22 Jump Street 2014 1080p BluRay x264 DTS-RARBG HI

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PREVIOUSLY ON 21 JUMP STREET
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You're a fucking nerd.
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Boy, you lucky
you even graduating.
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- Fuck!
- Oh!
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You're good at this, huh? Yeah.
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You're really good at this.
Yeah.
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Hey, you want to be friends?
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Yours isn't loaded, right?
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Just touch it. I'm scared.
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Just touch it.
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Seriously. All right,
all right, all right.
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You took a bullet for me, man.
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You shot me in the dick!
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Boom, motherfuckers!
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You two sons of bitches
are going to college!
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Yin is characterized
as slow, soft, passive
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and is associated with
water and femininity.
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While, Yang, by contrast,
is fast and solid and...
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Man, this is BS.
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I thought we were going to actual
college, not online college.
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Listening for coded
messages in lectures.
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What are you talking about?
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Look around.
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This is our city.
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What do we want to
be in college for?
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You're right.
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Partners for life.
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At Metro city port, the
tide comes in at 10:30 A.M.
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Then it will return to the sea.
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Metro port. One hour.
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Let's do this.
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♪ Turn down for what
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♪ turn down for what
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surprise.
There's two more arms.
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♪ Turn down for what
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♪ turn down for what ♪
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- shit! That's the ghost.
- The ghost?
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Joste nillsen,
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biggest trafficker of
illegal goods in Metro city.
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He teamed up with
a Mexican cartel
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and they're running all
this shit through the port.
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What the hell are we
supposed to be buying?
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I don't know.
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What are you doing? Huh?
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I got a new identity
that's gonna be killer.
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I'll be throwing it to you
to make it legit.
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Okay.
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I'm gonna need you
to improvise. Okay?
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I don't want to improvise.
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I'm gonna need you to improvise.
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I suck at improvising.
I don't want to do it.
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I need absolute silence
while I fall into character.
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I need absolute silence
while I fall into character.
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Can you give me
a head start on...
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I need absolute...
I need absolute silence.
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Can you please...
Absolute silence.
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Are you fucking
serious right now?
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All right.
I hate people who are late.
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We're trying to
see that product.
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Shit!
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Yo, sleepy! What's up, homie?
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You know my cousin, sad boy.
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I think you got
the wrong guy, homes.
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Oh, that's bullshit, man!
You sleepy!
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Everyone say in the barrio,
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sleepy, he like
the Mexican Wolverine and shit.
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Hey, my partner here,
he want to see the product.
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Why ain't he talking?
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My name is Jeff.
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That's jeffe, man.
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Tell 'em about
mousie's quinceanera, man.
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Tell 'em about
that crazy adventure you guys had.
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I don't know what
you're talking about.
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Oh, man, when you were
telling the story last night,
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you had so much detail!
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The detail was so rich! It was rich detail!
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Go into incredibly
descriptive details
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of the story, so we all know.
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Oh, yes.
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It was Dora and Diego
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and swiper.
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Swiper?
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Who was that you
choked out, man?
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He had it coming! Who was that?
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Boots.
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00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,137
No, man, that wasn't boots!
Boots isn't a real name!
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00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,305
You got to tell them
the real story, man.
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Start over from the top.
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That's a made-up name.
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I can't believe the punks
I have to deal with these days.
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It really makes me
miss the '90s,
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when we had
professionals around.
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You want to check out the goods?
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Check it out.
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And shut up. Right?
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Where'd you find
this gringo, man?
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At the fucking Mumford & sons concert
and shit?
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What is it? Guns? Drugs?
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No! No!
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Dude! It's gross!
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It's inking in my mouth!
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I'll get it off.
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Its tentacle is eating me!
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It's so strong!
It's really on there, man.
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It's biting my face!
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Shit!
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Black market exotic animals,
just like we expected to be in there.
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The accents are gone, huh?
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Take them out, guys.
They're cops.
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What was that? I don't know!
I think we're moving.
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We're definitely moving!
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There's fucking
birds and shit in here!
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There's actual shit!
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What the fuck?
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There's a fucking
dragon in here!
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Shit!
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What was that?
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Dude, that was our car.
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We shared so much in that car!
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I'm going to shoot them
in the face for that!
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That was our fucking car!
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What are you doing?
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Don't teen wolf on the truck!
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Don't leave me here alone!
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Then get up here!
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I can't do that!
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Then fucking climb around.
Come on, climb around.
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Let's go. Come on, buddy.
You got it.
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This is so scary!
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Shoot him!
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Don't leave me out here!
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I'm all out. You stupid moron!
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That's it. Come on.
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Fucking get up here.
Come on. Fuck!
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All right, you good? Yeah!
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All you got to do is walk now, okay?
Okay.
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Shit!
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What the fuck are you doing?
Get up here!
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I can't!
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All right, fine,
I guess I'll just drag you.
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I'm gonna die!
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You're not gonna die.
Just get the fuck up here!
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Pull yourself up here.
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Use your core!
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You got it, you got it.
Come on, come on. Yeah!
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All right.
Think you can stand on your own now?
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Yes!
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I think we lost them.
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Shit!
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He's the fucking Terminator!
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That's fucking dangerous!
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You are under arrest!
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Pull the truck over!
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I said pull the fucking truck over
right fucking now!
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You owe me a car,
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and it'd better be a fucking Lamborghini,
you bitch!
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I did it!
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You have the right
to remain silent.
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Oh, shit!
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Holy Moses!
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Shit.
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What happened?
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I think they got away.
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Is that a hickey?
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Oh. This was actually
an octopus-related incident.
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I'd opened a crate and the
octopus had leapt onto my face.
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Apparently, they have
many, many arms.
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They have eight tentacles.
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Yes, and... Look, ladies,
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nobody gave a shit about the jump
street reboot when you first came on.
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00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,941
Anyone with half a brain,
myself included,
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thought it was destined
to fail spectacularly.
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But you got lucky.
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So now this department
has invested
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a lot of money to make sure
jump street keeps going.
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00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,353
We've doubled their budget.
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00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:18,189
As if spending twice the money
guaranteed twice the profit.
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Like that's going to work.
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00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:25,864
Yeah. Well, the commissioner's
convinced this debacle happened
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00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,600
because you weren't doing the
same undercover student thing
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you did the first time.
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She doesn't get
that it's always worse
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the second time around.
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You settle into worn-out roles.
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One gets possessive,
the other runs away.
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You begin a slow,
painful unraveling,
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as all the good things
that came before
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00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:47,052
begin to be crushed
by the trash compactor of sadness.
189
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,221
That doesn't sound like us.
I mean...
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I'm getting a divorce.
191
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,528
We don't want to
do the same thing.
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00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,930
We want to burst
through our ceiling.
193
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,265
And you're gonna
find another ceiling
194
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,800
and you got to
bust through that one,
195
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,601
and you just got to
keep hammering ceilings.
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00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,502
Okay, okay, okay.
197
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:07,172
What if we actually went
into the secret service
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00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,640
and, like, tried to
protect the white house?
199
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,809
I think...
I don't think that would work.
200
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,544
I'm going to ask you
to stop talking.
201
00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:13,979
I thought it was
a pretty good idea.
202
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:17,716
Do the same thing as last time,
everyone's happy.
203
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:23,655
I can't believe the Koreans
bought their church back.
204
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,423
Yeah. Good thing
there was an even bigger
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abandoned church
directly across the street.
206
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,829
Yeah. That's convenient.
Yes, it is convenient.
207
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,364
Next year, we'll probably
just be right back across the street.
208
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,765
Just next door.
209
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,600
Let's not get
ahead of ourselves.
210
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:36,868
We're not ahead of ourselves.
211
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,110
We're right next to each other.
212
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:44,109
This is awesome.
Like, way more expensive for no reason.
213
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,044
Look at dickson's office.
214
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,247
Looks like a giant cube of ice.
215
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,749
How you bitches
like jump street now?
216
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:52,050
Hey!
217
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,719
Y'all see this shit?
218
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,689
22 jump street is the lick.
219
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,224
And I got a big-ass raise
220
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:01,726
to babysit
you two fuckers again.
221
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:04,162
Designed it myself.
We got an espresso bar.
222
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,964
I'm thinking about
a shark tank over there.
223
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,432
Ooh, I like sharks.
224
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:11,202
Fuck a 21 jump street,
and fuck a Korean Jesus.
225
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,104
Whoa! Cap, come on,
Korean Jesus is right there.
226
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,739
That's Vietnamese Jesus.
227
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,941
See, this a Vietnamese church.
228
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:20,345
You racist,
sacrilegious sack of shit.
229
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:25,116
Look at that.
Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo.
230
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,651
And we got some
new dumb-ass interns.
231
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,119
Hey, hey! Look alive! Huh?
232
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,321
Boys. Yo, jenko.
233
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,060
Hey, Schmidt!
234
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,699
Don't do that.
235
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,801
So, they want the same shit,
so here we go.
236
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,170
Same identities.
237
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,139
Same assignment.
238
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,641
We're going back
to high school?
239
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,576
Your ass look like you about 50.
240
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,111
You're going to MC state.
241
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,746
We're going to college for real?
242
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:58,216
Somebody's out there,
they're cooking up a new drug.
243
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,252
It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed
with God knows what else.
244
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,888
Wipey?
245
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,157
No, you dumb motherfucker.
Whyphy.
246
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,627
Stands for work hard? Yes.
Play hard? Yes.
247
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,396
Now, these kids take this shit,
248
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:15,066
and they get laser-focused
for about four hours of studying,
249
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,169
and then they party
like it's goddamn 1999.
250
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,338
Who's this?
251
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,906
That's Cynthia Watson.
252
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,742
She was a student at MC state.
253
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,976
She took some whyphy,
254
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,244
got locked out of her dorm,
255
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,479
ended up falling off the roof.
256
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:29,514
And now she's dead.
257
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,953
That's her buying drugs
on campus.
258
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,654
And that's the dealer.
259
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,857
Find him and we find
the supplier.
260
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:41,726
Sir, can I just say,
261
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:45,597
it is so refreshing to have
a case with a black victim.
262
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,299
I mean, we care so much
more because she's black.
263
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,568
I think what he's
really trying to say
264
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:53,371
is that we care equally.
265
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,541
It's a tie, really,
how much we care.
266
00:12:56,543 --> 00:13:00,078
Uh... no, we're not. If it was a
white person, I wouldn't even care.
267
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,800
One less cracker-ass
cracker to worry about.
268
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:06,484
Why every time you speak I
want to throw the fuck up?
269
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,387
Infiltrate the dealer,
find the supplier.
270
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,565
You all right?
271
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,600
Yeah.
272
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:24,402
It's just...
273
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:30,275
I'm the first person in my family
to pretend to go to college.
274
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,110
Best part is we get to
do it together.
275
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,246
What's up, college?
276
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,648
What's up, bro? We're 322.
277
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,715
Fuck high school, right?
278
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:38,850
Fuck high school.
279
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,052
Oh, so tight!
280
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,888
Oh, this is so baller!
281
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,890
Beds... oh, shit.
282
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,159
Oh, dope. That looks like cum.
283
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,828
That's cum. Okay. All right.
284
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,310
Already got cum on
the mattress, dawg.
285
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,432
Welcome to college. Fuck, yeah.
286
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,309
Hilarious shirt that
signals we drink alcohol.
287
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,247
Some bacon machine
that my mom got me.
288
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,582
I do not understand
how it works.
289
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,226
It's true.
290
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,588
Super high-tech police gear.
291
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,097
Carte Blanche with
the budget, motherfucker.
292
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,869
I'm going to veto that poster.
293
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,371
It's a touch childish.
294
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,107
Okay. What do lambos have to
do with touching children?
295
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,276
Lambos are lame.
296
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:41,112
I get one choice. I get
one thing that I'm not...
297
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,881
We have to agree.
You know what I mean?
298
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,383
What up, fellas? We're your
across-the-hall neighbors.
299
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,351
Oh, hey, there's two of you.
You're twins.
300
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,485
What's up, man?
301
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,854
We're the yangs, man.
Kenny Yang. What's up?
302
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,189
Keith Yang.
303
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,523
What's going on?
What's going on?
304
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,691
Did you say the yangs?
305
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,293
Yeah, dad's Chinese, man.
306
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,528
Our mom's not Chinese.
She's black.
307
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,997
Oh. She's like real black.
308
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,632
Like Wesley snipes black.
Exactly.
309
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:01,666
We're brothers, too.
310
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,769
No. He's not kidding.
He's serious.
311
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,170
Oh, really?
312
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,605
What? Like, one of y'all older?
313
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,307
Mmm-hmm.
314
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,174
Yeah, 'cause you got crow's
feet under your eyes, man.
315
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,876
You specifically.
316
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,646
We're actually just
normal college age.
317
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,314
I mean, even if you're a little
older, that's cool, man,
318
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,615
because, you know,
girls here love older dudes.
319
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,917
That's true.
320
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,785
Plus, there's mad
fuckable girls here.
321
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,720
Mad fuckable. Especially
during spring break.
322
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,923
I love spring break.
But I do have to say,
323
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,424
I've fucked
a thousand girls by now
324
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,692
and I don't know,
at the end of the day,
325
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,960
you just kind of want something
326
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,061
that's just
a little deeper really.
327
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,932
Yeah, balls deeper.
Jinx. Buy me a coke.
328
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,623
Oh, snap, we're still
saying the same thing.
329
00:15:35,636 --> 00:15:37,335
This is amazing!
330
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,271
Carrots. Pumpernickels.
Glow sticks. Twins!
331
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,173
That's dope, dude.
That's so sick.
332
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:45,443
That's crazy. We have that
brother connection, too.
333
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,811
You ready? Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
334
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,513
Pirates! Baby feet!
Paper clips! Bananas!
335
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,481
Sun! Anger!
I don't know! Words!
336
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,716
Quicksand! Shoes!
337
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,117
Boom!
338
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,552
That's hip-hop, man. Awesome.
339
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:55,554
That's great.
340
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,056
It's gonna be super fun.
341
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,218
All right? Same as last time.
342
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,060
Dude, if it's like last time,
343
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,928
you're gonna have an awesome time,
and it's gonna suck for me.
344
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,596
No. You're gonna have
an awesome time, too,
345
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,165
because I'm gonna
make sure of it.
346
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,633
You took a bullet for me.
347
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,202
That's right, I did, and it
sucked, but I'd do it again.
348
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,404
No way. It's my turn.
I owe you a life debt.
349
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,505
Co-ed bathrooms.
350
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,307
What? Oh, shit.
351
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,077
I'm not gonna take a shit
352
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:19,944
the entire time I'm here.
353
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,179
I know.
354
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,614
Hey. How you doing?
355
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,950
Hey.
356
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,686
What's up? 'Sup?
357
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,788
Just exhausted from
inventing Facebook
358
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,124
or whatever website
people our age use.
359
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,129
They still have books?
360
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,198
I thought they just put the
books inside the computers.
361
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,734
Yeah, I guess the kids just use
the stacks to hide and have sex.
362
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:44,736
So we'll go to all Cynthia's
classes and activities,
363
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,137
ask around about the drug
364
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,772
and find out who the dealer is.
365
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,040
Yeah, it's just like last time.
366
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,908
Exactly like last time.
367
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,076
Dude, in human sexuality,
368
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:53,644
do you get to fuck
369
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,207
or do you just get
to watch people fuck?
370
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:56,781
Neither.
371
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,670
What the fuck am I
taking it for, then?
372
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,989
Now, obviously, we've all
heard this statement before,
373
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,726
I've got a first
impression for you.
374
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,064
Oh, y'all like psychology?
375
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,399
Tracy Morgan.
376
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,203
Nobody?
377
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,640
Work hard,
play hard, am I right?
378
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:28,946
You looking for some whyphy?
379
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,048
Yeah, man, that'd be sick.
380
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,682
Go to the police station,
381
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,451
walk in and ask your captain
to see the evidence room
382
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,613
'cause you're a fucking narc.
383
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,355
I think you're mistaken.
384
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,323
You're literally
wearing your badge.
385
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,291
Did you really just check to see
386
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,359
if you were wearing your badge?
387
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,361
This guy's a fucking cop.
388
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,128
I didn't look down.
389
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:50,368
Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't
history happen a long time ago?
390
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,203
Well, history happens...
391
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:55,306
This class is such a gut.
392
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,207
Hey, you guys play football?
393
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,209
No, this is actually my laptop.
394
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,491
Yeah, I'm taking
notes right now.
395
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:02,313
I'm kidding. It's a football.
396
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,315
Mr. Mcquaid?
397
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:05,683
Covalent bonds.
398
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:12,423
What has been the result
of the war on drugs?
399
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,592
Why would you ask me?
I'm not a cop.
400
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:17,595
Because this is
a college seminar,
401
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,064
and that's how
college seminars work.
402
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:23,634
Professor gets into a lively
conversation with the student.
403
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,771
Friction creates fire, and
that leads to lessons learned.
404
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,039
Well, it's definitely
harder to get drugs.
405
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,607
I can personally tell you that.
406
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,576
The average price of cocaine
407
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,545
has dropped 70%
in the last 30 years.
408
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,228
Then your dealer's probably selling
you some pretty stepped-on shit.
409
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:41,452
Mr. Mcquaid, college is
a wonderful place.
410
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:45,022
This is where you get to
decide who you actually are,
411
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,725
instead of the person that you're
clearly pretending to be right now,
412
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,161
which everyone sees
through, by the way.
413
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:53,664
You got to decide, do I just
keep doing the same thing,
414
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,100
or am I gonna
choose a different path
415
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,602
and question my convictions?
416
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,705
I don't have any
prior convictions.
417
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:05,309
Why are you saying this stuff?
418
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,448
That's exactly the answer
I wanted, Mr. Mcquaid!
419
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,884
I want you to question
what I'm saying.
420
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:15,219
This is the basis
of this whole course,
421
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:16,821
and that's the beauty
of college.
422
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,389
You can say whatever you want.
423
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,057
You can be whatever you want.
424
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,894
I mean, I have tenure. I can
really say whatever I want.
425
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,595
George Washington
was a black lesbian.
426
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,430
The Eiffel tower
is made of dildos.
427
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,199
They can't fire me.
I'm indestructible.
428
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,801
I'm sleeping with
two of my students.
429
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,069
Her and her. I actually am.
430
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,138
Now, just like you did before,
431
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:37,742
I want you right now
to say whatever you want.
432
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:39,377
Say whatever you want.
433
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,913
Fieto.
434
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,183
Fieto, not a word,
but I'm gonna accept it.
435
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,152
You can do whatever you want
with your life, Mr. Mcquaid.
436
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:50,121
The only way you can
fail this class
437
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,523
is by not becoming
who you truly are.
438
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:54,792
Please respond to my text.
439
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,798
Okay, we got time for just
one more improve game.
440
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,800
For this one, we need a ton
of different suggestions.
441
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,036
So, we just need you guys
to fill in the blank
442
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,637
in a sentence that
we're gonna set up.
443
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,373
So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm
so hungry, I wish I had a...
444
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,342
Tampon! Okay, but we want...
445
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,710
We want it to be actual food
446
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,145
so that it, like, makes
sense with the game.
447
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:17,081
It's more fun that way. So, uh,
let's try it one more time.
448
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,116
Oh, I've got to get home
so I can feed my...
449
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,651
Boner!
450
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,953
You know what? Let's just
play the game, okay?
451
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,388
All right, so what would you...
452
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,856
Hey, that girl's
in my psych class.
453
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,258
Damn, she's hot.
Go talk to her.
454
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,759
You come talk to her with me.
455
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,462
Stop being a pussy
and go talk to her. Go.
456
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:32,763
All right, all right.
457
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,832
Coming to the stage, we got...
458
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:41,072
J. Bohnes, aka... Hey. Hi.
459
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,554
I think we're in
the same psych class.
460
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:44,642
Oh, yeah. Hi.
461
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,244
Yeah.
462
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:51,115
Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills!
463
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:54,619
Bills! A sign of
the times that rhymes
464
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,487
Amanda Bynes
465
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,156
drop that raggedy Andy circus
466
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,058
circle jerkus...
467
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,027
You guys are the improve
guys, right? Yeah.
468
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,428
That's cool.
469
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,230
You're the guy with
the terrible suggestions.
470
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,933
Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man.
Yeah.
471
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:12,236
Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is
gonna be up next for you.
472
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,639
Cynthia, that girl who died,
473
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:15,840
she used to come here
all the time, right?
474
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,074
Mmm.
475
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,877
This piece is called areolas.
476
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,346
Did you know her?
477
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:24,315
Yeah, she lived
across the hall from me.
478
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,750
Yeah?
So why do you care so much?
479
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,352
I'm... I'm writing a...
480
00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:30,588
Greedy man hands!
481
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,157
A slam poem in her honor.
482
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:34,759
Early stages, very early stages.
483
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,060
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
484
00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,561
Wouldn't it be better
485
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:39,130
just to, like, plan the
stuff out ahead of time,
486
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:42,800
and then not say it in front of
people and embarrass yourself?
487
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:46,237
That's a thing that people do.
That's stand-up comedy.
488
00:21:46,239 --> 00:21:47,371
That's probably
what you should do,
489
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,073
because that stuff's funny.
490
00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:53,010
My brown nipple will produce
white milk during lactation...
491
00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:54,612
What do you think of this?
492
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,614
I actually think
it's really powerful.
493
00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:58,149
That's cool that you said that,
494
00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:00,351
'cause I actually thought it
was really powerful, too,
495
00:22:00,353 --> 00:22:03,020
when the one girl was talking
about her nips and shit.
496
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:08,426
Okay, does anybody have
anything they want to share?
497
00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:09,760
Let's see what you got.
498
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,395
Any more poets in the audience?
499
00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:12,837
I... I mean, do you
really do poetry?
500
00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,799
I do, and I will.
501
00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:16,167
I got somebody. What?
502
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,969
Okay, we got somebody.
All right, give it up, guys.
503
00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,371
Yeah! Okay.
504
00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:21,639
Just go up there.
All right, okay.
505
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:22,807
Okay. No pressure.
506
00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:23,930
You'll see, it's good. Yeah!
507
00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:30,681
Um...
508
00:22:32,317 --> 00:22:34,752
This is a work in progress.
509
00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:37,822
So, uh...
510
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,562
Slam poetry!
511
00:22:45,263 --> 00:22:46,464
Yelling!
512
00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:48,165
Angry!
513
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,770
Waving my hands a lot!
514
00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:54,972
Specific point of view on things
515
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,007
Cynthia!
516
00:22:57,676 --> 00:23:00,478
Cynthia
517
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,714
Jesus died for our sin-thee-uhs
518
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:05,616
Jesus cried
519
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,585
runaway bride
520
00:23:08,653 --> 00:23:10,121
Julia Roberts!
521
00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:12,757
Julia rob
522
00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:14,525
hurts
523
00:23:16,496 --> 00:23:17,962
Cynthia!
524
00:23:20,133 --> 00:23:22,233
Cynthia
525
00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:23,934
you're dead you are dead
526
00:23:28,273 --> 00:23:29,273
You're dead
527
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,144
that's for Cynthia, who's dead.
528
00:23:39,017 --> 00:23:40,017
Whoo!
529
00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:48,192
I don't have a single lead.
530
00:23:48,194 --> 00:23:51,028
I do. I hear you can get whyphy
on campus anywhere 24/7.
531
00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:54,899
Do you think they mean
whyphy the drug
532
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:55,982
or WI-Fi like the Internet?
533
00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:58,869
What...
534
00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:02,339
Fuck you, brain.
535
00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:05,509
How did we find the dealers
so easy the first time?
536
00:24:05,511 --> 00:24:07,011
Well, his number was
literally on a sticker.
537
00:24:07,013 --> 00:24:09,013
Well, let's go find
this guy's sticker.
538
00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:10,781
I don't think this guy
does stickers.
539
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:13,717
Well, we need help. We
need to consult an expert.
540
00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,686
Yo, dude, you shot
him in the dick, dude.
541
00:24:15,688 --> 00:24:16,769
I got him in the dick. Yep.
542
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,190
Shot him in the dick.
543
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,529
If it isn't Turner and
hooch, in the flesh.
544
00:24:25,531 --> 00:24:27,998
Holy shit, you are looking fit.
545
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:32,436
Hey, you should get
some tips from this guy.
546
00:24:32,438 --> 00:24:35,172
He's looking good. Look at
those pectoral muscles.
547
00:24:35,174 --> 00:24:37,241
That's the kind of definition
I want out of you, man.
548
00:24:37,243 --> 00:24:39,076
What's up, Eric? Hey.
549
00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:41,645
Mr. Walters, we should, um...
550
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,180
Or I should apologize for, uh...
551
00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:47,117
For shooting my penis off?
552
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,486
Yeah. Yeah.
553
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,822
Don't sweat it, brother.
I'm liberated. Totally.
554
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,064
You know they gave me a vagina?
555
00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:55,693
It's awesome. You
guys want to see it?
556
00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:57,761
No, no, no, no! No, no, no.
557
00:24:57,763 --> 00:24:59,930
That's fine. All right.
Eric's seen it.
558
00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:02,266
Eric's been all up in that shit.
Isn't that right, Eric?
559
00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:03,734
You guys got to get me
the fuck out of here.
560
00:25:03,736 --> 00:25:04,768
Hey, guess what.
561
00:25:04,770 --> 00:25:05,770
I'm Eric's bitch.
562
00:25:06,271 --> 00:25:07,404
No, you're not.
563
00:25:07,406 --> 00:25:09,206
Yes! I am!
564
00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:10,875
I'm your bitch.
565
00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:14,545
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry, honey.
566
00:25:14,547 --> 00:25:16,914
I didn't mean that.
You know that, right?
567
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:18,883
I am such a bitch
when aunt Flo shows up.
568
00:25:18,885 --> 00:25:21,886
It bleeds so much, it's crazy.
569
00:25:21,888 --> 00:25:24,288
It's like the elevator doors
opening in the shining.
570
00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:26,957
Your vagina doesn't
fucking work, man.
571
00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:29,627
Worked for you last night.
572
00:25:29,629 --> 00:25:32,963
You are so clearly forcing
Eric into this relationship.
573
00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:35,032
Eric, am I forcing you
into anything?
574
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:37,268
Yes. See?
575
00:25:37,270 --> 00:25:38,669
Look, they sent us in
undercover at a college
576
00:25:38,671 --> 00:25:40,304
to find the dealer
of this new synthetic,
577
00:25:40,306 --> 00:25:42,339
and no one will
tell us anything.
578
00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:44,608
That's 'cause you guys look
like fucking narcs, all right?
579
00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:46,210
College kids
aren't dumb like Eric.
580
00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:47,845
I was supposed
to go to Berkeley.
581
00:25:47,847 --> 00:25:50,581
Well, they gave us a
picture, so we do have that.
582
00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:51,749
Well, that's your lead,
motherfucker!
583
00:25:51,751 --> 00:25:53,651
That's what you start with.
584
00:25:53,653 --> 00:25:55,619
I know, but we can't see his face,
so we don't know who it is.
585
00:25:55,621 --> 00:25:57,655
We don't know who it is.
586
00:25:57,657 --> 00:25:59,723
I'm Schmidt. My pants
are filled with doody.
587
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:01,792
That's you.
588
00:26:01,794 --> 00:26:03,194
That doesn't sound
anything like me.
589
00:26:04,029 --> 00:26:05,596
You sort of sound like that.
590
00:26:05,598 --> 00:26:06,764
That doesn't sound
anything like me.
591
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:07,831
That doesn't sound
anything like me.
592
00:26:07,833 --> 00:26:09,266
It's not not you.
593
00:26:09,268 --> 00:26:13,237
Eric! Close your eyes and tell
me who's talking right now.
594
00:26:14,974 --> 00:26:16,974
That's Schmidt
being a little bitch.
595
00:26:16,976 --> 00:26:18,542
That's just not
a good impression.
596
00:26:18,544 --> 00:26:19,743
Whoa!
597
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,679
Nice job, super sleuths.
598
00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:22,980
Did you even bother to look
at the fucking picture?
599
00:26:23,481 --> 00:26:25,015
Yeah. Huh?
600
00:26:25,017 --> 00:26:26,297
There's a reflection right here.
601
00:26:27,819 --> 00:26:29,987
Your fucking guy's got a tattoo.
602
00:26:29,989 --> 00:26:33,557
Find the tattoo,
find the dealer.
603
00:26:33,559 --> 00:26:37,728
Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot
of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.
604
00:26:37,730 --> 00:26:39,063
Do you remember
that stupid tattoo?
605
00:26:39,065 --> 00:26:40,931
A bazooka?
606
00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:44,535
Think I might have did it
on a football player.
607
00:26:44,537 --> 00:26:45,903
Guy with a red Mohawk.
I don't know.
608
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:47,771
They all start to
look the same to me.
609
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,607
I think I know exactly
who he's talking about.
610
00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:54,378
Fuck you!
611
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,981
Fuck you,
you little walk-on fuck!
612
00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:58,782
I can't, like, move around
in these things.
613
00:26:58,784 --> 00:27:00,451
God, I love walk-on day!
614
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:01,453
Fuck, yeah.
615
00:27:04,022 --> 00:27:05,489
That's a weird time
to be q-tipping.
616
00:27:05,491 --> 00:27:08,325
You're all fucking pussies!
617
00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:10,260
Dude, you don't have to do this.
What?
618
00:27:10,262 --> 00:27:11,829
I just don't want you to get hurt.
I'm not gonna get...
619
00:27:11,831 --> 00:27:12,963
Whoops.
620
00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:14,264
Shit. Whoa.
621
00:27:14,266 --> 00:27:15,833
Dude, I am so sorry.
622
00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:16,934
It's all right, man.
Don't worry about it, man.
623
00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:18,402
Are you sure? All right...
Yeah. Ow.
624
00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:20,471
Shit. I got it.
625
00:27:20,473 --> 00:27:21,705
Okay, I got it, I got it.
626
00:27:21,707 --> 00:27:23,307
Ow! That's fine.
627
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,875
I'll get it. No, no, let
me get it, let me get it.
628
00:27:24,877 --> 00:27:26,276
No, I got it. Let me just get it.
No, let me get it.
629
00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:28,312
I got it, I got it.
Let's just...
630
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:31,048
Dude, I'm sorry. I got my
q-tip in your meat, bro.
631
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:33,050
No, man, I got my... I got
my meat in your q-tip.
632
00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:35,319
It's like a whole
new type of sandwich.
633
00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,287
Like, a meat q-tip.
634
00:27:37,289 --> 00:27:38,289
Like a meat-qute.
635
00:27:40,725 --> 00:27:42,126
That's funny.
636
00:27:42,128 --> 00:27:43,728
Hey, you guys want
some of this sandwich?
637
00:27:43,729 --> 00:27:45,129
It's a meat-qute sandwich.
638
00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:47,398
Me and this guy are
having a meat-qute.
639
00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:51,035
You're hilarious, dude.
What's your name?
640
00:27:51,037 --> 00:27:53,070
Brad. Wait... Brad.
641
00:27:53,072 --> 00:27:54,405
Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad.
642
00:27:54,407 --> 00:27:55,839
I'm Zook. Nice to meet you.
Zook.
643
00:27:55,841 --> 00:27:57,808
Nice to meet you, too, man.
644
00:27:58,610 --> 00:27:59,810
Blue 20!
645
00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:02,413
Blue 20!
646
00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:04,381
Set, hut!
647
00:28:26,604 --> 00:28:27,604
You love walk-on day now?
648
00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:33,723
Your arm all right? You want
to take that sleeve off?
649
00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:36,380
No, I'm good.
650
00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:40,684
Dude, holy shit, bro.
Great fucking catch, dude.
651
00:28:40,686 --> 00:28:44,455
If you see that safety line up
that deep, though, hit me quicker.
652
00:28:44,457 --> 00:28:46,356
Oh, yeah, I didn't know you
had wheels like that, bro.
653
00:28:46,358 --> 00:28:48,058
It's funny, 'cause
he's my brother. So...
654
00:28:48,626 --> 00:28:50,194
Um...
655
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:53,931
Hey, uh, you know, we have
this rush party at zeta.
656
00:28:53,933 --> 00:28:56,800
But I thought, you know, you
could come by and meet the guys.
657
00:28:56,802 --> 00:28:58,302
It'd be really fun, I think.
658
00:28:58,304 --> 00:28:59,436
Great. Yeah, maybe we will.
659
00:29:00,972 --> 00:29:02,606
Are you guys, like, together?
660
00:29:02,608 --> 00:29:04,508
Yeah. Yeah, this is my bro.
661
00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:07,044
That's...
Funny, dude. You're funny.
662
00:29:07,512 --> 00:29:09,012
Oh.
663
00:29:09,014 --> 00:29:10,714
Uh, really? Wow. Um, okay.
664
00:29:10,716 --> 00:29:12,483
Yeah, man, sure.
You, too, you can come, too.
665
00:29:12,485 --> 00:29:13,917
We'll see what we can do.
666
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:15,052
Also, I said
a bunch of stuff earlier
667
00:29:15,054 --> 00:29:16,186
that you didn't acknowledge...
668
00:29:16,188 --> 00:29:18,055
Great catch. Cool, yeah.
669
00:29:18,057 --> 00:29:19,156
See you then. So you
won't address that?
670
00:29:19,158 --> 00:29:20,624
What the fuck's up
with that guy?
671
00:29:20,626 --> 00:29:22,526
All we have to do now is
rush the frat long enough
672
00:29:22,528 --> 00:29:25,295
to confirm that rooster
has that bazooka tattoo.
673
00:29:25,297 --> 00:29:27,364
Look, man, do you think
it's cool if you come?
674
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:29,533
'Cause, I mean, he kind of
really just asked me.
675
00:29:29,535 --> 00:29:30,601
I just don't want to start off
676
00:29:30,603 --> 00:29:31,883
on the wrong foot with this guy.
677
00:29:33,639 --> 00:29:36,206
Dude, you're tripping.
We do everything together.
678
00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:37,841
You should lose
the puka shells, though.
679
00:29:37,843 --> 00:29:40,210
Things are different since
you didn't go to college.
680
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,347
Yo, Brad! What's up, dude?
681
00:29:44,315 --> 00:29:45,716
Same puka, dude.
682
00:29:45,718 --> 00:29:47,017
You got the same... Puka bros.
683
00:29:47,019 --> 00:29:48,259
Holy shit!
684
00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:50,454
Look at him,
it's, like, all the same.
685
00:29:50,456 --> 00:29:51,955
Dude, you wear pants, too?
686
00:29:51,957 --> 00:29:54,024
What? Bros, man. Dude.
687
00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:55,626
I knew we were gonna be
connected, just like that.
688
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,094
Yeah, why don't you guys
just tie your dicks together
689
00:29:57,096 --> 00:29:57,895
and get married, right, rooster?
690
00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,930
Rooster. What's up, bro?
691
00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:01,431
You look good, man.
692
00:30:01,433 --> 00:30:02,766
What's up, rooster?
693
00:30:02,768 --> 00:30:04,434
How you doing, man?
Digging the puka.
694
00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:05,769
Thanks, dude. I can't
believe it's the same...
695
00:30:05,771 --> 00:30:07,070
How you doing, rooster?
696
00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:08,205
Rooster is getting some pop.
697
00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:09,447
Why don't you go check him out?
698
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:15,358
You in the zone, bro? In
the fucking zone, dude.
699
00:30:19,551 --> 00:30:20,951
Hey. What's up?
700
00:30:21,719 --> 00:30:22,920
What's up? I'm rooster.
701
00:30:22,922 --> 00:30:24,755
Oh, yeah, no.
702
00:30:24,757 --> 00:30:26,089
We've met before.
703
00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:27,524
Oh, really? I don't
remember that at all.
704
00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:29,459
You must just have
a really plain face.
705
00:30:29,461 --> 00:30:31,261
Yeah. They call me
ol' plain face.
706
00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:33,564
They call you that?
707
00:30:33,566 --> 00:30:36,600
So, do you have any body art
or, like, any ink I could see?
708
00:30:36,602 --> 00:30:38,602
That's a pretty random question.
709
00:30:38,604 --> 00:30:41,071
Hey, anyway, it was so nice
chatting with you, man.
710
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:42,406
Nice to meet you, man.
711
00:30:42,408 --> 00:30:43,440
Yo, what the fuck, bro?
712
00:30:43,442 --> 00:30:44,641
Yo, what the fuck
are you doing, dude?
713
00:30:44,643 --> 00:30:45,676
You serious right now? You...
714
00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:47,044
You're being weird.
715
00:30:48,379 --> 00:30:49,379
You've been weird.
716
00:30:51,082 --> 00:30:53,684
It was just like,
what am I hearing?
717
00:30:53,686 --> 00:30:54,918
What am I hearing right now?
718
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:55,919
And the psychic told you that?
719
00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:57,521
Yo. That is so crazy, dude.
720
00:30:57,523 --> 00:30:59,189
Hey, dude, you want to
go see the roof?
721
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:00,557
Fuck yeah, I want to
see the roof, dude.
722
00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:02,226
Come on, let's go,
let's go. Come on.
723
00:31:02,228 --> 00:31:04,228
Come on to the roof, come
on to the roof. Let's go.
724
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,493
Come on, you can do it.
Come on, come on, come on!
725
00:31:13,004 --> 00:31:15,472
I miss climbing so much.
Come on, let's go. Come on.
726
00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:16,540
All right, uh...
727
00:31:21,679 --> 00:31:23,080
One more time.
728
00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:25,015
I'm just gonna go home.
729
00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:26,283
I don't know parkour, so...
730
00:31:27,452 --> 00:31:28,452
All right.
731
00:31:33,491 --> 00:31:35,025
Hey, Maya Angelou!
732
00:31:36,962 --> 00:31:39,496
Poetry, okay. I got it.
733
00:31:39,498 --> 00:31:40,658
Make fun of the poetry major.
734
00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:43,533
So, I guess you have no interest
735
00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:45,168
in having a real job
in the future.
736
00:31:45,170 --> 00:31:47,371
Absolutely not. No, right?
737
00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:49,773
What about you?
738
00:31:49,775 --> 00:31:52,142
Um, I'm an art major.
739
00:31:52,144 --> 00:31:55,245
Okay. So you definitely cannot
talk any shit, 'cause...
740
00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:57,281
No, I can't. I cannot.
741
00:31:57,283 --> 00:31:58,181
You're never gonna
make any money.
742
00:31:58,183 --> 00:32:00,183
I'm never gonna make any money,
743
00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:02,119
so don't tell my parents, but...
744
00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:03,320
When I talk to
your parents tonight,
745
00:32:03,322 --> 00:32:05,155
I will not tell them
about your major.
746
00:32:05,157 --> 00:32:06,757
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
747
00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:08,191
All right, art major.
748
00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:10,961
What do you think about that?
749
00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:15,666
Um, I would say that
750
00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:20,070
it's these two beings
751
00:32:20,072 --> 00:32:22,940
leaning up against each
other in perfect balance.
752
00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:25,609
If one were to fall, they
would just lose each other.
753
00:32:26,577 --> 00:32:28,679
So it's just about support.
754
00:32:30,882 --> 00:32:33,483
You can't admit that it looks
exactly like testicles?
755
00:32:35,253 --> 00:32:37,120
That's exactly
what it looks like.
756
00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,893
So, is there someone
who supports you?
757
00:32:42,895 --> 00:32:44,394
No, I'm just one of those people
758
00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:46,563
that really likes to
spend time with myself.
759
00:32:47,665 --> 00:32:50,033
Tell me about it.
760
00:32:50,035 --> 00:32:53,370
I love to be alone. I am,
like, the best at it.
761
00:32:53,372 --> 00:32:56,373
I just love when you're
sitting there in a room,
762
00:32:56,375 --> 00:32:57,976
and you're just there
with your thoughts,
763
00:32:57,977 --> 00:33:00,043
and you're like,
oh, my gosh, I'm alone.
764
00:33:00,045 --> 00:33:01,845
Would anyone ever
love me? Or whatever.
765
00:33:01,847 --> 00:33:04,614
And, like, do I know
anyone who would care
766
00:33:04,616 --> 00:33:06,717
if I just ever came out
of this room or not?
767
00:33:06,719 --> 00:33:08,352
Or whatever and, like...
768
00:33:08,354 --> 00:33:09,519
I don't know. It's just peaceful.
I just like it.
769
00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:11,154
Yeah.
770
00:33:11,156 --> 00:33:13,090
Well, if you don't want
to be alone tonight,
771
00:33:13,092 --> 00:33:14,852
we are gonna go hang out
at the art building,
772
00:33:14,959 --> 00:33:16,526
if you want to come.
773
00:33:17,095 --> 00:33:18,562
Okay, okay.
774
00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:21,631
Okay. Okay.
775
00:33:28,106 --> 00:33:30,107
I expected tonight would go in a
way that you wouldn't expect,
776
00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:31,508
but what I didn't expect
was tonight would go
777
00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:33,443
in the exact way
that you would expect.
778
00:33:33,445 --> 00:33:36,413
You know what I mean? Totally.
779
00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,248
So you guys hang out here a lot?
780
00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:40,717
Yeah. I mean, we're not into the
whole frat party kind of stuff.
781
00:33:40,719 --> 00:33:42,452
We like to sit around,
just drink some good wine
782
00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,454
and talk about
some important stuff.
783
00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:48,558
Banging bitches and getting
wasted all fucking day.
784
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,660
Those are, like, two of
my favorite things to do.
785
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:53,296
You are, like, a slightly
less attractive version of...
786
00:33:53,298 --> 00:33:54,464
Picasso? Picasso.
787
00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:55,532
Right? I've been
told that before.
788
00:33:55,534 --> 00:33:56,534
You read my mind.
789
00:33:58,069 --> 00:33:59,102
What?
790
00:34:18,323 --> 00:34:20,257
Oh, that's
Cynthia Watson's room.
791
00:34:20,992 --> 00:34:22,526
Oh.
792
00:34:22,528 --> 00:34:26,063
It's only 2:00. I thought it was late.
Do you want to come in?
793
00:34:26,065 --> 00:34:29,332
It's only 2:00? I usually go to
dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so...
794
00:34:29,334 --> 00:34:30,834
Sure, yeah, why not?
795
00:34:34,205 --> 00:34:36,765
I'm gonna do it. I just got
to get it at the right angle.
796
00:34:38,377 --> 00:34:40,277
- Dude, stop.
- Stupid fucking goalpost!
797
00:34:40,279 --> 00:34:42,712
It's impossible.
You can't fucking do it.
798
00:34:42,714 --> 00:34:44,848
The fans used to rush the field
799
00:34:44,850 --> 00:34:46,483
after every win and tear
down the goalposts,
800
00:34:46,485 --> 00:34:49,052
and coach hated it. And
so he cemented them in.
801
00:34:49,054 --> 00:34:50,454
They storm the field,
and still do it,
802
00:34:50,456 --> 00:34:52,222
but they just bounce around.
803
00:34:52,224 --> 00:34:53,557
Fuck this goalpost, bro!
804
00:34:53,559 --> 00:34:54,858
You guys might want to hold on,
805
00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:57,427
'cause this shit is coming down.
806
00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:04,534
Yo, what is that? The tattoo,
what's that right there?
807
00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,069
Oh. Oh, this? Mmm-hmm.
808
00:35:06,071 --> 00:35:09,706
It's my old high school team.
The plainview red herrings.
809
00:35:09,708 --> 00:35:10,708
Look at it swim.
810
00:35:12,343 --> 00:35:14,678
Shit. What?
811
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,580
Shit, that's a really
outside-of-the-box
812
00:35:17,715 --> 00:35:18,715
high school mascot.
813
00:35:18,916 --> 00:35:20,383
Hold on, guys.
814
00:35:23,454 --> 00:35:25,755
Hey, why don't you
come to practice today?
815
00:35:25,757 --> 00:35:27,998
I mean, you're obviously good
enough to play on the team.
816
00:35:28,860 --> 00:35:30,760
Look, I'm not supposed to
be here to play football.
817
00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:32,462
What?
818
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:34,464
I'm just here to
do my assignments
819
00:35:34,466 --> 00:35:36,366
and get out, that's it.
820
00:35:36,368 --> 00:35:38,768
I mean, yeah, school's
important or whatever,
821
00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:41,705
but when I was
throwing you those passes,
822
00:35:41,707 --> 00:35:44,267
it was like I knew where you were
gonna be before you went there.
823
00:35:45,209 --> 00:35:47,344
You know, I had this,
like, vision of me
824
00:35:47,346 --> 00:35:50,547
throwing bullet tds
to you, dude,
825
00:35:50,549 --> 00:35:52,916
and then all these fans
just started going, like...
826
00:35:54,319 --> 00:35:56,319
Zook! Mcquaid! Zook! Mcquaid!
827
00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:58,355
And they were
chanting and chanting,
828
00:35:58,357 --> 00:36:00,290
and then
the goalposts came down.
829
00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:02,893
Dude?
830
00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:05,829
I have had that exact vision,
like, my entire life.
831
00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,099
Dude. Dude.
832
00:36:09,101 --> 00:36:10,800
Bro? Bro.
833
00:36:10,802 --> 00:36:12,369
Dude. Bro.
834
00:36:12,371 --> 00:36:13,371
Dude.
835
00:36:14,705 --> 00:36:16,506
Like, well, we fucking can, bro.
836
00:36:16,508 --> 00:36:17,829
All you gotta do
is join the team.
837
00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:22,846
Yeah. Why not?
838
00:36:22,848 --> 00:36:24,281
Yes!
839
00:36:24,283 --> 00:36:26,449
Fuck yeah, dude.
Fuck yeah, dude.
840
00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,485
What's that?
841
00:36:28,487 --> 00:36:29,452
My tattoo.
842
00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:31,254
Yeah, fuck, look.
843
00:36:31,256 --> 00:36:34,391
Look, it's me, Zook.
844
00:36:34,393 --> 00:36:37,294
Got a fucking bazooka for an arm.
Know what I mean?
845
00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:43,466
Dude, I'm so fucking pumped
846
00:36:43,468 --> 00:36:45,108
you're gonna be on
this fucking team, bro.
847
00:36:45,904 --> 00:36:46,904
Yep.
848
00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:53,677
What's up with it?
849
00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:55,845
How you doing?
850
00:36:55,847 --> 00:36:57,214
Hi. Good.
851
00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:59,449
How was the, um...
852
00:37:01,386 --> 00:37:02,719
How was the sex for you?
853
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:04,955
It was fun for me.
It was a good time.
854
00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:07,290
Yeah, right.
855
00:37:07,292 --> 00:37:08,225
I enjoyed it.
856
00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:09,426
Yeah.
857
00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:11,695
This is why I don't drink.
858
00:37:12,463 --> 00:37:13,496
Oh.
859
00:37:13,498 --> 00:37:15,298
Hey. How you doing?
860
00:37:15,300 --> 00:37:17,334
I'm fine.
861
00:37:17,336 --> 00:37:19,803
I mean, I'm not listening to you
guys fornicate all night long.
862
00:37:19,805 --> 00:37:20,904
Thrusting and pumping.
863
00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,606
Okay.
864
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:24,841
I thought your hip
popped out at one point.
865
00:37:24,843 --> 00:37:26,676
I'm just saying, it's,
like, all fun and games,
866
00:37:26,678 --> 00:37:28,998
and then you wake up in bed
next to a 40-year-old freshman.
867
00:37:29,413 --> 00:37:31,414
I'm 19, so...
868
00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:34,050
Nineteen minutes late
to pinochle,
869
00:37:34,052 --> 00:37:35,652
where you're meeting your
old friends in the park?
870
00:37:35,654 --> 00:37:37,420
Yeah, that's what I meant.
871
00:37:37,422 --> 00:37:38,955
Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him.
872
00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:41,324
He's still so sharp.
That's so inspiring.
873
00:37:41,326 --> 00:37:44,060
Tell us about the war,
any one of them.
874
00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:46,496
You're, like, the loudest
climaxer I've ever heard.
875
00:37:46,498 --> 00:37:49,666
It was, like, the sound of,
like, a 30-year-old sprinkler
876
00:37:49,668 --> 00:37:52,068
finally going off
for the first time.
877
00:37:52,070 --> 00:37:56,439
Okay, well, so lovely
talking with you.
878
00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:57,907
You're a lovely person. Hmm.
879
00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:00,810
Nice to meet you.
880
00:38:00,812 --> 00:38:02,812
Oh, my God.
881
00:38:02,814 --> 00:38:04,514
She seems nice.
882
00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:05,949
She's horrible.
883
00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:08,318
God.
884
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,020
She was Cynthia's roommate,
885
00:38:10,022 --> 00:38:11,454
and I felt bad for her, so I
told her I would room with her.
886
00:38:12,056 --> 00:38:13,056
So...
887
00:38:15,493 --> 00:38:17,394
So you probably
have a bunch of stuff
888
00:38:17,396 --> 00:38:18,436
that you have to do today.
889
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,297
Right? No.
890
00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:22,532
Oh. Okay.
891
00:38:22,534 --> 00:38:23,933
Look, I just want you to know
892
00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:27,470
I'm not, like, a hit it and
quit it type of fella.
893
00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,105
I'm, like, a hit it,
894
00:38:29,107 --> 00:38:33,176
continue to hit it both physically
and emotionally kind of guy, so...
895
00:38:33,178 --> 00:38:35,419
Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be
weird about this, are you?
896
00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:37,447
No.
897
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:38,815
I mean, you're cool
with just hooking up?
898
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:41,818
Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm
glad you said something.
899
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:43,253
'Cause I don't even know
if I like you when I'm sober.
900
00:38:43,255 --> 00:38:44,521
No, I know, and it's like,
901
00:38:44,523 --> 00:38:46,256
that doesn't even hurt,
like, at all.
902
00:38:46,258 --> 00:38:48,992
Okay, so, um...
903
00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:51,494
I'm gonna... I'm gonna split.
I'll text you later.
904
00:38:52,630 --> 00:38:55,999
Great, that was great sex.
You're good at it.
905
00:38:56,001 --> 00:38:57,400
And I'll text you, three to
five minutes or something?
906
00:38:57,402 --> 00:38:58,335
All right.
907
00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:19,723
What the fuck is this?
908
00:39:21,092 --> 00:39:23,226
This is bullshit.
909
00:39:23,228 --> 00:39:25,362
Are you two fucking
around at school again?
910
00:39:25,364 --> 00:39:26,830
Hey, we got to
pay for this shit.
911
00:39:26,832 --> 00:39:28,631
We need results! No, no, no.
912
00:39:28,633 --> 00:39:31,234
Look, we are
looking aggressively
913
00:39:31,236 --> 00:39:33,103
for this very specific tattoo.
914
00:39:33,105 --> 00:39:34,704
Or the tattoo could
just be a dead end.
915
00:39:35,573 --> 00:39:37,774
What the fuck?
It's the same case!
916
00:39:38,509 --> 00:39:40,510
Do the same thing.
917
00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:42,979
Well, it's not exactly
the same case, 'cause
918
00:39:44,148 --> 00:39:45,382
one of us got laid last night.
919
00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:47,016
Schmidt?
920
00:39:47,018 --> 00:39:48,284
Shh.
921
00:39:48,286 --> 00:39:50,186
Don't wake up my dick.
922
00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:51,988
Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't
gotten a wink of sleep.
923
00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:53,289
Damn.
924
00:39:53,291 --> 00:39:54,791
We're talking missionary.
925
00:39:54,793 --> 00:39:57,327
We're talking missionary.
926
00:39:57,329 --> 00:40:00,397
We're talking when I'm on
top and she's on her back.
927
00:40:02,133 --> 00:40:04,200
She's smart, she's an art major.
928
00:40:04,202 --> 00:40:06,836
She can't be that smart.
She's a fucking art major.
929
00:40:06,838 --> 00:40:08,304
Come on.
930
00:40:08,306 --> 00:40:09,839
I will give you
some daps, Schmidt.
931
00:40:09,841 --> 00:40:10,840
Give me some
motherfucking daps, man!
932
00:40:10,842 --> 00:40:12,075
Come on, give me some.
933
00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:13,910
Give me some. Come on!
934
00:40:13,912 --> 00:40:16,813
My human sexuality class
is blowing my mind.
935
00:40:16,815 --> 00:40:18,581
Did you know I used gay
slurs in high school?
936
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,683
Yes, directed at me.
937
00:40:20,685 --> 00:40:24,020
Dude, I am so sorry
for being a homophone.
938
00:40:24,022 --> 00:40:26,356
Are we gonna talk about how weird
you were today with Dickson?
939
00:40:26,358 --> 00:40:29,192
Look, I don't think the tattoo
means what you think it means.
940
00:40:29,194 --> 00:40:31,428
I mean, for all we know, a lot of
people could have that tattoo.
941
00:40:31,430 --> 00:40:34,931
This tattoo? This
absurdly specific tattoo?
942
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:36,294
Name one other person
who has this.
943
00:40:37,401 --> 00:40:39,602
For starters, Zook has it.
944
00:40:39,604 --> 00:40:41,037
Zook has the tattoo?
945
00:40:41,039 --> 00:40:46,242
What the fuck? We've been looking
for this tattoo for days!
946
00:40:46,244 --> 00:40:47,977
Do you understand this
means Zook is the dealer?
947
00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:49,646
I really want
you guys to hang out.
948
00:40:49,648 --> 00:40:52,782
We have hung out. He's
completely ignored me.
949
00:40:52,784 --> 00:40:55,585
I'm sorry, but we're gonna have
to investigate your new bff.
950
00:40:55,587 --> 00:40:57,153
We're gonna put
cameras everywhere,
951
00:40:57,155 --> 00:40:58,888
and we're gonna monitor the
fuck out of what he's doing.
952
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,223
We can't just walk
into zeta house
953
00:41:00,225 --> 00:41:02,525
and just put up a bunch of
fucking cameras, okay?
954
00:41:02,527 --> 00:41:04,260
There's dudes there everywhere.
955
00:41:04,262 --> 00:41:06,029
All right, your plan
is stupid. I'm sorry.
956
00:41:06,031 --> 00:41:08,498
My plan is stupid? That's interesting.
What... okay.
957
00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:09,833
I'm, like, basically done
958
00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:11,434
fucking watching your shit
all the fucking time.
959
00:41:11,436 --> 00:41:12,702
Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the
fucking stupid one. Yeah.
960
00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,037
Oh, that's really
fucking stupid.
961
00:41:14,039 --> 00:41:16,206
Man, it must be hard
being so different.
962
00:41:16,208 --> 00:41:19,442
We're exactly the same. It makes
everything so much easier.
963
00:41:19,444 --> 00:41:21,945
Guys, can you just
give us some space?
964
00:41:21,947 --> 00:41:23,046
We're really trying to
figure something out,
965
00:41:23,048 --> 00:41:24,280
and we need to focus, okay?
966
00:41:24,282 --> 00:41:26,316
You're not gonna have
trouble focusing, man.
967
00:41:26,318 --> 00:41:29,452
Yeah, man, those krispie
treats got mad whyphy in them.
968
00:41:29,454 --> 00:41:31,821
We made a batch
for the whole dorm, man.
969
00:41:33,524 --> 00:41:36,659
I've eaten six of these.
970
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:38,695
Then you're gonna be real focused.
Be real focused.
971
00:41:38,697 --> 00:41:40,498
In about four hours,
you're gonna be tripping.
972
00:41:41,799 --> 00:41:43,166
You're fine. You're gonna
be all right, man.
973
00:41:43,168 --> 00:41:44,567
Who sold you whyphy?
974
00:41:44,569 --> 00:41:46,069
Nobody sold it to us.
975
00:41:46,071 --> 00:41:47,937
Yeah, man, Cynthia
gave us a butt load,
976
00:41:47,939 --> 00:41:50,306
and in exchange, we wrote
her logic paper for her.
977
00:41:50,308 --> 00:41:51,508
All right. All right, man,
we'll see you guys later.
978
00:41:51,510 --> 00:41:53,076
Enjoy the food.
979
00:41:53,078 --> 00:41:54,677
Maybe this is a good thing.
980
00:41:54,679 --> 00:41:59,148
Let's use that focus to figure out
a way to get into zook's house.
981
00:41:59,150 --> 00:42:01,150
You feel anything?
No. Do you feel anything?
982
00:42:01,152 --> 00:42:02,872
No, but I have a super
high tolerance for...
983
00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:09,759
I'm so focused.
984
00:42:09,761 --> 00:42:10,860
I'm so focused, too.
985
00:42:14,732 --> 00:42:15,431
You don't have to
be on top of me.
986
00:42:15,433 --> 00:42:16,733
Yes, I do.
987
00:42:16,735 --> 00:42:18,167
Why? Camouflage.
988
00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:19,302
Go.
989
00:42:24,409 --> 00:42:25,675
Let's go.
990
00:42:27,278 --> 00:42:28,678
No fucking way.
991
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,014
Okay, so no? Dane? All right.
992
00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:33,049
Out, all right.
993
00:42:39,757 --> 00:42:40,757
Bull's-eye. Bingo.
994
00:42:44,828 --> 00:42:46,563
That helmet looks kind of lame.
995
00:42:46,565 --> 00:42:48,431
You know what's not lame?
996
00:42:48,433 --> 00:42:49,433
Safety.
997
00:43:12,723 --> 00:43:13,723
What are you doing?
998
00:43:14,224 --> 00:43:15,658
I'm cutting glass.
999
00:43:15,660 --> 00:43:17,026
It's a laser pointer.
1000
00:43:17,028 --> 00:43:18,695
It can't cut glass. What?
1001
00:43:22,399 --> 00:43:24,801
That's no fun at all.
1002
00:43:24,803 --> 00:43:26,269
I'm so focused. Let's do this.
1003
00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:27,471
I'm so focused. Let's do this.
1004
00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:41,391
Give me another. I don't
have any more cameras.
1005
00:43:46,957 --> 00:43:48,917
You don't need to drill so many holes.
Yeah, okay.
1006
00:43:55,833 --> 00:43:57,934
Yeah, that one's perfect.
Okay, you can do that one.
1007
00:43:57,936 --> 00:44:00,097
I don't have any more cameras.
I've said it five times.
1008
00:44:02,206 --> 00:44:04,374
All right. Okay.
That's the last of 'em.
1009
00:44:05,677 --> 00:44:06,976
Time to prove that
zook's the dealer.
1010
00:44:06,978 --> 00:44:08,077
Or not the dealer.
1011
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:10,913
Next up is Brad mcquaid.
1012
00:44:10,915 --> 00:44:12,515
Right? Yes.
1013
00:44:12,517 --> 00:44:13,950
Yes!
1014
00:44:13,952 --> 00:44:15,952
Obviously, right?
I mean, the guy's...
1015
00:44:15,954 --> 00:44:18,087
The guy's all-time.
You guys, let's be honest.
1016
00:44:18,089 --> 00:44:20,590
I mean, like, he was opening up
beer cans with his eyeballs.
1017
00:44:20,592 --> 00:44:21,624
That's so sweet of them.
1018
00:44:21,626 --> 00:44:23,493
So Brad... Brad's in.
1019
00:44:23,495 --> 00:44:24,694
Uh, Doug mcquaid. No!
1020
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:26,863
He's a bag of dicks!
1021
00:44:29,566 --> 00:44:31,034
He's Brad's brother.
1022
00:44:31,036 --> 00:44:33,069
He follows him
around everywhere,
1023
00:44:33,071 --> 00:44:35,571
so I doubt we get
Brad without Doug.
1024
00:44:35,573 --> 00:44:37,273
That's not true. I have
a serious girlfriend.
1025
00:44:37,275 --> 00:44:39,108
I got a bad feeling about
this guy, dude. Why? Why?
1026
00:44:39,110 --> 00:44:41,010
I was talking to him
for a second.
1027
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,712
He's got a big mouth, okay?
1028
00:44:42,714 --> 00:44:44,881
I feel like he could fuck
this whole thing up for us.
1029
00:44:44,883 --> 00:44:47,350
See, you're fucking this up.
You talk way too much.
1030
00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:49,686
That guy is harmless, dude.
Look at him, he's nice.
1031
00:44:49,688 --> 00:44:51,921
He looks like a 30-year-old
eighth grader.
1032
00:44:51,923 --> 00:44:53,122
He's gonna be fine.
1033
00:44:53,124 --> 00:44:55,291
I'm just saying, the kid sucks.
1034
00:44:55,293 --> 00:44:58,261
Okay, and Brad. Brad
could be, like, our guy.
1035
00:44:58,263 --> 00:45:01,064
He could, like,
be a part of our thing.
1036
00:45:01,066 --> 00:45:02,799
Our thing? Yeah.
1037
00:45:02,801 --> 00:45:04,500
Shh. I'm trying to hear
them be nice about me.
1038
00:45:04,502 --> 00:45:05,902
This is fucking bullshit. Shit!
1039
00:45:08,305 --> 00:45:09,706
Shit.
1040
00:45:09,708 --> 00:45:11,207
Is somebody up there?
1041
00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:12,642
Shit. We got to get out of here.
1042
00:45:12,644 --> 00:45:13,810
Did you lock the door?
1043
00:45:13,812 --> 00:45:14,944
I did, man. I checked twice.
1044
00:45:32,329 --> 00:45:33,329
Go, go!
1045
00:45:33,897 --> 00:45:35,298
I'm so focused, dude.
1046
00:45:38,535 --> 00:45:39,769
Shit.
1047
00:45:44,042 --> 00:45:47,710
No, you're just paranoid because
we're about to trip balls.
1048
00:45:47,712 --> 00:45:49,078
No, I'm paranoid because
it could be dangerous.
1049
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,012
No, we're fine.
Look, we made it.
1050
00:45:50,014 --> 00:45:51,054
We made it. It's all good.
1051
00:45:52,349 --> 00:45:53,616
Oh, shit!
1052
00:45:56,754 --> 00:45:57,920
Help! Help!
1053
00:45:57,922 --> 00:45:59,055
What's happening!
1054
00:45:59,057 --> 00:46:00,189
What the fuck?
1055
00:46:03,827 --> 00:46:06,429
I can't breathe.
1056
00:46:07,564 --> 00:46:09,499
They made us!
1057
00:46:09,501 --> 00:46:11,167
They're gonna kill us!
1058
00:46:13,270 --> 00:46:14,837
Jenko!
1059
00:46:14,839 --> 00:46:16,372
Where are you going?
1060
00:46:21,178 --> 00:46:24,080
Oh, fuck! I'm having a bad trip!
We're having a bad trip!
1061
00:46:24,082 --> 00:46:26,015
I think we are tripping, but...
1062
00:46:26,017 --> 00:46:27,483
God, isn't this great?
1063
00:46:27,485 --> 00:46:29,385
My side's so much
scarier than yours.
1064
00:46:29,387 --> 00:46:31,554
Oh, shit, your trip sucks.
1065
00:46:31,556 --> 00:46:33,189
You should come over here.
It's way better.
1066
00:46:33,191 --> 00:46:34,290
Okay.
1067
00:46:37,629 --> 00:46:39,462
It's some kind of
weird split screen!
1068
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,398
Hello, football.
1069
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,935
Jenko! Jenko!
1070
00:46:45,937 --> 00:46:47,804
I finally got my lambo!
1071
00:46:48,305 --> 00:46:50,506
Hey, Schmidt, look!
1072
00:46:50,508 --> 00:46:51,541
Look! Look!
1073
00:47:02,986 --> 00:47:04,520
My legs are tired.
1074
00:47:08,258 --> 00:47:09,992
Help! No more music!
1075
00:47:10,894 --> 00:47:12,228
You'll always be alone.
1076
00:47:13,698 --> 00:47:14,797
Hey, jenko. What?
1077
00:47:14,799 --> 00:47:16,365
Where are you going?
1078
00:47:16,367 --> 00:47:17,466
I'm just gonna go up
for a little while, okay?
1079
00:47:17,468 --> 00:47:18,768
Stay, stay here.
1080
00:47:18,770 --> 00:47:20,570
No, I don't want to stay here.
I'm flying. This is amazing.
1081
00:47:20,572 --> 00:47:22,305
No. God. Don't go!
1082
00:47:22,307 --> 00:47:23,372
Oh, my God.
1083
00:47:23,374 --> 00:47:24,640
No!
1084
00:47:24,642 --> 00:47:26,609
Stay here! No, no, stop it.
1085
00:47:26,611 --> 00:47:29,245
You're dragging me down!
Why would you drag me down?
1086
00:47:29,247 --> 00:47:30,247
Please stay! I'm flying.
1087
00:47:31,281 --> 00:47:32,648
Stay!
1088
00:47:35,786 --> 00:47:37,687
Wake up! Get out of the car!
Shit.
1089
00:47:37,689 --> 00:47:39,555
Get out of the car!
Get on the ground!
1090
00:47:39,557 --> 00:47:40,756
On your fucking knees!
1091
00:47:40,758 --> 00:47:42,291
Get on your knees!
1092
00:47:42,293 --> 00:47:44,327
You already know, don't you?
What?
1093
00:47:44,329 --> 00:47:45,161
Do you have anything to say?
1094
00:47:45,163 --> 00:47:46,796
Please don't kill us.
1095
00:47:46,798 --> 00:47:48,831
If you don't have
anything to fucking say,
1096
00:47:48,833 --> 00:47:50,933
open your fucking mouth.
1097
00:47:56,506 --> 00:47:57,740
What the fuck?
1098
00:47:57,742 --> 00:47:59,175
Is that vodka?
1099
00:47:59,177 --> 00:48:01,811
Welcome to zeta, pledges!
1100
00:48:01,813 --> 00:48:03,346
Yeah, buddy!
1101
00:48:05,415 --> 00:48:11,087
Pledges, tonight, we separate
the weak from the strong.
1102
00:48:12,856 --> 00:48:15,658
If you don't make it
through tonight,
1103
00:48:15,660 --> 00:48:17,393
you're dead to all of us.
1104
00:48:18,195 --> 00:48:19,228
Rooster,
1105
00:48:19,796 --> 00:48:21,297
light the torch!
1106
00:48:22,466 --> 00:48:23,633
For zeta!
1107
00:48:29,006 --> 00:48:31,607
Drink, motherfucker!
1108
00:48:31,609 --> 00:48:33,643
1109
00:48:39,783 --> 00:48:41,817
Look, whatever happens tonight,
you have to keep up, okay?
1110
00:48:41,819 --> 00:48:43,219
I'm gonna throw up.
1111
00:48:43,221 --> 00:48:44,487
I know. Shut up. Go.
1112
00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:46,923
Ready? Go!
1113
00:48:46,925 --> 00:48:49,125
Here we go, here we go.
1114
00:48:49,127 --> 00:48:51,427
One, two, three, four, five...
1115
00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:53,829
I can't do it anymore!
I can't do it anymore!
1116
00:48:53,831 --> 00:48:55,031
Twenty's the record!
1117
00:48:55,033 --> 00:48:57,099
Thirty-three, 34...
1118
00:48:57,668 --> 00:48:58,868
67...
1119
00:49:36,073 --> 00:49:37,206
You can do this,
you can do this.
1120
00:49:37,208 --> 00:49:38,307
I can't. This is disgusting.
1121
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:39,475
No, you got to.
I can't do this anymore!
1122
00:49:39,477 --> 00:49:41,544
And now, for my favorite event.
1123
00:49:43,013 --> 00:49:44,046
Fuck this. I'm not doing this.
1124
00:49:44,048 --> 00:49:45,181
I'm not doing it.
What are... no!
1125
00:49:45,183 --> 00:49:47,216
I'm not doing this,
okay? All right?
1126
00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:53,289
Hey!
1127
00:49:53,291 --> 00:49:55,091
Schmidt! What the fuck, man?
1128
00:49:55,093 --> 00:49:57,493
What is your problem? You said
you wanted to stick together.
1129
00:49:57,495 --> 00:50:00,262
This is what we have to do
to win their trust.
1130
00:50:00,264 --> 00:50:02,765
This is supposed to be fun. It's
just drinking and bonding games.
1131
00:50:02,767 --> 00:50:04,367
It's fun.
1132
00:50:04,369 --> 00:50:05,849
It's fun for you.
It's not fun for me.
1133
00:50:07,137 --> 00:50:09,338
I don't know.
Maybe we should just...
1134
00:50:11,141 --> 00:50:14,010
Maybe we should just
investigate different people.
1135
00:50:15,779 --> 00:50:18,447
Did you really just say that?
1136
00:50:18,449 --> 00:50:20,383
Did you really just say that you
want to investigate other people?
1137
00:50:20,385 --> 00:50:21,751
That's what you want?
1138
00:50:21,753 --> 00:50:23,652
I don't know, maybe.
1139
00:50:23,654 --> 00:50:26,355
Maybe we should just...
We should just branch out.
1140
00:50:26,357 --> 00:50:28,224
Okay, just sow
our oats a little.
1141
00:50:28,859 --> 00:50:30,393
Sow our cop oats.
1142
00:50:30,395 --> 00:50:32,061
Look, I have an in with Zook.
1143
00:50:32,063 --> 00:50:33,996
We have a thing
and it's good, and...
1144
00:50:33,998 --> 00:50:36,399
I don't know, maybe I should
just stay closer to him.
1145
00:50:36,401 --> 00:50:38,300
And you should do your thing
1146
00:50:38,302 --> 00:50:40,603
with your connections
and channels
1147
00:50:41,405 --> 00:50:42,938
with Cynthia's roommate.
1148
00:50:42,940 --> 00:50:45,074
You should see if she knows
who sold her drugs.
1149
00:50:45,776 --> 00:50:47,510
I just... I just don't...
1150
00:50:49,079 --> 00:50:52,448
I don't like the idea
of us doing stuff separately.
1151
00:50:52,450 --> 00:50:54,517
No, look, we can
still investigate
1152
00:50:55,118 --> 00:50:57,219
together.
1153
00:50:57,221 --> 00:51:00,656
It's just, you know,
now it'll be an open thing.
1154
00:51:02,159 --> 00:51:03,893
You want an open investigation?
1155
00:51:03,895 --> 00:51:06,328
I don't know if
that's what I want.
1156
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:09,498
All right? I just think it's healthy
right now for us to try it.
1157
00:51:12,169 --> 00:51:13,269
Okay.
1158
00:51:14,104 --> 00:51:17,039
Yeah? Sure.
1159
00:51:17,041 --> 00:51:18,961
Okay, so I guess I'll just
catch you later, then.
1160
00:51:23,447 --> 00:51:25,481
You okay?
1161
00:51:25,483 --> 00:51:27,450
No, you can't hug me right now.
1162
00:51:27,452 --> 00:51:29,051
Do you need money
for a cab or anything?
1163
00:51:29,053 --> 00:51:31,587
No, I don't need money
for a cab.
1164
00:51:32,589 --> 00:51:33,589
Okay.
1165
00:51:42,699 --> 00:51:45,201
I don't know where
the fuck I am right now.
1166
00:51:50,140 --> 00:51:51,507
Hey, Lauren.
1167
00:51:52,843 --> 00:51:56,846
I just want to get in bed
and watch friends all day.
1168
00:51:56,848 --> 00:52:00,850
Let's hear it for your
metropolitan city state statesmen!
1169
00:52:02,353 --> 00:52:04,253
And the statesmen
take the field
1170
00:52:04,255 --> 00:52:07,323
for the opening game against the
university of college generals.
1171
00:52:07,824 --> 00:52:09,058
Ready?
1172
00:52:09,060 --> 00:52:10,493
And a surprise start today
1173
00:52:10,495 --> 00:52:12,761
for walk-on freshman
Brad mcquaid.
1174
00:52:12,763 --> 00:52:14,163
Looks pretty old
to be a freshman.
1175
00:52:14,165 --> 00:52:15,064
It's the hormones
in the milk, Bob.
1176
00:52:15,066 --> 00:52:16,565
Ready? Set, hut!
1177
00:52:18,235 --> 00:52:19,635
Haythe drops back.
1178
00:52:21,238 --> 00:52:22,278
And connects with mcquaid!
1179
00:52:24,509 --> 00:52:27,877
Who beats safety will glock like an egg
white in my famous meringue recipe.
1180
00:52:30,847 --> 00:52:32,414
Holy shit, he's good.
1181
00:52:32,416 --> 00:52:35,651
None of you tell mcquaid
that he's good, all right?
1182
00:52:35,653 --> 00:52:38,821
If you do, he'll leave
this shitty program.
1183
00:52:38,823 --> 00:52:41,724
And as the clock ticks down, we've
got time for one last play.
1184
00:52:45,562 --> 00:52:49,098
Another perfect hookup
between haythe and mcquaid.
1185
00:52:49,100 --> 00:52:51,367
Even their end zone celebration
is in perfect sync.
1186
00:52:51,369 --> 00:52:53,769
It's like these two
share a single brain, Bob.
1187
00:52:53,771 --> 00:52:56,305
That's right, Jim. They
both have one half a brain.
1188
00:52:56,307 --> 00:52:57,706
And the crowd rushes the field
1189
00:52:57,708 --> 00:52:59,375
to try and knock down
a goalpost.
1190
00:52:59,377 --> 00:53:00,509
It's not coming down!
1191
00:53:03,114 --> 00:53:04,446
Good luck, guys.
1192
00:53:04,448 --> 00:53:06,715
Looks like mc state's
got a new power couple.
1193
00:53:06,717 --> 00:53:08,184
Zook and mcquaid!
1194
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,454
I got to get around you, man.
1195
00:53:12,456 --> 00:53:14,857
I can't jump up.
I got a broken ankle.
1196
00:53:19,930 --> 00:53:20,930
Yeah!
1197
00:53:22,098 --> 00:53:24,466
Fuck yes!
1198
00:53:24,468 --> 00:53:25,968
Yeah! One more!
1199
00:53:28,104 --> 00:53:29,104
Shit.
1200
00:53:31,508 --> 00:53:32,641
Who is that?
1201
00:53:32,643 --> 00:53:33,683
Nothing. All right, ready?
1202
00:53:34,978 --> 00:53:36,245
Come on!
1203
00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:37,479
Focus!
1204
00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:48,724
Come on! Do it!
1205
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,226
Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
1206
00:53:50,228 --> 00:53:51,794
I'm so jammed! Fuck you!
1207
00:53:51,796 --> 00:53:53,729
There's a sock on the door!
Don't come in!
1208
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:55,164
Fuck, yeah!
1209
00:53:55,166 --> 00:53:56,665
I'm having sex
with a human woman.
1210
00:53:56,667 --> 00:53:58,267
My God! Fuck!
1211
00:54:03,373 --> 00:54:04,807
Hey! Look at you!
1212
00:54:04,809 --> 00:54:05,975
What are you guys doing here?
1213
00:54:05,977 --> 00:54:07,977
What? Are you kidding?
It's parents weekend.
1214
00:54:07,979 --> 00:54:09,545
Fuck.
1215
00:54:09,547 --> 00:54:12,014
Wonderful.
You're dating someone.
1216
00:54:12,016 --> 00:54:15,050
Thanks, mom. Listen,
we're undercover, okay?
1217
00:54:15,052 --> 00:54:16,052
Thank you. No problem.
1218
00:54:16,987 --> 00:54:17,987
Doug!
1219
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:19,755
Maya!
1220
00:54:19,757 --> 00:54:20,757
Hey. Hi.
1221
00:54:21,391 --> 00:54:22,625
These are my parents.
1222
00:54:22,627 --> 00:54:24,593
So this is the girl?
1223
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:26,729
Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your
new mother-in-law.
1224
00:54:28,498 --> 00:54:30,099
Nice to meet you.
Worst thing to say.
1225
00:54:30,101 --> 00:54:31,400
Hi. Hey. David.
1226
00:54:31,402 --> 00:54:32,402
My dad. Nice to meet you.
1227
00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:34,536
Well, my parents are here, too.
1228
00:54:34,538 --> 00:54:36,739
Maya, hurry up!
1229
00:54:36,741 --> 00:54:39,008
Your mama done
found a table she want.
1230
00:54:45,982 --> 00:54:47,750
How do you know this person?
1231
00:54:47,752 --> 00:54:50,352
Dad, this is Doug,
a guy that I'm dating.
1232
00:54:50,354 --> 00:54:52,588
The fuck? I...
1233
00:54:52,590 --> 00:54:54,723
How's your classes going, Doug?
1234
00:54:54,725 --> 00:54:57,459
You... we were just in
the neighborhood, and...
1235
00:54:57,461 --> 00:54:58,560
I have an idea. Why don't
we all sit together?
1236
00:54:58,562 --> 00:54:59,895
Would that be fun?
1237
00:54:59,897 --> 00:55:01,063
Yes, thank you.
1238
00:55:15,879 --> 00:55:18,847
So... Do you like weather?
1239
00:55:20,417 --> 00:55:22,217
You two know each other?
1240
00:55:22,219 --> 00:55:23,686
No.
1241
00:55:23,688 --> 00:55:25,521
This is crazy, all these, uh,
1242
00:55:26,790 --> 00:55:28,791
students and parents.
1243
00:55:30,093 --> 00:55:31,093
Potential witnesses.
1244
00:55:32,395 --> 00:55:33,595
How did you two meet?
1245
00:55:33,597 --> 00:55:35,698
Oh, I love meet-cute stories.
1246
00:55:35,700 --> 00:55:37,666
We met at a poetry slam,
1247
00:55:37,668 --> 00:55:39,868
and then he stalked me
back to my dorm room.
1248
00:55:39,870 --> 00:55:42,004
Stalked her?
Oh, that's so beautiful.
1249
00:55:42,006 --> 00:55:43,305
Then what happened?
1250
00:55:43,307 --> 00:55:45,407
And then we hung out
and we watched a movie.
1251
00:55:46,376 --> 00:55:49,011
Actually, we watched
it a couple times.
1252
00:55:50,547 --> 00:55:52,548
This is bullshit!
1253
00:55:52,550 --> 00:55:54,283
This fucking... waiter!
1254
00:55:54,285 --> 00:55:56,885
What can a black man do to
get some water around here?
1255
00:55:56,887 --> 00:55:58,487
Give the fucking guy some water!
1256
00:55:58,489 --> 00:56:00,489
He's black!
He's been through a lot!
1257
00:56:00,491 --> 00:56:03,459
For the sake of your daughter,
please keep it together.
1258
00:56:03,461 --> 00:56:05,622
I'm gonna need a motherfucking
crepe before I go crazy.
1259
00:56:06,196 --> 00:56:08,530
I'll be right back.
1260
00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:11,633
So, where are you
from originally?
1261
00:56:11,635 --> 00:56:12,768
I'm straight outta Compton,
1262
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:16,338
but my husband's
from northridge.
1263
00:56:16,340 --> 00:56:18,073
Come on, man, hook me up.
1264
00:56:20,310 --> 00:56:22,378
What the fuck y'all doing?
Y'all rationing around here?
1265
00:56:22,380 --> 00:56:24,213
Come on, hook me up. Two
little fucking string beans?
1266
00:56:24,215 --> 00:56:26,582
Give me the goddamn
string beans.
1267
00:56:26,584 --> 00:56:28,450
I want some
fucking deviled eggs.
1268
00:56:28,452 --> 00:56:29,818
I like fruit.
Don't you like fruit?
1269
00:56:30,353 --> 00:56:31,820
I like fruit.
1270
00:56:31,822 --> 00:56:33,989
But this pork shit? Got to go!
1271
00:56:33,991 --> 00:56:35,424
He's really taking it out
on the omelet bar.
1272
00:56:35,426 --> 00:56:36,859
Shit was nasty!
1273
00:56:36,861 --> 00:56:38,594
He's under a lot
of pressure at work.
1274
00:56:38,596 --> 00:56:40,429
What's up, playa? Want
to go to the movies?
1275
00:56:40,431 --> 00:56:43,332
I'll break your motherfucking legs!
Break your legs!
1276
00:56:44,702 --> 00:56:46,335
What?
1277
00:56:46,337 --> 00:56:48,737
How you doing, Mr. Nice plant?
Get your fucking ass in there.
1278
00:56:56,646 --> 00:56:58,080
Hey, you want another beer?
I'm gonna get another beer.
1279
00:56:58,082 --> 00:56:59,882
Yeah, yeah, I'll do another.
1280
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:18,133
Hey, look, man,
1281
00:57:18,135 --> 00:57:19,668
you know you can
always tell me something
1282
00:57:19,670 --> 00:57:21,036
if you want to get
it off your chest.
1283
00:57:21,038 --> 00:57:22,599
You know I'm always
here for you, right?
1284
00:57:24,374 --> 00:57:25,374
What are you trying to say?
1285
00:57:25,376 --> 00:57:26,475
No, nothing.
1286
00:57:29,779 --> 00:57:32,347
All right, with everything
that happened
1287
00:57:32,349 --> 00:57:33,649
with Cynthia and whyphy,
1288
00:57:35,518 --> 00:57:36,839
I just don't want you
to screw up.
1289
00:57:37,654 --> 00:57:40,322
You don't think I know
what I'm doing?
1290
00:57:40,324 --> 00:57:42,057
What? I know exactly
what I'm doing here.
1291
00:57:44,794 --> 00:57:46,328
I'm gonna tell you
something, all right?
1292
00:57:46,330 --> 00:57:47,796
Can I trust you?
Yeah, of course.
1293
00:57:53,203 --> 00:57:56,638
I have a friend who
knows a guy at umc.
1294
00:57:57,407 --> 00:57:59,374
He's a scout. It's d-I.
1295
00:57:59,376 --> 00:58:01,043
Their qb, he's not playing well.
1296
00:58:01,045 --> 00:58:02,044
They're not happy
with the situation.
1297
00:58:02,046 --> 00:58:03,412
They want me to make a tape.
1298
00:58:03,414 --> 00:58:05,747
And I want you to
be on it with me.
1299
00:58:09,619 --> 00:58:11,687
Nothing else?
1300
00:58:11,689 --> 00:58:13,555
They had five guys in
the draft last year.
1301
00:58:13,557 --> 00:58:14,823
I mean, Brad,
this could be our shot.
1302
00:58:14,825 --> 00:58:16,859
We're like the dynamic duo, bro.
1303
00:58:16,861 --> 00:58:19,294
We're like Batman and Robin.
1304
00:58:19,296 --> 00:58:21,196
But we're both Batman.
1305
00:58:21,198 --> 00:58:23,365
What do you want to be,
like, a stockbroker?
1306
00:58:23,367 --> 00:58:24,900
Or a cop?
1307
00:58:24,902 --> 00:58:26,768
Dude, your ceiling is, like,
1308
00:58:27,704 --> 00:58:29,171
so high.
1309
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:34,009
You can just bust right...
1310
00:58:34,011 --> 00:58:36,144
Just break right through it.
Right through it.
1311
00:58:36,146 --> 00:58:38,914
Right through it.
Right through it.
1312
00:58:38,916 --> 00:58:40,883
You really think
I could make it at umc?
1313
00:58:40,885 --> 00:58:44,219
Dude, you could make it
into the hall of fame.
1314
00:58:44,221 --> 00:58:46,121
No, dude, come on, that's you.
1315
00:58:46,123 --> 00:58:48,590
You're gonna be in, like, the
anals of football history.
1316
00:58:48,592 --> 00:58:51,159
Dude, you could make it into the
anals of football history, too.
1317
00:58:52,195 --> 00:58:55,697
We're gonna have to
tear those anals up.
1318
00:58:55,699 --> 00:58:57,266
All right. We're gonna
fucking tear it up.
1319
00:58:57,268 --> 00:58:58,548
I mean, it's just a tape, right?
1320
00:58:59,435 --> 00:59:00,769
I fucking hate my dad so much.
1321
00:59:00,771 --> 00:59:02,170
Do you have any idea
1322
00:59:02,172 --> 00:59:03,405
what it's like to
have a guy like that
1323
00:59:03,407 --> 00:59:05,140
telling you what
to do all the time?
1324
00:59:05,142 --> 00:59:06,575
I can only imagine.
1325
00:59:06,577 --> 00:59:09,978
I just don't understand what his
problem is with you specifically.
1326
00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:12,814
I don't... Jesus.
That makes no sense to me.
1327
00:59:12,816 --> 00:59:13,916
I mean, you are
a perfectly good guy.
1328
00:59:13,918 --> 00:59:15,017
You're very honest and nice.
1329
00:59:15,019 --> 00:59:17,619
Why does my dad
have your phone number?
1330
00:59:17,621 --> 00:59:20,188
I don't know. Maybe the school
directory or something.
1331
00:59:20,190 --> 00:59:21,557
Let's do something...
1332
00:59:21,559 --> 00:59:22,424
Let's do something
that would distract us.
1333
00:59:22,426 --> 00:59:24,059
Okay.
1334
00:59:24,061 --> 00:59:26,128
So we don't have to think
about him anymore.
1335
00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:27,729
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
1336
00:59:27,731 --> 00:59:28,971
All right. Um...
1337
00:59:29,465 --> 00:59:30,599
Maya.
1338
00:59:32,669 --> 00:59:34,002
Is it okay if we just talk?
1339
00:59:36,205 --> 00:59:37,205
Okay.
1340
00:59:37,473 --> 00:59:39,508
Let's talk.
1341
00:59:39,510 --> 00:59:41,276
No way. Yeah.
1342
00:59:41,278 --> 00:59:43,278
I was Peter Pan, but
then I was, like, late.
1343
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,000
You're really close
with your brother, then.
1344
00:59:45,515 --> 00:59:47,049
It seems like. Yeah.
1345
00:59:47,850 --> 00:59:49,284
Yeah, you know...
1346
00:59:53,122 --> 00:59:54,823
You're a fucking genius, dude.
1347
00:59:54,825 --> 00:59:56,505
Are you sure it's not
too much, though? No!
1348
00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:59,595
Yeah! Fuck, yeah!
1349
00:59:59,597 --> 01:00:01,897
All right? All right?
Yeah. Yeah.
1350
01:00:01,899 --> 01:00:03,332
All night, bro. Come on. All night.
Yeah, I know.
1351
01:00:03,334 --> 01:00:04,800
It's gonna be so worth it, dude.
1352
01:00:04,802 --> 01:00:06,268
It's gonna be fucking worth
it, I promise, all right?
1353
01:00:06,270 --> 01:00:07,736
Dude, you know what this needs?
1354
01:00:07,738 --> 01:00:09,504
Another star wipe.
1355
01:00:09,506 --> 01:00:11,540
Jinx. Buy me a beer.
1356
01:00:11,542 --> 01:00:12,641
Nice twist.
1357
01:00:12,643 --> 01:00:13,742
On what?
1358
01:00:15,511 --> 01:00:17,312
I can't believe we've
been talking all night.
1359
01:00:17,314 --> 01:00:21,316
Oh, my God, it's 8:00.
I have class, actually.
1360
01:00:21,318 --> 01:00:23,418
Okay. I...
1361
01:00:23,420 --> 01:00:26,288
Yeah, you can help yourself
to whatever you need, and...
1362
01:00:26,290 --> 01:00:27,623
All right.
1363
01:00:27,625 --> 01:00:30,993
Yeah, I'm so sorry, this...
I'll see you.
1364
01:00:30,995 --> 01:00:32,027
I'll see you later.
1365
01:00:32,029 --> 01:00:33,762
Okay. Best night ever.
1366
01:00:33,764 --> 01:00:35,197
Okay. Bye.
1367
01:00:37,333 --> 01:00:38,367
Bye.
1368
01:00:38,392 --> 01:00:40,392
SharePirate.Com-Movie Stream and Downloads
1369
01:00:42,839 --> 01:00:44,806
How long have you been there?
1370
01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:47,275
Like, the longest amount of time
you could think of right now.
1371
01:00:47,277 --> 01:00:48,677
This stuff wasn't meant for you.
1372
01:00:48,679 --> 01:00:50,245
It was meant to be private.
1373
01:00:50,247 --> 01:00:52,781
So, am I supposed to just
sit here and not act like
1374
01:00:52,783 --> 01:00:55,017
I hear every one
of your problems?
1375
01:00:55,019 --> 01:00:58,387
You got 99 problems,
but being young isn't one.
1376
01:00:58,389 --> 01:01:01,757
You're just jealous because Maya
and I have a real connection.
1377
01:01:01,759 --> 01:01:03,258
I'm pretty close
with my grandpa, too.
1378
01:01:04,961 --> 01:01:06,461
You're more messed up
than Cynthia was,
1379
01:01:06,463 --> 01:01:08,697
and she went to the school
shrink three times a week.
1380
01:01:08,699 --> 01:01:10,866
Why? I don't know.
1381
01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:12,701
But he gave her a ton
of pills and shit.
1382
01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:15,103
Maybe he could give you something
for your weird old face.
1383
01:01:15,105 --> 01:01:16,105
Okay.
1384
01:01:19,909 --> 01:01:22,444
Hey. You're late.
1385
01:01:22,446 --> 01:01:25,247
No, actually, I was busy
with the investigation.
1386
01:01:26,983 --> 01:01:30,185
This is Cynthia's therapist's office.
This is our investigation.
1387
01:01:31,721 --> 01:01:32,721
All right.
1388
01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:42,064
Watch the door.
1389
01:01:42,066 --> 01:01:45,300
Oh, is that all I'm good for?
Just watching a fucking door?
1390
01:01:47,637 --> 01:01:48,837
Got it.
1391
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:52,908
Patient exhibits
drug-induced paranoia.
1392
01:01:52,910 --> 01:01:55,343
Believes her life is in danger.
1393
01:01:55,345 --> 01:01:56,345
Uh, door, door.
1394
01:01:58,414 --> 01:02:00,415
Hey.
1395
01:02:00,417 --> 01:02:02,851
I wasn't told that I had
a 9:00 A.M. session.
1396
01:02:02,853 --> 01:02:04,720
Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M.
that's us.
1397
01:02:04,722 --> 01:02:07,322
And we're cured.
1398
01:02:07,324 --> 01:02:09,958
Thank you very much.
You're an amazing doctor.
1399
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:11,727
Please. You think
you're the first partners
1400
01:02:11,729 --> 01:02:16,565
only to try to run when you're
first faced with talking with me?
1401
01:02:16,567 --> 01:02:17,999
How the fuck did you know
we were partners?
1402
01:02:18,001 --> 01:02:19,768
He doesn't know we're partners.
1403
01:02:19,770 --> 01:02:21,503
I suspect you're partners.
1404
01:02:21,505 --> 01:02:24,172
A relationship is something
that requires constant work.
1405
01:02:24,174 --> 01:02:25,674
Which is what I thought
we learned in high school.
1406
01:02:25,676 --> 01:02:27,642
So you are
high school sweethearts.
1407
01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:28,844
I picked up on that early.
1408
01:02:28,846 --> 01:02:30,046
Please, continue the dialogue.
1409
01:02:30,513 --> 01:02:31,513
Doc.
1410
01:02:32,982 --> 01:02:34,516
I just feel like sometimes
1411
01:02:34,518 --> 01:02:36,017
he's not even trying anymore.
1412
01:02:36,019 --> 01:02:38,386
Like this isn't
even worth saving.
1413
01:02:38,388 --> 01:02:39,721
Oh, okay. Well,
sometimes I feel like
1414
01:02:39,723 --> 01:02:41,356
that we should be
more like the yangs.
1415
01:02:41,358 --> 01:02:43,058
Or maybe I should be more
like your beautiful zook.
1416
01:02:43,060 --> 01:02:44,626
Oh, go fuck yourself!
You go fuck yourself.
1417
01:02:44,628 --> 01:02:46,628
Okay. You're so selfish.
1418
01:02:46,630 --> 01:02:48,497
All right. That's a lot of fucking.
Oh, my God.
1419
01:02:48,499 --> 01:02:52,200
Sometimes I like to have the
participants make physical contact.
1420
01:02:52,202 --> 01:02:53,602
Why don't you hold hands?
1421
01:02:53,604 --> 01:02:55,003
Okay. I'm not doing that.
1422
01:02:55,005 --> 01:02:56,872
Hmm? Do you see?
1423
01:02:56,874 --> 01:02:58,039
Reach out your hand.
1424
01:02:58,041 --> 01:02:59,541
I'm...
1425
01:02:59,543 --> 01:03:01,343
He's literally
reaching out for you.
1426
01:03:01,345 --> 01:03:02,444
He won't hold my hand.
1427
01:03:02,446 --> 01:03:03,612
I'm not doing it.
1428
01:03:03,614 --> 01:03:05,013
I kind of need you to do it.
1429
01:03:05,015 --> 01:03:06,848
He won't hold my hand.
Oh, you...
1430
01:03:06,850 --> 01:03:08,316
You got to interlock it, though.
1431
01:03:08,318 --> 01:03:09,684
If you don't interlock it,
it's not hand-holding.
1432
01:03:09,686 --> 01:03:11,253
Fine.
1433
01:03:11,255 --> 01:03:12,420
We might as well just be friends
1434
01:03:12,422 --> 01:03:13,455
and not partners.
1435
01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:14,457
Nice, right?
1436
01:03:15,291 --> 01:03:17,392
Okay, you see this?
This is strong.
1437
01:03:17,394 --> 01:03:19,628
What I want to be
able to have is this.
1438
01:03:19,630 --> 01:03:22,297
Is this...
1439
01:03:22,299 --> 01:03:26,101
I want to be able to have that,
that same thing, in, like
1440
01:03:26,103 --> 01:03:28,270
without actually
having to do it.
1441
01:03:28,272 --> 01:03:29,471
Are you embarrassed
of your partner?
1442
01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:30,906
No, not at all. Okay?
1443
01:03:30,908 --> 01:03:32,674
And why the fuck are you
guys ganging up on me?
1444
01:03:32,676 --> 01:03:33,875
Gang up on him.
Okay, seriously.
1445
01:03:33,877 --> 01:03:35,644
Okay, okay. He's clingy.
1446
01:03:35,646 --> 01:03:37,913
He literally is terrified
of being by himself.
1447
01:03:37,915 --> 01:03:39,514
Look, I know zook's your buddy
1448
01:03:39,516 --> 01:03:40,415
and you don't
want him to be guilty,
1449
01:03:40,417 --> 01:03:41,883
but he's our guy.
1450
01:03:41,885 --> 01:03:43,819
No, he's actually not our guy.
I would know.
1451
01:03:43,821 --> 01:03:46,354
Now, you know,
we sometimes cling to things
1452
01:03:46,356 --> 01:03:48,456
because they're
familiar and comfortable.
1453
01:03:48,458 --> 01:03:50,192
I teach about
a principle called embedding.
1454
01:03:50,194 --> 01:03:51,726
Look at the facts.
Matter of fact, I...
1455
01:03:51,728 --> 01:03:54,296
Zook has the tattoo.
He knew Cynthia.
1456
01:03:54,298 --> 01:03:55,597
I know the first time
he met you,
1457
01:03:55,599 --> 01:03:56,898
you dropped a fucking
sandwich on his foot
1458
01:03:56,900 --> 01:03:58,300
and he smiled at you,
1459
01:03:58,302 --> 01:04:01,369
but you are completely
blind to the fact...
1460
01:04:01,371 --> 01:04:03,305
What'd you say embedding was?
Embedding?
1461
01:04:03,307 --> 01:04:06,775
Oh, embedding is our
tendency to latch on to
1462
01:04:06,777 --> 01:04:09,277
the first bit of information
that we're offered
1463
01:04:09,279 --> 01:04:11,913
and overlooking, or even ignoring,
contradictory information.
1464
01:04:11,915 --> 01:04:12,814
It's a fascinating principle...
1465
01:04:12,816 --> 01:04:14,583
Shut up. I'm thinking.
1466
01:04:15,651 --> 01:04:19,788
You think it's possible
that we embedded?
1467
01:04:19,790 --> 01:04:21,423
What, like when we were
drunk or something?
1468
01:04:21,425 --> 01:04:23,325
We embedded each other? Okay.
I'm gonna recommend...
1469
01:04:23,327 --> 01:04:24,092
Okay, you can leave the room.
1470
01:04:24,094 --> 01:04:25,160
Just get the fuck out.
1471
01:04:26,095 --> 01:04:27,462
Get the fuck out.
You heard him.
1472
01:04:27,464 --> 01:04:28,763
This took a turn.
1473
01:04:28,765 --> 01:04:32,033
One, two... - Okay. Yep.
- Good session.
1474
01:04:32,035 --> 01:04:33,301
The first time we saw the photo
1475
01:04:33,303 --> 01:04:34,669
of Cynthia buying whyphy,
1476
01:04:34,671 --> 01:04:37,339
dickson said,
this guy's the dealer.
1477
01:04:37,341 --> 01:04:39,407
Everything we've done and thought
has been based on that fact,
1478
01:04:39,409 --> 01:04:41,109
but what if dickson was wrong?
1479
01:04:41,111 --> 01:04:43,545
And we've ignored
all the other clues.
1480
01:04:43,547 --> 01:04:45,267
What if Cynthia
wasn't the buyer?
1481
01:04:45,781 --> 01:04:47,849
What if Cynthia was the dealer?
1482
01:04:47,851 --> 01:04:51,286
Captain, we have something really,
really important to tell you about.
1483
01:04:55,558 --> 01:04:57,058
Captain?
1484
01:04:57,060 --> 01:04:58,793
Are you wearing kevlar?
1485
01:04:58,795 --> 01:05:03,331
Now, gentlemen, we're not
gonna sit here and pretend
1486
01:05:03,333 --> 01:05:05,834
there's not a big-ass
elephant in the room.
1487
01:05:05,836 --> 01:05:06,876
What the fuck is going on?
1488
01:05:08,004 --> 01:05:09,938
This is what
the fuck is going on.
1489
01:05:16,112 --> 01:05:18,947
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1490
01:05:22,184 --> 01:05:24,185
Oh, shit! No!
1491
01:05:24,187 --> 01:05:27,756
That is not happening
right now! No!
1492
01:05:27,758 --> 01:05:31,159
Hey, y'all, he's fucking
the captain's daughter! Yo!
1493
01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:34,229
Every time he say that shit...
Oh, my fuck!
1494
01:05:34,231 --> 01:05:36,231
That's another
foot in your ass.
1495
01:05:36,233 --> 01:05:39,467
Schmidt, you clearly... Yo,
this is the best thing ever!
1496
01:05:41,671 --> 01:05:44,239
Schmidt fucked
the captain's daughter!
1497
01:05:44,241 --> 01:05:47,242
Schmidt fucked
1498
01:05:47,244 --> 01:05:50,078
Schmidt fucked
1499
01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:52,681
Shit! Fuck!
1500
01:05:52,683 --> 01:05:55,283
You fucked
captain dickson's daughter?
1501
01:05:55,952 --> 01:05:57,519
Captain, what the...
1502
01:05:57,521 --> 01:05:59,921
You bragged to him to his face.
1503
01:05:59,923 --> 01:06:01,589
To his actual face. Captain...
1504
01:06:01,591 --> 01:06:05,393
Do you understand that this face right
here, you bragged to that face?
1505
01:06:05,395 --> 01:06:08,964
You actually high-fived schmidt
for fucking your daughter.
1506
01:06:08,966 --> 01:06:10,031
Holy shit!
1507
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:12,067
Oh, my God! This is...
1508
01:06:13,402 --> 01:06:14,970
It's really not that funny.
1509
01:06:16,038 --> 01:06:17,939
I just want to say that
1510
01:06:17,941 --> 01:06:22,344
it was bizarre not
to share the fact
1511
01:06:22,346 --> 01:06:24,879
that your daughter
went to mc state.
1512
01:06:24,881 --> 01:06:26,247
I think it's bizarre
1513
01:06:26,249 --> 01:06:28,616
that I haven't cut your
motherfucking nuts off.
1514
01:06:28,618 --> 01:06:31,953
What if captain gets to punch
you in the face one time,
1515
01:06:31,955 --> 01:06:33,688
really, really, really hard?
1516
01:06:33,690 --> 01:06:34,690
Nah.
1517
01:06:36,092 --> 01:06:38,259
I got something
way better than that.
1518
01:06:41,764 --> 01:06:44,733
You think Cynthia
was the dealer?
1519
01:06:44,735 --> 01:06:47,936
How the fuck we gonna infiltrate
the dealer if the dealer is dead?
1520
01:06:47,938 --> 01:06:49,371
We have to stop treating this
1521
01:06:49,373 --> 01:06:51,773
like it's exactly
the same as last time.
1522
01:06:51,775 --> 01:06:54,843
And we got a bigger problem.
No more money in the budget.
1523
01:06:54,845 --> 01:06:56,325
What? I thought
we had Cate blanchett.
1524
01:06:56,946 --> 01:06:58,513
Cate blanchett?
1525
01:06:58,515 --> 01:07:01,016
Yeah, I thought we had Cate
blanchett with the budget.
1526
01:07:01,018 --> 01:07:02,550
You mean carte blanche.
1527
01:07:03,452 --> 01:07:04,686
That one.
1528
01:07:04,688 --> 01:07:06,488
Welcome back, dum-dum.
1529
01:07:06,490 --> 01:07:09,724
We did have carte blanche.
Not no more.
1530
01:07:09,726 --> 01:07:11,893
You got that expensive
chase in the beginning,
1531
01:07:11,895 --> 01:07:15,663
that expensive equipment,
this fucking office...
1532
01:07:15,665 --> 01:07:17,287
This look like some shit
iron man would have.
1533
01:07:17,300 --> 01:07:18,933
Shit's expensive!
1534
01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:22,904
I got on $800 shoes, and you can't
even see the motherfuckers.
1535
01:07:22,906 --> 01:07:25,340
So now you two motherfuckers
is in the crosshairs.
1536
01:07:25,342 --> 01:07:28,710
I'm warning you,
find the supplier,
1537
01:07:28,712 --> 01:07:30,432
but don't cost the
department no more money.
1538
01:07:32,481 --> 01:07:36,017
Look, I apologize
about the zook thing.
1539
01:07:36,019 --> 01:07:38,353
You were right,
he's not the dealer.
1540
01:07:38,355 --> 01:07:39,821
Okay, great. You apologized.
1541
01:07:39,823 --> 01:07:41,222
What's that worth, man?
1542
01:07:41,224 --> 01:07:44,526
Now we have no leads. What
are we supposed to do now?
1543
01:07:44,528 --> 01:07:45,528
Police work.
1544
01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:54,436
Fuck.
1545
01:07:58,208 --> 01:08:00,308
Don't throw a fucking
dead person's dildo at me.
1546
01:08:00,310 --> 01:08:02,477
We're at work right now, okay?
1547
01:08:02,479 --> 01:08:04,746
Kids don't check out
books anymore, right?
1548
01:08:05,848 --> 01:08:07,582
I don't even think
they know how to read.
1549
01:08:10,386 --> 01:08:12,187
Library. Book place.
1550
01:08:12,189 --> 01:08:13,354
Library.
1551
01:08:13,356 --> 01:08:15,423
The supplier is putting drugs
1552
01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:16,524
inside the books in the library,
1553
01:08:16,526 --> 01:08:18,660
where literally no one
goes anymore, man.
1554
01:08:18,662 --> 01:08:20,428
And the dealers
check out the books.
1555
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:22,297
We're going to
catch the supplier.
1556
01:08:22,299 --> 01:08:23,598
Do you realize how cool...
Wait, one sec, one sec.
1557
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:25,100
What's up, dude?
1558
01:08:25,102 --> 01:08:27,001
Hey, dude, where are you?
1559
01:08:27,003 --> 01:08:29,237
We're warming up.
The game's about to start.
1560
01:08:29,239 --> 01:08:30,839
All right, man.
Um, look, I'm just gonna...
1561
01:08:30,841 --> 01:08:32,107
I'm coming.
1562
01:08:32,109 --> 01:08:33,341
All right, later.
1563
01:08:33,343 --> 01:08:34,943
What are you doing?
Don't leave me hanging.
1564
01:08:34,945 --> 01:08:37,645
Dude, I got to go or I'm
gonna blow my cover, okay?
1565
01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:39,114
You can do this alone.
I'll be back in two hours.
1566
01:08:39,116 --> 01:08:40,315
You got this.
1567
01:08:50,927 --> 01:08:52,327
You scared me.
1568
01:09:03,105 --> 01:09:06,007
State name! Number!
State name! Number!
1569
01:09:06,009 --> 01:09:07,609
Color! Color! Number!
1570
01:09:08,377 --> 01:09:09,744
This is the place.
1571
01:09:09,746 --> 01:09:11,312
You'd think if somebody wants
to show us their operation,
1572
01:09:11,314 --> 01:09:12,747
they'd at least be on time.
1573
01:09:14,183 --> 01:09:16,584
Look at this crap. Huh?
1574
01:09:16,586 --> 01:09:18,653
I do miss the days... Shit.
1575
01:09:18,655 --> 01:09:20,775
What's he doing here? ...When
people did normal drugs.
1576
01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:22,590
What is this? Jelly beans?
1577
01:09:23,792 --> 01:09:24,959
Crap!
1578
01:09:24,961 --> 01:09:26,995
Set, hut!
1579
01:09:26,997 --> 01:09:29,931
Mcquaid crosses
in an end-around.
1580
01:09:29,933 --> 01:09:33,234
It's a trick play! These two are
practically interchangeable.
1581
01:09:33,236 --> 01:09:35,503
Mcquaid throws down
the field to haythe.
1582
01:09:40,209 --> 01:09:42,177
And he hangs on
for the touchdown!
1583
01:09:42,179 --> 01:09:43,745
These two are
peas in a pod, Bob,
1584
01:09:43,747 --> 01:09:45,147
but instead of
little green balls,
1585
01:09:45,148 --> 01:09:46,648
they are human football players.
1586
01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:54,756
Let's hear it once again, mc
state, for your dynamic duo.
1587
01:09:58,027 --> 01:09:59,561
Oh, shit. My brother
needs me again.
1588
01:10:01,931 --> 01:10:04,332
Look, you know, loyalty's cool,
1589
01:10:04,334 --> 01:10:06,167
and I admire it,
1590
01:10:06,169 --> 01:10:07,335
and I know he's your brother.
1591
01:10:09,305 --> 01:10:10,972
But you can't allow yourself
to be held down by a guy
1592
01:10:10,974 --> 01:10:13,675
just because he won't let go.
1593
01:10:18,047 --> 01:10:19,247
Yeah. Um...
1594
01:10:21,517 --> 01:10:23,318
I gotta take a piss.
1595
01:10:25,955 --> 01:10:28,122
The kid's pretty rude
to make us wait like this.
1596
01:10:28,124 --> 01:10:29,791
Can you shut it?
1597
01:10:29,793 --> 01:10:31,993
What's wrong with those
classic drugs from the '90s?
1598
01:10:31,995 --> 01:10:33,795
Heroin, you know, cocaine...
1599
01:10:33,797 --> 01:10:35,563
Hey, hey. Whoa. Shit.
1600
01:10:35,565 --> 01:10:36,631
I'm fucking here.
You happy? Shh!
1601
01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:38,299
The ghost is right there, okay?
1602
01:10:38,301 --> 01:10:39,767
He's about to meet up
with the supplier.
1603
01:10:39,769 --> 01:10:41,703
- Hey. Check that out.
- You shush.
1604
01:10:41,705 --> 01:10:43,404
You're the one fucking talking.
You're being so fucking loud.
1605
01:10:43,406 --> 01:10:44,572
You shut the fuck up.
1606
01:10:45,708 --> 01:10:46,708
- What's going on here?
- Shit!
1607
01:10:46,710 --> 01:10:48,243
Um...
1608
01:10:48,245 --> 01:10:51,446
You're interrupting
a really stellar blow job.
1609
01:10:51,448 --> 01:10:53,448
Oh, fuck, I just came so hard!
1610
01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:54,682
What the hell is going on?
1611
01:10:54,684 --> 01:10:56,285
It's okay. It's just
a couple of faggots.
1612
01:10:56,785 --> 01:10:58,586
Hey, yo, what the fuck
did you just say?
1613
01:10:58,588 --> 01:10:59,988
Did you just call us faggots?
1614
01:10:59,990 --> 01:11:01,311
He said you were
sucking his dick.
1615
01:11:02,024 --> 01:11:03,591
It's 2014, asshole.
1616
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:05,159
You can't fucking use faggot.
1617
01:11:05,161 --> 01:11:07,295
Gay is okay. Homosexual, maybe.
1618
01:11:07,297 --> 01:11:09,797
And if you know the person, you
might be able to call them a queer.
1619
01:11:09,799 --> 01:11:11,699
If they have a great sense
of humor, but I don't.
1620
01:11:11,701 --> 01:11:13,234
I'm sorry, he took one
human sexuality class,
1621
01:11:13,236 --> 01:11:14,435
he thinks he's Harvey milk.
1622
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,304
Oh, my God. Will you please,
1623
01:11:16,306 --> 01:11:18,306
just for once, just back me up?
1624
01:11:18,308 --> 01:11:19,907
Why can't you just
use your head for once?
1625
01:11:19,909 --> 01:11:21,349
Oh. You want me
to use my head? Fine.
1626
01:11:23,646 --> 01:11:24,879
Oh, yeah, what's up
now, motherfuckers?
1627
01:11:24,881 --> 01:11:25,881
You remember me?
1628
01:11:25,882 --> 01:11:27,148
I'm your best night...
1629
01:11:27,150 --> 01:11:28,516
I'm your worst nightmare.
1630
01:11:28,518 --> 01:11:30,685
Oh, man, it's my memory.
1631
01:11:31,353 --> 01:11:32,920
It's getting worse lately.
1632
01:11:32,922 --> 01:11:34,656
Are you the police?
1633
01:11:34,658 --> 01:11:37,959
Yeah, that's right. And you
motherfuckers are all under arrest.
1634
01:11:39,194 --> 01:11:40,762
Where's your gun?
1635
01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:41,896
What? Do you have guns?
1636
01:11:42,831 --> 01:11:44,265
No.
1637
01:11:44,267 --> 01:11:45,967
No, I don't.
1638
01:11:45,969 --> 01:11:48,736
'Cause we have guns.
1639
01:11:48,738 --> 01:11:52,840
Well, why don't you put your guns
down, and let's fight like men?
1640
01:11:55,210 --> 01:11:56,678
Because we have guns.
1641
01:11:56,680 --> 01:11:58,513
Schmidt, run! Get him!
1642
01:11:58,515 --> 01:12:00,715
Go! Go, go. Go!
1643
01:12:00,717 --> 01:12:01,717
Shit!
1644
01:12:02,618 --> 01:12:04,185
How hard can it be? Shoot them!
1645
01:12:04,187 --> 01:12:05,420
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
1646
01:12:05,422 --> 01:12:06,422
Shoot them! Shoot them!
1647
01:12:08,190 --> 01:12:09,557
Come on, this way, it's faster.
1648
01:12:09,559 --> 01:12:11,079
No, just come this...
Schmidt! Schmidt!
1649
01:12:13,095 --> 01:12:14,095
Hurry up, okay?
1650
01:12:18,567 --> 01:12:19,901
Schmidt, will you hurry up!
1651
01:12:19,903 --> 01:12:21,543
Stop yelling at me!
You're distracting me!
1652
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:25,640
Schmidt, come on! Let's go!
1653
01:12:25,642 --> 01:12:27,475
I can't jump down! I'm not,
like, fucking spider-man!
1654
01:12:27,477 --> 01:12:29,344
I'm gonna get the car.
1655
01:12:33,315 --> 01:12:34,549
Stairs are so much faster.
1656
01:12:35,685 --> 01:12:37,385
That's the car you got?
1657
01:12:37,387 --> 01:12:38,953
I'm sorry it's not a fucking lambo.
Shut up and get in.
1658
01:12:38,955 --> 01:12:40,054
Are they even still chasing us?
1659
01:12:40,056 --> 01:12:41,256
Yes, they're still chasing us!
1660
01:12:48,864 --> 01:12:50,264
Why did you do that? We were
about to catch the supplier.
1661
01:12:50,266 --> 01:12:51,499
What's wrong with you?
1662
01:12:51,501 --> 01:12:52,767
Look, if you don't
say something,
1663
01:12:52,769 --> 01:12:54,535
people will never
stop discriminating.
1664
01:12:54,537 --> 01:12:56,137
Will you please do something
1665
01:12:56,139 --> 01:12:57,460
about how slow
this thing's going?
1666
01:13:01,544 --> 01:13:02,784
Oh, shit! Watch out, watch out!
1667
01:13:06,882 --> 01:13:08,683
That is just like
a little helmet machine.
1668
01:13:19,027 --> 01:13:20,962
We can't destroy any more stuff!
1669
01:13:20,964 --> 01:13:23,531
We can't waste any more
of the department's money!
1670
01:13:23,533 --> 01:13:24,866
Watch out for that cash machine!
1671
01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:29,604
Whoo!
1672
01:13:29,606 --> 01:13:30,772
Which way?
Which way? Which way?
1673
01:13:30,774 --> 01:13:32,054
Whichever way's cheaper!
1674
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:34,108
Right? You went right?
1675
01:13:34,110 --> 01:13:35,543
You could've gone
in a parking lot,
1676
01:13:35,545 --> 01:13:36,878
you went to
the sculpture garden?
1677
01:13:36,880 --> 01:13:38,520
Do you know how expensive
that's gonna be?
1678
01:13:43,185 --> 01:13:44,652
Shit!
1679
01:13:44,654 --> 01:13:45,620
It's like they're trying
to hit 'em or something.
1680
01:13:45,622 --> 01:13:46,954
I mean, it looks cool,
1681
01:13:46,956 --> 01:13:48,317
but, I mean,
it's just so wasteful.
1682
01:13:50,959 --> 01:13:53,094
They're destroying everything!
1683
01:13:53,096 --> 01:13:55,329
Captain's gonna kill us!
1684
01:13:55,331 --> 01:13:56,898
What are we gonna do?
1685
01:13:56,900 --> 01:13:58,065
All right, we're gonna lose
'em in the robotics lab.
1686
01:13:58,067 --> 01:13:59,067
What?
1687
01:14:04,740 --> 01:14:07,074
Oh, no!
Oh, we broke everything!
1688
01:14:07,076 --> 01:14:08,843
There was a lot of
expensive stuff in there!
1689
01:14:10,279 --> 01:14:11,279
Oh, shit!
1690
01:14:12,748 --> 01:14:13,988
They're going into the stadium!
1691
01:14:16,885 --> 01:14:18,605
Listen, schmidt,
I gotta tell you something.
1692
01:14:19,388 --> 01:14:20,588
I got offered a scholarship
1693
01:14:20,590 --> 01:14:22,356
to play football here next year.
1694
01:14:22,358 --> 01:14:24,392
And zook said I could
room with him, you know,
1695
01:14:24,394 --> 01:14:28,329
so I was thinking that
I could do that, maybe.
1696
01:14:28,331 --> 01:14:30,331
What? You can't be a cop
1697
01:14:30,333 --> 01:14:32,099
and stay here and play
football with zook.
1698
01:14:32,101 --> 01:14:34,135
No, look, I know, okay?
It's just...
1699
01:14:34,137 --> 01:14:36,270
There's no friction with me and zook.
We're the same.
1700
01:14:36,272 --> 01:14:38,473
Do you want out?
If you want out, just say it.
1701
01:14:38,475 --> 01:14:40,274
No, I don't want out, okay?
1702
01:14:40,276 --> 01:14:41,943
It's just, when I'm
on the football field
1703
01:14:41,945 --> 01:14:44,479
and I'm diving for a pass,
I feel like I can fly.
1704
01:14:44,481 --> 01:14:45,780
All right?
And when I'm with you,
1705
01:14:45,782 --> 01:14:47,182
it just feels like
you hold me down.
1706
01:14:48,684 --> 01:14:50,551
I just wish you
could fly with me.
1707
01:14:50,553 --> 01:14:53,521
And the statesmen win, 34-14.
1708
01:14:53,523 --> 01:14:55,423
And there go
the fans onto the field.
1709
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:03,498
Jenko!
1710
01:15:04,366 --> 01:15:05,700
Jesus Christ!
1711
01:15:08,003 --> 01:15:09,337
Dude, the brakes are out. What?
1712
01:15:09,339 --> 01:15:10,872
Get the fuck out of the way!
1713
01:15:10,874 --> 01:15:12,554
You gotta jump. You
gotta jump, jump, jump!
1714
01:15:18,247 --> 01:15:19,247
No.
1715
01:15:28,690 --> 01:15:29,824
Fuck!
1716
01:15:41,837 --> 01:15:43,237
Let's go, boss. We gotta go.
1717
01:15:45,073 --> 01:15:47,108
You did it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1718
01:15:49,478 --> 01:15:51,078
You're under arrest, sir.
1719
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:52,713
Hey, I'm an officer, all right?
1720
01:15:52,715 --> 01:15:55,149
Just take me in.
I'll explain later.
1721
01:15:55,151 --> 01:15:57,218
No, no, no. Hey, he's a student.
He didn't do anything.
1722
01:15:57,220 --> 01:16:00,187
Wait, wait. What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1723
01:16:00,189 --> 01:16:01,189
I, um...
1724
01:16:01,823 --> 01:16:03,324
I decided for you.
1725
01:16:04,826 --> 01:16:08,129
Just stick with football.
1726
01:16:08,131 --> 01:16:11,365
I can't give you the same
feeling that these guys can.
1727
01:16:11,367 --> 01:16:12,400
Maybe we were only
supposed to do this once.
1728
01:16:12,402 --> 01:16:13,968
What?
1729
01:16:13,970 --> 01:16:14,936
Dude, this is the fucking
best moment of my life!
1730
01:16:14,938 --> 01:16:16,270
Let's go, man!
1731
01:16:19,441 --> 01:16:22,910
Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid!
1732
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:39,226
Hey, Maya angelou.
1733
01:16:40,329 --> 01:16:41,629
Thanks for lying to me.
1734
01:16:48,270 --> 01:16:49,270
Aw.
1735
01:16:53,976 --> 01:16:56,210
Lam-bros! Yes!
1736
01:16:56,212 --> 01:16:58,546
Brad mcquaid! Brad mcquaid!
1737
01:16:58,548 --> 01:16:59,947
Brad mcquaid! Brad...
1738
01:17:07,022 --> 01:17:09,056
How are we doing tonight, sir?
Good, thanks.
1739
01:17:09,058 --> 01:17:10,992
Are we waiting on anybody
or you dining alone?
1740
01:17:10,994 --> 01:17:13,027
Someone may swing by,
but we can...
1741
01:17:13,029 --> 01:17:14,795
We can order without them.
1742
01:17:14,797 --> 01:17:19,100
We have identified and
arrested one Dr. Karl Murphy,
1743
01:17:19,102 --> 01:17:22,436
who was found with whyphy residue
throughout his office...
1744
01:17:22,438 --> 01:17:26,007
and had a close personal
relationship with the deceased.
1745
01:17:26,009 --> 01:17:28,709
Exactly like a case we had
recently at a high school.
1746
01:17:29,578 --> 01:17:31,746
Exactly the same.
1747
01:17:32,781 --> 01:17:34,949
The case is closed.
1748
01:17:34,951 --> 01:17:37,391
You know, like, what you're gonna
do after you're out of here?
1749
01:17:41,556 --> 01:17:43,791
You're not supposed
to throw rocks.
1750
01:17:45,293 --> 01:17:46,527
What?
1751
01:17:46,529 --> 01:17:49,030
You're not supposed
to throw rocks.
1752
01:17:49,032 --> 01:17:50,798
♪ I ain't missing you at all
1753
01:17:53,902 --> 01:17:58,239
♪ since you've been gone away
1754
01:17:58,241 --> 01:18:01,008
the lobster for one person.
1755
01:18:01,010 --> 01:18:03,144
Enough for one person only.
1756
01:18:03,146 --> 01:18:06,847
♪ No matter what my friends say
1757
01:18:06,849 --> 01:18:08,649
I found something in this whyphy
case that caught my attention.
1758
01:18:08,651 --> 01:18:10,351
Get the fuck out of my office.
1759
01:18:10,353 --> 01:18:11,819
Sir, you don't...
We caught the guy.
1760
01:18:12,989 --> 01:18:15,289
Yeah! Yeah!
1761
01:18:20,028 --> 01:18:23,130
Hey, you want to do anything
else other than work out today?
1762
01:18:23,132 --> 01:18:24,365
Like what?
1763
01:18:24,367 --> 01:18:26,000
Come on, dude. They're
just lobsters, dude.
1764
01:18:26,002 --> 01:18:27,468
Come on. No, don't be afraid.
1765
01:18:27,470 --> 01:18:29,550
It's gonna claw your face.
It's gonna claw your face.
1766
01:18:36,144 --> 01:18:39,880
It's gonna be like this, dude,
for the rest of our lives.
1767
01:18:41,317 --> 01:18:44,218
♪ Down this long
distance line tonight
1768
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,120
♪ I ain't missing you at all
1769
01:18:49,091 --> 01:18:53,060
♪ since you've been gone away
1770
01:18:53,062 --> 01:18:54,829
♪ I ain't missing you
1771
01:18:58,500 --> 01:19:02,870
♪ no matter what my friends say
1772
01:19:02,872 --> 01:19:04,739
♪ ain't missing you ♪
1773
01:19:06,742 --> 01:19:07,875
hey. Hey.
1774
01:19:10,679 --> 01:19:12,513
What are you doing here?
1775
01:19:12,515 --> 01:19:14,482
Just came to see how you are.
1776
01:19:15,784 --> 01:19:17,585
I'm doing fucking great.
1777
01:19:17,587 --> 01:19:19,086
I'm the happiest I've ever been,
1778
01:19:19,088 --> 01:19:21,655
so I'm just having
a great time with myself.
1779
01:19:21,657 --> 01:19:23,457
I'm glad you're having a
good time with yourself.
1780
01:19:23,459 --> 01:19:26,761
I'm a solo artist now,
like Beyonce.
1781
01:19:26,763 --> 01:19:30,498
I used to have the other destiny's
children, but now I'm just, uh,
1782
01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:31,699
a lone superstar.
1783
01:19:31,701 --> 01:19:33,434
Happy for you.
1784
01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:36,337
Just a light-skinned princess with
a dream and an amazing voice.
1785
01:19:36,339 --> 01:19:37,339
That's great.
1786
01:19:38,140 --> 01:19:39,140
How are you?
1787
01:19:39,708 --> 01:19:42,209
I'm pretty great.
1788
01:19:42,211 --> 01:19:44,912
I just chill and... You
know how chill zook is.
1789
01:19:44,914 --> 01:19:45,980
Zook's such a chill guy.
1790
01:19:45,982 --> 01:19:47,648
Just like ice.
1791
01:19:47,650 --> 01:19:49,483
That makes me so happy for you.
1792
01:19:52,554 --> 01:19:54,855
So, look, I just
wanted to say that, like,
1793
01:19:54,857 --> 01:19:56,924
I was thinking about the case,
1794
01:19:56,926 --> 01:19:59,193
and I was worried that they
got the wrong guy for it.
1795
01:20:00,962 --> 01:20:01,729
I don't think
he's the guy, either.
1796
01:20:01,731 --> 01:20:03,330
Yeah?
1797
01:20:03,332 --> 01:20:05,399
I looked into
the ghost's background,
1798
01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:08,469
and I saw that he pays tuition
for a student at mc state.
1799
01:20:08,471 --> 01:20:10,204
You think the ghost could
be the supplier's dad?
1800
01:20:10,206 --> 01:20:11,472
Maybe.
1801
01:20:11,474 --> 01:20:12,540
Okay, that's a pretty good
piece of information.
1802
01:20:12,542 --> 01:20:13,808
Thank you.
1803
01:20:13,810 --> 01:20:16,210
Well, I heard whyphy's
coming back in a big way.
1804
01:20:16,212 --> 01:20:17,711
Someone's bringing
a shit-ton of that stuff
1805
01:20:17,713 --> 01:20:19,547
down to puerto, Mexico,
for spring break.
1806
01:20:19,549 --> 01:20:22,583
And if that happens,
whyphy is going viral.
1807
01:20:22,585 --> 01:20:24,051
It's gonna be at every
college in the country.
1808
01:20:24,053 --> 01:20:26,287
I think my information
was stronger.
1809
01:20:26,289 --> 01:20:28,255
Look, if you... If you want to,
1810
01:20:29,925 --> 01:20:30,958
we could go down there.
1811
01:20:32,060 --> 01:20:33,761
Like together?
1812
01:20:33,763 --> 01:20:35,396
We don't have to
put a label on it.
1813
01:20:35,398 --> 01:20:37,598
Just, like, one-time.
One-time thing.
1814
01:20:37,600 --> 01:20:39,733
No big commitment or
stress to each other.
1815
01:20:43,038 --> 01:20:45,539
What about school and football
and your wonderful new life?
1816
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:47,842
I have time off.
1817
01:20:49,711 --> 01:20:51,212
I'm on spring break.
1818
01:21:05,895 --> 01:21:06,895
Cool tingling.
1819
01:21:08,029 --> 01:21:09,430
Got room for one
of these babies.
1820
01:21:09,432 --> 01:21:11,732
A grenade. Why you
gonna put it there?
1821
01:21:11,734 --> 01:21:13,167
That's just unsanitary.
1822
01:21:13,169 --> 01:21:14,169
Feels right.
1823
01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:27,181
Missed a spot.
1824
01:21:38,827 --> 01:21:40,628
You know this is just
a one-time thing, right?
1825
01:21:41,796 --> 01:21:42,930
I know.
1826
01:21:44,266 --> 01:21:46,467
So you're not gonna
be weird about this?
1827
01:21:50,772 --> 01:21:51,939
Okay.
1828
01:21:56,611 --> 01:21:57,611
Perfect.
1829
01:21:58,747 --> 01:22:00,481
Spring break, motherfucker.
1830
01:22:04,152 --> 01:22:05,586
Did you not see that I was going first?
Excuse you.
1831
01:22:05,588 --> 01:22:07,655
Excuse you.
You want to go first?
1832
01:22:07,657 --> 01:22:09,623
Spring break, motherfuckers!
1833
01:22:13,296 --> 01:22:15,362
♪ I be divin' in the crowd
1834
01:22:15,364 --> 01:22:16,897
♪ shake my dreads, actin' wild
1835
01:22:16,899 --> 01:22:18,565
♪ can't do lean, too blowed out
1836
01:22:18,567 --> 01:22:20,367
♪ too turnt up,
I can't turn down
1837
01:22:20,369 --> 01:22:21,835
♪ can't turn down
can't turn down
1838
01:22:21,837 --> 01:22:23,203
♪ can't turn down
1839
01:22:27,876 --> 01:22:29,009
hey.
1840
01:22:38,320 --> 01:22:40,220
♪ All I wanna do is party
1841
01:22:40,222 --> 01:22:41,722
♪ my head keep
on spinning around
1842
01:22:41,724 --> 01:22:43,090
♪ baby girl,
why don't you first
1843
01:22:43,092 --> 01:22:44,959
♪ drop it to the ground
1844
01:22:44,961 --> 01:22:46,727
♪ I be divin' in the crowd
1845
01:22:46,729 --> 01:22:48,195
♪ shake my dreads, actin' wild
1846
01:22:48,197 --> 01:22:49,964
♪ can't do lean, too blowed out
1847
01:22:49,966 --> 01:22:51,799
♪ too turnt up,
I can't turn down
1848
01:22:51,801 --> 01:22:53,400
can't turn down
1849
01:22:53,402 --> 01:22:54,935
can't turn down
1850
01:22:54,937 --> 01:22:56,704
can't turn down
1851
01:22:56,706 --> 01:22:58,146
can't turn down ♪
1852
01:23:02,811 --> 01:23:05,079
my gosh! I'm sweaty.
1853
01:23:05,081 --> 01:23:06,180
You guys are actually
eating stuff in here?
1854
01:23:06,681 --> 01:23:08,315
That's so crazy.
1855
01:23:08,317 --> 01:23:09,950
Come on, man,
put your dick away.
1856
01:23:09,952 --> 01:23:11,218
Put your fucking dick away.
1857
01:23:11,220 --> 01:23:12,720
Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go.
1858
01:23:15,190 --> 01:23:16,957
Okay, so here's the plan.
1859
01:23:16,959 --> 01:23:21,061
We're gonna get all these kids at
spring break hooked on whyphy.
1860
01:23:21,063 --> 01:23:23,063
Then you're gonna bring
it back to your turf,
1861
01:23:23,065 --> 01:23:25,165
and you're gonna sell
the shit out of it.
1862
01:23:25,167 --> 01:23:27,901
Sell shit out of it.
Do you see that?
1863
01:23:27,903 --> 01:23:31,705
And if you rat me out, I framed my psych
prof just for giving me a b-minus.
1864
01:23:31,707 --> 01:23:34,208
He's in jail now,
so don't fuck with me.
1865
01:23:35,610 --> 01:23:36,744
We're gonna build
a nationwide network.
1866
01:23:36,746 --> 01:23:39,146
What? What the fuck are you doing?
Be quiet.
1867
01:23:39,148 --> 01:23:41,615
Why don't you sell
those old classic drugs
1868
01:23:41,617 --> 01:23:44,685
from the '90s, like
cocaine, heroin and...
1869
01:23:44,687 --> 01:23:47,388
Dad, those are, like,
old-people drugs.
1870
01:23:47,390 --> 01:23:49,256
That's, like, what they
did on the golden girls.
1871
01:23:49,258 --> 01:23:50,824
Like, blanche did heroin.
1872
01:23:50,826 --> 01:23:53,160
All right, I'll just sit
here and be silent.
1873
01:23:53,162 --> 01:23:55,763
Blanche never did heroin.
1874
01:23:55,765 --> 01:23:57,965
Okay, so, yangs, you'll take
my dead roommate's spot.
1875
01:23:57,967 --> 01:23:59,299
Cool. Dope.
1876
01:23:59,301 --> 01:24:01,168
Are you kidding me, yangs?
Are you fucking high?
1877
01:24:01,170 --> 01:24:02,970
Of course. Yeah, I am.
1878
01:24:02,972 --> 01:24:04,271
Jesus Christ,
have you ever heard of,
1879
01:24:04,273 --> 01:24:05,706
don't get high on
your own supply?
1880
01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:06,840
We didn't. Nah.
1881
01:24:06,842 --> 01:24:08,075
I didn't do that.
1882
01:24:08,077 --> 01:24:09,676
Yeah, I used his
and he used mine.
1883
01:24:09,678 --> 01:24:12,038
Okay, well, now I have to make
a fucking example out of you.
1884
01:24:13,048 --> 01:24:13,847
That's a gun. Yeah.
1885
01:24:13,849 --> 01:24:15,682
Who first?
1886
01:24:15,684 --> 01:24:17,384
You want to go first?
I don't want to die.
1887
01:24:17,386 --> 01:24:18,819
You die... I don't want to die.
1888
01:24:18,821 --> 01:24:20,320
You want to do rock paper scissors?
Rock paper scissors?
1889
01:24:20,322 --> 01:24:21,655
That's how we'll do it.
That's how we'll do it.
1890
01:24:22,057 --> 01:24:23,190
Fuck.
1891
01:24:23,658 --> 01:24:24,858
Fuck.
1892
01:24:24,860 --> 01:24:26,260
Fuck.
1893
01:24:26,262 --> 01:24:27,628
Yeah, we won't figure this out.
1894
01:24:27,630 --> 01:24:29,229
- I'll shoot both of you.
- Darling.
1895
01:24:29,231 --> 01:24:31,598
If you're going into
the family business,
1896
01:24:31,600 --> 01:24:33,500
you will have to
have a clean record.
1897
01:24:33,502 --> 01:24:36,203
That's why we have
these guys to do it for us.
1898
01:24:37,705 --> 01:24:39,773
Oh, fuck. Jinx.
1899
01:24:39,775 --> 01:24:40,741
We got to move right now.
1900
01:24:40,743 --> 01:24:43,410
Buy me a coke
in heaven. Jinx again.
1901
01:24:43,412 --> 01:24:44,892
Put your guns down!
Fucking guns down!
1902
01:24:45,146 --> 01:24:46,480
Doug?
1903
01:24:46,482 --> 01:24:48,949
My name's not Doug,
it's schmidt.
1904
01:24:48,951 --> 01:24:50,751
And guess what, we're cops.
Boom.
1905
01:24:51,986 --> 01:24:53,454
Oh, my God.
1906
01:24:53,456 --> 01:24:55,689
Yeah, everybody knows. Really?
1907
01:24:55,691 --> 01:24:59,126
You guys look like the stars of a
cop show called Hawaiian dads.
1908
01:24:59,128 --> 01:25:01,728
All right, enough is enough.
Boys, move in!
1909
01:25:01,730 --> 01:25:03,564
- Oh, do we have company?
- Yeah!
1910
01:25:05,033 --> 01:25:06,834
Drop your guns.
Drop yours first.
1911
01:25:06,836 --> 01:25:09,169
We have way more guns than you.
Drop your fucking guns.
1912
01:25:09,171 --> 01:25:10,370
Okay, that's a good point.
1913
01:25:10,372 --> 01:25:12,106
Wow.
1914
01:25:12,108 --> 01:25:14,741
I mean, was this
really your entire plan?
1915
01:25:14,743 --> 01:25:16,176
Coming in here with no backup?
1916
01:25:16,178 --> 01:25:19,213
Or maybe we had a far more
elaborate plan. Mmm-hmm.
1917
01:25:19,215 --> 01:25:21,548
Maybe my partner has a tracking
device in his pocket right now.
1918
01:25:21,550 --> 01:25:22,783
May... what?
1919
01:25:22,785 --> 01:25:24,451
You had the fucking tracking device.
I don't have it.
1920
01:25:24,453 --> 01:25:26,086
That's the one fucking thing
you were supposed to remember.
1921
01:25:26,088 --> 01:25:27,988
You're the smart person. You
do the tracking device shit.
1922
01:25:27,990 --> 01:25:29,723
That's your domain.
I do the physical shit.
1923
01:25:29,725 --> 01:25:31,825
You know what, I may
drag you down sometimes,
1924
01:25:31,827 --> 01:25:34,862
but every possible time
you can do something dumb,
1925
01:25:34,864 --> 01:25:36,330
you do the dumbest
possible thing.
1926
01:25:36,332 --> 01:25:37,998
No, the fucking
dumbest possible thing
1927
01:25:38,000 --> 01:25:39,833
is letting two cops
blah-blah-blah
1928
01:25:39,835 --> 01:25:42,402
while other cops are getting in
position to bust their shit in.
1929
01:25:42,404 --> 01:25:44,071
Oh, so you mean I brought
the tracking device.
1930
01:25:44,073 --> 01:25:46,140
Yeah. What's up now, huh?
1931
01:25:46,142 --> 01:25:47,674
That seemed like
such a real argument.
1932
01:25:47,676 --> 01:25:49,042
That's improv, bitch.
1933
01:25:49,044 --> 01:25:50,177
Move!
1934
01:25:51,946 --> 01:25:53,213
Spring break yourself, fool.
1935
01:25:55,116 --> 01:25:57,217
We shoot dicks off
here in jump street.
1936
01:26:00,388 --> 01:26:02,789
We're here, as well.
1937
01:26:02,791 --> 01:26:05,826
We jump street, and we
about to jump in yo' ass.
1938
01:26:06,928 --> 01:26:08,529
Right in the crack.
1939
01:26:08,531 --> 01:26:09,897
Don't do it, leatherface.
1940
01:26:16,337 --> 01:26:17,417
He's got the drugs!
1941
01:26:22,777 --> 01:26:25,112
This is so boring.
No one's getting shot.
1942
01:26:26,981 --> 01:26:28,415
Oh, my God.
1943
01:26:28,417 --> 01:26:31,785
Did you just get shot, like,
right after I fucking said that?
1944
01:26:34,322 --> 01:26:35,602
Can I have your gun?
It's bigger.
1945
01:26:36,859 --> 01:26:37,858
Stop! I'll shoot you
in the ass!
1946
01:26:37,860 --> 01:26:38,860
Dad!
1947
01:26:40,128 --> 01:26:42,196
Maya?
1948
01:26:42,198 --> 01:26:43,764
What are you doing here?
1949
01:26:43,766 --> 01:26:44,898
This is a shoot-out.
1950
01:26:44,900 --> 01:26:46,500
You know what happens
in a shoot-out.
1951
01:26:46,502 --> 01:26:48,368
They always kidnap the girl.
1952
01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:49,703
Not always.
1953
01:26:49,705 --> 01:26:51,438
Mercedes?
You're coming with me.
1954
01:26:51,440 --> 01:26:53,407
Bitch, please. I ain't
going nowhere with you.
1955
01:26:55,878 --> 01:26:57,110
Now.
1956
01:26:57,112 --> 01:26:58,212
Dad, what do I do?
1957
01:26:58,214 --> 01:26:59,214
Is that my bathing suit?
1958
01:27:02,151 --> 01:27:03,417
Just ask. It's polite.
1959
01:27:05,386 --> 01:27:06,820
You shot me in my foot! Wait!
1960
01:27:06,822 --> 01:27:08,488
Move! Move faster now!
1961
01:27:08,490 --> 01:27:11,058
I'm taking my time. Shit, you
shot me in my goddamn foot.
1962
01:27:11,060 --> 01:27:12,259
Doug? Doug!
1963
01:27:12,261 --> 01:27:13,627
Maya!
1964
01:27:13,629 --> 01:27:15,095
Mercedes just took
my dad that way!
1965
01:27:15,097 --> 01:27:16,463
Okay, we're on it.
1966
01:27:18,399 --> 01:27:21,335
If I die, I'm gonna kill
both of you motherfuckers!
1967
01:27:21,337 --> 01:27:23,417
Fuck. How are we
gonna catch him now?
1968
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:27,407
Lambo.
1969
01:27:30,478 --> 01:27:31,979
Policia! Policia! Fuck off.
1970
01:27:32,981 --> 01:27:33,981
Shit, there's ghost!
1971
01:27:34,949 --> 01:27:36,116
What? What do we do?
1972
01:27:36,118 --> 01:27:37,484
Uh, we need to split up.
1973
01:27:38,219 --> 01:27:40,153
Are you okay with that?
1974
01:27:40,155 --> 01:27:41,221
Yeah, I can do it.
1975
01:27:41,223 --> 01:27:42,556
Are you sure?
1976
01:27:42,558 --> 01:27:44,359
I need to drive, 'cause
you're faster on foot.
1977
01:27:44,360 --> 01:27:45,826
What? I don't get
to drive the lambo?
1978
01:27:45,828 --> 01:27:47,761
No, you don't.
Come on, let's go!
1979
01:27:47,763 --> 01:27:49,596
But I want... Who gives a shit
about the lambo? Just go!
1980
01:27:49,598 --> 01:27:50,697
Let go of the fucking keys!
I can't let 'em go.
1981
01:27:50,699 --> 01:27:51,899
You're gonna have to take 'em.
1982
01:27:51,900 --> 01:27:53,980
Take care of her, okay? It'll
be glorious, I promise.
1983
01:27:55,036 --> 01:27:56,157
How do you drive this thing?
1984
01:27:56,704 --> 01:27:58,272
You got to let
her drive you, bro.
1985
01:28:01,009 --> 01:28:02,376
I can't get in.
1986
01:28:05,113 --> 01:28:06,280
Hey!
1987
01:28:06,282 --> 01:28:07,514
Look where you're going!
1988
01:28:10,385 --> 01:28:11,551
It's so confusing!
1989
01:28:18,426 --> 01:28:19,993
Easy, bitch.
My hands are hurting.
1990
01:28:22,664 --> 01:28:23,664
Whoa!
1991
01:28:27,702 --> 01:28:29,436
You know who's
behind us in that car?
1992
01:28:29,438 --> 01:28:31,371
That's one of the best
drivers that we got.
1993
01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:33,206
Fuck!
1994
01:28:33,208 --> 01:28:35,342
Oh, shit.
1995
01:28:35,344 --> 01:28:36,984
- Fucking complicated.
- What is this?
1996
01:28:38,379 --> 01:28:39,646
Holy shit!
1997
01:28:41,649 --> 01:28:43,569
You fucked up me driving
a lamborghini, you dick!
1998
01:28:45,987 --> 01:28:46,987
Fuck you, doves!
1999
01:28:55,463 --> 01:28:57,964
Puerto, Mexico,
let's hear you get crazy!
2000
01:29:03,371 --> 01:29:04,504
It's like a Batmobile.
2001
01:29:04,506 --> 01:29:05,539
Come on, schmidt!
2002
01:29:08,409 --> 01:29:09,643
Old man coming through!
2003
01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,347
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
2004
01:29:13,349 --> 01:29:16,416
Brad! Spring break!
2005
01:29:16,418 --> 01:29:17,658
Look, I can't, all right?
2006
01:29:18,586 --> 01:29:20,320
Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
2007
01:29:20,322 --> 01:29:21,822
This is quite enough.
2008
01:29:21,824 --> 01:29:23,690
You need to let me go
and drop all this.
2009
01:29:25,426 --> 01:29:26,426
Get out of the way!
2010
01:29:30,798 --> 01:29:33,900
Tokyo drift!
2011
01:29:36,137 --> 01:29:38,605
That was way too fast
and pretty...
2012
01:29:38,607 --> 01:29:40,407
Way too...
A little bit too furious.
2013
01:29:40,409 --> 01:29:42,809
Schmidt! Get over here!
I'm handcuffed!
2014
01:29:44,446 --> 01:29:46,480
Give it up, asshole!
And nice parking job!
2015
01:29:46,482 --> 01:29:48,081
Fuck! I'll be right back.
2016
01:29:48,083 --> 01:29:49,449
I gotta go.
I'll be right back. Sorry.
2017
01:29:49,451 --> 01:29:51,491
That's a direct order, motherfucker!
Come over here!
2018
01:29:59,927 --> 01:30:01,795
You are so old and weak!
2019
01:30:01,797 --> 01:30:04,131
Drop the fucking gun!
Seriously!
2020
01:30:04,133 --> 01:30:05,693
Get your wrinkly hands off me!
2021
01:30:10,071 --> 01:30:11,204
Where the hell have you been?
2022
01:30:11,206 --> 01:30:12,539
Looking for you.
2023
01:30:12,541 --> 01:30:14,207
I've been running like crazy!
2024
01:30:14,209 --> 01:30:15,475
Hey! Hey.
2025
01:30:17,678 --> 01:30:19,546
Want to fight like a man?
2026
01:30:19,548 --> 01:30:21,381
Then you better
fight like two men.
2027
01:30:21,383 --> 01:30:22,383
Hey. Hey.
2028
01:30:23,351 --> 01:30:25,552
Really? More twins?
2029
01:30:28,656 --> 01:30:30,023
Get up, old man river!
2030
01:30:30,758 --> 01:30:32,626
Come on! Hey.
2031
01:30:32,628 --> 01:30:34,127
Get up and hit me,
you fucking pussy!
2032
01:30:34,129 --> 01:30:36,129
I'm not gonna fight
a girl, so just stop!
2033
01:30:36,131 --> 01:30:37,497
It shouldn't matter.
2034
01:30:37,499 --> 01:30:39,499
If you thought of me as a
person instead of a woman,
2035
01:30:39,501 --> 01:30:41,181
you would hit me and
not feel bad about it.
2036
01:30:42,904 --> 01:30:44,571
Okay. Bring it!
2037
01:30:44,573 --> 01:30:46,106
I'm ready.
2038
01:30:46,108 --> 01:30:47,641
It's on now, dawg.
2039
01:30:48,142 --> 01:30:49,443
Girl fight.
2040
01:30:51,513 --> 01:30:53,847
Oh. Oh. Oh, my God.
2041
01:30:53,849 --> 01:30:55,415
Is there blood in my eye? Oh, my God.
Are you all right?
2042
01:30:55,417 --> 01:30:56,850
I think there's blood in my eye.
2043
01:30:56,852 --> 01:30:58,452
Fucking learn how to hit!
2044
01:31:00,388 --> 01:31:02,088
That's a little better!
2045
01:31:02,090 --> 01:31:04,251
That's a little better, motherfucker!
Come on! Come on!
2046
01:31:07,862 --> 01:31:09,963
No! No! What?
2047
01:31:09,965 --> 01:31:11,898
What were you doing?
What am I doing?
2048
01:31:11,900 --> 01:31:13,166
Why'd you try to kiss me?
2049
01:31:13,168 --> 01:31:14,334
I didn't fucking
try and kiss you!
2050
01:31:14,336 --> 01:31:16,536
Yes, you did.
Ooh, you're so weird!
2051
01:31:16,538 --> 01:31:18,371
You're fucking
Mr. And Mrs. Smith-ing me.
2052
01:31:18,373 --> 01:31:19,873
I'm not
Mr. And Mrs. Smith-ing you.
2053
01:31:19,875 --> 01:31:21,241
This wasn't a sexy fight.
2054
01:31:21,243 --> 01:31:23,543
Oh, like you haven't wanted
to kiss me the whole time.
2055
01:31:23,545 --> 01:31:25,879
I never once wanted to kiss you!
2056
01:31:25,881 --> 01:31:27,747
Never! No!
2057
01:31:27,749 --> 01:31:28,849
You just did it again!
Stop it! Stop!
2058
01:31:28,851 --> 01:31:30,383
You're making a face
that is sexy!
2059
01:31:30,385 --> 01:31:32,185
I don't even want to kiss you!
2060
01:31:32,187 --> 01:31:33,553
Then stop trying!
2061
01:31:33,555 --> 01:31:34,988
You keep trying!
2062
01:31:34,990 --> 01:31:36,623
I've never tried to kiss you.
2063
01:31:36,625 --> 01:31:37,557
You gave me kiss me eyes.
2064
01:31:37,559 --> 01:31:38,959
No, I didn't.
2065
01:31:38,961 --> 01:31:40,794
The eyes were I just got
punched in the face eyes.
2066
01:31:40,796 --> 01:31:42,062
They weren't kiss me eyes.
2067
01:31:42,064 --> 01:31:43,296
I don't even like you!
2068
01:31:43,298 --> 01:31:45,065
Neither do I,
so stop kissing me!
2069
01:31:45,067 --> 01:31:46,199
Okay!
2070
01:31:47,435 --> 01:31:49,202
No! You're leaning in again!
2071
01:31:49,204 --> 01:31:50,737
I didn't know if we were
gonna punch or kiss!
2072
01:31:50,739 --> 01:31:52,239
You're making this
so uncomfortable.
2073
01:31:52,241 --> 01:31:55,108
This is the most uncomfortable
fistfight I've ever been in.
2074
01:31:55,110 --> 01:31:56,643
I'm gonna give you an out by
punching you in the face.
2075
01:31:56,645 --> 01:31:58,111
Okay? Okay.
2076
01:31:58,113 --> 01:31:59,813
And then we're gonna
go back to fighting
2077
01:31:59,815 --> 01:32:01,081
and we'll pretend
this never happened,
2078
01:32:01,083 --> 01:32:02,148
'cause I feel so awkward.
2079
01:32:17,565 --> 01:32:18,932
I want to see you get crazy!
2080
01:32:24,338 --> 01:32:25,338
Whoo!
2081
01:32:50,898 --> 01:32:52,799
I fucking hate spring break!
2082
01:32:56,003 --> 01:32:57,270
Fuck!
2083
01:32:57,272 --> 01:32:58,272
Ow!
2084
01:33:02,843 --> 01:33:04,344
Are you kidding me?
It's plastic.
2085
01:33:04,346 --> 01:33:05,979
Doesn't even hurt! Okay...
2086
01:33:05,981 --> 01:33:07,582
This isn't the spring
break you imagined?
2087
01:33:08,082 --> 01:33:09,115
How about this?
You want a little fun?
2088
01:33:09,117 --> 01:33:10,216
What is that?
2089
01:33:10,218 --> 01:33:11,518
Get wet, baby!
2090
01:33:11,520 --> 01:33:13,186
So much lube in my face!
2091
01:33:14,422 --> 01:33:15,589
Oh.
2092
01:33:15,591 --> 01:33:17,057
Lube on my face.
2093
01:33:20,161 --> 01:33:22,729
You're so violent!
2094
01:33:22,731 --> 01:33:24,831
Get off me unless
you're gonna fuck me!
2095
01:33:24,833 --> 01:33:26,099
I'm not gonna fuck you!
2096
01:33:26,101 --> 01:33:27,767
Are we gonna fuck?
No, we're not!
2097
01:33:27,769 --> 01:33:29,035
Is that what's happening?
2098
01:33:29,037 --> 01:33:30,637
No! I'm not gonna
fuck you, ever!
2099
01:33:30,639 --> 01:33:32,072
Get off!
2100
01:33:40,548 --> 01:33:41,715
Hey!
2101
01:33:42,483 --> 01:33:43,683
Hey!
2102
01:33:44,920 --> 01:33:46,453
What? What are you gonna do?
2103
01:33:46,455 --> 01:33:48,655
Choke me with your
liver-spotted hands?
2104
01:33:48,657 --> 01:33:50,423
You gonna push me over
with your Walker?
2105
01:33:50,425 --> 01:33:52,025
I'm impressed you
caught up to me.
2106
01:33:52,027 --> 01:33:53,326
You probably
haven't run that fast
2107
01:33:53,328 --> 01:33:54,794
since you played
stickball in the field
2108
01:33:54,796 --> 01:33:56,696
behind old pop
wiggleby's sweet shop.
2109
01:33:57,598 --> 01:33:59,366
Freeze, bitch. Oh, thank God.
2110
01:33:59,368 --> 01:34:01,935
Look who got off
the motherfucking leash.
2111
01:34:01,937 --> 01:34:03,370
Now who's the damsel in distress?
Fuck!
2112
01:34:03,372 --> 01:34:05,772
Well, I guess it's him.
2113
01:34:05,774 --> 01:34:06,940
I don't have
a clean shot, schmidt.
2114
01:34:06,942 --> 01:34:08,208
Then don't take the shot!
2115
01:34:08,210 --> 01:34:10,276
Maybe I want to
take a dirty shot.
2116
01:34:10,278 --> 01:34:12,412
Kind of like the dirty shot
you took on my daughter.
2117
01:34:12,414 --> 01:34:15,649
I didn't take a dirty shot
on your daughter, okay?
2118
01:34:15,651 --> 01:34:18,385
We talked a lot, and we
care about each other.
2119
01:34:18,387 --> 01:34:20,053
All the good qualities you have,
2120
01:34:20,055 --> 01:34:21,988
I can feel inside of Maya.
2121
01:34:21,990 --> 01:34:23,223
I'm gonna take the shot.
2122
01:34:23,225 --> 01:34:24,924
Don't take the shot.
2123
01:34:24,926 --> 01:34:26,192
I can shoot right
through your shoulder,
2124
01:34:26,194 --> 01:34:27,794
hit the bitch
right in the chest.
2125
01:34:27,796 --> 01:34:29,629
Don't take the shot.
I'm taking the shot.
2126
01:34:29,631 --> 01:34:30,864
I'll take the fucking shot.
2127
01:34:30,866 --> 01:34:32,465
Nobody take the shot before me.
2128
01:34:32,467 --> 01:34:34,300
How about we take it at the same time?
No one take a shot.
2129
01:34:34,302 --> 01:34:35,902
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
2130
01:34:38,973 --> 01:34:41,041
Shit! You have the right
to remain silent...
2131
01:34:41,043 --> 01:34:42,375
No, no, no, I got this.
2132
01:34:42,377 --> 01:34:44,144
You go handle the ghost.
He's on the roof.
2133
01:34:44,146 --> 01:34:45,712
I'm on it. I got it.
2134
01:34:45,714 --> 01:34:47,814
- What you looking at?
- Oh!
2135
01:34:47,816 --> 01:34:49,315
Good job on the cuffs,
baby girl.
2136
01:34:57,392 --> 01:34:59,092
So many fucking stairs.
2137
01:35:04,799 --> 01:35:07,067
It's me! It's me! Shit.
2138
01:35:07,069 --> 01:35:08,630
You made it, dude.
Did you get Mercedes?
2139
01:35:08,903 --> 01:35:10,403
Yeah. All by myself.
2140
01:35:10,405 --> 01:35:12,138
Really?
2141
01:35:12,140 --> 01:35:14,741
Mainly by myself. Okay.
2142
01:35:14,743 --> 01:35:16,676
And, dude, you were right,
that lambo...
2143
01:35:16,678 --> 01:35:18,078
Just can't hear that right now.
2144
01:35:18,080 --> 01:35:19,612
It's a shitty-made car.
It's not good.
2145
01:35:19,614 --> 01:35:20,880
Hey, let's go. We got to go.
2146
01:35:20,882 --> 01:35:22,082
How many bullets you got left?
2147
01:35:22,550 --> 01:35:24,350
None.
2148
01:35:24,352 --> 01:35:25,632
Act like you have bullets, then.
2149
01:35:36,697 --> 01:35:38,465
We gotta go!
2150
01:35:38,467 --> 01:35:39,588
We have to wait for pudding!
2151
01:35:46,440 --> 01:35:49,142
Jenko!
2152
01:36:01,122 --> 01:36:02,188
Go, go!
2153
01:36:05,560 --> 01:36:07,227
Here, take this. Okay.
2154
01:36:07,229 --> 01:36:08,328
I tried to take
a bullet for you, man.
2155
01:36:08,330 --> 01:36:09,696
Yeah. But you didn't.
2156
01:36:09,698 --> 01:36:11,731
But I tried. It's the
thought that matters.
2157
01:36:11,733 --> 01:36:12,899
No, it's not
the thought that counts.
2158
01:36:12,901 --> 01:36:14,141
It's fucking taking the bullet.
2159
01:36:18,372 --> 01:36:19,506
Cover me. I'm gonna go long.
2160
01:36:20,141 --> 01:36:21,241
Okay.
2161
01:36:45,332 --> 01:36:48,034
Bye-bye, Terminator!
2162
01:37:01,949 --> 01:37:03,583
Hey! Get off of my chopper!
2163
01:37:04,618 --> 01:37:06,186
Can you shake him off?
2164
01:37:06,188 --> 01:37:08,555
I'm coming for you,
motherfucker!
2165
01:37:08,557 --> 01:37:10,597
Come on, just wiggle the
stick back and forth!
2166
01:37:12,026 --> 01:37:13,459
He's only got one arm!
2167
01:37:13,461 --> 01:37:15,295
I only need one arm to
punch you in the dick.
2168
01:37:16,964 --> 01:37:18,164
Shake him off! Shake him off!
2169
01:37:18,866 --> 01:37:20,366
Don't be a pussy!
2170
01:37:52,366 --> 01:37:53,933
Holy shit!
2171
01:37:53,935 --> 01:37:55,835
I did it!
2172
01:37:55,837 --> 01:37:57,604
I look so fucking badass!
2173
01:37:57,606 --> 01:37:58,705
Oh, my God, you flew!
2174
01:37:58,707 --> 01:37:59,772
This is crazy!
2175
01:37:59,774 --> 01:38:00,974
You made the leap, man!
2176
01:38:00,976 --> 01:38:02,342
Why'd you do that?
2177
01:38:02,344 --> 01:38:04,010
'Cause you did it!
2178
01:38:04,012 --> 01:38:05,411
I couldn't leave
you hanging, man!
2179
01:38:05,413 --> 01:38:06,746
I was fine. I had it.
2180
01:38:06,748 --> 01:38:07,748
You weren't...
2181
01:38:15,090 --> 01:38:17,023
I got you! Shit! Schmidt!
2182
01:38:17,025 --> 01:38:18,191
I got you!
2183
01:38:18,193 --> 01:38:19,392
You saved my life!
2184
01:38:31,639 --> 01:38:33,907
I just realized something.
2185
01:38:33,909 --> 01:38:35,842
You don't hold me down, man.
2186
01:38:35,844 --> 01:38:37,076
You lift me up.
2187
01:38:37,078 --> 01:38:39,579
Literally and figuratively.
2188
01:38:39,581 --> 01:38:40,662
Yeah, I know. I meant both.
2189
01:38:41,482 --> 01:38:43,349
You don't drag me down,
either, man.
2190
01:38:43,351 --> 01:38:44,984
I mean, except right now.
2191
01:38:44,986 --> 01:38:47,420
You're dragging me down.
You're really heavy.
2192
01:38:47,422 --> 01:38:49,455
Hey, listen, there's
a grenade in my shorts.
2193
01:38:49,457 --> 01:38:50,690
Can you reach it?
2194
01:38:50,692 --> 01:38:52,358
You gotta go in from underneath.
2195
01:38:52,360 --> 01:38:53,459
Oh, shit!
2196
01:38:57,064 --> 01:38:58,498
Is that it? That's my dick.
2197
01:38:58,500 --> 01:38:59,699
What about that?
2198
01:38:59,701 --> 01:39:00,701
That's my dick also.
2199
01:39:02,504 --> 01:39:04,337
Why is it hard?
2200
01:39:04,339 --> 01:39:06,406
I have so much
adrenaline right now!
2201
01:39:06,408 --> 01:39:08,141
Is that it? You're tickling me.
2202
01:39:08,143 --> 01:39:09,409
I can't find it!
2203
01:39:09,411 --> 01:39:10,411
That's it! Grab it!
2204
01:39:12,046 --> 01:39:13,212
Yes!
2205
01:39:13,214 --> 01:39:14,914
No, I got it in my mouth.
2206
01:39:14,916 --> 01:39:16,215
Say something cool
when you throw it!
2207
01:39:16,217 --> 01:39:18,184
One, two, three!
2208
01:39:20,054 --> 01:39:22,221
Something cool!
2209
01:39:27,628 --> 01:39:28,628
They're gone!
2210
01:39:29,930 --> 01:39:31,564
Oh, I feel so...
2211
01:39:37,871 --> 01:39:39,138
Whoo-hoo!
2212
01:40:06,567 --> 01:40:07,867
We did it!
2213
01:40:07,869 --> 01:40:09,035
Dude, fuck, I'm... ow!
2214
01:40:09,037 --> 01:40:11,070
Oh! Shit, sorry.
2215
01:40:11,072 --> 01:40:12,405
Dude, I miss you so much, man.
2216
01:40:12,407 --> 01:40:13,906
I miss you, too.
2217
01:40:13,908 --> 01:40:15,808
You were like a tiny
little flower seed
2218
01:40:15,810 --> 01:40:18,411
and I was clenching you
in my fist.
2219
01:40:18,413 --> 01:40:20,880
But a flower,
it can't grow in a fist.
2220
01:40:20,882 --> 01:40:24,217
A little seed needs to fly
away free and find its soil.
2221
01:40:24,219 --> 01:40:27,253
Yeah, I know. I tried to soil
myself and, dude, I didn't like it.
2222
01:40:27,255 --> 01:40:29,489
I wanted a relationship
without friction.
2223
01:40:29,491 --> 01:40:31,591
Dude, you need friction
to create fire.
2224
01:40:31,593 --> 01:40:34,360
And that's what we have,
we have fire.
2225
01:40:34,362 --> 01:40:36,596
Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.
2226
01:40:36,598 --> 01:40:38,097
Thank God.
2227
01:40:38,099 --> 01:40:40,933
Dude, this is what I've always wanted.
Just me and you, buddy.
2228
01:40:40,935 --> 01:40:42,335
I love you.
2229
01:40:42,337 --> 01:40:43,703
Me, too, man. I love you, man.
2230
01:40:46,640 --> 01:40:48,441
You know what?
2231
01:40:48,443 --> 01:40:49,764
That's who he should
be with, man.
2232
01:40:51,478 --> 01:40:53,746
What?
2233
01:40:53,748 --> 01:40:55,715
Hey, what'd you say when you
threw the grenade up there?
2234
01:40:55,717 --> 01:40:56,883
I said, something cool.
2235
01:40:56,885 --> 01:40:58,384
What did you say?
2236
01:40:58,386 --> 01:41:00,153
It was something cool.
No, but what'd you say?
2237
01:41:00,155 --> 01:41:01,635
Yeah, I know.
I said, something cool.
2238
01:41:04,491 --> 01:41:07,226
I didn't expect spring
break to be this stinky.
2239
01:41:07,228 --> 01:41:09,362
It's pretty gross.
2240
01:41:09,364 --> 01:41:12,065
Man, we're getting
too old for this shit.
2241
01:41:12,067 --> 01:41:14,667
We started off
too old for this shit.
2242
01:41:14,669 --> 01:41:16,669
You ain't lying about that.
2243
01:41:19,273 --> 01:41:23,176
Dude, we're even about the
arm thing, okay? Right?
2244
01:41:23,178 --> 01:41:24,277
What? What do you want to do?
2245
01:41:24,279 --> 01:41:25,545
Don't move. Fuck. All right.
2246
01:41:25,547 --> 01:41:27,346
Just get it over with, all right?
Don't move.
2247
01:41:27,348 --> 01:41:28,781
One... Just graze my arm.
2248
01:41:28,783 --> 01:41:30,416
I don't want you to hit the bone.
...Two,
2249
01:41:30,418 --> 01:41:32,151
three.
2250
01:41:32,153 --> 01:41:34,120
Fuck! Fuck! Shit!
2251
01:41:34,122 --> 01:41:35,688
Oh, my God, are you all right?
Shit!
2252
01:41:35,690 --> 01:41:37,723
Why, man? Why am I always
getting hurt around you?
2253
01:41:37,725 --> 01:41:38,825
- Jenko, what are you doing?
- Oh, fuck you.
2254
01:41:38,827 --> 01:41:40,693
Fuck you, schmidt.
Stop dicking around.
2255
01:41:40,695 --> 01:41:42,962
Hey, cap.
Congratulations, you two.
2256
01:41:42,964 --> 01:41:45,731
You managed to un-fuck up the
situation you originally fucked up.
2257
01:41:45,733 --> 01:41:47,233
Thanks.
2258
01:41:47,235 --> 01:41:48,601
I wish you can
un-fuck my daughter,
2259
01:41:48,603 --> 01:41:50,470
but I'm gonna let
that be the past.
2260
01:41:50,472 --> 01:41:52,939
Now, for your next mission,
2261
01:41:52,941 --> 01:41:56,008
you two sons of bitches
are going to medical school.
2262
01:41:56,010 --> 01:41:57,477
What?
2263
01:42:07,588 --> 01:42:09,755
This time,
foreign exchange students.
2264
01:42:09,757 --> 01:42:10,823
Awesome. Yes!
2265
01:42:10,825 --> 01:42:11,825
In Russia.
2266
01:42:12,192 --> 01:42:13,226
What?
2267
01:42:15,129 --> 01:42:16,229
Do svidanya.
2268
01:42:16,231 --> 01:42:17,497
Vodka soda.
2269
01:42:22,736 --> 01:42:25,238
Next assignment.
A semester at sea.
2270
01:42:38,185 --> 01:42:41,487
You two sons of bitches
are going to culinary school.
2271
01:42:41,489 --> 01:42:42,822
There's a microchip
in this empanada.
2272
01:42:42,824 --> 01:42:44,857
Old family recipe.
2273
01:42:44,859 --> 01:42:46,225
Best to keep it a secret.
2274
01:42:48,428 --> 01:42:49,862
Oh, shit!
2275
01:43:00,174 --> 01:43:01,841
New assignment...
2276
01:43:01,843 --> 01:43:03,563
Cap, does schmidt look
any different to you?
2277
01:43:04,077 --> 01:43:05,778
No. That's schmidt.
2278
01:43:05,780 --> 01:43:07,280
I don't know what you're
talking about, man.
2279
01:43:07,282 --> 01:43:08,381
He look exactly the same to me.
2280
01:43:08,383 --> 01:43:09,949
I got new glasses.
2281
01:43:09,951 --> 01:43:12,618
Yeah, man, he just got some
new glasses, man. God damn.
2282
01:43:12,620 --> 01:43:14,300
No one's gonna fucking notice.
2283
01:43:16,089 --> 01:43:17,523
Let's do this, schmidt.
2284
01:43:17,525 --> 01:43:20,526
Yeah. Just like we
always do, Jenkins.
2285
01:43:20,528 --> 01:43:22,261
It's jenko. Sorry.
2286
01:43:30,537 --> 01:43:33,005
I'm really, really glad
you're back, schmidt.
2287
01:43:33,007 --> 01:43:34,740
What contract dispute?
2288
01:43:34,742 --> 01:43:36,876
I've been here the whole time.
2289
01:43:36,878 --> 01:43:37,877
Man, shut the fuck up.
2290
01:43:37,879 --> 01:43:39,445
How about a flight academy?
2291
01:43:50,557 --> 01:43:53,793
Undercover just got
a whole lot sexier.
2292
01:44:02,536 --> 01:44:03,836
You're jump street, right?
2293
01:44:03,838 --> 01:44:05,238
Yeah. How the fuck
do you know that?
2294
01:44:05,572 --> 01:44:07,106
I'm booker.
2295
01:44:07,108 --> 01:44:08,608
Oh, shit. Man, you're a legend.
2296
01:44:15,082 --> 01:44:16,082
Traffic school!
2297
01:44:16,817 --> 01:44:17,850
Military school.
2298
01:44:18,852 --> 01:44:19,852
Scuba class.
2299
01:44:20,754 --> 01:44:21,787
Dance academy.
2300
01:44:21,789 --> 01:44:23,256
Yes.
2301
01:44:23,258 --> 01:44:26,325
Finally something
I'm amazing at.
2302
01:44:26,327 --> 01:44:29,328
♪ Your friends'll be there
when your back is to the wall
2303
01:44:30,163 --> 01:44:31,497
♪ you'll find you need us
2304
01:44:31,499 --> 01:44:33,566
♪ 'cause there's
no one else to call
2305
01:44:33,568 --> 01:44:36,636
You sons of bitches
is gonna be in a video game.
2306
01:44:37,904 --> 01:44:39,105
Let's blow shit up.
2307
01:44:39,107 --> 01:44:40,740
Jump street style.
2308
01:44:40,742 --> 01:44:42,508
♪ We out of control
all over the place
2309
01:44:42,510 --> 01:44:44,510
♪ and somebody gotta
put it to a stop, quick
2310
01:44:44,512 --> 01:44:46,512
♪ out on the road
all up in your face
2311
01:44:46,514 --> 01:44:49,382
Get ready for a lifetime of
being badass motherfuckers.
2312
01:44:49,384 --> 01:44:52,018
It's inking in my mouth!
2313
01:44:52,020 --> 01:44:53,340
Don't fuck my daughter.
2314
01:44:59,494 --> 01:45:02,662
♪ They're the jump street and
'bout to jump up in your ass
2315
01:45:02,664 --> 01:45:05,965
♪ this the special unit that's
designed to keep it quiet
2316
01:45:05,967 --> 01:45:09,969
♪ we infiltrate the dealers
and we find the damn suppliers
2317
01:45:09,971 --> 01:45:13,205
♪ don't need permission
to decide what you believe
2318
01:45:13,207 --> 01:45:16,042
♪ say jump,
jumping down on jump street
2319
01:45:16,044 --> 01:45:17,610
all right, new assignment.
2320
01:45:18,178 --> 01:45:19,779
Six hours of makeup?
2321
01:45:20,947 --> 01:45:22,348
We're getting too old
for this shit.
2322
01:45:22,350 --> 01:45:23,350
Nice.
2323
01:45:25,286 --> 01:45:26,652
♪ Wait, we just here
trying to find us
2324
01:45:26,654 --> 01:45:28,354
♪ schmidt went lookin',
till he found love
2325
01:45:28,356 --> 01:45:30,222
♪ got his life sweet,
bon appetit
2326
01:45:30,224 --> 01:45:31,924
♪ spring break, bitch,
throw a party on the beach
2327
01:45:31,926 --> 01:45:33,693
♪ shit did change,
but all that means
2328
01:45:33,695 --> 01:45:35,495
♪ is that your real friends
don't ever leave
2329
01:45:35,796 --> 01:45:37,396
♪ will it ever be complete?
2330
01:45:37,398 --> 01:45:38,998
♪ Jump street won't ever cease
2331
01:45:39,000 --> 01:45:40,800
♪ ever cease ever cease
2332
01:45:40,802 --> 01:45:42,668
2333
01:45:42,670 --> 01:45:44,470
2334
01:45:44,472 --> 01:45:45,971
2335
01:45:45,973 --> 01:45:47,807
2336
01:45:47,809 --> 01:45:49,008
♪ ever cease ever cease ♪
2337
01:45:52,646 --> 01:45:54,447
Something cool!
2338
01:46:04,525 --> 01:46:07,360
♪ We're gonna live forever
2339
01:46:10,597 --> 01:46:13,799
♪ we're gonna live forever
2340
01:46:13,801 --> 01:46:16,635
♪ we're gonna live for
we're gonna live for
2341
01:46:16,637 --> 01:46:19,638
2342
01:46:19,640 --> 01:46:22,108
2343
01:46:25,746 --> 01:46:29,982
♪ yeah, me and my homie
this is aye
2344
01:46:29,984 --> 01:46:32,985
♪ and it's going down
like a fire drill
2345
01:46:32,987 --> 01:46:35,988
♪ came a long way,
now we part here
2346
01:46:35,990 --> 01:46:38,791
♪ and we still running shit,
call it diarrhea
2347
01:46:38,793 --> 01:46:40,526
♪ coming up together
like them good fellas
2348
01:46:40,528 --> 01:46:41,827
♪ heart through the loop
2349
01:46:41,829 --> 01:46:43,562
♪ holding down, keep it
real in these streets
2350
01:46:43,564 --> 01:46:45,030
♪ back to the roof
2351
01:46:45,032 --> 01:46:47,800
♪ anywhere, anytime I got
your back like a spine
2352
01:46:47,802 --> 01:46:51,070
♪ my homies never left behind
my whole team get to shine
2353
01:46:51,072 --> 01:46:54,039
♪ the world has opened up
that's why we're blowing up
2354
01:46:54,041 --> 01:46:56,976
♪ that's why we rolling up
drinking till we throw up
2355
01:46:56,978 --> 01:47:00,112
♪ the way we get this cheddar,
there ain't nobody better
2356
01:47:00,114 --> 01:47:03,382
♪ write our names in the sky
'cause we gonna live forever
2357
01:47:03,384 --> 01:47:04,817
♪ live forever, man
2358
01:47:04,819 --> 01:47:07,686
2359
01:47:10,791 --> 01:47:14,493
2360
01:47:14,495 --> 01:47:16,962
2361
01:47:16,964 --> 01:47:19,965
2362
01:47:19,967 --> 01:47:22,568
2363
01:47:27,374 --> 01:47:30,509
♪ life of the party,
patron and bacardi
2364
01:47:30,511 --> 01:47:33,078
♪ get faded, get sloppy, and
all up in that chick's body
2365
01:47:33,080 --> 01:47:34,780
♪ came up with
the people that's real
2366
01:47:34,782 --> 01:47:36,015
♪ ticket to the meal
2367
01:47:36,017 --> 01:47:37,683
♪ now like it, we all together
2368
01:47:37,685 --> 01:47:39,218
♪ that's just how it is
2369
01:47:39,220 --> 01:47:40,920
♪ I'm throwed like a strike out
2370
01:47:40,922 --> 01:47:42,254
♪ shine brighter
than a lighthouse
2371
01:47:42,256 --> 01:47:43,656
♪ bigger than the white house
2372
01:47:43,658 --> 01:47:45,157
♪ go against my team,
get wiped out
2373
01:47:45,159 --> 01:47:46,559
♪ got them choppers
like troopers
2374
01:47:46,561 --> 01:47:48,260
♪ don't make me split your head
2375
01:47:48,262 --> 01:47:50,930
♪ my lil' homie left up here,
he'll smoke ya like a cig
2376
01:47:52,966 --> 01:47:55,835
2377
01:47:59,039 --> 01:48:02,541
2378
01:48:02,543 --> 01:48:05,177
2379
01:48:05,179 --> 01:48:08,147
2380
01:48:08,149 --> 01:48:10,850
2381
01:48:41,481 --> 01:48:44,550
2382
01:48:47,454 --> 01:48:50,623
2383
01:48:50,625 --> 01:48:53,659
2384
01:48:53,661 --> 01:48:56,462
2385
01:48:56,464 --> 01:48:58,998
2386
01:49:02,536 --> 01:49:06,205
2387
01:49:06,207 --> 01:49:07,573
♪ yeah
2388
01:49:09,342 --> 01:49:10,342
♪ forever ♪
2389
01:51:37,557 --> 01:51:38,724
Eric.
2390
01:51:40,026 --> 01:51:41,760
Eric, are you awake?
2391
01:51:43,196 --> 01:51:44,196
No.
2392
01:51:45,331 --> 01:51:46,331
I'm late.

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