CH. 3 - THE WOMAN DISCOVERS AN OLD LETTER (P.

49~53)
to my dearest

it’s been a while.

i seem to remember we used to exchange letters often, but thanks to sns and such, these days we
can casually send off our feelings even without the trouble of writing long messages. the world
has become quite convenient, hasn’t it?

i think we’ve become that much more desensitized, but who cares.
we can still occasionally tickle each other’s hearts through long letters such as this,
and that’s all that matters.

how are you doing these days?

though we see each other nearly every day, i still wanted to ask you that at least once.
for me to simply contain you within the assumption of ‘she’s probably fine,’
the blaze of my curiosity spreads far too endlessly;
so much so that it torments me with fever.

so, hurry and answer me.

collect each drop of every moment of your day and soak me with them.
please, put this fever of mine to sleep.

of course, i enjoy being tormented by that happy fever,

but the time i spend with you that seeps into me, refreshingly and tenderly,
is always welcome, too.

we think of each other as precious,

but whether it’s from getting used to each other or being desensitized,
at times, we inadvertently hurt one another.
by any chance, have the wounds i’ve inflicted on you not healed yet?
if so, i’m sorry. for not sensing it right away.
so please, hurry and show them to me.
if i’m the one who inflicted the wounds, only i can heal them,
so you don’t have to be ashamed.

all people who are in love would likely do the same.

they’d look at each other’s scars and feel pain.
still, i hope you wouldn’t cover up your scars for fear of causing me sadness.
they, too, are a part of us;
they are our memories, and proof of our love.
if, perhaps, you’re too shy to show me all your wounds right away,
please hold me tightly.
even if i can’t see them, i want to know you so entirely that i’ll be able to feel them through my
skin,
and i believe you would feel the same.

we’ve shared a long time together, and will be together even longer from now.
please answer me. that you feel the same way that i do.

i seem to have said the words ‘i love you’ in quite the roundabout way.

that’s right. i love you.

and just like the verse of poetry you once read to me

i need you.

p.s.
i found lyrics that are just like my heart, so i’m sending them along with this letter.
tomorrow, let’s hold hands and listen to this song together.

< lyrics: always there (honesty) >

❀❀❀

the woman finished reading his letter and gazed out the window.
the cowardly sun had disappeared without a trace from what had been the perfect day off, and the
gloomy night’s moon poked its head out from behind blackened clouds.

‘that goddamn romantic.’

truthfully, the woman had liked that side of the man.

out of all the countless charms he possessed, his romanticism — which had made him seem like
someone who didn’t live in reality — had been his most shining trait.

‘you don’t have to force yourself to cry.’

she felt as though she could hear his voice.

the woman was crying.

CH. 11 - THE CANDLE’S UNREQUITED LOVE (P. 144~45)
crackle, crackle.
the candle’s wooden wick flickers and makes a noise.
candles with wooden wicks always burn up so noisily.
in my dark and quiet room
the frail flame of the candle and the wistful, aching sound of its burning wick
are all that exist.

what could the candle possibly be made of to fill it with such devotion?
an existence that gladly burns up for my sake.
though you’d wonder how brightly a mere little wick could blaze,
with its hotly smoldering voice, it calls out to me -

‘i’m right here.’

‘i know.’

‘are you warm?’

‘…….’

i couldn’t lie and say i was warm, it was burning up so desperately.

i couldn’t even embrace it, for fear of cooking up my own skin.
a child that willingly smolders into blackness.
at the same time, a poor child that cries out for my gaze.
a child that loves me.

i couldn’t so much as sigh for fear of extinguishing your existence.

THE MAN WRITES IN HIS DIARY (POEM, P. 123~25)
even without trying, we’re already that much farther apart.
i came to know you later than anyone else
and we’ve come to the point where
it wouldn’t even be embarrassing if we were to pass by each other
without noticing.

the day my intuition warned me of our parting,

when we once thought we would last forever.
i thought the sky would split in two.
i thought the earth would collapse.

i thought i’d get trapped in the rift between

the sky torn in two
that i’d tumble into the collapsed earth
and miss you for a lifetime.

even if you didn’t love me

i thought you’d carry
your resentment and regret toward me
for a lifetime.

i really do
worry about the silliest things.

when memories of our time together would resurface,

in order to suppress them all
i went so far as to try to hate them.

in vain, i tore out the pages of a blameless book you’d given me, one by one
and tried to throw out the gifts i’d never had the chance to deliver.
though, i couldn’t bring myself to do it in the end
and hid them all behind a mirror.
even still, i was left with such lingering feelings
that i took out the ring
that when we’d been together, i’d said was too bothersome to wear
and began to wear it, at last.

i really do
behave in the most foolish ways.

even without trying, you’re already that much farther away.

i should have kept you by my side a little longer, back then. i should have given it more thought.
i should have gone through more suffering, become even more helpless.

and i should have offered you first turn at words of parting.

i really do
have the most senseless regrets.
THE WOMAN INTERVIEWS THE SINGER (EXCERPT, P.
36~37)
“the thing about loneliness is that, i don’t see it as something simple that will just disappear once
it’s been appeased. you could say it’s like a shadow that walks with you for all your life. still,
once in a while i feel the need for something to comfort me — but as the things i mentioned to
you earlier are embracing me so fully*, i’m going through a healthy loneliness right now.”

at his self-assured response, the woman stopped typing and looked up to meet his eyes.

eyes that, without a trace of wavering, showed only conviction. she kept seeing the image of
another man overlap with the one before her.
could that have been the reason? she wanted to find out more about what loneliness meant to
people like them.

“a healthy loneliness, you say. that’s an interesting way to put it.”

“is it? i think that sort of thing is necessary. a method of consoling yourself that only you can
understand, and no one else. some days you feel lonely, some days you feel worn out, and some
other days you might feel idiotic, or pathetic, even. though of course, there are also many days
where you feel cheerful in between. the important thing is that since the remaining days of our
lives stretch out so far that they seem to have no end, there needs to be something that can
neutralize whatever emotion you might have. whether my day is a happy or sad one, i don’t filter
any of them out. as my tumultuous emotions quietly subside, the graph of my condition for the
day returns more or less to average, you see. i enjoy dramatic remedies, but the beginning and
end would probably be better off as something neutral. for you, too — anything will do. it doesn’t
have to be something complicated like mine. whatever the method, if you wrap up your day in a
similar way each time, it will ease your mind.”

* “the things i mentioned to you earlier” is a reference to the things and people that comfort the
singer, including his mother, sister, and pet dog.
CONTENTS
stories that have drawn near
it’s pitiable, in a way. when our passion was once so fiery,
how did our relationship become
so far from warmth – not lukewarm, or even cold
but an ambiguous temperature that’s just fit for souring?

- from the day of parting -

1. no more - after being together for five years, the man suddenly states to the woman that they
should separate as they’ve both grown tired of each other.

2. the end of a day - the woman interviews a singer at work. he tells her how he deals with
loneliness, which causes her to reflect on her own loneliness, exhaustion, and inability to move
forward from her break up.

3. always there (honesty) - refreshed from her rest the night before, the woman decides to clean
her house — only to rediscover an old letter sent to her by the man when they were still happy
and in love.

4. leave me and go (better off) - after a brief period of enjoying his newfound freedom, the man
begins to muse upon his loneliness — its causes, various forms, and desired remedies.

✿✿

stories that have drifted away

“love……,”
he recited in a soft voice.
and for the first time in his life, he realized what a lovely sound the word “love” possessed.

- from the day of first acquaintance -

5. juliette - the story of how the man, his dog danyi, and the woman meet for the first time one
rainy day by the han river.

6. lovesickness (symptoms) - the man confesses his feelings for the woman on the third day of
knowing her, and is gently rejected. he leaves for a trip to south america on his own to reflect on
and affirm his feelings.

7. u & i - anxious from being unable to contact the woman upon arriving back home, the man
finally locates her apartment thanks to danyi — where he finds her burning up with fever.

❀❀

stories that have been set free

even without my efforts, you’re already that much farther away.
i should have kept you a little longer by my side, back then. i should have given it more thought.
i should have gone through more suffering, become a little more helpless.
and i should have offered you first turn at words of parting.

- from the day of first longing -

8. alarm clock - the woman throws herself increasingly into her work to escape from the
memories of her past relationship, and comes to the realization that she is still in love with the
man.

9. i’m sorry - the man begins to drink more frequently to pacify his loneliness. though he’s
certain he no longer loves the woman, he attempts to put a name to his emotions by writing a
poem about her.

10. maybe tomorrow - little by little, the man’s image is finally beginning to fade from the
woman’s heart, but she still suffers from frequent migraines and insomnia. one night, she finds
comfort through a message on the radio.

11. red candle - the man’s junior abruptly confesses her feelings for him and begins to visit him
every day to take care of him. eventually, they kiss — but their relationship remains one-sided.
12. skeleton flower - the season changes and the man sets off for aewol, jeju island, while the
woman goes for a walk by the han river. individually, but simultaneously, the two of them decide
to let each other go — and in their hearts, they embrace one another in final farewell.

✿✿

author’s note
LIST OF CHARACTERS

• the woman (여자) - a journalist who spends long hours at her job and most often prioritizes
work before her own self. she struggles to move forward from her 5 year relationship with the
man.

• the man (남자) - a writer. during their break up, the woman describes him contemptuously as
a “goddamn romantic.” he was the first to both fall in, and out, of love in their relationship.

• dan, or danyi (단이) - the man’s welsh corgi, who facilitates the first meeting – and eventual
romance – between the man and the woman. (note: danyi is named after hyangdan, a character
from the korean folktale ‘chunhyang-jeon’ who performs a similar role.)

• the junior (후배) - the man’s junior from college, who makes an unexpected confession.

• the singer (가수) - a singer / radio dj who is interviewed by the woman in the second chapter.
his voice appears in the story intermittently through his radio monologues, which act as a source
of comfort and voice of reason for the main characters. (note: this character is explicitly modeled
after jonghyun himself.)
DISCLAIMER
• i am not a writer. i’m simply a fan who is fluent in both korean and english.

• the posts on this blog are not official translations and have not been approved by jonghyun, nor
anyone else affiliated with shinee or sm entertainment.

• while reading, please bear in mind that translations must, at times, be more liberal than literal in
order to keep the spirit of the original language intact.

• i will not be translating the full novel – only select excerpts.

• quotes / excerpts will not necessarily be posted in the novel’s chronological order.

• all translations are mine, unless otherwise stated.

• please DO NOT criticize the novel or jonghyun’s writing based on my english translations /
interpretations.

• please DO NOT retranslate into other languages, repost without credit, or edit in any way.
the picture of the sunset that can be found on page forty three of the book was taken in one of
shinee’s hotels in japan. it took jonghyun about forty minutes to take the photo. he kept on taking
one photo after another of it, liking the each new one better than the former until he finally got
one that he liked.
skeleton flower: things that have been set free ♡ page excerpt
[from a page of the novel that jonghyun tweeted earlier today.]

when you come to see me, don’t wear too many clothes.
don’t even wear a single tee shirt,
because even one millimeter of distance between us is too much.

if it happens to be too cold, climb into my clothes;

my body heat, the scent of my breath;
listen to the sound of my beating heart.

i’ll infect you with my love fever so that, as i recover, you fall ill.
and, as you recover, i will become infected again.
climb into my clothes and become infected with the fever of love.
and re-infect me, infect only me.