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Adi Cox on the break water wall at Dawlish, Devon, England.
CONTENT.
Spring Chapters
March 2018 --- verses 1-28 (28)
April 2018 --- verses 29-55 (27)
May 2018 --- verses 56-100 (45)
(100)
Summer Chapters
June 2018 --- verses 101-132 (32)
July 2018 --- verses 133- 182 (50)
August 2018 --- verses 183 - 233 (51)
(133)
Autumn Chapters
September --- verses 234 - 269 (36)
October --- verses 270 - 288 (19)
November --- verses 289 - 322 (34)
(89)
Winter Chapters
December --- verses 323 - 354 (32)
January --- verses 355 -
February --- verses
100+133+89=322
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March 2018
____________________________________________________
This is the beat of the Manchester Rave scene. This is the beat of
the Techno Dream. To which at our late age, we pick ourselves up
and then we throw ourselves around.
2-3-18
There are two almost identical phone numbers. Except one ends
in one four zero and the other ends in one three five. I am looking
at these numbers but I do not know who they are.
3-3-18
(3) Moved On.
The lads are carrying on with the band without me. I have moved
on. I notice that in family room 2 they are playing there and so I
stop around and listen to them. I did not know that there was a
family 2. I knew that there was a family room 1. I have a chat with
a lad from the band but I have moved on.
4-3-18
6-3-18
8-3-18
9-3-18
12-3-18
(9) A While.
Me and my dad are sat in the lounge. In comes my sister Maz.
"Come on you're not sitting there!" She says to us.
I get myself to the bottom of the stairs and tell Maz. "You are not
allowed upstairs. You cannot get past me. I will not let you." And I
poke her in her stomach just to make a point.
Later on Mum and Maz are sat outside in deck chairs soaking up
the summer sun. I go up to them and I give them an ice cream
pastie. "Oh thanks." They respond to my generosity in chorus,
grateful for their treat.
"And here's one for me." I finalise, to make it clear that we all
have our pasties.
"I'm not getting off this chair." He states, just before I grab the
cushion and hit the cat on its back with it. To which the cat then
jumps off the deck chair in a hurry with its black fur all fluffed up.
So now I join Maz and mum sat outside in the sun with an ice
cream pastie and we all while our time away in this glorious
sunshine as we each tuck into our pasties.
13-3-18
(10) An Event.
It is all a bit crazy. If the emergency services get you then you have
had it. I have got myself out onto the top road with a roller of
flares that I drag around with me. There are flares being used all
over and the smoke is drifting around making it difficult to see.
There are people here who take action, who know exactly what
they are doing. Quickly I hear a man and his commentary. I watch
him. He is calm, focused and nifty, as he gets himself across the
top road and then onto the wasteland. I was in two minds, but
then I decide to keep myself on this wasteland out of the way,
because if the emergency services take charge of me then I have
lost my freedom.
14-3-18
My sister Maz is cooking. "We've only got one first course and four
puddings." She tells me jokingly as she laughs.
"I will need another pudding then Maz." I tell her in response
furthering on the joke. She hands me a plate with Cheese 'n' chips
'n' salad cream and as I eat the chips I imagine what the puddings
could be.
16-3-18
(12) Inexplicable.
I am travelling on the bus and you can get rewards back. I have
been looking around, working it all out. I meet someone and tell
them about my position and about the rewards that I have
accrued. It takes skill and you have to know what you are doing
here. It is all a bit vague and you can get lost in the abstract. There
is so much more to all of this than what I am telling you, but it has
all gone now. Lost in a fogginess. Some of my thoughts are left
behind. There are thoughts that I have lost in my memory almost
immediately. There are subtleties that cannot be expressed here, I
am sure about that.
17-3-18
"How much money would it cost you to travel by land from China
to Norway if it costs £20 to travel in each country that you go
through?"
18-3-18
(15) As We Dance.
I miss my girl and I sing this song:
"She was gorgeous
She was my friend
But I wanted more
So it had to end.
"Do you like that helmet?" I am asked by someone who has just
joined me in a dance.
"Yes I do." I reply having forgotten that I was wearing a helmet and
then we dance the night away.
We all decide to go out of the pub. I step outside, then the door
step grows ten feet high. "Do not worry, we will be able to get
back in." I am reassured that I will be able to get back into the pub
later to collect my belongings. She has a brass key that will lower
the step, you see.
19-3-18
20-3-18
There are two foreign girls in this shop now. I know which girl I like
the best, but they both admire this man who I do not know, but I
watch them. I see the girls react to this man and so I know that
both of these girls, they adore him.
There is a suit case being carried by this man. He is very
thoughtful about his actions and he justifies all that he does to
those people who are around him. There is some confusion in this
shop at the tills. Then the man leaves this shop. He walks outside
and I watch the rain under the street light as it falls down onto his
suit case.
The two foreign girls are in competition with each other for the
attention of this man. I know which girl I like, but I just spectate. I
am not a party to what is going on. I am not privy to their
affections. I just watch from a distance detached, but I know
which girl I like.
21-3-18
22-3-18
These pipes are not quite right as I fit them together. I wait
patiently to get some attention, but my waiting is in vain. That
woman is here and she is taking up my time. She is wasting all of
my time. So then ultimately and unavoidably I am sidelined into
insignificance, as I stand there patiently with my light grey plastic
pipe dreams in my hands. I just stand there.
24-3-18
25-3-18
"Do you want to make that song an instrumental?" I ask him keen
to use his playing for the little tune that I have made up to go
along with his guitar playing.
"No, I have some words that go with that song." He tells me which
stops me dead in my tracks with my idea for an instrumental.
25-3-18
I cannot believe that all of these chocolate bars have been eaten
by the same person. Not eaten by me, but eaten by a woman who
is called Paula. She likes her chocolate bars a lot. There is a lot of
information here that I go through written on card. On the
packaging that I shuffle through and deal with and read all about.
This is a big deal. Yes, she likes her chocolate bars a lot.
Paula And Adi.
28-3-18
(25) Barbara.
I am a barber as I watch her wake up in the barbers' chair. I
wonder about her dream. I wonder how far she has been gone in
her dream. How deep did she go? I make a conscious effort to
evaluate this. I look at her mood, her predisposition and I gauge
her as she slowly comes round. As she comes round sat in the
barbers' chair.
29-3-18
(27) My Silence.
They fall through the gaping holes in the road. I push one of them.
I find a convenient time. I tap his back foot from behind him as he
is walking along and as he trips up I push him hard on his back to
make sure that he falls. He grabs hold of another person as he is
falling down and they both fall down through the holes in this
road that they walk down.
This road is made up of circular aluminium grey discs that you can
stand on. Some of these circular discs are joined together, but in
between these discs is an emptiness where the road can swallow
you up. There are two people missing because of me and I tell no
one. There is an investigation into the disappearance of these two
missing people, but I keep my mouth shut. I keep my silence.
31-3-18
____________________________________________________
April 2018
____________________________________________________
1-4-18
2-4-18
4-4-18
6-4-18
(32) Open Mic.
I can hear a stoned version of the Tenacious D song 'Tribute.' Every
chord and every note is played to perfection. We just follow it
along and enjoy the ride, as we listen to Mitch sing this song. A
man so ill that he is barely alive. "Where are all the women?" We
ask ourselves. We need more women.
(33) I Laugh : O
There is a man with a brolly. (I laugh) "I know he has been doing
that all day. I do not know what he thinks he is doing!" Says a
voice from out of the clear of the blue.
For some reason it is funny. A man with a brolly brisk and gay
walking along with nothing to say. (I laugh) But I do not know why
that is funny, but it is.
7-4-18
GORILLA
<(o)> <(o)>
\/\-----------/\/
8-4-18
I have some stuff in the fridge but I need a number code to get
into it. I notice that someone else puts the code into the fridge
and then they get inside. So I quickly glance at the fridge code that
is written on the inside of the open fridge door. I am aware that
this bloke is watching me. I know that he knows what I am doing
as I read off the number to myself, I am struggling to memorise
this long digit number.
"That's just typical of these times! Why can't people just paint and
show their work off and not put other names on their work?" I
spout off and I make my point passionately and with indignation.
9-4-18
(37) My Deception.
We are setting up a disco function. I have got jobs to do, but I am
not sure what it is that they want me to do. I do not even know
who this do is for. I would not recognise him if I saw him.
There is a man walking around with one foot and a small hard hat
on. He looks like a shoe with a small hard hat on top. He gets
around though. I stop to talk to him for a while to see if I can get
any ideas of what I should be doing here. I tell him what he looks
like. His hard hat moves up and down when he talks to me. He
makes me smile.
11-4-18
Next there is a herd of white hobbie horses who come out from
nowhere. Hundreds of them in and out of driveways. They migrate
across this neighbourhood with their white manes flopping
around as they move along and all the rich and famous people are
hiding well indoors, as this is all captured on television.
12-4-18
(39) I Do?
"I've got twelve lords a leaping!" I find myself saying.
There could have been marriage, but how did it come to this, as I
stand on these green green lawns, I do. For she is the presence
about me, but I know not who she is and I know not why I am
here. I do NOT.
15-4-18
(42) Detraction.
I demonstrate something to Andy that is mathematical in nature.
But it soon becomes clear that I am number blind. I cannot do the
arithmetic. I take too long working out the numbers. I struggle
with the numbers and this is an embarrassment to me you see.
This is what undermines my credibility. This is what detracts
people from listening to me. This is what detracts people from
acknowledging what I have to say. But I know. I know what I mean,
even if that is not how it would seem.
n
0|0
1|1
2 | 10, 2
3 | 11, 3
4 | 100, 4
5 | 101, 12, 5
6 | 110, 20, 6
7 | 111, 21, 13, 7
8 | 1000, 22, 8
9 | 1001, 14, 9
10 |1010, A
11 |1011, 102, 23, 15, B
12 |1100, 30, C
13 |1101, 31, 16, D
14 |1110, 112, 32, 24, E
15 |1111, 120, 33, 17, F
---------------------------------------------
| P1 Pn, P4, P3, P2
TO BE CONTINUED
16-4-18
17-4-18
20-4-18
21-4-18
22-4-18
There has been discussions, but I do not know what has been said.
This corruption is all pervasive and I can see just how it has
spread. Democracy does not work you see. It will split your
country apart. We should all find another way and make it from
the heart. <3
24-4-18
Later I find this card all wrapped in clear plastic and inside there is
a sticky and sweet pastry with sultanas, nuts and raisens. I do not
know whose this is but I take a bite as I slide this pastry through
the plastic and the card and it is sweet and nice. As I walk around
this room full of people eating this pastry I wonder whose pastry I
am eating. I hope that no one will notice so I quickly take another
big bite of this pastry and it is delicious, but it is not mine so
quickly I scoff it all, crinkleing the noisy plastic packaging and this
is my guilt pleasure. I have taken from someone but I know not
who. This pastry has been so nice. It was something that I just had
to do. I place the empty cardboard packaging between two books
on a bookcase hoping that no one will ever know just what I have
done.
25-4-18
(50) A Parody.
I am walking around this place with some other people. We have
got this frame to put together. These hollow aluminium tubes just
slot together. We are finding these pieces to slot together on the
ground all over this place, as we wander and we search and we
work out just exactly which bit slots into which bit.
Someone has just said that they are going to put on the same
show with a low budget. It will be very much similar to the proper
show except that there is no lovely sexy female. He says that there
will be just himself masterbating to the Sham 69 song 'Hurry Up
Harry.' And he starts to sing this song: "Hurry up Harry come on!"
27-4-18
The roof is held up with wooden beams and they are lose. I try to
fix them, but I make things worse and then my dad tells me, "Do
not do that!" And I blow. I lose it.
"Well you sort it out then!" I yell out loud because I am angry.
"You fix the roof!" I rage out loud as the roof comes tumbling
down and there is anger at the slightest thing, but that is me.
I know that these people are good people, but they get me so
fucking mad! With my dad and Jackie, I lose it, I blow my fucking
top! I do not mean to rage so hard, but once I start I cannot stop.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!"
28-4-18
I get a sense of a French female dressed all in pink. She has long
curly platinum blonde hair. She is quite old and she has a little
dog. I take my turn to move on from her life. I fill out my report for
the next soul to come along. For the next soul to work from my
place. To fill out my space with new energies. To breath life into
this poor girls blue life as we awaken her spirit along. ----->
29-4-18
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mathematical Space:
Through me, a new space is created. Within mathematics through
me, a new space is created from the Art of that spaceless
mathematical less ness of astral intelligence.
A Trisquare.
A trisquare is a shape within a space, but that space is not the
same as physical space. A trisquare is a shape within two
dimensions within this 'new space shape' that does not mirror a
two dimensional physical space, because it has different
properties. A trisquare has some of the properties of a triangle,
square and circle.
Trisquare Properties.
A trisquare has three sides with three internal angles. Each of
these angles is a square angle. The distance from each vertex to its
opposite side is equal in length all along the line of that opposite
side and so a trisquare has the properties of a triangle, square and
circle respectively.
A Hexcircle.
The picture below is a representation of a hexcircle. The hexcircle
is not in the realm of this space and so this is just an approximate
representation. In this new space a circle and a hexagon is the
same shape and so we get the hexcircle.
A hexcircle is a circle made up of six trisquares. It is a circle with six
square internal angles. It is a circle with a circumference with a
length six times the radius. It is a circle with an area six times that
of its trisquare.
____________________________________________________
May 2018
____________________________________________________
(56) A Difference.
(57) How Dare He?
(58) Twat!
(59) The Happy Threesome.
(60) Chippy Sets The Table.
(61) Condemn Nation.
(62) The Sarsahr, They See Me In Astral.
(63) All Wired Up.
(64) An Accept Of Time.
(65) I Take To Relieve My Senses.
(66) A Bed Of Onions.
(67) Beer Here.
(68) My Lost Guitar.
(69) Looking For You.
(70) A New Consciousness, Or Just Plain Madness?
(71) What To Do In Looe.
(72) Not A Full Chess Set.
(73) That Trick Shot Is Not Interesting Anymore.
(74) Troubled Colin And The Dick Song.
(75) Busker Adi.
(76) How To Feed Your Head.
(77) My Standards.
(78) Hanging Around.
(79) So Thoughtful.
(80) Deep Blue Baby.
(81) I Make Myself Known.
(82) A Beautiful Old Song.
(83) I Wait In Expectation.
(84) What Does She Want From Me?
(85) Access And Joy From The Elder.
(86) Morning Glory.
(87) So Sure.
(88) Careful With What I Do.
(89) Very Becoming.
(90) Just A Jacket.
(91) Parked Up And Speeding.
(92) Flotsom And Jetsom.
(93) A Default.
(94) Reflections Of A Man.
(95) People! Pee Pole!
(96) Me-And-Her, And Him.
(97) An Astrological Skyscape.
(98) Travel Disruptions.
(99) A Balloon Slapping Time.
(100) Secrecies And Lies.
1-5-18
(56) A Difference.
I see a woman with a bag around her neck. She is middle aged and
she walks right up to me. With her straight face she looks straight
into my eyes and she tells me, "I don't even know what you are
talking about!" This shocks me. There is serious concern on her
face. She reminds me of a woman that I used to know. She is
familiar although I have never seen her before, because she is
similar to this other woman, but there is a difference. It is this
difference that makes me question myself. Who is she? Am I being
mistaken?
2-5-18
Later I see Roger Hales and Mick Benton. Mick says to me, "You
should not have told Roger Hales about your plans."
I look to Roger and I say, "Roger would never grass on me."
(58) Twat!
There is a big fuss about whether I bit someone. I was singing and
then they put their finger in my mouth. I was singing 'Nice And
Sleazy.' I had my eyes closed. How did I know that they were going
to put their finger in my mouth? I am told that they have it all on
video. That it has all been recorded. They have the evidence. They
do not let it go. They just keep on about it. So I lose it. I ram my
fist down this lads throat. I twat him. "You see! It's not nice is it!" I
yell, as I make my point and things really heat up then!
3-5-18
4-5-18
"Number one, all these unidentified flying objects that have been
identified. Number two, all the crazies. (I know that he means the
Grey aliens who abduct people here.) Number three ... "
5-5-18
6-5-18
"No" The teacher replies to confirm her mardy mood as she stares
back at me. "Go on then!" She says finding her better judgement
as begrudgingly she changes her mind.
8-5-18
I chat to these two girls about being single. About how I would
rather not be single. I would much prefer to be in a healthy, happy
relationship. As we chat I find some carrots under my bed. Should
I prepare these carrots? I assume that maybe I should. I find a
knife and a bowl of water under my bed also. I guess that maybe
my mum and dad have put these things under my bed. I really do
not mind that my parents have put carrots under my bed and I
inform the two single ladies about this. It is then that I notice
boxes that are full of packets of small onions under my bed or
maybe they are packets of garlic. Some of these packets have
been opened. For obvious reasons I am concerned about opened
packets of onions being under my bed. This is not good!
9-5-18
So, I go to the other music group. I casually open the door. I can
hear the people inside making their music. As I go through this
door to this music group there are some closed curtains. I peer
around through these curtains to see if I can make my way inside
to search for my lost guitar. There is a girl here that I used to know.
I can feel her presence, but I am looking for my guitar and I cannot
find it anywhere. I think back to where I have been. Someone says
that they think that I have left my guitar between two beds, but I
cannot see my guitar anywhere. There are other guitars in cases. I
open up these cases but I do not find my guitar.
I have Evo's guitar now, but it has no frets. This guitar is so odd.
The neck is too long and there are some gubbins on this neck and I
do not know what they do. I wish that I could find my guitar.
10-5-18
I read into the emptiness and I find my words with care. I feel the
emptiness, I fill up with conscious awareness, a dareness that I
find from beyond my mind. To the depths of my soul from the
heart of my kindness. I love this challenge that comes out of a
blindness and creates from the necessity of a concise inciteness.
My visions of my love for you.
11-5-18
I have been away a while and there are boiled sweets stuck to the
duvet on my bed. I guess that people have taken these sweets out
of their mouths and then miss thrown them onto my bed. I tell the
people not to do that. I insist that they make amends. There is a
bin for rubbish and it is not my bed as I tidy up around.
I am walking down the road and I see shapes in the sky. Shades of
light grey squares rotate and fold. This is all subjective I know. We
create our own reality. Is this a greater reality or am I just plain
mad? I feel my way into my future, into somewhere where I have
never been before.
12-5-18
I have just been shopping. I think that I have got a chocolate chess
set now. I am not sure if it is a chess set because the chess pieces
are all represented by different things. I think that the pawn
pieces are shaped like sperm and I have been wondering what the
other chess pieces are represented by with their wondrous
shapes. There are white chocolate and milk chocolate pieces in
this box packaging and I have bought one box out of curiosity.
Well the thing is that one chocolate chess piece had fallen out of
its box packaging in the shop and so I ate it. So as I am stuck here
under this rail hoping that Bob will help me to get free soon, I am
also concerned that I have not got a full chess set.
14-5-18
15-5-18
"What the path?" I ask back and I start to laugh. "Have you been
working too hard?" I joke with him. With that he realises that it is
me. He carries on working busily and he says,
16-5-18
And I meet those people who greet me. They make my work so
good. As we interact we have so much to say. As we all go about
our way with a pick in my hand and a guitar to play. Making my
music in this merry month of May.
(77) My Standards.
She does not know how to use apostrophes. I would not want a
girl like that. I would feel like a care worker for someone with L.D.
(learning disabilities) I would like a girl who's special, but she'd
have to know a lot. I need to find a girl who can stimulate my
mind. If she's useless at grammar then she's probably not for me
and if she cannot spell, well then she's certainly not for me. I need
to have my standards. I do not wish to be unkind. So it's not
surprising that I'm single and that girl I cannot find.
17-5-18
I am chatting with Dave and he says that he has been locked out.
"I told you that earlier. I've told everyone that. No one ever
listens." He goes on to tell me in a slightly pissed off sort of way.
'So what am I supposed to do then?' I think to myself and
subsequently I do nothing. I just hang around doing nothing.
I sense that there is a cat around here somewhere and I believe
that it is a ginger tom. For some inexplicable reason, although I
cannot see it, I can feel the presence of this cat. I think that it
must be hiding from me somewhere, but I do not know why.
(79) So Thoughtful.
There is this woman with children and a lion. "Why do you choose
to have a lion around your children?" I ask her curiously.
"It's my job." She replies. "Have you never worked with lions
yourself?" She enquires.
"Yes I have, but I am always so unsure about how safe a lion is,
because sometimes when they appear a little restless. If they were
to attack you then it would be too late, you would not stand a
chance." I tell her all this out of concern for her and her children.
18-5-18
For some reason I make out that I do not know Philip. We never
speak much anyway, but this particular day I make the effort to tell
him that I do not know him, "Who are you?" I ask him.
There is this big chunky wooden pole that stands proud out of this
concrete ground. I give it a good bashing and it shudders in the
ground and becomes loose. I knock it to the foundations just as I
get into Philips way. I do not make allowances for him and he has
to avoid me or I will knock into him as I extend my presence, as I
get in his way. He WILL know that I am here!
19-5-18
I Wait In Expectation.
20-5-18
I see another woman called Sam. I see her in bed and I join her
there. She is so cute and cozy, but I go straight to sleep because I
like to have morning sex when I wake up from my slumber.
(87) So Sure.
I am on a hillside, as I drive my car up and I park myself away from
the road on this sideway. I have my freedom. I have total freedom.
I find a way in which to play my guitar that does not distract me.
That does not take me away. And these people, they love me.
Deep in the centre of my mind I find these people and that is what
makes me so sure.
21-5-18
I see my sister Maz and she shows me some photos of her fishing
and some of her catches. I show dad these photos. I am surprised
that dad has not seen these photos before. I am surprised that
Maz has not shown dad these photos. I am beginning to wonder if
Maz wanted me to show these photos to dad as Maze is now
compelled to explain these photos to dad as he looks through
them.
I crawl under a road sign in the grass. I crawl under this road sign
that is held up by two posts in the ground. I crawl between these
two posts and I get shitted up to the elbows, but I do not make a
fuss. I find some water. I find a body of water that laps in and I
carefully wash myself down without getting myself too washed up.
I am also aware of a woman in the background watching me as I
wash my arms down, up to my elbows. She makes me more
conscious than I would otherwise be. I imagine what she might
think of me as I clean myself up and so I become a part of her just
as she has become a part of me.
24-5-18
25-5-18
26-5-18
(93) A Default.
It is amazing how many coincidences there are. As I make my way
around the cliff top path to dig my heels into the loose soil of this
earth's cliff edge. I listen to a commentary of a woman:
"It is said that the nearest blonde woman will die if secrets are
divulged. Some secrets have been divulged and a woman in the
next room in Scandinavia is shot in the head. She is a blonde this is
true" I wonder to myself, who fired that bullet? The bullet is tiny
but the devastation is real and complete.
So as I navigate this cliff's edge I notice how the trees have been
set. How the trees have been cut back and the shadows that fall
across this cliff's edge path through those tree stumps that remain
and the coincidences are remarkable. How everything falls
together as I risk my life along this cliff's path edge. The
coincidences are astounding as they reveal themselves to me, a
geological truth of fault lines that cross here and so things will
happen how they do.
27-5-18
28-5-18
As I look up at the sky I ask this man, "What colour is that sky?"
Knowing full well that the sky is in three shades of light red, with
all the planets, stars and galaxies pencilled in. I would just like
some conformation about this.
30-5-18
31-5-18
(99) A Balloon Slapping Time.
There are some creatures that are similar to lions except for the
fact that they have big heavy balloon bits that they slap down
onto the ground. It is like a huge heavy inflatable balloon that
these lion looking creatures lift up and then smash down onto the
ground in order to mark their domain. We avoid these creatures.
They have us wandering around avoiding them and sometimes we
slap down a large heavy balloon type thing that echoes through
this greenhouse like environment. We do this to move these lion
looking creatures on. My boss Matt is here and he is supervising
this area. I need to negotiate my way around this greenhouse
environment with my boss as we avoid these lion type creatures if
we are to survive here.
____________________________________________________
June 2018
____________________________________________________
1-6-18
There are other train drivers on the railway who are pillocking
about also. They say one thing and do another. I hear talk that
they are going to get a super fast train to beat those pillocking
train drivers at their own game. They will charge off through the
railway system with their super fast train at the very last second
and surprise those stupid train drivers with a last second burst
through the signals on the line. That will show them!
2-6-18
(102) Engaging.
There are three talks on tonight and there are three different
women who divide these three talks with their presence. I look at
these women and I note their differences.
The last woman is chatty. She is lively as she smiles and interacts.
She has neat blonde hair to her shoulder and a pretty face. She is
young and attractive as she socialises.
4-6-18
5-6-18
"Yeah I get it now." I tell him. It is not the sort of guitar solo that I
would make up, but it is okay.
6-6-18
7-6-18
"We are just looking for jobs to do, is an excuse to make some
money to pay for our college education."
Then I think, 'I hope that no one heard me say that. I might sound
ungrateful for the work that we do get.'
-------------------------------------------------------------
It is me and a bee,
we travel around free.
We are looking for jobs to do
to pay for our college tuition.
Then I think,
'I hope that no one heard me say that.
I might sound ungrateful
for the work that we do get.'
9-6-18
There are these sea creatures. Human hybrids between seals and
sharks that we left for dead. They are now healthy and free saved
by our intervention. These animals are like people. They reflect so
much humanity to us as they watch us and we can see something
of ourselves in them.
Lisa and I we scale the dizzy heights of this building and she tells
me that she has known me since 2013. We marvel at how fast this
time has gone by. We negotiate a difficult transfer from an iron
ladder to a concrete block platform. She laughs as she is stuck in
this iron stair well. Like a plug she sets herself free. Like a plug she
pulls herself out from this tight fitting stairwell.
10-6-18
(113) Somewhat The Grey.
I feel myself as a small skinny light grey alien. I am something else
as well, but that something else whatever it is leaves me
somewhat. That something else that is darker and larger and more
substantial, leaves me to become more of that small skinny light
grey alien. Who comes out as himself, as an aspect of myself from
such deep love, deep within my soul somewhat.
I feel myself
as a small skinny light grey alien.
I am something else as well,
but that something else whatever it is
leaves me somewhat.
That something else that is darker
and larger and more substantial,
leaves me to become more of that
small skinny light grey alien,
who comes out as himself,
as an aspect of myself
from such deep love,
deep within my soul
somewhat.
11-6-18
(114) Obtrexity.
For some reason I have a clash of perceptual experience with
someone else uninvitingly. Within his box of perceptual delights. I
pass by through it all refracted. Which alters the visual effect in a
most mysterious way. This puts a few thoughts out there, but it is
a really nice effect.
Then someone starts using obscure voice sounds, but I can read
right through these sounds and I decipher them completely. They
are not so mysterious to me and reveals a gay tendency in that
person who does not know how much they are revealing about
themselves. I am given the word 'Obtrexity.'
12-6-18
13-6-18
There are places where I go where I find Lisa when I want her.
I search through my mind to find her standing there.
Just the way that I want her.
Just the place where I like her to be.
She stands there looking pretty you see.
I search through my mind and she stands there so true.
As pretty as a picture.
A pleasure to view
and she is so sexy too. <3
15-6-18
e 3+n
b 2+n
g 2+n
d 0+n
ax
Ex
n
0 ---> D
1 ---> D#/Eb
2 ---> E
3 ---> F
4 ---> F#/Gb
5 ---> G
6 ---> G#/Ab
7 ---> A
8 ---> A#/Bb
9 ---> B
10 ---> C
11 ---> C#/Db
12 ---> D
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chord Sequence 1
Bm Em D A
Bm Em D A
Am Dm C G
Am Dm C G
Chord Sequence 2
EGAB
EGAB
D# D C A
D# D C A
riff:
eeggaaa#a#
eeggaaa#a#
aaccddd#d#
aaccddd#d#
16-6-18
(118) Unreal!
I see a foot. It is not a real foot. It is a cartoon foot and it is buried
in this cartoon ground. I see the cross section through the ground
and I believe this foot to be mine. I tilt my leg forward and I tell
myself that it is difficult to do this as my joint on the top of my
foot aches when I tilt my leg forward. 'Why is my leg in this
cartoon?' I am suddenly wondering to myself. 'And why is my
cartoon foot buried under a cartoon ground of soil?' I think that I
may have planted myself here!
Unreal!
I see a foot.
It is not a real foot.
It is a cartoon foot.
It is buried within this cartoon ground.
I see the cross section through this ground.
17-6-18
As He Goes On.
18-6-18
(120) That Is Okay.
I get back with my ex from when I was a teenager or that is how it
feels like to me. Except that she is not my ex really she is another
woman entirely who lives in a much different county from where I
used to live as a teenager. And I am not exactly going out with her.
She is not my girlfriend as such, but she is a good friend of mine
and I do have a crush on her. She like my ex has had her children
with someone else and they have all grown up now. I am in my
fifties now. I have missed out on all of that family life of watching
your children as they grow up, but that is okay. I have extricated
myself from all of that part of humanity for many years until now,
because I feel that I have suddenly dropped back into a family life
that I have never really known before. Into a life that I have always
avoided, but that is okay.
19-6-18
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sea Shanty written by Adi Cox:
Intro:
g# e f# c#, g# e f#, g# e f# c#, g# d# b c#
e|4 _ _ _ _ 4 _ _ _ 4 _ _ _ _ 4 _ _ _
B|_ 5 7 _ _ _ 5 7 _ _ 5 7 _ _ _ 4 _ _
G|_ _ _ 6 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 6 _ _ _ 4 6
D|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
E|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Verse 1:]
[Am]I have a [D]scam going[C]
[Am]Being so close to the [D]sea[C]
[Am]I deal in illi[D]galities[C]
[Am]Some interest to [D]me
[Chorus:]
[Dm]Down by the [G]shoreline
[Dm]Down by the [G]cove
[Dm]Down by the [G]coastal path [A]
[Verse 2:]
[Am]There is a [D]pathway[C]
[Am]That lights up the [D]trees[C]
[Am]Along to the [D]sandy shore where[C]
[Am]Where no one [D]sees
[Chorus:]
[Dm]Down by the [G]shoreline
[Dm]Down by the [G]cove
[Dm]Down by the [G]coastal path [A]
[Verse 3:]
[Am]We have some [D]treasure[C]
[Am]And we have some [D]beer[C]
[Am]And I have a [D]woman who[C]
[Am]I hold [D]dear
[Chorus:]
[Dm]Down by the [G]shoreline
[Dm]Down by the [G]cove
[Dm]Down by the [G]coastal path [A]
[Chorus 2:]
[Em]Down by the [A]shoreline
[Em]Down by the [A]cove
[Em]Down by the [A]coastal path [B]
[Em]La de da [A]de dar
[Em]La de da [A]dar
[Em]La de da [A]de dar dum [B][Em]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intro:
a f# g d a f# g a f# g d a e c d
e|5 _ _ _ _ 5 _ _ _ 5 _ _ _ _ 5 _ _ _
B|_ 6 8 _ _ _ 6 8 _ _ 6 8 _ _ _ 5 _ _
G|_ _ _ 7 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 7 _ _ _ 5 7
D|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
E|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Verse 1:]
[Dm]I have a [G]scam going[F]
[Dm]Being so close to the [G]sea[F]
[Dm]I deal in illi[G]galities[F]
[Dm]Some interest to [G]me
[Chorus:]
[Gm]Down by the [C]shoreline
[Gm]Down by the [C]cove
[Gm]Down by the [C]coastal path [D]
[Verse 2:]
[Dm]There is a [G]pathway[F]
[Dm]That lights up the [G]trees[F]
[Dm]Along to the [G]sandy shore where[F]
[Dm]Where no one [G]sees
[Chorus:]
[Gm]Down by the [C]shoreline
[Gm]Down by the [C]cove
[Gm]Down by the [C]coastal path [D]
[Verse 3:]
[Dm]We have some [G]treasure[F]
[Dm]And we have some [G]beer[F]
[Dm]And I have a [G]woman who[F]
[Dm]I hold [G]dear
[Chorus:]
[Gm]Down by the [C]shoreline
[Gm]Down by the [C]cove
[Gm]Down by the [C]coastal path [D]
[Chorus 2:]
[Am]Down by the [D]shoreline
[Am]Down by the [D]cove
[Am]Down by the [D]coastal path [E]
[Am]La de da [D]de dar
[Am]La de da [D]dar
[Am]La de da [D]de dar dum [E][Am]
21-6-18
(122) Tracey.
How it all fits in. This has all been done before and so this is the
mould. This is the pattern that I use and I go with it. This is so
other worldly that I cannot explain it clearly. This is so 'out there'
that it is so 'not here.' Like some ethereal bus stop that I wait at
for the movement to begin. Everything falls into place in this
ethereal space that I trace out as I space out here.
(123) Negotiate.
I am walking along and I make my way over some grass from the
park to a path by the road when suddenly I notice a big double
decker bus facing me coming out of a tee junction over across the
road when this big bugs bunny cartoon character jumps up and
appears on the wind screen of this bus obscuring the bus driver's
view. My initial thought is, 'How does the bus driver see past
that?' When I suddenly realise that it is designed to make the bus
driver stop the bus, because this bus has advance warnings built
into it.
I then find myself squeezing through this tiny gap between a large
red pillar box and a stone wall. I am in two minds about whether I
should do this because the gap is tight and I am in danger of
getting stuck, but I have committed myself to squeeze through this
gap now. I panic a little as there is no guarantee that I will get
through here.
22-6-18
(125) To Declare Or Not To Declare, That Is The Question.
I tell my sister Maz that I need some work on the disco. She tells
me that she can get some work from Ian. "Let me go and check
when I am free." I tell her.
"You will have to declare that you are living at home and so you
will have to pay tax." My sister warns me.
I think about what my sister tells me. "Yes I still want the work." I
confirm to her and so then we both go off in different directions. I
go to get my diary and she goes to get the information of the disco
work that she is giving away to me, but I am slightly miffed about
the tax thing. I have some deep thoughts about this, 'Is there any
way that I can avoid the burden of paying tax?' I wonder to myself
and I mull on this.
23-6-18
"We spoke for a while in a polite kind of way about this and that,
where it was at and what sort of day it had been. The things that
she had seen and what it all could mean about this and that and
where we are all at."
"We spoke for a while
in a polite kind of way
about this and that,
where it was at
and what sort of day it had been.
The things that she had seen
and what it all could mean
about this and that
and where we are all at."
24-6-18
I find myself deep within. Where no one else can go. This is my
space, this is my place. Somewhere only I can know. This is where I
find my peace. A place to feel at ease. Where a side of me drops
out of this world into a sanctity that is hidden. A side of me that
no one ever sees.
25-6-18
26-6-18
28-6-18
I am by the sea now and the tide is high. Some of the pavement is
flooded and there are some offices deep in water. I grab hold of
this rail as I walk along the path and that rail falls off and spins into
a wheel. I run off and the spinning rail of a wheel follows me fast
from behind, until I go through a narrow gap and the spinning rail
of a wheel gets stuck hard with a clank!
I find myself climbing down this crane. I know that I should not be
doing this. I grip hard with my hands and like Spiderman I climb
down. It is as if I am climbing down for ages. I did not think that I
had been so high. I touch the ground near the top of this
incinerator and I feel the warmth from it and then it gets much
hotter as I pass over it.
Then I decide to fly like a spirit in the sky. There are workers all
around me, but no one looks at me. I recognize the energy of
someone who I do not know. I know their energy and yet I do not
know who they are. It is because I know their energy that that is
where I go to you see. Just me and thee. The energy that I know.
A Journey To Thee.
I laugh and I tell my girlfriend who is not watching this film, "He's
a dodgy fucker!" I tell her. "You know these old films are fucking
brilliant!" I inform her in a rather determined sort of way, as I am
still amused with this film that has just finished. My girlfriend just
looks across to me from the kitchen as she is drying some dishes
with a tea towel. She is not really interested and she says nothing.
30-6-18
I feel awkward. I tell this bloke, "I fancy that woman that Alan
likes." 'Should I have said that?' I wonder to myself as soon as I
have said it.
"Yes, it's not like she's Alan's girlfriend, is she." I retort whilst
thinking deeply about this situation. I wonder if this bloke will
secretly tell Alan what I have just said.
The woman who Alan fancies is a black woman also, but she is
slim and dignified, just like her friend. Maybe there is a twin thing
going on here, but I still prefer the one that Alan likes. Both of
them are very nice, but that one that Alan likes is the better one.
____________________________________________________
July 2018
____________________________________________________
(133) Jumble Room.
(134) My Reading.
(135) A New Buy.
(136) A Dry Water Drought.
(137) He Is The Star, Not Me.
(138) Received Help.
(139) However.
(140) Babylon's Burning, But Silently.
(141) In Anticipation.
(142) In Need Of A Piss.
(143) The Dealer.
(144) A Boo Boo!
(145) OK Computer.
(146) A Voice That Moves You.
(147) Daft Twat!
(148) Heatwave, Torbay, Devon 2018.
(149) Float On By.
(150) Nothing Much.
(151) 'Up High Along'.
(152) Over My Shoulder.
(153) Neptune personified.
(154) Songs Of Silence, Songs Of Sound.
(155) Ron. (Meditative thoughts)
(156) Zapped!
(157) Astrological Mathematics:
(158) On A Visit.
(159) Untranslatable.
(160) A Vast Reservoir.
(161) Do Not Try!
(162) A Hard Brexit Woman.
(163) Creamy And Yellow.
(164) Followed Back In Time.
(165) Ignorant Twat!
(166) Meet Up.
(167) One Sunny Afternoon.
(168) A Jammer.
(169) Vague Woman.
(170) Timeline Reset Integrate Sync Machine. (T.R.I.S.M).
(171) An Example And A Witness.
(172) Fixated.
(173) Have You Been Talking About Me?
(174) The Unknown.
(175) "Hasn't Anyone Got A Cloth?"
(176) A Witness From Above.
(177) In The Meantime.
(178) They Say ...
(179) A Likely Scenario.
(180) Subtle Manipulation?
(181) The Man In The Air.
(182) The Punk That I Am.
1-7-18
"I am having a seance." She informs me. "Let me see your palm."
She goes on to say. She holds onto my finger tips, as I show her my
flat palm, as I hold it out to her. She takes a quick look at my palm,
turns her nose up and pushes my palm back to me. 'And what
does that mean?' I wonder to myself.
"I will have to buy you a house." He concludes. "But I do not like to
buy houses on a Sunday." He goes on to say.
"I will need to use a code on a Sunday." He says thinking out loud.
2-7-18
(136) A Dry Water Drought.
I am on tour with the Prince Of Wales. Everything has been set up
and runs to a plan. I find myself in this old school building as part
of the tour that we are on.
I curiously watch this man who is on tour with us. He never seems
to get wet. I am fascinated because I see him as he stands there by
this water fountain with the water spouting down his neck and yet
he does not get wet. He does not notice the water on his neck and
all his clothes are dry, yet I see the water spouting down his neck.
This is strange. Why does he not get wet? Maybe there is a hose
pipe ban due to this heat wave, because I hear that we are in a
drought now and I am in no doubt now that this man should be
wet!
3-7-18
Everyday she gets trapped inside her house. She spot welds a shell
of a caravan inside her house. Mrs Mitchell is happy to receive my
help, before Mrs Mitchell becomes a prisoner of her own home,
before Mrs Mitchell spot welds the shell of a caravan inside her
house. This is something that she does daily. This is her daily
routine. This is how she traps herself inside and the help that I
give her is greatly received.
(139) However.
I give Lisa a lift in my car. We have some banter. We always have
some banter, as we tease each other. There is a communication
breakdown between us and I meet Lisa coming up, as I am going
down on my way back. There are three winding lanes down this
road which are in parallel to each other and Lisa drives down the
central lane every time. She is the arrow in the middle who goes
the opposite way to the outer two lanes. Maybe I can sort this
problem out or maybe I cannot. I languish on this problem. I mull
over the details and I hold back. It might get sorted out or it might
not. We will just have to wait and see how it goes.
5-7-18
(141) In Anticipation.
I am in a queue. I have put my feelers out to navigate those
timelines of events that I sense. I see myself as a voluptuous
woman in a black dress. I am in a front row seat now, in an
auditorium, as an audience member to a show that does not
reveal itself. I am with others who are special like me. We are in
the front row and we forge out a future in a mysteriously galactic
way. We are special because with our hybridized ways we lead
new pathways. We lead new pathways as spectators and as the
will of the people in the greatest show ever. The stage is set and
yet it does not reveal itself to us, not yet.
6-7-18
(142) In Need Of A Piss.
I am with this lass. We share legs. My legs slot into her legs and
her legs slot into my legs. I do not know how this works and it
feels strange at first. She is right behind me and we go around a
supermarket to start with. I am a little self conscious at first, but
then I soon get into my stride and then I need the toilet:
The toilets are bricked up. The toilets entrances are two diamond
shaped windows bricked up and painted over in white gloss paint.
I see that Liam Jarvis is attending these toilets. I think to myself,
'Liam is not going to like this.' And I precede to kick in the
diamond shaped window for the male toilets. I kick in those bricks
and I hear Liam exclaim, "Oh no!" Because now he has a lot of
work to do. Then Liam decides to kick in some of these bricks that
still remain blocking up some of this diamond shaped window. So
now the toilets are full of rubble and they take some getting into.
Once inside I notice another wall that is a bit rickety and I ask
Liam, "Has this wall always been here?" And he assures me that it
has. Although I am a little puzzled by it. It is such a mess in here,
but I do need a piss.
All I know is, is that Sharon is sorting out these business deals. She
went out earlier this morning and I have not seen her since. I
guess that she must be still sorting out those business deals.
7-7-18
9-7-18
(145) OK Computer.
I am living my life to the full dancing and stuff. I am aware of this
computer that Mark has. He is concerned that it is being over
used. I check how hot the computer is by putting my hand on it
and I notice that it has a number seventy in red L.E.D. digits on the
keyboard and I am wondering what that means. This computer is
being used as some sort of equaliser for music that is being
played. This computer is being used to its maximum. It is only a
little cheap computer but it is running okay for now.
10-7-18
I ask Noel Gallagher and someone else this and we are all
stumped. We sit there searching our minds in silence and we do
not come up with an answer.
11-7-18
I languish around
with leisure and ease
and I capture cool spray
that blows in on the breeze.
12-7-18
13-7-18
(150) Nothing Much.
I am in this big old works building on a night shift. There is another
worker here and he has left a tap running into a sink. He has also
left a door open that leads outside and the wind is blowing about.
'Is he trashing this place?' I wonder to myself. Then another
worker walks in through the door that has been left open.
15-7-18
I am close to the waters edge now. The sea is so still. This tall man
comes out of the sea. He has a hood and he is faceless except that
there are two wide and flat tines, just like his feet, that go across
his dark empty hood. Across the black empty space where his face
should be. His gown is a mottled blue and white. I am scared of
this strange tall man at first, but he reassures me telepathically
and I get the message:
"I am taking you in before your time. You will have to do this."
16-7-18
(156) Zapped!
I have trouble with the microwave. I put it on for 9 minutes 20
seconds. "You will burn your sponge pudding!" I am told. I turn the
dial but the microwave keeps cooking. I pull the plug out and still
the microwave keeps cooking. I am in a panic now. Those
microwaves could zap me! I open the microwave door and I run
off, away from those waves.
(158) On A Visit.
I am staying at Sharon Taylor's house. Her mum is there too. I
struggle to find my clothes. I am wandering around naked and I
really need to get some clothes on. I think that I put my clothes in
this wardrobe. I struggle to open the wardrobe door because it
has a clever mechanism that allows for greater storage and there
is a knack to opening this door. After a little struggle and a head
scratch I manage to get inside this wardrobe. Yes, my clothes are
here, but there is only one T shirt. I guess that that will have to do.
I key in some items on my small silver lap top computer that I have
with me, but my computer will not let me key in any more items.
There is a clear crystal L.E.D. display on my keyboard that gives the
letters wt. That means weight. For some reason my computer
doubles up as a carry case and it is telling me that the items that I
have keyed into the computer weigh too much to be carried in the
carry case. I never even said that these items were going into the
carry case. Stupid computer. I turn the computer over and there is
a compartment underneath that is open. It has a display light on
that lights up the back panel and it gives off this gentle white light.
There are tiny tools in there all laid out in rows and columns. I
really do not know what these tools are for.
18-7-18
(159) Untranslatable.
Lisa asks me if I can play a song and if I can sing it quietly. "Yes." I
tell her enthusiastically, as I get up on stage and I get into my song.
I whisper sing and I play along. There is something else, but it has
gone. Untranslatable.
Untranslatable.
Lisa asks me
if I can play a song,
if I can sing it quietly.
"Yes." I tell her enthusiastically,
as I get up on stage
and I get into my song.
I whisper sing and I play along.
There is something else,
but it has gone.
Untranslatable.
I keep up
with these music competitions
to see how it feels.
I play these songs for people
just to see what it reveals.
There is something else,
but it has gone.
Untranslatable.
Rhetorically
I am asked,
"How long has he been with you?"
And cryptically I am told,
"He will live with you,
to your short circuits."
This is a clue.
Something new.
There is something else,
but it has gone.
Untranslatable.
The lad who I am talking to totally agrees with me. He totally gets
what I am saying here. I watch him as he thoughtfully looks to the
ground, as he takes one last drag of his cigarette and as he nods
his head in agreement with me. He flicks what is left of his filter
cigarette away. I watch the parabolic trajectory that his cigarette
makes through the air before it bounces on the concrete ground
and then rolls in an arc to a stop.
19-7-18
20-7-18
"Bloody typical, the council want to come along here and sort out
these puddles! It's a disgrace that we all have to drive along these
melting roads!"
I decide to keep walking on, but I recognise that voice and I cannot
work out who he is. It bugs me and so I go back to find out who he
is and I meet some more of my ex colleagues who are hanging
around. We have a chat and a good laugh, but I do not find that
person who shouted out at me in the first place. I rack my mind,
but I cannot work out who he is. I just cannot place this man. I
know his voice so well. Where did he go to and why did I not get
to meet him? Maybe he is avoiding me. Maybe he is ignoring me.
21-7-18
Meet Up.
There is a drummer,
Drumming along mixing up his beats.
There are singers singing
sitting on their seats
and clapping,
clap clap.
There is a message
that we all send out
and a position to defend
as we all shout out,
but we all meet up in the end.
Yes, we all meet up in the end.
22-7-18
23-7-18
(168) A Jammer.
I am keeping a low profile. There are many of us who play guitar
here and I wonder how I am going to assimilate myself amongst all
these guitarists. Some of them are a bit clicky with each other and
I wonder if I will ever get a look in with my jamming here. I have
my trusty chords and I have my blues scale, but how will I get a
look in? They say patience is a virtue and I am no virtuoso, but I
can rattle something out, if I ever get a chance. I can find
something to shout about and sometimes people dance, but will I
ever get a look in?
24-7-18
25-7-18
25-7-18
(172) Fixated.
I go through my mobile phone which monitors my bio-chemistry.
Biological explosions and chemical reactions flash up on the
screen as moving text that scrolls up. These details run off so
quickly. I feel great sensations that mirror the information on my
phone. I am spoilt in this reality, but at a deeper level my bio-
chemistry has been corrupted. I draw on my inner resources as my
mobile keeps me high, as my eyes fixate on the screen and my
mind works out why these sensations mirror my vision. So this is
how my biology reacts to stimuli and all those little things that I
do. How my biology reacts to my need to get a fix and how I
become the content of what I view.
Intro:
e|_____2_2___0________2_2___0
B|_____3_3___2________3_3___2
G|_____2_2___2________2_2___2
D |_ _ 0 2 _ 0 _ 0 _ _ _ 2_ _ _ _ _ 0 2 _ 0 _ 0 _ _ _ 2
A |_ 2 _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ 0 _ _ _ _ 2 _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ 0
E |0 _ _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ 0_ _ _ 0 _ _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ 0
Verse 1:
'O' [D]I've been [C]looking for you [A]here down [Bb]town
The [D]sun is [C]shining and [A]you're so [Bb]brown
[D]Living in a [C]dream where [A]ever you [Bb]go
But [D]there's one [C]thing that [A]I want to [Bb]know
Chorus:
[N.C.]Have you been talking about me?
[Em] ||- [Em11] | - [A] | - [A] ||| - [D] || - [Em11] | - [A] | -
[N.C.]Have - you - been - talking - about - me?
[Em] ||- [Em11] | - [A] | - [A] ||| - [D] || - [Em11] | - [A] | -
[A] |||
[Em] ||- [Em11] | - [A] | - [A] ||| - [D] || - [Em11] | - [A] | -
Verse 2:
I [D]see you in the [C]park with your [A]friends all a[Bb]round
I [D]keep my ears [C]close to [A]those on the [Bb]ground
I [D]listen to the [C]gossip and I [A]know what you [Bb]say
I [D]want your ad[C]mission and I [A]want it to[Bb]day
Chorus:
[N.C.]Have you been talking about me?
[Em] ||- [Em11] | - [A] | - [A] ||| - [D] || - [Em11] | - [A] | -
[N.C.]Have - you - been - talking - about - me?
[Em] ||- [Em11] | - [A] | - [A] ||| - [D] || - [Em11] | - [A] | -
[A] |||
[Em] ||- [Em11] | - [A] | - [A] ||| - [D] || - [Em11] | - [A] | -
Outro:
e|_____2_2___0
B|_____3_3___2
G|_____2_2___2
D |_ _ 0 2 _ 0 _ 0 _ _ _ 2
A |_ 2 _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ 0
E |0 _ _ _ _ x _ x _ _ _ 0
_____D_D ___A
27-7-18
x^2 - nx - 1 = 0
([n+sqrt(n^2+4))/2]-n)^-m
where, golden mean n=1, silver mean n=2, bronze mean n=3, and
so on down through the metallic elements. It is not strictly defined
which metallic elements follow on from bronze. Maybe copper
n=4, aluminium n=5, tin n=6 and so on. m is the number of times
the a x na shapes have been scaled down to b x nb and repeated.
When m is odd then side b is horizontal and side nb is vertical.
When m is even then side b is vertical and side nb is horizontal.
28-7-18
29-7-18
30-7-18
31-7-18
____________________________________________________
August 2018
____________________________________________________
A solvable Quadratic:
x^2-5x+6 = (x-a)(x-b)
**********
a+b=-5
ab=6
**********
-2 + -3 =-5
(-2)(-3)=6
*************
a+b+c=-6
ab+bc+ac=11
abc=-6
*************
-1 + -2 + -3 =-6
(-1)(-2)+(-2)(-3)+(-3)(-1)=2+6+3=11
(-1)(-2)(-3)=-6
(x-1)(x-2)(x-3)
(x=1)(x=2)(x=3)
A Solvable Quartic:
Ax^4+Bx^3+Cx^2+Dx+E
******************
a+b+c+d=B
ab+ac+ad+bc+bd+cd=C
abc+abd+acd+bcd=D
abcd=E
******************
(x-a/A)(x-b/A)(x-c/A)(x-d/A)
A Solvable Quintic:
Ax^5+Bx^4+Cx^3+Dx^2+Ex+F
******************
a+b+c+d+e=B
ab+ac+ad+ae+bc+bd+be+cd+ce+de=C
abc+abd+abe+acd+ace+bcd+bce+cde=D
abcd+abce+abde+bcde=E
abcde=F
******************
(x-a/A)(x-b/A)(x-c/A)(x-d/A)(x-e/A)
An Unsolvable Quintic:
y = x^5-10x+2
5(x^2-10^1/2)(x^2+10^1/2)
The graph crosses the x axis once to the left of -2¼, once between
-2¼ and 2¼, and once to the right of 2¼. Therefore y=x^5-10x+2
has 3 real roots and two complex roots.
Ax^5+Bx^4+Cx^3+Dx^2+Ex+F
1x^5+0x^4+0x^3+0x^2+10x+2
******************
B=a+b+c+d+e=0
C=ab+ac+ad+ae+bc+bd+be+cd+ce+de=0
D=abc+abd+abe+acd+ace+bcd+bce+cde=0
E=abcd+abce+abde+bcde=10
F=abcde=2
******************
(x-a/1)(x-b/1)(x-c/1)(x-d/1)(x-e/1)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
B=0
C=(ab=i)+(ac=6)+(ad=i)+(ae=-9)+(bc=2i/3)
+(bd=1/9)+(be=-1)+(cd=-2/3)+(ce=-6)+(de=1)
=[6-9+1/9-1-2/3-6] + [i+i+2i/3]
=-10.'5' + 2.'6'i
D=(abc=-2i)+abd+abe+acd+ace+bcd+bce+cde=0
F=2
Later I find myself in a hut with four others. One of the organisers
comes in with his clip board. He has information on the other four
people but he does not have any information on me. "Don't worry
about it. It makes sense. I am not really a part of this group." I tell
him, but he still radios through to someone to cover his back, to
make sure that I am okay to be left behind. We are all a bit of a
rabble to be honest, but we are all having fun.
Our Familiarity.
When I am with Lisa
there is a little bit of canoodling
and sometimes we may contodjulate.
We work this building that I am familiar with.
Maybe a little too familiar at times.
I think this as I slide down the staircase banister
and she grabs me by my arm.
She guides me kindly.
She reassures me,
she lets me know.
I know now that I should not do some of the things that I do, but I
like to try things out.
I put my arms around her sometimes
and she does not seem to mind, as we interact.
Our familiarity is what I like to explore
and what I like to find out about her.
This is what I like to share with her,
because I enjoy the fact that she feels so kind to me
and sometimes when I least expect it,
I find that I think about her.
I find that she is often on my mind.
2-8-18
"I know that there is one milk left." Says Lisa informatively. I think
about this and I remember seeing a green semi skimmed milk
carton. I think to myself that I will definitely need to go out
shopping soon, only because Lisa is quizzing me on this, otherwise
I would not have thought about food shopping at all. And so the
big question is ... ?
3-8-18
I am a shining example
of how a relationship can go.
So I must say
that she follows me on
with my knowledge
and she is eager to know
in her own most beautiful way.
4-8-18
5-8-18
(193) Mr Quench.
I am out on the town and I am stood talking to this lass. There is a
lad sat outside a pub who we have a brief chat with also. He is sat
at a pub bench and after he has had a chat with us I notice that he
gets deeply involved with his writing. He has his head down
scribbling away. I notice that he has a newspaper with him also
and I wonder what he is writing.
There are some big old Victorian houses here that have been
converted into flats. They have stone steps outside their front
doors. As we are chatting, this lass and I, we notice two lads
walking down some of these stone steps. But one of these lads
has coke cans fixed to his clothes. He is covered in coke cans all
over his jacket, all over his jeans, there are these coke cans held
within special pockets just big enough for coke cans to fit into. We
both find ourselves looking at this lad walking down these stone
steps with his friend and he is really struggling. He is really
encumbered with the weight of all these coke cans.
"I think that he has a problem there." I point out to this lass as we
get distracted from our conversation.
6-8-18
I am walking along down the path next to the road with this bloke.
I notice a woman outside her front garden pottering around, when
I am suddenly aware that the bloke who was walking along the
road with me has vanished. I look further and I notice that he is
hastily walking off, before he hides behind some bins. It is then
that I remember that he owes some money to the butcher. I
wonder to myself, 'Maybe she is that butcher.'
It is ages before she goes into her house. I am standing there and
then when I think that she has finished in her garden. I tell the
bloke with hand signals that it is all clear. Only for her to pop back
up in her garden again. So then I have to tell him to get back, but
eventually she goes back into her house. By this time Lisa has seen
this bloke who is called Dave. Lisa and Dave are best friends. So
now all three of us are able to walk past this woman's house and
this is when I realise that somehow I have gotten involved in
Dave's drama.
7-8-18
8-8-18
9-8-18
(200) Unconscionably.
I am not sure what I am doing. I think a lot about what I should do
here. I get prepared and I think about all that I should do in this
time.
"Sorry?" I say, as I make sure that I listen to her more carefully this
time.
10-8-18
a^2/x^2 + b^2/y^2 = 1
a^2/x^2 + b^2/y^2 = 1
a^2/x^2 + b^2/y^2 = 1
11-8-18
Out in the garden he is fixed to a tree with his bits and bobs and a
drill, as far as I can see. He does his little jobs in no time, but then
he is stuck up in a tree. He is a strange little man as far as I can
see. "Don't bring me down." He says, as he is only three foot two,
stuck up in that tree with nothing better to do. He is being guided
in such a dull dull light, as he gets himself around within this dark
dark night. He is such a dull dull man and there is something not
quite right. It is not just about his little height. He acts a little
strange and he is an unusual sight. He is that little man who is just
not quite right.
This poem above is sourced from a dream that was a little creepy.
I wrote this dream up as soon as I woke up from my dream. I was
all bleary eyed and between the sleep state and wakefulness
when I wrote this dream up. This was a dream that gave me chills
down my spine. It has been so very difficult to put words to this
dream as, as in many dreams it was very surreal and so very much
out of this physical world, but after a lot of deliberation and care
the above poem is the best account that I can give.
12-8-18
(205) As I Ratchet Up This Musical Moment In Time.
I am sorting out the pipework here. There are great long rails of
music score to fix, as I get my ratchet out and I loosen the rusty
nuts free from the clasps. I take down some of this rusty pipework
that comes in staves. They are five horizontal, parallel pipes with
notes on them and some of these pipes have become rusty. I take
them down to clean them up only to put them back up again later
once they have been cleaned up.
The musical opportunity with Mark is not the stave pipework that
I am currently on now, but a much cleaner and simpler musical
experience to ratchet up, because it is more of a single solid bar
which is much thinner and made up from stainless steel. It runs
along horizontally in a thin clean silvery grey colour which is quite
impressive really. This is how I see it anyway. It is within a circle of
my mind at this moment of time, because it is a figment of my
imagination at this moment in time. You see I have a thing about
my timing and the time signatures that I keep and that I use. So
this is something that I am really interested in looking into.
(206) A Walk In The Park.
I wake up and I dream. I go into a dream through some hypertext
that spells out the word 'dream.' There is a man who I have gotten
to know. He is the stereotypical old professor who dashes about
and gets confused. Who loses his glasses and bumbles about
intelligently. He is busy and troubled and he works so very hard.
So one day I am out for a walk in the park, when this professor is
so rude as to push past in front of me. And as he does so he falls
down hard. He bangs his head on the wall of a bouncy castle that
has been inflated in the park. I am in shock and a man in the park
points his finger at me, "He pushed him!" He shouts out accusing
me of causing the professor to fall. The man shouts this out just as
the professors head bounces back up off the bouncy castle wall.
The professor then replies in an instant, "Oh no he didn't." And
with that the professor dashes up the bandstand steps in front of
me. Eager to get on with the work of the day and I carry on with
my walk in the park, untroubled and relaxed and with nothing to
say.
So if no number greater than one and less than 24 divides into 619
to give an integer answer then 619 is a prime number.
A/m=x.y
619/2*=309.5
619/3*=206.'3'rec
619/4=154.75
619/5*=123.8
619/6=103.1'6'rec
619/7*=88.'428571'rec
619/8=77.375
619/9=68.'7'rec
619/10=61.9
619/11*=56.'27'rec
619/12=51.58'3'rec
619/13*=47.'615384'rec
619/14=44.2142857143 to 10 d.p.
619/15=41.2'6'rec
619/16=38.6875
619/17*=36.4117647059 to 10 d.p.
619/18=34.3'8'rec
619/19*=32.5789473684 to 10 d.p.
619/20=30.95
619/21=29.'476190'rec
619/22=28.1'36'rec
619/23*=26.9130434783 to 10 d.p.
14-8-18
(210) Why?
There is a lot of pillocking about. Two people jump on me and
start writing on my head. I get them back immediately in anger. I
get some ink on their heads too. I lose my patience with them.
Violently and angrily I pen and ink their heads, to get my revenge
on them. I press on hard on their scalp with my pen. So now we all
look a right mess. I still have to get my jobs done here with all this
graffiti on my head. My mum is not happy with me. I get told off
by her for my behaviour. I get a good dressing down by her for
what I have done back in anger and for letting those people write
on my head. This writing on peoples heads has gotten well out of
hand now. I feel self conscious as I push bike through the streets
with black ink scribble on my head. It hurts too when people
scribble on your head. It is like a monkey scrub. When people
scrub their knuckles on your scalp and you know how painful that
is! I do not know how this all started. I feel that I have been
attacked for no reason. I am annoyed that people just go around
scribbling around on other peoples heads. Why do they do that?
15-8-18
"You have got some muscles you have." I say to this small creature
in its cage. As it gets up off all fours, sits down on its bottom and
then flexies its biceps at me, then it looks up to me in silent
expectation. "Well! I have never seen a creature like you before." I
say to it in wonderment as I look down at this strange creature in
its small cage whilst I am naked and dripping wet in this shower of
mine. My girlfriend is in the next room of this small flimsy office
unit now. She is sorting things out apparently.
16-8-18
17-8-18
Sober Thoughts.
[a h g ]
[h b f ] = A
[g f c ]
----------------------------------------------------------
reference only:
[a b c ]
[d e f ] = M
[g h i ]
19-8-18
20-8-18
21-8-18
(220) I Seek.
My dreams are hiding from me. They watch me from a far, deep
inside my dosey mind. All manner of surrealism swirls around
within this distant place that I struggle to find. My dream friends
they play with me. They tease me with their hide and seek. In
silent demure they watch me, but they never speak. They keep
their eyes on me from this distant space. Deep inside my slumber I
get a glimpse of them from time to time, but they play around
with me. They seem to be so shy. Deep inside my memory,
vaguely in my minds eye.
Show yourself and speak with me and tell me what you know! I do
my inner work but you never seem to show. You always run away
from me. Show yourself, speak to me my dream friends. I love you
from my heart, because you are a part of me, but you are so aloof.
Tell me that you love me. I need to see that proof.
In my waking hours I know that you are still around. Silently I hear
you in a sense that's so profound. You tease me with your gifts of
hope and then you run away. My dream friends I want to see you
in the light of day. Tell me that you love me. This I need to hear
you say. Don't hide from me! Why do you run away?
I Seek.
In my waking hours
I know that you are still around.
Silently I hear you
in a sense that's so profound.
You tease me with your gifts of hope
and then you run away.
My dream friends I want to see you
in the light of day.
Tell me that you love me.
This I need to hear you say.
Don't hide from me!
Why do you run away?
I take my dad out in his wheelchair. Myself and this lady, I push
him along. I do a nifty little manoeuvre, but I splash him from a
puddle. I make my excuses and I explain myself away, "I was
avoiding that bump when I went into a dip. So I had to turn to the
right to avoid that puddle" I say to my dad in haste. Then I am
suddenly interrupted ...
22-8-18
(222) I Am Different.
All the musicians they all sound the same. They sing la la songs in
their own cheeky way, but I am different and I am here to prove to
you all just what they are like by way of contrast. You see I am me
and they are them. I feel their songs essence in a way that is hard
to describe, but they give off this sense a certain vibe. That is hard
to convey just how they all circumscribe. Our own musical way is
as an acoustic song. I play one of my own and it all goes wrong,
but the other songs are fine songs and I sing them out strong.
Their songs are long songs and my songs are fast. They are short
songs of hope, but I come on last. Just to prove that I am different.
By way of contrast.
23-8-18
24-8-18
I say this having used up the biggest pat of butter for render that
has ever been made.
"Maybe this building is just about to fall down and it is only the
land that it stands on that is worth anything. I really do not know. I
would like to find a property that looks like a scone. I would like to
fill it up with butter, strawberry jam and double cream and then I
would like to eat it all up at eleven O'Clock in the morning. I would
wash it down with the largest cup of tea that the world has ever
seen!"
26-8-18
"You people, you squarely freak me out! You people, you squarely
freak me out!"
But they will not reveal themselves to me, or maybe I will not
reveal myself to myself. I have this two dimensional visual image
of a white blob in a sky blue background that I shake with my
hand.
But it is such a deep place of slow movement. A space that I
wilfully find my traction in and where I push myself through
forward. It is a place of deep self awareness unlike anywhere else
that I have ever been to before and it takes a long time to get
through it, but finally I eventually find myself back here home
from my 'out there' journey that I have just slowly swum back
through.
I say this to another member of staff, but then there is like an air
of ice cold silence after I have spoken. This silence is only broken
by another staff member whispering to me, "Don't say any more."
I suddenly feel bad and I feel that I have spoken out of turn. That I
have broken a code of conduct somehow. So now I silently think
about what I have just said and I am made to feel guilty.
You see one of our service users who was our responsibility stole a
red double decker bus full of other service users. He drove it
around wrecklessly and at speed, knocking things over. I watch the
internal camera footage from this bus. I see all of the other service
users falling around inside as the bus is violently shaken about
whilst it is being driven so badly. This must have been so terrifying
for those people on board, I think to myself and then the gravity
of this whole situation sinks deeply into my mind.
28-8-18
"I have done a bit more work on it." I say to the teacher being a
little disappointed at my own slow progress. The teacher is being a
little careful with this spring loaded device that he is trying to
open. "Just rip it open. If you break it I can soon mend it." I say to
the teacher to encourage him to get into this device.
"I'm not going to break it!" The teacher replies sternly in a gesture
that shows both a bit of responsibility and a bit of respect for my
work. Me myself, I am just a little weary at what I have done here
and I have lost some of my interest in this project as it has become
much more difficult to complete. Especially this double loaded
spring lock mechanism that I have designed.
30-8-18
31-8-18
____________________________________________________
September 2018
____________________________________________________
1-9-18
"Two shillings and tupence!" The man shouts out next, teasing the
audience with his small dish of money by handing it out and
putting it in front of peoples faces. I have had a threpenny bit out
of that dish before, which is a copper coin, but most of the coins
in there are worthless to be honest with you. I am curious about
this two and tupence. I think that two and tupence is a
euphemism for tits and fanny!
L = £(pound) = librae
S = Shilling = solidi
D = Old pence = denarii
Copper Coins:
Silver Coins:
six pence ---> 6d ---> 2 and 1/2p ---> tupence hape penny
one shilling ---> 1s ---> 12d ---> 5p (new pence)
two shillings ---> 2s ---> 24d ---> 10p
ten shillings ---> 10s ---> 120d ---> 50p
Note:
one pound ---> 20s ---> 240d ---> 100p
So there are these bombs being dropped and exploding all around
us. Kevin can see from my face that I am in fear and calmly he says
to me, "You are human." We are in this military complex. We are
under siege. I am laid out facing the floor. The window goes down
to the floor and I watch an explosion out of this glass window. In
my mind I see this explosion in silence. The flash hurts my eyes
and so I run off down the corridor in fear as it flares up in my
minds eye, like a spark, like an ember, but this is my imagination
that explodes this time and this is my fear. The anxieties of putting
my life on the line has put me in here with flash backs and combat
stress from doing my job. So now like Kevin I am twisted in fear
and I am running around these corridors in here.
2-9-18
3-9-18
4-9-18
(238) Free Space.
I have an incarnate jam. I get to one point where the train goes. I
am trapped there by the rails against these great big train
carriages and I am trapped there protesting my awareness. I make
a nuisance of myself. I share my awareness for everyone to see
just how those railroad companies tend to be. It gets a little hair
raising at times. It gets a little tumultuous, but I know that I must
do exactly what do. I mark out these carriages that violate our free
space.
There are vans around here everywhere and it gets very cluttered
along these narrow loading bays. It is like a slidyblock puzzle trying
to manoeuvre these vans around sometimes. People are always
blocked in. Me, I just spectate and I help out from time to time. I
would really not want to be one of those van drivers.
5-9-18
Later when I get home I get this letter through the post and I am
invited to think of a star word for a quiz show. I soon pour through
some dictionaries to find some interesting words. The word that I
select has to be folded up tight into the crinkly paper and brown
envelope provided, that has come to me through the post. As a
word smith this is fascinating and I soon find many interesting
words to chose from.
6-9-18
The old ways are crumbling. You just cannot get away with the
things that you used to. Attitudes change, we have new ways of
doing things now.
In the schools there are people who take their jobs so seriously. I
see how some of these people are putting themselves forward. I
get a glimpse of some leaflets with a teacher's photo on it, looking
at me with his appropriate pose and neat beard. He is running a
campaign within his teaching job, just like a politician would. He
makes it clear that he does not believe in the cut backs in the
education system.
(243) My Song.
I am jamming up there on stage and I go through these songs that
I sing and that I play on my guitar. I do this until I form a greater
song made up from little songs that I play. My song is a set of
songs. My song is so long as I fill in around the songs of my
friends, because my song is a set of songs that weave around the
songs of my friends.
My Song.
I am jamming
up there on stage
I go through these songs
that I sing
that I play on my guitar.
I do this
until I form a greater song
made up from little songs
that I play.
My song
is a set of songs.
My song
is so long
as I fill in
around the songs
of my friends,
because my song
is a set of songs
that weave around
the songs of my friends.
7-9-18
"They make it difficult at work to take time off. These are the
constraints of having a job. I tell them what day I want off work
and they see if I can have that day off. I have an arrangement. I
have an 'out of work' commitment with my music friends. If they
do not give me the day that I want off then I shall 'throw a sicky.' I
shall ring work up on that day and I shall tell them that I am ill and
that I cannot go into work. I don't like doing that, but if there are
things that I need to do out of work then I have no other choice."
I am saying all this to Lisa because she is a music friend and she
needs to know that I am reliable.
8-9-18
10-9-18
11-9-18
Musical Faces.
(249) No Deal.
There is a bloke who wants to share a house. He has seen me
around town. I am not interested, but I have a chat with him
anyway as he rummages through his lockers. He grabs his plastic
folder and I see the tattoos on his face. They are lines joined to
small double circles. One circle within another circle. 'Very
geometrical.' I think to myself. He is very chatty to me and I
struggle on the uneven ground, as I follow him around, but then I
correct myself and I listen to what he has to say.
13-9-18
(250) We Feel.
I am with someone who I know and we masturbate. So Anna
comes as a manna in the wilderness. First she helps me to
masturbate into the clean tissue of plies that become a wet paper
mashe of pulp sodden with seamen. Then we drive ourselves
around in a car and talk a dirty banter of 'hopefulness encounters'
as we park up by the roadside and feel each others embrace.
14-9-18
15-9-18
17-9-18
(254) I Question.
I am at a do. Paula is here also. We are in a function room tidying
up, stacking chairs and putting tables away. I am not with Paula
but I am aware of a conversation between Paula and her mum.
Paula is arranging things with her mum, discussing what to do.
Then I hear her mum say, "But it will be mid month."
"But it will be mid month! But it will be mid month! But it will
be..." Paula repeats her mother's comment in protest to the
negativity of her mothers comment before Paula bursts into tears.
I am not a part of all this drama. I am just a witness. I am sat on a
chair looking away from Paula's demonstrous behaviour that
expresses her frustration towards her mum. I am people watching,
I watch people's reaction in this function room towards Paula's
outburst. I question: Why does Paula let her mother trigger her
so?
There are chords that I play. Three chords that I play in such a way
that is quite vague, as I am mysteriously shown from an unknown
man:
Major Keys:
Minor Keys:
Am,F,G (No flats or sharpes)
Table of Modes:
18-9-18
19-9-18
(257) My Disturbance.
I briefly glimpse a girls thighs in her shorts and the image stays
with me. Those white shorts and white legs bulging out are a
beautiful sight for me, but my heart is with Anna and not with this
stranger who passes me by.
20-9-18
This woman tells me. I notice her three children and they are
unaware of the problem that their parents face. The children
amble along together in their school uniforms protected for now
by their parents, but their future is uncertain. The husband has a
job. He deals with challenging behaviour as a care worker to earn
some money, but it does not pay enough to get by.
"There are just too many bills. We are managing now, but it's a
ticking time bomb. It's catching up with us and I cannot see any
way to avoid this."
"It's not like we can say that in a few years time anything is going
to be paid off, because it's not. It's not like anything is going to
change."
The woman tells me this and as she does so I can hear the concern
in her voice and then there is a silence that follows. A thoughtful
silence. She is at a loss. A thoughtful silence that cannot find a way
out of this money situation that looms over them and the truth is
that they are not alone. There are so many other families out
there who are struggling to make ends meet. This is a bigger
problem and more wide spread than most people realise.
21-9-18
22-9-18
23-9-18
24-9-18
25-9-18
(265) "This Fat Bastard Food!"
I make all sorts of comments. I am having fun whilst the food is
being past around. People seem so serious as they eat their food,
but I am having fun making a nuisance of myself. I watch the faces
on the people as I get cheeky, as I push the boundaries and for
some reason everything is timed on this table where I sit. I have
been corrected a few times for my behaviour, but I think that
people have given up on me now.
26-9-18
30-9-18
(269) Hiding Out Low.
Anna and myself are looking for a place to play on this rather hot
day. I get my tin out number 70, next to her tin number 71. I get a
drink out next to her drink, but she gets caught up in an ambush
and I hold back. I tail her as she is going around whilst I am hiding
out low, careful not to get caught. I stand behind a coach. I stand
there with my legs and feet hidden behind its wheels and I
wonder, "What should I do?"
____________________________________________________
October 2018
____________________________________________________
1-10-18
2-10-18
(271) The Red Queen And Her Artificial Intelligence.
My sister loses the plot. She becomes evil and she writes about
black people becoming claws. Well, she tries to write this book.
The cover of the book has a red background and there is a big
black claw on it, except the claw is not finished. It is just an outline
of a claw on red background that needs filling in with black ink.
My sister has to be restrained by the police. It is then that her
voice becomes demonic. It is spoken in a slow robotic demonic
tone and I just have to roll my eyes. I do not make too much of all
this drama. I take the book that she has been writing and I ignore
my sister. I ignore her unusual behaviour. I refuse to be distracted
by all this nonsense.
8-10-18
(274) Hometime.
Anna shows me how she gets home after work. She goes via the
black and white route where there are a few pastel shades. She
jumps on her cycle and then she tootles along. Through the
streets of dismay and then on through all those crowds who get in
her way.
9-10-18
15-10-18
17-10-18
18-10-18
21-10-18
25-10-18
26-10-18
"Do you know what this is?" A man asks me and I am at a loss to
explain this mess.
"I have tidied it up the best that I can, but there is still a little mess
there." I tell the man, as I want to be a responsible person in this
scenario.
A little white gooey residue is left on that red rock. I have cleaned
it up the best that I can and so now I move on. I just walk away
from that little mess on that red rock, looking back at that mess as
I do, whilst I carry away the plastic rubbish in my hands that
contains the sticky white goo that I have scraped up, from that red
rock by the sea.
27-10-18
29-10-18
30-10-18
____________________________________________________
November 2018
____________________________________________________
1-11-18
3-11-18
4-11-18
(292) Three Jumps.
I put my denim jacket on and I grab my guitar which is in its soft
carry case, lent up against a chair. I noticed someone put it there. I
think that they had picked up my guitar thinking that it was their
guitar by mistake.
Jump 1:
I am in the Retford area in North Nottinghamshire. This is the
countryside. There are tractors here and other farm machinery. I
see a woman across the road and she is working with all this
machinery. I make my way past all of this machinery careful not to
get run over by a tractor.
Jump 2:
I have this pen and the nib needs changing as it is worn out and
damaged. So I replace the nib but the new nib is too big and fuzzy.
I will never be able to do any fine drawing with that fuzzy nib. I
look into my pot of brushes and nibs. It is difficult to find a nib that
is suitable.
Jump 3:
I am talking to Anna she is laid in bed. I explain about my
careworker job to her. I put my pyjama top on back to front. I
change it round and then I explain to Anna what I did at work. I
take my pyjama bottoms off and as I stand there naked below. I
show Anna the label in the back of the pyjama trouser bottoms
and I then make sure that I put them back on the right way round
with the label at the back. She is laughing now. She is laid there
laughing with a silky black top that she has put over herself
covering her face. I know that I have stayed here too long already.
So then I say to Anna, "You want me to go now, don't you?"
"Just stay for another five minutes." She replies.
5-11-18
7-11-18
8-11-18
(295) A Wad Of Plastic, Under A Black Cloud Of Smoke.
This building is on fire. I am making my exit through all of this
black smoke when suddenly I think about my money in my room.
So I risk my life. I go through the black smoke back into my little
room and I grab a wad of plastic ten pound notes from out of my
hidden money box behind the cupboard. Somehow I manage to
get myself out through that black smoke building. Back to the
safety outside. I am suddenly aware that all this has happened
before and quite recently. So I have my money now. You see I do
not trust banks to keep my money.
9-11-18.
"No." I tell her, not knowing what she is talking about, but she
seems determined. So I oblige her and she takes my little boat. It
is then after my little red boat has been taken that I realise that I
needed that little boat to get off this big boat. So I am stuck now
as I look out across and I am suddenly aware that I am on a big
boat that is out of control. I am all alone on this big boat that is
speeding out of control. I look out to see land close by, but I do
not know where I am. I consider jumping off this big boat whilst it
is speeding out of control, but I would struggle to get up onto the
steep rocky shoreline. Maybe I should run this boat a ground, that
would stop it. How did I let that lass and her boyfriend get me into
this mess?
Eventually the big boat does slow down by itself and I get off. I
never did get to steer this boat as with all the security the cabin
was locked and out of bounds. I was locked out whilst the boat
was speeding out of control, but somehow I managed to get out
of this ordeal.
10-11-18
This movement,
this big deal
is the sophisticated activities
between Anna and myself.
11-11-18
There is work to be done around here in this big house. People are
joining in to help out to move things around and I do not want to
be sat around in my wheelchair. There is a lot of brass things that
need to be moved from one room to another.
12-11-18
(299) Modification.
I watch the natives as they make a giant screw out of a long
straight wooden branch on the forest floor. I also watch the
natives make a hose out of a snake. The snake is harmless and I
wonder how it is still alive as it has been converted into a hose. All
the water just passes through this snake. I wonder how does that
make the snake feel? I look into the snakes two eyes on the top of
its head as they blink and I wonder how it feels to have been
modified into a hose the way that it has been. All that water
bypassing the stomach. All that intake and out take and no
sustenance. How does that make the snake feel?
13-11-18
15-11-18
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17-11-18
"You can always shit in it! That will cure this trainer also."
18-11-18
I do not know the entity who is doing this to me, but I am at peace
with myself and so nothing can get to me at this moment in time.
Then I become aware that it is my own arms that have become
tight and tense. So I allow this moment to pass me by and I move
on.
(307) I Am A Twat!
I am down by the waters edge by the sea. This is the place where
the boats moor up and I decide to have a laugh. I decide to switch
a hose on indiscriminately. This old bloke does not know what is
going on when water starts gushing out all over and around him
and he does not know how to stop it!
HA HA HA!
20-11-18
In the dream that I had about you, the three faces of the man with
the grey beard in the painting that you supposedly painted in my
dream represents both the three gigs that we did together and
the three times that we went out together. Somehow the gigs and
the times out that we had together seem to be connected in my
dream.
21-11-18
I meet up with this woman and I call her Virus Vulva. She says, "If
you want to have sex with me then you will need to use a condom
because I have got VD." It is the sweetest thing that any girl has
ever said to me and I feel like I am on a promise. I have not had
much luck with women in the past, but now my chance has finally
come at last.
... There is a gun to freshen up the air with and it has a pineapple
chunk on the end of its nozzle. The manager here is cordial, but it
feels a bit awkward to me being here now and so I make my
excuses and move on. I am away. I am out of here. Adios.
23-11-18
(311) Up To A Point.
I run out into a field. They are going to hunt me down. So as I run
into this field I then fall down to the ground. As I fall down to the
ground I find that I am rolling down a hill. I roll down through all
the shrubs that grow out through the grass and I hide within these
shrubs. I do this as people try to find me. I do this as I listen to
their conversations. I can do this because I hide so well. Later I
climb a tree. There are people all around me but they do not find
me. I listen to their gossip. I know what they have to say, "Sharpen
your pencil!" I hear someone say. Surely a euphemism if ever I
heard one.
24-11-18
Not Here.
0/0 = 1
0/n = infintesimal where n is an integer.
n/0 = infinity where n is an integer.
when a/b is a fraction less than one and where a&b are integers
greater than zero then the number of possible fractions when
represented as an Infinity fraction is?
PROOF:
If a/b is a fraction less than one then a is less than b.
or
so
[(1/0)-n]/(1/0) is exactly equal to (1/0)/[(1/0)+n]
PROOF:
If a/b is a fraction greater than one then a is greater than b.
or
so
(1/0)+(1/0)=(1/0)
So the infinite number of fractions a/b less than one plus the
infinite number of fractions a/b greater than one is
(2/0)+(2/0)=(2/0). Therefore this is the number of any fractions
a/b where a&b are any integer.
If we divide the number of fractions a/b less than one with the
number of fractions a/b greater than one then the infinities (2/0)
and (2/0) map to each other and we end up with the value one.
(1/0)/(1/0)=1
(2/0)/(2/0)=1
(n/0)/(m/0)=1 when n=m
(1/0)-(1/0)=0
(2/0)-(2/0)=0
(n/0)-(m/0)=0 when n=m
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
25-11-18
(314) Memories.
I go down to the sea. I see the sun low in the sky. Hot colours
shine bright in a cold pale blue sky. My woman who left me is
around me here somewhere. Tenuously she plays with me in the
background of the thoughts of my mind. Ubiquitously I find her in
all that I see, but in reality I am here all alone. It is my memories
that play with me as I go down to the sea.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
26-11-18
(316) I Am My Ex.
Somehow I have become my ex girlfriend. I feel my face. My hands
feel around my eyes and I remember. I remember the lumps and
the bumps along the eye brows of my ex's face they are like braille
to me. It takes me back to how she used to be. You see I am from
within her. Her eyes are shut and so I cannot see.
I Am My Ex.
27-11-18
28-11-18
(318) Reverberations.
For some reason my baseball bat makes the perfect contact with
the ball. Just at the right time I take the perfect swing. So that
after that hit everything is just about that hit. Over and over again
I feel the contact of that hard ball on solid wood and I feel the
power of the spring in the wood that accelerates that hard ball
through the air. I was with a group of people and I found my
perfect opportunity. There was a little gap in time and I had the
perfect response. There was a little gap in time and I filled that gap
in time with the perfect hit. A perfect hit that I now live over and
over again. Such a perfect hit that now my life continues to
reverberate off it.
Reverberations.
A perfect hit
that I now live
over and over again.
29-11-18
Then one of the lads jumps on a rusty drain cover, wham! He goes
right through it. His body descends about three feet before he
judders to a holt, then he just stays there motionless, upright half
in the drain. I think that he might be impaled. I think that he is
injured bad. "Are you alright?!" I exclaim to him in shock. With
that his lifeless body keels over and falls deep into the drain of fast
running water. He goes under the water. I grab hold of an old pipe
that is laid on the ground near me and I try to pull him up from
out of the water with it. "Help!" I cry out to the other lad, but the
other lad does not make it in time and I watch helplessly as the
lifeless body and expressionless face disappears under the cold
clear flowing water.
30-11-18
____________________________________________________
December 2018
____________________________________________________
1-12-18
2-12-18
"If I ever go missing then you will know where to find me. I will be
lost behind that bookcase somewhere!"
"I understand why you would not have a building behind that
bookcase. The authorities would be onto you like a ton of bricks.
They would be down on you straight away!"
He says this convincingly to the house owners. He is impassioned
in his articulation, but he goes on too much about that ruddy
bookcase and so I stop listening to him, but it is more than a little
strange.
4-12-18
"I am going to boot up. I will put an electrical charge through this
equipment and then it should work."
5-12-18
(326) A Stalker.
There is a strange lady, but she is okay when you get to know her.
In the meantime she is scaring Eira. This lady is strange looking.
She is tall and large. She has a hunch on her back and a big
crooked nose. She always follows Eira around.
"You are enjoying this!" I tell the lady. "You are having fun scaring
Eira, I can tell." with that said this strange lady admits to
everything that I accuse her of. I have to smile to myself because
this lady does not seem quite so strange now that I got to know
her.
"How good is tap water for you?" I ask him as I turn on a tap that
is conveniently situated at a sink which is in the middle of the
table that we are both sat at.
"Oh I don't think that it is all that bad for you." He goes on to say
to me. I am about to question him on whether the fluoride in the
water that is added is good for you, but I do not know if I have got
the will to go on about that.
(328) A Banana Vision. (Meditative Dream)
I am deep in meditation when deep in my mind I notice someone
who has made an umbrella out of a banana. He is cursing this wet
weather that we are getting and his banana umbrella that he has
just made is useless. He is holding the peeled banana by the bit
that you eat and the peel is dangling over the man's hand. I laugh
out loud at the uselessness of his creativity and the fact that he is
in a foul mood and cursing the weather makes the man even more
laughable. HA HA HA!
6-12-18
"You play to the Indian gentleman and the other chap next to him
and then I'll clean up."
When he says that he will "clean up" I think that Bob means he
will play to the others in the pub when I have played to the Indian
gentleman and the other chap. Bob is a musician not a cleaner
and he does not always say exactly what he means.
Old Skools, 18-20 Market St, Torquay TQ1 3AQ
7-12-18
(330) No Application.
Lisa's Dave has been talking to this man in a grey suit about me
doing electronics. I know this because I have been on the phone
to the man in a grey suit and he has alluded to me about me doing
electronics. So I have alluded back to him that I do electronics, but
I do not do electronics. It would explain my interest in
mathematics, however my interest in mathematics does not apply.
8-12-18
10-12-18
(332) My Belonging.
I go back to an old job. I am just a visitor in this old building. There
are new faces here now. The turn over of staff here is fast. As
more and more staff members turn up there is not one who I
know from when I worked here before. I feel the mood of this
place and there is tension. There is a bit of pushing and shoving. I
find myself pushing back. This is disappointing to me. I see
someone arrive who looks like my old manager here, but he is just
someone who looks similar.
On my walk home I find a long stick with an iron bar on one end.
When I have finished looking at it I throw it down onto the grassy
ground of a playing field, then I question the safety of this long
stick with an iron bar on the end as it just lays there on the
ground. "It may not be safe for any children who may find it." I
think to myself. So I pick it up again and I place it along the bottom
of a fence where the weeds have previously been pulled up.
Where this has made a nice groove between the bottom of a tall
wooden fence and the ground for this stick with an iron bar on
one end to slot along into, out of the way. I do not know what a
stick like this with an iron bar on one end is used for. The iron bar
is all rusty and in due course I will forget about it now, as I step up
onto the front door step and enter into my home, but it is more
her home than my home. It is more the home of the woman who I
live with than it has ever been of my home.
11-12-18
12-12-18
13-12-18
"Duke, duke, duke, duke of Earl, Earl, Earl. Duke of Earl, Earl, Earl.
Duke of Earl."
14-12-18
"I Love The Way Her Humble Arrives!" I announce out loud.
16-12-18
17-12-18
18-12-18
19-12-18
TORQUAY.
Lymington road from the guest house opposite the entrance of
the coach station. I walk through the coach station car park to
follow Lymington road past Torquay library. I cross over Lymington
Road at the Town Hall to where the Job Centre is. ...
20-12-18
"A HA! You are all jealous!" I cry out loudly as I point fiercely to
each family member individually in turn. I feel that I know that I
am onto a good thing here when people are jealous of me. The
truth is that I do not have any commitments. I have no job, no
girlfriend, no mortgage, no children and no debt. I am free to be
me, who and how I want to be.
(343) Recognition.
I go around the patients and I use geometry. I do trigonometry of
their faces. I overlay the facial features with circles and triangles in
a representational drawing. But there is technology involved now
and so I need a memory stick. I have this technology on me, but
my memory stick is too bulky to fit into the Indian ladies set up. I
call out for help: "I need a memory stick!" I cry out. Surely
someone will be able to lend me a memory stick. I look around
searchingly to everyone, but no one offers their memory stick to
me and so I am forced to abandon my task for now. I will just have
to complete this at a later date.
21-12-18
22-12-18
"Wait a minute!" I tell Darren and then I go off down through this
narrow tunnel. About half a mile down this tunnel I have left some
paint that he can use. "Maybe a satin finish paint would be best?"
I question myself about this. "There are many more paints that I
have got, but they are all deep down in that tunnel. Too deep
down to go and find now."
Darren is quiet but he has been attentive. Maybe he will find some
help in that friendly advice that I have given to him, because I
know that he has been having some emotional problems dealing
with everyday life.
23-12-18
"I don't like that top." Annmarie tells me bluntly and honestly.
26-12-18
(347) No Bell.
There would have been a bell that went off had these people been
in care. One of them has had their third and fourth vertebrae
infected through lack of appropriate care, but they are not in care
and we do the best we can.
27-12-18
I go outside and I find myself with this lady. Just her and I, we are
sat in this little wooden boat with snow all around us. We quietly
sit there and watch a young lass on a sledge. This young lass does
not know that we are there watching her as she organise herself
and sorts out the things in her pocket. Then she spits a few times
in the snow. "Hello Jollop!" The lady sat next to me in the boat
says interrupting the young girl on the sledge. The young girl
Jollop is surprised to see us there and she does not answer the
lady. I guess that she is stunned.
28-12-18
"I just wish that I could find people suitable to jam with." I inform
the man.
"No problem, have a look at these." Then this bloke throws down
an A4 sized envelope onto the table and it slides across to me. I
pick it up. Open it up and I take a look at the sheet of paper inside.
"Take a look at these three." As the bloke points to details about
the top three people on the sheet who want to learn to play their
music better. I take some interest and I take note of their details.
Down in the city streets from where they came from. The dirt and
the greed and from so much that is wrong. For the cities are so
rough that those who we sing to it can never enough because:
30-12-18
Riff:
e|-5- -3-
B|- -5- -3-
G|- - - - - -4-3-2-
D|
A|- - - - - - - - - - - - - -2-1-0
E|- - - - - - - - - - -0-3-
Not Me.
[Intro] Riff x2
[Chorus]
Oh [E]I can't [A]be how you [C]want me to [E]be. [G] [D] [A]
No [E]I can't [A]be who you [C]want me to [E]be. [G] [D] [A]
[N.C]No not me.
[Verse 1]
[E]You're the [G]one to [D]give me a [A]trace
[E]I can't [G]get you [D]out of my [A]face.
[E]You give it [G]all and I [D]get it a [A]lot
[E]Oh [G]baby [D]you're so [A]hot!
[Pre Chorus]
[E]I'm in [G]trouble and [D]you're to [A]blame
[E]My [G]life will never [D]be the [A]same.
[E]I was [G]down and [D]in a [A]rut. [E] [G] [D] [A]
[Chorus]
But [E]I can't [A]be how you [C]want me to [E]be. [G] [D] [A]
No [E]I can't [A]be who you [C]want me to [E]be. [G] [D] [A]
[N.C]No not me.
[Verse 2]
[E]I [G]love you the [D]way that you [A]are
[E]but for [G]me you [D]take it too [A]far.
[E]You're so [G]kind and [D]you're so [A]good
[E]I can [G]feel it now I [D]know that I [A]should.
[Pre Chorus]
[E]I'm in [G]trouble and [D]you're to [A]blame
[E]My [G]life will never [D]be the [A]same.
[E]I was [G]down and [D]in a [A]rut. [E] [G] [D] [A]
[Chorus]
But [E]I can't [A]be how you [C]want me to [E]be. [G] [D] [A]
No [E]I can't [A]be who you [C]want me to [E]be. [G] [D] [A]
[N.C]No not me.
[Outro]
EGDA
[Riff]
____________________________________________________
January 2019
____________________________________________________
1-1-19
"Look just relax dad!" I tell him with the calmest voice that I can
find within me, but still he carries on grabbing me and scratching
me. I need help with him. I cannot go on like this, I tell myself.
2-1-19
(356) An Evaluation.
I am helping these elderly people get dressed. I am just evaluating
how coherant they really are. Sometimes people's minds go when
they get older, but these ladies here are as clear as a clear plastic
bag whilst dressed in a pale blue sort of way.
3-1-19
(357) A Gamble.
I am aware of a government initiative to get people to explore the
Antarctic. British citizens to go out there to live. That is all well and
good, but when other nations are also competing for the Antarctic
then our nationals will get neglected. Our government cannot be
trusted.
He shows me a paperback book that has come though the post for
him. I notice the black cover with a few stars on it and I notice that
it is the zodiac sign of Scorpio. Without thinking I blut out
"Scorpio."
So then I decide that it is time for me to get going and I thank him
for the strawberries. He looks surprised at me. Then I am suddenly
not sure if I have even had any strawberries, but I let it go and I
say goodbye.
4-1-18
5-1-19
"She's done it! She's got down!" I think out loud to myself and so I
place one of my hands on top of a huge bookcase that is full of
books, that goes right up high up in the ceiling, but the bookcase
is unsteady. It all begins to wobble. I am so surprised. I thought
that it would be much more secure than that. So then I too find
the courage to jump down from that great height you know. Then
this chap in a kilt inadvertantly knocks the whole bookcase down.
He is so embarrassed that he does this little nervous dance and I
find myself telling him how great his dancing is. Well he took me
by surprise I never knew that he could dance like that and then
people start to laugh at me!
"He's being, NICE!" I hear someone say about me, but I do not let
it phase me. I let the people tease me and I walk around this Pink
Floydy mansion here with pride. There is nothing and no one in
here that I need to hide from! There is no one in here that can
really get me down!
6-1-19
"That time that I threw a stone and as soon as I had let go of the
stone another stone hit my hand. That stone ricocheted off my
hand and went straight up into the air and then when it came
back down again I managed to catch it!"
"That power grid tower holding up electrical cables in the air that
we were both stood under, it was holding loads of stones on it. I
threw a stone up at the power grid tower and we had to take
cover from all the stones that came falling down!"
"How much are you and how zero are you too?"
9-1-19
11-1-19
13-1-19
(367) Drawings From An Art Teacher.
I get a letter through the post from Sacha. Inside there are
drawings that she has done. There is a damaged card with rude
cartoon pictures. There is a snowman card that folds out into four
pages at right angles to each other and when you spin him around
his facial expressions change. I flick through these drawings and
more and I am pleased to see them. They are all just casually
drawn pictures, sometimes in biro, sometimes in pencil. I have
never sent her any of my drawings I think to myself. Maybe I can
find some of interest.
16-1-19
17-1-19
(370) Forgiven.
I am chasing some young lads in my speed boat, but I am not too
bothered if I catch up with them. I just enjoy riding this speed
boat. I lose sight of them and so I casually flow across the water in
my boat when suddenly they are spotted in their boat again. They
do not see me at first and so I catch up with them. I give chase
again. I get so close to them until they finally abandon their boat.
As they quickly get off they go down through a narrow passage.
There is about four of them.
Much later on when the chase has all been forgotten about. When
time has moved on and everything has calibrated itself. and when
those discrepancies that once were, have now resolved
themselves. There is no need for retribution and so the four have
evaded their capture. They are not on the run anymore. They do
not need to look over their shoulders because they are free to
intermingle as if nothing has ever happened.
(371) Back To Life.
A man is buried under the ground. He is buried for many days.
Until one day he just jumps up out of the ground and quickly takes
off his face masks one by one that he has been buried with. He
jumps out of the ground because of course once you have been
buried you can always come back again.
Appearently the man has done this before. You bury him and he
jumps up out of the ground again sometime later!
18-1-19
19-1-19
20-1-19
(376) On The Back Of Horsey.
I am dreaming about riding a horse in my slumber. So we walk
about from our slumber in our left foot first and then in our right
foot. I find myself waking up in bed from my slumber as I wonder
where I am for a second.
21-1-19
Down To Earth.
Later the apes go into another space, but I can still see them
huddled together. They are in the next room, but I can see them
through a thick brick wall like a pencil sketch in three dimensions.
They flicker with pencil marks into view and so we go round to see
them in the room next door.
I am not sure what has led up to all of this. There is a big chapter
missing here. These big hairy apes they freak me out! It is a job to
know how to act around them!
I tell him this enthusiastically but he is too busy talking to his wife
and so he dismisses me. You see this man is my neighbour down
here and Thirsk Drive is hundreds of miles up north. I have lived in
Thirsk drive for many years just as he has also. Now what are the
chances of that? Of all the streets in the UK what is the chance
that we have both lived in Thirsk Drive?
23-1-19
I go inside this house for a little while. I find myself looking out of
the window from upstairs. I find myself looking down onto my ex
and her attractive friend. I am up there for a while as I delineate
the time that has passed since I have seen my ex. As I internalize
how I feel about this chance meeting between my ex and myself
and her attractive friend of course.
25-1-19
27-1-19
28-1-19
70853 words.