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Mackenzie Kilduff

Dr. Kelly

Thinking and Writing

7 Dec. 2015

Could it really happen to me and my friends?

One in every five women has been reported to have been sexually assaulted or

raped at some point in their lifetime. Increasing that number, one in every four college

women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime (Sexual Assault Statistics). Although these

facts are so prevalent in our society, no one seems to listen to them, until it happens to

them. Sex in American society is overlooked to where even rape is swept under the rug

and even joked about. Everyday, millions of people continue to believe false facts about

sexual assault and rapes. After a rape or assault occurs, the victim and their close loved

ones experience effects that drastically change their life. Due to the common

misconceptions and the prevalence of sexual assaults on campuses, many schools and

universities have been taking strides to protect their students. Sexual assault not only

affects victims, but their friends, like myself, and families, and colleges and universities

across America are taking stands to end sexual assault on and off of campuses.

Typically, people all across the world, do not think that someone they know, or

themselves, could ever be sexually assaulted. The summer of 2015 started out with high

school graduation with some of the greatest friends in the world. We headed to Ocean

City, Maryland to spend Senior Week at the beach with all of our friends and classmates.

Halfway through the week, my entire world fell apart in front of me. One of my best

friends, Rebecca, was raped by someone that we all knew, at a party, in the middle of the
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day, and alcohol was involved. After the incident, she came back to our hotel room to tell

us what had happened to her. Being seventeen and eighteen years old, we had no idea

what we should do. So, we called my friend’s dad, but Rebecca had decided she did not

want to go to the hospital. The whole next day, we all struggled with what could have

happened if we went, until she decided that she did indeed wanted to go. We spent the

whole night at the hospital and Rebecca completed a rape kit and filed a police report.

The investigation is still going on, and hopefully, he will be convicted in the near future.

Since we were only recent high school graduates, none of us were prepared to

handle the situation like the one that we encountered. During the whole incident, I had to

take control of what had happened and keep everyone together. I had to talk to the police

and the doctors when Rebecca couldn’t, call all of our parents, and be the brave one. I

had no time to think about the situation, how I felt, or how I was going to handle this

internally or externally. Unfortunately, people across the country, including myself, have

a hard time understanding how to deal with the topic of rape.

Generally, people all across America, including myself, believe common

misconceptions about sexual assaults and rapes. Before my friend was assaulted, I never

knew some of the facts associated with rape. One of the common misconceptions is that

sexual assault victims are typically attacked by an unknown person and the victim is

assaulted at complete random, in a strange location. In reality, this is not at all true. The

Bureau of Justice Statistics reports six in ten rape or sexual assault victims said they were

assaulted by a partner, relative, friend, or acquaintance. This statistic shows that over fifty

percent of rapes are caused by people that you know. In college, this statistic increases to

nine in ten victims knew the person who hurt them (Victims and Perpetrators). Similar to
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those statistics, forty percent of sexual assaults take place in the victims own home (Get

the Facts). Before Rebecca was raped, I never knew that over half of sexual assaults are

by people that you know. I also did not know the typical assaults that people think about

are not realistic at all. Along with the misconception of attackers, many people do not

believe that it can happen to men as well.

Another frequently mistaken belief is that all victims are women. Although the

number is still not as high as women, one in every thirty-three men has been the victim of

an attempted or completed rape in his lifetime, making ten percent of all victims affected

by rape male (Get the Facts). In regards to male rape, people often think that men should

be capable of defending themselves and that it is not possible for men to even be raped.

However, men are typically attacked by gangs, assaulted with a weapon, or completely

taken by surprise. The victim’s physical strength is not always enough protection to

defend themselves, because these other factors come into play (Rape: Myths and

Realities). In the relation to my friend, although she is not a boy, she is very strong and

can easily defend herself. She is a very strong gymnast, but she was still unable to get her

attacker off of her, before she was raped. Rape can happen to anyone, but not everyone

knows this.

Another misconception is that women are likely to lie about being raped. The FBI

reports that of all the rapes that are reported, only two percent of them are false

accusations. This is the same as any other crime that people commit (Rape: Myths and

Realities). I have experienced this misconception first hand. I have people, who know

Rebecca, come up to me constantly and ask if this really happened to Rebecca. I get so

aggravated when people ask me this, because I do not understand why people would not
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believe her. Misconceptions are constantly believed, and I hope that people will not

continue to believe them. Before I knew someone that was raped, I was one of the

millions of people that believed all of the wrong things about sexual assault. I am now

informed, and I will continue to try and educate people about rape. Being the best friend

of a rape victim and watching people believe misconceptions constantly, I have also

watched first hand the effects of the incident on my friend and on myself.

Sexual assault effects not only the victim, but their friends and families in many

traumatic ways. Many survivors of rape experience hardships after they are raped or

sexually assaulted. They are three times more likely to have depression and four times

more likely to contemplate suicide. They are thirteen times more likely to abuse alcohol

and twenty-six times more likely to abuse drugs (Get the Facts). Not only do they

experience these effects, but victims and their friends can experience heavy amounts of

PTSD, after the assault. Survivors of sexual assault are six times more likely to suffer

from PTSD, than regular people (Get the Facts). PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder,

“develops after a terrifying ordeal that involved physical harm or the threat of physical

harm” (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD can vary depending on the incident. The

person who develops PTSD may have been the one who was directly harmed, the harm

may have happened to a loved one, or the person experiencing PTSD may have witnessed

a harmful event that happened to loved ones or even complete strangers. (Post-Traumatic

Stress Disorder). Most people that have been raped or sexually assaulted experience

PTSD, because they have a hard time accepting what has happened.

Post-traumatic stress disorder varies from person to person, but all cases are

equally as challenging to live with. PTSD is highest for people involved in a violent
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attack where the perpetrator uses weapons and violent actions against the victim. Post-

traumatic stress disorder is very high for alcohol-related attacks, because victims tend to

blame themselves for what has happened to them. In less severe attacks, PTSD still

occurs, but it is not as high as the other cases (Peter-Hagene 162). In regards to alcohol

related assaults, like the one my friend experienced, victims are most likely to blame

themselves after the incident or feel like it is their fault. Due to the consumption of

alcohol, they feel that they were not in control of the situation and could have stopped it

if they were in control. However, victims have a hard time realizing that it was in no way

their fault, even if they were under the influence of alcohol. Days after it happened, and

still to this day, my friend blames herself for being raped because she was under the

influence of a high amount of alcohol. She has told our friend group that if she wasn’t

drinking this would have never happened, or if she was more careful it would have never

happened either. The problem is that it was not her fault and it never will be, but she can

not accept this. Along with victims, loved ones of people who have been raped,

experience high amounts of PTSD, because they feel that they could have prevented what

has happened to them.

Friends and loved ones of the victims that have been sexually assaulted also

experience high amounts of post-traumatic stress disorder. They find it challenging to go

back to the place where the assault happened, and they are less likely to trust men in the

future, just like the victim. The night that the rape occurred, all of my friends and I slept

in the same room. I can remember all of us flinching at the smallest noises, because we

did not feel safe at all. Then a couple days after my friend was raped, I was in the shower

thinking about my week at the ocean with my friends. I simply remember asking my
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sister when my family was going on vacation to the beach in Ocean City. My sister told

me that we were going back next week, and I turned around, slammed the door, and cried

my eyes out in the shower. I did not have any intention of going back to the place where

my friend was hurt. My mom ran downstairs and dragged me out of the shower, ensuring

me that I was going to be okay and so will Rebecca. I still have flashbacks about what

happened that week. I find myself thinking about how different things would be if I had

just gone with her, or made her stay with us. After the incident, I find myself continually

being cautious of my surroundings. I do not allow people to go anywhere by themselves,

I call my mom on the phone when I am walking alone at night, and I get nervous at the

slightest sounds. Now that I am in college, I want to feel safe on my campus. Many

colleges and universities have stepped up to help victims and their friends that have

experienced rape or known someone that has been assaulted.

Colleges and universities all across America have been taking the necessary steps

to help prevent sexual assault on and off of campuses. As I am a freshman in college, I

want to know that I am safe in my own new home. I want to not have to worry about

what is going to happen to me. However, if this were to ever happen to me, and I hope

that it never does, I want to feel comfortable going to the university about it. Less than

five percent of college students who are sexually assaulted actually report the crime to the

police (Get the Facts). This number is astounding, because victims do not even feel

comfortable reporting what has happened to them, where they should be able to.

However, many students are able to report their attacker, because their universities

protect them. A student at Marquette University, who has changed her name to Alice for

the sake of the article, was assaulted at school, in her dorm room. She discussed how she
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picked her college, because she never thought this would be an issue. She was dating a

boy for a couple weeks, before he assaulted her. She never reported it, because she was

unsure of what had even happened to her. Once she had realized what had happened to

her, she felt it was too far from the incident to do anything about it. A year after the

incident, her attacker messaged her on Facebook about the attack. Her friends encouraged

her to report her story to the Department of Public Safety at Marquette. The university

found Alice’s attacker guilty of sexual assault and sexual harassment. However, they did

not stop there. They made him take a course of sexual violence and prevention and was

required to present a project to the university about what it means to be in a healthy

relationship. Due to the excellent people at Marquette, Alice’s assault did not go

unnoticed (Fletcher). However, not everyone is as lucky as she was, and not everyone

feels comfortable bringing up what has happened to them on their college campuses.

Due to the abuse of alcohol on college campuses being so strong and prevalent,

many sexual assaults occur in college. Many universities, such as Marquette, are doing

things to help victims and to better the perpetrators. The Green Dot program, a bystander

education that aims to end the “code of silence” around the actions that lead to sexual

assault, is seemed to be the most beneficial. Students, from Catholic universities, think

this really works to help prevent dating and sexual violence on their campuses. They

believe that universities are finding it too easy to just use the “Band-Aid” approaches,

and this will not work (Fletcher). Title IX is one of the money solutions that colleges and

universities, across America, have created to help protect their students. Under the 1972

Education Amendments, schools are required to take active steps toward eliminating

discrimination on the basis of sex, including preventing and responding to sexual

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harassment, so that students can continue to learn. Title IX gives students the ability to

not only have it handled by the police, but to have it handled by campus proceedings and

federal agencies (Brodsky 139). Although students have this option, it is not the only way

that they can tackle what has happened to them. Many college campuses have help

centers to create a safe place for students to talk about what has happened to them. At

Seton Hill, we have Title IX and we also have the Blackburn Center, a help center for

relationship violence and sexual assault. After everything that has happened to me and

my friend, I feel safe at my new home. I know that if this were to ever happen to me, I

will be able to get help and be protected.

Sexual assault is prevalent in our world today. Sex is not something shared

between two people that are loved anymore; it is thrown around with ease. People often

joke about sexual assault, like it is nothing, and believe wrong things about it. When

sexual assaults occur, victims and their loved ones are affected in many ways, internally

and externally. Due to the high number of assaults that happen, colleges and universities,

like Marquette and Seton Hill, are taking the steps necessary to end sexual assaults.

Having Rebecca in my life, I know that sexual assaults are nothing to joke about and I

know what it is really like. I will continue all that I can do to help prevent situation, like

what happened to Rebecca, happen to another person. Sexual assault and rape is a

horrible thing, and no one, including myself, should ever have to experience any aspect

of it.
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Works Cited

Brodsky, Alexandra, and Elizabeth Deutsch. "The Promise of Title IX." Dissent

(00123846) 62.4 (2015): 135-144. Academic Search Elite. Web. 23 Oct. 2015.

Fletcher, Laura, and McKenna Oxenden. "Consenting to Change." U.S. Catholic 80.9

(2015): 18-21. Academic Search Elite. Web. 25 Oct. 2015.

"GET THE FACTS." Get the Facts. n.p., n.d. Web. 27 Nov. 2015.

Peter-Hagene, Liana C., and Sarah E. Ullman. "Sexual Assault-Characteristics Effects on

PTSD and Psychosocial Mediators: A Cluster-Analysis Approach to Sexual

Assault Types." Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, And Policy

7.2 (2015): 162-170. PsycARTICLES. Web. 25 Oct. 2015.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." NIMH RSS. n.p., n.d. Web. 28 Nov. 2015.

"Rape: Myths and Realities." Myths About Rape. n.p., n.d. Web. 28 Nov. 2015.

"Sexual Assault Statistics." One In Four USA. n.p., n.d. Web. 28 Nov. 2015.

"Victims and Perpetrators." National Institute of Justice. n.p., n.d. Web. 27 Nov. 2015.