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CFS-747-W
Consumer and Family Sciences
Department of Child Development & Family Studies
relationships
Sharing Dreams and Goals:
Creating an Emotional
Connection
By Shruti S. Poulsen, Ph.D.
Continuing Lecturer
Successful relationships with an intimate partner require Remember a time early in your relationship when it felt like
nurturing and attention. There are no quick fixes or you and your partner were on a shared journey? You may
fast-track methods to satisfaction and happiness in a have started out with shared goals and a clear sense of
long-term relationship. Most strategies for enhancing direction for your relationship and future together. Some-
your relationship require repetition and practice over times relationships are like a journey on a ship with two
time. Six fact sheets from Purdue Extension – Consumer co-pilots. At the beginning of the journey, both co-pilots
and Family Sciences address six areas of couple relationship agree on what direction they want to take and where they
challenges. The information in the fact sheets is based on want to end up. But as the journey progresses, one co-pilot
research by prominent marriage and couple researchers (or maybe both of them) may change course unexpectedly,
such as John Gottman, Sue Johnson, and Howard Markman. to the complete surprise of their co-pilot. Relationships over
The titles in this series are: time can start to feel like a ship with two co-pilots who have
• CFS-742-W, Handling Conflict with Your Partner and Staying very different ideas of which direction to head in. How do
Emotionally Connected you regain that sense of connection and shared dreams and
www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-742-W.pdf goals? How do you regain the sense of shared values for the
future of your relationship?
• CFS-743-W, Making Time to Talk to Your Partner
www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-743-W.pdf Talking with your partner about the dreams, goals, and
values you have for your life and relationship can help
• CFS-744-W, A Fine Balance: The Magic Ratio to a Healthy strengthen the emotional connection. It can give you and
Relationship your partner an opportunity to hear each other’s perspec-
www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-744-W.pdf tives and to honor what each of you brings to the relation-
• CFS-745-W, Increasing the Positives in Your Relationship ship. These conversations can help you and your partner
www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-745-W.pdf become co-pilots who are charting the same course together
• CFS-746-W, The Art of Complaining: Getting Your Concerns in their relationship journey. Before you begin such a
Across Without Criticizing conversation with your partner, it is important to clarify for
www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-746-W.pdf yourself how you feel and what your thoughts are. One way
you can explore these questions is to consider a few topics
• CFS-747-W, Sharing Dreams and Goals: Creating an
and questions at a time and to write down your thoughts in a
Emotional Connection
journal. You can use the journal to organize and review your
www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-747-W.pdf
CFS-747-W
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CFS-747-W
• What emotional qualities do you want your • What does it mean to be a mother or father in
home to have? An example might be a place your family?
where family members can feel safe. • What roles do you play as a mother or father?
• List what is similar and different about your • What roles do each of your children have in
home and the home you grew up in. the family?
• List what you would like to have in your home • What roles did family members play in the
that you had in the home you grew up in. family you grew up with?
• List the things you would like to have differ- • What do you want to do differently in your
ent from what you had in the home you grew current family?
up in.
• Examples of roles family members might
Spirituality play: your role as a mother might include
• What is the role of religion or spirituality in being an equal wage earner in the relationship;
your home, relationship, and family? an older child in the family may play the role
of caregiver to younger siblings.
• What role would you like it to have in your
home? Other roles
• How important is it to you? • List other roles you have in your life.
Rituals • How important are these roles?
• What rituals do you have as a couple and • How do you feel about these roles?
family for holidays, vacations, mealtimes, • What do these roles bring to your life?
goodbyes and • How do you balance these other roles with
greetings, or when the roles that you have in your family?
there is a loss in
the family? • Examples of other roles: sister, brother,
employee, church leader, etc.
• What rituals did
you have for You can explore and review these topics and
these events questions through journaling and reflection.
when you were As you clarify for yourself your thoughts and
growing up? feelings on some of these topics, you can share
these with your partner. The list suggests just a
• List the rituals few ideas for topics to reflect on. As you do this
from your childhood that you want to include activity, you may come up with more topics that
in your relationship and family now. are important to you and that you can share
• Some examples of rituals: going out for a with your partner. Sharing your reflections,
special dinner on a family member’s birth- feelings, and thoughts on these topics with your
day; always giving a hug or a kiss when you partner can provide a way for you to stay
greet or say goodbye to a family member; or connected with each other. It can help you
going on at least one vacation a year that understand each other’s values and worldviews,
includes just your immediate family. and help you appreciate and honor what each of
you brings to the relationship. Sharing and
Family roles connecting in this manner can help you and your
• What does it mean to be a husband or a wife partner move your relationship in the same
in your family? direction once again.
• What roles do you play as a wife or a husband?
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CFS-747-W
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