The Five Love Languages

How many of you have ever been angry or frustrated with someone else because you
feel like they don’t care about your needs or feelings?(well, even if some of you haven’t I know
that many of us feel that way quite a bit) (Quite a few of us, right?) Well, I’m happy to say there
is a simple way to fix your relationships with other people and all it takes is a little conversation.
In 1995, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman released a book titled The Five Love
Languages dedicated to helping people get along with others and resolving their conflicts. The
five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and
acts of service.
Since the love languages were created, couples have been able to understand each
other better and connect on deeper levels. Chapman identified the languages to explain why
partners often said, “I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me.” In most cases, an absence of love
wasn’t the case, but instead there was conflict because different personalities prefer to give and
receive love in different ways. In fact, most couples rarely share the same predominant love
language. After people identify their love languages, they know what they truly want in a
relationship and can communicate that to others. Using the concept of the five love languages,
frustration in relationships of all kinds can be alleviated and friends and partners alike find each
other more enjoyable to be around.
Megan Stein, senior editor at Country Living Magazine wrote that the most commonly
preferred language of love is words of affirmation. Those who identify most with this love
language feel love when others compliment, encourage, and respect them. Affirmations also
include empathizing for someone else or giving them words of appreciation and gratitude. Many
people like this love language because when it’s received, it gives people confidence and
makes them feel good about who they are. The person feels secure and can better identify their
self worth.
The second most dominant type of love language is quality time. In the world today, we
tend to be preoccupied with technology, events, or whatever issues are going on in our own
lives. According to Kelsey Bober, the Content Manager for Bridgepoint Education at Ashford
University, for people who enjoy spending time with others, there is emphasis on how that time
is spent. Quality time seekers want the people they are with to be invested in whatever is going
on instead of distracted by other things. These people also love doing things with their friends
and partners. Activities can range anywhere from going to a movie, to hiking, to hanging out on
a Friday night.
Another type of love language is receiving gifts. A common misconception about this
love language is that all people who enjoy receiving gifts are materialistic. Truthfully, the reason
why people like to receive gifts is that they appreciate the meaning and thought put into
purchasing the gift. Additionally, a gift shows someone else that they are more important than
whatever you had to sacrifice to buy them the present. A gift is a visual way of representing love
and when used the right way can be extremely effective.
The fourth type of love language is physical touch. Now, I want to be clear when I say
this does not just mean sex. This category also includes hugs, hand holding, massages, and
other things that make a person feel good. Physical touch shows your concern, care and love
for others in a way that can be felt, which is why it stands out so much.
The final love language is acts of service and covers a wide variety of actions done for
others. Acts of service is doing tasks for someone else to show how much you care. Writer at
SheKnows.com, Brianne Hogan, explained that this includes things like running errands,
cleaning the house, or making someone breakfast in bed. Another way to think about acts of
service is that it’s a way to alleviate the stress on someone you love or appreciate or to show a
person that you care about them. Love is shown in this language by getting rid of a workload for
someone else so that they can focus on other things. This love language is effective because it
allows a friend to relax and do things that they actually want to. People whose main love
language is acts of service also tend to dislike laziness, broken commitments, or others
dumping extra work onto them.
Now that you know what the five love languages are, I encourage you to think about
which ones speak to you the most. Do you like kind words, time, gifts, touch, or when people do
things for you? Once you’ve identified which love languages you, your friends, and your
partners respond to best, you will have better success in relationships because you will know
how to effectively reciprocate love. Whether you believe in the capability of love languages in
relationships or not, it is safe to say that love is generally crucial to any relationship that aims to
last a lifetime.