Funny Quotes

&

Famous Last Words

Lucas Reynard & Paul Woods

SlyPrintProductions

Woods Global Deals

Contents

Funny Quotes

&

Famous Last Words

Contents

INTRODUCTION
Voltaire,
Henrik Johan Ibsen
Saint Lawrence
Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde
Major-General Sir William Erskine, 2nd Baronet,
Marie Thérèse Louise of Savoy, Princesse de Lamballe ...
John Sedgwick
Joan Crawford
Donald O’Conner
Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech
Michel de Nostredame
— Chico Marx
Anton Chekhov
Kurt Cobain Quoted Neil Young Lyrics When He Wrote This Line In His Suicide Note
Karl Marx's Response When Asked By His Housekeeper What His Last Words Were
Charlie Chaplin Said This After A Priest Reading Him His Last Rites Said "May The Lord
Have Mercy On Your Soul"
Ludwig Van Beethoven

References

Copyright
INTRODUCTION
Last words said by someone dying are particularly memorable and for most interesting,
since they are that person’s last words alive. Over the centuries, decades and years,
famous, infamous and regular people have said some truly funny, strange, sad,
haunting things on their deathbed (wherever they are). It’s surprising how many people
seem to know they are dying. Of course, some last words have been said by those
about to be executed or on their way to a life-threatening operation, or just before a
horrible accident take them away, but many are not so obvious to the observer or dying
person that indeed these are their last words.

What follows are last words of people from all walks of life that are funny despite the
dire circumstances. A tribute to those who have passed and cause for reflection of just
who they were up to their end, how they impacted our lives during their lives and some
far after. Hope you enjoy them, maybe laugh or at least be interested and curious what
many famous (or not so famous) people’s last words were…
Voltaire​,
a famous French Enlightenment writer and philosopher who, when asked by a priest to
renounce Satan, for his attacks on Christianity as a whole, especially the Catholic
Church, replied, "​Now is not the time for making new enemies."
Born in 1903, Bob Hope was a British-born American entertainer and comic actor
known for his rapid-fire delivery of jokes and one-liners, as well as his success in
virtually all entertainment media and his decades of overseas tours to entertain
American troops. Hope received numerous awards and honors for his work as an
entertainer and humanitarian. He died on July 27, 2003.
https://www.biography.com/performer/bob-hope
Nurse: "Well you seem to being doing better today"
Ibsen: "On the contrary" He then died.

After several strokes, Henrik Ibsen died at his home in Oslo in 1906. By
then, the playwright had achieved great success, and was visited by many
until his last breath​. On the day before his death, one visitor asked the
nurse if Ibsen was feeling any better. She said that he was, to which
Ibsen famously uttered, "On the contrary!" before passing away the
next morning. He knew.
Henrik Johan Ibsen
(Norwegian): 20 March 1828 – 23 May 1906) was a Norwegian playwright,
theatre director, and poet. As one of the founders of ​modernism​ in theatre,
Ibsen is often referred to as "the father of ​realism​" and one of the most
influential playwrights of his time. His major works include ​Brand,​ ​Peer
Gynt,​ ​An Enemy of the People​, ​Emperor and Galilean​, ​A Doll's House​,
Hedda Gabler,​ ​Ghosts,​ ​The Wild Duck​, ​When We Dead Awaken​, ​Pillars of
Society,​ ​The Lady from the Sea,​ ​Rosmersholm,​ ​The Master Builder​, and
John Gabriel Borkman.​ He is the most frequently performed dramatist in
the world after ​Shakespeare​, and by the early 20th century ​A Doll's House
became the world's most performed play. ​Wikipedia
Saint Lawrence
or ​Laurence​; 31 December AD 225 – 10 August 258) was one of the seven
deacons of the city of ​Rome​, ​Italy​, under ​Pope Sixtus II​ who were ​martyred
in the ​persecution of the Christians​ that the ​Roman Emperor Valerian
ordered in 258.​ Wikipedia. ​Unfortunately for our hero, St. Lawrence was
sentenced to death. The method of execution? He was to be tied to an iron
grill over a slow fire that roasted his flesh. After a sustained period cooking
to death on the grill, St. Lawrence turned to his persecutor and said ​"Turn
me over, I'm done on this side!" And just before he died, he said, "It's
cooked enough now."
"Either this wallpaper goes, or I do." -Oscar Wilde

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde

(16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900) was an Irish poet and
playwright.

After writing in different forms throughout the 1880s, he became one

of London's most popular playwrights in the early 1890s. He is best
remembered for his ​epigrams​ and plays, his novel ​The Picture of
Dorian Gray​, and the circumstances of his criminal conviction for
homosexuality, imprisonment, and early death at age 46. Wikipedia

Major-General Sir William Erskine, 2nd Baronet​,

(30 March 1770 – 1813) was an officer in the British Army, served as a
member of Parliament, and achieved important commands in the
Napoleonic Wars​ under the ​Duke of Wellington​.

Despite being a well-decorated soldier, having served during the

French Revolutionary Wars and under the Duke of Wellington in the
Napoleonic Wars, Erskine is remembered primarily for how he died,
rather than how he lived.

Years of service, and likely an undiagnosed mental disorder, caused

Erskine to unravel in his final years. Around 1812, he was released
from duty and declared insane — a year later, Erskine committed
suicide in Lisbon, Portugal, by jumping off a balcony. Though as
reports have it, he might not have really wanted to. According to Terry
Breverton's book Immortal Last Words, as well as many other
sources, Erskine was heard saying just as he jumped, "Now why did I
do that?"
“​Good.
A woman who can fart is not dead.”…..as she let one rip while
she was dying.

Marie Thérèse Louise of Savoy, Princesse de Lamballe ...

https://​en.wikipedia.org​/​wiki​/​Marie​_Thérèse_​Louise​_de_​Savoie​...
Princess ​Marie​-​Louise​ Thérèse of Savoy-​Carignan​ (8 September 1749 – 3 September 1792)
was a member of a cadet branch of the House of Savoy.She was married at the age of 17 to
Louis Alexandre ​de​Bourbon-Penthièvre, Prince ​de​ Lamballe, the heir to the greatest fortune in
France.After her marriage, which lasted a year, she went to court and became the confidante of
Queen ​Marie​ Antoinette.
John Sedgwick
was a general in the Union Army in the American Civil War. ​Major-General John
Sedgwick ​was an important figure in the American Civil War and was considered by his
men to be a brave and inspiring leader. He saw many engagements and was wounded
by bullets three times - but was seemingly immune to fear.
Nevertheless, the general public would now be unaware of him but for the rather
unfortunate assertion he made just before dying. At the U.S. Civil War skirmish of
Spotsylvania Court House, Sedgwick was deploying his men to face the enemy, with
Confederate snipers hindering their preparations. I gave the necessary order to move
the troops to the right, and as they rose to execute the movement the enemy opened a
sprinkling fire, partly from sharp-shooters. As the bullets whistled by, some of the men
dodged. The general said laughingly, "What! what! men, dodging this way for single
bullets! What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of
you.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance​." A few seconds after, a man who had
been separated from his regiment passed directly in front of the general, and at the
same moment a sharp-shooter's bullet passed with a long shrill whistle very close, and
the soldier, who was then just in front of the general, dodged to the ground. The general
touched him gently with his foot, and said, "Why, my man, I am ashamed of you,
dodging that way," and repeated the remark, "They couldn't hit an elephant at this
distance." The man rose and saluted and said good-naturedly, "General, I dodged a
shell once, and if I hadn't, it would have taken my head off. I believe in dodging. "The
general laughed and replied, "All right, my man; go to your place." For a third time the
same shrill whistle, closing with a dull, heavy stroke, interrupted our talk; when, as I was
about to resume, the general's face turned slowly to me, the blood spurting from his left
cheek under the eye in a steady stream. He fell in my direction ; I was so close to him
that my effort to support him failed, and I fell with him.
Joan Crawford
a famous actress was dying of cancer and screamed these last words to her
housekeeper who was praying for her at her deathbed.
Donald O’Conner
was a singer, dancer and actor. He also hosted the Academy Awards in 1954.
O’Conner died at age 78 with his family gathered around him. He joked, ​“I’d like to
thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get.”
(Not yet)
Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech
1st Marquis of Dalí de Púbol​ (11 May 1904 – 23 January 1989), known
professionally as ​Salvador Dalí​, was a prominent Spanish ​surrealist​,​ born
in​ ​Figueres​, ​Catalonia​,​ Spain.
(Salvador Dali’s famous melting clock)
https://www.google.com/search?q=salvador+dali+clock&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir
=onBTcPpojJmG8M%252CZsiek5kEil7qAM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kTDKNCbqR8oNgxF_U
WK-wcLQoWiTw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiZ8cDx0N3hAhWNnFkKHYk1D28Q_h0wJXoECAsQBg
&biw=1366&bih=576#imgrc=TuNPlPaBskhEvM:&vet=1
Michel de Nostredame
(depending on the source, 14 or 21 December 1503 – 1 or 2 July 1566),
​
usually​ ​Latinised​ ​as ​Nostradamus​,​ was a French ​astrologer​, ​physician​ and
reputed ​seer​, who is best known for his book
[b​]​
​Les Prophéties​,​ a collection of 942 poetic ​quatrains​ allegedly predicting
future events. (His last words also proved to be true) The book was first
published in 1555 and has rarely been out of print since his death.
He suffered from severe ​gout​ ​toward the end of his life, which eventually
developed into ​edema​. ​He died on 2 July 1566. Many popular authors have
retold ​apocryphal​ legends about his life. Wikipedia.
“​Remember, Honey, don’t forget what I told you. Put in my coffin a deck of cards, a
mashie niblick, and a pretty blonde.”

— ​Chico Marx
(brother and co-actor as one of the Marx Brothers starring in numerous comedies) gave
instructions to his wife and said that as his last words. (a mashie niblick is a kind of golf
club)
“​Yeah, country music.”
— ​Buddy Rich, drummer (when asked, ““Is there anything you can’t take?” by a nurse
before going into surgery)
“​This is no way to live.”
— ​Groucho Marx, comedian
Anton Chekhov

Charles Gussman ​, a writer for many years in radio and television, often creating
steamy soap operas, like the pilot for ​Days Of Our Lives.​ As his death approached, his
daughter reminded him of his wish that he wanted his last words to be memorable. After
removing his oxygen mask, he whispered his last words​: “And now for a final word
from our sponsor...”
Kurt Cobain Quoted Neil Young Lyrics When He Wrote This Line In
His Suicide Note
"Go away, I'm all right!"
H. G. Wells​, novelist
Herbert George Wells — known as H. G. Wells — was a prolific English
writer in many genres, including the novel, history, politics, and social
commentary, and textbooks and rules for games. He is now best
remembered for his science fiction novels, and Wells is called a ​father of
science fiction​. s​ pecialized. ​..​.Wikipedia

“​I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record..."

Dylan Marlais Thomas​ was a Welsh poet and writer whose works include
the poems "Do not go gentle into that good night" and "And death shall
have no dominion", the "Play for Voices", Under Milk Wood, and stories
and radio broadcasts such as A Child's Christmas in Wales and Portrait of
the Artist as a Young Dog. He became popular in his lifetime and remained
so after his premature death in New York City. In his later life he acquired a
reputation, which he encouraged, as a "roistering, drunken and doomed
poet". Thomas was born in Swansea, Wales, in 1914. An undistinguished
pupil, he left school at 16, becoming a journalist for a short time​.​ Wikipedia
​AlfredJarry​; a French symbolist writer, best known for his play Ubu Roi.
He also coined the term and philosophical concept of “pataphysics.”
Alfred Hitchcock​, (​Sir Alfred Joseph Hitchcock)​ (13 August 1899 – 29
April 1980) was an English ​film director​ and ​producer​,​ widely regarded as
one of the most influential filmmakers in the history of cinema. Known as
[a]​
"the Master of Suspense",​ he directed over 50 ​feature films​ in a career
spanning six decades, becoming as well known as any of his actors thanks
to his many interviews, his ​cameo roles​ in most of his films, and his hosting
and producing of the television anthology ​Alfred Hitchcock Presents
(1955–1965)... By 1960 Hitchcock had directed four films ​often ranked
among the greatest of all time: ​Rear Window​ (1954), ​Vertigo​ ​(1958), ​North
by Northwest​ ​(1959), and ​Psycho​ ​(1960).In 2012 ​Vertigo​ replaced ​Orson
Welles​'s ​Citizen Kane​ ​(1941) as the​ ​British Film Institute​'​s greatest film
ever made. Wikipedia
Pablo Picaso. ​Famous artist who once​ ​ate at a fancy Fench restaurant
and they insisted he autograph a napkin rather than paying the bill.
Photo :
https://www.boredpanda.com/famous-last-words/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&
utm_campaign=organic
Jack Daniels, creator of the famous Jack Daniels brand whiskey from
Tennessee. ​Photo:
https://www.boredpanda.com/famous-last-words/?utm_source=google&utm
_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Machiavelli ​was an ​Italian​ diplomat, politician, historian, philosopher,
humanist​, writer, playwright and poet of the ​Renaissance​ period. He has
​
often been called the father of modern ​political science​.​ For many years he
served as a senior official in the ​Florentine Republic​ with responsibilities in
diplomatic and military affairs. He wrote comedies, carnival songs, and
poetry. His personal correspondence is renowned by Italian scholars. He
wrote his best-known work ​The Prince​ (​Il Principe)​ in 1513, having been
exiled from city affairs.

Machiavellianism​ is widely used as a negative term to characterize

unscrupulous politicians of the sort Machiavelli described most famously in
The Prince.​ Machiavelli described immoral behavior, such as dishonesty
and the killing of innocents, as being normal and effective in politics. He
even encouraged it in some situations. The book gained notoriety due to
claims that it teaches "evil recommendations to tyrants to help them
maintain their power." ​Wikipedia
Karl Marx's Response When Asked By His Housekeeper What His
Last Words Were
https://www.boredpanda.com/famous-last-words/?utm_source=google&utm
_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Charlie Chaplin Said This After A Priest Reading Him His Last Rites
Said "May The Lord Have Mercy On Your Soul"

https://www.boredpanda.com/famous-last-words/?utm_source=google&utm
_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Ludwig Van Beethoven

https://www.boredpanda.com/famous-last-words/?utm_source=google&utm
_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
REGULAR EVERYDAY PEOPLE WHOSE FAMILY MEMBER REVEALS THEIR
RELATIVE’S LAST WORDS: (Most of these were obtained from responses on
Redit’s article asking for the funniest last words ..see References below)

"Given the choice of dying or listening to you one more minute, Id rather-"
[dies]

I'm pretty sure my grandfather's dying words were the funniest I've heard.
He said "Nä, nu skiter jag i det här", which roughly translates to "Eh, I can't
be bothered anymore".

"Okay, I believe you; that was a real gun."

"Oh... oh my, it's him! It's Jesus! .....Jesus has horns?"

Probably my nana's. "I hope there's a man waiting for me. The only thing
that has been touching my boobs is cookie crumbs".

My granddad was on his last legs, his family surrounded him.

Aunt said to him through heavy sobs "It's okay, you can go now dad."
Granddad mustered up the strength to say "I'm not gone yet for fuck sake!"
...and those were the last words of my grandfather.

"By the way, your real father is..."

I'm too old for this shit.

"Tell the governor that he has lost my vote" - Some guy that was sentenced
to death just before his execution.

I'm pretty sure my grandfather's dying words were the funniest I've heard.
He said "Nä, nu skiter jag i det här", which roughly translates to "Eh, I can't
be bothered anymore". Edit: Woah, I just got back online today, and I had
no idea this would blow up so much. As some people pointed out a better
translation might be "Nah, screw this", or if you're feeling really angry "Fuck
this shit", but I went with the mood of what my Grandpa actually said. "Nah,
screw this" is actually pretty accurate though. Also, thanks for the gold! I'm
sure gramps would have appreciated it. =')

My grandfather slipped into a coma before he passed, the last thing he said
before he fell asleep and didn't wake was "tell Laura (his wife) don't put me
up top, I always get dizzy" he smiled a little. he was giving us instructions in
what crypt to get him in the mausoleum our family gets entombed in. My
grandfather was the ultimate dad joke guy, and I've always been glad he
went out with a joke, I'm sure he was proud.

My grandma wasn't there at the time, but we told her after he passed and
even while crying she couldn't help but laugh, I knew then he did it for her.
"This water isn't deep enough for sharks." -he said before being eaten by a
crocodile.

“​I hid the money under the...”

"So, inflammable really means flammable..."

“​Alas,
it is as my fortune cookie foretold."
Someone asks, "Do you have any last words?"
Properly respond: "Yes, just three."

"I'll just re-spawn, right?"

“​I still can't believe it's not butter!”

"I am invincible!" (preferably in a bad Russian accent)

"What I learned... in Boating School today, is......"

“​It said rat poison, not human poison.”

"Go to my computer and delete my browser history..."

Reminded me of my grandmother dying, several of her children were in the

hospital room talking and she opened her eyes and said could you people
“Be quiet, I'm trying to die here.” She died soon after.
'' Ohhh I have totally forgotten to tell you this! Ok you're going to love this,
its the best story ever. Okay here it goes....''

I believe in reincarnation, so I leave all of my possessions to myself.

My dad said this to me right before he died. “Hey son that fucking gun is
loaded.”

My grandpa was about to go from pancreatic cancer. He wouldn't stop

working on re-roofing his barn so Bessie could sell it (his wife, my
grandma). So to stop him from working and to let him go peacefully my dad
and his brothers hid my grandpas framing hammer. His last words were
"where is my goddamn hammer?

"I love you all and if I'm lying may God strike me down."

My granddad was on his last legs, his family surrounded him. Aunt said to
him through heavy sobs "It's okay, you can go now dad."
Granddad mustered up the strength to say "I'm not gone yet!"...and those
were the last words of my grandfather.

My aunt was dying of cancer, as everyone gathered around her at her

home while she was about to pass, the family gathered around with
glasses of wine. Someone asked if they should give her one and she said
"What is it going to do? Kill me?" Man, she was the freaking best.

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.
The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood
next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he
motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed
him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to
scribble a note, then suddenly died.
The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he
placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was
wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said,
"You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked
at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us
all."
He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left--you're standing on
my oxygen tube!"
References
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2uei10/what_are_the_funniest_last_word
s_someone_could/
https://www.grunge.com/29562/famous-people-said-hysterical-things-death/?utm_camp
aign=clip
Charles Gussman, 87, Dies; Spinner of Soap Opera Webs, The New York Times/
https://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/28/arts/charles-gussman-87-dies-spinner-of-soap-op
era-webs.html​?
http://youtu.be/jLm-5B7NXug
Wikipedia for many of the descriptions of the people that died
https://www.ranker.com/list/dying-words-last-words-spoken-by-famous-people-at-death/
notable-quotables
https://www.boredpanda.com/famous-last-words/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=or
ganic&utm_campaign=organic
https://www.grunge.com/29562/famous-people-said-hysterical-things-death/?utm_camp
aign=clip
Copyright
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Published by Lucas Reynard of ​SPP (SlyPrintProductions) © ​2019 Florida in

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