INNER OCTAVES

Michel Conge

jb
DOLMEN MEADOW BDITIONS

Toronto
 This book is a translation of
Sur le chemin de Voctave de l’Homme:
T6m.oign.age d ’un ütve de G.I. Gurdjieff
by Michel Gonge.
Copyright © Societe d’Etude des Traditions, Paris, 2004.

Translated from the French by members of

Gurdjieff Foundation groups in Europe and North America,

Inner Octaves

Published with the permission of the Societä d’Etude des Traditioi 1..
English text Copyright © Dolmen Meadow Editions, Toronto, 2007.
Fhotographs Copyright © Societe d’Etude des Traditions, Paris, 2011/.
Back-cover photograph; Michel and Gilles Conge at ‘Le Lesiau’,

isbn : 978-0-97806611 -6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, Storni in

a retrieval System, or transmitted in anyform or by any means,
withou t the prior written permission o f the publisher.

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i er vlliiny moves outfrom the One
tu Ohler to return to the One.
 Contents

Mi in 1 |M111. In ',11 lec

I 11 " 11' I W H A N G E S
N Mi*! ii ir ii | iii(lt-isiiMiding
1 I- I ■
I I Millllini)
I Io I J(lp i tl ' >i Luv .iihI Inlluences
I Ir 11■ il| M iUI
I 1H; I l|)l* ii tlrnl !s Our Bring
WHi* I In m , lii■i wcrii Worlds
................ mi| Mn luinicality
V' Ih I •
111 1 ih.nl Am ( lonsciousness?
K ln t i '
IRi 1 *Hi r I in in j ihr t Juivcrsc
Mm* I
w ! mi I l> ' ilnllH'
I (In Wml' 1'
HHilt i i imthiji.
) Mt i lii|t
Mllltl
*i ni11111 In (In W'i n Ii 111( ilir Soul
The Functions Enlisted to Serve 113
Our Tenured Professor o f Inner Work 117
Stubbornness and Will 120
The Devil - A Very, Very Important Character 123
Receiving a Fresh Impression o f Oneself 128
I Exist, I Am, I Flave Always Been 132
The Essence o f the Question 134
The Role o f Attention in Seif-Liberation 140
Attention - The Need o f Our Being 152
Prayer 154
Presence and Prayer 163

R E M IN IS C E N C E S
First Encounters with Mr. Gurdjieff 169
First Dinners 172
First Question 174
A Special Treat 175
The Trip to Vichy 181
Departure Delayed 182
ThePursuit 185
A Hotel Transformed 189
A Valiant Effort 191
An Early Rising 194
The Fraudulent Document 196
The Platter ofTrout 199
A Soul Laid Bare 201
A Shopping Spree 204
Money Matters 206
INNER OCTAVES
 Notice to the Reader

The passages in this book originated, for the most part, in

umvivial and provocative exchanges between Michel Conge
and his students. Although not intended for publication, they
constitute a record o f his thought.
Reading these passages assumes a familiarity with the
ideas brought by Mr. Gurdjieff as revealed in both In Search
oj the Miraculous* and, in a more veiled form, in the myth o f
Hcclzebub’s Tales to His Grandson§:
However, memorized knowledge o f these ideas alone is
not enough to enter into an understanding o f this book. As
M ichel Conge said, “ I will speak especially to those who have
been searching for several years, or at the very least for sev-
eral months, and who, having become acquainted with this
teaching’s essential ideas, have feit their truth,”
In this search, an understanding o f the whole body of
the ideas brought by Mr. Gurdjieff is inseparable from the
practice o f an inner discipline, a discipiine in which the

' In subsequent references P.D. Ouspensky’s In Search of the Miraculous:

Fragments o f an Unknown Teaching (New York: Harcourt, Brace & World,
194g) will be referred to as Fragments.
t In subsequent references G.L Gurdjieff’s Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grand­
sott (New York: Dutton, 1950) will be referred to as Beelzebub’s Tales.

XI
 N O T IC E TO T H E R E A D E R

Intelligence o f the heart can only be awakened when the

body is transparent to the energy o f an intelligence from
another world.
On this path o f the opening o f inner being to its own
true destiny - to be Man - the seeker unfailingly encoun-
ters traces o f the great teachings and authentic religions. As
Henri Tracol used to say to us,

What are the hidden Connections between our

teaching and the great currents o f the tradi-
tions? The kinship is unmistakable, a deep
kinship ... but what is its nature? We need
only remember that the Fourth Way cannot
possibly be reduced to, nor be in Opposition
to, any o f the other ways. On the contrary, it
circulates freely whenever the dimension o f
consciousness allows seeming contradictions
and incompatibilities to be trariscendcd.'

While it is always risky to gather together notes o f things

that have been said over a period o f some twenty years and
under different conditioris, as we looked through them, tbeir
coherence, the rigour o f their intent, and the thread o f the
author’s essential thought seemed to us to justify this Collec­
tion, which resonates with the question asked o f the Almighty
by David in the Psalms: ‘What is man that You remember
him and the son o f Adam that You are concerned for him?’f

I Henri Tracol, La vraie question demeure (Paris: Edition eolienne, 1996),

p. 216.
f Compare with the Bible, Psalms, 8:4, “What is man, that thou art mind-
lul of him? And the son of man, that thou visitest him?”

xii
 N O T IC E TO T H E R E A D E R

Michel Conge constantly returned to the idea o f man -

11is origin, his freedom, his role, what is expected o f him
and what the conditions o f his response are to the mystery
ol' his own being and the mystery o f having received life from
what is beyond him. By his own example, Michel Conge con-
.slanlly revivified these ideas, both by shedding light on them
and by encouraging his students to put them into practice.
The assertion by King David, ‘For thou hast made him
,i liille lower than the Elohim /t reminds us o f man’s ori-
l>iii from on high. This idea is found again and again in all
ihr great traditional teachings, to which Michel Conge here
hrings his own voice.
We should also add that Michel Conge’s voice did not
lack humour, as can be seen in some o f his responses and
in the tale o f the trip to Vichy with Mr. Gurdjieff. “I greatly
mistrust teachings where people don’t laugh,” he used to say
... Io which he would offen add, “and other teachings too,.
by the way.5’ In this way, he allowed everyone the freedom to
participate - or not —in a question.

The editors ofthe French edition

Kdilors’ nute: All references to the Bibie are to thö King James Version
imless olherwise noted.
f Compare with the Bibie, Psalms, 8:5, "For thou hast made him a little
li>wei tlian ihe angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.”

xiii
TALKS AND E X C H A N G E S
 A Hierarchy o f Understanding

M y Iife and my death, my liberation or my dow nfall... these

,11 r not isolated things; they are continuous processes; they
ure consequences. Everything is combination or state.
Il is in an organism undergoing constant reshaping, an
nrganism destined for annihilation, that the imperishable ‘I’
iniist be born.
My aim can only be achieved by following an extremely
l igorous line. If the descending current carries me away, I am
Ulken farther from that line; if 1 deviate, I move away, along a
loop that will lead me lower down.
My old illusion o f being an accomplished and free man
prevents me from seeing that, in fact, I am nothing more than
ii ceaselessly moving point where lines o f force intersect.
This perspective on things is the only one that can really
sliow me the right way to work. But, because it is so diffi-
cult for us today, we might try to look for a more modest
understanding that could gradually lead us to the right way
o f working.
ln order not to deviate, I must learn to recognize the ideas
that will enable me to encompass an increasing number of

Notes gjyen to a few students.

1
 I'AI.KS AND MXCUANGES

ii iin ei ir. iiiul d.il.i in a single look. That will help me discover
ili.il di vi. ii um hcj'i ns the moment I take a single idea or a
'iingli |'huiomenon for the whole. And yet, my very consti-
lnlinri obliges me to do just that, and when I turn toward
tlie longed-for truth with only one o f my functions, I devi-
ale immediately. A search supported by the head alone can
only lead me astray; a search based solely on feellng ieads to
equally meaningless notions.
Only by reaching a centre o f gravity in myself that is
capable o f reconciling my different aspects will 1 be able to
keep to a precise Iine without deviating.
Just as I lose myself because I surrender to whatever func-
tion is dominant, similarly, I lose myself if I think that my
vision o f things is the only right one.
M y centres must contribute to my search, without any of
them claiming to be the only one able to understand.
Euch one of us must draw closer to the others without
claiming to be the only one who understands. Just as one cen­
tre will watch over another, so too will each o f us watch over
the other.
But that can never be enough. In Order not to deviate,
I must recognize in myself a hierarchy o f levels. Likewise,
among us we have to recognize a hierarchy o f understanding.
In this way, little by little, a relätjonship will be achieved.

2
 The Idea o f Evolution

1 will not attempt to reassemble all the material that we have

received, but will only bring out some essential elements. My
.iim is to try to share with you my deep interest in this ques-
I ion. To do that, I would like us to make the effort to approach
l Ii is idea together, as if from within ourselves.
i am convinced that at a given nioment itbecomes impos-
sihle for any man to go beyond certain thresholds in his inner
effort, if he does not allow a particular knowledge, which is
as much psychologicai as it is cosmic, to penetrate his being.
I lowever, this knowledge has not been transmitted to us as
an organized whole, but in a fragmentary manner. One of
Ihe great tasks that can fall to us would be to reconstitute the
body o f ideas on which this teaching is based.
I have singled out two o f Mr. Gurdjieff’s Statements:

For exact understanding exact language is

necessary.t

l.ecture given in Lima, Peru, in 1959, and reworked byiMichel Conge at

Angers in 1960.
I1 Fragments, p. 70.

3
 M l i . ANH I' X< :l LANGES

I In Itiml.imciit.il property o f the new lan-

l'.ii.ijin in 11inl all idcas in it are concentrated
round oiic idea, that is, they are taken in their
imilual relationship from the point o f view of
one idea. This idea is the idea o f evolution*

This condusion forcefully underlines the essential place

o f the idea o f ‘evolution’. And if any doubt remained in us,
the foüowing definition, also found in Fragments, would
completely convince us-:

The evolution o f man is the evolution o f his

consciousness . . , the evolution o f his w ill. . .
the evolution o f his power o f doing.t

But let us be careful at this point not to allow our attempt

at understanding to drift toward a restrictive form. We must
not limit the idea o f evolution itself to the much too narrow
notion o f the evolution o f man - even if we give to the word
‘man5 the widest possible meaning - since man’s evolution
is only one aspect o f the question. A limitation o f that sort
would prevent us from understanding anything. Although
our own evolution can become an acutely painful problem
for us, we constantly need to bring the problem back to its
rightfui place, to restore it to its true context. More than
anything eise, evolution is a universal question. Without this
universal quality, our own question loses all meaning, and
hope would be impossible. To enable us to think more dar-
ingly, I feit a need to put before us the parallel diagrams of

* Fragments, p. 70.
t Fragments, p. 58.
 T H E ID E A OE EV O L U T IO N

Parallel diagrams o f the Ray of Creation,

the lateral octave, and complete Man

5
 Ml-, \ NI >i \CIIANCiES

11" i'.m 11 , ...............Live, <>| |]ic lateral octave, and o f the four
tmilii , nl M mH,

The problem o f evolution seems to be inseparable from the

Problem o f Life, Creation, and Being - and I must open
myself more deeply to this tdea o f Being. Even though I am
not capable o f living it, I must prepare myself for it now,
even if only in theory.
There is only one Being. He is the Unimaginable and the
Unknowable. Nevertheless, it is from Hirn that I must begin
and to Hirn that 1 must return. When I forget Hirn, when
there is no longer even the least mental re-presentation o f
Hirn, every idea and every attempt withers and degenerates.
There is only one Being, but there are three worlds, as we
find in rnany traditions: God - the World - Man.
This summary is only surprising if one has cast a merely
superficial glance at the idea o f the cosmoses, for the termi-
nology o f the scale o f the seven worlds, such as we find in
this teaching, niakes the idea appear very clearly:

Protocosmos
Ayocosmos
Megalocosmos
Deuterocosmos
Mesocosmos
Tritocosmos
Microcosmos

Three worlds stand out from among these seven worlds,

The Protocosmos, that is, the first cosmos, is the Absolute;

6
 T H E ID E A OF EV O L U T IO N

llu.’it, jumping two levels, the Deuterocosmos, that is, the sec-
...... cosmos (in spite o f its fourth position), is the Sun; and
Innlly, llie Tritocosmos, that is, the third cosmos (in spite o f its
‘.ulli position), is Man.
I'his summary highlights an essential point. The first cos-
mii'., or llie Absolute, immediately evokes what Mr. Gurdjieff
uills llie ‘Most Holy Sun Absolute’. For us, the second cosmos
is llie world, since the Sun is at one and the same time the rela-
Iivr oi igin, the centre, and the whole o f our human world. And
il one recalls how offen the Sun figures in many religions, one
enn, by comparing it wifh the Most Holy Sun Absolute, under-
■ il.md that it is the representative o f a greater.Sun from which it
.Icin.s and from which it derives its power. The third cosmos äs
Man, or Adam, the unique soul - o f whom it is said in the Old
II ■;l,iment, “ So God created man in his own i m a g e ln tradi-
lional leachingSjin Islam, for instance, man is frequently called
i In- Representativet - ‘for he has received a syntbetic nature.’
This hierarchy o f solar worlds, contained one within
•iiml her,* gives an intensely real character to the idea o f ‘the
irpresentative’, who derives his power entirely from his rela-
Iionship to a world greater than himself. This greater world
li.iiisinits to the Representative everything that is needed by
i lio.se linder his -care, and gives a glimpse o f the unity hidden
heneath the multiplicity.

1 llie Bible, Genesis, 1:26 .

I The Koran, 2:30,“ Behold, thy Lord said to the angels: I will create a vice-
regent on earth.”
I * longe: One can’t help thinking at this point of the solar monstrance
ii . il in Roman Catholic ritual, at the centre o f which is divine man. This
Integration in a solar figure that is solemnly held up [beforethe congrega-
l ion | evokes llie hidden communication o f three worlds, [A monstrance is
■i reeeptadc in which the consecrated Host (usually a disk-shaped wafer) is
exposed for .veneration.]

7
 T A L K S A N D EX .C H A N G E S

Without the recognition o f this cosmic hierarchy, the idea

o f evolution would not have the power to awaken the inner­
most parts o f ourselves.
The effort o f visualizing these worlds - in their elusive rela-
lionsltipof Three to One—enables us at least to catch aglimpse
ol Iking and Creation in this ‘motionless movement’, this eter-
nal Vibration, which our gaze cannot bear and which we can
only approach at present by means o f a (more or less percep-
tible) continuous twofold movement of birth and rebirth. The
contradictory and living character o f this movement needs to
be directly perceived within ourselves and ultimately reconciled
through a unique act, the understanding o f which escapes us
the very moment that we believe we have reached it.
We are as yet able to approach the truth only through
moments o f partial awareness, which, being partial, provide us
with a notion o f reality that gives rise to illusion. We must take
this Situation into account. In Order to prepare for the possibil-
ity o f a unifying understanding, we must tum for a moment
toward the idea o f Involution’, while still carefully maintaining
the painfül Impression that, through the lack o f a true ability
to (hink, we artificially separate what is definiteiy not separate.
And, even though I am not capable o f reaching this unifying
understanding, I wish to emphasize the fact that something
in me refuses to separate involution and evolution. There are
not, nor can there be, two opposing movements that should
be artificially reconciled. These movements have always been
reconciled, but my mind divides this single process and plunges
me into endless contradictions, whose recurrlng consequences
I must endure.
The idea of involution compels me to take a quick look at
one o f the remarkable aspects o f the Law o f Seven - the idea
o f intervals. We must try to understand that neither involution

8
 T H E ID E A O F E V O L U T IO N

hoi' evolution, as we see them now, could take place without

these apparent Impediments. If there were no intervals, the
initial divine manifestation would be followed by an imme-
diilte return o f its energies. There would, strictly speaking, be
im (Ireation. No voluntary effort would be required, and con-
‘.eqiiently there would be no evolution, because this mechanical
return of energies would never be conscious and willed; that is
111 say, it would never have the nature o f a gift which, as we will
see in what follows, is a basic element o f evolution as we must
miclerstand it. Altematively, everything would tend to disinte-
gi ■11e, gradually shrinking the Most Holy Sun Absolute, a process
which, in scientific terms, would in can an increasing entropy.
It is probably this second hypothesis that should be adopted,
it I understand anything at all o f what Mr. Gurdjieff says in
Ikrlzebub’s Tales.*
I ( follows, therefore, that in order to oppose this inexorable
increase in entropy, evolution is necessarily wanted from Above,
and the specific characteristics o f the Law o f Seven are indeed
an cffective means o f preventing a progressive and total dete-
rioi,ilion o f energy. In light o f this very great problem, behind
which liiere exists an unfathomable Consciousness, it appears,
heyond any doubt, that Evolution is a necessity and a duty of
Heilig, the echo o f which we can perceive in ourselves.t
In this way, the pulsation willed by the Protocosmos passes
through critical points that are also willed. One o f these critical
points is to be found between the Planets and the Earth. There,
11ie current o f influences is interrupted. This amounts to saying
that within this universal organism - this vast body endowed
will) (lonscioüsness and Will, animated by aMind, irrigatedby
fl

1 Sa' pp, 749ff.

|t Wc need to study the relationship: entropy-time-eternity.

9
 TALKS AN D EXCH ANG ES

a Hear't - the circulation is blocked at a precise point resulting

in an ischemia.* ll äs as if all the ‘organs’ below this point will
be deprived of blöod and will rmi the risk o f gangrene unless
.1 toll,ilcr.il route is opened up. The set of Organs threatened in
lliis w,iy belongs to thelowest S y s t e m , Earth-Moon.f
We can begin to grasp the importance o f this phenomenon
lor the general equilibrium when we learn that the Sun, acting
.is the representative of the Absolute, assumes the responsibility
o f giving birth to a phenomenon capable o f fülmg the interval
that prevents the Earth and the Moon from growing, The inter­
val, through the conditions that it creates, calls for an act and
accords the Sun a conscious place.
This point should be kept in mind because it will help us
to understand, by analogy, the call that sounds within us and
which, by inviting us in our turn to a conscious act, offers us a
place that is not merely mechanieal and passive but also con­
scious and wüled. Yet, we will still have to understand all the
analogous correspondences that will enable us to become what
we ought t'o be: the Third World, or the Representative. This, by
the way, can help us understand - because we are trying to look
at things from higher up - why there is no need to be concerned
about the expression struggle against God’.t Everything shows
that this struggle is willed by the Absolute, and that the duty at
every level o f Consciousness is to understand the reason for this
and thereby be abie to respond.^

* Editors’ note: Ischemia is a locai anemia caused by a stoppage or inade-

quacy o f the circuiation of the blood.
t Conge: By analogy, the various Systems o f circulation in the human
organism must function according to a similar plan, which opens a new
direction for physiological research.
$ Fragments, p. 47.
§ Conge: A thought from Simone Weil comes to me 011 this subject: “Is it

10
 T H E ID liA OF EV O LU T IO N

The mistake arises because I loolc at the problem from the

iuilside and not from the inside, and because the struggle ini-
tialed by m y'persori is not an attempt to understand but is
ml her an assault, an attempt to take by force. Doesn’t struggling
menn being actively still, in Order to allow the free circulation
ol energies in their twofold harmonious movement o f descent
.11 id ascent?*
By helping the forms o f Being entrusted to its care in their
Mmggle to go against the current, the Sun only comes closer
lo the Absolute, becomes more similar to It: the Sun serves
Ihr designs o f the Absolute. And this indicates what act is
rxpected from us and clarifies the meaning o f evolution. The
i onscious effort o f the Sun toward supporting evolution in
i . universal aspect is the creation o f what has been called a
new descending octave. This octave emanates from the Sun; it
is lateral to the Ray o f Creation and the generator o f organic
Ihr. Its purpoSe is to fill the interval placed between the Plan-
1 i and the Earth and to re-establish the flow o f the descend-
Ing current o f higher influences. But this is only one o f its
inr,mings, for this octave is a cosmic manifestation that is
■ m»mg the richest in con ten t- as much from the universal as
from the human perspective.
This lateral octave can give us a glimpse o f the source o f
ihr evolutionary Impulse, which is so difficult to understand
wilhin ourselves. And one can say that our reason for existing
Ihe hidden meaning o f both our outer and inner movements,
ol our contradictions as well as our destiny- is all inscribed in
us, and nothing could be more important for us than to try to
deciphcT it.
jn

in 'i Kivul misfortune, wlien one struggles with God, not to be defeated?”
' i i |'.r The analogy must always be deciphered at my ownlevel.

11
 TALKS ANI>LXCHANGES

Iltis octave shows clearly that the place o f man is not on the
Ray o f Creation and that, although man’s feet are firmly plantet!
on the Earth, the higher functions o f being - which are his
birthright - belong to a lineage that is not o f the Planets-Earth
axis. It reveals that man appeared only secondarily in the vast
process o f Creation. Indeed this is why we cannot approach the
idea o f evolution from the limited perspective o f the evolution
of man. It overturns our subjective idcas about the relation-
ship o f authority and precedence with regard to the World and
to man. The World was not created for man, but man for the
World. Man corresponds to a cosmic need. He is born to serve.
And if we think that this idea contradicts the biblical account
in Genesis, it is because we don’t know how to think in relative
terms. If many things in organic iife exist apparently to serve
man, they alsoexist, among other reasons, to allow man to fulfil
the function for which he was created. ^
The Talmud says the sanie thing: “ The Torah was not cre­
ated for man, but man for the Torah.” We also find an echo of
this Statement in an affirmation o f the Work that has possibly
disturbed us: ‘The Work is not made for us.’
The difficulty that now appears is the need to read the lat­
eral octave alternatively in its descending movement and its

* Conge: The precise determination o f what constitutes organic life - that

is, o f what belongs to the lateral octave - might clarify something that
remains an enigma and an endless subject of discussion in Contempo­
rary Science. What is the dividing line between animate life and so-called
inanimate life, or bctwecn mineral and organic life? If, as it seems to me,
the mineral world belongs to the Ray o f Creation, this would explain the
impossibility of:findingthe transition from one to the other as people usu-
ally try to do, Organic life and mineral life do not follow one another on
the same line, but meet and interpenetrate each otlier as two distinct cur-
rents might do. Saying this does not solve the problem, but allows it to be
stated in terms that are finally accurate.

12
 T H E I D E A OF E V O L U T IO N

iv rii<Iing movement, incapable as we are o f apprehending the

■ angle movement - Three in One - which alone could convey
llli It l l l l l .
111 ils ascending movement, this octave speaks of evolution,
hi ll only under certain conditions. Only one part o f organic life
■ in evolve: humanity. Only one part o f humanity can evolve:
i <i lain men. This octave, Evolution-Man, is that o f the com-
IIleii* Man, not that o f humanity, since the ultimate function
i ‘I humanity is altogether different. In order to understand the
■im unding movement better, let us return to the descending
11M»vement, but in another way.
Man has been ‘sown from Above’ to fulfil a requirement
inherent in the Ray o f Creation. But whether it is a question
nl the creation o f worlds by the Absolute, or the creation of
organic life, one discovers by analogy that what is true for the
III ■.i is obviously true for the second. This organic octave must
linl be lost or disintegrate any more than the Ray o f Creation
ilM'll.
So, the effort o f creation carries within itself the need, the
dcniand, for a return. And these examples, which come from
vary high leveis of life, invite us to find corresponding examples
in ourselves.
I lowever, let us note a most important fact. At the level of
ihr Sun, the Law o f Seven no longer needs to be created. With
all its power of Organization, it dominates the conscious act of
ihr Sun and defines quite precisely the Sun’s place on the scale
nl consciousness. Below the Absolute, conscious efforts can
lakr place» but they can only be made according to precise and
iiiesca pable conditions.
This shows that even if the Absolute does not intervene
directly in the worlds stemming from its Presence, the primor­
dial ! ,aws are the organizing agent o f its veiled glory. They bear

13
 T A L K S A N D EX CH A N G F.S

its Will, bear witness to lts Consciousness, and manifest the

Absolute in all parts o f the Universe.
As we try to come closer to these realities, a double require-
ment appears. Man has been sown on Earth in order to trans-
mit influences niechanically, in order to be a'link’ in this passage
o f energies. But man must evolve because, although the descend-
ing current is assured by his creation, only his conscious effort
can allow an ascending current to appear. Without man’s volun-
tary effort, there would not be any exchange. Consequently, man
bas two roles to fulfil, a mechanical one and a conscious one.
The reconciliation o f these opposing requirements obliges
us to pause for a moment and reflect on the idea of the octave.
An octave is an ordered succession of notes that stand in a defi­
nite relation to one another.
In order not to be a mere chaotic sequence o f notes, man,
having been created according to the principle o f the octave,
must be put in order’ so that the Connections and relationships
between these notes are respected.
Each of the notes is represented in him, but, if we consider
man as he is habitually, the relationships between the notes are
apparently not respected. The only constant reality, no mat­
ter where the centre o f gravity o f his presence settles, is that
although all the levels remain materialized in him, order, in
the cosmic sense o f a hierarchy o f worlds, is not established.
This reality sheds a little more light on the idea o f evolution.
Nevertheless, it seeins clear - even though Im unaware of it
or I forget it - that, in spite o f my erring ways and my perversity
(in the etymological sense o f ‘movement in all directions’),
there remains an invisible property that prevents Interruption
and permits the passage o f descending influences. Without
this property, I could not even fulfil the primäry mechanical
role for which I was conceived.

14
 T H E I D E A OE E V O L U T IO N

ll scems to me that to reach an understanding o f this would

In to tliscover one of the keys to life. And if our attempt today
I«tu In us no further than this question and allows it to take root
in us, our efforts will not have been in vain. What is this thread
111,11 in my sleep and even in my most destructively disordered
■ i.iles - protects me (at least for a time) from complete and
ii icvorsible disintegration? Isn’t asking this question the same
.1'. coming back inside myself, this time by a different route,
lo Ibis notion o f primordial Laws that (in spite of my confu-
,1011 and my state o f unconsciousness) bear witness to a latent
<xmsciousness that keeps watch during my sleep* and to a Will
hi hiud my childish dreams o f power? Doesn’t evolving’ mean
1eiognizing Myself in this mysterious property?
Seen in this light, descent already implies return. Attesting
lo the existence of a continuum underlies the disharmony, the
■ Ii m ent imposes a search for evidence o f the return. In this way,
it ciarifies what the idea o f a being, constituted according to the
principle o f the octave, signifies. It signifies a being who bears
m himself all the signs o f a path leading from its secret origin
tu ils perceptible manifestation. This path, which joins heaven
.1 ml earth, can be rediscovered by man within himself, and
11lereCore he can never rightfully say he has been abandoned by
bis Creator.
burthermore, even though man is in a state o f sleep and
bis so-called autonomy is nothingbut reactivity, the substances
ui bim are not inert; they live, they vibrate. This gives actual
mcani 11g to what we attempt to describe by the term 'inner call’.
I lere at last we discover the secret o f the impulse calling us to
evolve, Ihe reason for the nostalgia that torments us and which
we must translate into acts rather than lamehts.

' I hr liilile, The Song o f Solomon, 5:2,“! sleep, but my heart waketh.”

15
 TALKS AND EXCHANGES

When we ask ourselves what is meant by ‘awakening’ and

‘sleep1, we find their meaning by becoming awäre o f - or by
being unable to live - the way we are constituted, and by discov-
ering these substances in us, their relationships, their Connec­
tions and disconnections. At the same time, it becomes clear to
me why I am cut off ffom myself. Fragments seek to reconnect,
but their conjunction will not in itself produce, by mere addi-
tion, this T to which I aspire. However, unless they are reunited,
the essential condition for the manifestation o f this T will be
lacking.
Needless to say, the real deciphering o f this octave must take
place internaily and must be closely linked to the effort tliat we
are more and more able to make, with every day. Studying it
intellectually is only a preparatory stage.
Every approach to a finer substance, every perception o f a
different level, while confirming for me the reality o f the way I
am constituted, defines the precise starting point o f an effort.
And, each time, this effort becomes a little more conscious.
This is how my centre o f gravity can shift, but ultimately the
whole o f the octave will have to be lived. The efforts that make
me abandon one level for another, one note for another, are
still only refined meanderings. To live this octave in its total-
ity would be to discover that these two movements, which are
called ‘first birth and ‘second birtlf, far ffom being opposed,
combine with and complete each other. The first was the prom-
ise o f the second; the second will justify the first.
Now, let us come back to the ascending direction o f this
octave. Beyond the possible evolution of the man I am today
(still a very subjective viewpoint), it also refers to the uninter-
rupted chain of all the levels o f men who are in the process of
evolving. From the ordinary man to the totaily evolved man
and, returning to the unique concept o f man - which is a far cry

16
 T H E ID E A O F EV O L U T IO N

ImOm my suhjective viewpoint - the octave signifies the evolu-

.....m l man, considered as One M an . . . Adam.
II <me lakes into account the place given to the fourth body,
ihr <)iu’ Man belongs'to the solar System and at the same time
im n ges (Vom that System as it relates to different worlds in the
Ihn' ul <feation. This appears even more clearly when one tries
icpivsent to oneself the different levels o f men, no longer
ln <i linear diagram, but with reference to the enneagram. Man
mimber seven, although still related to this solar world, is free
11hi iul becausehe hasbecome acompletedenneagram, a com-
Iil< ir universe analogous to the great Universe itself.
Im relation to the higher worlds, what is he? Toward what
hum, unknown to us, can he evolve? Does he become, as it
ir, a cell o f the Megalocosmos? Of course I don’t know, and
ill Hpeculation is idle before this simple fact: beyond that point
Ilirrr is oertainly a different conception o f evolution, but until
lli.il point, evolution meansTo become a Man, and that alone
nm ls to be kept in mind.
Without wishing to do more than just mention them, it’s
I>ci Imps useful to say, as an invitation for reflection, that this
octave o f organic life opens up many other questions, for it
In ings to mind:
■ the conscious circle o f humanity and the outer
circles;*
■ the passage o f‘C’ influences;f
• the dual Constitution o f man in ordinary nature
and in higher nature: the visible and die invisible;
■ the idea o f higher centres and our relationship
with them;

' Ser Fragments, pp. 31011.

See Fragments, pp. 199-201.

17
 I AI I A N I M \< UANi . l ' . S

............. ........ il i • mir vv.inl ln lind the corre-

....... . itn I» iwi'i’n ihr ilntv sloreyedmachine
‘imI llii ■ Imin,m siructure, aceordingto the Law
n f Soven; and finally, ,
■ the Odave suggests the question o f food and
exchanges, that is, the question o f opening to
the different levels o f the Universe *
It is important to try and study this idea o f evolution more
and more deeply. After having glimpsed the reason for man’s
need for evolution, it is necessary to consider the possibility of
his evolving. Actually, it is the same question, since his possibil­
ity resides in his need; and his need in his possibility; and both
o f them in the way he is constituted.
It is remarkable to discover that man is connected in poten­
tial ity and in fact is actually connected even though he appears
to be separated and manifests as if he lacked any connection.
This is exactly the question that we mentioned a moment ago.
It is just another way o f speaking about evolution. But it will
always be a matter o f Consciousness, Will, and Doing.
Man is in fact connected, and at the same time he is pen-
etrated by every categofy of influence. He can live this connec­
tion either actively or passively- ör better, actively and passively
at the same time. This implies a trinity behind the duality and,
at the heart of this trinity, an all-embracing unity.t

* Gonge: To arrive at this, in addition to a greater capacity o f being, it would

perhaps be necessary to re-think the whole body o f knowledge —assimi-
lated gradually thanks to direct experiences - in relatipn to the enneagram,
as I have just suggested. Perhaps the rotation of octaves on the enneagrams
might give us an understanding o f the three displaced scales in the Table of
Hydrogens... and, at last, an effective broaching o f the problem o f foods.
I Gonge: Thou art That or “ fhou art the Buddha”: this evokes a reality
that nothing can alter. And the “ I Am The One Wlio Is and you are the one
who is not,” by breaking the illusion, shows where the key to the enigma

18
 T H E ID E A OF E V O L U T IO N

Am I free to be That or not? Am I free to evolve, or is this

iinll mig but the torment o f Tantalus? The question takes on
ii11|ml liince to the extent that webecome more deeply awareof
mit Livery and o f the cosmic reasons for this state.
In fact, I am sure, not o f my freedom, but o f carrying in
mv'.'.t■11' the principle o f freedom. And the answer, paradoxically,
i|i|n ais strikingly in what I had thought would forever be a
n uiiVe o f bitterness: I am subject to two implacable and opposing
>m i rnis, and it is the fact that they are inexorably opposed that
iihikrs Uberationpossible.
Hut then evolution no longer appears simply as an ascent,
nul I feel that, at this point, the oppressive counterpoint of the
ml.igomstic forces can give way to another vision.
At nach point o f intersection o f the currents, we are free
insular as our simultaneous perception o f both currents
i.an.lins bulanced. And I really mean, at each point of intersec-
l uni. There is no once-and-for-all liberation for us,but a scale
ul Miccessive liberations leading to that Unim aginable
wliere the primordial laws are reunited into one peerless
Whole; but not at a precise point indicated by my intellect.
SimuIlaneously the Higher, the Lower, and the Middle.
II man were subject only to the descending current, he would
be lost forever. If he were only subject to the ascending impulse,
Iin e would be no conscious effort, therefore no evolution.
I a m contradiction. But w h a t w a s o n l y a d e p r e s s i n g O b se r ­
vation becomes a s o u r c e o f h o p e , s in c e d i e s e c u r r e n t s n e v e r

.....st be found. What does it matter to me that these higher influences - like
hu nuiuy energy fields - pass through me, if I am incapable of submitting
mysoll in tbem? What does it matter to meto learnth^t“I am the Buddha” if
l im incapable o f bearing witncss to that? Andyet it does matter, because
111 don’l learn this, and if I don’t realize at the same time to what extent I
um a il off (Vom it, nothing will vibrate in me to disturb my torpor.

19
 TA I.K S AN D I3X.CHANGES

Willi Ihr rctum o f silence, I can hear them act on me,

ilisumT (Iml lliis notion o f the octave, after being only a sort
nl abstracl and cold idea, becomes material and animated, and
iha l ,i kind o f flow of a very different rhythm - deeper than the
cii'culation of my blood - pulses in stränge new arteries. This
ebb and flow speaks to me about a life as yet unknown, the cer-
■ tainty o f which, once glimpsed, at last evokes in me the ardent
desire to be myself.
This scale, this octave, does exist; otherwise, hearing about
it would not have aroused any echo in me. But I see that in
Order to become real, it wants me to embrace it. It has given me
life and I must in turn recreate it by discovering it. The octave is
my substance and yet it awaited me in Order to materialize.*
Man is potentially a unity. But he must discover this in
order to become a World, the Tritocosmos.f
The understanding o f Üiis potential unity shows, by anal-
ogy, how we should regard the Ray o f Creation, which is by
no means just a succession o f cosmoses that are more or less
separate or more or less linkepM
The Ray o f Creation is a potential Whole, perhaps a Whole
that is löst only so that it can be found again.5 Each world bears
within itself the same inextinguishable impulse of return,
because each contains the intimation o f higher worlds. This is

* Conge: Does not this Vision o f the Creation, which is at the heart o f the
contradiction, give an answer to the eternal debate befween finalism and
determinism? It is not a matter o f adhering to one theory rather than the
other, but of recognizing that there is a dual finality and a dual determin­
ism; and also o f understanding that the directly experienced perception of
this quadruple aspect is the key to freedom.
f Conge: Was it hot Ouspensky’s failure to see this ciearly that led him to
refuse to con'sider man as the Tritocösnios? See Fragments, pp. 215-16.
I Conge: Similariv a Scale does not have to be a succession o f notes.
§ Conge: Consider the meaning of the Hindu cöncept o f lila,

20
 T H E ID E A OF EV O L U T IO N

1 1. 4i ly sei forth in the way o f counting the number o f Orders of

I <u". Ihr each world.
i len-, as is the case for man, consciousness must extend
,14 nnu ll (oward the lower as to the higher. The conscious
i. lind o f the sun is an excellent example. The sun is turned
i, .um i <I i he Absolute in order to understand the need for con-
■ i imiMiess, and at the same time it is turned toward the most
dc.l.mlly lost worlds, and acts in order that the critical zone
i« mied.
This conlirms that the notion o f evolution is not simply a
im .veinent o f Opposition. If this were not the case - and only
ihr mneagram can show this - all conscious efforts would
he doomed to fall back into the endless cycle o f parts o f a
wlii>le seeking each other and finding each other, only to be
ln ,i again. If I can hold this vision for a mornent, it overturns
ill my preconceptions and begins to free me from them.

I ,i*i us come backto the question o f man wishing to evolve.

I ....... come to realize that the moment I perceive the two-
vvny current that passes through me and imprints its con-
II ,k.1ictory movement on me, something must appear in the
.igonizing struggle and the sense o f helplessness in which
I lind myself. This is possible because I am not alone and,
wilhout wanting to go too deeply into this aspect, I will
mrntion again that this octave is, at one and the same time,
Ihr octave o f a man who struggles to find himself and the
ocluve o f men who have evolved. A secret communication
willi (hem exists at the centre o f my being and, like a coma-
lose person receiving a transfusion, I receive some o f the
qu.ililies o f the donor, Does life return to my eyes? I know I

21
 T A L K S A N D E X C H A N G ES

am waking up. Will I be willing to stand up and show that I

have understood that I can be reborn?
Seen in this way, the question o f evolution brings togetlier
aJ] levels ofbeing and reminds us that there is only the One, and
that Man is his representative.
One question remains to be tackled before we finish, and il
is the only one o f interest to Contemporary science: how should
we understand the evolution o f humanity? If it is true that, by
definition, evolution means evolution o f consciousness, and
that consciousness, on our level, is an individual phenom-
enon, then this question, which applies to the cellular mass of
humanity and not to the individuum, has no meaning. But the
question can become meaningful in a roundabout way. Let’s
consider it for a moment.
As a function o f organic life, humanity is linked to the
Earth. As an indirect consequence, it will share the Earth’s
destiny. If the Earth involves, humanity will suffer from it; if
the Earth evolves, humanity will experience the repercussions
mechamcally. But there is nothing to say that these repercus­
sions will necessarily be favourable; organic life may even cease
to be necessary. And even if humanity were to benefit, let us
not forget that the evolution o f the Earth can probably only
be assessed in millions, or even billions, o f years! This time
span, out o f all proportion with the duration o f an individ­
ual human life, ultimately relieves us o f any interest in such
an uncertain, and moreover problematic, eventuality. What’s
more, il the chain o f consciously evolving men were to be
broken, the unguaranteed possibility o f an indirect evolution
o f humanity would come to nothing; if the octave o f organic
life were interrupted, the higher influences would no longer be
able to reach the Earth. As a result, organic life, humanity, the
Earth, and the Moon would disappear.

22
 T H E ID E A OF E V O L U T IO N

Win 11 wr ask ourselves whether it is not unjust that the

WlIhIi • i( Ihmnonitycannotevolve,weletsentimentalitydistract
n ........ 11ic real issue o f sölidarity. In a sense, the possibility of
11 111111hr1 1 \ is Ls for all men, but it is a potentiality that must be
■h iil.'icd l’or each‘man-cell:. It depends on the elfort ofthose
i. iv w1111 luive heard the call in the depths of their being. The
* i! lii|ii'ilice'wöuld take place if, on hearing the call, 1 failed to
hiouvi 11, 1 «-cause tliat would diminish even more the hope of
huf., nlio wait in sleep. And if none o f those who are chosen
«■ if lo ,ii ise, hope would be shattered, the human race would
.........mliifiled, and the point o f growth o f the Ray o f Creation
<\.nil,l U- in mortal danger. This is because, within the sphere
, i( ..... Sun, the worlds have as much need o f sleeping men as
, ,i . i ihm mmis ones, and probably in a very definite proportion.
t ■, iv ir.il elfort that we attempt in the direction o f cons.cious-
i i , .. i.limfore always bears fruit. As a glimmer o f light grows in
n ii filier,s into that undifferentiated mass o f humanity out of
■ Im Ii men will progressively arise, to ensure that the successive
levrls ol evolution are always represented, and the transmission
, ,1 du-1 uiTcnts o f life is never interrupted.*
I■i11all y, we should remember that one cannot speak o f evo-
ni ii m belbre a first breath o f consciousness appears, followed
In .i ihirsl to understand and an effort to set out toward a goal
111.11 iv ma ins rnysterious for a long time.

I would be tempted to stop here, because beyond this begins

II ii- inef'fable, and Ihn not unaware that the heart o f the ques-
ln m resides there. So what is to be done?

' ( !imgc: This gives meaning to monastic forms of ceaseless prayer or chant.

23
 TALKS AND EXCH ANGES

I have endeavoured to bring together some o f the basic ele-

ments. I have tried to free myself as much as I possibly could
from the more formatory aspects of my intellect in an effort
to confront the ideas directly. Meanings that are hidden in
these ideas have appeared to me. I do not want to lose these
discoveries.
i know for my part that without this effort I cannot come
closer to the idea o f evolution, and yet this effort itself can pre-
vent me from evolving. I must therefore gradually rid myself of
all formulations, all images, and yet lose nothing o f what begins
to appear to me. I have to attain a quality o f effort such that all
that is left in me is the invisible structure of what was revealed.
Then, all experiences, all work on oneself, could be recorded
and organized along these lines of force, enabling me to re-
discover the rhythmic movement o f energies finally operating
through the functions in both directions, and to rediscover my
own organic life with its hierarchy of kingdoms, analogous to
the great kingdoms that constitute organic life on Earth. And I
could even rediscover this seed in myself - analogous to man’s
Situation within humanity - the seed for which this complex
Organization was created.
Only by becoming ‘attention-consciousness-wiir - action,
by perceiving the substance o f all the worlds o f which I am con-
stituted and the laws that give them order, and by discovering
the Motionless within motion and the One in the multiple, will
I be able to speak o f evolution.
But, because 1 am too far away from all that, I have only
been able to prepare the ground.

24
 I'he Lateral Octave and Influences

l'i- 111ic* to yourself this immense universal octave, the Ray of

1 i«'.ilion; and at the same time, the octave that begins from
111• Nun, the octave where organic life has its place. At present,
\"iir ihinking and the information at your disposal do not
iillovv you to see that there is an indefinite number o f octaves;
,iiid that what you see in this process refers to one octave
11111 cd to another octave, which cuts across yet another with
ui inlerplay o f intervals. Can we speak about involution and
• voliilion? First, we must understand these terms in a more
uh lusive way as they relate to us.
I leel I’m being swept along by a current. There is a very
■i .ionishing thing: I can sense that if the process o f creation
wrre lo stop, everything would stop. So, even though this
<unvnt apparently drags me toward my downfall as an indi­
vidual, 1 couldn’t in any way wish it to stop. This can already
rcconcile me with a descending current.
Thon, I see that this current is mechanical - a prelim iiw y
vision o f involution as a succession o f causes and effects.
What is evolution in relation to that? I need to notice the
momcnl al which an involving process becomes evolving. It

Im crpl l'rom group exchanges - Reims, December io and 27,1956.

25
 T A LK S AN D EXCH ANG ES

is what is called ‘conversion’ in certain teachings - a reversal

o f active and passive.
It is very important for us to understand that it is at the very
moment o f this reversal that evolution begins. Then it can stop
again, and I fall back into a current. Finally, I see that evolu­
tion cannot be other than conscious, even though octaves o f a
mechanical nature are set in motion. For in my conscious effort,
automatic actions can be triggered. That is why I mentioned just
now that there is a whole ränge o f octaves. But I know, by the
taste o f my efforts, that a reversal of polarity is taking place and
is being maintained. This is an attempt to evolve.
If I maintain this effort, at certain moments I catch a
glimpse o f an altogether different vision, as if my thought:
- which is on the verge o f being expressed - were influenced
by a different ability to think, a capacity that is beyond me.
Perhaps it is only by these increasingly rigorous efforts,
even though they are apparently destined to fail, that I allow
the level o f my current thinking to quicken, in an accel-
eration that would permit contact with the higher centres.
These centres are not far off, and if my thought would only
agree to become engaged, it would be enough for me, now
and then, to get a surprise glimpse o f them - not a contact
though, because, for that, I lack the intermediary organ-
isms, namely, the higher bodies.
The world that is nearest to us is the terrestrial world;
more precisely, it is organic life, o f which each and every one
o f us is a cell.
ln the lateral octave there are seven notes from the Sun to
the Moon, o f which three - la, sol, fa - represent organic life
(see the diagram on page 5). Curiously, this representation is
depicted as a layer between the higher and lower worlds, each
o f which is represented by two notes, do-si and mi-re, placed

26
 T H E L A T E R A L O CT A V E A N D IN P L U E N C E S

' • 111« .illy above and below organic life, respectively. Regarding
ili« i <ailres, the proposed position is striking; and some Work
I' leas correspond to this fact in an astounding way.
The lateral octave gives us great hope. The hope is that
ih- Situation o f man - who, in the present state o f things,
l-'Tmgs inuch more to the Earth world and the Moon world
is wretched only because we allow things to follow their
.......sc. The scale is there; the way is indicated. Man, with
he. levels from one to seven, can come and go along a vast
|Mil lion o f the Ray o f Creation. And how could man be so
limited, considering that he receives foods corresponding
l" suc h a vast scale? Only by cowardice and ignorance. But
«iionnous possibilities are granted him. These ideas are not
wi i lear enough to you. You do not understand the double
duection o f ascent and descent in the lateral octave.
I am made as a three-storeyed beingcapable o f self-devel-
opment, but I lead a life that doesn’t correspond at all to the
latent possibilities in me.
As for this diagram o f a lateral scale with its very curious
shape which gives the impression o f a reflection in water -
ii is symmetrical in relation to la-sol-fa, like a mirror image.
Since the Ray o f Creation has an interval to be filled
belween fa and mi o f the great octave, the Sun sends out a
lüleral octave. But the further we go, the more we see that
m the universe nothing is done for one reason alone (and
llial was also the way Mr. Gurdjieff proceeded). The Sun
wouldn’t have taken so much trouble if there hadn’t been
oi her problems to solve, other interconnections. On the one
band, it is necessary that certain energies descend and reach
Ihe very tip o f the new growth, that is, the Moon; and the Sun
itself needs to receive energies. The octave is both ascending
and descending.

27
 TALKS AN D EXCH ANG ES

It is said in Fragments that emanations must come from

organic life to feed the Earth, the Moon, and the Sun simul
taneously. We already see clearly that this proceeds in bot 11
directions, and that this ancillary process o f creation did nol
occur for one reason alone. And also, stränge as it seems, the
scale proper to man is food for sol, which is the Sun. Yet we are
told that the essence o f which we are constituted comes from
far above. This gives an image o f the Fall, o f man descending
from far above, in fact from the level o f the note la on the Ray
o f Creation, and sinking down so far into materiality that he
forgets his origin.
In the end, we see that this lateral octave corresponds to
the needs o f the Sun as well as to the needs o f the Earth and
the Moon, but also, no doubt, to the needs o f essence, which
descends the whole length o f this octave and could equally
well return.
When one mentions the idea o f food, one must immediately
look at the idea of appetite, the necessity o f feeding oneself.
Why would this essence descend? As an experiment. The
idea o f ‘man as an experiment o f the Sun has more than one
meaning. It is difficult today to be precise about how things take
place; but it appears that in the being o f man, which includes
different elements - essence, personality, and false personality
- we can see a hierarchy o f principles that are subject to differ­
ent numbers o f laws and which correspond to various levels
within the great octave o f the Ray o f Creation: the levels o f the
Moon, the Earth, the Planets, and the Sun.
Looked at from this point o f view, the idea o f feeding leads
to new discoveries, and one can Start to discern the magni-
tude o f the problem o f identification. If essence did not need
to be fed, perhaps this process - this misunderstanding that
needs to be cleared up - would not exist. On a scale such as

28
 N IE L A T E R A L O C T A V E A N D IN F L U E N C E S

•in ii i • iiol g o o d -a n d perhaps not n ecessary-to descend

..... 11 •w. Io descend as low as to be subject to 96 Orders o f
11 lir . urgent that we wake up.
11 i'. also said that the levels o f the lateral scale correspond
1.. 11h 1 y |»cs o f man from one to seven. And because creation
11 ,i • oiilinuous process, one cannot consider these types of
•um ,r. independent o f one another.
All .ilong the scale there are semi-tones, and if the Sun is
..l.lipe.l Io ftll an interval with respect to a very great cosmic
........ why wouldn’t the same thing occur in relation to a
l. .1 process? Between man number seven and men num-
Im1 1 me, number two, and number three, there may also be
ml. I Vills tO fill.

We .1 re told that on the one hand there are influences ere­

il ed by the milieu in which we live: these are ‘A’ influences,
me. h.mical and abundant. On the other hand, there are CB’
mlliiences, which have a conscious origin but descend into
llie 1 uiTent o f life - the idea o f the Fall. And finally, ‘C ’ influ-
. 11. es, which are conscious and remain conscious.
' B’ and ‘C ’ influences must each follow a different course.
I 1eeeive ‘ IV influences, for example, through sacred texts and
. .1 lain works o f art; that is, from the outside. But I receive
'< " influences from within. Influences coming from within
. Io not ‘ fall’. They cannot be perverted because, to really be
reeeived, they demand an effort in return. Both influences
have a conscious source. CB’ influences are a gift offered to
mankind; they are thrown into the sphere o f the general life
ol luimanity, and people do as they please with them. If we
lake in these influences through what is more superficial in

29
 I AI I S AND HXCIIANGIiS

ourselves, wc Umi Ihem to pieces. When others take in these

i1111ucncos llimugh wliat is most valid in themselves, then
these influences strengthen their need. The nature o f ‘C ’
influences is that you cannot damage them so easily.
But perhaps you have never yet received ‘C ’ influences?
Could it be that the best o f what you have received are well-
assimilated ‘B’ influences?

Here is a very clear problem that I put to you: 48 - 3 = 24. Let

me explain this a little: the 48 Orders o f laws o f the Earth are
made up o f 24 + 12 + 6 + 3 + 3 (from the Earth).
So, there are three laws belonging to the Earth. It is said
that if a man moves from one level to another, he is then
subject to only half the laws, those o f the planetary level.
How can subtracting 3 from 48 make 24? If one considers
this problem seriously, it can clarify many other things. It can
help us understand why some influences fall and others pass
through and do not fall.
In fact, man does receive influences from very high above,
but they degenerate. This is where the idea o f a magnetic
centre appears. ‘B’ influences serve to create a magnetic cen-
tre, which opens a way for a return to and a contact with ‘C ’
influences - that is, with ‘schools’.
Look at this whole interplay o f forces with its ascents and
descents, with elements that complete one another and allow
a passage from one level to another.
We said a moment ago that organic life evolves and
within it mankind; and within mankind only certain men;
among these men only a few will come to real attainment.
And here again, there is a hierarchy and also a continuity; the

30
 T U E L A T E R A L O C T A V E A N D IN F L U E N C E S

l' ’ 1 1'■ .1 ic connected one with theother; they are ‘nested’ one
in iidi■ lho other.
Wr sec that a bridge is necessary: essence coming down
........ high above, influences coming from knowledge, and
lli« 111»ward thrust - many men, then fewer and fewer - and
>11 "l this connected in different ways.
I leie is an interesting idea for those who consider it an
iiilii .ine that only some men can work. Men who truly work
•' him iously act as a thread connecting the highest summit to
.........mity as a whole, and if they were to stop working - they
in i he salt o f the earth - all the rest o f humanity would die.
Ihr. corresponds to the interval filled by organic life, through
wliich the life o f the Earth and o f the Moon is made possible.
I vsence appears on Earth naked; there is no personality at
I'ii 111. ( ioming from another world to live an experience and be
("I, essence coats itself in something: physical form and per-
•.oii.ilily. Exchanges that nourish it will take place there. On its
•iwn, essence can do nothing. There must be a balance between
llir.e two organisms.* As the world is built for these exchanges,
wr lind the same interplay there. Among the infinite number of
essences that coat themselves with personalitics in this way, only
i lew lind a correct balance. Consider the image o f innumerable
•.nsIs, o f which only a few actually give birth to an organism.
The idea o f a bridge shows us why working on ourselves
r. so difficult, why all my attempts seem to fa il... but, some-
lhing crystallizes all the same.

■— ---------- . b
' ( lonsider the sto ry in Fragments ab o u t the m an w ith a w eak essence and
,i '.i rong personality, and the m an w h o had a w eak p erso n ality an d a stron g
essence, pp. 252-3.

31
 I A I K S A N D I .X< 11A N <<I •’S

II I visiiiilizo the lwo octaves and recognize that the world is

crcated by implacable necessities, for the needs o f the Abso­
lute and for the needs o f the Sun, and if I can connect this
with my own need, then I glimpse the immense stairway
that responds to a necessity I cannot disregard. I see that this
responds to the necessity o f a much more intelligent Organ­
ization. I sense that there are beings in the universe who
think and live; a feeling can arise, and I feel that I am not
alone, not abandoned, and that all this is leading toward
a culmination. This idea that man is not complete ... this
idea is vaster still. The Universe is not complete. Creation
is ongoing; it Starts over again, it continues. I partake o f all
o f that.
Man is a fallen being, banished, tormented. I will come to
understand that this is not in vain. It is man’s misfortune to
feel that it is in vain - but this may be completely wrong! It is
my way o f looking at things that is futile.
We need to consider that men o f higher levels o f con-
sciousness have taken on the task o f transmitting influences;
they struggle for themselves, but also for us. Without them,
how could we find our way back to the path?

Consider identification in relation to this: essence is hungry.

We sometimes feel, for example, that certain kinds o f read-
ing and entertainment do not nourish us. Essence gets lost
in them. It is hungry for impressions. Man cannot live for a
second without impressions; therefore, this touches the most
essential part o f his complex organism.
Furthermore, we speak o f influences and impressions.
There is an origin and an action; they are not the same. One

32
 T U E L A T E R A L O C T A V E A N D IN F L U E N C E S

• in i <««•ivc* excellent impressions without evolving; but if one

i i '| h' ii Io receiving certain influences, one can evolve.
Mir l.k I that we don’t connect this idea o f Inniger with the
liIt ,i i »I l’ood is proof that we are not in contact with essence:
i ' don’l listen to it. And as long as we are not convinced, we
■ I*•11'l m.ike the effort consciously to talce in the impressions
•i irceive.
11 y lo cast light on these problems: 48 - 3 = 24; hunger-
lo.nl k U ntification. That might enable us to loolc at the
11 i.ii liine man’s Constitution - in a new way, without losing
1j 1 11 of the lateral octave.

ii

33
 The Scale o f Man

As a man, I come from World 6. T come from the world o f the

stars (see the diagram on page 5). Let’s return to that stränge
calculation that has already been proposed: 48 - 3 = 24. If
you free yourself from half o f the laws, you get 24; if you free
yourself from half o f them again, you get 12; if you free your­
self from another half, you get 6; beyond this nothing is said.
This is my point o f ‘origin’, m y point o f ‘return. And this is
why religions speak about a ‘fall’ or a descent. In Order for my
being to be able subsequently to evolve even higher, it must
first descend. This is not a punishment. It is a fall, yes! But it
is an entirely unexpected opportunity.
Never forget what is said in other books o f scripture, in the
great traditions: angels themselves, if they wish to evolve, must
take on human form. That is their only possibility. So at first
glance it is a descent, an incamation into heavy matter in Order to
transmute. At the same time, we serve a purpose, we fulfil our role.
What comes from below must combine with what comes from
above; they cannot remain apart. This is a law o f justice; these are
reciprocal exchanges - relationships of mutual help, if you prefer.

Excerpt from an exchange 011 the theme, “The Absolute” - Reims, Decem-
ber 1963.

34
 T H E SC A LE OF M AN

So il can only be a joy to begin to understand the true

nn'.iiiing o f the sentence, ‘I come from the World of the stars
111>I I .im called to return there.’ Because I have agreed to this
•li m ciiI (and I must agree, all the time, all the time - this
u .illy has to be my work), I will perhaps have served the pri-
iiinuli.il Triad - the One - and tried to come closer to the
Mf.olute, to be part o f that one world.
liiil I could not - starting out from World 6 - have become
Imi I of the primordial Triad without having undergone this
li.iiismutation, this transformation. It is only possible upon my
n im n. And we understand a little the meaning of what is said in
Ihrl. ebubs Tales about the return to the planet Karatas - after a
I. mg struggle, with all the mistakes and errors, then this transfor-
II ul ii m, and at last the return to the true homeland - because my
Imme is there, Above. Down here, there’s my plot of land to be
vvoi ked. I must contribute to this Work. I cannot be passive.
I )on’t worry. In a sense, you cannot contravene any divine
l.ivv. 11 is strictly impossible. If the return against the current takes
pl.ice, then it is intended. It cannot be otherwise. And in the
mon lents when, even so, I doubt, I need only observe how habit-
u.illy and mechanically I behave, and then I fear that behaviour.
Il is by letting myself be swept along in that way, that I am truly
contrary, that I am rebellious; whereas, by returning, I am not
i* bdlious, 1 am the one who remembers. Try to understand this:
Ii n forms o f being whose creation is complete - the cosmoses for
example - mechanicality is obedience to Commandment, and
Ii >i beings that are created unfinished in order that they them-
selves may be bearers o f mechanicality, mechanicality is disobe-
ilience to Commandment. This puts the problem differently.
II is said in a number o f traditions - in Christianity one
iloes not say the Absolute, but rather God - that God suffers.
What principle is it that willed and made it possible in the

35
 T A I.K S A N D E X C H A N G E S

world that God suffer through me and in me? These terrible

conditions are necessary, inescapable, unavoidable. The assem
blage must function as a whole because it is a machine. This
is a condition for an action that until now has escaped us, bul
which we vaguely sense. At the same time, there is this trace of
consciousness, which for the moment is present in difficult but
not impossible conditions.
Maybe what I am saying is not clear to everyone, but for
each one o f u s... this trace o f consciousness... what do I make
o f it? How do I respond to it? Since we are talking about it now,
I begin worrying a little. I Start to realize that perhaps I will
end up in tragic circumstances after my death... and then, the
moment I do an exercise that might finally give me a possibil-
ity, I Start dreaming. I am already on the moon. And it doesn’t
even make me gnash my teeth!*
If I do not respond - if this trace of consciousness, which is
the essential thing for me, doesn’t begin to stir and doesn’t strug-
gle - then it serves something eise. It serves; whereas I myself
get caught up in a string o f events that becomc more and more
problematic. Here again, I must constantly place the vision I
may have o f myself within this vision o f universal order. But,
from one second to the next, I lose my opportunity. When I say,
T ve been too busy today; I’ll do my exercise tomorrow,’ I have
no remorse. I find this normal. And then all these tomorrows
taken together amount to nothing in the end. If, beforehand,
we could begin to take into account what is going to happen... .
There is something that doesn’t get accomplished. In a sense, it

* Compare with Fragments, “ The moon is at the extremity’, at the end of

the world; it is the ‘outer darkness’ of the Christian doctrine ‘where there
will be weeping and gnashing of teeth’,” p. 85; and the Bible, Matthew, 8:12,
“ But the children o f the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness:
there shall be weeping and gnashing o f teeth.”

36
 T H E S C A L E OF M A N

I im.1 total destruction, but just my neglect that has made me

li|' inlo ü S i t u a t i o n I am going to regret. When greed has made
y>hi i .il loo much, the next day, or in the night, you’ll be sick.

Wi move within a vast cosmic scale, subordinate to the Sun

ilii tr, we have our being. It is said that a man whose fourth
Iii uly has been formed is immortal within the limits o f the
"l.ii systcm; and yet, just like the Sun, we also are connected
I " I MAI WI IICH IS O NE, T H A T W H I C H IS I N D E P E N D E N T A N D E N -
i i im Pa s s e s e v e r y t h i n g a t o n c e . It is an enormous question;
ii "iily I could really carry it within me. It is an enormous ques-
h"ii because it can shatter the illusion that this body that I see
is me It is clear that if I am nothing but this little microbe, I do
ip it ii nderstand at all what it means to move - to have my being
in the Sun/ ‘ln the Sun means within the sphere o f influ-
■ iu e o f the Sun. But I must reach the point - and our whole
■ |" i ience awaits us there, now - the point where I recognize
my sei lat levels o f existence that I’m not yet aware of, but which
iE vei theless exist.
The Gospels speak o f sowing and öf man being sown. If
\oii know how really to hear the parables, you understand that
il is precisely this octave that is being described. Even though
In- falls upon this soil, man nevertheless continues to exist on a
■ timpletely different level; he exists on several levels at the same
time. T h als the most astounding thing. If I manage to be suf-
lu ieutly attentive within myself, I live several lives, several

' 11ic Bible, Acts, 17:27-28 (Paul addressing the ^thenians), “That they
sliould seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him,
lliough he he not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move,
,iuil have our being.”

37
 I ' A I . K S A N D I X « 11A N<; l!S

levels oflife at the same time without knowing it. This crawling
around on the surface o f the earth is what I call my life; bul
that’s only one aspect, the coarsest one. At the same time that
you crawl around, without knowing it you partake o f a life that
is extremely fine, extremely subtle.
lf a man awakens to that, if he succeeds in awakening to all
levels, he effectively fills this whole sphere in which he has his
being. But today, I’m not aware that my being is in some way
waiting for me. It is prefigured in this whole sphere. If a man
awakens to that, he truly accomplishes what is asked o f him.
First, he climbs back toward the origin, he returns. Someone
mentioned just now the basic prayer of Christianity: he returns
to his Father, to his origin. But he does not return by wanting
to escape the Earth; he returns by occupying all levels. By doing
that, in this much more limited sphere, he becomes - he is - the
All. That is what is asked o f man. He is in the image of God
- he must, in his own way, on a quite different scale, be the All.
But today, it’s only a small part; and it’s small because my mind
is blinkered, it is blind, it sees hardly anything. And I am com-
pletely identified with this mind. Everything my tiny intellect
thinks, I believe to be true, and I try to understand things from
there. But I don’t live those things and, without living them, I
understand nothing. I understand nothing o f the fullness that
is offered me. I live wretchedly.
What do certain Scriptures say? “ Man is the Son o f God.”
What is the significance o f the Christ? He shows the way to
come to this fullness.

T H E SO N ,
T H E O N E W H O IS T R U L Y F U L F I L M E N T ,
T H E F R U IT .

38
 T H E S C A L E OF M AN

I mny dream about that today, but I have never come

■ I" ' lo ils reality. However, certain ideas, some o f your ques-
ii"n il ihey remained in u s - ifth e y were notephemeral, not
ihm i lived - would have this astonishing power o f deflating
111« pn-lenliousness o f the mind, because what the mind teils
ui' r. not true. It understands nothing.
I )o you understand what is to be gained for our work by
• uli'iing the world o f thcse ideas? Because these ideas are
I' i\ .11 These ideas, the true ideas, coming from on high, are
i. lually a yeast. They bring to this growth that can’t quite
. . i linder way - I am tempted to speak in biological terms
Ih«*y bring it enzymes, that is, the substances indispens­
able lor something to grow, to develop. A man cut o ff from
hin 11 ansmission o f ideas might very well make great efforts
• ui his being, but the result would be negligible. And for a
nian who turned only to the ideas and made no effort to
' "i l> on himself, the result would be also completely insig-
nilu .ml. The meeting o f these two - ideas and efforts - may
I" 11i.ips allow him to achieve the fullness o f his stature ...
which is not, by the way, that o f a superman.
II is absurd to speak o f a superman. That isn’t the point
ii .111. It is a question o f the completion o f man, the man
111.il I was called to be, in this sphere. Beyond this sphere, a
new question arises, but then it is no longer about man; it is
il »out a new being, and for us, what can we say about that?
We are not even acquainted with the scale o f man. If we
leach that, we will perhaps understand that, at that point,
Ihr complete being, the accomplished being, Man - appears
as ihr negative force o f a new triad, the Great Triad that is
maile up o f the first three levels. But that is not for us now.

39
 This Unknown that Is Our Being

We have an image o f our presence on Earth as if we were

making a sketch: a big ball - that’s the Earth - and a little
fellow Standing on it - that’s me. Yes, that’s how my eyes see
things, and since photographs confirm it, I am convinced it’s
true. But it’s not like that at all.
Yes, on this round planet there certainly is a bodily form,
but my being is not limited to this physical presence. It’s quite
a stränge idea, scarcely believable, and yet if I knew how to
read what we’re told about the lateral octave__
The lateral octave is an octave, not one note. An octave
is eight notes; and, in a sense, this octave is me. It is also the
whole o f humanity and many other things besides; but it is
me. Where is my centre o f gravity? Below an interval. And so
it is quite obvious that I am much more easily in contact with
forces o f a certain kind that are in Operation there, exactly as
if I had magnetic soles on my shoes, gluing me to the planet:
I can’t move.
But I am learning ... and through this apprenticeship a
certain keen attention becomes an infinitely precious com-
ponent. If I learn to open inwardly to every aspect o f this

Excerpt from a group exchange - Reims, November 23,1959.

40
 T H IS U N K N O W N T H A T IS O U R B E IN G

imluinwn that is my being, I discover that my being also

• i on the other side o f the interval. I must not dream
«thoiil it. It is not actualized at present. I must not imagine
•i Iml through this effort o f openirtg myself to deeper levels,
I <Mine into contact with forces that are on the other side, in
llii direclion o f the Higher, and I sense that they are perhaps
i'M .Her, that is, more vivifying. In any case, they are closer to
111. mi igin o f creation, and therefore they have a much greater
l "wvi. The unfortunate thing is that, until now, I did not
I i i mvv it and could not open to it. You have enough strength
I" Iry. After that, it is a matter o f this energy penetrating, and
"h.u's more, coming from both poles... . This penetration
w ill work in me.
bul il is necessary to pay. A struggle awaits me, a real
II tiggle. One day you will love this struggle. For the moment
n <.in frighten us; sometimes we balk at it. This goes on for
•|tiiU* .1 while, but one day you will love it and you will know
why you love it-th is struggle isyourow n fire,your own vital
■ inality. It is for this quality that I will come to love it; other-
wise, I will never be able to do so.
In awakening to this, I understand that I must die to my
illusions. I don’t have to die to anything troublesome; I have
Im die to illusions, to memories. Afterwards, I can be born,
hei ause I am truly renewed in spirit.
I low clear all these texts are, if you begin to live them! How
simple it is! Certainly it is long and hard, but it is simple.

41
 To Be There, Between Worlds

What are the requirements for a conscious attitude? It must

be based both on precise knowledge, which we lack most
o f the time, and on a precise experience o f being. Both are
needed. This is the condition that allows us to reach another
understanding. In this direction, there is hope.

Questioner: It’s lilce being close to a threshold whose Crossing

is guarded. I never know how this threshold can be crossed.
The level o f my attention is different for a moment; then,
once again, I come up short. I have tried to relate this to the
idea o f the interval, which I’ve never understood.

Michel Conge: To speak o f thresholds is to speak o f intervals;

to speak o f intervals is to speak o f octaves; and to speak of
octaves is to speak o f notes.
What exactly are these notes? I mean practically, in our
experience? The theory that we are given is the structure of
the octave. Either you honour this structure, or it will just
remain outside you, as a representation. Can you recognize
the notes as facts, as tangible realities within yourself? Yes,

E xcerp t fro m a grou p exchange - R eim s, A p ril 11,19 7 2 .

42
 TO B E T H E R E , B E T W E E N W O R LD S

..........ui, if you are willing to look carefully. That’s what is

" "l '"| laut. As long as the image o f the octave remains some-
llnng oulside you, where on earth do you expect it to take
v o iiC

Von d ir an octave. All the processes within you are pro-

...... .. ol lhe octave. Why not learn to recognize them now?
........xperience will change if we can recognize these levels or
'" 'I• •• in ourselves. Otherwise, our Situation is hopeless.
W lul’s missing is daring ... daring to recognize that you
louched, penetrated, by knowledge, and that you are
" ' i'iving impressions, emanations, from something that is
"ii ihr other side o f the interval.
I >o not attribute this knowledge, this power, to yourself;
all lliis comes from the other side. If you begin to accept
il" pi inciple, if a few experiences show you that it is defi-
i"i< ly li ue, tlien you will consent to being ploughed, as Mr.
' .iiKljicff used to say. ‘Ploughing’ means that the blade digs
m l" ilu‘ held. I am willing to accept spending half an hour
" ' i •"i exercise without anything happening; and I will accept
tlii'' m order to hear a Vibration that I usually do not hear
I"'1 atise I don’t take the trouble or because I don’t believe in.
11 I he whole issue, for us, is a question o f faith.
( hin you, little by little, recognize that you are constantly
l" lng penetrated by impressions that come from the very
'I' pl Iis o f being, from this invisible, mysterious part o f being?
' .ui you, little by little, accept this - at least as a hypothesis,
""lliin g more! A hypothesis that touches not only thought,
I»i11 also feeling.
II I admit that there is something important in this, I pre-
paiv myself to hear. At first, it’s almost nothing. I don’t give
up, I don’t become discouraged. I don’t try to force events, I
Jem and nothing. I am there. I understand much better what

43
 I M . K N A N D I X C I I A N t J I- S

‘being liiere’ means. I am there, watching over the habitual,

agitated world o f m y functions - somebody does need to
watch over this world - and at the same time I am there
because I know that communication could be established.
I no longer have time to dream or to busy myself with the
thousand and one stupid things that usually flow through me
during this time o f quietly trying to collect myself.
I have an incredible task: to be there between two worlds.
I need to be there, and to be ploughed ... ploughed,
because on certain days I am barren; I’m not drifting, I’m
not running away, but I am barren. I am no longer a conduc-
tor o f energy; I am inert. I am there, but I am inert; and I
gradually understand that something is missing in my atti-
tude, something that would allow the currents to flow in all
directions.
Learn not to doubt. Even honesty can be dangerous. In
your inner life, anything can be good or bad; it depends how
you receive it, how you connect with it.
You cannot cross the interval as long as you are com-
pletely raw. In Order to cross over you must be cooked,
digested. Always remember the raw potato and the baked
potato.* It sounds like a far-fetched joke. Not at all! You are
a raw potato.

* Fragments, p. 321.

44
 Consciousness and Mechanicality

i "i .1 very long time we find the idea o f mechanicality offen-

llve; iI's Iike a personal insult that this teaching seems deter-
miiied to ding at us. But it is one o f the most exciting ideas
llii’ic could be, one o f the richest in hope. O f course, this is
<s.i« tly Mr. Gurdjieff’s style - to lob a bombshell lilce that at
ii'. 11<• had his reasons. When I encounter something offen­
sive wliile Im in a state o f questioning, it’s like a thorn stuck
ui my llesh. It ranldes. Nevertheless, given our state o f sleep,
n r. very desirable that this thing should be there to prevent
me (Vom sleeping in peace.
What is meant by a ‘machine’?
first o f all, the whole universe is a machine. The Creator
• re.itcd a machine. He Himself is Consciousness; He is Being;
by dcfmition, he is . He has allowed, He has willed that an
Organization, an organism, be created. Everything, absolutely
every thing, from that moment on, is a machine. There are all
I iuds o f machines: dogs, cats, and so on. These are machines.
There is a difference - and the Scriptures say it clearly
belween man and any such animal. But man is a machine,

I s. ei pt from an exchange on the theme, “ Man is a machine” - Reims,

I >ci cmbcr 7,1959.

45
 I A I K S A N D I X« 11 A N l i l l S

too. ‘Machine’ means, Organization willed by the Creator,

fulfilling certain purposes, endowed with a certain potential,
capable o f certain movements.
Man is a transformer. This term is very interesting, because,
just as in physics, a transformer runs with two currents, in two
directions, man also inherently has two directions. It’s simply
a pity that he’s not aware o f this; and the teachings are there to
make it known to him - one way or another.
The transformer plays its role as part o f this larger machine
that is the universe. It has its place in relation to the need for
transformation o f the substances that are required through
the action o f the Will o f the Creator. And this transformer
also has two currents, two directions; and many other things
can happen beyond this simple role that has been allotted
to us on Earth, a role we cannot escape, one we are really
obliged to play because that is how we are made.
There is also this other direction. And if I am able to grasp
the truth rather than latching on to negative emotions - ‘I don’t
like being told I am a machine, I don’t want to admit it’ - then,
at that point, something extraordinary appears. I am an Orga­
nization’ that enables the transformation o f substances, such
that the possibility o f evolution is built into the machine itself.
It is because I am a machine incorporated into a whole set of
circuits for transforming substances that I have this incredible
good fortune: 1 can gradually find and know States of being that
are totally different from those I experience today, and I can reach
Consciousness, that is, enter into the communion with the Divine
that all religions call for and all teachings propose.
If I were not a machine, that is, if I were not organized so as
to transform these substances, there would be no hope for me
other than to exist on a given level forever. Not all machines
have this capacity, nor are they created with this potential.

46
 C O N S C IO U S N E S S A N D M E C H A N IC A L IT Y

I Ihn i . ilu- prodigious nature o f man which has always been

I•i<'i l.nmed. It is not only this teaching that asserts this idea.
li Im . always been said that, in the whole scale o f creation,
ui.ui li.r. an exceptional place. In our stupidity we keep rebel-
lni|' .i}-..imst this fact, which should be blindingly obvious: we
......... liines, and therein lies our possibility.
11 y to nnderstand this point: consciousness and mechani-
. aliiy iircfound on exactly thesame line. They are not conflict-
ini: idr.is; they go together. Consciousness cannot flourish if
ilirn i\ no Organization to enable it to do so.
<iiven the level we are on, we have no clear idea why the
I i • .Hoi created. Nevertheless, we can assume there was a rea-
. -ii lor it, and we can begin to glimpse this immense cosmic
»'.mir (lilä, meaning ‘game’ - that’s exactly how it’s expressed
in 11ic* Vedanta o f India), this immense cosmic game that
- mild not exist if there were no organism to allow these ener-
!',!• ■. to pass through it and be transformed.
We can simply accept this idea without understanding it
mie wonld have to be at the top o f the ‘Ladder’ to fully under-
l ind it - but we can grasp it sufficiently to understand that
ilu l.ict o f our being a machine and our being incorporated
into this large organism is our opportunity. And if we can look
.H this question anew, then we will learn to understand this
i *i )’,.i nization and this machine, no longer reluctantlyor resent-
lully, but with all our heart. Then we will Start to learn not to
IV i in the way, but to allow what constitutes our salvation, our
II .msformation, and our possibility to be accomplished.

/ um consciousness. We always forget that. I am a conscious­

ness which at this moment is engaged in a certain form of

47
 I AI I' * AND IM 11AN<. I■S

org.ini/iilion. lio m l>irlh I am a consciousness. I do not know

il today or elsc I imagine it, but I cannot experience mysell
that way. But thanks to this whole complex o f functions, ol
centres that allow a two-way current, we can leave the real in
o f theory and truly enter reality.
You must admit that this is something that deserves look
ing into. Let’s try to get away from an attitude that is mir
row and especially too subjective, too negative. This is om
possibility.
I am consciousness__ What consciousness?
If this touches me and if I accept it, then I really seek to
understand, and I try to see clearly what level o f conscious­
ness appears in me. Is it very high? Insofar as I am capable o f
discerning a little, is it not clearly much weaker than I wish?
Do I not feel at certain moments that I should be, or would
wish to be, infinitely more conscious, since by definition I am
destined to be consciousness? This is something I can accept,
it’s an aspect o f my search: 1 truly wish to be more conscious.
So let us try to really understand that in Order for conscious­
ness to appear, some conditions are necessary. It needs a suit-
able vehicle; if the vehicle is crude, the level o f consciousness
that appears will be very rudimentary.
What vehicle do you offer to the grandeur o f conscious­
ness? Your body and its functioning. A machine, to be sure,
but a fairly rudimentary machine. But since everything is a
machine, I see that - in order to reach other levels o f con­
sciousness - 1 have the possibility o f offering to this grandeur
an organism, an Organization, that is much more refined. So
I remain a machine, but I see - and here is where the trans-
formation o f food in the machine comes in - that I can
reach a state o f being that is still an Organization, therefore a
machine, but one that offers a new vehicle to consciousness.

48
 CO NSCIO USNESS AND M E C H A N IC A L IT Y

llii i i . 11ic principle o f the bodies, or the different souls, of

»UiiiliM l’aulspoke.*
‘..i I see that the machine allows me access to more con-
•.. imiMif.s or less consciousness, that it enables me to live
iimn lonsciously or less consciously. If I accept this idea,
n In. Ii i*. (angible and perceptible, then I see what I can work
•ui '.iiuc I cannot work directly on consciousness - it’s
u111" -v.ible - but only indirectly, if I providc a better-adapted
..i 1,1111/.ilion, I will receive the illumination o f a new level o f
. .nc.. iousness. Work is possible on this Organization.
Wliat could we do without this Organization? Nothing.
\ii.l m.m, like other beings, would be condemned to remain
.1 Ins own level forever. Always remember what the Scrip-
lmcs bring us with such insistence: man is a creature who
|.. ih.ips suffers more, and has more fearsome conditions,
ImiI who is the envy o f all beings o f Creation. But we do not
i. spoud to this opportunity. Something in me may teil me,
h'c .pond! Act! Bear witness!’ But I cannot bear witness, I
. ,i 111 ioi respond, if I deny- maybe because my pride has beeil
woimded - if I deny this fact: I am a machine. It is because
I .im an Organization that can be infinitely more complex,
Iu i anse I am constructed in this way, that I can respond, that
I ,nn üble to bear witness.
We do not force our way up the universal Ladder ...
lli.il’s how my ordinary personality operates, that’s the way
I work today - I’m always tempted to ‘do’. We do not climb.
I'lie Titans tried to storm heaven, and you know what hap-
pened to thern. We don’t climb; it’s not possible, but we can
prepare ourselves inwardly. To work is both possible and
l.iwliil. I can apply myself in such a way as to be able to

1 rhc Mible, i Corinthians, 15:44.

49
 T A L K S AND EXCH ANGES

become an organism that corresponds to a certain quality ol

consciousness. Then I will know, more and more, that I actu
ally am consciousness, and I will thank Creation for having
endowed me with this possibility.
This is an important issue, and I would like to dispel om
misunderstanding about the idea o f being a machine. It is
not an affront. Really, it is not.

At times, some o f you say that mechanicality is fearsome. In

a way I understand you, and I even agree with you, but why
only mechanicality? Consciousness is also fearsome. God
is fearsome. The Old Testament shows Hirn this way. In all
these movements there is a greatness that frightens me. Our
mistake is to say that just one o f the two currents is fearsome;
what, then, do we make o f the other one?
If we keep the term ‘fearsome’, which one o f you used
during our exchange, then not only is one current fearsome,
but so is the other. It is important that I feel their fearsome
character, as a force o f Nature, an irresistible greatness; and
it is essential for me to become aware o f both currents at the
same time. Because I don’t consent to this, or because I don’t
reach that point, something fails to crystallize as I would
wish. Maybe something begins to engage, but the more you
consent to seeing both currents in yourself, fairly and irnpar-
tially, the more your possibility o f being transformed will
grow and strengthen.
You sometimes say, ‘I do not see the path by which I dis-
appear, by which I fall down again.’ Call it a path if you like,
or call it an a'ct, or the abandonment o f an act__ But what
feeling do you have when you actually observe yourself in

50
 CO NSCIO USNESS A N D M E C H A N IC A L IT Y

• I ii hhi io mechanicality? If I go by what is true for all o f us

ii 11>• -mlsei, it is certainly not a warm feeling, since at first
■ • •tr.likf ihis idea o f mechanicality - this notion o f myself
• ihm lunical man.
I u ii lliough I recognize it theoretically, intellectually,
t v* Mlogically, I don’t like the fact that I am an organism. In
mm ,m iiii.il pride, I believe I am alone in the world, isolated
Imm everything ... free. ‘What? You’re telling me I’m noth-
•n, luil .in organism inside an immense organism! I don’t
Ii! ■ 11i.il at all!’ However, I have to come to that point sooner
"i lull i II I don’t succeed in loving these two formidable
. m iriils, then I do not love this current o f consciousness.
1 'Ii. nl course, I would like to be conscious, but I don’t like
..... ■.< iousness, it frightens me. And I don’t like the machine-
HilViiii/ation. It offends me; I find it outrageous. However,
il I Mime, at the same time, to love the fact that I am part
ul ihr current o f consciousness, and also the fact that I am
ui uiganization, and that that’s what makes all transforma-
i iuii |lossible; if I love my conditions as they are, not only my
In mied personal conditions but also my conditions within a
universal organization; if I love all these things, I will find the
.lu'iigth to which I aspire.
II s simply that I don’t like unpredictable and very mys-
ir i miiis movements dragging me along like this, without my
' vrii understanding how it allbegins: a wind comes up in the
•l.ii kness and off I go. Always in the dark. That’s really the
Impression one can gradually have o f oneself: everything is
••lill in the dark, tragic. But let me love - or learn to love (for
il doesn’t happen right away); let me really try to be grateful
,nid appreciative, opening up the possibility o f being able,
mie day, lo love - then I become permeable. I accept that
llie.se ascending and descending currents pass through me. I

51
 IAI KS AND l'.XCIIANGES

•• i ImI l |'.i11*11-«• ol lhem and, through this, transformation

h >11 <umfilUliccl.

I am misguided. I am misguided by my intellect, which knows

only the everyday. I am misguided by an emotionality that is
not feeling, but is much closcr to ‘like or dislike’, an emo­
tionality that has no sense o f greatness, no sense o f Creation.
I am misguided by any number o f things. It’s my fault; I let
m yselfbeled.
But there is also the other direction o f the transformer
in me; all the possibilities o f appreciating, o f loving, o f really
turning toward the origin. Even if I don’t see it, I can always
turn in the direction o f Jerusalem; I can t see Jerusalem from
here, but I have the possibility o f turning toward it. And that’s
what they did with churches. They turned them toward Jeru­
salem, and the mosques toward Mecca. Am I able in that way
to turn myself toward the celestial Jerusalem, toward some-
thing I cannot apprehend, something that my sense Organs
and my present level do not allow me to understand? But I
do turn in this direction.
If I learn in this way, something already changes. I acknow-
ledge that something larger, more subtle exists. Düring our
exchange, one o f you mentioned the lunar level, symbolized
in the Ray o f Creation by the moon. One day we will come to
an understanding o f what that means: it’s not that moon up
there ... or in any case very indirectly. The lunar level has to
do with a level in myself that turns me to stone. Until now,
I’ve been slipping in that direction because my likes and dis-
likes can only lead to that. But if I try to leave the pathways o f
my inner machine open - the channels o f this inner machine

52
 C O N S C IO U S N E S S A N D M E C H A N IC A L IT Y

f iv. ihcm open in the upward and opposite direction,

.in ii I will see that I can enter into contact with levels whose
.........in different. Then I will have a taste o f freedom that is
in<1 111 i doing whatever takes my fancy.

WIm ! r, important now is that, together, we learn to consider

i . 11 uh o f these entirely unacceptable ideas in order to see
ImI l hey actually mean, to allow us to position ourselves
.lllleieiitly in our efforts. Many ideas that the teaching brings
.. whii h at first sight are unacceptable (like you, I had my
uw ii u'bellion against them), have another meaning. And the
I, n I th.il this other meaning is not given immediately, pre-
illl'.i'sled, prevents it from being completely snapped up by
ii ii prrsoiiality, the most outward and superficial aspect o f
m\ limctioning. If this happened, then these ideas would be
II . '.I i oyed for me. We have Mr. Gurdjieff to thank - or was it
I'. i li.ips tliose who taught him? I don’t know. But ultimately
ii w.is tliose who, being responsible for alineage,knew howto
11 .insniit knowledge in such a concentrated way that habitual
i molionality and the intellect, at its most destructive level,
in sliattered by it. Because o f that, something finally gets
111t ough to my essence. We can thank them, thank a lineage
th.il goes back perhaps thousands o f years. Something has
heen preserved by virtue o f a tremendous force.
Kvery beginner becomes indignant and rebellious at first,
riial’s bis role, it’s a normal reaction. It’s up to us, little by
liltle, Io understand: that’s just how it has tobe, because that’s
how energies are transmitted. You will see later, in regard to
influences, that we could not receive certain impressions if
they were not presented in a certain way. An example, which

53
 I A I I- '« A N D I \« 11A N <. I . s

i‘> nol me,ml .is .1 crilicism: when yon read certain passagc.s
in llie ( iospels you are Struck by the conciseness o f a parablr,
and if you search sincerely, you are not left in peace. Thcn
you read certain recent texts written by the Reverend X - .1
decent enough fellow to be sure - who thought it would bc
a good idea to explain everything and sweeten the pill. Bul
then it no longer makes an impression on you. The material
needs to be given in a particular form, and later, by working,
we try to understand, to assimilate.
If we had not received this idea as a slap in the face - ‘You
are a machine’ - we would have missed something. This idea
does not leave us in peace, and no matter what we say among
ourselves, it still does not leave us in peace. Do you find this
idea hard to digest as you try to work? So much the better!
Thanks to that, something gets through, and you think about
energy, about this transmission o f energy, about the special
influences that are not the influences o f everyday life.

54
 What Evolves?

\\ Ii.iI evolves? Unless I am sure about this, the question will

in>i I*<■ properly formulated. What is it that should evolve? The
Wi'il. j-ives us- invaluable indications on this topic: among
111- I»rings on this planet, there are men; among these men, a
l'ivrii man; and in this man, there is consciousness and will.
Wi miisl understand this kind o f diminishing progression. It
I». m •! all o f humanity, but one man, or a few men. As the old
ii -1•. say, “ Many are called but few are chosen.” t
I lowever, evolution is the evolution o f consciousness,
dir evolution o f will. If I first remember these most precious
I.i. l\ for I couldn’t invent them - then I return to this amaz-
ui)', problem o f being a machine, which is so painful for my
pi ide and for my way o f thinking, but not at all painful if I
look al it from another viewpoint.
I ! ry to recall that Consciousness and Will are attributes
111 the Absolute. It is very important to remember this. I see
ihr Kay o f Creation and I see what the Bible says, which is
lundamentally the same: there is an engagement in successive

I .'I |>t from an exchange on the theme,“Will man always be a machine?”

Keims, March 16,1962.

| l'lie bible, Matthew, 22:14.

55
 TA LKS AND EXCH ANG ES

forms, successive levels - an involution. Involution neccs

sarily implies evolution, otherwise there is destruction. I sec*
that certain properties enter into this involutionary movc
ment and then reappear following an effort; and this i:.
possible only in special conditions. That immcdiately givc.s
new meaning to the idea o f the cosmic machine and to thc
machine that 1 am, within which I find myself - and to all
the machines that surround me. In a way, all the forms I can
see are machines. In any case, I must understand that I am a
machine and must necessarily remain a machine. This is an
essential condition; without it, I can do nothing.
It is not a depressing idea, this idea o f being a machine.
What is depressing is that I formulate my question badly, or
eise that I do not understand this amazing duality: what lives
in the machine, what makes use o f the machine, what relies
on the machine. And this vision that one o f you spoke aboul
during the exchange - consciousness imprisoned in a body.
Yes, I am in a form.
Here we have an essential question. It is a two-dircctional
machine. We haven’t become aware o f that yet; and I allow
this machine to function only in the direction o f depletion
and destruction. But the machine is also made to work in the
other direction. Seen this way, the idea o f a machine is no lon-
ger unacceptable at all, any more than the idea o f a body. Until
now maybe I saw only my body; it is a more ordinary concept.
But a body isn’t depressing either! I have only to begin work­
ing on myself to see very well that I can’t do without it. Cer­
tain kinds o f search, certain kinds o f experience, would never
occur without this support. And the notion o f a ‘machine’,
after all, is much more interesting than the mere vague notion
o f a ‘physical body’, as people usually conceive o f it. There’s a
whole Organization here that we can become aware of.

56
 W H A T EVO LVF.S?

•• . indeed, man is and remains a machine; he cannot

.........vlliing eise. However, he can either be devoured by the
Iimi lilue, Icl himself be consumed by it, or on the contrary,
in i iin understand the help that itbrings him. It’s a fascinat-
ini' •imvsiion.
I low, my thinking is certainly weak, my attention is very
ui \ l, my leeling is lukewarm, barely awake; but if I take the
imiiblc io come back to this question while living the pro-
iii«I understanding this act, which is an act o f conscious-
m .m act o f self-remembering, this question becomes of
<!i. iilmost importance to me. And according to what I can
•11 " 111, the question changes completely.
I have only a few little glimmers o f this possibility. As a
Mul Irr o f fact, we don’t see our centres, we don’t understand
110 Irvels o f this three-storeyed machine; we don’t under-
a uni al all the different foods that enter this machine or
In uv lliings will work out. We are not living it; we have a hard
m ir, cven intellectually, confronting the diagrams that are
i •! In cd not to mention trying to live them. But if it interests
nir, perhaps I will t r y - painfully and slowly.
In any case, let’s have no illusions: as human beings, we
air machines. And we have to be; this is a basic condition.
Um I can appear in this machine, I can fill it, I can inhabit it,
I i an become conscious.
Will man always be a machine? ‘Ah,’ I say, ‘My freedom is
• ompromised! Me? Me, a machine?’ From the point o f view
i -l oni pride, the question can be formulated in an altogether
misleading way, a completely negative way. Let’s try to put the
question with a little presence. We feel that something must
he rcleased to allow obedience and gratitude. ln what sense,
and how, can this two-way transforming apparatus that I am
serve higher levels?

57
 T A L K S A N D E X C IIA N G E S

To put it simply, referring right now to an experience thal

can always be attempted - which is to try to remember mysel I
- I prepare myself to realize that, in this moment o f remcm
bering, in this moment when I know that I am here, I feed
something. And I see that in the preceding moments, which
were automatic, unconscious, I was being eaten in some way:
something is always being fed... . A rather stränge idea is
given in this Work: ‘You must allow yourself to be eaten con
sciously’ - as if I give myself as food to a much higher level.
At first, this idea is offensive. It is something we have
great difficulty accepting, because we don’t see it clearly. It is
less offensive when I Start to understand that I am undeni-
ably being eaten all the time, that I cannot escape. But then,
instead o f my being eaten by the very mediocre, small things,
there is something ... something that descends ... to which I
can give myself. This helps us understand many aspects of
sacrifice and illuminates many concepts from ancient reli-
gious texts.
Düring another exchange, we also spoke o f the idea of
prayer (and many other things) in completely different terms
from the way it is generally understood. In our prayers, we are
always making demands; and we don’t understand that prayer is
a real gift. It is the way something is transmitted. And I feel that
by being eaten mechanically I serve certain natural purposes. I
don’t really know which ones, but I allow certain energies to pass
through, to be transformed. And at this point, another action is
possible, but a much more difficult one. It doesn’t happen on
its own; it requires my agreement. I must give my consent. This
action will not take place unless I consent to it. This must be
stressed; and that alone protects us a little from rebellion or fear.
We bristle at the idea o f being eaten; but you won’t be eaten in
that way if you don’t want to be. It’s not possible.

58
 W H A T EV O L V ES?

II I wish inwardly to give myself, and if in a moment of

" ll icm em beringlexperiencewhatthatm eans,lunderstand
i Imi I give up m yvery small ‘me’ for my greater Seif. I mustn’t
I" i.il eii aback by these sudden glimmerings o f conscious-
"• " I know clearly that such moments are what I aspire to. I
'in i.k lor nothing more exalting. But it is only possible with
m i Ii , .1 sacrifice, a change o f state.
A i hange o f state... . I give up a certain conception o f
I" ui)’, I give up a certain ease o f being for this much greater
!• \el <»I being ... and 1 always find myself. This is probably
11 in , from the lowest level and ... who knows?... right up to
•I" Absolute. If f m able to experience this, I will find myself,
rtlwuys and on every occasion, in much fuller communica-
I•*»n and communion both with my fellow man and with the
miiverse.
ll is an absolutely wonderful Situation. But I am para-
h " I with fear. I am not yet fully convinced that, no matter
w li.ilj am eaten alive. When this becomes indisputable, I will
Tire Io turn in the other direction; and when I understand
11i.il this sacrifice is possible only if I consent to it - I am not
•ibliged - things will change once more and it will be my gift:
/ will begin to serve.
Ib serve means more than wanting to lend a hand; it is
much richer than that. It means serving as food, serving as a
pussageway, serving this return ... for the sake o f evolution.
And it is solely in this way that I suddenly understand what is
■■.iid in the Gospels, in speaking o f Christ - about the time of
l'.lorification being only possible through a sacrifice, a real gift
•il oneself, but at an altogether different level, which one cannot
imagine. Even the strongest experiences one might have had,
likc sütori, are certainly minor when compared to this possibil-
ity; and, yet, when this happens to us, it is so extraordinary.

59
 I AI K S A N I M \( H A N O I S

So 11ic problcm o f the inachine is a marvellous problem.

It has to be looked at time and time again. It opens us lo
a new vision, a completely different vision that moves us
beyond our narrow perspective. How very narrow this per
spective is!

We should not be afraid o f this greatness, for fear is not a

permanent condition. If I manage to see what I am afraid ol
and why, I know that what awaits me on the other side is a
state o f freedom, a state without fear - the normal state of a
man who is well balanced inside. Make use o f all these ideas,
especially this last one, which must penetrate into me. This
will not happen unless I want it to. This is my freedom.
I can understand what the Last Judgment means. It means
‘without appeal’. There can be no appeal. Slowly, we come to
understand that these countless misdeeds o f ours - even very
serious ones according to conventional morality - may take
place without amounting to much. But this rejection o f con-
sciousness... . How can that be forgiven? Your tendency to
succumb to certain kinds o f temptation every day until you
die, which is such a part o f some constitutional weaknesses,
is regrettable because it blocks your way, takes away energy,
and cuts your efforts short. But this lack o f love, this failure
to consent to give oneself up to something greater, how can
one be pardoned for that?
I must come to understand this, to feel it very deeply. It is
not a question of morality. It is beyond that. It is much greater.

60
 W H A T EV O LV ES?

Ai iiiii level, I must always know how to bring myself back

m • h|>< i icnces that are beyond question, that will bring me
..... In nig material within a body o f knowledge that I can-
nni t'iilirely live. Yet, in moving from one form to another,
..... s. lonsness can free itself. When during the day you sud-
•I■ 111 \ i .ilch yourself in small grievances, in petty, little emo-
iimis lh.it eat away at you, that wear you out... . It seems I
uni .iplured in forms. I have to remember myself right then.
And il my experience is sincere enough andbecomes serious
"u ik , I can recognize the feeling o f a quality o f being that
i . biu.ider and much less restricted. I embrace these various
Im ms. Il is the same with mindless repetitions, those poor
Imin repetitions ofwords and phrases... in the midst o f them
du lliought o f remembering consciousness can suddenly
ippn.ir, releasing my thinking. I feel that this, too, is a form;
I' 111 111 e lwo are worlds apart.
Iliis is not inaccessible. Within certain dimensions, in rela-
iii hi lo a particular scale, I can experience it. And i f I truly
I* .1 i n to experiment in this way, then little by little, by analogy,
iml by using the knowledge passed down by tradition - since
il is lound in all teachings, all religions - 1 begin to understand
.11 ind o f circulation. I begin to see a problem open up, when at
In .! glance it seemedlikely to imprison me forever.

I am notforced to remain imprisoned.

6i
 Can I Recognize that I Am Consciousness?

Questioner: Can evolution be anything other than conscious

and voluntary?

Michel Conge: There is a way o f questioning oneself that is

not fruitful; for example, ‘Since I am not conscious, evolu­
tion is impossible.’ No! Consciousness is within us; will is
within us. We always forget one essential thing: ‘Life comes
from on high.’ Everything moves out from a primordial
Reality that contains everything within itself. Starting from
that unfathomable Unity, Creation has taken form, has
unfolded. Consciousness circulates in this unfolding, and
forms o f beings appear from level to level, forms that con-
tain this potential.
The human being is a form that contains consciousness,
that contains will; but man is unable to recognize it or to
express it. If this possibility did not exist, there would be no
turning back up, that is, no return to the primary process.
Evolution is the freeing o f this potentiality from everything
that holds it in thrall.

Excerpt from an exchange on Fragments, pp. 68-75 - Vichy, November 8,

1964.

62
 ' VN I R E C O G N IZ E T H A T I A M C O N S C IO U S N E S S ?

I vui acknowledge that consciousness is inyou? You can

H l....... ne il. In a moment o f silence we certainly feel this
l i | ■ 11 \ of consciousness. An effort leads to a collected state;
1 11> I ul <Ifort leads to dispersion. These are phenomena that
l » m i. Iiully experience.

i 'm nimm: After the moment o f our creation, what becomes

mI i |ii ( reator? It has always seemed to me that he withdrew
........ In1, i Features.

\h, hcl ( onge: No! It is the creature who withdraws. I don’t

iliiul we can put the question that way. We know nothing
lU'iii lhe Creator. But in the sense that it is the creature who
■ illulraws, there could be a great many questions.

• 'in •lioncr: Man number four is the product o f the work of

i .1 liool. What does ‘the product o f the work o f a school’
niean?

Mit hcl Gonge: The world was not created for me; human
!•• jngs were created to serve various purposes in nature.
I he re is an unconscious and mechanical way o f serving that
m.ikes us spend energies, which are absorbed by the world
•ii ound us; but there is another form o f serving, conscious in
11. nature, which is truly to serve what is on high - to honour
fhe l.ord. It is not an evolution for my ‘person. Conscious
i volution is something altogether different.
All along this chain o f beings, there is a concern that is
iin! present in mechanical man, a constant concern that this
movement o f h elp - a movement that is no longer mechanical
should reach fruition. And it is necessary for those who live
111is concern to instruct others who seem capable, so that they,

63
 I M I I ANIM X< HANOI

11111 111 i 11' i

.............. i m o n u i i c o l thc* s t e p s o f t h i s ‘ l a d d e r '

i ln umhI.I 11. I|> ii', 1111«I« i -i.iihI heller what groups represenl,
. ' • m 11 1 11« \ i' |'i« '.« ul only n morc limited segment.
\ wlio is more awake is - at his level and accord
i i i . iii
ui)', Io 11is capability - a transmitter o f life. O f all those who
are called, a certain number will remain asleep; others will
receive and begin to come to life. This example can be Irans
posed to a larger scale. A man number live, who receives from
a man who is more evolved, both calls and transmits down
ward so that the movement o f evolution may be continu
ally preserved. And, at a given moment, one o f these sleeping
men understands what is required o f him and awakens to
the effort. He undertakes to serve, and in serving he receives
even more. Do you see that this man is the result o f a whole
confluence o f efforts that are far beyond him?
We say‘the product o f a schooP because schools are gath-
erings o f levels o f consciousness. There are schools o f differ­
ent Orders, o f levels five, six, and seven. It is man number five
who acts on us. A man number six acts on a man number
five. Man number seven is so far beyond us that it’s out o f the
question to speak o f him.
We all have within us the possibility o f awakening to our
reality. That is what will make us men in the true sense of
the word. Man number four has not crossed a threshold. Our
goal is man number five, man who is no longer in a con-
tinually scattered state and who has passed from an active
and destructive multiplicity to an unchangeable unity. And
I cannot hope to reach that state without passing through
the state o f man number four - the state in which the cen-
tres are balanced. In that state, there is a centre o f gravity,
a centre o f equilibrium; but unity has not yet been accom-
plished. Man number five is already very high in relation to

64
 ( AN 1 R E C O G N IZ E T H A T I A M C O N S C IO U S N E S S ?

ili. ■ mi 11 .ponding levels o f worlds. He has passed beyond the

n■ 11 >1 m.11>li- attraction o f the Earth. He is closer to the heav-
i nf li'vc'l.

I hi, imiu-r: But how can the man who possesses the entirety
ei ihr. Knowledge lose it? And how can he lose it without los-
mi) In. heing?

Ah, hi'l ( 'ouge: Your question is not very clear. If a man does
.... all.iin the state o f man number seven, he has not com-
I'!' n <1 Ins evolutionary cycle and he must Start something
mm i again. The Great Knowledge is far beyond ordinary
Ihihi.in capacity. The man who has not reached total com-
l'K 11«>n is, in a sense, broken down again, returned to the
II in ible. I Ie has to live once again through a very long expe-
i lerne. I lis very being is returned to the different levels o f the
. i ' .mos, from which he received the necessary material.
We luive trouble coming to terms with this idea that we
will liave to be melted down again. Everything corresponds
im .i relationship between substances. Everything is in a state
mI Ilux, unless man arrives at this irreversible Chemical reac-
11« »n: man number seven. He is then permanently and forever
Ihr. I le is much closer to the Absolute, and he can be worthy
|m enter into relationship with higher levels. But as long as
.i nun is not completed in this way, he can only be melted
i lown again, because he is unusable.
We do not understand the idea o f Purgatory. A re-forging
r. necessary, except for those whose purification is so complete
ih.it they have nothing more to do with this cycle o f suffer-
mg humanity. They can be received into a different combina-
Ik »n. In the diagrams, man is not on the Ray o f Creation. Man’s
lower level and upper level are circumscribed. He is confined

65
 TALKS AND EXCH ANGES

within limits - very broad limits, but limits nevertheless - and

he cannot exceed these limits except by means o f a complclt
transformation. Then he is no longer a Man, but a being thal
must be called something eise. The term ‘man implies form, or
‘being-apparatus’. Man has been created and placed in certain
conditions corresponding to cosmic levels, and called upon
to live through a long experience until, having really become
Man, he is worthy to pass on to a completely different segmenl
o f the octave, in order to enter into combination with levels
that are much closer to the Creator. But that is an altogethei
different perspective.
Everything can be lost except the quality o f conscious-
ness that has been lived. When we work on ourselves, we can
become aware that moments o f consciousness are exceed-
ingly rare; they alone will not be destroyed. In that I can find
Support. That is what must be honoured. Will I recognize
that I am consciousness?
I am attention. This body will perish, and these mental
constructs will disappear. I am attention: this is my only
reality. If this state becomes one o f permanent clarity,
then it cannot be destroyed. This attention, or this con­
sciousness - which from all eternity has been and remains
outside this cycle - is simultaneously present in time. And
in this time it is engaged in something; it does not become
disengaged.
These more awakened men try to help other men - not so
much for their sake; rather, it is evolution, or consciousness,
that they are helping. If a man number five turns his atten­
tion to us, it is not for our sake.
There is only the One Unique Consciousness, from
which this fragmentary, poorly balanced aspect that we are
at present is derived.

66
 S N I K K C O G N IZ E T H A T I A M C O N S C IO U S N E S S ?

• an I ircognize that I am consciousness? Today I ding to

....... l< i.ilions that are opposed to that recognition. In a
*m. •111. ni öl rcmembering, you will know what it means to be
. dlli 'I A Vibration appears in me, and it calls a correspond-
ih, 11•i•11«■i Vibration. It is indestructible. Consciousness is
inA .um lible. If I recognize myself in it, and to the extent
|Im I I n i ognize myself, I am indestructible. To the extent that
i . I. • m-i i reognize myself, the experience is not completed...
ili ii t i n the sense o f the words o f Christ on the cross, “ It is
....... nplished.” *

i 'ncatoncr: If evolution doesnt take place, humanity may be

•I) Iroyed —

AIn hcl (.äuge: For each o f us, feeling our responsibility is a

Mgn i»l awakening. Great responsibility awaits us. If the chain
<’i men belonging to conscious levels were to be broken, we
\ mild die at that very moment. It is a stränge idea, one that
we i an'l bring ourselves to accept: what keeps us alive is the
llmv of the current o f life! There must be representatives at
■ i) Ii level to act as relays. If one o f the rungs on the ladders
nl men were missing, life would no longer flow.
Sixteen times a minute, we draw something from the air
d u I enables us to live; and every fraction o f a second, we draw
limn another current o f energy without which we would
in,*.lantly die. Now, certain impressions come from conscious
men, in a continuous movement o f which we see nothing
mme tlian the stirring o f a few people ... a few animals. We
do not see these currents in which we are immersed. If these

1 I h r N e w F.nglish B ib le . Compare with the King James Version of the

i'ihle, )ohn, 19:30,“ It is finished.”

67
 I \ I I . A N I» I \ < l|AN(ii:S

• •111• ni ' • i< •111111 111y i ul oll, th.il wouId be the end of us.
I vi>1111Ion i . .1 movement o f substances in transform.i
hon l ins is somcthing that must, one way or another, be
accomplished. What is important is this inner circulation
In a sense, life is entrusted to us. Below the initial movc
ment o f the Absolute, the Absolute no longer intervenes,
which means that responsible beings must appear. There
is a need for beings who become aware o f this and have
such a love for Creation and the Creator that, no matter
what trouble it causes them, they awaken to be the ones
through whom this accomplishment takes place. But it is
not for oneself in the petty sense; perhaps for the T , but nol
for the selfish ‘me’.

Questioner: What must be given to pay for this life that comes
toward us?

Michel Conge: This is the very purpose o f evolution: a vast

movement o f maintenance - the law o f reciprocal feeding: I
eat and I am obliged to be food.
Either I am eaten by the lower levels, which is the fate of
every sleeping man, or I consent to serve as food for a more
conscious level. A terrifying and wonderful idea: either way
you will be eaten. But did God not give Himself? This is what
the mystery o f the Eucharist would have us understand. The
whole o f life is feeding, exchange, transmission o f substances,
transmutation o f substances.
All this is at once terrifying and wonderful; terrifying
because we are identified with our skins; wonderful if we de-
identify, because then we discover that all these aspects and
images have no real existence. What frightens me is that I
mistake my body for myself.

68
 ( AN I R ECO G N IZE TH AT I AM CO NSCIO USNESS?

ln l.u l, I am also a psyche and, as such, I am always being

h>1 1 1 1 np, eaten all the time. This serves the lower powers.
III. inoment I Start dreaming or get angry, I abandon myself
in llii .e powers. The moment you become aware again, the
iiimv . iii« nt goes the other way.
Ii r. essential that I recognize that T am part o f conscious-
... . hm you have to understand that you will always be
i,11. n I lowever, choice is possible. Either you give yourself
I.. .ui net hing more conscious and you partake o f that level
u l . unsciousness, or you let yourself go and you partake o f a
I. .■ i ( onsciousness. A mob, for example, is something very
.llNlurbing.

69
 What Is Man?

Questioner: One can ask oneself the question, ‘Was man cre-
ated to be conscious o f himself; and if so, why is he never
actually conscious o f himself?’

Michel Conge: What patience the higher levels must have!

What infinite patience! You speak o f this freedom, given to
man, which will probably never be honoured.
From a certain point of view, it is of no internst to the Earth
whetheryow evolve; quite the contrary,you are needed as a being-
apparatus so that the Earth will receive the influences that you
transmit automatically. But at the level o f life from which we
originate, and which we can’t understand, there, surely, something
is expected o f man, and there, too, is infinite patience.
Do you believe that creation is simply a whim? That
would be unthinkable. Creation responds to a need that we
don’t understand, and that we are very far from being able
to understand. And yet, we can realize that all these worlds
that are sent forth - whether they be galaxies or forms of
beings - if they were sent forth with no hope o f return ...

Excerpt from an exchange on the theme, “ Man” - Reims, December 23,

1963-

70
 W H A T IS M A N ?

\ liiii would becom eofcreation?Therew ouldbeadepletion,

.ni .ml l>y depletion. That would seem much more difficult
i<< umli island than the idea o f a return and a circulation.
1 1 i • must he a circulation.
Ili.ie is a traditional term that often comes up: the‘harvest’.
\ Ihn vi sl must be reaped. This would be easier to understand
ii m i« inembered this idea, which is found in Christianity and
< - in 111 iportant in our Work, where it is reformulated as: ‘You
n. ,i '.red. I am aseed.’ The earthly level is the field where these
. • d , Ii.ivc been cast. If you were a farmer, you wouldn’t
mW '.erds with no hope that they might germinate! And then,
l>«I r.u h gmin o f wheat you so w ... you expect a hundred-fold
Ii.ii vest. There are many ways o f looking at this question. In the
• ml, it will always bring you backto the certitude o f being.
11 it is true that I play a mechanical role that I had no say in,
I will sec that I am created here.to fill a gap, so that influences
.,ui pass through. At the same time, I am called to a completely
dilleient role. My opportunity lies precisely in this possibility
. il playing another role. What does that mean? It means being
11H re, liaving my feet firmly on the ground so that influences
i .i n pass through. And what then? Only downward influ-
. iu es? Why see only in one direction? There is also an upward
direct ion.
I'or there to be a return, however, I have to wake up
in my S i t u a t i o n and consent to participate in this return-
Ing, upward movement o f energies, or influences. If we use
diese cosmological terms, which, if you will, are in fact only
symbols - Sun-Earth-Moon - we may come to understand
that there really are currents o f energies that pass from one
i osmic level to another. In certain passages the flow is only
possible if organisms are placed there. In the downward
direction, the movement happens by itself. In the upward

7i
 I AI I '« A N H I X« I l ANCi US

iliivtlion, il will iiol happen unlcss there are men who

bccome aware o f their condition as seeds and acknowledge
that they are placed there to enable the energies to reim n
and thereby receive a new possibility. If I enable this retiirn
o f energies, I am transformed. It is absolutely extraordinary.
But I must understand that the higher levels have just as
great a need o f that as the lower levels do. In a single wholc,
everything has need o f everything. It is inconceivable thal
a higher level would just be there in a casual way. Do you
understand? It is not a game; it is certainly much more than
that. There is definitely suffering....
The more we evolve in the Work, the less blurred our
vision becomes; and at the same time, we suffer. It is a suffer­
ing that we accept because it is right. We suffer, for example,
from the difficulty o f transmitting, the difficulty o f conveying
something that we never feel deeply enough, that we would
wish to feel more, and wish to pass on to someone eise. This
should make it clear that you do indeed hope for something
in return when you are transmitting the Work to youngcr
people. It can’t be otherwise; if not, you would be deplet-
ing yourself o f your energy, and that wouldn’t be right. They
have to give something back to you. It is really a reciprocal
exchange. Then it is right!
By means o f all these examples, we can gradually under­
stand by analogy that the higher levels are certainly waiting
for something. But there are many other ways o f looking at
it. Why do we imagine that we are merely this little physi-
cal body? Why are we still so blind as to believe that our
being stops at our skin? Surely not! But I am not sufficiently
awake to that; or perhaps I Start imagining some kind of
aura or some other astonishing phenomenon, and that’s
not very interesting. In reality, man’s being is not limited

72
 W H A T IS M A N ?

i" hl I»hysical envelope. He is a seed that comes from very

liii'li ui the scale o f these Symbols, in the cosmic scale. Very
lllglil
Mir. leaching teils us that man comes from the level o f
lln .1.11%. On the scale o f Worlds - a scale that attempts to
"H- i ir. a certain insight that is very difficult to grasp - man
i "im '• Irom the level o f the stars, and he descends progres-
' i' M\ until he has come all the way down to Earth. What a
i i perspective! Maybe you already partake o f these higher
level*. without realizing it.
In mir sleep we partake o f these higher worlds, but we
•I'' 111 I now it and that is our misfortune. If we awaken to that,
ili« ii we are definitely not cut off, our Situation is definitely
ii"! wretched. What is pitiful is that my eyes are closed. I see
ii"ihing. All the traditions, in one way or another, give us to
mitli i stand that man is truly the son o f a king, that he came
• I' *wn for a certain purpose, that on the way he was assailed by
i .11.inge sleep, an invincible sleep, that he has completely for-
i',"lirn the reason for his journey; and yet that he can emerge
li"in Ins amnesia, realize that he is wandering about like a
piivei ly-stricken beggar, and then set forth on the return to
In*, origin.
but he will come back enriched, just as when you come
l'.u k from your travels enriched by all sorts o f impressions
.nid experiences. It is not for nothing that the voyage is
iiinlerlaken. Only, how many die on the way? How many are
l" .i Ibrever on the way? Such is the law o f seeds. Millions are
••own, but only one or two will germinate. That, too, is in the
IoxIs; you will find it in the Bible. You really have to know
liow to read these texts and understand them. Am I going to
wnke up to that? Or is my life - this short Stretch o f allotted
ln ne going to end up being wasted?

73
 I A I I- '1 A N I » I \< I I A N ( i H S

II, lilil> by lllllc, wc iould truly centre ourselves in ihr.

way, many questions would no longer arise; in fact, these aic
idle questions. On the other hand, different questions would
arise, urgent ones. Can T settle them by m y reasoning or by
remaining inert?
Try to understand the origin, my origin: you were not born
only o f an earthly father and mother. Long before... you war.

Same questioner: I think my underlying question was, ‘What

is life?’

Michel Conge: What is Life? You know the answer: to know

life, you must live it. And that’s what we try to do. It’s cleai
that a certain level o f thought can only give you knowledge
o f a certain level o f life; and another level o f thought can give
you access to another level o f life. But at this stage we are at
our lowest level o f thought except in rare moments when, in
you, a different thinking appears. Everything is at a certain
level on a vast scale o f thought. It’s a very good question; and
now you must really let it animate you more and more. Do
you feel that it might completely change you?

Questioner: You said, “a seed”. Do you mean that even the

least gifted man in some way contains man number seven?

Michel Conge: No, not “contains” !

Same questioner: All this despair that lives in us makes no

sense... but that’s not a question__

Michel Conge: But it is !... I like this question very much.

74
 W H A T IS M A N ?

tfffi ./// cu hange on man number one, number two, number

P *, aiiil number four, Michel Conge intervenes again.

Mlili • / < ouge: It is absolutely certain that man number one,

....... I" i lwo, and number three, taken together, do not make
111 mi 11 ii 11 über four. That would just become a further category.
• di 11*• lliis man might be inclined toward certain phenom-
ii t, IMit ih.it would notm akeam an number four. Man number
»•••ii. II you really understand what is said in Fragments, has
I‘ ii 11* ul.ii characteristics: an appreciation o f the Work and its
ld< i''. his relationship to the school. There is an axis in man
......ihn Ibur. Man number four is an ordinary man, the man
"i n liom the Gospels speak when they say: “ He that is least in
ili* 1 mgdom of heaven is greater than he.” *
Man number four is an ordinary man. And yet, he is not
im t ordinary, in that he has had to struggle and suffer for
i >onsiderable time so that this ever-unstable, always fleet-
i")’. appreciation finally becomes an element o f his axis. And
0 i. he has not entered the Kingdom o f Heaven; he has not
1 l ossed a certain threshold; he is not yet fit, because he lacks
ihr appropriate clothing’. Look at what the Scriptures teil us:
1 »nly lliose dressed in a wedding garment may enter.t
So man number four has the physical body, but does
iml have the ‘seamless garment’ that corresponds to another
hody. l That is only possible beyond this threshold. Before
iliai, he can only have glimmerings o f consciousness; he
<an have contact with States o f consciousness, but the body
il••eil is not related. This point is very important and very
prec ious.
flu* Bible, Matthew, 11:11.
I ( lompare with the Bible, Matthew, 22:11-14.
I t iomparc with the Bible, John, 19:23.

75
 I AI I AMI > I \ ( 11 A N d l ' S

II- m , IIn i < r, .iniilliri .ispct I ... ;i very interesting itlc.i

ili.il --.(in,', 11 c«|iici 11 ly ui Buddhism: You are the Buddh.i
I In. i'. wli.il Bodliidharma said to his disciples: “ But you
aiv Ihc Buddha.” The disciple is so pleased with.himself, so
happy with this ans wer that he struts around thinking hc-
the Buddha, and receives a well-deserved thrashing.
What does that mean? When we transpose it in terms ol
man number one to man number seven, it means that you
are man number seven. That’s why there’s never any reasou
to despair. You are man number seven, and yet you behave
like a man number one, number two, or number three. Why''
Don’t you find this really pathetic? On the one hand, there’s
no reason to despair, and y e t ... you should be open to true
suffering. Potentially we are complete men, but we really live
and behave like tiny little grubs.
This teaching calls us to be free. For a long time we
don’t really know what that means but, just as when we are
reminded o f our origin, the hope o f freedom can warm our
hearts. That’s what should be active in us. If the connection
is not established, it’s because our habitual centres are not
working properly, our habitual conditions o f life are abnor­
mal. Energy is wasted.
In everything we’ve been spcaking about this evening,
there is amazing hope. Whether it comes from Buddhism or
another tradition, I cannot deny the hope. The least gifted
man, the one you said contains man number seven - no, it
cannot. be said like that; that’s where I think you have phrased
your question wrongly: the greater contains the lesser, but
the lesser cannot contain the greater - the least gifted man is
awaited, is hoped for.
I am man number seven, but I am not aware o f it. All the
elements o f the universe, this text teils us, are in us. It is said

76
 W H A T IS M A N ?

Ilhil H is very easy to perceive in ourselves the substance of

i1" !• \«I the Sun, the substance o f the level o f the stars.* If
I ........ i" iinderstand what that means by direct experience,
I ii i \ Ihc trace o f all levels in me.
I - ui vvake up to this possibility o f fulfilling myself, o f
■ " 11 »lei ing myself. And there I will preserve a trace o f what
•"l"ii|'s lo the levels o f man number four, number five,
imiiibei six, and number seven. But I do not contain the
I'li'led being; the completed being contains me.
Y«hi understand what real suffering - not ordinary suffer-
mr. should be: to suffer from the realization that I could be,
und should be, what I am not. It means beginning to sense and
.... liTsiand that I am not what I am, and that there is no other
• niisc llian this for the unhappiness o f my existence. This is the
nolc «mise. Everything that happens to me happens because I
•ui not what I am. So we realize that this has a meaning for us
lli.il is very practical, very direct, and very moving.
Nuddenly, this truly speaks to me about myself - a situa-
i mn absolutely full o f hope - and it shows me my own failing:
ii«»I being open to a reality to which I am invited. I was born
/<»/ Ibis. And that realization reconciles me with the obligatory
i"le that seems imposed on me and which seems alittle cruel:
• "ining here to plug a hole. There is nothing more unpleasant
di.in lo be told that. If that role is necessary for other levels o f
bei ng, it is only by having this painful experience o f being man
II ui I will have a chance o f understanding it. It is in this kind of
um ible, it is in this descent, which takes me through a whole
si ale of my being, that I will awaken to reality.
II I remain just a potentiality, a seed, without understand-
ing ihc call that is contained in the level o f my origin, I will be

1 ( Äinsider F ra g m e n ts, p. 88.

77
 I AI I •» A N I » I X( 11AN( IHS

ul« "lni.|\ iiim I'Ii Io iiw.ilc ii Io myfiill potential,tomytotalily.

Io u li,iI i o llc i f d lo man. You havc to go down to the hol
10111, lo 11ic lowcst level, for the notion o f climbing back up lo
makc sense. There is no harshness, no injustice. It’s absolulcly
exlraordinary. I would notbe able to accomplish thework th.il
awaits me if there werc not this compulsory descent.
Do you understand what this means? You would remain
at a level rieh in possibilities, b u t... ‘I must die in order to be
born’. I have to immerse myself in the most painful conditio ns
- those o f my life - in order to earn from them my complele
fulfilment. So, o f course, I experience it subjectively as being
torn apart, as something dreadfully painful; and yet that is
what will give birth to the greatest possibility imaginable.

Questioner: But all the same, one can be tempted to ask why
man was made that way.

Michel Conge: You mean, ‘Why wasn’t he made completc,

with nothing missing?’ Well, it’s a fact. It’s a bit stränge, when
you see a fact, to wonder why it is a fact; there’s no ready
answer.
What you have to see is who in you asks the question. In a
moment when you are closer to a true state o f self-remember-
ing, you will see that you cannot ask the question like that. If
I follow my own logic, o f course, I can put it like that. In my
usual emotional state, I can put it like that. But in a moment
o f consciousness, in a moment o f self-remcmbering, you see
things completely differently - the other way around.
There is one thing to understand: if I had been created
all at once, there would never have been any freedom, and
I could never attain consciousness; the consciousness in me
would not be mine.

78
 The One, Man, and the Universe

I ih /'■. sacred. Everything is animated by the One and con-

i ilncd in It. Everything is maintained reciprocally and is
. hiiikh led by life. All that exists serves Creation and has its
l'l.i« < in the order o f the Universe. Creation is Love.

/ nawlcdge is sacred. It is sacred because it expresses the laws

"l I ile. Diagrams and symbols are the revelation o f what
i 11 it Ulen and are understood only according to one’s level
■ -I being. They require a new vision, a deeper and broader
' i lion: the worlds are not separate, but are contained one
u ilhin another. A higher world encompasses a lower world
lind acts upon it, influences it. This helps us to understand
that the material o f all worlds is in man, that a law o f analogy
ili uetures the universe, and that the law o f relativity comes
mlo play according to the respective level.
’fhe lateral octave is created consciously by the Sun, which
has laken on the task o f maintaining the Ray o f Creation by

Nolcs selccted and edited by Michel Conge from the principal ideas devel-
nped by a team studying Fra gm en ts.

79
 I MI ■ NN I • I S< 11A N ( . US

lilliii}', lli> /«/ mi inlciviil willi organic life. The idea ol lIn
in lei v.il evokes both the idea o f the suffering o f the Absolul.
as well as the hope offered to man.

Man has a possible destiny. Man occupies a unique and pi ivi

leged place at the heart o f Creation.
As expressed in the idea o f a factory with three storey.,
man’s structure is analogous to that o f the universe. (Nol.
the role o f sol in the three cosmic octaves.)
Man has the possibility o f a more rapid evolution. 11«
is an unfinished world, representing a universe in a state ol
promise, like a tree within a seed; and he will reach fulfilmenl
only as the whole Man in the image o f God.
Man is a living symbol. Only he Stands upright, vei
tical, has the gift o f speech, is a three-brained being, and
can choose influences (whereas other beings are strictly
conditioned).
The dignity o f man’s state is that it allows Heaven and Eartli
to meet in him and the Glory o f God to manifest in him.

The place o f man is a function o f his level. Ordinary sleep-

ing man - man number one, number two, and number three
- the outcr circle’ o f humanity,* is an element o f organic life.
As he occupies no real place in himself, he is not related to
the worlds within him and finds himself equally cut o ff from
other men. His only relationship with the universe is one of

* F ra g m e n ts, p. 310.

80
 T H E ONE, M AN , AND T H E U N IV E R SE

hI mi «11111 io the law sof the world dosest to him. As a man,

i, ....... I.ivril by external influences; as part o f humanity, he
iHfli-i ihr yoke of the moon. Yet he thinks o f himself as a
Hmim. ili' centre o f the world.

Ih, i,' me /wo possibilities: involution and evolution. Man

. MI.. i mechanically serves the aims o f the involutionary cur-
i. hi ihr Iransmission o f energies for the growing tip o f the
i i .,| ( uMlion-orhecanserveconsciouslybyallowingthe
I m m| ihr evolutionary current to fulfil themselves in him
i IhMii)',h the formation o f ascending triads, which permit the
I. • rlopment o f the fine substances required for the growth
hi 11«• higher bodies.
In ihr universe the two currents are united and support
riii 11 olher reciprocally, as in a process o f feeding, in order
im numtain universal life. Man is offered the possibility of
p.ii li« ipating in this great work o f Life. From this arise his
hi .um responsibility, the task o f radiating la-sol-fa with its
. m .um reverberation, and the dignity o f cffort.

Ili-, here that we see the relationship with work on oneself Only
. lloit allows the ideastobecome alive,becausethrougheffort
I discover their reality in myself.
Through the effort of attention, 1 begin to become aware
ili.il I have to find a place, not only in the outer world, but also
in the universe within me, a place o f which I am most often
111laware because I live at the lowest level. Then I begin to feel the
irality of a call, a new animating force, the presence o f different

8i
 I A I KS A N D EX C H A N G ES

Icvels, ol fincr vibrations, the possibility o f a change o f rhythm,

and the hope of placing myself under another order o f laws. A
new feel ing can appear that is like a foretaste o f Faith, Hope, a 1u I
Love. I become conscious o f being at an intersection o f forees,
and realize that a shock is necessary - self-remembering in
order to pass through the interval.
I feel that I am at the heart o f a living duality, as if I belong
to two worlds; and then, by analogy, the idea o f cosmoses
begins to have meaning for me.
It can happen that I begin to feel that attention creates .1
relationship, not by means o f joining but in the way one order
encompasses another, without suppressing anything; and then
the idea o f the relation o f zero to infinity can, also by analogy,
begin to be clarified.
So, the notion o f place cannot be envisaged as a fixed
point somewhere, but rather as a moving place, correspond-
ing to a vertical scale in man, and understood each time
as being embraced by a larger order. Through this, we can
understand that the possibility o f an expansion o f conscious-
ness is related to an understanding o f the Cosmoses.
The mystery I sense regarding my origin - the one, omni-
present and yet multiple Consciousness - shatters, at least for
an instant, my limited view o f the ego:

Who am I?

82
 The Passage

I Im only moment you experience something true or

.mlliuilic is the moment when you findyourself completely
<i ,i loss. Hverything eise is personality, ego; and my inner
t in li .ilways comes from my ego, from my person. In that
i.iii , when I feel that I have almost nothing, and that my
.... li iStanding is almost insignificant - if I have the cour-
iigi ln stay there, if I have enough intelligence to remain
ilu n suddenly 1 recognize the truth, or the first taste o f
i Im Im lh, which I have been seeking for so many years.
I hr. In st taste o f truth ... it is you. Only there, only in that
moment, can you say that you are directly in touch with
\um seif. How eise can you understand the texts o f any of
ihr religions? You can’t understand a single one o f them if
von doil’t understand that. It is said by all o f them: Judaism,
( 111 istianity__ It is said everywhere.
1 )on*t put your trust in any logic that gives you the illu-
'.ion Ihat you understand. In fact, itleads you astray. When my
mlellect explains something to me, it’s a terrible lie because
ihr intellect actually understands nothing. What can it know
ol ( lod - or o f anything truly great?

I c*rpl from a group exchange - Paris, January 28,1970.

83
 I M I . A N H I \< I I A N C I S

'ui ui}',.iiiii I il« i.s ,i living state. Suddenly, I expericin*

•In si.ilr Al sucli .1 moinent, I seeall my functionsgravil.iliny
.irouncl thisstate,and I do notfeelanycontemptforthem.t )nl\
this direct perception has meaning. It gives me direction.
That is why the inner life is so very difficult. Everyom
balks; we always expect to get in through another door. Tlirn
is no other door. This is the door. Yet it’s the one I want noth
ing to do with. I want to go through with my baggage, willi
my knowledge, with all my tattered finery. But it can’t b<
done: cYou can’t get into Heaven with your boots on.’
Heaven or no heaven, it doesn’t matter. But we must
understand that we can’t get through with our baggage. Whcn
all that falls away, when there is nothing left but the taste ol
being suddenly stripped o f all encumbrances, only then does
a glimmer o f the possibility o f understanding appear. It is in
this non-understanding that the passage lies. I don’t know
if you see what this non-understanding is. It is the momenl
when the ego no longer dares to assert its claim. If I am freed
from that for an instant, o f course I feel very poor. But that’s
the way it is, and that’s the way I am. That is what everyone
dislikes. That is why people shun the inner search.
You understand what the Christian scriptures have tried
to convey to us: giving up the world does not mean giving
up our activities; it means giving up a certain way o f seeing.
It is not forms that are prohibited, but attachment, belief in
a kind o f illusion. I may pass through, perhaps, but empty-
handed. This doesn’t mean that I will be condemned forever
to have no activity o f any kind. I will find myself stripped
and, at that point, the functions can begin to serve; but as
long as they are mixed, there is no way o f passing through.
I have a long undertaking before me: to recognize that this
passage cannot happen by itself, to recognize what would be

84
 T H E PA SSA G E

uh*»iM. nid .it the s a m e t i m e n o t m o v e toward a S e p a r a t i o n .

* ........ (lut no longer had any possibility o f communicating
tllili i Ih iimverse? Howcould that b e?Itw o u ld b e absurd!
i hii\> no real task if I am lost in functioning; nor do I
I............ml task if I escapc toward the higher while aban-
........ .. all relationship with the world. Not only do I need
tu di . over the passage, the way through, but I must also
i 11 •,11)Io o f commitment. The passage is not a means of
• *| . 11 requires acceptance o f the human condition. Oth-
m ivl'H , 11 s just an illusion.

85
 What Freedom?

To be free o f all attachment - this false hope is deeply rooteil

in us! But there is another conception o f freedom that is no
longer the ‘freedom’ o f my personal impulses, and this real
freedom is only possible if I recognize my attachments.
I belong to one world through my body and through my
functions, and it is quite futile to imagine that escape from
this world comes cheaply. It is all the more futile since I don’t
in truth have any contact with the world o f the body.
And I must also recognize that I am part o f quite another
world, situated an immeasurable distance away, a distance for
which there is no unit o f measure. My belonging to another
world is mysterious; but, belonging to the physical world is
just as much a mystery to me, since I don’t know myself in
either world.
If I am not aware o f the different cosmoses that are so
closely related to me, I shall never be truly free.
A conscious impression o f myself__ This means know-
ing myself in this functioning - these functions. These
functions are me. But it also means knowing myself in this
cosmos situated at the opposite pole, at the other extreme

Excerpt from a group exchange - Reims, June 15,1962.

86
 W HAT FREEDOM?

i i Jimension I cannot measure. This is knowing myself,

lii|i i onsdous o f myself, inside. Only by getting to know
Iht • lwo cosmoses, concretely and with certainty, will the
I h m nolion o f freedom find its place.

My whole inner fulfilment - let us never forget it - is

In ihr. Iile, in this body, in these conditions. We must come
In • ipei ience, to understand, that I cannot be free o f my
l'ln .n il organization. In your imagination, in your dream
mI h >mseif, you are already there; but, since the experience
"i ii.in.sformation is possible only in this body, to hope one
Wii\ mi .inother to escape from the body is madness. The way
Imw.ii'cI Ireedom is to understand that, even though I am
....... .. in the body, bound to it ... despite that, I also belong
i" .molher world.
II, little by little, I come to live this experience directly,
I will be profoundly struck by the fact that these worlds of
• inients o f energy are opposed to each other, and that it
i . precisely because they are opposed that I have a hope of
lieedom.
I reedom is the freedom for T to appear. I cannot deny the
. \ r.ience o f a world from which I am made, but I can appear
in my relationship to this world. And in this sudden emer-
im nee, I appear in a relationship not merely to one world, but
io lwo worlds, two worlds in Opposition. I play the conscious
iole that is demanded o f a man, whereas until now, I have
played only the mechanical role. I play the role that puts me
in luirmony. My effort makes the connection; it reconciles. I
don’t do anything, but my effort allows irreconcilable worlds
Io be reconciled.
And in so doing, I respond to a need that is much greater
Ihan the needs o f my own being. I respond to needs that
emanate from a Being that is o f a quality and level o f being

87
 I Al I ANI » I \< MAN«;I-S

Im \mii.| i Ii,ii n| nun In iiif',s. Al llial moment I can undn

il.MnI lli.il nun li.i.s I)«•«■ 11 sown on earth in Order that sonn
inen inay accomplish tliis task, w hichm ustbe carried out l>y
.1 certain cycle o f individuals. It could not be accomplished
by anyone eise, not by another being, not by a level that i\
even more conscious or higher on the ladder o f being tlian
that o f me’-man. Only man can accomplish this by his effoi i.
he alone can permit a certain combination to take place. And
the moment my experience allows the accomplishment ol
such an aim, at that very moment, I am, I understand my
freedom.
Freedom is the freedom to serve a purpose infinitely great ei
than anything I can imagine. And if I serve, if my action is
exactly the right one, my whole being is as if lifted up to a
completely different level. I am freed from certain constraints,
I am freed from certain laws. I am released from the power ol
a certain world, and I am related to what is greater, to what is
above ‘me’-man. I consent to submit to a Will, to an infinitely
higher power. I serve it.
I must become independent and, at the same time, I must
be even more closely related to a work environment. I must
reconcile irreconcilables. How to obey and yet be independ­
ent? At a given moment, something in you will not accept
being‘dragged along’. And that something will be right. How-
ever, you cannot be entirely free, going your own way, doing
as you wish, because your work would be cut off from some­
thing indispensable. 1 need to receive from others, whatever
their level.
Freedom is, at the same time, Submission. There is no other
freedom. It is the opposite o f anarchy. It is clear that an order
is established and that I find my place in this order. Until
then, I have no place; I have neither place nor being. And

88
 WHAT FREEDOM?

• ' m i u licn it may seem that I have being, in fact, without

lli* i ii'.mic order, I have neither place nor being. I am merely
um n! ihose countless seeds that are sown. I may grow or
Mol grow, be useful to higher purposes or not be useful... be
f.iii ii by the birds along the wayside...

89
 What Is the Work?

Along with the problem o f the way, the idea o f liberation, and
the idea o f conscious effort, it seems that the life o f the Woi I-
can only be considered from the widest possible perspective,
in a complete break from our egocentric vision.
What is the Work? It is not one form or another in which
we participate. We must conceive of it as a whole, as a universe
within which these forms are but one expression among an
infinity of expressions. Even though these forms are essential,
they are nevertheless secondary; we need to be able to open
ourselves to the Whole. And although it’s impossible for us
to live the Whole, it is beneficial for us to try to approach it as
offen as possible and in whatever way we can. For, no matter
how limited and clumsy our effort may be, we always draw
from it an impetus, a vivifying breath.
I can always ask myself: ‘What is the Work?’
For years, we think we know, only to discover one day
that we know nothing about it! But why stop there?
One thing seems clear to me: if I don’t understand the
Work, it’s because I always look with a limited perspective,
always in relation to myself, in relation to this ‘me’ that wants

Notes entrusted to some students - Deccmbcr 20,1962.

90
 W H A T IS T H E W ORK?

10 bring rverything down to its own level. As long as I look

»liilih, with the eyes o f the acquisitive ‘me’, I will ncver
niiil.. .und anything about the life o f the Work and I will
ilPVi i lind my place in it. But if I manage to give up my per-
ihii-i I vi ision, the life o f the Work will reveal itself in me
»fti" Ih to the extent that I have let it permeate me. At the
um ilme, I will know that my place depends on my degree
ul . ■ 111Ni iousness.
I du not understand what the Work is, and I do not com-
l •. I..... I its life, because the Work begins much higher up and
...... . n ach fulfilment at a much higher level than we think.
I hi in patently obvious when we take the trouble to read
u n d lexts with attention. We can find numerous examples
tu ihr Hible, for instance, and in Beelzebube Tales. Between
ih i. I»rginning and this end, this origin and this return, there’s
. I nid o f incurvation that descends very low. And, as I see it,
ihr Whole traces out the entire life o f the Work; that is where
l dniw a breath o f this vivifying air I just spoke about - in
iIn . ihythm that brings me relief from my jumping up and
di.wn on the spot. What’s more, there are several rhythms,
niii within another. Between this movement, which Starts
Imin the Absolute and returns to the Absolute, and a move-
ment limited to my presence alone, there is an intermediate
i hv ihm that concerns Man, man in the full sense o f the word.
In comparison to this intermediate rhythm, the Work begins
on the scale o f worlds far above us ordinary men.

While we are sleeping, something is taking place in the world

thiil should be o f tremendous interest to us. What we call the
Work, o f which we see so little, is a cosmic undertaking that

9i
 IM I SNI » I Si I I A N l . l

iiivolvi ■. in.in hm wl'iii li pretedes hiin. Wo always forget: T I h

Work is not made for me; I am made for the Work.’ If I could
become sure o f that, it would free me from needless woi i \
and bring me back to a realization that may be unpleasant loi
my pride, but is nonetheless right and fitting.
Being in contact with a traditional teaching does not
therefore automatically mean being in the Work; we an
immersed in the life o f the Work, but we are not in the lil<
o f the Work if we are not conscious. It’s utterly futile to rebel
against this idea. It’s better to let it enter and then draw one's
conclusions - which, in truth, are not pessimistic at all.
Let’s face facts: even if I leave a teaching, the Work will
nonetheless continue without me. So I can only hope to find
my place in it if I think and feel differently, if I comply with
it, if I discover its needs, if I learn to serve. If we were in love,
we could understand - like a suitor who knows he has nolli
ing to give and looks day and night for a way to approach
his beloved. But we are not in love. We are very far from that
when we think that the Work is something owed us. It is not
an entitlement; it’s an opportunity that we are in danger ol
passing right by.
This Work, which begins so high above, is compared in
the Gospels to a gesture: that o f the sower who sows men on
Earth and plants seeds in the soil o f mankind. To be able to
say that we are part o f this Work, we would need to prove
that we have recognized the seed in ourselves, that we recog-
nize the meaning o f the sowing, and that we see its extension
beyond our insignificant selves toward what is above and
what is below. To be part o f this life o f the Work, then, would
mean to understand, to obey, to serve.
I must learn to practise an inner awareness, so that it can
become free o f clamouring preoccupations and can discover

92
 W H A T I S T H E W O R K?

ili 11 - iiliout my knowledge, work has begun in the depths of

01) heilig, but that this work will come to nothing if I remain
........... fiel Io it. Through an always limited number o f men, a
Hmio ol imcertain outcome is being played that puts at stäke
m i m » h more than I imagine.

'..vii ,is a whole, the life o f the Work is Descent - Fulfil-

iih ui Return; or alternatively, Incarnation - Passion - Resur-
ln n,oi Redemption.
I liimigh this being that I am, whole lineages o f men are
ii.dr. When we think about that, our thinking is faulty. It
I r ■ Iilheult to penetrate the mystery o f the origin o f what
w» i all'the Work’ as it is to fathom the course o f its unfold-
Iii|i And yet, if we wish to find a place in it, that’s really what
• will have to understand.

I . i \ come back to our own level. If we consider the past few

Vi iii s and how things have taken place, we can witness the
I. iw and difficult penetration o f the ideas, the birth o f forms.
We see the uncertainties, the difficulties, the obstacles, the
\l mogle, and the perseverance o f those through whom this
inyslerious life has worked its way down to us - the birth of
a nucleus that is expanding, gradually consolidating, and yet
evei fragile, exposed as it is to the forces o f ruin.
And now, as I consider this group, which is becoming a
i«alily, 1 can’t help looking far beyond, as if a slow penetra­
nt ui into more and more mechanical layers o f humanity were
al ready perceptible. Speaking entirely personally, and not on
behalf o f the teaching, I seem to see something new: a new
seed o f traditional civilization penetrating our brutal and
disillusioned age - an age that is in the process o f destroying

93
 I M I \ A N D I \< 11 A N<. I S

ili« l.i'-i i• 111.1111114• .111111<111ji values; a new seed that woul«I

iim .iiiiiic 11ic liopc ol i c i o v c i ing an art o f living and a r c . i
son ioi existing. So, the life o f the Work as a whole gives mi­
die impression o f an immense circulation in which the call lo
rise up reverberates from level to level.

All this is only a sketch, but if we feel there is any truth in il,
how can we understand what is offered to us and what role
awaits us? How can we, one day, come to be in the Work? If I
look at myself in the light o f this perspective, I see that I am
like a body in total cellular anarchy, like a state searching foi
its political unity. If I recognize that the Work is not made foi
me but derives from cosmic necessities, I can no longer toler
ate my an-archy\ The need for a larger view and the urgency
o f finding a unity become imperative.
Among the ideas that are offered us, there is one that may
now help us approach the notion o f union and reintegra-
tion. It is the idea o f ‘three lines o f Work’ seen in the light of
the saying: ‘The way up and the way down are one and the
same.’
The first line, work on oneself, which we have all been
exploring for a long time, gradually broadens the vision with-
in my personal universe. This broadening vision slowly draws
closer to the source o f our life and gradually permeates the
world o f our manifestations, raising the question o f Connec­
tions and therefore o f a union.
The second line, work with others and for others, will
teach us to recognize what brings us closer to one another
and what separates us: our common origin and the diversity
o f our manifestations.

94
 W HAT IS T H E W ORK?

. Im ihe third line, work for the school, it embraces this

rl'i i i|'t«live specifically, the cosmic perspective - o f all the

It I nl man that we mentioned a moment ago.
Willi in these lines, characterizing them and actualizing
........ , are lhe forms o f the Work - those that we study and
all tlio'.r we don’t yet know. By working on the first line, in
■....... up, we prepare ourselves for the second. By working on
lli« -.eutiul, we study the third. To fully engage in the third
Ilm woultl mean entering the way.
< >ii each line, forms are necessary, but they are not rigid

m ini. hangeable. There is nothing systematic about all this.

I Im Im ins could be different, and the ability to create forms,
ln n place them, and to be free from them belongs to a high
I* \• I i >1 consciousness. Through these forms, the knowledge
ilial t xists outside us can penetrate us. And through these
Im ne., if we submit to them intelligently, it becomes possible
......... in turn, to move toward knowledge. But no form can
• i i mdependently. Forms have meaning only in relation to
ui i iverall plan. They must serve. And this overall plan is what
w< must learn to approach; the more we understand it, the
inore understanding we will have. This implies the progres-
ive renunciation o f our subjective vision, but this renuncia-
11« >n is liberation. And this liberation is union.

Is ii possible to take a look at this process o f progressive

imilication?
I ii st, if I come back to my present anarchy, I see that, by
working on myself in conditions organized on the principle
nl ihe I.aw o f Octaves, the different elements o f my presence
rnuTge from the undifferentiated magma o f the first day.

95
 I AI I A N I M \< 11A N tiF'.S

I evels take shape, relationships are established, exchangr. .11 «>

sei in motion. A horizontal and vertical structure cn 1« 1 >. 1
and life circulates. This taste o f life - o f a living presencc In
already a sign o f Union.
Second, the diverse people who w o r k - above me, brlov
me, and at my side - come together despite sometimes bin. 1
friction. And at times, during an exchange, a movemenl, 01 ,1
task, for a few seconds, palpable life, greater than anythinp, I
have ever known, hovers overhead and encompasses our dil
ferences. And that is a sign o f union.
Third, the various forms o f Work, which so often scem
opposed, are in reality 110 more in conflict than people amoii)',
themselves or the functions o f my own person. All o f l hei 11
contribute to unity.
Fourth, the three lines o f Work, each so different, lead
toward the same goal; they complete and complement eai li
other. They are differently phased octaves that intersect and
thereby fill gaping intervals.
Fifth, the currents o f energy, the great cosmic octaves,
similarly express this:

Everything moves out from the One

in order to return to the One.
Is that not the life ofthe Work as a whole?

96
 Understanding

v ........ . »es your understanding usually reside? Or rather, what

, mii mi'.iakenly call ‘understanding! It is in your functions,
111. Iimctionsthatenslaveyou.
111 v■()ii r experience o f an inner shift of your centre o f grav-
iiy von Ii.ive been able to go in the direction o f a deeper reality,
iiwl fi >i a sccond there has been the spark o f contact.... In your
luiii lions, everything then becomes quiet. In this moment, I
t ml i m ist the various understandings that I trust all the time,
m. I I vc rify what I am told: ‘I have no understanding.’ I am
ili. i . . .is if in a new state, a state in which a deep understanding
ul vvh.it I am at that moment can appear. The fact that I am
iblc io say that I understand nothing means that I have found
im ,11 placed there. And ‘finding myself placed there’ means I
•in initiating a movement toward liberation, a movement of
•hu ngaging from my functions, which have kept me subject to
ilirii .uithority,theirknow-how,their knowledge.
I am there, like a child... a newborn child, a child who knows
iiuilung, who cannot yet understand. Perhaps, potentially, the
• Ivild has a force... but it is weak, it doesn’t know, it is not able...
.nid alter all... it needs its functions! Just atthat moment, imme-

i ei pi Imm a group exchange - Reims, April 25,1963.

97
 I'AI M AND I X< IIAN<;i S

dialrly, I lic* lunclions icmssci I llicir despotic authority. Wli.il I

should do - putting myself back there and starting from ilni
place - is to begin to understand for myself what I always lc.iv.
for one centre or another to understand on its own ... wliii li r.
not a real understanding. That cannot be a real understandiiig
since it will only be in my head, or only in my feeling, perlnip1.
even only in my body; whereas in this new place, these Ilm .
possibilities would come together. If I understand something
from this new position, then I understand it physically, men
tally, and emotionally. That’s what understanding really is: wlien
the three are united and, at the same time, ‘I’ live this union
We must not fear lack o f understanding; we mustpass throngh
the lack of understandingfor this real understanding to be born.

Then there is the other aspect, which we’ll talk and talk aboul,
thousands o f times! When I move toward a more authentic atti
tude in myself and want to put it to the test o f an encounter in
life, and especially an encounter with another being... in a flash,
everything is destroyed! Nevertheless, that’s what we’ll have to
experience, little by little. What does it matter if I fail every time!
I have to come back to it, I must go toward it, I mustn’t let myself
be discouraged or stopped by the fact that it’s almost impossi-
ble. It will be almost impossible thousands o f times... then, sud-
denly, perhaps something will become possible. I don’t know on
what day, at what moment, or even why.
If I don’t attempt the experiment, I do not allow the condi­
tion that is necessary for this latent possibility to be fulfilled. This
form of work is very painful... and yet, it’s impossible to escape.
I must go through that: put something to the test, expose it, risk
it. And risk it knowing that I will lose every time!

98
 Obeying

Itih,ii hing the question o f obedience merely from the psy-

I«■ •!. >|;ii ,11 point o f view can only lead to disappointing con-
• In■.Hms, either o f a moral order - ‘it is good to ... ’, which
Im , not hing tö do with what is good for man - or o f a legal
• >i«l« i ‘thou shalt not disobey’, without our understanding
iln ir.ison for this injunction. One undeniable fact under-
||i"i everything: man does not like obeying and, under one
guisc or another, always manages to serve his personal seif
•in I nothing greater.
Ii i.innot be otherwise until I understand that obedience
In good, just, and necessary for my evolution, and until I dis-
• "M i the true source o f obedience. Lacking understanding,
i M ii when a glimmer o f intelligence moves me to study the
. inest ion, 1 don’t realize that my rare, sketchy attempts at obe-
•lu nce are always based on one or another functional or sub-
H'( live aspect. Yet that is not where the act o f obedience must
Iii■ born. To try to have an altogether different view o f this
l'ioblem, it would be good to place it in its cosmic setting.
Obedience is a universal question. However, it doesn’t
.11 ise for man at all in the same way as it does for the other

I m erpl IVom a group exchange - Paris, January 21,1971.

99
 I NI I 't A N I » I K< H A N O I S

loiin.'. (»I h f i 1 1 i n iliis uni verse form? we know, or mi|',lil

know, and of which all traditional teachings speak. All nlln i
forms o f being - suns, planets and satellites, or angels anil
archangels - obey unconditionally. vSuch is their natu re, .iml
they cannot do otherwise.
The Ray o f Creation is the symbol that most dearly evolo
the harmonious state o f the Universe. No celestial body shu I
its role. The Earth is obeyed by the Moon, because the I .111h
itself obeys the Sun, which in turn obeys what is greater th.111
itself. The result is a harmony o f the spheres from which wi
benefit, even though - in accordance with the laws - dilli
culties occasionally arise. For these beings there are no di-,
pensations, nothing but a certain flexibility that prevenl,-.
collisions.
Man is not on the Ray o f Creation; he only finds himsdl
there for special reasons and under very specific condition-.
He finds himself inserted into it because the lateral octave ol
Organic Life, to which he belongs, penetrates the Ray o f Cre
ation. Man’s relationship to this octave is very different from
the relationship o f the celestial bodies to the Ray o f Creation.
The stars are represented by one note - that is, by one level
and by a relative immutability that seems, to eyes belonging lo
our ephemeral lifespan, to be permanent. Man, on the othei
hand, does not correspond to only a single note o f the octave
o f organic life. He corresponds, or at least ought to corre­
spond, to the whole octave (see the diagram on page 5).
Because his feet are on the ground - in an earthly body
corresponding to ‘dust’ - and his head is at the level o f the
stars - the level o f spirit - the centre o f gravity o f man’s con-
sciousness is not fixed. He is at liberty to move along the
full length o f this octave; and if it is not this way in fact, il
is precisely because he does not obey what is offered him.

100
 O BEYIN G

• l|t».h. ii. <■ is neither a hindrance nor a condemnation, but

.............lilion - the way o f livin g -th at could crown all man’s
> l'ii Ilio n s .

11 i . .ilways difficult to grasp just what freedom is possible

li.i nhin II we say that man is the only creaturc that has the
|iii''< i io disobey, we are right; but we must add, neverthe-
i ilul Ihis power is very limited; and, if it were not so, this
liM.l.mi, lar from helping, would ruin him. Only the free-
,l,‘ui in ilisohey enables man to attain an obedience that is freely
Mi. • i'ied, rccognized, loved, desired.
I'lir. is what really distinguishes man from other forms of
l<t Mir, other forms cannot disobey; they obey passively and
" 1111o111 suffering. Man must give himself willingly, in full
l U M o ness, and at the price o f a certain suffering.

I hol said, apart from this freedom to disobey, man is no

Io. i ih.m other forms ofbeings. Through his body, heiskept
u-II hm st riet limits o f nutrition, but this applies only to his
i'In u. ,il body. For,as regards his possibility o f coatingsubtler
Im.dirs, a greater freedom, or flexibility, appears.
Man must learn and understand the limits o f his con-
.liiion as a being, and he must distinguish the place where
i m . llmig is possible from the place where he has some room

n. in.moeuvre. This art is an essential aspect o f a search: the

ii I o f knowing the laws and their exceptions.
And man must have no illusion about his disobedience: it
is mlcnded. Man pretentiously Claims todo only as he pleases,
\ r l he obeys the laws just the same. He hasn’t seen that, while

In is u nable to escape the laws, it is nevertheless possible for

him to serve one particular level o f laws or another. Angels
and archangels cannot do this.
Ihi t this discovery-which would be impossible if man had
no ability to disobey one order o f laws so as to obey another -

101
 I AI I A N U I Sl 11 A N <. I S

i ■<ml In inii'ii 11i.ik<- in lho ti niest lupse o f time. His ch.uu <• h
lleeling. The opportunity is so difficult to seize that, in o u l..
to make up for the obvious fact that almost everyone will ml»
it, nature multiplies these rough models o f conscious bc-inp.
providing quantity at the expense o f quality.

The man who discovers this secret and puts it into praclii.
plays the role that Christ played: he connects the Earth lo
the stars through his own organism. And the Gospels cleai l)
show this through the parable o f the centurion - the soldin
who understood discipline and knew how to use it as .in
example o f a process on a different scale.

The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am

not worthy that thou shouldest come under
my roof: but speak the word only, and my
servant shall be healed. For I am a man under
authority, having soldiers under me: and I say
to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another,
Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do
this, and he doeth it.*

One level cannot be obeyed unless it too obeys what is

greater than itself. The parable o f the centurion shows this
precise relationship in regard to obedience; and it shows,
moreover, that obedience can only be based on love and
faith:

* The Bilde, Matthew, 8:8-9.

102
 O BEYIN G
m
VVlien Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said
lo ihem that followed, Verily I say unto you,
I luve not found so great faith, no, not in
Israel.*

I In whole secret is there. Obey as a friend must and can

ul" \ 111«I not as a servant would.t
II i' lo make this obedience possible that disobedience is
.......... I In our certitude and in our love, active obedience
» ui h. born. We have to want it, wish it.
\ n d liow could I come to wish for it if I don’t understand

(In glmkI (hat will flow fforn it for myself? I will not obey
ilm >ii)• 11 constraint or a sense o f duty, or because it looks good,
in in Improve my image. I will obey when I become aware of
i In n |ich ussions of my act. I am awaited, I am not forced.
Uul even when I am able to understand what is right
ui'I generous in the Situation I am offered, I don’t neces-
ii ily become immediately able to obey. Because I am afraid.
h .. .uise I am grasping. Because I am ruled by a belief in
ms .. II wliich is the counterpart o f my relative freedom to
•lliobey.
I do not want to give up anything. Even if knowledge
l'cnetrates me, I want to keep it and eat its fruit for myself.
Ilul lhis fruit is something I must not touch, since its vivify-
iii}', force is intended for the seed o f my real ‘I’ and not for
my ego.
II is from this knowledge, which falls on my essence - an
■ v.cnce that is still inert, but has feit the light touch o f awak-
i'iiiii}’ that the act o f obedience must arise, and not from

1 l'l 10 Bible, Matthew, 8:io.

I < onsider the Bible, John, 15:14-15.

103
 I A I I- ' • A N I » I HC 11A N <J1 S

im • *«. 1111,ii \ 111<mif>111 oi lecling. Al the core o f my beiii)1,,

iln o r. .i .h.nlowy /onc where ignorance and refusal, l'r.ii
.uni avidity, link. This shadowy zone must awaken; a pi in
ciple o f struggle must come to life. Obedience is the price <»l
awakening. In Order to awaken to myself, I must see what is in
front o f me, and give up ‘my’ life for Life itself. This is the sr.il
o f hydrogens 12* - the place o f damnation or salvation - ihr
place where conversion is awaited.
The only way for this to become possible is for me to fully
realize my complete nothingness.t Such as I am, in my dream
o f myself and my illusions, I am nothing. And I am nolli
ing because I do not understand that my authentic being 1.
something altogether different, and that, by clinging to my
illusions, I deny the possibility o f its realization.

I must give up myfreedom to disobey

in Order fully
to be.

* F ra g m e n ts , p p . 192-93.
t F ra g m e n ts , pp. 155,160, 218, 226.

104
 Serving

i • i u .is a channel for a flow o f energy. I servc so that energy

. ui Im■ li.msmitted to other forms o f beings, to other places,
i" iillu’i levels unknown to me.
II only I u n d e r s t o o d my S i t u a t i o n , i f I t o o k t h e t r o u b l e
I" mv what is taking place__ I know that energy appears in
im llull il becomes engaged within this machine that I am,
ili ii il oxpresses itself in movement, and then is gone. I know
....... . il, but I do not understand it. I could make the effort
i" mulerstand it; that is, to live this progressive degrading o f
• ni'i gy, wliich is law-conformable and necessary. And I must
i' illv experience it, because I need to become familiär with
ii. ,ind because that is what will put me very directly in touch
" iili die undeniable fact that I serve mechanically.
II I feit this, if I experienced it deeply - rather than it
i' m.iining intellectual, intellectual baggage that does not stir
me perhaps I would bc deeply moved by one fact: the whole
universe is dying away!
Il is true. In a way, the world is moving as if toward its
dr, Integration, both through me and through this multitude

l ■im |'l IVom an exchange on the th e m e ,“ H o w d o y o u und erstand the idea

•il serving?’' Angers, 1961, and Paris, 1966.

105
 I AI M ANI » I X< MAN« ; I - S

' ‘l ii mi In n « 11ic billions ol inhabitants o f the planet.

I nm l lo leel toexperience- thatthisenergy,whichhassm Ii
grandeur and which descends into me, is squandered. Is this ins
essary? Yes. But, if that is always the case, then there is a dangri
And perhaps one o f the signals murmurcd in the depths ol m\
being, but which I don’t hear or don’t know how to deciphn, i
that there must be a return. But this return is not mechanii ,il I
must agree to participate in it; 1 must serve this return.
This is really a cosmic phenomenon; because, if there i
a movement o f return, a new descent will take place whii h
cannot proceed mechanically as before. There will be a con
scious descent o f a new influence which otherwise ncvri
penetrates into me.
To use the language o f this Work: 1 only know W inlln
ences, the very ordinary influences o f life, and ‘B’ influences,
which are conscious in their origin but have spread out into
nature and lost their connection. 1 never actually reccive
influences from a completely different level, because I am
unable to receive them and cannot communicate with them,
I have not yet allowed this two-way current to flow. I
do not understand that this dual current, this possibility ol
receiving two influences, this possibility o f friction betweeu
contradictory movements, is precisely what will create the
being that I so aspire to, a possibility o f being completely dif­
ferent from the way I am today, enclosed in my shell.
I do not understand that everything is already prepared.
But if I understand, if I accept, if my heart has been stirred
by the absolute necessity o f responding to this never-ending
gift, o f responding so that something can be turned around
and can live in another way, then, at the same time, my own
rebirth becomes possible. And that possibility is what I lose;
that is what 1 forget.

106
 SERVING

.••ii .... . lliis is the problem o f ‘dying to oneself’. I must

|)| i" • • ilniii conceptions, certain harmful ideas that have
• .1 ■ ii mol in me, certain illusions. Above all, I have to die to
Hilf ••'Vit iguorance. This may seem stränge, but I have to die
mm Im I nid o f inner web that entangles me, this web o f asso-
. lull.ne., picconceived patterns o f thought, and things that I
li o • ••' v'i even verified and which prevent me from opening
i i•• inot her perspective, a vast perspective.
Ii . senseless to be afraid o f obeying; it’s just that I don’t
.... I. r.l.ind. It makes no sense that I refuse to let myselfserve;
ii mi .1 ili.it I don’t understand.
l\ need to serve ‘me’ becomes an abomination, a per-
•m il • ilamity. Yet it is an inverted expression, a caricature,
"i . i" i lectly real need. I need to be. I absolutely need to be;
•i1.1 ilii'. thirst is just as genuine as my physical thirst and
li.iiilVi. Only, I must eure myself o f my aberration, o f my way
• 'I '••m g everything upside-down ... always upside-down,
in vi led. If I eure myself o f this, then everything becomes
l'.iv.ible, and what I aspire to will come about. That’s just
In iw il is.
My thinking needs to be awakened, and this new
H'l'ioach must really enter into the way I see things. It must
i. .i. Ii my feeling and even my body, right down to the small-
• .1 ivlls o f my body, so that throughout m y whole being, I
um ) understand the tragic error in my way o f seeing things
.iimI approaching them; and so that I may realize how, in
ili. ond, by wishing to serve ‘me’, I harm myself, I betray
myself, I literally kill myself. Then, at a certain point - when
lliis understanding truly penetrates every pore, permeates
my cnlire presence - maybe then, what today seems to me
• slremely difficult will become easy and real. This is what
vve must wish for ourselves with all our might.

107
 I AI I i ANI > I X< H A N O I S

We have readily agreed that part o f us thinks o f only um

thing: serving itself. But I ask you this question: ‘Wh.il B
to become o f this part? Will it disappear?’ Clearly, il i*. ,m
impulse o f such force, and so deep, that it really seems llui
it cannot just disappear. Yes, indeed! This impulse will nul
disappear.
So what then? The problem is presented as follows: in im
being, there are two tendencies based on the same need, hm
they are in the same relationship to each other as an o b ja l
and its reversed reflection. What can reconcile them? I m
only a reconciliation can resolve this Opposition.
When I remember myself, I feel that I still serve mysell
and that this is right. My being and its aspirations are lul
filled. At the same time T’ serve God. By virtue o f my prcs
ence, at last realized, the ascending and descending current1,
can flow, earth and heaven can communicate, and there is no
longer any contradiction or any dissatisfaction.
The smaller serves the greater and, surpassing all hope,
receives from the greater an overflowing o f goodness and
joy.

108
 Nie Struggle in the World o f the Soul

I In ovtM'whelming urge to withdraw into the sitting exercise

i-• ili< point o f becoming identified with the peace one finds
111 i' i■. the inevitable temptation we all have to go through.
Mi- iiimg exercise, deep relaxation, and the silence we find
ftlii'iild allow us to make contact with very fine and much
mitir i onscious impressions only so that, afterward, we may
dt h ei ul once again into the life o f manifestation with a new
inii lligcnce, an intelligence enlightened by this contact. It
will never be a question o f taking refuge in some ‘disembod-
limalaya’. The sitting exercise is not intended to produce
am cxlraordinary state. Even though this may occur, that is
n«.i its purpose. The aim is to enable us to live an ordinary
hlr consciously.
Dur ultimate taslc is, by a transformation o f our being
iind llie appearance o f a Presence (as yet virtual), to allow
lii)-,Ikt forces to pass through us at last and to illumine the
d.irkness o f our lower nature.
To shy away from that or to seek anything eise would be,
,r. Mr. ( iurdjieff has written, to misjudge what is expected of
i i . and to betray ‘the hope sown from Above’. That requires

l i <T|ii Crom a letter to a S tu d e n t - Paris, J a n u a ry 28,196 7.

 I \ I I . ANI » I \ ( H A N O I S

i lnt.il i miv. i ilon ol oiii ihinking, then o f our feeling, and

Im.illy ol o i i i vcry substance; for, i f the transformation du. ..
nol involvc our very flesh, nothing will be accomplished.
Yes, we must allow two worlds to unite.
1 well understand your inner discomfort and this lemp
tation to become indifferent to all the life around you. Ii i
normal that your discomfort should go so far as to bccoiiu
suffering, and this indicates that the Work has penctr.il. d
deeply into you. But it is here that the notion o f sacrifk iii|<
one’s suffering comes in. Do not accept this isolated st ah
this kind o f hypnotic state. The struggle with yourself begiir.
there.
Look carefully at everything that is taking place. You
are beginning to doubt what you have known. This is usc
ful, since you discover that you have sometimes worked in
order to reach certain States, or egoistically to know more,
or to have something to say. At the same time, it’s a temp
tation because this is the way the parts o f our being that
want nothing to do with the Work try to destroy it. Perhap*.
you feel weak, dry, empty. Here again, the same two sides
appear: the doubt that creeps in and suggests that I give up
inner work, making me believe I will get nowhere; and, on
the other hand, the painful truth that we are, in fact, dry, and
that by ourselves we have no force. Real feeling can comc
only from the higher centres, and force too can come only
from the higher nature, to which you are not yet consciously
connected.
But this feeling o f emptiness deserves to be looked at
even more attentively because it does not imply nothing-
ness, but that a space or location is available. When you feel
you are empty and have no understanding, continue calmly,
do not try to attain something. Feel this emptiness, taste it,

110
 I II I S T U U G G L E IN T H E W OR LD OF T H E SO U L

m I yiMl will finally discover that it is alive. In this emptiness

it>»iil< llir n lost real, but also the most subtle, aspects o f your
I'• 1111> miml, real feeling, and conscious intelligence.
I im . you have recognized this, if only for a second, you
will um Innrer be afraid, and you will understand that you
lim io lelax in order to perceive it more deeply, every day
...........Irt'ply, to receive help from it for going about your
■tilliifii y life ... but in a new way. You will begin to have a
i tupl.'l.'ly different understanding o f Sensation. Moreover,
tlu mirlligence is already beginning to act, and you prove
II lu druovering that you are very negative. You knew this,
hui \m11 ,irc beginning to live it. Here again, learn to sacrifice
ili. .ul1.1 ing that you draw from it. We must bear the pain
Mi ii I.i .i seeing ourselves as we are. This sacrifice, that is, this
. 11m11 not to identify with the pain you experience, is what
u i|| 11.1p iheoctaveofim pressions to develop (rememberthe
li u i .ml o f the three-storeyed factory in Fragments).* In this
■ in. 11ic* notes re 24 and mi 12 will appear in us. (Mi 12 is the
ul. .i.uia- that is indispensable for the formation o f the sec-
mii.I body, the body o f feeling.)
In order that Faith and Love may appear in us, we must
.....ilice all our subjective pain and suffering, which are
looled in ordinary self-love.
I Jltimately, you begin to be aware o f two lives in you, two
|Mi ale lives. It is in this respect that the work becomes con-
,111 ic live. Despite the difficulties in your present work, I can’t
In lp rcjoicing at what is taking place in you.
Begin by resting a little. Take advantage o f your vacation.
I ove yourself-that is, if you know how to love yourself, since
lins is something that many people still have to learn. And

' /ragments, p. 182.

in
 I A I I '* A N D l'X< :i l A N < i l J S

"In ii you Ircl heller, resuine your werk in an enlirely in w\

way... . Open to silence, to the fertile reality o f ................
I hen go out into life and Start seeing how you unil« i .l.iinl
your functions, all your actions....
We have no conscious attitude in relation to these mm.
ments - these thoughts, emotions, and gestures. We iniin.
diately get lost in them, and then we judge them (wliicll h
a mistake). We don’t like them, but we allow ourselves in |..
subjugated by them, and a highly impassioned entanglenn ul
en su es- an emotional rejection and an emotional collapse,
The cause o f our always being carried away is to be loim.l
neither in the world around us, nor in our functions, bul ln
an innermost weakness that we must learn to recogni/e.
The struggle must, little by little, take place in this in in
mediate world —the world o f the soul —between our iwn
natures. It is there that the Great ßattle with oneself iah
place, and that battle will take years. As you see, it is nol a
question o f a mental configuration, but o f an act that pul-,
us totally into question. A sign that we sometimes approai li
this is the almost unbearable feeling —far beyond our usn.il
suffering - o f being torn apart, or crucified.

112
 I'he Functions Enlisted to Serve

\......lun'l secm to have realized yet that you are merely an

in imm .•nt o f somethingfar greater than yourself. Every one
ul m . i', .in instrument, and that’s all we can be. Moreover, this
i >.iii imique good fortune, because if we were not instru-
..<> ul- <»l this higher reality, we would not have being and life.
• hu inily freedom is to be eitheran unconscious instrument or a
imis one, either to suffer passively or to submit voluntar-
ih I»» aecept to be what we are.
No man can become a conscious instrument unless he
iii.iii.igcs to free himself from the illusion o f running his own
hl. ,.n(l controlling everything around him - that is, as long
i In continues to believe he can manipulate, direct, sort out
In. little universe, and conquer whatever comes his way.
( ietting to know my intellectual, emotional, and moving-
ne.iiiulive mechanisms is my only possibility. It is not a
,|ii. '.tion o f my doing what I feel ism ine to do,but ofserving.
Avidity, jealousy, irritability are only passing squalls.
I can function and be conscious o f it or not. I can, for
. sample, remember myself while walking.
WIkmi we speak o f functions, we mean a way o f looking

I mci pl from a group cxchange - Paris, 1971.

113
 I M I i A N I M A « 11A N ( i l S

’ii il" "i,i. I.... , ,i vvtiy ui which consciousness may or m,i>

noi nppcnr.
We need to recognize wrong functioning. We nced Im
understand that the normal play o f the functions work'. In
two directions and allows consciousness to appear. In um
trast, wrong functioning prevents its appearance. Beinj- ,m
obstacle to consciousness, wrong functioning keeps it loc I .. I
in a horizontal circuit, giving us the illusion o f doing and ul
being, which causes a loss o f energy.
What is the role o f the functions? They have a doubl,
purpose. One obvious purpose is my manifestation in lil.
They also serve to capture influences, to nurture them and
transform them. The functions are transformingapparat us« ..
each one being an aspect o f a much greater apparatus. The)
serve nature, and are created primarily for that purpose.
Man is created by nature, and his functions are adaptcd
to serve it. But they are adapted for other purposes as well,
and it is man’s misfortune that he does not know this. Notli
ing in him values this other possibility. The functions can
receive and transform different substances, and then trans
mute them for the development o f his being. A man who
does not know his machine and its dual potential, a man
who does not work on himself, is only half a man. He serve,s
nature automatically and cannot escape doing so, but he also
serves purposes that he is unaware of. A man who has heard
the call in himself, which cornes from the higher emotional
centre, awakens to the dual direction o f his machine and ils
functions.
We are to serve life in both directions: toward what is
below and toward what is above. Downward, automatically
and inescapably; upward, consciously and voluntarily. How-
ever, the upward movement is not actually possible if I remain

114
 I'HE F U N C T I O N S E N L I S T E D TO S E R V E

ln im li.igmented state. As long as serving is not voluntary,

•li<i1111!}•. .ui change. I will not maintain contact with what is
.............. oi with what is around me. I have no connection
||||i . i will) my functions or with what animates them.
11.. noi try to separate yourself from ordinary thought
|lni|i|v hecause you have seen the need to do so. This must
11 mh honi your recognition o f the Situation in which you
fl iii I you rsel f. First you have to experience it. At that point, you
i ill | liaps be able to try something that w ont be harmful.
i ii in .i icnse that I have this presence in me, a reality that l’m
|n.im}' io lose; and Vm going to lose it because I don’t know
In iw my functions work, or what I am within their function-
in,i l don’t know how to go down toward them, or how to
111\ iir |Ilern to enter into my presence, or how to set them in
uiolion myself. How can I come closer to this moment?
11 Mi t* is a presence; there are also elements that must be
In o i ight into presence.
Pi'iictise! After a moment o f gathering myself, I am here,
mied, in a state o f presence. I am here. I sense it. I feel it.
I In ii, I make a decision. I decide to do something simple, a
iiiniplc act in which I can more easily maintain some o f this
tiliilr o f presence, more easily than if I wanted to express a
i. ding, speak, or feel a relationship with someone. I set my
liim tions in motion. What is not ready? I have no knowledge,
no idea ofw hat’s going to happen to me. I need to come closer
in myself living in this way and, at the same time, be aware of
myself existing in another way as well. Do 1 know how I will
|.r when 1 stand up, when I leave this collected state?
I )o I have only my habitual way o f thinking by associa-
lion, or have I learned to make a special effort o f thinking?
I >o I know only m y habitual emotions, or do I recognize a
p.irlicular feeling when attention appears? Do I know only

115
 I AI I ANII l'X< 11AN<iES

"i, 11<iI•1111iiI. |m .'.iv< . 11mI involuntary sensations, or do I in

"l'.ni/t ili« M'iisalion lluit appears when I make the efforl ln
i v m e m b e r myself?

I know all this in the moment o f greatest effort. But wli.u

will become o f thought when I have to bring certain imagr*.
to mind, at the same time as keeping close watch ovci m\
presence? What will become o f the feeling o f myself when
something unexpected happens? It is the same for Sensation
Every unfamiliar thing that happens completely throw.s
me. I don’t have any sense o f the urgency or the need foi .1
special attention that would help me find the right way ol
thinking, feeling, and sensing.
There is an octave I must get to know; then m y thouglil,
my feeling, and my Sensation will no longer be the same.
When I am faced with the necessity o f not vanishing, every
thing changes.
Sometimes the attention is held, sometimes it is loosenal,
like an elastic, and I pass through many levels. But you, you
know nothing about that. This progressive relaxation corrc
sponds to a certain way o f thinking, to levels o f possibilily
that are constantly changing.

116
 Our Tenured Professor o f Inner Work

II \«>ii w.mttodelveintothoseordinaryaspectsofyourselfthat
in always there, ready to reappear, you must really Step back to
|i,iiii soine perspective. Failing that, you will never understand
. 1.1 ly what is meant by an attitude. Either I adopt an abstract
iiilliule and cut myself off from the way I live or, on the con-
11.11 y, I sink so low, so very low, that I lose all connection with
Minething other’, and I drown in this pool.
I wonder if you have a sense o f the individual who takes
. Ii.u ge o f your work for you. Unwisely, we have all entrusted
..... inner work to a certain individual - for me, it’s Doctor
« <tilge - who, by the way, must also be a tenured ‘professor’ of
iiinri work. He is really something! A leading expert, in fact!
I )o you need this parasite? Do you really need this so-and-so
u li<) knows all about inner work? He’s taking you for a ride.

<)ucstioner: I have been feeling for some time that I am going

around in circles. I have really tried everything that I ...

AIn hei Conge: Oh! If you’d really tried everything, the earth
would have split in two and you’d be free!

I xeorpt from a group exchange - Reims, June 28,1966.

117
 I AI I A N U I X( 11A N ( i I ; S

'..////c i///rs//o«c/: Hui I have! 1 have tried everything in i

wrong way with that character in me!

Michel Conge: But you haven’t tried everything, becaus. ij

you had, he would be on his last legs!

Same questioner: I really feel that I should take the pluii|'.

som ehow... but I don’t.

Michel Conge: But he’s the one telling you to take the plungt
and he even teils you how to go about it! We’ve been reall)
duped! And how! It’s been going on for ages!
This is what is meant by ‘liberation’, extricating myscll
from this extraordinarily clever trick. Ultimately, it’s not lil<
that is hard; it’s not life that corners us. Nor is nature unwill
ing ... well, it may be unwilling, but that’s nothing to worry
about! What is really alarming is this shady character in theiv;
I know it’s that con man watching m e... because sometimes I
catch him giving me ferocious looks.

Same questioner: I can’t manage to be present in the subtle

way that I now understand is needed, because my presencc
does not correspond, in terms o f sensitivity, to the sensitivity
required to catch myself in the moment.

Michel Conge: Hold on there! I even wonder if what we have

here isn’t a super con man. Now, just between you and me,
this one is even smarter! What an exciting moment, really
exciting! Thrillers? Detective stories? No comparison!
It’s exciting because it’s something you are living through.
You’re beginning to see that there’s a trick to it. And if you

118
 «»DK T I- N U R E D P R O F E S S O R O F I N N E R W ORK

\ -m im imravel it, there’s that character again; and you try

•Mim ihm)’, ... he’s back again! Well then. How to get past
•i' 'i ii l'«vps you guessing. At such a time, you spend hours
imb uv.ilu*. These are tremendous moments because you
IN» I lh.it you’re close ... close to some kind o f mystery. But it
iim uni ly escapes you. Sometimes it’s in sleep - even ordi-
imm T i'p that the key appears. It wakes you up with a Start
aii.l Ihon, poof! It’s gone.
I brgin to feel that it’s an extraordinary game. But I must
Mül ivl upset. This is why we are asked to work on our emo-
111111*. / must not get upset at all. I must not get annoyed. I
...... . not be on edge. I must not teil myself, ‘I don’t have
um. h inne.’ I must not fall into any ofthose traps. If, instead,
..ii .in .wer him that you have all the time in the world, that
I..•!licis him. Now that’s a good attitude. There is a kind of
im\ that awakens in our own attention; it becomes h appy...
uul ih.it annoys him even more.
Niere must be some roundabout way to get through,
I " . auso you won’t get through just like that. There are bor-
. 1. i r.iiards there! You must find another path, a way over the
.....untains which is not patrolled. He can’t patrol everything.
Air you a seeker, a risk taker? I would almost say, a gambler.
H. . ause it actually is a kind o f gamble.

'..////c ijiiestioner: I don’t understand! A gambler’?

AIn hei Conge: It’s a game. You have to outwit him, be stronger,
more intelligent than he is. Just imagine, he holds all the
. .uds, and you have to win! He’s been dealt both hands, his
uul yours. It’s thrilling! Not even an Einstein could invent
•lu h a game!

119
 Stubbornness and Will

I am a human being who, on the one hand, is conditioned

and accustomed to living in a certain way. It’s compe|lin|',,
very compelling, and I can’t bear to let go o f it. And, on du
other hand, I am a being who suffers desperately from Iiviii);
the way he does. There is no Situation more horrible! But that
is our Situation. No one escapes it; that’s what we have to sec.
Is there any hope? If I keep going back and forth from
one to the other, I really see that it’s hopeless. I see that at one
moment I am obstinate, that I won’t do anything; and at the
next moment, I am utterly wretched.
I have to understand that the birth o f will is dependent on
the union o f wanting and not wanting. But if this Opposition
is not clear, if there is no real perception o f this categorica I
refusal in me, if I don’t see it really clearly, there will nevci
be any will-power. We want will-power right away because
it would be a good thing to have ... but that’s not possible.
However, we can begin to become aware o f what calls us and
what refuses.
Stubborn as a mule! We can become aware o f that. But il
we succeed, little by little - and it can be done - if we succeed,

Excerpt from a group exchange - Reims, January 19,1965.

120
 ST U B B O R N N E S S AN D W ILL

Hlllt llmc, in holdingtogether in asingleperception this strong

.1. ii i,iml and this systematic refusal that is in us, if we succeed
lli k i ping lhem clear while truly understanding what theyare,
llu ii will can be born. Otherwise, itwill neverbeborn.
111- re- is no other solution. As long as we are unable to
. |" iiciicc this, we will continue to be tossed between two
l*iilc’i And there is nothing more disheartening, because
t y l i r n you are obstinate, you are not happy, and when you are

*i ihr other extreme, you are not happy; that is not happiness
. nie i I lappiness would mean coming to a kind o f accord in
11*\ *11, this understanding that we so heartily wish to experi-
filii r, wilh others, but which we never quite experience.
An understanding, an accord with everything included,
..... l.iined, harmonized - that would be marvellous! I have to
h. )',iii with myself. I cannot be in accord with my neighbour
il I .mi not in accord with myself; it’s absolutely impossible.
'•o. little by little, I will try to work toward bringing about this
Ii i i c unification.

• Uh",Iinner: If ever I want to reach some sort o f peace between

11ii' ilesire to awaken and this gross laziness that I have seen, I
must also take upon myself the decision to struggle.

Aliehet Conge: There once was a man who had a donkey. He

gol on his donkey in the morning, and then he feil asleep.
While he was dozing,’ the donkey wandered wherever it
I'leaset!. Then he noticed, our rider did, that his donkey had
laken him in acompletely different direction from the one he
had chosen. So he tried to direct it, but the donkey started to
httlk. They struggled like that for an hour. Then the rider dis-
iiunmtcd and pulled on the lead. He pushed the donkey and
boat il. hinally, he offered it treats, but still no luck! Hehurled

121
 I AI I' '< ANH I X( 11A N<11 S

in uli . ,ii II, Iml llicic was .»hsoliilcly no way out. In the rinI
ili' V wcic liolli lol.illy exasperated. ’l'hcn the donkey foimd i
very simple solution. It lay down on the ground and play< d
dead. Seeing this, our good man said to himself, ‘I can’t le.iv*
it here. I’ve no other choice!’ So he put the donkey on his ovvn
back and went on his way. However, he made a miscalcul.i
tion. He said to himself, ‘I will walk until the end o f the day
But just ten minutes later, he had to stop anyway.
So, it’s better to foresee the stages. But you see, neverllii'
less, that at the end o f the day you will have to know how ln
shoulder the bürden yourself.
 I'lic I )evil - A Very, Very Important Character

• fursiioner: Düring a movements dass I saw myself as being

I" »wci less, the body doing whatever it wanted, not corre-
l "-nding. And yet there was a certain Sensation of myself, a
1 1,1. o f myself - powerless, but present.

Mi i lirl Conge: Theres no innocence in us, none o f the fresh

innocence o f a small child. And that is what we must return
i.. this complete innocence - full o f life, full o f fire, full o f
• n.'i gy, but completely innocent. But you can’t get back there
in ,ix or eight years. It takes a long time.
We all aspire to this. But there is a wide gap between
i I*ii ing to something and allowing it to surface in oneself.
We sl ifle something in ourselves and we don’t even realize it.
I »on’l you know the reason no contact is made on some days?
Vou kill i t ... or, at least, you allow it to be killed.

'uiiiir (juestioner: I have certainly seen that for years, in

ill my efforts, I have been forcing in one direction or
.1 nothcr.

I m erpt Crom a group exchange - Reims, May 9, i960.

123
 i ai i . amu i \( 11a N<>r:s

' h< h, I i \11.1 von <onldn'l liavc gone about it in .m\

"ili. i w.in I vi n il you h.ul Ibllowed another discipline, n
wntild luve beeil lhe same. My experience must gradiulh
shccl liglil on lliis point. Little by little, I must cometo see dir
very clearly. We have often said, ‘Just what’s needed, nothiii)-
more - just what is necessary, with all the required intensih
needed, all that is possible.’
There is an inner place that I don’t understand. 1 don'l
know what goes on there. I don’t know at all. Yet it must exisl,
and something must be happening there because I’ve lud
proof o f it. Suddenly, this feeling arises ... so new. I suddenly
have this impression o f myself that I’ve never had before, an
impression that is certainly real because, the very next instanl.
everything eise seems to be desolation and death. So I musl
certainly have come in touch with life itself. Something is cer
tainly there, because I saw myself: a poor larva enmeshed i11
a body, not even knowing how to guide that body, but being
dragged along by it instead. Isn’t that a moment o f truth?
The other side o f the coin is the same, exactly the same!
I feel that something doesn’t unite, doesn’t connect, doesn’t
link up. I really sense the truth. Each o f us has sensed an aspec!
o f it; and after that experience, either the same day or in a
few days, we will perhaps find ourselves dejected from having
touched something too big or too rieh - the way we feel after
a vacation when we come back to the office or the shop. It’s
sad, after the sunshine, to come back to an old hovel smelling
o f dust. Yes, and you could let yourself be overwhelmed by
this sadness. Just the same, another attitude is possible. You
had never before had these experiences; you had never before
seen yourself so miserable. You had never really seen it in this
way. And believe.me, you would certainly never have known
this if there had not been efforts, and repeated efforts.

124
 I 111 IDHVIL - A V ER Y , V E R Y I M P O R T A N T C H A R A C T E R

\\V .uv like mountain climbers who have just managed

ln |M’iicive something through the m ist... very indistinctly,
iihI wc re not yet su reo f the direction ... but it really seems
im Im ()ver there; and yes, it seems to be a summit. Except that
.... km»ne says, ‘It’s high, it’s far away, and we’ve already been
i ill ui)1, for hours. We can always go back down. Go and teil
iliriii that!’

'unnr ijiieslioner: I understood that ‘someone’ to be the

<!• v il....

A//1 hvl Conge: He is a very, very important character, and he

Iw. .1 very big role to play. Lots of bad things have been said
«Imul bim! For a long time, I was shocked by Mr. GurdjiefFs
Immorous remarks about him and I feit that he didn’t despise
lim devil enough.
Hut certain traditional texts also raise the same question.
li r, .1 bit outrageous, all the same, that he has access to the
lieavenly throne and strolls about the place— He flicks his
i.ul out o f the way, sits down, chats with the Lord, and then
)•,«»t-s back to play all sorts o f dirty tricks. And he can come
lut k up again ... no one ever bothers him. Everyone eise all
tlown the line has problems or difficulties, but he has none <
.11 all. 1 really understood nothing about him until the day
wlien, as you yourself just said, I began to notice him, catch
cJimpses o f him. How freely he comes and goes! No one has
ino re freedom!
I le is a fearsome character; but without him, you couldn’t
work. There s no one more dangerous, no one more ready to
kill you; and yet without him, you would be unable to live,
unable to attain everlasting life. That’s why it’s understand-
ablc that the Eternal One so readily tolerates his presence

125
 I A I l«S A N D l'X ( I I A N ( i l ' S

In .. , i .. I. c .......... . .md goings... always busy. I I r 's iln

■ i i i .I
•i. " in You'll s « r , I ie 's nnich more active than you .m l
()//, In In! Mi. ( iurdjieflf used to say, “Fine gentleman. Alway».
eager lo please, obliging ... doesn’t miss a trick. Not a singli
one! He’s on top o f everything. Really everything! Nothing
absolutely nothing, escapes him!” Whereas, poor idiot lh.il I
a m ...!
Get to know him — There is always a force o f attraclion
if you look carefully. And I need to know this attraction, lim.
force; just as I must learn to recognize a taste deep inside me,
no doubt remote, but a taste o f myself that really gives me .1
reason for daring to descend, even to be torn to pieces. The
reason is even more compelling if I have lived through one nl
these experiences.
Now I can say, ‘ 1t doesn’t matter. I don’t know how mucli
time it will take, but I’m certain there is something.’ And
I must say this to myself and be very honest, because my
whole personality will contrive to find arguments to deny
it, to cast doubt on these seconds, these fractions o f a sei
ond, which have such a taste and are so rare for me at the
moment. Months often pass between such momentary expe
riences. You must make a place for them in you, a place thal
is untouchable, inviolable. Nothing must disturb it.
You will hear voices telling you, ‘It didn’t exist; and be
sides, it was so small!’ That’s where your responsibility lies: I
don’t listen to voices that speak that way. In this too there is
a certain innocence. I guard this taste o f myself; I don’t even
venture to take a look, to make sure. And that is the aston-
ishing ruse o f this temptation: the voices nag me to go and
see, but they know very well that I can’t find it again; and if
I’m stupid enough to let myself get caught, naturally, I return
devastated. Yet I knew all along that it was no longer there!

126
 I III I lfiV IL — A V ER Y, V E R Y I M P O R T A N T C H A R A C T E R

i •lon’i know if you understand what I’m trying to say: It ’s

Ih'i there, an dyetlstill watch overit. Itis there. Is this a stränge
.1111111.1« !' Only a child can do this; we adults no longer know
I hm io have such freshness in front o f things. I hold close and
i ilon i go to look. I hold close and I defuse the tempta-
llon I defuse this destructive side with a tranquil smile.
Ii liiere, I’m not going to go looking for it; there is no
i. i .on lo do so. It’s there! This approach is tremendously
•Ii oii ming for the hard side o f us; it breaks that side o f us
•ip iii l.
You must realize: it is either this possibility or this brutal
Inn r (hat gets broken. There is no middle ground; sooner or
I ii. i, one o f the two will prevail. It depends on you.

127
 Receiving a Fresh Impression o f Oneself

Do you think patience would mean anything if there wen- m»

impatience? And yet that’s the way we live all the time. Hil In i
we are immersed in impatience and oblivious to any sense nl
patience, or we are apparently patient, but only because wr'iv
not being tempted by an impulse o f impatience.
Do you understand this? It’s very important. We an-
always losing ourselves in blind alleys. There is an axis. Theo
is a path that resolves contradictory elements.
Mr. Gurdjieff used to say, “ Let angels help you. Let devih
help you.” And sometimes he would add, “And between ihr
two, may God keep you.”
You’re always into some intrigue... either with the angcT,
or with the devils! You need both, the two poles, the two
natures, the two tendencies, the plus and the minus. But whal
deals are you up to? Trafficking with the angels? That’s bad too,
you know. No good ever comes o f it! As for the devils, I won't
even talk about them - we’ve known about all that for a long
time! But “ between the two, may God keep you” means theiv
really is an axis toward which I should learn to Orient myself.

Excerpt from a group exchange on the theme, “How do I understand

myself?” - Reims, October 18,1962.

128
 ItI ( 1H1V I N G A F R E S H I M P R E S S I O N OF ONESl-.I.F

\n.l whal is God for me today? It is surely the intelli

.............I .m attitude that will gradually talce hold and find an
■ •|h1111)i ium among the various tendencies that characteri/.e
im* I don’t need to like them or hate them or judge them. I
lim .1 1.1 kr them into account. They are there. They are whal I
.........ade of. What’s the good o f arguing, debating, or getting
!i|'.i i 11 's useless!
I enter into this game - the great cosmic game that,
\ i.......I knowing it, I already am - or eise I don’t enter into
n h l her this game, like some kind o f immense machine,
........ me up and transforms me into another substance,
"i ihr opposite happens, and ‘ 1’ appear. For my part, I see
-i" diei native. Do you understand? W ithout the appear-
iiiii e o fth at T , there is no search. The middle way, the fine
lim- . . O f course, we are incapable o f holding to it, but
di.ii e. die guiding principle that I must learn to recog-
iil/.r. I must always be close to that attitude, and not let
iiiv.elf be influenced by the highs and the lows - all these
diverse movements, these very complicated spiralling
iiiovements that you will come to see, and which even fol-
I<iw an extraordinary pattern.
I have seen a time-lapse photograph o f the astronomical
movement o f certain stars. It is the same pattern, the same
ipir.il form. The stars do not move as one might think. They
11 .He a very complex kind o f movement. If I am able to see, I
diseover that exactly the same movement is inside us.
What’s interesting is to be able to be true to that line. At
dir inoment, I am true to nothing at all! You must demand
.i certain attitude o f yourself, now. It’s urgent. I have to learn
.i new approach, an approach I am unfamiliar with. That’s
why we are asking this question now: ‘How do I understand
myself?’

129
 I AI I '1 A N I » I x< i i a n <; i ; s

Mir. i not .m InlMlectual qucstion. It is a very dil’lii ull

»Hi« .ln»ii, luil ils very dilficulty helps to Support an efforl lli.il
is new and hard to learn. And if we don’t live this efforl, om
work will come to a halt.

Questioner: While doing a task, I feit completely at sea. I feil I

was actually touching an extreme fragility that seems wholl)
related to the way I consider and to my way o f throwing m\
weight around like a little soldier. I never imagined it would
come to this!

Michel Conge: This really is what I must go toward: to tnih

see the man I always present, this man with whom I am iden
tified, and who I imagine I am. I cannot discover whal in
reality I am, if I do not see that. I have to see that again and
again!
You have suddenly touched upon the deep meaning oi
the question we have been asking ourselves, at least a part o!
that question. Now I must come closer. Here is the structure,
here is the Organization! I am beginning to understand.
I am not able to see what sort o f character traits, or cos
tumes, 1 present to the world. I can only see this if, at that
very moment, I am already a different man. And the fact thal
you were able to see it as you did means that, without realiz
ing it, you were for a moment another being. The experience
was too great! You were not able to take it all in. And then one
is so struck by the fact that the man 1 believed I was has beeil
exposed, unmasked. It is so astounding that I don’t have time
to grasp it. I was already someone eise! And that is why you
didn’t fall apart.
The risk would be that I give way to sentimentality
because o f what I discover. It’s already an old corpse! Don’t

130
 Kl C I IVINC t A F R E S H I M P R E S S I O N OF O N E S E L F

lu li! < 11ic soul that frees itself from the body only after the
l""l\ li.is hegun to rot. Don’t despise it, but don’t let yourself
|k liil eil in by it again. Try saying, ‘I am already an “other”.’ I
•lidn'i I now it, but it’s true! It is impossible to truly see one-
• Mllirough the old means, the ordinary means. It’s not pos-
iM.,l A n d there is something surprising in that: the perfect
. imniill.ige; it takes another being to see it.
I ri's lake a completely ordinary image as an example.
imii m'c certain personality traits in someone eise. That per-
mimlocsn’t see them. You see them because you are someone
• I ■' Similarly, in myself and in relation to myself, I must be
>>ili. i This can be confirmed: if traits show up in me, it is
I" • .mse i am other’. It’s really incredible, don’t you think?
I ><>n’t let yourself bewon overbyany sentimental niceties
i I h i i i I your old skin!

Learn to have thisfresh Impression o f yourself.

You are another.

131
 I Exist, I Am, I Have Always Been

An impression o f oneself is an organic phenomenon tlial r

not at all intellectual. How is it that at one moment I don'l
vibrate and at another, I do? How is it that I receive or do nol
receive a current o f energy, allow it to feed me or not to lir.l
me? How do I sing with it, or resonate with it like a musii ,il
instrument?
Life keeps hitting us, producing only a dull sound. Yd,
suddenly, there is a pure, crystalline sound. How does th.il
come about?
You see... our life doesn’t change. Every day the same thing
- day in, day out, we receive the same impressions! But it can
happen that one day, bombarded by these same impressions,
I have the feeling that my life is brand new, fascinating, rieh.
What makes this possible? That is what I need to recognize.
There is one extremely simple thing: it doesn’t even enter
my mind that I exist... and it never occurs to me to stop and
be attentive to this. By the way, I’m not even sure that you are
hearing what I’m saying right now ....
Y o u a r e , but you never stop at that point, because a reac
tion is inevitably triggered, and that immediately disturbs

Excerpt from a group exchange - Paris, June 23,1971.

132
 I EX IST , I A M , I H A V E Al.WAYS HE EN

ti,. |*1 ilphery. I don’t understand that it’s not the events ol
mm lil* ilut are o f interest. What is important is that i a m . i
i i \' i \i w a y s b e e n . This impression is what’s missing, the
il> ii Impression that i a m . That would change everything
Mi mm lile.
Ii l.ikes daring. I dare to try letting myself be convinced
lllll I I KIST.
I he moment I dare, the impressions I receive ffom life
i li.mpe as well: they penetrate. But first, I must have the cour-
.i|i,. ln say i a m . We treat self-remembering as if it were an
m . ii i\c. It is not an exercise! Riding a bicycle is an exercise;

mi ll irmembering is not an exercise.

I he problem is staggering. We can’t imagine what simple
in l would make everything we do - sitting quietly, having
i i'ihhI meal, going on a trip - exactly the same. Today, this
Important something is not to be found in church, at meals,
oi even in our daily sitting exercise.
II is a terrible thing to feel that this is actually very close,
vi i y simple, and yet it’s far away, so very far away.
I in we agree on the principle, at least? You are seated, you
l-. l up... . Whatever effort you make, what you are looking
loi is always there. Do we accept this principle?
I low to search, starting from there? Do you have the
• om age to endure this: at every S t e p , to live only the essential
thing?

133
 The Essence o f the Question

What is the world? What is this world in which we live? It’s .in
inquiry, a perennial question. One is tempted to say, it is IIn
question God asks Himself; it is His way o f thinking.
This w orld... I am in it and I am asleep! But I bear wilhin
me the possibility o f awakening to the question itself. I am
born o f this question and I am part o f it. To the extent thal
I open myself to this question, I come closer to primordi.il
Thought - call it divine, if you wish. But if I abandon t h e
fruits o f this effort to my intellect, I move away from a pos
sibility, and I become once again a series o f phenomena, .1
succession o f events. There is a possibility o f return in finally
realizing that I am part o f this inquiry, that I am part o f this
great question.
We must learn not to keep falling back into our ordinary
way - which is our downfall - our way o f receiving the ques
tion with the intellect. There is a great risk in that. Is your
intellect that important? Do you want to give it that much
room? There is hope as long as the question continues to be,
and always remains, a question. But take care that it does not

Excerpt from a group exchange on the theme, “ How do I understand

myself?” - Reims, November 20,1962, and February 5,1963.

134
 T H E E S S E N C E OF T H E Q U E S T I O N

tu ...... debased. That is the only possibility - to make sure

ili ii lln question does not become debased. In moments of
. 'l nur, liiere is no debasement. As soon as I stop being
V11<1111111, the law o f mechanicality takes over, and one thing
(I.IIown .mother in a downward succession.
Von don’t realize that every time you are able to be open
i" lln question within you, it is as if you were learning to
m i h i , with that which is the Cause o f all causes. There is no

■ hIi.-i possibility.

io ii. an try at certain moments to return to this echo: ‘I know

ili. i. in .1 question, that. it has no answer, that it is extremely

impoi tant, and that, depending on my attitude, it will reso-

ii.ii. more or less powerfully.’
Vou know very well, having already been through this
p.iience, that it won’t take long for the Vibration o f the
.|ii. Niion to disappear - which is the worst thing that can
I. ippen! The question must remain, but it cannot be kept
ulilitially. In order for the question to remain, it must be
iiuly acknowledged, welcomed. At certain moments, try to
•i<I nowledge the question without limiting it, without defin-
ni|; il, because that would be the same as wanting to explain
ii Try not to remain outside the question. Try to acknow-
l. dge it, not as a form but as a resonance. That will help you
lo bc present.
When you feel a presence that is suddenly very strong,
lh.it presence is not you; and you do not understand that
tlu* doubt that appears is what you must be open to. At that
i Moment I must open to a feeling o f not understanding. That
r. definitely one o f the most pressing and most difficult o f

135
 IAI KS ANI>I.XCIIANGES

i ei 1 1 1 1 i i ‘11u' ii Is. A l m i p l l y , I find myself in a real predicam< nl,

.1 Situation that is completely genuine but doesn’t lil Willi
what I have learned or thought I understood. I see thal all
the ideas I have stored up are of no help. I have beeil l> li
abandoned in a tragic Situation.

There are forces. I have no doubt about that. And the re h

manifestation, that is clear. But in the midst o f it all, I l< cl
that I do not understand. I feel an absence, a lack o f undn
Standing, an emptiness. This doesn’t correspond to any ol
my prim ary information. You were ready for anything, bul
not th is... and you are completely thrown! Like any one ol
us, you don’t enjoy being thrown. You must remain in fronl
o f this feeling o f doubt, o f not understanding, and you mir.i
know how to return to it and experience it sufficiently.
That’s where you’ll find the essence o f your question; and
that is what you must return to, the very essence o f the qurs
tion. Return to that without hoping, and without wishing il
would become clear or become resolved. It’s true that il is
extremely difficult to return to a Situation that throws me.
It is extremely uncomfortable to find myself in a Situation
where I do not understand, where I do not understand at all
what effort I must try. I no longer even understand the mean
ing o f effort; or, more precisely, everything I have understood
about effort is completely inadequate. If an effort is involved,
it is no longer the same effort, and I don’t know what thal
effort is. I can even live the moment when I don’t know whal
that effort is. I can find myself at the place where there is a
real lack o f understanding. At that very moment, I am real ly
living my Situation. And I absolutely need that experience.

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 T H E E S S E N C E O F T H E Q U E ST IO N

Il >>uly we could stay in this place, we woulcl see that mir

|Mi»I•l*-m<. are not at all as we imagined them. In a way, they
m mm li simpler.
I ■ lon’l recognize myself in this feeling o f not understand-
1111> m lliis feeling o f myself. I do not understand that this
1 iln '.Irongest moment o f i a m . That ‘something’, which
»* • "i'ni/cs not-understanding without turning away, is not
hm | m rsonality, which always wants to understand, and

• |Tim everything. That ‘something’ is really the essence of

111\ •'*!I. Why does it hurt so much? Because it touches the
...... l 1111 iinate part o f my being. Why is it almost unbearable?
Wli> does it resonate as a question, a question that needs no
...... Iv' The words ‘why’ or ‘who’ are enough!
l liis is the moment I am closest to myself. I must become
rtvvtire ofthat. What awaits me there is the greatest joy, through
i!" i'iin o f not understanding. It is ‘I’, it is ‘I’ who am here,
" m.illcr than a child, more destitute, poörer than anything in
11im vvorld, given over to the functions, at the mercy o f cur-
•• Ml’- o f energy, at the mercy o f everything! If I could glimpse
11• 11 lor an instant, what strength o f feeling would arise ...
li nly like a moment o f joy, o f gratitude! It is ‘nothing’, and it
i . extraordinary!
This is the moment that I must come to experience. I
iiii lormented, I struggle, I try to be conscientious. This is
'II necessary; otherwise I cannot pass through the different
■i.iges that bring me every day to a moment when there is
■in Iden ly a kind o f Stripping away. This is still not enough,
hui I cannot do more; I cannot hope for more. This sort of
n.ikedness is already so painful that I now find myself almost
hlc a child being born.
II is ‘ I’ who does not understand, and there’s nothing dis-
hearlening in that! It is not at all disheartening, because it is

137
 I A I K S A N D l'.XC I I A N G E S

I I .im compkiely fooled by my subjectivity, which w.ml

Io cxplain cverything. No! I don’t understand. But the l.n i
o f being ‘I’ - even if it’s so little, so fragile, so unformed c.
so much stronger and greater than the whole accumulalinn
o f my learning, tricks, and opinions that make their cl.iim
over and over again! Suddenly I am here, at the juncture nl
worlds. And I see clearly that if my power o f attention is nol
present at the same time - because this is where the fom
o f attention is, this reality o f attention - if it is not turne«I
toward heaven, toward a force that is not o f this world, and
simultaneously toward the movements that place mc in the.
world, then once again I dissolve, I disappear.
It is only to the extent that I am turned both toward tln
higher and the lower, understanding that it is T who am Ihm<•
... only at that particular moment can I accept everything,
bear everything. The joy that floods through me whcn I
begin to touch this is so great that I then realize I have nevci
paid anything. And at that moment, the discipline and effoi i
I demand o f myself will no longer be the same discipline 01
the same effort. They will be much more willing, much more
loving, much more intentional. I will understand why, and Idi
a brief moment I will be in agreement. Then earthly magii
will come into play once more, and I will be taken again. But
what does that matter!
The important thing is to know how to recognize what is
here. And that is what I lack. The effort is not what one think.s
it is! The effort is to be present!
But what could that really mean, ‘to be present’? Who,
then, would be present? I have a fantasy about myself, and
suddenly reality appears to me through a veil; in an instant,
everything changes. This feeling o f poverty, o f nakedness
- how magnificent!

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 T H E E S S E N C E O F T H E Q U E ST IO N

l will never reach essence if my personality is not put in

iloiibl, hvery time an inner doubt - a doubt about what I
In llrve, about what I deeply feel - every time such a doubt
T l" h clears a path. We doubt all day long, but that is not
•In doubt that is meant. I need to doubt what I never doubl,
<n oider Io be able to believe in what I have never believed
in II I could really suffer for my Seif... . But I have never
i' illy suffered for my Seif. I have suffered in different ways,
l"il io suffer for ‘I’, that would open the door to remorse o f
..... . ience.
We do not know what ‘remorse o f conscience’ is! We have
m vei spoken about it. We cannot speak about it. We don’t
li.ive lhe slightest idea what it is! Maybe this new suffering
11 wc could bear it, welcome it - would open the way for us.
w h.ilever can bring us closer to that, we must welcome with
u '»pect, with gratitude. But we always run away!
Whenever we feel this way, that moment is an invitation
i" <|iiestion ourselves. How to work? How to begin again?
I low Io be toward it? This is much more vivifying than all
ihr oiher suggestions that come from our emotionality or
lioin our intellect. It ploughs deeper into you, it churns you;
ii e.iis into you!
()ne would like to find a quick solution, but if the earth is
uoi ploughed, there will be no harvest. It is not a question o f
■i single pass o f the plough. One pass is nothing. The ground
iiiusl be deeply tilled!

139
 The Role o f Attention in Seif-Liberation

I don’t plan to give a formal lecture, but rather to look closrly

at certain ideas belonging to what we call ‘our work’. So I
will be speaking especially for those who have been seai\ li
ing for several years, or at least for several months, and wlx •,
having become familiär with the basic ideas o f this teachiii}-,,
feel their truth.
If I speak about truth or liberation, it is clear that the ide.i
o f liberation will make no sense to anyone who does not srr
his Situation and who thinks he is free, conscious, has will,
and can do whatever he wants in life.
Only someone to whom life has shown his state o f depen
dence, and who has understood that things are done through
him - that he himself doesn’t ‘do’ - can really wish to become
free and attain consciousness.
This teaching includes ideas that are quite unpleasant to
hear; for example, that we are mechanical. This is a bitter pill
for our self-love, even though it is true. On the other hand, il
is relatively easy to accept the following ideas.
It is said that a man’s being may be compared to a housc
with four storeys, but that man occupies only the basemen t,

A talk given by Michel Conge - Santiago, Chile, August 6,1966.

140
 T H E H O LE OF A T T E N T IO N IN S E L F -I.I H ERATIO N

.1 iliiilv place where he is kept prisoner, while liiere are very

•mp"i laut things on the other levels. At first one might tliink
lli' ie is something depressing in this idea. However, il I am
i illmg to look at my life and all the failures I have experi
........I, I can easily recognize that my living this way explains
ni.iiiy lliings, and in the end, offers great hope. For I realize
• I. il ly Ihat, if this picture is accurate and if I could occupy all
iIn levels o f my being, things could change. Similarly, when I
.mi iold ‘I am not what I am,’ there is in this an invitation to
lioleness that gives me courage.
My wish this evening is that we might come to feel that a
l'i iudcr vision o f human nature is needed in Order to begin
i• al work on oneself. If we. speak o f liberation, questions
1 1 arise as to the ‘why’ o f my slavery and the ‘how’ o f my
liberation.
To lielp us come to this broader vision, all teachings offer
llie idea o f a ‘ladder’ or ‘scale’; but it is not always easy to
dis. ern this in ancient texts, because they are difficult to pen-
■ leite, sometimes incomplete or distorted, and, above all,
miMiited to modern man and therefore offen unacceptable
Io bim.
The Constitution o f human beings is not flat, but con-
•i-.ls o f various levels or storeys. Man does not correspond to
jnsl one level o f the universe, but to many. To make this idea
' len rer, it is sometimes said in this teaching that a complete
nun, a fully developed, real human being - whom we call
in.m number seven - has his head at the level o f the stars and
Ins feet on the earth. This suggests not only a Symbol but an
■ii in.il ladder, indicating a direct, but also steep, path (see the
diagram on page 5).
We need to understand that the two natures o f man are
insci ibed upon this ladder: on the upper part o f the ladder

141
 TALKS AND EXCH ANGES

is the higher nature; on the lower part, the ordinäry

through which we manifest all the time and in whii h iln
centre o f gravity o f onr whole existence is found. Unh . \ •
are aware o f this twofold Constitution and o f the recipm, d
positioning o f the two natures on the vertical scale, w n .m
not possibly understand the difficulties o f our existence .111>I
why we are alive.
Between these two natures, positioned in this way, Ihei •
is an unbridgeable gap that we may call an ‘interval’, a Inm
corresponding to a cosmic vision o f things.
Many ancient texts speak o f this interval. In the Old ’l0,1,1
ment, for example, the struggle between Jacob and the A11 jo I
takes place in the very middle o f a stream, at a ford, and 11
would be hard to understand why it is described thal w,i\
unless we realized that a simple picture is being used to briiiy
out the idea o f a struggle and a particular difficulty whciv an
interval occurs. It is striking to note with what carefui pro 1
sion all the elements o f the story are set out.

On the higher bank, the elder brother.

On the lower bank, the younger brother,
who, with his whole family, his herds, and his
wealth, is approaching in fear.
And then the struggle, in which a new force
- a third force - appears in the form o f an
Angel/

We can also find other examples in the Old Testamen!:

the Crossing o f the Red Sea, and the fact that certain powci \
can never pass over to the other side.

* Greek: aggelos, oryyeAoi;, a messenger [of God], The Bible, Genesis, 32.

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 I III R O L E OF A T T E N T IO N IN S E I T - I .l B ER A T IO N

1 "ii .. iousness and Will belongto the higher nature; tlicy

.m |iir existing realities. All the illusory manifestalions
b|ug, Imagination, and our entirely mechanical way of life
l" I. mg lo the lower nature, which receives only weak rays
ul . i h n iousness filtered across the interval.
i !i< idea that the sonrce o f life resides in the deeper
"i higher - nature is found in the Gospels. It is found,
Im . sample, in the parable o f Christ at the well, where the
'..... . ihm woman comes to draw water. ‘Interval’, ‘ford’,
» .11 diese are all symbolic images to make us understand
ih ii living water’ must be sought beyond the place where
. . tiMially go.
In prcparing this talk, 1 recalled a Zen story from ancient
1 hm.i, which is worth telling because it is so simple and

A disciple came to his master with the fol-

lowing question: “Would you be so kind as to
explain human nature to me?” Without saying
a word, the master pointed to an earthworm
l hat he had just cut in two while digging in
a corner o f the garden. The two pieces o f the
worm were trying in vain to reunite.

This is exactly our dilemma: how to enable the two

iui ii res that constitute our being to reunite.
In order to achieve this, we absolutely need the know-
lulge o f those who, through the ages, have become con-
.. i o u s and, having attained this union, seek to transmit
lim knowledge. This is a knowledge that does not belong
ln die level o f ordinary life and cannot be acquired in
u n iversities.

143
 T A L K S AND EXCH A N G ES

This knowledge teils us that the higher nature sivl in

unile with the lower nature; but that, because o f this unbi i<l}>i
able interval, this higher nature cannot be further incamai. i
into our present form as we are now. It also teils us tli.ii ih
lower nature seeks to unite with the higher nature, Im! p h
lost in blind attempts that pull it away from the centiv An.l
this knowledge would also allow us to speak o f the call th.il >
sometimes perceive echoing deep inside ourselves, and also ol
the inextinguishable - but never sufficiently clear - aim Ih n
everyone carries within.
These two natures fail to unite because between tliein i
connecting element o f a certain quality or o f an intermedial \
vitality is missing. In fact, the qualitative difference belween
these two natures o f which we are constituted is so dispropni
tionate that they cannot be joined.
When a person reaches this point, if he doesn’t recein
the help o f objective knowledge - and all the practical and
theoretical data offered by a teaching that has remainrd
intact and is adapted to his own culture - he is lost. In ordei
to overcome this difficulty, one needs access to what miglil
be called ‘sacred Science’, the Science that lives through Hob
Scripture but which people nowadays no longer know how
to interpret. We must desire this ‘science o f being’. We nuisl
ask for it, know how to ask for it, and keep on asking foi ii
from those who embody it.
Left to his own devices, a man tries to solve the enigma
either with his intellect or with his feeling. But even if he
calls upon his most intelligent form o f thought, he cannol
hope to attain this union, because his thinking can only
use, but not invent, data; at each Step o f the way man has
to receive pre-existing knowledge that transcends him.
Or, he may call upon his feelings; but without the aid ol

144
I I III RO L E OF A T T E N T I O N IN S E L F - L I B E R A T I O N

1111111111■itcd thinking, feeling alone cannot lead to union.

F 1*1 •w im 1, if he thinks he can find the key to the problem in
»I m hndy, in instinct, he will fail.

I lu Iiiik lionsarerem arkableinstrum ents,buttheirroleisto

| Mi he Service o f something greater. The secret resides in an
. niiiely different quality. It resides in attention, in this living
• m l f . i . n i c e so poorly and so little understood, even though

• !• h ul iis has access to it. The fundamental idea is:

I am attention.
Where attention is, there am I.
II the attention is weak, I am weak.
II the attention is mechanical, I am mechanical.
If it is free, I am free.

( )f course, one could just as well say, ‘I am consciousness’;

l >111 l his is not true for us today. It will only be true when the
iw i natures have at last united. Then consciousness will live
in my entire being, and I will know that I am consciousness
nid that consciousness is T .
So we must come back to attention and understand that,
in .1 as I am a being divided in two, attention in me is also
•Iiv ul cd in two. There is a higher, hidden, inaccessible attention
uviT which I have no more power than I do over conscious-
liess. It is therefore useless to try anything whatsoever in rela-
iion to this attention, which is free, pure, unengaged, one.
Ihit there is an attention that corresponds to my lower
nalure. This attention is ‘fallen’; it has become fragmented,
has split into divergent currents. I can know this attention

145
 TAI KS A N D ß X C H A N G E S

miich heiter than I knowittoday. I can recognize mysell in n

and thanks to it, come back to m yself- remember mysell.
Attention enters into my functions, which are the clian
nels it must take. And now I begin to understand wliy il i
said that self-knowledge is, or begins with, knowledge ol lIn
machine. This body-mind machine has been given to me .<»
that I can try to recognize myself as attention, and so llini,
at this level o f ordinary life, three unconnected currenls "l
attention can come together.
I must further understand that in this lower nature e.n li
current o f attention can appear in different degrees o f inten
sity. I need to learn that attention can show itself to have \
completely unstable, vagrant character.
In my intellectual functioning, for example, attention lei
itself be swept along by everything that attracts it: eithei In
residual inner movements - words, images, memories - or by
currents o f energy coming from the events I am caughl up
in. Anything can take hold o f my attention as it pleases. I g<.
out into the Street, and the störe Windows, the passers-by, l In
sounds... everything constantly catches this attention, whicli
has no roots, and carries it away. Look. You go out and wall
down the Street with the intention o f thinking about youi
own concerns. A dog barks at you and takes all your atten
tion. This dog is stronger than you. So much for the streng! li
o f this man who thought he was conscious, thought he was
master o f his own thinking, his own will. And what takes
place in the intellect takes place in the emotional and moving
functions as well.
However, when a problem or a great difficulty crops
up, my attention can be concentrated; its quality changes,
it acquires more force. Sustained by an element o f desire 01
interest, it no longer wanders. It has become captive ... or

146
 N I E R O L E OF A T T E N T I O N IN S E I T - U li U R A T I O N

. 111*tiv.iteil. Contrary to what we believe, il (hon has no fivo

>!• 1111; and if I remember that I am my attention, I pcrccivc
lln i slont o f my illusion. I think I am intentionally concon
N 11111jon a problem, when in fact the problem is absorbing
........ holds me in its grip: an especially strong impulse has
m hIr off with my attention.
Thoro is, however, a very different kind o f attention, an
iii' iilion that is really more conscious, more intentional,
'•nmoiimes, on very rare occasions, we discover the taste of
ii II this occurs in my thought, I see that my thinking has
.........no clear. And if it occurs in my feeling, I perceive a feel-
i111• oompletely free from my habitual emotions. As for my
hudy, I can also experience what is happening at its level in
i new way.
What is important is to learn that each o f these degrees or
i|ii.ili! ies o f attention corresponds to one o f the three levels of
my i ont res. For each centre consists o f three levels, one above
IIh olher: a moving or mechanical level, an emotional level,
mul the highest, an intellectual level.
And knowledge o f the correspondence between each specific
in io o f attention and each o f these levels is a very great secret.
II I loarn to recognize this and experience it, the path toward
nnion or reunification of the attention becomes apparent.
lUit I have to understand that these three paths must be
■ \perienced simultaneously. In order to practise, it is good
Im me to work sometimes on one function and some-
limes on another. However, on the level o f my ordinary
mitnre, the return to a unified attention is possible only
when the three essential centres o f my lower nature unite
.it Iheir highest level. Only then does attention acquire a
nrw c haracter: it becomes truly voluntary attention, con-
m ious attention. I am not saying ‘consciousness’ and I am

147
 TALKS AND EXCHANGES

iiol saying ‘w ill’, but this conscious or voluntary chai .i< !• i

helps me understand that there is now something in iln
regenerated attention that can correspond to the pmj»« i
ties o f the higher nature.
Yet, union is still not possible.
Nevertheless, I go on living my life and I understand lli.il
through all these efforts, at the level o f each function and
a result o f the work o f disengagement, my attention acq u ii ■■i
properties that were lacking before. And I understand bodi
the reason for my birth in this physical body and the me.in
ing o f the struggle to return to the source.
On the level o f the intellectual centre, the attention
acquires a power o f vision which is like a light that keep-.
everything in its field o f illumination. On the level of tIn
emotional centre, the attention acquires a warmth that was
lacking until then, and thanks to which the struggle can I><
sustained for a time without weakening. On the level o f the
body, the attention is supported by a new phenomenon,
which takes many years to get to know well: a Sensation ol
oneself, a Sensation that is neither pleasant nor unpleasant.
By this vision, by this feeling, by this Sensation, I know
that I am here, present. These are the precursory signs ol
Consciousness and Will.

But this is still not enough. Even though, thanks to Sensation,

the attention benefits from a solid Support that prevents il
from wandering, and even though, thanks to the new feeling
and clarity o f vision, the attention can escape from whatevei
is trying to captivate it, to hypnotize it, nevertheless it is still
not free and it constantly becomes fragmented. To attain an

148
 I in: R O L E O F A T T E N T I O N IN S E L F - L I B E R A T IO N

min l\' different quality o f attention, I need to know and

• -1 i n iicc other forms o f Support. And these I will discover
ln 111\ i elationship to conscious impressions o f myself. And
i i' .»lly inean conscious, intentional impressions o f myself,
Impuvssions o f what lives in mybeing, impressions o f what is.
i m i .iw.ire o f impressions. I receive them all the time - unin-
i' ii ium. il , mechanical impressions to which I am subjected
by my surroundings. Every thing, each person I look at, the
i' n»|»« i ature o f this room, the food I e a t - all this gives rise to
iinpn -ssions. But if it is true that these impressions enable me
Im-, and if it is true that I would die instantly if I stopped
i - i ivmg them, it is also true that these impressions slowly
•I* .11oy me. They capture my force o f attention by pulling
ii" mlo reaction.

Wlial does ‘conscious, intentional impressions o f m yself’

Ille.in?
Ii is first of all the impression o f myself-receiving-impres-
nmhin mechanically-ffom-life, the impact o f the life that sur-
11 »iinds me and in which I am immersed. I must strive to experi-
11 icc this impression of myself- receiving-stimuli-from-existence.
I Irre my attention finds a Support so as not to get lost.
Beyond that, I need to discover deep impressions, even
dceper impressions o f my being. Not yet the direct and real
impressions o f my higher nature, but rather, impressions of
11ic liighest part o f the lower centres.
And finally, a third kind o f impression: the simultaneous
impression ofmyself-knowing-the-impression-of-this-deep-
IiIc, and o f myself-receiving-the-impressions-mechanically-
Irom-life.

149
 TALKS AND EXCH ANGES

This illuminates the well-known concept from the lilmyi >

vad Gita: “ The field [of action], the knower o f the fieltl. .m.l
the one who knows at the same time the field and the know. i
o f the field.” It is exactly the same thing.

We must keep these comments brief, but a great deal moir

could be said on the subject o f attention. Take for examplr,
the idea o f reversing the active and the passive. The lovvc.i
level o f each centre should be passive and, in relation io it
the level above it should be active. This would be normal. Ihn
in my habitual way o f living, precisely the opposite occu i \
Let’s look again at the idea o f two natures. The higln i
nature should be active, holding authority, and the lowri
should be passive, ready to serve. In fact, the higher natuir
remains passive and the lower nature, agitated, usurps llx
active sign. This anomaly arises from the Separation o f tli«
two natures and the absence o f any relationship betwivn
them. There is nothing between the two to reconcile them.
The same thing happens in each o f my centres. I c.m
understand this when I try to free my attention and il
becomes active - when real T becomes active - in relation Io
a mechanism that then becomes passive. At each Step o f the
way, I experience the action o f these changes in polarity.
Finally, when the highest level o f the centres becomes
active, a great event is in preparation: this whole nature, now
unified and ordered, can begin to serve the higher nature. Il
has become passive in relation to the higher nature.
To the extent that I free myself from the tyrannical hold ol
the functions, and as my attention, charged with new powers,
climbs the ‘ladder’ o f the centres and becomes concentrated,

150
 I H K ROLF. OF A T T E N T I O N IN SKI I I llll'RATION

I i I|m nver that a new Organization is gradually lakinj', \hapt

Ihr. new Organization is imbued will) qualilies ol 111«*u)•,111.
h i'lmg, and Sensation that I did not know bcloiv. Il is also lln
l'irliule lo the formation o f a new body, a spiritual body in
i> lalion to my present physical body. This new body lorni
hip,, eondensing, and organizing itself - is the previously
niissing intermediary element that is capable o f uniting ihe
111r 11•'i and the lower natures.
I rom that moment, one can speak o f vigilance, which is
i ■ ap.u ity to live an effort in such a way that the polarities no
luii|'ci reverse, and the joining truly occurs.
Now I must try to live, carrying all this in the intimacy of
111\- lieart, protecting it against anything that might destroy it.

To awaken, to die, to be born.

151
 Attention - The Need o f Our Being

I need to know the direction; and knowing the direction i-. i• •

recognize my need. My need is to know i a m . And i a m is i• •
know I A M A T T E N T I O N .
If I can continuously evoke what otherwise will die, .in«!
is in fact always d y in g .... If I can evoke that in myself, I will
know my direction, and will understand what cannot mi*.
lead me, and what, some day, despite all o f life’s provocation*..
I will no longer be able to forget.
Do not think o f attention as a device, something you tan
manipulate, something you can take or leave. Everything lli.il
is alive in me has the possibility o f experiencing, to different
degrees, that i a m a t t e n t i o n .
i a m a t t e n t i o n - it is i a m , it is the T . This T is my
need. But, I madly search only in an outward direction. Theic
is nothing wrong with searching outside; but it is absurd Io
search only outside. In reality, what I am searching for outside
is what I should be searching for inside myself, at the samt-
time as I am active in my life. This* is something altogethei
different! This will not negate expression and manifestation;
rather, it will give them their true character.

Excerpt from a group exchange - Reims, February 19,1962.

152
 A T T E N T I O N - T H E N E E D OE O U K III IN«,

In Io understand clearly. Get rid ol all yom llieoi i <a nd

'ii "in ways o f going about your work. Hach one ol ihr loi
....I.ilions I haveused is much more direct! Act as if you kncw
ni.111111 j . It’s true that I have not worked, I have nol um In
...... I. and, when it comes down to it, that’s where we all am
i a m a t t e n t i o n . You engage in a task,you are in move
..... . or perhaps, in the course o f a busy day, you take .1
.... ment for self-observation: 1 a m a t t e n t i o n . The acts
11it in-.elves are not essential. What is essential is the spirit that
Iiii’i'a", ihrough all things. 1 don’t know how eise to put it for
.■ ol 11 's such a natural movement!
1 a m a t t e n t i o n . Suddenly,i a m resonatesverystrongly.
l 1111 even surprised. 1 a m ! I do not let myself be carried away
In a dangerous need to know more. This need will be my
imdoing. Instead, I put all my trust in a note that vibrates
iimcr clearly and m orefully:i a m a t t e n t i o n . Then, every-
1luii)’, I thought I understood, with my intellect, for example
rvn ything that would have taken me off course - I will
know directly. Each time 1 return to this act, I will know these
iliings better, and I will know simply and straightforwardly
111.11 l h is is my need. It is the need o f all the levels o f my being,
Imm the deepest to the most superficial.
The need o f my being - it’s almost a play on words - is
Im inj-,. Not being here or there ... simply being, in an all­
en compassing way. Attention is like a thread that passes
ihnuigh all levels. And this thread is: 1 a m a t t e n t i o n .
1)o you need anything more? Look carefully! If we really
live this, everything finds its place: everything, absolutely
rvrrything! Everything takes on meaning and everything is
1rnewed. Life no longer has an ending. Life is no longer limited
by space or time. We cannot ask for anything more. Live it!

153
 Prayer

God the Holy, God the Mighty, God the Immortal.

God All. God Nothing.
Unimaginahle light. Unimaginable darknessA

The whole Universe is prayer.

That is, a call responding to a call.

Worlds call and respond to one another. This is the movc

ment o f influences, the music o f the spheres. This is the sei
ting for prayer.
There is therefore nothing, on any level whatever, tlui
does not pray. And man, too, prays. However, this idea h.r.
many surprises in störe for us. Everyone prays without know
ing it, even the atheist who denies it.

Notes entrusted to a few students.

t Translators’ note: Although the first line of this invocation was translalci I
from the Russian in the 1950 English edition of B e e lz e b u b ’s Tales as “Moly
God, Holy Firm, Holy Immortal” (p. 752), the present translation follows
Conge’s direct quotation from the French edition of B e e lz e b u b ’s Tales (p.
721).

154
 PRAYER

M.m in his heaviest moments o f sleep,

Man who goes about in walking sleep,
Man who tries to awaken and who begins to wish
Io pray,
Man who remembers himself,
Man who is conscious o f himself,
Man who is objectively conscious.

/ hnvever, real prayer is not o f this world.

w Ii.iI are the different kinds o f prayer? Wliat are the

ii |•«»i i .c-s to these prayers? The whole Universe is prayer. The
ii // . ' /«' (hiiverse is response to prayer.

Above, Light. Below, Darkness. Between the two is a

hiiinidary. Take any man: for him, the Light is inaccessible
ii r. consciousness, real intelligence. For the Light can-
....... Icscend below this boundary on its own. And this is
wh\ man has been created. A man must unite in himself
In . higher nature and his lower nature. If communication is
■ lahlished, the incarnation becomes the channel o f penetra-
lHui for the Light; it is not that the Light itself descends, but
ilial ils reflection is sent into the Darkness.
I or us, Darkness is sleep; Light is higher States o f conscious-
ii' w Thus, the States o f consciousness are ordered in levels on
• il her side o f the boundary, between Light and Darkness.
But the man o f this world below is only half a man, not
ii lomplcte being who has recognized his two natures and,
iInoiigli his conscious labour and intentional suffering, has
■ n.iblcd the two to unite.
Wliat will bring about communication between the two?
Sc// iTiiiembering and prayer.

155
 TALKS ANI) EXCHANGES

If the idea o f self-remembering awakens some echoes in im«,

the idea o f prayer is wholly enigmatic. Even in his slal« n|
unconscious sleep, man prays. This has a readily acc i .11d.
meaning and another, hidden, meaning. But between 1 1ic 1 v ..
there is no link.
The accessible meaning is terrifying, because it is 011 lli>
dark side and we need courage to see it.
Constantly, man asks and wants. This asking and lln
wanting correspond to his desires, his passions. Who is .il>|.
to descend into this witch’s cauldron o f our constantly .1j•,1
tated negative States? In the vague half-light o f our unslalT
thought, we believe we want happiness or higher thi 1ip,.,
but in this lower heart o f our negative States, our dcsiu
are being secretly distilled. And these desires go fori 11 .r.
messengers.
Hatred, jealousy, demands, grievances. Demands! Take .1
close look. These are the prayers o f Darkness that take sli.ipt
without our knowingit. They always receive a response, situ <
the Universe is response - response to every demand.
But these demands do not rise toward the Days o f Clc.u
Light. They make their way toward the lower worlds and
return to us charged with evils called unhappiness, wony,
sorrow, illness. The quality o f the effect responds to the quäl
ity o f the cause.
In this dark world o f our false personality, we always
want, we unconsciously demand; but it is the dark aspect of
the universe that responds. We see the responses, but we do
not understand that they are responses. Karma, yes karma
... the result o f the causes that I carry in myself. We see whal
happens to us without understanding that this is whal we

156
 P R A Y KR

Im • r.l cd for. Our unhappiness and our sul'lcring an* Ihe

.. ...... . Io our dark unconscious prayers.
1Mi we must be open to these causes. Hut we cannot be
H|u ii io iliem as long as we blame fate and the maliee ol
IItu i . I .im the cause o f my own misfortune; there is no
oiln i <ause.
I hinking that is based on seeing these causes is possible
iinh il I give up my idea o f justice, if I look at myself and
nl' , i vc wliat I am, which is the invariable starting point.
I wiyone seeks happiness, intellectually or emotionally.
Uni does everyone see his own witch’s cauldron o f negative
loIm., secret jealousies, deadly hate? And while you, naively
Il nl wilhout real force, ask for happiness, all your energy is
m ihr. cauldron. Day and night, our true demands rise up
111■111 il.
Io pray, then, is first o f all not to pray, but rather to see
11 n ',c urges to dominate, which are the cause o f what hap-
I•• ii-. io us. You hate your friends, you are jealous o f them,
uni you build on that. And from this arise incessant griev-
m. cs, demands, and calls for revenge.
The Universe answers you; your bile overflows and your
ciii is wrenched. Your squandering o f energy lands you in
im reasingly tragic situations. And the more I suffer, the more
I demand. That is the infernal circle. We build in the lower
cvorld, llie world where everything is upside down.
' I he Universe- in its full and complete R eality-is response
io every call. We don’t realize that, apparently without pray-
iii)',, we ceaselessly formulate requests. Now, these requests
.ilways receive a response. Therefore the Universe is capable
ol kuowing, without our help, the demands that arise in us.
I roni where do you receive? ‘Your being attracts your life.’

157
 TALKS AND EXCHANGES

If something awakens in us, our demands may arise Imin

somewhere eise and may, at least, not result in any bacld.r.li
However, Mr. Gurdjieff said o f such prayers, “ Only g<> lilh
centimetres up in air.”
Yet the call that continually comes to us, and which we i
rarely hear, can invite us to attempt real prayer.
Here we find all the usual forms o f prayer: petition, in in
cession, mechanical prayers o f the heart. They will rcm.un
empty, however, if the attention does not participate in the m
feebly at first, then more and more strongly. Everything will
depend on the quality o f vigilance, and then on our undei
Standing o f that transcendent act: self-remembering.
Attention is a property o f real being, which exists on dil
ferent levels. Vigilance is a state in which the attention is in
dynamic equilibrium everywhere. Then it is truly voluntary
attention, balanced and equally distributed.
Attention is an energy. Vigilance is an act that brings lliis
energy into play. Vigilance is the awakening o f a part o f me
that until now has been sleeping. It is a disposition o f bcinj-..
quite different from my usual disposition. Silence o f words
Attention o f the heart.
The vigilance o f clear thought. Vigilance constantly re
newed. It is an intelligence, a responsible attention. In the
simultaneous awareness o f two feelings o f myself, the created
knows the Creator. For essence has created me; in a sensc,
relatively, it represents God.
No prayer is higher than any other; but we can recogni/e
a state that is higher than others. When conscious, respon
sible, voluntary, and loving attention is present, we can dis
cover what prayer is. And this has nothing in common witli

158
 PRAYER

wI m ! is usually taught. What is taught arc approaches Io

l'i lycr.

I'i ayer is a pre-existing, unknown reality lo whii li I musl

Im.l .1 way o f opening myself. Prayer cannot como (Vom Ihr
P|io Thal gift, that capacity, belongs to a very special aspet l
ul oiic*'s being. Call it the higher emotional centre if you
Iilu . but know that this centre has always prayed without
in e i mption and that its ceaseless prayer is what keeps you
ilivr. To be in a state o f grace is to discover this, and to
i in iw the relationship between this living, loving reality
m.l what I call ‘me’.
That is where the ‘gift o f tears’ is to be found - in the
imde ist anding, the real knowledge o f my Situation as an
in. oinplete being. It is there that I know the irresistible desire
loi Union.

Yrt. the Kingdom can only be attained through force, that is,
1111 <iugh strenuous effort. But it is equally true that we cannot
Io ne (irace. There is in fact an abyss between the world of
higher States o f consciousness and our world.
I leroism begins here. Never doubt, never despair. Yes, I
I iiow that I can demand nothing, but I come back again and
again. I remember myself, because, for the moment, it is my
only way to pray. I mobilize my vigilance. And, for that, I see
ih.it all my wants need to be converted.
Repent. Change your way o f thinking and feeling.
I fall back, and each fall is an opportunity to climb back
up again with more energy. I give up my grievances. I forgive
ollicrs. I no longer want to waste my energy on such useless
lliings. 1 give up my desire for happiness. Little by little, I give

159
 TALKS AND EXCHANGES

up everything. Still, I am too burdened. Still, the doonv.u i

too narrow. So I give up even more. I give up all the de......
o f my ego.
But the questioning grows. The call grows. It shcul. dl
forms, all utterances, all emotions, everything, everylhiii|>
Every single thing is unneeded.
Soon, even words fall away. Nothing is left but a bl.ul< *>i
Steel, finer than a hair. Without knowing it, I pray. I no lonp.i i
ask for anything. And something is stripped bare to such m
extent that it finally comes into correspondence willi llih
world o f Light. For prayer is correspondence, accord, sinfoiiiii
And one day, for an instant, the threshold is crossed. I will
never be able to forget that. He who has seen the Light cv. n
once will search for it all his life, and no privation will s.vm
too great to him.

I find the hidden treasure just when I wasn’t expecting ii

when the door to the unknown opens. I find it beyond wlui
I call ‘me’, in a place where All is ‘I’ because there is no longri
any ‘me’. I discover that prayer has always existed in me. It live,
in my being. My being prays to these higher levels, and I c.e
ily understand the image o f choirs o f angels. For their idiom
is truly a song that uses no word o f our language, and that i%
what I am usually cut o ff from. This is what is meant when il
is said that our higher centres are in perfect working order.
The higher emotional centre prays; it has always praycd
and it prays unceasingly no matter what we do. But if we mv
not in touch with it, we cannot receive this extraordinary gili
The higher emotional centre sings like the angels, Io
whose level it corresponds. It is turned toward what i?.

160
 PRAYKR

(Ini\• .ind prays to what is higher than itself, and yel il - an

Im <miiU'cl with what is below, with that in us wliieli aspii. .
im i< ‘ . .iliiy. But for this to be accomplished, a long pcriod ol
. i . ix practice is needed, a constant effort o f attention, and
iIn . ryslallization o f a substance without which nothing i\
|n.. .ihlc, since it forms the body that is needed for this union.
I Im «ncounter with this overwhelming reality can bring us
in i, .ns, the very tears spoken o f by those who have gone
Imvond our meagre level o f self-remembering. I struggle,but
m long as my struggle does not conform, I will not be able to
In . ihis discovery.
No, prayer is not what we thought it was; and you under-
i . I now what the gift o f prayer means.
i i k

I h.' whole Universe is prayer. In the silence, I perceive this

. iv il'ying life that I keep forgetting. That’s what grace is.
Speaking of prayer in relation to the level o f conscious man
i ui Ihe saints o f the Church), Mr. Gurdjieff said, “Don’t bother
iiboul die saints, keep yourself always turned toward God.”
Contact with fine energy in ourselves - that is already
piayer. The penetration o f an unknown force - or grace
depends entirely on attitude. Total attention. I am a sub-
.1,1 nee. Let go o f the mind, o f memory, o f all my fears, o f
everything that is habitually ‘me’, so that all that remains is
fh.it Which Is.
My ‘seif’ must melt into my true nature.
ITeparing oneself to receive this unknown force - you
II iay call it God or That or That Wfiiich Is - is already a prayer.
11 is not a demand, or even an appeal, because that would still
be subjective. It is a state o f active transparency.

161
 TALKS AND EXCHANGES

Submission. Gratitude. Abandoning the trust thal I |uii

in my thought, my feeling, my attachment to the body, In
order to move toward silence, not for the sake o f silence il ■.< Il
but because in silence a question arises:

Who T ?

162
 Presence and Prayer

'•i iicc you agree that a particle o f divine energy animates you,
\•»ii can understand that a contact, a direct perception o f this
ii« iilaling energy, must be possible. You can also understand
lli.il the key to the mystery o f consciousness resides in this
i .ipacity o f perception, which is not a mental act but the
iw.ikening o f a dormant property.
liverything is here.
If this living and divine energy-substance were not in us,
llin e would be no sense in trying anything at all.
We are separated from ourselves, and also, o f course, from
<iod, only through our forgetting or our ignorance.
Kemembering oneself means recognizing oneself in a
ivdiscovered and eternally present energy, free o f all form.
This rediscovery must not be the result o f thought or
■ lesire alone; the proof must be brought by our whole mass,
in oider that the contact becomes in fact a fusion with no gap
llirough which doubt might still slip in.
II is only the Absolute whose reality we are incapable of
knowing or touching, but this is not a permanent Separation.

I \< crpt (Vom ii letter to one of Michel Conge’s students - September 25,
 TALKS AND EXCHANGES

Let us move on to speak o f prayer. Prayer is not a pcli

tion. It is another special aspect o f the contact with the divin«
spark that we can experience in ourselves. Without this um
tact, we consider ourselves to be a ‘tiny being’; as you say in
your letter, “ How can such a tiny being as m e... ?” T hals ,i
silly way o f looking at it. You are this Life that circulates. Io
acknowledge it with your m ass-w ithout words and withont
desire - that is prayer.

Know the kingdom and its justice and all eise

will be added unto you.*

Know the truth, and the truth will set you ffee.t

We need ask for nothing. It is illusion - the ego - wlih li

asks. To come back to myself as T - awakened to the miragc
o f the ‘person’, the name’, and the ‘form’ - is to be fulfilled.
I do not need to pray in Order to be; I need to recogni/e
that i a m - that’s what prayer is. And from this rediscovered
fact, Faith, Love, and Hope are born, very naturally and will)
out any subjective distortion.
That’s what destiny really is - rediscovering what 1 am
and, in fact, what I have never ceased to be: a spark that is
never extinguished, a spark which creates. ßut never forsakc
the spark - i a m - for the illusion o f the created form.
Those who pray without seeking to awaken to their real
ity will fall into an even greater confusion than if they had
asked for nothing.

* The Bible, Matthew, 6 :3 3 , “ But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his
righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
t The Bible, John, 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and ihe truth shall
make you free.”

164
R E M IN IS C E N C E S
 First Encounters with Mr. Gurdjieff

M i. (iurdjieff emphasized that man forgets himself by forget-

ling the seed that is within him, by turning his back on this
iv.ilily, the only reality there is. In so doing, he increases his
.iiHering, worsens his state, hastens his own ruin as well as
11i.it o f others, and adds to the Sorrow o f the Creator, for, in a
• ci tain way, the Creator is in man.
I’he only direction is to connect. Our role is to understand
tlu* laws that govern the Universe so as not to contravene them,
.11 ul so as to allow and assist transmutation... . Turn away
liom everything that dissipates; go toward what unites; turn
away from what dilutes; seek out what concentrates; turn away
11 o m whatever degrades energy.
Every being, at its own level, should form the bridge
between what is above it and what is below. We should try to
lind diese three levels in ourselves. Mr. Gurdjieff came to bear
wiIness - to remind, to announce, to connect, to prepare - to
do whatever was needed in order to make this link possible.

Ivcry (anuary 13th on the occasion of Mr. Gurdjieff’s birthday, Michel

<Auge would gather his students and teil them stories... . A version of
Mime of diese stories related by Michel Conge to his students has already
appeared in G u r d jie ff: E ssays a n d R eflec tio n s on th e M a n a n d H is T each in g,
Jacob Needleman and George Baker (eds.) (New York: Continuum, 1996).

169
 REMINISCENCES

Mr. Gurdjieff thus seems to me like a bridge between u»i

and the World. Can I call out to those who are on the olln i
side that, if we are left to our own devices, we are lost? TI 11
makes me realize that, while he really did have the role ol >i
bridge, through that role he prevented us from considn inj'
him as the goal, or confusing him with th e ‘Principle’. So ii
would be a mistake on our part to betray him by making .1
god out o f him. Lct us not make the teaching into a new ivli
gion with Gurdjieff on its banner. He seems much greatci
me for having known how to remain ‘the one who prepan ,
the way’ - equally indifferent to all praise and to all bla m e
I knew Mr. Gurdjieff, but do you think that, in the first yc.11,
I could easily have said he was like this or like that? I received .111
avalanche of shocks, not always unpleasant, and so much enei \\\
that I didn’t know what to do with it, but in those days 1 would
have had a hard time writing a book or telling anyone what l\ 11
Gurdjieff was like. Yet something was working away in me.
It’s interesting to see how he placed us in conditions ( h a t
turned us upside-down. And that was a good thing! How cm
we expect to get out o f the closed circuit we are in without bei 111 •
shaken up a little bit? Impossible!
His behaviour could be completely unpredictable, in
Order to get us moving, to deflect us from our mistaken view
o f ourselves, or to bring us back inside ourselves. That was
one o f his little secrets. With an economy o f means, he would
flip you over like a pancake, lead you to the right or to the Ich.
and then leave you stuck. You would realize that you had beeil
derailed and you would try to learn a lesson from it. When
ever that happened, it always produced a peculiar effect. You
would go to him in a certain mood and a quarter o f an hon 1
later you would find yourself in a different state altogether. 11
was rather stränge, and you always wondered how that could

170
 FIRST ENCOUNTERS WITH MR. (IURUJIEFI

have happened. After so many years, you swore ncver to get

■ ,night like that again, b u t ....
The truth is that man hasn’t the slightest idea that he is lash
.... . ilg the very canes with which he will be beaten. He ma inIa iiis
,i •.()i t o f illusion of himself that hc rcvcals all the time, and that
mcvitably makes hhn vulnerable. If I could be what I am, with
' »ui all these illusions, this junk, these bogus imitations, 1 would
I»■ mvulnerable.
When you found yourself face to face with him and were
•.onlewhat free o f your intellectual and emotional fantasizing, in
i late much closer to what one is in essence, then it didn’t mat-
i' i what he said. What’s more, at such moments - it was a test
he would lash out at you with terrible blows, stab you; but it
would have no effect whatever. I still have the memory o f him
Miying, “Ah! Ah!” Those moments were amazing. You knew that
the battle was over and that he was letting you rest because you
nreded to gather energy for the next encounter. And we loved
Imnat that moment. We were truly grateful.
11 often happened that I would find myself alone in a tete-ä-
ii'ie with him, for “good cup o f coffee and talk this and that”, as
he would say, even though I hadn’t come with any very precise
«|i icstion. So I would say to myself, ‘I mustn’t let such a moment
Iip by.’ I would hunt around in myself for some question or
Mime problem to bring to him. I would askhim,“Monsieur, how
.1lould I understand such and such?” And then, the most extraor-
<1inary thing was not his answer, but his silences. They would last
los minutes on end. And, within me, everything would fall away
my talking, my eagerness to get an explanation, my desire to
lake advantage o f being with him - and then ... I would again
lind myself alone in myself.
Many others had the same experience. There would be
lliese extraordinary silences in which one feit like a poor fool

171
 REMINIS GENCES

askingthe wrongquestions or asking the right questions in 11>•

wrong way. The silences gave an amazing depth to the talks on.
could have with him. They brought out the ‘knowing-undfi
Standing’ sequence ... and suddenly something was theiv
Once you have experienced this face-to-face encountcr y<»11
feel that most o f the time we tag along behind our inteilet lual
and emotional functions and that the important thing .........
tü do that, but to go and see for yourself. Mr. Gurdjieff ditln'l
answer, and by not answering, he answered even more.

First Dinners

It was on St. Michael’s Day, my saint’s day, that I first made my

way to Mr. Gurdjieff’s apartment. I was not the only one ln
be going for the first time, and the previous evening Mme G
Salzmann had gathered us together for quite a while to put us <>n
our guard. We knew that the worst could happen, and especially
what we least expected. “ Be vigilant,” had, 1 think, been her Inul
comment. “Now he is your Teacher. He will put you to the um
and, if you don’t remember yourself, I won’t be able to do any
thing for you.” So it was with deep apprehension that I enteret I
his apartment that first evening. I’m always amazed, whenevci I
read descriptions by others who experienced these first meetinjy,,
to notice that they invariably emphasize their astonishment ai
how the rooms were decorated. Truly, I had other concerns.
Was it a group exchange or a reading? Impossible to remem
ber. At dinner, I sat next to Mme de Salzmann, and opposite M i
Gurdjieff. He seemed very kind and explained to me - which he
never failed to do - that the first time it was always “Roses, roses."
I was honoured with a few gastronomic delicacies, but nothing
surprised me very much; my mother loved to cook exotic dishes

172
 FIRST ENCOUNTERS WITH MR. GURDJIEFF

.uni I enjoyed them. I somehow doubted that I was eating bear

mait or camel sausages. Mr. Gurdjieff sensed this and seemed a
lillle indignant at the thought that Twouldn’t believe him, but I
w.i.s certainly not going to launch into a debate about the veracity
<>1 bis assertions. I had nothing to go by, and I hadn’t the slightest
(Icsire to venture into such dangerous territory. It was prudence
i .ilher than weakness. It didn’t matter much to me in any case,
Miice I hadn’t come for that. To hell with bear meat!
When it came to the toasts, he invited me to choose my
i .ilcgory o f idiot for the next dinner. “You teil Director what
itliot you are.” And since I sat there perplexed and, to teil the
muh, rather irritated, he explained, in a way that explained
uothing, that round idiots were round and square ones were
like this - drawing an imaginary square in mid-air - or zig-
zag, “ like hysterical women”. All o f this annoyed me; I don’t
like venturing into areas I don’t understand. “Next time,” he
icpeated. But I thought, ‘No, I won’t choose. Besides, he’ll
probably forget.’ Oh, how naive I was!
When dinner was over, 1 thought I had made it through a test
i .ilher easily. In fact, it hadn’t begun. Two or three evenings went
1)y I still hadn’t chosen my type o f idiot and I still had no desire
or reason to do so. Then one evening Mr. Gurdjieff abruptly
■ ■ topped the Tamada [the director o f the toasts] saying, “Doctor
not choose idiot?”
“ No, monsieur,” said the Director.
“Well, you choose now!” The tone was peremptory.
“ Monsieur, I don’t understand anything about it! How can
I choose?”
“ No, no, choose! You stop all! Director wait!”
1 had to get through it somehow. Everyone was looking at me.
I bcgged a sign from Mme de Salzmann, but she was icy. I could
IKive replied with just anything, but 1 really didn’t want to do that;

173
 REMINISCENCES

it would have been dishonest. It was better to demonstrate somc

skill and in such a Situation appear modest. Which meant th.il I
opted for ordinary idiot’. That seemed especially clever to me.
“Oh! Doctor, that not fit. You superior idiot.”
I saw no evidence o f superiority, but I did get the impressi< >ii
that Fd been taken in. There were a few misplaced laughs! And
I was acknowledged by the Director who, on the second toasi,
turned in my direction saying, “And to your health too, Doctor.

First Question

I used to go three times a week to rue des Colonels Renard; bul

although I would happily speak in Mme de Salzmann’s group,
as soon as I entered Mr. Gurdjieffs room my mouth weul
dry. I had become incapable o f formulating even the smallcsl
observation. I had at least learned one thing: there was no um
hiding at the back o f the room - those who did were unfail
ingly singled out. I had known for a long time that it was only
in the front row that one had a chance o f not being noticcd.
This knowledge had resulted from the profound reflections ol
a dunce in high-school, where I had learned only one thing...
the invaluable art o f making oneself invisible.
I would therefore sit right at Mr. Gurdjieffs feet, and rarely
did he see me. When he did, he would say kindly, “ Doctor, you
not have question? You interest me.” And I would reply, “ No,
monsieur, I understand nothing.” And it was absolutely true. I
let myself be penetrated by his influence. I feit his presence. My
head kept no memory o f the hours that I spent close to him,
but in the depths o f my essence something was touched and
kneaded like dough. And I know now that my good fortune lay
in that: I was receiving with the heart.

174
 FIRST ENCOUNTERS WITH MR. CJURD) 1111

One day, however, I decided I just had to speak to him. I had a

very precise question, and spent the whole weelc going over (Ile l<>i
1111llation until I knew it by heart. That evening, in the Metro on my
way to his apartment, I rehearsed my question. When I arrivcd, I sat
down and prepared to speak. But, right then, some idiot cut me
off. Disaster! Before I could collect myself, a second person spoke.
Time was running out! I had to speak to him that evening at all
costs! Who knows if I would ever find the courage again? Finally I
Iicard my voice formulating my question. Mr. Gurdjieff said, “Aaah
. . . ” seemed to listen attentively, and then, as soon as I had fin-
ished, broke into a long discussion in Russian witli Mme de Salz-
inann on what was obviously a completely different topic.
Ten minutes later, he stopped and said,“ Oh! Doctor, excuse!
You spoke, I think, but I forgot what you say.” He seemed so
apologetic that I mustered enough courage to repeat my lit-
lle story, but the words seemed flat. He said, “Hm! Hm!” and
got up to go into the kitchen. In his absence, no one spoke.
When he came back, I still had the strength to say, “ Monsieur,
I asked you a question.” “Ah!” he said, “teil.” And for the third
time I told my now completely impoverished story. He said,
“ That remind me box matches. Yesterday bought matches, and
today not know where put.” I saw no connection. Seeing that
my expression displayed neither disgust, nor irritation, nor
weakness, he suddenly began to speak to me like a father. I had
passed a test. And I can assure you that only if you had gone
Ihrough that would you know what it costs.

A Special Treat

On- evening some time later, I stupidly left my briefcase at

Mr. G urdjieffs apartment after dinner. When I noticed, I

175
 REM INISC EN CES

was already in the Metro and it was too late to go bat \ I

couldn’t risk disturbing him, especially since we’d been lob I
that after us he had other people coming ... and besides, I
was on the last train. To make things worse, along with llu
fact that I had shown a lack o f attention which he would
know about, there was a classified document in the briefc.ist
relating to the manufacture o f penicillin, which at the tim«
was a state secret. I wondered what I would say the nexl d.iy
if I were asked for the docum ent.... I didn’t sleep that nighl
I imagined Mr. Gurdjieff reading these documents. Actually,
it wasn’t all that bad; perhaps he would form a high opinion
o f me. But if it were discovered that these papers were in lln
hands o f a R u ssian .... What a mess that would be! 1 already
imagined the secret police arriving at his apartment witli .1
warrant, and his being implicated.
Early the next day, I decided I had to go to the little cafe on
the rue des Acacias, where he had his breakfast; I knew he wem
there about nine. I was there on the dot. No Mr. Gurdjieff, and
when I asked after him, I was taken aback by the black look ol
a patron who kept staring at me from Mr. Gurdjieff’s usual
table. All o f that was unsettling. Should I go to his place? Pei
haps it was a bit too early? I decided to go about eleven, a sal'e
time, hoping he would be out and that his sister or someonc
eise, but not him, would be there to open the door.
At eleven, praying to high heaven, I knocked discreetiy. Bul
heaven was listening with a different ear. Mr. Gurdjieff opened
the door himself. I knew that in such circumstances, since I had
no excuse, it was better not to embroil myself in dangerous jus
tifications. Best to get straight to the point.
“Good morning, Doctor! Surprise... you!”
“Good morning, monsieur. I’m an idiot. Last night I forgot
that here,” I said, pointing to the briefcase, which, thank God,

176
 F IR S T E N C O U N T E R S W IT H M R . G U R D JIE F F

vv.is there patiently waiting for me. I thought he would quitt1

i ightly give me a good scolding for this lack o f attention, but he
didn’t mention it. His only words were, “You free? Lunch?”
Was I free? Certainly! Not only was I getting off lightly, recov
n ing the confidential documents with no trouble, but, to top
il off, I had scored an invitation. I nevertheless had the feeling
11iat l’d gotten off too lightly. But since luck was on my side, why
complain?
“Thank you, monsieur__ ” But he didn’t let me finish.
“Good, good.” Besides, I knew that he didn’t like to be
Ihanked. “One o’clock come here. One o’clock, exact, exact,” he
msisted.
“Yes, monsieur, one o’clock, exact.” And I left. I had wings.
One o’clock was chiming at Saint Ferdinands Church as I
knocked. He opened the door, saying, “Ah! You. Exact. Well done.”
I hung up my coat and, at his invitation, went into the
dining-room. There were five or six people there, all strangers.
I'robably Russians. Each one in turn took his soup plate to
l he kitchen where Mr. Gurdjieff was ladling out borscht from
.1 big soup pot. When my turn came, after serving my portion
o f broth, he said, “Oh! Doctor, you like turkey neck?”
1 didn’t mind it, but I don’t know what devil in me drove me
to not particularly like it that day. “ No,” 1 said, “No thanks.”
“What! You not like? That best part. Special treat to honour
you. Take!”
“ No, monsieur, I don’t want it.”
“What! You, idiot!”
“ Perhaps,” I said. “ Idiot who doesn’t like it.”
“ No, no! Take to make me pleased.”
“ I can assure you, I really don’t like it.”
“ Like! That, mechanical thing. You must know new treat.”
“ No, monsieur.”

177
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

Then he got really angry and insulted me ferociously. I

replied that no matter what, I wouldn’t change my miml
The dispute lasted so long that the borscht was cold whcn
we returned to the dining-room under the disapprovini',
looks o f the other guests, who had not dared to begin e.il
ing and were watching their soup congeal. With a sigh, M i
G urdjieff hadgiven up tryingto convince me, which meanl
either that I had hurt him or that he was disappointed by
such silliness. I saw my spiritual future irreparably dam
aged. But what could I do? I had said no; I wasn’t going lo
change my mind along the way. I was crushed because ihr
struggle had been hard, and I had lilcely displeased him. All
I could do was eat in silence, with sadness in my heart.
As I took a first spoonful o f cold soup, he stopped me
and told me to add a good dollop o f heavy cream. I did
so and once again began to eat. He stopped me dead in
my tracks, telling me furiously that I lacked good mannei
and that any civilized person should know you have to
stir in the cream before eating. I did so and, in the hostile
silence o f the group, I painfully ate my borscht.
No one spoke! I realized very quickly, however, that the
silence wasn’t related to this outburst. All these Russians,
doubtless very needy, had been invited there to eat, not to
talk. They probably had no idea at all that G urdjieff was a
teacher. Not a word was exchanged, except for the toasts.
The Director turned to one o f them, an old man, saying,
“And to your health as well, Doctor.”
I made a half-hearted gesture with my glass in the
old man’s direction. And Mr. G urdjieff emerged from his
reserve to teil me with a certain liveliness, “ He too doctor
but he old. You must get up to toast him. He is for yon
father, and you must not remain seated in front o f him.”

178
 F IR S T E N C O U N T E R S W i l l i MR. <IU UI >111TI

I got up and toasted him. Somelhing in in* lebcllrd Tin

man I was looking at was dead, nothing moic llian a hnniaii
.hell, his face completely lifeless; he diel nol reit........ ly In.r.l
Why should I honour a corpse? My pride was hm l ! And ,il thaI
moment I saw that my pride had entered my Work and llial I
eonsidered myself superior to others because 1 was working and
knew certain things ... without really living them! II was a new
lesson for me, and a bitter one!
I feit defeated.
I, who had been so happy with this first invitation to
lunch with him, was now regretting even being there. And
I realized that I had not understood what Mr. Gurdjieff
repeated so often: “You must become aware o f your com-
plete nothingness.” How far from that I was! I wanted to
develop through the work and I was humiliated in front
o f men who seemed so ordinary. The meal continued in
a silence that was so unbearable that I looked for some-
I hing to say in order to lift what weighed so heavily on me.
I thought, ‘Here I am in front o f Mr. Gurdjieff. What an
opportunity to ask him what I can’t ask when there are so
inany people around him.’ An inner voice whispered to me,
II )on’t miss your chance!’
But I was unable to find any intelligent question. Then sud-
ilenly I remembered a question that I had never dared ask him
al the dinners.
“ Monsieur,” I said, “Why do you always drink vodka? There
are such good wines in France.”
“Good question. Is true. France wines no equal. But I
explain you. You doctor, you understand. French wines, good
for enema.”
That was the last straw! I no longer had any desire to break
the silence. I left after coffee, not at all content.

179
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

That evening, after a meeting with Mme de Salzmami, I

was so upset about it that I opened up to her. I feit stronj-.ly
that l ’d been an idiot and had missed a unique opportunih
As soon as I told her about the lunch, she stopped me .md
said, “ I know. You brought o ff a great victory. For the secoml
time, Mr. Gurdjieff subjected you to a very hard test and you
behaved well. This is very important for the continuation ol
your work.”

180
 The Trip to Vichy

<)nc evening, as coffee was being served at the end o f a meal,

Mi. Gurdjieff said, completely out o f the blue, “ Maybe pos-
'.ible go Vichy few days with honourable persons.”
I heard this from some distance... but then, Mr. Gurdjieff
lurned toward me and said, “Doctor! Why not come Vichy?
I hat good trip ... rest for you.”
Very disconcerted, because I had patients at that time, I
ll<Hindernd, and ended up saying, “Yes, o f course, monsieur.
Uh ... uh ... yes, with pleasure, only__ ”
“ Yes,” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “ I know, but if warn you several
days before, easy thing?”
“ Oh, yes,” I replied. “ If I know a few days in advance, it will
be possible for me to rearrange my patients’ appointments.”
“Well, then,” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “ Let’s say ... you want
next Wednesday?”
That gave me live days’ notice, which was really quite
generous, so I answered without hesitation: “ In that case, yes
monsieur. It’s certainly p o ssib le.... I can make some phone
calls... .A ll right, then.”
“ Wednesday, come here eleven, eleven-thirty. Quiet
lunch, good coffee, and after coffee, take car. All right?”
“All right.”

181
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

I don’t need to teil you how happy I was. As soon as I j*,<»i

home, I began to write to mypatients who didn’t have phonrs
Next morning at daybreak, 1 telephoned the others and said
Thad been called‘abroad’ for a consultation and that, regivl
fully, I would have to postpone their appointments imtil Ihr
following weck.
I had asked how many days the trip would take, thinkin)-,
he would say about. two days. To my great surprise, but also
to my deep satisfaction, Mr. Gurdjieff had replied, “ Oh! Foni
days, five days ... just little trip.”
So, I gave myself plenty o f breathing space, putting oll
my appointments for six days, thinking I might need a day
to recover.

Departure Delayed

On the Tuesday night I slept badly and awoke at dawn. Al

eleven-thirty, armed with my small suitcase, I. presentcd
myself at the rue des Colonels Renard, very excited and full
o f ‘self-remembering’.
When I went in, however, I was surprised to find no sign
o f any preparation for a trip. Still, that didn’t strike me as
particularly stränge because with Mr. Gurdjieff, it was impos
sible to draw conclusions from such flimsy evidence. His lug
gage was no doubt already in his car. And anyway, I wasn’l
going to bother with such details. ‘Savour the momerit!’ 1 told
myself. ‘And be alert!’
At midday we all sat down to eat. All this had made me
quite hungry, and now that we were eating it seemed a good
idea to do justice to the meal, because he was quite capable ol
making us drive all day without stopping.

182
 TI 115 T R IP TO VICHY

Lunch was excellent, as usual. low,ml llu- «nd "I lln

meal, after coffee, since Mr. ( iurdjiell scrmcd in no h u m l<•
Irave the table and was neithcr shaved nur <11* ■.••< «I. -.... <>n<
cleared his throat and asked, “ Monsieur, wlial lim* .m uv
leaving?”
“Ah!” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “That impossiblc thiug loday.
'I(»night, very important appointment. But, tomorrow moi n
ing, come noon, lunch, and after, leave.”
So, on Thursday at noon I came back with my little suil
r ase, with a light heart and feeling quite at ease. But there
was still no sign o f any preparation for a trip. At the end of
Ihe meal someone remarked that it would perhaps be a good
idea not to leave too late if we wanted to make the most of
Ihe daylight for driving.
Then Mr. Gurdjieff got a bit irritated and said, “ Not
always possible do what want. Today very important thing to
do. Not have to leave. Maybe this evening, or to m o rro w ....
Yes, maybe this evening, come see if possible depart__ ” We
began to doubt that this excursion would ever take place.
All the same, I came back in the evening, but this time with-
out my little suitcase. Many people were there, and it was quite
obvious that we wouldn’t be leaving. It even seemed that Mr.
CJurdjieff was no longer giving any thought to this plan. After
all, he had said, “Not have to leave.” And that was quite true...
if ne no longer wanted to, well, that was that! Nevertheless, I
wouldn’t have missed coming back the next day at noon.
Friday! This had now been going on for three days.
I began to make some calculations: three days now, plus a
four- or even five-day trip - that would add up to seven or
eight days, already beyond my most generpus calculations.
I was almost beginning to wish the trip would be cancelled,
wondering how I was going to make arrangements for my

183
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

patients. Saturday noon, same comedy. There was somellnn,

wrong with his car: “ Difiicult find cause!”
And so, as I might have known, the five days we were mip
posed to take for the Vichy trip were spent shuttling bei wn n
my house and the rue des Colonels Renard. And then, juii
when nobody thought the trip was still possible, there was i
mad scramble.
In an instant, everyone was mobilized to gather up ili.
baggage and bring it all down to the sidewalk, which soun
resembled a railway loading platform. It looked as i f someom
was moving house, with suitcases o f all sizes, boxes, eral«
and parcels being strapped on the roof o f Mr. G u rd jieffs<.,11
and several other vehicles. Whatever couldn’t fit on the mul
went into the trunk, then onto the passenger seats.. .. And h
just kept coming!
No sooner was everything thoroughly tied onto a mol
than Mr. Gurdjieff made us undo it all, saying that such and
such a parcel had to go with him in his car, that he miglii
need it on the journey, or eise that it had been badly tied.
English, Germans, Canadians, French - everybody was on
edge, and time was running out. At last, everything was reacIy,
and our five or six cars set off in single file, Mr. Gurdjiell
leading, each driver gripping his steering wheel, determined
to run red lights if necessary, in order not to lose siglil ol
him. We knew he was going to Vichy, but by which mnl«
In response to a tactful question on this point, he had only
growled, and we were actually quite anxious.
The cars, loaded to breaking point., reminded me o f wlial
1 had read somewhere about the travels o f Indian potenlales;
like them, we were setting o ff with enough provisions to keep
us going for weeks; not just food, but clothes too, as if we
had to brave extreme climates. Everything was there: kitchen

184
 THE TRIP TO VICHY

uimsils, cooking pots that seemed full, raw vegetables, great

l'imches o f aromatic herbs and, o f course, several crates o(
voilka and I don’t know how many thermoses o f coffee. As
' iindjieff used to say, “ ln France, difficult find things.”
In this connection, I remember a bizarre incident that
.1 ruck me as we were leaving. Once everything had been
.lowed, one box remained on the sidewalk - a quite inno-
m nt looking yellow box. Mr. Gurdjicff looked at it thought-
lully for a moment and, I don’t know why, asked somebody
10 take it back up to his apartment. Yet, we could have found
mom for it. Then some ill-informed person brought the
box down again, and while he was struggling to put it into a
11 unk, Mr. Gurdjieff said that it wasn’t to be taken. And the
box was sent back up for the second time.
Hy then, I had lost interest in it. More than anything, I
was impatient to set off, because I was afraid Mr. Gurdjieff
might suddenly change his mind, claiming, for example, that
ii was really too late to leave. In fact, it was at least five o clock,
,nul I was thinking, na'ively, that I would only breathe easily
once we were well on our way. So the box vanished from my
iboughts. But we were to find it again, or rather not to find it,
just when we needed it most; that is to say, in the middle o f
the night. But let’s set this box aside for the time being.

I hr Pursuit

Al last we were off, and in spite o f the gloomy and frankly

miserable weather, I feit completely happy. I was in a tiny
I nglish car, driven by Elizabeth, an Englishwoman. Our
'driver lady’ was very nice, I must admit. She didn’t know a
word o f French, which didn’t help, since, as you know, I don’t

185
 REMINISCENCES

speak English, but we also had with us an English Canadian,

Dr. C., an old friend who acted as Interpreter.
We had difficulty keeping up because her poor old car w.r.
not built for rallies, and out o f the corner o f my eye, I saw In>w
tense and anxious she was. No doubt, she knew many thinjy
about her car that we were better off not knowing.
So, the caravan set out on the road to Orleans, which, jus!
between us, is not the shortest route to Vichy. We pushed il
to the limit.
Suddenly, to my great satisfaction, Mr. Gurdjieff stoppet I
by the side o f the road after a few kilometres, and all tlu
other cars followed suit. We gathered round. The person in
Charge o f the coffee took out a small suitcase o f thermoses,
and everybody had a cup o f coffee, which by then had lost ils
flavour but was at least hot. Anyway, the main thing was just
to be there, nurturing the hope that Mr. Gurdjieff would give
us details about the route we were to take.
And indeed, once we’d finished our coffee, Mr. Gurdjiell
turned to us and said, “You, English car, that impossible. Yon
make me late. Now will go straight Vichy. You meet me.”
Right! But Mme de Salzmann, who was there, came to us
and, taking advantage o f the fact that Mr. Gurdjieff was talk
ing to somebody eise, whispered to us, “ To Vichy or some
where eise. Besides,” she added, “Mr. Gurdjieff doesn’t likc
driving at night.”
This sounded none too reassuring, and right away I smellcd
a rat. I was beginning to be suspicious. Mr. Gurdjieff took ol l
like a whirlwind, with us lurching along behind. Elizabeth said,
“We have to stop soon. We’ve hardly any petrol left.”
I can’t teil you how many times we had to stop for gas! On
top o f that she never asked for a full tank! Oh! The mysteries
o f the English soul.

186
 T I I H T U 11' i n VH IC.

Il started to rain - at liist .1 <!i i/.'li lh• 11 .1 l"i, uni lli> 11

in torrents - and our driver, alivady h.nn|" 11,1 1.........
10 (Irive on the right, obviously had gi< al dilli. 11 11\ m >
mg on the road. Added to that, the wiiuh.lm l.l \ i| ......h
vvorked intermittently and she was driving hlind l • n
l ime a car loomed in front o f us, she slowed d<»\\ 11 ......
11 hecame quite obvious that Mr. G urdjieff would h. in
Vic hy before we even reached Bourges. I could heai lh<
ironic chant o f the engine, ‘To Vichy or elsewhere.’ Ihn I
. onsoled myself by saying, ‘Never mind. We’ll sleep so me
where on the way and we’ll find him tomorrow. After all,
lliere’s nothing we can do about it.’ Just then, the phleg-
matic Dr. C. let out an anguished cry: T v e just remem-
bered! We’ve got one o f Mr. G urdjieff’s suitcases in our
luggage!” A cold sweat ran down my spine. “We absolutely
must find him tonight!”
“Yes,” I said in a stränge voice. “Absolutely!” There was
not hing more to be said. Our fate was sealed. Each o f us, in our
i iwn way, imagined very clearly what would happen if we didn’t
1na nage to find him at the hotel before he went to bed. We were
convinced that Mr. Gurdjieff had deliberately arranged to have
one o f his suitcases put in our car, a suitcase containing some-
iliing he would absolutely need that very night.
And our old car was showing more and more signs of
weakening. Our driver, likewise.
In the middle o f the night, in the pouring rain, after get-
ling lost once or twice because the lack o f visibility made
us miss some signposts, we reached Bourges. What to do at
Bourges? Make a bee-line for Vichy? But what if Mr. Gurdjieff
had decided to stop here in Bourges! Since a quarter o f an
liour more no longer mattered, the best thing to do was to
make the rounds o f all the larger hotels.

187
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

“ Excuse me, monsieur. You wouldn’t by any chance dur

ing the last few hours have booked in a bald Russian genlle
man, his head closely shaven, and with a big moustache? Thr.
gentleman is travelling with about ten people__ Thank you
Excuse us.” And on to the next one, “ Excuse me, madame__ ”
Nothing! More time wasted. Just the same, we could not risk
bypassing Bourges and going directly to Vichy, in case he had
suddenly decided to stop on the way, if only to play a trick on
us. But that meant heaven knows how many small towns, how
many isolated inns, not to mention the ones that would have
required a small detour. All we could do was set o ff again. Bul
the car was thirsty and our driver hungry, and since our fale
depended on them both, there was no way around it!
Once more around the town in search o f a bite to eat. You
need to know Bourges to understand that finding a quick
meal in that moribund town was no mean feat. We finally
found a restaurant, but a pathetic excuse for one! We wenl
in, dripping wet, and ordered three Steak and chips - on
the double. What better way to arouse the misgivings o f the
owner o f a greasy-spoon restaurant, a fellow who had no rea
son to hurry! And who certainly had no reason to go out of
his way to boost tourism, or encourage all these foreigners to
come and disturb the peace o f a small town that had barely
recovered from the Hundred Years’ War. A whole hour for a
miserable steak with badly cooked fries and an apple for des-
sert. And no w in e... the epitome o f poor taste. But this meal
did us good all the same.
The next town, another round o f hotels; still raining, still
nothing. Consumed by anxiety once again, we were now at
least two hours behind Mr. Gurdjieff. And anyway, how could
we be sure that he would go to Vichy? The bad weather migh l
have induced him to change his mind.

188
 t u h t u ii*t o v ic ii y

I knew he liked Cannes aml Anne» v 1 l< <mild >liaiii1,.

direction and spend the nighl in Si llieiim . Im in i im •
or in Lyon... . Yes! Why not Lyoni1 In lind Inni lliei. > .
inight just as well go to the poliee! I low long wmild ii ul •
10 catch up with him? One day? Two days^ N»'ver' Ami lim.
damn suitcase__ Even if its contents were ol no nnpni lam •
whatsoever, he would be sure to teil us that because ol ns Im.
11 ip had been ruined! All this seemed contrived, intentionally
engineered for our downfall.

A Hotel Transformed

11 was in very low spirits that we finally arrived in Moulins.

Dr. C. then said to me, “Moulins is a tiny place and so
near Vichy. There’s no point stoppihg.”
“Oh, but we must!” I said. “We said we’d check every-
where, so we’ll check here too. Tiny place or not, we’ll go
round the hotels.”
And so we did. One hotel, two hotels, three ... nothing,
still nothing.
Just as we were about to leave, as we were Crossing place
de 1’Allier, I spotted the back o f a Citroen in the courtyard o f
a quite ordinary hotel. In a flash I thought, ‘You never know,’
and I shouted “Stop!”
Screech o f brakes. It was the only word o f‘French’ that our
driver knew. I jumped out. It was Mr. Gurdjieff’s car. I went
up to the door and saw him still at the wheel. He looked at
me intensely and, pretending to scold me, he said, “You, Doc-
tor, so you do magic.” But he was clearly in seventh heaven.
I )elighted. Everyone was happy. A few minutes later Mme de
Salzmann said to me, “ I’m so glad you found him !”

189
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

So, there we were in Moulins. What time was it? About

two in the morning. The rain had stopped.
We walked into this very ordinary French hotel... which
really means a hotel with few amenities.
Mr. Gurdjieff spoke to the very sleepy night porter and
asked for ten or twelve rooms. “ Good rooms, with batlis."
There weren’t that many rooms with such modern convc
niences, and we had to settle for rooms with showers, or with
neither bath nor shower.
When each of us had been given a room key, Mr. Gurdjiel I
turned to us and said in the most natural manner, “ Now,
good dinner.”
“ But, monsieur!” somebody said. “ Where? No restauranl
will be open this time o f night.”
“ Here, o f course!” Mr. Gurdjieff said. “You move für
niture, all rooms. Bring tables, chairs to bedroom o f Tania
[Mme Ouspensky’s granddaughter]. Push bed. And others,
unload all boxes and bring to dining-room” - the dining
room being Tania’s bedroom.
Everyone was coming and going, running in and out
in search o f their suitcases, handing each other parcels and
boxes. Sometimes a string would give way, and gastronomii
delights would be caught just in the nick o f time before they
rolled down the stairs; and all that in the midst o f laughtei
and gaiety, made livelier still by the difficulty o f the journey.
So far I have spoken about English women, but now you
have to imagine what three young American women can be
like at two in the morning when they are asked to organi/.e
that kind o f ceremony. The English are refined and discreel
people, but with these young Americans let loose in this hotel,
you could have been watching a Marx brothers film! They
ran about, giggling and squawking wildly, calling each other

190
 T H E T R I P IO VI« IIV

l'rom one end o f the corridor to the ollua, .r. 11 11 > • i • I•• . 1.1
daylight in a remote villa on a huge Galiloi man < .lat- hm
do you think any o f the guests woke up? Absolut- h um1
The night porter had fallen asleep again, as all 111}•.I»I |"u
lers do, and the manager did not show up. Nol imlil au Imin
later did he make a timid appearance. But the unbcln vable
scene he encountered made such a profound impression 011
Ihm that he left without a word. Believe me, this was a Inj1,
hotel with at least forty rooms and I think they were all o a 11
pied. I am sure no one had ever made such a racket there
before. Yet a spell was at work and all the guests remained
soundly and peacefully asleep.

/\ Valiant Effort

As the improvised dining-room began to take shape, Mr.

( iurdjieff stood there, pensively watching the setting out of
plates, glasses, and silverware. There were all sorts o f things
on the tables ... not quite everything, however. Finally he
asked, “ But where little box? Yellow box?”
Then it came back to me: the yellow box! That was it!
The travelling box that, in fact, hadn’t travelled, and which
at that moment must have been in the corridor o f Mr.
( iu rdjieff’s apartment. It was the box he had sent back. He
knew all along what he was doing. What on earth could there
be in that box?
“We can’t find it,” someone said at last.
“ What!” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “ That main thing. Is box meat
and vegetables.”
“ No, monsieur, it’s not here. We’ve got the box o f onions,
the packet o f herbs, the crate o f vodka, the box o f special

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 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

salad, the box o f chutneys and all the spices, but not the yd
low box. We’ve also got the raw cucumbers, the gherkins.”
I thought Mr. Gurdjieff would pretend to fly into a wild
rage, b u t... no. (Later it occurred to me that he was keeping
the big scene in reserve for Lisa on his return to Paris. Pool
Lisa who had let herseif be taken in and hadn’t known how
to assert herseif and get the box loaded.)
Very calmly he turned to me and said, “ That not impor
tant. Doctor and other doctor [that is, Dr. C.], you go now
town Moulins, knock at butcher’s, wake butcher, buy meat.”
“Very good, monsieur,” I said. “And what sort o f meat.
Lamb? Beef?”
“Not matter.” He could not have been more accommodating.
O ff we went, the two o f us, Dr. C. none too confidenl,
wondering if we’d wind up at the police Station for causing
a public disturbance, since in order to succeed, we’d clearly
have to make a good deal o f noise.
The town was strangely deserted. One empty Street, two
empty streets, no lighted Windows. At last a butcher’s shop,
a large butcher’s shop. All that could be heard was the hum
ming o f refrigerators. Nothing eise. The metal shutters wert*
lowered. Quite normal. A doorbell? But where?... Ah! There!
A discreet ring.
“ Louder!” I said. “Insist!”
Another very discreet ring from Dr. C. Then I took a
turn. “ Stop!” said Dr. C. “You’re going to annoy them.” No
fear o f that. We could have blown a hunting horn with still
no result. I banged vigorously on the shutter. The metal
responded loudly. 1 pounded on it, calling out, “ Butcher.
Buuutch-er!”
Do you think anybody in that house or any o f the houses
in that silent Street woke up? Nobody. It was as if the entire

192
 INI' 11(11’ 1(1 NI« 11V

population had llcd In-Ioii .m m\,i.|. i W. didn i • \• n |f> i t

hucket o f water on our he.uh N«>11 nm|•
We tried three butcluT shop-. Il w.» i ilimt . Ilm i hui
l'rom the outset we knew it was liopi l. . . I \ 1111•• j - -I• • ivm
sleeping peacefully. Ah, the dear old town ol M"ulm 1
When we went into the ‘dining-roon i ‘ «»ii » mm ...............................
one was waiting for us any longer. Mr. Gurdjiell was -.ItIIIip, >il
the tablewith all the others, saying nothing. 11c didn'i im ti..
or pretended not to notice, our discreet entry. I Ie didn'i .i
us about the outcome o f our heroic expedition, as if that was
o f no importance to him. In fact, it was he who had created
this Situation by having the famous yellow box taken back
up to his apartment. Had he really hoped we would succeed
in walcing up a butcher who was less asleep than the others?
I doubted it. I had made ‘magic by finding him; now I had
lailed to do what he had asked. Was he unhappy about that?
Who will ever know? As for me, I had once again read in my
lieart many things that did not delight me all that much, and
I had measured my courage and my faith.
“Good,” he said. “Now, let’s eat.” That’s all he said for the
whole meal. Not once did he speak a word. From time to
time he raised his glass and, with a sign, invited the Tamada
to make the appropriate toast. This time it was an English-
man, terribly ill-at-ease and flushed with anxiety, who offi-
ciated. He made mistakes, mixed up the order o f the toasts,
mumbled in English, drank to the health o f someone or other
in the wrong category o f idiots. Mr. Gurdjieff did not correct
Ihm. Suddenly an air o f sadness pervaded in the room. Some-
thing was missing; or, was it that Mr. Gurdjieff was overcome
with fatigue? After all, this was only a few months before his
dcath. This feeling o f uneasiness was made worse by the inso­
lent restlessness o f the young American girls, who had little

193
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

concern for him, or Mme de Salzmann, or for us, confused as

we were in our thinking, and searching within ourselves for
the cause o f this sudden change o f atmosphere.
Each toast was a full glass o f vodka, for both men and
women, which made the young girls more and more excil
able, and all we had to eat with this alcohol were slices ol
bread lavishly spread with strongly spiced chutney or raw
onions, and to temper the fire, slices o f fresh cucumber.
It was only at the end of the meal that Mr. Gurdjieff began to
speakagain. He talked to the American girls, gave each one of thcn i
a 10,000 ffanc note,* and told them to go and enjoy themselvcs
the next day in Vichy. After which he said, “Now late. Everybody
tired. Tomorrowlazy morning. Much rest. Good sleep! Holidays!"
It must have been three-thirty in the morning.
I feit that everyone welcomed this with relief, becausc
the trip had certainly been hard for us all. Who lcnows whal
ordeals the others had been through? One only ever sees
one’s own.

An Early Rising

Now in bed, I knew that the mixture o f vodka and raw onions
could be relied upon to give me a woolly tongue in the morn
ing. So, the prospect o f a good night’s sleep appealed to me. I
had used up too much nervous energy and needed to recover.
I had thought o f having a bath and a shave before going to
bed, but I was afraid o f waking up the hotel! What timidity!
After all, I had seen clearly that you couldn’t wake anyone up

* Ten thousand French francs in 1949, when converted to U. S. dollars, and

adjusted for inflation to the year 2006, would be about $250.

194
 1111 TUM' III VH IIV

that night. But we are maile nl <nnlni.ln ......... W. I" I...........

one thing one minute, aiul lakr im nol....... I 11 11•. m >m
innocent and stupid, I weilt to heil aiul --iml< m l" T • p
It seemed I had only been asleep Im ,i lew um......... Im h
the phone ran g.‘What an idiot! It must he llul iii|',lil p..i
ler calling the wrong room ... .’ 1 was just ahotil ln givr I.....
a piece o f my mind when he announced in .1 groggy vor . .
“ Monsieur Gurdjieff says everyone’s to come down ughi
away.”
“What! What time is it?”
“ Half past five, monsieur.”
“Are you sure he said that?”
“Yes, monsieur. He’s right here beside me, and he insists.”
“ I see. Thankyou!”
I turned to Dr. C.: “Quick! Get up! We’re leaving in five
minutes.”
Right away. That meant no time to wash or shave. We
chucked our things into our suitcases any way we could, and
down we went, after a regretful look at the bathtub; and with
one o f my I’s which said, like the Kurd,* ‘But the bath was
paid for__ 5Too bad!
I darted down the stairs. At the bottom, comfortably
installed in an armchair, his look encompassing the whole
scene, sat Mr. Gurdjieff, intently observing the way we arrived.
Nothing escaped him: our way o f coming downstairs, our
faces, our way o f approaching him.
“Good morning, monsieur. Did you sleep w ell... ?”
“Good morning, Doctor.”
Being one o f the first to come down, I took a seat not

' Hditors’ note: This is an allusion to the story of the Transcaucasian Kurd
,uul the noble red peppers in Beelzebub’s Tales, pp. 19-22.

1.95
 REMINISCENCES

far from him to watch, in my turn, the faces o f those who

were about to arrive. Their faces were definitely quite d if­
ferent, but how much more there was to be read in their
expressions! Some, like me, ended up being quite content
and smiling, others less so. I hate to get up early. However,
the scene was fascinating enough to make me forget my
fatigue. As for Mr. G urdjieff - and this was amazing - he
looked as if he had slept for twenty-four hours. Freshly
shaven, well-dressed, he sat quiet and relaxed. We, on the
other hand, looked pale and haggard. He’d already had his
breakfast. Like thieves, we gulped down our sealding hot
cafe au lait, nearly choking in the process, leaving behind
the bread and jam that we so longed to eat. But we had no
time to spare.
And this time, the cars took the road to Vichy, with
no detours. We even knew the name o f the hotel we were
headed for.

The Fraudulent Document

At the Hotel Albert Ier, a good hotel this time, Mr. Gurdjieff
had reserved a whole block o f rooms. But the manager, who
knew him and dreaded a scene (I had an inkling that some-
thing o f the sort must have occurred in the past), had care-
fully set aside rooms for him on the ground floor, a little
apart from the normal comings and goings o f the more con-
ventional guests. Our collection o f rooms was isolated, rather
like a leper colony. Furthermore, we were even allocated a
special dining-room for our meals, which was not so much
a courtesy as a precaution. We shared this room with some
Arab guests who must also have been judged undesirable.

196
 i in i ini' in vn in

After the hallet ol tIn iiili .r.. w■ " •m n • lli* »• ••■ •• • l• I

where the reccptioni-.l g.n. < .n h nl kn ,i | « . h . . ............... im
form. But when Mi. ( imdjiell ivx. f jm i um ln lill mit In
took it with an air o f astonishmeni, .r. il ilii \ im lln In i
time such a thing had happencd In liiiu, .m-l lln n In ........ .
down again. ßut the receptionist would I i . i v i ............. . .......... .
persisted, explaining to Mr. Gurdjieff whal In lud ln d<> \ml
Mr. Gurdjieff said, “Why this thing?”
“ It is for the police records, monsieur.”
Then Mr. Gurdjieff turned toward Dr. C. and said Io him,
“You write. That idiot thing.”
Dr. C. was distraught. He asked Mr. Gurdjieff, “ Monsieur,
what shall I put?”
“What want! That not matter.” And he withdrew in a dig-
nified manner.
Then Dr. C. turned to an impassive Mme de Salzmann,
who simply said, “ Do as Mr. Gurdjieff asked.”
Now, try to put yourself in the shoes o f a scrupulous
Canadian who is asked to give false information officially on
a document destined for the police, and you will understand
what a state our scribe was in. He took out his pen.

s u r n a m e Well, that was easy.

:
fir st n a m e s : Georges Ivanovitch.
d a t e o f b i r t h : “What shall I put?”

“ Whatever you like,” I said.

He was about to write 1880, then changed his mind and
put 1875, 1 think. But his hand was shaking.
p l a c e o f b i r t h : “ ... Suppose I put Alexandropol? No! It

can’t be th at... er! er! Tiflis? . . . N o . . . ”

In the end, I have no idea what Dr. C. wrote. Imagine how

197
 REMINISCENCES

much worse his ordeal would have been if he had known tha l,
several years later, I would hear about these fanciful entrics
on the hotel form ... and from none other than the Vichy
police.*
In the lobby o f the hotel, when I asked the manager wherc
my room was, he looked at me pityingly and let slip, “Ah!
Youre with that man!” He meant Mr. Gurdjieff.
“Yes,” I said. “ Do you know him?”
“ I certainly do. IVe known him for years, and I know all
about him, believe you me!”
“ To teil the truth,” I said, “ I don’t often have the opportu
nity to travel with him, but I too have known him for years.
He is an extraordinary man.”
With a condescending smile, he said, “ O f course, you’re
just like all the others. He has twisted you around his lil
tle finger, you poor hypnotized sheep, and he shears you
unscrupulously.”
“What do you mean? After all, he’s paying for our trip.”
“Well! Someone is paying for you.” Then he turned his
back on me without a word o f apology.
I was still reeling a little from this incident, wondering
whether I should have told this disagreeable individual off,
when I was approached timidly by the elevator boy, who had
heard everything. “ That man hates Monsieur Gurdjieff,” he
said. “ But I love him. How lucky you are to travel with him!”
This difference o f opinion was interesting, so I asked him,
“Why? Do you know him well?”
“ O f course! He comes here every year. He s a wonderful
man.”

* Editors’ note: Among Dr. Conge’s students in the Vichy group was a
police chief who, knowing that Mr. Gurdjieff had stayed in Vichy, had
looked up the record of his visit and found the famous registration form.

198
 T H E T R I P TO V IC H Y

The young fellow had an imusual accent, and I com-

mented on it.
“Ah! I come from Russia, but now I’m French.”
“ Is it because you’re Russian that you know him so well?”
“Yes,” he answered. “ He does so much good here for all
the refugees. He comforts them; he helps them with money.
You have no idea how many people he’s rescued from desti-
tution. As for the manager, he despises Russians and must be
jealous.”

The Platter ofTrout

The midday meal proceeded without untoward incident.

Toasts were proposed, and the Arabs at the neighbouring
table did not appear at all surprised. It was in the evening
that things began to deteriorate. For this initial dinner, we
were expecting the first members o f the Lyon group. Mr.
Gurdjieff welcomed them graciously, and asked them a few
general questions; but I should have known it wouldn’t con-
tinue that way.
A traditional soup was served and consumed in silence.
Then, after the first toast to the idiots, the second course
11 rived: trout, in a very appetizing sauce. A waiter came in
carrying an enormous platter on which there must have been
Iwenty fair-sized trout. He was followed by a second waiter
and by the manager, who was supervising the whole affair.
Before serving everyone, the waiter came and bowed to Mr.
( iurdjieff and presented the dish.
“ What that?” said Mr. Gurdjieff; and, turning to Mme de
Salzmann, “ Him, what want?”
“ He wants you to admire the trout, Mr. Gurdjieff.”

199
 REMINISCENCES

“Ah!” said Mr. Gurdjieff. He grabbed the one dosest to

him in his fist and put it on his plate. General consternation.
It was at that moment that I understood why we had been
placed out o f the sight o f the more respectable guests in the
restaurant.
Obviously playing the role o f a person who has put his foot
in it and doesn’t know how to redeem himself, Mr. Gurdjieff
picked up his trout again and with dignity put it back on the
platter. Then he wiped his hands theatrically on his napkin,
which began to look like a motor mechanic’s rag.
But it didn’t stop there. The waiter started to prepare his
trout for him, but Mr. Gurdjieff refused indignantly and set
about it himself in a masterful way. Then, looking it over,
he said, “ Good, good.” Everything seemed to be in order.
Solemnly, he took a mouthful ... and spat it out violently
onto his plate with a roar. His face had completely changed,
and he seemed to be in the grip o f a murderous rage. He
yelled loudly, turning to the head-waiter, “ Call cooks, chef,
everybody!”
“ But, monsieur, they’re all b u s y .... What’s wrong, mon-
sieur?”
“ Call chef! This filth. He come at once!”
With resignation, the head-waiter made a sign to one of
the waiters, as if to say, ‘It was bound to happen.’
“All right, all right! Call the chef.”
The chef appeared, with his hat on, a large spoon in his
hand, and looking worried stiff.
“ You, crime! Cooked trout, no salt inside. Not eat. Dirty.”
And he had all the plates removed.
I was watching the people from Lyon, and also all those
who, like me, would have gladly eaten those trout. For all of
us it was extraordinary, torn as we were between, on the one

200
 IUI I IUI' 111 VH 11N

hand, tremendous toir.ulri mr ..... . < •• I•• •• •* '• ■ ••• •f..........

desire to eat, the fe.n lh.iI 1111. Im \ • i• il> d ihm , •m>1 111* hl« •
that from now on we weiv j-nmj- i<> I.. .<• 11 in .1 1• 1. 111, I•1 m<l
011 the other hand, what we lell, wlui vv« um In .1 ••• •• I J .... .
Mr. Gurdjieff, and our admiration Ibi .1 siem wm 11n . >1 ■ 1 1.
sical theatre. I think that, for me, the mos! |>.11111111 lliinp, w,r.
to see ‘my’ trout whisked away.

A Soul Laid Bare

The next day during lunch we were treated to an unfor-

gettable demonstration. To be honest, things unfolded in
such a seemingly ordinary way that it is almost impossible
to teil the story. Coffee had been served when the manager
(the one who had made no secret o f his contempt for Mr.
Gurdjieff and for us ‘poor bleating sheep’) came in to check
that everything was in order and that Mr. Gurdjieff was satis-
fied. He might not have liked Mr. Gurdjieff as a man, but he
was obliged to show him the consideration due to a guest,
and what’s more, a valuable guest; so he spoke to him with
an obsequious smile. Mr. Gurdjieff answered most affably,
saying that everything was “ Roses, roses,” and he very courte-
ously invited the manager to sit down with us.
“ Have glass spirits. Here very special vodka, like you not
have in hotel.” (Just between us, it was a kind o f vodka that
one could easily buy in any störe.) Then, the manager turned
down the invitation 110 less courteously.
“ Unfortunately sir, it’s absolutely impossible. My position
here does not permit me. Please believe me, I’m very sorry.”
“ But yes,” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “ If I invite, cannot say no,
rüde thing!”

201
 R E M IN IS C E N C E S

“ I know, I know, it is indeed most impolite on my pari,

and I apologize once again, but our rules specifically forbid
us to accept invitations from guests, and especially... not in
front o f the waiters. You do understand.”
“Oh!” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “ Rules, that one thing, but here,
very different, small dining-room. We alone, among our
selves, all here friends. You sit, nobody know.”
The poor fellow was visibly beginning to weaken.
. “Just small glass vodka. Then quiet talk. Nice thing for me.”
Suddenly, the manager stiffened and made a discreel
sign to the waiters, who slipped out. He sat down beside Mr.
Gurdjieff.
And then, a stränge experience began; stränge, and at the
same time so simple that if I had not written it down right
away, I would later have doubted whether it had ever hap
pened. (You must have read the story in Fragments* aboul
the night in Mr. G u rd jieff s apartment, when he separated
the essences o f two men from their personalities. He didn’l
do quite the same thing this time, but it’s the dosest example
I can think of.) He engaged in a kind o f live autopsy on thal
man. It began very, very gently and continued in the same
vein. Mr. Gurdjieff started talking to him about his family,
asking him how many children he had. He then enquired
about his wife, and about the military decoration he was
wearing in his buttonhole. He congratulated him and gol
him to speak about himself.
From moment to moment, one could see all the man’s
reticence melt away, and little by little, everything about him
was revealed in the full light o f day. Mr. Gurdjieff could easily
have gotten him to disclose his most secret aspirations. This

* Fragments, pp. 252-3.

202
 rin'. t u i i * t o vit 11y

man was relaxing wilhoul ony .ippoi• i»l |o < .ui < .r il I• <|•i ■.
to be able, finally, to relieve bis In.ul. ............... - In . *■. •I
nesses, his limitations, his good sidr. 11« " i . i ....... I .........
man, ill at ease in his role as .1 Ihmkry Ami In......... ln lih
life, he was able to unburden himsell and l<l }•,<»«• I 1 1 1 , ilnm
that weighed on his heart. There was not hing-ihm klnr, il.....1
this, no more shocking than the act ol a surgcon 1 riimvlni', 1
tumour that was jeopardizing the life o f a palienl. W« |•(11«. I
him, but it was not a judgmental pity. This pooi nun, hall
asleep, was sufferihg, and the conversation was doing him
good.
What Science! What art! Mr. Gurdjieff freed this man
from himself far more effectively than any psychoanalyst
could have done. And it all took place just as if you or I were
chatting about random things with someone we happened to
meet. But in our case, we would reminisce without revealing
anything o f ourselves, whereas here this man could finally
open up as if released from a spell.
“Ah! Sheep, bleating sheep,” he had said to me. If only he
could see with his inner eye what was taking place in him at
that moment. The conversation lasted at least a quarter o f an
hour; and at the end, Mr. Gurdjieff reached into his pocket
and gave him a big handful o f candies, “ For your children.”
I learned later that the children were over twenty, but at
that point, the man no longer even knew whether they were
still in nursery school or were on the verge o f starting their
careers. Mr. Gurdjieff finished with a few kind words for his
wife, and more compliments for him, adding how happy he
had been to have had this heart-to-heart conversation, man
to man. That day I clearly saw Mr. Gurdjieff’s power: he was
capable o f laying bare a man’s soul, making him transparent,
and doing so without hurting him in any way.

203
 REMINISCENCES

Seeming very happy, the manager stood up and offered

his thanks. He smiled around at us, the ‘hypnotized’ ones. He
had experienced a good moment and, who knows, perhaps
from then on he feit differently toward Mr. Gurdjieff. ßut thal
1 never found out. Had I ever met him again, I would never
have taken the liberty o f asking him about it. I feit bound by
a new kind o f Professional secrecy’, and I would have consid
ered it indelicate to disturb what Mr. Gurdjieff had sown in
that man’s heart.

A Shopping Spree

On the second-last day, in the course o f the afternoon, Mr.

Gurdjieff asked us to do him the favour o f accompanying
him, saying that he had some shopping to do. I don’t know
why, but I imagined that perhaps he needed an interpreter
- not exactly an interpreter, because I didn’t know Russian
but someone who could express in good French what he said
in his own language, which was always a mixture o f invented
words or words from various languages, a language to which
I had eventually become accustomed. As if Mr. Gurdjieff
needed an interpreter!
He never travelled without buying masses o f presents,
especially to shower on those who had not taken part in
the expedition. First he went to a confectioner’s shop, at the
corner o f avenue du President Wilson and rue Burnol, and
addressed a young salesgirl who was not too quick on the
uptake. Catching sight o f some larger-than-life bees wrapped
in yellow and black foil, with beautiful antennae and artisti
cally decorated cellophane wings, he asked, “What is?”
“They are bees, monsieur.”

204
 THE TRIP TO VICHY

He shrugged his shoulders almost imperceptibly and

added, “ But what inside?”
“Ah! They have marzipan inside.”
“Good,” and pointing to the boxes that went with the
mouth-watering display, he added casually, “ Thirty boxes.”
“ But,” said the salesgirl. “ It’s just that every box costs one
thousand francs.”
“ Eh!” he said.
“ Perhaps itjs for a gift,” the salesgirl persisted, convinced
that her customer didn’t understand a thing.
“Yes,” said Mr. Gurdjieff. “Yes, gift. Thirty boxes.”
“ If I understand you correctly, you want thirty boxes of
bees. Thirty boxes at one thousand francs, monsieur. That
makes thirty thousand francs, monsieur.”
“Yes,” said Mr. Gurdjieff, who was already pointing to
some other boxes while saying, “Ten boxes, like that.”
The salesgirl, thinking he had changed his mind, replied,
“Certainly, monsieur. You would prefer ten boxes o f our
nougatines, but they are a little more expensive.”
Finally, unable to hold back any longer, I jumped in to
clear up the poor girl’s confusion. “ The gentleman would like
thirty boxes o f these at one thousand francs apiece, as well as
ten boxes o f nougatines.”
“And also twelve boxes these,” said Mr. Gurdjieff, “and
eighteen those.. .. No. They are too small, eighteen big ones.”
Finally, with still more purchases, we needed four men
lo carry everything back to the hotel. I escaped being a por­
ter, and, rather full o f myself but equally curious to see what
would happen next, 1 accompanied Mr. Gurdjieff to a per-
fume shop. There, the same ceremony was performed, except
Ihat he kept asking me whether such and such a person would
like this or that scent. How could I know? First, he bought

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 REMINISCENCES

for all the women on the trip; then for “wife you” ; then for
those he would see on his return to Paris. Lipstick, powder,
compacts, little vials o f perfume, bottles o f eau de cologne,
that he would doubtless present as “ Special Eau de Cologne
Vichy, unique in world!” No one would be taken in; every-
body would be delighted. He was visibly happy, and I was
happy along with him. When he had finished and everything
was wrapped up, I had in my arms more parcels - and fragile
ones at that - than my four companions did when they left
the confectioner’s shop. But I had witnessed Mr. Gurdjieff
shopping, and nothing could replace that.

Money Matters

These brief anecdotes prompt me to go back and recount a

small incident that made a strong impression on me.
It was on the day o f departure, the actual departure from
Paris for Vichy. We had gone back up to the apartment to
make sure nothing had been forgotten. In fact, we hadn’t paid
enough attention to the famous yellow box. There were four
o f us, and Mme de Salzmann as well. We were waiting for Mr.
Gurdjieff. He arrived from the back o f the apartment, decked
out from head to foot, elegant and laughing like a child at our
surprised looks - since we were more used to seeing him in an
old pair o f trousers and a vest that served as a jacket.
He was holding what looked like three small books - or per-
haps booldets - which, in the poorly lit hallway, looked new. I
was paying more attention to him than to the books. At that
point he said, “Ah! Who trust... ? Mme Salzmann!” and he
handed her what I then saw to be a tightly packed bündle of
large denomination banknotes, fresh from the bank.

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 THE TRIP. TO VICHY

Then he handed the second bündle to another very hon-

ourable, trustworthy person. I can no longer remember who.
He pretended to search for a person who could inspire him
with enough confidence to receive the third packet. Then
he turned toward me, saying, “ Doctor!” I don’t think I had
ever held such a fortune in my hands. I was very flattered,
and yet slightly worried at the thought that if I were to lose
that amount, I would put him in a difficult position, since I
couldn’t see how I’d be able to repay him in a hurry.
A few moments later, Mme de Salzmann put me quite
at ease. At a moment when Mr. Gurdjieff was otherwise
engaged, she confided to me in a low voice, “You know, don’t
give him too much o f it at once.”
“ I beg your pardon?” I said.
“Yes, yes. You’re not used to it, but, believe me, as soon as
Mr. Gurdjieff arrives in Vichy, he’ll spend it all as quickly as
possible, the whole lot o f it, and we’ll find ourselves without
any money and an enormous hotel bill to pay. He’s done it
before. You could pawn our watches, wedding rings, and all
our jeweis, and it still wouldn’t be enough. So, do as I do. I
put half the amount in the lining o f my coat. Here, you see,
this coat is specially fitted for that. And I give him the rest a
iittle at a time.”
I couldn’t quite picture myself in that Situation, saying
to Mr. Gurdjieff, “ Here are two banknotes. That should be
enough for today.”
So, during the shopping expedition that afternoon, her
warning came back to me: “ Don’t give him everything at
once.” But fortunately I had no problem on that score, and
when we returned to Paris, I gave him back almost the whole
amount he had entrusted to me on our departure. Could
I say that he was happy about this? No, I would be rather

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 REMINISCENGES

inclined to think the opposite; but for my part, I was relievetl

that I had managed to get through it without too much trou
ble. What money did he pay with, then? Because he boughl
a great deal, and I doubt that I saw all o f it. Who knows?
Pcrhaps he too had a coat with a special lining, and then ...
and then— It’s quite possible that Mme de Salzmann, see
ing how uneasy I was about handling that much money, had
added to Mr. Gurdjieff’s supply to turn up the heat a little on
my predicament.
At that time, my personal financial Situation was nol
particularly easy to manage. All the same, I didn’t discouni
the possibility that he could easily put any o f us on the spot.
Nothing was out o f the question when he wanted to touch
something in one o f his students.
Once, when I told that story, someone asked, “But didn’t
he have anyone to organize his finances?” What a naive ques­
tion! As if Mr. Gurdjieff weren’t capable o f organizing and
disorganizing his finances on his own and in his own way!
He could make a lot o f money quickly and spend it just as
quickly. He was gifted in both directions. In fact, that was
not the point. I saw here a man who was completely free to
make it or to lose it. That struck me especially because I was
so unskilled in money matters, and found it painful to see my
hard-earned savings disappear.
But the lesson was hard to swallow, and whenever I re-
tell the story o f these purchases - in themselves quite trivial,
though intended to give pleasure, which in itself is not trivial
- I see people’s faces darken. How small we are in front o f
this question!

In another incident concerning money matters, I had, as if

by chance, a brief but very significant experience with Mr.

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 THE TRIP TO VICHY

Gurdjieff while we were still in Vichy. 1 was ready for any-

thing, but what I most expected never happened, whereas
when a challenge arose, 1 was brought up short.
One morning as I was Crossing the lobby, I met Mr.
Gurdjieff. “So, D o c to rh e said. “ How you are?” Without wait-
ing for my reply, he went on, “You morning nothing special
do?”
“ No, monsieur.”
“ Good. Then time go terrace, take coffee.”
We went to rue Lucas, where he chose a little cafe. After
we had sat down, he settled himself into his armchair, saying,
“Good thing, terrace France. Sit well, look people pass.” He
pointed out a few, indicating for example a person Standing
in front o f a shop window. He explained that he belonged
to a certain type and therefore always did the same kinds o f
things, whereas another type o f man would behave differ-
ently. “ They not able do other.” It was fascinating to see him
take each machine to pieces in this way, exactly as if he had
taken apart a car engine and had said to m e,‘Given that it is a
two-stroke engine, you cannot ask it to give you what a four-
stroke engine can.’ What’s more, he summed up each one in
two or three characteristics.
I was taken both by the captivating side o f the explana-
tions and, I confess, by an agreeable intimate titillation at the
thought o f being Mr. Gurdjieff’s confidant, as well as the idea
that I alone was receiving these precious bits o f knowledge.
Then, out o f the blue, he asked, “ How going, you, Minister
Finance?” It was easy enough to understand.
“ U h !... Not so well, monsieur.”
“Ah!” he replied; and with an expression to suit the occa-
sion, he brought out his wallet and handed me a ten thou-
sand franc note, a real fortune at the time. I had no time to

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 REMINISCENCES

gather my thoughts. It was a difficult problem: to accept or

to refuse? And for what reasons to accept or not? I made
a quick survey o f the consequences. To say ‘No’ would be
stupid and too easy; but to say ‘Yes’ was loaded with reper-
cussions. I broke out in a cold sweat. Then, suddenly, some-
thing I had heard Mr. Gurdjieff once say came back to me:
“You can take anything, absolutely anything, on condition
that you give it back a hundredfold.” So without hesitation,
and looking him straight in the eye, I said, “Yes, monsieur,
thank you.”
That afternoon, I had the opportunity for a moment o f
conversation with Mme de Salzmann and I related what had
happened. When I mentioned the banknote, she stopped me:
“O f course, you didn’t accept!”
“ But yes, madame, I did accept. I accepted because I sud­
denly remembered what Mr. Gurdjieff said one evening: ‘You
can take anything, absolutely anything, on condition that you
give it back a hundredfold.’ I accepted ten thousand francs. I
am now in his debt for one million.”
She smiled brightly and said, “ In that case, all is well.”
Later, I made this debt into a new reminding factor, and
it was a great help for my work.
«*

On the last day I was able to do a little shopping myself so

as not to go back to Paris empty-handed. But I did so on a
much more modest scale than Mr. Gurdjieff. Without his
gift o f money, I would not have been able to take anything
back.
The return trip was uneventful, but I will never for-
get what I feit as I turned the key to open the door o f our
apartment: it seemed that those five days had lasted a whole
year.

210
 i in i im 1 im vii m

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dering how I was going lo i \« 11■«< m\ <1.................... I Ii mI
been away longer than expeclol Io m\ iiiinn um. uipii .
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appointments started flooding in.

211