Noah St.

John presents:

AFFORMATIONS®
Bonus Booklet #3

How to Eliminate the Fear of

Rejection from Your Life
Once and For All ™

Copyright © 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved.

Visit www.NoahStJohn.com for more info
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Noah St. John Bonus Booklet #3:

How To Eliminate the Fear of

Rejection from Your Life
Once and For All ™

The fear of rejection. It can keep us from picking up the

telephone, making that sales call, asking someone on a date, or trying

something new. Why is the fear of rejection so powerful -- and how

can we overcome it?

Let’s first examine where the fear of rejection comes from, what

it really is, and then find out how to eliminate it once and for all. The

word rejection comes from the Latin word rejacere, which means “to

throw back.” Think of a fisherman who “throws back” a fish when it’s

too small. (However, you could also look at it as a lobsterman, who

must not only throw back something that’s too small, but also

something that’s too BIG. More on this in a moment.)

What does it really mean when someone rejects you? It means

you’re a lousy person... that you’re not good enough... or that you

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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should do something to make the other person happy, right? Of

course not!

When someone rejects you, all they’re really saying is, “Thanks,

but I really had something else in mind at this time.”

So, the question is: Why do we fear that so much? As I explain

in my live seminars and exclusive mastermind programs, the emotion

of "fear" is actually nothing more than the expectation of pain. In

other words, your fears are there for a good reason – to keep you from

the experience of pain. Why is this important? Because pain can lead

to death, and death is not generally a good idea for the continuation

of the species.

All living organisms on Earth experience some variation on the

experience of "fear" – where do you think the phrase "deer in the

headlights" came from? The deer is experiencing "fear" – although,

naturally, she doesn't have a conscious awareness of that. Only we

humans get to put names on things.

Fear is simply a message from you to you. Doesn’t it make sense

to find out what that message is, instead of just trying to ignore it,

hate it, or trounce all over it? If you don’t agree with me, just ask

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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yourself if trying any of those methods has enabled you to overcome

the fear of rejection so far.

The first thing you need to do to overcome any fear—of

rejection, failure, success, or anything else—is first to simply

acknowledge that it is there. A fear’s job is to keep you from pain,

even if that pain is imagined or hasn’t happened yet. The challenge is

that we can get stuck in our fears, because we’ve never really been

taught how to effectively deal with them.

So the first thing you need to do is simply acknowledge and

thank your fear for doing such a great job. Say to yourself (to your

fear, or to the part of you that’s afraid), something like this: “Hi, fear.

Thank you for doing such a great job of keeping me from the

experience of pain. I really appreciate that you’ve kept me from doing

what you thought was going to cause me pain.” I know this sounds

crazy, but the moment you stop running from your fears, you take

away more than half of its power—which is really the power to

intimidate you.

The second step to overcoming any fear is to ask your fear

what the pain is, that it’s trying to protect you from. Remember,

that's all that your fear can possibly be. Your fears are there for a

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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reason — a very good reason: to protect you from pain and to keep

you alive.

If you did not feel fear, you might do some dangerous things

and really get hurt. (That’s why Nature put fear there.) Therefore, the

second step is to say to your fear something like this:

“So, fear, let me ask you: What are you really afraid of? What is

the pain you think will happen if I do this thing (whatever it is you’re

thinking of doing – whether it’s pick up the phone, ask someone on a

date, or do anything where you might get rejected)?”

Write your answers in your journal. Other questions you can

ask to elicit even deeper responses include:

“When was the last time this happened to me?”

“What does this remind me of?”

“Who does this person/situation/feeling remind me of?”

“What else can you tell me about this?”

Did you notice something about all those questions? That’s

right: they are all based on things that happened in the past.

This is because all we can only be afraid of two things (besides

heights and loud noises):

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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1. Things that remind us of something that happened in the

past that caused us pain.

2. Things we're imagining might cause us pain in the future.

Another way to say this is that fear is simply a learned

response to pain. It is a way to try to avoid pain, which we are all

biologically wired to do.

Now here's the BIG SECRET I want to tell you about your fears:

Fear is a good thing!

Most people don’t see it this way, but it’s actually good that we

don’t try to put ourselves in the path of pain — because pain hurts.

(That’s why they call it “pain” and not “something fun.”)

This is why trying to “psych yourself up” to overcome your fears

doesn’t really work in the long run — because you can’t talk yourself

out of being biologically wired to avoid pain! It’s like trying to talk

yourself out of taking your next breath. Therefore, you may want to

ask yourself what the current situation you’re facing reminds you of.

Okay, we’ve acknowledged our fear. We’ve listened to what

we’re afraid of.

We’ve listed whatever pain we’ve experienced in the past that

reminds us of our current situation.

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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We’ve thanked our fear for doing such a great job of trying to

protect us.

Is that all there is to it?

No. There’s one final step that will eliminate the fear of

rejection from your life once and for all.

Here it is: It’s to remember that 80% of the people out there are

going to reject you.

“What the heck kind of a step is that?” you’re probably saying.

“I thought this was supposed to be a positive message. Now you're

telling me 80% of the people are going to reject me? Thanks a lot,

Noah! Now I really want to go out there...NOT!” I know that probably

wasn’t what you were expecting. That’s why I saved it for last. Here’s

the reason that this simple fact will enable you to eliminate the fear of

rejection from your life once and for all...

Let me ask you two questions. What do most people go around

doing? And, who do most people try to please? The answer to both

questions is: most people go around trying to get everyone to like

them. And most people go around trying to please everyone — again,

so that everyone will like them. (Now, we’re not all doing this at every

moment, but enough people do it enough to say that it’s going on

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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most of the time.) Why do we do that — and more importantly, does it

work?

The simple answer is that we do this because we figure that if

everyone likes us, then nobody will ever reject us. And if nobody

rejects us, then we’ll never feel the pain of rejection. Makes sense,

right?

The problem is: There’s no way that you or I or anyone else

will ever get everyone to like us.

I really want you to think very carefully about this, because it

probably goes against everything that you and I were taught growing

up. Most of us were taught that if we were nice to everybody, that

everybody would like us. Well, you and I have been nice to everybody.

Does everybody like us?

The correct response is: “Haaaaaaahahahahahaha...”

NO WAY! Not even close! It is SO not even close, it’s amazing

we’ve never stopped to think about how NOT close it is! There is just

no way in the world, no matter how “nice” you are to everyone, that

everyone will like you.

Here’s why this simple awareness the greatest news in the

world: you and I have been trying to get everyone to like us, which is

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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impossible. That should tell you that the fault doesn’t lie with you; the

fault lies in what you thought (or were told) you could accomplish

through hard work, struggle, and effort.

Since you now know consciously that not everyone is going to

like you, what does that give to you? Well, let me tell you what it’s

done for every person with whom I’ve shared this information: It has

freed them from thinking that it’s their job to please everybody! It has

produced the freedom from the fear of rejection — because now you

know that the experience we call rejection is literally built into the

system called “living on planet Earth.”

I’ll bet you knew subconsciously prior to a few moments ago

that you could never make 100% of human beings happy. Yet you

probably spent a lot of time and energy trying anyway — because

you’re a compassionate person who really does want to make people

happy.

However, it is not your job to make everyone happy. Even if you

are the nicest person in the world, people—plenty of people—will still

reject you.

I want you to take a few minutes right now to think about how

much and how often and how hard you have worked to try and make

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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everyone else happy, and how incredibly exhausting and frustrating it

has been. The reason this is so is because it’s impossible.

You now have a choice. You can choose to continue to try and

make everyone else happy, knowing full well that you can’t do it

(because it’s impossible, not because you’re “not good enough” or are

somehow lacking).

You can continue to be afraid of people rejecting you, knowing

full well that 80% of the people, no matter what you do or how “nice”

you are, will reject you anyway.

You could also say, “Fine. I’m done. I quit. I’m going off to a

cave somewhere and forget the whole thing.” Or, you could say, “I

can’t make everyone else happy? You mean I can stop trying to make

everyone else happy and just be myself? Yippee!”

Now, if you’re thinking, “Jeez, Noah’s suggesting I become an

obnoxious, arrogant so-and-so,” let me assure you that I’m doing

nothing of the kind. I’m simply saying that to try and please

everybody is impossible. However, it’s not at all necessary to be

obnoxious or arrogant. There is a third alternative that is the correct

one: to simply be yourself, knowing full well that no matter how good

or “nice” you are, somebody somewhere won’t like it.

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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If you would like final proof of whether this is true, consider the

example of Mahatma Gandhi. Mahatma Gandhi dedicated his life to

the practice of non-violence. He single-handedly led India to freedom

without garnering a single vote for himself. He liberated a nation

without striking another human being. For this, Gandhi was

assassinated.

Here is the bottom line: you will eliminate the fear of rejection

when you look that fear in the eye and say, “You’re right. I’m going to

be rejected by some people (not everyone) no matter what I do. Fine.

I might as well be myself, then... and have a good time while I’m

doing it!” If this sounds callous or selfish to you, you were probably

raised by people taught you that “being nice” is a good thing. And it

absolutely is.

The problem is that many of us are stuck in “nice” — yet it’s

been years since we’ve been able to do anything nice for ourselves!

Your purpose here on Earth is to be and express Who You

Really Are and to bless others through that expression. This, however,

does not mean you won't be "rejected".

And that's exactly why you have nothing to fear.

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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About The Author

Recognized worldwide as “The Abundant Lifestyle Authority”,

Noah St. John is the inventor of Afformations®, best-selling

author, and creator of The Inner Game of Success and The Inner

Game of Leadership training programs.

One of the world’s most sought-after experts on personal

growth and professional development, Noah has been featured on

CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, NPR, PARADE, Woman’s Day, Los

Angeles Business Journal, Huffington Post, Chicago Sun-Times,

Forbes.com, Selling Power, Bottom Line/Personal and The

Washington Post.

Noah delivers high-impact, customized strategies that

enable entrepreneurs and organizations to achieve unprecedented

growth. Since 1997, he’s helped his clients add over $75 million

dollars in new revenues to their bottom line.

More than 200,000 people in 50 countries have experienced

Noah’s breakthrough training methods. And his books have been

translated into twelve languages worldwide.

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com
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Noah encourages you to join the Afformations Revolution by

sharing your Afformations success stories and connecting with other

Afformers around the world on The Official Afformations® Fan Page:

www.AfformationNation.com

Keep me posted and keep afforming!

© 2012 by Noah St. John All rights reserved. Free resources at www.NoahSt.John.com