Esposa en reversa

Su esposa muere, los labios ligeramente separados, un ojo abierto. Él

golpea la puerta del dormitorio de su hija menor y le dice: "Sería mejor que
vinieras. Parece que mamá está por fallecer". Su esposa entra en coma tres
días después de haber vuelto a casa y sigue así durante once días. Hacen
una pequeña fiesta al segundo día de su regreso: salmón de Nueva Escocia,
chocolates, un risotto que prepara él, queso brie, frutillas, champagne. Un
vehículo de traslado médico trae a su esposa a casa. Ella dice: "Ya no
quiero más asistencia vital, ni remedios, ni suero, ni comida". Él llama al
911 por cuarta vez en dos años, le dice al operador: "Mi esposa; estoy
seguro de que es otra vez neumonía". A su esposa le colocan un tubo
traqueal. "¿Cuándo me lo sacarán?", dice ella, y el doctor responde: "¿Para
ser honesto? Nunca". "Su esposa tiene un caso muy grave de neumonía",
les dice a él y a sus hijas, la primera vez, el médico de cuidados intensivos,
"y entre uno y dos por ciento de probabilidades de sobrevivir". Ahora
su esposa usa una silla de ruedas. Ahora su esposa usa un carrito a motor.
Ahora su esposa usa un andador con rueditas. Ahora su esposa usa un
andador. Su esposa tiene que usar bastón. A su esposa le diagnostican
esclerosis múltiple. Su esposa tiene problemas para caminar. Su esposa da
a luz a su segunda hija. "Esta vez no lloraste", le dice, y él contesta: "Estoy
igual de feliz". Su esposa le dice: "Me parece que algo no anda bien con mis
ojos". Su esposa da a luz a su hija. El obstetra dice: "Nunca vi a un padre
llorar en la sala de partos". El rabino los declara marido y mujer, y justo
antes de besarla, él se pone a llorar. "Casémonos", le dice, y ella dice: "Por
mí está bien", y él dice: "¿De veras?", y se pone a llorar. "Qué
reacción", dice ella, y él: "Estoy tan feliz, tan feliz", y ella lo abraza y le
dice: "Yo también". Ella lo llama: "¿Cómo estás? ¿Quieres que nos
encontremos y hablemos un poco?". Lo alcanza hasta la entrada de su
edificio y le dice: "Esto sencillamente no está funcionando". En su primera
cita verdadera van a un restaurante y él le dice: "Si me pongo tan
quisquilloso sobre qué comer es porque soy vegetariano, cosa que estaba
un poco reacio a decirte, tan pronto", y ella dice: "¿Por qué? No es nada tan
peculiar. Solo significa que no vamos a compartir la entrada, excepto las

1
verduras". En una fiesta, conoce a una
mujer. Conversan durante largo rato. Ella tiene que dejar la fiesta para
asistir a un concierto. Él le pide su número de teléfono. Le dice: "Te
llamaré", y ella: "Eso me agradaría". Se despiden en la puerta y él le
estrecha la mano. Después de que ella se ha ido, piensa: "Esa mujer va a
ser mi esposa".

WIFE IN REVERSE

His wife dies, mouth slightly parted and one eye open. He knocks on his
younger daughter's bedroom door and says "You better come. Mom seems
to be expiring." His wife slips into a coma three days after she comes home
and stays in it for eleven days. They have a little party second day she's
home: Nova Scotia salmon, chocolates, a risotto he made, brie cheese,
champagne. An ambulette brings his wife home. She says to him "Wheel
me around the garden before I go to bed for the last time." His wife refuses
the feeding tube the doctors want to put in her and insists she wants to die
at home. She says "I don't want any more life support, fluid or food." He
calls 911 for the fourth time in two years and tells the dispatcher "My wife;
I'm sure she has pneumonia again." His wife has a trach put in. "When will
it come out?" she says, and the doctor says "To be honest? Never." "Your
wife has a very bad case of pneumonia," the doctor tells him and his
daughters the first time, "and has a one to two percent chance of
surviving." His wife now uses a wheelchair. His wife now uses a motor cart.
His wife now uses a walker with wheels. His wife now uses a walker. His
wife has to use a cane. His wife’s diagnosed with MS. His wife has trouble
walking. His wife gives birth to their second daughter. "This time you didn't
cry," she says, and he says "I'm just as happy, though." His wife says to
him "Something's wrong with my eyes." His wife gives birth to their
daughter. The obstetrician says "I've never seen a father cry in the birthing
room." The rabbi pronounces them man and wife and he bursts out crying.
"Let's get married," he says to her, and she says "It's all right with me,"
and he starts crying. "What a reaction," she says, and he says "I'm so
happy, so happy," and she hugs him and says "So am I." She calls and says
"How are you? Do you want to meet and talk?" She drops him off in front of
his building and says "It's just not working." He meets a woman at a party.
They talk for a long time. She has to leave the party to go to a concert. He
gets her phone number and says "I'll call you tomorrow," and she says "I'd

2
like that." He says goodbye to her at the door and shakes her hand. After
she leaves he thinks "That woman's going to be my wife."