BRAEBURN SCHOOL

Garden Estate, Nairobi

PARENTING STYLES
AND THE POSSIBLE OUTCOMES

By Hamida Ahmed
The School Counselor
Facilitated by Hamida Ahmed -School
counsellor
 What is our long term goal as
parents?

 To raise a normal, bright, healthy, well-

adjusted, independent, refined, clever,
rational, sensitive, wise, reasonable,
resourceful, thoughtful, perceptive,
courteous, human being who will be
outstanding members of our society.

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counsellor
 Parenting styles

A style of raising children that

increases the chances of a child
becoming the most capable person
and adult he or she can be.

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 Most parent can be classified into 4 main
types by the style in which they guide
their children.
 As we discuss each, think about where
you as a parent fit most appropriately.
 Do you and your spouse/ caregiver use
the same style?

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counsellor
 4 main parenting style

1. Authoritarian Parents
2. Authoritative Parents
3. Permissive Parents
4. Neglectful / uninvolved Parents

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counsellor
Facilitated by Hamida Ahmed -School
counsellor
 Authoritarian parenting style
Limits without Freedom
 Parents’ word is law

 Expect children to follow strict rules

 Does not explain why rules should be obeyed

 Punish children who disobey rules

 Are controlling/power-oriented

 Use verbal threats or corporal punishment

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counsellor
Cont……
 Parents have absolute control of both
behaviour and attitude.

 Affection and praise are rarely given

 They value unquestioned obedience

 Children are told what to do, how to do

it, and where to do it, and when to do it.
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counsellor
In essence…..
 Children from authoritarian homes are so
strictly controlled, either by punishment
or guilt, that they are often prevented
from making a conscious choice about
particular behavior because they are
overly concerned about what their
parents will do.

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counsellor
Outcome of Authoritarian parenting
•Obedient
•Withdrawn
•Unhappy
•Hostile
•Distrustful
•Discontent
•Often Rebel especially when they grow up

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counsellor
Permissive parenting style
Freedom without limits.
Has no firm rules, lenient -Parents allow their
children to do their own thing.

Accepts child as he/she

Communicates and nurtures child

Acts more like a friend than parent
Usually warm

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Cont……
Littlerespect for order and routine.
Parents make few demands on children
Parents are resources rather than
standard makers
Rarely punish
Non controlling, non-demanding
Children walk all over the parents

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counsellor
In essence….

 Children from permissive homes receive

so little guidance that they often become
uncertain and anxious about whether
they are doing the right thing or not.

 IS THIS A CASE OF THE TAIL

WAGGING THE DOG ????????

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counsellor
Outcome of Permissive Parenting
 Dependent •Experiences
•Irresponsible / lack problems in school
self-control •Aggressive
•Immature •Least self—reliant
•Experiences •Least self-controlled
problems with •Least exploratory
authority •Most unhappy

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Authoritative Parenting style

 Freedom within limits.

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 Middle ground between the two above
 Stress freedom along with rights of others
and responsibilities of all
 Parents set limits and enforce rules
 Willing to listen receptively to child’s
requests and questions.
 Both loves and limits

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Cont…..
 Children contribute to discussion of issues
and make some of their own decisions
 Exert firm control when necessary, but
explain reasoning behind it.
 Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique
personalities.
 Loving, consistent, demanding
 Combine control with encouragement
 Reasonable expectations and realistic
standards.

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counsellor
In essence……..
Children whose parents expect them to
perform well, to fulfill commitments, and
to participate actively in family duties, as
well as family fun, learn how to formulate
goals.
 They also experience the satisfaction
that comes from meeting responsibilities
and achieving success.

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counsellor
Outcomes of Authoritative parenting

•Happy delinquent
•Independent, but seek  Good decision
help when needed making
•Mostly self-reliant
•Mostly self-controlled
 Capable
•Content, friendly,
generous
•Cooperative  Successful
•High-achiever’
•Less likely to be
seriously disruptive or
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 Neglectful / uninvolved Parenting
style
 Makes few demands

 Low responsiveness to child

 Detached from child, but fulfills his/her

basic needs

 In extreme cases parents REJECT or

NEGLECT needs of child
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When parents totally reject or
neglect their children……

 Beware of clinical depression or post

natal depression, addiction or other
serious mental illnesses.
 Ask them to seek help.

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counsellor
Facilitated by Hamida Ahmed -School
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Facilitated by Hamida Ahmed -School
counsellor
Helicopter parenting
 Helicopter parenting is also known as
hyper-parenting or over parenting.
Helicopter parents rarely let their
children out of sight.
 It's an attempt to prevent any challenges
or obstacles in their child's life that they
can foresee, therefore "preserving" their
childhood.

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 In school, helicopter parenting can be
revealed through a parent ensuring a child
has a certain teacher or coach, selecting
the child's friends and activities, or
providing disproportionate assistance for
homework and school projects.

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Why do parents hover?

 Helicopter parenting can develop for a number of

reasons.
 Fear of dire consequences
A low grade or not making the team, can appear
disastrous to a parent, especially if it seems it
could be avoided with parental involvement.
 However, many of the consequences [parents] are
trying to prevent--unhappiness, struggle, not
excelling, working hard, no guaranteed results--
are great teachers for kids and not actually life-
threatening. It just feels that way."

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Overcompensation
 Overcompensation
Adults who felt unloved, neglected, or
ignored as children can overcompensate
with their own children.

 Excessive attention and monitoring are

attempts to remedy a deficiency the
parents felt in their own upbringing.

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 Peer pressure from other parents

When parents see other over involved

parents, it can trigger a similar response.

 We can easily feel that if we don't

immerse ourselves in our children's lives,
we are bad parents. Guilt is a large
component in this dynamic.

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Feelings of anxiety
 Feelings of anxiety
Worries about the economy, the job
market, and the world in general can push
parents toward taking more control over
their child's life in an attempt to protect
them.
 Worry can drive parents to take control
in the belief that they can keep their child
from ever being hurt or disappointed.
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What are the consequences of
helicopter parenting?
 Many helicopter parents start off with
good intentions. The problem is that, once
parenting becomes governed by fear and
decisions based on what might happen, it
is hard to keep in mind all the things kids
learn when we are not right next to them
or guiding each step.
 Failure and challenges teach kids new
skills, and, most important, teach kids that
they can handle failure and challenges.
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 Decreased confidence and self-esteem.

 "The underlying message [the parent's]

over involvement sends to kids, however,
is 'my parent doesn't trust me to do this
on my own,' [and this leads] to a lack of
confidence."

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counsellor
 Undeveloped coping skills.

 If the parent is always there to clean up a

child's mess--or prevent the problem in
the first place--how does the child ever
learn to cope with loss, disappointment,
or failure? Studies have found that
helicopter parenting can make children
feel less competent in dealing with the
stresses of life on their own.

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counsellor
 Undeveloped life skills. Parents who
always tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches,
launder clothes, and monitor school
progress, even after children are mentally
and physically capable of doing the task,
prevent their children from mastering
these skill themselves.

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 Increased anxiety.
 A study from the University of Mary
Washington has shown that over
parenting is associated with higher levels
of child anxiety and depression.

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 Sense of entitlement. Children who
have always had their social, academic, and
athletic lives adjusted by their parents to
best fit their needs can become
accustomed to always having their way
and thus they develop a sense of
entitlement.

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counsellor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
BvAouF47QQU

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counsellor
Free-range parenting
 Free-range parenting is the concept of
raising children in the spirit of
encouraging them to function
independently in proper accordance of
their age of development with a
reasonable acceptance of realistic
personal risks.

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video

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So, what's Your Parenting
Style?

Let’s talk

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counsellor