CHAPTER 6 Giving Feedback that sticks

● Coaching is focused on asking questions rather than providing sincere feedback.

● However , people ask for feedback saying : “just give it to me straight” this can be hard to
accomplish.
● On the other hand, when you say , Can I give you some feedback to your employee . their
heart rate and blood pressure tend to increase and they can feel signs of stress as well.
These symptoms are known as threat response. or as Fight or flight which makes you less
capable of absorbing and applying feedback.
● With this kind of dynamic in feedback you observed that people respond with explanations ,
defensiveness or hostility or even minimizing eye contact, crossed arms. This kind or fight or
flight behaviors shows that your feedback will not have the desired impact. They Key
questions is how to deliver feedback your people can digest and use?

○ Cultivate the relationship

■ When People feel connected to us, even difficult conversations with them are
less likely to trigger a threat response.
● Make the other person feel known. You have to see them as
individuals. A good advice, Make a habit to ask your people about
their work or personal lives whenever you can.
● Respond to even small bids for attention, a bid is a questions, a
gesture, a look, a touch. To connect with employee, You should be
able to notice their efforts to gain your attention.
● Regularly express appreciation, the ratio of positive to negative
interactions in a successful relativo ship is 5 to 1, so it highlights the
importance of providing positive feedback and strengthen the relativo
ship.
○ Manage emotions
■ Emotions play vital role in feedback because Let you other know what We
value. Emotional experiences are easier to recall and support better decision
making.
■ It is important to express just enough emotion to engage and avoid provoking
a hostile or defensive reaction. Take in count that you can talk in different
ways to your co founder and employee. It is Hard to calibrate how We
express in conversation. The solution is to practice more about feedback
conversation.
○ Play Fair
■ “Staying on our side of the net” which is focusing our feedback on our
feelings about the behaviour and avoiding references to the other person's
motives.
■ For example, when giving a critical feedback to someone who always is late ,
you are tempted to say “you don`t value my time, and it is very disrespectful
of you. But these are guesses or assumptions about other person's mind, not
statement of facts. This can cause employee be less receptive on the
feedback. In contrast , it would be more effective to say : “when you are late ,
I feel devalued and disrespected. this shows a statement focusing on a
certain behaviour but giving our own feeling cannot be disputed its accuracy.
○ Set the stage
■ Timing, Although it is suggested to make shorter, informal feedback
conversations. Sometimes it is necessary to have a longer in depth
discussion. Choose a time when both you and the other person will be at your
 best, such as at the beginning of the day o the end of day. when you feel less
worried to have more time to reflect.
■ Duration, think about how much time a given feedback conversation is likely
to take if it goes well.
■ Physical location, meeting in your office will reinforce hierarchical roles which
can be useful to establish some distance between yourself and the other
person but this will induce stress and increase a tentative threat response.
less formal setting would be a conference room, a restaurant or even
outdoors which can reduce the likelihood of a threat response.
■ Proximity, when sitting with an employee sitting across from each other with a
desk in between creates a physical distance which reinforce your authority.
On the other side, when you are attempting to create a stronger connection
with the other person or convey a greater sense of empathy, it is better to sit
closer and on adjoining sides of tables.
○ HAve a feedback conversation more often, try to offer smaller pieces of focused
feedback on a regular basis. Even a two minute debrief with an employee after a
meeting or a presentation can useful learning opportunity.
○ Role play difficult conversations, Conduct this exercise with a friendly colleague: Start
by delivering you feedback while your colleague role plays the recipient, which will
allow you to try out different approaches. then have your colleague give you the same
feedback while you role play the recipient.
○ Ask for feedback yourself, Asking your employees to give you a feedback on your
effectiveness as a leader will benefit in three ways:
● Get valuable input
● Understand what it is like to be on the receiving end
● your willingness to listen will make your own feedback mean more.
○ when employees are reluctant to give feedback, ask them to
help you accomplish some specific goals.

CHAPTER 7 , Enlist Knowledge coaches

Take years for your company's best people to acquire their expertise and whey they fo , they
take their deep smarts with them. This wisdom is crucial to your company's survival. Turn
your experts into knowledge coaches. These experts use learn by doing techniques-guided
practice, observation, problem solving, and experimentation to help rookies absorb
long-acquired business wisdom.
● Guided practice, rookies practice skills under the watchful eye of knowledge coaches.
But first rookies observe an expert helping a client solve a specific problem. after that,
they will practice their skills by leading a client session.
● Guided observation, it takes two forms, shadowing and field trips.
○ Shadowing, rookies absorb deep smarts by following experienced,
skilled colleagues and then discussing their observations with those
colleagues.
○ During fields trips, novices break out of rigid mental habits and expand
their experiences through exposure ways of thinking and behaving.
● Guided problem solving, Knowledge coaches can lead how to approach
problems.
● Guided experimentation, Knowledge coaches help novices set up modest
experiments that speed learning. Through discussiones of each experiment`s
results with knowledge coaches.
Pitfalls of positive feedback, ​praise is supposed to make your employees feel good and
motivate them, but often it does just the opposite.
● People do not trust the praise, ​Before delivering unpleasant feedback to
your direct reports. how many f us say sth nice to soften the
blow?unconsciously we condition people to hear positive feedback as a
hollow preamble to the real message. Actually what we have done is to
undermine our ability to deliver any meaningful feedback, positive or negative.
○ WHAT TO DO?, ​instead of giving a spoonful of sugar before every
dose of constructive criticism, start with the following statement : IT IS
IMPORTANT THAT WE CAN BE SINCERE(CANDID) AND DIRECT
WITH EACH OTHER SO WE CAN WORK TOGETHER
EFFECTIVELY. I HAVE SOME CONCERNS FOR US TO DISCUSS,
AND I AM OPTIMISTIC THAT WE CAN RESOLVE THEM.
● People resent it, Often ​Managers use positive feedback to overcome
resistance to request but it creates a sense of obligation, a social debt the
recipient feels compelled to repay by acceding to your wishes. Eventually
people will feel manipulated and resentful. and less inclined to help you out
○ WHAT TO DO?Motivate people by expanding your persuasive tool kit.
Gain lasting influence in 4 ways:
■ Establish credibility through expertise and work you have done
with others`interest.
■ frame goals around common ground and shared advantage
■ support your views with compelling data and examples.
■ connect emotionally with people.
● We Praise the wrong things, The whole self esteem movement taught us
erroneously that praising intelligence, talent, and abilities would foster
self-confidence and self-esteem, and everything great would follow. But
recently it was found that it does not work at all. People who are praised tend
to worry about doing the next thing. In fact , they`ll stick to their comfort zones
and get really defensive when they hit setbacks.
○ WHAT TO DO?, ​Praise effort(attitude) , not ability or talent.