The Wyrm or The Worm: by William F. Matters Jr.

Am I Evil? 1-58

Am I Good? 59-83

Am I Good Essays 84-109

The Wyrm is a title of a great dragon, but in my case perhaps a great worm that

changes in shape with every challenge. It is true I have mastered the art of fighting

without fighting, but as I am noone’s servant so am I no king or despot. My curious

life experiences alluded to in the works are undetailed as they are traumatic, but not

of epic quality as to some adventurer’s quest where one experience leads to the next

for some great purpose. The only purpose I could extract was the books. The purpose

of which was to share wealth, purpose, unity or community. Such oddities lead to

disunity usually yet is it only in being appreciated for common experience and cause

do we live or are remembered in death. No story or idea in these works even the

previous will lead the poor and reach them beyond poverty, crimes, trauma, disease,

the loss of self or illiteracy or mental illness or addiction. All I can hope is a trickle effect

from the middle class as they receive them for free. There is no class struggle against evil

upper classes as you become corrupt as those you fight out of necessity. When you get there

you see your duties or responsibilities in that sector are little different. Bureaucracy limits

exposure and understanding yet it is necessary if all is to function. Even if a new order is found

then it will have its new demands maybe greyer than before. My only regret is capitalism requires

wealth and wealth building habits with direction continually, yet we are forced due to it to find self

sacrifice and utilitarianism as a goal where morale is deterred and we say we are lucky? All that creates

a great wyrm is age due to knowing how to survive yet how many of us could afford to live? How many

times can we move on or not encounter the true forgiveness which is new life? At what point does a
great wyrm experienced with so much of the wild and the systems within systems allowed to

morph into a human being? The books would be endless as it is impossible to detail every path

of experience or have total understanding so we go with common experience for sanity and

simplicity’s sake yet that simplicity comes with a sacrificial price tag. The price tag is your future

based on individual understanding and needs. It is true people can be such individuals as to appear

insane and become insane as needs grow in desperation to create unusual predicaments and problems

people are interested in avoiding due to possible included expense. We are so modern and progressed

that there is no room for God or compassion that understands so we have a world known as the

demographic crunch where the poor live. How do adventure out of this world and find ourselves so

well off that we can afford to stop after we are totally spent? That is not the way of it where vacation

, sick days and benefits allow a continuance and addiction is not the way to keep going or insanity is

commercialized sanity for the money. The mythic quality is found in the mind set of the Beatitudes

for those who would be princes yet never their own king, but who wants the lack of freedoms that

enslave or to serve the one God when life is forced to take on this new quality in every way? The truth

is life is fostered in a person or the ways of death. We feed on heaven or hell with enjoyment so how

then can we change our taste to lead to compensation and wealth or forced choices and desperation

so we never have to think? Either way men seek habit and not to think, as if we could produce the

perfect culture of beauty and harmony. Knowledge is more about what men can not do then do and

undo themselves. Hence the spell of knowledge losses its value as complexity overcomes its initial

simplicity. Some believe psychotropic drugs and education are paths to freedom yet what would be

freedom is not forcing man to be greater than all other living things as a lord. Without this we die?

Every level of responsibility is achieved through experience yet how do we get the priviledge of

experience in such a graceless manner as money? We can not even agree there is a God so how can

we agree based on an account of a God-given experience as the proof in the pudding? Fantasy is no

escape from this world dominated by money by default. It is dominated by money due to men’s
faithlessness in God and each other forcing this structure of enslaving acountibility we call

money. God damn those who say in fear of loss “Greed is good!”. Even in the poorest family

everybody’s hope for redemption from shame should not rely on one person as it breeds

jealousy or temporary love while the person succeeds with too much pressure seeking an

evil release. That release usually deals with sampling and disposing of humanity as in acts

of lusts or disguised rage leading to that one person’s demise into the downward spiral of

graceless dereliction so it seems the gods deem it necessary to destroy such a one. God

will definitely regardless if it is the one all powerful monotheistic God or nature itself

condemn those who say “Even God knows adultery is no sin.” We can not sample and

destroy humanity using each other without destroying family our original cause. In a

world of education dating has created this phenomenon as lusts is as greed out of fear

we will never get married or ultimately no one can genuinely love us. Life is mistreated as

a buffet of experience yet who can put together the perfect life without confusion with too

many knowledgeable choices without fostering fear and greed? Or lusts? Who makes the lists with us

individually in mind and this is why I’ve detested programs even as far as cultured organized

religions. Sometimes you just do not want the same formula for worship and that is what makes

even the most awesome rock concert too commercial or turns people off to any church or beliefs.

One act of rage to solve a problem or group of problems can create a world of hate, fear and

countless enemies even when we think we are right. Somewhere in it all we do not appreciate

each other’s design and needs and degrade each other into coveted things rather than real imperfect

people. When you balance it all there are no winners or losers in life as success or failure for some is

too predictable until this unknown spiritual nature of God becomes a proponent invalidating success

and redeeming failure. We all have to work for what we want yet in fear of each other not viewing

practicality we buy what our peers tell us we need or should be losing ourselves within need for need

and is not that gaining the whole world and losing your soul?
 Whether due to religion or politics or family or even just a school we enslave ourselves to have

a purpose. Some people have children just to have a purpose, but the foolishness is freedom comes

from having a purpose yet a special purpose saying you are unique to humanity is a costly lie.We are

all expendable and forgettable and when we think we are totally separately unique we lie and when

we think we are one with all or someone then we lie too. Appreciation is a tricky matter without

being mastered by what we appreciate or being appreciated without covetousness, idolatry or

pleasure corrupting the pleasure of being. Some people will deprive themselves of everything to

accomplish a special purpose and are left with nothing. So was I.

Favorite Stories:

Dune Star Wars Xanadu The Hobbit

Dune Messiah The Empire Strikes Back The Fellowship of The Ring

Children of Dune The Return of The Jedi The Two Towers

God Emperor of Dune The Return of The King

Heretics of Dune

Chapterhouse Dune

However despite these wonderful stories the premise of this book is the wyrm in

European tradition is the devil, but in China it chases away evil probably because it is the

worshipped root of evil. As men believe there is no real God fear of consequence is

diminished. To speak as though there is no God is truly taking his name in vain yet

courage desolves in the sight of opposition, fear of other men and exhaustion with no

source of strength leads to Taoism’s pacifism. The Tao the nature of all things contains

the seeds of good in evil and vice versa which is the perfect religion for the demoralized

as those that do not overcome or become derelicts. For a coward or a thief or a whore it
is the perfect philosophy of devoided religion as it refuses to be used or committed all

conditions lead to arguments as if follows. If China’s communism utilizes capitalist’s money

and modified capitalism of America utilizes quasi-socialist methods where is the fight since

all are hypocrites? What we fight for is the disputed difference of freedom and human rights.

If government is bureaucratic and that impedes the good will of men should not anarchy reign?

No, because with no law evil men see no need of being good and the world would be governed

By might makes right. In all accounts the Taoist tends towards profit and original polytheism of

Its shrine gods in being gentle until you are unchallenged. In a fight as all actions really are it is

be killed physically or in spirit in what degree is the question. All surrenders even done in the

name of reason are unconditional until the enemy regains strength and in such strength lies the

greatest cowardice. Christianity speaks of living waters within, not as rigid laws you modify to need

as too many modifications lead to nullification. Memorization is weak without understanding or

wisdom so do not think the Bible or “Sword of The Spirit” as it is called is not dangerous and just a

legal excuse into heaven. As a Taoist it is easy to think life owes you and not inquire of an eternal

source. Excuses come easy then with effort until one day twenty years later you have an existence

with no reasons. Where is the power in that? For a fight you need a reason and not a whim. The biggest

excuse for being a Taoist or Buddhist today is see how some Christians abuse grace for blessing/profit

and lord it over others. That in conjunction with Republican wars welcomes the Tao as a solution to an

educated metal head. The Dragon, the great wyrm is a worm and those who worship him are no better.

Carefully reading Revelations aka Apocalypse leads to this understanding. There is no understanding

Your path in life as how one phase leads into another except in military or education, but most of what

we know is determined by the sides we choose. No pattern circular or linear just all changes with a

permenant choice so since we choose one of two opposed sides and can not ask if God is on our side

we end in conflict with two types of spirit. When good compromises with evil it get perverted and evil

as when evil becomes merciful it starts becoming good. There is no middle ground of negotiation that
permenantly works for both so war is inevitable. It is true we can label enemies and hold grudges

yet are we attacking the source of evil or just attacking, being attacked, forgiving, making truce

and unholy alliance for it to start again? Hell is the source of corrupted nature as a God and Tao

is one of many paths leading to it. All religions have non-existance or full expiation of negative

karma aka sin even in Islam you burn up twice and regrow flesh to enter paradise. Even Catholicism

borrows this, if to much emphasis is placed on Purgatory yet only Protestants sees luck as a lie and

emphasizes God’s grace. Man’s insistence unified together against grace the affront to man’s

independent nature of sin is what makes Christianity seem so antagonistic. People demand you be

worldly or backward or call you a hypocrite! It’s a war over what we want for ourselves.The truth

never had anything to do with it is the truth. As karma is part of the dragon’s heritage so is luck, but

does not that lead to superstition or even addictions or an addiction to work to become lucky? I hate

it when people say “I am so lucky I am blessed.” You can not be both. Luck is from self deserved

something from the universe for too much misdirected work and blessing is only from God.

We try to avoid a mob mentality which we should have when there is just cause. All of us separate

Is not America or freedom. It is true European heraldry and lore has its demonic aspects as well as

American lore we need to realize a prize or so from every culture will arrive in God’s holy foretold

city(Rev. 21-22) and we can’t say the whole world is off limits, but we need a discriminating spiritual

pallet. Some things are as useless as horoscopes, curses and jinxes. If too much is off limits then we

need a war for entertainment.That is anybody or culture.

Am I Evil: Follow Up & Notes

1 or 45 Design 1 9 or 54 Storm Blue Compendium

2-5 or 46-50 The Fifth Column 10 or 55 Tatoo

6 or 51 Abortion’s Pain 11 or 56 Preservationists Party

7 or 52 Phys Ed in The USA 12 or 57 The Goat of Mendes

War, its possibilities 13 or 58 Design 2

On Politics, On Religion, On The Sexes, On Education

7 or 52 Illegal Substances Anonymous

Smoking & New Jersey

8 or 53 Empaths & Prophets

Intelligence, emotional IQ a theory

To Help Poor
 AM I EVIL?:

WHAT POOR PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW

(c)2008

William F. Matters Jr.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Dystopia 1-2 Biblical Notes 13-14 I Believe 18 Booklist 25

Jersey City 3-5 Gratitude List 14 3 Primal Truths 18-19 Bad Boys 26
Power 5-6 Points of Confidence 15 Jokes 20-21 Foolishness 26
The Next Level 6-7 Tithes in Christianity 15 Good Fight? 21Biblical Truths Applied 26-27
Spiritual/Chemical 9 Politics of The Starving 16 Both Republican & Democrat 22 PM27
Prayers & Spells 9-11 Changing Times 16 PIECES OF ADVICE*** 23 INV 27
In Hell 11 State Courage 17 Some Italians 23 Creation/Destruction? 28
Treasure 12 Quotations 17-18 Playground 24 CURSES 29-30

Intent & Art 30 Myth of Person 35

Sinner's Doctrine 31 Dare 36
Pharisee's Doctrine 31 Weight of The World 36
Some Notes & Melodie 33-34 Last Lesson 37
The Test 38
As For Cursing & Exaggeration 38
The Weak And Parasites From Nurtured Dependence 38
Electro-Convulsive Therapy ECT 39
What's the Use? 40-43
(includes a theory on depression and suicide)
 THIS WORK DEALS WITH THE POLITICAL EFFECTS WE NEVER VOTED FOR OR
ON IN LIFE AND WE SEEM TO HAVE NO SAY ON. THE ISSUES ARE A DISTRACTION
FROM WHAT WE BELIEVE AND HOW WE TREAT EACH OTHER. Churches nurture
dependence on a God and education focuses on solitary intellectual independence both
too much.Then we wonder why we have social retards with high IQ's or high occurence
of mental illness.People can only take so much yet the simple life can not exist without
poverty and everyone else is just having fun complicating the hell out of our advancement
as a species.

Dystopia

By

William F. Matters Jr.

KNOWING OTHERS IS WISDOM, KNOWING YOURSELF IS ENLIGHTENMENT.

This gamble which has the potential to be a classic is about my struggle to be in a

world almost totally geared for my non existance. It is not a horror story or dystopian

classic, but about how the world can seem dystopian and prepared for its final demise

since life experience for some fosters such a desire. In a day when all want to reduce the

world of psychology to chemical reactions and not see family or society's part for individual

failures and none of us wants there to be a God lest we acknowledge our sad state this

work has been born. From the school days of St. Augustine 1100 years ago til now

school based violence has existed. From the beginning of time there has been haves and

have nots. From hidden histories there has been magic and drug use for the gods only now

it is for the PC God of Progress. Although I have wanted to be an amatuer sociologist of

functionalism I now finf my personal account being one of conflict theory. All my struggles

not based on the games between God and the devil as some has suggested, but in every

case and behind every strange coincidence someone has sought to profit from my

misfortune.So if I am a pawn in a sick divine versus demonic chess game, flesh and blood

real life people with finite needs and insatiable apppetites have been involved. Whether

Capitalist, Socialist, Communist, Republican or Democrat social equity and justice are
virtues and yet with these individuals I've dealt with no appeal to reason seemed possible.

Where is theocracy, aristocracy or oligarchy? Where is a basis of negotiation for sanity's

sake and peace possible without jumping off a bridge and willing your goods to your enemies?

Where can a person leave a world of estranged aesthetics and afford the same definition of

beauty in life as his neighbor for equality's sake? Where can a person be allowed to define

their life in peace and enjoy the results without intereference? This whole story is about

experimentation to find freedom and maintain it despite human nature's tendencies to want

no change yet be not bored or be in peace and not lonely or lead a simple understood life

without poverty or just being allowed to be the master of your own desires. To openly

declare God is or God is dead, but He at least was. To say what you want without reprisal

or reward affording you the virtue of honesty with yourself and others. Oh, the lost luxuries

and wealth of being without money's interference. To hope to see a world where everyone does

for others without compensation being a concern. A world to love the mate of your dreams who

is in everyway like you to the next level without arguments. A day where every blessing makes

you want to praise God for creating life. In retrospect these are all lost dreams for everyone.

As Pat Benetar sang "with the power of conviction there is no sacrifice. We will be invincible."

TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE.

Jersey City: Remember children beatings in thw woods are better than the streets. The ground
is dirtier, but softer. However it is easier to hide a body in the woods.

Somewhere in Margerette Hague Memorial Hospital

at 7:47 PM on February 11th 1971 in Jersey City, New Jersey
a young man would be born into the world ever reminded of how
his birth disrupted a pilot Star Trek episode with labor. The doctor
smacked me on the rear, I pissed in his face and to some degree
this has continued on in life with or without meaning it or fighting back.

I ask myself was it the day everyone in my family saw through my

secrets that I became a liability rather than an investment or was it the
day I tried to make my street network, political network and church
network work together I was thought an insane piece of shit? Maybe both.
Was corruption in me the first day I drank or smoked a cigarette or was
disatisfaction with a world that never allowed inner peace or healing the
guilty party? Was there a God to discover or a social sentiment neglected
to be taught that I might exploit to not be a man one day like my father
killing himself through work for nothing but a screaming wife? Somehow
these kinds of thoughts went through my mind without the self same
words in feeling alone on a cold playground in Southern New Jersey.
For the life of me I could not recall anything previous to my birth, but
peace and silence from arguments. Somehow this kept me perturbed
for years. My family gave me way too much chocolate for my seventh
birthday to test the doctor's theory about my allergy to chocolate. As
they seemed to happy to drug me, they seemed almost to elated about
the result of the test probably in saved expense through the years.
Being beat up at school in later years would be the excuse to keep me in
less fashionable attire while telling me I was the best. It took me years to
see through simple lies or alterior motives. What a mind fucking!!!
This kind of training and people wonder why they would find shame. Even
mental health workers when wanting to get out of something sounded like
family's weak questions to the obvious only instead of discounting it by not
exact facts they would by a distraction or lack of patience.In all of this
one is always asking where is God? Pride/Politeness. Terror. Rage/Defiance.
This typified my emotional world. Simple, but deadly in so many ways.
Even friends that sympathized were out for themselves. Why not me?
What was wrong? Tired of human exploitation I sought God to find humans in
organized religion that exploited, were exploited preaching about pagans who
decieved and were decieved. The same in cultic or spiritual only circles and
politics.When false pride is put on the altar God is there, but the real mystery
is how does faith inn God or man or love or hope exist in such a world except
in our shear desperation for it? With anxiety it disappears.Some freak incidents
have led to great things and other list of coincidences me astray in wandering
circles continually.

FIERCE IS HE WHO BESIEGES A CITY. MIGHTY IS HE WHO OVERCOMES

HIMSELF.- TAO TE CHING

In the midst of looking at the pastone could see how trying to be a good person became a
horror ,if one reads my list of what it means to be Italian. I was expected to succeed or be the
lowest of the low. Foe some reason that is the old world attitude. Part of the reason for this text is
show the struggles one can go through advancing from social class to social class in America
with the wrong information. Mine was work hard and someone else will put yoou in your place
and give you less and less while expecting more and more was the message I recieved. Unless
you are corrupt and redefine every assignment to include something for you without getting
caught it is impossible to stay motivated. Then you have to balance the lies, deal with the guilt of
wishing you could help others publicly or privately without them saying a word to blow your
cover.

I mean if bosses or family finds out you have to give, maybe they can afford to give you less.
Maybe they can expect more from you for them. This is why a classless society or middle class
is so important in America. It balances everything with checks and balances so noone has to be
a have all or have not withthe sick exploitation that occurs in between. Education and work are
only virtues in such a society. If the system does not profit a politician on the record then you
have corruption and pretense.That is why you can't be on US money until dead and public
statue dedications are discouraged while you are alive or two term limit for presidency exist.

Coming form my background it seemed ridiculous. You finally get to a place where noone
can tell you what to do so they can tell you what to do? Is there any hope of freedom? Of
course my idea of freedom cost everyone else their freedom to praise me as I had to worship
others to stay alive and not be attacked by them in due respect and that was mother. I thought
this was what America was about, then people wonder why you throw away potential greatness
when in fact everything you are rebelling against is Fascism presented as a America and family
life. At a certain point when you seem to be slightly successful, Capitalism as a Democrat in a
Republican majority shows that joining the majority maybe just as immoral as what you came
from and mindless conformity maybe profitable. This is what the family was trying teach me, only
was to embarrasing to admit!!! America, the beautiful harlot of opportunity. There is a difference
between having enough to stay free in your own mind and actually being free. To be free not to
afford anything you want, but free to access what is wrong and right while investing in the right
and rejecting the wrong. To the reader this may seem self expanatory, but to a half Italian from
the wrong background this actually has to be explained.

In most of my works I've had held this

belief regarding contempoary versus timeless knowledge.
The belief that I work for less than I am worth, paying more
of those wages for what cost someone else less to be
illusory profit and although that funds research for more.
What is more? What is progress and its future cost to me?
What will society demand I sacrifice to stay at the same
place at the very least? Like all of us a glorious future.

Sometime around fifteen I came to believe I'd never

have enough to fund my own education or research and
so why contribute to a future in technology for it could be
used against me in losing privacy? If you do not people do
not trust you. In a way we are all being paid to cut our own throats.

In politics and its system all share similar fears, but I

did not know that growing up or that the law could be a two
way street. In religion politics, law and fears are more common
knowledge, but I was unchurched when I was young.

Most of the young are afraid to raise the bar and keep raising it
for less and less, but I was lower middle class craving more until I
hit my limit of intellectual capacity impeded due to two mental
disorders. In this you learn a future belongs to the wealthy,
good looking, healthy and potential immoral. Seeing the poverty,
hopelessness, stagnation, social depravity, pestilence, disease,
corruption, addiction and other abuses I see I should have had more
faith in the system to overcome what would be my future. No rock
solid purposes are availible to serve or profit from and so in desperation
we seek progress or at least future potential markets. Out of this godless
or God based world money is always in short supply so I see why many
have gone into illegal drugs as their business. A world where you merrily
sell impediments to people. A world where the best you can hope for is to be
healed and find the same hopelessness you originally found at the start.

POWER:

It is my belief Christianity was intended as Buddhism in government or institutional

structure which was to be that of a movement and not an institution, because look
at the inquisitions and denominational rivalries whereby the devoted to Christ are
chrushed and those devoted and paid by their systems are esteemed.Jesus biggest
pet peave was people honoring the temple and its money over the worshipper him/herself.

The failure of all systems is denoted in the existence of other quasi-institutions as the
mafias.A world where accusation or appearing guilty is as guilt itself.A world where every
vice is encouraged until it cost rather than profits its maintenance.A world where inner
spiritual reality must be declined over inner carnality as basis of trust.
 In desperation we find a belief and the occult is the only avenue beyond the
conventional by means of divination and curses where superstitions replace
trustworthy knowledge in an untrustworthy world and the interpretation of the
senses must be questioned continually or denied through a drug related vice.
Nothing is real yet terrifying and conspiracies are very real as enemy joins
enemy against other rivals as conspiracies prove profitable rather than a
dismissal of responsibility. Everyone is seeking release from responsibility
where it does not benefit anf forgiveness is a way to mutually deny resentment
for alliances in order to survive.

When you understand these realities as second nature disaasociation from

self and the legitimate world is possible as wail your pain is that of a phantom
to the world of pitiless onlookers.Justification to be important and survive
yourself makes insight impossible and you llive as an instinctive animal bound
to a definite hell, only hoping heaven is a lie and there are no pains after death
than the pain of your death itself.

External decoration as houses, cars, jewelry,many women or even tatoos

and other external improvements mask the internal reality of nakedness, fear
and rage.Yet does the world entreat a poor philosopher or a wealthy mafioso?
From bottom to top is the illusion of being important from which the most devout
Catholic finds their strength in their unimportance as it leads to no confusion, peace
and a basis for faith, hope and love. These three virtues are the hypothetical virtues
by which all things find their basis.Without it all is an illusion and a chasing of
techniques and self escape.When people seek religion or the occult or a mix
there is something missing in the human experience and means of processing
reality.Sick pleasures where pain and pleasure find a mix come from this inner
state of torment yet in such a world it is deemed sanity.What is more important
the money or you as money makes you important?

the beginning of insanity and hell is to think you can do everything or take on
everything yourself even w/o God yet to do so perfectly, so not to be condemned. Such
perfectionism can be seen in Daniel 4 as it drove Nebbuchanazzar mad.

Objectivity does not conclude everyone is telling the truth. It is seeing

all of the angles and usually concluding a lowest common denominator of truths. In this
way human truth is furthest representative of fact since unrepresented interest always
exist. The first compromise is people pleasing, next conspiracy theories and lastly conflict
avoidance as practices always leading to poverty. I have found it odd those with
experience first hand are always discredited by authority as recieving a penalty for their
acts even if unjust.The Bible never plainly reports such as facts,but correctible
examples.The trick is minusing the religious factor to get to a freely utilizeable truth.

THE NEXT LEVEL

by William F. Matters Jr.

What women never understood is if you are consistantly loyal to a group of belief systems
you lose your compensation to their required reinvestment and only an odd mix can maximize
the compensation to match the maximized expenses of life. What good is profit if it is
immediately followed by famine until the next harvest?
 That is why I am a Catholic Democrat. Democrats have a stronger concern for the poor
than the churches who are sponsored by the wealthy for their positions. So to be pro life you
have to sponsor their movement with minimal government allowing even more evils. Unless you
believe our government to be evil and if so even the greatest saint is relieved to know total
marketable good is not possible in a two party system. The Catholic or Protestant Republican
is therefore more hypocritical than I am. What good is compensation if you can not enjoy a vice
while sponsoring a virtue? Yes maybe you are defeated in principle, but progress, not perfection
is possible. Who wants to live to see the day of reigning righteousness with its intolerance to any
potential vice? Joy is nice, but it gets boring. Oh by the way I am poor and I have a concern for
my concerns instead of voting as directed by religious leaders whose decisions effect my bottom
line and not theirs. They get the spoils and who are they to order me? God's representative?
I may find salvation in God's sacraments, but never the direction of his ill knowing leaders. Even
God supplies only the needs of those he feels responsible for the needs he has created in us.
Am I to thank a god for food whocreated me with hunger as a requirement for life? I never asked
to be born especially in this world of no purpose. This lack of faith in God and his representatives
is what initially created Protestantism and ironically the religious demands are harder than before
Catholicism. Especially in its earliest phases. Let us not talk of dinosaurs or extra-terestrial aliens
or let us do so.

The price of progress is no loyalties or positions or old world viewpoints that fail us and if we
do not adapt we inevitably die as the dinosaur. That is the message of evolution that so offends
the unbending loyalist in Christendom that profits from his positions. Take away the profit and
provision of needs in Christianity and you will have a great falling away in order to survive as I
suspect will occur.

As for aliens they probably got past the curiousity about their creator or purpose and just
advanced beyond any humaness. Maybe they worship what we call Satan or themselves in a
healthy way. My lack of reverance is offending to some, but honest and refreshing in my opinion.
At a certain point self sacrificng love becomes hate and purposeless suffering in the name of
faith is demoralizing. The impossible with some modification becomes possible and the possible
in wake of growing demands becomes impossible. Only in profit does humanity find any purpose
for its enslaved madness. As we progress we change to adapt to survive and when we inevitably
contradict our original intentions we find mental illness and exploiation occurs until their is
healing so we can be profited from again recieving only enough to survive. God created humans
to do this and sometimes I wonder as I see right wing godly people repeating the sins of old
Israel while worshipping its God to be ironic. Instead of punishment God rewards them with profit
and ultimately is this version of grace just enough rope to hang ourselves? If there is a God is he
the enemy? As every human do I worship my ineviatble self destruction in order not to die now?

Welcome to the inevitable need of evolving and disappearing values where technology and
industry are gone and we after diving deep into ourselves to come up with answers come up
empty.To organize the perfect life with all its goods is demanding enough.Is not guilt a worthless
emotion? It only alllows people to exploit or despoil you. At one point I was created, but now I
have evolved. If there is a God I am not interested in meeting him. I am not interested in the
perfect existence. If there can be no pride in life we are witless animals and if our purpose to
serve only in relationship to him we are purposeless machines. This is the virtue of hypocrisy.
This realization is the end of man we call hell. Eat, drink and be merry for there is no hope of
anything better. To be satisfied in all ways is all there can be. To not need is to not live or be
born at all and I say blessed are those who never were, not to mock Jesus, but to say maybe
none existense is heaven and that is the unthinkable truth that might pertain to the cross.

We live to work in order to finance study and training in order to work, marry, create and
defend a house to pay taxes for what we created and is not it convenient utilities and insurance
are constants to with the expense of transportation and society's struggles to create more work
and coherently prepare for death also? With such weights we place on ourselves we create the
need of a God unless all our contradiction tear us apart so we do not seem weird or ridiculous.
What subjects a person more to ridicule than believing anything to help us achieve this insanity?
Regardless what we do all humans are slaves and ridiculous.We are highly developed animals
with no purpose, but profit and then we ask permission to spend our profits on what everyone
agrees is profitable. We might even pick up some vices and addiction to achieve all of this.I've
been merciful in life in order to recieve mercy, but humans try to create my needs.As for love it
is a fondness for chemical reaction after sex and all of this keeps the madness of the world going
on. Wide eyed in disgust I shake my head at all of this.In such a world twisted pleasures evolve
only to distract us from the misery we fear facing. In relief at each phase we say we made it I
believe to distract us from death and meanings of life we can not face.What is more important
than feeling important? What is more important than believing that good can come from evil?
What is more important than blaming ourselves for a newly discovered mistake than dealing with
fact we decieved ourselves in order to deny maybe there is no purpose or author of it all or
hope?

When a man discovers all of this, he is born again to death and the world prepared to be
hypocritical. When he achieves equilibrium with all of this he believe there is no devil, but
himself to face as his tormentor and achieve a ruthless messiah-hood for himself until he
becomes a god to be feared in the eyes of others. After failure he may design his own hell. This
is all I've tried to escape by believing God. When you are your own god there is no need for self
empowerment or other empowerment since you just adapt or try to recreatre the conditions of
your success. At times you maybe lucky for hard work, but deign no design or purpose for it as it
leads to brickwalls.The second you realize limitation it then exists and failure is inevitable.When
you digest all of this you will see the self defeating nature of the magick I've discovered to be
life.I believe even the Satanist who is his own god is deluded in believing in a purpose for life for
he seeks distraction as much as a Christian. We only argue over which distraction are the best
and which ways will keep all men from the non beautific vision that births criminals in our
society.Our best intentions always involve self interest.Our system leads to assasinated would be
leaders and it is unprofitable to free the masses as there is no good or evil until it effects us.As
soon as you recognize a god you recognize limitation. I believe some civilization out there may
have actuallly outlawed religion for this reason.Even the protectors of natural rights in the name
of God have maimed others using an inquisition or Sharia.Every religion is produced to free and
reenslave people and I believe even God himself rebels against this sad state of affairs and
explains the unexplainable mercies we find in some cases.In this case, I believe all of my
irreverance to be sincere religion without a system of theology as I wish to live outside the box
and draw energy from an ocassional mysterious force without price or demand. Everyone wants
to impress a god to gain favor and I say I recieve favor when I do what I do without religion or
rebellion. Is it my own energy?

The absolute truth can not be found as you will find one expression that contradicts another or
leads to deeper and deeper absurdedity you will find it is merely men fighting to be right and gain
a dominant position to be closer to what they want. Reformed Christians argue against evolution
and its dating system while defending the carbon dating of archaelogical finds in their favor.
Finding an exception in a system of any sort is easy and to do so and undermine its value is
quasi intellectualism and pseudo-science. Blame shifting and side tracking each other are we not
our own curse? Even the belief in hell is where most of us discover its existence.

After careful evaluation based on the data of life experience you wonder if Satan is evil or
God is good or if power or protection lies in religion or the occult. Especially after researching
Islam, Judaism and Christianity you go back to the fundamental question of the origin of matter
and life. We are so desperate for purpose that we believe all is a justification for our existance
and to do so creates an egocentric person hiding from their personhood in an egocentric god
with a rebel spirituality. Either principle is a double edged sword. Good provides protection, but
fuels limitation and creates adversity. Evil provides short term benefit, but creates dependance
and new innovation. Life and matter existence is contradictory and so an attempt to apply logic
is human, but is the logic is realizing it has no logic. Let me comfort you in the idea of visiting
dieties. Even Jesus or Vishnu knew they could only communicate part of the divine experience
and any diety knows you can not honor every diety, but the one applying where you find
yourself. Some beliefs work for some people, but faith is faith and no claim to ultimate truth is
possible. Truth changes because language changes except in its limitations. Feelings are
indicators, but faith is not fact. The application of faith helped curtail my own educational
developement early on and why because those elders in my life wanted to manipulate me in the
name of God. God may exist, but I trust no human interpretation of him.I have no urge to attack
him, but forgiveness is necessary to avoid not hell only my own impediment or wasted energy.
To me the study of God is as the study of money, a necessary evil to be tolerated until money
and religion are made illegal.

Self preservation for now and a future is the goal, not heaven. It feels good to believe in it,
but then you have to fear hell. If religion's goal is to reunite me with God, people and myself
then I must accept the grace to not put energy into a self defeating juggernaut that makes me
feel bad most of the time while being forgiven. What have I done, but to wrongly acquire that
which I need for a life I did not create as myself? I can not be torn between fear and love or be
two people. Christianity demands you be Christ centered and not self centered yet where is
the profit from the struggles with the world, the flesh and the devil? I believe half the universe
craves preservation as the "essence" beliefs and then we see half the universe craves its own
demise and non existence which may call the"permeation".Permeation will permeate the
essence in all cases and so faith in a religion is not as important as not imparting negative
energy into them as fear, hate or personal profit. When people learn to get out of the way
with their religions there will be room for God on Earth.

All the reasons for failure and yet where is the divine nature of humanity within? Do we
sacrifice in pain to a diety without and out there somewhere? Is the kingdom of heaven
within us and we bear the image of God within yet everyone of our church friends accuse
us doing the devil's work? We fall into addiction and self disassociation to the point the
divinity within is inaccessible while we seek a god or idea everywhere else.When we access
that power we use it with responsibility as we need it.If this grace or freedom is the tool of the
devil let's just go to hell now.If any of the religions of the world agree it is in accessing the
Imagus Deo within as Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is within you and his father is the god
of the living. I believe every religion got twisted for profit and social order at one time and now
we have to throw it all away or get down to the LCD of it all. The common sins to define
responsibility and the common parables of virtue or throw it all out because when anyone of
them come to prominence there is politics of torture and no social equity.For all we know maybe
the seven seals is the knowledge of all religion and only the sinless one can interpret it and it
is futile for any of us to try to fully understand it lest we manipulate it.All I believe Jesus did with
miracles was show us how to access the healing power placed in us, because without that we
are the fool, the drunkard, the sinner and the demoniac.All Buddha taught us was not to seek
pleasure and we will not get hurt or hurt.All Tao taught is that nothing is fixed as good and evil
change in definition and men exploit other men through it.All Hinduism & Islam teach is evil
energy can be expended as through their vehicle of grace and God knows the intent of the heart
even if you never had exposure to those religions.As for all of the divine realities I do not know
whether one evolves into another and another or if they create an undescribeable tapestry or we
can say Jainism or Sihkism or any are false religions. I do know it is obvious no matter how
religious we can not trust one another.All have a different emphasis and so like a one armed
paper hanger the human race in its cause for life according to divine simplicity struggles.

Yet all is a temporary gain in politics as corruption and bludering reform occur and all
religion or claimed relationships to God are usually systems of slavery. Every system does
not recognize the shared categorical relationships and is abridged for ease.In the end every
system desperately becomes a corpse covered in bandaides.

SPIRITUAL/CHEMICAL: We complain about; poverty mental illness abuse neglect

health issues racial/sexual issues
attractiveness strength weight
confidence priviledge/power talent
as a basis for:
happy sad joy anger rage betrayal jealousy trust doubt love hate
 pride self respect loss pain agony fear terror despair hope
hopelessness
and ask is it: My fault? God's fault? Society's fault? or even the devil's fault?
To assess we ask:
is it relationships? Is it financial? Is life an art? Is it a matter of
principle?

One thing is for certain that emotion is energy in motion and in consideration of others
we need to be polite and not rude, but what creates or maintains happiness? Can one negative
be blocked by a positive? Can we change every negative into a positive without it becoming
negative again as we can certainly destroy a positive? is there a higher purpose than principle
or pleasure or profit?

All I can say is religion, psychiatry or 12 step groups require constant dependence. Even self
empowerment requires constant attendance. Suicide will provide no escape from God or his fan
club.family therapy probably makes idiots into educated idiots with worse problems.

From my experience only work is freedom from everone if you are not in retail. There is no
perfectly arranged life. No Feng Shui will redirect your energy.I am politely telling you chemicals
can provide relief enough to discover yourself if you are honest, but illegal drugs destroy and
noone believes in talk therapy anymore since Frued knew too well what he was saying.I was
tutored by a Mr. Durway, student of Illumin, student of Adler and finally the student of Frued
in 1989.Are we spiritual or chemical in make up? Either way you are a slave for life, because
everyone needs money.

PRAYER & SPELLS:

Prayer or spells is directed energy with disciplines to guide

them to their source of power so the hopeful recipricant maybe

worthy. Unfortunately the coherence to the world or religious

rebellion to improve it and/or defiance of the world systems

never leads one to their true source of power being themselves.

In both cases energy is expended and what happens if you

expend too much energy? You do not have enough for yourself

and so we rely on luck in our work,if we can find it only to be

exploited futrher by our masters. My great grandfather had dark

ties. His farm eminated the energy. You could feel it and it drew you

to God only then darker forces sense the weakness which we may

call humanity senseing my childish gulibility. Religion or the occult

will not lead you to freedom as a drug or money will not, but only you.

If you wish toi connect to God and people in a healthy way you need

to develope root or a relationship with yourself. Even Jesus said "They

fall when persecution arises because they have no root in themselves."

and yet the world of the Republican encourages no root in oneself, but

traditions (even if called otherwise) and a love of money.Grace is not a

deceptive demon, yet who can qwell the inner guilt one has when they

achieved what they wanted yet should not have for it is injustice. It is

injustice you must tolerate to stay in power. If self contradiction occurs

you have not lost your soul as much as regained your debt and place in

humanity. Yet we all pray for this disaster. You can not eat pride or pay

the mortgage with it, but without confidence you are dead.I'll be happy to

be the lowest in the kingdom of heaven or in Purgatory.I started with little

and I can do little. We all have this plight and no growing confidence in

faith or developing magic power can change it. The incurable human hunger

will never die. We cry out for help with rasped voice to a God when we are

being perpetually raped and only when you know within you, hope there is

no God, can you face the reality of the justice dispensed against you.When

you are afraid to try is when you want to die That is how men lose their souls

even in the church. No ancient wisdom can be procured to change this lot.

Nothing can pacify the guilt of being human so we embrace it for profit.I have

been humble and no answer to prayer has happened so what spell do I cast?

PLEASE NOTE: AN EMOTION or A SONG CAN BE DIRECTED TO GOD AS

WELL AS YOUR WORK AS A PRAYER. Freewill empowers you and does

not assign blame to God. Imagine the hell a person feels who believes a suicide

or rape was part of God's plan? Imagine being unbrainwashed from religious

sytem to cult, etc. to say it was part of God's plan for me to know him. Damn it

all to hell why can't we just find that source of all good without putting it in a box?

IN HELL: There is no processing feelings or thoughts.

No safe haven to be educated or plan.
Pestilence, poverty, volatility, misinformation & disease.

Hell is a place on Earth. There's no namby-pampy bullshit.

Desperation and immorality create the bounty of plenty.
It is all an insecure illusion.In such a world your wife is whore
and your freinds theives. Your priest is your lawyer & psychiatrist.

In a world of no faith knowledge that is misdirected towards insecure

petty personalities creates systems of religions & cults.Faith is faith.
Knowledge is knowledge and we can't turn one into the other.As emotions
are inferences so is poorly placed faith in the name of divine knowledge and
quasi-science.If you were taken in or despoiled do not blame yourself.

If you knew too much you would be an angel or demon and be disqualified
from forgiveness altogether. Those that know more are selectively ignorant for
the purpose of sanity yet I believe that force we call God will call many of these
to greater account.Yet with the right faith since true knowledge can not be had
for love or money you can not parle a fortune to prove your then proven theories.

If you want wealth or relationships it always incorporates risk to the proportion of

the reward. Since religious folk have sold out to prove the points of the wealthy
I suggest all the poor people will their wealth to the wealthy and commit mass
suicide to reduce taxes and make this world perfect.Obviously if you believe what
is defended in churches today only this can be God's will.

To be a perpetual patient or client is the will of the world. So why give truthful
information? To be a sheep the churches in general. Only the wealthy can afford
to be wealthy and that is why it is harder than a camel going through the eye of
the needle for one of these to enter heaven. Who would sacrifice their position
to give to the poor to be poor and tormented by your old friends?

To not participate in worldy whoredom for secure markets is cleansing, yet

living in the gutter is very dirty.A moral world is a world full of poor people under
a God given self government which nature would take out.

Women&
UFO's: We see images of them being one sex
of one mind and taste as they should be
if they examine us, not because that is advanced
as it would be a requirement for their military
expeditions to evaluate us.

Females who seem like they are from

another planet seek a male to fufill their roles
and feel whole w/ greater pleasure then men do.

I as before have been able to think of me, not in

or as an objective observer for the sake of others only
or subjectively, but if someone is lying or using me. The
attempt to appear or act normal is not is as important as
the ability to be normal. if I am to succeed I must have
more faith in good than evil befalling me and I must not
have theives and whores as companions

Treasure:
 Within Christianity there is philosophy, occultic elements (supernatural access to power),

mythology (if you wish to learn from unproveable histories), mysticism (as gradual succession

of choices lay before the adherent) and in non cultic or governed forms there is a potential to

rejoin humanity and its creator as a viable religion, but one must give up all hope of first

attempts at perfection or ever being perfect in an earthly estate.

Parle: As a sinner or saint one must give up the dream of perfect unconfusing occurences

and opportunities as amassing wealth and relationships. In today's faiths you must be

willing to come up empty as you would in your old world, if you are a convert.

Sanity: When you get tired of fighting between two agencies and corrupt systems even among

the good guys and noone will hear a third party claim your mind will scream profanity

within you and it is this desire for freedom that is insane. Only when you realize the

world is doomed and you have to live with yourself and its needs in the end can you

appreciate the freedom the wars create with their varying markets. In chaos is the

freedom and the insanity of it all becomes sanity. Then you are born again to the

world and to death. Only then can one truly appreciate the reality humans did not create.

No gods to praise or demons to blame claiming your birthright of error to learn from without

shame is sanity. Only then can have the right to wealth as you can shake your neighbors

hand while not having any feeling of kinship, but with yourself.

My advice: wash your face and feel the wind on it.

THE MORE YOU WORK, THE POORER YOU WILL BE.

WORKERS DO NOT GET THEIR DUE OR VOLUNTEERS.
ONLY THE PRESERVERS OF EACH RESPECTIVE SYSTEM OR CORPORATION
HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

LIKE JESUS I ASK ONLY TO BE REMEMBERED. NOTICE HE NEVER ASKED TO

BE WORSHIPPED. THE CROSS IS THE PERFECT SYMBOL. IT IS LIFE FROM
DEATH> DEFEAT AS VICTORY AND THE SYMBOL OF TOTAL SELF SACRIFICE,
But to anyone else we can say if they did that to a perfect man what chance do I stand?
It is a warning: fail and we crucify you, welcome to the world.

-The road to money and power lies in law. The more laws we make, the more confusing
life and the more laws are created neccesitating the perfect personalities to rule. The
more markets and pointless jobs are created to justify our phoney-bologna jobs.Young
 man do not try to save the world. The world does not want to be saved and I need a
paycheck to buy things. unless you want to be a farmer and a hunter gatherer deal with
it.This is why nothing works perfectly or ever can be allowed so.

-William F. Matters Jr. 04/12/2008

Am I Evil?:What Poor People Should Know(c)pending2008

Biblical Notes:

Gen.1 Creation
Gen. 2 Wealth
Gen. 3 The Fall of Man
Gen. 4:15 The first use of a tatoo to Cain
Gen. 6:3 Life is from God's spirit.
Exodus 20 The Law
Lev. 19:28 Restriction of tatoo
Lev. 21:16 Irregularities restricted from being God's representative
Psalm 51 Miserere
Psalm 64, 82 & 94 for varying justice as also applies to opening prayer comments.
Isa 53 Only God remove a curse
Hosea 4:6 Lack of knowledge;5:11 Human Precept;8:7 Wind & The Whirlwind
Amos 5:8 God Creator of constellations
Zech 3 Joshua, God & Satan;4:6 But by my spirit;4:10 days of small beginnings
Wisdom 2:1-5:3:10 No Justice For The Wicked as Nothing to Build On Later
Sirach 28 Hate & How nourishing Anger Leads to No Healing/Maybe Even Illness
Matt. 5 Beatitudes & Corrections On Law (5:19 "Least in the kingdom of God.")
Matt. 19:11-12 Chosen as eunuch
Matt. 22:14 Many are called, few are chosen.
Matt. 24 Explanation
Matt. 25:31-46 Goats & Sheep
Mark 7:18-19 Kosher Laws Abolished
Mark 9:50 Seasoned w/ fire
Mark10:18 Good?
Luke6:20-38 Better Beatitudes
Luke9:25 A Better def. of the ultimate question
Luke11:23 Scattered?
Luke21:16-19 How I feel
John8:47 Ultimate Point
John14:4 Jesus will do it, My inferiority.
Romans 1:18-29 Curse of Control & Idolatry
Romans 14:13-21 Stumbling Blocks by Attitude
1 Cor. 6:1-8 Lawsuits & 9-10 Issue of Qualification
1 Cor. 8:1 Intellectual Pride
1 Cor. 10:10 Grumbling & 10:20-26 Profitability of Decision in view all being God's possession.
2 Cor. 12:9 The Use of Grace/Acceptance
Ephesians 2:8,9 Grace Argument, but is it "through the faith?" and not through faith?
1 Timothy 1:8-10 False Doctrine, doctines of demons taught by men
2 Timothy 3:16-17 Use or Purpose of Scripture
2 Peter 1:20 Private Interpretation
2 Peter 2:2-3 False Teachers
Hebrews if asked by a Jew Jesus does not have to be a Levite He comes from the order of
MEKILZADEK.
1 John 2:9 Whoever loves God, yet hates his neighbor is decieved.
1 John 5:16-17 The Case For Venial & Mortal Sin
2 John 1:9 Be Open Minded, But Not so Progressive you leave behind Jesus.
James 1:12-18 Temptation
James 1:27 Definition of Religion
James 2:17-19 Faith & Works
James 3:15-17 Types Wisdom
James 5:13-18 Sacrament of Sick & Need of Confession to others (Besides God)
Revelations 17-20 Accusation ag Rome
Revelations 22:15 Ultimate Qualifications for Rejection

Gratitude List:

To be saved from fears when learning about karma & the occult.
To be intact & not maimed in any way.
To be sane again.
To have some education & past recaptured.
To have relationship with my sister & know my family's address.
To not be homeless in 5 years + or in care based residential housing.
To not be wandering.
To not be in jail or the nut house.
To not be dead.
To be not in a war (of any kind.)
To not be divorced or a unmarried father.
To not be gay or a minority.
To have pestilence limited to a point of comfort.

For academic freedom

For religious or spiritual freedom
To have financial or vocational counseling for free
To be an American, to be a male as well as Caucasion
To be a child of God in Jesus Christ and have a right to heaven
To not have to objective or subjective all of the time or use drugs to deal w/ guilt for shifting
gears. I am grateful to be myself. To have recovered my self.
I am a uncle; Have a cat if i want it.

Points of Confidence:

1. Girls were common & all bitchy.

2. Rehearsal for o/ acts.
3. Choreography for dance and/or especially fighting & martial arts.
4. Takes in record production or acting. FIRST TIME SPONTANEITY & REPEATED
PERFECT PERFORMANCE Impossible for anyone.
5. As Art usually requires pencil sketch impact.
6. Actors can be as brave or depraved as possible, because they are only acting.
7. If I do wrong it will not always efffect what I do as if I had less if diffferent I do different.
8. Likewise if I do something to someone they will compensate. In one case I will stay sane
& in the other the world is not obligated to sin or destruction due to me so chaos can not
occur as a result. Just as you can not undo even if you did it does not constitute unsin.
9. Due to polling a politician need not have values of their own. Polls indicate what people
want and you lead in that direction. Only at top levels of state or federal government can
you then dictate what will be public policy. Lies and unintended lies occur, but in order to
satisfy people and colleagues as well partisan aggreement some creativity must be
mustered
via advisors. This does not require as much thought as I thought just no beliefs, thought or
 defiant sense of humour can be exhibited since then you are underminding your own regime
or administration. This is how puppets are born, but noone can make the grade alone.
10. Power: Although I idolized Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin & Lenin I am safe from my fantasies
from boyhood the US & NJ has checks and balances so I am protected from myself.
Time to be a business man. A sneaky republican can do anything. look at George
W. Bush.

Tithes & Christianity:

Something to remember was 10% was the rule in an

aggrarian Israel where priest lived off of 10% of the produce

plus governed the temple in a theocracy. When you have

a seperate tax based government, the temple or church no

longer requires 10%. Islam is satisfied with 2 1/2 % for

charity and the Catholic Church's goal is 3%.

An Optional Conformist Theory:TRY BALANCING THIS A REALITY.

In some cases concepts are not easily defined or characterized so we theorize on their
path of function forming hypothesis, theorems/theories, axioms or natural laws that are
always subject to change. Paradigms and economies flow from such so change comes at
an expense some can not recapture. This is where we guard wealth and our pride so we are
not subject to attack or being subjegated. At such a time public confidence and morale are
issues as issues of faith.

Approach: Many times the answer to a question can be achieved through many approaches
to achieve the same goal. Example: You say the answer is 1+1+1, he says 3 and she says
4-1 while all are correct only one is simplified and that is the answer we fight for as being
least expensive to us in time, money and explaination. The bottom line. Yet sometimes we
need to combine unsimplified answers. In Christianity as long as Jesus Christ is the basis
of forgiveness, growth, prosperity or trial you are probably correct minus your sinful
interpretation of what benefits you.

Existentialism: Where grace and human effort begin and end are always issues.
The Bible contains room for both realities of the determinist in free will and predestination
yet the chicken and egg issues is not easily resolved. Is one defined totally by action or
works or is one totally defined by intent as to be a son or daughter of God or the devil.
Many are called, few are chosen.
Maybe there is room for both philosophical realities to work together in Christendom.
Maybe one can evolve into the other or vice versa yet these ideas do test our metal.
As for beauty is living a long prosperous life dying in your sleep with your kin around
beauty or entering heaven at any age or condition? Is living a life of seeing God's grace
and handiwork in all things even where sin abounds the goal or finally seeing Him the
author of all beauty? Is it limited to practical goals, sexuality or innocense or unearthly
and uncontaminted conditions of the New Jerusalem? Is it how God delivered you from
trial or how He was present in your trials without you noticing it til it was all over? Is a tally
really needed? In the end can Jesus Christ be trusted as your source of strength or the
merciful blessings God dispenses at the right time only? I belive there are ghost, demons,
archdemons and the devil as well as false prophets, teachers and preachers yet I
believe saints, angels, archangels and God are present. I believe in the Holy Trinity as well
as the world, the flesh & the devil both in play against our moral sanity and ethical
developement.You are not alone

POLITICS OF THE STARVING:

Sacrifices and Responsibilities
versus
Abuse, Cuts, No Perks

Prayer involves an answer to a need

w/ no future guarantees or romance
attahed to it. An answered prayer
does not mean every whim will be
answered yes and vice versa. Each
day brings new prayers, maybe some
repeated for the same need again.

Political Ethics: does not say you

have to be so polite as to never tend to your
own beliefs or interest. Democrats can pray
for the poor, unchurched, domestic & foreign missions
, ecumenicism, social equity & conservatism w/o
exercising self denial due to a race card.
Image, reputation, wealth as the Judeo-Proestant
ethic are over emphasised. Ethics are designed to
enhance morals not replace them as seems
fashionable.

Changing Times:

There are changes in politics as it was profitable to be Christian & Democratic

previous to the civil war and Democrats were social conservatives w/ Slavery issue.
Then by 1960's with civil rights, unions, sexual revolution and rock n' roll came
interest in arts and music as well as opposition to war. So the revolutionary anti
slavery Republicans not willing to achieve greater and greater non cost effective
causes to maintain capital in play for society became social conservatives and
Democrats seeing the new political opportunities became liberals. There was role
reversal.

Churches go from strict liturgical worship to contemporary even if scholarship is

poor developing trendy churches beginning around the same era.

You may decide one day you need collective bargaining over your resume until
you get some accomplishments so change is inevitable. Change is not treachery
on other sides behalf and that is why American religion and politics are so
crucial and volatile. Today we have log cabin Republicans (homosexual Republicans)
and who could see that coming a mile away?
STATE COURAGE:

Courage is born out of need.

Guilt is useless leaving one open to attack & to be sidetracked.
The state knows this and that is why they are Atheist where for
sanity I've been Agnostic, yet self hypnosis and self fufilling prophecies
or personal wars or obsession about immediate compensation discourage.

It's simple we are all slaves. When we stop the pay stops.Cash Flow.

Poor-No Social or o/ capital/credit or priority.

Middle-Constant change, inflation & adaptation
Wealth-Employ wealth or lose it, risk, high tax

The damn shame is to become Democratic for protection from wealthier Republicans
when you are Republican, but w/o legislation people will never do what is decent.
Only profitable.THAT INCLUDES CHRISTIANS(MASTERS OF SELF JUSTIFICATION).
WHO ARE USUALLY REPUBLICAN, IF WHITE.I know I am white enough to at least
be exploited for profit.If you are a minority, they do it to us too.

Where it seems feasible that we are instinct controlled evolved animals based in a world
of chemicals and chemical reaction since we are capable of changing our ways we must
possess a catalyst greater than the limited human mind being the soul. This ability to
change and requirement to do so seems propelled by a mind or being beyond us we call
God. Faith is required or change is not permenantly possible whereby we find unmerited
forgiveness as the basis to justify our change with gratitude and worship of this Being. In this
the state of New Jersey sees the value of allowing God based 12 step groups as a vehicle
for self hypnosis and not the work of any diety. For those injured self deception is approved
as long as it serves the state's needs.Even the state believes in God when it cuts expenses.

Quotations:

Every silver lining has a touch of grey. - Jerry Garcia

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they are not after you.-Kurt Cobain
When a leader speaks that leader dies.-Living Colour
Is it tommorow or the end of time?-Jimmi Hendrix
When logic & proportion have fallen sloppy dead.-Jefferson Airplane
Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away.-Madonna
Noone left to stand in your way you might get careless, but you'll never will be
safe while you're still livin'-Scarface Take It Take to the Limit

To secure peace is to prepare for war.-FDR

There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.-FDR

Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.-JFK

Just as every cop is a criminal and all the sinners saints.As heads is tails.
Just call me Lucifer because I am in need of some restraint.
-Mick Jagger
 "Before you go out trying to save the world kid. I'm telling you the world, it does want to be
saved anyway." "Your world maybe, not mine."-CNorris Paraquote The Octagon

I BELIEVE:

I believe if there is no trial to see if one believes with circular logic to avoid hell
then there is no fear based religion toward God or rebellion against him and/or the
devil via the occult and inner peace is then possible. From that peace soundness of
mind, health and energy find reintroduction and I am aware of fear of hell only when it is
entertained as a possibility. To recognize the past can not be redone or undone, the
present is the present and there are no boundaries oon the future is to appreciate what
maybe called grace. if not believing in God and confessing it leads to him one day is
such appauling honesty asin or a cause for guilt? No.

I see a god not calling himself God and asking people to seek the kingdom from
within. The organized churches preach peace from the New Testament and then invoke fear
with an old Testament God unable to deal with his change in presentation.Unable to deal with
God's evolution to our senses we deny he could create creatures with the ability to adapt in
that if any challenge is possible to the Word then the magical quality of it is lost and control
and therefore apostolic succession and lineage is impossible as their source of authority.The
social agnostic principle is in play and noone can admit there maybe no God or devil except
when it is convenient to excuse personal responsibility.The truth is if there is no God I am
unimportant and that grants so much peace. Only to believe in hell creates its anxiety
within. There are phenomenon we can not explain, but they are not evidences of a good or
evil force or a grand conspiracy to excuse us.There is no higher purpose and there is no
ultimate truth as, but as has been explained in many religions.Jesus was creating a
movement and not a religion or a social institution and that is why it is so scattered and
reals lije a staggering drunk.

If the devil was defeated at the cross and the world system will come to an end there
is nothing to worry about and that sense of peace is from God, however his churches are
at doctrinal or dogmatic war for money.I believe there is a God beyond the definition of our
present churches with too many taboos for public image.holiness is as an addiction in that
it always requires more for holy people or yourself to be satisfied.

THREE PRIMAL TRUTHS:

1) Idolatry was introduced by honoring a man,as in Wisdom.

2) Women who seem as vessels of life, mercy and nurturing were whom
death entered the world through the sin at the garden.
3) Magic as seen in Bel & the Dragon is displays to invoke fear of a false
god for money, slave labor and honor. The priest and the mage previous
to medieval lore as science entered as a revolution were one and the
same.b) We see in the 1st book of Enoch magic & war are both
abominal issues to be utilized by good men.

We all start asking God for what we encounter in advance maybe to due to some
inordinant curiosity and trust issues that need to be resolved before we return to Him.
For my own reasons, call it the cookie experience I call it true. Seperation from God the
source of all truth and being leads us open to a world of lust, demons, lies and illusions.
You either ignore one or the other and find your source of truth or lies to your questions
even when not thinking and this meditation as to be ready to listen as prayer is talking
to God. Frustration in these truths w/o the cross and burden of pride, terror w/ worldly
peoples tormenting and abusing made me embrace their illusion, the more, leaving me
despoiled and humiliated spiritually. People can call me lazy, but do I want what they
want me to want so I am burdened as they are and in misery? With beginner's mind I see
through these illusions and false promises.

ON ZOLOFT & DEPRESSION:

I take Zoloft and in some ways I find it counter productive. I am now gone from depressed
to a state of resignation with people in society due to the weight gain. People treat you
different for being obese plus the sensitivity to sunlight gives one more of an excuse to be
recluse. It seems to be self defeating to be not depressed or suffering from PTSD or OCD
and be fearful of people for new reasons or you have new problems to waste your time
correcting. If this is what society expects of the mentally ill to till be physically noted rather
than on and in abnormal behavior with us hiding in the shadows on a sunny day why don't
they just shoot us? This is 2008 and we can not come up with more advanced treatments
than the Europeans in this field? I do not know if it is the FDA or a lack of profit in treating
the mentally ill, but we deserve better? Thank you for your time and effort and please notify
me if you have developed a replacement drug.

On the positive note your drug has granted me clarity to resolve some issues and
achieve an associates degree in sociology, but no amount of exercise or diet undoes the
weight issue with its social ramifications or a lack of dates.Would not you still be a bit
depressed?

COMIC RELIEF:
JOKES:

What do compulsive gamblers and Eagles fans have in common?

They both think eventually they are going to win.

Today a homosexual group approached the UN to create a new

charter recognizing the nation of IRAM. A faction exists wanting it
to be named URAM.

Do you know what happened at the Polish Mafia’s drive by?

Nothing they drove by. 1

Remember children share your drugs and remember adults need them too." 2

Guys I'd go gay for could only be one, Barbara Straisand.3

As a Catholic I find it a shame so many Christians think because "Jesus saves."

They don't have to spend.4

This new thing EMO. Imagine if you would the emo version of the hulk. Where
 would America be if that was our youth's encouragement?5

I heard a story about an old Black drug dealer in Philadelphia. mind you I am
not prejudice or one who wants to endorse stereotypes, but this dealer sold bad
drugs to this Moslem woman's son. He is telling his friends one day " I am on the
corna' doin' my busness when out of no where this ninja shows up and punches
me in the grill. Beats my ass down. Damn thas ignorent." The Muslim's dress for
women does look like a ninja outfit so I found this hysterical as another perfect
example of inner city education being utilized.6

Capitalism is based on risk for profit so why do we complain about low start up
capital people who are criminals or corruption for the priviledged? That is my take
on sociology and if you tell the truth in PC society you are unemployed. Why can't
the government quit it with the phoney bologna job. It would be cheaper.7

I am not against brainwashing people, because I have encountered too many

people without brains to wash. Some people have dirty minds and if you wash
their brains the dirt might be the only thing holding it together.8

My name is Matters and so I get jokes like "Oh it doesn't matter or you matter."
It could be worse what if my name was Lipshitz? People would think I talk out of
my ass.9

Why did homosexuality become so friendly with governement? Think about it.
These people call themselves gay and they take it up the..... The perfect citizen.
Would you want citizens you could not screw and call themselves miserable?10

What did the one Satanists say to the other? Are you feeling horny today?11

The idea of being inestitized is scary and why? You go in for a colonoscopy
and wake up with a sex change operation. The only good part is the lawsuit money.12

I have a seroius question. if in high school they tell you if you cann not be an
athlete, be an athletic supporter.....I do not understand. Unless you are a really
slutty girl, why would you want to be a joke strap?13

Fine Dining: Cold Turkey? Why is that bad. I love cold turkey sandwiches with
mayonnaise and salt & pepper. ?How did cold turkey get a bad wrap?14a

It is as cold as a witche's tit in a brass bra? Who was desperate enough to try this
in order to try the analogy? And if she is lactating do you get ice milk as a result?14b

Escargo? Why do wealthy people endeavor to eat things even a starving peasant
would reject? It is odd. We eat Mexican food developed by peasants as a luxury,
German wieners as a reward and Italian pizza all which is the cheapest food going
in its invention while on vacation. Luxuries? This is middle class American food?
If I was a foreigner I 'd have my questions. You eat this? do not complian when you
need a colonoscopy and a foreign doctor gives you sex reassignment as a joke.14c

I have issues with my mother. I realized this after crying I could not get to spend
time with a dominatrix to punish for being bad. I felt unloved. I wonder why? 15

IF YOU ARE NOT ENJOYING THE GOOD FIGHT,IS IT GOOD?:

I learned to quit, settle (cut losses), be grateful and pretend to be happy

or end up on the cross as Jesus. I learned if you do the right thing and fight
for it expect nothing and they'll be no complications. (W/o something to gain
how often do you want to fight?)(Sell out it to more powrrful and proper
entities to avoid chaos from friends/family).

The truth is I have a lot of thoughts, but retreat to ann addiction and don't
think at all. I have was always rewarded for being suspended at school, but all
was well as long as grades were great then when grades were good trouble turned on me.
I lived in a world of hate seeking a victim. The world is angry and full of hate, because it
does not know God nor submit to Him. Not every good cause leads to contraversy, but
what I do that is good seems so unrewarding. Helping the poor nevers leads them to God
and helping pro life never leads to any political success for our side.

In belief what is worth wanting or fighting for and not just sacrificing or conceding?
Faith I've learned is believing you won before you won based on certain criteria,
hope is seeing what is required and possible or what can't be true if a not allowed
and love is a purposed love for others which I've never seen work in any of my cases.

BOTH:IF REPUBLICAN GO TO WAR. IF DEMOCRAT GO TO COLLEGE?:

Both Republican & Democratic Parties create new fashionable rules built on an old party line
theme. We have new laws and commandments which neither party will undo of the other.

Both pagan counter culture and religious right directly downplay feelings or human emotions
for their means and ends. When people discover their feelings they have independent direction
or freedom which although personally profitablr, it is not to the group dynamic. I wonder if this is
how counseling gots its birth.Freud was right. The super ego is over burdened even with
contradictory law w/o inside scoop you are creating insanity maybe for profit w/ neglegence or a
way to create a new market of insanity as we have created. Education and a lot of notes is the
only preventative maintenance

Pieces of Advice:SUICIDE/RAPE/ACOUSTING:

The fear(awe) of God is to hate evil. Proverbs 8:13a New King James Version

Proverbs 24 and much of Proverbs communicates a odd almost inconceiveable truth

in today's world in reference to companions and mates. It is expected to be betrayed, yet

treachery is not a virtue. What is more fearful than this is I never thought of it as a sin since

it was not directly written amongst the ten commandments in Exodus chapter 20.I must be an

American Christian. Maybe I invited these disasters.

If you were ever raped or acousted know that people seek out people with guilt complexes.

For the Christian due to grace or sacraments guilt can not be treasured.It attracts predators.One,

even if there is no God you are not him or could be. Most people think speaking of God to a

victim is helpful. It is not. Most people doubt he exist or suspect him of incorporating it into a

predestined tapestry of events for his glory.You feel guilty for looking good or feeling good after
such an event.As with the suicide of a family member, you think I was too self consumed being

part of my life and so I deserve it.To go dirty, tired, hungry and in a state of self introspection

with maybe some self developed punishment is actually distracting and creates evidence for the

self to be considered guilty.It invites more trouble from charlitans and predators. If you refuse to

be of good to others you'll never find healing or confidence again in yourself. You need to learn

to trust yourself and your instincts again or be comfortable in your own skin. Lest you fall into

drugs legal or illegal for depression and find yourself getting ECT to cure you from conspiracy

theories based on psychotic perception. What I know from experience is guilty parties get away

during such distractions and noone is interested in an unprofitable scandal of alleged corruption.

It is a shame, but if you are the victim then the burden of credibility and proof is upon you.To be

mentally ill is to be an unperson as George Orwell's 1984 understood. Its convenience is

exploited today. No therapy. No concern for justice, but insurance paperwork and drugs with

many distracting side effects. then you complain and they say you are petty and disqualify your

version of the truth again making you question yourself rather than confidently heal. The trade of

human pain is real and no Kaluha and cream can take that truth away.It's time like this,if you do

not believe in God then you at least hope there is one. Otherwise any survivor or witness to such

event would want to commit suicide based on sheer lack of confidence they find within for being

part of the human race.At one time to feel always dirty and wake up from nightmares to shower

frantically and puke was not abnormal event in my life. I am not your judge, but due to some

experiences through the 90's I was disabled and discovered myself also to be an unperson in

society's eyes, but not in my own nor can it be so for you.Some say God is real and my feelings

are the illusions and no reversal of facts is possible. I do not know how the metaphysics works,

but I know that is incorrect.Also if you were an empath at one time where you dreamed or

encountered unprovoked states of clairovoyance or ESP pertaining to future events and never

developed such psychic skill through practice of magick as in the occult you are not a freak,

but sometimes we just reveal to ourselves in dreams what the waking mind can not admit to

expect. In any case everybody has it to a degree.Everything gets exaggerated at a certain point

and to say I am just trying find an excuse to not be responsible is politically correct and sane,
but does not address the numena or phenomenon in our life with experiencial knowledge

resulting in whole people. The most sane people are the selectively conscious and ignorant.

In church or scientific community especially this is the only truth I have ever encountered from a

horror movie. PS I stopped watching them for that reason. Too predictable and who needs fuel

for the fire since I know how to be abused, neglected or in torment. That and young people aren't

concerned too much with money so they are not then responsible or worth listening to is another

movie theme that is true.My life is not a movie.I have experience with such matters and do not

need a title or money to be a whole healed person with a right to speak and share the hope.

Some Italians:

Italian Pride
Ignorance/Misinformation
Guilty Forever Based on Accusation
Minial/Rule
Object Lessons/Abuse/Emeshment/Romance
Use of People
Prejudice Amongst Italians
Prejudice towards Blacks & Jews/Partnerships
Poverty, Mafia & Fascism
Society&Community is the enemy.
No outsiders to family. Family is all that matters beyond the individual.
Exact Reports, Marching Orders (no deviation) always needed though to
avoid failure & punishment.
Double Dealing required to maintain your market.

The worst part is either serving a God of social pretense or serving a cruel twisted
yet holy God that hears no confession, hears your prayers to help you survive a bad
situation to place you in worse one, is always loyal to the causes of the family,
forgives when there is gain, expects exact reparation and above for failures (which
are allowed to a certain extent and is intrusive. If you think the wrong thing during
prayer there is no trust or liberty to correct it. Just maybe you should not find that
attractive or enjoyable anyway. It takes from what you could be giving me attitude.
Praise Him when things are going well for fear of Him and pretend He is not there
when things are so so as to not blame Him. These are heavy prices to pay for a God
in your life when you are evil or relatives are evil while you try to be the redeeming good
in the family.

PLAYGROUND:

I never knew how bullying could be an unaddressed problem as it was in my day.

Boys will be boys and it helps with social developement. Sure if you are unthinking
would-be soldier who fucks and fights everything, but the dictators who helped condition

you into a monster. If you found peace with this perhaps you would not be the fool and

serve Nisrock to become an unfeeling future dictator to finf justification for your own

purposeless suffering.Oh yes, if people do not have to get involved there is no expense.

I mean what is more important: Justice or looking good?

To wash dirt and spit off of you after having six guys kicking your ass for not being

good at sports is one thing, but to say what is the use of cleaning myself anymore and

they must beat me since I am so important (even like Jesus) is the beginning of insanity.

What is worse is vessels of mercy and beauty, the girls, in this community liked such

animals they knew or thought they could control later in life.Knowing this now helps, but

then it taught me character was meaningless and futile as believing in some non modern

God. Family never took me to church so I had an old testament mindset.The message was

if you are too good you go on a cross from what i saw in Hollywood movies. This want of

personal power is what did not drive me to learn inner peace, justice and negotiation as I

would later in martial arts, but fueled my interest in the forbidden occult, philosophy, religion,

mythology and mysticism. My will to power became my psychosis later when I first experienced

something close to love. Not puppy love or domination or someone fostering dependence, but

a person trying appreciate me for me.It made me feel weak. It made me enraged. Love turned to

hate and fueds of pride and for all the damage that was done to all it made me the scapegoat

instead of the feared and a future borderline addict.In Halls of Karma one may find martial arts

and/or life based experiences to avoid and in it contains a poem regarding this oddly non blonde

girlsmemory entitled Melodie.This brunette was the life changing catalyst that has in memory

redirectedmy spiritual steps as Beatrice did for Dante's Divine Comedy.Oddly there was never

intimacy on a normal level as one would think, but just an attempt at respect I never

encountered before then.

BOOK LIST:First Religious/Philosophical

Holy Bible, Catholic.

Tao Te Ching
Bhagavad Gita
Dhammapada

Second Dystopian/Philosophical
George Orwell 1984
Sir Aldous Huxley's Brave New World
Anton Szandor LaVey's Satan Speaks
Fredreich Nietchze's Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Ecce Homo
Niccolo Machiavelli's The Prince

Third Martial Arts

Gichin Funakoshi's KarateDo, My Way of Life
Both Master Texts
Peter Urban The Karate Dojo
Bruce Lee's The Tao of Jeet Kune Do
Hagakure
Sun Tzu's The Art of War
Musashi's the Book of Five Rings

THESE ARE BOOKS IN MY LIBRARY I HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

BAD BOYS:

For faithless women the bad boy exumes confidence

which is attractive as a replacement for faith, however
if they are poor comforters why be jealous of a bad boy.

Miracle versus the temtation or coincidence?

FOOLISHNESS:

In the midst of looking at the pastone could see how trying to be a good person became a horror
,if one reads my list of what it means to be Italian. I was expected to succeed or be the lowest of
the low. Foe some reason that is the old world attitude. Part of the reason for this text is show the
struggles one can go through advancing from social class to social class in America with the
wrong
information. Mine was work hard and someone else will put yoou in your place and give you less
and less while expecting more and more was the message I recieved. Unless you are corrupt
and
redefine every assignment to include something for you without getting caught it is impossible to
stay motivated. Then you have to balance the lies, deal with the guilt of wishing you could help
others publicly or privately without them saying a word to blow your cover.

I mean if bosses or family finds out you have to give, maybe they can afford to give you less.
Maybe they can expect more from you for them. This is why a classless society or middle class
is so important in America. It balances everything with checks and balances so noone has to be
a have all or have not withthe sick exploitation that occurs in between. Education and work are
only virtues in such a society. If the system does not profit a politician on the record then you
have corruption and pretense.That is why you can't be on US money until dead and public
statue dedications are discouraged while you are alive or two term limit for presidency exist.

Coming form my background it seemed ridiculous. You finally get to a place where noone
can tell you what to do so they can tell you what to do? Is there any hope of freedom? Of
course my idea of freedom cost everyone else their freedom to praise me as I had to worship
others to stay alive and not be attacked by them in due respect and that was mother. I thought
this was what America was about, then people wonder why you throw away potential greatness
when in fact everything you are rebelling against is Fascism presented as a America and family
life. At a certain point when you seem to be slightly successful, Capitalism as a Democrat in a
Republican majority shows that joining the majority maybe just as immoral as what you came
from
and mindless conformity maybe profitable. This is what the family was trying teach me, only was
to embarrasing to admit!!! America, the beautiful harlot of opportunity. There is a difference
between
having enough to stay free in your own mind and actually being free. To be free not to afford
anything you want, but free to access what is wrong and right while investing in the right and
rejecting the wrong. To the reader this may seem self expanatory, but to a half Italian from the
wrong background this actually has to be explained.

EXAMPLE OF APPLYING BIBLICAL TRUTHS TO YOUR LIFE QUESTIONS:

Issue: Could not accept crucifixion as good. Always thought would hurt self instead of others.
In cross there was no other alternative and I have been willing to hurt others to save self
so why is Jesus an unacceptible sacrifice? He is not, my evaluation was haughty and
twisted. You have to kill an animal to eat and live so why this suspicion of cruelty in
reference to God?It is good. It is truth beyond mere possibility.

PTSD/OCD: PTSD is reliving the faith experience of desperation causing guilt & dread.
OCD: is a manufactured ritual of illusion as a superstition for imagined safety.
Both have root causes in desperation and self as only hope.
If not in agreement with others then company does not remove loneliness or
insecurity.All faith based cures require maintenance and dependence on faith.

Primary cause is covetousness or pride based wants with frustration or

success with suspicion. Judgement system based strictly on appearances
reflects poor reality testing from worldly or Christian worldviews.
ISA. 43; 57-58 see also MATT. 5-7

Guilt over Freind's Suicide 1990: If Jesus knew Judas future full well and did not alter it
without committing sin how could I be guilty of my friend's
death just by an accidental assumption, wrong question as
response as it occured three days later without full
knowledge myself? If God was not responsible in that
scenario and am fully clear of needing to repent of such a
possible gross negligence.

Beyond Religion & Politics being too contraversial at one time I later learned to divide the
issues after using religion as a basis for politics. Today it is personal and collective gain as
motivator. I can not sacrifice my country for church or church handouts.

God is in active control. The world and devil are toothless and defeated at the cross so being
emotionally raped is no longer a necessity.
 At one time I saw the world and the devil as illusions as emotions not discounting physical
pain.I saw female sin a similar way since there demand for respect and to be desireable
cancelled each other. The have a logic based on emotional consequences.

The world's wicked are as phantoms to to God and one is sacrificed for the other so this
seemed acceptible. This discounts deism or self based karmatic status though. If God is a father
he is also responsible for the needs of creation and the created.Again in ignoring sports and
females I ignored shared emotion as a misdirecting force as sports seemed ridiculous. We all
cheer for the same result and at what point does Fascism not exists there in its roots? Well by
ignoring the female aspect of the family hostility ensued, presumption and reaction lead to
violence for psychic preservation and I lost the love of my life and my mother destroying family
dynamic at both stages of developement in my life. This concept of shared emotion in sports and
its sexual dynamic have impacted the economic quality of my life as people have always seen
me as a little weird.

This was the basis for self absorption and where my father indirectly failed. Gambling is not
investing and gambling is not sports.In poverty people believe everything need have multiple
purposes for its justification yet business and pleasure must be seperate even if it involves more
capital.

Political Motivation:

There is no profit in politics or

religion for the common man. There is
knowledge of how to protect what you have or
will attain and that is it.

What dictates insanity from criminality is profit.

GENERAL INVESTMENTS IN LIFE:GET BACK ON TRACK.

Credit
Insurances
Education
Home
Auto
Business
Inheritances
Marriages

There is no real such thing as rural developement except in real estate.

Jobs are designed to maintain, but not to start out.
Business & pleasure should be seperate to maintain priorities.
Too many odd things done for multiple purposes are confusing & send
mixed messages. Avoiding repetitiveness & redunduncy equals laziness.
Destruction/Creation:----->Human Condition
-Nature=Beauty?

Human Condition--->Beauty?

Human Condition
-Hate------------------->Beauty?

Nature--->Beauty?

Hate+Creativity---->Beauty??

Love+Hate+Self Justification--->Beauty???

Good---->Truth

Truth----->Truth

Evil------>Truth

0=Truth

Which equation is your human condition and definition of beauty?Aesthetics determines

your course please remember that truth.

CURSES:

Today you are given the option to seek your happiness and if it is unhealthy

you may recover from it, but always be distracted from the original cause of

purpose or seeking it. There is a purpose for each man. It is to learn that he/she

can learn and the joy of life in not in the victory, but in the becoming for that is being.

You are a spiritual creation suffering from the delusions of human experience and lack

of genuine comroderary. The systems of the world are not of totalitarian design, but

only opportunist and experienced at denying responsibility and expense. It is all

fabrication. Man is an idolator w/ many idols leading to falsely achieve what we could

not achieve living in caves and unfashioned animal skins. In ability to discover freedom

or purpose man invented them to justify his own efforts to survive.

There is no need of emulations, hero worship, daydreaming or fantasy, but only to embrace

the pain is there liberation from self and its demands leading to a world where making money is

the only purpose until you die unless you prefer the cave ex. jail or institution. Faith is your
quiet exit while practicing solitude, silence, confidentiality and liberty by the non participation

in life by working. Alll men are taught to be united by being seperate and controlled.This is no

dungeons & dragons game where the fellowship of thieves and whores achieve greatness
through

adventure by greater and greater trials. The overhaul of the whole systyem via revolution is a

greater lie. To all men lies part of a curse for alienation from God and perhaps he knew we

required it for sanity's sake in our fallen condition. To love conquers fear and at one time I

thought love was a chemical addiction of endorphines through sexual activity.To genuinely

love means to genuinely appreciate and to do so out of respect for others and self. In this lies

healing as no longer lying to oneself guided by what I call God.I believe God transcends all

religions and there requirements for a genuinely good purpose. Out of some evils come

greater goods and men at a later time willing to corrupt them for profit. Fabrication of good deeds

occur and we doubt anything good can come of it. Sometimes we are not so smart, but simply

following the laws to create business, family or ideas and you can use that to your advantage.

But advantage is never permenant or purposeful. We say we are cursed to deny personal

responsibility for the sins we learned and imitated or unchecked good idaes. We say it is the

devil until we realize we are not so pure and we say it is a demomic conspiracy against

humanity in general, but we ask what is this void within producing foolishness and exploitation

we create? We blame God when he only allows for this purposeful education and never seek our

individual appreciation for evil from within.This is how God punishes those that hate himand love

evil. The drugs, the addictions, the wandering, the poverty, the prodigality, pride, covetousness,

wrath, gluttony, sexual distractions, fancies, disasters, diseases, corruption, defiance,

directionless rebellion, freakish rejection and constant unrest with yourself,false confidence,

unbelief of your own senses as found in Dueteronomy chapters 28-30 and its reversal all stem

from personal sin consuming the product of your good. This is the curse. No offended God,

but God truly has this power of allowed delusion. As the government may subcontract the mafia

we see God allowing his counterpart partial reign where it profits his purposes.God claims

responsibi;lity unlike a corrupt government doing so to deny responsibility.ISAIAH 43:13 NKJV.

Only God can reverse it so submit in a way that does not have to be repeated. Say "God
reverse my curse as I ask this based on the sacrifice of your son, Jesus Christ.I appreciate

his actions on my behalf and lead me to the truth about myself to not corrupt the freedom you

now grant.In Jesus name I pray. Amen" (So Be It). You must see yourself inside out and only

God can do that in a sentence revealed.Then you can discern lies from truth and worldly wisdom

from divine inspiration before you act.Hence no more cursing or self cursing.

INTENT & ART:

I learned from my youth to disdain people who are not responsible with their freedoms.

Whether it be the drunk, the porn addict hating the object of his desire or the fantasy addict

over involved in his games or intellectual drunkenness unable to see face reality. The ancients

knew no more thsn us and the future does not have to be a place of horror or totalitarian untruth.

I like Playboy and always did for its ability to complement already existing beauty, but not

pornography that grasps ways to find pleasure in degrading and hating the subjects viewed.

We say we are addicts to love while hating.

The fantasy game player as I was must know when to disconnect. it gets too involved and

addictively involved. I've seen people give up eating or bathing to play a game for countless
hours

for the feeling of power they do not possess in reality. As a gambler might add.only the gambler

does have some chance at realistic wealth aka power.the drunk and druggie just hopes to

escape life without dying. In all of this is a lack of appreciation for life and its hate. let alone a

disdain for its creator.

Only with the existence of God is there purpose and the ability to become therefore he is

the cure yet I do not see him creating addictive religious systems to replunge the penitent to the

dust he came from and in this is freedom and beauty. No intellectual experience can replace

experience to appreciate the matter. Taking advice is not a sin to avoid disaster, but know the

ones in life who are victims are discredited for falling victim and those that could help are living

in glass-bubbles. Only a God can rescue.

SINNER'S DOCTRINE: If Jesus says lusting in your heart is as bad as committing adultery
then you might as well commit adultery.
PHARISEE's DOCTRINE: Based on the terror, not fear or respect of God you
create laws to keep you from breaking a commandment
and those superstitions will back you up into a box you
can not get out of without sinning.

Life is full of walking on eggshells, unfair and untimely questions and our own unfair demands.

SOME NOTES:

For the women who struggled through this work. Men think GET & GET EVEN.
Protect/Provide. Only due to many ill fated set of circumstances created by my
family's and mine lack of information there was an economic void from a
spiritual void from an emotional void plus try practicing decency w/o a profitable
and safe venue to practice it.

Women may say that is what faith is all about, but no man wants to be weak,
alone, poor, misdirected and bogged down in the hands of stronger and not so
spiritual men.Men make quick decisions based on probable and habitual
information.Women are moree concerned w/ quality and men quantity to
survive and reproduce.Arts and enrichment have beeen an option due to poverty
and some good free public libraries.

Damaged women are similar to men and are not overly concerned with
developement or nurturing, if they have a son. An unhealed abused female
breeds a "son of a bitch".It is just reality.A woman who acts like a man we
call a bitch.I never understood that poor developement & nurturing creates a
only a wealth of emotional & spiritual bankruptcy, poverty, misery, injustice,
hate, disease, complexities within complexities and a perfect position to be
despoiled and denied justifyably.Who wants this as the future for their offspring?

A sample from a recollection of feelings made from an PTSD flashback regarding the
worst day of my life. March 14, 2008 recalling December 17, 1986.The day I'd get my
first juvenile charges, a broken heart, a broken family & all the blame to set me up
for failure:

All the symbols of the world: What do they mean to me is what is important.

Melodie: I that day I was trying to correct every injustice towards me to meet expectations.
w/o provisions. Enemies from the past were attacking over again & new ones in new
forms.
12/17/86
I disowned the family's god & sought God at a very confusing time.Melodie was
the only one trying to treat me w/ genuine respecct, but that was ending.I loved her
,yet is she what i wanted? She made me feel weak & vulnerable at the wrong time.
Jackie and Eugene agreed she was setting me up for a beating.If so do to my addiction
to her, yet the unrest of Mom's beatings & drama.I was a toy & wanted to be feared.

No family enemy could win.Opposition to me was opposition to the family and if I

failed I'd be unloved.I never realized I hit Melodie, not because of a dare, but because
 Ioved me more.With a strike I prepared myself to be raped & abbandoned by my world
&my myself.My hate blinded me and my proud choices confused me.When you hate
only then I thought do you feel pure.Before I punish myself the family was setting me
up to dump me by 18.That is why they would not allow me to work or change things
for college.A GED at 18 was good enough.

All of the bravado & contraversy to deny the truth the whole time.No California.
Mom hated me for being male & Dad was terrified of her.I made my peace w/ Melodie
and her family as well as God, but anything I did would have had these end results esp.
w/ mental illness.With Dad's ties legitimacy would have been impossible.I made a
mistake and sinned, but everyone did not have to be an opportunist.I WAS A KID!!!!

I WAS NOT GOD EVEN IF I TRIED TO REPLACE HIM FOR A TIME TIL I KNEW
THE FACTS.Why the guilt?I never stood a chance.My family never loved me.I was a
marital duty.A romantic concept to hold together a dying romance as was my sister
ten years later.

As Israel I wanted a home after my wandering, but any home w/o law turns the
promised land into a hell.In 1985 I made my plans based on human emotions &
behaviors based on desperation and little did I know the implications of such
sorcery.These were the conditions that predisposed to the street and drugs when I
was liberated from my family's abode. -WFM

Joseph Campbell Gives Outlines on Mythological Progression of hero,

but not the everyday villian known as us.

Abuse or Neglect
Pride/Discontent/Hate
Naive
Temptation(s)
accumulated, w/ defiant act.
Abbandonment by Family & Peers, maybe punishment beforehand.

Era of The Unknown

The Quest to Maintain Sanity avoiding abodes
or in abodes of jail, institution or wandering

Tempted to become mercinary of some sort.

Tempted to believe in only what one can sense normally.No gods or demons.No good or evil.
I
I
V
A Quest For Unusual Justice
in process developes disease or addiction

His assistance comes from captors or for a continual price.

Our hero finds opportunity for escape or to be avenged, yet his companions prove to be traitors.
Without requited justice hero finds redemption, but not original intents.

New Strength or Choice of Sacrilige He has no visible gift to the watching world.
As Onjin-San in Shogun he is trapped in an inescapeable place never to return home, as our
Hell.
______________________________________________________________________________

DARE: Test pride & your fear of people.

Always foolish & never wise.

Wandering Lust: A person wandering usually seeks an encounter w/ God w/o his followers
messing up the message, but some are friendly folk, others hostile while most do
not care.

Unpredictable dangers, constant challenges, uncontrollable outcomes. All is usually lost

that you wanted or thought you wanted.God will preserve you for a time, but you'll only
probably get what you need.No profit in this venture.

Come Together: The most crucial element missing from the poor's life is the inability to
overcome simple and what would seem to us petty obstacles to unite.

Sex is the only distraction from death we have that embraces and denies its reality
simultaneously.We humans do things against nature all the time as live in houses or drive cars.
Heterosexual encounters at some point are odd and homosexual I do not identify with at all. Yet
before we condemn are not all our acts unnatural?Are you done trying make sense of humans?

US: We are a spiritual entity in an animals body in a natural world w/ supernatural realities.
I've never seen anything to convince me there is one good entity and one evil inany single
experience of life, but at the end it does add up.

WORK: Always maintain you being at work.A demon or a person place a thought in your head,
but noone can mind read. That is if you believe in my metaphysics, yet I say your mind
is a sanctuary.
MAXIMS: I believe good things do and will happen with lasting effect.
Does need necessitate evil? Therefore will evil win in the end?
You may lose yourself in God, but he will not rape you of yourself as man.

Withdrawal of sense is not the goal during pain, but fortitude of spirit quenches the pain.
A theory I am unwilling to test.

You must trust history & God's presence in everyday.

Work hard, listen to your teachers & counselors coordinating of course and all will go well.

The Ungod: Remember there is the common god of statecraft that punishes disobedience to
public policy as a social phenomenon. The true God goes beyond social needs
to allow personal liberty. When evil government exploits a good social god there
is an earthly hell to pay in confusion. Fundamentalsit who use Romans 13 too
much foster this Big Brotherlike god and just because one is an obvious
illusion we need not permit the idea that there is no God.It gets confusing.
Remember the evilest individual can misuse scripture to misdirect any
magician, politician or Satanic priest is a master of misdirection. Be careful
who you seek the truth from.God even to those who do not know about his
sacrifice in Jesus Christ will reveal himself or the needed truth at the right
moment to the right person to make the right decision and act as a courtesy
unlike the sentimental mysterious phenomenon we have today that Lenin called
 "the people's opium".The trur God loves you enough to allow pain for a time
for healing and a grand-future.If Aetheism leads you to truth so be it,but know
that will be only transitory ultimately.That spell of sanity is a gift to learn ethics
from a marginal social phenomenon where morals are profitable for one social
class and despoiling of the others.

The Damnation:

All of us know we will never cure all of the world's diseases

or achieve a world of unity and peace with plenty without sacrificing
liberties to a dictator. So at best we worship a redeemer hoping
that will appease God, buut how does that profit him.We can please
him but not profit him and in this bleak face of all lost we
delve into tea, coffee, tobacco, alcohol, cultural and sexual
experimentation in the failing hope we can all our misery with
some repetitive action that leads to drugs or divers ways aka
sins or crimes and yet some find profit in this ideal of defile,
consume, etc. for it leads to profitable markets for our masters.

Yes we can live in a tent away from it all, but what do we

have? Ourselves and lively discontent. The dis-ease or disease
of being human.When Jesus came to break up the highly decorated
party or liberate us from our deceptive false pride we made him
pay with his life.This is assasination.This is the suffocation
and when you dream do not say isn't it wonderful so and so never
did this or that? Hope comes from our sinful intent for our
pleasure and to believe otherwise is to decieve yourself and
postpone that secret when revealed will have you ridiculed.
Every religion calls for temperment or the call to remain
viseably sane and in this is the craving for the ever coveted
sin.We trap ourselves yet need ourselves in an economy to
survive ourselves.even witchcraft and Satanism calls for
temperment. Let us say the devil indwells you and you are a
god. Then there are other gods to fear when they gang up on you.
Do not deny it. Isn't death a sweet reality, if there is no
afterlife? Even I as a worship a blissful God of heaven hopes
the tragedy of life discontinues.Oddly even when you are dead you
feed the Earth and people make money off of your estate.To waste
or gain creates profit for a master regardless of system or
material philosophy.Rebellion is futile.Every human need serves
another so enjoying life is the only rebellion in moderatu.

FACTS:
Love does not fear giving too much of itself.
Appreciate? If it takes less effort to get what you need when work is invested then ok.
You never make it. You have to keep making it or else the world would stop.
The institute has demands of its own and to be profitable it must be contradictory to
cause at some point.Family is that way also to a degree.
The demand of personal perfection creates a faulty process and creates addiction
and mental disorders and physical conditions.If you can not make a mistake then
you are not allowed to be human, but a machine or animal.Justification of this
condition by any other means of then God's gravious forgiveness leads to deviancy.
It is also quite expensive later.

Chains forged into swords into trumpets-The mystery of metal music

WEIGHT OFTHE WORLD:

The truth is in fear or doubt man creates gods that he fears and is enslaved to as
a coping mechanism, yet if he could have respect & deal with reality there would be
no gods.

In religion as Christianity came from Judaism and Islam too, all of these seemed to
come from Zoroastrianism. Ironically in the occult Satanism comes from Christianity,
The Necronomicon comes from Islam and the Kabbalah comes from Judaism.
Likewise part of Zoroastrianism spawned Hinduism and later Buddhism with
Taoism and later Zen as consequential side effects.Only the tribal gods or
ancestoral spirits were created in isolated invention as in Africa.According to
Apocryphalo text all such gods were based on relatives at first as the cause of idolatry.

Man creates God to evolve with an insecure future and reality.In such cases God is as
a bottle of beer after a hard work day.Are not we clever?

I believe good things can happen, but I am uncertain if you can ever plan on them.

Man will claim rights over fearful & poor men in the name of God. We call these
men with masters noone sees Republican.It makes you wonder?

To learn a system of systems is to limit reality & yourself we do this in faiths

and education.This is called sanity.In language and mathmatics we limit
reality by approach and you limit the expression of reality as an algebraic
equation.We miscategorize or categorize when we hope there is at least a
God who can understand all of this from a point of ultimate reality.

Both conservatives and liberals close their minds to certan studies as "wild goose
chases or unprofitable.'Intellligence is picking your battles or appearing strong in
such minds."I do not have time for religion or politics.I don't have time for philosophy
,myth or this occult stuff.I don't have time to experience anything as I am busy making
money and having a life?"Who won thegame?"

Religion and the occult are not meant to be subjects of entertainment as they are today.
Life has enough drama and sensationalism in it to sell you something you think you
need.

LAST LESSON:
Instead of adding up all of my works or this one as some add this, drop this list
or memorized system please absorb and practice what you may, but after a traumatic
encounter or healing from one after many years or confronting one with some time
sober or drug free or just with a new ability to appreciate life or a regained one
learn to trust your instincts as a human. Whether natural or from God at your
baptism in any approach sanity necessitates stoping for a while and just being.
If something is important you'll remember it after a rest.If something is too good
an idea you'll realize it before you act this time.just because you made a mistake
or was vulnerable once does not make it probable a personal disaster will occur
as soon as you reliquesh your percieved sense of control.

YOU ARE YOU, A HUMAN AND THAT IS NOT EVIL.IF SO YOUR CREATOR IS
EVIL SO BLAME HIM.IF NOT BLAME THE TWISTED NATURE OF PEOPLE.

I believed in some of the worst ideals of Nietzche as a young man ironically in a

Republican South Jersey when I thought I had a future then my philosophy became
caring & sharing.I am still poor,but with no genuine guilt.
THE TEST:

Fear based religion or all love is no basis for decision.Hate makes you seem
pure in your own sight.The real catch is you are only responsible for what has
been revealed to you and even that needs to be tested or discerned.If you decide
to be an "evil" person know that even evil needs to be practiced in a certain balance
or you destroy yourself immediately and some errors set the stage for worse ones,
so what is the profit in being to good or to evil?

We subject ourselves to test for pride as an issue of secuity or to hope to avoid

an actually calamity and ditract ourselves out of fear.We create this reality and
in despair become depressed since we can find no good in the world or we rage
and defy it all in mania from a deeply disturbed source.God is not testing you.
If you believe in the devil or demons, it is a maybe, but responsibility is the
measure.

Is God a determinist or diestic or personable or a pacifist?

Do my thoughts come from God, the devil or me?
Is knowledge including the knowledge of God allowed to be objective?
Is there such a thing as goodness, that is allowed to be of human invention?
Is knowledge all that is inferred & then proven?
Can lesser creatures be hurt if it preserves a human?
Is there a science that unifies all sciences?
Is ethics or morals ever really the issue?

I believe my greatest mistake was being less involved in sports & females
and being more humng up on myth, logic, philosophy, religion & the occult.
Take responsibility and take a breath of air too.Then make some money.

AS FOR CURSING & EXAGGERATION:

These too things work hand in hand. If you exaggerate or guess at something
then you do not know the facts as you should and someone can manipulate that
state. If you curse a lot then you have a lot of shortcuts in your thinking where
you are not processing logically.You become bitter, exagerate and actually end
up trying to curse someone maybe by praying they will get hit by a truck.We think
maybe god is on our side, when it is only odd-ball luck deluding us into catastrophe.

We usually like to think of a life as a game with winners and losers or new
possibilities.The truth is I once accepted a batch of Dungeons & Dragons books
to hold for someone.They had bedbug eggs.So for eight months I went nuts.I went
to casinos to escape and lost $7,500.00.Lesson life is not a game or something
requires a past-time.Life is the investment with stakes in it.There is no escaping the
misery of life.You have to embrace it in its complexity and keep trying to find something
good.The $7,500.00 was lost over the course of three years as I tried to escape many
unpleasant realities for sanity's sake.I tried to treat life like a game, because I was taking
myself too seriously.Look I know what man has the potential to be in the evil sense of the
word, but noone wants to live in such a world to spend the ill-gotten gains of selling out
unless they are that sick, so have a little faith where faith maybe due.God has to have
some say somewhere.It is odd how both parties have an interest in casinos at a local
level usually.

THE WEAK & PARASITES FROM NURTURED DEPENDENCE:

The struggle in all politics is how to deal with the weak aka disabled. Some people
resent their position since society does always take the cheapest way out and leaves
you discouraged. It is necessary for without it we would be a cruel self justified society.
 Yet there are parasites who drain everybody and everything deliberately with no want of
change.Is there position earned? We are all greedy and we are all given incomplete or
distorted facts encourage our dependence in religion, material philosophy as
capitalism or in any therepuetic group.They need cash flow also,if not from you then in
insurance.Noone will give you your freedom or a cure.Jesus does not walk the Earth
anymore.This is the hub of all politics whether liberal, conservative, fascist, socialist,
etc. it all flows from who you treat the weakest part of your society.

ECT:Electro-Convulsive Therapy:

In 1999 I had purchased what I though to be cocaine and it turned out to be PCP.
Delusions, hallucinations and the crash depression of not having more drove me to
sleeping 22 hours per day until I had two ECT treatments.

Try coming home after losing two months of memory to a burglarized room and a
bill for $50,000.00. If I knew nothing of state charity care or did not know how to
coordinate it between its thirteen different accounts what would have been my odds
of recovery?Obviously the system loves money and they have no problem targeting
the weak for more business.

WHAT'S THE USE?

When I was in the eighth grade I took a CAT test. I was having OCD attacks and
getting
punched by different kids during the test.I was an annoyance.My guidance counselor in
high school was confused by scores on this test and it would determine what they called
"tracking" in those days as to what was your aptitude level.A lot was set in motion in
those days.I kept the secret, becausde noone knew what OCD was in those days.It was
1984.I went from being the potential honor student, because I was put in an easier track
before high school without knowing it.I was prejudged.The system was prejudice and I
learned what it meant to go from being able to do no evil to do no good in everyone's
sight.Maybe frustrationa and exhaustion from everyone else's anttics was tacking its toll
on everyone including my family.This mystified me and I considered myself "evil","no
good"
or "useless".It set me up for other failures and consequential bad decisions with a world
ready to take full advantage.I considered feelings to be "evil" for many years.

No label has the right to dictate your life. Who do you want to impress, cruel people?
People who have a use for you for a job is one thing, but who suffers when we try to
impress or undo?Maybe I was not that smart or smart enough not to get my ass kicked
for a bad report card, but was all the trauma and discipline really worth it?If it is a
question
of the family unit only having a use for you is that love?In such a world did the label "evil"
really fit? Do I serve a God who is only interested in my use, especially if I am injured
now?
You got to do what is natural except in matters where a real sin results or too good an
idea.

In this world you can learn all about how you are getting screwed as long as you really
make no impact or try to change anything.only people with money have a right to change,
it seems.No revolt, please.I am not your leader.I want to ride off in the sunset without
getting shot.Human needs exists, but when something evil results that is a cause for
change and not shame.If you are a Christian and evil trinity gives no quarter to the
retreating or surrendering.Almost makes you wish you were evil.
 I don't tell people about my religion or politics unless asked for the sake they may have
hope, but know this if you are challenged in anyway you are not be crucified.If you don't
believe in God in this world I understand.If you do evil people do what they can to destroy
and profit from the destruction of the good.Good is intolerable as it means they might
have
to change and noone evil can afford to change lest there friends lose use of them and
destroy them for profit.

Some people feel guilty because we have it so much better.How do you want to treat
people?How do you want to treat yourself?Conformity or rebellion or purposeless.It's a
world of trade, just be decent and trade on that without judgement.The test are never fair.
who would profit then?

On Mental Illness:

Regular habitual and predictable abuse occurs in one's life whereby

bombardment of accusations are internalized creating a maze-like effect
to understand and utilize one's own emotions or even trust them reasonably.

People of the world use this weakness or internal deformity to their advantage
and profit leaving the person in a state of neglect as may have also occured
in childhood where fantasy or early drug use use may have interviened to
give a temporary stay of execution at the hands of one's own feellings.
In such a world physical maturity only occurs leading people to believe in
sex, but not love as love is only a tool of emotional blackmail.

Attempts at outward spirituality may have been punished by the persons

previous caretakers so perception does become warped and these
experiences determine the weighing of every word levied at the individual.
Religion may seem as sports or just taking care of oneself as a tool of
conformity in fear to avoid punishment.every decision is weighed in fear
and terror even if the person is smiling it is a show to avoid terrible punishment.
People are viewed as mindless sheep who have come to terms with their
conformity to society's demands.You can't trust anyone or yourself how can
they be happy without drugs?Education may be viewed as indoctrination as
as it is inconceivable to experience an undisturbed personal process to
achieve personal freedom without it profiting everyone around them.

Distrust may lead to cults, occult, obsessions with mysticism, philosophy,

world religions and arcane pursuits as reality is limited to a system of systems
to relearn without trust in one's perception. The wrong experience can equip the
person to harm themselves feeling so distant from others.At thsi stage if love is
achieved it is short lived and turns to unequivacle martyrdom.Reason is if I can't
control my senses as other people do, how can I trust you or your beliefs or my
convictions in order to act let alone regularly?

God is viewed as a God of the people who keeps the systems running and perhaps the
ultimate enemy.Evil will triumph as it always does and self centeredness of self and others
becomes core beliefs.God maybe only because society invented him and reward actions
done in his favor amongst certain social groups.With these growing experiences becomes
a growing mistrust of oneself and others.Suicide and drug use with its culture and recovery
only complicates the process as a distraction.

Certain different experiences noone can or could believe is also a basis for mental illness
as the person has secrets that noone can know.These secrets become burried by actions
committed against the person when they were distracted.The guilt of having a secret leads
to belief they deserved the crime against them and all others.The mind seeks out punishments
for the inopportune senses and lack of self confidence.Bible thumpers do not realize no self
confidence leads to mental illness by default.In fear the mind seeks to avoid confirmation of
its own suspicions and finds them by coincidence.Ironically as the first feeling of religion
endused bliss can become addictive so do these moments of horror.They give a basis for a
different reality and a new cause or sense of false self importance as the light of powerlessness
even giving reason to form conspiracy theories detracting from the impossible sense based
responsibilities.This is delusion and psychosis.

Society's agents give new and newer evidence to build on a person's shattered ego to foster
dependance as profit when it is counter-therapuetic.Chemical disbalances are end results of
abuses.It is only the visible evidence.Confession as found in Catholicism with another person
has been the only lasting cure I have ever seen by its mere practice.Secrets and neurosis find
resolution and the senses can be used again or past sensory experiences reaevaluted leading
to healing.Emotional energies can be redirected with help or experimentally leading to new
conclusions about reality more similar to our own and maturity is gradually reacchieved.
Genuine acceptance is such a shock it most be slowly digested and accepted leading to
acceptance of self. new found or rediscovered information leads to a maturity that leads to
education and vocational possibility leading to a higher tested intellectual qoutinent
and higher level of functioning.The key factor is the person must be a participant in their
own recovery and in a world where you have my reality and I have mine, only some
phenominal intercessor can be the catalyst by which in the hands of an immoral person
as therapist reality can be retaught as untrustworthy and restart the path of the impossible.

The person can never be healed perfectly or expected to be perfect as that was probably a
tool of torture for them. Personal experimentation with life is necessary.the goal of this letter
is a more whole person, not a sinless perfection with no appreciation for grace(s).There are
two sinful factors that lead to this, one is covetousness and the other baseless accusations
against the injured.Every mentally ill person has had experience in one direction or the other.

-William F Matters Jr.

EDUCATION: I always thought it to be a damn shame that you can not fall in love with your
high school sweet heart and marry with the ability to start a safe secure family,
but since you can not trust mister Christian business owner or liberal system
education is a requirement unless you inherit a business.Even then can you
trust your experts if you can not check their work?

MORAL MONEY: I've wasted I do not know how many years looking for a moral business that
will not wrap you up in traction from physical injury and there is none.I can not eat
all my morality and so I am a fool.I was born a little more intelligent and lot more
wise, but mentally ill.All I can say is there is no self made men.You need God or
family and a mate ironically they suck up the profits in life, if not the governments
(all levels) or the opportunists thieves along the way.Who am I to judge?If I was
a gorgeous genius I'd still have to bend over backwards to keep the money rolling
in and that makes you question our investments. A car, a home, a business,a
portfolio, children, etc. all come with continual expenses.Is the modern age really
so grand?What are we jealous of anyway?Covetousness is futility.People have
been indoctrinated with so much freedom they do not even know how to be free.

I am jealous of women as they can choose to refrain or be spontaneous in

life. This is how men experience life I believ through their mates.They are people
to be truly admired in this respect.

However in the beginning if men invented God or God created man is not my
concern. Did religion evolve at a point to fufill our needs in view of the unknown
 and then we domesticated women in this way as to not have our proud view of
uncertain certainty graded? I am not a judge of the gods, but I am a man and I
know our forefathers were pretty bright while we are just conditioned.In religion
or politics just follow the money and you'll find a temporary truth.Human thought
evolves only at a great cost and philosophers, well we might be fortunetellers or
become prophets in seeing catastrophe before it happens only because noone
listens until there is a profit for change.It usually means just cutting future losses.
Noone want s to be wise then we's see freedom as futility and our labor in vain.
What is the bottom line? How do I sell myself to get a job? How much is what I
have actually worth?In the end we all want to die to escape the dreary truth that
noone cares about anything.We are so consumed with survival and status that
we replicate life, but never experience it.Then we get bored and it's off to the next
saga.Most people's philosophy, religion and politics is there is no God, no devil,
no truth and only money.Who wants to be dead if you can't take it with you?

In grade school little is never ntaught about the American political parties.
You are a moral Republican who makes immoral choices to back profitable
investments to offset your expenses while preaching who immoral someone
else is for recieving the benefit of law in some entitlement that the company
of your investment probably injured in negligence.You are a amoral Democrat
convinced that liberal arts is religion, philosophy, mythology, mysticism w/
some occult themes in movies, but noone can ever afford to believe in anything.
You do this while condemning others for pursuing life instead of art and study.
In the midst of hurled accusation and defenses no truth is learned or lesson
made public for anyone's improvement.If so someone is insane or wierd.For
the religious I can say I found God and his name is mammon (money) and that
always reenters politics.I believe we may call Am I Evil?, a fine study of human
bullshit.It ends there without this point.Females enjoy each rank or phase of their
life usually where men are so obsessed with getting what they want, even if they
get it, the are disappointed or insane with it.Everybody is treated as a distraction
and people wonder why there are relationship problems or similar yet punished
behavior in the family.Confused we enter the world alone in this ignorant
disoriented
state.You will not forget your needs or what is necessary.paying attention to
others
or refinements will not lead to insanity.People are obsessed about religion and
have no time for God or obsessed with an aspect of their politics and ponder
where
is justice.Life is not anger, fear and shame.This was the missing hub to the wheel
of balance in your life.Idolatry is basicy obsession.Be aware and be alive.

DEPRESSION/SUICIDE:A Theory by William F. Matters Jr.

There is no law against being or thinking a certain way, but I believe at the base of every
suicide
is a sudden depression which caused by experiencing life in the following context. Happiness is
your responsibility, but the idea in conjunction with this is: IF I CAN MAKE PEOPLE OR EVEN
GOD HAPPY THEN I'LL HAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY I NEED TO MAKE ME
HAPPY
AND/OR BE LOVED. When something goes terribly wrong with such a plan we can not forgive
ourselves and this even further sabotages our ability to make others happy creating despair.
We can not be happy through satisfying others. It is true God and people provide what we need,
but they can never know us to make us happy or loved. We must work for what we want or who
we want. We can never be liked by everyone and the temptation to sell yourself off in the same
way becomes the temptation again. From this perception everything is an act or illusion or a
system. Can God or people can enter except as a distraction from self, producing loneliness.
 When a problem occurs we see conspiracies form the collected damage we have done uniting
against us when in fact it maybe just gossip, talk, idle threats, etc. In this view point there is
always a lack of communication or a overconfidence in understanding and being understood.At
this point we cross into the realm of delusion where we may even think we understand everything
showing our insanity as we ignore our believed to be unforgiveable secrets and suicide seems a
hope. Sometimes forgiveness is non existent as a possibility or comes at too great a cost.Abuse
followed by neglect in time with imagination as one's only friend can twist the logical's hand
against him/herself.

Every person has a price to match our need and there seems to be no hope of satisfying any
want, degradation and punishment may even follow and this as a repeated cycle throughout
our existance as inescapeable becoming more and more degrading.

-William F. Matters Jr. 05/03/2008

Map of Insanity:Layoffs can lead to alcoholism, drugs & this:

Food Stamps and Medicaid (or state name) Disability (SSD&SSI)

Social Security
Medicare
Unemployment Insurance

Private Faith-Based Initiatives/Thrift Shops

Missions I
I
I
I
V
Jails Prisons
Probation Parole
I
I
I
V
Voluntary Mental Evaluation
Commitment
Permenant Comittment or ECT

____________________________________________________________________
Somewhere between sociology & psychology from a Western approach:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Storm Blue(c)1995,2005 A book of recollection on the structure of the world from
an individual perspective.
The Halls of Karma(c)2007 A booklet about martial arts and the lessons about
what you learn not to do, lest it come back as a haunt.
Diver's Ways & Amadeus(c)2008 Lessons on how to survive Christianity in the West.
Am I Evil?-What Poor People Should Know
(c)2008 Places People Fall, Just Notes

by William F. Matters Jr.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although unclear about Abraham Maslow's theories regarding sex, transportation
or energy as human needs thanx to him and Henri Foyel
as well as Sigmund Frued and Erik Erickson for the clarity to create
the first work,Storm Blue.

Thanx to Gichin Funakoshi especially in regard to The Halls of Karma.

Thanx to the Reformed Protestant Faiths & Catholicism for teaching me about
Jesus Christ to prepare Diver's Ways & Amadeus.
Thanx to every unabashed thinker from George Orwell, Sir Aldous Huxley & Nietzche
for seeing how desperate a gambit life truly is in order to prepare Am I Evil?-
what Poor People Should Know.

NEVER LOOSE SIGHT OF THE OTHER GUY's ANGLE AND IN

THIS YOU MAYBE ABSOLVED FROM GUILT TO A DEGREE.

In God's grace we find all are sinners with a need to survive.

Nothing can be undone or redone, but forgiven and the rest
avoided.You do not need my books to recover from terminal
foolishness. There are no grades. If you are happy than I am
happy, but know I'll be happy either way.

Am I Evil?- What Poor People Should Know by William F. Matters Jr.

is dedicated in warm memory of freindship with

Frank Griffon
&
John Wayne Stevenson Jr.

God rest their souls & see you when I get there.
 The Fifth Column

by

William F. Matters Jr.

Many times we rebel or stand up for non-existant virtues or defend against a lost cause,

because there was no need of the causde. It appeared that way though. Whether Democrat or

Republican,the poor can not overcome poverty or its problems and the mere attitude of mediocre

humans saying "Let them kill each other and let God sort them out!", is advantageous to seem

supreme or self righteous and beyond our own guilt. Yet it gives a fase godhood of the upper

middle class and upper classes the burden of seeming to be behind some conspiracy. It is simply

cheaper to not h elp or be uninvolved as those that stay out of the doctor's office never risk getting

sick. You've heard it said "That person is their own worst enemy. I'm not responsible. They never

explain further to avoid their own ineptitude or feed their own guilt and insecurities that come with

success. There is human limitation and we all fear reaching our limit before calapse or insanity. If

you believe life is securing needs and wants or doing whatever you want as long as

you can control the damage or punishment you've never learned principles. The foolish run to

trouble and the wise take calculated risk for gain only when necessary.

Society has no conspiracy as a whole. People avoid dangerous or foolish people to stay safe,

not shunning them to force mindless conformity. All classes of people have good and evil people,

just in poverty it is more obvious and maybe that menas it is easier to fix with new habits or

insights.

The biggest confusion comes from freedom. How can church people ally themselves with

corrupt corporations and war mongers while others with state programs and people who are pro-

abortion? It's simple beyond racial lines of liberation theology or pro-Caucasion theologies. One

side emphasizes responsibility for the individual by policy of a strong central government to

achieve at least beyond poverty status and that is it. Order, ethics, programs and unified diversity

gaendas to achieve the next rung of society and hold it to not need aid again. With this side you

are always accountible to bureaucratic agencies and never truly free. You are safe until the next

policy.
 The other side seeks profit by laxer government intrusion with the belief the system can

sustain itself or the individual, that markets and people are self correcting and this preserves

freedom, the basis of all religion. Even if you contradict yourself, if you have enough to sustain

yourself all is naturally forgiven. There is a seperation here.There are truly ethical contradicting

Democrats and moral contradicting Republicans while one side supports new laws or policies as

complex as corporate America or new wars and a belief in the American political system we can

afford to compensate everyone and keep it from getting worse. Maybe better? Everyone needs to

make money to pay the next person or we become isolated and without trade. Yes that means no

food or provisions or services leading to freaky problematic lifestyles or poverty. This is the

difference between freedom and chaos." In chaos noone rules!" and family or individual starve.

I've always hated one thing about women. They are usually too idealistic to the point there is no

means to satisfy their demands or protect them as the provider. Otherwise they are under

disciplined they are too costly. The parties can be viewed as women deluded by their own sinful

appetites as Eve was, if we use the Genesis account's explanation or mythology. Ironically men

are usually in charge trying to satisfy women to satisfy their penis. Emotional dependency is as an

addiction men can't candle. That is why I say show me a man who genuinely loved his mother

with no arguments and I'll show you a homosexual or bi-sexual.

I could see people becoming more pagan for the 80's as times were so good we could not

afford roots in America. We were elemental as shifting sand, flickering fire, amorphous water or

wandering air. Only change was a constant so Taoism or Wicca or ciclical change in Buddhism

and maybe just justification for position as in karma and caste systems of Hinduism would

maintain the constant vigor of change required to fuel the Cold War with the Soviet Union.

Natural law seeing where one problem leads to another as a strong economy was

abbandoned.(Proverbs: wisdom was ignored.) Conservative principles nneded to be

complemented by a way to afford liberal arts to justify having things. As women seeking out every

detail of a proces we could not access the quality or quantity of our courses content. Male

bonding through sports or business or counter-culture was a distraction from estrogen and
family harmony fell.. Women processes help, but quick decisive action is possible yet even the

most gracious soul can not avoid evil without some resentments and with a godless woman, the

man is the target. Natural rights flow from natural law or the respect of escalation of events which

comes from God. Any fool can have extreme knowledge of evil for a moment. End up on the

breadline or pulling three jobs to make it without these provisos.

The third way or Y of Satanism is only a temporary saviour. These solutions come at a late

high price and that is Communism or Socialism as feared enemies of freedom, but they do protect

from chaos. The priest and the wizard before the days of the one God of law and freedom were

not seperate roles as imagine in medieval lore.Priests of other gods perform spells to invoke fear

and worship as a priest denying sacraments brought fear. This brought worship to themselves as

a god or godesses' representative to endorse or enforce slavery or quite differently social order

as in Sicily in 1500 BC via a priest of Ishtar. She was the goddess of fire. Employed

by the state this wizard spewed large flames from his mouth casting a spell of the goddess Ishtar,

although it was a magic trick he qwelled the slave rebellion with this demonstration of the

goddess' displeasure. I write all of this because simplicity is unaffordible. Today it brings slavery

as it always did (see Proverbs). We are educated and still have the exploited and exploiter. My

goal is to liberate you from both classes. There is a no fight to be fought save maybe our sins

against each other, even if you do not believe in God. That is my organization of rebellion against

evil as rebellioknagianst the state's gunships is futile. With less drugs and carousing you save and

as you become marketable you will find no conspiracy was against you. That is my Fifth Column.

Parties are too restrictive and maybe being a voter should be enough. Don't be a hero. Storm

Blue preached purpose yet that purpose has to maintain profit and problem resolution. Even I've

had to cahneg since the 80's to something more permenant at its base. Change is constant and

so are seminars and education. If everything is up for revision what did we know and how

can we ever claim truth?

Abortion’s Pain:

Regardless of the argument of abortion no painless humane methods exists.

as the Christian fights for life & soul, the others fight for economy and no one realizes

the fetus’ earthly pain of the process. A fetus can’t file suit for pain & suffering I forgot.

Should not this be the main argument?

Human Irony:Ethics

We worship strength, beauty & an excusing intellect calling it natural selection

and seek to avoid the topic of God exercising an appetite to bring greater prizes in

The act of sin or self destruction. We accuse God , if he exist of being an ego maniac

When he is just trying protect us from our self destructive nature & short sightedness.

How is he not supposed to be angry? Evolution did survive as a gift for men & animals

To survive yet we use it to discredit God’s existence and mankind’s rights. In the end

Even the ugly will appear attractive if their hearts are pure.

Phys Ed in the Unites States:Karate(Shotokan)

Physical education as it is contributes towards the worship of the body & a negelect for the soul
,unless you are an athlete. I believe the introduction of karate nationwide is what is necessary to
establish respect for your fellow man as is lacking in today's programs.Beyond the moral in such a world
where everyone has had exposure to martial arts people are less likely to be targeted, robbed,attacked or
raped.it could be the crime deterent we are looking for as it would start with the youth.
Karate has its academics to be respected.It is not a world of athlete worship and young girls
whoreing themselves to the best football player.It is a world of equality and honor where people
learn to respectt their effort and the effort of others.With what we have we almost encourage bullyingand
girls setting themselves up as targets to get raped or demoralized.Isn't that what cheerleading is all
about?
-William F Matters Jr.

War:External

Every war we have had comes from a previously mismanaged investment in another
country. With oil we created Al Queda and with interference with Panama and Columbia,
which were one nation at one time we created a drug situation.
War:Internal Possibilities(Civil)
Drugs Were Convenient:

Now though if a maladjusted citizen becomes over engrossed in his freedoms we have
12 step programs and is not it incredible how in a life of self evaluation after a life of
shame in drugs or alcohol that the government never gets the blame?

Our Politics:

Republicans nurture ignorance and sterile living while we Democrats nurture education
, high ethics and no sexual restraint?

Our Religion:

Demand accountibility and total knowledge when they were faiths?

Why is it most faiths have no faith in humanity inside or outside themselves?

On The Sexes:

Women get the cushy jobs with little pay and fellows the disreputeable grunt work for
little pay and a lot of exhaustion with no social life.Where is the inequality?

On Education:

Mental exhaustion and new trials constant with education and work and social life of the young
and we wonder why we have problems?

DEPRESSION/SUICIDE:A Theory by William F. Matters Jr.

There is no law against being or thinking a certain way, but I believe at the base of every suicideis a
sudden depression which caused by experiencing life in the following context. Happiness is your
responsibility, but the idea in conjunction with this is: IF I CAN MAKE PEOPLE OR EVEN GOD HAPPY
THEN I'LL HAVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY I NEED TO MAKE ME HAPPYAND/OR BE LOVED.
When something goes terribly wrong with such a plan we can not forgive ourselves and this even further
sabotages our ability to make others happy creating despair.

We can not be happy through satisfying others. It is true God and people provide what we need,
but they can never know us to make us happy or loved. We must work for what we want or who
we want. We can never be liked by everyone and the temptation to sell yourself off in the same
way becomes the temptation again. From this perception everything is an act or illusion or a
system. God or people can not enter except as a distraction from self, producing loneliness.

When a problem occurs we see conspiracies form the collected damage we have done uniting
against us when in fact it maybe just gossip, talk, idle threats, etc. In this view point there is
always a lack of communication or a overconfidence in understanding and being understood.At
this point we cross into the realm of delusion where we may even think we understand everything
showing our insanity as we ignore our believed to be unforgiveable secrets and suicide seems a hope.
Sometimes forgiveness is non existent as a possibility or comes at too great a cost.Abuse followed by
neglect in time with imagination as one's only friend can twist the logical's hand against him/herself.

Every person has a price to match our need and there seems to be no hope of satisfying any
want, degradation and punishment may even follow and this as a repeated cycle throughout
our existance as inescapeable becoming more and more degrading.

-William F. Matters Jr. 05/03/2008

Illegal Substances Anonymous: An Idea by William F Matters Jr.

Somebody needs to found an organizati0on where illegal substances

are to avoided and not social use of alcohol.

People have forgotten the pleasure of responsibility & satisfied needs.

The opposite of insanity is wisdom & what is the source of that wisdom?

Smoking & New Jersey:

In New Jersey there are a lot of people with a lot of stress. Some people

not having enough privacy or rights to voice an opinion, require a diversion

that no one profits from or can take advantage of at all.

To maintain sanity amidst pain and avoid issues or topics we neither have

the time, money or want to address we resort to a cigarette rather than strangle

the person who would appear to be the source of our stress. People do not

realize you can not create high minded people with resentment towards life

without appealing to the other offended class of people as myself who need a cigarette to

avoid punching someone and ending up in jail. A habit seems a lot cheaper than the fines.

New Jersey need stop creating stress for its citizens by excessive spending and then

Charging $2.575 per pack for sin tax and then average of 40 cents in sales tax for a total

Of almost $3.00 in taxes per pack of cigarettes. From the stress life in New Jersey makes

People smoke especially if you can not afford to leave.-William F Matters Jr.
Empaths & Prophets: The objectivity of The Prophets

Some treat objectivity as a sin, yet God's prophets recorded the prophets who rarely made
a public address w/o speaking from an objective viewpoint. The empath and the prophet living in
seclusion or in a state of public withdrawal & non involvement also known as a state of holiness
which in the case of the empath is just referred to as wierd. The state of non involvement is as
God's perception, but not in inactivity.Visions call its natural recipient without effort at just prior
occurence from an injured person or by God. Yet I do not believe humans are evolved enough to
be be telepathic or teleketic on average (or intended to be). Who could withstand such a continual
state except God without a mental illness as a result?This is the door to the unholy of the occult or
just nerd-dom or homelessness.

WF Matters Jr.

Intelligence:A Theory about IQ

Intelligence is not an equation.As a person faces emotioins, abuse(abnormal use),followed by neglect

after dramatic trauma exposure to lessons of life & normal developement as maturity is limited as is
clarity of thought in the confusion.Intelligence is a priviledge granted by stability for most. Poverty is the
price of others being wealthy & I wonder how much this has retarded humanity as a whole?Ethics is
necessary in the case, but sacrificed to the god of profit for the self.

WF Matters Jr

To Help Poor: Education/Basic Skills included/Health/Uncomplicating lifesyles

Abolishing old world thinking & poor information as a result

of depending on others. See Programs.

Eleviating the lifestyle of desperation: strange lifestyles involving

an apparent lack of organization to save and scrimp in odd ways.

Anti-social & inadequacy creates more expense to the poor.

Usually good intentions side tracked by need to serve wealthy interest to obtain

wealth for poor through organizations to distribute to the poor. Organizations

become too expensive too maintain and with government involvement either

fiscal conservatism as in Republican Party or lack of freedom as in Socialism occurs.

In reference to the VA: Education is more difficult as training & reliance on it in war

time experience reinforced old world values that need to be removed for education.
 How do we explained we left you victim to pride and other values as your ignorance of the truth
served our nations purposes?

STORM BLUE COMPENDIUM: its failures

Abnormal use or appreciation of anything or anybody is wrong.

Abuse: is abnormal use abridged.

Is sex a need/right or a priviledge with responsibility? Family.

We have to accept if we deny a responsibility there will be a pain to accept.

This is self preservation also.

A life can not be run like a business w/ no respect to personality or sanitation

or style. Life is not always profitable and that’s for anybody. There is a family/social

dynamic with roles to be filled in life as organized best for a function.

Life is not about avoiding loss and gaining profit. In feeling other people’s pain

we escape our own, apply and learn. This is what I take from church and my family’s

past. I was never very just or concerned with right and wrong or emotions.

To Believe in God and not know He is, is normal. That is why it is a belief. Yet loyalty

to any belief can betray. There are no remedies in some cases and some people you

just can’t help. Some people are attractive, intelligent and have great personality with

strong family ties and ties to deeper in that family. Some people are just viewed as waste

by their family and how much more by society? Complexity lies in the right/priviledge

to set your own standards as a freedom. We all crave it, but how complex and demanding

it all seems to be. Finally what I never understood, talent does not beat hard work when

talent does not work hard. There are no birthrights although there are rites of passage.

We can not be driven by need or wants alone. There is something evil that complicates

everything. We think we are being blessed when we take advantage of a temptation that
works out, but is it just setting us up more or training us in being unjust for unescapeable

calamity.

Since 9/11 banking, insurance, credit & even identification have become issues. Nothing is

conventional or simple anymore. My books can not compensate. Less fear of men or attempts

at control are what we need in order to leave room for God.

I thought I could do it all w/o family, friends or teachers and even God and then retreated

to find no book, art design or song could make me rich w/o money to back me. I’ve learned

only that to seek God during bad times only creates bad times and whatever you prepare due

to faithlessness you will retreat to eventually. Pride must be withdrawn and pain suffered

through soberly. Work like that of a dumb slave is inevitable if you want a simple and natural

life. That is what you will get and so even the fervently religious must conquer the technical

and industrial world with its privileges and responsibilities. All our self destructive drives

helped create a hell on Earth and so now all our progress is dedicated to conquering it.

The price of progress is work getting harder as it gets easier by greater demand and maybe

getting less for your work with greater and greater investment. We go insane for a time of

Ease, better to find mere comfort enough to empower us for the next day.

TATOO:

People do not understand why tattoos are popular with poor people

or jail birds. I understand totally. Try you have something no one can take away or remove

from you? In a place where anything can be stolen in a legal or illegal fashion such becomes

a treasure among the desperate. Even if it violates a law in Leviticus even a poor Christian

can relate and be compassionate.- WF MATTERS JR.

Preservationist Party of America

----------------------------------------------
1. No war unless directly attacked./Fashion: art permitted, no tasteless items.
2. No unnatural sex, homosexual related disorders treated as disorders.
3. Credit, gambling, alcohol or tobacco use (aside from psychiatric) abolished.
4.Abortion, illegal although birth control allowed.
5.All social programs goal or therapy oriented.
6. Religion, only Catholic/Orthodox or Mainline Christian tolerated.
7. Divination & Occult as Alternative Medicine/Victimization, illegal.
8. Media, unregulated. Large Private Contributions forbidden.
9. Pornography, as people engaged in sexual acts illegal.
10. Music, repititious profanity or shock value, illegal.
11. Books: sensationalism or gossip abolished.
12. Hollywood: Non educational or factual basis for storyline aside from
fantasy abolished. Too many people use Hollywood for education.
13.Responsible marketting/violent trends in video games abolished.
14. Tatoos, Body Piercing, Self Mutilation or "Gross" acts not publicly tolerated.
15. Social equity: 25% of large companies profit margin goes to employees. Unions abolished.
Promos or perks esp. for wealthy eliminated.
16. Education: Less repetition or sports oriented. Summer vacation abolished.
Karate introduced as part of PE. Twelth grade as second year of junior college.
17.Law: similar to Judaism w/o kosher laws although fat contents discouraged.
Fast food or peasant food illegal.
18.Social classes: goal all tend towards middle class.
Reckless pursuit of profit w/o social responsibility illegal.
Reckless pursuit of profit illegal.
19.Nationalist: Restriction and enforcement of laws on small foreign businessmen.
20.No silent partners w/ mafia or cartels. Negotiate w/ terrorist for public safety.
21. No privatization of central banks or government services.
22. No health or mental health crazes or fads.
23. Quality Control: No shoddy workmanship or superior/exclusive production.

The Party says "the party is over."- WF Matters Jr.

False wealth creates poverty or wealth that creates problems for others creates poverty
and confusion, not mere jobs. Yes, if you want slave classes and powerful classes with no
eventual middle class then do so.

The classes in our society where all men are created equal have been stratified further
making advancement from the class you were born into your place, not allowing advancement.
Some say this is good, but it is fuedal and unAmerican, even a caste system. People believe life
is not fair therefore none of us have to be fair and that is what creates the profit that keeps the world
going round.Progress as we term it has become too expensive and forces us to abandon the ability to
morally and ethically live with ourselves.In the expanse between the Republican and Democrat where
money is concerned one can see no difference, yet one neglects and the other repairs its own way and in
it we have gradual lose of rights for the progress of tommorow where we hope we can afford bread. A
theocracy would be as much a disaster as an oligarchy, yet who are we to decide each man's fate?

We pretend there is no God or there is a God and forget the God given edict to be decent. This
party's function is not to be right, but to temporarily moderate us to a point of recovery in crisis.I'll
be dead when it is a problem or we are animals trying to survive mentality is unacceptible.We are
stewards of this planet and we have no stewardhip of ourselves. We are noble humanity acting like mere
animals driven by fear and anger.What is right is preventing your self destructiion.
 THE GOAT OF MENDES

Luck is the devil's version
of God's grace. karma is hell.
Only God's grace is the way out.
For me I believe that is found in
the person of Jesus Christ.
Luck creates pride in one's work only.
It creates patterns of false routine and addiction.
it may even justify a pattern of sin.

Everyone contradicts to some extent. Insane feeding of the culture exists

for profit or the extreme objective moralists exists. The sheep of the parable
of the goats and sheep follow the call of their Lord and the goat consumes all and declines
responsibility.ye sit is survival in this world as an animal, but not good in a family as when
it turns inward on the family it causes desperation, exasperation and rebellion setting up the
child to raped in everyway by the world. We do justify ourselves to prepare ourselves to
preserve ourselves or our cultures or our systems thereof to keep a predictible flow of life,
yet noone needs homemade justifications or cheap legal defenses as scripture before
God. Due to this everyone is defending themselves through history so truth is undiscoverable
and from man's perspective truth is relative, yet the Ten Commandments as a basis for law
was the only ascertainible absolute truths derived from God for this culture of man.

TO AVOID SELF DESTRUCTION

The problem with education is the study of human limits & other standards whereby we
lower our potential settling for for needs instead of wants.The person is always battling
addiction and routine to deal with fear and anger.After celebrations or milestones we are
no more than before ignored with new responsibilities. You do not have a job, but who is to
say you do not deserve an education or a business?

As for evolution even if it is true I have a soul with rights and who am I to say justifying my
cruelty and not being merciful to another "it is survival of the fittest."? Does that justify my
ignoring you for profit or despoiling you? When young girls ignore character for fine looks
and possible social position with this perspective mate prostituting themselves does
"natural selection at work" justify it? Does sexual attraction and performance outweigh
character?

Commerce and economy do not justify haphazard government or evil laws as expense
and liberty do not warrant creativity to become perversion. I am not a volunteer or victim
to be abused as a social responsibility. Advanced civilization nurtures the individual
without forcing conformity. Men would not need sports to be distracted from females and
bond with other men to avoid being at war with them, if both appreciated the other
beyond extorted dollars via the relationship or as a sex symbol. An example of nurturing gone
wrong is found with the myth of Remas and Romulus or Rome's founding. Ironically not wishing
to see a theocracy or a state religion America's founders borrowed from Greek and Roman
governing ideals for us. They never intended America to last eternally as European nations
usually do. Although that is subject to change in recent years also. Defend the culture to the
death as it seems we have no other choice for profit. As long as it is not me? I now disavow
Taoism as I see the freedom to think means surviving alone and as morals and ethics are no
more than paid positions for commentators. Stagnation would not be unprofitable if it were not
the lack of a developing economy to support more and more people. I wonder if by birthing
we are killing ourselves later? Both liberal and conservative have a pro-life stance here. Yet
only one involves faith.It is just who gets paid that will kill us. The Goat of Mendes is what
I named thsi page to document we are all declining responsibility and consuming in a panic.
We pray for luck while never trusting any concept of grace. This is deplorably human and who
wants to live in a world of utter purity or utter sin and look at what we have?
Am I Good? What The Priviledged And Sane Should Know:

1-7 Am I Good if continued part of Am I Evil then: 58-65

7-8 Republican Manifesto 65-66

9-14 Ending Notes: 67-73

PCP

15 In The Nut House 74

In Jail

Jersey Shore

In The Military

16-17 The Sermon 75-76

18 Suppose 77

19-20 Christian Psychiatrics, a theory 78-79

21-24 Esau 80-83

Am I Good? What The Priviledged And Sane Should Know:

1-7 Am I Good if continued part of Am I Evil then: 58-65

7-8 Republican Manifesto 65-66

9-14 Ending Notes: 67-73

PCP

15 In The Nut House 74

In Jail

Jersey Shore

In The Military

16-17 The Sermon 75-76

18 Suppose 77

19-20 Christian Psychiatrics, a theory 78-79

 AM I GOOD?- What The Priviledged And Sane Know:

By William F. Matters Jr.

What is obvious is hidden through many formulae and

techniques all of humanity is guilty of knowing. We are not gods, machines or animals

as we have our habitual limits. We are all separate for a reason and decline on doing the

right thing for self preservation. We all believe we can fall yet do not believe we can be

anything except in a system or systems with each step carefully defined and paid in full

for us. Only a successful person feels lonely or like a puppet yet it is do to our demand for

definition and simple thinking. Even the most complex people have a simple base of

understanding the world or ourselves. To each of us life is existential and esoteric yet

the same in result. Every system we think we know is married to others in catagories

where we do not see the unique possibilities of how my place leads to another lest

we do even more for less and fear socialism or fascism, yet in our own way of defining

sanity in this way partisanship is dissolved and we all agree on sanity’s definition for

clarity and profit. We all agree on Democratic process or due process and care only

for after effects of a crisis or justifiable causes for change after a calamity grants justification

of expenses as evidence. We are not our brothers keeper as he wants us to feel sorry for him yet

exploit him for profit when it suits us. When a godless Democrat tries to reach Christ he has to be

Republican eventually also as for independence, entrepuenerialism or against potential oppression

Yet no one clearly defines the path except in approach to family values. Coming from a world where

each step is defined with training and provision means faith yet in the mind of a Democrat each

forseeable crisis comes to mind with temptations and no clear methods to cope until God visits.

The expense of family, friends, children, marriages, retirement, business, religious obligations

and the expense of caring for others in need is overwhelming with no clear plan or estate. That’s
after the basic needs of education or a trade as well as living and medical, dental and being human

with mistakes. Freedom is terrifying and chaotic appearing as evil and one wonders if God or the

devil is leading them. In both worlds genuine intelligence, courage and health are required. Grace

as a dispensation in place of luck or odds is terrifying as well as abandoning the need for self

justification or defenses there is vulnerability as real crisis and manufactured crisis scares the

person back into the hands of anyone to be exploited. Do this in combination with work obligations

, paying too much for too little with growing needs of the future and actual unaddressed personal

needs and deficiency. From experience we know humans set up for the fall yet they are physically

present. You go to the drug dealer who sends you to crisis who sends you to a doctor who sends you to

a psychiatrist who sends you to programs for insurance and compensation who sends you to a group

for life who leads you to a church with its demands all because you needed false energy to keep you

working where no one was keeping you sane. Then someone says this was God’s will. You say I just

wanted everyone to be happy. Try this with unemployment, homelessness or possible police

harassment while your body feels like its decaying. Then we say there’s no helping that person.

If we treated people like people and quit being nice or polite there would be hope. It gets crazier

because our systems are backwards. A godless world basis everything on perception or the

senses as they are limited. Humans are short sighted as we were created for relationship with God

originally therefore we don’t share all the same experiences or know how to divide duty. That’s

difficult in just a family where God is part of the household. For a heathen trying to cross over

with a godless family shunning him and I say that because people help females before they

help males how limitless does your plans or decision making or temperance have to be?

In the world we see physical, security and social needs leading to esteem and self actualization

or what I call purpose based needs according to Abraham Maslow yet in God’s method purpose

comes first and then all else is included in the package. It leads to some arrangements for

physical and security based needs, a church for social needs and to be edified/self esteem as
well as a God based assurance of some purpose until he leads you back to him only

to find healing and an earthly mission with roles. Until each is met faith and love

provide hope to fill in the gaps of anxiety and panic men exploit. The needs are the

same yet one is based on men fearing other men exploiting each other and the other

a God based community. One can truly be termed hell and the other heaven.

Each is a conditional permenant choice in the heart. You can as long as you are alive

trade sides if you can survive the cost. There are virtuous godless men and vile

excuses for Christians yet those relationships change as they are in transition.

You do not understand how so many Protestant or Catholic or Orthodox churches

can share the same God or be the right one in a world full of religions or if you are

setting yourself up again. Free grace comes at other cost of choices yet when you were

a Democrat I assure you knew if you were gay or straight or bi with many other

choices/temptations and I tell you its true many choices are made for you as a

Christian yet you have to work them out just like in the other world. The teaching

of the trinity where God has three separate expression forming one God is an

example of how we are so know simplicity leads to rigidity leading to death as

simple wrong choices lead to inescapeable problems or at least expensive ones

know there is no escape from responsibility to reap rewards and keep them.

Some responsibilities lead to others and others while we are human and that is

why the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was so deadly. We are not designed

to be gods mentally, spiritually or physically. Although we were immortal at one time

as our soul is now. That is why we die. The yearning for simplicity is regret for the Garden

of Eden. The New Jerusalem in Revelations/Apocalyse will have all we need or want.

Sin is why the world is as insane as it is and it will get worse with growing graces.

You do not have to reammend your whole life to be termed forgiven/saved or in

relation to God. To be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ death on the cross is

the sole truth you have to act on even if you forget from time to time. Some people

act on this in childhood and forget while others are learning for the first time. This

will be the last God you will have to serve with benevolent intent for humanity.

Systems evolved after an initial institution so some protecting a system for profit

instead of God gave birth to inquisitions as governments based in Christianity

exploited the fear element and that is why it always gets harry. God is good even

if some of his fan club is out there. People are trying to fill the role of God so it

is no wonder since the curse of sin you may have instincts the opposite of your

marching orders. How many times was I told as a Democrat fighting for myself

was unnecessary and then told it was bad to smoke a cigar to qwell my anguish?

I will tell you this also. The Big Bang was developed by a Catholic priest/physicist

And there is no contradiction in it being the same as God’s command of all things

being in existence. For all of the truth contained in Evolution its clarity on man’s soul

is the exclusion that justifies how evil men treat others. Men are animals to evolve

again maybe as the perfect machine of the future. We were created and will in a sense

evolve personally as resurrected to glory or damnation designed for such a purpose

without death or suicide as an option. Do not fully embrace this to throw away the truth

of the Garden of Eden’s account. It may seem a myth of one religion or an ancient

explanation as the myth here is used, but it contains all of your humanity as Jesus

Christ account when applied leads to saving grace leading to health and sanity while

avoiding confusion, repetition of questions , addiction, disease/disorder, poverty,

despoilment and exploitation. Health and an estate maybe in the future. These two

simple myths in their respective purity when applied answered more questions

to a know it all Democrat with a lot of questions and emptiness using it like a cross
word puzzle for entertainment. Sometimes those who demand justice and truth the

least are those who find it due to a real personal God. Mockery and deviance or the

knowledge of evil leads only to death and the appearance of intelligence, but wisdom

is the application of truth. True knowledge is very rare yet 1 billion people have it. Your

odds are better than that of any casino and in your soul truth is instilled or denied daily.

Unlike human fathers who raise you to be independent, God allows you your own identity

while training you to be dependent in areas where you can not be a god. If you are his then

you will not be allowed to be shamed again. These accounts from Genesis 1-3, Revelations 22

& the Gospels are eternal. You have every right to be good in Christ Jesus even if you have

rebelled without knowledge of what you were rebelling against, you did not start it yet it is

your choice to continue it or change direction. There is no doing wrong to make up for a past

wrong out of a sense of debt to anyone except God and he will correct the accounts.Welcome to

freedom. Fantasies and dreams of the past maybe sacrificed, but true desires encountered.

To avoid confusion God does not reward rebellion as a form of creativity to fill in the blanks

and enslave you therefore just be the self you wanted to be with him.

As for me meaningless art or memories of nostalgic pieces are not so important as they

impart no inspiration anymore nor any of my pieces being remember in a century as much

as a living testament to who I was and again that for you and myself will be found in that

eternal person resurrected from the dead after his mock trial and murder Jesus Christ.

When you go to church remember you are not going to an organization, but gathering

together as a part of him. For your choice you are now sacred as he is sacred. Life is a

sacred mystery and that’s why it is not merely an expense to a political ideology. As

for females they are worshipped in a heathen world only to be used for debasement

and this why Feminism and Pro-Choice are viewed as they are from Christian perspectives.

Your freedom is sacred. You are not giving up anything of any true value to you.
 If you read Romans 10:14 you will realize you are set free from the reprocussions of karma

as found in all other major religions as cause and effect found in the law’s curse is a removed

after the lesson of law’s consequences is learned. Positive thinking if you look at Romans 8:6

does not work since we are sense based if we are carnal and it only works while things are

good what a basis for tension.

The biggest freedom in Christ is not to be merely profit oriented. If you are Caucasion and

dissatisfied as a career oriented Democrat seeking to be a Republican businessperson

with resentment when they take control of government pay your taxes anyway as rendering

onto Caesar what is Caesars as Christ directed. If you are a Black person upset by the fact

Democrats at the early part of the century were black slave owners then vote Republican even if

all your black friends are concerned with civil rights and entitlements or perks. Democrats are very

nice and understanding, but if they know their agenda they are never kind for too long.

Take heart.- WF Matters Jr. How willing is America to grant freedom to anyone?

Republicans and Democrats alike treat people that are working class is dispensible?

Respect and money last as long as you work, but what about when there is no work?

How about when family estate, loans or grants are not possible to be educated or entrepeuner or both?

Military is not always an option either and how different were we from the Soviets in that way?

The true problem is growing disassociation of people from church or fair not one sided public education.

There is a faith factor or business in good faith disappearing from the private sector or government
sectors even in politics. Noone has a straight answer, but a jibe at one another or a defense. Beliefs the
true measure of wealth is disappearing. We are so preoccupied with use of each other even sexually
that true beauty of principle has lost its value. Freedom or independence or change or progress are
magically hypnotic words of changing value. Value that does not change has been lost as it can not be
maniputated as a lie for long. People as a result take up religions that last in respect to change only and
wonder why history repeats itself for the worst. Even a true moralist must retreat to the desert hoping
for merciful accidental suicide only to never see humanity again as Lao Tzu did in Taoism. Without an
active God with his prices it is impossible.A God who does not manipulate humanity for entertainment,
but engages at a personal level respective of the individual rights and priviledges each person is capable
of at that time without self destruction or destruction of others as his price or caste systems as his price
or mindless simple worship as his price. Some always take it too far morally or in lusts and that ends in
expense to all, but being human we need just that kind of actual external care that no government can
provide so money becomes the defaulting value or item of worship for even justice so were are all
enslaved.

REPUBLICAN MANIFESTO:

Republicans have no manifesto of thought and why is it would define human freedom and
independence. There are positions based on the Bible to safeguard freedom yet to define a mode or
method of freedom is to contradict its very nature. So there is culture shock as when one is used to
having their steps defined for them with preparation or you await orders to hear people ask “Where is
your initiative?” Therefore a possessor of a doctorate has as much say in your life as say he does and it is
not duty to submit to a higher educational rank and that basis only.

There is no grading and tracking people for success as that is actually God’s purpose you are
interfering with so faithfulness to God over faithfulness to man’s definitions is actually key. God
determines with your experience what you should or should not have as well as wages and market value
not man’s fluctuating deteriorating systems that pay for each other’s mistakes and control behavior for
show.Godly women do not demand worship or debasement in a relationship(s) to acquire needs. Sanity
and criminality are defined by God and not the needs of the growing system.

That is actually European in nature and the opposite of America’s original design by intent via first
ammendment. In the opposite system men celebrate this for control of reality and create false
employment and economies for their respective illusionary wealth. Credit is slavery eventually and that
is why church goers frown upon it. It is a priviledge granted to you to enslave you in unnecessary
engrandizement. In the end you are a defeated criminal asking forgiveness from masters who have new
assignments for you. Medical industry has this tendency as well as public education and mental health
industries. God deigns rights and priviledges as natural rights and not man so this fight is the basis of all
martyrdom and true heroes. All religions except Christianity and all culture has except America have
these tendencies or so it was. In this respect globalization is not peace, but slavery. See Dueteronomy
28-30 for examples of personal beliefs in action. God’s opinion of man made stability is found in the
accounts of Esau. There is no escaping dependence of God with your own right to individuality
guaranteed for the level of blessing you want based on his own universe of natural laws for this world
which do not change and will not expire. Therefore do not fear aliens or global warming.

You are entitled to dignified work that does not necessarily entail society’s definition of purpose

as well as reasonable profit in a business. If you are young you thank the demands of the Democrats

for terming all in industry, union or education for making society trade weddings at a young age for

dating. As you join us know that we bestow no ranks or high salary to replace dignity. One might

say the sexually inactive have an advantage in both worlds yet know that life is a gift and those you

are entrusted with are assets and not expenses. That was my mistake.In God’s economy it is different.
You select your spouse by God and character not mere serving of needs by a mate or mates.

Noone has the right to judge you for your selection. Appearances are deceiving and you have

to live with the person and share duties, not me. Work and family are not necessary evils to be

dispensed with in a future utopia as death, but are a means to life and life was never intended

to seem or be evil. Do not feel hate for those who lied to you as they were lied to also and found

sufficient evidence for their claims yet you know you are entitled in Jesus Christ to something far

better. Now you know a truth among two major cultures and it is a matter of choice.

Zaimaytan’s We, George Orwell 1984 or Sir Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World all can one day

play a part in human systems if there was no God. Hypothetics and imaginations or fables maybe

abandoned for lasting truth. In a sense I suggest Revelations sometimes known as the Apocalyse for

a Christian dystopian classic with a happy ending.

Ending:

You will find in all my works truth based on what I thought was truth at the time. Storm Blue

Was based on cultural agreement or how man manages in this world, The Halls of Karma based

on martial arts or the fear of karma, Diver’s Ways & Amadeus where Christianity and the world

could agree if they wanted to do so, Am I Evil was a list of futility for defenses and simplicity of

life as to becoming Republican and Christian in Am I Good. In truth we are all evil and it is just

a matter of rank and file, but were intended to be and can become good only based on forgiveness.

Whether that good is based on your number of confessions and sacraments or is based on God alone

will be up to you or one even one leading to one or the other is alright as long as you believe you are

forgiven based on Jesus Christ work and not how wonderful you are or how much you are owed for

being so abnormally used you will find freedom and keep it.

Thoughts For Ministry:

The Bridge:A Quest For Grace After Feasting on Darkness

By William F. Matters Jr.

 Forgiveness is not stupid and it is not emotional blackmail misleading you to premature
independence, ruin or being the scapegoat. If there is someone else out there like God, he has
to be into forgiveness because everyone else's comes at a price or with a threat or to serve a need
at a cost.Believe it or not bartering with God is an insult and that is why prayer is free and
sacrifices out of thanks occur once you have been blessed.

Without forgiveness the world would exploit itself to death as it is new life.Show me an
untrusting and unforgiving family that is closed from community even with nothing to hide, but
fear and fear of crisis and I'll show you people who act like machines or animals with no love of life.
In a world where everything is mathematical or based in money there is the worst poverty even if you are
wealthy.In a world of buried secrets or imagined guilt there is no permenant truths, you have to reinvent
yourself constantly and insanity is inevitable.In a world where people are abnormally used or abused
there is vice to survive or deviance to avoid ever having a family again so how is abortion actually a sin?

For Fundamentalists, the Bible is all in its own culture or means of surviving the environment.
There is money, basic skills, nationalism maybe even some politics and a list to avoid.For the
worldly there is Nietzche, Freud, Adler, Erikson, maybe occult or divination,Evolution,a list of
authors for fantasy and musicians, maybe sports or fashion, mythology, philosophy, mysticism
and knowledge of Eastern religions or disciplines as Taoism,Buddhism,Hinduism or martial arts.
Aside from quotes there is no devotion or application at a regular level.Diet, money and some politics
is the common ground.

It seems easier, but in a world where you have to fix everything there is no forgiveness. The utter
simplicity is not genius, although it saves some humans their sanity it is unsane to have to understand
both worlds to make a choice or find a profit.Even if you profit how long do you get to keep it?How long
until what or who you gain deteriorates? The worldly want to believe people aren't bad, but life is and the
others that people are bad and life is a gift.Those who live beyond this insanity are rare, but I learned in a
closed family with trauma and drama all of the time at war with the war was for me while I was ignored.
I've had the benefit of many opposite experiences in life and people think that prepares you to choose
sides.No side profits you.You have to profit you.There are no better choices or ranks.Those that believe
so are most prevelant and insane, bvut war is profitable.War's profits speak of life's purposelessness.To
destroy that which interferes with your needs is natural, carnal and never spiritual in a good way.

To say you don't know and know in your spirit is a gift, yet beyond exploitation or explanation. Things
just make sense to certain people and education will never grasped this truth. There is no conditioning or
learning as they were always were a part of us.Such talents the world exploits as we exploit ourselves
against nature, the realm of carnality we created and without spiritual insight we feel guilt with a need to
self destruct.Some problems if we try to explain when the need to dismiss them by faith occurs seperates
us within from a false guilt or imagined guilt due to discomfort before we learn by faith or trust the secret is
common experience yet requires forgiveness.Only after we remove ourselves from this state do we learn
what we need to in order to originally move beyond the dilemma. Great complexity, pain and vain lessons
or cycles trap us without forgivessness in a world or faith even merely in ourselves.Whether a sinful fall or
secret spirits exist to intervene in this world it is the sane answer to the insane of this world.In rare
circumstances the symbol represented by a myth or explanation is an actual part of reality.To the
worldly the vain search while enjoying worldly pleasures has to come to an end eventually and to the
Fundamentalist reality requires a larger reality than just hiding in scripture to define reality.

-WFM Jr. In Memory of James Cochran

DEMASCULATED: By William F. Matter s Jr.

 All there is to say is much. From early memories of childhood feeling scared

and alone you see a crucifix at age five wondering what it has to do with life or God.

At age six you see a picture of Jesus looking angry from a storm cloud and wonder as

you hear a thunderstorm outside. Never do you go to a church and the first person

you meet from a church tells you that you are going to hell for not going to church

when you are seven. For all you know mother is God, the only interpreter of him

who uses Jesus Christ as a constant curse word approaching you in anger. She terrifies

you throughout life and punishes violently saying it was not a beating demanding respect

and providing temptation in order to punish and control then does not understand why you

choose not to marry. When you do fall in love you see the girl as goddess, devil, temptress,

prison and lash out as no one cares for your side of the story since you have no money.

In rural Protestant Republican all American South Jersey people see a person with

Catholic Democratic North Jerseyian with deep respect for European tradition and everyone

wonders at you no matter how long you live there. Everyone sees a problem, but offers a

treatment at different prices with no cure and a cost of dependence. As you do not trust your

senses anymore each life choice leads to a new trap, news of friends committing suicide or

predators and worse deviancies than imagineable occur creating a world of terror instead of

wonder. With churches the magic is a sin and even romance or luck are seen as traps, yet there

is no savior for you. Sex seems disgusting and drugs are boring yet there is no escape from this

all embracing hell. You hear of churches or cults closing and new casinos arising to worship

desperation as corruption replaces government. After all you have seen, survived or feel

you believe you are immortal and your world of disgrace doomed or continual.

What can I do, but write these worthless lines? Is there a history of humanity worth

recording from this era as no one learns from history’s mistakes? Fear rules America as

anywhere else. We are the free socialist dominating the world through forced business
after war. We give to the wealthy and give only enough to the poor to silence our conscious.

Is wealth the ability to see a person covered in blood running through the street at night

where drug dealers rule while you have plenty in your pocket? Is freedom the ability to control

your world without fearing you have given big brother the right to list your sins and take all while

saying they are not Socialists so demand no means of justice or accountability?

Cops work eight to twelve hours in a shift and after seeing so much they lose faith in

humanity, so they want their share at minimal invested effort. When too much is asked for

too little and hopes are unattainable then corruption shows up in its own way of a temptress.

If you want freedom expect no law or it at a price. The Democrats of New Jersey want a world

where the attacked do not defend themselves so we are not violent and do not smoke to avoid

anger after paying hefty taxes and high prices with low wages where the water is polluted by toxins

from half the population taking psychiatric meds or recovering from other pollution. The other side

that makes sense creates ungodly financial crisis whenever they take over the state. Panic and control,

panic and control and where is faith or even business in good faith?

I know in my world I had to go against every natural or carnal inclination to avoid traps within my

own family with no counsel or church based faith while battling a growing mental illness until finally

the demands of my development in education was too much for not even near enough. This is where

it gets to be too much where savings is consumed in every manufactured crisis or drama and the root of

corruption takes root. When a family sees evil like this and says “Good it will give us an excuse to dump

him and loose the expense, where is faith to take root? Where is the highest order, but to be an

enslaved animal or poorly maintained machine? How to be an example when every failure justifies

childish behavior by your parents? How to not be a hypocrite with contradictory demands are placed

on you? How to succeed for the family when the celebrate your failures out of jealousy? This is the

poverty spiritually from which leaders grow up to be leaders if they are lucky. To leave financial

poverty for spiritual poverty and maintain external illusions for praise and love while people
wonder how can this leader be involved in a lustful extra marital affair? From power to a PC

world where minority, foreigner and especially women get the controlling roles for less

physically painful work at a demanded better wage while opportunities are lost for the

heterosexual Caucasion usually Christian male. A woman controls your assets and your

sexual needs as people wonder why a thirty something male prefers a cheese steak, beer

and cigarette to sex which ironically now is encouraged to be forbidden to him. This part of

the Democratic world destroyed me and its spread into the Republican realm also. What is

love? No wonder males have less insight into themselves since no one will let the boys be boys.

Whenever there is profit someone has to loose and politics is the science of deciding who looses.

You can have poverty and be controlled or greater poverty and freedom without corruption.

Where is God or his Spirit’s leading or reenergizing except for a select few while the rest of us

hang ourselves in desperate approval for his grace? The truth is our taste is not God’s taste

and will take two or three generations for the stage to reset itself yet who cares if it is my

son’s problem since you can’t take it with you? All of this worthless knowledge for the next

life if it exists? Where is the money now? How is it generated? Is there a lot to be determined

or can I become somebody in America land of hard work and plenty if those lies can still exist?

Was man created for money or money for man? Each of us separated almost on purpose by

money and the government while we schism in churches and casino corporations unify and merge.

Luck confuses priorities, sets poor examples and creates addictive traits yet we all hope to work

hard enough to be lucky instead of faithfully in God’s grace since even I do not like his definition

of freedom. Was man evolved by his own will and invented God or did he create us is a

blasphemous question or is the collective government God or is there such a thing as sin?

There is no money in such thinking so from both parties perspective can this be labeled sin?

Is there anything besides Socialism of the future, medieval thinking of God or disaster?

Do I go gay since that is where the money is in the future instead of being a tortured
family man? Times have changed as more people note abusive mothers and single mothers doing

damage as to make up for their discontents as a female so everybody is asking these kinds of

questions today. Everything that looks good or taste good is somehow bad for you as to where

it leads and after awhile in such a world of desperation even the disgusting seems attractive

in the name of mere use or convenience for a need. If there was gainful secure employment

for everyone maybe this would not be the case. If people are complacent this is the case.

I believe if my family settled for an apartment for us at age eleven rather than a home

there would have been more love and less psychosis in my life. Homes are hells with a few

fond memories in my perspective. What is faith but an opportunity to be exploited by

the experienced faithless? I sleep and smoke to avoid eating at a greater expense. Coffee

kills hunger also. Poor looks and poor nutrition with the inability to afford a descent

shampoo or razor and live among the impoverished who drink and drug to escape their

hopeless existence with constant drama and danger to distract from the external appearances

of their plight was poor choice. There is no education or free grace that comes at no cost to these

people. To lower myself to such plights to help was foolish as I could have settled for a purposeless

job with good pay to keep a broken system limping along as there is no purpose, but the system.

Whether it be a gospel ministry or economy or law or government all is to maintain sales,

distribution and production with some attractive ads. The free education is that of basic skills

and habits and beyond that no one can afford to think for themselves without subsidy. Beyond

the grid who is free and is at too great a cost? Is freedom and happiness the trap of all traps?

Who do we let define it for us? What is our final evolution or resurrection leading to in the end?

-WFM Jr.

In Memory of Angelina & Peter Pennello

COMMENTS ON INSTITUTIONS IN AMERICA:

Mental Illness & Religion:

 Most mental illness has a perceptual & interpretation based problem at its cost

brought on by false beliefs to us, but true to them due to habitual abuse & odd life

experiences. In some cases an organic difficulty uncureable by mere inspiration. As a

result religion may instate and grant values of temporary relief, but certain similar

personal trials or perceived as such may reignite trauma with its poor coping skills

or mechanisms of defense and/or human complacency gives place to old habits making

this born again experience of no avail. Hypnosis or brainwashing is not the cure either.

Mental Illness & Politics:

Most mentally ill people have a tendency to view the world as a hostile place,

abusive & exploitive as a dystopian classic & as a result they can not distinguish

between where man’s ability to manipulate is separated by harsh reality. Everything is

viewed as a lie or a set up therefore rebellion is usually quite obvious, but misunderstood.

There is no man versus nature element or understanding where one relationship with its

powers end and another begins. We float in our unreality or fantasy as they do to their

perception.

PCP:

Once I did PCP thinking it was cocaine infuriating my schizo-affective disorder.I was

paranoid, but had well established enemies in reality I was weaker than so just because

you are paranoid does not mean they are not after you as a cliché applied.I was

hallucinating. I knew there were demons coming through the walls even if I could not see

them & since no one could accept me they were going to strip me of my dignity piece by

piece.

Jail:

Jail holds a false image of discipline. It is a hell where reprobate souls congregate and
attack the weak. In a world of deprived liberty you learn to trade food for favors, protection

or lesser value yet needed commissary. Trade without money only teaches a person how to

do more with less in bizarre ways maybe reinforcing or graduating a mental disorder. There

are people to fear enough to learn how to go to the next level and do even more damage to

society later in a legal way.

In a Nut House:

Regimentation and programs only reinforces the delusions that society or more

ominous forces are at work. For all intents and purposes it is a holding cell where time

is useless and stands still. In a jail or a psychiatric hospital no one learns anything of

therapeutic value except to more fully exploit granted liberty.

Jersey Shore:

For locals the absence of a year round economy in tourist regions with no local malls

promote drug sales while eighty hour work weeks during the summer increase the

disabled. Constant change to survive legally & economically creates even more

unusual dilemmas and drains or expensive drama.

In The Military( From What I’ve Heard:)

Fanaticism & ignorance as pride are exploited and no one truly grows. Only an

Officer can survive the hypocrisy or exploit it legally to escape. People should not

need rank to maintain dignity as a person.

This section dedicated to the memory of La Mont Jones. Sorry Friend.

Am I Good also remembers all of my pets, especially Lady the best friend a lonely boy could have at the
worst time. I believe a gift from St. Francis of Assisi

From my haunted memories dedication to all those who died while being despised in society.

IN EXCELSIS DEO
TRUE & PERMENANT GROWTH: A Sermon By William F. Matters Jr., Rev.

We live in a society telling you not to defend yourself, follow and trust without even

a cigarette to deal with the stress. We foster personal growth always straying away from

the convictions of your heart or unresolved issues. Never giving answers fostering dependence

on people and not God who is misrepresented by Democratic or even some Republican life if you

review the letter of James in your bible. So you trade your freedom for toys that meet standards

of social approval to appear successful and wonder why you are always tired and never happy.

Are you lazy or unmotivated or crazy? Even free entertainment or information is not free in that

It tells you what to buy to be happy or what everyone else is thinking to make a socially approved

choice then go to God and wonder why he says “no” to your prayers.

The heart of it is covetousness. Covetousness is not want or the driving force of work. Covetousness

leads to choices on what will make me look good and not be good based on the fear of other men and

not God. Thus it leads to idolatry making the desired object or effect an idol. It leads to witchcraft or

means of manipulation usually in an ungodly manner creating guilt covered by fear of perceived

failure. Then you wonder why success and approval of men seems so empty and worse than before.

You’ve alienated God in the choice so love becomes lust, beauty become aesthetics and truth a

Partiality. The guilt sets you up for guilt towards man rather than God to exploited by other men.

Fostered dependence whether by addiction or whatever feels good takes you further away with

your new found blessings seeming to be a curse with all of the problems and more work they bring.

This is why political history repeates itself among the ungodly as it creates haste or plots creating

poverty. Covetousness is a sin as found in Exodus 20 and idolatry is as the sin of witchcraft

. If you do not find disobedience to God to be freedom then you will never be a

slave. Freedom is not a temporary reward for cowering to other men, but a state to be maintained

by God’s grace. The perfect dream or fantasy creates poverty when chased as Proverb says. Things

are as they will be until the end with no utopias by man. It is frustrating, but this drudgery is the
best it gets without God’s intervention continually. As for the definition of joy it is sometimes

just the absence of pain or abnormal use/abuse yet in a sin fallen world such is the norm. Suicide

only brings you to worse estate permenantly from a spiritual perspective. Be happy with your needs

being met and God may provide a better station usually as perceived as such for you from him which

is blessing. After enough reviews of the Protestant or Catholic Bible you see personal independence

from other men is the blessing of following God whether it be health, sanity, family or priviledges

that are permenant all is a gift from God for this purpose so you may testify to his goodness and not

yours or others and this is the ties that bind all saved humanity to him. All worldly friends or females

break this rule one way or another and that is why holiness is so necessary. Ever notice people who

celebrate God with drink do not become addicted and people who rebel can’t understand why

everybody is an alcoholic? Proverbs 23 You are allowed to want good things achieved in a

good way while accepting what is not God’s will for you.

This is the mystery the devil hides from his own. Luck is the devil’s version of grace so:

“To God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now

and forever. Amen.” Jude 25

SUPPOSE:

Suppose there is a possibility of the Southern Democrat slave owner and those that

Promise civil rights today really could work together to destabilize America. Will the South

rise again or do so by crummy presidents in both parties? Will there be another civil war?

Will there be another revolution? Will we be socialist as it seems it is the inherent evolution of both

parties? Will there be a race war? Will we be so divided there will be many parties all with possible

socialist agendas? Once you have no king or dictator you have choices by slow processes and the

pattern of government is always resource assignment. Things were not always good in America
and these truths we find so self evidence are more elusive than ever. Do not panic and run to

the police who will say your nuts. Trust God who brings good out of evil as you will find chaos

by itself does not bring order. You are not God and can not resolve it. There are only so many

choices in independence so let God be king even if you see him as a dictator for order and peace.

Better to have a mind with faith than insanity. As for justice God will bring it in his time and not

to make us heroes or victims or gods. Even if humanity was wiped out do we deserve better?

We always blow second chances and we either have God granted experience or we do not so do

not fear making a fatal mistake. You have to go on.

CHRISTIAN PSYCHIATRICS APPLIED (in Theory):

At its core all truth is a matter of choice and cultivation. Language is futile when

communicating spirituality to a strictly carnal mind (see Romans )as there is

no means of appraisal. From a certain perspective all truth contains circular arguments

or self fulfilling prophecies yet at a certain point there must be a choice. No matter how

many odd purchasing or buying strategies no one can receive from both camps for long

and entertain both sides without an identity crisis. The deeper a person is subject to the world

with its engrained habitual understanding or a Christian the deeper the inner conflicts and lack of

insight when one seeks profit from both. A choice has to made. The longer one is subject to this

world independent of God the more familiar experience or spirits will cultivate lies perceived as

truth yet from Christian interpretation we’d call delusion though the world would call it valid.

The longer one cultivates a leading and not a chasing of God the deeper that truth will be instilled.

For the Christian it is a daily trial and pleasure and for the heathen the overwhelming all at once

understanding from engrained habit. One world will always be at odds with another. One world

will treat outward symptoms by category so things look and feel good and the other explore the

caverns of the human heart which in biblical definition is the mind. Cures hurt and pleasures
damage due to our world’s state. Both worlds in any culture woe us, but your wanted choice

will inevitably dictate. God will not break you into a mindless gob to resurrect and he needs

not your forgiveness. We categorize things in the mind, but when one leeks into the other

guilt occurs as an instinct. Some will say instinct does not exist and there is only learned

behavior, but experience has shown me as a mentally ill person that instinct is part of how

God leads us to healing and allows the reprobate to continue to deeper and deeper

damnation here on Earth using mental illness. Maybe allowing unseen forces to discredit

them yet for the innocent there maybe choices denied them and abuse with followed neglect

cultivating the madness with no option of Christendom communicated. We all have a daily

reprieve from insanity. Just some are further away by good habits. Higher and lower power

maybe used if such earlier terminology offended.

ESAU: Do we sell our birthright for a bowl of soup? In Genesis this is the question.

For some the answer is “Hell yes.”. When we sell out to evolution without recognizing

God planting a soul at some stage or believe public educations declaration that some

Students are special that have a talent for education are others are not special in either

case we sell our birthright from God’s given edict of freedom or free will to man’s will.

Some Reformed Christians believe in predestination for Christians in this case which I

myself do not fully understand except that all things work to good for the called and is

predetermined by God except events of evil which become an asset in God’s economy.

Either way definitions of freedom widely vary and constrict or go further deviant in man’s

hands. You are either made in God’s image with a price of holiness or subject to man’s

system in the image of the beast when you see the spiritual or behavioral patterns of full

evolutionists. There is no freedom for free as God originally intended where everyday you

had every reason to bless your creator. The freedom to sin brings these other choices that

truly devalue home, money, education or the best sermon or marriage or children or

investments as we all pay for each others’ sins through the vehicle of politics and excessive

church tithes or offerings. I tried to provide a full tour of human knowledge untainted by

circumstance or human stances without studies of all the changing details as geography

changes and nations rise and fall or history repeats itself in these five works. Storm Blue

did not really recognize family life as this was a work intended for the individual where

The Halls of Karma leave you with ideas about ideas or Diver’s Way & Amadeus shows

critical points of agreement among Christian controversy or Am I Evil explores the depths

of human suspicion from one account and the account of one crossing over in Am I Good.

America owes much to Europe including examples of how not to govern much to Catholicism

except how not to be too rigid as in Vatican I and much to Democrats except how not to

leave industrialism and neglect the right reward for personal merit independent of the needs
of the system. With many options comes confusion and the ability to lose freedom as well

as boring information that changes in excess enforced by fear tactics of lawyers or doctors

where knowledge is a god and faith in God or applied knowledge of him is foolishness.

No kings only presidents and everyone still wants to enslave everybody so they do not

have to work or have plenteous supply for security until a man based utopia is found.

What bull? Just like on the street you learn the difference between street bs and truth

or not to transfer and exchange undocumented debt for something from somebody else

as we do in our twenties from experience you know what to reject and accept without all

of the facts. Even facts can be manufactured so who do you trust? The government does

not set up people to answer prayers secretly heard by the governments recording or detecting

devices so go to God. Not the portrayed powerless Hollywood version of Jesus, but the real one.

It is your life given to you by him, not any other deity or philosophy as you owe none of them

anything anyway. As I write these words I feel a liberty none can take away or force me to

retract. You may not be that special or evil or good, but God will use you to his glory and your

benefit. You do not have to be educated to be wise and sane as later are free gifts from God

even if you do not know him yet.

All human systems are interdependent fostering dependence yet contradicting in that

human families tell there children one day you will be independent of us to exclaim in joy

you will have your own family. Most of us never recover from that trauma. We think we

know what life is all about at that point yet God’s curses or displeasure occur only when in

either old or new testament covenant God’s chosen choose to reject him in independence

breaking the covenant relationship. If this piece of perceived myth is true and God is not a

faulty system with a demographic crunch who else could a person joyously call “Father”?

The God of all truth who controls if aliens will be victorious in Orson Wells The War of The

Worlds or if dinosaurs would devour humanity. To not be raised in Christianity and yet
embrace it is even more a treasure in the choosing as you can now reject the world’s lies

or embrace the truths with so much more richness and difficulty. Most of all blessed

inheritance starts with spiritual inheritance and it is not the opium of the people as Lenin

of future Communist USSR said, but a truth that you are eternal in nature and your actions

have meaningful impact forever. Who is foolish, the one who earns and spends or the one

that actually impacts? Vladamir Lenin is gone and detested, the one who said “I trust no one

not even myself at times.”

Likewise we engage in dates, affairs and countless marriages as Esau we sell ourselves

to settle a need yet would not one longstanding ever enriching marriage be the best choice

before you give yourself away and waste your strength to be alone?

What is best buffets with strife or enough to be full with peace and contentment?

To be rich with lots of problems or have a purpose? Is hypocrisy a profitable virtue

when you can not tell friend from enemy or truth from lies or family from foe?

If you believe in spirits what do you do when you are so corrupt and unholy you

can’t tell if God or a demon is leading you while doubting your own sanity as is

common in horror flicks? What do you do when you love money as it is the only basis

for sanity and decision making in a world of unstable markets? To keep redefining it you

stay drunk all of the time or develop a drug problem and is that really the problem?

You become a philosopher of Eastern philosophy to control the constant of change

and wonder why life has become worse. Maybe you even dabble in the occult to confront

your fears and wonder why bad things are actually happening. You end up suicidal or

on psychotropic drugs with no one willing to guide you to sanity. You decide work

and money are the cure to start coveting all of the wrong things and it starts over

again as you prepare to die rejecting the fairy tale of Jesus wondering how if there is

a God he could send people to hell. It starts with the existential questions of numena
and phenomenon or your value of truth without physical evidence as the deciding factor.

It is quality over quantity. You are no more than you were intended to be. This is God’s

will accept it or reject it. The only way to expiate negative karma based on the Pauline

epistles is to offer Christ sacrifice to God in your place believe it or not? Karma is an

axiom of spiritual truth found in all religion yet even in Islam it is expiated by two visits

to hell for the worst. For Jewish people or those of Israel there is no worry as this karma

and heaven and hell stuff is too paganistic yet even if there is none metaphysically

speaking are they not states of mind? What if the mind, a major part of the soul is

eternal? It could be argued Chi contributes to this theory, but we are Western

rationalist anyway.

We can not be objective and make a choice out of fear without entering a

second childhood. The choice is based on staying out of trouble from a different

worldview, but being the human animal with a soul does not mean all decisions

are made from a spiritual basis without consideration of carnal need. Some people

at such choices abandon sanctified common sense. There is no required asking

forgiveness from “evil people” or rectifying illegal debts or redoing your life all over,

except where God leads you otherwise. Feelings based on past worldly conditioning

do not apply. You are forgiven, not perfect or else you would require no forgiveness at

all anyway. This is the massage of Galatians. Likewise as God treats you do not tempt

weaker people with your strength rather share the wisdom of experience with those

seeking newness of life. That is all I am doing with you. There is also no treatise on how

to sin better and get away with it even worldly wisdom may spare damage but not

overall expense. We are now full circle with choice of direction. Choose well.

THE END of all works in this series.

The Am I Good Essays?- WF Matters Jr.

An Appraisal of Sport & Its Purpose 84-85 or page 1-2

Why Some Females Get Hit 86 or 3

The Sins of Creativity Even in The Church 87-88 or 4-5

The Lawless Religion of Wars 89-93 or 6-10

Surreal 94-101 or 11-17

Democracy 102-103 or 18-19

AD&D Alignment versus Personality 104-106 or 20-22

A Scene of The World After Ten Minutes of Truth 107-109 or 23-25

I’ll be retiring from writing, Taoism or just judging the world or even the law or the

rules rather doing it has been my habit. I did not realize that when you spend all your

energy trying to be not involved you end up in compromised positions of desperation

leading to an evil by default. In a world of standards many desperate things occur to

maintain list and systems for even a revolution or rebellion becomes evil when it is the

new establishment. In such a world personal encounters are less important than

accomplishments and acquisitions and we wonder why when we get married we

do not even know our mate. In Christianity people sometimes think the Holy Spirit

is like school spirit just fired-up emotions. Believing in nothing leads to everything

being empty and just a stepping stone for things you want to get what you want.

Belief is its own reward leading to the things and people we want. The quality is

dictated by your choice of beliefs and by choosing no beliefs I chose nothing. I was a

lazy coward by default thinking to myself to be wise when all my intelligence was

invested in folly resulting in foolishness.My hopes are you will find wisdom from my

wandering and waste. I’ll never make a million dollars. The family seeking money and
I , myself seeking a better social position succeeded in tearing each other a part. It’s

funny when you succeed the family ashamed of itself feels better, but then there is

sabotage out of jealousy and the downward spiral never ends until you are alone and

accept it. Maybe you find ano0ther person and the insanity continues, but that is how

desperate life truly is and always has been. No hope can exist based on a lie. Yet we call

this family when you are poor. There is no change, because a poor man thinking like he is

rich is subject to attack except by those like minded found in religious circles.A middle class

man has double duty in earning and spending, but is blessed with continual humility.Over-

confidence is the curse of the wealthy. Without God our humanity degenerates and turns on

itself. In an America of godly Republicans or godless Democrats you always know what you have

to do with your compensation so for freedom the roles reverse again yet in it all the Russian

prison slogan reverberates truth from Lenin’s day “Ne Ver Ne Boisya Ne Prosi!” or “Don’t

believe, don’t fear and don’t ask (for anything)!” A God whose grace transposes beyond

religion or state is required for personal freedom that validates compensation and work

yet this is the most difficult and confusing of all living beliefs.
AN APPRAISAL OF SPORT AND ITS PURPOSE: By Sensei William F. Matters Jr.

You should never be under so much stress that you need enough compensation to afford

a deliberate mistake. There should not be so much focus on you that if you fail then everybody

fails. There is a team work or family concept of divided duty and reward for individual effort that

keeps the world sane. In martial arts I’ve been learning this sanity that is evident yet no so

evident to the untrained eye when it comes to sports. Someone making your efforts seeming

foolish, wasted or redundant in laughter only reflects their ignorance and inexperience or laziness.

Sports is a way of peaceful bonding among men wooing the ladies while not at war with each other.

No book has endeavored to speak of these qualities of sports in any school phys ed program I’ve

been a part of in anyway. There are people who are not very bright yet there are those whose

intelligence is of a brand that leads to insanity and ask who is better than one who works with

their limits?

In martial arts in America we have kata, academics and hapkido or self defense patterns so

varying and complex becomes American martial artist deal with a dishonorable host of adversaries.

One is the schools not screening students teaching these techniques making it necessary for an

ever evolving market of common knowledge of these techniques yet it is a mystery why no employed

technique in street combat is textbook. Academics, kata, the ring and philosophy applied is the key,

not my school has better techniques than yours and every school is different except in kata, specified

academics and hapkido based techniques. Grappling or basic wrestling contains the base by which

most of these skills are to be deployed anyway. Arts that keep the opponent at a distance are not

usually well equipped for in-fighting and vice versa. Combine this with flash and private staged

tournaments great for commerce and purchased trophies and you have all of the stress the arts

are supposed to relieve and a loss of confidence in oneself no sensei can reinstate by fear. This is

the demise of American martial arts. Honor is always for sale at the bottom line and individuality

discouraged at franchised styles. There are even sadists as artist. Hypocrisy is not an art form.
Physical conditioning was my individual flaw and a lack of maturity. Sports of any form should be

a diversion from stress and not its author yet how many people want to quit everyday for pain that

goes deeper than burning thighs or tired arms. There is an exhaustion of spirit from being hopelessly

overwhelmed in life in a way from which we know we will never recover and that is depression.

Whether in America we work for the right to choose our work and rewards seems senseless it is

better than the alternative. What is senseless is expecting everyone to be like us in our appreciation

or use of liberty especially when it costs us. Everybody costs everybody somehow! If we all focused

on that we would not scream for justice, but seek an outlet and sports is great. Why? Every spectator

is not a player and therefore equal. There we can bond.It is practically religious in a sense. All that

energy and no hate usually. If I only understood this years ago I’d probably been married, suffered

less injury and been more practiced in success in life without a strong appreciation for it beyond a

sense of its mystery and the settlements for an existence I made out of loyalty to poor family

teachings.
WHY SOME FEMALES GET HIT, RAPED or DATE-RAPED:

Some men beat up women because it is convenient and their solution to everything is

physical. For others it happens rarely as some women play games where the male is in a

challenging situation where justice of any sort can not be had, the woman stands to profit,

the male the expenses or blame followed by the challenge “You know you want to hit me!”

and “Just do it!” are yelled louder and louder where the male can’t think to undermine the

woman’s plan and frustration with fear gives way to anger.

I know in my day females could be abusive, twisted and overjoyed at your failure as they

gained every excuse and every social benefit even politically for a boss like position in every

respect so your strength could only be employed to their benefit. Nobody like a mommy-dearest

who demasculates and then demands you act like a man. If a man survives this scenario enough

you may end up with a rapist or a trans-sexual. We all wanted to be treated like people or a

person, but sexual roles have limitations meant to compliment each other and not destroy each

other. As men and women worship and debase each other these casualties will always occur.

Sometimes people denying their fear of death feel their purposes are outlined in an expected

conditioned response leading to procreation or pleasuring the other person since that is what

everybody wants anyway? When there is no God mediating in human affairs every person even

the weakest attractive female is a source of fear to be overcome and as one phase leads to the next

I hope this amateur sociologist dabbling in psychology has demonstrated the power principle in play.

How do you get a rapist or worse with religious backgrounds is usually the depraved act disguised as

an act of justice as delayed revenge or proselytizing . I understand therefore I am sane would be the

biggest lie any insane person can tell themselves as sanity is forgotten in the chase or all of this maybe

seen as purely experimental and therefore educational. –WF Matters Jr.

THE SINS OF CREATIVITY EVEN IN CHURCH:

By William F. Matters Jr.

There comes a time when an author must decide if his writing will have damaging

consequences or make society worse or stagnate it to be worse or if he will have to

answer for debase fantasy? If held back what will happen? There is the need to eat

and produce a product though. Stagnation or inaction leaves you with depleting resources.

The religion of desperation is sometimes the hallmark of genius and the guilt of which is the

genius’s undoing. People are fickle in general and as a young boy becomes a young man the

world is odd from the first nocturnal omission to the first job to the first act of public embarrassment

or immoral girls demanding respect or pretending to be too innocent to manipulate while dressed

as whores where politics is on their side leaves little room for guilt or self doubt. Then women say “I

don’t understand guys.” Driven by hormones and false impressions the young man knows he’ll never

be married at the most romantic years due to educational and financial demands so the author

writes stories about a apocalyptic world where an isolated man will be forced to reproduce the

species or a dictatorship mesmerizes women to love him for the sake of a dictatorship all to get

back at Western society for depriving him of his innocence. Maybe a fundamentalist church teaches

things that leave him set up for the fall with the world and forseeing it he rebels through the rock n’

roll lifestyle to repent later for minor relief yet shaking off his disbelief to survive. All of this is

exploitation of the young for profit, but who wants a real job with enough pay to take you to the

next week? I’ve always believed something political attacked Kurt Cobain for being too honest

against both sides and right after the fall of this god of rock then PC thinking became popular

his total nemisis. I wonder sometimes, not that the Catholic Church has been full of saints however

a culture of pediophaels is a bit much all at the same time. I wonder if it was a bunch of hired

worthless scoundrels paid to testify against the church to weaken its position for different urban
interest as societies of unions or mafias or even a group of Democrats with axes to grind.

Some groups have a lot of market to gain by a failing church as well as control or deprived

escapes and they have the money to buy malcontents literally getting them to sell their

souls in this case. There was probably a few legitimate cases, but the image made it seem

like every priest was that way which despite media controlling popular opinion I found

insulting to my intelligence even before I became Catholic. Most people go to church for what

they can gain anyway yet I just wanted an unquestionable peace with God according to my

opinion. As a result of writing this piece I may eat less, but I have peace. Unless you want a

world a step away from Farenheit 451 then people need to read more than opinionated

contemporary history or for entertainment leading to the justification of sick positions

and inventive ways of practicing deviancy. This article I believe shows the bankruptcy of

such ideas. You have to wonder is your money going to your slavers?

It is just as confusing for leaders of any sort as we use material philosophies that fail.

We have popular demand balanced by eventualities as time constraints, money, resources

and human possibility forcing all leaders to empty themselves in self sacrifice as a Taoist

yet demanding an opposite display of principle to earn respect and maintain office. Humans

all require compensation proportional to investment and needs of the future yet all the

population wants to be a ruler one day while demanding total self sacrifice from a leader?

This is how your Machiavellis are born from this state of human desperation by which

people create by their desperation. The Tao that can be told is not the Tao or way that is

In that conditions change. Definitions will change with new conditions or fashion and

human economy invents therefore disrupting language into confusion. Human desperation

united created the confusion of tongues at Babel as by our demands we all force even God’s

hand against us to preserve us. How much more a leader or a priest?

The Lawless Religion of Wars by William F. Matters Jr., Sensei

“When law and religion are united you are never fully conscious and never an individual or

fully aware.” To paraquote Frank Herbert is the key, but what people do not realize is when

the popular religion is to have no religion then you are only living in a partial reality or man

made illusion of life. The very things we ignore as a form of superstitious evil are now mysteries

and entertainment. These things explain how did the Swatstika of Jainism according to it being

a part of Arian mythology and the origin of Germany according to a popular myth become a

symbol of Naziism when it only meant good luck or fortune? Good luck and fortune when

evaluated come from a godless system where grace is denounced and human enginuity

praised in place of God’s mercy. As the godly unite just by doing the right thing in unison

so does ungodliness spread even when veiled in religion. The anthropology is not as important

as understanding evil spreads even more quickly and networked even better when people

believe there is no source of good, being God. The kicker of Christianity is it is the only source

of pure grace shattering the wheel of karma and its counterparts who all have a part in major

world religions, because they all started with human invention instead of divine leading. When

Republicans become godless or worship their wealth it is even more discouraging. This what is

what we should have learned from 9/11 and the politically correct. If you denounce God you

need no idol as everything in effect needs to be respected and worshipped out of fear creating

instant debasement and idolatry. Everything is then an idol which we can not handle.

A friend wanted to know how the Swatstika became a floor pattern for Chon Ji, a Korean

hyung/kata and since Taoism was influenced by Hinduism, Jainism & Sikhism or Buddhism

karma and its teachings travelled to Korea although the result may have been unplanned.

What I can say for certain is in a world of desperation where sin rules and men’s graceless

work and efforts are employed compensation is always an issue. In a world of created jobs and

forced markets by a Democratic ideology where capitalism insures private property, but not
private growth war is the natural, all carnal and unspiritual result as an illusion of purpose.

This insanity gives wealth to all whether Capitalist,Socialists or Communists and even

Anarchist therefore human aggression is appeased. Perpetuating growth of any ideology

by family is normal also as a counter-balance to the insanity. Without a God granted utopia

with relationship to God all human effort is worthless. Whether God designed it that way or

he is restricted by certain rules to ensure the nature of life and existence to exist is purely

speculative. Everything is artificial and whether human invention has disallowed divine

intervention is unclear. If the fall is an actual fact of history, it explains much yet we have

to deal with the fact education, welfare and liberal thinking create as many problems as it

attempts to cure. Therefore curing world hunger, disease, poverty, ignorance or social

disharmony is futile as the nature of humanity as sin evolves to undo our work. Only the

struggle for personal existence justifies anything as we are delaying the inevitable of our

own post-poned self destruction until we reach heaven or heaven and Earth are reunited.

If the world did not require so much education to have a family then half of the sins we

commit could be avoided as dating is no replacement for a young marriage or the peace we

could then acquire. War and even mental illness or disease could be avoided by a simplicity of

life providing there is no lack of supply if we could all get past our differences to realize we have

no special purpose individually and separate from God or in today’s case just family.

At the heart of every government and law lies economy steeped in misdirection as an art.

If we seek profit to insure personal independence we buy into systems of slavery for more profit

becoming a slave ourselves until the majority dictates our next move via money keeping us all

mutually isolated from sanity. In such a world requiring material possession as evidence of

success the idea of holiness or separation seems insanity, but whether Taoist or Christian this is

the mystical path of self preservation providing you can live with little company and what others

will define as a form of poverty. I’ve seen insanity as a Democrat or Republican leaving me isolated
as the last Liberal Republican. With all I’ve seen or survived even if undocumented all I can attest

to is I believe one pack of cigarettes a day will not kill me as much as all else I’ve been subjected

to and although I’ve heard every form of ridicule I’ve survived to this point. I’ve witnessed much

violence and it is vain to believe this report will justify the deaths or suicides I’ve known or ever

be purchased as I discourage the commerce of insanity rather than encourage it. I am thankful

without guilt for witnessing the insanity of human nature as it gradually cures my own sense

of guilt and psychosis, however ironically each death has insured my appreciation of life as I

view a flower or see a picture of a cave or canyon even as looking at the uncontrollable sea

for it is beyond human construction and corruption and in the end these alone maybe eternal.

Pride is as useless as guilt in a world of purchased justice or justice for the collective good.

Even if God granted the justice or recompensation we all desired would we be any better?

The joy of life has been strangled as one part of the cosmos recreates itself and its other side

permeates dark matter of destruction so what is the end we believe in ultimately. Is it evolution

or resurrection or are all we all figments of a mad god’s thoughts? What you have to ask is if

human limitation applies to all human systems who fills in the gaps to keep us going and why?

If it is an act of divine love at what point is it cruel and why? In it all there is a desperation to be

alive or just not dead yet it comes to us all. What do we take with us? The spiritual or the physical

or anything at all? To appreciate life without being artificial or drugged you have to go from carnality

to spirituality and I believe martyrs are born out of this necessity which is quite different than a

hired soldier. We have to not be hung up on what we can not have and appreciate the simple basis

of being while we have it and in the solitude or disunion with others in this state of meditation for

the sake of all using my distinct identity there is a union with others that is rejected love, because

it is offered with no money.

The advice is let us go back to industry and agriculture with exports in peace. How do we do

this? Christianity is locked into twp principle horrors of karmatics or gracelessness and covetousness
to be termed materialism.

One, if America is a Christian nation then we are not like other nations

or their religions restricted to karmatics which always at some point carries “an eye for an eye”

attitude or the need expiate negative karma via reincarnations exemplified in Islam in that in two

visits to hell you can expiate all sinful or negative karma or overcompensate spiritually for stealing

by having your hand cut off by the Sharia. The Old Testament God of Judaism was so harsh, because

he was exemplifying a graceless world of karma to evolve into grace in the new testament for

Christianity to be appreciated by the whole world and this message was to take us beyond “an

eye for eye” attitude teaching us to turn the other cheek. So when attacked by terrorists we

attack entire countries and this has made us as invalidated as a violent Islamic or Hindu

fundamentalist. Yes look into the wars between Islam and Hinduism for it is very interesting.

People have said Hinduism and karma are peaceful as it is a second chance at spiritual life yet

they due not see the carnal price tag usually ending in agricultural lack and caste systems

preferring war in India years back. Christianity is different if people would quit using it socially

for gain and appreciate its liberation to be spread to others peacefully. The Crusades was a

terrible mismanagement of grace as “Be baptized or die.” For a true Christian Republican

Iraq was a spiritual disaster and due to everyone’s vested interest it will happen again.
SURREAL: By William F. Matters Jr.

There is much to be said about desiring the simple life where someone can

trust there feelings. Sometimes we suppress the simplest truths in us below our

emotions where simplicity becomes the road to complexity. The story starts with a

boy who was sincerely hated by his mother due to the actions of her father creating

a hate for all men. Secrets that would contribute to his downfall when he was not

guilty of anything more than being born. Many suffer from inequity as roles for the

sexes and races changed during the 80’s. Imagine moving all of the time as a boy to

desire a home only to have it turn into a hell and learn all of life’s lessons the hard way

from poor teachers as your parents. I have no guilt writing these pages as it seems

everyone complained, argued, created illusions of success at my cost while everyone was

doing their best yet no one wanted to learn anything new or want to change from within

to create a better world.

Being a Democrat in a household of an ex-Lutheran and an ex-Catholic (Vatican I)

variety from a city with deep respect for European roots and a false concept of American

patriotism in a rural Protestant Republican that is all American area gave me the wrong footing from the

start. Only being Caucasion gave me breathing room for a time. I did not like sports because my

father did not understand them or appreciate them. Mother ruled. So I was a mama’s boy and a

nerd with evil within me. Oddly I was expected to act like an honest to be successful Christian

from just having a children’s picture Bible and then act like hell when it was fun to the family.

I knew I was hated when I succeeded or to be abandoned if I failed so I learned to live off of

drama and feeding off of negative energy to divert attention from me then find peace and

sorrow alone or the need to act happy when I was not alone. Anybody knew I was not a real
person and just a mountain of fats, pseudo-intellectualism and high test scoring in basic skills.

I was empty and hated my modes of survival. Dictators impressed me as no bullies or women

beat them up. Movies enticed all of the wrong ideas later on it seems. The absolute horror was

when I fell in love I lashed out at the person for reminding me of mother and hated the feeling

of potential subjugation yet I knew I was no one without somebody else at the time. Imagine

wanting to discover yourself, your thoughts and your beliefs to find you have none of your own

or you believe that you believe in nothing or hypocrisy yet yearn to be a full person. Trying to know

myself through Taoism I discovered I hated myself yet could not acknowledge it due to my

accomplishments and who I thought I was destined to be only to discover constant changing

stirring evolving unrest and delusion that began to attack me from within, because I was nobody

without others. Nobody told me everyone is and that is why there is an economy and relationships.

It is hard to seek beliefs and be your own god struggling against life. Either a whipped animal or a

sterile programmed machine is not a destiny fit for a human just because you are male. For years

before hearing about lawlessness in the city and experiencing it through one-sided justice or a wild

west attitude where I lived I did not know there was such a thing as a law to respect. What was

government but something that got in your way and stole money? Was it even real or a mass

hallucination? People beat you, enslaved you, deprived you and took from you if you succeeded

or rewarded you less than others so what was America all about? I guess people acted the same way

to hide in fear and if they looked good enough it was okay. Especially women. Oddly since 9/11 it is

hard to say much has changed except how things got worse. Mental health paranoia took off after

Kurt Cobain’s death too. How could one woman terrorize me who loved me and another girl not

Love me yet respect me enough to feel loved? It is less of a mystery now as I do not believe in

worshipping women or debasing them as I do not want that to be for either of us and if it is that way

for the majority of women I am only looking for one anyway. Young lust has died too!

My father dreamed I’d be a president or something of special purpose as did the family at
one time yet this was to overcome their own sense of inferiority they denied by every act

of defiance to society. I’d learned later how deep that history of defiance would run in

reference to unions and the like later in the family and the cost they always brought on

their own heads. Ironically I was mentally ill and could not work. They never understood

God’s tapestry of special purpose for a potentially worthless person being in personal

encounters and he effects over a job title in men’s sense of value. Neither did I. Maybe

my acts effect an aid to someone else for better service to humanity by a single act and not

even as a counselor or mentor. God believes in projects as much as hourly wages so if the wages

of sin is death then the wages of doing God’s will is life in every respect. To say such things I am

obviously insane or taking the whole sentiment of God too far yet if he is real then my insanity

was actually being birthed into sanity.

In 1982 child molesters came to my community yet my mother’s drama brought disgrace

to the area and unnecessary attention making me a commodity when punished. I learned

about treachery too and forced choices from both sides of the family and community. How

to get everyone to fight each other as they wanted and rewrite mother’s orders to mock

obedience yet truly have them be effective was too demanding in the end. Some sins build

steps for you to fall off of a cliff if there is a mistake or a tranquil moment and in this respect

1982-86 was a horror movie. People do not have nervous breakdowns but continual stress

wears away nutrients and injures permenantly or engrains the horror as the permenant

eventual path of dereliction in your life. One township that had no law or high school led

to one that did and that is where I was no longer a law onto myself or a natural force

anymore. I learned love and felt terror over it fighting it to death. Later on in years to

come I’d learn about rebounding and toxic relationships or corruption and drugs therefore

I had met more than my match by 1998. Was I abused and neglected perfectly to be a

Monster or conditioned into madness I do not know, but I had a desire to be stripped
one ability or property at a time until there was nobody. The horror was so natural

and Democratic it was profoundly absent of spirituality even if the second time was

induced by illegal drugs as PCP I was told was cocaine. In 1999 there was electro-convulsive

therapy in Camden for me with the lulling eventual feeling of well being as I felt I had returned

from death itself. Whether Democrat or Republican or anything else everyone else is angry,

because we are all one step away from death.

As I recall fantasies about women I find them all to be pursuing the course of natural

selection mindlessly and that resentment led to many a perverse fantasy reflecting my own

inner sense of worthlessness and mindlessness as we are all driven by pleasure and instinct.

This awareness only made love seem like hormones as any other drug and yet is not when we

are challenged that we discover the gold within people should be attracted to from the start.

The challenged relationship and not the best selected of a preplanned course is what produces

a family yet I never understood this principle although a bit nostalgic and not romantic or

pragmatic for the faithless beast I’ve been. Did my lack of success hurt my enemies or family?

A buffet of relationships over a course of time produces more confusion than an educated

choice based on mere exterior genetics. Blondes can be just as furious as brunettes and brunettes

more untrustworthy than any red head yet who acknowledges sixteenth century clichés except

everyone? Some blondes are ditzy just to be more attractive and in charge although sometimes

a good course of logic requires a mistake to come to a genuine understanding. I treasure my blonde

moments although I have brown hair. These clichés about women originated in New England by the

way so I’ve discovered no one can just breed the Italian out of their line to have sane kin.

There is no perfect formulae to live life without costly error and you can’t live blackmailing

yourself over a mistake or afraid to make your next one or deliberately making them to learn.

I am surreal in that with all of my experience and knowledge I truly show how empty I’ve become

being human and simple trying to escape the fear of insanity in life due to fear as any other human.
By not seeking out my challenges through work I’ve become empty and that is why I am even

angrier than before I’ve surrendered the right to choose my battles or know myself without

defense or apology. You know now as a disabled man with schizo-affective disorder I see work

as a priviledge that grants you a basis of trade with choices, exercise, social activity and just maybe

the basis for relationships. The dream of a utopia where no one has to work would be a nightmare

with no freedom. I always resented God a bit for a strange life and a need to depend on him not to

be overwhelmed by fears being insane with anxiety, however being less reward oriented and more

industrious would have anchored my sanity if South Jersey shore communities had regular work.

Democrats seemed to structure things so well with their provision you could never hope to be

wealthy enough to be Republican and Republicans in my youth had no ability to keep anybody

safe if they did not fit in at all. You have to be born with money to have their respect or else you

are inexperienced regardless how educated. It was a sick game of fashion where you never fit in

regardless what you did except being yourself which meant being quiet and never a threat. I never

understood the obsession with sweat either. From my youth America has lost one vital drive and that

is respecting oneself for industry and the pleasures you could buy with your wages. Now everyone

wants to tell everyone what they can and should not buy. Has it ever dawned on people there is no

cheating death and God is real and in control? No matter how much people smile it is always

desperate for self defense of freedom and provisions at your expense. Now as a man I deal with

the fact I do not have the perfect body, ideal age or correct look yet I realize I’ll never have my

dreams as America is dying due to hypocrisy amongst Christians, godless heathen and an endless lists

of laws. It is as it was when I was ten and that is only conformity pays in avoiding common obstacles,

however who can even tell what truth is and do they just pick and choose by their own

incomprehensible standards? Who cares ? Those who love wisdom. We are all the devil’s toys.

I truly gave up on finding love not due to women wanting to be worshipped or debased or the notion

of romance for the perfect compliment as I know what I became in those young years and it is still
unloveable. Since I failed to choose which side eliminates my other options people do not know

what to think except I am not like them. There was no provisions to be holy without continual

challenge. America has grown up spoiled and vain to do as they will to the downtrodden so

people ask why are we not blessed? As I grew older I learned the only thing more diabolical than

Democratic capitalism is the harlot church sold out to wealthy godless Imperialist yet to protect

the right to be born we are suckered into this abyss. There is no beautiful girl riding on horseback

or cheers to do right from a brilliant smile as two teenage memories that cheer me were, but

whores with understanding for an hourly wage and rented room by the hour. There is no

natural beauty reflecting its creator, but malls or other pieces of human civilization over

celebrated to rob you of your one time free freedom. Who thought being able to smoke at

age 16 for $1.35 per pack and smoke in a café would be a by-gone memory or even in a bar?

I use to say “Life goes to life.”, but now to me the living seem dead as they drive expensive cars

at $4.35 per gallon drunk at times even when they do not drink in commercialism. I got my revenge

in Bush. Oh, the bedbugs and not being able to drive hurt yet I am sure old enemies paid dearly for

success by crushing others in their investments. Obama also was the ideal revenge and threat.

I dreamed of being a Democratic prince or a ruling Socialist or a standard Imperialist/Republican

yet the power to watch this all unfold makes me no wealthier or less lonely, but has reflected a

divine justice by which of the grace of such I’ll continue comfortably. I know I’ll never be able to

retire once I start again, however that portion of hell I’ll not dwell in alone. The corruption we

conceive in our heart at youth we pay for with the rest of our lives. They lied to us about America

, however did we have to lie to ourselves? As I pray God liberates my subconscious and in the end

they will ask who was the slave and who was the prince? As one can see only my hate surpasses

my surreality yet years of continual beatings and accusations with betrayal for doing good can make

anyone into a twisted fuck. Oddly enough I’ll do the right thing again when a battle unfolds as that is

where the profits are anyway just remembering the reasons gets odd. I guess that is why it is important
to remember scripture.Oh not for God, but for yourself. If the insane hatred I’ve demonstrated

is too metal or gothic or complex to balance in its appearance then it is and I recommend turning

in not hate for love, but using anger correctly with a center that cultivates the joy of the Lord.

This is the only genuine possession any person can have as far as having the security that God is

in control even when you do not believe or have an emotional pitch brewing. To most of the real

world God is a sentiment of collective humanity and not a real person. It works even if practicing

Christians are practicing and living too much spiritually like the world around them. From this flows

love, faith, hope and all you need to get you through to the other side. As for revenge we share in

that torment and what makes me real today is knowing no person is worth hating or loving to the

point of self injury. If it goes that far you are being God and Christ already was on the cross so get

off of it as the worshipped victim as that type of imitation is blasphemous, toxic and evil.
DEMOCRA TIC LIFE or GOVERNMENT CHEESE?

By William F. Matters Jr.

A Democrat believes life to be inherently evil as based on this evidence of Democratic life.
The goal of life from aademia, medical or mental institutions is to look and feel good, not
necessarily be good or evil as they are morals and they are driven by values and et hics which
are subject to change. Therefore if trut h evolves as thought evolves only a truth conveying the
truths of patterns of change are worthy of retention of knowledge as the I-Ching, Tao Te Ching,
Bhagavad Gita or Dhammapada are appealing.Yet in all our hearts we know we are slaves to this
world and only a question of personal priviledge and not personal value exists.

Some young Democrats as I did in the 1980's envisioned a world as Star Trek where religion, money
or social class do not exists, except in primitive worlds and with such values we labor until we have
fully automated society with machines and net works to serve all humanity with no human effort or
labor therefore UFO and USO's are hot subjects. Some see the Scientology as the key where one
world is one nation with no gods leading to cooperation or colonization in other Earth -like worlds.
Occult is for entertainment as there is no devil or God anyway as forbidden subjects.Patriotism is a
temporary requirement until we replicate in other nations.

Whether due to Black people's distaste for or its use ties itself to a deplorable past tobacco is seen
as backward for the more devout Democrat.Yet quiting smoking is as much a milestone as an abortion
to keep you upwardly mobile.Diet is critical as appearance as well as to not fall into the hands of doctors
you do not trust. Alternative Eastern medicine found its footing here. The greatest lie is there is something
positive in everything and rules of efficiency constantly change.Personal freedom is a priviledge if you can
prove you are of use.Abortion is allowed as you are disposing of expense and if you believe in karma
remember life is to be escaped.

Even in Obama there is an arrogance and self destructive tendency with this "Joe the Plumber"
incident.We escape through drugs or rehabs, education or legal vice when it does not stop our mobility
except tobacco yet every Democrat lacks full integrity as the mind is seperated int o chambers or
catagories within us and our only place to retreat from family. This is finding your center.

Every Democrat believes in progress based on social equity and progress is God, therefore if an unborn
child stops progress it is in violation and who would want to live that way so abortion or eut hanasia are
acceptible for them.Since noone wants to live forever, why family except for appearances so
homosex uality is acceptible. Democratic life is purely bound to the sens es. Believe in yourself for who
else is there to believe in any way? God is an explanation, a system, a "myth" and therefore if you seek
the Bible do so for personal benefit from parse application of myth for entertainment as a cross -word or
for inspiration.

Notes: Entrepeuners do not exist. Focus on careers & educ ation replaces the need for love since it is a
matter of hormones so most rebellion is against early marriage and denial of sexual need.

Being a Democrat means accepting half of a loaf and n ever being rich, but growing with society.
Being nice and politeness are must, but never kindness as you are always avoiding being a mere
machine or animal.

G.ORWELL's 1984, ZA IMAY TIN's WE, Sir ALDOUS HUXLEY's BRAVE NEW WORLD or
FAREINHE IT 451 are interesting interpreters of such a life.

Wars & self defense are not healthy to the system, yet:
Rebellion that repairs the system is commercialized and viewed as heroic.

Different groups led by the same guiding principle are viewed as chaotic as Christianity.
To not have each step carefully guided is chaotic and are of no value as would term such as
"evil", as suicide since it can not be termed "productive".

CHANGE, PROGRESS & IMAGINA TION are our magic words as freedom from God is the only
true freedom for most of us, except most minorities as they are Democratic.

Around the time of many political unions we were distracted by rebelling led by the
Only Democrat to rebel against Democracy entirely Democratic and Republican.For
those who remember pre9/11, the sudden surge of pharmaceutical big business &
rumors of both parties seeking a non-bipartisanship in conduct was Kurt Cobain.
Suicide or assassinated? What he was rebelling against was everyone lets
everyone else do their thinking. Regardless which side undid him let him be
remembered as the sanest of us all today.
ALIGNMENT versus PERSONALITY

THE EFFECTS OF ROLE PLAYING:

By an Ex-Dungeon Master,

William F. Matters Jr.

When we are young we think we know everything and we are immortal.

As far as research has told me there was no interest in introducing people to

the occult with Dungeons & Dragons or Advanced Dungeons & Dragons,

however in the search for a more authentic game you always use research

in this case based on the medieval. As a result occult science even in fiction

was developed for the role of a mage. In medieval thought the wizard & the

priest were two very different roles, not as a good read of Bel & The Dragon

for the average Catholic shows the economy of magic and how originally the

mage always played a religious role as a priest for a false god or goddess.

Kids get the idea with more experience comes greater challenge with

proportional reward, yet in real life you are not paid what you are worth

and you pay more for things than there worth to create an economy of

profit with inflation so you never get ahead. You do this for the rest of your

life unless investment or social promotions occur and so the game has the same

goal as life for survival, but there is no heroism in life today. Defeating, killing

or enslaving is not adventure, but criminality and heroism in today’s world

rewards you with a straight jacket. For a weak kid who can believe he is

someone for four to six hours average game play on the weekend it is a

rush, but these games have evolved to such a complexity demanding more

money and involvement through the years so I question if it is healthy to live

in fantasy at an impressionable age when the family could be preparing the child to grow up

into their future roles in real life. It is just another baby sitter. These kids exercise limited

social inter-action and even I, a one time nerd, see the value of sports today. A healthy

distraction of unity for the community and a chance to impress your future wife. I’ve

known men who live in role playing games and never kissed a girl. Maybe the family says

let him have his fantasy since we will never have enough money to send him to college,

but does not any human deserve a more honest approach to reality?

Everybody knows if your character pays homage to a god or goddess it is not

actually acted out and there is no religious content perhaps except the dabbling of

a certain ideal in the game, but alignment is what I really want to talk about now.

In any Dungeon Masters Guide or Players handbook for any edition of this game

whether by TSR, Inc. or now Wizards of The Coast, Inc. there is alignment description.

Lawful good, lawful neutral, lawful evil, neutral, true neutral, neutral good,neutral

evil, chaotic good, chaotic neutral or chaotic evil are the classic alignments or guiding

ideas of the character or monster. True neutral did not exist until AD&D 2nd Edition.

Lawful is as it implies, Neutral implies out of self interest and chaotic individuality

maybe with disorganized tendencies or allowing for inconsistency yet personality

and life experience encompass all of these to a degree in every person. Alignment

is a rule of role play, but whose character throughout life could we consistently call

lawful good in society with a little chaos as we grew up or maybe a self centered base?

Kids apply these rules to real life, forgetting it’s a game to make decisions about life

and how they treat others especially if neglected. So alignment teaches without

meaning to do so the benefits without the liabilities of pre-judging maybe leading to

habitual sublimation and personal policy or exaggeration. Are all Christians lawful

evil hypocrites or are all drug dealers chaotic evil or are all cops neutral evil and
corrupt as you would suppose from Hollywood? Does anything work like

magic or a skill check where you practice to become better something

just so you can say you are good at it and use it at will for a cause

conducive to your character’s alignment? Sure in the game there are

different varieties of good and evil, but in real life is it consistent or

predictable in any case? Maybe where money or escaping punishment

is involved which does factor into the game, but the harsh reality is

society fabricates its heroes and no one can aspire to greatness.

That’s how it usually works and not because of people like me.

Heroes drop their guard and the world loves it at every level of

victimization and dereliction. These games do not lead to devil

worship, but a lot of disappointment. Maybe if an adolescent is

socially astranged enough it could plant the seed of the idea of,

“Hey I was happy as a mage in the game so maybe in real life it is

the same.” Those cases are rare for foolish depraved possibly

psychotic minds, but people do take things too far especially

when something’s nature is to go too far. When a kid consistently

can tell real life from daydreams it is probably okay and preferable

to the druggy crowd as D&D is usually too intellectual for them, but

know the risk.

Thanx, WF Matters Jr. Retired MU16/CL12 FR 2nd Edition

The game does not cause renunciation of Christ Jesus.

A SCENE OF THE WORLD AFTER TEN MINUTES OF TRUTH

By William F. Matters Jr.

“Well Frederick it seems you had some defaulted loans, did jail time and suffer

from an incureable mental disease although scholastic and martial art achievements

were outstanding. As a result of the listed accomplishments and one time unwavering

performance of duty to the party you will serve as an lieutenant in the arena wars. If

you live you will be a hero and the party may even license you to mate although you

understand due to your genetics actually breeding is forbidden. Area 44 of the world’s

collective government was the United States as your team will be fighting Area 57

known as free Quebec. Since you do not speak the same language and will be on film

I suggest you not try to be an ambassador of good will or the party’s paratroop guardians

will be forced to liberate your soul. As you know the world is one and will remain one,

but we need war for entertainment.” Was the speech by the prison-commandat also

producer with his cold grey uniform exemplified by harsh features, a large nose and

green eyes complimented by a bald head and perfectly shaved face with not even eyebrows

to betray his full genetic print. His name was Field Marshall Third Class Damien Ivexis of the

public entertainment corps of Section 3 of Area 44. Frederick then said “I am aware of my

crimes, but if we are to be so direct what of my attempt to breed without license? I know you

did not forget.” In a strong, but slightly quivering voice in his green jumpsuit with blue collars

signifying his high rank among prisoners as well with a strong glare at the ground with his brown

haired features and brown eyes daring due to his fallen stature to have a gotee. Damien then

said “Jessica has had a removal procedure performed for the unlicensed human specimen. It

would have been a boy had you just followed protocol. She will be re-educated to not find any

man looking like you attractive again. If you wish to cooperate in her fate as an act of love then
you will know the party needs future troops for entertainment. Statecraft has shown when people

do not direct their hate towards an enemy they go against each other. Jessica has been educated

, but she can be re-educated again to love you for the sake of the party or we can send her to a

breeding camp as punishment for her crimes. Oh the men are quite attractive, but sentiment is

not really part of the program. It could give you a partial reason to want to stay alive and win the

televised battle. Your odd stout physique would be comical to watch being heroic. I’d love to be

a mere party member viewing the spectacle with no forwarning. Well, if you survive the collective

conscious or God of our party may exonerate you. Remember it is 2156 CE are we not more civil

than the divided Earth? It is not your fault you do not possess natural strength or beauty. It is

obvious you were not meant to have a great destiny, but we can change that altogether. Oh yes

if you let us film you and Jessica breeding, if that’s your choice then perhaps I could post-pone this

event to another arena with better odds say Niger Area 178 or Mali 179. Such a spectacle of comic

pornography would be great for state purposes. We could add some privilege notes (money) too.

These are your choices or we could kill you both, but we have expenses to recapture and would you

be so defiant to us to choose death out of laziness?” Frederick out of compulsion of a sense out of his

value to the state then said “A mock trial for both of us would profit in revenues and recompensate

the state for our existence and pay for burial would it not? More than anything else can you tell me

how life got this way? Damien replied”In 2099 the world’s most powerful nation Area 44 collapsed

when it became apparent that the two opposite parties were working in conjunction. One party

would make a mistake and the other fix the crisis or vice versa and never ending web of irreversible

laws were put in effect with the illusion if your side won it could reversed. The human drama that

played out was the world markets were dependent on this illusion of hope you call freedom. It is

based on distinctions when this nation collapsed that really did not exist plunging the whole world into

confusion. The disaster was allowed by certain wealthy individuals who did not want to be illusionists

anymore and become gods. Your apocalyptic visions found in certain books now allowed for reading
actually prove the point that none of these gods existed. They never rescued the human race and

so we all have common truth and the collective God. People by 2101 were changing their cries of

IN EXCELSIS DEO or Glory to God in The Highest to AVE SATANUS or Long-live Satan interchangeably

in Area 44-47. There was no distinction ever. In the United States of America churches were sold out

for money on both sides and Republican agenda was to excel and fail and Democratic for increased

stability and control. Only when a failed assassination attempt occurred did a vice president speak

the truth as briefly as I did in under ten minutes then pulled out a gun and committed suicide on

television. The age of the Essence occurred allowing the rise of the only world wide party known

as the Preservationists Party uniting the world and crushing petty resistance for entertainment.

For your offer of loyalty to the party for a mock trial I’ll place an inquiry for you and Jessica to made

priest and priestess for the people’s God. Maybe this distasteful past can be placed behind us both.

All you have to remember Frederick is the truth is there is no truth. It is a human concept only the

top three leaders know what is truth even if it changes from day to day. Also since you know the

forbidden history there is a chance I might just have to have you killed, but we will make up a heroic

profitable ending for the party do not worry. Your lucky we love you. Decide Jessica’ fate in the event of

your death.”

EDUCATION’s NATURE:

It nourishes suspicion and distrust rather than cultivating faith as a religious education

or private education does. The lack of trust creates an overwhelming demand for information

and abuses fear and anger for manufactured crisis and desperation. It creates the very poverty

from which it promises to deliver by showing overwhelming evidence of what is required for

independence crushing the very spirit of hope it is supposed to encourage.

 It is as impractical as disciplining a mentally ill child to be no more mentally ill as a vain

hope to let the rod drive out foolishness from a heart of a child. This is the nature of capitalism

for those not born to money. In America there are two definitions of freedom from two political

parties both creating problems fostering dependence working as a team to make it worse saying

“We are only human.” even encouraging fear that your mistakes maybe discovered.

THE NATURE OF TRUTH:

What creates truth or knowledge we understand is the very basis of the fact not all

questions have answers. Not everything is understandable by an all embracing and

unquestionable truth. That is why we have myth and theory. The word “quest” is found in

the word “question” signifying we don’t know everything. No perfect systems exist and as

a result, poor people should know not every situation has an answer and that is what creates

poverty. The government and no one person knows everything nor can they and that is why

different people have different responsibilities employed by someone we deem as major.

This is why conspiracies can only exists for people trying formulate or create one for

themselves for their profit. This is why cartels, puppet governments and mafias are

totalitarian by nature and this very reality denoted in these pages seem real to some and

ridiculous to others. The idea of someone being of a god-like status is reprehensible to our

freedom, but the truth is we all want to be gods for profit to spend on our lusts so what is

reprehensible is ourselves. The nature of knowledge is dictated by its intended use and I

think God saved us by not giving us all of the answers.