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May 9, 2019

Becky Sargis

Process & Reflection

Journal Entry IV

I am writing my last and final Process and Reflection paper on something which has been

weighing heavily on my mind since our last class. I have enjoyed the class and I have learned so

much, but the one aspect of the class was the students, especially the students in Special

Education. I could not pick up on the empathy part when they would speak out in class. I

dismissed it as it was their age hindering their ability to have enough experience in the field to

have empathy, but that cannot be true. I have friends in the field, who are new, and they have

empathy flowing out of them. Yet, again I dismissed it because I do not know nor understand

everyone’s situation or know their experiences.

On the last day we had our final presenter… I already knew she was nervous speaking

out in class from hearing her in previously chime in on our class discussions. From her body

language, tone of voice, shaking of voice, shaking of hands, and the way she would adjust herself

to look small in her seat made me wonder her life experiences. But, the last day, she presented

her narratives. The material, power point and her in-depth research was amazing. I could tell she

put a lot of time and effort into her presentation. By the time she was finished with her

presentation, I think it had been an hour or close to it. It was a long presentation to say the least

especially having to sit in those uncomfortable chairs. During the presentation she exhibited the

same behaviors I had seen from her before and the students in the classroom didn’t help with her
nervousness. Two students to my left kept talking and laughing. I found that rude as the presenter

might have thought they were laughing at her, especially since they were looking straight at her.

When the class was dismissed I was the second one out the door, only because I was starving;

Coming straight from work did not enable me to grab food. As I stood outside the other students

in my class started to come out and as they passed by they made snarky remarks about the

presenter to me. All I did was stare at them! I’m frustrated at myself that I didn’t say something

to them but it may have been a good outcome because I was hurt for the presenter and I didn’t

even know her. I wasn’t expecting that kind of behavior out of people going into Special

Education; I guess I had always glorified them in some way. It took a special kind of human

being to help others to have a successful life, right?

I guess I am taking this so personally because I recently gave notice at my job. I work at a

preschool/Kindergarten non profit school. My classroom is amazing and I love every aspect

about it especially the children. What has caused me to leave is my health. I have had to listen to

the owner/downstairs teacher, for years, be cruel to children, and I mean cruel. She is not

physically abusive to them but verbally. I have told the parents and I along with other teachers

have called DCF on her. Did you know DCF can only react to physical evidence? I have lost

faith in the system, especially after what I have witnessed. Anyway, I thought I was getting away

from a person who is cruel to others, where I had absolutely no power to help, and was never

going to really encounter such behavior again, but that was not the case.

The world is a scary place and I wish I had the funds to continue going to school to learn

more so that I could help others. Your class made me fall in love with trauma. That doesn’t

sound good but what I mean is that I found something that interests me significantly to a point I
have not stopped researching it and looking for online trainings I can afford. I don’t care if

people know my name, I just want to make a positive difference in children’s lives.