſuch an huſband; '
' And as the ground oſ the married couple's l'ove;
muſt be ſpiritual, ſo muſt alſo the working thereof.
l't muſt bring forth ſpiritual' effects, ſeeking the ſpi
ritual good' of the party loved, by doing all ſuch
'hings
nſallſſ with
oods)all readineſs,
maybe wherebythat
attained; good (themuſ'r:
Their affections befi:

r-ovo e them,-to endeavour after the eternal wel


'lgre each of other ;- and to labour both, that they
may with more eaſe and' aſſurance attain Ovcrlaſting
ſalvation: for that love which hath no higher aim
than preſent wealth, peace and happineſs, deſerveth
no better name than a natural and axcamal love. And
ſurely thoſe that love each other becauſe God bids
them, will likewiſe love each other in ſuch ſort a'
ſi God
them bids them,
careful even other's
of each with ſuch a love
ſouls, as will
as well make
as oſthcir
bodies and eſtates. Love cannot be ſeparated > from
an earneſtdcſire of the good of the party loved ; and
* '- - therefore

\ - --_-._\-_
l- - a 1 u

( t9 )
therefore ſpiritual love muſt be deſirous of the ſpi
ritual good. But alas! how exceedingly' ſailcth the
love oſ moſt married people P Yea, oſ the moſt that _
make ſome ſhews of goodneſs? Many huſbands and
* wives have the bodies oſ their yoke-fellows ſo dear,
that they cannot endure to-tliink oſ their diſgrace,
poverty, ſickneſs, death; but what becomcth of
their ſouls, whether they be ſanctified or unſanctified,
in a ſtate oſ ſlzlvation or damnation, theſe are in the
number oſthoſe things wherewith they are little mo
ved. > But are we bound to marry in the Lord, and.
ſhall not our marriage be ſeaſoned with love in the
Lord P Thou art kind to thy wiſe or huſband, and
he or ſhe is ſo near to thy ſoul, that it goes to thine
heart to think that any thing ſhould be wanting for
their good: it is well. But ſo might a Pagan do; ſo
may a Turlz as well. as thyſelf; iſ thegood thou mean
eſt conſiſt only in being healthy an rich, in living
at eace, and enjoying all the benefits oſ nature:
do thou deſire to make thy yoke-fellow a fellow
heir oſ Chriſt'skingdom P Doſt thou ſeek to help thy
oke-ſellowto heavenly bencfits, as well as to theſe
earthly P If ſo, this is to love ſpiritually: this love
beſeem: a Chriſtian huſband and a Chriſtian wife'
If otherwiſe, thy love is to be diſtommended, not be
cauſe it ie not good ſo to tove, but no' good enough
fora Chriſtian, that is commanded to have a more
holy and heavenly diſpoſition than that, which may'
be ſound amongſt thoſe that know not Chriſt. Be
not therefore carnalt in yourloves, walking asmen,but
ſpiritual as becometh the ſons and daughters oſ God.
Take notice ſort-her, that your loves muſt be matri
monial as well as ſpiritual. Spiritualneſs is a proper
ty oſthat love that- is due to all men 3 we muſttherm
ſore firnd out ſomething in the love of yoke-fellows,
that may be peculiar toit, and ſerve do diſtinguiſh it
from all other loves: for aman muſt love hisparents,
his brethren, his friend; yea, and his utter enemies;
- and love them alſo, becauſe God bids him, and love
their ſouls as well as their bodies. But the love of
huſband and wiſe to each other, ſhould differ from
all other loves in two tcſpcct3, in regard of which, 11]
ca
ſ 20 l
cm it ma-trimon-ial: Firſt, in the quantity oſit: Sea
condly, in the effect. For! the firſt, amanmuſtbve
his wife above all the creatures in the world; ſov
muſt the woman her huſband. Nextto theliv'mg God,
and our Lord Jeſus Chriſt, 'he wiſe is to. have the
higheſt room in the huſband's heart, and he in hen-'3.
No neighbour,ſſno kinſman, noſi friend,- Hope-rent,
no child ſhOuld be ſo neat and dear unto the huf
band, as his wiſe, nor to her as her huſband. , Did."
not Elr'umak-ſay to-Hmmih, Am not I better a: thee (lum
tmſmu? Surely then he ought to beloved. better.
Their loves mufl: exceed that of children to parcnts;
andtberefore it muſt know no ſuperior affeetion but
that, that is due tothe God of heaven. So' much love
doth one yoke-fellow 0we to the other, as eitheroi
them owcs unto-him or herſelf in a manner. They
are one body, and muſt love each other, as each
other's ſelf; not alone in that common reſpect,
wherein every Chriſtian is 'bound tal-eve every
neighbour as himſelf', but in this'fpecial reſpect', be'
cauſe of the iþeeial
Man and-wife are tiednearnefs
togetherthat is 'betwixt-
in the cloiſicſt themr
of all
unions; wherefore their mutual affections muſt be
mofl: large and abundant ;,- Which, ifit be not, never
"will it ſerve to bear thee out in the other duties of
g matrimony. A- man and woman muſt do more, and
1 i'ffer more for each other, than for any other in the
i world: they muſt bear with more faults each in 0.
F ther, than in any other, and he ready to take more
' aim each for other, ſeeing all eſtates, are common
it Betwixt them. 'Wherefore they muſt love each
1. other more *, for more of every virtue is required to
be in every one, byr-how much more large effects of
it ire required. And therefore the mutual affeEtionr
l of Chriſt and his church, is uſed' to expreſs the nature'
J'
ofihis nuptialnltwq that we might know it to be ſuch
p\ as ſhould come as near to the largeneſs of that love,
as may be poſſible: but it muſt alſo, for effect, be
of a binding and tying nature -, it muſt ſo knit them
to each other, that they' 'may receive full ſatisfac
tion in each other. The love of the married, muſt
be a ſingle. love ,- cauſing a man to account his wilfc
t if:
( 21 )
the only wom an iri 'he world, and not ſon-inch as to
yield tn the leaſt inclination ofhaving another, and,
ſo the wife's towards him. Their erſons ſhould be
to each other the moſt precious olPall perfons; and
ſo love muſt limit luſt. and'kecp deſire within corn
paſs. lfany man think thisimpoffible, unleſs every
man and woman might find in their own yoke-fel
lows, as amiable qualities as are to be found in others;
I anſwer, that the point formerly delivered about
the ſpiritualncfs of affections, will falisfy this ob
jection : for not the good qualities of either, but the
good pleaſure ofGod, is tobe thegroundoftheirmutual
dearneſs. Good conditions he] , indeed, to make
this duty more eaſy; but it is lileh, as muſt upon
other motives be performed, though good condition' v,
be away. And again I anſwer, that as a man who" >
ſeeth more wit and beauty in his neighbour's ſort
or daughter, than his OWn; yea, whoſe own child
4 is deformed, crooked and dull, yea untowardly and
rebellious; when his neighbour's child is not only
comely and quick-witted, but alſo gentle, dutiful
and obſe ui0us, doth yet love his own child above \
his neigh our's; even ſo ſhould it be betwixt huſ--\i\
band and wife. A man may lawfully think ano
ther woman, a better woman than his own wife;
but not love the perſon of another more virtuous
woman, above the perſon of his own leſs virtuous;
and ſo, likewiſe may I ſay of the wifc towards the
huſband. This is matrimonial love; when for de
gree it is moſt ſtrong and ſervant, withal ſettling
their hearts-upon each others perſons, above all in the
world beſides ; which we fee that few huſbands and
wives ſo much as labour to perform. The moſt are
ſtill upbra'iding each other, with what marches they
might have had; and many could almoſt prefer any
other before their own : theſe may fmilc in the faces
of each other, but they cannot be ſaid to love each
other with a nuptial love. Marriage love admits of
none
next equal
otſiall in
to affection, but the
the f0ul of laceth
partythe
in yoke-fellow
whom it is.
Marriage love will not bear the deſire of change, but
links the hearts of the married ſo cloſe togcthcry gla
t ey
ſheyateonly dc'ar t'o each'
(. zg 0tHcr'ih"'th'is-'ref &a. *' O

'how far are moſt from; loving their yok'e- ellows as


they ought; which *yJct* haw: thoughf themſelves to
have loved each 'other as®wcl)*as need to be I Bw
now you may ſkc; how'much the'moſt deceive chem
fiſelvcs, and*how far ſhort' they are dſ perſeflion in
'hoſe duties,-'whcrein they account themſelves moſk
perfect.
ingſhcwnWeg'dfbTWH-rd
what'that love to
is,-thewhich
ſtound
Wepoint, (havofv
require
the marricdytq ſhew them the mean-s ofianainihglit.

c HI AwP w, þ
Shewing the mamqf'atkaizting Love;
ZIFany-man, findinga wknt'dfſuch imieþdcſire m
- -know how-'hc'may-get and'dncma'ſc it, act him
underſtmd, that -1ove*will be'coine 'flich (as hath
been ſpdkcn) iF-ſome n'amralfflmeans-ba-uſedſſdm
firm * it,-and ſome ſpiritual. The 'nhtufal 'ffidam is
eohabinti'on: act 'hem-have-one houſe, otie 'abbay
Wefhamber,- (me bed : ſo ſhall They with moſt eaſe,
hewe alſoone heart andonc'fimk.- Thiswas thecmrſiz
ghat the Lord ordained in the law, that *no*1fr22dile
ſhould-be drawn from home the firſt year after his
marriage, upon occaſion eſþublieſſervices in War;
but ſh'Ould fort-ba: ſpace, aſkeſt; abided' h'om'e with
his wiſe, that ſo-longa time of'n-eameſ; 'and famili'a
ncy, 'might make their lifl's forever- 'after him 'and
indiſſolublc.
Beſid'eethis nium-al- means of procuring.10\)e,-ſhcy
inufi take notice of two, m'ote'ſpiritual-t' the nfic i's,
w take ſpecial notice of God's graciou's' pmvidmxbe'
for-goad-in their match. They muſt'oſten pufthcmx
4&ſalves. in mind of-that which-du'r-Saviom-affi'rrdclh'.
zbal God hathjoihed (hern together ſo: their inutu'a-l
benefit.the-giVcr's
ed'for We, know, that lf
ſake. a'mcan giſris-much
men and 'rtſpcct- '
'wemen'obſcwſſ-'c
&hc providance 'ofin bringing"thcm'mgcthez',
* then
'(' 23- )*
en jſhajll- tho-3: take each other Blow-tokens from
andzſo . all he made veryl dear to each other.
le thaLflriveth to love God, abovcall, cannot but.
OYQ all hiszbtcſſmgs -for his lake. Wherefore do r
up; refolve, that God in great goodneſs (for croſſes
Llſo, to_(}od's people,.come .in goodneſs) hath, be
'noyvgdthiyhuiband or,-wi£e upon'thec; and thou
Ljxazh. not LChUſG, bupdqatlyaffea thy >_y0kc-ſellow,
hphgb ſomewhat perhaps- ſuſhed withforwardneſs
and, ill conditions ;_ for thedearneſi ofthegiver,
will countcrvaii the (defects ofthc gift.- And iſ thy
match be. Jallenput ſomewhat,crgſs unto thee, yet
knqw that the Lord did aim at thy good, and-will;
pracuxe it bythi; croſs (cauſing,-thatthough thyhfe
hercþeilcſsiplcaſant, yet thy,ſonl ſhall have a large.
rco _ _ ence, if --.th0'u accept it with patience and
thank pincfszfl and then Ahe ,}-oke+fc11w's diſtem
pers may prove unto thcemaners aſs-rieſ, but ſhall
not, Noble. to alienate ſhineqffoctiom. But-ſuch a:
went wiſdomkto behold-the hand<>ſ_God, coupling \

them, ſhall ſoon ,ceaſe, tolove, becauſe their loves


arq no! pexſcflkqdz and.ſtrengſhened.with the love of'
Gqdz 'theoqly fireggthcner and perfefker of all ViT->
luce. . . . '
There isanothcrmeampf cement'mgthe ſouls of
the'married, which wiH bothv he! to the-former :*
and beipgjoined with it, mak-(it in 'bly effectual ;
and [hat_ is to join.-together,couſtantl_yxin (hopcrforz
mances of Hxcrciſcq ofpicxy to Godnchiefly betwixb_'____.- -*
Ahemſclvqs. Lenmanjnd -.wife.,pr' I together; let
themponfer witheach other of their envenlycounp
try; leg ſinggtogetzhcr; Lſo flmllxheir hearts bc>
knit firm to Godzfirſtn Theſe are the befl meansof:
confirmation, to they-loves. Theſe.will-nouriſh the
ſpirit of holineſsin them; and thatinkindlea-Iovcj
wherever,- it.comcth._ Theſe will inorcaſethcirfaith'
in God, _,and faith will woxkhy Jove; 'm theſe they
ſhall fcelthemſclves to have. beenlpiritually rofi
table each to other; and to receive a ſpiritual Kene
figpanuot but procure a ſpiritual affcffion. ..H_ero
th'eyſhall peyceivc themſelves ſtrangcrs of one.coun
try, ſervant: done iimfly.,.cb'xldxzm of one parent;
' In
( 94 )
and members oſ one body ; and this muſt needs in,
creaſethcirgood-will to each other. Rcligionwill knit
the hearts oſ ſtrangers faſt in one. How much more
effectual will it be, to faſten together their ſoule'
that enjoy ſo many and ſo perpetual hands be'
ſides P lt is ſociety that moſt times choaketh the lovr
oſ the married: they grow weary each of other
long ſruition, and then they care not one for ano
ther; but iſ they ſeaſon their natural communion.
with this ſpiritual communion, the comfort and?
ower of this, will prevent all ſatiety,_ and make
them grow in dearneſs each to other. jars and cora
tentions are the greateſt hindranccs of their love ;
but thejoining togethcrin theſe cxerciſes, will cauſe,
that they ſhall far more ſeldom jar; and that their
ſuddenjars ſhall not ſeſter and rankle, to breed hard
conceits oſ each other, which would he the bane of
- love. Prayer willprcventmoſt diſcontcntments, and
\ _ compoſe all; ſor when they ſhall appear beſo're
God in prayer, inſtead oſ blaming each other, only
orchiefly (which is the evil humour of pride, that
makes theſe ſores to rankle,) they ſhall each blame
themſelves, and take the greateſt fault upon them
ſelves; which being once done, all contentions will
ceaſe, and all quarrcls will come to an end. The
f ſight oſ God, in' his ordinances, will qucll the pride
'.' of their hearts, and make either no ſee and ſeel the
i greatneſs oſ his or her own ſms 3 and then the fault:
.' of the yoke-fellow will ſeem little, and the matter of
iiriſe will be quite cut off. Yea, iſ they come be
ſore the Lord in rayer, they ſhall be ſo ti'uſy griev
ed and aſhamed or theirjarring, that it will make
_1 them ſar more watchſul over themſelves, and ſar
more able to prevent the like occaſions for the -timc
v \ to come. The land-flood of youthſul affections
\ will quickly be dried up; but thoſe lively fountains
oſ ſpiritual affection, which the joining together in
holy excrciſcs ſhall have digged up ſor them, will
yield a quiet and conſtant ſtream oFgood-will. Thoſe
waves, indeed, make moſt noiſe, but this ſpring
doth beſt ſervice. That vehement ardor which
l ſometimes goes before marriage, is more boiſterous ;
' but
. ( 25' )
but this moderate and ſober affection, that is gotten
' by ſerving God together after, is ten times more uſe
ſut: the former, without the latter, will never make
one's liſe happy; but this, without that, will abun
dantly ſuffice, to a moſt chearſul living in marriageſi
Fond he or ſhe may be, that pray not among them
ſelves, but loving they cannot be: wherefore I pray
you all, that are, or ſhall be married, to mark dili
ge'ntly this direction, and not to ſail in practiſmg it.
What will it rofit you to hear good direflions from
the mouth 'o God's miniſters, iſ you do not follow
them? Above all other directions, follow this:
Call upon the name oſ God together, peruſe his ſcrip
tures togethſie'r, ſing praiſe unto him together, and
talk together'.of his word and works. Loſe not ',
the time you _ nd alone, either in worldly commu
nication, or Fault-finding, or in merriment, or ſport
ing each with other; but be careful to redeem time
ſor thoſe holy duties,which as they are in all reſpects)
gainſul,v ſo are worth all the time they ſhall ſpend,
for this very fruit, the growth of yourloves, which
will follow. And verily there is none that hath any
ſpark oſ godly wiſdom, but ſhall be forced to con
feſs, iſ he conſult with himſelf in good earneſt, that
the true cauſe oſ the defects oſ love in' the married,
_ is the ſeldom coming togetherbcſore lheLord. Either
they love little, or love carnally: And why is this ?
but becauſe they pray but little each with other. But -
iſ you would maintain love againſt all breachcs, and
keep it ſrorn all decays, and make it always ardenr,
always lively, and always working; if you would
make it religious, holy, and godly, ſavouring of
piety and the' divine nature, then follow this that
'hath been told you: ſoriſholy duties knit not, and
rivet not our hearts together, they will ſoon be ſes
vercd. I pieIy to God do not thus ſeed your love, ,
it ſhall be but feeble, or carnal, or both. But then '/
that
nor will
may have
ſomejoin
ſuchwith
man an woman
or huſband
me in ſay,
theorſervices
wiſe, how
alas! asofneither
God.
ſhall] can'
To
do,

ſurh an onel anſwer: Pray ſor'that yoke-ſellow, that


will not pray with thee; intreat God ſo much "ſtore
' o ten
'
ſ.

,=' ( 26 ) .
ctwfiin behelf þſ thine huſband or wiſe, by how
much they are leſs able or willing to intreat for them
ſelves; ſo ſhall God in goodneſs turn their hearts to
thee, at leaſt thy ſoul ſhall 'he warmed with heaven
ly love to them; For it is impoſſible that anyzſhould
but love that perſon much andearneſtl ,' for whom
they pray much and earneſtly. And this alſo is very
'a ſure, though few perhaps will believe it, that to love
,' one's yoke-fellow ſpiritually and fervently, though
one be not ſo beloved again, is much more content

I
i
t
to the ſoul, and comfort to thelyiſe, than to be be
loved of them, without'zſo loving.
e- - ws' en' ce- -'- is: e as a
->..ttt.
C H A P,. V.

Shcwing thcſiT/i ſhe? Aſ Love, vz'z. Pleaſmgneſs.

THE effects of this nuptial love, ate three; Plea-z


A ſingneſs, Faithſulneſs, Helpfulneſs. The firſt,
which muſt mix itſelf with all the reſt, ſcall Plea
ſmgneſs: It is_ a diſpoſition of Lhezwill, and earneſt
deſire ofihe heart, to give allcontentto each other,
ſo ſar as_they may poſſibLy do it, without ſinning
againſt God. The Apoſtle tells us, that the married
man carethTor the thingsoſ this life, how he may
pleaſe his wiſe, and the wiſe alſo, how vſhe may
' pleaſe her huſband. This he mentſoneth not as a
matter in either commendable, but raiſe-worthy in
both, and that whereof (in all worl ly buſm'ſs),they
ſhould be moſt regardſnl i' foMhough it be a matter
of ſome difficulty, yet it is of exceeding great f-zuit,
and of ahſolute neceſſity to the well-being of the h
mily,. The Apoſtle tellsus, that he did ſeek in all
ſi things to pleaſe all; meaning ſo far as he could with
out ſin: this duty is therefore a general duty towards
all men, and ſhall it not be much more needful be.
twixt them that are ſo nearly united? Wherefore
the huſband muſt do, orleave undone, any thing he.
can, that he may give ſatisfaction to the wiſe; and
, ſo
. ſ '97' >
. fohuſ! the wiſe, ſor thehuſb'and's eaſe, croſs her
own deſires to ſatisſy his.
ln diet, attire, in choice oſ company, in all other
affairs; they muſt ſrame themſelves to afford each o
ther ſuch an'abſolure fulfflling oſ deſires as may be
Without the tranſgreſſion oſ God-'s law. That which
will makethisduty poſſible isrefblutionand practice;
begin, and the proceeding will prove pleaſ-ame? than
the beginning: That which will make it eaſy and
eomſortable,- is the mutual labouring ſor it on both
fi'des; for if' the Wife would apply herſelf to pleaſe
her huſband, he would-find it an eaſy matter to pleaſe
her: and iſthe huſband would*ſeek his wife's content
mcnt, ſhe might' with much ſacility content him.
Endeavour to pleaſe works aWillingneſs who pleaſ
ed, and it cannot' be difficult to ſatisſy one that de
ſires as well to give as to take ſatisfaction.
But ſome married people may perhaps imagine,
that their caſe admits not oſ this advice, beCauſe they
_havc, yoke fellows ſo froward and diſcontented, that
hothi-ng will content them. I anſwer, his not in
any man's power f': vr-lm &fro-waxeſ. perſon taſte
things well, but it is in their power to do their bell:
to ſatisſy ſuch a one, and to ſtrive ſo much the more
Npainſhlly, by how mucl'r the other'sr diſpoſition is
more averſ: from iſ. God looks that one ſhouſd not
affect, but' endeavour the ſatisfaction oſ the yoke
fellow: and if the one be not'behind-hand, in giv
ing all' juſt' cauſe oſ beinv pleaſed, the other ſhall
bear the whole blame be me' God, of the peeviſh-._
neſs, which would not ſuffer him or her-to be pleaſed. ſ
lt will' be obje&ed- here, that it will be very hard to
continue'ſhiving againſt the ſtreamz and ſo indeed
it wifl: but good duties muſt not be omitted, becauſe
they are hard. The ſcholar that hath an hard leſſon,
muſt ſettle more hard' to his book, and not eaſt it a
way in ſullcncſs, and ſay, he cannot leam it: ſo the
huſband that hath a petverſe wiſe, or Wife that hath
a perverſe huſband, muſt give more diligence to give
content to ſuch a huſband or wiſe, and not carelefly
caſt off all, with ſaying, they be ſo croſs that nothing
will pleaſe them: verily this is a painful work, but
C 2 withal
( '3 )
withal it is a poſſible work. ltcanmo be that there
ſhould remain ſo great paſſionateneſs in the breaſt oſ
any man or woman, but that they. will be hept in
better terms, by a yoke-fellow ſtriving to content
them, than iſ no care at all ſhould be uſed that way.
Let therefore the hardneſs make each more diligent:
for iſ the huſband or wiſe will be unquiet, do what
the other yoke-fellow can, how much more iſ there
be no pains taken to make them quiet.
Encourage thyſelf in this tedious labour, with re
membering, that iſ thou canſt not pleaſe thy yoke
,ſellow as thou deſireſt, thou ſhalt not ſail to pleaſe
God. Here thou muſt be put in mind oſ that wor
thy counſel, which Soltmm's grave counſellors gave
'his young ſon; lf t/wu plete/Elixir people, and ſpeak to
their hearts, they will be thy ſervantsjbr ever. So ſay I to
thee "now, iſ thou ſpeak to the heart oſ thine huſ
band or wiſe, and ſeek to pleaſe him or her, by yield
ing to them even in things perhaps that are ſome
what unreaſonable; this, iſ any thing, will change
their bitterneſs into gentleneſs. and their rebelliouſ
Ltſz into ſtilzjCctiQn,, Whereſo-re let uii yoke-fet 'um-s.
meditate thus with themſelves : l cannot pleaſe God
iſ I ſtrive not; to pleaſe my yoke-fellow. He loves
not an houſe-full of brawlsr; diſcord drives him with
his bleſſing out of doors : and there can be no peace
where there is no ſtriving by mutual pleaſingncſs to
momiſh and ſettle peace. The harder this proverb,
the more commendable it is in me,' and the better
the Lord will take it at my hands, and the more will
he reward it at the laſt. 'Whereſore l will croſs mine
own deſires, rather than mine huſband's, or my
wife's, and ſo carry myſelf that they may receite
corimnment in all things, if any thing but ſin and
wickedneſs will content them.
Brethren, let thwarting and croſſing each other
- be far ſrom your houſes. To croſs one'sſelſ is a mat
ter of great praiſe ;- to croſs another, eſpecially one ſo
near,_ is a point oſ as great ſolly as can be; neither
can any thing in the world leſs become married peo
ple, and be more reproachful unto them, than to in
tend the vexing each other; I will du zt, yf it be but to
anger
.(29l
angert/rcc, is a ſpeech ſo odious inthe mouthoſan huſ
band or wiſe, that ſcarce any thing can be more.
The huſband were almoſt as good tell his wife, that
he will be an whore-maſter, ſhe him that ſhe will be
an harlot. Doubtleſs this thwarting humour, that
>will do a thing to anger the other, is in the ſamily
like the cramp in the body, which pulls and racks
the ſincws, and makes the body ſull of torment.
This kills all the comſort oſ ſociety. It is the moſE'
contrary to love oſ any thing: It hinders the going
forward oſ all thrift, and of all duty. Wherefore,
let none of you hereafter bear that abſurd thought of
angering his wiſe, or her huſband, but next to the
pleaſing God, make it your buſineſs to pleaſe each
other. Indeed this cautionnext to the pleaſingoſGod
muſt needs be put in, or elſe it is a wicked thing to
provoke God, by ſeeking to pleaſe a creature. lf
any thing butthe breach oſ God's law will ſatisſy thy
yoke-fellow, thou muſt do it, be it never ſo trouble
ſome, ſo oppoſite to thine own deſires, and contrary'
to thine own will ;' for every one of us, ſaith St.
Paul, muſt pleaſe his-neighbour, much- monehis huſ
band iſthou-
But- or wiſe,canſt
in that
not.which
ſulfi-lis the
gooddeſires
for ediſieution.
ofv aman,
without brea_l<ing_ſſef the law ofGod, then ſay, it is
better to offend a mortal creature, than the immortal
God ; for as God muſt be loved above all, ſo muſl:
he be pleaſed above all; and astheyoke-ſellow muſl:
be loved next >to God, _ſ0 muſt they alſo be pleaſed
next to him. Only, my brethren, conſider, that
this point is delivered unto you amongſt the duties
that are mutual. Moſt huſbands look for it of their
wives, they eſteem. not themſelves bound. to do it to
their wives : but look what force obedience hath to
'tie the wiſe unto it, the ſame hath loveto-tic the
huſband. And ſo much be ſpoken of the firſt effect
of love-pleaſingneſs: There are-two more of ſpecial
ufi:

ez cnAP.
v ( 30 )

C H A P. VI.
Of th'ſaithſui'rtgſit and lzclffifulngfs (ſi/le married.

Uſband and wiſe muſt be to each other ſaith


ful and helpſul, theſe two muſt ever be joined,
thereſore we ſpeak ol them together. This was one
principal thing which the Lord did aim at, in ma
king the woman, and joining her unto her huſband:
For it is not good (ſaith he)jar man to be alone, 1 will
'na/le him an hc/þ mectſor him. And doubtleſs the man
was to give help as well as to receive it, and to do
more good, by how much he was endowed with
more ſtrength.
Now this helpſul fidelity conſiſteth in their mutual
care of abſtaining from, and preventing, ſo much as
may be, all ſuch as might hurt or grieve each other;
and oſ doing themſelves, and procuring From others
'to be done, all ſuch things as may make for the com
fort and beneſi's each of other; then arethey faith
fully helpſul to each other, 'when they will never do
themſelves, nor ſuffer, iſ<they can hinder, others to
do any thing that may ha'm each other; and when
they are diligent to do themſelves," and cauſe others
to do, ſo ſar as lies in thtir power, whatſoever may
he 'lſihis
goodduty
one muſt
to another.
extend to the ſouls, bodies, names,
and eſtates oſ each other. Firſt, to the ſouls, by
provoking each other to all iety and holineſs of
living, as occaſion ſerveth. he huſband muſt not
hinder, but further the wiſe in goodneſs, nor ſhe
him; ſcr the wiſe alſo hath liberty to exhort and ſtir
up her huſband to well-doing, and to prevail by en
treaty and fair means. Their nearneſs oſ ſociely
' gives them many and great Occaſions oſ ſwaying each
other either way. 'ſhe muſt thcreſore beware of
becoming the devil's inKruments to allure each other
to ſm: ſot' there cannot be a greater miſchievouſneflt
m
( 31 )
in the world, than' for a man and wiſe to abuſe that
power, which they have either in other, as it were,
to poiſon each other; but they muſt be ready with
ſpecial diligence, as they have ſpecial opportunity
to conſider one another, and to provoke unto love,
and to good works. lſ the wiſe perceive the huſ
band ſlack in matters oſreligion, or mercy, ſhe muſt.
ever be commendin theſe things unto him, and-put
ting him in mind o the excellency of theſe virtues,
and the great reward that God willgive to them that
practiſe them, and ſweetly drawing him to a more
frequent practice oſ them, always remembering to
be mild and gentle in her ſpeeches this way, as one
that would allure, and not force. The huſband like
wiſe muſt, with the moſt familiar and kind ſpeeches
that may be, ſtirr up his' wiſe's dulneſs, iſ he per
ceiVc her dull, and mind her oſ thoſe motives that
may encourage and quicken her in all well-doing.
O how ſweet a ſo'ciety would this oſ man and wi e
be, iſ they could in this manner be watchful oſ all
opportunities to further each other in godlineſs.
Again, becauſe they have continual occaſion of
inward converſmg each with other, therefore thry
may diſcover in each other divers corruptions
and imperſcctiom. Now they muſt not turn theſe
infirmities into matter oſ hatred and contempt, but of
compaſſion, and care of procuring each other's re
ſormation. They muſt not upbraid each other with
their ſins, nor ſeek to provoke the corruptions which
they find apt to be provoked; but rather give all
heed to cut off all ſuch occaſions as they find will
give advantage to ſuch corruptions of their yoke-ſel
loWS, and make them break forth to their hurt: and
they muſt by all good counſel ſortiſy each other's
ſouls againſt the common enemy. They muſt both
obſerve the temper and conſtitution of each other's
ſouls, 'till they perceive what infirmities they are
either oſ them chieſly inclined unto; and having
found them, they muſt diligently abſtain ſrom all
things that may provoke that evil, and prove occa
ſions of making them overſhoot themſelves therein:
and further, they muſt apply' ſiall means to Wcafken
uch
( 32 )
ſuch corruptions, and to ſtop their overflowing, that
they may not proceed to any extremity, iſthey have
begun to offend in ſome degree. Their acquaintance
with the diſeaſes of each other muſt not be made a
cauſe oſ their viliFying each other, by hitting each
other in the teeth with ſuch imperfections, rather of
. helping each other, by flying all ſuch words and ac
t-ionsvas would increaſe and incenſe them, and tak
ing unto them ſuch geſtures and ſpeeches as are fit
te to heal and mitigate them. For example, iſ the
huſband perceive the wiſe apt to be angry, and that
ſuch and ſuch things will eaſily put her Out of pa
tience, he muſt pity her weakneſs, and carefully ab
ſtain from ſuch things; ſo muſt ſhe deal with him,
and ſo muſtthey carry themſelves to each other, in
regard oſ all other frailties, as well as anger; yea,
iſ either of them be given to any ſuch high degree of
wickedneſ', as that their own words alone, after all
labour to draw_them out ofit, will not work amend
ment; then muſt they not fear to ſeek the help of
ſome more wiſe and able friend, who may perhaps
'effect that cure, which themſelves have failed of:
, and in caſe they find little fruit oſ ſuch endeavours,
but that the yoke-fellow will hearken to no admoni
tion; ye' they muſt continue to wait and pray, re
ferring the matter to God, the only phyſician of the
ſoul, who is able in due ſeaſon to redreſs all. But
thoſe deſerve to be condemned as moſt treacherous
each to other, that, for their eaſe-ſake, will permit
their yoke-ſellows to ſleep in ſum Let them ſwear,
let them break the ſabbath, many yoke-fellows, for
ſear ofa ſtorm, can keep ſilence in ſuch caſes. This
.is to betray one another to the devil, andto give
each other leave to go to heſt-without mbz. Wouldſl:
thou ſuffer thine huſband to poiſon himſelf for fear
of enduring his anger, iſ thou ſhouldſt ſnatch the
7 poiſon outoſ his hand? Wouldſt thou let thy wiſe
xcut her own throat, for fear ſhe ſhould. chaſe and
ſcold, becauſe thou tookefl: the kniſe from her?
- Doubtleſs to letthem kill each other's ſoule, and ſay
nothing, for fear oſ paſſion, or hard uſage, is no leſs
ſinful and hurtful perfidiouſneſs, than to give wzy,
" - or
( 33 )
for quietneſs-ſake, to their hurting oſeaeh other's bo
dies. And they alſo are to be blamed as unhelpful,
yea, very miſchievous, that are ready to ſpy out the
faults
worſe,each
andofother with an
not better'; thatevil eye,outto the
look make them
ſaults ol'ct
each other, as enemies do the weak places of a city,"
to make them weaker; and as evil ſurgeons handle a
ſore, to make it ſorer. \V0 unto ſuch huſbands or
wives! Sorry help is it that they afford to their com
panions, and miſcrablc helpers are they; and God
ſhall one day reckon with them for having done ſo
little good, where he appointed them to do all good.
Sp much ſor the Faithful helpſulneſs oſ men and wo
men to each other's ſouls, in ſeeking to lant and
water virtues, and to pull up the roots oiPvices in
each other's minds. - 1
They muſt farther practice the ſame virtues to
ward the bodies oſ each other, by ſhunning all;
things that may cauſe diſeaſes or ſickneſs each to 0-
rher, and by a ready under-going any point or coſt'
(according to their power) to procure diet, phyſick,
attendanca, or other neceſſaries, for the keeping or
recovering of health. Yea, they muſt Comfort each
other in the days of ſorrow, that wordly ſorrow may
not breed death. The wiſe muſt be health to her huſ
band in his ſickneſs, and he to her. She muſt ſup
ort his weakneſs with her ſtrength, and he hers r
hey muſt moſt willingly devour all pains, and un
dergo allcoſt that is this way needſul, ſor the eaſe
- and content each oſ other. To neglect one ſo manY
. ways endcarcd, as an huſband or wiſe, partaker of
all eſtates: This isa notorious hard-heartedneſs, and
ſhould, cover their faces with bluſhing that have oſ
f-zndcd in it. Sickneſs and weakneſs are things of
themſelves ſufficiently tedious; there needeth not
the addition ol'ſſ the huſband's or wiſe's unkindneſs,
to make the burthen heavier. This is to add adver
ſity to adverſity, and to lade one more, that is already
ſtnking under his load : A moſt barbarous and cruel
unkindneſs! NVhen the body vſainteth, to make the
heart ſaint alſo; when the limbs and joints are weak,
to fill the 'ſoul with weakneſs, by gricving at the
niggardize
( 34 )
niggardize and churliſhneſs (grievous things, being
practiſed ſrona one ſo near, and owing the quite con
tratyf; this is murder in an high degree. \Vhereſorc
let every huſband or wiſe avoid or mend this Fault,
and look to their demeanour towards theirvyoke-ſel
lows, eſpecially in times of weakneſs, grief and ſick
neſs. When the wiſe is grea-t, and ſ'uil oſ anguiſh
' with the labour oſ breeding and beating; when ſhe
is in travail, or begins to ieeoVer the ſtrength, that
airns in travail had diminiſhed, then comfort her
'with loving ſpeeches', thetr chear her with affable
countenances (that is a time when luſt ſhould be laid
toſleep, and pure good-will be moſt wakeful and
- working), then ſee that ſhe want no- looking to, no
good uſage that thou canll: help her tor This is to be
helpſul to her body. So when thine huſband is ſick
and feeble, when he languiſheth upon his bed of
' pain and weakneſs, when his bones ake, when lris
- eyes reſuſe ſleep, when all things are diſtaſteſuſ to
him, then ſtay him with comfortable ſpeeches, then
,revive him with diligent attendande; do all thou
' canſt, and. ſpend an their emit 'tdlhe' weaver-ing of
his ſtrength, or eaſing of'his'torment ; let thy love
and care be his phyſic, and thyſelf his phyſician; and
= Let the comfort oſthine helpſul. earriags, content his
i - ſoul ſo,.that his body may more eaſily be ſtrengthen
ed: This is to be a good wiſe to thine huſband's
body,and to cheriſhhiin in ſickneſs, as thy proniiſ
'binds thee, - -
In the third place, man and wiſe muſt be ſaith
f-ul-ly belpſui to each other's names, and that irra
double reſpect: in maintaining thereoſ, both be
twixt themſelves, and alſo amongſt others. Firſt
'them
hearts every
a good married
opinion couple
each oſmuſt uphold
otherlſuſio ſar in
as their
may
POffibly ſtand with truth) The huſband muſt think
t well of his wiſe, ſhe of her huſband. Yea, for a
'man and wiſe to have ſomewhat an over-good opi
'nion each oſ other; ſor him to think her not only
vmore beautiful, but alſo more loving, more dutiſul,
more ſubmiſſive, more truſty, than perhaps ſhe is
(gnaking her virtues carry a greater ſhew to his eye,
'" bv
o
( 35 )
y looking upon them through the ſpectacles oſlovcfl
nd for hereto account him not alone more proper
nd well favoured, but alſo more kind, more curc
il of her good, and more true to her, than it may
e he is indeed interpreting things with that
irgeneſs oſ good interpretations, which much love
'ill put Upon them) ts a thing ſo far 'from blame, '
Itat it deſerveth rather commendation. Certainly
hen, they ſhould be peremptory to givenoeredit to
zngrounded, unwarrantcd ſurmiſes; they ſhould by
to means ſuffer their heart to grow miſtruſtſul of
xach other's honeſty and fidelity. She muſt never
hink that he doth affect other women, unleſs the
he matter be more than mani'ſeſ't, She muſt never
magine that he doth waſte or conſume their eſtate,
inleſs the. fault be palpably and notoriouſly plain.
de muſt never perſuade himſelf that ſhe is wanton,
ir given to ſtrangers; or that ſhe robs him, and pur.
oins from him, unleſs he can make good theſe mat
ers, with ſuch clearneſs of proof, as will not admit
zſ any reaſonable defence. Alljealouſies, all raſh,
"naſty, light, ill-built ſurmiſcs, muſt be Far from the
ſiociety oſ matrimony. For if once their ſouls be in
'ected with ſuch miſtaken conceits each oſ other,
OVC will go out at the ſame door that ſuſ icion comes
n. He or ſhe that hath ajealous hea (an head, I
nean, apt to miſconceive and ſuſpect) never'had,
ruly, a loving heart. Such might be luſtſul, they ,
night be ſond; but an holy and virtuous, and ſpy-
"itual affection, they never had, nor can poſſi ly
have, iſ they give way to-theſc evil ſurmiſes. And
hereſ0re, of all the domeſtic make-bates that be,
and oſ all thoſe things which are apt to ſet quarrel:
betwixt the married couple, nothing in the world is
more eſtilently effectual to theſe bad effects, than
icaLDu y. Having leavened the heart, it makes the
ſpeeches ſharp and tart, the countenance ſour, and
Llic whole behaviour, keen and untaſtcſul. No good
words, no good looks, no good'geſturcs, no good
aflions can proceed out oſ ajcalous man or woman"
heart. jealouſy willmakc a man ſuck miſchievous
things out of his' own fingers ends, and take on as
- much,
(36)
much, and vex himſclſ, and blame his yoke-Fellow
, as much, where no fault hath deſerved it, as iſ there
were a ſault. This evil weed muſt not be ſuffered m
grow up in the garden oſ matrimony; ſor ifit do,
no good herb will proſFer by it ;*1ſit will over-run alſ
that is commendable, and ſuffer no praiſe-worthy
thing to flouriſh. And therefore let all that have
knit themſelves together with this covenant, loath
* and deteſt any motion or fancy that may ariſe within
them oſ anfy unchaſtity, any unfaithfulneſs, any cvii
meaning o their yoke-fellows; let their hearts (l
ſay) riſe againſt theſe motions; and let them diſdain
10 give the leaſt credit unto them, unleſs that the
grooſs be more than maniſeſt. Away with this make
ate jealouſy, this quarrellcr ſuſpicion, this breedcr
of brawls, this mother and nurſe of contention,
this ſecret underminer oflovc, oſ thrift, of good
huſbandry and good houſewiſt'y, and all things that
zſhould be profitable to an houſhold. Away with it
(I ſay) out oſthine heart, chaſe it Far off from thy
breaſt, from thine houſe. lLchþyUgjD receiveteu
wrongs without ſuſpecting, than to ſuſpect one with;
-OUthaving'reCe1ſived it. Aptncſs to ſuſpect another,
grows ſrom the evil root of a bad nature, whereby
one is apt to offend himſelf. Wherefore, as thou
wouldeſt ſtand
low, againſt thefor the of
tongue good name oſ ſo
act ſlanderer, thyſtand
yoke-ſel
for it
againſt the ſlandnous dreams of thine own heart, and
take heed oſ believing thine own fancies, or others
reports, without moſt pregnant proofs. And iſ any
wicked perſon, maker of diviſion betwixt the head
and body, will ſuffer his lips to be ſo ill employed,
as to become Satan': bellows to blow theſe coals be;
twixt you, by telling thee this and that: rebuke ſuch
a perſon, reject his words with deteſtation, ſly his
ſociety as a toad, and let not thine ears and heart be
"defiled, with giving gentle audiencc to a whiſpexer
and talehearer. ln one word, wouldſtthou love, or
be loved? Wouldſt thou live otherwiſe in marriage,
than as in a priſon or a dungeon i'v XVouldſt thou give
or have any quiet or content? Strengthen 'thine
heart in a firm and unallcrable, and inconquerablc
, > good
(37)
good conceit of thy yoke-fellow, and rather be any
thing than jealous. And thus muſtthe married pre
ſerve there credits at home, in the bleaſt oſ each
other. A
They muſt be tender alſo of their good reþutations
abroad, and beware of caſting mire in the faces of
each other. This mutual ſaving the credits each OF
other, requireth two things: Firſt, that they labour
to conceal the weakneſſes each oſ other, from all
others, ſo much as is poſſible. The huſband muſt
do his beſt endeavour, that none may. know of his
Wife's faults, but God and himſelſ; neither muſt he
be willing to lay them opeh any where, but to the ,
ear of heaven, where he may crave pardon of them;
and the woman muſt do her beſt, to keep her huſ
band's evils ſrorn the knowledge oſ all the world.
All blabbing, and loud accuſing, muſt be far removed
from them, that have ſo nearintereſt each unto other.
They muſt account their credits, as well as their bo
dies, to be in a manner all one. The publiſhing of
each other's ſins and imperſcctions, is a monſtrous
treachery, and a thing than which nothing can worſe
become them, in the judgment of the wiſe. To
backbite an enemy isa tin ; how much more to back
bite one's own yoke-ſellow P Whoſe faults can one
cover, iſnOt his wiſes; that is to ſay, his own? Or
who can be ſrceſrom reproach, iſ one ſo near him
as
moſthisimpoſſible,
wiſe, ſeek but
to deſa-ce
that a his
mangood
and name?
wiſe ſhall Itſoſſoncr
is al

01' later diſcover their weakneſſes each to other; and


for them to be playing the tell-tales each againſt
other, whatſoul doth not loath to think oſit? Un
wiſe man or woman, will thy huſband or wiſe be the
better for thy laviſh reporting oſtheir faults P Will
thy tatling oſtheir vices mend them? Iſ not,'why
doſt. thou diſgrace thyſelſ, in ſeeking to diſgrace thy -
yoke-fellow? _VVhy doſt thou publiſh thine own
untruſtineſs, uncharitablencſs, indiſcretion, in pub
liſhing the ſt'ailties of thine huſband and wife, and
make all wiſe men take thee ſor a paſſionate, open
mouthed þbackbitcr, by telling abroad, what thou
findeſt amiſs at home i' VVherefore, iſ any have gi'- -
* K ven
-( 38 )
even leave-to themſelves, to be 'ſo ſinfully talkative
I-heretoſore, now let very ſhame cauſe. them to lay
their hands upon their mouths, that the' may not
more and more incur-the nameoſ fools,_.l\iy making
ztheir tongues to ſpread abroad folly.
1 deny not but that*the,regard of the yoke-fellow's
fſOul, may make-either ofthem ſeek a counſellor and
admoniſhcr forzthe orher: but it is one thing to ac
quaint-with the fault.of.one's huſband orxwife, ſome
one friend (andmore than one in this. caſe would not
eaſily be truſted) and that. in ſecret; another thing
(to throw it-opert before company. Such a friend
=will ſo ſeek to heal the-ſoul, as that he may not
-wound the credit; and will tender-as well the name
_.as the conſcience of his friend: but the greater num
ber ſeek only to deſace the credit, without regarding
the recovery ofthe ſoul ; ſo the former revealing can
jnot hurt at all, the latter can do no good at all.
=Wherefore to utter to one privately forhis ſoul's
health ſake, the ſin or ſins oſ the yoke-fellow, may
proceed from love, becauſe it tendeth to good; but
to eaſe one's ſtomach againſt him or her, by pouring
forth their faults, is as rottenncſs in the bones. Know
vtherefore, and practiſe this duty, O huſbands and
wives; ſ it not in each other's face, diſcloſe not each
rother's ſaults, but conceal, hide, bury, and cove!
zthem ſo much, as truth and equitywill bear.
' And beſides this, you yoke-fellows muſt for each
pther's credit andcomfott, keep the ſecrets of each
other faithfully. There may fall out an occaſion for
a man to acquaint his wife with ſome ſuch thing, as
it much concerneth him to have kept cloſe from o
thers; and the woman may likewiſe have cauſe of
thus opening herſelf to her huſband. ln ſuch caſes,
they muſt uſe all ſccrecy. But if in ſuch caſes they
rove unſeaſonably open, and the wife find that her
huſband hath revealed that, which ſhe would have
'had reſerved to his own only knowledge ;.or herfind
that his wife hath ventcd that to another, which he
deſired ſhould dwell with herſelf alone; this will
breed betwixt them ſuch ajar, ſuch an eſtrangement,
ſuch a diſtruſt each of Other, as it will not be an eaſy
' labour

l
ſ39)
labour tra-remove. For how-ſhould that'perſon'be"
truſted with any thing, who cannot keep counſel i"
Wherefore let huſbandsand wives always mind this :
if he lay up any-thing in- her'breaſt, let him find it
ſafe there, as in a cheſt which cannot be Opened with)
any pick-lock. lf ſhe commit a thing to his ſafe
keeping, let it bc ſafe impriſoned in his boſom ; other
wiſe, no man can choſe but be ſtrange towards ſuch
an one, whom experience hath convincsd of blabd
bing. And it is- a=moſt inſalliable truth, that there
is no comfortable living in marriage, where the prac- .
tice oſ truſtineſs and concealment is away. So you
have heard what care the married people muſt have?
aſ each other's good name.
_ The laſt part oſ' faithfulneſsto each other, is that'
which concerneth their goods or eſtates, wherein,
they are bound to be mutually helpſul- by all good-v
means. And tothis purpoſe it is requiiitc, firſt, illa?
they practiſe a community in theiretlates: next, that
they practiſe good huſbandry. Forthe firſt: betwixt
man and wife all things ought to'be common, good: s'
as well as perſons; ſor iſ they may not makea divi-'
lion in the greater, ſhallv it not bea groſs abſurdi-ty to i
make it in the leſſer? They muſt have one houſe, _
and one purſe; they are but One, and their eſtate
muſt 'be but one. I confeſs that God hath made him
the head and chieffliſpoſer; but without all queſtion
ſhe that hath a part in himſelF,-cannot want right'
unto that which is ſor honeſt purpoſes. How can'
any man, with a good conſcience, forget that part
oſ'his publick and ſolemn covenant, wherein he err-
dowed her with all his worldly goods i'
And having thus united their eſtates, let'them ſe-'-
condlyplay the good Huſband, and the good houſe
wiſe therein. In huſband and wiſe, the next point'
to godlincſs and honeſty, is good huſbandry and good?
houſcwiſry; and this good huſbandry ſtandeth in'
three things,
getting, labour,in thrift,
diſcretion ſaving,ſorcaſt. Palnſulncls
providencc in Iorelſſeein
ing; theſe three make up good huſbandry; and if
any oſ theſe be wanting, ſo much is Wanting from the
perſection of it, and ſo much ſhall be want-ing from
D 2 their
( 40 )
their employ
both comſortthemſleilves
and roſperity. Firſt
in ſuch then, courſcs
honeſt they muſt
oſ
getting and maintaining themſelves, as God ſhall
call them to. Neither muſt he live like a. drone, and
make a drudge of her; neither muſt ſhe give her
ſelf to eaſe, and caſt all the labour upon him; but
both muſt apply themſelves to their vocations pain
_ fully, and both be ready to diſpatch thoſe buſinellſies,
ſnr which themſelves and ſarnilies muſt ſate the bet
ter. l-Ie without doors, ſhe within; he in ſuch thing'
as lzefit his ſex, ſhe (in thoſe that become her's) muſt
be content to unite their pains for their profit, and to
undergo the labour of gettin their living in the
ſweat of their brows, and a? eating the labour of
their hands; and what they have painfully gotten,
they muſt likewiſe thriftily ſave from needleſs ex
pences- They muſt not pinch from mercy and juſ
tice, but with-hold from prodigality and laviſhneſs.
A ſweet tooth, and a fine back, are pick-purſes; they
muſt baniſh theſe out oftheir h0uſcs. He muſt not
laviſli it out abroad, neither muſt ſhe lay it out at
home; neither muſt they both join in needleſs
expences, but rather in practiſtng thoſe virtues, by
which both ſhall find comſort in their eſtates, and
praiſe with God. Thirdly, they muſt both be pro
vident, laying their heads together, to conſider what
good things are requilite for their eſtates, that they
may procure them; and what hurtful things would
come upon them, that they may revent the ſame.
Forcaſt is 'as good as labour: an the work of the
head, no leſs availahle than the work of the hands.
Two eyes ſee more than one, and two hands diſpatt'h
more buſineſs than one; ſhe is the helper, and he
muſt not refuſe her help in this caſe, for' it ſeldom I
falleth Out, but that a man ton rcſcrved from his
wife, doth plunge himſelf an'd her into divers unne
ceſſary eroſſes. Thus doing, they ſhall procure fnf
fieiency to their eſtates, and their hands, by God's
bleſſing, ſhall find abundance: but the idle perſon
walketh u on a thorn-lied e that will ſurely prick
his feet. he eareleſs perſon ſhall ut his ſoot into a
ſnare that will cntangle him, and 'od himſelf will t
caſt
If41)
caſt upon them vexation and ſorrow. But one
caution muſt be given in this matter; namely, That
they be both moderate in theſe their worldly affairs ;
for if they fall to carking and pinching, and deſiring
riches, heaven and earth cannot keep a family di- 4
ſcaſed with this dr0pſy, from manytroubleſome and -
deadly pangs.

CHAP. V]I..
Shaving the duties of the-married to theirflzmilicr.t
ND ſo much oſ-thoſe duties which'man amiſſ-'i
14 . wiſejointly owe to each other. There fol
low ſome that they muſt practiſe in regard of their 4
familics. For a man and a woman-that before were '
members of another family, therefore join together
that they may become the roots of a new family, and i
begetting children, and training them up, together '
with ſervants, according to their place, may provide- :
plantsv for the church, God's ow'n vineyard. Where-
fore they have not thoroughly diſcharged their du- -
ties, by the performance of all theſe things to: each -
other, unleſs ' they carefully regard their houſhold _
alſo.-- Herein indeed the huſband muſt be acknow-- -
ledged for the head; but the wife is to take the nexth;
place, and, as ſubordinatc to her huſband, muſt be- *
come an helper and a furthcrer. - The things theni--
ſelves that .l ſhall name belong to* them, as gover-
nors of an houſe, in relation to children and ſer
vants ; but the joining together therein is that which -
muſt be preſſed as a part of their marriage-duty. . . _
Now this their family they muſt both maintain and' i
govern, keep and guide. .l*'irſt, they muſt join in
making proviſionoſ- all neceſſariesfor their children'
and ſervants. He is worſe. than infidel, ſaith the
apoſtle, that provi-dcth not for his own, eſpecially' *
for them of his family. Theyvmuſt not carry them
ſclves in ſhrh'fort, as infidels would diſdain todoz' .
- D. 2 but-2
( 42 )
but this duty is co-incident with that l ſpake of be
fore, faithfulneſs in their eſtates; for by joining their
hands and heads in labour, thrift, and providence,
thcFy ſhall cauſe that no good thing be wanting to.
their children or ſervants. And verily it is a great
commendation to the governors, when their careful
neſs doth ſave all about them for want. Herein
they imitate the living God, the father of this great
family, the world, who fills every creature with
goodthin s ſit for it. Wherefore let them practiſc
thoſe dircZIions which were before ſet down, and ſo
do two good things.at once, even profit themſelves,
and all that pcrtain to them.
Buta family muſt be governed as well as main
tained, and how ſhould it be governed but by them P
Wherefore they muſt alſo be good rulers at home,
and join in guiding their people under God. The
man muſt be taken for God's immediate officer in the
houſe, and as it wete_ the king in they family; the
woman muſt account herſelf his deputy, an officer.
ſubſtituted to him, not as eqttal, but. as ſubordinate ;_
and inthis order they muſt govern : he, by the au
thorityderived unto him fromGod immediately,,ſhe,
by authority derived to her from her huſband.
Now this their government looketh to matters of
Godſi and matters of the world. Their firſt care
muſt be,_ that the living God be truly worſhipped in.
their houſes, and that the knowledge and fear of
him be planted in the hearts oſ their children and
ſervants. To this cnd'they muſt read the ſctiptures,
,ſ catechize
and callupon
themthe
in name of God oftme
the principles amongſtreligion,
them, that
and

none under their roof may be ignorant ofthc funda:


mentaltruths of godlineſs. To this end alſo they
muſt look, that the ſabbath ofthe Lord be ſanctifiecL
by their people, and muſt carefully and conſtantly
bring them to the publick aſſemblies, and examine,
them afterwards of their profiting thereby. So the:
main care of all good and Chriſtian governors ſhould
be, that religion may flouriſh in their houſes. Why
hath God given the name of churches to Chriſtian
ſamilics but becauſe of thoſe holy ſervices done pub
ſickly
t 43* )
lickly in the family? VVhercby they are all ſanctiff
ed, and become even lmuſes of God to dwell in. If.
this care be wanting, they ſhallalſo want God's bleſ
ſing on all other their cares; yea, their family ſhall:
be but a nurſery for hell, their children and
ſervants remaining ſtill children and ſervants of
ct the
whichdevil,
they becauſe
ſhould theymade
be neglect thoſe means
the children by
and ſcrm
vants of G.od._ Were it not better, in regard of them-.
ſclves, to have kept no family, than-ſuch a-family,_
whereof the members are brought up to nothing but
damnation P VVhezeſore nothingLin ſcripture is more
evidently required than that fathers bring up their,
children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,_
and that they continually whettbelaw of God upon
them, and be talking ofſi'it to them, whilſt they lit
in their houſes. And leſt we ſhould think that this
care. appertained to the parent alone, and not unto the
maſter alſo, Abraham is. commended, for that he
would command his ſervants to fear the Lord, that:
it might. go well with him and them both. And
jcſhua, undertaketh for himſelfand family, that theyp
will ſerve God. And when God enjoinet-h the maſ-.
ter to look to his whole family that they break not,
the ſabbath, muſt not the negative here, as wcll as
in other commandments, include the affirmative i'z
And how ſhall he look that they ſanctify God's ſab
bath, if he take no pains to bring them to the know
ledge of God and ofhis ſervice P V'herefore let man:
and wife be principally helpful to each otherin this.
buſineſs. When the huſband is preſent, lcthim reach
and pray with his family, and teach them-the fear.
of the Lord._ In his abſence let the wiſe do theſe
duties, or at leaſt take care to ſee them done; and
let them both provide convenient. timeandleifure
for the ſame,vand each quicken the ſlackneſs of 0-..
ther, if either begin to grow flitch. Seeingthey de-.
fice to be called God's, ſervants, let. them. deſerve
that name, and be careful to do him ſervice in theiL
little common-wealth. How can they look ſor proſ
perous ſucceſs in any thing, if the homage due untox
the chief Lord be neglected? Why ſhould he be ac-.
' ' counted
( 44 ).
counted worſe than an inſidel, who' prevideth not
food and cloathing for his family; and he that lets
their ſ0uls go naked for want ofthat which is food
and cloathing both unto them, l mean inſtruction
in the things that pertain to life and godlineſs, de
ſerve a leſs diſgraceſul name? Here therefore let
man and wife be ever ready to ſtir up each other out
oF that ſloth and negligence which will be ever rea
dy to ſeize upon them. But how ſeldom this is done,
lamentable experience can teach us. Sometimes the
huſband would have God ſerved in the ſamil , and
then the wiſe hangs off, and counts it loſs o time.
Sometimes a ain the wiſe would fain have the wor
ſhip of Go find place under their roof, and he,
like a profane beaſt, calls it preciſeneſs, and will not
have an '_hour ſpent ſo idly. Sometimes both con
ſpite in negligenCC and omiſſion : but how ſeldom.
do their deſires and endeavours meet in this moſt
needful point? How ſeldom do they provoke and .
encourage each other in ſo profitable works i'
Nowthereſore, l ſay again, let all huſbands and -.
wives that fear God he of one'mind in the Lord. and
let them not ſail in uſing all good means to plant and
water piety in their people's hearts, by eſtabliſhing
'the exerciſe: oſ religion in their houſes: and thus
for the matters oſ God. muſt they govern well.
* Now for the matters oſ the world alſo, they muſt'
overſce the ways of their ſamilies. Oſ'this overlight
theſe are the parts: Firſt, they muſt appoint their
inferiors ſuch works and ſervices, as are fit ſor them
to do, and follow them, and look after them, that
they may perform it accordingly: for had not the
Lord ſeen, that inſeriors would ſtand in need of ſuch
following, he would never have made this difference
in- the family. If ſervants and children would of'
themſelves be painful in their buſineſs, what need
the
But maſter
God ſaworwell,
damethat
to the
do beſt
any ſervants
thing in inthe
thehouſe
world

would need help this way, and thereſoreordained


governors in a family, even two governors ; one
chiefJ the other ſubordinate, that the abſence of one
might be ſupplied with the preſence oſanothcr;
'- Secondly,
.;_=.-_---> ____ ____.,.-._. _ ._,.l_ ._____.__

( 45 )
Secondly, They muſt mark the carriagc oſ their
inſeriors, and litl-LC notice what diſorders are ready
ſometimes to creep m ſecretly, ſometimes violently
to break in *, that ſuch evils may be either prevented
or reſiſted ſpeedily. idleneſs, tattling diſcord, and
many more imperſeaions, are apt to ſteal upon the
beſt ſervants and children in the' world, which the
Lord well knowing, made rulers in the houſe, to
keep all in good order. And iſ it ſeem unto us, as it
is, a cumberſome thing thus to rule and guide an
houſhold, we' muſt remember, that God did not
make man to live at eaſe, and take his pleaſure, but
to do ſervice. And though this care be troubleſome,
yet the miſchiefs that will follow upon the want of
it, are much more troublcſomc, yet the miſchiefs
that will fellow upon the want oſ it, are much more
troubleſome 1 ſoriſ the eyes oſ the maſter and miſt
reſs ſtand not open to ſee and oppoſe the faults of
thoſe that are under them, they will grow bold and
licentious, and ſull oſ wickedneſs, be the governor'
otherwiſe never ſo godly ; but by their mutual care,
this duty may be eaſy to both, and much peace ſol
low in the houſe. .
Laſtly, They muſt join in admoniſhing, encourag
ing, reproving, and, if need be, correcting their in- '
\ feriors: both muſt diſcountenance thoſe that carry
themſelves ill, and both muſt commend them of
good behaviour, that ſo they. may both maintain each
other's authority to the full. [ſone think fit, by ſome
little kindneſs, to encourage any in the family, the
other muſt not rudge; iſ the one will reprove, the
other muſt not eſend; iſ he will correct the child
ren, ſhe muſt not grow angry and ſave them; nei
ther muſt he ſave them out of her hands, when ſhe
ſeeth cauſe to give chaſtiſement. Suppoſe that ei
ther oſthem exceed. this way, correcting either with
out cauſe, or above meaſure, the other muſt not;
make a brawl of it before the face of the inſeriors;
but they muſt quietly debate the matter each with
other alone, and keep their diſagreements in this
kind from appearing in the ſamily; ſor iſhe do, and
ſhe und'o, or if ſhe chide, and he defend, (beſides
the
r

ſ 46 l- a
the heartburnings which will grow betwixt them
ſelves) they ſhall alſo ſo leſſen each other's power in'
the family, that both at lull; ſhall grow into contempt.
They muſt therefore ſo join hands in theſe works,
that
their their diſſention
endeavou rs.ſi It may not blaſt.
is harmful the fruit
to nouriſh as itoſ all.
were
a domeſtick faction in this little common-wealth.
VVhat one likes or. diſlikes, let the other (at leaſt by
ſilence for the preſent) ſeem alſo to like or difiike,
and let them never diſagree, in admoniſhing, or cor
fecting, or commendingi ſo ſhall their diſcreet con
cord preſerve their authority among their people, en
creaſe their love each to other, and procure amend-
ment intheir inferiors. And ſo much be ſpoken o£
the joint duties of huſband and wiſe, both towards-
themſelves andtoward their ſamilies, both for main
tenance and for government. We. come now to
ſpeak of ſuch duties as are peculiar to either oſ themr
wherein we will firſt inform thehuſband, and aſter
Wards the wife .

C H A P. Vlll.

Of a man's' keeping his authority,

THE huſband's ſpecial duties are referred to two


heads; he muſt govern his wiſe, and main
tain her; and as our Lordjcſus is to his church, ſo
muſt he be to his wiſe, an head and ſaviour. As
for government, two things alſo are required oſhim;
one, that he keep his authority; the other, that he
uſe it. Firſt then, every man is bound to maintain
himſelf in that place in which his maker hath ſet
him, and to hold faſt that reverence and preceden
cy which both God and nature have ailigned him.
Nature. hath ſramed the lineamcnts of his body to ſu
periority, and ſet the print of governmentin his very
face, which is more ſtern, apd leſs delicate than the
woman's ;
7( 47 -)
wounds; he muſt not ſufferthis order of nature to
be inverted. The Lord, in his word, hath intitled
him the head; wherefore he muſt not ſtand lower
vthan the ſhoulders; if he do doubtleſs it makes a.
great deſormity in the family. And without queſ
tion it is isa ſin for a man to come lower than God
hath ſet-him. Itis not humility,.but baſeneſs, to be
ruled by her, whom ſhe ſhould .rule. No general
would thank a captain, for ſurrendcring his place to
ſome common ſoldier, nor will God an huſhand,'for
ſuffering his wife to bear the ſway. xlt is diſhonour
able to the prince, if ſubordin-atc officers yield the
honour of their places to meaner ſubjects ; and the
contempt redounds upon God, which a man is will
ving to take uponhimſelſ, by making his wife his
rnaſter. God's authority inveſted in his perſon he
muſt not permit to be troden down and deſpiſed:
For this St. Paul hath given us a rule, ſaying, Let
(veg- man abide in the place wherein he it called. lt muſt
be underſtood as well of the place for order and go
vernment, as for condition of life. But here perhaps
ſome weak ſpirited man may ſay, The thing you
ſpeak is reaſonable, if .a mancould doit: But ex
erience ſhews, it is ſooner ſaid than doue; for him
ſelf, he hath met with ſuch a virago, that will be go
vernor, or will overtum all; and againſt ſuch a
froward and ſturdy-ſpirited dame who can preſerve
his authority P To ſuch objectorl anſwer, That moſt:
men caſt the blame, of loſing their authority, upon
their wives, when in truth it is wholly due unto them
Jclves; for it is not extorted from them by the wife's
violence, but caſt away by their own indiſcretion.
It is not indeed in any man's power, to reſtrain a
violent woman from aſſailing his authority, but it is
from winning it. Whether ſhe ſhall break forth in
rto contempt, he cannot chuſc; but whether he will
proſtitute himſelf unto contempt, that he ma and
muſt chuſe. Many a city is fiercely aſſaulteci: and
not taken. Many a Woman ſtrives to break theyoke,
but is not able. So long as the huſband's behaviour
is ſuch, that the Wife's ſoul (after that ſhe hath reco
vered. herſelf out of the drunkenneſs of paſiifon) i;
orce
( 48\ -)
forced to blame her own rebelliouſneſs, and in her
conſcience to acknowledge him worthy the belter
place-t So long hath he duly preſerved his authority
againſt all her rude and dilloyal reliſlance. Know
ye thereſore all ye Huſbands, that the way main;
tain authority, is not to uſe violence, but ſki l. Not
by main ſorcc muſt a'n huſband hold his own againſt
his wife's undutiſulneſs, but by a more mild, gentle,
. and wiſe proceeding. We wiſh not any man to uſe
big looks, great words, and a fierce behaviour, but
we adviſe you to a more eaſy and certain courſe:
Firſt, Let the huſband endeavour togain allcommend
able virtues, and to exceed his wiſe as much in good
neſs as he doth in place. Let his wiſe ſee in him ſuch
humility, ſuch godlineſs, wiſdom, as may cauſe her
heart to to confeſs, that there is in him ſomething
that deſerveth to be ſtooped to: Let him walk up
rightly, chriſtianly,ſoberly, religiouſly, in his fami
ly, and give a good example to all in the houſhold;
then ſhall the wiſe willingly givehim the bctter
place, when ſhe cannot but ſee him to be the better
perſon. No inſerior can chuſe but in his ſoul ſioop
to that ſuperior in whom grace and God's image doth
appear according to his place. A virtuous man ſhall
be regarded in theconſcience oſ the worſt woman,
yea, in the behaviour alſo of any that is not mon
ſtrous. It is n0_burden to any to yield themſelve;
to ſuch a one as is apparently better than themſelves.
It is true, that (in a mad fit) the wiſe oſ the beſt
huſband may fling forth, and be undutiſul; but
when ſhe is returned to herſelſ, ſhe ſhall condemn
herſelſ, and juſtiſy him; and ſo, inſtead oſ loting
his authority, he recovers his 'own with advan
tage. Be you thereſore all aſſured, that you ſhall
find virtuous' carriage the beſt preſervatives oſ e
ſteem. Take pains then to make thyſelf good, and
that is the moſt compendious way to make thyſelf re
verenced. _
But for
ſation as in
thegeneral, we preſcribe
beſtſſ preſcrver a goodauthority
of a man's conver

in the ſamily, ſo eſpecially muſt all husbands be


counſelled to ſhun evils that make every man to
ſeem
( 49 )
ſcem vile in the eyes oſ thoſe that ſee him ſo diſor
dered.
The firſt of theſe is bitterneſs, as the Apoſtle Paul '
terms it, in giving all huſhands warning oſit, ſaying,
Bc not bitter to your wives. Sharp, tart carriage, conliſt
ing of reviling, ſtriking, and other furious words and
gettures, he fitly calleth bitterneſs, becauſe it is as oſ
ſenſive to the mind as gall and wormwood to the
pallate. This bitterneſs ſhews folly, and works
hatred, and therefore muſt needs be a great under
miner of authority. They will hate whom they fear,
ſaith one well ofa tyrant. A tyrannical huſband, as
well as a tyrannical prince, ſhall thruſt himſelf be
ſides his place. Such demeanour bewrayeth great
impotency of affection, and wantof wiſdom, whence.
will enſuc want of reverence.
Secoudly, He that would retain the prevcminence
of his place, muſt avoid unthriſtineſs (another great
enemy to reverence) Drunkenncſs, gaming, ill
company, are the three parts, as l may call them, of
unthrifiineſs; the firſt d'rowneth wit, the ſecond
conſumeth wealth, the third eats out the heart of all
good conditions: And he that hath neither wit in
his head, nor money in his purſe, nor goud qualities
in his perſon, how can he be but loathed and deſ
piſed. Wherefore away with drinking, gaming,
and followingill companions, ifthou wouldſt not be,
caſt at once out of the hearts of all thy family, and
all thy neighbours, and of thy wiſe alſo, both for
love and reverence.
ſhirdly, Lightneſs muſt be avoided by huſbands;
fooliſh, childiſh, unſtay'd tricks, that have no im
preſſion of gravity or diſcretion 'upon them, but ſa
voui of a kind of boyiſhneſs. Such contemptiblc
things muſt needs expoſe aman to contempt. Iſ the
huſband puta fool's coat upon his back, can he blame
his Wife though ſhe laugh at him ? The bitter man
is hL-r- a frantick head, very troubleſome; the un
thriſty man as a ſcald head, very ſulſomc; the light
man, the jeſtct, like a giddy head, very ridiculous.
Such men M lll ſoon diſplacc themſelves, tho' no
man ſtrive to undermine them. but lctcvery gold
E Y
( 50 )
'ly- man caſt from him all theſe baſe evils, andſtn'vc
ſorholineſs and gravity oſ converſation, that he may
be indeed a governor, and. that his ſuperiority (ſup
Borltied _by ſuch pillars) may fland upright. and un
ia en.

,'C_H A P. IX.

rOf t/te parts and-cult (ſ amum': authority.

UT authority- muſt be exerciſed- as well as pre


ſerved; yea. verily it cannot be kept, unleſs it
be uſed, being like a ſworde that wiltruſt iſ it lie
flill in-the ſcabhard withom uſmg. Now that men
may underſtand how to uſe this prm ious thing (for
authority is one oſ the richeſtjewels in the world.
itis a model of God's ſovereignty, and the very liſe
and ſort) oſ all ſocietics) it is neceſſary for us to di
rect them herein, by ſtanding upon three points'
Firſt, to ſhew the-parts oſ authority; ſecondly, the
end; and thirdly, the manner oſ uſing it. Oſthc
parts oſauthority firſt. 1 mean by authority, a poxZ er
ſ of exerciſmg government-over another; and this
hath two parts, to guide and to recompence. to di
rect and to requite. Direction conſiſts in the en
joining of lawſhl thing< to be done, andin'the ſcr
bidding oſ things at leaſt indifferent. Recompcnſe
is alſo double, oſ good and obedient carriage, bycom
mendation and rewards; oſ evil and diſobedient, by
reprooſs and puniſhments. 'ſhete are the parts oſ
government, I mean thoſe things which a governor
by virtue Uſ his placeboth may and muſt take upon
"him to do, and whixh are ſo appropriated to the
place of a governor, that none other may advert
wrc to do them all, unleſs he will exceed hi> voca
1ion, ſin againſt God, and wrongthc perſon over
-\\'h0m he uſurpeth. Now, concerning all theſe,
commanding, forbidding, cotrmcnding,ſ rewarding,
reprov
( 5? )
reproving; it 'is'oſ all hands granted, that it is lawſ-al
for an huſband to exerciſe them all upon his wtie V
yea, and ſor ſome kind oſ puniſhment alſo, by with
drawing From her the. plentiful demonſtrattons of
kindneſs, and fruits oſ- his liberty, and by abridging.
her of her liberty, and ll'u: enjoyment oſmany thing+
delightſul, an huſband-nay inllict the ſame.
\Ve muſt next ſhow the end, whereto he muſt di
rect all, and each ohhcſe parts,v and-that' is the good
oſhis wiſe, the increaſe oil'virbuc in her, and rcſorr
mation oſ vice; the making her better, and helping
herto comfort here. and ſalvation hereafter. So all.
governors have- their power ſtom God, rather for
the benefit of them'whom they govern, than ſortheir
own caſe, pleaſure, profit. ln like ſort the huſband-
[nd] this his domeſtica'l ſovereignty, that God, the
governor oſ all, may receive more glory by the com
ſonablc fruit oſ' his own ordinance to them that
yield unto it: The aiming at this "end, would be as'
teat a ſurtherance as any could he, to thc'wcll-be
ing oſ a Family, and would keep out almoſt: all the
miſchiefs wherewith now divers houſholds are little '
leſs than renown-pieces -, ler moſt- mon never dream
OF this end, but ſerv'c themſelves wholl'yin'govern
ing, and regard not their wives at all. The not
knowing why they govern, makes huſhlnds govern
amiſs, and-"lo become burdens to themſelves and
their wives: He that ſhoots aba wrong mark, cannot.
but ſhoorawry; and he muſt needs takea wrong way, -
that miſtake: the town to which he ſhould-travel.
Wherefore an huſband ſhould often demand-oſhim- '
ſc'lſ, ſaying, Why am I the chief in this houſhold P
and why licthvthe government'ou my ſhoulders P Is
it that. l ſhouldlrve at more eaſethan any in the ſ a'
mily? thar [ſhould ſttlfiiln mine own wiſhes, and'
have what l* would;" and that every one ſhould care :
forme, and-1 ſonnone i' No; for the head in the
body-was not crtated-ſon'its own ſake; and I would
count him-an evil magiſtrate and 'miniſten that
ſhould bewray ſuah a conceit in his place. But here
l am the chief, that all may Fare the bet-te' ſor me ;
' E 2 that
( 52 )
that by my uſing more wtſdom, and taking more
pains, and ſhewing more virtucuthan any oſ the ſa
mily, all<he ſamily may live more orderly and com
ſortably (and eſpecially my wiſe) may enjoy more
quiet, and get more grace than Could be attamed, if
l were away. The ſruit oſmy ruling my wile,muſt
be her comfort and happineſs ; neither muſt l ac
count any happineſs to myſelf, wherein ſhe hath not
her portion; to by often inſorming himſelſ to what
v purpoſe he ruletlr, he ſhall exceedingly help him
ſelf to rule well.

v WffiPÞWflÞWQÞdÞſſ-MÞÞÞQQ
' ' e r-r A P. x,

Oſ juſtice in the lark/band; government.


U T to ſhoot at the marctk, is not much praiſe
worthy, unleſs a man hit it; ſo ſor a man to
intend his wiſeſis good, unleſs he effect it alſo, is not
much to his commendation. Now the only way of
attainingſſ the end oſany buſineſs. is to do it in a right
manner. Whereforev we will dizeet huſbands how
they ſhall rule, ſo as to weaken every corruption, and
ſtrengthen every- virtue in rhtir wix es, an xl to make
their' lives ten times more holy and happv than e.le
they could he, and to give them juſt cauſe: kwhich is
the moſt deſirable thing trrat can he in government)
oſ hearty praiſing the name of God for their rr-t-z-u
ing togetlrerin marriage. A' leaſt, iſ the huſband
follow theſe directions, he ſhall be blameleſs in mit
iing his end, becauſe. he doth not miſs'it through hzs
own deſault, but by means of ſomething that lies tri-t
manhisinpower
in governing his wiſe,Tomuſt
to prevent. the govern him-ſell,
point, then:

- according to the rules oſ the three principal vir


* tues which are oſ nroll: uſe, as in all places oſ go
vernment; ſo likewiſe in this domeſtick kingdom:
ſor ſo it is, and ſo it may molt properly be called.
' * ' '1 hete

*_l
( 53 "r
Theſe virtues are juſtice, wiſdom, mildneſs; with"
the practice of which, he muſt temper theexerciſe of
his authority, and then ſhall he bring glory to God,
and good to his wife and to himſell'in governing.
Juſtice is the liſe and ſoul oſ government, without
which, it is no better than a- dead carcaſe; W'iſdom -
is the eye of government, without which, it is like
a. ſtrong ſoldier, ſtark blind. Mildneſs is the health v
and good conſtitution oſ government, without which, v
it is like a big body-full of diſeaſes; unjuſt 'govern
ment is tyranny; unwiſe govern-ment is ſolly; un->
mild government is cruelty;- but juſt; wiſe, and;
mild government,v is- government indeed, cauſing .
the huſband to be, as it were,--God in the family, a
reſemblance of the ſovereignty, and goodneſs oſ him L
that inſtituted matrimony. .Let us begin with juſtice, .
tlieſc'ul of government; the abſence whereof- doth -
make it degenerate into odious tyranny.
By juſtice, I mean that which is commonly call-'
ed diſtributive juſtice, which conſiſts in fitting the '
uſage of perſons under authority, both to the ſupe
riors limits, ._and to the iriſeriors.delervings. - This
muſt be practiſed both in directing and recompenc
ing: For the firſt, he muſt learn ſo to command, not '
as the chiefand ahſolute commander, but-as one who
himſelf ſtands under a ſuperior power, to which he.
doth more owe ſubjection, than his wife to him.
Vl'herefore he-muſt in no ſort abuſe his authority,t0
force his 'wife to things that are ſinful. What God
commandeth, he muſt not forbid; what God for
biddeth, he muſt not command. VVhaL the wife '
cannot-either perform, or omit, without ſinning a
gainſt God and her own ſoul (becauſe either the *
Lord himſelf, or 'ſome ſuperior powers, have inter- -
poſed their authority,) that it is extreme- injuſtice ' *
for the huſband to require or to prohmit. This is
tothruſt her into the fire of Hell, ſo much as'in him
lieth; out of which, iſ ſhe be nouhz-wn by a ſtrong
hand, ſhe muſt be damned 'iſior yielding, he for en- w
joiuing. Vv hereforc in ſuch abſui'd and ſinful com-v -
mandS, he ſhall violate the laws oſ wiſdom and juſ
E. 3 tice *
( 54 l
ticc both at once, and ſhew himſelf in the ſame at:
tio'n both a ſool towards her, and a rebel againſt
God. For it is the hi heſt degree, both oſ unrighte.
ouſneſs and oſ folly, lgor the ſubordinate governorto
take upon him above the ſovereign. Let no huſ
band, therefore, forget, that the Lord in heaven,
and the publick magiſtrate on earth, are above both
him and his wife, and that they both ought equally
to be ſubject totheſe; and therefore, let him never
ſet his private authority againſt theſe authorities that
are ſtroriger than his, nor make his wife undutiful to
either of theſe, by a falſe claim of dut-y lo himſelf.
lt is a tyranny and uſurpation For any governor to be
'ignorant of, or to tranſgreſs the bdunds of his own
place: for a man to command his wiſe to lie for his
advantage; to break the ſabbath for his gain ; to par
ticipate i-n his fraud, or the like; nothing i-s more ab
horrent from equi-ty.
Where princes have commanded their ſubjects to
worſhip images, or commit other iniquities, they
have brought upon themſelves the odiouaname ofty
fants; and the not yielding to their linſul command
ments, have been an high praiſe unto their; ſubjects
Doubtleſs the huſband may, with leſs ſhew of reaſon,
challenge power to appoint ſuch Fit-ings; and ſo to
forbid his wife to pray unto God, to come to the word
and ſacraments, to ſhew mercy to the diſtreſſed with.
diſcretion: This is againſt right in the higheſt- de.
gree. When Darius commanded, that no man ſhould
invocate the name of God for thirty days, the pro
phet Daniel'would not: cOndeſcend to ſuch a com
mand ; fwhy thertfhould a wiſe hearken to her huſ
band i-n the likeLcaſe, to the apparent tranſgreſſmg
oſ her maker's law i' Nay,.why ſhould any man be ſo
exorbitant in his ruling, as to call for obedience in
ſuch thingsi See then (all ye hfiſbands) that your
wordstoyom wives hold agreement with the laws
of God, elſe you govern not, but tyrannize ; and to
diſohey you, is the beſt obedience; or rather to with
draw one's ſclſ from following your ill-ordered direc
tions, is not to deny ſuljection toycut place, power
- and

ff ,
t 55 )
and perſons, but to y0ur ſins, luſts, and corruptions,
yea, to the devil himſelf who rules in you, and abu
ſeth your tongues as his inſtruments in liuch a caſe.
If Adam were guilty for hearkeni-ng so .the voice of
his wiſe, contrary to God's voice,d0ubtleſs ſhe ſhould
have been puniſhcd alſo, for hearkcnſimg to. his voice
againſt God's.
But this rule ofjuſtice muſt be extended yet a lit
tle further; not alone in things that are unlawful,
but alſoin things that to the wife's erring conſcience
ſeem unlawful, muſt the huſband Forbear the urg
ing his authority. What ſhe doth account a fin, that
the huſband ought not to force her to. The conſci
ence is God's immediate officer, and commanding by
virtue of its commiſſion (the will of God revealed in
ſcriptures) though it err in conſtruction oF that com
miſſton, muſt yet be obeyed, andover-weigh the au
thority of all other-commanden, till with due rea
ſons, maniſeſting ſuch miſtaking, it- be better inform-.
ed, and duly ſatisfied. For whoſoevnr accuſtometh
to go againſt conſcience in things, that though they
he not, yet arejudged to be ſins, will at length ſo
blot out al-l conſcience, as to go againſt it in thinge
that are really faults. t Who ſo will. make bold with
an erroneous conſcience, ſhall procure to himſelf eiu
ther a dead and feared, or elſe a perplexed conſcip
ence. So a man in offering violence to his wife's
cOnſcience, ſhall quickly drive her either to utter
> careleſſneſs, or- utter uneomſortableneſs; ſorin croſ
Ling the ſentence oſ her own ſhul, either ſhe ſhall put
it quite to ſilence, or make it ſo terribly clamorous,
that the noiſe of tei'tsors ſhall be always found in her
ears, andher life ſhall be unto her as tedious, as if
ſhe were upon the rack, through the fierce and in
ward accuſation's of- her own accuſer and judge.
Wherefore, in caſes oſ this nature, when awouian,
through weakneſs ofjudgment, reputeth a thing in
different to be Jinſul, the huſband muſt not, by ve
hemence, aompel his wife's practice againſt her con:
ſeience, but with pity and gentleneſs ſeek to ſree her
ſoul from the entanglement of ſuch error, by better
information; ſtill remembering, that conſcienceis
the
'(.. '55 ')
the ſupreme commander oſ man, next under God,
and hath the moſt ſovereign authority over mens ac
tions. The truth is yet, that iſ ſhe pretend conſci
ence, when it is but wilfulneſs, hemuſt a while wait
ſor the healing oſthis ſtiffneſs: but iſſairperſuaſions
will not reclaim her, he muſt at length uſe the au
thority beſtowed upon him by God, and exprelly
enjoin her to change her obſti-nacy into ſubjection.
You will, perhaps, demand, how-a man ſhould know
whether his wiſe bc wilful or ſcrupulous P For firſt,
Scruple oſ conſcience is grounded upon the word, oſ
God, and taketh occaſion oſdoubting from ſome text
of ſcripture, that carrieth at leaſt an appearance of
condemning that, whereof it makes queſtion. But
obſtinacy isctver up with conſcience.
Conſcicnce, when yet it is bathed with no part oſ
God's word, that can in any probability be th ought
to induce to a fear oſ doing or omitting, what it re
ſuſeth to door omit. Where wilſul error= without
conſcience, hinders yielding, no heed' muſt be taken
to it: when an crroneous conſcience hindereth, i:
muſthe tenderly handled. Therefore iſa woman
can produce 'ſome word of God (that maketh hen
doubt of the lawſulneſs oſa thing) though it be per
haps miſmterprctcd to her, ſhe muſt be reſolved, not
compelled: but iſ ſhe ſtand upon terms OF conſci
encc, without God's word, without God's word, ſhe
may be compelled, becauſe there is no other way eſ
reſolving her; for not e-very ſcruple oſ heart doth
make a thing ſin to ajman in whom it is, but that a.
lone which is grounded upon ſcriptures; in which
caſe, conſcience (though miſmſormed) retains its
0Wn-au'thority ; and ſo to inſorcc a woman againſt it,
'were to force her to ſin.
Again, it may be thought the miſtaking oſconſci
ence, when__t_hings indifferent are deemed either ſm
ſul or necdſitl; and iſt ſuch things, it is a point oſ
juſtice to tender a weak-conſcience: but iſ one will
ſeem to make a conſcience oſ doing that, and ſo re
fuſe to do it, which God hath commanded plainly;
this is ſure wilſulncſs in error, not infirmity of con
ſcience; and thereſore here the wiſe is not to be
borne
( 57 )
borne with; but after good means uſed todiſcovet'
her error, if ſhe perſiſt in Wilt'ulneſs, he mayjuſlly be
ſo much the more urgenr, by how much ſhe is
more backward. But be not ſo unrighteous towads
thy wife, as to urge her either to diſpleaſe God or
her conſcience in >a thing indifferent, leaning on the
word of God: for none is Lord of conſcience, but
only God, the Lord of heaven and earthr . And thus
much forjuſticc in the matter of directing.
'It muſt be exerciled alſoin requiting either the bud
or good carriage of the wife. Bad behaviour niey
he roquited with reproofs andcorrcction (as We ſaid
above) only ſo, thatjuſtice be obſerved herein. And
to this end two rules muſt be given, one in regard of
the thing for which, another in regardeſ the meu
ſure wherein, one reprovcth or correcteth .: Firſt, Nov
reproof or correction muſt be given without a tain: ;
where no ſin hath gone before to deſerve ſuch hard
neſi, it cannot without much injuſtico be- pirtt'ſcd
'againſt her; No good clururgeon will lay: aiplaiſter
upon a ſound place, that were alwaysa-needleſs ln
hour, moPc times dangerous, for ſome medionos will
make the ſound fleſh. ſoreg- ſo neither muſt an huſ
band find fault, where no fault-is, ſor ſtar of making
a- fau lt where none elſe would bei ' ' *
llerc we moſt alſo obſerve, that a foul-t reformcd
muſt go in tho acebunt 'of no fault *, and-therefore a
woman muſt never be uphiaidcd with it: for an up
braiding is a reproof, and a (in amended, is aſtcra
ſort annihilated. Indeed former faults mayjuſtly be
alledged, to aggravate the ſame offence reitcrmed;
but ifthe wiſe do not repeat her ſin in'committing,
the huſband ſhall deal exceeding unjuſtly, if he re
peat it in reproving. NVhcreſore chafe not againſt
t-hy wife for no, fault, reprove not her when ſhe diſ
honours not God, neither let paſſion ever make thee
repeat thoſe things which ſhe hath reſortned; ſo ſhall
thy ways be cunformable to juſtice in this poinf,o f
reproving or puniſhing, as to the cauſe ofdoing. But
the meaſure of doing is in every thing' almoſt of as
needful obſervation as the cauſe; for 'uſtice is to pro
portion thc reproof 'or puniſhmcnt to the fault. B
Uſ',
( 58 ) _
But to come a little nearerto the point : .The huſ
band muſt know, that. for puniſhing his wiſe, he
muſt come exceeding fiowly to it, andvbe very ſel
dom in it, never proceeding unto it till compelled,
btcauſc other means have * been ſruſtrated. For a
man to eſtrange his countenance and behaviour to
wards his wiſe, to withdraw the-teſtimonies Of h'rs
love, to ceaſe to truſt her, or to ſpeak familiarly and
chearſully to her; theſe are ſuch things as deſerve
the name of chaſtiſements. The wife that hath not
forgotten all good affection to her huſband, cannot
but ſmart and bleed under theſe ſtri es tas l may call.
them), They are therefore to be astare uſe, and not *
applied atall, till the groſſneſs of much miſdemean
> our ſhall>=c0mpel. For all things oſthis kind, whe
ther reproofs or chaſtiſements,-theymuſt ſtill be moral
'or leſs ſharp, as the faultis greater ordletſer, being'
-ſuitah-le not to the paſſion, or lofls, or hurt ofthe. -
* reprover; but to the (in orxoffcnce of the reprove-II.
Another part- oſjuſtice, in recompencing, is, that'
the good deeds go not unrecompenced; rewards and.
commendations muſt be given, to increaſe the gOOd -
things that are in the wiſe,: as well as reprooſs to di
miniſh the evilxSolomon ſaith,that the huſband of the -
ood wiſe ſhall praiſe her: and again he ſaith, Give
her oſ the labour oſ her hands. A man muſt give
his wiſe to underſtand, by words of comfortable ap
probation, what content he takes in her good ands'
dutiſul behaviour. He muſt animate and incouragtr
her to-a perpetuity otpleafing and loyal garriage, by' -'
ſome ſpecial count-lies, in which ſhe willmoſt de'
light: for the ehearſul countenance, amiableneſs'zlztſ
fablcneſt, and liberality oſ the liuſhandrihto the
good wiſe a cauſe oſas great content asgany thing in.
the world; next to the ſavour of God.- Wlhercſone:
iſ ever thou wilt live happily in matrimony, ſeed vir
tue, nouriſh- obedience, confirm ails-good qualities,
wffier and rdreſh the tender buds oſ- thtiſr, &skilful-
neſs, and other graces which begin to <ap ear. Let
thy wiſe ſee,that thouvdoſt much more wit ingly look.
upon the beſt things, and more often remember them,
and that thou hadſt much rather be telling of her
good
( 59 )
good than of her evil, and making much oſ her than
repxehe-nding: for-doubtleſs when all is done, expe_
rience-ſhall prove, that the ſwcet herbs grow faireſt
and ſaſeſt in theſunqſhine ;.and*many a wiſe had been
very good, if - the huſband could have ſeen and foſ
tered a little goodneſs at thefirſt.

on -A P. .x1.
'Of WJ so 0 M.
H E next virtue oſ the huſband is wiſdom, the
. eye of government, which muſl lielpjuſtice in
her place: for when virtues are knit together in a near
band, one will draw on 'anothen 'lhis wiſdom is
' the ſtern oſ authority, which muſt guide it in an
even and Heady wurle,that-it neither daſh upon fla
viſh fear, as a rock on the leſt hand, nor upon con
tempt, as a dangerous quickſand on the right hand.
The principal uſe oſ wiſdom is to behave one's ſelf
ſo uprightly, that love and reverence may not inter
ſere, and the one eut and deſtroy the other. It is
hard, of an inferior ſo familiar, to be loved and not
ſlightly ſet by, iſ one's carriage he kind and ſamiliar;
harder, iflone's behaviour be more reſerved,to be re
verenccd, and not ſl.rvilhly Feared. Prudence lllt'ſc
fore muſt manage all things ſo, that it may keep theſe
two affections in their due temper, ſree ſrom exceſs,
and ſree from deſect,thata manmaydo goodaccording
to the dignity oſ his place: ſor affections will eaſily
ſall ſoul upon each other, and wound one the other,
to the overthrow olſſ both. LOvc will turn fear into a
ſlender reſpect. ſeat" will turn love into hatred and
deſpight: but diſcretion muſt ſo ſerve the turn of
both in due time and ſeaſon, that both may be pre
ſerved in their due meaſure. More particularly, wiſ
dom muſt give rules ſor the right ordering of autho
rity, in general firſt, and then oſ each partoſitir ſt
ir
( 60 )
Firſt then in general, it is a main part of wiſdom
in an huſband, to contorm the uſe oſ his authority
to the diſpoſition oſ his wiſe, to which purpoſe lie
muſt labour much to become throughly acquainted
with the tem er of his wife's mind. There is great
difference o women's natures. Some are more
ſtiff, ſome more pliant, ſome will bemore eaſily
ruled, ſome with more difficulty, ſomerequire
more ſharpncſs, Others will be better wrought
Upon with gentleneſs; and the maſter-piece oſ wiſ
dom is, to frame all cornmandments, reprooſs,
rewards, and fitly to the. conditions of the party.
Some will be ſooner perſuaded thancompelled, and
ſome contrarily; which diverſity oſ diſpoſitions if a
man mark not, he ſhall create to himſelf and to his
wiſe a'great deal of unneceſſary labour. A ſoft, ten
der, and gentle woman muſt be dealt with more ten
derly; a rough high-ſpirited woman with more ſtern
neſs and ſeverity, whether a man command or re
prove, or whatſoever elſe he doth or ſpeaketh. And
in this caſe an huſband muſt not ſollow his own in
clination, but bow himſelſto the temper of his wiſe.
Phyſicians give not the ſame phyſickto all bodies,
and preſcribe not ſuch drugs as they have neareſt'
hand, but as are beſt beſitting the 'patient's body.
Thoſe alſo that deal in metals, give not the ſame
heat to every metal; lead will be ſooner and With
more eaſe melted; iron muſt have more coals and
more blowing. The Huſband muſt diligently ob
ſerve by his wiſc's actions, whether ſhe be lead or
iron. A governor ſhould know the conſtitution of
thoſe that are under his government, and behave
himſelf towards them differently, according as they
differ: as they are more given to grieve or "chaſe, to
be dejected or to be carelcſs, ſo muſt a man meaſure
out his actions, and the manner of them, that he
may moſt heal (and leaſt provoke) thoſe pallions
wherewith-the woman is moſt apt to be overcome.
Neither will this prove impoſſible to attain, conſi
dering the continual occaſion oſeonvetſing together
will- afford means of informing a man's ſelſin this
point, if he take but any reaſonable heed thereof, and
PmY
( 51 )
pray the lord of heaven to furniſh him with diſcre
tlOH. St. Peter points all men tothis part of diſcreti
tion, when he ſaith, Woman is the weaker veſſel;
meaning, ſubject to more natural imperfections than
the man; and the proportion of that precept holds
alſo in regard of the difference oſthe natures of wo
men amongſt themſelves, ſome being weaker than
ſome. Wherefore in this matter muſtthe huſband
ſhew himſelf a man of knowledge in dwelling with
his wiſe.
The example of our Saviour Chriſt's government
may become our precedent: for he doth well conx
ſider, as the nature of all the members of his myſtical
body (for they be all but duſt, and full of frailties)
ſo the particular nature of each ofthem; by which it
comes to paſs, that ſome are fuller of infirmities than
others. Chriſt's wiſdom therefore ſhews itſelf in.
mixing a fit cup of conſolation or affliction for every
ſoul : every huſband muſt carefully imitate his exam<
ple, for if ſome women ſhould be reproved ſo often
and ſharply as others, they would be quite diſheart
ned ; and ſome, if they ſhould receive ſo great kind
neſs and commendations as others, would be quite
ſwoln up with pride. Now the art of government
muſt moderate all things according to the nature of
the governed: and this is it that maketh it ſo hard to
govern well: but as l ſaid before, the Lord, the gi
ver gift
this of wiſdom, will not _ deny it to them
at his hands. ſ that ,crave
Wherefore all ye huſbands know for a certainty,
that it ſufficeth yOu not to bejuſt, unleſs you alſo be
diſcreet. Thy commandments may perhaps be not
unlawful in themſelves, but unlit for thy wife; and
then, though thou mayeſt not be charged with un
righteonſneſs, yet thou canſt not eſcape the imputa
tion of folly. Some man thinks, that his wife ſhould
do, and take all, as he ſees ſuch and ſuch a man's
wife, and accordingly he carries himſelf towards
her, and looks to find at her hands, not conſidering
that one laſt will not ſerve every ſhoe. And in this
caſe, while moſt men will do as their neighbours do,
and look that their wives ſhould do as their ngigh
* ' ours
- ( 62 >
bour: wives, they 'fill their houſes full of contention ;
yea, many whilſt they ſollow their own paſſions,
utterly overthrow the peace oftheir families, becauſe
they will not do and ſpeak what is ſitteſt for their
wrves, but what holdeth moſt agreement to their
own humours. Now be advertiſed (For the helping
oſ many evils) that you muſt live with- your wives,
not alone as men of righteouſneſs, but as men oſ
knowldege alſo. And this is one ruleoſ prudence in
general, to know and obſerve the wife's diſpoſition.
Another is to chuſe fit circumſtances ſor command
_-ments, reprooſs, rewards, and all the acts oſ power
.or authority, vzſiz. Firſt, a fit time, then a fit place;
for theſe are the moſt notable circumſtances of all
actions, and ſuch as require our moſt heedſul obſer
vation. For time; there is firſt time for reproving,
commanding, commending, and all other actions.
And again, a timewhich is very unſeaſonable ſor ſome,
or ſor any of them; and to ſet down particular direc
tions ſor that which admits oſ almoſt infinite variety,
' is a taſk altogether impoſſible. Wherefore in groſs,
two rules muſt here be ſtood upon, which will eaſily
keep out all notorious inconveniences in regard oſ
time. The rules, Iconſeſs, had moſt need be ob
ſerved in matter oſ reproving, that being a thing
wherein moſt wearineſs had need to be uſed, becauſe
it is moſt apt to be taken in ill part; and becauſe it is
moſt needful, and iſ it ſpeed well does very much
good ;*-ſo a little thing will hinder the fruit oſ it,and
make it prove very dangerous. Wherefore in admi
niſtering it, moſt diſcretion had need to be uſed, that
it poiſon nor inſtead of healing. But yet in all the
other parts oſ governing, the ſame rules are ſo uni
VCrſally neceſſary, that much miſchief will grow in a
family ſor want of obſervingthem. A commandment
untirnely given, may do as much hurt as a blow ; and
an unſcaſonable precept may prove as pernicious as
an unſeaſonable repronſ. But let us ſhew what times
prudence muſt ehuſe for the doing any act of govern
ment. Now, as-in this caſe there are two perſons to
whom this authority pertaineth, namely, the perſon
that exerciſeth it, and the perſon towards whom it is
' - - cxerciſed;
t '53 'l
exerciſed'; ſo a time of reþroving or 'commandin'g'
muſt be choſen agreeable to the diſpoſition oſ both,
and it muſt be then uſed, when he is ſit to uſe it well,
and ſhe to take it well, .
Firſt then, when &man's. ſelf is quiet, in tune,
free from perturbation -,. then may he wiſely corn
mand, reprove, or do any otherlikc thing, as Occa
lion ſhall offer, that beinga ſeaſon when in all like
lihood he ſhall do it well. _ But when anger boileth
within, then is he to take _d'ue pains to bring himſelf
into due temper again; and 'till that be donc,'t0 ſor
bear the exerciſing oſany part of hisauthority, un
leſs he will diſgrace himſelſthrough that ſaultincſs
which cannot but ſlow From- ſuch paffions, Where
fore cannot
rity iſ thou be
art wellv
an huſband,
managedtake
but this advice
by the hand;> oſ
autho
wiſ
dom, therefore undertake not to exerciſe it when
wiſdom is baniſhcd: Go not about ſuch a work but
when thy. heart is quiet, thyjudgment Clear, thy mind
ſettled, and when thou art thyſelf; then ſhew thy
wiſe her duty, then ſay what. thou wouldſt have,
then tell her oſ her faults, elſe never ſhalt thou make
her- ſee- her duty, or miend her ſaults. In a word',
never go about tojudge-oFcolours, when a mote is
in thy eye. And thus muſt a good huſband keep
time in regard of.himſelſ. '
He muſt likewiſe obſerve due ſeaſons in regard of
his wiſe, thoſe, namely, wherein ſhe is capable ofſi
receiving inſormdtion or reprooſſ J'ſ ſhe he not fit
to hear, as well as himſelf to utter wholeſome
words, the labour oſ uttering them. muſt be'loſh
\Vhen ſhe is quiet, chearſul, well pleaſed, free _
from exteſſivegrieſ, anger, pain, ſickneſs, (which
diſpoſe the ſoul to paſſion) or other like vexationx,
then is a due time oſ telling her oſ a fault, of wiſh'
ing her to do or forbear what a man would have
done or forhorn, elſe her paſſions will make her as=
unable to take anything Well, as his will make him'
unable to do it well. Let the mind b'e calm, the
judgment clear, the ſoul quiet, and then caſt in good
in'ords, as good ſeed into the ground, that is glowed.
andmanured, andwcll fitted for the ſeed. And he
E 2- v that:
( 64 )
that cannot moderate himſelſin this way towards his
wiſe, ſhall oſten make three or ſour faults in ſpeak-
ing oſ one; and make a breach by giving that com
mandment which at another time would be quietly
accepted.
Another circum ſtance oſ moment is that of place,
about which wiſdom would that theſe rules be ob
ſerved. Firſt, That what parts oſ governmentcarry
with them any difficulty and diſtaſle be exerciſed in
private betwixt them two, viz. Reproving and com
.mand-ing oſ things that in all likelihood may be
againſt the mind of the wiſe: but, ſecondjy, what
parts are pleaſing to her, or no way contrary to the
good-liking of nature, as the giving of commenda
þtions, rewards, or eaſy commandments, be done al
ſo, as occation ſerveth, before others. For hard
commandments and reprehenſions, the ſecrcteſt
place is the moſt convenient; breauſr, iſ the wiſe
ſhould at fil'ſl hearing receive them paſſionately, no
man might be acquainted with her paſiionateneſs.
And becauſe ſhemay not have the leaſt occaſion of
takingu that conceit (which will blaſt the fruit of
all goocſadmonitions) that this he ſpcaks to put her
to diſgrace. Wherefore iſ any thing be amiſs, where
ofthou wouldſt admoniſh thy wiſe, take her aſide,
and let her hear ſrom thee, when ſhe is well aſſured,
that no car ſhould be privy to thy words but her own.
lſ thou wouldſt have her do or forbear any thing
which thouthy
hear, ſhew thinkeſl.
mind inwill be diſpleaſing
private, and there to her to
pet'lctuade,
where thou mayeſt with more ſteedom ſpeak all that
ſiis ſit to be ſpoken; and where (iſ ſome little heat
ſhould ariſe betwixtyou) it may not be publiſhed to
the hurt of your names. lt may be objected,
That ſome women will not ſearto offend in publick,
before the ſervants and children, and ſtrangers : and
what then P Shall the huſband Forbear to ſpeak to
her, and let her go away with it ſo? Would not this
prove inſectious to the beholders, and make them
apt to follow the ſame trade oſ evildoing? l an
ſwer, iſ ſuch publick ſaults fall out, a man may ſhew
his dillike in apatient manner oſ ſpeaking, and make
it

Wfi, ___.__ _., a


'ſ 6ct5 )
it appear that he doth not wink at his wiſe's faults;
But 1 anſwer again, um in ſuch a caſe he muſt ex
preſs grief rather than anger, and muſt leave the law
ful ſharpneſs, and (as\l may call it) wholeſome lan
cing, by a reproof, 'till his wiſe and himſelf be to
gether alone; and by that time ſhe will remember
how ſhe overſhot herſelf, if he give her not the ad
vantage oſ re lying, by being carried into ſome ab
ſurdity with er for company. Neither need a man
fear the inſection of ſet-vants or children by fault'
thus healed in ſecrecy; for his preſent grief, diſlike,
and.patienee,will work more upon them, (conſider
ing the perſon) than if he ſhould fall on chiding',
and there will be time enough after, in her abſence,
Io give them warning of the ſin,. there will be time
alſo to chide her for havinggiven ſo bad an exam
ple.. And they may know that a man hath reprov
ed, though they hearhim not reprove; and this will
well enough prevent the infect-ton that might-come
from. her offence: Wherefore in no ſort is their raſh
neſs toxbe allowed z "yea, it is moſt ſharply to-be con
demned, that muſt needs out with it whoever ſtands
by, even before children and ſervants, and perhaps
alſo ſtrangers, not havin t-he- wit nor power to re
ſrain themſelves 'till a t place of privateneſs may
be gotten. And ſo have you thoſe rules of wiſdom
that concern the exerciſe of authority in generaL.
Thoſe follow next, which particularly concern the
matter oſ direction, which muſt look partly to the
thin scommandedor ſorbidden,partly. to the frequen
cy o commanding.
For the firſt, a man muſt not abaſe his- authority to.
two ſortsof things that are not worthythe ſame, name
ly, to things trifling, nor to things ridiculou'.
Firſt then, let it be regarded in commanding, that
the man's authority deſcend not unto too mean
and trivial things. The huſband muſt not be
bidding and intermeddling by eommandments in the
ſmall buſineſſes of the family -, he muſt leave. ſome
things in the family to the diſcretion of his wiſe, that
his authority may not be undervalued, becauſe of
the triflingneſs oſthoſe matters about which it is em
F 3 ple]
- Yea)
\

Floyed. In theſe things he ſhould permit his wiſe


to rule undct him, and give her leave to know more
than himſelſ, who hath weightier matters, and more
nearly touching the welſare oſhis houſhold, to exer
ciſe his knowledgein. And ifin any oſ theſe matters,
he ſhall meet with any diſorder, it were a* part.oſ
wiſdom in him to advile and counſel, rather than to
charge and commandr See therefore that the mat
ter he ſo much worth beſore thou lay a charge con
cerning it; for he that ſort every, lightthing will be
drawing out his commandment, ſhall, to his grief,
perceive at length, that it will he much eſteemed in
nothing. _ .
Secondly, Let him never command ſenſeleſs and
Linreaſonable things, ſuch as arc grounded mcerly
upon his will, and upon no good reaſon beſides.
Such commandments will make her take him ſor an
heady ſool, and not a wiſe head; and that conceit
can never
rence, ariſe, but with the utter
andſoolſihisnuthorityz ruin oſ loinſorce
Foramen her rcvc

his wiſe by the power. of his authority, to take up a


feather, to wag a ſtraw, ortht: like z becauſe forſooth
he will have it ſo, and ſhew that hc is her maſter,
expoſeth him to contempt, and in making it appear.
that
maſterhe over
is maſter over her
her heart. body,thehewoman
l conſclſi; ceaſethſhould
to be. '

be ſo perfectly ſubject, as to caſt-her eyes only upon


the lawſ-almeſs or unlawfulnefi oſ, the thing cum.
manded; but the huſband ſhould conſider ſin-ther,
and look that what he gives in charge be commodi
ous, uſcſul, and needful to be done. He thaLwith.
out reaſon enjoins his wiſe to do any thing, doth all
one as i ſhe ſliOuld ride Without a bridle. lſ ſuch a
man's horſe be not exceeding gentle and well broken
he cannot chuſe but either run out oſ the way, or
ilumhle andcaſt the rider: Smhewiſe oſſuch aſoolillr
manmuſtheoſextraordinaaymeekneſsandpatience,o:
elſe ſhe _will either rebel againſt him orcomemnhim.
or both. For the reaſons wherewith the commandment
ol'any ſuperiurcomes bathed, isas itwere a bridle in '}.:>
inſcrior'sjudgment, by which they may cheek and
hold in the violence oſunruly paſſions; Ubtliſ reaſon
K t be
(w l
be wanting, cvcn a gentle-naturcd wornrn is apt to
prove reſi'actpt'y. _ Look thereſore that thou never
bid thy wiſe do any thing which reaſon (and not
only will) hath not firſt bidden thee. And theſe be
the rules oſ prudence, itr-rcgard oſ the ſubject oſ au-ſi
thority, or matters wherein it ſhould give direction5._
Another is, for the frequt-ncy oſ cxetciling it:
let this part 0£p0wcr be but' rarely uſed: It ſhould,
be laid up as one's beſt attire, to be worn alone upon
high days.- A garment that comes upon a man?
back every day will ſoon bevthrcadbmc, ſo will a
man's authority be worn out with over-much uſe
W'herefore lct itzbe kept in, till due occaſions of
uſing it call it forth. lt luuh been delivered as a
means of a princes prcſcrt'ing his reverence amongſt!
his ſubjects, that he bevnot too often ſeen amongſt
them. Men are apt to ſet light by thoſe thingswhich
they ſee every day ; evcntlungs at ſitſt wonder'd at,
are, by little. and little, ilendcrly regarded if thcy be
oftommonuſe. Take heed therefore that thou laycſk
thine authority upon things but ſeldom, lcſt thy
wife (receiving many commandments) break ſome,
and ſo catch a c,u ſtom oſ neglecting thy. power. A
man that is much in commanding, ſhall hardly chuſo
but ſlip into-ſome trivial and unneceſſary command
ments; and one of thcſe will lighten his authority
more than twenty of better uſe ſhall grace it again.
'ſhe wiſe is indeed an inferior, but very near, and
very familiar; wherefore ſhe will count it a burden
to be ever preſſedt with authority ',-antl you know- .
that nature teacheth us told-k- caſc in ſhaking oiY
burdens. Much reproving will make a reproof oſ
no force, much more will much commanding make
commandments of no effieacy. And thus have you
the rules of wiſdom, which muſt keep authority, as
it were', upon the whecls, that it may go forward
more chearfully, both ſor- thc huſband and the wife's
comforþ
\

..ſ ,,.

CHAn
ſlit)

PÞWW'WÞÞQÞ
c H A r. xn.
OſMILDNESS.
HE next hufbandly virtue is mildneſs, a very
neceſſary virtue in this ſoeiety; which (be
eauſe it comes neareſt to equality) doth therefore al
low of familiarity betwixt the parties governing and.
governed, and therefore muſt needs alſo require
more lenity. No woman can endure her husband's
government with comfort, if gentleneſs do notv tem
per it. The abundant love that- a wife vdoth and,
may look for, cauſeth that ſhe looks alſo for much
tenderneſs of behaviour from her huſband ; in
which expectation if ſhe be eroſſed, ſhe cannot
obey heartily, becauſe not lovingly, nor lovingly,
becauſe ſhe cannot think herſelf loved. The Lord
jg'us Chriſt, or is the moſt gentle and-'meek governor
in the world; and when; he requireth us to take his
yoke upon us, He commends himſelfto be gentle and
meek, and his yoke to be light. This is the beſt
precedent that huſbands can follow, the moſt wor
thy copy for them to write after. The apoſtle telleth
us, that bhe miniſter muſt be gentle, even towards
thoſe that are froward z Surely then the husband muſt
be gentle to his wife, theugh ſhe ſhew herſelf to be
of a froward diſpoſition. Yea, We are commanded
to ſhew allmeekneſs to all men ; and therefore much
more each- man to his own wife. But this virtue.
muſt ſhew itſelf in both the parts of authority, di
recting and reeompencing. In directing two ways :
Firſt, for the matter of it, or the things whereabout
it is exereiſed; Seeondly, for the manner of exer
ciſmg it.
In the matter ofdirecting, this virtue muſt mani
feſt itſelf two ways; firſt, by not. uſingjt too often,
and too much; ſecondly. by not uſing it (unleſs up
0!
,-*____ - i - w

(695
en neceſſity) about things that Will prove difficult
and tedious. For the full. of theſe, the huſband
muſt beware of extending the uſe of his command
ing power too far; it muſt 'ſuffice him to know, that
God hath given him the right oi appointing in every
thing, that is not ſinful *, but in the exerciſe oſ it, he
_muſt ſhew himſelf oſ a kind and Free. nature, not ri
_go'0ufly taking upon him to command all he may,
but willingly gratifying his wiſe in ſome, in many,
in moſt things, that ſhe may with me re chcarſulm'ſs
be ſubject to him in others. Obedienee would he
-allured and inticcd, by yielding it to its own diſpo
ſition, in almoſt every thing of an inferior nature,
that it may more dutiſully yield itſelf to be diſpoſed
oſ when greater neceſſity requireth.
But eſpecially, let huſbands ſhew mildneſs in
the ſecond point, vi:. in forbearing hard and diffi
cult commandments, ſo much as they poſſibly may.
Beware oſ croſiing your wives, and forcing them to
things againſt their natural diſpoſition. All men
find in themſelves a kind of inbred Avcrſeneſs from
ſuch or ſuch things, and a delight: in ſome other
things; ſothat the one of 'them it is a great burden
for them to do, the other to forbear. Yea, ſome
things there are of their own nature hard and pain
ful [0 be done. Now it is agieat point of gentleneſs
in the huſband, to ſmbcarthc requiring oſ obcdzenee
at his Wilſie's hands, in things of this nature, unleſs a
kind oſ neceſſity lie upon him to require it. The
ſchoolmaller that over-taſheth his ſi." hzolars, ſhall never
makethem learn Well. The King that over-taxeth
his ſubjects ſhall make them poor, and himſelſliah
ed; ſo ſhall the htflzand weary his wiſe, and diſ-.
grace himſelſ, by laying too heavy commandment;
upon her.
'away &Vhettefore letand
this rigoroeſneicts, every good huſband
by moderation in put
his
command ments, make his authority eaſy to be born,
and his wiſe chearſul in ſubjection. And this is,
gentleneſs in the matter oſ direction.
The ſame virtue muſt be uſed in the manner ofi
eommanding. When need requircth that ſome com
- mandment
( 70 )"'
mandment be given, it muſt not be imperinuſſy
prcſcribcd, in the extremity oſ enſorcing words, but
with a ſweet kindneſs (as the head doth move the
members of the body) with loving perſualions and fa
miliar requeſts. lndccd, iſ the wiſe will needs try
mdſtcrics, andſtrive to caſt off the yoke oFobedience,
ſuch her diſtcmper makes it needful, For the huſband.
with good words) to ſtand ſor his authority, even
omewhat ſti-ſly and peremptorily proſeffing, that he
w-ill have his will in things lawful. But this courſe
ſhOuld be ſeldom uſed, and that only in matters oſ
importance, that may he worth ſo much earneſtneſs;
in moſt caſes, the quieter way is the more comfort
able, andthe. more huſband-like. The way, then,.
to prevail with leaſt burden to the inſerior, and toil
to the- ſupcrior, is with mild. words to wiſhthis or'
that, rather than with imperiousphraſcs-m enjoin it-_:.
formoſt natures are much more eaſily perſuaded than
compelled. Ourv Saviour Clmſt himſclſ doth moſlly
beſeech his church, though with moſtright he might
command-it. Let the huſbandimitate that beſt huſe
band, and beware of, " Do it or you had beſt;" and
'J- you ſhall whether you willor 1105." and "- I.- will.
have it ſo, ifiit be-butto croſs you.." O nol. much
more comely for an husband's mouth,. are theſe
words: l pray you, let it be ſo; do me the kindneſs
to do this or this. And ſo much, ſor 'he practice
oſ mildncſs in directing, the ſnſL part oſ govern
ment.
lt muſt be likewiſe exerciſed in recompencing
both good-and bad action-s; Fon the good, when a.
reward is' given,, it- muſt be gently given ;_ and in
beſtowing any gift upon a man's-wiſe, he muſt do it
in a kindſaſhion; ſo that the manner may grace the
' matt,er,_and make itmore pleaſing. But-chiclly gen
tleneſs muſt ſhewitſclf, when. need requircth, that:
had decdshe required with reproof or correction ;
for there it is ſo much the more needful, by how
much the actions themſelves are leſs pleaſant in them
ſelves, and ther-eſore will leſs bear the mixture'ot2
any bitterneſs will! them: and for reprooſs, mild?
neſs muſt. ſhew itſelf in regardeſ the matter oſ re
proving,
'( '71 )
proving, and alſo the manner: For the matter, in
not finding fault with every trifle that one ſees amiſs,
nor chiding for every infirmity. VVhalſoever fault:
is notof ſomewhat a graſs nature, or elſe done in ſome-
'what a preſumptuous manner, may be paſſed by in
ſilence, either with none, or half a-word. That:
happy effect of love which conſiſtcth in paſſing by
wants. and weakneſſes, is exeeeding neceſſary to-
wards ſtrarigers, much more towards thoſe of the
houſhold, moſtof all betwixt the neareſt couple oſ
the houſhold. Be not, therefore, extreme nor rigor
ous in this matter; but as a mother's tenderneſs of
love doth cauſe, that ſhe takes no notice oſ divers
little deſormities in her own child, ſo ſtand thou aſ
fected to, thine own wiſe. Pray to God againſt all,
her faults; ſee and, commend all her virtues: but
petty wants, andenatural ordinary weakneſſes, never
lake notice of, neverreprove. Let her cloſely per-r
ceive that thou doſt (but wilt not) know them : thine
unwillingeſs to ſee and reprove, ſhall make her more
wrlling to ſee andreſo-rm. But an ever-lowring and
ever-chiding huſband, will make more faults than,
would be,.and compel his wiſc to be ſar worſe, than.
her own diſpoſition would work her-to. Where-
fore be not always chiding, unleſs thou wouldſt
have thy wife always naught; for over-Frequent.
reprooſs can bring forth nothing but diſdain and ful
lcnne-ſsſi. - - v
Again, for-the man-ner of reproving ; when it is
moſt needful,'it muſt be very gentle. The Words
and geſtures uſed to preſs a fault upon the wife's
conſcience, muſt- be mild and amiable, ſuch as
breathe out love and pity at onCe. A reproof mu'ſl:
be applied as a_ plaiſter, not with rating, but withv
nioaning. Itcan hardly be avoided even in the beſt,_
but that this medicine ſhall be neceſſary; y'et the
huſband muſt ever remember, to uſe no more rough
neſs' than is fit to his own fleſh. Reproofs of them
ſelves (as it were a potion) go enough againſt the
ſtomach : We need not, bv our bitterneſs, make them
more loathſome (as it were) by a ſoul and unhghtly
cup.
(7=.)
cup. No patient was ever yet ſo deſirous oſ health',
that he could be perſuaded to drink a potion ſcalding
hot: that which burns the lips, will never find ad
mittance into the ſtomach, be it never ſo wholeſome
a drink otherwiſe. It isjuſt ſo with a reproof: lf it
ſcald the ear (asl may ſay) with upbraiding and diſ
graceſul terms, with villiſying and railing words,
with a fiery look, 'and a ſparkling eye, it will never
gain paſſage to the heart. Compaſſion, kindneſs,
the declaration of one's ſorrow for his ſault, deſire
oſ his good, care of his amendment that -is reproved;
theſe are the things that frame the will to accept oſ
an admonition,
thereof. and
I am not muchthe
againſt help the kindly
wholeſome working
earneſtnelcts
oſ reproving, and that iharpneſs oſrebuking, which
in ſome caſes the Lord himſelf commands: but this
may well be without'bittcrneſs, without violence oſ
words, and without ſierceneſs. An admonition is
then healthſully ſharp and earneſt, when_a man in
much plainneſs of ſpeech, and ſtrength oſ reaſon,
laysoyen the greatneſs, ahſurdity, danger of the ſin,
enſorcing the conſideration oſtheſe points, upon the
parties conſcience vehement] ; but yet ſtill pitiſully,
with a declaration of more orrow than anger, and
of grief ſor his ſault and danger, rather than diſplea
ſure againſt his perſon. Such earneſtneſs, huſbands
muſt be aliowed to uſe; for coldncſs will hinder the
working of medicines. In one word, let a man
make his reproofs ſomewhat warm, but not boiling
hot. And this is mildneſs in reprooſs. And thus
you ſee, in what things an huſband's mildneſs muſt
be exereiſed : And ſo alſo you have a ſufficient di
rection for him in the matter oſ governing, the firſt
part of his duty. \Ve muſt now deſcend unto the
ſecond part, which is maintaining oſ his wiſe.

CHAP.
(733 '_,

-6= ra- ee- 9- e- o o a e q

C H A I'. Xlll.

Of maintat'm'ng one's anſe.

S Out' Lord jefiu Clmſt, the huſband of' his


church, hath been in nothing wanting to her
ſpiritual welſare, but doth clothe her with the pure
and white lincn oſ his own righteouſneſs, and with
the rich and precious graces oſ his good ſpirit,
whereby
good ſhe isafford
huſband all glorious
his wiſe within; ſo ol'ſi
allowanccs muſt every
all neceſ
ſary co-mſdrts for this life, that ſhe may live a cheat'
ful and Well-contented liſe with him. Before aman
allurea woman into coPartnerſhip of liFe with him,
he ſhould conſider oſmcans to maintain both himſelf
and her; for how it ſhould ſtand with love, to pull.
ſo near a companion into the troublcſome fellowſhip
oſ miſery and want, I cannot conceive. Doubtleſs,
it is a man's wanton paſlinn that ſpurs him forward,
to run blindTold into this eſtate, and not the good
hand oſ God leading and calling him unto it, unleſs
he be furniſhed in ſome meaſure, with things ſit to
maintain' a wiſe 'and family. When the Lord, by
his good allowance goes before us, and Wiſheth us
to ſollow him into any eſtate, he gives us wiſdom to
look before-hand, that we have all' things neceſſary
in ſome degree, to perſorm the duties of this eſtate;
but when our own paſſions thmſt us forward into'
any courſe, they make us run headlong after our own
appetite, not troubling ourſelves with any ſuch wiſe
and ſeri0us conliderations. I think, thereſore, I
may ſay, that the Lord is author to no man, of wed'
ding a wiſe to miſery and diſtreſs. Before he call
him to marry, he will let it appear um) him, how
(at leaſt by the diligent painfulncſs oſ his hand) he
may yield his wiſe a comfortable living. Not but
that a poor man alſo may have both need oſ mar
riage, and alſo allowance to marry ; For God ſorblid,
t at '
( 74 )
that violence ſhould be offered to theconſcicncesof
thoſe oſmeanerzeſtate, by layingluch a<ſharc upon
them, as if, they might not'lawſully _ enter into-Ama
ttimony. But this we ſay ſtill, that they muſt have
ſome honeſt calling, and'wiil, and ability to walk
in the ſame faithſully,.tl)_at,reaſon_tnay ,tell,them,,
through God's bleſſing, thereſhall be ſomething got
ten tomaintain awiſe, though not richly, yet ſuffi
ciently, and according to their rank, For it_was ne
Vcr God's meaning, that all ſhould be rich, neither
Yet would he have any to herbeggars. Let not any
rhan, through diſtruſt oſ God's providence, deny
himſelf did-benefit of God's ordinance, when his
need requirelh it, for the ſubduing of otherwiſe un
ſnbdualile paſſions; neither yetlet any man ſocaſtly
Condeſccnd to the deſtresoſlhisfown heart, asrhaſtil
to adventurecon 7malrimony, till he have' uſed aſſ
dther due means oſ repreſlingjuch pafflons, (watch
fulneſs,.abſtinence, praying, faſting, andall earneſt,
_oyp0fitions) when in reaſon he can give no ſufficieru
..anſwer tothis demand; how ſhall_._we _do'to live,
When we are married P I know that the overzcove
tuous deſire oſ elder people, doth many times ſtand
too much on ſuch matters, and cares not to thruſt
the younger upontniſerable inconveniences, through
an unbeliet'ingdiſh'uſl, and ſeat- oſ poverty. And!
ſee, on the other hand, that the younger are apt to
caſt themſelwzs upon-ſuch rocks, for wantofldue con
ſidering of ſuch matters, asto anake ſhipwrcck of
XBeace and quictneſs, and a good conſcience too.
'VVherefore let 'a ,_middle ccourſe be followed here.
Thou mayſt pleaſeGod in a poor eſtate, and xmayſt
afford a wiſe comfort in aim-eaſier condition; but
ſkill ſomewhat theremuſt be to live,_0n_; ſome calling,_
ſome trade, ſomething that may promiſe that, which
God promiſeth to the diligent, oiz.,that they ſhould
b'e ſatisfied with bread. zd'o this duty muſttake up
. 'part oFa man's thoughts beſore he he married ; and
ſi{aſtcr the contract oſmarriagc) hemuſt ſtill continue
theſe thoughts, oſten looking to it, that hiswiſe ma
_ Want nothing needſulzſor her. Where-ſore, let cac
huſband be convinced, that it is his duty to allow his
' ' ' ' wife
. . t 75 )
wiſe
ſelf ſoc'onVenient
abſolutelymaintenance;
Lord oſ all, and' not to think'
but that'hſiis wiſe him,
muſt
alſo enjo the comſortable uſe oſ all. But we muſt
alſo dire ' the huſband in this part oſ his duty, by
ſhewinglhim three neceſſary things : Firſt, the mea
Rtre; ſecondly, the manner; ſſthirdly, the times aml
ſeaſons of this' his allowanc'e; For the firſt, two
things muſt'rneaſure out her expences, as well as his
own; and 'thoſe are 'his place and-'his means, ſo ſar a'
his calling' requireitrz and his ability will bear; and
no further muſt he extend his coſt in attire, and
other neceſſaries for his wiſe. Not either oſ theſe.
but both theſe, muſt be adviſed with: for ſometimes
a man's place, or ſanction in the common-wealth,
Would bear more than' his' decayedeſtate will well
ſuffer.
You ſee in what quantity the wiſc's allowance'
muſt be given. Conſider, alſo, in what manner,
and that muſt'be moſt willingly, chearſully, 'readily z
before ſhe aſketh, he muſt anſwer; and offer before
ſhe' requeſt, The greateſt em'nmendationv of) a gift,
i'Sthe 'given-'s chearſulrteſ's;'and the ſureſl: ſign of
eh'earſulneſ's, is ſpeed and' ex edition, Dolo her,_as
God to his ſaints; and wil ingly and abundantly
give herall-things to enjoy-z And this do, both whilſt
You live together, 'and at thy- deceaſe alſo, iſit fall.
out, that thyſelf depart this world firſt. For ſq
(which is the third thing lintended to ſpeak of)
there are two ſeaſons, in which the huſband's bounty
ſhould declare itſelf; the firſt, during life 3 the ſe
eond, after it. _
The love oſan huſband'muſt notdie before him"
ſelſ, no, nor with him : but the effects oſit muſt ſur-.
vive him; and When himſelFis departed, his bounty
muſt be preſent with her, even aller death; When
a-man is to leaVe this world, he muſtctnot' leave the
care oſ his wiſ'e, but' remember, in the diſpoſmg of
his goods, to bequeath ſo full a part to her, as may
make it appear, that he thinks not himſelf wholly
dead, ſo long as ſhe gthe one halſoſ him) is alive.
Let thy wife, even after thy death, enjoy ſuch a par;
G 2 o r
(ffll
of thy ſubſtance, as that ſhe need not ſtand behold
Ing ,t0 her children (that in all reaſon ſhould have
them _beholcling to her); neither let thy wiſe's in
ſmuattons make thee more .ſ aring to th r children
than 15 fit; nor let thy fondne s to thy chil ren, make
thee more regardleſs of thy wife than is fit 3 but be
ſure, as thine eſtate is, to let her have wherewithall
to live like a mother, they like children : for doubt
leſs, the wiſe hath wrong, if her huſband do not
provide ſo for her, that the children ſhall want oc
caſion to deſpiſe her in her age.

Wee-eeeeeþe
CHARXW.
Of the wife's peculiar duties.

T H E wife's ſpecial duty may fitlybe referred to


. -. Vtwo heads ; firſt, ſhe mu acknowledge her
inferiority; ſecondly, ſhe muſt carry herſelf as an
inferior. Firſt then, every good woman muſt ſuffer
herſelfto be convinced in'judgmen', that ſhe is not
her huſband's equal ; without which, it, is _ not poſ
ſiblezhere ſhould be any contentmenz, either in her
heart, nrin her houſe. Where 'he 'woman (lands
uA v-'x 'Hams OF equality with her husband, much
more vſ ſhe will 'lCK'dS accmmt herſelf his better. 'the
Very wot of all good' calriage 15 wtlhered, and the
afountain therenlſidried up ; out of place, out oſ peace.
VVhoever, there-ſone, doth deſire. or purpoſe to be a
good wiſe, or to live comfortably, let her ſet down
thts concluſibn within her ſoul t'Mine husband is my
ſuperior, my better; he hath authority and rule over
the; nature hath given it him, having framed our
bodies to tenderneſs, men's to more hardneſs; God
hath given it him, ſaying to our firſt mother, 772)
deſireſ/ral! be fidjcct to thine luzſhand, and heſ/laſ! rule over
t/zce. His wxll l ſcc to be made by God the tie, not
=' of
( 77 )
oſmine aBions alone, but oſ my deſires and wiſhes
alſo. 1 will not ſtrive againſt God and nature, though >
my (in have made my place tedious, yet will 1 con<
feſs the truth : Mine huſband is my ſuperior, my bet
ter. Unleſs the wiſe learns this leſſon perfectly, if
ſhe have. it not without book, and at her fingers ends
(as We ſpeak) iſ her very heartdo not inwardly and '
thoroughly condeſcend unto it, there will. be nothing
betwixt them but wrangling, repining, ſtriving, and
a pourinual vying to be equal with him, or'abovc
him; and ſo ſhall then-life be nothing elſe but a very
battle, or a trying oſmaſteries. Let us grant, that in
giſts thou art his better, having more wit and under
ſtanding, more readineſs oſ ſpcech,more dexterity of
managing affairs, and whatſoever other good quality
may heincident to awoman; yet: underſtand, that ſo
may thy ſervant exceed thee as much, as thou doſt >
him. Hath not many aſcrvant more wit andtunder
ſtanding (and often more grace too) than a maſter
and miſtreſsr put together i' Yet [oath would the wiſe
be, that the ſervant ſhould deny both her huſband
and herſelf the name of betters. Know then, that-a
man may be ſuperior in place to onc, to whom he is
inferiorin giſts; and! know alſo, that thou doſt a
buſe the good parts God hath given, in ſeeking thence
to inſringe thine huſband-'s ſuperiority :. And better
were it for a; woman to be of mean capacity (ſo that
ſhe can put upon her the ſpirit oſ ſubjection), than
do be adorned with all the good qualities of nature
(for thoſe of grace the cannot' have, ſo long as her'
pride is ſo predominant) and thereby be made ſelf-e a
conceited againſt her huſband. Wherefore, O thou.
wiſe, let thy beſt underſtanding be to underſtand,
that thine huſband is by God made the governor and,
ruler, and thou his inferior, to be ruled by him.
Though he be of meaner birth, and of leſſerrwit;
though he were of no wealth, nor account in the
world, before thou didſt marry him, yet after this,
God will'have thee ſubject, and thou muſt put upon
thyſelf awillingnefs to conſeſz thy ſelf ſo to he. This
duty had ſomuch more need to be preſſed, becauſe,
though it be ſo plain, aGs it cannot be denied; yet it
3 is
(. 78 -) t
is withal] ſo hard, that it can hardlybe yielded to:
But unleſs thejudgmentbe truly inſormed, and ſound
ly convinced of this point, the will and affections
' will never be kept in good order : Set it down,
therefore, as a concluſion, not ſo much as once to be
called in queſtion; My huſband is my better.
Secondly, The wiſe being reſolved that her place
is the lower, muſt carry herſelf as an inferior; ſor it
ſignifies little to confeſs his authority in word, iſ ſhe
frame not herſelf to ſubmiffion in deed. Now ſhe
ſhall teſtiſy her inſeriority in ii Chriſtian manner, iſ
ſhe practiſe thoſe duties of reverence and ſubjection.
Firſt, ſor reverence: The wiſe owes as much oſ that
to her huſband, as the children or ſervants do to her,
* yea, as they do to him 5 only it is allowed, that to
her it be ſweeten'd with more love and more fami
liarity. All inferiors owe reverence, neither muſt
the wiſe conceit, as iſ ſhe were leſs bound to reve
rence her huſband, than are the reſt oſ the family.
This alone is the difference: She may be more ſa
miliar, not more rude; as being more dear, not leſs
ſubject than they. And this reverence oſ hers muſt
be both inward and outward: Firſt the heart of the
wife m'uſt be held under, inwardly, with a dutiſul
reſpect voſ her huſband; ſhe muſt- regard him as
(iod'sdeputy, not looking to his perſon, but' to his
place ;_ nor thinking ſo much who and what an one
he is, as whoſe officer. This the apoſtle directly en
joineth, ſaying, Let-the wffe ſte, that ſhe reverence her
huſband: As iſ: he had ſaid, ofall things, let her moſt
careſu-lly labour notto ſail in this point oſ duty; ſor
iſ ſhe do, her whole carriage muſt needs be unbe
coming. The Apoſtle's meaning is to preſcribe a
fear (not ſlaviſh, but loving), ſuch as may well ſtand
with the neareſt union of hearts, as is to be ſeen be
tween vC/zrſſ and his church. 'This fear oſ the wiſe
is, when (in conſideration oſ his place) ſhe doth ab
hor and ſhun it as the reateſt evil that can befall
her, next to the breach 0 God's commandments, to
diſpleaſe and offend her huſband. We ſtand in
due awe of God's majeſty, when we loath the
breach
Pa' _-_... -w-*. __.,._-.-v - -_-__

-( 79- }
breach oſ his commandments, and grieving oſ his.
ſ irit, as the greateſt oſ all evils; and the wiſe doth
' uly fear her huſband, when next to the ſormcr evil,
ſhe ſhuns the diſobeying, grievi'ng and diſpleaſing of
her huſband, who is the next to God above her. ,
Such regard muſt,her heart have oſ her head, that
it may keep her hand and tongue, and all from diſ
order. I know this is not cuſtomary among the
greater number oſ women, yea, they ſcarcc eſteem it
a ſeemly or a needſul thing that it ſhould be ſo; yea,
they care as little ſor their huſbands, as their huſ
bands ſor them. Butiſthou wilt ever provea vir
tuous wiſe, take much pains with thine heart, to
make itſtand in awe oſ thine huſband; and know,
thatGod hath not, for naught, given the former ca
veat unto women. As a woman grows in this in
ward reſpect, ſo may ſhe look to get the better of all
other infirmities; as ſheis carclcſs herein, ſo ſhall ſhe
be peſtered with all other enormities. But how ſhall
a woman bring her heart to this regardſul diſpoſi
tion P l anſwer, by looking through her huſband to
God the author oſ marriage, and putting herſelſ of
ten in mind, not of his deſerts, but of God's ordinance
]ſ one conſider an inferior officer (in himſelf) he
cannot ſometimes but diſdain him for his meanneſs,
iſ he conſider him as the King's officer (intruſted
with a part oſhis royal authority) : His reverenccto
his prince, will produce-ſome reverence to. his officer
for his ſake. The huſband is to the wiſe the image
and glory of God. The power that is given to
him, is God's originally, and his by God's appoint
ment. Look not, therefore, on the qualities of thine
huſband, but upon his place; and know that thou
canſt not neglect or deſpiſe him, but that the con
, tempt redoundeth
ordained him to beunto God's
ſithine diſhonour,
head; who have
ſo iſ religion hath

ſeaſoned thine heart with the Fear oſ God, thou ſhalt


fear thine huſband alſo, ſor his commandment alſo.,
But as the wife's' heart muſt be affected with this
loving fear, ſo muſt her outward carriage ſhew it,
and that in two ſpecial things : Firſt, in herwot'ds ;
ſccondly, in her behaviour. .Her words are either
* (0
T-'w-'l

ſ 80 ) , .
to himſelſ, oſ him behind his back, Or to others _
before him; all muſt have a taſte oſ reverence.
Firſt, her ſpeeches to himſelſmuſt neither be ſharp, '
fitllen, pa-ilizonate;nor yet rude, careleſs, nor con
temptuous ; but ſuch as carry"the ſtamp of fear upon
them, tcſiiſying, that ſhe well conſiders who herſelf
is,and to whom ſhe ſpeaketh. The wife's tongue to
ward her huſband, muſt neither be keen nor looſe;v
neither ſuch as argues anger nor neglect, but ſavour
ing oſ all lowlineſs and quietneſsoſ affection 3 that iſ
another ſhould ſtand by and hear them, he might
perceive (though he knew not otherwiſe)that theſe
are the words oſ an inferior to her better. Look
what kind oſ words thyſelf wouldſt diſhkc From thy
ſervant or child, thoſe muſt not thou give to thine
huſband; for the ſame duty oſ fear is in the ſame
words, and.in the ſame plainneſs commanded to thee, _
that is unto them. Forbear then all ſpecehes,ſavour
ing of paſſion; but' beware alſo oſ words that may
bewray contempt. I told you before, that it was the
privilege oſa wiſe (becauſe of her dearneſs) that ſhe
may be familiar :. But yet I have obſerved an exceſs
oſ ſamiliarneſsthat deſerveth to be blamed. Why
ſhould a woman bear herſelſſo over? bold oſher huſ
band's kindneſs,es to nick-name him with thoſe nicke
names of ſamiliatit , Tom, Didt, Ned, Will, Jack, or
the like, as l have ſieard good wives do; buttl con
feſs) with a diſtaſte of their rudeneſs: for could a.
woman ſpeak otherwiſe to her childor ſervant, than
in ſuch kind oſ abbreviated names as theſe i' Cer
tainly the woman's love muſt be tempered with fear;
and thoſe ſpeeches oſ hers, which would ſhew kind
ncſs, muſt alſo have aprint of reverence upon them,
or elſe they are not allowable. Wherefore let wives
be taught tin ſpeaking to their huſbands) to learn of
her, that called her huſbandby an honourable name.
Leave 'ſum and Diſ/t to call thine huſband, Hxſhand,
or ſome other name oſcqual dignity. And thus muſt."
a'womatr's tongue be order-edtowards her huſband,
when ſhe ſpeaks to hind.
She muſt alſo look to her ſpeeches directed do 0
thers in his preſence, that they may be ſuch as may
witneſs
'( 31 )
witneſs I due regard of him. His company muſl
make her more careful of her behaviour to any other
before him, than otherwiſe-ſhe need to be. Her
words to childtcn and ſervants, in his ſightand hear
ing, ought not to be loud, and ſnappiſh. , Ifſhe per
ceive a fault in them, ſhe muſt yet remember, that
her betterneccllity,
but upon (lands by,
andand therefore
then muſtreproofPin
utter that nOt ſ ral-t.a

more ſtill and mild manner, than in his abſence ſhe


might. No Woman of goVemment will allow her
children and ſervant' to be loud and brawling be
fore her, and ſhall ſhe herſelf be ſo before her huſ
band ?
Thirdly, The woman's ſpeeches of her huſband be'
hind his back muſt be duttſul and relctpectful. She
muſt not talk of him with a kind of careleſſneſs or
(lightneſs oſ ſpeech, much leſs with reproachful terms.
Herein the gndly ſect of Sarah is cemmcnded 'o our
imitation, and mui'l. be put in practice', when ſhe. but
thought of her huſband, in 'he atſence of all Com
Pany,_ſhe dLd reveren'ly intitie him by the nameof
my Lard. _ Who would Bear a child ſpeaking diſ' -.t
'graceſully, 'arid murmuringly, againſt his own fa
ther, though behind his back r' And ſhall it be
thought ſufferahle in a, v\'_tfc P He that allows not an
evil thought of 'lie rincer will not allow evils
ſpeechesofthe huſbang. '
Thus muſt a woman's words be ordered towards
her huſband. Something alſo muſt be ſpoken oſhet'
geſtures and countenance. which, as well as her
Wot'ds, muſt be mixed with reverence, and have a
taſte offear. Both good and bad diſpoſitions have:
more ways oſutteiing themſelves than by the tongue.
Sblomon ſpeaketh of an eye that deſpiſeth the mother :
ſurely then the eye alſo of the wifemay be a deſpi
ſing eye, and her whole behaviour- and geſtures may
proclaim contempt, though her tonguebe altogether
ſilent. Now theſe alſo muſt be looked unto, that
they may not diſcover a baſe eſteem of her huſband.
Rude and contemptu0us behaviours areno leſs un
comcly in an inferior, and do no leſs diſpleaſe a ſu
perior, than the moſt fierce and outrageous ſpeechlez
. I\ - . NNOU
5.' '.
would do. Wherefore \(as 82 herſelſwiſſ condemn theſe
in llCſ children towards herſelflſo let her by no meattS'
allow them in herſelf againſt her huſband, towards
whom the Lord hath bound her, as Well to practiſe,
reverence, and fear; as any' oſ her inferiors unto her.
For ſtill it muſt be preſſed upon the hearts of wives,v
that ſamiliarity is allowed them, but no rudeneſs.
'ſhe ſecond ſpecial duty! tiſ-'av wife is ſubjection;
Now that hathulſo two parts; the firſſis, obedience
do her huſband's cqmmandments; the ſecond is, ſub'
miſſion to his reproofs. FOr't-h-e firſt, the apoſtle derk
plainly give" toit-in
wgſife bcſuoject charge in
her huſband to all
Women,
things. ſaying,
WVhatLet t/It
need-i
'we further proof? Why is 'ſhe his wiſe,-i*F*ſhe will
not obey him P And how can ſhe in his name require'
obedience oſ the children-and ſervzm ts,iſ herſelf refuſe
to yield it unto him P For doubtleſs-ſhe can expect ii
none otherwiſe than lfas, his deputy. and-a ſubſtitute"
rmder him. But the thing itſelſwiil not be ſo muclſ
queſtioncd, as the meaſure: not' Whether a wiſe'
muſt obey, but h'ow farh'er obedience muſtfflextenda
To which doubt'the apoſtle hath yielded us a plain'
ſolution,- ſaying, in all things in the Lord. Obed'i'encd'
you ſee, muſt-be general; only,;ſo that it be in the'
hard. In whatever matter IN'OMan's-yieldi-ng w her'
huſband ſhailsnot rove'arcbellion againſt her mad
ker, in that matter e is-bound in conſeie-noe to yield'
unto him, without; any further queſtion. Neither'
yet ſufficeth it, that her obedience reach to all law'
ful things, unleſs it be alſo performed, wiſhngly, rea
dily, quietly, chea-vſully ;. without btawling, con-
tending, thvmrting, ſourneſs-. And' thus you have'
heard the firſt part oſ ſubjectibn, obedience;--a duty.
which, i doubt not, ram-ent hard enough to woman;
kind. But the ſecond part oſ ſubjection is ye! more
hard, andxwitlxal equally, if not more needful, that'
is, ſubmiffion-in receiving reprooſs from their huſ
bands;.>as ſhe muſt'willingly obey all his lawful com
mandments, ſo muſt ſhe patiently ſuffer all-his rew
pmhenfions'.. ls- not this duty plainly required in
thoſe words i' A: the church i: ſubject to Chriſt, ſi) muſt"
al a t/tc wives to their own luſſmna's in ewpjfiing. Doubt'
kſſis
( X'33 )
JeLyto bear,reprooſs is a neceſſary partpfthc church"
ſubjection unto Chriſt; neither ſhall .it diſcharge its
duty in ſtriving to obey, pnleſs where it faileth it be
.c0ntent_to be chidden: wherefore it is impoſſible for
women to loole their coni'cicnces from the bondiof
this ſubjection, _unlcſs they couldzſhew (which they
z-Ihall never be able toſhew) ſome othertcxt offerip
ture limiting and abridging this. "

dwenwmwnwmwmamw
-C HrA P. XV.
Containing application (If all. * r

1 =N D e'firſt, -this miniſters a good inſtruction t'


= _' young and unmarried people, thattheydo not
_unadviſedly ruſh into this eſtate. A thingof ſuch
difficulty ſhould not be flightlv undertaken. They
Jhall have their hands full of duty, if they gct not
dien-hearts full_oſ grace,,and their heads lull of'
,wiſdom; they ſhall-find anvhouſe- ſtill of trouble, and'
(alliſc full of woe= meeting with gall inſtead oF honey,
and gravelinfiead of. nouriſhing morſcls. Wouldſt'
thou be married? See what wiſdom, what patience,
'what graceſit to govern, _ or ſit, to obey, thou findcſt
in thyſelf. Get theſe againſt thou c0mc to uſe them,
er elſemarriagowill not yield thee ſuch contentment
uthine imagination promiſcth. Vain youths grow
wanton, and muſt marry before they have any power
.t0 practiſe, guy under-ſtanding tohknow their duties.
He that leap: over a broad ditch with a ſhort ſtaff,
.ſhall fallwithout
trimony in the midſt; and he that be
rgreat. gracc,-ſiſhall enters upon
mited ma
in diſ
quietmcnt and vexation. Let unmarricd people think
of this, and be wiſe.
Secondbglmuſt adviſe all married perſons to grow
acquainted with theſe duties,- andto mark their fail.
ings in the ſame. But miſtake me not: l would that
the wife ſhould know hers, the' huſband his;.and
both, the common duties.- I. deſire that they ſhould
, - each
ſ 84 )
each mind their own, not ſo much each other's ſail
ings. Indeed it may be feared, that divers hearers
now will be worſe for hearing, becauſe they heard
amiſs. 'ſhe huſband may perhaps ring his wiſca
' eal oſ her duty when he comes home, and tell her
how her faults were ript up, and yet never conſider
his own duties or faults. The wiſe alſo may likely
tell him of his own at home, when-ſhe hath little or
mothing to ſay to herſelf. Thus both ſhall be worſe,
when they ſeek to upbraid eaehother, not to amend
each one. Thou, huſband, didſt liſten attentively
when the woman's dutieswere handled; " there he
met with my wiſe;" V ſuch a time' ſhe ſhewed little
reverence, leſs obedience." Thou, wiſe, hadſt the
'like thoughts concerning thy huſband r;" There he
told him home oſ his duty." U lt is notlong ſince
he ſhewed himſelf neither wiſe nor gentle." ** ,I
would he would ſee to amend." Unwiſc man,>un
wiſe Woman 3 whyhadſt thou not moſi'eare oſthine
own ſoul? Couldſt thou mark what was good for
another's diſeaſe, not what for thine own? 'Wilt '*
thou grow ſkilful in his way, and not know one foot
ofthat wherein thyſelf muſt travel?
_, Brethren, Siſters, let this be altered in us: Ifthou
be a chriſlian huſband, have more care to know that,
and be more frequent in conſidering that, for which
thine own' ſoul muſt anſwer, than what lies to the ac
count oſ another. So do thou that art a chriſtian
wiſe. And that man or woman that ſees not piore
faults and failings in him or herſelf than the yoke
ſellow, bewray: a wonderous great pride and igno
rance, if he or ſhe be not matched with one too no
mrious. lſthc heart were well touched, its own ſins
would be more grievous, the huſband's or wiſe's lels.
Contend thereſore not how ſhort thy yoke-fellow
comes, but not to come ſhort thyſelf. Paſs by the
other's ſailing: more eaſily, be more cenſorious to
wards thy own: this were to deal as a Chriſtian,
even tojudgc th ſelf. He never yet learnt to work
well in any worK, that would caſt his eyes more up
on his neighbour's fingers than his own: neither was
he ever a good ſcholar, that would con his fellows,
and
( 35- ) ,
and not regard the taſlt impoſed upon himſelf. And .
thar-makes huſbands and wives ſuch ill pay-maſters
one to another, becauſe they look oſteri what is ow
ing to them, not what "theyowe. I doubt not but ex
perience will back myvſþeech, iſLI pronounce, that
they be not the beſt huſband' and wives which are
hazard to camſſzlain much of their yoke-fellow's defects
in duty, little' of their own. And-'yet is not this or-.
dinary'i> Every-man-would- be' 'a good huſbaPd, if his
wife were not ſo bad; and ſhe a good Wife, iſ he
were not ſo exceſſive ſaulty. All the accuſationgall '
the judgings, are darted at each other. What folly
is this? Under-ſtand, idle'man or woman, that it is
nor-the'requiring or receiving of dut from others,'*
but thethat
thyſelf knowing and performing
will make of what
thee a Chriſtian, pertain;
ſſcoxnſort to.
thby'
intemptation, rejoice thee in death, and ſtand-Iſor
thee in judgment. And'< yet art- thou ſo loud-and
much in callingfor duty, ſo dumb andignorant in.
yieldingit! -' _
To'cont'lu'de therefore, k'now thine own 'duty beſt;
mark 'moſt zthine own tranſgreſſingsoſ duty, then
ſhalt thou be' free from bra-wls with thy yoke-fellow,
iſ thou
there is'be taken up
nobetter withoil-peace
means ains about thyſelf: and
in ſamilies,.-.than

that every one ſhould learn and ply- his own work,
ſee and labour to mend rhis own fffUlZS-N Have you,
then been both or either tune-haſt, unloving, unfaith
ful? Repent both, and ſtrain not courteſy who ſhall
begin ;but let either ſet the othera copy-oſgoodneſs.
And iſ you will needs ſtrive, let itzbc," which ſhall be
heſt, which mond-'firſti- Haſt' thou been a fooliſh',
paſſionate, unjuſt huſband, full of bitterawordg, per-
ha sal-ſo -(which' cisnaonſhwrasg oſ blows given cauſe-
le y, and in anger, not regarding thy wife's good,
ſo thou mighteſt go away with thine-own will P Diva
not into vherſaulfli 5. cry not But, ſhe hath been thuk
and thus to me; but repent of/ thy-bitterneſs, unthrif
tineſs, folly of all ſorts:-conſeſs it to God; beſeech
him: to make thee a better huſband, that thy wiſe:
may be better. Haſt 'thou been a diſdainſul, contemp
tuous, brawling, impatient, or' diſobcdient wiſe?
H A'ſk
( 35 l
Aſk thine heart before God, and diſſemble 'not- 15:
yea; clamour not againſt thine huſband's folly, end'
claim not of his raſhneſs and hardneſs, but condemn
thyſelf before, and call upon God to make thee re
verence and obey thine huſband as a commander un
der him. Entreat him of mercy to make the better,
that thy huſband alſo may be better. Follow the pro-
verb, and V Let every one ofyou mend one," I mean
himſelf, and contention will ceaſe. Pray for eacl.
one's offended,
have ſelf firſt,labour
then to
forſeeeach Other. bewail,
it, confeſs, Where you;
ancſict
call for power to reſorm, and be not ſkilful to calt
the fault upon another, but to caſt it upon thy
ſelf. So ſhall your loves be ſure, your hearts com<
fortable, your example commendable, your houſee
peaceable, yourſelves jo ful, your lives chearful,
your death: bleſſed, an your memories- happy for
ever.

23- oc 62
OR
FROM?

wſſ -
are Me

CONTENTSs
CONTENTSſiJ
Directions for Married P'erſcctmsſi
.' )
Page
TO the Chriſtian Reader ' -- ' 3;

C H A P. I;
Shewing the firſt principal-duty of the Mar- _
tied, w'z. Chaſtity --- 5

C H A'- P. IL
Treating oſ'the ſecond principal duty of the
Mattied, Due Benewlenu '**- > )"

C H A P. Ill.
" Of the Love of Married People -- 14:
c H A- P. -]-V.. *
Shewing the Means of attaining Love -- 22
C ſſH A P. V.. ,
Shewing the firſt Effects of Love, w'z.- Plea
fingncſs - -v 26

X C H A P. VI.
Of the Faithfulneſs andHelpfulncſs of theMar
tied -- --- -- 30'

' - C H A P. VI'I.
Shcwing the Duties of the Man-tied t0 find'
' Famflics 47
. 5

The' Cb'NT'ENT'S'g.
' , ' Page'
C H A P. VIlIL- ' '
OfaMan'sskeepingſihisauthority; w45-

CHAP. IXY'
Of the parts and 'Lends'of-aman's authority, ' '
'a a
' 'en-Ay', x.:.
juſtice-'in the huſband'ſ government'* 52 '
C H --A >P.' Xl.
-Þffiffl@yr ___7 w
ſioHAB-ML
Of mildneſs-' _ , _ -.-.--- -***-* 6'
La
'CHAR"mm
Oſ maintainingzone's Wife -- 'V ---,-------w 73,

L CHAn'mw
f the wife's peculiar duties F p . 75:
._ Vu
CHAEJMWJ'
Containing ſonges-plication Of in '-*'*'*
L' ""' 2 Jſi/y/z OC . .

m .7' ,<
ſi: i.. l. 3i . a r 0

1 .-- - - j
.._ A
f']

I I N I s.
_* ';;..' .\
-.. 'ſſb-l

-_.. .
o L
....,...\.... r
.'>.-. . ,.._...-......'._
. .....
2
i. ad
To