Defining Moment: Mending a Broken Tie

Have you ever been hurt by someone else, and wanted to

hurt them back? Get even? Seek revenge? Retaliate? Even
had murderous thoughts?

Reconciliation is defined as the restoration of friendly

relations. In the Bible, reconciliation involves a change in
the relationship between God and man or man and man. It
assumes there has been a breakdown in the relationship,
but now there has been a change from a state of enmity
and fragmentation to one of harmony and fellowship.

Colossians 3:13
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you
has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you.

The brothers were born to Isaac, the sons of Abraham.

When Isaac is near death, he desires to give to Esau, the
older of the two brothers, his blessing. in biblical times, a
blessing was to grant another a place of honor and
status.And, usually, the blessing is given to the firstborn
son. In this case, that is Esau. Yet, as the story unfolds, at
the scheming of his mother, Rebekah, Jacob, the younger
son, tricks and deceives his father, Isaac, so that the
blessing is given to Jacob, whose name by the way means
"he deceives."

Imagine the shock and horror that Esau feels when he

learns of the deception.
Genesis 27

34 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a

loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too,
my father!”

35 But he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your

blessing.”

38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing,
my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud.

41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing

his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of
mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother
Jacob.”

42 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had
said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him,
“Your brother Esau is planning to avenge himself by killing
you. 43 Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my
brother Laban in Harran. 44 Stay with him for a while until
your brother’s fury subsides. 45 When your brother is no
longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll
send word for you to come back from there. Why should I
lose both of you in one day?”

From the story of Jacob and Esau we can learn the steps of
Mending a Broken Tie, Mending a Tie is a Defining moment.

Mending a Broken Tie begins with God (Gen. 32:1-2)

"Jacob went on his way, and God's angels met him"

(Gen.32:1).
What did the angels say to Jacob? Whatever was said
motivated Jacob to make amends, to admit his wrong, and
make amends with his brother Esau.

I believe that God works in our lives the same way. When we
seek to enter his presence, he reveals to us those
relationships that are broken and prompts us to make them
right. ( The Lord will confront you, mafefeel mo, na may
kailangan kang ayusin).

Could it be that the reason that we do not pray is

because we know God will reveal those people we need
to make reconciliation? Could it be the reason we are
never silent before God is because we are fearful that we will
hear God reveal the people we need to set things right?

Here's the principle: Don't seek God unless you want to

make things right with others.

Those angels showed up for a reason. That reason, I believe,

was to inform Jacob that before things can be right with God
they have to be right with his brother.

Mending a Broken Tie Comes Before Reconciliation with

God

If you want reconciliation with God you have to be reconciled

with one another. Here's the principle: You can't live in
harmony with your Heavenly Father until you are living in
harmony with your human brothers and sisters. Broken
ties with one another not only sever relationships with
one another; it also severs the relationship with God.
Matthew 5:23-24
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and

there remember that your brother or sister has something

against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer
your gift.

Notice, carefully what Jesus is saying. He is talking about

coming to worship. And, if you are offering a gift - of money,
of praise - and you remember somebody has ill will or hard
feelings against you, go to that person and make it right,
make amends, seek reconciliation.

Could it be that the reason your worship is meaningless,

your work is ineffective, your prayers are unanswered is that
you have not reconciled with your brother or your sister?

To Mend a Broken Tie, you must be INTENTIONAL

Genesis 32
3 Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau
in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4 He instructed
them: “This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your
servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have
remained there till now. 5 I have cattle and donkeys, sheep
and goats, male and female servants. Now I am sending this
message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.’”
6When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, “We went to your brother Esau,
and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.”

Jacob knew that he had done wrong. Now he knew he had

to make it right. He had to take the first step.
Here's the principle: Taking the initiative is imperative in
reconciliation. Restoring a cracked relationship is like
mending a broken arm. If your arm is broken you take
initiative to get to a doctor so he can set it, put a cast on it,
so healing can take place. Broken relationships, like
broken arms, are never mended accidentally. They
require purposeful and intentional action.

We may try to deny the pain or ignore the split. We may think
that time heals all wounds, but it only moves the pain below
the surface, where it will affect future relationships.

The relationship is easier to mend when the offender

apologizes to the offended. But, what if the offender does
not admit their wrong? What then? The Scriptures inform
us that even the offended is to take the initiative in seeking
reconciliation.

Again, to quote Jesus, ""If your brother sins against you, go

and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won
your brother" (Matthew 18:15). Look at that phrase "just
between the two of you."

Too many of us are Bible-believing, but not Bible-practicing.

This is one of the most overlook and most avoided verses in
the Bible. Too often, too many of us resort to our Junior High
days when someone has hurt us or offended us. We go to
everyone else to plead our side of the story, to validate our
feelings, to justify our anger, and we don't go to the person
who has offended us. That needs to stop.

When we go to that person, what do we say? Mathematics

teaches us that "the shortest distance between two points
is a straight line." The same principle is true in reconciling
relationships. The shortest distance between two people
is a straight line. A straight line like: "I was wrong," or "I
haven't been honest with you" or "Your actions hurt me," or
"I love you too much to allow our relationship to crumble."

Three words have been helpful to me in this encounter. I

would encourage you to practice them. Clarify not
confront. Often we come to these encounters in an
accusatory or revenge seek mode. I would suggest that you
seek to clarify first. Not always, but often the issue at had is
a misunderstanding. Someone said something that was
taken out of context or stated incorrectly. So seek first to
understand. Clarify.

Here's the question: Could it be that some of our

relationships are lived in grinding silence because we are
unwilling to take the initiative in beginning the process of
reconciliation?

prayer (Gen. 32:9-12)

9 Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of

my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your
country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ 10
I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have
shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this
Jordan, but now I have become two camps. 11 Save me, I
pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he
will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their
children. 12 But you have said, ‘I will surely make you
prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the
sea, which cannot be counted.’”
Jacob prayed, albeit for the wrong reasons, but, he,
nevertheless, prayed. He prayed that Esau would spare his
life.

Here's the principle: Prayer is the salve for wounded parties;

it is the lubricant for friction in relationships.

The reconciliation process is not a cake walk. It will often be

messy. Hearts have been hardened. Feelings have been hurt.
Emotions are on edge. Wounds are gaping. The offended
when approached by the offender may look for an ulterior
motive and may feel that the offender is disingenuous. The
offended may be thinking, "Why after all these years do you
want to get together now? Why do you want to make things
right now?"

God needs to soften the hearts, to ease the emotions, to heal

the wounds, to bring understanding to the reconciling
parties. No greater power is available for that to happen than
prayer. Prayer changes us. Don't pray unless you want to
change.
Here's the question: How does your heart need to be soften
so that healing in your broken relationships can occur?

demands humility

3 He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground

seven times as he approached his brother.

That act is a posture of humility. Jacob humbled himself

before his brother. He came with the right spirit and the right
attitude. He acknowledged that he had done the wrong. He
was the deceiver. He tricked his brother out of his blessing.
He was at fault.

Here's the principle: Humility puts us in a position for

reconciliation to occur. A price has to be paid for
reconciliation and that price is commonly called "Swallowing
your pride," "Burying the hatchet," "Admitting you are
wrong." Every action of reconciliation requires that someone
in the hurting relationship, preferably both parties, admit
their fault and their desire to repair the damage.

Here's the question: What steps do you need to take that

would communicate humility to the person you are
estranged from? Humility is a common theme throughout
scripture. It needs to be practiced. A failure to do so not only
allows fractured relationships to continue but it puts us in
opposition with God. Remember the scripture: "God resists
the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6).

DEFINING MOMENT

Genesis 33:4-5
4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw
his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. 5
Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children.
“Who are these with you?” he asked.

Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously

given your servant.”

The two brothers embraced, throwing their arms around

each other. That act is a picture of vulnerability.
(defenselessness)
To embrace someone is to expose your heart. To expose
your heart is to reveal your part in the damaged
relationship. Here, you reveal the hurt and the pain you
caused. You admit that you were wrong. Here's the principle:
Reconciliation will never happen until the heart is
exposed.

Now, here is the rub. Whenever you expose your heart you
stand the chance of having your heart broken, again. People
will let you down, disappoint you, trample your emotions.
Crawling into a shell, living in isolation, would be easier.
There, safe from the pain and hurt of relationships, you
could shut out all of humanity.

Could it be that you have been hurt so deeply that you

don't want to expose your heart again? Do you want to
live that way?

Here's the question: Do you want to go through life living in

a cocoon, safe from the hurtful arrows of others, but cut off
from the relationships that give you love and life and joy?

Jacob wanted to find favor in the eyes of Esau. He sought

peace. He desired to put the past behind him. He humbled
himself before Esau. He opened up his heart. He wanted
most of all forgiveness.
Esau embraced Jacob. And, as they held each other, I'm
sure that Jacob said, "Please forgive me, brother." Then,
Esau spoke those life-changing words, "Brother, I forgive
you."

Forgiveness is not optional in reconciling a broken

relationship. Here's the principle: Forgiveness involves
letting go so you can get on with the rest of your life. It
is not probation, but a pardon. Forgiveness means that we
do not require any money, words, or actions as payment. It
means that there will be no continuing resentment or
bitterness. We hope for the best for the other.

Forgiveness is a long healing, not a momentary one.

Here's the question: Don't you think it is time you let go

of those past hurts?

restitution
Jacob wanted to make things right. He had harmed and
wronged his brother. He had stolen his birthright and all the
inheritance that goes with it.

6 Then the female servants and their children approached

and bowed down. 7 Next, Leah and her children came and
bowed down. Last of all came Joseph and Rachel,and
they too bowed down.
8 Esauasked, “What’s the meaning of all these flocks and
herds I met?”
“To find favor in your eyes, my lord,” he said.
9 But
Esau said, “I already have plenty, my brother. Keep
what you have for yourself.”
10 “No,please!” said Jacob. “If I have found favor in your
eyes, accept this giftfrom me. For to see your face is like
seeing the face of God, now that you have received me
favorably. 11 Please accept the present that was brought
to you, for God has been gracious to me and I have all I
need.” And because Jacob insisted,Esau accepted it.
Here's the principle: Restitution is attempting to restore that
which has been damaged or destroyed and seeking justice
whenever we have the power to act or to influence those in
authority to act. Restitution is much easier when it comes to
physical property. If you have taken physical property, you
give it back or your pay for it. Restitution is much more
difficult when you have said words that have damaged a
person's name and character.

Here's the question: In what ways do you need to restore that

which you have damaged in the broken relationship?

Jacob acknowledges his wrong; he reconciles. Esau forgives.

The once broken relationship is mended. Wouldn't it be nice
if all broken relationship ended that way? It can.

Conclusion
In this story we catch a glimpse of God. Notice carefully what
Jacob says to Esau: "For indeed, I have seen your face, [and
it is] like seeing God's face, since you have accepted me"
(Gen. 33:10). If you want to know what the face of God looks
like, go to the brother or sister you have offended, ask for
their forgiveness, then, hear them say, "You are forgiven."
When forgiveness is extended to the brother or sister who
has wounded us, we are like God.

Think about it. We have broken our relationship with God,

time and time again. We sin. He hurt God greatly with our
disobedience and our rebellion. God does not have to forgive
us. In fact, he could just as easily hold a grudge and punish
us to hell for eternity. Instead, like Esau, God comes to us
through his Son, Jesus Christ, embracing us, calling us
brother and sister, and saying, "I forgive you. I don't hold
your sins against you. I want to walk with you and be your
friend."

As God has forgiven you, you are to forgive those who have
hurt you. As God has reconciled with you, you are to
reconcile with others.

Warning:

God does not immediately expose and punish sin today but
he will punish in due time.

Ecclesiastes 8:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 When a crime is not punished quickly, people feel it is
safe to do wrong.

Return Home:

Romans 11:29
For God does not change his mind about whom he chooses and
blesses.

LUKE 15

17“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired

servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out
and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against
heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son;
make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his
father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with
compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and
kissed him.

MENDING: IN THE BIBLE THERE MUST BE CHANGE

Jeremiah 15:19
This is how the LORD responds: "If you return to me, I will
restore you so you can continue to serve me.