Why Do So Many Couples Look Alike Here's The Psychology Behind The Weird Phenom

Why Do So Many Couples Look Alike?
Here’s the
Psychology Behind the Weird Phenomenon
Greg and Olivia Brunner. Courtesy of Greg and Olivia Brunner
BY JAMIE DUCHARME APRIL 4, 2019
In 2016, Olivia Brunner, like millions of Americans, decided to take an at-

home DNA test. But Brunner wasn’t motivated by pure curiosity. She bore a
striking resemblance to her then-boyfriend, Greg — from their hair colors
and complexions down to their facial expressions — and for years, people had
commented that they looked related. She needed to confirm, for her own
peace of mind, that they weren’t — especially since she had been adopted as
a baby.
“In the back of our minds we were like, ‘What if there’s this tiny little chance
that we actually are somewhat related?'” Brunner, 26, remembers. “It got
pointed out to us too much for us to not be worried about it. I don’t know
http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

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what we would have done.”
Their worries turned out to be for nothing, and the New Hampshire couple
married last year. Today, their uncanny resemblance is just “an inside joke
that everyone can be a part of,” Greg, 26, says. “The only time it really comes
up is when we say, ‘What are our kids going to look like?’ Well, they’re going
to look like us.”
Lookalike couples have captured public fascination for years. Back in 1987,
scientists from the University of Michigan set out to study the phenomenon
of married couples who grow to look more alike over time. (Their theory,
which scientists still cite today, was that decades of shared emotions result
in a closer resemblance due to similar wrinkles and expressions.) More
recently, social media has amplified romantic doppelgängers through viral
posts and channels like the Tumblr Boyfriend Twin, which celebrates gay
couples who resemble each other. But how do so many lookalikes end up
together in the first place?
Despite the old notion that opposites attract, Indianapolis-based social

psychologist Justin Lehmiller, who is a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute
and author of Tell Me What You Want, says people naturally gravitate toward
people who are familiar, even though the whole process is likely
subconscious. There are some traits that work best in a relationship when
they’re balanced out by an opposing partner — like dominance and
submissiveness — but, by and large, “what is familiar to us tends to be what
we like and are drawn to,” even if we’re not explicitly aware of it, Lehmiller
says.
That phenomenon extends to appearance. “You’re familiar with your own

appearance, so seeing other people who share those similar sorts of traits
might lead to more liking for that reason,” he says.

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One 2013 study found that to be true. In the experiment, people were shown
images of their romantic partner’s face that had been digitally altered to
include some features from another face — either random other faces, or the
study participant’s own face. Both male and female participants consistently
rated the composite that included their own face as the most attractive.
An earlier study reached a similar finding about composite images — and also
found that people were subliminally attracted to features of their opposite-
sex parent. Study participants rated images of others as more attractive when
a picture of their opposite-sex parent quickly flashed across the screen first,
suggesting that they were subconsciously primed by the familiar face.
Another 2018 study looking at biracial people found that they tended to be
attracted to and pair up with people who resemble their parents, regardless
of sex.
That parental preference may seem a little creepy, but it’s not problematic or
even particularly surprising, Lehmiller says. It’s likely a completely
subconscious process that taps into our natural associations with what’s
pleasant and appealing, he says. “These traits might come to be seen as
comforting,” he says. “They’re familiar to you.”
Zara Barrie, a 31-year-old writer who lives in New York City, says she dated at
least three women who looked like her. (Barrie is now married to a woman
who she says looks nothing like her.) She says she wasn’t aware of the
pattern at first and didn’t usually notice the resemblance until someone else
pointed it out.
“It would freak me out, especially when someone would ask, ‘Are you twins?'”
Barrie remembers. “It just feels kind of dark and perv-y. And then it also
makes you worry: are you a narcissist if you’re attracted to people who look
like you?” (Probably not, Lehmiller says, since the whole thing is

Page 3 of 15
subconscious.)
Lookalike partners may also be drawn to each other, subliminally, because of

their genes. Plenty of studies have found that spouses tend to be more
genetically similar than strangers, sharing predictors of everything from
height to educational attainment. There is also some preliminary evidence
that people may be attracted to potential mates who come from similar
ancestry — at least for white couples, since they’ve been the focus of most
early research. Both of these tendencies could feasibly translate to physical
similarities within a couple.
Ben Domingue, an assistant professor at the Stanford Graduate School of

Education who has studied genetic similarity between spouses and friends,
says genetically matched folks tend to find each other because of social,
cultural or environmental common ground.
“Genetic similarities are either causing people to be in similar environments,

or are just correlated with other things that are causing people to be in
similar environments,” Domingue says. “Once you’re in those environments”
— a certain college or neighborhood, say — “that’s where you find your
partner.”
That was true for the Brunners, who met while students at Syracuse
University. But both Domingue and Lehmiller say that phenomenon may be
changing, as old notions of dating are replaced by more fluid ones.
For one thing, people are getting married later in life and traveling farther
for education and work, giving them more opportunities to find and pair up
with people from different backgrounds. “When you’re exposed to so many
different options and your community is larger, that might facilitate
attraction toward a wider range of traits,” Lehmiller says.

Page 4 of 15
Online dating is also starting to change the game, Domingue says. With
potential mates only a swipe away, people are no longer limited to finding a
partner within their social circle or immediate environment, he explains. And
while some experts have pointed out that dating app filters that allow people
to sort by race or religion enforce biases and homogeneity, other research
suggests that online dating has overall led to more diverse couples. While the
U.S. Census Bureau found that about 10% of marriages were between
interracial couples from 2012 to 2016, Pew Research Center‘s estimate is
even higher: It says nearly 20% of couples in the U.S. were interracial as of
2015, up from 7% in 1980.
But it’s hard to predict whether the phenomenon of lookalike couples will
fade in coming years, as marriage and dating patterns continue to shift —
largely because attraction is always hard to pin down, Lehmiller says.
“Attraction is this very complex phenomenon, and there are so many factors
that play a role in it,” he says. “Initial similarity might lead you to be
attracted to somebody, but it doesn’t mean you’ll have a happy relationship.
Attraction is not something that’s easy to predict.”
Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie.ducharme@time.com.
Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial
team. If you make a purchase using the links included, we may earn commission.

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Why Do So Many Couples Look Alike?

Greg and Olivia Brunner. Courtesy of Greg and Olivia Brunner

BY JAMIE DUCHARME APRIL 4, 2019

In 2016, Olivia Brunner, like millions of Americans, decided to take an at-

http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

Despite the old notion that opposites attract, Indianapolis-based social

That phenomenon extends to appearance. “You’re familiar with your own

http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

Lookalike partners may also be drawn to each other, subliminally, because of

Ben Domingue, an assistant professor at the Stanford Graduate School of

“Genetic similarities are either causing people to be in similar environments,

http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie.ducharme@time.com.

http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

http://time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/?utm_sour…%22%3a%22%22%2c%22COUNTRY%22%3a%22EUR%22%7d 09/04/2019, 08L34

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