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A MESSAGE
FROMTHEMAYOR

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/ ~ 1 OFFICEOFTHEMAYOR ◄

771 l
I
I
I-
I
l

l
i
.........................
1 ~ ,:
..............................................
In Memoryof HerbertF.Scherer
, Sr.
Thisbookis a workof fiction.Names,characters,placesand incidentsareeitherthe productof the author'simaginationsor used
fictitiously.Anyresembla
nceto actualeventsor localesor persons,living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Baseduponcharactersandthe fictitioustowncreatedby DavidLynchandMarkFrostfor the televisionseries,"TwinPeaks."
Copyright© 1991by TwinPeaksProductions
, Inc. andACCESS All rightsreserved.
®PRESS.
ISBN:0-671-74399-6

1
 DidyouknowthatTwinPeaks
...
... consumes
moredoughnuts
percapitathan
anycityintheUnited
States?
... is equidistant
between
Juneau
, Alaska
and
Kayenta , Arizona?
...hasoneofthesafestlumber
millsinthe
country?
...hasmoredogan~ catloversthanTipton-on-
Trent, England?
...displays
moreChinookandKwakiutltotem
polesthanthemuseumin Spokane?
...recently
discovered
ourpopulation
is not
51,201?*

* the1990census revealed
ourpresent
population
is 5,120.1not51,201.

2
 Thefollowingis anexcerptfromthewill ofAndrew
Packard, townfatherandpatriarchofthePackard
clan,oneofTwin Peaks' two foundingfamilies,
who
waspresumed deadaftera boating
accidenton
BlackLake , September26,1987.

AndrewPackard
1926-1987;and1926-
Packard ,A . Notariz a tion TP27 8 3

''lli£mnine:m:othe gooorHtzensof m:urinJeans,

31nthe eventof mu ornth, 11.AnorefuJarkaro, hequeath

an unsperifieosum to the tofuntreasuru,to he useo
soleluano exdusiuelufor the prooudion ano oistrihu-
tion of a hook extolltngano promulgatingthe manu
virtues ano points of interest of our heloueorommu-
nitu.
31also request that mu gooopersonalfrieno,
3Rirharojaul Burman, a man of harou inoustru ano
responsihlefisral management, he maoeeoitor-in-rhief
of saio hook.

'.Mav
ins oeuoteothe hetter part of mu life to the hetter-
ment of our roIIediuequalituof life,31like to think of
euerulast man,uromanano rhilo in m:urinJeans as a
memherof mu famflu.
] feruentluhopethat this final gift to our tofunano ~s
people,ano the resultingoorument,fuillin time he seen
I as a lasting rontrihutionto the rontinueoneuelopment
of our d!.tirprioe ano sense of rommunitu,fostering
unoersfanoing amongUS, rommuniratingto others
ahout us ano helpingall of us mouetofuaros a greater
appredationof ~oo's great hountu of life iuhirh iue aII
share here in m:urinJeans."
- 3 - - more -

3
 TABLEOFCONTENTS

History

PackardSawmill

Flora

Fauna

GeologyandWeather

Pointsof Interest

Events

Dining

Lodging

Sports

Fashion

ReligiousWorship
•
Transportation

TownLife

Government

4
TheOldOperaHouse 10
First Inhabitants12
First WhiteMen 14

TheSawmill Then 20 WoodMistress 28

TheSawmill Now 22
TheJoysof Whittling26

FernsandFlowers 29
Pinesand Firs 31

AnimalLife 38 Fishing 48
Taxidermy 39
TheWhiteMoose 40

In the Beginning 54
WeatherWatch 56

WhiteTail Falls 62 TheTrainGraveyard 67

Owl Cave 64
TheGrange66

PassionPlay 68 LumberjackFeast76
PackardTimberGames69
Calendarof Events72

CherryPie 78
Doughnuts80
DiningOut 84

Great NorthernHotel 88
Bed& Breakfasts89

Football90

Whatto Wear 97
Furniture99

Twin PeaksGazette103 BlackLakeCemetery107

PhoneBook 105 Chamber of Commerce108
TimberPlayers 106

ProposedPrison 109

5
 TWINPEAKS:
A BRIEFHISTORY
ThehistoryofTwinPeaks
is dominated bythelives
History. ofthreegreatpioneer
families.
Twoblessed by
goodfortune.Onecursed
byill-tidingsand
disaster.
In1888TwinPeaks waslittlemorethana small,
ratheruntidycollection
ofrefugees,trappers and
thieveslivingin shacksalongtheshores ofBlack
Lake.TheWakahannawawak TradingPost,
laterrenamed Thor's,served theneeds ofthis
desolategroupofindividuals, dealing
in furs,
potables,and,somesay,opium.However, the
region'smostvaluable resource-itsvastforest-
remained untappeduntilJamesPackardand
wifeUnguin arrived
twoyearslater.
JamesPackardleftathrivingfamilybusiness in
Boston toventure outintothegreatunknown.
Educated atHarvard andYale,James earneda
reputationasa shrewd businessman, talented
second tenor,andsuccessful gambler. Hiswife
Unguindabbled inthemysticartspopular atthe
time.Shewasinstitutionalized brieflywhenshe
announced thathertruehomewaslocated some-
wherebeyond thesolarsystem inthemysterious
LandofBloon.Though Unguin spenttherestofher
lifeinandoutofseveral sanitariums,shedid
manage tosuccessfullybearfivehealthychildren.
JamesandUnguinoriginally intended to settlein
Seattle.
Butsensing thathisbusiness opportunities
wouldbebetter servedin a lesscalcifiedenviron-
ment,JamesandUnguin setoutfortheinteriorof
thestateinthespringof 1890.
Unguin Packard Inspired bythethrivingGuilderMill inTacoma,
1878-1974
James purchased a hugetractof landuponarriving
inTwinPeaks, andbegan workonwhatwasto
become thePackardMill. Unguin formedan
informal meetingclubcalledThose of Bloon,and
served asbothchairperson andsergeant atarmsfor
thenexttenyearsuntiltheclubwasdisbanded
duringoneofherfrequent institutionalizations.
WordofthePackard enterprise
soonspread, and
theriff-raffgathered
alongtheshores ofBlack

6
Lakewerereplaced bylumberjacks andmill-
workers drawntotheareabythepromise ofgood
workata decent wage. Thefactthattheworkwas
intolerable andthewages horridseemed to have
History
littleeffectonthisoptimistic
bandofclassvictims.
In1891,Rudolph andPixieMartelllefttheir
nativeSt.Louisfollowing a mysteriousfirewhich
destroyedtheirhome. Theymigrated west,
Rudolph's headfilledwithstoriesoffabledgold
minesandbusyseaports, meaning to settleinSan
Francisco.Buttheirmulesdiedenroute,andthe
MartellssettledinTwinPeaks instead, continuing
a longtimefamilytradition:badluckandworse
timing.
Rudolph wasa quietman,contemplative, andprone
Rudolph
Martell
to accidentslikemostofhisancestors. Asa young 1868-1931
man,hedabbled in painting andpoetry , butaftera
rather serious boutwithturpentine poisoning , it
wasdetermined thata lifein business wasmore
suitedto hispersonal needs. Pixiewasthe
daughter ofa circusaerialisl,forcedto leaveher
family's performing troupeaftercausing anaccident
in St.Louis[see:Great CircusTragedies. Odler
Press, 1923).Rudolph metPixieshortlythereaf-
terandwerewed.
TWAININTWINPEAKS
Rudolph Martellwasableto buya sizable
amount of landusingwhatremained ofhisfamily's Duringhis1892reading
touroftheUnitedStates,
fortune.
(Hisfatherwaskilledinatrolleyaccident. theAmerican writer,
Hismother perished
dueto avirulentformof humorist andcynicMark
scabies.)
Rudolph soonbegan workonthe Twaincancelled
MartellMill.Andthoughlimitedtotheworkers a scheduled readingof
rejected
bythePackardMill - primarily hisnovelHuckleberry
Finnat theOldOpera
Canadians anda visitingbandof Icelandic
lumber- Housewhenhe emerged
jacks- thenewmillsoonflourished.Twin Peaks fromtheforestsaround
wasnowdominated bytwintimberdynasties.The TwinPeaks."I feelas
Packards andtheMartells. thoughI've beenonlya
veryfewstepsaheadof
Meanwhile, ashomes sprungupalongBlack Death'shandtheentire
journeythrough that
Lake,andthetownofTwinPeaks beganto take gloomywood,"he
shape , OrvilleHorneandwifeBrulithaarrived remarked."Theowls
withplansfora general storetoservice
the seemedto murmurmy
burgeoning community. OrvilleHorne,known as nameasthoughmysoul
wasalreadytheirs."
a "life-longbachelor", surprisedhisfamilyby
marrying Brulitha. TheHornesoperated a
-~
 mercantile
empirein Minnesota, andOrville,too
impatient
towaittoassume a leadership
roleinthe
dynasty,
headed
westto createoneofhisown.
Brulithahadearned a reputation as an excellent
athlete andpoetess , andlaterpublished O Twin
Peaks, MyLand , MyHome , anepicpoemoften
compared totheworkoftheregion 's poetlaureate
,
LITTLESCOTTIE
HugoBoot.[see:Boot.Formidable orFake .
John Hanford, Twin Iambi c Press, 1937.)Horne' s general store, known
Peaks ' firstmayor,wasa asHorne'sGeneralStore,competed forthe
manof highspirits who town's business withThor'sTradingPost
moderated hisformidable (formerly Wakahannawawak ) untila suspicious
sobriety withintermittent
celebration . Ononesuch fireleveled thePost , leavingHorne'sasthe
occas ion,July4, 1891,in region 's onlymercantile outlet.This virtual
whatis nowtheRoad- monopoly helpedthegeneral storetothrive,and
house , hecreatedour aftersustainingstructural damage intheSmallish
veryowncocktail,the
Earthquake of 1905, Hornerebuiltturningthe
LittleScottie . Twoparts
bourbon , onepartrye, relativelymodest general storeintowhatlater
witha dashof Drambuie became Horne'sDepartment Store.
anda twistof lime. Little
Scotties stilldisappearin Notlongaftertheturnofthecentury, thePackard-
greatnumbers every Martelltimberrivalryentereditssecond
generation.
weekend .
Rudolph Martelldiedanuntimely deathdueto
"Scotties," aswe liketo gangrene , andwifePixiejoinedanIndiantribein
callthem, area local thesouthwest, leavingtheirsonandheir, Nealith
legend. Strainedover Martell to carryon. Nealithwasknown asbotha
crackedice in a short dreamer andaninvalid,andspentmostofhislife
glassandtraditionally
accompanied bycheese
in bed.Hemarriedbymailorder, andwithwife
andcrackers, theyhave BessieSpoon, turneda waryeyetoward the
beenfeaturedin Spirits perpetuating ofthefamilybusiness.
magazine,discussed on
the "JerryAllenShow", ButNealithwasnotmade fortheroughand
andhaveevenfoundtheir tumbleworldoftimber. Whena local inventor
,
wayintothepagesof
Crosby Truman, offered hima patentonthe
JaredBack 's bestseller,
Backstop. revolutionary
V-shaped flume , Nealithdeclined.
TrumanpaidhisnextvisittothehomeofEzekial
It's hardto resista well- Packard,a fableddomicile known astheBlue
madeScottie, butlet us PineLodge .
suggest moderationfor
theuninitiated . Thisis a UnlikeNealithMartell,EzekialPackard ,
sly dogwitha bigbite!
JamesandUnguin 'sson,wasbornto business.
Lacking evenhisfather'spassing interest
in aworld
outsidetimber, Ezekialturnedhis powerfulfocus
tothePackard landsandmill, seekingwaysto both
increase profitsandgaincompetitiveadvantage
overtheremaining Martens.Bypurchasing theV-

8
shaped flumeoutright , Ezekialwas ableto do
exactlythat.SoonthePackardMill was nearly
doubling theoutputoftheMartel I enterprise,
and
Nealith,confronted bya seriesofunlucky events
andbadbusiness decisions,wasforcedto sellhis
milltothePackards. Later
, Nealithdiedoffood
poisoning , andwifeBessiewas struckbylight-
ning, leaving a singleheir,PeteMartell.

JOSIEPAC KARD-Virgo,
JosiePackard hailsfrom
HongKong,thoughTwin
Peakshasprovided her
moreadventure thanshe
everimaginedpossible ,
or probable. Asthe
youngest femaleexecu-
Freedofcompetition,Ezekialandhis equally tiveandownerofthe
ambitiousson, Andrew , wereableto accelerate the PackardMill, thewifeof
family'sholdontheregion's resources. Laterjoined lately-reappearing
bysister Catherine, AndrewPackardbuilt an AndrewPackard is keenly
self-motivated. Born
empire whosenameproudl y reson atesthroughout September 2, 1962,Josie
TwinPeaks eventoday.Oddly enough , thelast admitsto troubling
Martell,Pete,worked forthePackards asa thoughts andoccasional
lumberjack. Andstranger still, helatermarried doubts aboutthemenin
herlife.
Andrew' s sister,Catherine .
BESTS: "Thesoundofthe
water,WhiteTail roaring,
whenI feel likea rushing
torrent
-falling."Also,the
BluePineLodge"when
Peteis thereto makeme
laugh"andtravelto
Meanwhile , theHornefamilycontinued to grow mysterious places.
andprosper . OrvilleHorne 'sson, Ben,carried on
thefamilytraditionbybreaking ground forthe WILDEINTWINPEAKS
GreatNorthern Hotelin 1927.TheHornehotel
anddepartment store, ablyoperatedby Ben's son, OscarWildemadea
detourfromhisplanned
BenJr., formed thefoundation fora familyempire itineraryin ordertovisit
thatsoonstretchedfarbeyond theborders ofTwin TwinPeaksin 1902.
Peaks. Traveling upthecoast
fromSanFrancisco to
WithAndrewPackard' s disappearance in 1988, Seattlebysteamerand
thelastofthesecond generation pioneers waslost fromSeattletoTwin
Peaksbymule, Wilde
to us. Butthenames Packard,Horne,andto a quipped uponhisreturn,
lesser extent,Martell,still ringproudly
through "Whoevermeta
thehistoryofTwinPeaks . Thatbefore us, andthat lumberjack theydidn't
whichisto come. like?"
9
 THEOLDOPERA
HOUSE
Twoblockssouthof County RoadJ onRoute 21
youwillseewhere thefirstOperaHousewasbuilt
in 1882.Inauguratingit wasthedivineSarah
Bernhardt in Camille[seepage23).Destroyedby
theTerribleFireof 1896, it wasrebuiltin 1916
forthetenorEnricoCaruso whogotlostand
missed theshow.In 1918,withbetterdirections,
he
BENJAMIN "Ben" HORNE
sanga concert ofJamesPackard' sfavorites.
-Born August 4, 1940.In
a worldlackingin virility
andin needofa hero, Twin
Progressaltered theOperaHousein 1925when
Peaksis honored to have theoldstage and hempflylinesdisappeared behind
BenHorneasoneofits Twin Peaks
' firstSilver Screen on whichwas shown
mostprominent citizens.A CharlieChaplin 's TheGoldRushona doublebill
Leo,thisformerPresident withTheBattleship Potemkin ofSergei
ofSAEat Stanford Univer-
sity-wherehisnickname Eisenstein who was a Russian.
was"Peacock'!...,_pursues
withgustoeverything life Abandoned fourdecades later,it remainedvacant
offers.Afirmbelieverin unti11969whentherockgroupGuessWho
cross-culturalrelations caused suchatumulttheTownCouncilbanned
andtherestorative power rockconcerts inTwinPeaks unless written
ofsong,hesupports joint
U.S.-Canadian enterprises
assuranceswere received that
the performerswould
andoftentravelsnorthin behave properly.
pursuitofthings.

BESTS: "TwinPeaks'
incrediblepotential,
far-
sightedcitizens
, andloca-
tion,location,
location."
10
"Ben"Hornerestored thetheatre
's interiorand THEVERSATILE
HUCKLE-
BERRY
exteriorin 1982according
totheoriginalarchitect's
design andcitizens
ofTwinPeaks areonceagain Huckleberries ( Vaccinium
goingtothemovies! 555-FILM. membranaceu m)werea
vitalfoodsourceforthe
Caruso
in TwinPeaks Flatheadand othertribes.
In midsummer theywere
Thefamous tenorsangattheNewOperaHouse gathered and spreadout
in 1918{whichreplaced theOldOperaHousethat onhidesto dry. Mashed
intoa thickpulp,they
burnedtothegroundintheFireof 1896)by werepattedintocakes
singingariasfromRigoletto, LaBoheme, Tosca , andsetin thesunlighton
Pagliacci
andseveral otherofJamesPackard' s rocksuntiltheydried. Also
Mr. Caruso'
favorites. saccompanist tellill priorto popularwasHuckleberry
soupin whichtheberries
theconcertandJames ' daughter , Mavis,hadthe
wereboiledwithroots
honorofaccompanying theworld-famous tenor . suchas wildcarrotor
Known asanavidgastronome, Mr. Caruso took Camasaddedasthickener
withhimfromtheburgeoning community an or sweetene r. It tooka
authentic
Snoqualmie Indianwarbonnet aswellas homemaker fromback
east,BelindaBondace, to
therecipeforHuckleberry pie, admitting
, "Never acquaint thenativeswith
againcanI concludea mealwitha sweetlikedolce Huckleberry pie.
torinese
afterthatdelicious Huckleberry pie."

11
 FIRSTINHABITANTS
It is generally accepted thatthefirsthumans inthe
History northwest migrated from Asia duringthe final
stages oftheQuaternary GlacialEpoch when
dropping sealevelsallowedtheSiber(asin
'Siberian') people to forageovera landbridge
connecting thetwocontinents. A natural corridor
formedbythereceding Laurentian IceShield
funnelled, asit were,thesetribesdownto present-
dayAlberta , BritishColumbia, Washington, Idaho
andOregon. Fromtheretheyspread westto the
PacificCoast. Abundant timber,freshwater fish,
deer , otterandbeaver, aswellasa richness ofwild
berries provided themeans bywhichthesetribes
survived andprospered. Those whotiredofthe
thick,gloomyforestsandthedisturbing soundsof
theowlscontinued southto present-day Palm
Springs andPhoenix. Theremaining tribes,
SomeYakimacarvings , however, moved throughtheforestsandformed
likethedangermask 'families' suchastheSnoqualmie , Umpqua,
above, playan important Methow , Cayuse , Yakima,Spokan , Flathead
rolein storytellingandin
andNezPerce. Pinpointing a precise dateforthis
thepassing onoffables
fromonegeneration to migration is difficult,
but it is likelythese immi-
thenext. grantsfromAsiaappeared in therichforestsof
Washington around25,000yearsago.
Ourknowledge oftheearlyhistoryofthesesettlers
is imperfect
because ofa lackofpottery
fragments ,
durtotheirrelianceonperishablematerialssuchas
woodandleaves, andbecause someofthem
developedparanoid tendencies,becoming exces-
sivelysecretive
andmorbid.[see:Billings,T. The
FunctionofNeurosis in Snoqualmie . TP
Culture
Press,1932.]

Asistrueoffamiliesthroughout
history,these
Walltotem,believedto
Northwesttribescreateddistinguishing
traditions
.
havebeencarvedin
honorofthe 'GrandmotherOnetraitsharedbyall,if wecanbelievereports
of Salmon ,' a minor fromthefirstwhiteexplorerswhometthem,wasan
presence in Snoqualmie
Indianlore.

12
attitudetowardpossessions whichEuropeans
foundbizarre. These patriarchalsocietiesof
Amerindians seemed to havea peculiar regard for
theircanoes, hides , weapons, heraldic crests,
slaves andlittlestones theycalled'pebbles ' which History
theyusedto pitchatpeople considered stupidor
tooshort.Infact,thewordpotlatch (afeastof
generosity, orgift)wasbequeathed to ourlanguage
fromtheNootka tribefromtheirexpression potshatl
or'giving'. Atthisreligio _usceremony, thehost
wouldhonorhisguests bygivinghiswealth away
to themoractually destroying it. Angus
MacDowell wrotea typically biased account of
potlatch orpotshatl in an1817diaryentry:"(I)
couldn't believe myeyes.Thehostactually cut
himselfup, andasguestslefttheytook withthema Northwest Indian
handortoeorthighoftheirhost.I tellyou,this "pebbles"discovered
potlatch stuffis verywasteful andI wasshamed by nearpresent-day
it. Sincemostofwhatis givenawaylooked to me intersection
ofSparkwood
andFallsAvenue.
likejunk, I wonder whyit is notrecycled ."

~~ } Q
It was(andsadlystillis)unfortunatetheanglo
minddidnotcomprehend thereligioussignificance
ofthesetraditions
andcontinually misrepresentedBUILDING A CANOE
them.Apotshatl,in particular,representedthe
Amerindians'disinterest ions.'Settlers ThePaperBirchhasbeen
in 'possess
a friendto Amerindians
werealways askingthemwhoowned theland,a
andbeaversforcenturies.
questiontheoriginalAmericans simplydidnot Whilethe long-haired,
understand becausetheideaofownership was- toothyrodentprefersits
theironyis appropriate-foreign tothem. innerbark,theouter
layersofthistreewere
Warfare
andraidingwerea wayof life, thoughthe employed byIndiansto
weaponsemployed bythesetribeswerehardly maketheskinoftheir
canoes.Theybeganwith
sophisticated,
andmostofthefatalities were a skeletalstructure
ofthe
causedbyskulllaceration
andsevere braintrauma. pliantWhiteCedar.Over
Afewofthetribesactually
formedSecret Societies this,sheetsof PaperBirch
of Cannibalism
. Mostviciouswerethe barkwerestitched
together,thensealedwith
Snoqualmie, KwakiutlandCirculars[see pineor balsamresin.
pages64,101].

13
Chinook legendsdescribe
theappearance longago
ofan ancestress ofthe
frogclan. Theytell of a
house , floatingin the
middleofa lake. Onthe
housesitsa woman , her
knees,breasts,eyebrows
andthebacksof her
handscovered withflying
frogs.Eversincethat
time, theflyingfroghas
beenviewedas a special
crest. TheIndians wereveryinterested
in commerceand
whentheywerenotclubbing oneanotherinto
insensibility theyformedhubssuchastheDalles
Fishing Center ontheColumbia River.
There,
Chinook tribestradedandpassed onhuntingand
fishingtipstothePlateauIndiansthrough the
useofwhatbecame known astheChinook
Jargon , a language eventually
usedthroughoutthe
regionbyIndians andwhitemen.
It is onlywithinthemostrecentdecades ofthis
country's historythatAmerindianculturehasbegun
Anearlyresidentofthe to beunderstood andvaluedbytheforeigncultures
area... thatengulfed butneverembraced it.

FIRSTEXPLORERS
ThefirstEuropean of record to appearonthe
northwestcoastwasJuanRodriguez Cabrillo
whopulledintopresent dayPugetSoundin 1542
toask directions.
Francis Drake (notyeta 'Sir') slid
...nowresidesin the intothebaysomethirtyyearslaterand,ignorant of
CountyMuseum. Juanor, morelikely, anti-Spanish, named theland
NovaAlbion , claiming it forElizabethI. It took
theRussiansa littlelonger to show up;in 1741,
VitusBehring andPeterCherikofputinan
appearance.Ofcourse, theBering Straitsbetween
RussiaandAlaska arenamed forVitus,a factthat
hascaused nolittleirritation totheChinook

14
Indiansprompting themto savagely slaughter
untoldboatloads offur-seekingRussiasuntilIvan
Pritikoff,in 1795,concluded theTreatyof
Vladivostok (whichbecame thetitleofanunfin-
History
ishednovelbyPushkin andaforgotten operaby
Mussorgsky ) whichgavetheChinook theright
to refertotheicywindsthatblowoutofthenorth ~ ff7A_
asa "chinook." ~ ~
1776 1800
Explorers
approachingthenorthwest overlandfrom
theeastdidnotarriveuntilthe latterhalfofthe18th
century.
rodent,
Theycamefortworeasons:1)because
and2) a European fashion craze.
ofa
1837
&
18thCentury
French

superb
andEnglish
ofatree-eating
hatters
haddiscovered
animalcalledthebeaver
feltandthebeaverhatbecame
made
thepelts

all the
Q ~
1812 1815
rage,inspiringhundreds of Frenchmen toseektheir
fortunesamong thewaterways
newworld. Asbeaver
andforestsofthe
werekilledoffin onearea,
~ J:l
1820 1825
thesecoureurs deboispursued themfurtherinto
theunexplored region. Theywould refertothe Hatsmadeof beaverhide
animalashaving"split"whenit became extinctin weredurable,water
onearea.Hence , thetermsplitbeaver . resistant,heldtheirform
well, andtookon
colorantswithout
smearing. Theshapes
depended partlyonthe
fashionsofthetimeand
partlyonthemadwhims
of hatters.

ASTORRELAT
IVESIN
TWINPEAKS

Foryearsthe Millhouse
In1670theKingofEngland granted
a Royal familyof MineHollow
ChartertotheHudson BayCompany, (the claimedkinshipwiththe
company's shieldis shownabove)allowing
themto greattimberandfurbaron·
JohnJacobAstor.While
exploitvirtually
theentirecontinent. norecordoftherelation-
shipexistsin TwinPeaks
Thefirstwhitemanof record to reach
thePacific archives,theMillhouses
northwestoverlandin 1793wasAlexander insistedfordecadesthat
MacKenzie . Fromthenewcountry called Astorwasa greatunclea
America,JohnJacobAstorsentouthisagents to coupleoftimesremoved .
Thelastremaining
subdue themightybeaver afterLewisandClark Millhouses,brothersSid
opened a paththrough thewilderness
to thePacific andMoses,killedeach
in 1804-5. otherin 1979duringan
axeduel.
15
History
Twin Peaks:EarlyFame

MerriwetherLewis and
WilliamClark, guidedby
theShoshone Sacagawea,
becameinternationally
famousfornavigating a
pathacrossNorth
Americatothe Pacific
Coast.In a diaryentryof
June13, 1805, Lewis
wrotethathesaw"two Sometime inthelate18thorearly19thcentury
mountains ofa singular
appearance andmorelike (August 10th,1803hasbeensuggested), one
ramparts Dominick
of highfortifica- Renaultapparently struggledto the
tionthanworksof shoresofBlackLakeinthenortheast cornerof
nature." present-day Washington. Having setoutfrom
Lewismusthavebeen
Montreal morethana yearearlierto discover the
referingtoTwinPeaks! Northwest Passage, Renaultgaveuphis
It's beenpostulated
that dream whentribeaftertribeof Indianslaughed in
shortlyafterleavingthe hisface.Afterhiscareer asa stand-upcomicin
areaofpresent-day Chilliwackfizzled,Dominick fledsouthind~
Missoula , theexpedition
madea strangedetourto hislife.Clues to hisprogressarefew,mosta
thenorthas shownonthis matter of legend [see:
Targaski,
E.French Explor-
map. ers:Enigmas in Fur.ParisandLondon: The
Overseas Press, 1917.l,butweknowheappeared
ontheshoreof BlackLakeandsoonestablished
atradingposthalfa mileabove WhiteTail Falls.
Diaryfragments Renaultwasa gloomy
indicate
man,givento extended andsevere depressions
fromwhichheemerged apparently believinghe'd
beentalkingwithanimals. A fragment of histrading
poststi11exists,thoughnooneknowswhatbecame
of Renault.Mostlikely,asTargaskisuggests, he
mated withowls,hisanguished voicebecoming a
partofthemintheendless andmistyforests.

Dominick
Renault
1775-1855

16
 COUNTY
MUSEUM
Notto bemissed whenyou'revisitingTwinPeaks,
theCountyMuseumonRoute 21justsouthof History
townis awarehouse of information
andsights
relating
to TwinPeaks'magnificent
pastand
promising future.
OverseenbyElsaEisenbuch andcurator
MilfordMertz,themuseum boasts a permanent
collection
ofearlyAmeri ri,dianartifacts,
replete with
dioramas of Indianvillages andearlyfinishing
techniques.Yetthemuseum is alsoonthecutting
edgeofthecontemporary artworld.InMarch1989
theyhadonloananexhibition ofRobert
Mapplethorpe photographs, sofar-seeingisthis
museum anditsBoard. Mostvisitors,however, are
drawntothefloraandfaunaexhibits cribbed from
theNewYorkCityMuseum ofNatural History. The
deadandstuffed animals aresurprisingly life-like
andsafety is ensured because theyarebehind
glass.
Open fromMaytotheendofSeptember, 11:OOAM
to 3:00PM weekdays and1:OOPM to 4:00PM on
Saturday.Callahead andElsawill arrangeatourfor
you(German translator
providedfreeofcharge). A
donation of$1.50is suggested
butnotmandatory ,
thoughElsadisagrees. Coffee
is always avaiIable,
butnotalways fresh.OnRoute21,southwest of
TwinPeaks in LowerTown.555-8800.

Earlyartifactin County
Museum.

Theoriginalcraftsman-
shipofthetotempoleis
unknown. Itsoriginswere
tracedbackto Horne's
GeneralStore.Best
recollection
hasit looking
verysimilarto theone
thatwasin Thor'sTrading
Postpriortothefire.
17
 THEPACKARD
MILL

18
 /

1
SPRINGBOARDS
Attheturnofthecentury,
loggersworkedfrom
springboards(temporary
'step' stuckin thestump)
to hand-cutthebigtrees.

Packard
Sawmill

CATHERINE MARTELL see

OregonHistoricalSociety, #ORHI86112
Packard-BornNovember
4, 1940underScorpio as
wellas a halfmoon,and THEPACKARD
MILLTHEN
the lifelessgazeof
severalstuffedanimals ThePackardMill wasfounded in 1890.James
murdered byhersporting PackardhadcomeherethatyearfromBoston. A
father, Catherine
clumsybutalertyoungman,hesoonrecognized
graduatedfromourhigh
schoolwitha remarkable thathisfortunelayin DouglasFir.
command of French
,
Japanese andtheKama Theoriginalmillwasbuiltontwoacresnext tothe
Sutra. BlackLakeFallsandemployed onlyeightmen.
Aftera shortaltercationwiththeKwakiutl
BESTS: TwinPeaks Indians(resolved whenJames agreed to trade
generallyquiescent
population, "Elvis coughdropsin exchange fortheland),James and
Presley" and, sometimes, hiscrewchopped downafewdozen trees,turned
the Horne. themintoboard , andliterallybuiltthemillaround
themselves. Thebigsaw(itsblades weresix feetin
diameter)originallydrew itspowerdirectly fromthe
rushing waterabove thefalls.
JamesPackardfathered fivechildren, fourgirls
(Daisy,Addy,Roslyn andMavis) andoneboy,
Ezekial . UnderEze kial's direc
tion, thefamily
business wasto become athrivingcorne rstoneof
thecounty 's economy. In1922herazed theoldmill
anderected a muchlargerstructure onthesame
site, covering25acresandrequiring morethansix
Daisy Packard
1894-1960 millionboard feetoflumber . By1924 , thePackard
Mill employed nearly100peoplein cutting,

20
floating,sawing, shipping
, andmaintaining
the
plant.
AttheoutbreakoftheSecondWorldWar,
management ofthemillpassedtemporarily
to
DaisyPackard , who, bytheendofthewar, was
to proveherself
aformidable businesswoman.
By1945,Daisywasknown all overthestateasan
innovati
ve business leader.
Newtechnologies
that
sheintroduced includedmechanical barkers
(machines thatstrippedthebarkfromthelogsin a
fractionofthetimerequiredbymanual labor),the
skyhook cablecartofly thelumberdownfrom
thehighridges,andthewigwamburnerusedto
dispose ofthemill'sdebris.
In1948,attheageoftwenty-t wo, Ezekial's
son,
Andrew, cameintohisown andtookover
management ofthemill.Andrew completed the
workhisaunthadstarted , modernizing
theactual
logcuttingwiththeintroductionofthechainsawin
theearly'50s. By1972, hehadcomputerized the
plant'smachinery, increasing
productionbymore
than25 percent.

Crosscut
sawanddetail

Theskyhook cablecar,
strungbetween steep
ridges, 'flew' lumber
downto makeshift
railwaysfortransporta -
tiontothemill.
Oregon Historical Society#cn86111
21
 Forthenextsixteen , thePackardMill
years
continued
to prosper,
reaching
peakproduction
in
1988.

1890 1900 1910 1920 1930 1940 1950 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000

- Numberof employees ■ ■ Output (in million board feet) ■ Annual man hours lost (in 100)

THEPACKARD
MILLNOW
Asthelargest employer inTwinPeaks , the
PackardMill is dedicated to preserving
and
promulgating community standards, health and
highemployment. Withoneofthelargest andmost
stablemill rollsin thestate , management eagerly
acceptsitsrespons ibilityfor integrityandfar-
sightedness . Forexample, asanincentive to on-
the-jobsafety, thecompany sponsorsa barbecue to
rewardtheworkers whena quarter haspassed
withoutaccident or injury.Andthedepartment
managers dothecooking! It's beenmoreeffective
thantackingupsafetyposters onthewalls andthe
lastbarbecue in 1972is stillbeingtalkedabout.
Upgradedmoreoftenthanmostmills, machinery at
PackardMill begins withthedebarkers, a 43
inchNicholson anda Schurman rosserhead,both
heavily
mortgaged butworthit.Aftera sixfoot
Salemmill, thelinesfeedintoa Gunnarson resaw
,
a Schurman four-saw selectiveedgeranda 32foot
Albany
trimmer, all keptshipshape byPlantBoss
ArnieMoulton . "Safety
is paramount, afterprofit

22
andmanagement perks,"saysArnie
. "Butit'soften
over-valued.
Realityis thenameofthe...
whatchamacal
Iit."
Putting outnearly150,000 boardfeeta day,the
millis in production fourdaysaweekbecause the
employees preferit thatwayandmanagement
Packard
Sawmill
easilycavesin.Theloginventory is between four
andfivemillionboardfeet.All logsarekeptin dry BERNHARDT'S
BONER
storage untiltheyaredistributed
across theUnited
Statesorexported toAustralia,
NewZealand and Known astheera'smost
Japan. (Though veryfewlogs,perhaps twoorthree compelling actress,the
divineSarahBernhardt
atmostandsomeplywood anda littlepulp,though inaugurated TwinPeaks'
notmuch.) firstOperaHousein 1882.
Unbeknownst to mostof
Asa cuttingmill, thePackardMill focuses on heradmirers , thedivine
maximizing higher-value grades andthatmeans a Sarahsufferedan
lotof interaction between theworkers andthe accident thatleftherwith
onlyonegoodleg. Her
wood.WoodMistress , HelgaBrogger explains, excellence enabledherto
"Misunderstandings ariseandintimacies occurbut disguisethatonelegwas
theweekly grading classes arehelpfulinthis madeofwood!Whilein
regard." TwinPeaks,thewooden
legwasdamaged one
Production overthepastfiveyearsis up34% morning asthespiritu -
ally-minded actresswas
withoutmuchcapitalreinvestment, buttherecent
enacting herPaeanto
tragicandcalamitous firethatstarted inthedrying AurorabelowthePackard
shedwill offerto ourcommunity theverysortof Mill ontheshoreof Black
challenge it relishes.
Insurers aresuggesting arson Lake. Alwaysgallant,
butManager of holdinganddrying,BillGrose, Mr. Packardintervened
andofferedtofashiona
shakes hishead."Drying's trickystuff,"Billsays, newlegof durableand
seraphically, "and,beingaTheosophist , trickystuff attractiveDouglasFir. No
is,well,it'sa toss-uphowthatfirestarted butit oneknowsif sheever
couldhave.It couldhave ." employed it butMr.
Packardinsisted shewas
TwinPeaks looksforward withoptimism and verygenerous withher
thanks .
courageto rebuilding
thePackardMill andonce
againexporting
woodtotheworld!
Themillis locatedonSpark woodRd.andtours
available onTuesdayandThursday between
1O:OOAM and4:00PM , eachhouronthehour.Now
thatthemill'sburnedtosoot,though, thetoursare
likelyto discontinue.
CalltheTwinPeaks
Chamber of Commerce , to check.

23
PackardSawmill

Debarking

Bucking
TongueandGroove

~
ChannelRustic

~
ProfilePatternWP-

~
ProfilePatternWP-2

6 6 ;;-
ProfilePatternWP-11 Headsaw

6 t' f
CVCeiling

24
 PackardSawmill

Resaws

G PACKARD
SAWMILL
t ► TwinPeaks,
WA

A Yearof treatment
B Trademarkof building-
code-approvedquality
controlagency
Sideedging
C Thepreservativeused
for treatment
D Preservativeretention
level and/orthe quality
controlagency
procedureindication
E Trademarkof agency
supervisingthe treating
plant
F Properexposure
conditions
G Treatingcompanyand
Trimming plant location
H DRYor DKATproce-
dures,if applicable

Finishedboard

25
 THEJOYSOFWHITTLING
Anunfortunate butcommon misperception
aboutwhittlersisthattheyaredumb.Thisis not
true.Theytendto beslowandoccasionally a good
dealdullerthantheirknife-blades
, trueenough,but
stupidity
is notcharacteristic
ofthemasa group.
Thisfallacybehindus, thejoysof whittlingare
beingdiscovered dailybydozens ofadultsand
children.
Arterall, it is inexpensive, andyouneed
onlya goodpocketknife , a pieceofwoodandtwo
hands withtenfingers(seven areconsidered a
minimum requirement). Moreover , a whittler's
Whittlersshouldhaveat workshop is limitless .
leastsevenfingers.
Whittling is,basically, carving
a pieceofwoodwith
a knife.Infact,in Europe whittlingis called
'carving a pieceofwoodwitha knife.'It is never
referredtoas'whittling. ' Wherethetermcomes
fromis shrouded in mystery, whichiswhy
whittlersareconsidered soenigmatic.
Hereareafewpointers:
1 Usea good,sharpknife. Thiswillfacilitate
workingthewoodaswellasprevent accidents
and
a needforexpensive majormedical plans.Atwo-
bladed,steelpocketknife is a goodstarter,
thoughasyouimprove you'llwanttoadda short-
bladedsloydknife,a smallskewknifeanda band
sawtoyourcollection .

Thebiguglywoodbearis
an exampleofthejoysof -
whittlinggoneastray.

26
Cooper
's Whistle

2 Awhetstone oroilstoneis indispensablein

holdinganedgetotheknifeblade . Remember,a
dullbladegathersmossandthelikelihood of
injury,notto mention
infection,
is onlyincreased
withone.Asharpbladecutsclean , whether
in
woodorflesh.
DALEBARTHOLOMEW
3 Select
a softwood towhittle.Oakandashare "Coop"COOPER-Born
justgoingto messyouupandpissyouoff. April19, 1954.AnFBI
AgentandAries,might
Basswood is good,bothseasoned andgreen, well havebeena
especially
if youcan't findwhitepine.Butselecta magicianor mystichad
non-resinous wood. he notscoreda perfect
100onhisEagleScout
4 Finally,a goodsupplyofclothband-aids is marksmanship test,after
worthwhile. Moreexperiencedwhittlers
arealso whichhisthinking tooka
decidedly 'legalistic'turn.
skilledin theuseofthetourniquetandwill havea Unableto escapethe
selection ofhemostats
intheirkits. memoryofa tragic
incidentin hisrecent
Whittling
is afadwhosetimehascomeandinTwin past,Cooplikesjelly
Peakswe'reonthecuttingedge.So,ENJOY! doughnuts anda goodcup
ofJoe.
-- - --- Advertisement -- -- --
BESTS: "Thewhole
remarkable town,the
SLICE 'N' CARVE wholething; I meanall of
it." Also,theTheosophist
GarthandSeglindaSoderman's Society.
ax andcutleryhoning
"Wecanputan edgeonanything,
evenyourteeth."

169 Timber Lane 555-EDGE

27
 WoodCuttingPatterns
' THEWOODMISTRESS
ThePackardMill pridesitselfona stable
employee rollandnoworkerexemplifies
stability
andlongevity morethanWoodMistressHelga
Brugger.
Sittingin herchaironathickNaugahyde pillowand
Throughandthrough expertlyeyeing thegreattimbers astheyenterthe
mill,Helgadiscerns in aninstant a log'sfate-
whether it is softandknotted forpulp,strongand
hardforstructural use,oreven-grained andknot-
freeforveneer . Wieldinga fourfootsticktipped
with chalk, themill's highest paidworker flicksher
wristandthedecision is made. "Mix'n' match ,"
Trueradiant shesneers atpulp. "Trusses ," shegiggles and
blushes atstructural pieces.Veneer logsbringforth
a brightandsassy , "Hi,handsome!"
InHelga' s case , theexpert
eyeofWoodMistress
is notlearned; it wasbequeathedbyprevious
generationsofBrugger women. "Mymotherand
~ grandmother , bothknewa goodpiecewhenthey
Billet sawit. Justlikeme.It runsinthefamily
; womenof
- vision,thebackbone ofTwinPeaks."
,,
"
Marriedto BjornBrugger, formerdirector
of
MealsonWheels, Helgahasn'tmissed a dayat
I )) work,sayfans.Whendoublepneumonia caused
-~
-- -
/
0//
thelossofonelung, legend
removed ontheweekend
hasit Helgahadit
andwasbackin herchair
Plain
onMonday.
Isit trueshe's 72yearsold?"I'll admitto being
over50,"Helgasays,thenwhoops withmerry
laughter. "HereinTwinPeaks wetelltalesthatare
likeDouglas Firtrees-prettytall."

Boardandstructure --- -- Advertisement - ----

-
~ ~
Impact
withAntlered
animal?

HEADERS
BY HED
~ ) "Weputtogetherwhat
naturetearsapart"
~
Since
theGrange
fire
-
Quartersawn 7SSRte. 21
TwinPeaks 555•3931 prop.,HED
STEELE

28
,1

TWINPEAKS
FLORA
Theforests
, rivers
, lakesandmountains around
Twin Peaksarea nature lover'sbonanza.
Residents
ofthetowndisappear fordaysatatime (somehave
disappearedforever) to losethemselve
s intheriot
ofwilderness.
Leaving Lower Town assunlight touches thetipsof
Sparkwood andBluemounta ins andproceeding
east intoGhostwood NationalForest,one
cannot helpbutbestruckbythevariety offlora,as PaperBirchleaf
wellaslow-hanging branches if you'renotalert.On
theselowerelevation s, orplateaus , deciduous
(leaf-bearing)trees suchasOregon WhiteOak,
RockyMountainMapleandPaperBirch[see
Box below]proliferate in richsoil.InNorth
America, thePaperBirchis oneofthemost
widelydistribu tedtrees andoftenthefirstspecie to
establishitselfin fire-ravaged areas , whichis why
theyaresoabund antaround Twin Peaks ; the
SmallishEarthquake of 1905andensuing fire
devastated thousands ofacres . LAWRENCE "Doc"
JACOBY-BornJanuary
30, 1934.Abjuringthe
LogicalPositivist
school
FernsandFlowers of philosophybyturning
insteadto Spidermanand
A glance
atyourfeetwill revealtothepracticed
eye the NationalEnquirer
WesternSwordFern,anerectfrond,bristle- whilegrowingupin
Hawaii,Aquarian "Doc"
toothed
withalternating
leaflet
s.
balances therightandleft
sidesof hisbrainby
wearingroseandaqua
oloredglasses.
<,
BESTS: Theawesome
numberof dysfunctional
familiesin TwinPeaks
and"mymailman,who
argueswith each
Specimens oftheSnowPlantarecollected by envelope,analyzes the
sometime naturalist Dr. Jacoby.Foundin deep suitabil
ity ofthestamp, a
foresthumus , thisis a leafless
plant,4 to 12inches realcase."
tall, thatis fleshywithleaf-like scales. It is a deep
red, resembling anelongated heartordiscarde d
chunkof bloodymea t. Whoever namedthesnow
plantobviously hadafinelyhone d senseof irony.

29
Lily Legend Asthedeciduous treesgiveway to mountain
meadow , observe theYellowLupinesand
Snoqualmie legendtells
ofa tribesman whocame Leopard Lilies. The formeris potentially poison-
upona wounded moun - ous if largequa ntitie
s are eaten and is often
tainlionandremoved an confused withtheFalseLupine(whichhas
arrowfromitsthigh. flowersarranged in groupsofthree,not fourand
Years laterwhenthe
animaldied,it turnedinto
five like thegenuine article).
TheLeopardLily
a Lily. Shortlyafter,the grows from two to eightfeetin heigh t. Itsred-
orange flowers withmaroon spots are unmistakable
Flora andthebell-shaped petalscurl like a poutinglower
lip.
Indianwhobefriended the
liondied,andlilies
spreadall overthe landin
searchoftheir friend.

LeopardLily

FalseLupine

YellowLupine

GiantRedPaintbrush Otherfernsandflowers youwillseeareTrillum,

DeerFern,VanillaLeafandGiantRed
Paintbrush, identified
byitstuftof redspinesatop
a onetothreefootstalkin mountain meadowsand
nearstreambanks.

30
PinesandFirs
Moving to higher
ground , theair
cools,feels
cleanand
crispexcept
whenyou're
socked in
bygray
cloudsand
gettingrainedon. But
whenthesunshinesand
birdssing,you're
sooninspired bythe
appearance ofvast
pineforests stretch-
ingtothehorizon .
Firstto appear will betheWestern Larch, DouglasFirTwig
Mountain andWestern Hemlock andPon-
derosaPine.Though a conifer(cone-bearing and
'needled'), theLarchis theonlyneedled treethat
losesits'leaves ' in lateautumn andremains bare
allwinter.Mice,chipmunk andbirdsfeedonits
seeds . Providing excellentcoverfortheBlue
Grouse (a16"-19"birdthatproduces loud,
booming noisesbyusingairsacsonthesidesof
itsthroatandis oftenadmonished byits neighbo rs
to shutup)istheMountain Hemlock thatmay
liveforfourandfivecenturies , muchlikeitsclose
relative, theWestern Hemlock, thoughthelatter
is a tallbutshallow-rooted treeeasilytoppled by
heavy snowsandwind.Thegray-black bark ofboth
TheabovePonderosa
treesis richintannin[seepage36]. Pinelogwasa giftto
Lanterman
(TheLog
ThePonderosa Pineis atruepinetree,astallas Lady)onherwedding
180feetanddistributed overmuchoftheWestern nightfromher latehus-
U.S. Unliketheflat,short-needled
hemlocks and bandwhowasa fire
cedars, itsclusters
ofthree(orthreeandtwo)blue- fighter
.

~
greenneedles aswellasitsscaly,platedbrownish-
orange barkmakeit easyto identify.
A cubofthis
fragrantwoodis seenatalltimesinthearmsofthe
LogLady.
Growing in dense
thickets
inthepineforestsyou
will notetheSaskatoon Serviceberry. Their Saskatoon
fleshyfruitswereeatenraworcooked andmade Serviceberry

31
 intojamsbyIndians. No oneknowshowthisplant
camebyitshelpfulandbeguilingname,although
HelgaBrugge r sayssheknowsbutwon't tell.
Soon , youapproach themostmajestic treesofthe
areaaround Twin Peaks-the Douglas Fir-with
their thick,deeply furrowed bark.Thewoodofthese
800 to 1,000yearoldtreesis someofthefinestin
theworldandusedin construction forstructural
supports in bridgesanddocksandrailroad trestles.
Because thewooddoesnotwarpit is excel lentfor
Flora interiorfinishes andplywood. Foundin predomi-
nantly'pure ' stands
, it creates
superbwindbreaks
whileproviding coverformanyanimals , especially
theGreatHornedandPygmyOwls.

Grea\ HornedOwl PygmyOwl

300'

275'

250'

225'

200'

125'

100'

75'

50'

25'

32
OtherFlora

WesternRedCedar- Grows onlowermounta in

slopesandopenvalleysin pure,dense stands or
withDouglas Firs.Livesupto 500years.Fiveto
ninelobesperleaf.Goodhardwood forfurniture
andcabinets.
Acornsimportant to deer
, bear
,
squirrels
andwoodpeckers. UsedbyIndians for
totempoles.
RedAlder- Found amongDouglas fir. Sixtyto Flora
eightyyearlifespan.Improvesfertilityofsoils.
Goodhardwood forinexpensive
furniture , for
smoking meats andwood-carving.
Mountain
Alder- Good
forfirewood
andlittleelse.
Quaking Aspen - Widedistribution
inU.S.500
speciesofanimalsandplants usethem-frombear
. Favorite
andelktofungi foodofthebeaver!!!
Primarily
forpaperproducts
; weakwood.

Underside
ofLeaf
THELOGLADY-Born
underachingly clearand
brilliantskiesonan
unknown date, TheLog
Ladyis a self-proclaimed
Libraandgraduate of
TwinPeaksHighSchool.
Afterfurthermatriculation
at Evergreen State
University as a Forestry
andWildlifeManagement
major,shemeta fire
fighterandtherestis
history. Whennot
teachingFirePrevention
PacificDogwood - IMPORTANT!!! It is similarto andballroomdancing ,
Flowering Dogwood exceptitsflowers are TheLogLadyministers to
thesickandthesickat
surrounded byfivebractsratherthanfour(feel heart."Mystrength ,' she
betternow?). Redandorange berriesprovide food explains,"is in my
forquail,hermitthrushes,bandtailed
pigeons and forearms."
vireos.
BESTS: BearClawsand
RockyMountainMaple- Insheltered canyons, broccoli,longwalksin
thewoodsandlistening
ravines
andmoistslopes
. Goodhardwoodbuttrees tothe mysterious
toosmallforcommercial
use.Great
forcampfires knowledge of herlog.
andwoodstoves. Also,Glastonbe rry Grove.

33
 Moss

Whilemarveling atthemagnificent landscapeon

yournature tour,don'tforgetto lookdownevery
nowandagain.Thiswill notonlyenable youto
avoidtrippingoverthingsandpossibly injuring
yourself,butalsoto seesomething TwinPeaks has
in abundance : moss.
Thefirstgreenplantto develop intheprocess of
Flora evolution(Creationistsplaceit onthe6thDay),
thesecolorfulandfurrypatches ofbryophyton
makewonderful, cuddlygiftsforpre-schoolers and
shut-ins,
thoughtheyshouldnotbeeaten. Usedby
Kwakiutlmedicine mento healwounds andtell
Devil'sClub time,mossis foundmostoftenonthenorthsides
Growing at or nearthe
baseof manyHemlocksis oftreesandrocks, something to keepin mindif
theDevil'sClub,an8' tall you'relostwithout a compass. Infact,theearliest
wildplantwithsprigsof referencetothesegreenrugsthatarenotunlike
redberriesamongMaple- somebrands of indoor/outdoor carpetingis found
likeleaves.It isnotto be
touched! Yellowspines
in Gaston Leroux's diaryof May 1787. Apparently
bristlefromitsstalkand lost,theFrench trapper andpedophile wrote:"I
barbsonstemsandthe carrya supply ofmossin mypacktotellmewhich
undersides of itsleaves wayI'mgoing.It makes forinestimably fine
piercetheskinlike company andneverinterrupts, thoughit mustbe
porcupine quills.
DominickRenault disciplinedfromtimetotime."Thediarywasfound
ignorantly grabbed oneto withtheremains ofLeroux' s bonesnotfarfrom
tasteitsberrieswhenhe OwlCave,around whichmossis abundant.
cameuponBlackLakein
thelate18thcentury.Only NaomiSwart's recipe
formossstewis really
twoGreatHornedOwls something,
thoughthestewitselfisn't.
overheard hisexclama-
tionsofgutter-French
but
theywerememorable
enough to havebeen
passeddownthrough
successive generations
of
theseimmense and
gracefulbirds.

Cladonia
peaksidata Cladonia
duoflorica

Cetrariadobbiata Cetrariafrostifera

34
Poison
Ivy
Afteryouhavesleuthed among trees,flowersand
frondsforthoseelusive patches of mossand
returned homewithanabundant supplyforfuture
birthdaysandholidays [seetheTPCCpamphlet ,
Keeping MossMoist],youmaynoticeafterthree or
fourdaysthespreading ofanitchyrashoverparts
ofyourbody.Don't betooalarmed ; you'vehadan
encounter withanotherplantfoundgrowing wild Flora
andrampant aroundTwinPeaks: PoisonIvy.
Whileit is easilyidentified
byitsthreedarkgreen ,

TOMMY"the Hawk" HILL

-Born Septembe r 16,
1950. A Virgo,Hawkis a
shinyovalleaves oneto twoincheslonggrowing uniquecombinationof
oneachbranch oftheplant,eventhemostknowl- pragmati st andmystic .
edgeable naturalist
will pickupa casenowand Sonofa Zuni Shaman , he
then.Caused byoil fromtheplantcominginto admitsto beingintolerant
ofthosewho would
contactwithyourskin, therashcanbeefficaciouslydestroythe earth's beauty
treatedbyapplyingreadily available
lotionsfound andallowsthathedid,
atour drugsto
re. MortZafkeesays , "Really indeed,runthewrong
severecasesshouldbeswabbed withboilinglye way in thatfinalgameof
the '68 season .
andvigorously attackedwithsteelwoolora metal
brush.Totalimmersion oftheaffec
tedareasin BESTS: Timbergames ,
really hotgrease or removingtheagonized limb grassbetweenyourtoes
witha bandsawwillalsostoptheitching."Doc andcool,clearwater.
Haywardsays , withawink, "Mort's a kidder.Butif
it's theitchingyouwanttostop,he's gota point."
Intimate contac
t withothersis discouraged while
therash persists . ThePoisonIvyEpidemicof
1818 carriedofftwodozenlustypioneers and
trappers beforetheelkandcaribou populations
closedranksandthedreadrashfadedaway .
Thisinnocent
andnotunattractivelittleplantcan
packawallop
, so knowwhatit lookslikeandtreatit
withrespect.

35
 TannedHides

Whiletheeastern Hemlock forestswerevirtually

decimated bythetanningindustry inthemid-
nineteenthcentury,
western forestsescaped the
wholesale elimination
ofthesemajestictrees,
although several
tanningcompanies operated on
theColumbia River.SouthofTwinPeaks onthe
banksoftheRattailRiver,theLadoux Tannery
Flora began operations
in 1892.HidesfromSanFran-
ciscoandSeattle werebrought overlandor upriver
to thetannerybecause it wasmoreeconomical to
Typesof Spuds
transporthidesthanHemlockbark.Also,the

~
stenchofa tannerywasmoreeasilytolerated in a
wilderness thananalready over-ripemetropolis.
ThebarkoftheHemlock treeis richwithtannin
~ which,whenheated
enzyme
inwater,releases
particularly
a chemical
usefulin softening
hides.

~
Thetreeswerefelled,andtheirbranches hackedoff
withaxes.Atthatpoint,a long-handled toolcalled
a spudwasemployed; themenwhowieldedthem
calledspudders . A curved andrazor-sharp blade
~ slidebetween
Agita
thebarkofthetreeanditswood.
tingandslicingpriedthebarkaway.What
remained ofthetreewasshamefully leftto rot
(though around Twin Peaksanarmyof under-
achievers known aswhittlersscavenged
Hemlock treesfromwhichtheycreated largebut
extremely graceful statues thatplayeda significant
1 Madefromautospring
2 Heinback
spud roleinthewhittlers ' luridtableauxvivanton
3 Spoon-shapedspud Saturda y nights
).
4 Narrowspudfor
hardwoods Heatedandmulched in immense oakvats,thebark
5 Cedarspud eventually
dissolved.It wasthentransferred
to
smaller
castiron'tubs'intowhichthehideswere
introduced
andboiled.
Nothing remains to tellusprecisely wherethe
Ladoux TannerystoodontheRattailRiver.
OnlyAgnesTurnquist' s diaryalludes to its
existence in aJuly19, 1893entry;"Thattannery is
a scourge ontheland.Daddy allows it smells
terribleandmother agrees, butArvidandmesayit
stinkslikes-t. "

36
 THETWINPEAKS
FLOWER:
A PINECONE
A simplepineconetosome , butnotto us.Tofirs,
hemlocks , pinesandotherconifers knowas
gymnosperms thisitemisthebasicgoods , the
means of reproduction.
Mosttreeswill dropthe
wholeconetotheground whereitschances of
releasing a seedthatactually take
s rootareabout Flora
onein 10,000. Infact,someconeswill onlyopento
droptheirseedundertheintense heatofaforest
fire, thusensuring a newgeneration afterthe
devastation oftheparenttrees.
A complete
selection ofconetypesfoundaround
TwinPeaks is available
andreasonably
pricedat
Gilda's CardandCheeseShoponRoute 21.
Whileyou'rethere
, checkoutthecheese
, too.

37
 FAUNA
THIS
WAYH
Northern FlyingSquirrel- Unlikeother

+-<
STOP
squirrels
because
GHOSTWOOD
, thiscreatureis primarily
it is oneofthefavorite

it to gl.ide
nocturnal
foodsforowls.Skin
flapsonitssidesbetweenfrontandrearlegsallow
whileitslegsareusedforbalance and
thetailasa rudder. Identified
bytheirfamiliar
FASHION
SHOW "Whee" sound.
StripedSkunk- Foundinforests andfields.All
animalssteerclearofthesestinkers
exceptone-
Fauna
verylargeowls.

THEPINEWEASEL

Theshort-legged, furry
PineWeaselresembles
themartenbutis actually
a memberoftheferret PineWeasel- Basically anarboreal animal , this
familyandcloselyrelated
is usuallya nocturnal
hunter,primarily forsquir-
totheEuropean polecat.
Sincereferences to it rels,thoughbirds,insects
andberries will do.
appearnowherein Solitaryanimals,themalesareextremel y quarrel-
Amerindian cultures,it is someandhaveneverbeengoodatdebate. 13- 20
likelythecreaturewas incheslong,bushytailandunderp arts arecovered
introduced totheNew
Worldbyearlysettlers
withdarkfur, ecruonbreastandthroat;brown
because of its excellent otherwise. Foundprimarily
in pineforests . Endan-
abilityto ferretoutrats. geredbytheproposed Ghostwood development.
Huntedalmostto
extinction bygrowing
boysandat themercyof
a shrinking habitat,this
charming andharmless
animalis thefocusofour
fightto stopGhostwood
Estates.Asa symbolof
ourintrepidresolve,the
PineWeaselinspires
eachofusandis, all in
all, justa realcutelittle
bugger.
38
Beaver-14" - 28".Oncevaluedfor itssoft,water-
resistant
fur;presently
thebaneoftheArmyCorps
of Engineers.
Industrious
butnotverybright.Found
nearstreamsandpondsandin museums, stuffed.
Raccoon - Myth:theywasheverything
before
eatingit. Filthygarbage
eaters
in disguising
masks.
BeaverTracks

Fauna

GrizzlyBear
Claws

MuleDeer- Avoidshuman areasmorethan

white-tailed
. Fourtosixfeetin length.Maleshave
antlers.
Summer furis reddish brown,winterfur
gray.Browsersforfeed.Candecimate newforests
byover-browsing.

-=-----
BlackBear~
MuleDeer Claws ~ ~
Black-Tailed
Deer
White-Tailed
Deer

TAXIDERMY

1 Slitthecarcassfrom
neckto anus.Theskin
aroundtheabdomen and
backshouldcomeaway
freely.Removethefeetat
theanklejointsandpull
theskinfreeoftherear
legs.
39
2 Hangthecarcass froma
sturdyhook,andpeelthe
skindownward. Cut
carefullythroughtheear
cartilidge,andaroundthe
eyesandmouth.

3 Theskinis now
completelyremoved, and
readyforscrapingand
Fauna treatmentwithboraxto
preventspoilage.

4 Wireframingis padded
withcottonbattingand
wrapped withcordto
createmusculature.

5 Whentheframeis
ready,pulltheskinover.
Addeyes,sew,attachfeet
andpose.

,,
~d)

Trimartificialearsto
exactsize, andmounton
artificialskullbefore
pullingskinover.

THEWHITEMOOSE

Outin present-day Ghostwood NationalForest,

beyond OwlCave,is a craggyhillockfromwhich
risesan85foottallPonderosa Pine. Surrounded
bymarsh flatsdotted
withdeerfernandlupines , it
is a unique sightandonewhichhasanimportant
placein manySnoqualmie andCayuselegends.
It is here,beside
thelonePonderosa Pine,thatthe
seldom-seen andsacredWhiteMooseappears to
thosewithtroubled minds.
40
Earlytraders
retellings
andexplorers
ofthissingular
scoffed atIndian
beastemerging
moonlitnightsasanimposing , iridescent
on
ghost ••
,,
shimmering inthebluedarkbeside thePonderosa,
itsheadcrowned witheightfootantlers andstaring
sadlyoverthemeadow
County Museum
. Severaldiariesinthe
alludetotheWhiteMoosebut
()
••
onlyonediaristclaimed to haveseenit-
Dominick Renault.
It is noteasyto persuade a descendant ofthe
Snoqualmie orCayuse families to explainthe
originsoftheWhiteMooselegend or its
significance intheircultures . Onesource , insisting
hernamebewithheld, toldustheWhiteMoose ••
appearing bythelonePonderosa Pinewasthesole
survivor ofa MooseMassacre in 1787;several '\
dozen trappers herded morethan50mooseintothe I
marsh flatsandexterminated them,scalping the • • Moosetracks
hidesandantlers andleaving theremains for
vultures andto rot.ThelonePonderosa Pineis
thegravemarker ofthosecreatures. Drained ofhis
brothers' andsisters' blood,theWhiteMoose
appears tothoseintroublebecause it understands
theagonyofsorrowanddespair .
So,if youaretroubled in mindandspirit, make
yourwayoutpastOwlCavetothemarsh flatsand
withinsightofthelonePonderosa Pinewhere ,
ona moonlitnight,withonlythesoundofwindin
thepineboughs behindyou, youmayberenewed
bythemelancho WhiteMoose
ly andforgiving .

Nooneis moreawareof
fertilewaters,the
richness of life's
existentialalgaefoundin
themandtheirdelicious
life-givingessencesthan
a Bellman . We digest
slowlyandwith care. The
BellClubLodgeofTwin
Peaksin LowerTownwill
nevercloseits doorsona
Bellmanin need.
555-7581.

41
 OwlsClub-The elksthatwander throughour
woodsarea source ofcommunity pride.Atone
time,theyroamed overmostoftheU.S.and
OWLS Canada. Today theirnumber hasdwindled danger-
ously,especiallywestoftheRockies,where
AnOwlis neverwithouta
friend. Whatever an Owl's
huntinghasbeenindiscriminate. Elkareprized
for
lot in life, wherever
they their
spectacular antlers.
Peek intothe entrance
to
maybe,whetherlivingor theTwinPeaksOwlsClub.Theright-hand wall
dead,theycannotbefor- sports a rackthatspansmorethanfivefeet.Ortake
gotten.For,at themystical
a walkinthewoods. Youmaybeluckyenough to
hourofeleven,the heart
of Owldom enlarges come uponone ofthesegentle giantsmunching on
someDouglas Firneedles.
Fauna
andthrobswithrecollec -
tion. AnOwlis forever
,
andin TwinPeakstheOwl
LodgeonSparkwood Road
is alwaysa havenfor
Brother Owls.
555-OWLS.

Ear
support
wires--+- ,__

Gamehead
prepared
fordrying

Cardboard
collar

Gauzewrapping

42
 ANTLERS .
If youhappen totakea late-fal I walkthrough
Ghostw oodNational Foresttoviewthefoliage ,
youmaybeluckyenough tospotawhite-tail
deer sporting a full-grown setofantlers.
There are
fewsightsasmagnificent. Elaborateandquite
sharp , theyriseoutoftheanimal's headlikea giant
crownofthorns . If you've everseentwodeerina
head-to-head clash,youknowhowpowerful a
weapon antlers canbe.If you'veeverhadthe
unforunate experience ofgoingheadto headwith
theheadofanantlered deerinyourcar, you'llalso
knowhowdevastating thatcanbe.Highlyrecom-
mended forrepairs is HeadersByHed.[Seead,
page28.]
Deeraretheonlyanimals thatgrowantlers. Like
horns , theyareoutgrowths of bonethatarepartof
theanimal 's skull. Unlikehorns,whicharegrown
forlife, oftenbyboththemaleandfemale ofsuch
animals ascattle, sheep goats, andantelope ,
antlers aregrownonlybymales , areshedevery

l winter
warmer
, andgrowagainintheearlyspring(in
climatestheymaybeshedandregrow
othertimesoftheyear).Newantlers
andsoftandgrowrapidly.
skin,calledvelvet,covers
at
aredelicate
Athinlayerofsoft,fuzzy
thebudding antlers and
helpsto stimulate theirgrowth. Thevelveteventu-
allydriesupandis rubbed offbythedeer . Full-
grown, theantlers arehard,witha bonycore,and
extremely strong.Antlers differwidelyin shape and
sizeamong themorethansixtyspecies ofdeer.
PeteMartellis responsible forthesetofwhite-
tailantlershanging intheBluePineLodge.

43
 GreatHornedOwl- 18" - 24", identified by
widely-spacedeartufts.Mottled brownback,light
chest.Willattackanymedium-sized mammal or
bird.Givesoffthefamiliar
, muffled hoot.Male
voiceis higher-pitched
thanfemale ; in concert
they
oftenharmonize in perfect
thirds,thougharound
TwinPeaks diminishedsevenths areheard.
~ Yellow-Rumped Warbler- (Western species-
-~ Audubon'swarbler).
Yellowthroatandcrownand
rump,otherwiseblack
. A sassy
, brightchirpcall.
Foundin mixedforests.Goodatparties.
Common Crow-16- 20"andall black.Most
intelligent
ofbirds;cancountto threeandfour;
possessescomplex language
andsocialstructure,
thoughextremelyineptatcommitment.
TurkeyVulture- 26"- 32"Wingspan: sixfeet.
Nature's cleaner-upper;
will eatvirtuallyanything
andisverybeneficial
towilderness. Onceveryfew,
nowproliferating
andlivingvirtuallyoverentire
U.S. andCanada.

44
 THE
EXTRAORDINARY
CREATION
OFTHEOWL . GREAT
HORNED
OWL

A youngmanbuilta smallhutforhismother-in- Whilemostpeopleknow

theeyesight oftheGreat
lawbeside hislodge . Theoldwoman cravedthe HornedOwl allowsit to
intestines herdaughter andhusband ateratherthan seein virtualblackness
thebeaver meatgivento her.Luringherdaughter (thelensenlargesandthe
intothewoodsto collec t birchbark,themother eyeballactuallyaltersin
waiteduntilthegirlwasin atreebefore sayingto shapeto bringthe image-
formingretinacloserto
her, "Daughter , sayHu,Huandfly away." After the lens),fewpeopleare
initiallyrefusing , thegirl didasshewastold, awarethattheround
transformed intoanowlandflewaway,leaving her facialdiskgivingthisbird
skinamorig thebranches ofthebirchtree.The Fauna
mother slippedintoit.
itsother-worldlyappear-
anceis madeupofshort
Thatnightthemother enjoyed thefatof beaver
layersofstifffeathers
intestines
beforegoingto bedwith herson-in-law. aroundtheedgeofwhich
Hiswifelanded atopthelodge."Hu,Hu, youare is a troughthatcatches
sleepingwithyourmother-in-law." Already sounds toofaintor high-
suspicious,
theyouthbegged hiswifeto return. pitched forthe human
ear. Thesounds are
Whenshecouldnot, hekilledthemother-in-law funnelledto theears
andchased through theforestafterhis wife, behindthefacialdisk.
imploringherto return."I cannot
," shesaid,"but Also,theearsare not
youcansayHu,Huandfly awaywithme." symmetrical; sounds will
Repeatingthosewords,heshedhissklnandflew arriveat oneearbefore
theother,allowingthe
awaywithhiswifeasanowl. birdtotriangulatethe
sourceofthesound.If
you'requietandvery
patient,andcanfindyour
wayinthedark,spendthe
nightin Ghostwood
NationalForestandyou
mayspyoneofthese
miraculous creatures.

45
 iheflames
swayonthelogs.Firelfght
dances
with
shadows ontheforestwaH around uswhilethe
stars.haveformeda ripplingblanket overhead
.A
cubofburning birchhisses . It popsandshowers
theperimeterwithsparks. Beyond, thedarkness
is
filledwithunseenmovement. OutoftheNeolith
ic

46
 past,thehu-hUsofaGreatHorned Owlare
joinedbythehuoftheirmatetoforma perfect
third.Notdreadbutaconnection withourpastis
whatwefeel,athreadrunning backtotheartless
creaturesweoncewerewhenwefirstheard those
oboe-like notesfromtheGreatHorned Owl. In
Paleolithic times,wesuspected omens in itsvoice,
· heardin it questionswewereunable to articulate
butwhichhavestayed withinus,incomplete and
taunting.Wearecertain thatancient, taloned bird
seeswhatwedonot,knows whatwenever will.
Andsomenight,silentasa glidingfeather, its Fauna
immensity willengulfusatfiresidetotellusthings
wewantto knowaswellasthosewedon't.Inthe
shadowed forestwe'repulledbythatlurkingand
alluringghostandweareenthralled .
TROUT,SALMONAND CHAR OF NORTHAMERICA
TROUT - Om.wh •11chus

~~~
~'~~
~~~
~~~
~=-
• ~ -, ~~
f='Tif,11.J:$MfU:mUH

~ -
~ ~

;;......
~:::-.::?!!.:~':.:.

~
~
~
~-·-.:.·z::,:,;::;:""•"
.
·-·-~--~-
'·----=••«•·="'"'
~:-- < 2!,:;~""-·..... :-'!:: -
N - Oru:orh ynchm;

Forinformationon how to orderthe posterabove,seepage112.

48
PETEMARTELL:
LANDING
THATBIGONE
I'vebeenfishingthestreams andlakesaround Twin
Peakssincemydadfirstintroduced meto it whenI
wasfive. A lotofthatfirstdaywentbylikea dream ,
I suspect,soI can'tremember exactlywhathesaid
whenI knocked histacklebox intotherapidsor
whenmylinegottwisted around himandhe
slippedintothestream, buthehada richvocabu-
laryandI surebetheletoutwitha coupleof
hundred dollarexpressions.
Thestreams flowingoutofandinto Blackand Fauna
Pearllakessupport a var-ietyoffish.There areriver
typessuchassalmon andtrout(and,fortherecord,
BenHornemayclaimhecaught that45inch
sockeyeondisplay attheGreatNorthern Hotel
buthedidn't; I did)andtherearestillwater fish
suchaspike,bass,bluegillandperch . Myfavorite
aresockeye andcutthroat because they're
crafty
devilsandfiercefighters andtheytastejustsuperb
friedupina littleoil andbutter.
OvertheyearsI'vedeveloped
someprettycanny,
sure-firemethods
forhooking
thatBigOne. Here
PETEMARTELL-Born
theyare: June28, 1934, Pete
demonstrated at a
A Knowwhat'shatching andwhatthefishare remarkably earlyagean
'rising'to. If you'renewtoanareaoraninexperi- affinityformovingsmall
enced angler , findthelocalbaitandtackleshop. objects . Afterthefamily's
HereinTwinPeaks , MortZafkeeownstheFish cutlerywasretrieved
fromvariousroomsin the
orCutBaitShopandcantellyouwhatflieswill house , Petewasgivena
bringinthat"BigOne ". Butdon't thinkyoucantie chessboard andtherest
ona Muddler whenthesteelheads arerisingtoa is history.Peteis alsothe
Green ButtSkunk. mostuxorio us manin
TwinPeaksandcantie a
B Beaware ofyourequipment's strengths and Duncan Loopin thedark.
limitations.
Onlya foolwouldtakea 71/2ft.,3 1/2 BESTS : Thepentannual
oz.rodto goafterSockeye; you'd snapoffthetip Passion Play;a steelhead
tryingto placethefly. Likewise,
youwouldn 't tiea risingto a Green Butt
4/01/2hookanglingforperch ; it justtearsthe Skunk .
heckoutoftheirmouths whenyoutryto pulI it out
andthat'sif theycangettheirmouths aroundit.
C Don't talktothefish.Foronething, it distracts
themfromhunting andfeedingand,foranother,
theywon't understand youanyway.

49
SALMON

Thebroiledsalmonyou
enjoyed fordinnerat the
LamplighterInnwasno D Check theweather forecast. Thissounds simple,
doubta Chinook salmon, butif you're doingstream fishingit doesn't hurtto
namedaftertheChinook knowwhat's happening attheheadwaters. Flooding
Indians,legendary
canbequickandtakeyoubysurprise. Forlake
fishermen whosereligion
concentrated onthefirst fishing,remember this jingle:
salmonrite,a ritual
enacted to welcomethe Redskyatmorning, anglerstakewarn ing
annualsalmonrun.The Redskyatnight,anglersdelight .
Chinook's entireeconomy
wasbasedonsalmon; I thinkthat'sit, anyway.
driedfishwereoften
tradedamongthe E Besureyou'reproperly equipped. I justdumped
neighboring tribesfor outmytacklebox to inven torywhat'sin it. Pretty
variousgoods.As
interesting, thoughit made anawfulmessonthe
fishermen inTwinPeaks
dotoday,theChinook rug.
fishedtheabundant
watersoftheColumbia
River,whicheventually - - ---- Advertisement -- ----
feedsintothePacific
Ocean. FISHORCUTBAITSHOP
We've got a soft spot for anglers.
It's possib
le to observe Reels: Martin,Orvis,Sage and PfluegerMedallist
theannualrunif you Rods: Fisher,Scott Orvis,G. Loomisand Sage
Leader: ScientificAnglersSystem™,UmpquaMaxima
comeherein early Flies: I tie my own; so shouldyou.
Also Hedden and Rapalo lures
autumn.TheTwinPeaks
Chamberof Commerce !! LIVE BAIT !!
sponsors earlymorning Stop in Forknowledgeable info. and a cup of pretty good coffee.
tripsto theriver,where,if Mort Zafkee, Prop
Twin Peaks
5 5 5 930 2 ~'"lll\\\\lrr,
Continued
margin
204 F~shLane I ~U (({{f(IJJ
)))))))))}J
J)~
~
page51
50
 (continued)
you'relucky,youwill see

'
glistening, exhausted
salmonwhohavefor
I
I
1 Twodozen
dryfliesspeared
ontoa slaboffoam
monthsbeenswimming
upstream fromtheocean,
rubber fearlesslybattlingall
2 Spoolsof5 and10lb.testline sortsof obstacles, from
3 2 1/2, 4 1/2and6 lbtestleader (tippet) rapidcurrents to water-
falls. Salmonalways
4 Several swivelsnaps(lakefishing) returnforspawning to the
5 Scissors forcuttinglineandtrimming knots samestreamin which
6 Pliersforremoving hooksfromfishandthenape theyhatched.It seems
ofyourneck. theyhavean extraordi-
naryabilityto navigateby
7 SwissArmyKnife(indispensable) sensingtheearth's
8 Churchkey (indispensable) magnetic fieldandthe
9 Fishinglicense (don'tleavehomewithoutone) ocean'scurrents.Once
10 Sunglasses, notbroken likemine theyreachthecoast,they
11 Spare reeI pickupthescentoftheir
birthstreamandfollowit
12 Somepaperclips home.
13 Halfa dozen naiIs
14 Shotglass A magnificent(45 inches
15 Several booksofuseless matches fromnoseto tail!) salmon
is ondisplayin themain
16 Some shirtbuttons officeoftheGreat
17 Chess board(6"x6") Northern.BothPete
18 Rabbit's footI thoughtI lost MartellandBenHorne
19 Trainticketto Spokane claimtheycaughtit -
20 Kiwanis medal youdecide.If you'relucky
enoughto hooka bigone
21 Recipe for OssoBucco yourself,thefolksatTim
andTom's Taxiand
Taxidermycanprepareit
foryourwall at home.

51
 22 Newsarticleabout1-5SerialKiller
23 Joe'sFun-FilledFartFactBook(humor)
24 YukioMishima paperback(nocover)in
Japanese
25 A whittlinghandbook
26 Somemoreshirtbuttons
27
28
29
30
31 Several
thumbtacks

Fauna Someitemsmayappear unnecessary

to the
novice's
eyebutthat'sthethingaboutangling;
you
neverknow,sobeprepared.
F Knowwhatsortoffishyou'relikelyto catch.It
neverceases to amaze methewayfolksgoafter
troutwitha Western Green Drakeina widestream
ofsomedepthwhereit'smorelikelysalmon are
feeding.Likewise, don't expect
salmonin riffle
water.
GIf a brownbearwantsthatsalmon
ontheendof
yourline,lethimorherhaveit.
HAnd,finally,knowhowmanyfishyouarelegally
allowedto havein yourpossession
. Anyextra,hide
themin casea gamewarden comesnosingaround.
HAPPY
ANGLING!

ChinookSalmon

52
Standard Dry FanWing Spent Wing Annie

Green Butt Purple Peril Red Ant Tiny Tina

Fauna

Doc Spratley Wesley Olive Black Palmer Rusty Skelton

Stuart Silber Muddler

~
'•
~~~
Steelhead Caddis Mike's Muddler

~
~~
~ ~

Greased Liner October Caddis Damselfly

_J
 TWINPEAKS:IN THE
BEGINNING
It is astonishing
, butperhapsappropriate thatthe
present siteofTwinPeaks was,a billionorsoyears
ago,thewestern edge - thecoast-of North
America andwhereBigEd'sGasFarmnow
stands wasthena coastal plainandbeach, though
it is unlikely
sunba thingwasallowed.
EDHURLEY -Born
October 26, 1950. A most BigEd's GasFarm~
unlikelyScorpioand
unawareof it, BigEdis
convinced hisbirthdayis

Geology
& Weather Edge~
Continental

October 26 andhe'sright.
Healsois rightabout
anything havingto dowith
American -builtengines
though thevagaries of
humannaturegenerally
baffleandeludehim.A
graduate ofTwinPeaks 100MillionYearsAgo...
High,heenjoysa good
cupof coffeeandan Around 200millionyearsago,theMacrocontinent
intimateconversationat called'Pangaea ' splitup; NorthandSouthAmerica
the DoubleR Diner.
moved awayfromEurope. Thethenwestcoast
BESTS:BeaverFritters
, began moving further west,shovingthePacific
thePassionPlay,theodor floorbenea th it andcreating fromthecollision
ofcrankcase
oil, the granit ic magma , someofwhicherupted in volcanic
Packard
TimberGames. formation. Thus , mostrockaround TwinPeaks is
metamorphic granite,gneissandschist,some
of it morethantwobillionyearsold.
Onehundred millionyears later,a largeisland
aboutthesizeof California (butnotas self-
absorbed) calledtheOkanagan subcontinent
slammed intoNorthAmerica andcrushed the
continental shelfback, creatingvolcanicactivity
(likelyelevatingWhiteTailandBluePine
Mountains ) andformingthebuckled layersof
sedimentary rocktothewestofpresent dayTwin
Peaks knownastheKootenay Arc.

BigEd's GasFarm- this

usedto bethe beach.
54
Thenext greatgeological alteration
begansome
twotothreemillionyearsagoandcontinued
throughout Pleistocene times-glaciation.
Geologists arenotcertain whatdestabilized
the
earth's
climate to bringontheIceAgesbutit is
certainthatnorthern Washington wascovered by
sheetsof iceasthickasa milebetween oneand.5
millionyearsago.Asthesemassive glaciers
melted, immense basins wereformed. Once
undammed , theyplunged through sedimentary
and
granitelayers , creatingthespectaculargorgesand
valleysaround TwinPeaks, mostdramatically
seen
atWhiteTail Fallsandeastofthetownaround
thePearlLakes.
Geology
& Weather

Allthreerocktypesarewell-represented around
TwinPeaks: sedimentary, formedfromtheocean
floorbeforeit waspushed upoutofthesea(shell
--Advertisement --
fossilsarefoundin highelevationsofthemoun -
tains);igneous , melted
action;metamorphic
bysubsequent
, created
volcanic
byextreme heat
HIKE
andpressure. AND
BIKE
Feelingthe call of na-
ture? Frommountain
climbers tospelunkers,
hikersto bikers,our
customers keepcoming
backandwe'reproud of
Geologistsconsidertheareaaround TwinPeaks that.*Wecanoutfityou
and rig youfor every
remarkablyyouthful,displayinggeologic
experi- occasionat a price
you'lllike.
mentsin progress:earthquakesandfaulting
•noguaranteeof
continue;glaciation
occurringinthehighmoun- survival
implied
tains;volcanoesrestingin expectation
offuture
eruptions. 555-BIKE
37 FallsAve.

55
 WEATHER
WATCH
C Inplanningyourvisitandexperience
inTwin
in
'<t' Peaks, youshouldknowthat,according
tothe
N
N
..... TwinPeaksGazette, ouraverage
Julytempera-
tureis 66degrees Fahrenheit;
Januarytemperature
i, 30degrees Fahrenheit;
andtheaverageyearly
pn::cipitation Wegetlotsoffrost.
is 38inches.
Ourlocalmeteorologicalexpertandall-around
savant, RoiceFoley,tellsusthegreatestsnowfall
in all NorthAmerica
in oneseasonwas1224.5
inchesatWashington's RainerParadiseRanger
StationfromFebruary 1971to February1972.
Thatsameyear,TwinPeaks hada snowfall
of984
inches, whichdropped 74.5inchesonthetownin
thefirstfivehourswhenit abruptly
stoppedfora
day.
Whenhikingandbikingandotherwise enjoying
naturearound TwinPeaks,beaware thatweather
changes canbesudden , unexpected,
contraryand
. Beprepared.
plainvicious Andremember: The
mountains don't care;wedo.

THEBLIZZARD
OF1889
Thereareasmanyversions oftheGreatBlizzard
of 1889asthereweresurvivors. Twowords,
however, appear
in everyrecollection
ofthe
cataclysm:ferocious
andunexpected.
Ourfirstreportthatsomething unusualwasabout
to occurcomes fromReverend IsaiahHurly's
memoirs: "Dec.19th.Clear.Endeavoringto see
ailingBartholomew Beaufort upbythebaseof
BluePine[mountain], I couldnotcontrolmy
horse ; sheshiedadamantly andI wasforcedtoturn
back . Unexpectedcoldsurprisedme,too."
Soapparently complacent wasthetownthatthe
AnnualCandlelighting andChristmas Tree
Ceremony onMeadowlark Hillentersexpect-
antlyintomanydiaryentriesofthatday."It is only
3PM,"wroteMillicentRevere,"anddozens of
familiesareromping thestreets,
spreading

56
t seasonal joyandaffixingcandles
pinetreesonthehill."
totheboughs of
Whatcaught everyone inTwinPeaksbysurprise
wasa meteorologicalanomaly:
thestormap-
proachedfromtheNortheastoutofAlberta and
SoutheastBritishColumbiaProvinces.
Accustomed
toweatherpatternsfromthenorthwest
, all eyessaw
onlyclearskiesabove WhiteTail Mountain.
Fromdiaries andnewspapers wecanconclude with
somecertainty thatmorethan2,000people had
assembled fortheChristmas ceremony. Fromher
bedroom windowoverlooking thefestivities,
feverish
and'feelingpoorly'CynthiaSithesaw, Thisobituaryappearedin
"agathering ofcelebrating,
happypeople aboutthe the TwinPeaksGazette:
hill,whilebeyondthemaferocious gatheringof
ominous blackcloudspilingatopeachotheras
thoughracingforsomeundetermined butperni-
ciousgoalandencouraged bya devilish,
malignant
fury."
A horriblenotewasstruckbyKnutZimmerman
whenhewrote,"I stoodbeside PeteLindstrom
whenthatferociousandunexpected windhitthe
1'N
townlikea malevolentfistanddrovea candlefrom
Jalt'IJalt@3R1'1\J4il
oneofthefir boughs intothebackofhishead
whereit actually
quiveredandhummed fora ElsieSpaeth
Miller
moment beforePetedropped d?wndead ." Belovedwifeand
mother,mourned by
Morethanforty-threecitizensperished
withinthe herhusband andson
firsttenminutes oftheblizzard.
Anotherthree anddaughter. Killed
cruellybythe
dozen werelikelyblindedbytheawfulandawe- ferociousblizzard
somewhitesnowandlosttheirway. andnoreason why.
Weloveandwill
Atellingentryis foundin KatyMullen'sdiary, missher.
James Packard's Secretary wroteonDecember
SictransitGloria
21st,"Coffins arestacked head -highintheOpera Mundi.
House . I wi11 neverseea playorconcert there
again,it is sohorrible. I wastoldsomebodies were
toofrozenin grotesque waysto befittedintotheir
mortalboxes andlimbshadto literallybesawed off
iZ'IU'~'.111
fromtheirtorsos.Mr. Packardis glumandhis
moodferocious & dark.It is unusualforhimto be
so. I heardhimmutter tothestuffed andmounted
GreatHornedOwlin hisoffice,'Whathavewe
done,thistown,ourpeople, thatyoucannotwarn
usofsuchcalamity? Weareindustrious. Whyare
wenotblessed?'

57
---- Advertisement ----

Tim & Tom's

Taxidermy

58
----- - - - ---- Advertisement ------------

We' l l drive anyone anywhere*

We'll stu f f anything, even a bear**

* (Within Twin Peaks City Limits)

** (Has to be dead.)
59
- ----- - ---- Advertisement - - - - -------

Through the magic of te l epathy, blind Tom

pictures vividly everything his brother
says. Born in Twin Peaks, never hav i ng
left for anything, the brothers are in-
separable. The only t i me they're n ot work -
ing is when they're sleeping - and even
then they're sawing logs.

Tom says: "Don't be nervous, just close

your eyes like me."

60
-------- ---- Advertisement- ----------

Come ride and stuff with us.

Tim says: "Tom's bl i nd ... come ride in back

with me I'll drive."

61
 WHITETAILFALLS
Morethan350,000 visitorstraveltoTwinPeaks
everyyear,tofish,hike,attend thecounty fair(and
to helpjudgetheannual cherryandhuckleberry pie
contests!)
, gobirdwatching, riverrafting,log
rolling,andto gapeatourglorious WhiteTailFalls,
whichareeventaller(though notaswide)thanthe
Niagra Falls.
Two hundred
forty-eight
milliongallonsplummet
sixhundred
feetdownthefalIseveryhour,gene
rat-

62
inga lotofelectrical energy
andanawesome MEET
YOURLOVE
rainbow onsunnydays.ThePackardMill, which
Somagicalarethe
wassituated nexttothefalls,originally drewits powersofWhite TailFalls
power fromthetorrent. Today,it istherawpowerof thatanyonewhohasever
thisforceofnature , thesheerdrama of itsbeauty, fallenin lovewithinthe
thatholdsanyone fortunateenough to standnear soundoftheir plunging
waterremainsin love
by,in itsspell. forever.
TheTwinPeaksChamber of Commerce
sponsorsbustripstothefalIseveryafternoon
at
3:00PM rainorshine,meetinfrontofTownHall.
Justonepieceofadvice:weara raincoat,
rubber
boots,andbringyourumbrella!
63
 OWLCAVE -
It is through
thelocalIndians thatwefirstlearned
ofOwlCave. It theydidnotcarvethecaveoutof
thelandscape, theycertainlydiscovered it.The
FlatheadTribeusedthecaveto storepelts,hold
meetings andeludetheirenemies. Theyalso
instilledthecavewithgreatpowerandlegend,
sayingthatthecavewasvisitedbythe"Beyond"
andthattherehadbeen"messages left"forthem
there.But,curiously
, fora cavebearing suchlofty
legend, notmuchhasbeenfoundofthetime-no
artifacts,drawings
orthelike.

Geology
& Weather Thefirst_whitemento stumbleonto,or intoasit
were,thecaveweretwoconfused Spanish trappers,
Edwardo Delegatoandformerprisoninmate
Jose"Shorteyes" Manuela,whohuddled in
thecaveduringtheblizzardof 1889. Asthe
blizzardhowled outside,
legendtellsus,theybuilta
smallbutcomfortable blazeandmadeshadowy
images onthewallwiththeirhands thatresemble
thecourtofQueenIsabella.
Brochures ofthetimetelI usthatthrough the
1920'sthecavewasa popular spotto "takeyour
favorite
flapperandyoursecond handukelele" and
strumtunesofeternal love.Asa newspaper report
fromthetimetelIs,"There wereenough hopesand
Recently
found
. dreams discussed inthatcaveto makeAli Baba
greenwithenvy."
OwlCaveplayed a greatpartintheapprehension
ofthePhelanGangthatrobbed a bankinTwin
Peaks inthespringof1933-Theyeluded anall-out
search forthegreater
partofa day,butupon
nightfall
soonsurrendered whentheheadofthe
gang,thebloodthirstyMilo Phelan,became
frightenedbythedarkandbuiIt a fire.
PresidentTrumanvisitedthecavein 1948on
thecampaign
trailandbecameanhonorary
memberoftheFlatheadTribe.Soonafter,the

64
D
l)

""r,

Circulars tookcontrolofthecavefortheduration
ofTruman's presidency.
Duringthattimeit was
referred
to as"ElkCave,"a moniker thatwas
nevertakenseriously
byanyone inthecommunity.
Oflate,thecavehasheldlittleinterest forthetown,
except forthegeneral opinionthatit is a "darn
goodspotfora sixpackanda sandwich." As
MayorMilfordhassaid, "Radio killedthecave
forme." Where oncethereweregrandcelebrations
onthedayofthecapture ofthePhelanGangor
ontheanniversary oftheblizzard,it nowis mostly Circulars
visitedbycouples whodecided to getmarried TheCircularLodgeis a
there, or bythoseseekingto doa littlereminiscing secretsocietyof brothers
aboutthegoodol' days,or byoldermembers ofthe andall interested
parties
FlatheadTribeforreligious reasons. are respectfully
asked,
withloveandaffection,to
taketheirquestions
Still, whenvisitingthetown,OwlCaveis a place
elsewhere. Wewill
to goandseeandconfront itsgrandhistory.
A continueto dogooddeeds
placeto sitandvirtuallycloseyoureyesandthink in ourowncharacteristi
-
aboutstuff. callymysteriousways.On
Highway J. 555-6969.

65
 THEGRANGE
Arguablythegrandest edificeeverbuiltin Twin
Peaks
, anda marvel ofarchitecture
, wasThe
Grange, builtin 1904.Theonlybuildingto remain
undamaged intheSmallishEarthquake of
1905,it housed theSheriff's
Office,County Seat,
Chamber ofCommerce, VotingHall, Patrons of
Husbandry andPierre'sSmoke andNews Arcade.
Twogiant22'6" storiesin height,
TheGrange was
builtofDouglas Fir,milledandsizedbythe
PackardMill. Allwhovisitedthisremarkable
buildingaccounted it a wonderanditsarchitect
,
Winston SanfordWhite, received numerous
kudos[see:Mailer, N. Redemption in Woodand
Marble:TheTwinPeaks Grange.
Architrave
Press:
Pointsof Interest Tacoma, 1949).
Thebusiness lifeofearlyTwinPeaks revolved
around thisbuildingwhichstoodtothenorth
between thepresent-day HighwayJ andtheold
railroad spur.Alsothehubofpolitics , it wasthe
scene ofseveral bloodyriotsduringtheTimber
TRUM AN
Warsof1906-7. Asmoreandmoreworkers
In 1948 on a campa ign poured intothe areaforemployment atthetwo
tourof thewestern United competing mills, spiritsranhigh,fanned by
States,futurePresident Unionists andAnarchists , andmeetings atthe
HarryS. Trumanspoke
sageandwittywordson
Grange erupted infist fights.JamesPackard' s
thestepsofTwinPeaks' famous speech of1908[see:Johnson , A.P.Some
Grangebuilding.As he PrettyGoodSpeeches I HaveHeard.VanityPress:
wasstepping ontohis Ashtabula, 1913)ended withthesespell-bind.ing
train afterthespeech , the words :
soon-to-be-Pre sident
accepted thehandof Boyd
Mankind shallnotwallowanddrowninthepockets
Truman,millwor ker and
father of presentday Twin ofanarchy.0 tannenbaum, 0 tannenbaum
fearthis
Peaks' SheriffHarryS. risinghordefortheywill ravishyouandpayonlyin
Truman.Nooneknowsif woodennickels!
Boydaskedpermissio n
buteveryone knows Indeed, muchofTwinPeaks ' historyswirledaround
whereSheriffTruman's theold, graceful
building.
Presidentialnominee
Christian namecame
from. HarryS. Truman spokeonthestepsofthe
Grangein 1948.
Halfa decade
later,however,
thebuilding's political
lifewasashes.
Duringa snowstorm
onDecember

66
1, 1953,it burstintoflame.Beforetheblackened
marb lecracked intheheatandtheglowing-red
beams buckled, horrified
onlookersheardthe
buildingletouta rasping sigh.Inaninstantit
crumbled intoa mountain ofsmokingdebris.Once
arsonwasestablished asthecause, suspicion and
~
paranoiagripped thecommunity. Thewitchhunt Balloon
thatensued pittedneighbor againstneighbor. The

\JT
casehasneverbeenofficially closed,
andtothis
day,noonehasbeencharged withthecrime.

THETRAINGRAVEYARD
-£a-~
Large Sunflower
AttheendoftheoldRaiIroadSpuracross the
Washington-Idahoborderis a silentcommunity of
oncemagnificent

reclaimed
soilinstreams
creatures
aneraofunparalleledwealth
werekingsinthiswilderness
thatbroughtto thisland
andexcitement.They
. Nowthelandhas
them;theirlife'sbloodseepsintotherich
thecolorof rust.
ii&
-{9-~·
Rushton
Cab
--
or Congdon
.bagehead
Fordecades thegreattrainscarriedlumber from

!I
TwinPeaks totheworld.Inthe1950s,however ,
lumber
transportbytruckbecame moreeconomical
astheUnited States
highway system linkedrural
America
to itsmajorcities.TheGreat RailroadEra
wasover. Straight Capstack
Cannon
These behemoths ofindustry, thedynamicgiantsof
locomotion, liesidebyside-carsoftheUnion
Pacificadjacent toJamesJ. Hill'sGreat
Northern locomotives. Theyaresilent.Butcould
theyexpress themselves , theywouldnodoubtsing
in deep-throatedchordsdescribing theirawe-
somely muscular past.Now,together intheir
graveyard,theywitness thingswhich,couldthey
tellus, wouldchillourbones androbournightsof
sleep.

67
 TWINPEAKS
PASSION
PLAY
Twelve Douglas Firsdescribea circle.They
appear strongenough to support
theskyandtheir
collective
agestretchesbackalmosttothePleisto-
cene.Youwantthegiantstospeak, tellyouofthe
amazing historyrunningalongtheirgraininwhich
thenever endingQuestis givensubstance. Youfeel
closetotheBeginning
It is GlastonberryGroveyou'restanding
in,a
partofGhostwood NationalForestand
backdrop forTwinPeaks' pentannual
Passion
Play. (Everyfiveyearsorso).
ThePassionPlayis oneof Ofuncertain dateandorigin,thePassionPlay
themysteries
ofTwin
Peaks
. continues to evolve andis a profoundlymoving
ceremony. Whilea precise dayandtimearenever
announced, if you'reintownduringthemonthof
Aprilandkeepyoureyesandearsopenyoucan
Events followthequietexodus ofthecuriousandcon-
verted outto Glastonberry Groveshortlyafter
darkto gather around thetwelve GreatFirs. From
theshado ws,halfa dozen cassockedfigures
emerge bearing sword, chrysanthemum,crucifix
andchalice. Thereappears themysteriousguardian
atthegate.To thisdaynooneknowswhere the
guardiancomes fromorwhyit appears. Mystery
alsosurrounds thesponsors oftheeventbut
rumors sugges t theultra-secret
Bookhouse
Boys .
Armpatch ofthe Lasting theentirenight, dawnbringsthe
Bookhouse Boys.This
ultra-secre
t groupof guys ceremony's climax whensunlightobliterates
seemsto sponsor the darkness asGoodvanqu ishesEvil.Skeptics
may
Passion Play wonder whathappens if thedaydawns cloudy.In
fact,intheentire recordedhistoryoftheceremony
thathasneve r occurred
; dawnofTwinPeaks'
PassionPlayhasalwaysbeenannounced by
sunlight.
ThenextPassionPlaywill occursometime in
ApriI, 1992.Noneedto calI, justbethere.

68
InAugust, citizens andvisitors flockto
Sparkwood Road, 1/2a milenorthofthe
Route 21trafficlight,fortheannual
Packard TimberGames. Established
in1910byJamesPackard asameans
ofpromoting ideals ofsportsmanship and
manliness among hisemployees, the
games combine events fromtheAncient
Highland Games ofScotland and
competitionscreated bythePackard
Mill loggersoverthedecades sincethe
mill'sfounding.

Theseven
events
are: /r')
1 CaberToss-A 16footfir Lr'~
trunkweighing 80to 100lbs. ~ J-ff
is tossedbyflippingit upward 4-. ,,;\\_
sothattheleadendstrikesthe ~
groundandtheotherendfalls
forward,notbackward. Distance
tossedis notafactor,only
accuracy, anda polethatendsup
lyingat12o'clockfromthepoint
whereit wastossedis most
'accurate.'

2 Spinoff- Ona floatingpinetrunkin Black

Lake,twocontestantssquare off.Wearingcaulked
bootsandwieldingcantsticks,theyspinthelog
andthewinneroftheeventistheonewhoremains
onthelogwhilethelosersstruggle to keepfrom
beingsuckedoverBlackLakeDam.
69
 Canthook 3 SheafPitch - A 15lb.bundleof
spruce orpineboughs istossed over
')
a horizontal
barwitha pitchfork.After ]
eachsuccessful tossthebaris raised j
2". In1938,BernieWelchtossed a
sheafmorethan30' intotheair.
Unfortunately,
thepitchforkwentwith
theboughs, camefreein mid-airand
pinned a spectator's
beretto his
head . ~

A Hog-nose
toe ring
B Crow footfor
handling square
timbers

Peavy

4 HighClimb- Usingclimbingironsand
caulkedbootsaswellasa 'lifebelt,' a 40'talltrunk
is scaled
. Thecontestant
doingsointheleast
amount oftimewins.Fallingimmediately
disqualifies
a competitor
unless theycanprove
(\ No. (\ No. No. theywerepushed.
A oo
D~alk LJgalk il Calk
5 Burythe Hatchet- Actually, it's a double-
edged WesternFalIingAxethatcontestant's tossat
a stationary
wooden targetusingonlyonehand.
Sometimes called'theone-armed bandit ,' distance
andaccuracyarebothfactorshere . With each
successful
throwthecontestant stepsbacktwofeet.
DeputyHawkconsistently winsthismost
demanding event.
70
6 StoneThrow-DA nyidiotcanfigure
out whatthis even t requ
iresexceptthat,
unliketheOlympic Shotput andHammer Toss, no
wind-up is allowed. This means most of the THEPROPERL
Y HUNG
22 I b . stonesaren't thrownvery far and AXE
just sort ofplopdullyontotheground . Otherthankeepinga keen
CJ edge,hanging an axeis
themostcriticaladjust
-
mentyoucanmakeand
shouldnotbe rushed.

1 Firmlygraspthestock
(handleandstockarethe
samething)in onehand.

2 Withtheotherhand,
bringtheheadintoline
withthestock,keeping
the eyeholeofthehead
directlyin linewiththe
buttandin the 'open'
position.

Events
3 Gentlyinsertthestock
intotheaperture,being
surenot to bruisethe
woodandkeepingin mind
thatthe 'fit' shouldbe
verytightandmayrequire
considerable pressure.

4 Donothammerthe
headontothestock . If the
'fit' is tootight,tapthe
bottomofthestockona
hardsurfaceandallow
theweightoftheheadto
7 TrunkChop- Standin g atop a horizontaltrunk impaleitselfontothe
from6 to 8 feet in diamet
er, contestants wieldan stock.
old-styleWesternFallingAxe.SeanLadoux, in
5 Oncetheheadis
1955,set a recordofchopping through a 6 1/2 foot properly 'seated,'a
trunkin 37 minut es,thoughit tookhimlessthana wedgeorshimof
secondto chopoffhis right toewhilewinningthe hardwood or metalmay
event.Seanhad it bronzedandbequeathed to Twin haveto be drivenintothe
Peaks' County Museum whosecuratormisplace d stockto setandproperly
'hang'thehead.
it sometimein themid 1980's.
6 Youraxeshouldnowbe
Dress: AlI entrants, maleandfemale,mustwear properly
hung.
kilts. Plaidorsolid is optional.

71
 WHATTO00 ANOWHEN
TO00 IT
TwinPeaks is a beehive
ofcommunal activity.
We
loveourtownto piecesandwelcome allvisitorsto
joininatanytime.Ourcalendar maynotbefull,
buteacheventis choice
. GiveourTwinPeaks
Chamber of Commerce a callto confirmdates:
555-TPCC.

DECEMBER
If Thanksgiving wasa bustoryoublewoutontoo
muchturkey, there'snoneedtoworry;flagging
spiritsalways reviveonthesecond Saturday in
December whenwecelebrate thecomingholidays
in ourannual Candlel ightingandChristmas
TreeCeremony . Gather,if youwill, at10AMon
Meadowlark Hillforthepreschoolers' Magi
Pageantwithrealcamels andsheep . All daylong
Events theairis filledwithseasonal tunesascarolers stroll
through towninturn-of-the-century costumes
tryingto out-sing eachother.Thenovelty is good
forabouthalfanhour,butwe'reatolerant commu-
nity.Shortly afterdusk,everyone gathers infrontof
Horne 's Department Storewhere thecurrent
MissTwinPeaksthrowstheswitchthatlightsall
thefirsandpinesdowntown (afterfirstobserving a
moment ofsilencein memory of MissTwinPeaks
'73whowaselectrocuted duringtheceremony that
year).Thenit'siceskating atthetownrinkuntilthe
owlscomeout.

JANUARY
AftertheNewYearweliketo leave timefor
tempers tocooldownandgiftsto bereturned or
exchanged forcash.Butcomethethirdweekend of
January , thefabulousScandinaviantraditionof
Winterskol soundsoffwiththe"Reindeer
Vaterstag Anthem"playedonAlpenhorns fromthe
roofof theGreatNorthern Hotelat7AM
Saturday morning.
Throughout thefestiveday
Gluggflowsliberally aswedemonstrate justabout
everything youcandowithsnowandiceandsome
thingsyoushouldn't. TheIce CastleCompeti-
tionis infrontofthehighschool,theSkaters'
72
Jamboree rinkandtheLion's
atthemunicipal
ClubSnowandSlushBreakfast from9 to
noonintheTimber Room.Saturday nighttheBoy
Scoutscrosscountryski(orrollerblade
if there
's
nosnow)through townbycandlelight.
Thosenot
stupidwithGluggbynightfall fortheBig
gather
Danceatthehighschool.

FEBRUARY
Twoweeks intoFebruary,chessplayers areboning
upontheirSicilianDefense andSnoqualmie
Stalemate in preparation
forourannual Chess
Tournament attheGreatNorthern Hotel.
Begu n byAndrewPackardin 1953andcurrently
presidedoverbysoon-to-be-Grandmaster Pete
Martell, thetournament is opento all.Former
challengers includeVladimirNabokov, among
others.AnatolyKarpov oncesenthisregrets but
theframed letterhasdisappearedfromitsdisplayin
theIcelandic Room. Thetournament boasts asits Events
grandprizea freeweekend forthreeattheGreat
Northern Hotelandsomebooks.

MARCH

OnMarch17thTwinPeakers wakeupexpectantly
inanticipationofthatday'sCaribou Festival .
Heldin placeofthesomewhat dubious St.
Patrick's Day,thisis nevertheless a robustand
spiritedeventtowhichpeople frommanymiles
around flock,all dressedfromheadto toeinthefur
ofdeadanimals . Roaming thetownshortlyafterthe
barsopen , bandsofroistererscompete forthemost
accurate imitationofthecaribou mating call.The
contest is unofficial;
thewinnerusually determined
bya fistfight.Beerandaleflow,jokesareribald
andSheriffTruman cancelsall leaveforhis
deputies.

APRIL
TheYellowLupineFestivalis oneofApril's
highlights.
Usuallyawash in colorasspringand
cabinfeverhaveceasedto devastate
thecitizenry
,
TwinPeaks holdsa 1OKrunforthefit,a parade
withmarchingbands andfloatsandthencrowns
MissTwinPeaks.Thispopula r eventgivesthe
73
 youngwomen of ourtownanopportunity to
demonstrate charm,poise,intelligence
andtalent.
Virtually
everygirl between
sixteen andeighteen
triesoutforthehonorandisjudgedonqualities
importantto ourcommunity byformerMissTwin
Peaks NormaJennings andRichardTremayne
andMayorMilford.Following theCoronation
Ceremony istheLightUpMyLifeBallatthe
Country Club.Mosteveryone iswelcome.

MAY
Springis reallyuponuswhenthePED,a secret
women's philanthropicsociety
, sponsors the
Gardens andHomesTour.Bursting withcolor
andfertility,thegardensaremerely usedasan
excuse to getsomeideawhatgoesonbehind
closeddoorsin otherpeople 's homes. Ofcourse,
they'vealI beencleaned andscrubbed soneuroti-
callytheowners oftenhavedifficultyrecognizing
Events theirownfurniture. Contact
thePEDforexactdates
andtimes;555-1414, thoughthere's seldom
anyone there.

JULY
School's beenoutforawhile , theheathasnotquite
setinandTwinPeaks is upfora party!The
Fourthof JulyCelebration is ourbigsummer
event.It begins withthelnnertube Racedown
theriverbelowWhiteTail Falls, afterwhich
someone is usuallykilledtryingto goovertheFalls
ina barrel.Overintheparkyou'llbedelighted by
theHerringRelayRace,theSackRaceandthe
FrogJumping Contest , wonconsecutively for
thelasttenyearsbyToadof Double RDinerfame.
Meanwhile, Antique carsarecirclingtheparkand
theGreatNorthern HotelhoststheDoughnut
Walk, sponsored byWagonWheelBakery .
Mostpopular, ofcourse, isthePie-eating
Contestthattakesplaceintheparkinglotofthe
DoubleR Diner.At nighttheOwlsClubpyrotech-
nicswizard, AngeloWong , proves thattheItalians
knowjustasmuchaboutfireworks astheChinese
byshooting offa halfhours'worthaccompanied by
ourHighSchoolBandplayingthe"1812Overture"
byFelixMendelssohn.

74
 AUGUST
InAugust , packyourpicnicbasket (or letNorma
Jennings attheDoubleR doit foryou)andcome
outfortheatrebetween thebleachers attheSenior
HighSchoolwhere theTwinPeaksTimber
Playerswill beonthestageonceagain[seepage
106].Theynever failtotransport usto otherclimes
andshowuspassions weonlydreamof. This
talented
bandofamateur thespians willenthrall
you
withthebreadth oftheirfeeling , andtheirhilarious
comedic timing,(especially theirleading character
actresswhoalways receives a standing ovation-
andI don't mindadmitting I do).

SEPTEMBER
Bringing thesummer toa closeandkickinginthe
fallis perhaps thebiggest, bestattended eventof
theyear.Nothing getsthistownmoreexcitedthan
thePackardTimberGames[seepage69].Held
Events
overLabo r DayWeekend, theseeventsallowthe
menofourtownto demonstrate theirvirilityand
equipoise in seven strenuouslydemanding events.
Everybody picnicsonthesidelines because they
can't taketheireyesoffthesweating, muscled and
kiltedcontestants vyingtotakehometheWooden
Thing.Thepotential forhumiliation
is intense , so
there'salways a prettybigcrowdof laughers and
jeerers to belittlethewimpsandlosers.It's spine-
tinglingfunandsomet hingtotellyourgrandchil-
drenabout.

OCTOBER
Afterthetreeshavelosttheirleaves , whenthe
aroma of burningwoodspreads outfromsmoking
chimneys, everyoneknows thatjustaround the
corneris theTwinPeaksHalloween Parade,
sponsored bytheTwinPeaksChamber of
Commerce andHorne'sDepartment Store.
Theparade routebetween
thehighschoolandthe
SeniorhighschoolonMeadowlark Hillis lined
withjack-a-lanterns,eachlit bya burning candle.
Thehighschoolfloatisfirstandit depicts anevent
fromourfascinating historysuchastheSmallish

I
Earthquake of 1905ortheGrange Fire.Follow-
75
 ingthisaredozens ofchildrenin homemade f
costumes bearingsparklerslikea paradeof
ThentheHornefloatappears.
fireflies. Inpast
yearsAmoryBattisstoodatopthefloatcostumed
likea Druidandeveryone always wondered why.
Mr.Battis'recent deathis a greatlossto some,but
especially to theparade.
InTwinPeaks, though,Halloween isn'tjustforkids.
Theadultscomedressed upasGreek Satyrsand
peg-legged Ogres
Pirates. , serialkillersand
wickedwitchesarealsoverypopular andit'sa
treatto hearthepreschoolers wailinginterroratthe
effectoftheadults'vividcostumes andconvincing
portrayals;everyone getsa good-natured laughto
seethetoddlers soterrified. Finally, theparade
wagsitstailto thehighschoolwherethelate
DougieMilford, founder andpublisher ofthe
TwinPeaks andbrother
Gazette of Dwayne the
mayor, usedto museontherestorative powers of
Events terroranddarkness. Theneveryone repairs tothe
cafeteriafordoughnuts, grapeKool-Aid andhot
chocolate. AlsoavaiIableis coffee.

LUMBERJACK
FEAST
People saytheSunday Lumberjack Breakfast
heldattheTwinPeaksFireDepartment is the
country's mostcalorificspread . AtraditioninTwin
Peaks, themonthly feastfeatures threekindsof
pancakes, twokindsofwaffles, eggsprepared in
everypossible way,homebaked muffins,freshfruit
andvegetable concentrates, linkandpattiesau-
sages, scrapple, homeandFrench friedpotatoes,
beaver fritters,jams,marmalades, anda full bar.It
lastsfrom6:30AMuntil3AMHeldonthelast
Sunday ofthemonth,youcanenterthepancake -
eatingcontest. Sofar,noonehastopped Ed
Hurley 'srecord-lastMarchheate110pancakes
intwentyminutes, andlivedto tellaboutit!
Everything
is delicious,
and,ofcourse,
thecoffeeis
legendary.
Heldrain,shine,orsnow.Call911for
moreinformation.

76
I

77
Dining
CHERRY
PIERECIPE
Ingredients: 3 cupscherries
freshfrozen
1 cupbakerssugar
1/8tspsalt
1 cupwater
4 Tbs.cornstarch
w-13
Directions:
3 cupscherries
Thawcherries
overnight
atroomtemperature.
2 cupsjuice
1 cupwater
(addmoreor lesswatertoyield3 cups)
Draincherriesthrougha colander.
Thisshould
yield2 cupsjuice.Add1 cupofwatermaking a
totalof3 cupsjuice.Reserve
1 cupjuicefor
cornstarchmix.
1 cupjuicecooled
4 Tbsw-13cornstarch
Dissolve
cornstarchincooledliquid,stirwithwhip.

78
 2 cupsjuice
2/3cupbakers sugar DOUBLER DINERDAILY
1/8tspsalt SPECIALS
FORTHEWEEK

Bringjuice,sugarandsalttoa boil.Atboilingpoint Monday:

addcornstarchmix(step3)andcookuntiI clear, Soup:RabbitBisque
Entree:Liverand
about5 minutes. If cookedtoolongsyrup onionsw/choice of
getsgummy. vegetableandcupof
soupordinnersalad.
1/3cupbakers sugar Coffee
Takestep4 offfireandstirinsugar.Blendthor- Tuesday:
oughly. Soup:Vegetable-
Noodle
Completed
cooked juice Entree:Hamsteakw/
pineappleringchoice
Pourcompletedcookedjuiceoverdrainedcherries ofvegetable(2) and
(step1)andblendwithspoon.Cool.IMPORTANT: cupofsoupor dinner
salad.
Stircompleted
mixwhilecoolingto prevent
scum Coffee
fromformingontop.
Wednesday:
Pourin8" piecrustshell.Topcompletedpiewith Soup:BeaverBarley
latticecrust.Bakeat425degrees
for35to 40 Entree:Roastturkeyw/
minutes all thefixinsandcup
ofsoupor dinner
Pittedsourfreshfrozen piecherries
shouldbe salad.
Coffee
used. Tastecherriesforsweetnessmoresugarmay
beneeded . If cherries
arefrozen
withsugara little
lessmaybeneeded. Dining

Thursday:
Soup:Split Pea
Whenin LosAngeles
TwinPeaksCherry
Pies Entree:Lambchopsw/
canbefoundatDuParsRestaurant
andBakery. mintjellyorapple-
sauce,vegetable(2)
andcupofsoupor
dinnersalad.
Coffee
PIECRUST
Friday:
11/2 cupsFlour Soup: CornChowder or
NewEngland Clam
1/2cupCrisco (lard) Chowder
Mix flourandCriscotogetherwitha fork.Whenthe Entree:Fishstickswith
tartarsauceand
mixturetakesontheappearance of littlepeas,add: vegetable (2) and
choiceofcupofsoup
1/4cupicewater ordinnersalad.
Coffee
Mixtogether byhand. When sufficiently
blended,roll
intoballandrefrigerate
overnight.Torollout-flour Saturday:
bothyourrollingpinandflatsurface (marble
isthe Soup: Creamof
Huckleberry
best,butif needbewaxpaper isagoodsubstitute). Entree:Cheeseburger
Splittheballintotwo.Rollouttofit panandthenroll w/friesandcupof
soupordinnersalad.
outsecond balltouseaslattice. Coffee
Sunday:
Leftovers
IcedTea
79
 Doughnuts

HereinTwinPeaks , doughnuts areasmucha part

of ourmorning asa cupofgoodstrongcoffee and
theTwinPeaksGazette . Somesayoursheriff
started
thecurrent craze-he'sbeenknowtotossa
half-dozenatatime.Somesayit allstarted withthe
bake-off
atthe1985statefair, whenMrs.
Howard' s doughnuts wona blueribbon . Thefact
DOUGHNUT CAPITOL
isthatwhether plumpandfilled,orwhite-sugared
TwinPeaksproudly andcrumbly , doughnuts havebeenafavor edtreat
boastsitsconsumption of sincetheDutch firstfriedupa batchof olykoeks in
moredoughnuts per oldNewAmsterdam. Threeyearsago, in 1988,the
capitathananycity, town
or municipality
in the
estimatedpercapitadoughnut consum ptionin
world.Oilboilingfrom Twin Peaks was 306-we'II venturea guess thatis
midnightto 6AMevery moredoughnuts foreveryman,woman , andchild
dayexceptSunday , at the thanjustaboutanywhere elseintheU.S.
WagonWheelBakery,
ownedandoperated by
JuneandHowardWagner,
producesmorethan1200
doughnutsanddoughnut
holeseachshift. Noone
knowswhyitscalled

Dining
WagonWheel; maybe
Howard wisheshewere.
Anyway, getthereandget
therefastbecause June
andHowardarenot
gettingyounger (alas,not
a childbetween them.The
niecesandnephews are
onlyinterested inthe
moneyandnooneintown
likesthem). Juneisfrom
NewOrleans and
Howard'sfromtheBronx ;
theirdoughnuts area
cultureclashbetween
beignets andbagels,the
gloriousresultofa
misunderstanding they
hadontheirwedding
night.Luckily theygot
busyslingingflourandwe
getthescrum-dilly-
umptious results.Don't
forgetto askfortheholes,
too.

80
 It is saidthatthecirculardoughnut evolved Doughnuts
for 106
because thepearlashwidelyusedinAmerica was
Chocolate
doughnutsgo
notasefficient asyeastin raisingthedough,and bestwithcoffee,sohere's
solefta soggycenter-aproblem easilysolvedby therecipe,forthwith.
simplyremoving it ahead oftimebefore
frying.But
alI wecanbesureof isthatastheconfec tion Mix31/2 cupsof melted/
;;J cooledshortening, 6 2/3
n traveled westwiththefrontier, thewheelshape cupsofsugarand16
developed. Perhaps it wassimplyeasier
forthetrail jumboeggs.Thoroughly
cookto rollouta littleropeofdoughbetween his foldin 6 generous cupsof
hands andloopit intoa circlesoit wouldlieflatin buttermilk.Siftin 29 cups
thepanandrequirelessfattofry. offlour,5 cupsof
unsweetened cocoa
Besureto stopbytheDoubleR Dinerforanearly powder,6 2/3 tablespoons
ofdouble-acting baking
breakfast.AskNorma fortheDoughnut Special.
Or powder,21/3 tablespoons
if you'revisitingthesheriff,seeif youcansnatcha of bakingsodaand2
coupleoffhisdeskwhenhisbackis turned. But tablespoons ofsalt.
knowthateverytimeyoubiteintoa doughnut in Kneadthedoughona
lightly-floured
surface
TwinPeaks you'rebitingintoa doughnut fromthe untilsmooth.Rollthe
WagonWheelBakery. doughoutto 1/2 inch
thickandcutoutdough-
nutswitha 2 1/2 inch
doughnut cutter.Put
doughnuts andholes

Dining
asideonwaxpaper.Heat
about2 inchesof oil in a
kettleuntil375°, anddrop
in doughnuts a fewat a
time.Turnthemasthey
rise,andcookeachabout
2-3 minutes.Scoopdone
doughnuts outwitha
slottedspoonanddrain
themonpapertowels.

Glaze:Melt12 ouncesof
unsweetened chocolate.
with2 1/2 cupsofwater
overa doubleboiler,
stirringsmooth.Remove
fromheatandwhiskin 10
pounds of powdered
sugar.Diptopsofwarm
doughnuts in glazeand
coolonracks.

81
 Particularly
essential
to theTwinPeaks experience
is theDoubleR DineronHighway J (555-0087).
Noplaceelsein townservesyoutwoeggs , orange
juicefromconcentrate,
Beaverfrittersandtoastfor
$1.99.

Ofcourse,
witheverymealcomes delicious,
FBI
approved,
coffeefromtheold,alwaysreliable,
J.H.
McKiecoffeemaker.
Seatsin eachboothareupholstered in attractive
NORMAJENNINGS -Born andcomfortable,stain-resistant
vinylandonevery
September 30, 1950.After tablearesaltandpepper shakers
, sugar,creamer
graduatingfromTwin (alwaysfreshandfull),ketchup,
mustard, napkin
PeaksCommunity College
dispenserandanashtray. Dinerssittingatthe
witha degreein Home
Ee.,LibraNorma counterenjoythesamethoughtful amenities.
travelledextensively
in
searchof newandexotic Service is attentiveandcourteous. Norma
recipesformeatloaf. Jennings is dedicatedto running a goodold-
Aghastat theunima- fashioned diner,muchto ourgoodfortune.
ginativeapproachestakenSpecialAgentCooperputhercherrypieonthe
to thisuniquely
American
concoction,sheopened tastetreatmapwhereit belongs. Andif you'relucky
theDoubleR Dinerwhere enough to beintownwhenblackberries arein
season , Norma' s cobbler is divine.Herpiecrust
Dining
couldwina bake-off. Andthebana nacream pie
themeatloafservedis withsnowypeaks ofmeringue piledontophassent
hallucinatory
. A former
manya traveler tothemoteltospendthenightso
MissTwinPeaks('69)
andTPCCSmallBusiness theycancomebackformore. TheSusie-O's
OwneroftheYear,Norma (skinny, curlytrenchfries)areverypopular among
is mostat homein her ourlocalhighschoolstudents. Somuchsothat
dinertalkingwithBigEd. cheerleaders areadvised against partaking.
(A
Shebelievesin longer
prisonterms.
moment on thelips,forever on the hips.)

BESTS: "Thepeoplehere, Asyouleave,

notethesincere
message
onthefront
theirwarmthand door:
sincerity.
" Also,the THANKS
Timberplayersversionof
TheParanormal Review.

Jukeboxselections
at the DoubleR Diner Everyone
does!
page83

82
 A1 WorkingMan W2 I Wantto KnowYou M4 Always
OnMyMind
JohnConlee Conway Twitty PetShopBoys
B1 RadioLover X2 SnakeBoots N4 DoI Have
To
C1 Told A LieToMyHeart Y2 Shattered
Dreams 04 NoMistake,
See'sMine
W Nelson &H.Williams
, Jr. JohnnyHates
Ja;z K.Rogers& R.Milsap
01 SlowMovin'Outlaw Z2 MySecretGarden P4 You'reMyLove
E1 LittleLie AA2 DirtyDiana 04 Songbird
Fleetwood Mac MichaelJackson KennyG
F1 Rick y 8B2 Instrumental R4 Midnignt
Motion
G1 StopDragg
ingMyHeart CC2 CircleintheSand S4 AreyouStillInLove
Nicks&TomPetty
Stevie Belinda Carlisle AnneMurray
H1 KindofWoman 002 WeCanChange T4 GiveMeYourLove
11 SomeGirlsHaveAll EE2 She'sLiketheWind U4 Can'tWeTry
LouiseMandrell Patrick
Swayze D.Hill& VondaShepard
J1 HowDid I GetIt SoLate FF2 Stay V4 PleasureCentre
K1 Save theLast Dance
For Me A3 AnInnocentMan W4 Crazy
DollyParton BillyJoel PatsyCline
L1 ElusiveButtertly B3 I'll CryInstead X4 YourCheatin' Heart
M1 YourMemory Ain't C3 NeedYouTonight Y4 GetDuttaMyDreams
MickeyGilley INXS BillyOcean
N1 LonelyNights 03 I'mComing
Home Z4 Showdown
01 There'sNoWay E3 NeverGonna GiveUup AA4 KentuckyRain
Alabama RickAstley ElvisPresley
P1 TheBoy F3 Instrumental B84 MyLittleFriend
01 Human Touch G3 SoEmotional CC4 ProudMary
RickSpringfield WhitneyHouston Credence Clearwater
R1 Alyso
n H3 FortheLoveofYou 004 Bornin tneBayou
S1 MeandPau l EE4 SweetDreams
13 ValleyRoad
WillieNelson PatsyCline
BruceHornsby FF4 BlueMoonof Kentucky
T1 I LetMyMindWander J3 LongRace
U1 HurtsSoGood A5 Justto SeeHer
K3 YourHeartDesires
JohnCougar Smokey Robinson
HallandOates B5 I'mGonna LoveYou
V1 CloseEnough l3 Rea/ove
W1 Theladyin Red C5 WhoWears These
Shoes
M3 I WannaDancewithU EltonJohn
ChrisdeBurgh EddieRabbit
X1 TheVision 05 SadSong
N3 GottaHaveYou
Y1 WhenGiving UpWasEas
y E5 AllI WantIs You
03 BabyBlue CarlySimon
EdBruce GeorgeStrait
Z1 Texas
Girl F5 TwoHotGirls
P3 Backto Bein'Me
AA1 PartTimeLover 03 NightShift
StevieWonder
B81 Instrumen
tal
Commodores Dining
·
R3 I KeepRunning
CC1 l onghaired
Redneck S3 BackintheUSSR G5 ltTakesALittleRain
DavidAllanCoe BillyJoel OakRidgeBoys
001 UNeverCallMyName T3 BigShot H5 Lookingfor Love
EE1 Good-B
yeMarie U3 StandByMe 15 TakeMyBreath
Away
KennyRogers BenE.King Berlin
FF1 Abraham,
MartinandJohn V3 Yakety
Yak J5 RadarRadio
A2 MountainDew W3 OutGoin'Cattin' K5 I KnowWnere I'mGoing
WillieNelson Sawyer
Brown TheJudds
B2 LayingMyBurdens
Down X3 TheHouse Won'tRock l5 If I WereYou
C2 I'mFor Love Y3 Nothings GonnaStayUs M5 BO'sladies
HankWilliams, Jr. Starship K. T.Olsin
02 lawyers,GunsandMoney Z3 LayingIt OntheLine N5 OldPicture
E2 Justa Giggolo AA3 legs 05 SexyGirl
David lee Roth ZZTop Glenn
Fry
F2 I Don't GotNobody B83 SharpDressed
Man P5 USA
G2 TakemeDown CC3 DancingintheDark 05 WnatFriend
s AreFbr
Alabama BruceSpringstein DionneWarwick& Friends
H2 Lovin'You 003 PinkCadillac R5 TwoShipsPassing
12 You'reOnlyHuman EE3 Wnat'sLoveGotto DoWitnIt S5 We'reIntheLove
Billy Joel TinaTurner AlJarreau
J2 Surprises FF3 RockandRollWidow T5 Break
in'Away
K2 RockandRollGirls A4 UNever
FindAnotner U5 WhenGoingGetsTough
JohnFogerty LouRawls BillyOcean
l2 Centertold B4 Let'sFallin Love V5 Instrumental
M2 I Found
Someone C4 DoYa W5 I Wanna
Dance
Cher K. T.Olsin Whitney
Houston
N2 Dangerous
Times 04 LonelyButOnlyFor U X5 MomentofTruth
02 l oveDon'tGiveReason E4 CanDotneHeartbreak Y5 Shine,
Shine,
Shine
Smokey Robinson AnneMurray EddyRaven
P2 HangingOnBy ATnread F4 WitnoutYou Z5 StayWithMe
02 Captain
of HerHeart G4 Seven
Spanish
Angels AASWayYouMakeMeFeel
Double &R.Charles
W Nelson Michael
Jackson
R2 YourPrayerTakes
Me H4 WhoCares 885 Instrumental
S2 Can 't StayAwayFromYou 14 Fallin'Again
l CC5Ain'tMisbehavin'
MiamiSoundMachine Alabama HankWilliams,
Jr.
T2 let It Loose J4 SawtheTime 005 I'veBee
n Around
U2 DeepRiverWoman K4 WordsGetintheWay EE5 JustEnoughLove
LionelRichie MiamiSoundMachine RayPrice
V2 Ballerina
Girl L4 Movies FF5 WhyDon'tloveGoAway

83
k
EileenHayward's
Coffeefor a Crowd
(40to 250servings)
Eileen alwaysmakesthis
fortheannual spring
luncheon putonbythe
Ladies Auxiliary
to
benefitchildren
in Lower
Town .
1 largecheeseclothbag
1 poundcoffee
6 eggshells(freeze
the
yolksandwhitesfor
futureuse)
1/2cupchicory DININGOUTIN TWINPEAKS
5-7quarts wellwater
(tapwateris okay) If youwantto giveyourse lf a presentmakea
reservation attheTimberRoomintheGreat
Placegrounds andegg
Northern HotelortheLamplighter Inn;you'll
shellsinthecheesecloth
havea mealto remember , andenjoymingling with
bag.Ina largekettle,
thefinepeople ofTwin Peaks.SheriffTruman
Dining couldeasilybeatthenexttable,andDoc
Hayward doesn't likethesunto setonSunday
bringthewatertoa boil. withoutfeasting ontheEgg s Sardou.
Place thefilledcheese-
clothbaginthekettle Breakfast caterstothehaleandhardy,particularly if
(fireis turnedoff). Let you 'regoing hiking or hunting. But for thosemore
standonthestovefor10 delicate appetites thehomemade granola is
minutes (stirthebag outstanding. Anddon'tmissthefreshly baked
several times) . Remove Banana Nut Muffins .
bag.Serveimmediately .
Lunchis popular withourlocalbusinessmen , all of
Bottoms up! whomraveabouttheChili.Thesoupsarealways
goodandtheCroqueMonsieur meltsinyour
mouth.(It's spelled "Croaked " Monsieur onthe
menuin honorof Dougie Milfordwhoespecially
lovedit, andwhohasindeed goneonto hishigher
reward.)
Dinneris a culinary adventure , depending
on
whetheror notJerryHorneis in residence. He
travels
theworldin search of bizarre
andwonderful
tastebudticklers . Butif you'renotinthemoodfor
theoutre, sticktothetriedandtrue-stuffedbaked
dove,braised venison, friedrabbit,andwildroast

84
I

t
~I

JAMESHURLEY-
January1, 1973. The
duckwithbrownrice.Thegarliccheese gritsarea
quiet,innerstrength of
must.Poems havebeenwrittenintribute.The thisCapricorn is truly
biscuits
areskilletbaked andarebest wheneaten remarkable . Coming from
withsorghum molas ses. Thewinelist is variedand a brokenhome,James
excellent
, again thanks to brotherJerry.Reque st concluded prettyearlyon
thatpeoplecanseldom
theCroatianBeaujolais , ororder a Bull Shotfrom betrustedwhichis why
thebar.A goodsavory timewill behad byall! he's perplexed somany
peopletrusthim.Withhis
SouthofTwinPeaks onHighway21, nearLewis Harleyandtheopenroad
Fork, istheLamplighter Inn(555-2829),a rustic he is fulfilled.
establishment designedwithnubbycolorsthat Lodging
make youfeelrightathome . Thechicken
potpies
BESTS: HisuncleEd,
are closeto celestial.
Forlunch, AgentCoope
r Route21 northof White
recommends , "atunafishsandwich onwholewheat Tail Fallsat around3AM
anda sliceofcherry pieandcoffee.Damngood onhisHarley,Julee
food." Cruiseat theRoadhouse.

Otherfunfoodspots areAngeloWong'sItalian/
Thai restaurant, at77MainSt. (555-7823). The
food istoodeliciou s to describe . (JerryHorne
lovesit.)Ace'sBar-B-Que located at44 So.
LynchRd(555-4550) is alsoa goodbet.Hisribs
aretender , anda lotof visitors buythe sauce for
Christmaspresents.It's a goodideato inquirewhat
thespecialty oftheday is-in caseit's barbecued
goat.(Notrecommended forthesqueamish.) And
theRoadhouse locatedonHighwayJ (555-1919)
is always goodfor a corndogif you'vemissed
dinne r every place else.Butit's thefrosty mugs and
icecold brewthatdrawstheircrowd.Thisis
definitelytheplacetoenjoyourlocalnightowls.

85
86
87
 GREAT
NORTHERN
HOTEL
Themost elegant andcomplete accommodations in
TwinPeak s arefoundhere.Available are102
beautifully
appointed rooms , eachpersonalized and
panelledin comforting Ponderosa Pinefromour
ownPackardMill. Several elegantsuitesare
availablebesides roomsforsingles , couples and
largerconfigurations.(Take a peekatthe
Honeymoon Suiteandfeastyoureyes). Breakfast,
lunchanddinnerareavailable intheTimber
TRUDYCHELGREN
GREAT NORTHERN
Room aswellas through room service,andpicnic
EMPLOYEE OFTHEYEAR lunches can beordered for your pleasurewhile
touringthesurrounding localbeauty .$$$. Excellent
QUOTE: Thecustomer is coffee
. Locatedat500Great NorthernHighway.
alwaysrightandso isthe 1-800-555-1000 . Accepts alI majorcreditcards.
wineglass.

Practicallyeverybody 's LeAnn's

Country Inn
favoritewaitressin the 315TimberLane
GreatNorthernTimber TwinPeaks
WA99153
Room,TrudyChelgren 555-2487
finishedfirstin the
employee'spollforthis Ambledowna country lanetoa charmingVictorian
year'saward.
surrounded byspacious garden
s. Rela
x infrontofa
BenHornesays,"I think crackling
fire, ortaketheair onanold-fashioned
whatmakesTrudysospe- porchswing . Queen -sizebeds,privatebaths,
Lodging Continentalbreakfast, anda complimentary copyof
theTwinPeaks Gazette.
cial isthathersmilenever
leavesherfaceandevery- SnowStreetInn
onewhocomesintothe
TimberRoomnotices that 552SnowStreet
andfeelsspecial,too." TwinPeaks
WA99153
555-7653
Trudyis a native ofTwin
Peaks. In fact,sheis a Six lavishly furnishedguestrooms , eachwith
formerassistant captain
private bath,balcony , andfireplace
. A gourmet
oftheSteeplejack cheer-
leadingsquadandMorale breakfast is served everymorning. Bicycle
s,
Officerofthe BridgeClub. mopeds , hammocks . Swimming nearbyatPearl
Lakes.
Shealsohostsoneofthe
morefuneventsofthe TheWillowInn
yearherein town. Being 123SnowStreet
an avidshutterbug, every
springsheinvitesfolks TwinPea
ks WA99153
overto lookat hundreds 555-8980
ofslidesofthe manycol-
orfulawnings thatseem A remodeled Victorian
tuckedawayonseven acres
to flourishin ourtown. ofwoodland. Tenniscourt,swimming pool,
Continuedmargin bicycles
, fishingequipment.Eachoftheeight
page89 roomshasa private bath,workingfireplac
e,anda
88
brassbed.Continental breakfas
t andafternoon
refreshments
. Justa five-minutewalkfromTimber (continued)
Aninternational traveler
Place, TwinPeaks' summer stock theater. in heryouth
, it seems
appropriate
thatsheis in
PineViewMotel:Whatit lacks in elegance it theTwin Peaks United
makes upforin courtesy andprivacy.AssignationsNationsChoirasthefirst
canbescheduled herewithoutfearofbeing soprano.
compromised. Continental
breakfa
st ofjuice,
A greatpieceofwoodwas
coffee, fruit, doughnutsareavailable
. Andsince presented to Trudyin a
you'rea stone's throwfromtheDoubleR Diner swellceremony in Ben
yousimplyhaveto popdown thestreetfora Horne's office.Onthe
deliciousmeal.16units.$$.Avoidthecoffee . woodwerethesewords :
Located at1289Highway J. 555-PINE. Accepts
"There'salwaysa tune
M.C.,V. Minimum 4 hourstay. withthe toast.A fewnotes
withthenoodles . A ditty
TheCozyBoxBed'N BreakfastLocallyknow fordessert.She'sthegal
asTheCoze . It'srightinthecenter oftown, inafine whowill alwayssingfor
Victorian home(Originally owned bytheMartel l's yoursupperwitha song
until Nealithlostit ina pokergame-theonlyone in herheadanda platein
herhand. She's the
heeverplayed .) Convenient toallshopsand sweetheartoftheTimber
restaurants.Theroomshavethemes to fit your Room ."
everymood;English Country, Hallof Mirrors ,
Wizard of Oz,Santa Fe, Laplander , LittleBo-Peep (Over48 dollarswere
raisedto haveaII these
and1001Night s.There'sa hottub. Ireneand
wonderful sentiments
Loomis Peterson aretheproudproprietors , and burntintowood.)
theyservewineandcheese tolubbers duringthe
cocktailhour.Thebreakfast portioncomes from Lodging
WagonWheelBakerysoyoucankill twobirds
withonestonebystayinghere . Seven units.$$.
Coffee is prettygood,whenyoucangetit. Located
at244Enthwhistle St.555-4842. Cashonly.
GreatNorthern
Lobby
Mrs.Thrimble's BedandBreakfast: Located floorplan
onSparkwood Roadseveral hundred yardsafterthe t White Tail
pavement turnsintodirt (or, inthespring , mud) Falls

EmmaThrimbleopened herroomyif draftyhome Payphones Checkin Gift

intheearly1950'sandhasbeenbed- f-: Main r

eERr
totravellers Shop ]

dingandboarding visitorseversince.Fiverooms
areavailable.Reservations shouldbemade . Break
-
fast, lunchanddinnerareserved in Emma's
kitchen. Plopdown $1.00forbreakfast , $2.50for
lunchand$3.00fordinner.Graba plateandwan-
derintothekitchen where anything onthestoveis ,-J . L-7
foryou. 5 Units.$. Coffee is prettygood.Located at IGur.;-7 0ffices
29So.Sparkwood Rd.,in Lower town.555-1800. Rooms j
Cashorpersonal checks withphotoidentification .

89
Henry"Hank" Jennings, RalphRoister,#63: Bruce"Bruc ie" Moretti,
#81: "TheLonesome Known as "moron" but #70: Kept to himself, now
End". neverfell for a Draw. liveswith his motherin
SanFrancisco .

Albert"TheMuff"Furrer, HarryS. Truman,#10:

#34: A veryfuzzy thinker Quarterback-best
SamuelDiefenderfer,
·whentheycalledthe plays, completionrecordin
#82: "Be-bop-a-lula
,
andespeciallywhenit the Tri-CountyAreafor
she's my baby", Married
cameto girls. two straightseasons.
MaryWitherspoonand
disappeared.
Tommy"TheHawk"Hill,
#74: Halfback; "Heroof
the Undefeated
Season ".
BOBOHOBSON-
"Coach" hasneverbeen TWINPEAKS
FOOTBALL
TEAMPICTURE:
photographed , convinced
thateachdeveloped ROW#1: (leftto right) SamuelDiefenderfer , Kenny
imageonfilm robsoneof Wilson, TommyHill, AlbertFurrer,RalphRoister, John
a partoftheirsoul.He Johnson,Jeff Hurley, TonyBacci, HarryTruman,Ed
has,however , coached
theSteeplejacks to three Hurley, Steve Farkel, DonPinkie, Tim Simons, Stan
StateSemi-Finals in the Lilias, Ted Bjornborg, Mike Reevo, JoeHastings, Skip
lastfiveyears. A Virgo, Lippertz.
thoughhewon'tadmitit, ROW#2:CoachBellis,Chaplain"UncleWalt"
Continuedmargin Barnhardt,Trainer:HerbFrederick , LanceMasterlund ,
page91 MacFousteck, EarleBlack, SamMiller, LesterArnholdt,

90
Herb "Cutthroat" Sear, Mannie"Schnozola" Thadilonius"Toad"
#67: Sidelined7 quarter- Josephson,#53: Best Barker,#12: Known as
backsin the season. senseof humor; always the rovingdefensiveback.
Favoritesaying"Let'skick knewthe punchlinebut
someessenceof butt." never'read' a play.

Ed"Big Ed" Hurley

, #60: Phil"Hashbrowns "
Stopped'emcoldalmost Mazlowski , #50: Tough Greg"Goat"Latroit:
everytime. on the front line,even "Fatherto Everybody ", but
tougheron his underwear. still theStudent Trainer.
I'm a jackandyou'rea jack
Steeplejacksarewe
Andwhenwe get together
Thecryis "Victory"!
TheSteeplejack Cheer
(continued)
Coachteachesbusiness
HenryHoulanan, MattStewart, BruceMoretti,Richard skillsandcomputer
Jepsen , ColbyBaker,MikeGreeby , PhilipFitzgerald
, programming at thehigh
GarySwyker, Asst.CoachesBillChapman , Gene schoolandsays,"If you
Pamloski , Bill Conway . can't kick,don'tbother ."
ROW#3: StuGrefendorfer , Jim Jacoby, David
Tremayne, DennisRohrer, GaryLeicht, CasperFrey, BESTS: Fall inTwin
VinceBrennan , TobyMarkle, BillShear, PhilMazlowski, Peaks,CaribouFestival ,
dropping a cleanlogin
MannieJosephson , ThadiloniusBarker,GregFranchea ,
thewoods .
DaveRrattichett , MarkBartlett,MickeyKoontz,Sam
Herd.

91
 "Nobody
beatus.Nobody.
"
FromthePearlLakestoSnakeRiver ..
FromSeattle
to distantRome
...
Wemustalways loveandcherish
...
OurHighSchoolandourHome.
- Twin Peaks
AlmaMater
Football carries
a longtraditioninTwin Peaks . The
firstforwardpassinthegreatnorthwest was thrown
bythen-high schoolfreshman, MayorDwayne
Milford,whotooktheballfromthecenter and
loftedit overfouryardsto hisbrother Dougie,
who,unfortunately fellover.Butnevertheless, the
firstforwardpassinthegreatnorthwest was
thrown, andfromtheplaying fieldsof Eaton
tothe
Kingdom, footballwouldneverbethesame .
Andthat'ssomething
thathasmadethetownproud
sinceNovemberof1968,whenthatgrandfootball
seasonended.ChampionsoftheNorthwest Nine
Conference andStateChamps dulyelectedby
theSeattleFootballOutingandAuning
Association.

Manyofthestarsoftheteamhave stayed
intownand
wentontousefulcareersincluding
SheriffTruman,
DeputyHawk,EdHurley andHankJennings.
Truman'sgaitreminded many oftheexpertsofCrazy
Sports LegHirsch.BigEd,ontheotherhand, wassaidto
bethenextLeonHartTommy "the Hawk"Hill.
Hawkbaffledmostexperts-toosmallfordefense ,
tooslowforoffense,
yethegotthegoddamn jobdone.
"Hewasthekindofguyyouwouldliketohavenext to
youinafox hole
" washowCoachHobson de-
scribed
him.

THESEASON
Theschedule suggested thatthetoughgameswere
atthebeginning oftheseason.Howfartheywere
fromthetruth...
GAME
ONE14-13
Theseason
gotoffto a slowbutexcitingstart.
Looking
backonit, youcouldevencallit scary
;a
14-13squeaker
overMetaline at home .
92
Leading13to 7, Metalineinexplicably
triedtheold
"fumble
ruskie"andHankJennings, employing
somesortofsixthsense-anabilityheneverputto
muchusein laterlife-sensedchicanery. He
grabbedtheballin midairandwaltzed untouched
87yardstoatouchdown . "Weknewwewereinto
somethinggood",saidtheteam's starquarterback,
SheriffHarryTruman.
GAMETWO48·46
NorthporttelI undertheSteeplejack
juggernaut48-
46in oneofthewildestgames thetownhasever
seen.When, threeyearslater,NorthportHigh
Schoolwastossed outoftheNorthwest Nine,it
waslearned thattheyhadhiredgrownmento play
athletics
forthem.AsTommy "TheHawk"putit,
"TherewasoneguywhoI hadbought a carfrom
themonthbefore. "
GAMETHREE
38·0
TheSteeplejacks played thegameinthedarkat
Colvillewhenthelightswentoutandbothteams
elected
to continue.It wasunfortunate
forColville,
whichfeatureda stunning passingattack.
Thegame
wascalledwiththeJacksahead 38to0.
Inthisgame , theSteeplejacks added a new
feature-theLonesome half-back. Thegiftedbut
troubled, HankJennings refused to practice
and Sports
eventually refused tojointhehuddle. Buthecould
run!Easi ly themostgiftedoftheteam , butwithan
attitude
thatbordered onanti-social.Hankwould
standsixorseven yardsawayfromthehuddle and
waitfortheteamtocometothelineofscrimmage.
Then,through anelaboratesetof handsignals from
theheadoftheScience andIndustry Club, whowas
receiving theplaysfromCoachHobson 'sson,
Sammy. Hankwouldbegiventheplay.
Theeffect, ofcourse , wasmesmerizing
and
brilliantlyeffective
. MostofthetimeHankwas
unstoppable.
THETIE2·2
Astheteamboarded thebusforEvan,
thenewshit
likea tonof lead
. HankJennings hadbeen
93
 suspended . "Nooneeverknewwhy,buttheteam
stoodbehind theCoach
." Mostaccountsofwhyare
unclear.
Yellingwasheardin thecoaches' office,
andthenawindowbroke , andthenthewordsno
footballcompetitor
everwantsto hearpiercedthe
air- "You'rebenched."
Thentherainstarted. Rainthatfinisheddestroyed
mostfarmsinthevicinity . Needless tosay,playing
footbalI in it wasatragedy.AndwithoutHank,the
offense coulddonothing morethanpunt.16times
to beexact. Andlikesomebiblicalstoryinthe
bible,it feltdecreed.There wouldbenowinneror
Ioserthatday.
Returning homeCoachHobson wasmetbyangry
Steeplejack supporterswho-demanded to knowwhy
heleftHankoutofthegame."thedamnrain..."
wasall hewouldeversay.Tillthedayhedied,it
wassimply , "Thedamnrain."Hehadtoomuch
classto layit offto oneofhisboys,nomatterthe
problem .
GAME
FOUR33-23
Itwassupposed to betheeasiest gameoftheyear,
butnoonecounted onCliff"TheCombine "
Ompehunt failingforathirdtimeto graduate from
KnifeRiverHigh.Heranwild-until hewas
Sports injured. It happened in a pileupneartheendzone.
HankJennings hadmade thetackleandashe
tolda reporter later,"Ompehunt musthavespiked
himself-bad. " Fromthenonit wasallTwinPeaks.
Theyscored atwillandpulledouta 33to 23
victory.
GAME
FIVE13·3
ItwasanuneventfulvictoryatMarcus otherthan
thefactthattheteam'sstudent
manager , Herb
Fredrick, leftmostoftheschool
's uniformsatthe
dentist
andthegamestarted anhouranda halflate.

GAME
SIX18-12
Thelongest roadtripoftheyear:alI thewayto
Chewelah. A gamesocoldthatit wastheoneand
onlytimeanyone ever,andtheymean ever,heard
leaderCoachHobson usetheLord'snamein
94
vain.Wellnotreallyinvain,mostspecifically
he
wasaskingtheLordabove towarmthingsupa bit.
Thehighlight
ofthisgameillustrates justwhatkind
ofCoach Hobson was.Hegathered theteaminthe
lockerroom.Everyone seemed tenseandunsure of
themselves.
Then , andthis is whatmadehimoneof
thegreatones
, hebegan to talk likeKnute
Rockne.Itwasn 't untilyearslaterthat theteam
realized
hewaslip synching . AsTommy"The
Hawk"said, "Whocared , forthatmoment I wasa
Golden Domer."
GAME
SEVEN
19-0, GAME
EIGHT12-2
Thenext twowinscameeasily.Coasting
ontheall-
too-accurate
armofSheriffTruman,andthe
steady
handsofBigEdHurley.The
Steeplejackslookedunstoppable.
GAME
NINE9-3
Andsoit boileddownto thatfinalgameagainst
KettleFalIs. AndtheSteeplejackssavedthebest
andmostexciting for last.
Forthreequarters alleithe
r teamcouldmanage was
a fieldgoals.3 to3. Asthefinalseconds ticked
away , HarryTrumanputtogether a scoringdrive
thatwill notsoonbeforgotten. Fourshortpasses ,a
cross-buck lateralplay,andthreestraight quarter- Sports
backsneaks-thelastone,going41yards,leftthe
Steeplejacks ontheCoug ars' fouryardline.
ThatwaswheninspirationstruckTommy"the
Hawk" Hill. InSheriffTruman' swords:
"Hecameintothehuddlelikea wholedifferent guy.
Noneofusknewwhatwasgoingonandmostof us
wereprettydarnscared. I remember helooked at
meandhesaid, "Thereisspecial providence inthe
flightoftheeagle . If it benow, letit be.If it benot
now,letit beso." Andthenfora reasonI will never
knowI said, "Hawk,taketheballandtake us
home ." It wasn'tuntilfiveyearslaterthatI learned
Hawkhadfallenandhithisheadandwasmis-
quoting Shakespeare's "Hamlet"froma homework
assignment.

95
COACH
HOBSON "Theball wassnapped back to meandI gaveit to
Hawkwhohadneverplayed in thebackfieldbefore.
Thecoach's tombstone,
whichis visitedbyevery
Inaninstant hisoncecalmexteriormelted into
Steeplejackteamonthe somethingakinto panic.
nightbeforeHomecom ing
reads,"Thereare no
atheistsonFourthand
"HE BEGAN TO RUN
long." THE WRONG WAY."
His othertwofavorite
sayingswere: "Wecouldn 't catchhimandneither couldthey. He
sprinted
backto ourfiveyard lineandstoppe d either
"Thepigskinis nothing catching
his breath orfinallycomingto hissenses. I
morethanan inflated remember shouting to himaboutgoingtheotherway
bladder
, solayoffthe
boozeboys."
andhesaidsomething aboutlifebeinga pathandhe
started
up-field.
"Thegoalpostis in the
shapeofan H andthat "Itwasa beautifulthingto behold . Through what
meansHellandthat's seemed to bea plannedstrategyhehadcomple tely
whatyouhaveto go strungouttheCougar defenseandgettingtotheend
through to getsome
points."
zonewas aseasy aswalkingaround a putt-putt
course. Theplaytook well overfifteenminu tes but
Hisdevotion to Knute wewerestatechamps andnoonecanevertakethat
Rockneis evident.The awayfromus."
datesonhistombstone
are 1889- 1937. Thedays Theheadlines inthepaperthenext dayread:
Rockneenteredandleft
hismortalcoil.
"MYSTERY PLAY
TohisdyingdayCoach
Hobsoninsisted
when SAVES PEAKS SEASON."
Sports
Littledidtheyknow
.
writingaboutthe
champ ionshipseasonto
alwaysspelltheteam's "THE BEST THING IN
recordthisway-Eight Oh
andWon. Thisoftenledto OUR LIVES AND WE
peopleaskinghimif
somewhere in his DID IT TOGETHER."was
background hewas howEdHurleydescribedit. "WewereEight- 0 and
Chinese , buthe remained
undaunted.
1. Nobody
beatus. Nobody."

96
 l"

WHATTOWEAR
We'renota snootycommunity , sowhatever you're
comfo rtablein is prettymucho.k.withus. Still, it's
never a badideato lookpresentable and,in regards
tothis, Mr. Richard Tremayne is raisingthe
consciousness ofourtownaswellastheentire
country aboutthevarieties ofensembles possible
intheareaofWoodsy wear.Thefashion center of
LosAngeles , thathubofthehautemonde , recently
focused onourtownintheworldoffashion .

Fashion
andWhereto GetIt

Ina capriciousworldofpassingfancies, short-lived

fadsofthehautemonde, ourcitizens
cling
staunchlyandwithconfidencetothetried-and-true,
proventhingsthathavewithstood the'testoftime.'
Nowhere is thismoreproudlyexemplified thanin
theclotheswewear.
Thisis nottosayTwinPeaks ' citizensareconser-
vativeintheirdress.Someofourmostdistin-
guished citizens areknownandrecognized forthe
flamboyance oftheirapparel and,recently , in his
fashion showatTheRoadhouse, Mr. Richard
Tremayne demonstrated thevarietiesofsubtle
ensemble onecanachieve withtraditionaldress
anda littleimagin ation.Nevertheless
, whilevisiting
ourcommunity youwill feelmostcomfortable if
yousticktoA-lineskirtsorcleandenimjeans ,
Fashion
sensible pumps , simpleblouses orcrewneck
sweaters, twill orwoolpants(pleats optional), plaid
shirts,cowboy bootsormoccasins anda reason-
ableblazer (weara doublebreasted andsomeone

r1onn
willthinkyou'reputtingonairs).

Whileourclimate
Peakers
affects thetypesofapparel
don,thereis a strongtradition
ofaesthetics · K
EI( J
involved in ourchoices, too.Thiscanbeseenin ---------
thewidevarietyoffashionable butgooditems
available atHorne'sDepartment Storeon
HighwayJ. Fromthesensible blousesofcottonand
silkin a varietyofcolorsforwomen ofdiscriminat-
ingtastetotherichandnubbyplaidwoolshirtsfor
ourvirilemen,Horne's isa one-stop shopping

97
 centerin ourcommunity. Alsoofinterest
is the
perfume counterontheground floorwhere
international
scentsmingle.
Forourworkingmenandwomen whorequire
sturdyapparel
, durablebootsandwhowouldn't be
caught , EdStrimble's
deadin bikinibriefs
Worker'sWarehouse at52Cedar St.carries
a

Locals largeselectionofdenimjeansandcoveralls
, twill
workpants , steel-toed
andcalkedbootsandwool
use.Edalsocarries
shirtsforindustrial a complete
lineofuniforms forourmunicipal
employees.
Fashion Besides beingdown-to-earth intheirtastes
, our
citizens arealsoindustrious; manyoftheattractive
skirtsandjackets youseearound townarehome-
made . Fora superb selection offabricsin myriad
colorsandpatterns fromsilktosateen, Gentle-
manJim'sdirectlydownthestreetfromHorne's at
Highway J isa must.If you'resewing anything-
fromculottes to curtains-thisfabricemporium
will bea funhouse foryou.
Forsomething stopintoCarlson's
a littledifferent,
OddShop , 300OldMill Rd.ArtandEmma
Carlson haveondisplay awideandfascinating
varietyofauthentic, handmade brooches,
earrings
,
tie-clasps
andwhat-nots fashioned
bynative

98
Amerindians fromsoapstone,
lapislazuli,agate,
Ponderosa Pineandothernaturalmaterials.
A
briefchatwitheitherEmmaorArtwill informyou
howtheirshopgotitsname.
Andif you'rewondering whereDr.Jacoby getshis
colorfulshirts,well,weaskedhim."Mailorder,"he
toldus."FromHawaii."

Locals

FURNITURE
A burltable,sawlampandadz-hewn loveseat-
thesearethingsofbeauty, graceandstrength, and,
likesomanyofthefinefurniture pieces inand
around TwinPeaks , theyhavefoundnichesin the
History of DesignArtasthefirsttruly"found
objects." Thedesireto recapitulate indoors whatis
lovedoutdoors prodsTwinPeakers to seekout
unusual shapesin nature,sit inthemoreatfoodoff
themorsimplygazeattheirrugged heftbythelight
ofa firefromthehearth . Afterall,it'sonlynatural.
Anda lotlessexpensive thanEames chairsand
Swedish designerstuff.

99
 · RELIGIOUS
WORSHIP . -···
A spiritually-minded
community,TwinPeaks
supports a number ofchurches
representing
the
world's majorreligions
aswellasa fewsortof'iffy'
ones.
Lutheran . OnSparkwood, southoftheGreat
NorthernRoadistheChurchof the Good
Sheperd, a congregation oftheMissouri Synod
withmembership madeupofmanyprominent
families
suchasthePalmers, Briggsand
Jennings . PastorTheodore Heimarkleadsthe
congregation in SundayServicesat9:45AM and
11:OOAM. Sunday Schoolat11:OOAM. Coffeeand
doughnuts served intheannex afterservice.
Knowledge oftheNicene Creed required
for
membership althoughtouristsandtransients
are
tolerated.
59Church Lane. 555-LUTH.
Catholic . Christthe Kingis a 1/2milenorthof
BigEd'sGasFarmandcannot bemissed
because it istheonlychurchinTwinPeaks built
St. Hubertsawthe entirely
ofstoneanddisplays a breathtaking
Rose
crucifi
x between the windowintersected bydelicate Douglas Fir
antlersofa stag.He'sa
favoritearoundTwin mullions. Construction financed primarily
through
Peaks. thePackardMill. Membership includesthe
Hurleys, Pulaskis andPackards. Father
DunneandBrotherPoplinski celebrateMassat
8:30AM , 9:30AM , 10:30AM , 11:30AM and5:45PM
Sun.;7:45PM Tuesday andThurs .; 5:30PMFri.;
Communion at11:30AMand5:45PM Sun.and
5:30PM Fri.;Confession is round-the-clock.
Bring
yourowncoffee . Corner of Church Laneand
Religious
Worship Thrasher Ave.555-3333.
Baptist.TheThirdBaptistChurchof Black
Lakeworships ina nondescript, one-room
clapboardshackthatbegan asatwo-seateron
HighwayJ 1/2mileeastofthe LogLady'shouse .
Ministersleadingtheflockin Sunday prayer
are
eitherNathanQuilporOliverTwist.Service
timesvary,thoughyoucanarrivebetween
1O:OOAM andnoononSunday andbesure
someone willshowup.Dancing , cardplaying
and
drinking
areprohibited . Coffee-4stars-when
available
. 89TonyAve.555-LORD.
100
Episcopal . TwinPeaksEpiscopal crowns
Meadowlark Hilllikea monument andfromthe
cleanly-wrought belltower ofDouglas Fir
(financed byHorne'sDepartment Store)canbe
seen WhiteTailFalls,theGreatNorthern
Lodge, almostall ofBlackLakeandHorne's
Department Store.Reverend Clarence
Circulars:
thecompleted
Brocklehurst leadsSunday Servicesat9:30AM circle
and11:OOA M.DayCareis available . Punctualityis
require d though youdon't haveto be particularly A smalltribeconsisting of
devout.Prominen t inthecongregation arethe perhaps fiftyto sixty-two
members, theCirculars
Haywards andHornes. Coffeeis available
, but believedin theCyclical /
it's expensive. 15 NorthWes ternSt. 555-2222. Circularnatureof
existence; whatis given
Other.TwinPeaksTheosophist Society returnsto thegiver.
meets somewhere aroundTwin Peaks(always Hence,thenameCircular.
outdoors) everythirdWednesday followingtheNew Byeatingthefleshof
fellowhumans , the
Moonexceptwhenthereis a BlueMoon , atwhich
Circulars believedthey
timethesocietyskipsa service andholds , instead
, couldassumethenobler
aneistedd voda i or PoetryBlow-outjustthissideof aspectsoftheirvictims,
theCanadian borderontheshoreofBlackLake. although reportssuggest
Committed to revelation ofdivineprinciplesand thatin someinstances
loathsome characteristics
firstcauses,thesocietyhashadasmembers Pete wereassumed [see:
Marteland theLogLady.Rumors circulatedthat Potter,J. Fearand
AgentDaleCooper onceattended buttheFBI Loathing in EarlyBlack
denie s this. Coffee is outofthermoses andis LakeTribes.TPPress,
1979).Toinsureagainst
usually tepidif notcold.Telephone number is
beingeatenthemselves,
unlisted . theCirculars smearedelk
fecesovertheirbodies,
makingtheirflesh
inedibleandtheirtribe
understandably lone-

Seepage64 forthe
CircularLodge.

101
Radio Stations
KSNM(89.9 FM)
TRANSPORTATION
IN
Country /westernmostof TWINPEAKS
thetimebutcarries NPR
'AllThingsConsidered' Getting to TwinPeaks
is a littleeasier
thangetting
everyeveningat 5PM.
555-KSNM outof it,thoughnothalfsodifficult asgetting
KILL(63.5AM) aroundin it.
Timbernewsandweather
conditions aswellas SincetheNorthernPacificSpurceased passenger
schoolandsocialfunction operations
outofSeattlein1962 , Trailways
and
cancellat ions. DJsNed GreyhoundbuslinesfromSpokane arethemost
BuntlineandAnnie
Bjornstrom , announce the
convenient
andeconomica l besidesbeingp"retty
much
limeandweatherforecast theonlygame intown. Untilthetowncounci l can
hourly . Comedy Hour finance
thenewbushub,board ing anddisembark ing
everyFridayat 7:00PM isintheparkinglotoutfrontoftheDouble RDiner.
featurescomicssuchas I
"OlsonandJohnson",
" Lord Buckley " and
Ofcourse
difficult,
, travel
toTwinPeaks
justexpensive
byairisnotatall
, requiring
aprivately chartered
r
replaysof"Amos'n'
smalljetoratwin/single engine
sortofthing.Youmay
Andy". Alsoannounces
daily'specials'at the
DoubleR Diner.555-KILL
landandtakeofffromtheremaining
theoldUnguin AirForceBase
landing
. Estab
stripat
lishedinthe I
Received inTwinPeaks
KBOP(1157AM)
late1940
thebase
's andnamedafterJamesPackard
is15milessouthofTwinPeaks
'swife,
. Callahead
J
ClassicRockfrom forweatherconditions(555-0004); Fredwill bejustas
Spokane. helpfulashepossibly can. •
In badweather,forgetit.
KLON(98.5AM) Onceyou'rehere,gettingaround thetownis
'
FromLoonLakedown
southofus. Noregular
somewhat moreproblematical.TomandTim's
broadcasting hours; Taxidermy andTaxi[seepage58]isa littleless
receptioniffy.A peculiar thanreliablebutthebrothers mean well.It helpsto
mixtureofCreoleand givethema little advancenoticeofa dayortwo.
Cajunrecipespeppered Butthey'll takeyouwherever youwantto go,spice
withauthentic BlueGrass
musicfrompiratelabels. thetripwithplentyof lore andcharge youa
CBCC(105.3FM) reasonable fare.Tel.555-TAXI.
CBCRadioCanadaoutof BUS SCHEDULE (Bussesdepartacrossfrom the Roadhouse)
Calgary,Alberta. French #407 DamBus arr dep arr dep arr dep arr dep
spokenmostofthelime. ~ Twin Peaks 8.01 1003
Black LakeDam 8.2 3 8:25 10:2510.30 12:3012:35
Noon 4:10
4:40 4:45
PackardSawmill 9.·1 2 9:15 111711.20 1:32 1:40 5:55 6:02
KootenayBay 10:45 12:50 4:05 7:35
#3 MissoulaMissile arr dep arr dep arr dep arr dep
Twin Peaks 6.01 6.15 5:05 10:25
Coeur d'Alene 10'0310:10 10:03 11:00 9:06 9:10 2:28 2.35
Classicalmusicand Kellogg 11.3311:35 12'0412:05 11:43 11:41 5:02 5.15
Missoula 2:37 2:38 2:42 8.17
popularif melancho
ly
WestCoastFlyer(S) arr dep WestCoastFlyer(N) arr dep
Frenchballads.Shuts Twin Peaks 8:40 Hollywood 7'45
Portland 2:34 3:10 SanFrancisco 4:42 5:40
downat 1:00a.m. SanFrancisco 1.·30 8:40 Spokane 9:47 10:00
Hollywood 5AO Twin Peaks 4.46
EasternExpress(E) arr dep PacificWoodsLine(W) arr dep
Television Stations Twin Peaks, WA 113 B'hampton, LI, NY 3:20
Unlessyou'vegota Philadelphia, PA tBAO9:30 New York,NY 5:32 6:30
New York, NY 11.47 12:40 Philadelphia,PA 9:40 10:00
satellitedish, forgetit. B'hampton,LI, NY 2:32 Twin Peaks,WA f8:40
t 7 lo8 dayslater t 7to 8 days later
CallTim& Tom'sTaxidermy555-8238 forround-the-clock
transportation -almost
anywhere.
Reasonablerates.Discounts
on wall-m
ountedtroutavailable. ..

102
 Volume I. Number I "Something is different." Febnrnry, 1991

Moveto TwinPeaks! Agent Cooper

To become a res ident of Twin Peaks,
call l-R00-626-TWIN. You'll receive: Makes Blacktie's
a ! ;c~s~~~ ~f the Gau ttr delive red
1 Best-Dressed
& f:~c;:~~om e address in
FBI Agent Ust
I :o~n!eso/or~~t:~0e;::~;
1 1

peci:il Agent Dale Cooper, the FBI agent who

of coffee
S recenily cracked the Laura Palmer murder case
here in Twin Peak s, has made Mr. Blacktie's
Ten Best-Dressed FBI Agents list for 1990. Making
The Newspaper the lisi is no! easy.as FBJ agents tc:_ndto dress alike in
a conservative, ifno1 compleicly confiden tial, style
in a Smiling Bag with subt leties not easily detected by 1hc untrnined
eye. But Mr. Black1ic is 3 professional critic who:.e
WelcomesYou listiscxc!usivctode 1ectivcs,bothfedera l andp riva1e.
"Agent Cooper always looks fabulous, even his
win Peaks is more than just a spot on pajamas make an i:lcgant understatement, Cooper 's

T the map. It's a spot on the mind. So

when you step off yo ur front porch in
Miami, or wherever, and wonder where the
pine trees went, just tum around, go back
an excee dingly well-dressed and 1>.c ll-spoken public
servant, " said Mr. Blacktie from his office in
Washin gto n, D.C. " He always looks cool and
pressed , no manerhow messy his work is."
inside, and look in the Gazelle . We're here, Also making the list this year was Agent GordQ.ll
and really, so arc you. If };Ou live in Twin Cole, who had visited Twin Peaks recently. Age nt
Peaks, you know it. Dcnnis Bryson. yet another federa l inves tigator in
The connectedness of 1he Peak experi- fBI Agem Dale Cooper
town to fight crime, did n01 fore so well this year.
ence shared by the many regular viewers of
the series bonds us into a commun ity. We Agcn1 Bryron, AKA Denise, a cross-dresser, was crit- mcnt and Agent Bryso n 's comments were
have been referred to by the press as a "cult icized by Mr. Blacktic for his uneven hemlines and unprintable. We reached Agent Cole in Bend,
following," but are we not simply neigh- plunging necklines and was unceremoniously put on Oregon, who said, "The trout arc biting here,
bors? A casua l channel-change r might mis- 1heTen Worst-Dressed lis1. too!" which we a.~~umemeans somelhing rclc-
take us for uni on extras, bu1 no. Our un ion We were unnble 10 reach Agem Cooper for com - vant indeteclivc lingo.
is a un io n of conscious ness, one that
strelches and flips as we walk that delicate,
wave ri ng edge together every Saturday
night, bonded by more than city lines and
common stree t comers.
A newspaper .~hould m irro r its commu-
nity - no matter how abstract, no maner
how troubled - with w it, com pa ssioo an d
cla irv oyance. To that end, we invite you
to cons id er th is paper a forum for your
ruminations, cognitions and ge neral opin -
ions. Pl ease se nd any letters. storie s, art i-
cles, philosophy, grap h ics, or insights that
you'd like to share wi th you r neighbors.
Any unu sua l go ings-on you may notice
around town will also be apprec iated .
Selec ted contribut io ns w ill be published
here in 1he newspape r in a s milin g bag.
Help us overturn those large flal roc ks of
u nawa reness th at s urround us and be
astounded at w h a t co m es writ hin g ou 1
from und ernea th .
ighli g hts of th is first issue include

H an interview w ith Richard Beymer,

an Audrey Home look-a like photo
contest. and the in trod uct ion of regula r
features like "Co ntest for the Gifte d and
the D amned," '"Ask Chanerjee," and
"Cook's Comer."
Like lhe heady sce nt of coffee and cherry Do you look like AudreyHome or ju~Iact like her? Do your saddleshoessteam, I mean, do to you real-
pie, the Gazette shou ld serve as a reassuring !Yhave l~c look'/ Send us your best Audrcy-~ikcphoto and an es~y_of a hundred wonls or less explain-

I,
constant in our community. Please feel free
to send your pre ssi ng thoughts to: the
Twin Peaks Ga:eue, P.O . Box 1804,
Pacific Pali sades. CA 90272.
mg how 1tis you look like you do, or rn1her,hkc Ms. Home does. Fn~t prize winnerwill have hi~ or her
photo published in lhe Gu:et/1!and rcccil'c a S100 gift ccnificate. Please indudc your name nnd Twin
Peaksaddresswi1hphoto. Remember, a lot can be done with make-up. lightingand the spirit of deceit.

. TownLife
------- -- ----- -- Advertisement--- ---- ------- - -

SUBSCRIBE TO THE GAZETTE!

You will receive 12 monthly issues, plus two unique gifts for becoming a ~ubscriber:
a Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department Coffee Mug
and your own address in Tw in Peaks, all for only $29.95.
Call 1 -800-626-TWIN
or send your payment to : The Twin Peaks Gazette P.O.Box 53563 Boulder , CO 80322

103
 SWITCHBOARD
OPERATOR
A casuallookthrough theTwin Pea
kstelepho ne
directory
will revea
l its uniqueorganization
. Bur
citizens
arelistedalphabeticallybyfirstname , not
last.
How dosuchthingscometo be?This oddityfinds
it's rootsina small villagein Ireland,
ofall places
- whereTwin Peaks ' firstphoneoperator
hailed
from.
HernamewasMcfarleyO'Halloran , which
mightexplain
someof herconfusio
n.Butthose
whoknewhersaidit hadfarmoreto dowithher
moodydisposition.
Once , whenaskedwhat her
hobbywas,shesaid:"KickingCats
".
Regardless, McfarleyO'Halloran camefroma
longlineof rebelliousIrishwhowerecontrary just
to beso.Theold storygoesthatwhenMcfarley
arrived atTwinPeaks theonly jobshecouldget
wasswitchboard operator . Beingkindof heart,
authoritiesgaveherthejob."Whatkindof phone
bookdoyouhavehere?" Sheasked . Whentoldit
wasnodifferent thananywhere elsesherespond ed,
"Well, I'magainst it."
So,TwinPeaks is leftwithitsratheroddor
eccentric typeof listing.ButasSheriffTruman
says
, "It teachesyouto remember folksandto keep
gettingto knowthemona firstnamebasis."
He'sright!Say youstopped bytheTwinPeaks
barber shopandhada delightful conversation
with
a "Gunner". Thereis hardlya soulwhohashad
theirearslowered towhomGunner doesn't
say.
"I'mfourthgeneration hair."Andsupposeyou'dlike
to gettogetherwithhimawayfromtheshop.Well,
how simplecanit be?Justlookunderthe"G's". It's
likePeteMartellsays."Itgivesa whole new
TownLife meaning to "LetYourFingers DotheWalking."
'

Whileshelived,Mcfarleywasfarbetterknown
forherear-shattering
, "WHAT!" whichgreeted
requests
fortelephone numbers.

104
R. AdamBjorn849Cedar St ................555-2980
R. Fienberg 3012Boarder Road............555-3898
RobertDimeling1261Douglas St.......555-9036
RobertFincher729Deepwoods Ave....555-3985
RobertHawley93Cedar St.................. 555-5479
RobertIngram8203Enthwhistle St......555-7639
RobertLa Doux8277ChurchLane.....555-2789
RobertMitchell62Lakeside Dr...........555-0038
Robert, Dr. Saeger1824OwlSt..........555-1327
RobertSkouras 8378PineTerrace .......555-9923
RobertWarren338TimberRd............555-0287
RobertWelsh7823NorthFork Rd.......555-3838
RobertaDurham73FrostAve.............555-2389
RogerLynch990Tanner Rd................. 555-0001
RusselMalone8283Sparkwood Rd....555-2833
RustyKrieger2882MapleAve.............555-0909
S. KaraWelsh3976DouIgasSt...........555-9829
SallyPeters2878Hayward St ..............555-3988
SamGrossman 9272Thrasher Ave......555-2763
Samantha Hayden389WoodsLane...555-3878
SamualDorst38976TreeTopLane.....555-17 44
SamuelDurham287SnowSt............ ..555-0027
SamuelThorisdottir 46TimberLane..555-2765
SamuelMarkowitz 273Cedar St.........555-2876
SandraLaPook 2112lgerAve..............555-9927
SandySaltzman 6277MapleAve........555-2887
SandyPeters705Cedar St................ ...555-5368
SaraRathborne632Enthwhistle St .....555-9176
SarahSpottiswode 1500Church Ln ...555-1652
SarahStims18Cedar St ..........
............555-9927
SarahSzabo100SnowSt .................... 555-1654
ScottPixelle1 Ruffside........................
555-0633
ScottFife2542Border Rd............. ........555-1879
SeanFingerling 15TimberRd............. 555-0216
SethMcAuliffe 7222MoonValleyRd..555-2378
ShanaWelsh84Pocket Rd............ ......555-9834
ShirleyForeman 451SnowSt............. 555-9968
SimonNathanson 12Steeplejack Rd...555-1287
SonnyEngels556Deepwoods Ave.......555-3831
StacyRusch in 727Lakeside Dr............555-2900 TownLife
StellaJones8829TimberLane............ 555-3883

105
WILL"Doc"HAYWARD-
BornMay25, 1929.A
multi-facetedman,
TIMBERPLAYERS
GeminiDocgraduated
fromtheUniversityof TwinPeaksTimberPlayers
Minnesota wherehe
learnedpeoplewill InlateMaytheTwinPeaksHighSchool
believealmostanything if gymnasium is a sceneofdelightandanxiety asthe
it'ssaidsoftlyandwith town'swould-be ThespianstryoutfortheTPTP,
enoughsincerity.Witha TwinPeaksTimberPlayers . Organizedin 1974
medicaldegreefromthe
UniversityofWashington, bySarahandLelandPalmer , TPTPhasannually
thisexpertoneuthanasia presentedthreeplayseverysummer frommid-July
is a pastPresident
ofthe untiltheendofAugustinthegymnasium. The
Northwest Chapterofthe bleachersarepulledoutandaudiences thrillto
AMA.Whilehisbedside
mannerhasbeenhelpful
Theatre-Like-a-Sandwichasproductions are
in nursingmanybackto presentedinthecenter ofthegym.
health,Docwisheshe
couldspendmoretime Sinceitsinception, TPTPhasbeenthrilling
withhisfamily. audienceswithperformances ofsuchcrowd-
pleasersas'TisPity She'sa Whore,Brigadoon,
BESTS:EggsSardouat
There's
a Girlin MySoup,TheParanormal Review,
theTimberRoom,Twin
PeaksMedicaland TheMousetrap andAskAnyGirl,to mention buta
Prosthetic
Co.,the few.Proceeds fromthesummer seasongotothe
Passion
Play. drama department ofTwinPeaksHighSchool
at 155Steeplejack Rd.Justlastyearmorethan
$282.00 wasraised.
A noteofsadness recentlystrucktheTPTP withthe
deathof oneof itsfounders , LelandPalmer,just
whendevotees ofhismanymemorable perfor-
mances werelookingforward to hisportrayal of
James Tyrone Sr.in LongDay'sJourney IntoNight.
Nevertheless , a devotedcommunity will continueto
enchant itstheatre loversaswellasvisitorsinthe
gymnasium thissummer andeverysummer. (The
hammy 'leading' character actress,bytheway,has
neverreceived a standingovation in her misbegot-
tenlifeunlessit wasfollowing herremoval fromthe
stageandthenshesimplymisjudged anextended
sighof relief.)Formoreinformation aboutthe
TPTPcontact theTPCC. 555-TPTP.

106
Black Lake Cemetery

TwinPeaks' illustrious
andlegendary
pastcanbe
tracedduringa strollthroughthecemetery
onthe
westsideofRoute 21between SparkwoodRoad
andtheBlackLakeDam.Therecent tragicpast
canbeseenalsointhefreshlylaidplotsofLaura
andLelandPalmeratthetopofthehill and
slightlytothesouth.
LELANDPALMER -
Mostprominent , ofcourse
, isthememorial LelandPalmerwas
headstone onAndrewPackard 'sgrave.
Carved electedEditorofthe
ofmarble ina lovelybutterfly grainaroundwhich UniversityofWashington
flowersareweekly placed
, it represents
thegrace LawReviewin histhird
yearthereandgaineda
andstrengthofoneofTwinPea ks' mostrevered
reputation as an astound-
citizens. inglyadroitexpertonthe
subjectof International
Thesouthwest cornerofthecemetery istheoldest Corporate Law.A more
andamong thesestonesandmarkers canbefound thanadequatetenor,this
theresting places
ofthetown'sforbearers , the Piscesis familiartoTPTP
pioneers whostruggledto bringcivilizationtothe audiences whohavebeen
charmedbyhislightfeet
rugged mountains.GeneralGeorgeMacDowell andlyricalvoice.His
wasburiedin 1882.Anillustrious andbemedalled recentdemiseis a lossto
officeroftheArmyofthePotomac intheCivilWar, all.
hisgraveis 12feetdeepandaccommodates the
BESTS: Bigbandsat the
Generalsittingastridehisembalmed horse, Roadhouse playingArtie
Prancer
. Alsoof noteistheengravin-g onGlendon Shawfavorites andthe
Marvaux 'smarker: "Muriin, I toldyouI wassick." 1952hit "I sawMommy
Kissing SantaClaus ." His
Sunset isthemostappropriate timeto enjoythe personal bestinTwin
lovelyvistasfromthehilltop.Theviewis free. PeakswasLaura,hisonly
child, hisbeloved
Coffeeis unavailable. daughter .

TownLife

to
Old
Unguin's
Field

107
 TWINPEAKS
CHAMBER
OFCOMMERCE

Thingsto KnowandBudget

Membership:
Corporate(@700): 48
Individuals(@100): 108
Delinquent 96

Income:
MembershipDues: $44,400
PackardTimberGames
Entrancefees 4,122
Sponsorships 12,373
Recycling 421
Fourthof July Picnic 982
MissTwin PeaksContest 72,105
Halloween Parade 3,512
SnowManDays 76
InformationBureau 14,084

Expenses:
Rent 4,800
Utilities(electricity,gas,tele-
* Sparkythe watch phone,firewood) 1,535
dog Salaries
ChamberDirector 18,000
* * Begunin February Security 12,400
discontinuedin May Nighttime security* 460
dueto the excesscost Supplies 346
Brochures 5,280
***Lawsuit pending PackardGames 11,088
on sackraceinjuries Recycling** 1,020
Fourthof July Picnic*** 505,000
Townlife MissTwin PeaksContest 53,210
Halloween 3,550
**** Excessdueto SnowManDays 2,002
discoveredirregulari- InformationBureau**** 10,000
ties in unauthorized
chargesfor informa-
Balance (-422,318)
tion

108
 GOVERNMENT
Proposed
PrisonFacility

A petprojectof nobody reallyknowswho,the

proposed maximum security
prisonto bebuilton
anunspecified sit isannually
tabled,shelvedor
otherwiseshotdownbya majority oftowncouncil
members . ThefirmofDLMFCreations, architects
fortheproject
, hassubmitted fiveconceptsbut
nonehavebeenaccepted orevenpaidfor. Pictured
hereisthelatest.SheriffTruman remainsonthe
fenceaboutthewholethingbutBenHorne
recognizesa business opportunitywhenhesees
one.Thefightofthismaybealmostasbloodyas
theGhostwood Development Project.
HARRYS. TRUMAN-
BornMay13, 1950.A
Taurusbutskeptical
aboutit all, Sheriff
Trumanis happyto have
achieved hislife-long
ambitionofservingthe
community in whichhe
grewup. Fondofcowboy
hatsandOrientaldishes,
headmitstofeeling
lonelynowandagain.

BESTS:ThePassion Play,
salmonrunonthe
Columbia,
WagonWheel
doughnuts-allof 'em.

:;·.o· 4•.o·
B--i
---·
1' ~3i8"
(U.0.)

Sectional
Elevation A-A

Government

Plan

109
 TO: MajorGarland
Briggs
FROM: TwinPeaks
Chamber
of
Commerce
SUBJECT: UnguinFieldObservatory
RE: TwinPeaks
Access
Guide
Wewrotethefollowing
forourguide
, wouldappreciate
your
approval
andreturn.
nobody

- - - -- - - - - - - -- - -- -

· Government . .

110
A joint venture between Twin Peaks Production, Inc. and ACCESS®Press

DAVID
LYNCH
& MARK
FROST& RICHARD
SAUL
WURMAN
Project
Coordination COO,Lynch/Frost.
MichaelEveritt& Product
ionsInc.
TinaSkouras KenScherer
ArtDirection Writing Special
Thanks
To:
AnnieKook& GreggAlmquist JohnLynch
StuartL. Silberman TriciaBrock DavidLanders(asTim)
RobertEngels GreggFienberg(asTom)
Research
& Production LiseFriedman DeanTokuno
Katherine Ingram HarleyPeyton PaulaShimatsu-u
TomBeatty PeterIovino
KellyBooth A copyoftheposteronpage48canbe
BillFlora obtainedfromWindsor Publications, MarciHawley/Orange
1000S.Bertelson Rd, #14, Euge
ne, OR
CarreFurukawa 97402.Tel:(503)345-1151
FrasierPress
GerardGarbutt DuParsRestaurant and
Special ThanksTo:
JeanetteGura University of CaliforniaPress,
Bakery
Nishalnalsingh Berkeley TwinPeaksGazette
Pineconeillustration,page37 from
MargieLee Manualof FloweringPlants:Jepson ABCPhotoDepartment
ChrisMiddour OregonHistoricalSociety
JoachimMiiller-Lance
CharlesShields
LisaStage
DavidWallington
Authors
wishtoacknowledge
thefolksofSnoqualmie
andNorthBend,Washington
fortheir
hospitality
andsenseofhumor.
ADVERTISEMENT

HE
MYSTER
In TwinPeaks CollectibleCan/Art™.
DavidLynchand MarkFrost invite you to take
a revealing,self-guidedtour of the town.
Snoop around. Find out that Dr.Jacobyis an
Aquarius,that Cooper has a middle name.
Visitthe Great Northern Hotel. Stop at the
RR Diner.This 76-card set is filledwith
full-color images, trivia and revealing
facts. Didyou know that "The Log"was
given to Margaretas a wedding gift? Do
you knowwho gave it to her? Find out
in this unique, collectiblekeepsake
which will grow in value over time.
, . Send $19.95 plus $3.00
~ postage and handling to
Star Pies™,P.O. Box2573,
Farmington Hills, MI48333.
Or call 1-800-741-4131to
order withVISAor MasterCard.
Michiganresidentsadd 4%
sales tax.
• StarPies, Inc.
©1991TwinPeaksProductions,
Inc.All RightsReserved

111
-------- Advertisement ---------

WELCOME
TOTHEWORLDOF TWINPEAKS
™

The Autobiographyof F.B.I.

SpecialA9.entDale Cooper
My Lile, My Tapes
Fromhis privatecollection of personaltaperecordings,
beginning with histhirteenthbirthday,AgentDaleCooper's
·
autobiography gives"TwinPeaks"fansa candidlookat his
quirkyyetcharming personality.

□ check here
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and
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r---------------------,
I Simon& Schuster
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Bridgehampton, NY 2177miles NewOrleans,LA 1893miles

Calgary,AL 216 NorthPole 2165
Castlegar, WA 31 Oslo,Norway 6585
Chicago,IL 1472 Paterson,NJ 2073
Disneyland,CA 1069 Philadelphia, PA 2008
Edmonton, AL 384 Pittsburgh , PA 1904
Fargo, ND 950 Portland, OR 336
Hollywood,CA 1062 SanFrancisco, CA 831
HongKong 8004 Seattle, WA 256
Minneapolis, MN 1164 Spokane , WA 88
Missoula, MT 208
NewYork,NY
 D ; TheGreatNorthern
fJ WhileTailFalls
II. - BlackLakeDa~
II
0
Packard Saw Mill
• PackardPlace
'

Q , . Peaks TownHall
Q : Twm
D ' OwlCave
0 , Glastonberry Grove
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_
Im OldUnguin'sField

74399

o 76714 01095 6

□ -671-74399-6