Wicked Queen

I am so sick of being called the wicked queen! I am not wicked- I’m

obsessive. There’s a big difference. All I ever wanted was to be the
fairest in the land. Maybe attempted homicide was a bit extreme, but that
doesn’t make me evil. Do you have any idea what it’s like to constantly
be around someone you know looks better than you? It’s terrible!
Besides, I was doing a favor for all of humankind. That girl is just too
happy for her own good! All I’m saying is that it wasn’t completely my
fault, but I’m still destined to go down in fairy tale history as “the Wicked
Queen.”

Misunderstood Stepmother

Snow white? I’ll tell you about Snow White! You think she looks like
that naturally? (she spends hours on her make up.) And who do you
think cleans all that up? It wasn’t snow white, I’ll tell you that. I never
made her do any chores. She’s just like my friends stepdaughter, in front
of guests she refuses to let anyone else lift a finger and then turns it
around and makes us look bad. I’m telling you, that Cinderella girl should
get together with snow white. Let them fight it out as to who gets to do
the work. It’s like some kind of . . . Complex or something.

Michael from Peter Pan

I won’t go to bed, I won’t, I won’t! Nana, it isn’t six o’clock yet. Two
minutes more, please, one minute more? Nana, I won’t be bathed, I tell
you I will not be bathed! I want to play house with Wendy and John. See,
they’re pretending to be like mother and father. They need someone to
play the child. Now John, have me. If you are not going to have me, then
am I not to born at all? Please John, nobody wants me!
 Where’s My Happily Ever After?

You’re right, you’re absolutely right. I don’t belong here. But do any of
us? Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think! Queen Narcissa-
the seven dwarfs saved Snow White and then what happened? It left
you the Unfairest of them all! Now you’re hustling pool to get your next
meal. How does that feel? You, frumpy pigskin, right
Rumpelstiltskin…my bad. Where’s that first born you were promised,
eh? Hook! Need I say more? Anastasia, remember when you couldn’t
get your fat foot in that glass slipper? Cinderella is out there right now,
eating bon bons and schmoozing with every last fairy tale creature that
has ever done you wrong! There are two sides to every story. And our
side has not been told. So, who wants to come out on top for once? Who
wants their happily ever after?

Cinderella’s Dream

I had the strangest dream, my fairy godmother sprinkled happy dust over
Anastasia and Drizella, and they were so nice to me! I know that was
only a dream, but it was so nice, that I think I’ll try to pretend that it really
happened. Whenever they are mean to me, I’ll pretend they actually said
something sweet and kind. “Sure, I’ll wash you dresses, Drizella… I
would love to polish your shoes, Anastasia. Right away dear sisters,
thank you!”(giggles) did you see their faces! They must to think I’ve gone
mad. Did you see how they hurried to their rooms and slammed the
doors? They may not actually be caring or good nature, but they’ll be
too scared to come out of their rooms for at least a few hours. So …
Who’s up for a game of hide-and-seek while we’ve got the run of the
house?
 Frog Prince

Hello. My name is prince Frederick and I am a . . . A fly addict. It’s all my

father’s

Fault. No, really. I’m not just trying to blame someone else. You see,
when he made up the list for my christening he made a slight error. He
left my godmother off the list and she got a little . . . Upset. She sort of
flew off the handle and turned me into a frog. She has since sought
therapy to try and find better ways of dealing with her stress. Anyway, I
had to get a beautiful princess to kiss me so that I could turn back to
normal. You can imagine the line of them just waiting to do so. It took me
twenty years, but I finally found one willing to kiss my slimy frog lips.
After my transformation we were married and supposed to live happily
ever after. Unfortunately, she broke up with me because of my
addiction. Well, that and the lily pads in the bathtub drain.

Prince’s Complaint

Aren’t there any normal princesses out there?? I’d like to meet a
princess who actually likes me- for me- not just because i came valiantly
to her rescue. A princess who reads by the hour because she likes
books! Not because she’s been locked in a tower for years. That would
be refreshing! A princess who hide her beautiful face in ashes and
pretend to be a maid until i throw a ball, and then suddenly there she
appears- only to disappear again. I mean some guys think that’s
interesting- but I’d like to actually finish our dance and say good
night? And then really! You think the best way to meet me is to eat a
poison apple and get your seven best friends put you in a glass coffin! A
simple, “Hi, my name is Snow White.” Would work just fine for
me! Really! (Prince hears something) oh no! Gotta run. Another
princess in trouble!
 Grouch

Ahhh, I love this crummy weather! Oh, yes, isn’t just heaven when it’s
all gloomy and dreary like this. Yep, this weather is my cup of mud. I’m
glad that someone agrees with me! Oh you don’t huh!? So you’re with
them! So you think it should all be sunshine and roses, huh? Yuck! Just
go with the flow? No way! It warms my heart to feel the frost! Spring and
warmer days? Forget it feather face! Now I’ve done it! I’ve made you
mad! There’s nothing better than an angry face in a beautifully dreary
place! Guess you think I should leave, huh? Oh yeah, YOU should
scram! (waits for person to leave) well if you’re not leaving, I am! Have a
perfectly rotten day!

Respect for the King

You say the king should have the highest respect in his kingdom? I
agree. I am the king, and i shall have your respect! A king’s head
should be the highest in his kingdom- so sit down already! I can’t stand
forever. (sits) ahh, that’s better. Now I will tell you why I want to be
respected. Not because I was born with royal blood, or that I own the
most land, or have the most political power-no! Justice! Above all
justice! This king will be respected because his people know that their
king will keep them safe, and bring justice to those steal from the
weak! Justice for my people

Tiger Lily from Peter Pan

I’ll not tell you a thing! I will uphold the honor of my tribe- I do not fear
death. Peter Pan! He will rescue me. Peter man, who to me, is the sun,
moon, and stars! You are no match for Peter Pan. Peter Pan is the
bravest and strongest of all boys.
 Wendy from Peter Pan

Boy, why are you crying? You say that you are not crying? Oh, yes you
are. What is your name? Wendy, Moira, Angela, Darling. What’s yours?
Peter Pan, is that all? Oh, it is. In that case, I’m so sorry. Where do you
live? The second star to the right and straight ‘till what? What a funny
address. I ah mean, is that what they put on your letters? Well if you
don’t get letters, you mother must get… You don’t have a mother? Oh,
Peter.

Peter Pan

Yes, Wendy, I know fairies! But, they’re nearly all dead now. You see,
when the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into
thousand of pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the
beginning of fairies. So, there ought to be a fairy for every boy and girl.
There isn’t of course. You see children know such a lot now. Soon they
don’t believe in fairies, there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead. I
can’t think she is gone. Tinkerbell, Tink, where are you?

John from Peter Pan

Peter, you can really fly? Could you teach us to fly? Could you teach us
to jump on the wind’s back and away we’ll go!?! Instead of sleeping in
our silly beds we might be flying about saying funny things to the stars!
How do we do it? Think lovely thoughts? Think lovely thoughts!
Fishing… picnics… sailing… PRESENTS!!! And away we
goooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
 Lost Boy from Peter Pan

I saw Pirates! I saw Indians! Not only did I see Pirates, and Indians, but I
saw a wonderfuller thing. High over the lagoon I saw the loveliest, great,
white bird. It is flying this way. It looks weary and as it flies it moans,
“Poor Wendy”. I think there are birds called Wendies. See, here it
comes! Look how white it is. Hey, there’s Tinkerbell. Tink is trying to hurt
the Wendy. She says Peter wants us to shoot the Wendy. Let us do
what Peter wishes. Out of my way, Tink. I’ll shoot it. I’ve shot the Wendy!
Peter will be so pleased!

Captain Hook from Peter Pan

Split me infinitives, but ‘tis me hour of Triumph! Peter killed at last and all
the boys are about to walk the plank. At last, I’ve reached me peak! All
mortals envy me- no little children love me. I’m, told they play at Peter
Pan, and that the strongest always chooses to be Peter. They force the
baby to be Hook. THE BABY! Blimey, that will be no more! The
strongest will always choose to me! Captain James Hook!

Pirate

Can I talk like a pirate? Ay, matie! Avast! Ahoy! Aye-aye, I

can! Shiver me timbers! I can talk like a pirate better than any lily-
livered, jelly-legged sea-goer that ever there once was! I says whatever
I’ve got to say in a pirate way and if any bilge-sucking buccaneer says I
don’t, I’ll cleave him to the brisket! I swear on Davy Jones’ Locker, to be
a true blue pirate you’ve got to be able to load a cannon and fire it- but
most important you’ve got to talk like a pirate!
 Lion from Wizard of Oz

Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the
flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge
his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat
guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? C ourage! What
makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot? What have
they got that I ain’t got? Courage? You can say that again!

Glinda the Good Witch from Wizard of Oz

Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Or is that the witch? Well, I’m a
little muddled. The munchkins called me because a new witch has
dropped a house on the wicked witch of the east. There’s the house and
here you are and that’s all that’s left of the wicked witch of the east. And
so, what the munchkins want to know is, are you a good witch or a bad
witch?

Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz

Pardon me, that way is a very nice way. It’s pleasant down that way, too.
Am I confusing you on purpose, of course not. You see, I can’t make up
my mind because I haven’t got a brain, only straw. How can I talk if I
haven’t got a brain? Hmmm, well some people without brains do an
awful lot of talking, don’t they?
 Dorothy from Wizard of Oz

Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. Now which
way do we go? That’s funny. Wasn’t he pointing the other way? Don’t
be silly, Toto, scarecrows don’t talk. Why, you did say something. Are
you doing that on purpose or can’t you make up your mind? You haven’t
got a brain? How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?

Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz

Nikko, Nikko! Where is the commander of my aerobatic apes? There you

are. I have an important task for you. My enemies are about to enter the
Haunted Forest. I want you to rouse your men and snatch the sickening
little girl and her equally nauseating little dog. I’ll conjure up a spell to
take the fight out of her. Now which of my creepy crawlie creations shall
I send to plague her? The flibberty gibbet? No! The fly by night? No!
Aha! I have it! The jitterbug! There is no more infectious bug in my book
of spells. Once bitten, they can never stop dancing till they drop! And
when they do, you shall be there to scoop up the little brat and the little
brute and bring them both to me! Now go!

Wizard of Oz

Come forward. I am Oz the great and powerful. Who are you? WHO are
YOU? Silence! The great and powerful Oz knows why you’ve come.
Tinman, step forward. You dare to come to me for a heart, do you? You
clinking, clanking, clattering, collection of collinginous junk.

Lion from Wizard of Oz

Roooaaarrr! Put ‘em up, put ‘em up! Which one of ya first? I’ll fight ya
both together if you want. I’ll fight ya with one paw tied behind my back.
I’ll fight ya standing on one foot. I’ll fight ya with my eyes closed. Oh,
pulling an ax on me eh? Sneaking up on me, eh? Why ruff, ruff!
 Munchin Girl from Wizard of Oz

We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly. You’ve killed her so
completely that we thank you very sweetly. Let the joyous news be
spread! The wicked old witch at last is dead.

Tinman from Wizard of Oz

Oil can. O i l c a n. My mouth. The other side. My, my, my, goodness. I
can talk again! Oil my arms, please. Oil my elbows. It feels wonderful.
I’ve held that ax up for ages. It was about a year ago that I was chopping
that tree and suddenly it began to rain. Right in the middle of a chop I
rusted solid.

Dorothy from Wizard of Oz

Aunt Em! Aunt Em! Just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto. Aunt
Em, she hit him and . . . Oh, but Aunt Em, Miss Gulch hit Toto right over
the back with a rake just because she says he gets into her garden and
chases her nasty old cat. But he doesn’t do it every day, just once or
twice a Week and he can’t catch her old cat anyway. Now she says
she’s going to call the sheriff!