Documenti di Didattica
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Includes "60
"60 Ways to Deepen Intimacy in
Your Marriage!"
Marriage!"
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the
subject matter covered. It is distributed with the understanding that the authors are not engaged
in rendering legal, medical, or other professional advice or counseling. The Intimate Couple, Jim
and Carrie Gordon, individually or corporately, do not accept any responsibility for any liabilities
resulting from the actions of any parties involved.
Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Table of Contents
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Western culture is saturated with sex. Look around: sex sells, and
the exploitation of sexuality is everywhere. We see lots of sex;
intimacy..
sadly, we see little intimacy
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
A. Pornography:
Pornography: The Deadly Counterfeit
lie;; it’
Pornography is based on a lie it’s only:: to
s made for one reason only
make money.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Our God-given sex drive can also create great benefit or great
damage! It can be the powerful binding force between a
husband and wife—just as God designed it to be—or it can also
be the cause of a marital meltdown when it’s taken outside of
the marriage covenant.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
C. Intimacy:
Intimacy: Sex, Yes—
Yes—but Much More!
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
reproductive
The body has ten different systems: reproduct ive,, circulatory,
ive
etc.. For the sake of studying and
digestive, skeletal, nervous, etc
learning how the body works, it is beneficial to examine them
separately. However, they are vitally interrelated with each
other.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Sexual
Em otional
Intellectual
Spiritual
We have all heard that the tip of the iceberg is only about 10% of the
entire structure. What lies beneath the surface of the water is
massive compared to what is visible to the eye. In the same manner,
what is under the surface in a relationship makes all the difference.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Intimacy Explained
i) Sexual Intimacy:
The other forms of intimacy can be experienced between any
two people; however, it is sexual intercourse, reserved
between husband and wife, that makes marriage the most
union,, a man and wife are
unique of all relationships. In sexual union
made one flesh.
All of the words, thoughts, and actions that affect how we feel
about our spouse and about our marriage have a bearing on
emotional intimacy.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Over time, April and Doug fell madly in love with each
other; however, if you were to look at them they seem
oddly matched with each other. Doug is a big guy from
rural Ontario, and April is a very petite girl from Laos in
Southeastern Asia. How did they ever hook up?
intimacy,, is also
Arguably the most neglected intimacy, spiritual intimacy
important,, because it is a tri-intimacy involving
the most important
husband, wife, and God.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
• Safety: Real intimacy gives you the strength and desire to resist
sexual temptations that would destroy marriages.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
• Character development:
development As we focus on another’s pleasure and
well being, we develop the good character that is produced by
living for the good of another.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
IV. • Busyness,
Busyness, fatigue,
10 Barriers to Intimacy
• An unteachable spirit:
spirit Intimacy is nurtured with mutual attitudes
of openness and humility between husband and wife. The man
or woman who consistently considers themselves always right
is motivated by pride, and will frustrate the development of
intimacy.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
allows his wife to have her way—he pouts and doesn’t let
her forget that he is giving in—because he’s such a great
guy (he thinks!).
• Guilt:
Guilt As long as guilt is present in the heart and mind of a
husband or wife, intimacy will be diminished. Guilt indicates
something is still hidden, and needs to be brought into the light
and acknowledged. Although difficult to do, confession to
husband or wife builds trust and automatically makes intimacy
thrive.
His new found freedom from guilt and the power of a clear
conscience seemed to step up their intimacy. Dealing with
his latent guilt, actually enhanced the trust factor between
John and his wife... and trust builds intimacy!
• Conflicting values:
values We talk about the 4 C’s of intimacy—and
common values is one of them. When core values are in dispute
between a husband and wife, there is no real path of resolution.
Core values are what we believe, and are not easily changed
without radical personal adjustment.
• Pornography:
Pornography Leads to a physical and psychological addiction
that alters a man’s perceptions of sexual reality. Guilt,
unrealistic expectations, and the illusion that sex apart from
commitment is fulfilling are all devastating to intimacy.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
While Bob was vacationing with his family, one of his staff
members went looking for a file on his office computer.
Instead, he found all kinds of pornography. Although the
outward areas of his life began to quickly unravel as his
secret became public, his private life and marriage had
been unraveling for a long time.
• Unresolved conflict:
conflict As long as there is a break in a relationship
due to unresolved conflict, intimacy will be on hold. When
couples are willing to work things out, conflicts actually provide
new opportunities to deepen intimacy in the process.
• Lack of communication
communication:
ommunication Few things hamper intimacy like a lack
of communication! Learn to talk, and open up in humility and
honesty. Overcoming our pride and fear is a key in enriching
communication.
• Intimacy
Intimacy busters for men
men:
en Feelings of inadequacy; fear of
becoming vulnerable; viewing of pornography (already
mentioned earlier) and self-centeredness are common for many
men.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
A. Caring
Authentic caring for our partner promotes openness, honesty,
and vulnerability to know and be known. It allows mutual
freedom to think independently, not demanding our spouse to
conform.
B. Communication
When couples are able to accurately convey their feelings to
each other, without intimidation or embarrassment, knowing
their thoughts are valued—then they can pray together
meaningfully and ask God for His opinion.
C. Commitment
It is unconditional acceptance expressed in the mutual
development of well-being and trust regardless of the
circumstances.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
D. Common Values
Holding common fundamental beliefs and core values results in
couples seeing and “feeling” the world through the same
lenses. This is a soulmate connection.
Unless both the husband and wife hold to the same basic beliefs
and values, there can be no spiritual union.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
5. God has given you desires, passions, and gifts: write them
down and ask yourselves how you are using them for the
Kingdom of God?
Communication
Caring
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Commitment
10. Commitment grows with trust. Ask your spouse: “Do you
see any discrepancies between what I say and how I live
that might have eroded some trust between us?”
Common Values
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Communication
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Caring
Commitment
Core Values
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
33. Do you know what interests and dreams your spouse has?
Communication
37. Choose three “hot topics” where you know you and your
partner disagree.
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Caring
Commitment
41. Set a regular time each week to talk together about a pre-
determined topic of common interest. Spontaneity, of
course, is great, but deciding beforehand makes for
anticipation and thoughtful dialogue!
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Core Values
D. Deepening Sexual In
Intimacy
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Communication
51. Ask your partner what they like, and what doesn’t work
for them during sex.
Caring
Commitment
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Intimacy 101: a Primer © 2010 www.the-intimate-couple.com
Core Values
60. “Do your homework” to find out what the Bible really says
about sex, and come to agreement on the core values of
sexuality and obeying God’s Word.
Although the pursuit of intimacy never ends, it is a journey that
makes life worth living! Carrie and I want to be your cheerleaders
along the way, shouting our messages of encouragement! Read
through the articles at www.the-intimate-couple.com to discover
how you can deepen the closeness in your marriage and become a
truly "intimate couple"!
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