5 Key Principles to Sacred Sexuality

In these fast paced times when

so many people believe that
“more is better” it’s no wonder
that men and women are
content with shallow levels of
sexual relations. With this
phenomenon comes the
pressure to be ‘ready to go’, be
totally turned on, have an
orgasm (or even multiple
orgasms), and look like a porn
star while doing it. All the
while staying relatively
“disconnected” from our
partner. Yet studies have
shown that among the highest
fulfillments in a human life are
the meaningful connections we
share with others. Be that as it
may, this type of connection
would require us to slow down,
waaaaaaay down. Triambika Ma Vive

Sacred Sexuality offers us a unique experience, one that allows us to reach the
most profound levels of sexual ecstasy and a higher quality of life. However,
one thing's for certain, the aspirant must be willing to release, even if only
temporarily, the drive to have hurried explosive orgasms and surrender into a
languid journey of self-discovery.

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First things, first. Most of us have a basic definition of sexuality. But what’s less
obvious is that sexuality is more than an act; it is an energy, an extremely
powerful eenergy whether
nergy that lives inside of us whe ther we are thinking about sex or
not. We are compelled to live, to think, to create, to materialize our dreams
into reality by way of this same exact energy. This is the force of life that
breathes us every single day of our life. It just so happens that one of the most
tangible ways we relate to this powerful life force energy is through the sexual
act.

Sacred sexuality gives us access to the infinite source of creative wisdom held
in our bodies which can be channeled to achieve a happier, more fulfilling life.
Ancient traditions had an intricate understanding of the potential to become
empowered through sexual union. Now in modern times, with so much
information available to us about sex, people are able to pick and choose the
best from all of the ancient sexual arts and find what works for them the most.

These ancient methods are

interesting to explore and may be
just the thing for you, but my
sense is that we as Westerners
are in need of a Western
expression for Sacred Sexuality.
It is time to develop a unique
form of sacred sex that
harmonizes with our life’s
greatest energies and yet allows
plenty of spontaneous freedom,
improvisation and personal expression.
So how do we reach these heightened levels of ecstasy and deeper connection?
I’ve brought it down to 5 key elements that branch out in multiple directions
leaving you, the practitioner at choice for how and when you desire to bring it
into your life.

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1. Sacred - What does it mean to make something sacred? The sacred is
always a relationship. It’s a relationship of time, place and you. It is the
declaration to yourself and perhaps to your lover or others, that at this time, on
this day, in this place, this is so! In other words it is the story we tell ourselves
about what we are doing or how we are experiencing a particular thing. If in
this moment we decide that our lovemaking will serve as a devotion to our
bond, if we decide that each time we make love it is sanctifying our connection
to all that IS, then so it is. We are essentially claiming our capacity to be the
container of spiritual love, allowing these bodies to become the temple of
ecstatic bliss that the Divine intended them to be. Can you allow your
ordinariness to get out of the way for the Divine to make itself known in you
and in your Beloved? Claim it, say it is so and so it is.

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Here are a few ideas to guide you in creating sacred space:

• Create a space in your home that feels good.

• Clean up, pick up the socks off the floor, put care into beautifying the
space.
• Bring the ambiance up in your surroundings by adding a few favorites
such as music and a burning candle to symbolize transformation.
• Welcome your beloved into the room with a gaze of devotion. If it feels
right you can place a hand over your heart or both hands together in
prayer.
• Sit face to face with your beloved, take a few slow deep breaths together.
• Create an intention for your lovemaking. What would you dedicate this
love to?
• Share a few words of appreciation with one another.
• All the while hold a feeling of reverence for yourself, your lover and the
union itself.
• You may consider saying a prayer, calling in the four directions or
envisioning a bubble encasing the two of you in a safe loving space. The
point here is to make it your own.

As you begin touching or kissing one another remember to move slowly and
with reverence for this body you are approaching is a precious manifestation of
love. Make it a prayer.
Can you bring a quality of devotion and awe into your lovemaking?
lovemaking? What
would that look like? How would it feel?

"The higher meaning of sexual love, which should not be identified with the instinct for
reproduction, is nothing other than to help both man and woman to become integrated
inwardly (in soul and in spirit) in the complete human or original divine image."
~Franz Von Baader

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2. Safety - Safety is a crucial part of the ecstatic experience. Now I’m not just
talking about using condoms although that may also be applicable in many
cases. What I’m mainly speaking of is emotional safety. Every one of us needs
to feel safe in order to have intimacy with others. Without it we will lack the
freedom to express our needs let alone our sexual desires. Safety in our sexual
relations supports us in feeling accepted and builds a stronger self-
self-esteem. Just
take a moment to imagine what sex might be like when you or your partner are
feeling unlovable and insecure...not very exciting nor fulfilling is it? Emotional
safety as well as physical safety give us room to grow and to expand.

How do we achieve a feeling of safety in our relationships? Simple;

Appreciation is the universal language of love because it is the food for
nurturing self-esteem. Being
appreciated by our mate helps us
to be more of the kind of
persons we would like to be.
Positive acknowledgement of
one another aids us to survive in
a world that often eats away at
feelings of significance and
worth.

Affirming your partner's sense of

sexual attractiveness and strength
in the case of a male, or sexual
attractiveness and soft loveliness
in the case of a female creates an
feel--good
immediate burst of feel
chemicals in the brain. These chemicals lead to feeling happy and bonded with
your beloved. Happy and bonded make a great pair for some very delicious
lovemaking.

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Try this: Before you make love, comfortably sit together face to face holding
hands, take a few deep breaths simultaneously. One of you will begin sharing
what you most appreciate about the other, take as long as you need, the other
partner stays quiet and simply receives what he or she is saying. This is not a
conversation it’s a heartfelt statement of what's true and real. Be
complimentary, be sweet but most important, be authentic. When you feel
complete take another deep breath together, switch roles and allow the
receiver to be the giver and share with you what he or she appreciates most
about you.
Notice how you feel after this exercise, notice what opens up, notice the
difference this makes in your sacred lovemaking.

“No compliment is sweeter to the heart or cherished longer than one which appreciates the
masculinity or femininity of one's partner.
Conversely, no hurt is deeper, no attack remembered more painfully, than one directed at
one's sexual adequacy.”
~Charlotte Ellen Clinebell

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3. Presence - Awareness, Mindfulness, Consciousness... It’s all about fully
showing up! You gotta want to be there with your lover and bring your whole
self.

Why is it important to be
present in lovemaking?
Because being on
autopilot is the enemy to
not only conscious
conscious sex but
also to good sex. Staying
present during sex and
foreplay is the antidote.
By staying present, you
develop focus,
concentration and you’re
better able to discipline
your mind, especially
when it goes into worst
case scenario mode, for
example fearing that you
look fat or that she’s not
enjoying it or that you’re
not performing as well as
you'd hoped or “Oh no,
what if I lose my
erection?” or “what if I
can’t come”? These are all
common mental
distractions that kill the
sensual connection.
Notice your thoughts and
in a non-judgmental way,
gently guide your awareness back to the sensations you’re having.

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The best possible way to immediately bring yourself back to presence is to
breeeeeeeeathe!

As you inhale notice the sensation of air coming in through your nostrils, down
into your chest and filling your belly. Then notice what happens when you
exhale. Breathing helps you become aware of your body’s experience, which is
good for you and good for sex. It also helps to slow down the heat of passion
so that you can absorb more of the deliciousness and be more available to the
loving between you.

Focusing on sensations will help you maximize the full benefit of the
experience, even the most subtle ones can be delightful, nothing gets lost when
you’re completely aware of what’s happening. Now notice your hands, what are
they doing, open your eyes, what do you see? This type of mindfulness helps
you to pay attention to be better attuned to what you want and need and to
what’s going on for your partner so you can respond better as a lover.
If thoughts or insecurities keep holding you back from being totally available to
your lovemaking experience then try “presencing” that outloud. In other
words, open up, talk about it. Say “ I’m having a hard time staying present
because blank is in the way...”

You will come to appreciate and absorb fully what this moment has to offer
and you invariably become a better more conscious and attentive lover.

“When you focus your attention so that you are present to every energetic fluctuation in
between you, you slow down time. Your lovemaking becomes an intuitive dance rather
than a pre-choreographed strategy.”
~Kim Anami

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 Enjoyment-Pleasure - One question I often ask clients is “How much
4. Enjoyment-
pleasure can you allow yourself to feel”? It’s quite common to find individuals
who quite simply do not allow themselves to fully receive pleasure. The other
issue comes when we don’t ask for what we want/need.

When we ask ourselves

“How much pleasure can I
allow myself to feel at this
moment” we are giving a rest
to our limited idea of what
we think we deserve. Men
often will only feel
enjoyment when their
woman is being pleased
while many women can start
to feel guilty about it being
all about her. In fact there
are many roadblocks to fully
allowing ourselves to
experience pleasure,
especially when it comes to
sexuality.

There’s one thing that’s

important to understand.
Pleasure can be a
phenomenal vehicle for
personal growth and self
awareness. Its ability to move
through us and completely
captivate our attention is a
form of meditation which can support us to heal our bodies from all the stress
related dis-eases that you can think of. However, many of us are unaware of
just how contracted we are inside, thus restricting our ability to truly know
pleasure.

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That’s right, not just to have an occasional pleasurable experience, but to truly
know the gift that pleasure brings. There’s a huge need for healing in this area.
Both men and women suffer from a combination of guilt, shame and fear
which disconnects us from our pleasure and from our body.

From the time of early childhood many of us learn to hold back our emotions
which inevitably suppresses our sexual instincts. As more painful experiences
accumulate armoring is created around our bodies in an attempt to protect
ourselves from being hurt.

The experience of ecstasy requires a letting go, a surrendering. Pleasure asks

us to release our guarded exterior in order to truly know the sacred gift it
carries. This gift is God sent. To touch bliss and ecstasy is among the most
sublime of human experiences.
experiences. For it is from this place that we can truly know
the Divine. Please do not sell yourself short. You are a sexual being who is
meant to experience pleasure and joy from this most sacred of unions. Give
fully but remember to receive just as passionately as you give.

What’s more, pleasure and passion actually represent primal sources of

wisdom and power. Sacred Sexuality is a profound integration of our primal
self which becomes illuminated by the spiritual realm of pleasure; namely of
ecstatic sexual pleasure as an experience of wholeness with our selves, with one
another and with God/Goddess, the Universe, all that is.

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Here are some tips to enhancing pleasure...

• Remember to enjoy pleasure through ALL the senses: sight, sound,

taste, smell and by all means touch.
• Touch allows us to feel the rapture of being alive. Just think of the last
time somebody gave you a shoulder or neck rub.
• Expressing your pleasure wins you points. Moans, groans, sounds, tones,
compliments, words of approval, yes, yes, that’s it, I love it.
• Appreciating your partner verbally.
• Communicate your desires openly. Ask what pleases them and tell your
partner what pleases you. Be specific.
• Direct your attention into your body fully. Move away from the concepts
and figure of the mind to the sensual world of the body.
• Slow way down. Get present to sensation. Don’t rush or force anything,
especially penetration.
• Arouse the whole body before reaching for the genitals. I mean it!
• Orgasms are never the goal of sacred sex, so relax and enjoy all feelings.
• Conscious sexual connection can enhance all sensations, including
orgasms.

Good sex is the intimation of spiritual love when it is cultivated with erotic wit and
intelligence and dignified passion.
- T. Byram Karasu

The best lovers aren’t made through a series of books and classes (though they don’t hurt).
They are grown through the deepening of awareness, fearlessness and the ability to stay
present in each moment.
-~Kim Anami

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5. Love - There are countless
definitions of Love that I will not be
describing here. The one distinction
I want to make is The Energy of
Love versus The Emotion of Love.
The emotion of love is what most of
us have experienced or will hopefully
experience at some stage when falling
deeply for another person, the love
for their child, a sibling, an animal.
It’s deep and powerful as we all
know. Hence, volumes have been
written.

The Energy of Love does not need a

reason, nor a commitment, nor a
vow. It is a field of energy that we can
tap into on many different levels -
physical, emotional, spiritual. It is
available to all of us at any time. This
Love is the foundation of everything
that encompasses sacred union. Ask
yourself, do you open your heart in
lovemaking?

In the practice of sacred sexuality we learn to arouse our physical body while
deepening our connection to the Energy of Love thereby allowing our body
temple to grow as passionate and ecstatically alive as it possibly can be. It is
ultimately a practice of nurturing a greater relationship between the individuals
and Spirit/God/Goddess through this beautiful vehicle we call sex.

Keep in mind, sexuality is more than a biological function of our bodies. It’s an
energetic and emotional exchange, even if we’re not aware of it. In order for
sacred union to be possible we need to recognize that the body is a vessel for
alchemical fusion that requires love and reverence when entering into it.

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So bring on the loving feelings of warmth, affection, caring, connection,
generosity, sincerity, honor, trust, respect. You will come to come to know
greatest joys of sex. This can only happen with love.

One important thing to remember is that deep love and intimacy begin with
grounding ourselves in our own center. Being grounded and centered in your
body and in the present moment gives you a heightened sense of awareness.
From that grounded center each partner is willing to unselfishly reveal their
own heart, soul and spirit. The more we do this the more we naturally come
into our ease which enables us to experience our vulnerability as empowering
while deeply connecting us to Love.

Set the intention to open to love during the sex act. Connect heart-fully with
envisioning
your partner. Explore the sensations of arousal while envi sioning a loop
between your genitals and your heart. Imagine you can send that energy to
your partner from your genital or from your hands or directly from your heart.
When we combine the energy of love with sexual expression we get to cleanse
our soul while sharing intimate sensuous vitality with one another.

Sanction Spirit/God/Goddess into the bedroom. You can trust that the energy
of love will open and unfold your awareness through this process. Allow sex,
spirit and the unfolding experience to work through your lovemaking to show
you your way into a pure state of being, breath by breath. This is Love.

" Sex is the outward visible sign of an inward spiritual grace bringing about love”.
-Alan Watts

“Love doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do
your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry
and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU”.
~ Courtney A Walch

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