Communication Skills

Communication
Skills
Carita Nyberg
Carita Nyberg
Communication Skills
2
Communication Skills
1st edition
© 2015 Carita Nyberg & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-1096-2
3
Communication Skills Contents
Contents
Preface 7
1 Communication Skills 9
1.1 The ABC of Communication 9
1.2 Communicating face-to-face 10
1.3 Communicating on the phone 11
1.4 Communicating by email 13
1.5 When the communication is not working 13
2 Reaction Styles 15
2.1 A Thinker 16
2.2 A Feeler 18
2.3 A Doer 19
2.4 Developing communication skills 21
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3 The Reaction Sequence 23

3.1 Typical traits 23
3.2 The Trap 25
3.3 Your Balancer 28
3.4 Communication styles in action 29
3.5 Case: Reaction styles in a team 32
4 Four steps to efficient communication 35

4.1 Presence 35
4.2 Listening 36
4.3 Talking 38
4.4 Trust 39
5 Reaction styles – questionnaire 40

5.1 How you react and communicate? 40
5.2 Reaction styles – Summary 41
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6 Feedback Skills 42
6.1 Effective feedback 44
6.2 Positive feedback 44
6.3 Receiving positive feedback 46
6.4 Corrective feedback 47
6.5 Receiving corrective feedback 49
6.6 Reaction styles and giving feedback 50
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Communication Skills Preface
Preface
The author, Carita Nyberg, MSc. Economics, has further developed the Keys2Balance method to assist
workplaces in improving communication and leadership, in order to enhance the working climate.
The method is based on José Steven’s, PhD., PersonEssence – Understanding People concept that has
been utilized for more than 30 years in the US, both in one-to-one and group training sessions. After
completing a course on this subject during the summer of 2002 in New Mexico, Carita Nyberg has
continued to develop this method further, providing a variety of training and coaching for differing
workplaces and individuals.
Photo: Marja Kasanen
Keys2Balance is a versatile program that offers inspiring insights into self leadership, management,
team building and successful collaboration. The program contains nine keys that cover communication,
motivation and wellbeing. Each key can be put into effect separately or combined with others. They are
applicable to all individuals, giving recommendations on a wide range of working situations in a practical
format. These suggestions can be put into immediate use both at work and elsewhere.
7
Communication Skills Preface
The Keys2Balance keys are for anyone looking for a challenge and interested in advancing their skills.
From leadership to team building, the keys can assist, helping to develop the individual for better sales
results, customer service and team work.
For more information about the Keys2Balance method go to: www.keys2balance.com
My special thanks to the editor Charli Clark and illustrator Sini Ruuskanen.
Contact info:
Webpage: www.keys2balance.com
E-mail: info@keys2balance.com
Skype: carita.nyberg
Picture 1. Mastering communication is a skill.
8
Communication Skills Communication Skills
1 Communication Skills
This book will help you to develop your own communication skills, as well as help you understand why
it’s harder to get your message across to some people than to others. Furthermore you will gain hints and
tips as to how to deal with these situations when they arise, leading to more a productive and fruitful
outcome for you and your business.
Were you aware that speech forms only a small part of communication? According to many researchers,
words add up to just 10 percent of your ability to get your message through. What’s more important
is how you emphasise those words, when you pause and how you express yourself, as these make up
around 20 percent of your communication with another. However, the biggest and most crucial impact,
influencing how you are perceived, comes from your non-verbal communication at almost 70 percent.
It is important that you remain aware of this when delivering your message, as it can make a significant
difference as to how you are understood.
Here, the Keys2Balance method focuses on how to uncover your natural strengths, describing both
simply and practically the different ways in which we communicate.
This book consists of six sections, beginning with some basic communication themes, then focusing on
Reaction Styles, one of the keys in the Keys2Balance method. Focusing on how the Reaction Styles
affect communication, chapter 2 gives you practical tools to relieve stress and reduce negative behaviour
quickly and effectively. You can use the self-score test to find out your natural reaction style and reaction
sequence, so that you can be more prepared to deal with conflicting ideas and surprises in the workplace.
Finally, the book concludes with a chapter on feedback skills, advising how to give and receive both
positive and constructive feedback.
There are also hints and exercises in each chapter to enable you to put into practice what you have read.
For more information about the Keys2Balance method, go to www.keys2balance.com.
1.1 The ABC of Communication

What is communication really about?
Its purpose is to transfer information from one person to the other.
So what is good communication?

During good communication the message gets received exactly as the sender has intended, however
more often than not, good communication is not achieve due to differences in interpretation.
9
A great exchange calls for good planning. For this, the sender needs to think about what they really
want to say and how they want the receiver to react. The sender needs to set a clear target as to what
the intended message should be, as well as considering and reflecting upon the ideal response and what
they expect from the listener or reader.
The three most common ways of communicating are face-to-face, on the phone or via e-mail. The mode
of communication greatly affects how the message is perceived, with the most efficient usually being
face-to-face communication, as this way it can be a lot easier to avoid misunderstandings. When the
matter is very important or challenging, like giving constructive feedback for example, it is advised to
do it face-to-face whenever possible. When you are communicating over the phone, it becomes more
difficult and you need to pay attention to how you talk, keep a good rhythm and make sure your message
is understood correctly. E-mailing is the most challenging channel of communication with huge potential
for misinterpretations to occur. Although unwanted tones can easily get more attention than planned
through this mode, it should not be ruled out as it can be the most fast and effective in many situations.
Hint:
Words make up just 10 per cent of overall communication.
Expressions and how you say things count for 20 per cent of the message.
Non-verbal communication is the most important factor to consider when getting your message across.
It is good to remember that your body language is always communicating how you really feel, whether
you are aware of it or not.
1.2 Communicating face-to-face

Whenever you meet a person face-to-face, you can use multiple channels of communication. Your
body language has the biggest impact, therefore it is good to pay attention to the physical signals you
are projecting. Even though both intonation and rhythm are important, it is essential to focus on
communicating verbally how you really feel. If there is a conflict of interest between your body and your
mind, your body language will most likely reveal it and cause problems concerning how your message
is received.
Good communication demands direct eye contact and listening skills, focusing on what the other is
actually saying, as opposed to attempting interpretation. By using these as a base to start a correspondence,
successful interactions can be formed.
10
1.2.1 Verbal communication
Even though it has been discovered that words are not as important as you may have initially thought, it
can still be useful to keep some points in mind in relation to your speech and getting your message across:
• Focus on speaking clearly.

• Don’t forget what you actually want to communicate.
• Remember to notice how the other person is reacting to your words.
1.2.2 Body language
Your body is speaking loud and clear even if you don’t pay attention to it. Some people are especially good
at receiving those non-verbal signals, so it is important to remember to align your spoken language with
how your body language is being perceived. If, for example, you are telling your employees about a new
project, that you yourself do not really believe in, it usually becomes quite obvious to the recipients what
you really think about it. The negative body language you emit will usually influence your employees,
so much so, that they will not be able to ‘buy’ into your words as they are aware you do not believe in
them either.
Exercise:
Observe yourself talking about something you don’t really believe in. Notice you posture, how is it
different? Do you feel at ease or not? What is your body language revealing about your belief?
Picture 2. Getting the message through takes two – a sender and a receiver.
1.3 Communicating on the phone

On the phone it is vital to pay attention to what you say, but even more importantly, be aware of the
tone of your voice. You can easily hear a smile on the phone, or vice versa, tell if someone is in a bad
mood. It is important that you consider how you accentuate your words and where you choose to pause.
This is because you can create different meanings depending on in how and which words you stress in
a sentence, therefore you need to pay attention to what is the key word in your message.
11
Here an example where you can see in bold the word that is stressed. Through saying each sentence with
differing intonation you can begin to understand how important your tone is to the perceived meaning
of a sentence. Here, you are able to see how a message can change depending on the word you choose
to stress.
• I will prepare the project first thing in the morning.

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1.4 Communicating by email

Nowadays, a large extent of our communication is accomplished through e-mail, especially at work.
However, this is a rather challenging mode of communication, as the intent of the sender is not always
clear to the receiver and thus the interpretation can be wrong, leading to the message becoming distorted.
It is therefore essential to keep certain things in mind when using this method:
• Headings are important. A good heading can make or break a message – it is either read or
not read at all.
• Start with the most important message. Avoid lengthy messages with multiple senders, as these
cause the receiver to need to read many pages to uncover the bottom line.
• Who do you cc into the message? Send to all’ is usually not a good choice. You will save others’
time when you reflect a moment as to whom you should include in the email.
• When constructive feedback is needed, avoid using emails as this mode of communication has
its limitations. Read more about giving constructive feedback in chapter 6, Feedback Skills.
Hint:
Always choose the preferable mode of communication and give a thought to what the message is that
you want to get across. Remember to also consider how you communicate, making sure you emphasise
you sentences correctly and remain aware of how your non-verbal communication will be read in any
given situation.
1.5 When the communication is not working

In order to understand the importance of good communication, it is important to be aware of what
constitutes poor communication. Here some examples of what can happen when your communication
is poor.
1. People talk behind your back.

If you feel you cannot or are afraid to give constructive feedback directly, it often leads to
discussing things with someone else and that creates gossips. This situation can be avoided
through lessons in constructive feedback, see chapter 6.
2. Poor working climate.

There are issues and emotions in the working climate that are not expressed or have been
discussed in a harmful manner. Efficient time is wasted in going back and forth with these issues.
3. Drop of motivation
If the emotional climate is poor, it decreases the motivation and drive of the employees. This
can easily lead to a negative spiral, increasing the likelihood of the work being completely in
a purposefully slow and poor manner due to a lack of commitment to working efficiently.
13
4. Loss of resources
Too little staff with too much work can cause an “energy leak”. This happens when a burdened
working climate takes its toll on the capacity. Indictars of this manifest in a lack of results or
increased sick leave, as employees attempt to cope with the bad experience and heightened stress.
5. Things are not told

Employees are not informed about the corporate problems of the business. This leaves people
unsure or unaware of the reality of the working situation within their company. This can result
in inactivity and avoidance as real problems are not addressed, thus worsening those issues
further or causing new ones.
6. Problems can’t be addressed

Even if a problem is evident, it is not always handled correctly as emotions can get in the way.
Things are often either addressed indirectly or harmfully.
7. Decisions lead nowhere

When words do not lead to action, credibility is put on the line.
8. Permanent conflicts
If conflicts are not resolved quickly emotions get in the way and negative feelings build up
making it hard to find solutions. Conflicts can appear that, if not dealt with appropriately, can
poison the working environmental for years.
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Communication Skills Reaction Styles
2 Reaction Styles
Introduction
There are three types of reaction styles; you are either a thinker, a feeler or a doer. Although all three of
these traits are present in your personality at one time or another, one of them comes naturally, whilst
the other two are ocassionally put to use depending on the situation. It can be useful for you to be able
to recognize your own communication style, not only because it tells you how you communicate, but
also as it tells you how you expect others to communicate with you. You can also gain information about
how to identify these traits in your loved ones or those you work with to realise the positive effects of
understanding this information to your relationships in all areas of your life.
Your reaction style reveals the spontaneous way you react in a sudden situation. It also reveals your
common way of communicating with others. It is usually easy to notice the reaction style of others, but
harder when it comes to finding your own. A good way to start working out your reaction style is to
eliminate one of the three from the equation. This can be a fairly simple process, as it is often easy to
notice which style you use least when you communicate.
Each of the reaction styles differ in their approach to communication and understanding your preferred
style will give you many clues as to interactions, desires, abilities and natural strengths. Furthermore
it is also useful to find out where there could be room for improvement. It is typically very easy to
communicate with someone who has the same reaction style as you, as they stay within your comfort
zone. None of the three reaction styles are better than the other, however there are situations where it
can be more beneficial to use a particular one.
When people with differing reaction styles interact, there can be major misunderstandings and conflicts
due to a misinterpretion of what the other wants to communicate. This can play havoc, even in a successful
business, project or team.
How do these three reaction styles differ in correspondence with one another?
Each customer, collegue or other individual will appreciate slightly different approaches to communication
depending on their preferred reaction style and you can see examples of these different behaviours and
reaction styles in the workplace.
If you want to test your own reaction sequence, meaning your preferred reaction style, as well as the
second and the third, go to questionnaire on page 50. However, keep in mind that the initial result is not
always correct, therefore it is important to read more about this subject before you draw firm conclusions
of your own reaction style.
15
Exercise:
How would you respond in this situation: You are at the dinner table with a friend, when you suddenly
hear a big bang, causing the plates to move and clatter.
Is your first concern what happened and where the noise came from?
Do you shout or express another type of strong reaction?
Do you immediately rise from your place?
The first reaction is typical for a thinker, the second most common for a feeler and the third for a doer.
A thinker wants to reflect a second or two as many questions pop into their mind. A feeler reacts with
some sort of emotion, either by getting upset or surprised and you will notice the emotional response.
A doer reacts physically and directly, either by standing up or by trying to solve the situation fast, i.e.
picking up the phone to call an emergency number or to evacuate everyone from the restaurant.
2.1 A Thinker
A thinker reacts with reflections, words and questions. Because words are the tools of a thinker, they
tend to react more slowly than a feeler or a doer.
A thinker can be recognized from the detailed way they communicate and make their decisions from
their head, and sometimes they can seem lost in their thoughts. Below a list of a typical thinker:
• discussion based, analytical, logical thought process

• calm, thorough
• detailed, fact based
• first reaction is to ponder or ask questions
2.1.1 Strengths and Weaknesses
• The strengths of a thinker are consistency and managing of facts, down to the finest
details. Discussions and expression through written form to reflect upon problems are also
typical strengths.
• The main weakness of a thinker is excessive reasoning, including too many explanations and
over rationalizing. When considering the negatives within a situation or task, a thinker can
often become bogged down with details and long-winded analyses.
2.1.2 Communication skills
• A thinker likes to discuss and often does that through methodical, logical pondering.
• A thinker values calm, fact-based discussion and time to think aloud, weighing up the various
different angles on a subject. The thought process is step by step and is followed by a detailed
estimate or conclusion of the situation.
16
• A thinker loves to discuss with another thinker. They can become frustrated from time to
time with the other reaction styles. A feeler’s mood swings can be too much for them, as they
wonder what just happened and as for a doer, it can be very hard for a thinker to follow them
as doers are always on the go.
• The communication style of a thinker is mostly calm, often speaking with a monotonous note.
Examples how a thinker expresses themselves:
-- I’m not sure I understand correctly. Could you be more precise?

-- I wonder why that is…
-- I need some time to think it over.
2.1.3 A Thinker as a work colleague
A thinker is typically fact-based, analytical and values clear, sound logic. They may be keen on details
and also thorough as it is important for them to structure and understand how things are. Others can
perceive a thinker as a calm and collected person, who also appears to take their time.
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2.1.4 A Thinker as a customer
A thinker enjoys a calm and business like approach. They like to ask many questions to test the proficiency
of the customer service, however overimposing products or services can be off putting for a thinker and
they will most likely find this unimpressive.
2.2 A Feeler
The reactions of a feeler are usually strong and colourful. They are people orientated, social and
spontaneous, perceiving information through pictures, feelings and impressions.
Typical traits include expressing with gestures and reacting sensitively in many situations. Here some
clues as to how you can recognize a feeler:
• spontaneous, sensitive, emotional

• expressive, colourful
• descriptive expressions, people come first
• the reaction shows emotions
• The strength of a feeler is an ability to judge people and situations accurately. Many of them
are artistic, expressive and good at creating a nice atmosphere.
• Weaknesses include too much fussing, being too sensitive and taking things too personally.
They also tend to become disorientated, impulsive and are prone to creating drama.
2.2.2 Communication skills
• A feeler is quite often an expressive and spontaneous chatty partner.

• A feeler needs a more personal and spontaneous approach. It is very important to connect on
the same level with the other person. The feeler has a natural talent for understanding others.
• A feeler can sense that a thinker is too theoretical and occupied with their mind and can
perceive a doer as too busy or even shallow. When a feeler believes that another person doesn’t
care, they shut down and communication becomes unproductive.
• Gestures are typical for a feeler, the vocabulary and tone of voice is rich, using many adjectives
to describe any situation.
Examples how a feeler expresses themselves:
-- I feel that…
-- How shocking.
-- Super, fantastic!
18
2.2.3 A feeler as a work colleague
A feeler is very spontaneous and easily gets excited about anything new. They like to keep in contact with
others, however they are prone to mood swings, with an often colourful way of expressing themselves.
A feeler has great receptors, enabling them to sense the atmosphere and read between the lines. Others
can perceive a feeler person as sensitive and intuitive.
2.2.4 A feeler as a customer
A feeler regards personal service as highly important in any service situation, and a big smile and the
question: ‘What can I do for you?’ is a good start. How the products are presented, but also the general
atmosphere affects their buying decision. An over analytical approach or one that is too pushy may end
in rejection even if a feeler’s original intention was to buy.
2.3 A Doer
A doer reacts with movement, they are energetic, fast and want to get things under way. Staying put is
hard and they prefer to walk as they talk. For a doer, learning is achieved by doing.
A person that is a doer communicates very briefly and wants to be on the go. Here some typical traits:
• fast, energetic, active

• physical, coordinated
• brief comments, always on the move
• react instantly
• The strength of a doer is fast action. They are usually very coordinated and have an instinct of
where they should be. If problems arise, they act right away and try to solve them fast.
• Weaknesses include acting hastily in negative situations or negotiations. Chaos, pushing things
and being too blunt are the negative expressions of a doer.
2.3.2 Communication skills – the doer
• A person with doing as their reaction style is fast and energetic, they’d rather act than talk.
• A doer is not prone to staying put for long, analysing nor daydreaming. They appreciate
straightforward assignments and brief, clear messages. If the discussion can take place as you
walk, even better. Decisions are easy and off they go.
19
• Thinkers and feelers can have a hard time keeping up with a doer. Things are solved fast, not
seeming to take time, effort nor any emotional attachments into consideration. For this reason
others may feel neglected as a doer does not stop to think things over with a thinker nor take
into account how the decision will affect a feeler, as a doer is already moving on to the next
task in hand.
• When a doer communicates, they are brief and direct. Their information may seem to lack
content and if this is the case, it is recommended to ask them questions to fill in the gaps.
Examples of how doers express themselves:
-- It doesn’t work like that. Let me show you how.

-- Let’s get it done – right now!
-- I have to run.
2.3.3 A doer as a work colleague
A doer is very fast, both with their moves and in their decision making. They get things going when
they decide it is time to move on towards new challenges. People around them may think of them as
very active and efficient, however they can also seem restless.
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2.3.4 A doer as a customer
It is very important for a doer to receive immediate service and information to enable speedy solutions.
A service situation can go wrong if the customer service given is over analytical and detailed, or if the
person is too talkative.
Hint:
Think of a person you know well. How can you tell their preferred reaction style?
2.4 Developing communication skills

It is good to keep in mind that your own reaction style is never the only one within a given situation.
Thinkers, feelers and doers are equally as common, however you may notice an emphasis on one over
the others depending on the workplace or field of work. If you want to develop your communication
skills, here some proven facts for you to consider when interacting with different reaction styles.
2.4.1 A thinker’s way
A thinker wants to share their opinion and take some time to think things over.
• Respect the boundaries of a thinker, they can be intimidated if your approach is too close
up physically.
• Give good arguments concerning your point as they need many facts to be able to grasp the
situation at hand.
• Help a thinker by taking the time to answer their questions, i.e. ‘Why should we stay in this
project? ‘Why shouldn’t we, as long as the customer feedback stays great.’
2.4.2 A feeler’s way
A feeler appreciates people and a personal, friendly approach.
• Let them show their emotions and explain how they feel about the situation.
• Do not demand an exceedingly detailed report as that can be very daunting for them.
• Speak the truth, if you do not buy the argument yourself, it is highly likely that a feeler will
become aware of your uncertainty.
21
2.4.3 A doer’s way
A doer enjoys completing tasks with speed and action.
• Allow a doer to move around as they communicate.

• Ask for more details as they speak, their story is often cut short.
• Help them to be patient and pay attention to others as social skills are not their biggest strength.
Exercise:
Think of some examples of thinkers, feelers and doers in your workplace. How could you address them
individually to achieve better end results?
Hint:
Think of a meeting with a thinker, feeler and doer. Which one of these reaction styles poses the biggest
challenge to you?
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22
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
3 The Reaction Sequence

We all have our own ways of reacting and responding to tasks and situations, and all three of the reaction
styles are normally put to use when we act, however, the order in which they present themselves varies
from person to person. There are six possibilities and it can be useful for you to become aware of your
reaction sequence, the order in which you use those reaction styles, to understand why you react the
way you do. For example, you may analyse something you have just witnessed, then have an emotional
response and only after that start to do something about it.
Once you can recognise your reaction sequence, you will be able to use a practical and proven method
to disperse the stress accumulated whilst reacting. You can release this stress within minutes when you
notice you are using your secondary reaction style, called the trap. This is possible to do with the use of
a balancer, and once you know your own balancer, you will find ways to put it into use whenever needed.
3.1 Typical traits

How can you work out which reaction sequence is the one you use? It can be first helpful to think of
how you usually react in a sudden situation, so let’s share a few examples.
You are in a meeting and suddenly you hear a loud bang, it even causes items on the table to shake
and clatter.
• If you are a thinker, you stay put for a moment, as you will have instantatously started wondering
what has happened and where the bang came from.
• As a feeler your reaction is full of emotional, you might be scared or shout out in surprise.
You often look to others and observe how they are reacting around you and this may intensify
your emotional response.
• If you are a doer, it is all about movement, you get up and on your feet in a blink of an eye,
moving towards the door or the window. You have an urge to get everyone out of the room
or to call the emergency services.
Now another story that may help you decide. You are sitting in a cafeteria when a glass of water is
suddenly spilled all over you. How do you respond?
• If you consider, even for a split second, how this could have happened, then you are most
likely a thinker.
• When you react by shouting out or getting upset, this is typical of a feeler.
• If you immediately get something to clear the mess and replace the glass of water, then you
are most probably a doer.
23
One more example: you are in your office, when suddenly a folder falls off the shelf, spreading its contents
across the floor.
• If you at first notice a question arising concerning how this folder could have possibily fallen
down then you are a thinker.
• As a feeler, your reaction would be emotional and you are likely to become worried or angry.
• If you’re a doer you would respond fast, picking up the folder and its contents, and returning
it to its place before thoughts or feelings have time to emerge.
You may notice that it only takes a second or two before you shift from the primary reaction style to
the secondary. By reflecting on how you act just after your initial reaction, you can become aware of
your secondary reaction style. Sometimes it can be easier to discover how you react by excluding the
most unlikely option first. For example, by realising you are definitely not a feeler, you can reduce your
possible reaction sequence to either number two or number five. This narrows down your choices and
helps you to decide if you are a thinking-doing-feeling person (row two) or a doing-thinking-feeling
person (row five). However, it can also be revealing to consider how you behave under stress, and your
trap (the secondary reaction style) can tell more about this and will be covered over the next few pages.
Here are the six possible reaction sequences
1. Thinking – feeling – doing

2. Thinking – doing – feeling
3. Feeling – thinking – doing
4. Feeling – doing – thinking
5. Doing – thinking – feeling
6. Doing – feeling – thinking
The first reaction style can be recognised as the way you usually react and communicate. It can be common
for you to also use your secondary reaction style depending on the situation. When things are running
smoothly you tend to put all of them into good use, however the third reaction style is used less often
than the other two in most cases. When something goes wrong, you can often end up out of balance
and that can lead to you slipping into the second reaction style and becoming unproductive, that is why
it is called the trap. It can be something as simple as being in a hurry or receiving a nasty comment, so
it is good to make yourself aware of your trap for when you are stressed. The trap will only be activated
if you are under pressure or out of balance and unfortunately most people react badly whilst stuck in
their trap. This is neither healthy nor productive for you, your colleagues or your business.
24
If your reaction sequence is either the first or last of the possibilities listed above, then this means you
have a feeling trap. When you are stressed your emotions will be high and you will feel very anxious (row
one) or you will be in emotional turmoil (row six), but in both cases your feelings will get the better of
you and you won’t know how to cope with the situation.
If you recognize doing as your trap, then you have row two or four and this will become apparent through
either acting up and lashing out (row two) or impulsiveness (row four). However, if thinking is your
typical trap, then you will think too much or get stuck in your head. Row three will make you second-
guess, ‘should I have said that, or done that, or not’ or row five will make you feel uptight and tense, as
thoughts run through your mind that make you even more emotionally detached.
3.2 The Trap

When under pressure, you tend to act from your secondary reaction style and this can be identified as
your ‘trap’. This causes you to abandon the primary reaction style and try to solve situations by using
your secondary one. As soon as you start using your trap to react to a situation then you will no longer
be behaving as you should or could in a given situation.
3.2.1 Recognising your trap
Choose the sentence that you identify as most common concerning your daily behaviour. You may see
your qualities across a number of the sentences, but try to pick the one with the most similarities.
1. I think a lot and enjoy analysing with others, however I often worry about things in the future.
2. After I get an idea I like to get going. Although my way of doing things looks efficient, I may
lack direction.
3. I’m very intuitive and sensitive. It is typical of me to think a lot, therefore I often get stuck in
my head.
4. How I feel affects what I do. I jump into doing things immediately when I feel the urge and
can sometimes be very impulsive.
5. I enjoy movement and seeing things happening. However, when I am under pressure I can be
harsh and uncaring about others’ opinions.
6. I need to be on the go. My gestures and facial expressions are vivid, although sometimes I can
be too bold and make statements that I might later regret.
25
Picture 3. Reaction Sequences
Trap The balancer

Primary reaction style Result of trap behaviour
(secondary style) (third style)
Thinking Feeling Anxiety, worrying, depression Doing

Thinking Doing Acting out, compulsive behavior Feeling
Feeling Thinking Second-guessing, over-analyzing Doing

Feeling Doing Impulsive, hysterical Thinking
Doing Thinking Galloping thoughts, ruthless decisions Feeling

Doing Feeling Being frenetic, restless Thinking
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A thinking trap may mean your thoughts go round in circles or that you become too compulsive and
indecisive, thinking “should I speak up or not?”
• A feeler with a thinking trap tends to spend a lot of time second-guessing themselves,
questioning both the questions they are asking and their feelings about the situation in question.
• A doer with a thinking trap can act relentlessly, with their thoughts galloping ahead, increasing
the tendency to make blunt or quick decisions.
A feeling trap can be expressed through anxiety, anger, hate and other strong emotions.
• A thinker with a feeling trap often worries or gets confused with anything unfinished and may
become depressed.
• A doer with a feeling trap will feel the need to expresses themselves strongly. However, this
outburst can be difficult for others to handle and can often hurt the feelings of those involved.
A doing trap will cause excess movement, making you overactive and can lead to a loss of focus.
• A thinker with a doing trap will often become overactive, wasting time and energy running
around aimlessly.
• A feeler with a doing trap will make impulsive decisions, not taking the time to think anything
through.
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People often stay in their trap for hours, some for days and others for even longer. This can be a major
disadvantage for an individual’s working life, as well as their personal health. However, there is a tool
that can be used to release themselves from their trap, and this tool is named the balancer. The balancer
is your third reaction style and can be used to help yourself out of your trap. The first step is to become
aware that you are actually stuck in a trap. The second is to decide to do something about it, and for
this step you will need to have identified your balancer and have chosen how to make it work for you.
3.3 Your Balancer

Your balancer is the reaction style you use the least and once you decide to make use of it more consciously,
it can start to work in your favour. Your balancer is therefore related to your reaction sequence. Being
aware of your balancer will shorten the time you feel stressed out and give you a handy and efficient
tool to balance both yourself and others around you.
1 or 3 Doing as your balancer: physical activities, being decisive, making choices e.g. walking from one room to
another, getting a cup of coffee.
2 or 5 Feeling as your balancer: creating a good feeling about yourself, doing something that makes you smile.
e.g. a coffee break, music, chatting with a good friend.
4 or 6 Thinking as your balancer: stopping to analyse a situation, recording of information, writing.

e.g. writing a check list, allowing time to assess a situation calmly.
As you may have noticed, some of the reaction sequences share a balancer as a balancer can be used in
the same manner despite having a different trap. When you have found the reaction sequence that works
best for you, you can start using your balancer more consciously. Once you have discovered your own
sequence you will start to notice the reaction sequences of those around you and can help colleagues,
friends and even family members through stressful situations.
Picture 4. Did you find your Reaction Sequence?
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3.4 Communication styles in action

This section describes some of the typical traits that become apparent through encounters across reaction
styles. Each reaction style has flair and comes with its own aptitudes and contributions to an encounter.
However, it can be important to be aware of the differences between styles, whilst relaying messages, in
order to avoid unnessary clashes between individuals. It is normally much easier to communicate with
another person if they have the same reaction style as you. This is because you can easily understand
each other and do not need to guess what the other is trying to explain during the encounter, as in most
cases you will have already understood one another correctly. Although they may seem more difficult
at first, encounters that involve a blend of different reaction styles can actually create better long term
results. If each person is encouraged to act from their strengths in relation to each other then new and
more rounded ways of doing, e.g. problem solving or teambuilding, can be discovered through a cross
collaboration of styles. This can produce beneficial results for a variety of different people as opposed
to just one or two with the same reaction style.
It may take some practice to tune in to how to communicate most productively with a person who has
an opposing reaction style and here is an example to illustrate one of these situations. A thinker with
feeling as the secondary reaction style, may find a doer too fast and too blunt with their comments if
that doer has feeling as the secondary and thinking as the last reaction style. The doer may also be left
confused, as the thinker, stuck in the feeling reaction, will most likely be expressing themselves with
overt emotion which the doer may view as unnecessary.
3.4.1 A thinker in action
It is important for a thinker to have thorough conversations about anything relating to their field of
interest. Thinking things out loud in a calm and complete manner pleases a thinker, as they are in their
comfort zone wherever logical and analytical thinking is needed and thus appreciated.
• Thinker versus Thinker

When two thinkers meet, you can be sure they will end up discussing things at length, often
taking conversations to a deeper and more detailed level. It can be presumed that conversations
will be very logical including all the details, however significant, that could prove necessary for
the understanding of a situation. Their body language is calm, collected and can seem distanced
at times, contrasting greatly with the body language of a feeler or a doer. As two thinkers start
discussing, it quickly becomes natural as they soon feel they have tuned into the same channel.
On the other hand, it often happens that ideas get stuck at the discussing stage and are not
acted upon. Both feelers and doers can become somewhat bored when listening to the lengthy
and thorough explanations that a thinker wants to provide. This is because they perceive the
amount of facts and minor details as excessive and want to move the ideas forward.
29
• Thinker versus Feeler

When a thinker meets a feeler the start of a conversation is often implemented with caution.
A thinker is prone to addressing things from a purely factual basis, contrasting with a feeler,
who is more interested in animating or livening up the discussion in hand. Although it can
seem problematic at first glance, this combination can create exciting and diverse interactions,
leaving both individuals in awe of one another and how different they are at communicating, as
long as they are aware of each others priorities. A thinker priorities being facts and arguments,
which are not the strengths of a feeler, and the feelers priorities being a good atmosphere and
a personal approach, which enables them to feel comfortable.
• Thinker versus Doer

A thinker’s and a doer’s rhythm is totally different and this becomes clear through their
communication styles. A thinker typically wants to discuss in detail and at a much slower
pace than that of a doer. In contast, a doer enjoys the simplicity of key points and reaching
them quickly. It is therefore important to be aware that the differing tempo can be frustrating
for both of them, and can quickly lead to a withdrawal from both sides and thus problematic
communication. A thinker may regard a doer as a restless and hasty person, whilst a doer
views a thinker as someone who is stuck on insignificant details without getting anything done.
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3.4.2 A feeler in action
For a feeler, it is necessary to start conversations by first build bridges with the other people in the given
situation. Only after this has been achieved do facts become important, as once good connections have
been made, communication over any topic becomes easy for them. A feeler’s comfort zone is attained
by creating a good vibe, using their intuition to seek out good company.
• Feeler versus Feeler

When two feelers meet, they usually express great interest in one another and this creates a
colourful way of communicating. Both parties can easily sense the other person’s mood, as
they quickly assess if they like each other or not. In this communication style there is often
drama, lots of expression and usually large hand gestures. If the chemistry is there, then the
communication goes smoothly and it is common for them to make close acquaintances with
each other at a personal level alongside their professional relationships.
• Feeler versus Thinker

A feeler and a thinker can surprise one another. A feeler is very connected to feelings and a
thinker appreciates facts which can make for a compatible pair, complementing each others
strengths and weaknesses. However, when there is a lack of understanding in the differences
of approach, a feeler can easily judge a thinker as too serious and continue on unaware of their
feelings concerning absent information. This can lead to a thinker assuming a feeler has left
things unsaid on purpose and create the potential for a huge misunderstanding.
• Feeler versus Doer

A feeler and a doer usually have an energetic and strong style when communicating. At its best
this energy can soar ideas to new heights, however there are definitely challenges along the
way. A feeler’s reaction can be very strong, with powerful emotions. This can be off putting for
a doer who likes to keep away from drama and prefers to concentrate on getting things going.
A feeler can easily interpret a doer’s abrupt nature as unsensitive as they often communicate
briefly and can be rather blunt. For example, a doer could end a meeting before a feeler has
even had the chance to get to know them.
3.4.3 A doer in action
A doer wants things to move forward without any delay. Decision making is efficient and choices are
made without over analysing and excessive conversation; the main aim of a doer is to get things going.
They like to communicate on the go, and in their eyes, the faster things are decided, the better.
31
• Doer versus Doer

When two doers meet, conversations tend to be pretty direct and ideas move fast. You can
compare their conversation style to a game of tennis, with the serve of the ball leading to a
fast reaction and a hitting back. However, this can sometimes lead to a missed shot when the
communication is lacking in content. Their thoughts are very quickly translated into action as
doers do not like to procrastinate or analyse, preferring to focus on coordination and being
productive with their time. For this reason a doer finds it very easy to be around other doers,
as they share the same mission and can just get on with it.
• Doer versus Feeler

When a doer meets with a feeler this can produce a problematic outcome if the individuals are
not aware or prepared to deal with each others priorities. Feelers can become susceptible to
over emotionally charged reactions when faced with the blunt nature of the doer. An anxiety
attack or other unhealthy dramatic response could arise if a doer is too direct, as most doers
lack the same level of social skills of a feeler. This has a negative effect on a feeler and therefore
the working relationship.
• Doer versus Thinker

As a doer starts conversation with a thinker, the thinker often wonders why they are acting so
fast. The thinker cannot see past the speed and is stunted by their doubts concerning the fast
pace and lack of detailed discussion, that could be necessary to bring up important problems
that could be avoided for the future. In contrast, a doer is already thinking of the next step and
can often feel held back by a thinker. However, by realising each others strengths, the pairing
can work together to create a detailed plan that move towards action without time wasting
and over analysis.
As you can see from the descriptions, all combinations have their challenges and in the next chapter
we will take a closer look at these reactionary combinations through a story illustrating the differences.
3.5 Case: Reaction styles in a team

Our story will take place in a service industry company, focusing on one particular team of five. The
subject of reaction styles came up in a training session the team were participating in and the result
was two thinkers, one feeler and two doers. The head of the team was a doer and that seemed to be
causing some challenges, especially for the thinkers as the manager spent their time running around and
only communicated tasks in a brief manner. After the team explored and discovered more insights into
differences in reaction styles, it became clear that the two thinkers had opposing reaction sequences. One
was a rather easygoing thinking-feeling-doing person and the other a more active thinking-doing-feeling
person. It also became apparent that the feeler was a feeling-doing-thinking person, which made them
quite emotional and impulsive from time to time. Finally, it was understood that both of the doers had
a doing-feeling-thinking reaction sequence, thus both valuing fast decisions on the go.
32
When people are in their trap, they behave differently. It is good to remember that when a manager is
under stress, it usually has an impact on the over all health of the team. If we begin by observing the
manager who has row six: doing-feeling-thinking as their reaction sequence, and thus becomes very
frenetic under stress, we must also be aware that the same sequence applies to the other doer in the team.
We must then note that although whilst one thinker becomes very anxious due to stress and cannot get
anything done, the other thinker starts acting out. Meanwhile, the feeler, who like the second thinker is
also caught in a doing trap, runs around the anxious thinker without clearly expressing themselves and
instead acts impulsively. Needless to say, this team becomes very dysfunctional under stress.
So the question is, how to help in a situation like this?

Most importantly, you will need to know how to use your balancer and start with yourself, and once you
have your stress under control, you can also begin helping out your fellow work colleagues.
When thinking about the team in question, what could be done?
1. What are the particular communication challenges faced by this team?

2. Who will be the toughest person for the doer manager to handle?
3. How could the team find the right course for communication?
THE ANSWER
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Here some answers that might apply.
1. One major team issue is how to improve communication when all three reactions styles
are present. The thinkers value a clear and logically approach. On the other hand, the feeler
appreciates personal interaction and a good atmosphere, whereas the doers desire getting things
done and decisions that are made without hesitation.
2. The manager was especially challenged by the thinkers, as this reaction style is the least natural
response of the manager. The hardest employee would have been the thinking-feeling-doing
person as this sequence is totally opposite to them in terms of reaction style. The manager
would need to really try and slow down, taking time to explain things calmly, clearly and with
much more patience than with anyone else in the team.
3. It is actually a good thing to have all three reaction styles present in a team. This is because
each reaction style gives a different perspective and enables things to be seen and achieved
from different angles. On the other hand this diversity can pose a threat to communication. If
the manager stays in their comfort zone, e.g. if they communicate too briefly or too fast, then
there is a risk for misinterpretations to arise. The thinkers would have a hard time to understand
as information would be lacking and the feeler might feel overlooked if there is no personal
touch to how things are communicated to them. Therefore, it is necessary for the manager to
take all the reaction styles into account when communicating information, particularly during
a stressful period at work.
Hint:
A good team has a mix of different skills and personalities. The results are great when all three reaction
styles have their say, as this allows for a versatile approach to be achieved when dealing with a variety
of issues and finding solutions for them.
Picture 5. A thinker, feeler and doer in a meeting.
34
Communication Skills Four steps to efficient communication
4 Four steps to efficient

communication
For good communication to be possible, the preferences of all individuals involved need to be considered
and this ability and awareness demands good people skills. It is possible to improve as communicators
by acknowledging a few ground rules. First of all, there is not one reaction style that is better than
another. On the contrary, we actually need to depend on all three of them if we are to succeed. They are
all necessary for us to create a fully functioning connection and build trust with one another.
The four steps to efficient communication are:
1. Presence
2. Listening
3. Talking
4. Trust
4.1 Presence
The first step towards great communication is becoming present. If you are not mentally present, it is
impossible for you to pay attention and listen attentively. In practice, what you need is to stay focused
and avoid allowing your thoughts to wander to past situations or future events. Your body language can
reveal quite easily whether you are present or not and therefore using firm eye contact, for example, can
confirm to others that you are awake and present.
• We cannot be present if we let our thoughts and eyes wander all over the place when someone
is speaking, if we focus on our mobile phone or attempt to do something else. It may take time
and practice to really stay tuned in and consciously aware of the present moment, but it is a
necessary foundation for good communication.
• Presence is not about doing something, but about being. Only when a person is present, can
they truely listen to what another is communicating.
Hint:
Presence means complete focus on the here and now.
35
Exercise:
Think of a prior situation where you have recognised your lack of presence halfway through
communication. Think about what confused or distracted you away from that moment. Then, think
about a situation where you would need to be present. What do you pay attention to and what details
are more noticable than others? Do this a few times. What as a means of support and similarities can
you see between the details you can remember from each situation?
4.2 Listening
Listening skills are highly important for communication to be effective. When listening, we need to tune
in to another person’s emotions, so it may come as little surprise that this is one of the natural skills
of a feeler. Active listening gives us understanding beyond words and connects us with what the other
person is experiencing internally. The messages hidden in the emotions of another can often tell you
much more than just listening to the spoken word. Recognising what the underlining message or intent
of the speaker is can be immensely helpful as it can reduce the possibly for wrong assumptions. Being
able to read another’s emotions may also give you a lead in and improve your chances of developing a
deeper connection, which would therefore increase your working or social relations with that person.
Hint:
A person who focuses solely on themselves, cannot pay attention to others.
4.2.1 A good listener

In the list below you will find some basic characteristics of good listeners. Do you have any of these traits
already? Can you see any qualities that you could develop or improve in yourself?
A good listener:
• adapts to the other persons rhythm and pace and this increases the bond between them
• looks straight into the eyes, but also avoids staring
• shows they are interested
• is emphatic and easily to approach
• respects the other person, even though they don’t always agree
• doesn’t interupt
• is positive and looks for opportunities in what the other person is saying
• knows what to ask and how to pose the right questions
• is alert and aware of body language, the tone of their voice and the voices of others
• can keep quiet
• asks clarifying questions when needed
• repeats the main message back to the person speaking to confirm understanding
• listens beyond the words, looking out for a hidden message in the emotions.
• understands what the discussion is really about
36
Hint:
When listening, it is important to show appreciation and respect for others.
Exercise:
Choose a person with whom you want to improve your listening skills. Be present and listen attentively
without interrupting. Let your body language confirm that you are here and now, and stay focused on
the other person. Pay attention to how you feel during this exercise, but also pay attention to how the
other person responds to your listening. Have they changed how they normally communicate with you?
Are they acting any differently?
Picture 6. A feeler and listening is connected.
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37
4.3 Talking
Talking is the comfort zone of a thinker. In this context, talking refers to a skill of repeating and
acknowledging what has just been said by another. This can be achieved successfully through checking
for clarification from the speaker by asking ‘did I understand correctly that you mean…’ once the other
person has reached a natural pause in their thoughts or come to a conclusion. Through this act of
repetition we can thereby communicate that we have really listened and even understood what was said.
• A thinker’s reaction style is verbally expressive, and good communication has a lot to do with
choosing the correct words and using them at the appropriate time. Speaking what you believe
to be true is important, however, you must take responsibility for your words and avoid judging
or excessive explanation.
• Choose your words and be in charge. Talk with a calm, clear voice and keep to the facts.
• Smile when you speak, as even on the phone, you can hear if the other person is smiling, even
though you can’t see them. Remember when talking on the phone or emailing, you need to
pay special attention to the wording of your phrases in order to avoid misunderstandings.
• Your body language needs to be aligned with what you are saying.
• Adjust your message according to the receiver as different people will read the same words
differently. This helps avoid unclear messages and unnecessary confusion.
• The main point in this step is to confirm that the message has been received and
understood correctly.
Hint:
By repeating what another person has just said, you can check that you have really understood the message.
Exercise:
Try this exercise out with a person that you find challenging. Be totally present and listen attentively,
then to be sure you have understood the message the person is conveying correctly ask: ‘Did you mean
that…’? Wait and listen to the reply to be sure you got it all right.
Picture 7. A thinker and talking have a link.
38
4.4 Trust
Presence, listening and talking are the steps that create the foundation for trust. It may be surprising to
know that doing is linked to building trust. When we want to build a bridge between people, we need
to hand things over and learn to let go. A useful metaphor for this can be the throwing of a ball. When
you throw a ball to another person you need to pay attention as to how easy you have made it for the
receiver to catch it successfully, and the same applies for any project or briefing. When you hand out
clear instructions concerning what needs to be done and when, it is easier for another to grab the ‘ball’
and accomplish the task. A vital part of building trust is the ability to let go once you have handed over
a project and avoid keeping watch over other people and their doings unnecessarily. If you are concerned
that someone is struggling then, what you can do instead is, communicate that they are welcome to ask
any further questions if they need some help. This is a powerful way to build trust.
• Let go of your need to control things.

• Hand out your projects with good and clear briefings of what is expected and by when.
• Let others know that you are there for them whenever needed.
Hint:
If you need to improve on more than one of the four steps, it is recommended to start from the smallest
number. For example, if both presence and talking are areas you need to improve, it is wise to start by
practising presence first, as this is the first step you will need to master.
Exercise:
Which one of the four steps is most challenging for you? How could you develop that skill?
Picture 8. Trust needs doing.
39
Communication Skills Reaction styles – questionnaire
5 Reaction styles – questionnaire

Read the statements and mark those which apply to you. Count the marks for each group, 1, 2 and 3,
to find the group in which you have the most marks, and therefore which group is most like you. If you
end up with a tie, think about which group explains you better and start from there. The score won’t
necessarily give you a final answer, however you will eventually end up with the right reaction sequence
through reading and practicing the exercises in this book. NB: People who know you well could be of
great help, so if you are feeling indecisive, please ask them to assist you.
5.1 How you react and communicate?

Group 1. ________ marks
I like to analyse situations.

When something sudden happens, it is normal for a question to crop up in my mind.
I’m good at explaining things accurately.
Discussions are a good tool for problem solving.
I like to find logical answers to all things that bother me.
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Communication Skills Reaction styles – questionnaire
I can easily sense others emotions.

My moods tend to change rapidly.
I get a strong emotional response when faced with a sudden situation.
People say that I show my feelings openly.
I tend not to analyse, preferring to work with my instincts and mood.
It feels great to move around.

I would rather do something than just talk about it.
People usually see me as a highly active person.
I am good at finding action points or steps when solving a problem.
When something suddenly comes up, I act immediately.
5.2 Reaction styles – Summary

Count your marks from the previous page.
Group 1. ___________ Thinker

Group 2. ___________ Feeler
Group 3. ___________ Doer
Write down your scores from highest to lowest and this is likely to be your reaction sequence.
1. Reaction style (Primary) ____________________________________

2. Reaction style (Trap) __________________________________________
3. Reaction style (Balancer) __________________________________
Picture 9. Reaction styles affect communication.
41
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
6 Feedback Skills
Introduction
Great feedback skills are essential for good communication, however, work satisfaction surveys normally
show that there is a need for businesses and organisations to improve these skills. Giving feedback
involves letting another person know how their presence is having an impact within the company, what
is happening due to their influence and the consequences of this for others and the workplace in general.
Feedback skills are important in leadership; a good leader frequently gives feedback to those they work
with and remains aware that it should always be given from a neutral standpoint. It is also good to be
aware that feedback should not only be passed on from manager to employee, but also between collegues,
back to the manager or to anyone that you work with closely.
In this book we will explore feedback through the terms effective, positive and corrective feedback.
Effective feedback gives the receiver tools to develop themselves within the workplace and resolve areas
they are having difficulty with for themselves, and this can be achieved through the appropriate use of
positive and corrective feedback. Positive feedback focuses on both personal skills and doings through
congratulating the individual on a wide range of personal traits, like cheerfulness, how they dress or
their excellent presentation skills. However, corrective feedback should always focus on doings and
avoid personal traits completely. The main goal of feedback is to direct a person’s behaviour to change
for the better and it is good to remember that although this is in your interest, it is also in the interest
of the receiver.
Feedback skills call for continual learning and repetition, they are like a muscle and need constant
training to remain in good condition. In an ideal setting, both the giver and receiver should develop
and improve due to the feedback given as great feedback always aims to benefit and inspire the personal
progress of those involved.
Both positive and corrective feedback need to be used on a regular basis. They help the working climate
by reducing tension and creating openness, enabling meaningful discussions to take place.
Feedback skills are very valuable for the workplace and below is a list of what using feedback can improve
if used correctly.
42
Giving feedback:
• enhances self-knowledge
• shows individuals the meaning of their accomplishments
• improves success
• enables change
• leads the way for early intervention
• improves exchange
• creates an open working climate
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OF
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ABOUT WHEN
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SAP Learning Hub
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6.1 Effective feedback

Feedback will lead to positive development when it is delivered with thought and consideration for
others. It is therefore worth putting effort into developing skills to help you to give and receive feedback.
Effective feedback is something that is given:
• for a real cause

• to accomplish goals
• more often for accomplishments than failures
• consistently
• to support the growth of the receiver.
Effective feedback describes both what the receiver has been doing and the result of that action. Here
some examples to clarify the point:
• ’Thank you for a great presentation. You managed to summarise all the key points well, even
though you only had 20 minutes at hand. I also liked that you shared that story as it illustrated
the main theme splendidly.’
• ‘I am very pleased that you took the time to review this file at short notice. However, there are
still some issues that need attention. I would like to correct a few points to improve the text,
I hope this is ok with you?’
6.2 Positive feedback

Giving positive feedback is not as common. People tend to believe that positive feedback may cause
arrogance in the receiver, or that an arrogance already present will become exaggerated. In many
workplaces it is normal to think that if you are not criticising them, then those people should know
that they are doing things well. However, this is not always the case and many would appreciate getting
more feedback, as a means of support, to increase self-esteem and job satisfaction, and to help with
further development.
Positive feedback can be given daily and in many situations, e.g. giving credit for some talent or personality
trait. It is already a good start to give thanks for a job well done.
44
Positive feedback usually makes an impact as it:
• improves the working climate

• builds trust and security
• enables creativity to flow
• develops self expression
• increases motivation
• improves efficiency
• advances communication skills
6.2.1 Obstacles in giving feedback
There can be several factors that stand in the way of giving feedback:
• People are not in the habit of giving feedback to others themselves, nor have they been
receiving it.
• People do not know how to give feedback as they lack role models.
• People are afraid of the potentially negative result, e.g. they might be concerned that the receiver
will be too proud and react badly to their suggestions.
• People lack an understanding of how important positive feedback can be.
• People have emotional barriers and do not know how to share good things.
6.2.2 How to give positive feedback
It is good to remember that offering a sincere thank you for a job well done is already one way of giving
positive feedback. Once you have started thanking those involved, you can add the specific reason for
your gratitude to your comment, which will improve the likelihood of the receiver taking it on board.
Positive feedback can include the following aspects:
• Describing positive personality traits or talents.

• Pointing out skills or strengths.
• Giving feedback for accomplishing a specific task.
The best way to give positive feedback is to phrase it in an I-sentence with an emphasis on emotion:
‘I am very delighted that I get to work with you as I never need to think if you have done your job or
not, and that is a real relief for me’.
45
6.3 Receiving positive feedback

Most people think that positive feedback is a very good idea. However, for some people it can feel rather
embarrassing and these people may have a hard time receiving positive feedback. The reason for this varies
from person to person, but it is good to be aware that it could be because they are already very critical
of themselves, they lack self-esteem or more simply that they are just not used to receiving feedback.
6.3.1 How to receive positive feedback
Here some good thoughts to remember when receiving positive feedback.
• Do not question the motives or reasons given by the other.

• Give thanks for the feedback.
• Expressing how you feel about receiving the feedback can be appreciated, ‘this really meant a
lot to me, thank you’ or ‘this gives me an energy boost, thank you so much.’
• Ask for feedback more frequently.
• Spread the good feeling you have received by giving positive feedback yourself!
Hint:
Saying thank you should not consume you, instead it should feel good for both the giver and the receiver.
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ANSWER
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LEVERAGE
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GIVE
DEVELOP STUDENTS
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EXPERTISE
ABOUT
ENTIRE LEARNING,
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GET QUALITY,
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USERS
SAP
ORGANIZATION
ACCESS
IN SAP SOFTWARE
TO
SOLUTIONS
TOADOPT FLEXIBLE,
A VAST BODYAND
QUALITY
HAS
ECONOMICAL
CONTENT,
SAP
OF
BUILD
NEVER
THROUGH
KNOWLEDGE
SOLUTIONS. AND
EXPERTISE
BEEN TRAINING
HANDS-ON
EASIER.
AND
PRACTICE.
SAP
IN SAP WHERE
SOLUTIONS.
PRACTICE.
SAP Learning
SOFTWARE.
Hub –user
Hub, IT’S
the edition
choice
of NEEDED.
SAP
SAP Learning
SAP Learning
Learning
Live Hub
Hub
Access
46
Exercise:
Reflect on who could be given positive feedback. Pick a person you may not have given feedback to
before and give it a go.
6.4 Corrective feedback

Corrective feedback is perhaps the most difficult to get right, therefore it is good to pay attention as
to how to use it effectively. One key rule is to make sure you do not to get too personal when giving
corrective feedback. You need to concerntrate on the physical actions or doings of the individual involved,
that are in need of improvement, as opposed to the person themselves. When feedback is provided with
sincerity and respect, it is much easier for another to receive it and make the necessary adjustments.
6.4.1 Obstacles when giving feedback
Why do some people find giving corrective feedback so difficult?

They can be:
• worried about how the respondent will react.

• anxious about their own reaction to the respondents reaction.
• afraid of the consequences.
• scared about damaging good relations.
• frightened of causing a drop in motivation.
• wary of misinterpretations.
• concerned about not giving feedback constructively.
• reluctant in case they fail to give good feedback, it can seem easier not to give any at all.
• unwilling due to a desire to keep up their ‘nice person’ apperance.
6.4.2 How to get a corrective message through
Corrective feedback can be difficult to hear, especially if the self-esteem of the individual receiving it is
out of balance, if this is the case, the respondent may find it difficult to take any message on board. There
are four phases that most people have to work through before they accept and understand a corrective
message that concerns them:
1. Rejection: the recipient may feel that the feedback is false, injust or unclear. Constructively
given feedback can lead to rejection due to a person’s desire to protect their own dignity. This
can seem preferable over admitting to themselves that they have done something wrong and
feeling like a failure. If you get this reaction then try acknowledging it by asking ‘I get the sense
that you don’t really believe the feedback I am giving you. What parts, if any, are especially
hard to take in?’
47
2. Defense: this is the next phase after rejection. It typically comes in the form of a counter
attack as the recipient looks for others to blame in order to divert attention away from their
wrongdoings. Questioning this defensive behaviour can be very helpful when trying to reach
the bottom of a problem, not just for you, but also for the recipient, ‘the concerns I am raising
seem to annoy you, nevertheless, could we please discuss your role in the situation?’
3. Explanation: the focus has now shifted towards the recipient’s own self as the person now
understands, to a certain extent, that they have done something wrong. It is now important to
check that your feedback has been understood correctly by giving the recipient time and space
to relay their own thoughts on the matter back to you. You can assist in this phase by adding
‘I would love to hear your comments on this subject. My intention is to confirm the truth and
make sure the situation has been understood correctly.’
4. Understanding: the recipient has now accepted their role in the given feedback and acknowledged
their responsibility for the problems that have arisen. However, you can still help them through
the process by giving them recognition, ‘I really appreciate that you have listened to what I
have had to say.’
Exercise:
Do you feel it is easy for you to receive corrective feedback? Is there a person that you would feel
uncomfortable receiving this type of feedback from, if so, why is this the case?
Hint:
Giving feedback can be really powerful and productive and can work for both sides, the giver and
the receiver.
6.4.3 How to give corrective feedback
It is good to keep in mind a few basic things whilst giving corrective feedback, and practice will help
you to achieve better results.
• Timing is important, choose a good moment and try to give it as soon as it is possible.
• Show that you care and speak calmly.
• Give corrective feedback face to face (avoid the phone or sending it by email).
• Pay attention to your emotions, keep calm, even if the other becomes agitated.
• Your goal is to teach the other person something valuable and consequently positive, rather
than belittle them.
48
6.5 Receiving corrective feedback

Many people find it difficult to receive corrective feedback and there are many reasons for that. Common
reasons are:
• Corrective feedback creates strong responses, regardless of whether it is ‘deserved’ or not.

• Corrective feedback highlights our own weaknesses, faults or our unability to do what we are
supposed to be doing. Therefore, it is quite natural that our defense mechanism kicks in to
help us cope.
• Our reaction is often aligned with how we feel about ourselves and our level of self-esteem at
the time we receive the corrective feedback.
6.5.1 How to receive corrective feedback
Here are a few useful points to keep in mind when you are receiving corrective feedback:
• Stay neutral and avoid voicing any strong response that you may be experiencing.
• Listen attentively.
• Avoid counter attacks, nullifying or excessive explanations of your actions.
• Recognise the learning potential of listening to another’s feedback.
• Ask for clarification if anything is unclear.
• Learn from the feedback and take action to improve and develop.
HANDS-ON PRACTICE
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JUMP-START
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EXPERTISE
ABOUT
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SAPONLINE
GET
USERS
SAP
IN SAPQUALITY,
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ORGANIZATION
ACCESS SOFTWARE
TO
SOLUTIONS
TO ADOPT
A FLEXIBLE,
VAST HAS
BODYAND
QUALITY
SOFTWARE FIRSTHAND
ECONOMICAL
CONTENT,
SAP
OF
BUILD
NEVER
THROUGH
KNOWLEDGE
SOLUTIONS. AND
EXPERTISE
BEEN TRAINING
HANDS-ON
EASIER.
TO BUILD KNOWLEDGE
AND
PRACTICE.
SAP
IN SAP WHERE
SOLUTIONS.
PRACTICE.
SAP Learning
SOFTWARE.
Hub –user
Hub, IT’S
the edition
choice of NEEDED.
AND
SAP
ENHANCE
when, where,
SAP Learning
Learning
and what to learn SKILLS.
Hub
Hub
SAP Learning
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Live Hub, student edition
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49
Exercise:
Which of the feedback skills would be most useful for you to implement at the moment. Make a decision
and start to improve that area.
Hint:
It will take you time and practice to improve your feedback skills, but it will certainly pay off.
6.6 Reaction styles and giving feedback

Whilst you improve your communication skills, you may want to think how you can best give feedback
with regards to different reactions styles, i.e. to a thinker, a feeler or a doer. Fostering an awareness of
how different reaction styles respond to feedback can be a decisive factor in succeeding to get your
feedback heard and understood. As we learnt at the beginning of this book, a thinker, a feeler and a
doer expect and respond productively to different stimulus when it comes to communication and the
same applies when giving feedback.
A thinker is communicative, analytical, calm and thorough. They like to express themselves in more
detail and prefer to stick to the facts.
• When receiving feedback, thinkers appreciate a fact based, calm and collected feedback session.
Therefore, it is important to have clear reasons and specific arguments as to why the feedback
is being given. It is important that you pick a quiet moment and peaceful environment for this
exchange, to give a thinker time to reflect on what is being said and also room for questions
in case they are needed.
A feeler is spontaneous, sensitive and emotional. They express themselves colourfully and are prone to
focus on people when they discuss.
• Feedback is a sensitive area for a feeler. It is highly important that feedback is given with genuine
and authentic concern. It must be descriptive and pay close attention to their feelings. You
should let them know that you care for them and that your feedback is given with the best of
intentions. When giving feedback to a feeler it is also helpful to find the right moment, private
space and leave enough time to show you care.
50
A doer is fast, energetic and likes to be on the go. They tend to make brief comments and are always
focused on what should be done next.
• When giving feedback to a doer you need to focus on key points and avoid digging too deep
into details. It is vital that the feedback is given as soon as possible as a doer appreciates it
when situations are dealt with directly without creating excess drama.
Exercise:
Can you think of someone that you avoid giving feedback to? It is likely that this person has the reaction
style that you use the least. Decide to try a new approach, focusing on the needs of their reaction style
as opposed to your own. Rehearsing this skill will help you to improve your working relationships with
others that can sometimes become strained due to miscommunication and misunderstanding, just
keep practicing.
Hint:
Decide to give feedback more often. If it feels difficult at first, begin with giving positive feedback to
someone you know well. Practice this until you feel confident and you will be rewarded for your efforts.
Picture 10. Giving feedback is a skill.
51

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Communication

3 The Reaction Sequence 23

4 Four steps to efficient communication 35

5 Reaction styles – questionnaire 40

Photo: Marja Kasanen

For more information about the Keys2Balance method go to: www.keys2balance.com

Picture 1. Mastering communication is a skill.

For more information about the Keys2Balance method, go to www.keys2balance.com.

1.1 The ABC of Communication

So what is good communication?

Words make up just 10 per cent of overall communication.

1.2 Communicating face-to-face

1.2.1 Verbal communication

• Focus on speaking clearly.

1.2.2 Body language

1.3 Communicating on the phone

• I will prepare the project first thing in the morning.

1.4 Communicating by email

1.5 When the communication is not working

1. People talk behind your back.

2. Poor working climate.

5. Things are not told

6. Problems can’t be addressed

7. Decisions lead nowhere

• discussion based, analytical, logical thought process

2.1.1 Strengths and Weaknesses

2.1.2 Communication skills

Examples how a thinker expresses themselves:

-- I’m not sure I understand correctly. Could you be more precise?

2.1.3 A Thinker as a work colleague

2.1.4 A Thinker as a customer

• spontaneous, sensitive, emotional

2.2.1 Strengths and Weaknesses

2.2.2 Communication skills

• A feeler is quite often an expressive and spontaneous chatty partner.

Examples how a feeler expresses themselves:

2.2.3 A feeler as a work colleague

2.2.4 A feeler as a customer

• fast, energetic, active

2.3.1 Strengths and Weaknesses

2.3.2 Communication skills – the doer

Examples of how doers express themselves:

-- It doesn’t work like that. Let me show you how.

2.3.3 A doer as a work colleague

2.3.4 A doer as a customer

2.4 Developing communication skills

2.4.1 A thinker’s way

2.4.2 A feeler’s way

A feeler appreciates people and a personal, friendly approach.

2.4.3 A doer’s way

A doer enjoys completing tasks with speed and action.

• Allow a doer to move around as they communicate.

3 The Reaction Sequence

3.1 Typical traits

Here are the six possible reaction sequences

1. Thinking – feeling – doing

3.2 The Trap

3.2.1 Recognising your trap

Picture 3. Reaction Sequences

Trap The balancer

Thinking Feeling Anxiety, worrying, depression Doing

Feeling Thinking Second-guessing, over-analyzing Doing

Doing Thinking Galloping thoughts, ruthless decisions Feeling

3.3 Your Balancer

4 Four steps to efficient communication 35

4 Four steps to efficient

I like to analyse situations.

I can easily sense others emotions.

It feels great to move around.