Children's Church

Or
Believer’s Church?
by
Rodney A. Gray
 Introduction

The scene could be a Sunday morning worship service of any typical evangelical church. A couple of hymns have
been sung, some announcements read, an offering collected. Perhaps the service has been embellished with the reading of
a chapter from the Bible and a couple of "special numbers in song." Now, as the adult part of the congregation sings the
last verse of another hymn, their children are filing out of the auditorium. Where are they going? They are going to
"children's church."

Or perhaps it is more like this: Again the scene is the corporate worship meeting. But there are only grownups and
(perhaps) a few teenagers present. Where are all the children? Why, they are having "church on their own level." What
this usually means is that they are somewhere in the building other than with their parents and families. Perhaps it is in the
basement or an adjoining room, but in any case it is an area separated from what is going on in the meeting of the church.
And what are they doing there? Oh, they are having "their own" regular church service just like the one "upstairs," except
this one is "on their own level." They sing choruses like "Do Lord" and "Give Me Oil" and "Happy Am I." They have a
Bible story and maybe even a missionary story. And then of course they have their craft time and their refreshment time,
and possibly a prayer time. When all is completed, they have had "church" on their own level. They know that they have
spent their time in a worthwhile way, because everything has been done in a childlike manner.

The problem

All serious Christian parents know that the problems associated with having children, especially very young children,
with them when the church gathers are not insignificant. We sense that our children do not seem to derive any benefit
from what is taking place, particularly when it comes to the preaching/teaching ministry. The ministry of the Word of God
is presented in such a way that requires a measure of concentration and thoughtfulness which even adults often find it
difficult to muster. What is more, because of their inattention and disinterest, children are often a source of distraction that
hinders the adults from giving their full attention to what is being said. We have the feeling that perhaps people will not
come to our meetings once they discover that they will have to keep their children with them. And of course there is
always the problem of having to force children to attend with their parents ("dragging them to church"), a situation which
we have convinced ourselves is intolerable, because, after all, children should "like" to come to church meetings. If they
don’t like it, there must be something wrong with it, because children are presumed to be the best judges of such things.
Necessarily coupled with this line of reasoning is the idea that the program must be "geared" to their level. Unless there is
something presented that is specifically and exclusively "for them," we conclude that it is a waste of our children's
valuable time for them to attend meetings with us.

Furthermore, in addition to the obvious intellectual limitations which are characteristic of children, the physiological
difficulties present yet another dimension of the problem. That is, we have perhaps convinced ourselves that our children
are simply incapable of tolerating the strain of sitting with us in such meetings. They become fidgety to a greater or lesser
degree, sometimes noisy, and perhaps they have to go to the restroom. Their feet don't reach the floor when they sit on
adult-size chairs, so they get uncomfortable and bored. So we ask ourselves whether it makes for a "decent and orderly "
service when we have children creating disturbances which they are physically incapable of avoiding. And it turns out that
nobody is happy: the children because they are bored, and the adults because they are irritated. Everyone should be happy,
satisfied and enjoying himself, we argue, so there must be something wrong. And as if our own children were not enough
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of a concern, what if we had children in the meeting whose parents did not come? Then what? Would we expect some of
our own people to assume responsibility for them, as well?

All of these are certainly legitimate concerns, and probably most thinking Christians have considered these issues and
others as specific situations have presented them. Unfortunately, the conclusion to which many have come is that the
solution lies somewhere in the area of removing the children from their view. Let them have "church" by themselves, and
let us have "church" by ourselves. That way we will all be happy and satisfied about our "church experience." But this
approach seems to rest on a number of false or at least unsound assumptions, both with regard to the nature of the church,
its calling, the reasons why it gathers, and with regard to the nature of children themselves. The result is that while the
problem may be treated cosmetically so that things are more orderly and tidy, other significant matters of concern are not
given the attention they deserve. It appears that the "children's church" approach must be challenged on several levels.

Observations:

I. Children are usually not the most qualified judges of their own wants and needs.

It is possible, if not likely, that much of the discussion that favors some form of special children's program proceeds
on the assumption that the primary consideration must be the wants and needs of children as they themselves perceive
them. Concerns about children's inability either to identify with or participate in the meeting of the church, while they are
legitimate concerns, often receive their greatest impetus from the children themselves. Parents are sometimes too quick to
accept the validity of their complaints. Or, we suppose that the mere fact that they are complaining necessitates a change
that will bring things around to their point of view. One of the strangest things about Christian parents is that, while we
refuse to admit that our children's judgment is infallible about almost everything else, when it comes to their opinions
about what is going on in the services of the church, we are willing to take the position that their assessment of things is
valid. What they have decided they want or need becomes the starting point for all discussion about children in the church.
When they tell us that they like hot-dogs but they hate liver, we would not think of feeding them hot-dogs three times a
day. When they tell us that they think they need more T. V. and less school, we understand that this is childish reasoning
that lacks experience and wisdom. When they decide that they think it would be good for students in the classroom to
have as much freedom as they want, and that teachers should not have authority in the classroom, we recognize that these
ideas would do no one any good. The point is that children, as long as there have been children, have never been short on
ideas about what they like and dislike. But of course this is because they are children, and it is why they have parents.
Simplistic as it may be, we need to keep it in mind that children are not adults, and it is a mistake to treat them as such.
This means that they are not equal to adults. One of the reasons the Book of Proverbs is in the Bible is that parents are
parents and children are children, and the one group are to provide direction and counsel to the other group. This is
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sometimes called "discipline," and while we would all like it to be a pleasant and enjoyable process, the Bible
acknowledges that more often than not, it is just the opposite.
II. Children suffer from a problem that goes much deeper than just being children.

The tension we are concerned about here is not so much between immature children and the adult activity in which
they find themselves, as it is between unbelievers and the believing community among whom they are scattered. The
believing community comes together in its meetings to do what only believers can do. Yet, in the course of doing that, it
must recognize that unbelievers are bound to be present. In other words the problems we face are not so much concerned
with children as children, but children as unbelievers. Therefore, in any attempt to address these problems, what we are
really dealing with (in most cases) is the problem of unregenerate persons among us. Should it become the church's policy
to remove unregenerate persons (or persons who have not declared themselves by word of mouth or conduct of life to be
believers) from its corporate meetings for worship, fellowship, prayer and instruction? Should the meetings of a believer’s
church be primarily oriented toward believers, or unbelievers? Does the general pattern of New Testament church order
suggest a structure that would resemble a departmentalized Sunday school, providing a multi-level program for various
groupings according to age? A gospel church consists of people who have believed the gospel, have been baptized as
believers, and have been added to the church so that they may continue steadfastly in the life and ministry of the church
(Acts 2:41,42). The New Testament vision is a called out gathering of believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, many of whom
had unbelieving spouses, parents, children, other relatives, and friends who may or may not have gathered with them.

III. The church, according to the New Testament, is manifestly a believer’s church.

The primary issue here clearly has to do with the nature and calling of the church. The purposes for which a church
gathers are purposes which are calculated to serve the interests and needs of believing people. The gathering of the church
is not first and foremost an evangelistic enterprise, although evangelism should and will occur. But the primary functions
of the gathered church, under the worship of God, are such as are outlined in Ephesians 4:1-16 and I Corinthians
14:26-40. One of the complications which any kind of children's church format eventually introduces is the notion that
there is some kind of third category of people who are neither believers nor unbelievers. They are perhaps treated as
"believers-in-training," and soon enough they begin to think of themselves that way. If their entire church -related
experience encourages them to think that creating an institution just for them makes their worship, their praying, their
singing, their activities, etc., acceptable to God apart from any definitive break with sin and commitment to Christ, where
does this leave them? But more importantly perhaps, where does it leave the church? Admittedly, much evangelistic effort
is put forth in many such programs. But it is all done in the context of a program that is designed to make it possible for
those who are manifestly "out" to be considered "in." This is an unfortunate tendency with some adults, who continue in
an external attachment to a church body long enough without ever offering any decisive confession of faith in Christ, with
the result that they acquire the status of church members in some sense. They participate in decision making and exercise
influence in numerous ways, often commanding more votes than do the members of the church! Many members of the
church may be influenced by them and thus unwittingly turn over the authority of the church to those who are really
outside. This is bad enough and creates its own problems, but it borders on the irresponsible to structure a program within
the church that tends to foster this way of thinking in the minds of children. It is no wonder that we have many people
who seem to be neither “fish nor fowl,” neither in nor out, neither for Christ nor against him, and who sense no necessity
to declare themselves one way or the other.

IV. In the fourth place, there is the question of what the children are learning.

It is often argued that children do not learn anything in the meetings of the church, therefore it is a waste of time to
have them sitting there "vegetating." But the issue does not appear to be that children learn nothing in adult or
believer-oriented meetings while they do learn in child-oriented meetings. It is not a question of "if" or "whether," but
"what?" No one would deny that teaching that is specifically directed to children, and presented in such a way that
children can assimilate it, is easier for them to understand than a sermon prepared for and presented to mature Christians.
There is no argument there. That, however, is not the point. The point is that, since they are learning something regardless
of the environment, we ought to be concerned about what they are learning. What do children assimilate from having
assembled with a group of believing people? What do they assimilate from having gathered by themselves while their
parents and other believers have gathered elsewhere? Regardless of how much or little they understand the exposition of

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Scripture, what impressions are being left indelibly traced upon their hearts and minds? Are they coming to appreciate the
fact that gathering with God's people, studying God's Word, worshiping God, learning more about what it means to be a
Christian, and the like, are among the most important interests their parents have? Are they learning that their parents want
them there with them, learning to respect and reverence the Lord Jesus Christ and His body? Are they learning that it is
indispensable that the whole church be together in one place? Are they learning respect and appreciation for the leaders of
the church, those who minister the Word of God and have the oversight? Are they learning what a serious commitment it
takes to give your heart and life to Jesus Christ, as evidenced by the presence all around them of people who have done
just that? These are the things that children need to learn. These are the things that will prove to have a godly impact on
their lives.

It also needs to be said in connection with this point that parents and adults generally are too willing to capitulate in
the face of their children's insistence that they are bored or that they cannot understand anything. If we expect them to get
nothing, they will probably get nothing. If we expect them to be bored, they will probably be bored. Perhaps children are
capable of understanding more than they would like us to believe. Perhaps we should expect more of them, encourage
them to pay closer attention and behave themselves. Without a doubt, the ministry of the Word is an exceedingly difficult
task. But we must recognize that its difficulty lies on both ends of the process, with speaker and hearer alike. It should not
be out of the question to ask children to put forth some real effort. Part of the reason we do not require this of them is that
we do not require it of ourselves. We may have to admit that, in some respects at least, we are little more than oversized
children ourselves. All of the excuses we use now were probably learned when we were still very young, and we should
be able to recognize them for what they are.

V. Parents are responsible to teach and train their children.

This is the all important dimension of parental responsibility. Clearly the New Testament does not address the matter
of the church's corporate responsibility to its children. It does not offer guidelines or fresh ideas for setting up specialized
ministries for children and youth. There is no cluster of epistles which we can classify as the "Children's Epistles." Early
believers apparently did not regard the gospel as age or group specific. It was from early childhood that Timothy had
learned the holy scriptures (II Timothy 3:15). It was not a child’s version of the Bible, but the Bible itself. Today we have
as many age-, group-, gender-, and need-specific Bibles as publishers can market and sell. But God’s people knew better
than this in former day. On the contrary, such tendencies toward “grouping” people were discouraged. But the New
Testament does address Christian parents with reference to the rearing of their children. Certainly we would immediately
think of the teaching in Ephesians 6:1-4 and Colossians 3:20, 21. We might also think of the remarks on "discipline" in
Hebrews 12, and in terms of the scope of the whole Bible there is the very positive counsel of the Book of Proverbs as
well as the examples, both negative and positive, found in the lives of various Bible characters. The way that Paul
reflected upon the upbringing of Timothy should not go unnoticed. And certainly the prevailing emphasis in Old
Testament days was upon parental responsibility to acquaint their children with the ways and works of God (Deuteronomy
6). And yet it was not unheard of, when the law of God was publicly read, for children to be present with their parents and
all the congregation of Israel to listen to the reading and explanation of it. Furthermore, they were expected to learn and
follow carefully what was presented to them (Deuteronomy 31:12,13). They had to hear it all, the curses along with the
blessings (Joshua 8:34,35). Children were evidently considered to be among those who were able to understand
(Nehemiah 8:2,3).

So while we may wonder about it just a bit, it should not surprise us to find that the Lord Jesus, in His teaching
ministry, seems to have paid very little special attention to children. He had some things to say about children (Matthew
18:1-14; 19:13, 14; 21:14-16), but it is difficult to find any indication that He actually took special pains to address His
teaching in such a way that the simplest child could understand it. As a matter of fact, Jesus often taught with parables,
which were designed to conceal the truth about the kingdom of heaven from unbelieving minds.
Without a doubt, much more could be said in connection with this principle, particularly in developing the
implications of the statement, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord." To do this, however, would lead us too far afield of our present and immediate interest. Suffice it
to say, then, that the church has no biblical reason to consider itself obligated to raise children for God. The primary
responsibility rests upon parents, and it appears that the battle for our children's hearts, minds and lives will be decided,
not in the church, not even in the Christian school, but in the home. Parents and others who do not understand this may
clamor the loudest in favor of the idea of children’s church. They may imply, if not insist, that if we do not have a
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children’s church it can only mean that we do not have a heart for children. Nothing could be further from the truth. The
loving and caring approach is to constrain our children to realize that they are without hope and without God in the world
until they are prepared to commit their lives to Jesus Christ. Then, and only then, do they become proper candidates for
believer’s baptism and membership in a believer’s church. It does not serve them well to create artificial categories for
them that in the end will likely create false and misleading notions in their minds about their true standing before God.

Alternatives

Everyone should understand that raising children for God is a painfully difficult task. It is a process that, despite its
obvious joys and blessings, can be very frustrating and discouraging. We must not think that it suddenly becomes easy
when we are "in church." It is slow and tedious going, and parents have to patiently learn along with their children how to
safely make their way through life. Parents who have determined to follow Christ have their work cut out for them when
they have children who have not determined to follow Christ. So when we talk about the place of children in the church,
there is no sense in looking for an easy way. There is no easy way. But if keeping our children with us in our meetings is
an option, difficult as it may be, perhaps we need to be encouraged to work at it so that they will be more positively and
lastingly impressed. Here are some suggestions.

I. For one thing, we can accept the fact that we simply have to keep after our children.

They need to be encouraged constantly to behave themselves, pay attention, sit still, be quiet, etc. We should not think
of this as a strange or unusual concept, just because we are talking about a church setting. If it is clear to our children that
we have struck a course with respect to our participation in the fellowship of the local church which is consistent with our
lives as they see us, chances are that they will follow us. Even very young children will respond. Everyone knows that
children learn by example, and they are often eager to imitate their parents. This is why our attitude about everything is so
critically important. If we decide that something is unbearable, our children will readily agree with us and find it
unbearable, too. If we find it thrilling and exciting, our positive attitude will not be lost on them. One of the hard realities
of parenting is that most child problems are not really child problems at all. They are more often than not parent
problems. Many parents are lazy and short on patience. They do not have a long term goal for their children in spiritual
matters, and no program to implement. Their children grow up like weeds, as perhaps their parents did before them.
Many parents are very attentive to their children’s educational, financial, and career opportunities. But they have no heart
to prepare them for eternity.

II. Secondly, it is both useful and important to keep the pace moving in our meetings.

No one derives any benefit from sitting around waiting for the meeting to begin long after it is scheduled to begin.
Lengthy "dead spots" during the course of the service, in which nothing in particular is happening, can be agonizing, and
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unnecessarily so. If people are supposed to be giving testimonies, why is no one doing so? If people are supposed to be
praying, why is no one praying? If people are supposed to be singing, why are some not singing? And of course it is
largely up to the leaders to see that the meeting does not drift aimlessly. Sometimes we have to step back and ask
ourselves why we do the things we do. For example, why do we sit and listen to organ music long after the offering has
been collected? It has to be said that those who minister the Word are often at fault when they prolong their messages
beyond what is a reasonable amount of teaching time. On the other hand, it is possible to restrict the sermon time so much
that it is impossible to develop the teaching of any text, including John 11:35! There is also the necessity of finding the
biblical ground between extremes of formality and informality in the conduct of a service. The Holy Spirit is not
restricted to either one or the other, but he may be quenched in both. In any case, the services of a gospel church should be
crisp, fresh, and alive to reflect the new life in Christ that the members claim to possess. This is what we want our
children to come to desire for themselves.

III. As a third suggestion, we can talk to our children about the services.

It goes without saying that we ought to talk to them about the Bible message that is presented, but that is not all. There
is nothing wrong with discussing the overall tone of the meeting. What impressed them the most? What impressed them
the least? What impressed them in a positive way? in a negative way? What did they think when so-and-so prayed for the
children? What did they think about so-and-so's word of praise? How do they account for the way so-and-so-else is
handling his or her particular problem? How should they have been helped by any of this? What impressions did the
music make on them? Did they understand what we were singing and why? When the announcements were given, did it
make them look forward to anything in particular? Do they think that all of these things having to do with “church” are in
any way special and important? Did they notice that people were as attentive and involved as they could be? Did they
miss anyone today who was absent from the meeting? Clearly the burden of responsibility lies with parents and adults,
and it is a heavy burden to bear. It requires a major commitment and you have to make it for the long haul. But shame on
us if we excuse ourselves from it by simply deciding that we need children’s church.

IV. Fourth, children can be encouraged to take notes when the pastors are teaching the Word.

Admittedly, this is something that many adult believers are not willing to do, but it can be very useful and stimulating
to a child's mind. Can they be expected to listen for and write down one or two main ideas? Surely this is not too much to
ask. Even very young children can be assigned a key word to listen for ahead of time, and helped to make a mark each
time they hear that word mentioned. Children can easily get excited with anticipation of hearing the word they are waiting
for. The pastor can easily select a few words in advance of the service and these words can be included in the church
bulletin. Or they can be asked to write down three words that they did not understand, or all of the books of the Bible that
were mentioned, or any of a number of other things that would help them to treat this as a worthwhile way to spend their
time. Admittedly, some preachers object to people taking notes, but it is often a helpful habit to develop because it assists
people in their efforts to keep pace with the message. Children are no exception to this and can benefit from such a
practice.. Young children can even be asked to draw a picture of something that is suggested by the message. Some have
even been known to draw sketches of the preacher himself!

V. And fifth, they can always be encouraged to ask questions, not only of their parents, but of the pastors as well.

Pastors work hard to make themselves understood, but everyone knows that often they do not succeed to the extent
that they and their hearers wish they could. Often when they present what they have prepared to teach, some may hear
things they did not say, and fail to hear things they did say. Gospel communication is a grave responsibility as well as a
high and holy calling. We aim at being understood. Ministers of the Word of God are never gratified more than when
someone, especially a young person, comes to them and asks a question about what they have taught from the Scriptures.
In most cases, they are parents, too, who want with all their hearts to bring their children along with them into God's
kingdom by way of the cross of Jesus Christ. Preachers are helped to correct their mistakes when people ask them
questions. They find out how best to present the truth when they know they are being understood. Most preachers
appreciate it when their hearers give them some indication that they are connecting. They know that God has called them
to preach and teach in a congregation of people, some of whom are quite limited in their ability to grasp truth. So when
children or anyone one else come to them in response to their ministry, they are gratified.

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