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3. You can clearly see the difference between these two processes.
=> The difference between these two processes is clear.// The difference between these two
processes can be clearly seen. // It is clearly seen that these two processes are different.
5. These special tax laws have been enacted in six states: Illinois, Iowa, Ohio, etc.
=> These special tax laws have been enacted in six states, including Illinois, Iowa and Ohio.
9. In addition to herbs, animal products are employed in some forms of traditional medicine
frequently.
=> In addition to herbs, animal products are frequently employed in some forms of traditional
medicine.
10. So far there hasn't been much research on how conflict influences the level of trust and
respect in a group.
=> There has been little research on how conflict influences the level of trust and respect in a
group.
11. There are several studies in epidemiology that have shown that when people consume
alcohol in moderate amounts they have a lower risk of developing heart disease in comparison
to those people who drink a lot of alcohol.
=> Several studies in epidemiology have shown that moderate consumption of alcohol lowers
the risk of (developing) heart disease.
Several studies in epidemiology have shown that compared to those who drink much alcohol,
individuals consuming alcohol in moderate amounts have a lower risk of developing heart
disease.
12. Developed by computer scientists in the 1980s, data mining is a collection of methods
aiming to understand and make money from the massive data sets being collected by
supermarket scanners, weather buoys, intelligence satellites, and so on.
=> Developed by computer scientists in the 1980s, data mining aims to understand and profit
from/monetize massive data sets collected by devices such as supermarket scanners, weather
buoys, and intelligence satellites.
Source: http://www4.ncsu.edu/~nmswishe/402_style.htm