Confusing "Office Move" Message The following message, which originated in an international technology company, was intended to inform new team members about their upcoming move to a different office location. But its stream-of-conscious thinking and jumbled connections leave the receiver confused as to what is expected and how to respond. Your Task. Study the complete message (on page 2 of this document). Then revise it with (a) a clear introduction that states the purpose of the message, (b) a body with properly announced lists, and (c) a conclusion that includes a call to action and a deadline. Improve the organization by chunking similar material together. What questions must be answered? What tasks should be performed? Make it easy for receivers to respond by "down editing," i.e., returning the message with their responses (in another color) interspersed among listed items. Finally, consider adding "you" view to the message. It can be either an e-mail or a memo. November 2nd, 2018 Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, Superscript Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Hello everyoneTo All Team Members, Subject: Arrangements For Next Week’s Move to New Location Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, Bold The move to your new location is scheduled to take place during the coming week. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, Bold In order for things to run smoothly during next week’s move, you are required to clean out your Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt own workstation and pack up the contents in boxes prior to leaving the office before your designated move date. You have the choice to have your belongings moved on Friday, Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, November 9th or Friday, November 16th between 4 p.m. and midnight. Once you have decided Superscript what date works best for you, contact me as soon as possible. Boxes, labels, tape and a move Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt map will be provided to you in your work area four or five days before the move date you have Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, chosen. Your new workstation will have a monitor and peripherals, but you are allowed to bring Superscript your office equipment from your old team. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Important things to note before you move: Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, Underline Valuable/Fragile Items: If you have anything valuable or fragile, such as IT plaques, Formatted: Underline glass, or anniversary glass sculptures, make sure to put foam pads around them and box Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, them up carefully. Underline You’re Reliable: During the chaos of a move, it is easy to misplace or break things, so in Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt the case of your personal belongings and valuables you may want to move them yourself Formatted: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1 + instead of the movers. Aligned at: 0.25" + Indent at: 0.5" Don’t Forget: Pack up the contents of all gray filling cabinets because the movers are Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, not required to move them. Bold Cross Checking: Write on the move map the number and delivery location of Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt whiteboards, corkboards, and rolling cabinets. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, Clearly Mark: Please make sure you add a name label to all your belongings (ie: desk Bold phones, docking stations, peripherals, monitors, tables, ergonomic desks and chairs, etc. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Watch Out For: If you see old labels on recycled boxes, remove them or cross them out. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, We’ll be moving new team members into a new location next week so there are things we need Bold you to do to be ready for the move. For one thing, let me know which Friday you want your Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt personal items moved. The possibilities are November 9 and 16. Also, if you have an ergonomic desk or chair you want moved, let me know. By the way, we’ll be sending boxes, labels, tape and a move map four or five days before the move date you choose, so let me know if this timeframe allows you enough time to pack your belongings. And if you are bringing office equipment from your current team to the new team, let me know. Remember that company policy allows you to take a workstation/laptop from your current team to the new workstation. So check with your admin and let me know what office equipment you will be bringing. Incidentally, your new workstation will have a monitor and peripherals. You’ll need to do some things before the movers arrive. Make sure you put foam pads around your valuable, fragile items and then box them up. This includes things such as IT plaques, glass, or anniversary glass sculptures. If the glass things break, replacing them is expensive and the cost center is responsible for replacement. You may want to move them yourself and not have the movers do it. Another thing–make sure you pack up the contents of all gray filing cabinets because movers do not move those. Also, write on the move map the number and delivery location of whiteboards, corkboards, and rolling cabinets. Most importantly, make sure you add a name label to all your belongings, such as desk phones, docking stations, peripherals, monitors, tables, ergonomic desks, ergonomic chairs, etc. If you see old move labels on recycled boxes, remove them or cross them out. On the Monday morning following your move date, you will find your boxes in your new workstation. You are asked to unpack your boxes and put your belongings away as quickly as possible., a Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt
fter which we will get back to work as soon as possible.
We believe that if everyone does their part and follows the selected procedures, any troubles caused by the move will be kept to a minimum. We therefore trust that there will be no negative effects on production schedules, and current deadlines. To schedule your move date, please contact Hunter Mitchell at hunterpaigemitchell@gmail.com before November 7th. Formatted: Default Paragraph Font, Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Get back to me ASAP. And by the way, the movers will arrive between 4 p.m. and midnight on Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt, the move date. Superscript Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt Thank you Hunter Mitchel Hunter Mitchell Formatted: No Spacing Senior Coordinator, Human Resources hunterpaigemitchell@gmaill.com Formatted: Default Paragraph Font, Font: (Default) (808) 348-9199 Times New Roman, 12 pt Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 12 pt