MINI ENVIRO-CHRISTMAS CAROLS

OH, THE WEATHER outside is frightful, The heat wave brutal and
spiteful. Our crops have no water to grow— Let it snow, let it
snow, let it snow!

Looks like the heat wave ain’t stoppin’, Our dust-storm

coughs are a-whoppin’. All fish went extinct long ago— For
the love of sweetness, let it snow!

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN, may he rest in peace, poor soul. With his
melted nose and his melted mouth, And two eyes made out
of coal. Frosty the Snowman, did you say his eyes were coal?
Can you pass that coal? We could use some coal. Let us rob
his grave for coal.

OH, CHRISTMAS TREE, oh, Christmas tree! Thy plastic branches

don’t shed. Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree! We wish
real trees weren’t all dead.

Gone away is the West Side, Here to stay is the high tide. If
you want to spelunk, Baltimore has sunk. Eastern shore’s
now an underwater land!

I’M DREAMING OFan ozone layer, Just like the one I used to
know, Which kept out UV rays, Before aerosol sprays, And
allowed for actual snow.

DECK THE HALLS of our mountain hideout, Fa la la la la, la la la

la! Hope all humans have not died out, Fa la la la la, la la la
la! Don our hazmat suits on tight now, Fa la la, la la la, la la
la! Oxygen is leaking right now, Fa la—!

SILENT NIGHT!
Endless night! All is dark, there’s no light.
Cyclone clouds have blocked out the sky, We’re almost out of
our dry-meat supply. Sleep in uneasy peace. We may have to
eat Aunt Bernice.
*Adapted from the New Yorker