SUCCESS vs JOY

Geet Sethi

Table of Contents
Copyright . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vi
Acknowledgement. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vii
About the Author. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . viii
I. JOY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
1. The Meaning of My Life is Joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
2. Growing Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
3. The Experience of Joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
4. A Deluded World Champion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
5. Rebuilding from the Ground Up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
6. The Joys of the Sweet Spot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
7. The Mind-Body-Soul Alignment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
8. Pure Action. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
9. Your Life’s Passion: The Arena of Pure Action ���������������� 17
10. Joy and Multiple Intelligences. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
11. Concentration. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
12. Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory �������������������� 20
13. The Numb Mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
14. “Multitasking” Doesn’t Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
15. Consistency. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
16. Humility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
17. I’m But an Instrument in God’s Game. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
18. The Zone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
19. Demons in the Mind. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
20. Use Stress to Calm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
21. Middle-Class Drive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
22. Life Can Be Unfair…but Persistence Annihilates Luck
31
II. SUCCESS vs JOY. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
1. Success: The Corruption of Joy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
2. Temptations from Apsaras. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
3. Success is a Social Concept. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
4. Fame. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
5. Handling Fame. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
6. I Would Rather Do Than Know. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
7. Coping with Pressure: Eliminate “If”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
8. Dealing with Basic “Fight-or-Flight” Anxiety ������������������ 41
9. Visualization. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
10. Knowing the Path vs Walking the Path . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
11. There is No Such Thing as Competition. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
12. Playing to Expectations. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
13. “Rising” Away From Your Joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
14. Golden Handcuffs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
15. Character Flaws Creep In. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
16. Life is a Challenge. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
17. The Challenge of Transcending Defeat. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
18. The Challenge of Transcending Pain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
19. Meeting the Challenge: Mental Equilibrium ������������������ 55
20. Simplify. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
21. Harmony with Family. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
22. My Journey from Control to Emotion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
23. Kiran’s Path to Joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
24. Duties. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
25. My Struggle with Joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
26. Joy!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
 Copyright
Copyright © 2004, 2013, Geet Sethi and Sunil Agarwal.
All rights reserved worldwide.
This book was self-published by the authors Geet Sethi and Sunil Agarwal.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by any means,
digital or otherwise, without the express permission of the authors.
For permissions contact Sunil Agarwal at sunilagarwal@successvsjoy.com
Acknowledgement
My co-author friend Sunil Agarwal and I spent many hours ex-
ploring my lifelong struggle to rein in the mind. The result of
those conversations has been collected into this book with the
hope that my experience may serve as a guide to you in your
own search for joy.

Copy Editor: Matt Stevens

Design: XXX

Success vs Joy contains brief excerpts from the following works:

“The Matrix.” Copyright © 1999, Warner Brothers Pictures.
Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

Copyright © 1983, Howard Gardner.

Multiple Intelligences: New Horizons. Copyright © 2006, Howard Gardner.

Vedanta Treatise: The Eternities. Copyright © 2006, Parthasarathy Avula.

All copyrighted material appears under the fair use exception to United
States and other nations’ copyright laws, and under the fair dealing exception
to Canadian and other Commonwealth of Nations copyright laws.

ISBN 978 XXXXXX

Version e1.0 (2014)
 About the Author

Born in India in 1961, billiards legend Geet Sethi, has won nine Dedicated to
world championships and held numerous world records. He is Kiran,
the only cueist in history to have scored a 147 (maximum possi-
and
ble) break in a snooker match and made a break of 1,000 in com-
petitive billiards. to My Parents
A major sports hero in India, Sethi is a recipient of India’s
highest sporting award, the Khel Ratna for 1993, and both the
Padma Shri and the Arjuna Award in 1986.
Sethi lives in Ahmedabad, India with his wife Kiran, an edu-
cationist and Ted Fellow. They have a son and daughter, Raag
and Jazz.
Currently he is promoting a non-profit venture called
Olympic Gold Quest committed to supporting promising Indian
athletes.
 I. JOY

1. The Meaning of My Life is Joy

For 40 years, I have fought an internal struggle in meditative
silence. This personal combat has taken place almost entirely
around a green baize table in a dark room, the genteel surround-
ings sometimes at odds with my inner self. I’ve engaged in reflec-
tion in an attempt to evolve through a game that appears to have
been destined for me. It’s now time for me to share the thoughts,
sensations, and feelings that made me aware of myself.
This is not a book for athletes. It is for you, who have strug-
gled to find meaning in your life, in your own way, just like I
have through my game.
The meaning of the word “joy” is often misunderstood and
its value easily forgotten, underrated in the speed of today’s
world. I believe I speak from the heart and with conviction, giv-
en that I’ve spent countless hours in complete solitude, trying to
align myself with my natural being.
I now believe that it is the act of staying in the moment that
gives immense, immeasurable joy. To me such joy is the ultimate
and true measure of success. I define the meaning of my life as
being in these moments of joy.
 2. Growing Up
2. Growing Up
As a child, I would spend many hours on my own. I learned to
enjoy solitude. I remember I was a stoic as a child as well; I rare-
ly revealed my emotions to others. I loved flying kites, playing
with marbles, and gulli danda, an ancient Indian street game that
might be the progenitor of baseball and cricket. When I wasn’t
playing games or swimming, I would read and listen to music.
Even today, I’m quite content with myself; I do not have to so-
cialize to be happy.
My father was in the government service and I was told
that I should “study and always be somewhat above average in
school.” I was never asked by my parents to be first in my class;
and as such, there was no pressure on me to excel academically.
Fortunately, from the age of 11, I started performing quite
well in sports. I took part in the national swimming champion-
ship when I was 12. My father did not mind me playing all day
as long as I was a “B” student.
My parents never spoiled me when I was young. I was not
given the kind of pocket money that might have led me astray.
Even as a child, I learned the virtues of discipline. I would cy-
cle 15 kilometers to school, come back home in the evening at
five o’clock, and 30 minutes later, again cycle for 10 kilometers
to an hour-long swimming session. This was not aimless leisure-
ly swimming but a structured coaching course, which involved
swimming at least 2,000 meters. By the time I returned home, it
would be almost 10 p.m. By then I would be totally exhausted
and would slump into bed quickly to enter the deepest of deep
slumbers.
This was my typical schedule for three years. I grew accus-
tomed to such a rigorous routine early in life. I realized much
later how such a routine helped give me strength and willpower.
12
Success Vs Joy
3. The Experience of Joy
When I first picked up a billiard cue, I was fortunate that no one
was watching. I played, from the start, for the sheer exhilaration
the game gave me. I had no benchmarks, no pre-conceived stan-
dards to attain, and no need to impress anyone. Looking back, I
was also lucky not to have been an instrument being played by
somebody else, not my parents, teachers, cousins, or classmates.
I played for myself and I played for the sheer joy of the moment.
Thus, as a kid, I had no great burning desire or ambition. My
decision to play billiards was intuitive, not logical. Every time I
would go to the table, I’d tell myself that I simply had to keep on
improving the benchmarks I set for myself.
I hit the balls as I saw them, time and time again, and then
some more. I concentrated, not simply on what might have been
out of kilter with my technique, but also on what was inherently
right. I was fortunate that no one kept track of the score, least of
all me. At the age of 13, I became hopelessly and utterly addicted
to an experience that I could not verbalize at that time. But it cer-
tainly didn’t incorporate counting the points as the balls fell into
the pockets.
Along the way, I discovered the pleasures of concentration.
I played. I experienced joy. There was nothing else on my mind.
Since my childhood, I have been obsessed with the joy my game
has given me. I have been addicted to it. I have surrendered to it.
The game was, and is, a form of meditation for me. When I
am on the table, I am lost to everything else. There are no distrac-
tions; nothing else matters. That is my experience with true joy.
4. A Deluded World Champion
I grew up believing in myself. I was alone, yet never lonely. As I
13
 4. A Deluded World Champion
grew, I realized I really didn’t need to be with anyone. I did not
question anybody and I did not want to be questioned. There
was no pressure on me to perform. I wanted to be left to myself.
From age 13 to 24, I had no aspirations to become a world
champion. Nobody in my family was obsessed with anything the
way I was with billiards.
So, even when I won my first world title, I didn’t really think
I’d achieved anything significant. That moment is still a big blur
for me.
For almost a year after I first won the world title, I would
be regularly invited as the chief guest for various functions, the
openings of shops and restaurants, and launching products.
People would listen to each and every inane remark I would
make on some television show or the other.
One day I woke up to the fact that I had acquired a rather
high profile. All of a sudden, strangers would stop me on the
street to shake my hand. I was signing autographs on aircraft
boarding cards.
It was all so heady that I almost ended up believing I was in-
deed the “Chosen One.” But chosen by whom, chosen for what?
Without realizing it, I had become caught up in an intoxication
that was pretty useless for me most of the time.
After I captured my second world billiards title, in 1987, I se-
riously started considering billiards as a profession, as a means
of enhancing my own lifestyle and that of my family. But a year
later, just as I decided to make the game my profession, my form
collapsed.
My mind was too focused on the result to be able to concen-
trate on the game.
Fortunately, I realized that I needed to get back to work on
the table, because it was only at the table that I truly experienced
joy.
14
Success Vs Joy
5. Rebuilding from the Ground Up
This was a period when my mind became enmeshed with con-
fusion over my technique. I realized I had to return to practic-
ing very, very hard. After six months of non-stop social interac-
tion, I went back into my solitude. I began practicing 14 hours a
day. I started to reconstruct my technique almost from scratch,
attempting to get my cue action right. I slowly rebuilt my game
after much confusion, frustration, and despair. Those 14 hours of
daily practice were critical.
Slowly, I rediscovered the joy of being happy with what I did
and with myself. By 1991, I had again achieved the alignment
and control in my cue action, and in 1992 I won the world profes-
sional title. For me, what was most important wasn’t the title it-
self, but the fact that I had been able to reconstruct my technique
and rediscover my game. That gave me immense joy.
These years that led to my world professional title were a
spell of rediscovery; it was a time when I went back to basics,
when I once again played for joy.
6. The Joys of the Sweet Spot
Many years later, when I first took up that baffling, yet beguiling,
Scottish export known as golf, I was practicing down at the driv-
ing range when I struck one particular ball that felt like a feather.
That little white sphere became airborne, not with the force of
my body, but with a perfect connection of club to ball. Such a
connection is the culmination of perfect alignment, rhythm, and
timing and is called the sweet spot.
An accomplished player in virtually any sport and certainly
in any ball sport will have experienced the addiction of the sweet
15
 7. The Mind-Body-Soul Alignment
spot. And it was this sweet spot that I felt as a 13-year-old, after
only a few months of exposure to my game.
It is not as if I manage to play that perfect stroke all the time.
But I just keep trying. The joy is in the effort of aligning one’s
entire being, not the outcome of the stroke. It is in the trying, not
necessarily in the passing of the test.
7. The Mind-Body-Soul Alignment
The meaning of words often depends on the context in which
they are deployed. You could ask someone the definition of a
word such as “alignment.” The dictionary meaning of “align-
ment” would be “in a straight line.” However, for a golfer it
could mean the path that is facing a target.
For me, “alignment” means an individual’s mind, body, and
soul working in perfect harmony. This alignment is the basis of
performance and, most importantly, of finding the true joy that
we all aspire to, the joy that eludes us most of the time.
One of the most important things billiards has taught me is
that it takes an immense amount of self-control and discipline
to keep your mind aligned to your body. It is the same in life.
We have to keep working toward this goal all our lives, in order
to perfect the harmony in our actions. When the body works in
harmony with the mind, it provides a winning combination—not
only in a game, but also in the pursuit of joy for the moment.
Sounds simple? It’s not. It took me 30 years of non-stop ac-
tion, 10 hours a day of hard and passionate work, to understand
the importance of being able to align my mind, body, and soul in
rhythm. Notice that I’m not saying that it took this long to under-
stand how to do it; I learned that long ago. It took me that long to
groove it as a routine with some level of consistency.
16
Success Vs Joy
Most of us would like to believe that we are intelligent and
that we appreciate and understand this. Intuitively, most of us
know what is good for us in the long run. But we do not listen to
our inner voice because of the distractions around us.
We believe we have to control other people or events to be
able to bring equilibrium to our lives. Controlling others is not
what I want to do or enjoy doing. I much prefer concentrating
on that which brings me happiness and joy by keeping my mind,
body, and soul in perfect balance and harmony. This is what I
strive to achieve.
8. Pure Action
Success is a good thing. Success or failure is a result of our ac-
tions. But a focus on the outcome rather than on the action is not
pure action.
True success is said to be a result of “pure action” by Swami
A. Parthasarathy, in his book Vedanta Treatise: The Eternities. He
describes “pure action” as action that has three qualities—con-
centration, consistency, and humility. Pure action lies in hitting
the sweet spot.
When you can achieve pure action, you will experience the
precisely attuned state that I call “joy.” Joy lies in that infinitesi-
mal moment when all thoughts, aspirations, hopes, goals, and
beliefs become non-existent. There is no thought or focus on the
outcome. Joy is that compressed moment in which your inner be-
ing is in complete harmony with everything.
9. Your Life’s Passion: The Arena of Pure Action
For every person, there is a great passion—an engrossing
17
 10. Joy and Multiple Intelligences
endeavor that best suits you. That passion, whatever it is, is the
arena where you pursue joy. It is not necessarily a lifelong pas-
sion, as our interests change as we grow. Nor is it necessarily an
exclusive passion. Depending on your stage in life, your natu-
ral bent and your circumstances, you might sustain twin pas-
sions for hiking and your family, or writing and basketball. But
it needs to engage you down to the core, and be a primary focus
for your energies.
10. Joy and Multiple Intelligences
Each of us carries a kit of mental tools for understanding the
world around us, and acting on what we see. While all of us
have the same basic set of tools, the tools in each individual’s kit
vary in power and flexibility. This is due to a mixture of learning,
practice, and genetics.
Formally, this concept is known as the theory of multiple in-
telligences. First articulated in 1983 by developmental psycholo-
gist Dr. Howard Gardner, it posits the existence of eight forms
of human intelligence: linguistic, logical-mathematical, musical,
spatial, bodily-kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and nat-
uralist. All healthy human brains rely on these eight intelligenc-
es, in various mixes, to interact with the world and with the self.
When you consider the totality of human endeavor summed
up in these words, you begin to appreciate the tremendous, excit-
ing scope of joy. Depending on your own makeup, you can find
joy in new abstract thought, pure physical action, or your rela-
tionships with others. You can find it in mathematics or soccer,
teaching or parenting.
Joy is not, itself, part of the multiple intelligences. Dr. Gardner
himself has discussed joy (as being “‘at one’ with the world,” or
18
Success Vs Joy
“flow”), and concluded that it is supplementary to intelligence,
rather than integral to its functioning. I, myself, consider joy to
be an end, and use of intelligence to be the means to that end. I
have my own spiritual beliefs as to what that joy might signify,
but they’re not central to this book. It’s enough that pursuing joy
brings balance to your life, and that finding it makes you happy.
If you’re currently looking for your passion, consider each of
the eight forms of intelligence, and see which ones “sound like
you.” Then, free associate. Think of pursuits that go with your
types of intelligence. Think back across the years of your life, and
try to remember the moments when action itself made you hap-
py. Not action for someone, not action to attain something—just the
action alone. There is an instinctive wisdom in the human body
and mind, where great happiness marks an event deeply in your
psyche. Listen to it.
In my own case, I was fortunate. I stumbled across my pas-
sion when I was young, and never let go. All I can tell you is,
keep trying different things. Keep learning, and don’t give up.
Listen to your instincts.
11. Concentration
Swami Parthasarathy defines concentration as “the intellect
supervising the mind to remain in the present.” Intellect, as
Parthasarathy describes it, is the faculty of reasoning or un-
derstanding ourselves objectively. “Mind” relates to a person’s
determination, will, imagination, or memory. Parthasarathy’s
“intellect” corresponds to Gardner’s intrapersonal intelligence:
“knowledge of the internal aspects of a person: access to one’s
own feeling life, one’s range of emotions, the capacity to effect
discriminations among these emotions and eventually to label
19
 12. Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory
them and to draw upon them as a means of understanding and
guiding one’s own behavior.”
The mind has a tendency to run away from the present. It
can create an illusionary world of its own. It can fall prey to spe-
cious reasoning. It can be influenced. It brings back thoughts of
the past or creates anxieties of the future.
The mind breaks your concentration and if unsupervised,
will not let you be in the moment.
12. Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory
Here’s an amazing story that illustrates concentration and un-
derlines its importance. It is the story of James Wattana, a young
man from Thailand who uprooted, and traveled to England in
1989 to compete on the professional tour, when he was only 18.
Wattana was from a lower middle class family. His mother
managed a snooker club in Bangkok. In his third year in England,
he reached the semifinals of the Mita World Masters, a snooker
tournament in which the first prize was a towering £200,000 (at
the time it was the biggest winner’s check in the game’s history).
Despite suffering from a virus, Wattana was doing well
against the celebrated Jimmy White in a best of 19-frames match,
and led 8-6. The audience at the National Exhibition Center in
Birmingham was stunned when Wattana missed a straightfor-
ward shot that proved pivotal. He went on to lose 10-8.
Immediately after the match, in the pressroom, a reporter
asked Wattana why he had lost after seemingly being in control.
He replied with great candor, “When I led 8-6, my mind wan-
dered to a street in Bangkok where there is a house that I want-
ed to buy for my mother with the prize money.” His mind was
20
Success Vs Joy
momentarily distracted from the present—the irrevocable stroke,
the frame, the match, and of course, the tournament.
It is remarkable how in one-hundredth of a second a thought
that enters your mind can take you thousands of miles away—to
some other part of the world or even to another planet. The mind
has to be continuously reined in and supervised so that it does
not run away.
It would be interesting to analyze frame-wise what must
have gone through Wattana’s mind after his thoughts mean-
dered into that street in Bangkok. At that crucial juncture, his
mind was only on the house, which he so deeply wanted to pur-
chase. Though he subsequently missed ball after ball, he still re-
mained confident. But he realized that concentration had been
surrendered, and he desperately tried to get his mind back from
Bangkok and into the match arena. Yet the mind has a will of its
own, as Wattana discovered to his frustration. Hard as he tried,
his mind refused to play ball because the subconscious desire for
that dream house was so dominant.
Suddenly there was an urgent need for recovering his concen-
tration and Wattana ordered his mind to come back to the table.
The mind obliged, but not fully; even as he got some concentra-
tion back, his opponent Jimmy White began to click into his own
rhythm and fluency substituted for weakness. Fear overwhelmed
Wattana as he saw his dream house disappearing. Note that the
key words here are “his dream house.” His mind, almost as if in
auto mode, had gone back into the dream house. Earlier, he was
savoring the moment when he would buy it; now he was fretting
over the possible loss of something he never actually owned.
Living in the future is professional suicide. Living in the past
is sometimes even more dangerous. The past can keep resur-
facing. Wattana collapsed completely and lost the closing four
21
 13. The Numb Mind
frames in only 37 minutes; while White went on to beat Malta’s
Tony Drago for the title the following day.
This cautionary tale illustrates the frightening power that the
mind possesses when it stays in the moment and the immense
self-destruction it can bring by wandering into the future or the
past.
13. The Numb Mind
Thirteen months later, there was another astounding incident,
again featuring James Wattana as its central figure. Wattana was
playing in the 1992 British Open in the English town of Derby
when, on entering the venue, his manager imparted some ter-
rible news—Wattana’s father had been shot in Bangkok. Wattana
did not flinch. He carried on, beat Tony Drago to reach the quar-
terfinals, and compiled a maximum break of 147 in the process.
The same Wattana was now responsible for the highest break
possible in the sport of snooker. A break of 147 is a feat like a
perfect game by a pitcher in baseball, or 10 wickets in an innings
by a cricket bowler. In the backstage dressing room, after leaving
the arena to a standing ovation, he was told his father had died.
How did Wattana do it? The only possible explanation I
can offer is that his mind must have become numb. The shock
completely blanked his mind. He played as if he was a zombie.
Whatever state of turmoil his subconscious mind may have been
in, his cue delivery was at its purest. His mind did not waver
even infinitesimally from the present. That is the ultimate power
of concentration.
14. “Multitasking” Doesn’t Work
22
Success Vs Joy
I believe that concentration is binary. You are either concentrating
or you are not. The mind can focus on only one thing at a time. I
get distracted for five seconds or so every now and then. That is
enough for my entire being to be enveloped by that stray thought
and to go off to another place—a fantasy world or a world of
insecurity. If I do not consciously keep supervising my mind to
keep stray thoughts from infiltrating, I find that thoughts come
at random, without purpose or warning. So the act of supervis-
ing the mind is a conscious, on-going effort.
As responsibilities towards work, family, or society increase,
the mind gets stretched. In such situations, I have to endeavor to
distance myself from others so that their concerns and problems
do not affect me. This carries the risk of making me appear cold
and unfeeling to some. That is not the case. But I need that dis-
tance to completely wipe my mind of everything other than what
I wish to concentrate on. To serve others, I must temporarily re-
move my focus from them to concentrate upon the task.
15. Consistency
Consistency is the second element of pure action. It is built
through perseverance and hard work. Consistency means
the ability to stick with what you have to, come what may.
Consistency is the quality possessed by the great badminton
player Prakash Padukone, which made him not want to watch
a movie for six years because it would have interfered with his
training schedule. Consistency is a fairly simple concept to un-
derstand but extremely difficult to apply to one’s life because of
the innumerable diversions and desires thrown our way.
A “consistent” person will understand how to manage the
day-to-day distractions that preoccupy most of us—it could be
23
 16. Humility
problems in a relationship with one’s spouse, it could be an is-
sue concerning a child’s education, it could be related to one’s
health…the list is endless.
You have to regularly convince yourself that the only impor-
tant thing for the moment is what you wish to do for yourself.
Nothing else should matter.
This is a mental skill, and like any skill, it can be honed
through exercise. You can build your mental ability to be consis-
tent through repeated practice of your chosen craft. Rehearsal of
a well-known action allows you to build your ability to focus, be-
cause it makes the other variables in your mind stand out. When
you can see the distractions, you can learn to let them go. In my
own training, once I achieved a certain standard, I acquired con-
fidence in my ability to replicate my actions at that high level. I
achieved consistency, which in turn reaffirmed my confidence in
myself.
Practice honing your technique into a groove.
Practice building confidence. You need it in pressure
situations.
Practice gaining understanding. When you understand the
stroke, you understand the game; more importantly, you under-
stand yourself.
16. Humility
The third essential aspect of pure action is humility. It is not as
if individual effort is unimportant. What is equally, if not more
important is to possess a spirit of humility to realize that you are
not the only one responsible for your accomplishments.
A billiards player, for instance, should acknowledge the
contribution of the person who has spent considerable time
24
Success Vs Joy
manufacturing his cue, the table on which he is playing, the balls
he is hitting, and so on. Then there is the input of his coach. One
must also recognize the contribution of parents, spouse, children,
and friends who have, often silently, spared no effort in giving
the love, the attention, and the sustenance that built the foun-
dation. One can easily ignore these contributions, take them for
granted, and start believing that excellence is entirely the prod-
uct of one’s own effort.
Humility comes from the appreciation that there may have
been a million circumstances that arranged themselves for your
benefit and enabled you to fulfill your potential. True legends
realize this, and therefore, play down their achievements. For
them, humility is second nature. They learn to respect and accept
the fact that forces outside their own selves have, in a major way,
been responsible for their accomplishments.
17. I’m But an Instrument in God’s Game
The 18th century Austrian musical genius Wolfgang Amadeus
Mozart once said that he felt as if God was playing an instrument
through him.
From a more secular point of view, when I look back, there
have been millions of circumstances and situations that arranged
themselves in an intricate pattern that allowed me to be what
I am. It would have been pointless to try to comprehend all of
these, let alone to try to manipulate them all as I went. The influ-
ences on our course through life are far too many to understand,
and the great majority of them are beyond our control. As an in-
dividual with limited powers, the only response that has made
sense is for me to humbly accept that I am afloat on a current of
life, and that it guides me even while I guide myself.
25
 18. The Zone
This has helped me to understand a fascinating story told
by the African-American civil rights activist, the Reverend Dr.
Martin Luther King, Jr. King had carefully prepared the text of
a very important speech he was supposed to deliver. When he
spoke, however, what he said was not what he had prepared ear-
lier with such diligence. His extemporaneous speech moved mil-
lions. His words, he said later, had come straight from God.
King lived an eventful and passionate life, and focused on
the goal of liberating a disenfranchised populace. Through him
passed millions of currents; upon him broke millions more. He
rode the river of events even as he sought to navigate it, and
even to channel it. That he accomplished all these things with-
out capsizing—that he sailed well until the moment he died—is
a testament to his humility and his focus.
The river of lives on which King sailed is what some people
call “destiny.” The ability to open himself, in humility, in order to
channel them through his spirit and into words and deeds, is the
ability to tap into the force of God.
18. The Zone
After a high-quality match, particularly the final of a tourna-
ment, I find myself emotionally drained. I tend to “celebrate”
with a hot soup and an early night because I find I am emotion-
ally, mentally, and physically drained. I remember back in 1993,
after I won the finals of the world professional championship in
Mumbai, I didn’t even have the energy to stand. All my friends
were gathered there to celebrate my victory, but I was exhausted
and slept like a baby.
There is another state that players reach. It is much like
an out-of-body experience, a trance. I have gone through this
26
Success Vs Joy
experience on three occasions. In this state, I could actually see
myself playing.
If one reaches such a level of intense concentration, playing
the game becomes absolutely effortless. At such moments I find
that I’m able to control the balls with pinpoint precision—liter-
ally to the last micro-millimeter.
I have watched many great athletes enter what may be called
“the zone” or “perfect zone”—a phase when they can do no
wrong.
When I am in this state of trance, I’m completely unaware of
the world around me. My concentration is at its peak, my game
is being played without any flaws, and still, I am in a sense out-
side myself.
A trance does not last very long, perhaps for a few seconds,
or at best for a few minutes. In such a state, you feel you are one
with the universe. You are wide-awake and yet, you cannot seem
to sense that you are breathing.
19. Demons in the Mind
Exactly what is it that prevents a person from focusing on that
which he or she wishes to pursue the most? The enemies of fo-
cus are the demons in the mind. These demons are usually self-
created, and they result in a breakdown of the alignment of one’s
mind, body, and spirit. It is only after one understands how these
demons come into being that one can start the process of pushing
them aside, if not destroying them altogether.
While playing a game such as golf or billiards, a player needs
to focus and concentrate on aligning his mind, body, and spirit.
He cannot let his attention waver. He cannot afford to be dis-
tracted by extraneous elements. Instead of concentrating on the
27
 20. Use Stress to Calm
stroke, a player could be wondering, “you know my tee-off was
not very good.” The very thought of anything other than the im-
mediate task can manifest itself into a new demon in the mind of
the player.
These demons are negative thoughts that keep recurring.
They are just disruptive ideas that haunt you. The more you
think, the more they will overwhelm you and destroy your con-
centration when you need it the most. It is vital to be able to con-
trol the thoughts that race through your mind.
To become a master of your mind, you have to learn the art
and the science of discarding that which is negative, the demon
that destroys your alignment, the idea that blocks your path to fo-
cus and lays waste your concentration in a millionth of a second.
In order to exorcise the demons in your head, try to prac-
tice how to remove all thoughts from your mind. This cannot be
done overnight. It is a very long and lonely road that takes years
of practice. Try to habituate yourself in doing this everywhere.
You will develop the power to be able to concentrate and focus
on what you really wish to.
As we will see, a very important tool for removing stray
thoughts is simplifying your lifestyle. A dissipated lifestyle cre-
ates many demons.
20. Use Stress to Calm
All of the role models whose stories I tell in this book have one
trait in common—the ability to remain calm in the most stressful
situations. They welcome stress, embrace it, and have, over the
years, learned to convert it into serenity.
It may be obvious that, in the moment of play, you shouldn’t
berate yourself for bad strokes. It might be less obvious that you
28
Success Vs Joy
shouldn’t applaud yourself for good strokes. Some players like
cheering themselves, to divert themselves from stress. I am not
among them. If I kept on saying “Come on Geet! Come on Geet!”
while I was playing, I would only end up becoming agitated. I
have to be ready for the next stroke, then the next, and then the
one after that. The secret is to forget the past, including the good
strokes, and give the present your best. I would rather remain
calm and concentrate on my technique and enjoy the sweet spot.
In sport, the term “killer instinct” is used frequently. For me,
someone with killer instinct can remain in the present, complete-
ly oblivious to the state of the match. Yes, there are athletes who
scream and shout during a match, but that is merely to release
tension to soothe the nerves. There is a calm before and after a
storm. That same principle is true for the mind. To me, “killer
instinct” is another expression for concentration.
I met Rahul Dravid, a former Indian cricket captain, a few
weeks after he was first dropped from the Indian cricket team.
I was training at the Kanteerva Stadium in Bangalore as part of
our preparation for the Asian Games to be held in Bangkok in
1998. I saw him push himself to the limit. He was working on
his physical fitness. His trainer Bidu was throwing a heavy sand-
filled ball the size of a soccer ball at him. Rahul himself was lying
on his stomach and was catching the ball above his head. This
is a difficult enough exercise to do with a cricket ball, but with a
heavy ball it becomes almost impossible. Just imagine the impact
on his shoulders.
I saw Rahul punish himself like this for almost an hour. He
later said that he felt the need to work on his upper-body fitness.
Every morning he was there, earlier than all the other state-level
athletes who trained in that stadium. He had no regrets about be-
ing dropped from the team at the time.
I could only see fine lines of determination etched on his
29
 21. Middle-Class Drive
sweat-laden face—lines that were carved by a burning obsession
to improve his own benchmarks of excellence.
He was actually enjoying the hard work, and relishing the
monotony and pain. He sensed there had been a drop in his peak
performance and in order to get that back he concentrated on
leading a highly disciplined life. Self-discipline led to calmness,
which became ever-evident in his visage. The calmness on his
face had become part of his being and his self. His mind was still.
21. Middle-Class Drive
I’m grateful I was brought up in a middle-class household. I be-
lieve that too much luxury during the formative years and the
security of financial comfort can dull the spirit of enterprise.
Conversely, some children of well-to-do parents cannot deliver
because of their in-built anxiety to outperform unrealistic bench-
marks. They equate winning and losing in sports, or their level of
academic achievement, to the gain or loss of their so-called social
status.
I believe that children should not be spoiled by giving in to
all their desires without them having to work for them. They
will never struggle enough to go through the pain and value
the pleasures of accomplishment. I believe that character is built
only through intense and incessant discipline and perseverance.
Without going through the proverbial blood, sweat, and tears
during youth, you cannot hope to build character.
I am aware that growing up in a happy middle-class family, as
opposed to growing up in an environment of emotional insecu-
rity or fighting for survival, conferred certain practical blessings
on me. I had the luxury of being able to focus on a target, without
having to live with major insecurities, emotional or financial, at
30
Success Vs Joy
home. I know in my bones that I would have contrived to get at
that billiards table, one way or another. However, my parents’
achievements smoothed my way. I was born at a time and place
where I had the incentive to climb and a ladder to climb with.
An upcoming athlete must have the fire in his belly to chisel
the flab of bad habits out of him. While you can build self-disci-
pline under any circumstances, as a practical matter I benefitted
from the balance of circumstances that came from a good mid-
dle-class background. I had more to gain, and less to lose.
22. Life Can Be Unfair…but Persistence
Annihilates Luck
The game has taught me many lessons. One is that Lady Luck
cannot always be with you. It is a stone-cold certainty that your
luck will run out one day, perhaps when you least expect it.
Good times and bad are a part of life. Our existence would
otherwise be pretty boring. It is said that a certain amount of ad-
versity is good for everyone. On many occasions, I have missed
an easy shot because the ball rolled over some invisible speck
of dust on the table. Was this a case of bad luck? Should I have
cursed my fate? On the contrary, one should always keep in mind
the numerous occasions when the same invisible particle of dust
might have caused the ball to move in a favorable direction!
As one achieves higher standards in one’s actions, the ele-
ment of luck tends to diminish. If I analyze the millions of shots I
have played over the last 30 years (over 10 million), I would have
to acknowledge the fact that my luck has evened out. For every
occasion that luck deserted me, there would be an occasion when
it came to my aid. What I’m saying is not exaggerated.
The more you commit yourself to action, the less influence
31
 22. Life Can Be Unfair…but Persistence Annihilates Luck

luck can have. If you act a few times, luck can materially influ-
ence your total experience. If you act a thousand times, you an-
nihilate luck. Only merit remains.
One has to remain stoic in the face of both good luck and bad.
To allow a sliver of bad luck to distract you is to stand in the face
of the principle and definition of concentration. So, learn to ac-
cept the bad times with the good. And remember that the more II. SUCCESS vs JOY
you act, the more you take fortune into your own hands.

1. Success: The Corruption of Joy

The fabric of my life changed in 1992. Winning the professional
world championship (my third world title) made me a public fig-
ure and all that goes with it. There were material rewards as well.
I started wearing a Rolex and got myself a big new car. I start-
ed becoming easily influenced by other people, especially those
who were rich and powerful.
With recognition and riches at the age of 32, came a corrup-
tion in lifestyle. It came insidiously but enveloped me. I started
living my life in terms of measurable results and did not get
exhilarated by joyous feelings. My concentration had been dis-
turbed. With success came distress. My world had changed. The
distractions that inevitably come with fame and success had en-
veloped me. The game was no longer the end but a means to-
ward achieving the end.
The only redeeming factor during that illusionary phase of
my life was the fact that I could still play billiards with utmost
concentration. The moment I put my palm on the table, these dis-
tractions miraculously disappeared.
However, off the table, I was no longer enjoying myself. My

32
 2. Temptations from Apsaras
life had become an intricate web of distractions with me firmly
trapped in the middle. These self-destructive distractions ranged
from wanting to build a house, to wanting to establish a busi-
ness, to wanting to make money, and so many other new desires.
Everyone around me talked about my success, nobody about
my enthusiasm for the game. Briefly, I forgot about the joy I had
experienced from the sport. Once again, I went through a phase
of intense soul-searching and redefined my priorities. Soon
enough, the answers started to reappear before me. I turned to
the core within myself and again awakened to the joys of living
for the moment. To me this is the only way to be.
2. Temptations from Apsaras
Discipline of the mind is the key to joy. However, distraction
compromises discipline…and life’s distractions are myriad. This
is a truth as old as humanity, and all civilizations have their par-
ables of temptation.
There is a famous mythological story about Saint
Vishwamitra, who was always in deep meditation. Lord Indra,
in order to test how steadfast he was, sent the beautiful heavenly
nymph, or apsara, Menaka, to disturb him. The story goes that
Menaka was successful in distracting Vishwamitra from his aus-
terities for a period of three years.
If you allow yourself to be distracted, there is every reason
to believe that your performance will suffer. Just as Vishwamitra
allowed himself to be seduced by Menaka, there are distractions
galore—alcohol, clothes, parties, money, sex, sycophants, travel,
or even a job—–that take one’s mind away from what it is trying
to do.
How should one guard against these temptations of
34
Success Vs Joy
succumbing to our own apsaras? How does one achieve mastery
over oneself?
My ultimate answer lies in what, for lack of a better single
word, I call obsession. One must have a burning desire to pursue
the truth and not deviate from one’s chosen path. One must pos-
sess a positive attitude that does not dissipate one’s intellectual
and spiritual energy. For me, this happened when I became ad-
dicted to the joy I derived from the first ball I hit. All other de-
sires paled in comparison.
Yet how do you shelter this fire, once you’ve kindled it, from
the apsaras that might quench it? If you are listening and learn-
ing, the passing years bring skill in controlling your mind. At the
same time, they bring new challenges and burdens. They com-
prise illusionary success—the nemesis of joy.
3. Success is a Social Concept
Society has its own definitions of success, bruited in the media
and received, rather than discovered. In that sense, success is a
very social concept. Therefore, like any fad or fashion, “success”
is not an absolute truth. If there were no society, there would be
no external yardstick to measure who is “successful” and who is
not.
The meaning of success, as generally understood by society
today, is the accumulation of status, fame, money, and power.
Yet, when you take “success” apart, item by item, you discover
that none of these things is anywhere near as good as they are
purported to be. When you put them together after analyzing
them separately, you see that their sum is toxic.
For me, success is a job well done. Success is not about achiev-
ing fame, accumulating money, or having power and influence in
35
 4. Fame
society. Success should be personal and have nothing to do with
what society may think.
I met a 14-year-old swimmer who said that her ambition was
to win the Arjuna award for athletes in India. The reason why she
had oriented her life toward this goal, however, had nothing to
do with anything that was within herself. She wanted to win be-
cause no one from her home state of Gujarat had won the Arjuna
award for her sport. I asked her to remove the thought of the
Arjuna award permanently from her mind. She loves swimming
and experiences some sensation of elation and satisfaction when
she practices. But at such a young age, the expectations of others
had corrupted the girl without her being aware of it.
Billiards has taught me how to retain my mental equilibrium
under a variety of conditions: when luck is not on my side, when
I am playing badly and trailing, when I am playing well and
leading, when I am winning everything, and when I am losing
all the time. And somehow I feel the ability to retain that mental
equanimity is reinforced when one plays and lives for the sweet
spot rather than the money and fame and power. My weakest
moments, those situations when I lost my nerve, were at times
when greed took over my entire being and I started playing for
success, rewards, and trophies.
4. Fame
Fame is an experience created by society and the media, who
come together and decide that a particular activity or person is
worthy of their interest. Suddenly you are famous. What have
you done in this act of becoming famous? You have excelled in a
particular activity.
You were able to excel because you were committed to a
36
Success Vs Joy
cause. You were committed completely, and persevered in total
isolation, and derived true joy from that activity. So suddenly, if
you are the focus of the media and society’s attention, you are
famous. But you have little or no control over that fame. If you
base your happiness on something over which you have no con-
trol, you make yourself extremely vulnerable.
Being anonymous, in a sense, ensures that you continue to
experience happiness and joy from pursuing a particular kind of
activity. Because nobody knows you, you are quite happy doing
what you are doing for the sheer pleasure it provides—for that
moment of joy or sweet spot. Alone on a desert island, you are
least concerned about what society thinks or about beating your
competitor.
But the moment you achieve a measure of social success, you
become sucked into a vortex of expectations. Your mother will
inevitably be proud of your achievements; your relatives will
want to place you on a pedestal; your neighbors, your manager,
the public, and so on—everyone would like to carry you on their
shoulders. What happens next? Your attention is diverted, your
time is misspent, and you are not mature enough to handle all
the attention you are getting. This is one way in which society
first sucks you in, and then devours the so-called successful.
5. Handling Fame
I have often wondered what would happen if a champion were
immediately whisked away from the location where he had won
a tournament and kept away from media and fans. By denying
him access to praise, adulation, and sycophancy, I believe he
would come back to win over and over again and also remain
uncorrupted.
37
 5. Handling Fame
If I did not have a single impurity in my mind, I would per-
haps be able to make a break of 5,000, as against my current
world record of 1,276. Of course, my world is not hermetically
sealed.
A college student once quizzed me on how it felt to be fa-
mous. I replied, “I experience the same emotions and feelings
that you do. I experience emotions of jealousy, greed, anger, and
calmness just like you. Fame is media-created; and, as I have no
control over it, I don’t pay too much attention to it. I derive true
joy from the activity that I pursue and not the media’s attention.
And I know that the media’s attention is focused on me because
of the excellence I have achieved in my discipline. So the impor-
tant thing for me is continuing to pursue excellence and joy in
my sport.”
Solitude, for me, has become a state of bliss. At times, I actu-
ally feel I’m one with the universe. The foundation of my charac-
ter has become very deep and strong. I have faith in my abilities
and in myself.
I am not particularly fond of attending marriages, anniversa-
ries, or other celebratory functions. Even when I do attend such
social occasions, I tend to keep to myself.
While my behavior is instinctive, I’ve realized that it’s con-
sistent with the pursuit of joy. An extrovert likes talking to many
people about many topics. Such a person’s mind is more likely to
be cluttered than that of an introvert. While other people might
successfully strike other balances, my own quiet nature has
helped me to withstand the pressures of fame. It has helped me
to find, and protect, inner peace.
There are some who work but remain unsung. Their bench-
marks of excellence are not splashed across newspapers; their
pictures do not appear on television screens. Be that as it may,
they are achievers all the same if they are doing what gives them
38
Success Vs Joy
joy. Fame in itself does not bring you joy; it only brings distrac-
tions. I believe the ultimate experience is the joy of making a full
effort in reaching out to the core within.
6. I Would Rather Do Than Know
We live in an age where information production is exponentiat-
ing. But the more that communications links saturate our lives,
the more some people begin to mistake data for understand-
ing. Think about how much time you spend on absorbing the
thoughts of others. There are news, commentary, social media,
television, radio, poetry, novels, historical and reference works…
even this book.
Possession, and demonstrated mastery, of acquired thoughts
is a mark of society’s “success.” They are taken as signs of lit-
eracy, intelligence, and power. Objectively, however, they are not
good proxies for understanding.
A wise person can direct you toward the path of enlighten-
ment and help you understand the wisdom of the Almighty. This
is a noble accomplishment, for both the wise person and yourself
as his student. But joy itself can come only from what you actual-
ly do. Truth, in regard to living, must be lived. To learn, therefore,
you must act.
Secondhand truth is thin gruel in comparison. The kind of
entertainment that a medium such as television provides is ex-
ternal in nature. It cannot be compared to the joy one gets from
actions that you make happen yourself. As my son was growing
up, I often told him, “Do not be a passive person receiving too
much entertainment through TV. Try and see less TV, and instead
do something that will provide entertainment through your own
efforts instead of merely receiving it.”
39
 7. Coping with Pressure: Eliminate “If”
In the Information Age, there are many compulsive seekers
of information. Of course, there are some who have to gather
information continuously to effectively fulfill their professional
responsibilities. But for others, access to information is a source
of power and a certain social currency. The problem is that their
bank balance of information and regurgitated opinion may just
provide them status, and not necessarily knowledge or wisdom.
The reaction of his peers may make such a person feel proud of
himself. But pride is not joy.
Avoiding this pitfall can have its side effects. I often get a
feeling that my light conversation skills are limited. I am not
well acquainted with all that is considered newsworthy. I do not
avidly pore over all the pages of a newspaper. At social gather-
ings, I often find myself just listening to what others have to say.
However, I don’t feel inadequate. I am not defined, either to oth-
ers or myself, by my bank of knowledge. I am defined by what I
do.
7. Coping with Pressure: Eliminate “If”
It is critical to learn to play under pressure. You feel the pres-
sure because your thoughts have moved ahead. The word “if”
is on your mind. You think, “if I get this, then I’m going to win.”
Alternatively, “what if he gets it and I don’t?”
“If” is the most dangerous word in my dictionary. I have very
consciously learned to keep it out of my life. It dissipates my en-
ergy, drains me emotionally, and transports me to a forgotten
past or an uncertain future.
Thoughts of “if” cloud your reasoning. “If” creates a cer-
tain pressure within you. This pressure snowballs into fear and
anxiety.
40
Success Vs Joy
This, in turn, hampers your ability to concentrate on the pres-
ent. All your well-honed playing techniques will fail miserably
simply because your mind is no longer in control of your body.
Your intellect is not supervising your body or your brain, because
it is chasing after the endless permutations of “if.”
“If” is not just a menace to your focus in individual tasks. It
erodes your peace of mind when you dwell on “if” across the
broad arc of your life. People tend to repeatedly question the
roles they are playing. One could ask, “Was I born to be a lawyer?
Would it have been better if I had taken up journalism instead?”
In my opinion, to dwell upon such hypothetical and speculative
questions is a complete waste. Think about it: Can you unwind
your life to that early stage, and live it again? No. Because that
fork in the road is irrevocably behind you, does it serve any pur-
pose to think of it? No. Once your mind takes flight into the past
or future, it cannot remain in the present. Your energy and time
are better spent on your challenges in the present.
The best way of relieving this kind of pressure is to tell your-
self that at the end of the day, you have to justify your actions
only to yourself.
What if you do lose? Having lost many times myself, I can
tell you this: A loss does not mean the end of the world is nigh. In
the long run nobody else cares. Just have the discipline and the
commitment to give your best as often as you can. What matters
most is your enthusiasm for the game and not the outcome. The
results of the game matter far less than the process of learning. Play
for the sake of playing and you will feel the pressure evaporate.
8. Dealing with Basic “Fight-or-Flight”
Anxiety
41
 9. Visualization
While the deeper questions of “if” can aggravate it, there is a
certain basic level of anxiety before major life-tests that can’t be
eliminated. I’m speaking about the adrenaline surge, familiar to
everyone, that’s built into our bodies to cope with the ancient
tests of physical combat, and that survives into our age where
civilization poses more subtle challenges.
Anxiety before a match is a human experience that cannot
be eliminated. I believe that it is good for the system, in that it
subconsciously strengthens the mind to focus on the job at hand.
I just accept anxiety as part of the whole process of playing a
match, without allowing it to take over my whole being. And I
find that as I play the first few strokes, my concentration is so
intense I soon forget about the anxiety and every other emotion
that serves to distract me from my game.
There are many good players who indulge in a quick swig
of alcohol to soothe frayed nerves before or during matches.
Famously, there are athletes throughout the world, in every
sport, who resort to stronger illegal drugs to do the same thing.
Regardless of the substance, this is lethal. Even though it may
control nerves initially, in the long run it destroys the mind. In
fact, the prolonged use of alcohol, quite apart from any other
physiological implications, goes on to deaden the brain cells. Of
course, the psychological and physical dependence fostered by
drugs and alcohol are tremendous sources of vulnerability and
confusion.
9. Visualization
A very experienced person once taught me visualization.
He said, “The night before an important game, visualize
yourself making the strokes you want to. Try and live through
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Success Vs Joy
the experience that is going to take place in as exact a manner
as possible. Don’t visualize holding up the trophy, instead try to
recreate your strokes and the control with which you strike the
balls.”
Most people visualize what might happen in their lives along
negative lines. Instead of visualizing themselves playing well
and enjoying themselves, they think about missing shots and the
consequences that could follow. The mind needs one-hundredth
of a second to lose its focus and concentration.
So, force yourself to visualize only in terms of executing the
perfect stroke. If you do this for ten minutes before going to sleep,
it will work wonders for you. It reinforces your subconscious to
enjoy yourself while you “play” the next day. And with the focus
of joy, your outcome will be far better.
10. Knowing the Path vs Walking the Path
One of my friends is a serious golfer. His stated goal is to become
a scratch player—essentially, to play at a professional level. He
knows and realizes the effort that he must make to arrive at his
goal. He agrees that in order to further strengthen his game he
needs to hit 500 balls a day, all alone, and not step on the course
for now.
He wants to, but will not.
When I first saw him hit this barrier, I asked myself, “Why?”
Was it lethargy? Lack of courage? Fear of failure? The insecurity
of losing self-esteem?
I eventually asked my friend what was preventing him from
getting to scratch, and he confessed, “I need to practice alone at
least one hour every day and I don’t get the time. Sometimes I
come to the course straight from a party where I’ve been drinking
43
 11. There is No Such Thing as Competition
the whole night. I want to improve, but there are so many social
engagements and other things that I just don’t get enough time
to practice.”
Here was a 38-year-old who has the talent and interest to im-
prove. But, did he want that scratch handicap so badly that he
was prepared to withdraw from social interactions and the tem-
porary high of a quick drink? He was looking to me for some
advice.
I found myself remembering, of all things, the character
Morpheus from the film, The Matrix. He said, “There’s a differ-
ence between knowing the path, and walking the path.” My
friend already knew the answer to his question. The real ques-
tion was, was he willing to walk the path?
I told my friend to forget society, friends, and parties. “Give
yourself two years. Just focus on the game. If you still don’t reach
scratch, then go back to your heady life.”
The desire to reach the all-encompassing level of involve-
ment where one benefits from constant moments of joy needs to
be so strong that everything gets thrown into the background.
Concentration is built through lifestyle and not through any
formula or mantra. A person who leads a simple uncluttered life-
style and focuses only on the activity of his interest and his fam-
ily will, in the long run, develop far more concentration than, say,
someone who parties every night and who is tempted by food,
films, materialism, and any other distraction that may catch his
fancy.
11. There is No Such Thing as Competition
Some of us become programmed to think that winning is all-im-
portant. As Vince Lombardi said: “Winning isn’t everything; it’s
44
Success Vs Joy
the only thing.” Billy Shankly, a very successful manager of the
English soccer team, Liverpool, had his own version— “Football
isn’t life or death. It’s much more important than that.”
I disagree.
For a performer there is no competitor. In the book of suc-
cess there is, but not in the book of excellence. Competition exists
only in your mind. Talent and practice can hone your skill, but
the discovery of excellence will come from the discovery of the
self. So you have to forget the opponent and delve deep within to
master your own frailties and insecurities.
In an individual sport such as golf or billiards, it is easier to
relate to this, but even in team sport one has to look within. In
cricket, Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid are two athletes who
exemplified this introspection. I never heard either talk about
their opponents. Of course they faced exceptional, solid, and or-
dinary bowlers, but they didn’t care who the bowlers were. For
them, the bat was in their hands alone, and what they did with
the ball depended only on them.
There are some who develop a contrived hatred for their op-
ponents, believing this will enhance their performance. They
are merely fooling themselves. The whole game is about finding
harmony and that elusive alignment of body, mind, and soul.
This alignment cannot be discovered with a road map of hate. It
can only be found with peace within and peace with the world
outside.
There are certain athletes who hype themselves up with ges-
tures, punching the air with fists and other such gesticulations,
which they think will induce a rush of adrenaline. This may
prove to be beneficial in highly physical and contact sports such
as rugby and wrestling, but in most sports I find that this be-
comes a distraction rather than a means to help you focus.
Instead of being hyped up, it is imperative to remain calm,
45
 12. Playing to Expectations
on an emotionally even keel. For that, you need to focus on your
breathing and be zoned-in on the present.
12. Playing to Expectations
After a match, there would always be someone who would ask
me how I missed a simple, straightforward shot. My answer to
this question has been, “Please appreciate the fact that I’m hu-
man. I pursue perfection, but I realize that I will never be perfect.
There is always something more to learn, there is always some
incident or thought that creeps in and dislodges my concentra-
tion.” I then counter, “Why don’t you ask me about the 600 shots
I got right before I goofed up on one?”
You must realize one thing: however good you get, you will
never be perfect. Also, you can never control the expectations of
others. That is why it’s so crucial to disregard these external ex-
pectations; and, just as important, to keep yourself completely
unfettered by your own expectations.
Continuously striving to raise benchmarks does not guaran-
tee that you will not falter. That is why I strongly believe I should
not play in order to live up to someone else’s expectations of me.
I would go crazy if I did.
Spectators and fans have exceedingly high expectations of
their favorite players. Consider the way in which the perfor-
mance of the Indian cricket team arouses such intense passion.
Cricket has become a vast entertainment industry. Yet there are a
few players who are mature enough to be able to maintain their
composure in tense situations.
The “god of cricket,” Sachin Tendulkar, may not have per-
formed well in each and every match he played…but that is not
because he was trying to live up to the expectations of a billion
46
Success Vs Joy
spectators, and was weighed down by their collective expecta-
tion. It was because he was human and understood his humanity
all too well. His record will not be beaten for a long time and his
feats with the bat will always be remembered, but he would not
succumb to a billion people imploring him to bear their burden.
I consider Sachin to be a great athlete, not just because of his
skills, but also for his ability to withstand the pressure of a billion
expectations. When you looked at Sachin, you saw calmness and
serenity on his face. Where did this serenity come from? Did it
come from the knowledge that many millions have great expec-
tations of him? If Sachin started worrying about what his fans
expected every time he walked out to the crease, he would not
have displayed the level of equanimity he did. Nor would he
have performed as brilliantly and as consistently as he did for a
quarter-century.
Take Kapil Dev and Sunil Gavaskar, both legendary cricket-
ers. All the records they have created did not affect them. If they
had succumbed to what others expected of them, I very much
doubt they would have been able to play the kind of cricket they
did for more than five years or so. To have the ability to disre-
gard the expectations of others—shrug them off, if you like—one
has to first remove all expectations from one’s own mind.
13. “Rising” Away From Your Joy
When some people achieve what they originally set out to do,
their passion begins to diminish. They find their energies dis-
sipated because they have to tackle many other issues. For in-
stance, a senior executive may be asked to follow up on actions
and implement already approved programs, whereas his true
joy comes from planning. Or a managing editor in a newspaper
47
 13. “Rising” Away From Your Joy
is unhappy that she is spending all her time in administration
and managing people instead of writing—the activity she enjoys
most. Both these people are pushed to lose focus on what gives
them the greatest satisfaction. In the long run, they’re headed for
a burnout.
I have compared notes with many people over 40 who have
been at the pinnacle of their professions, and many have con-
fessed they were not exactly enjoying what they were doing. In
fact, some of them were quite miserable.
A very bright man who became a CEO never really enjoyed
his work. An important aspect of his job was to listen to what oth-
er people in his organization were saying and also to look at their
presentations. He soon realized that his actions could influence
the working of his organization only in a minor way. Eventually,
he was forced to leave his job. In fact, he was delighted to leave.
He realized that he could do so much elsewhere and no more in
his company because of forces beyond his control.
Despite his creditable academic record, I knew he was just
not cut out for corporate life. Despite being an extremely good
human being he was rather confused about what he wished to
do. He simply couldn’t identify what would give him maxi-
mum satisfaction. He had studied in the best educational insti-
tutions and turned out to be skilled in whatever he did. He rose
in his organization and then started rapidly losing interest in his
work. He didn’t enjoy working in the company environment but
couldn’t find an alternative.
All these people were dissatisfied despite the external trap-
pings of success, because they believed they were not involved
in the activity which was their core competency or which they
enjoyed the most. They felt guilty that they were not being true
to themselves.
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Success Vs Joy
To understand why these things happen, we must ask what
makes them happen.
14. Golden Handcuffs
Society tends to romanticize hierarchy in organizations rather
than the satisfaction that people derive from their work. It re-
wards conformance, decade upon decade, programming the
whole trajectory of people’s lives. We need to pass school, sit for
exams, take up full-time jobs, get married, and raise children.
Somewhere in between we lose touch with what we are really
passionate about…if we ever have the chance to discover it.
Once we’re embedded in the working world, complete with
adult commitments, all too often we find that our immediate en-
vironment confines. That is why our benchmarks get pegged at
rather low levels. They are usually based on standards that have
already been set by others, for reasons that have little to do with
our own needs.
If we succeed in navigating the hierarchy, the massive invest-
ment we’ve made in that process forges a pair of golden hand-
cuffs to our achievement. At great cost, we’ve won a good salary,
solid benefits, status, and the respect of our peers. What we’ve
invested in the effort is matched by the material cost to ourselves
and our families if we were to drop these rewards and try some-
thing different. So, we’re successful. And we’re miserable.
Here’s an example of a woodcutter. How does he experience
joy? It would be when he hits his sweet spot—that is the moment
when his axe hits the trunk of the tree at the exact angle with the
right strength. The way the woodcutter breathes, his physique,
and the way his body is aligned have all got to come together in
one perfect, synchronized, effortless motion. He does not have to
49
 15. Character Flaws Creep In
worry about the movement of his arm or his wrist. He is focused
on the point of contact.
Think for a moment what the same woodcutter would do
if you were to offer him five times what he is earning to do a
completely different job for the rest of his life—perhaps laying
bricks. He may take up your offer and be tempted by the en-
hanced lifestyle. Indeed, he may even end up becoming a profi-
cient bricklayer.
If, however, his heart and his soul were not in his new job, he
would not be able to hit the sweet spot again and again. Ask the
woodcutter who reluctantly became a bricklayer: “Would you
like to be successful on our terms and conditions, or would you
like to experience joy on your terms?”
His answer should be obvious. But all too often, the inciden-
tal baubles of success—money, power over others, status—strait-
jacket people like the woodcutter. The terrible part is that it’s
a straitjacket that the woodcutter chooses to wear. Once again,
knowing the path is not the same as walking the path.
The solution is to continue learning and practicing with the
faith that you will eventually come across something that will re-
new your purpose. I have seen this happen again and again, in
sport and in life. The real “I, me, mine” is independent of any-
body’s expectations—be they of parents, partner, children, col-
leagues, or friends. In the long run, you cannot live your life ac-
cording to the expectations of others. Courage is in doing what
you believe is right. And by living your own life with healthy
purpose, you will be able to serve those you love with far more
energy, and far less strife, than you did before.
15. Character Flaws Creep In
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Success Vs Joy
At times I’ve lost touch with reality. It is like those company
bosses who fall victim to complacency and forget where they
were when they embarked on their career. A CEO might forget
the time he worked as a door-to-door salesman twenty years
ago. The mind is indeed a source of wonder. We remember what
we choose to remember. Corruption of the mind happens insidi-
ously. Assume you have a perfect grip while playing billiards.
Instead of all your fingers touching the butt of the cue, one day
you may suddenly discover that one finger is touching the cue a
little lighter than it should. You may subsequently reach a stage
when you are playing with one particular finger not resting on
the cue at all. This is how a fault can slowly creep into a play-
er’s technique. You may start believing your technique is correct
when actually it is not; the bad technique became second nature
to you because you allowed it to creep in.
The short point: watch it. Do not let character flaws creep in-
sidiously into your life. You may find that they are there to stay.
16. Life is a Challenge
I’m not scared of challenges; in fact, I welcome them. Whenever
I have time to sit down and relax, I keep asking myself what is
the meaning of my life and other such philosophical questions. I
might not have any real answers, at least at the beginning. But I
know one thing for sure—whatever it is, I want to go for it and
grow. The day we think we know it all, we might as well be dead
and gone.
You must possess the ability and wherewithal to criticize
yourself. Only then will you be able to learn from your mistakes
and not repeat them. Accepting the truth about yourself will
51
 16. Life is a Challenge
compel you to find out who you are and come to terms with your
frailties.
It is very easy not to accept one’s own faults. We are invari-
ably biased towards ourselves and find it tough to acknowledge
our faults and limitations. The first step is to recognize the fact
that you are not perfect, but a human being with limitations.
Only those with strength of character are able to listen to their
conscience, their inner voice, and then act accordingly. I define
character as the courage of conviction to be your own self.
I have learned to accept what others say about me with an
open mind. Not everyone who is critical of you is necessarily
your opponent. Many are critical because they want you to re-
move your shortcomings. And we would not be able to improve
ourselves if we were not able to recognize our limitations.
Let’s say you’re addressing a thousand-strong audience on a
subject dear to your heart. Slowly you see 999 people walk away,
with just a solitary man left sitting and listening to you. Most
people would be dejected and depressed. But that is because
there is no mental equilibrium. Anger, depression, and agitation
are manifestations of the ego. A trained mind will finish and en-
joy the oration with that audience of one.
If I were the speaker, I then would go back home and do some
serious introspection on why 999 people walked away. That’s a
moment of truth. Rather than become agitated, I would accept
that perhaps I was adding little value. I would then do some-
thing constructive about it, even if it took months or years of labor.
Take it from an introvert who now does motivational speaking
throughout India—this works.
If you are a celebrity, the public may treat you as someone
“special.” You are not; no one is. Even if you’re “successful”—
especially if you’re “successful”—it’s crucial that you encourage,
and accept, honesty from those closest to you. The day your own
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Success Vs Joy
spouse starts believing and treating you differently because of
your achievements, will be the day when you will come to your
professional end. Because then you may actually start believing
that you are “special.”
If you keep challenging yourself, within and without, your
life will remain a source of joy.
17. The Challenge of Transcending Defeat
There are those who cannot stomach defeat; they get demoral-
ized easily. There’s a wonderful kid from Ahmedabad who took
to billiards after he saw me play. He was so obsessed with the
sport that he dropped out of school when he was in the tenth
grade so that he could concentrate on improving his game. He
fell madly in love with the game and would spend ten hours a
day working on his technique. There was a time when I got high-
ly inspired just watching the intensity of his spirit. This kid was a
natural and picked up the nuances of the game quickly. Everyone
predicted he was destined to become a world champion. But he
had an attitudinal problem. He just could not cope with the fact
that he could lose.
He had been placed on a pedestal, not only by his friends,
but also by his family. When those close to you start believing
that you are special, you start thinking that you are “the Chosen
One.” That is mental suicide. This happened in his case, and
he just collapsed under the weight of his own and his family’s
expectations. In his very first year on the professional snooker
circuit, he reached a creditable 160th in the official world rank-
ings. His second year turned out to be disastrous. He lost his first
match. And when he fell at that first hurdle, his dreams and ex-
pectations were shattered and he gave up playing.
53
 18. The Challenge of Transcending Pain
To persevere, you must focus your mind on the game—not
the results. It is fine to be ambitious. But the nobility is in the
playing.
If you want social status through a game, or any other life en-
deavor, you will certainly be disappointed. The world does not
really care whether you lose or win.
There is liberation in that truth: The world does not care if you
lose. You play, you work, you grow for yourself. If you stumble,
it does not matter. If you fall entirely and plow your face into the
dirt, so what? You’ve just learned how to keep standing up.
You live for yourself and the joy that life gives you. Nothing
else.
18. The Challenge of Transcending Pain
In 2004, I started to explore Vipassana, as a way to purge my
mind of clutter and rediscover the joy of living in the moment.
Vipassana is a very effective meditation technique, which was
created by Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) some 2400 years
ago. It is a time to go inward, to rediscover the joy of the connect
with the self, and to reinforce the worthlessness of petty anxiet-
ies, insecurities, and feelings of envy. These realizations are the
stuff of enlightenment.
The first course involved remaining silent for eleven days.
This included no visual or physical contact with anybody.
On the third day we were asked to sit in one posture for one
hour without moving our limbs. Whichever posture was cho-
sen, there was an intense pain in many parts of the body after
35 minutes. The last 10 minutes of the hour were particularly
excruciating.
The first time I tried this, I found that there was an intense
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Success Vs Joy
pain in the left part of my head and my intellect was trying to ig-
nore the pain. My mind attempted many tricks to divert itself and
not feel the pain, but after 50 minutes it gave up and succumbed
completely. I did not move my body or uncross my limbs, but my
head drooped as I suffered the last 10 minutes with pain the only
sensation in my entire being.
19. Meeting the Challenge: Mental
Equilibrium
That evening S.N. Goenka, who conducts these courses through
audio and video discourses, told us about mental equilibrium.
That, he said, is the one trait that enables us to maintain our
cool. When we are angry or ecstatic, we tend to lose our mental
equilibrium.
Mental equilibrium allows us to dispassionately view the
events around and within us. Goenka asked us not to become
paranoid about the pain. He inspired us to believe that all events
are temporary and that this pain is also temporary. He asked us
to focus on the pain. We were to just observe it and be detached
from it. And, most important, we were to let our mind be in con-
trol of the pain.
It was sound advice and the second time I sat for the
athistan—sitting without moving—I managed it effortlessly. I sat
continuously for an hour and 20 minutes. The pain was acute,
but my mind was sharp and was viewing it dispassionately.
After one hour, the pain almost disappeared. Mental equilibrium
had allowed me to be dispassionate to the intense pain.
This lesson, learned under controlled circumstances, has
much bigger implications for how we approach the rough-and-
tumble of life. I believe the one quality that we need at a crucial
55
 20. Simplify
point of a match is this mental equilibrium. We cannot allow the
event to dominate our mind. We must be dispassionate.
20. Simplify
Genuinely successful people understand the meaning of disci-
pline and of total commitment to a single cause. This discipline,
by definition, necessitates a simplified lifestyle. This is the key to
improving concentration.
You can get an idea of the power of simplified life by seeing
what happens when you simplify radically. The badminton All
England champion, Prakash Padukone, once told me that for six
years he did not watch a single movie while he was undergoing
a rigorous training regime. He would wake up at 5:30 a.m., go for
a 10-kilometer run, return home for breakfast, exercise, and then
play two-and-a-half hours of badminton, come back at noon and
sleep for two hours. He would then wake up at 2:30 in the after-
noon, exercise till 3:00, play badminton between 4:00 and 7:00, do
some cooling-down exercises, return home at 7:30, have his din-
ner and go to bed by 8:30. He maintained this incredibly disci-
plined lifestyle for six years without a break, seven days a week!
The world sees him as an individual who has made many
sacrifices. Ask him and he would insist there was no sacrifice at
the time—only joy! There is joy in any activity that leads to per-
sonal growth and excellence. The process of growth and learning
is the basis of joy. Where there is joy, there is no sacrifice.
21. Harmony with Family
I’ve been speaking of the pleasure that I find in solitude, and
the great importance that I place upon removing all outside
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Success Vs Joy
considerations from my mind when I act. Yet it is not a para-
dox that all of this rests on the love and support of my family.
What you can achieve alone, you achieve much more easily with
help. When you work to sustain joy in the teeth of all the world’s
apsaras, your family fights at your side.
Your relationship with your family is something you build
and maintain. It, too, can benefit from the principles that you ap-
ply to your own quest for joy. Concentration, consistency, and
humility are crucial in your relationship with your family. So,
too, is a zest to learn and grow.
Consider concentration. I like to pay full attention to what I
am doing at any given moment. There are bound to be interrup-
tions; the telephone will ring and so on. But if I am going to give
my best, I must try to not allow others to distract me. If my wife,
Kiran, calls while I am in a meeting, I simply tell her that I will
call her back. If I start talking to her, I would be rude and unfair
to both her and those present at the meeting, because my concen-
tration would be interrupted. I would be absent to everyone.
While I was playing in the Sydney World Championship in
2002, I received a telephone call from my wife that my father
had been admitted to the intensive care unit (ICU) and had been
placed on a respirator. I asked my wife whether I should return
to India immediately, but she told me I should continue to play in
the tournament and come back only after the event was over. By
my yardsticks, I played brilliantly during the tournament even
though I eventually lost in the final to Mike Russell. I was able to
concentrate on my game despite the unexpected and unwelcome
news about my father. I then returned and was able to concen-
trate fully on my father.
The role of your family in keeping you calm is crucial. I have
been married to Kiran for a quarter-century now, and her sup-
port and faith have been immeasurable. Before a tournament she
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 22. My Journey from Control to Emotion
always makes a special effort to remain calm and supportive. If
there has been a crisis at home, she will not tell me about what
has happened until my tournament is over. These are among the
many ways she has adjusted and helped.
Above all, Kiran has never prevented me from fulfilling my
professional commitments, irrespective of any alarming situation
that she may be facing. She knows how much joy I derive from
sport and what it means to me. Even though she might well want
me to be present on her birthday, she would never dream of pre-
venting me from touring or participating in a tournament that
clashes with the date.
This is not to say that the role of a partner is pure sacrifice, or
merely to serve as a buffer. These events have stuck in my mind
precisely because they are extraordinary.
The point is that in a sound relationship, the partners con-
stantly and consciously work to strike a balance between their
individual and mutual needs. I was fortunate to establish a mu-
tual understanding with Kiran from the very beginning. Athletes
who have established a good, meaningful, and deep relationship
with their partners perform better as a result.
If you have achieved a sound family relationship, this begins
a self-reinforcing spiral. Joy with the family leads to a greater
commitment to joy at work. In turn, deriving joy from what you
do actually renews your energy to be able to deal with the issues
at home.
22. My Journey from Control to Emotion
No healthy relationship remains static, and my own relationship
with Kiran and our children is no exception. In fact, it was a ma-
jor reason why I decided to pull back from competition and the
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Success Vs Joy
rigorous practice that marked my billiards game from my earli-
est days.
As I moved into my forties, I was growing into my role as a
father. Today, in retrospect, I realize that I had been suppressing
some of my deeper emotions as part of my self-discipline. My
children brought them to the forefront, in an unexpectedly good
and powerful way. They, themselves, were powerful correctives
to success. Like many people, I found it all too easy to consid-
er the daily hassles of living “important.” But then my daugh-
ter would hug me tightly at the end of a long day, and my son
would greet me with a wide smile. With the simple truth of love,
they refocused me.
Following this steady growth, in 2006, my father died.
I realized then that something was missing in my life. I didn’t
know quite what, nor did I know how to find it. I sensed, instinc-
tively, that the ongoing push for perfection at the billiard table
might be interfering with my growth in other ways.
So, I decided to take the radical step of ceasing practice, and
of cutting back my tournament schedule. As I expected, my
game gradually declined. In my seventh year without practice, I
withdrew from play altogether. Yet all this was balanced by rich
experiences in my family.
When I pulled back on my involvement in billiards, I thought
of my reasons in concrete terms: that “there must be more to
life,” and that I also should acquire more and broader knowl-
edge. Over the years, with more maturity, I realized that I was
driven by the need to integrate emotion into my life. That meant
integrating my life more closely with that of my family…and I
have become a better man for it.
After seven years, with my children attaining adulthood,
I started training again. At this writing, in my early fifties, my
59
 23. Kiran’s Path to Joy
form feels good. On a deeper level, I feel good. I am able to touch
pure joy.
23. Kiran’s Path to Joy
A pleasant irony of our life together is that, as I pulled back from
my passion to grow into my family, it was our family that pro-
pelled my wife Kiran into an entirely new and powerful pursuit
of joy.
We were dissatisfied with the quality of our children’s school.
Kiran, with the drive that I admire so much, decided that she
would homeschool them. That was a great departure for some-
one who had built her career in interior design. Working from
home, she taught our two children.
Then, she partnered with a group of similarly-minded par-
ents to start an entirely new school. This new field fascinated
her. She went back to college, and then graduate school, to gain a
formal background in education. As she progressed, she succes-
sively taught each grade level at her new school.
As Kiran became fired up about education, it became a pas-
sion for her in the same way that billiards has been a passion for
me since our earliest days together. The details and mechanics of
her pursuit of joy are different, but the pure action and sensation
are the same. We now understand each other better, and are able
to support each other in our efforts with less angst, because we
both know the pursuit and the taste of joy.
With her graduate research, Kiran came into contact with
new and powerful ideas that have shaped my own understand-
ing of the mind, and of how we all seek fulfillment. They include
the multiple intelligences theory of Dr. Howard Gardner, whose
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Success Vs Joy
correspondence with Kiran has helped nurture some of the in-
sights that I’ve shared in this book.
24. Duties
You may at times be compelled to do something that you don’t
enjoy. The call of duty may take precedence over all other
considerations.
After reading this far, you won’t be surprised to hear that
I’m not wired to enjoy delivering speeches or attending cultural
programs. Nevertheless, I may have to do precisely what makes
me uncomfortable, in order to support a larger cause—in other
words, playing the role of an ambassador for the game of bil-
liards. Given that the game has provided so much joy in my life,
I should be willing to sacrifice some of my pleasure for the game.
There is an obvious parallel in the very structure of a billiards
match. During a match, you have to sit out when you miss and
your opponent is on the table. You cannot say “Since I am not
enjoying myself, I am leaving.” You have to continue sitting out
patiently and not let your mind become agitated.
Duty is not just a thing to be endured. It can be its own op-
portunity for growth. When I worked in the corporate sector, I
would sometimes have to sit through two-hour-long meetings. I
would be bored stiff but could not just get up from my seat. I did
not have a choice. The best I could do in such situations was to
try to understand what others were saying. This, of course, was
precisely what I was supposed to be doing.
I often tell myself that it is a real challenge to find something
new to learn from even an ordinary, routine situation. Even in
trying situations I try not to let my mind wander. I have, in the
past, dabbled in three or four things together, but not found joy. I
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 25. My Struggle with Joy Success Vs Joy

now believe in focusing on one activity at a time…even if that ac-
tivity is not inherently exciting to me. To focus on duty is a more
subtle form of experimentation, of the exploration and search
deep inside for joy.
25. My Struggle with Joy
will create its own success. Seek joy and success will naturally fol-
low. I have learned that when I wanted success and was willing
to sacrifice joy for it, I eventually got neither. Clearing my mind,
focusing my will, and opening myself to joy…these brought me
everything that is valuable in life.
Joy is internal—success is a creation of society. You always
have a choice.

Like any other healthy person, I try to examine myself objective-

ly. While this book is the fruit of self-examination, I owe it to you
to share my own doubts. Like most people, from time to time I
wonder: “Am I fooling myself?”
At times, there is a sense of guilt. Am I too selfish? Am I anti-
social, unconcerned about others? Do I only take and give noth-
ing in return? Have I cocooned myself and built an invisible wall
around myself? Do I live in a world of illusion where I have shut
out all that I do not like, all that I consider sad, disagreeable, and
painful?
I seek the answers faithfully, but I don’t claim to know them.
This book is a snapshot of one person, in the middle of his life. It
is a hard-won, carefully-considered body of advice. I firmly be-
lieve, and fervently hope, that it is wisdom.

26. Joy!
My lifetime has been a dance with joy. In my youth, I embraced
it; in my adulthood, I rediscovered it; now, in middle age, I de-
fend it. As I grow older, and hopefully wiser, I learn that there are
more paths to joy, as well as more paths away from it.
Which comes first, success or joy? Many believe that once
they succeed, they will be happy. But success, as commonly un-
derstood, is in no way linked to happiness. Commitment to joy

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