For more smiles:-
Flout envy
Seek out a forgotten friend
Dismiss suspicion, and replace it
Write a love letter
Share some treasure
Give a soft answer
Offer encouragement
Manifest your loyalty in word and
deed
Keep a promise
Find the time
Forgive an enemy
Listen
Apologize if you are wrong
Ten Misconceptions We
Have About Success
1. Some people can't be successful.
Anybody can be a "success." It's a
matter of having the desire and doing
what's necessary to achieve it.
2. Successful people don't make
mistakes. Wrong, they make plenty of
mistakes. They just don't repeat them.
3. You've got to work 60 (70, 80, 90...)
hours a week. Working 70 hours a week
means nothing if you're not doing the
right things. Focus on doing what's right
not just on doing a lot.
4. You'll only be a success if you play
by the rules. Sometimes you do,
sometimes you don't. Successful people
often make up their own.
1
Try to understand
Examine your demands on others
Think first of someone else
Appreciate
Be kind; be gentle
Laugh a little
Laugh a little more
Deserve confidence
Take up arms against malice
Decry complacency
Express your gratitude
Welcome a stranger
Gladden the heart of a child
Take pleasure in the beauty and
wonder of the earth
Speak your love
Speak it again
Speak it still once again
5. If you have help along the way, it's
not success. Success rarely occurs in a
vacuum. Recognize the people who help
you become successful, there are plenty
of them.
6. It takes a lot of luck to be
successful. Maybe, but it takes so much
more hard work, diligence, and
knowledge -- who needs luck?.
7. It's only success if you make a lot
of money. Define success however you
like, but there are plenty of successful
people who aren't rich.
8. It's only success if everybody
knows it. Again, if that's part of your
definition, then fine. But the truth is, you
can be a success and be the only one
who knows it.
9. Success is a goal. Success is a by-
product of achieving your goals. Saying
that you "want to be a success" begs the
question: "At what?"
10. Once I'm successful, my troubles
are over. You may be successful, but
you'll still have the ups and downs that
you had before. Enjoy what success you
achieve and live each day as it comes.
Thirteen Timely Tips for More Effective
Personal Time Management
1. SPEND TIME PLANNING AND
ORGANIZING. Using time to think and
plan is time well-spent. In fact, if you
fail to take time for planning, you are, in
effect, planning to fail. Organize in a
way that makes sense to you. If you
need color and pictures, use a lot on
your calendar or planning book. Some
people need to have papers filed away;
others get their creative energy from
their piles. So forget the "shoulds" and
organize your way.
2. SET GOALS. Goals give your life, and
the way you spend your time, direction.
When asked the secret to amassing
such a fortune, one of the famous Hunt
brothers from Texas replied: "First
you've got to decide what you want."
Set goals which are specific,
measurable, realistic and achievable.
Your optimum goals are those which
cause you to "stretch" but not "break"
as you strive for achievement. Goals can
give creative people a much-needed
sense of direction.
5. BE FLEXIBLE. Allow time for
interruptions and distractions. Time
management experts often suggest
planning for just 50 percent or less of
one's time. With only 50 percent of your
time planned, you will have the
flexibility to handle interruptions and the
unplanned "emergency." When you
expect to be interrupted, schedule
routine tasks. Save (or make) larger
blocks of time for your priorities. When
interrupted, ask Alan Lakein's crucial
question, "What is the most important
thing I can be doing with my time right
now?" to help you get back on track
fast.
6. CONSIDER YOUR BIOLOGICAL
PRIME TIME. That's the time of day
when you are at your best. Are you a
"morning person," a "night owl," or a
late afternoon "whiz?" Knowing when
your best time is and planning to use
that time of day for your priorities (if
possible) is effective time management.
7. DO THE RIGHT THING RIGHT.
Noted management expert, Peter
Drucker, says "doing the right thing
2
3. PRIORITIZE. Use the 80-20 Rule
originally stated by the Italian
economist Vilfredo Pareto who noted
that 80 percent of the reward comes
from 20 percent of the effort. The trick
to prioritizing is to isolate and identify
that valuable 20 percent. Once
identified, prioritize time to concentrate
your work on those items with the
greatest reward. Prioritize by color,
number or letter — whichever method
makes the most sense to you. Flagging
items with a deadline is another idea for
helping you stick to your priorities.
4. USE A TO DO LIST. Some people
thrive using a daily To Do list which they
construct either the last thing the
previous day or first thing in the
morning. Such people may combine a
To Do list with a calendar or schedule.
Others prefer a "running" To Do list
which is continuously being updated. Or,
you may prefer a combination of the
two previously described To Do lists.
Whatever method works is best for you.
Don't be afraid to try a new system —
you just might find one that works even
better than your present one!
is more important than doing things
right." Doing the right thing is
effectiveness; doing things right is
efficiency. Focus first on effectiveness
(identifying what is the right thing to
do), then concentrate on efficiency
(doing it right).
8. ELIMINATE THE URGENT. Urgent
tasks have short-term consequences
while important tasks are those with
long-term, goal-related implications.
Work towards reducing the urgent
things you must do so you'll have time
for your important priorities. Flagging or
highlighting items on your To Do list or
attaching a deadline to each item may
help keep important items from
becoming urgent emergencies.
9. PRACTICE THE ART OF
INTELLIGENT NEGLECT. Eliminate
from your life trivial tasks or those tasks
which do not have long-term
consequences for you. Can you delegate
or eliminate any of your To Do list?
Work on those tasks which you alone
can do.
10. AVOID BEING A
PERFECTIONIST. In the Malaysian
Culture, only the gods are considered
capable of producing anything perfect.
Whenever something is made, a flaw is
left on purpose so the gods will not be
offended. Yes, some things need to be
closer to perfect than others, but
perfectionism, paying unnecessary
attention to detail, can be a form of
procrastination.
11. CONQUER PROCRASTINATION.
One technique to try is the "Swiss
cheese" method described by Alan
Lakein. When you are avoiding
something, break it into smaller tasks
and do just one of the smaller tasks or
set a timer and work on the big task for
just 15 minutes. By doing a little at a
time, eventually you'll reach a point
where you'll want to finish.
12. LEARN TO SAY "NO." Such a
small word — and so hard to say.
Focusing on your goals may help.
Blocking time for important, but often
not scheduled, priorities such as family
and friends can also help. But first you
must be convinced that you and your
priorities are important — that seems to
be the hardest part in learning to say
"no.
Law of Recency:
We are more likely to remember
things that happened recently than
those that happened a long time
ago. You can probably remember
what you had for dinner yesterday,
but not what you ate for dinner two
weeks ago today.
Law of Vividness:
We tend to remember the most
spectacular or striking impressions
rather than those that are more
ordinary. You can probably
remember what you did on your last
birthday, or perhaps the Space
Shuttle Challenger explosion, but
not what happened on the previous
day of those occasions (unless, that
too, was a "special" occasion).
3
"Once convinced of their importance,
saying "no" to the unimportant in life
gets easier.
13. REWARD YOURSELF. Even for
small successes, celebrate achievement
of goals. Promise yourself a reward for
completing each task, or finishing the
total job. Then keep your promise to
yourself and indulge in your reward.
Doing so will help you maintain the
necessary balance in life between work
and play. As Ann McGee-Cooper says,
"If we learn to balance excellence in
work with excellence in play, fun, and
relaxation, our lives become happier,
healthier, and a great deal more
creative."
Law of Frequency:
We tend to remember things we
experience the most often, rather
than those we experience only once
in a while. You are much more likely
to remember your name or your
phone number than the square root
of 3 (unless you are a
mathematician).
What if I can't think of an
association?
the association was either very obvious,
or there were two words that could be
pictured very easily together in the
mind. But what about words that can't
be pictured so easily? Don't panic, there
are other techniques that can be used.
Suppose you want to memorize that
James Barstow lives on Lincoln Street.
Instinct should tell you to somehow link
"Barstow" with "Lincoln," but neither
word forms a nice mental picture. So
let's make one by finding words that
either sound like or are directly related
to the real words we want to use. For
"Barstow," you could choose "bar
stove." For "Lincoln," you might think of
a penny, for President Lincoln's picture
is on a penny. You could then picture
Mr. Barstow, serving drinks at a bar
(never mind that he isn't really a
bartender). He goes over to this funny-
looking stove, which is made entirely
out of copper.
Four electric burners are on this stove,
each looking just like a giant penny. He
looks down at the burners, and
President Lincoln winks at him!
How about applying this same
technique to learn new vocabulary
words? I remember having to learn
"Yesterday is history, the future is a
mystery, but today is a gift. That is
why they call it the present!”
That was one of the greatest saying
that I have heard in a very long time.
The greatest thing about the saying
is that it came from a children's
cartoon. As they say from the
mouths of babes. There are many
adults that really need to
understand that today is the
greatest day of each and every
person's life.
The past is history we should all use
and remember that past is just that
the past. So if we create a better
now we are using this great gift this
today as the present it really is by
making the now better we are
making the future better.
4
about various parts of the brain in
Psychology class, and I used memory
techniques to quickly memorize all the
new words.
One of the parts was the "parietal lobe,"
the part of the cerebral cortex which
interprets touch. I thought of a parrot
(sounds sort of like "parietal") pecking
at some food in my hand, and the brain
feeling some sharp pain! Another part
was the "temporal lobe," which
interprets hearing.
I thought of myself listening to a happy
song with an up-beat tempo.
Every day that we are here on this
earth we are presented with a
outstanding gift. You only have one
you there will not be another person
like you ever again in life. You me
and everyone else are an
outstanding work of art. You are all
priceless. You are all blessed with
abilities and we never really ever
give ourselves a chance.
The first step is to believe in you.
That believe needs to start today no
one can do it for you. No one can do
this for you and your cannot do it for
anyone else. So stop making excuses
start getting your own life active and
keep that positive mindset. Start
today start with yourself. Use the
gift and live your life to the fullest.
Good luck and great life.
Thinking: Constructive Self
Questions
1.How does this thought make me feel?
Does it help keep me depressed or
angry? Nervous, anxious, or fearful?
Frustrated or upset? Grieving? Guilty?
2.Am I being negative?
3.Am I dwelling on something negative?
A flaw? A mistake?
4.Something I want but don't have?
5.Am I minimizing qualities in myself?
6.Am I overlooking good in other people
or the situation?
7.Am I frustrating myself by wishing
something I can't change wasn't true or
by feeling something I can't change
shouldn't be?
8.Am I overreacting or blowing things
out of proportion?
9.Am I blowing one detail out of
proportion?
10.Am I overgeneralizing by using words
like always, no, anything, nobody,
everyone, never, and can't?
11.Is it really true? Why? How do I
know? What is the proof?
12.Have I asked what they really said or
thought or did?
13.Could this situation have had nothing
to do with me?
14.Can I look at this another way? How
else could I interpret it? And how else?
15. What would I think if I felt better or
wasn't so worried?

16.What would I say to a friend in this

situation if I was trying to help?
17.What would a counselor, minister, or
wise person trying to help say?
18.How likely is my fear?
19.Am I focusing on facts that are not
relevant to this immediate situation?
20.Is the event really less important
than I first thought?
21.Did a similar situation ever work out
satisfactorily, better than I now feel this
situation will?
22.Haven't I experienced something
similar before, survived, and gotten
over it?
23.Am I underestimating my ability to
cope, to deal with it?
24.Haven't I felt this way before? What
did I do then? What could I do better
now?
25.Can I do something about this?
26.Do I need to learn to accept this?

5
 Inferiority
Negative Thoughts
• Other people seem so much
more confident (or
successful, popular, etc.)
than me.
• I don't have any talent.
• I have no discipline, no will
power.
• I'm a complete failure.
• I'm worthless, no good.
• I have no patience
whatsoever.
• I'll never be able to ...
• I don't have any brains.
• I'm a born loser.
• I'm so weird.
Helpful Alternatives
• In all areas of life, you can
always find people who are
better or luckier than you
and people who are worse
or less fortunate than you.
• I'll try to do the best I can.
• I'm not going to give up!
• Making mistakes is only
human.
• My qualities include ...
(make a list)
• I can do anything if I put
enough time and effort
into it.
• I have a good family life.
That's all that matters.
• Many things are more
important than looks.

Lack of Charm Helpful Alternatives

Negative Thoughts • The more I do this, the
• Who would want to date smoother I'll be.
me? • People are often nervous at
• I have no sense of humor. first.
• I'm such a bore. • Just concentrate on being
• I'm so dull. friendly.
• I make a lousy impression • Well, it was easier than last
on other people. time.
• I'm a wallflower and I always • I was nervous, but people
will be. usually don't notice. I'll
• I don't know how to flirt and improve.
I never will. • You don't need to be funny
• I'm the worst all the time.
conversationalist in the • Even popular people sit in a
world. corner sometimes. You
• I always say the wrong have to share the limelight.
thing.

6
Lack of Ability, Mistakes,
Failure
Negative Thoughts
• I can't do it. It'll be awful.
• I'm too nervous. It'll never
come off right.
• See! I'll never be any good
at this.
• I know I'll mess it up.
• I just know I'll make a fool of
myself.
• I don't want to try. I could
never do it.
• I'm not smart enough. I
might as well not try.
• That proves I'm a total jerk.
• What's the use? I give up.
• I can't do anything right.
Pessimism about Life or
the World
Negative Thoughts
• The world is going downhill.
• Things just get worse and
worse.
• Life is futile and meaningless.
• Life is just one problem after
another. It never ends.
• Life is misery and then you
die.
• Life is unfair.
• People don't care anymore.
• They're out for whatever they
can get.
• I have nothing to look
forward to.
• Nothing ever works out for
me.
• I'll never have what I want.
7
Helpful Alternatives
• I'll try to do the best I can.
• If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again. If I give up,
I'll fail.
• Practice makes perfect.
• I don't need to be perfect.
I'll learn.
• Maybe this will work.
• Mistakes are the stepping
stones of learning. I'm
going to hold my head up
high.
• Well, I know that doesn't
work.
• What else can I try?
• If I work hard and refuse to
give up, I'll get it.
Helpful Alternatives
• Problems have been around
since time began, but so
have cleverness and
courage.
• We have spices, fruits, and
material comforts that
Medieval kings would have
envied.
• Most people are pretty
good.
• Life is what you make of it.
• A winner gets ahead by
working for his goals.
• I'm willing to do what it
takes to get the things I
want.
 Chained to the Past
Negative Thoughts
• I'm this way because my
parents ...
• I'm this way because when I
was growing up ...
• My folks never taught me to
control my bad habit of ...
• I've never been the kind of
person who could ...
• I just don't have the will power
to change.
• My dad had a very bad temper.
That's why I ...
• People will never change their
opinion of me.
• I've been this way for so long.
It's too late to change now.
• I'll never change. I might as
well not even try.
Lack of Love, Rejection in Romance
Negative Thoughts
• Nobody understands me.
• I just don't belong.
• I'm so all alone.
• I know he won't find me
interesting.
• I knew she'd reject me. I'm so
boring.
• I can't live without her.
• I'll never get over him.
• I'm going to be an old maid (or
lonely bachelor) all my life.
• Nobody cares about me and
nobody ever will.
• What's the use? I'll never find
love.
• Without a lover, life is endless
depression.
• How could anyone ever love
me?
• She's the only one I could ever
care for.
8
Helpful Alternatives
• I'll keep trying until I can ...
• It'll take time and effort, but
I'll see it through.
• I'll get over it.
• Today is a new day.
• From here on in, I'm going
to ...
• I'll take one day at time.
• It's hard to change, but this
time I won't give up.
• It's never too late to change.
• If I stick with it for long
enough, people will see
I've changed.
• While I look for new friends
who won't lead me to my
old ways, I need to keep
busy and do things I enjoy.
Helpful Alternatives
• Nobody likes rejection, but I'll
get over it.
• I'll pick the places I'd like to go
to meet people.
• Moaning for a lover will turn
people off. What interests
and activities can I develop?
• I wish she hadn't left me, but
it'll be fun to start dating
again.
• Rejection is a normal part of
life.
• I'll find someone I get along
with better someday.
• It's not the end of the world.
• Being cheerful will help me find
someone new.
• Maybe she's too busy or deeply
involved. I'll ask someone
else.
 Social Hostility or
Rejection
Negative Thoughts
• They really think I'm no good!
• There must be something
wrong with me.
• I made such a fool of myself. I
can't ever go back there.
• It's not fair they're against me.
• I can't stand it!
• This is just awful. They hate
me.
• It's my fault she doesn't like me
anymore.
• He seems angry. I must have
done something wrong.
• The way he acts just tears me
apart.
• I just know he doesn't like me.
Marital Problems
Negative Thoughts
• I can't stand it when she
does that! Why did I ever
marry her!
• I'm going to get a divorce.
Then he'll be sorry!
• He's a rotten husband!
• I feel so bored in this
marriage. I have to get out.
• There's no love or romance
left in our marriage
anymore.
• We don't even like each
other anymore.
• We're just too different to
ever make this marriage
work.
• If only I had married ...
instead of her.
9
Helpful Alternatives
• I know I'm living a good life.
That's all that matters.
• People respect a guy who
can hold his head up after
a mistake.
• It's not worth getting upset
about. Plenty of people like
me as I am.
• You can't please everyone,
no matter how hard you
try.
• I wonder why he's so
moody. Maybe he's having
some kind of personal
problem or maybe he's just
having a bad day. I guess I
shouldn't take it
personally.
Helpful Alternatives
• No use letting it upset me.
We've talked about this
before. Just forget it.
• I'll have to bring this up
tonight when I've calmed
down.
• We used to have fun. We
should start going dancing
and camping again.All
marriages have problems.
• You can save any marriage if
you really want to. First I'll
work on showing more
interest and warmth
toward her.
• Let's set aside some times
for problem solving.
 Depression
Negative Thoughts
• Thoughts from any of the
previous sections: Inferiority,
Lack of Charm, Lack of Ability,
Mistakes, Failure, Pessimism
about Life or the World, Lack
of Love, Rejection in
Romance, Social Hostility or
Rejection, Chained to the
Past.
• Dwelling on sorrows or
problems.
• I can't shake how I feel.
• Why did it have to happen?
• I'll never get over this.
• I just don't feel up to it.
• I can't help how I feel.
• I don't have any energy.
• Nothing interests me anymore.
• I feel so exhausted. I wish I
could stay in bed all day.
Anger
Negative Thoughts
• I'll always have a bad temper.
• I can't control my anger. I just
blow up.
• When I get angry, there's no
stopping me.
• I don't have any patience. I
never did.
• Dwelling on a quarrel.
• Dwelling on a humiliating
episode or an insult.
• That rotten creep. I can't stand
her!
• Thoughts about cursing and
insulting the target of your
anger.
• That burns me up! I think he
does this just to make me
angry.
• I can't get over it! The nerve!
• Who does she think she is!
10
Helpful Alternatives
• Time heals all things.
• Maybe if I start reading some
books, going to clubs, and
learning to cook, I'll feel
better.
• Thank goodness for my friends.
• Once I get started, I won't feel
so tired.
• Let's not drown in my own
tears. What interests would I
like now?
• This isn't the first time I've
been down and out! I'll get
over it.
• It's hard to lose someone you
love, but I can accept my pain.
• Enough of this self pity!
• I've been dwelling on this long
enough. It's time to get back
in the swing of things.
Helpful Alternatives
• A bad temper is just a habit. I
can change it if I keep working
on it.
• From now on, whenever I'm
angry, I'll wait until I calm
down before I try to settle
anything.
• I don't like it, but I'll get over it.
• No use getting upset over it.
What's done is done. I can't
change it.
• No use dwelling on it. I guess
I'll call someone and go to a
movie.
• Well, at least now I know not
to trust him so much.
• I guess I'll call a friend and get
it off my chest.
• Later when I'm calm, I'll decide
what to say to her.
 Anxiety, Worry, Fear,
Phobias
Negative Thoughts
• Worrying about possible
problems and real problems.
• Other people seem so much
more relaxed than me.
• I'm so nervous. It'll be horrible.
• I'm better off not going. I'll be
so nervous, I'll look like a fool.
• I can't help it. It just comes
over me.
• I've tried, but I just can't shake
it.
• I'm too nervous. I can't do it.
• I can't stand it. I tremble, my
stomach gets queasy, and I
have to turn back.
• No! I couldn't stand it!
Insomnia
Negative Thoughts
• I wish I could just get some
sleep.
• Oh no! It's already 2 A.M.
Darn it!
• I never get enough sleep.
Oh, I hate insomnia!
• When will I ever get to
sleep!
• It's been one hour already. I
just know this is going to
be a bad night.
• If I don't sleep soon,
tomorrow will be awful.
• It always takes me forever
to fall asleep.
11
Helpful Alternatives
• That's not very likely.
• Never sweat the little stuff.
• Everybody gets the jitters.
• People usually don't notice.
• Just concentrate on being
friendly. It'll be fine.
• Being anxious won't hurt
anything.
• It won't be so bad. I'll feel
great when it's over and
done with.
• It'll get easier with practice.
• My fear will come and go.
It's OK.
• It will be over in no time.
• I'll try my best. I'll just have
to fake it until I make it!
Helpful Alternatives
• It's so nice to thoroughly
relax and let my mind
wander where it will.
• My body will get the rest it
needs.
• If I don't sleep much tonight,
I'll make up for it tomorrow
night.
• Just relax and get some
good rest. No use worrying
about it.
• I guess I'll read a book until I
get tired.
• It's so cozy to just lie here
and rest. This is really
pleasant.
 Addiction
Negative Thoughts
• Dwelling on desires,
cravings.
• I'll never be able to quit for
very long.
• I've been an addict for too
long. I wouldn't know what
to do without it.
• Life would be boring
without my highs.
• I hate doing chores without
getting high!
• I can't flirt without drinking.
• Withdrawal would be
horrible. I can't go through
it.
• Withdrawal is too hard. I
give up.
Today is an excellent day for small,
incremental improvements. Whatever is
working for you, find a way to improve it just a
little. There's no need to make a huge,
momentous change, just a small one,
something you can do right now.
If you called just one additional potential
customer each day, over the course of the next
month you would talk to about 20 new people.
If you learned just one more new word each
day, in the next year you would increase your
vocabulary by more than 300 words.
Small improvements can add up over time into
big accomplishments. Look around you.
Consider the work you do each day. Think
about how you could do it just a little bit
better.
In a marathon race, each stride taken by the
winner is just a little bit longer and a little bit
faster than each stride taken by the 100th
place finisher. Yet over the course of the race,
that small difference adds up in a big way.
Do just a little bit more today, and tomorrow
too, and each day after that. Anyone can make
just a small improvement, and that can make a
big, big difference.
12
Helpful Alternatives
• I need new activities to keep
my mind off my addiction.
I'll do gardening, jogging,
and artwork.
• If I can flirt drinking, I can
learn to do it without
drinking.
• It's going to be tough, but
I'm determined to succeed.
• I'll get used to partying and
doing my chores without
getting high.
• Maybe I won't have any
withdrawal symptoms.
• Once this withdrawal ends,
I'll be free.
TAKE TIME
One of the secrets of happiness is to take time
to accomplish what you have to do,then to
make time to achieve what you want to do.
Remember that life is short. It is golden
moments, needs, hopes and memories and
dreams.
When it seems like those things are lost in the
shuffle, you owe it to yourself to find them
again. The days are too precious to let them
slip away.
If you're working too hard, make sure it's
because it's a sacrifice for a time when you're
going to pay yourself back with something
more important than money could ever be.
If you're losing the battle, do what it takes to
win the war over who is in control of your
destiny.
Find time, make time, take time... to love, to
smile, to do something rewarding and deeply
personal and completely worthwhile.
Time is your fortune, and you can spend it to
bring more joy to yourself and to others your
whole life through.
Time is your treasure.
HOW TO HAVE GREAT
RELATIONSHIPS
Be a good listener
And show a sincere interest in what's
happening in the other person's life.
Remember that we have one mouth but two
ears - use this as a reminder of how much
talking to engage in versus how much
listening.
Put yourself in the other
person's shoes
As a good listener Momentarily step into the
other person's world (without being sucked
into their negative states). Being in the other
person's world requires that you listen with
openness. In other words, while you are
listening you do that and only that - you listen.
This may take a bit of practice since most
people tend to partially listen, while internally
preparing or rehearsing what they are going to
say next.
Empathy rather than
sympathy
Empathy means understanding and having a
feel for their difficulty without trying to get
involved unless asked. Sympathy, feeling
sorry for them, is disrespectful and indicates
that you believe that they, on their own
What would be your needs or expectations or
concerns?
Respect their views
Recognise that we see things differently. That
we all have a different world view. This view or
model of reality is based on our experience of
life up to now. No one world view is 'right' or
'wrong' - it is a matter of opinion and, just as
your views change from time to time, so will
theirs. By taking the time to get to know their
ever-changing world view you just might learn
things which would enrich or widen your own.
Accept imperfections
Recognise and tolerate a person's
weaknesses and imperfections. After all
me 'weaknesses' will be subjective
evaluations based on your world view.
And remember that perfect people do not
exist - most of us are doing the best we
can from moment to moment, working to
reduce the number and magnitude of our
imperfections - it's a life-long project.
Right? Or HAPPY?
Have you ever noticed, especially in
family relationships, how easy it is to get
into the You're-Wrong-I'm-Right thing?
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, do not have the resources to handle their
own difficulty.
Look for the other person's
good points
There will be plenty of these and you have a
choice in whether you pay more attention to
their good points or their imperfections. The
more you discover a person's good points and
focus on these the more your respect for them
increases.
Keep in touch
Even if you last were together a few hours
earlier, at breakfast perhaps, how about a
one-minute phone call to ask how their day is
going or to tell them you are thinking of them?
Or a one-line email or text-message? Keep in
touch with those far away, too. Long-distance
relationships can endure for decades if
nourished. The occasional letter, card, phone
call or email will nourish and maintain the
relationship.
What is their point of view?
Be able to see the world from their viewpoint.
This is probably the single most important
relating skill in life partnerships, friendships,
and business. If you were in their shoes, with
their feelings, beliefs, values, background,
etc., how would the situation look to you?
Ever notice how silly it is - afterwards, when
you've hurt one another and are making up
again? How about deciding together that you
won't do it in the first place! Decide between
you and your partner/friend that it is more
important to be HAPPY than RIGHT. Decide
that you will each keep a sense of perspective
and aim to avoid stupid arguments over
'important issues' such as why the other
person did not put the milk back in the fridge
last night, forgot to buy one of the items on the
list when they went shopping, etc. That you
will each give the other permission to be
human and to, from time to time, forget the
'house rules' and make mistakes without
having to afterwards suffer.
Remember that life is finite
If you suddenly discovered that you had three
months to live would you waste as much time
on arguments and sulks with friends and
family? How many additional compliments and
'I love you' gestures would you make? How
much more time would you spend with loved
ones?
The reason we often procrastinate on these
things is that we assume that life will go on
forever and that we'll get around to them one
day.
We may - and it may be too late when we do. I
have encountered so many parents who
missed out on their children's growing up
because they were too busy attending to
careers, housework, etc. Then, when they did
make the time to spend with their children, the
children weren't interested - they'd learned to
get by without the attention and were getting
on with their lives - without the parent.
Stop trying to change people
This is an especially common failing in life
partnerships. Remember you did not choose
the person because of their potential to be the
person you wanted them to become. You got
together because you loved one another and
in the first flush of love you focused only on
the things you liked about them. So how is it
that when we start living together or marry that
we switch and begin to crowd out the lists of
'good points' by increasingly becoming
obsessed with listing, and reminding them of,
the things that we do not like about them? Try
it out for yourself - how do you feel when
someone lists and compliments you on your
good points? How do you feel towards a
person who lists and criticises you for your
failings? Which of these do YOU do with those
closest to you? Take a moment right now to
consider how this must make them feel -
about themselves and about you.
You must communicate with responsibility for
the response you get from the other person!
And if the other person is not responding as
you had expected you need to change how
you communicate with them, otherwise it is
simply ineffectual communication!
Inter-personal communication can be a bit like
a mine-field at first. If you blindly rush in, with
the good intention of getting a particular result,
you'll likely step on a few mines. But there's
no point in blaming the mines. What is
important is to figure out the most effective
way of getting across or, in human
relationships, getting your message across to
the individual with whom you are
communicating. Not only has you message
got to be tailored to suit the other person's
thinking style it also has to be tailored to suit
their mood at that particular moment.
Value what you have
Value what you have in the relationship or
friendship. You do not (I hope) form a
friendship or life relationship based on the
condition that, while the person is a bit flawed
right now, you'll soon knock them into shape!
You accept the person as a 'package deal'.
Yet, as we get to know the other person
better,
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Value the differences
Value the differences in how you and the
other person thinks - and seek to learn from
the other person. This is similar to the
previous item.
Often it's the our differences that make for the
stimulation and the learning opportunities in
friendships and relationships. When we first
meet it is often the similarities between us that
enables us to bond and create rapport. As we
get to know the other person better we begin
to recognise the deeper differences.
Potentially these produce the strength of the
relationship - as Ken Blanchard stated 'none
of us is as good as all of us' - as a team our
combined strengths and weaknesses make
the partnership much stronger that total of our
individual strengths.
Don't expect them to be clairvoyant!
Take responsibility for the effects of your
communication. Good intentions are not
enough! It is not enough to MEAN well
when communicating - people can only
respond to what and how you communicate.
They cannot read your mind and know what
you meant!
Many of us have a tendency to want to
change others into our view of their potential -
and we then proceed on a relentless
campaign to change them! This, of course,
results in arguments, resentment, and hurt
feelings. Yet even if we could change them
we'd likely loose respect for them for allowing
us to have done it and for not having the
personal strength to be themselves!
Take the long-term view!
Especially in difficult moments in your
personal relationships. Many of us have had
the experience of being in a loving relationship
and suddenly one of those interpersonal land-
mines explodes and, often from a quite trivial
beginning, a row develops and escalates.
Recognise that this happens even in the best
of relationships and it's time to silently ask
yourself the RIGHT OR HAPPY?
question. So back off, avoid hurling abuse or
making hurtful comments, give in on trivia,
and recognise that the other person is human,
just like you, and subject to bouts of
irrationality, just like you. (Well you are, aren't
you? Or are you one of those sad people who
have to believe that they are right all of the
time?)
Recognise their specialty
Be aware that everyone you meet is your
superior in some way and seek to learn from
them. Everyone has a story to tell, a skill to
share, an insight to enrich the world with. And
you will only learn about these when you
make the space and take the time to do so.
And when you have refined your ability to
listen - really listen. But we cannot do this if
we are sniping at one another, trying to
change one another, or are bogged down in
the day to day trivia and have lost sight of the
big picture and the long term view.

How to Improve Your Standard If you produce a service, such as a hotel

clerk, your product is happy hotel guests.
of Living If you are a doctor, your product is a
Quiz: Which of these factors determines healthy patient. If you give technical
your standard of living? advice, you product is an advised client.
• Your employer The work must be truly done. Employees
• The government who exaggerate or lie about their
• Computers or machinery productivity do not stay on the job long.
• Your parents "Don't worry about it. I made those calls
• Big business for you. No one was home." Businesses
• Your luck or destiny who lie about their products are also on
the road to failure. "We'll install your new
• Your beliefs
roof on Tuesday. I just need a check for
• Chanting or meditation $10,000 right now."
• Your productivity "Factually one normally has to work
If you chose the last factor, you can
fast and expertly and in high volume
control the quality of your life style. You
to bring about any acceptable
can improve your standard of living.
standard of living for himself and his
"Products are the basis of a standard
group." -- L. Ron Hubbard
of living. They don't appear from
Working fast is important. A restaurant
midair. They come from work truly
whose customers wait for 30 minutes
done." -- L. Ron Hubbard
before ordering makes far less money
Everyone needs a product to produce. If
than a restaurant that takes meal orders
you build houses, your product is a
within two minutes. An auto mechanic
house. If you write books, your product is
who can replace an engine in six hours
a book. If you cook food, your product is
should enjoy a better standard of living
a meal.
than a mechanic

15
who needs 20 hours to do the same job.
Your expertise determines the quality of
your product. If a computer program you
write makes computers crash, your
standard of living will crash. A horse
trainer who produces a calm, friendly
obedient horse earns a higher standard
of living than a horse trainer whose
horses bite or kick their riders.
And of course, the more you produce,
the better your standard of living. An
accountant who produces 300 tax
returns per year has a higher standard of
living than an accountant who produces
100 tax returns per year.
"At a personal level one must produce
in excess of his standard of living just
to retain and maintain it." -- L. Ron
Hubbard
For example, you add it all up and decide
you want a $1000-per-week standard of
living. However, you need to earn more
than $1000 per week to do this. You
need to buy work clothes, pay for your
gas to get to work as well as pay for child
care.
4. Find three ways to increase your
production quality. Use these ideas until
your quality improves.
5. Find three ways to increase the
amount of production you get done per
week. Use these ideas until your
production volume increases.
Even though you know your pay will
improve, do not borrow money to
improve your standard of living. Work on
your production until you have more than
enough money to do so.
Once you have earned the money for
your improved standard of living, go for
it! Buy that new car. Move to that new
house. Eat at nicer restaurants.
Enjoy your new standard of living!
16
You also lose a chunk of your pay to
taxes. So you probably need $1800 per
week to enjoy a $1000-per-week
standard of living.
So to earn $1800 per week, you probably
need to produce $10,000 of work.
If you own a business, the extra costs
are even higher. Business taxes,
insurance, equipment, rent, supplies and
so on means you need to produce many
times more than your standard of living
cost.
Five Tips for Increasing Your
Standard of Living
1. Never expect an outside force to
improve your standard of living for you.
Increase your standard of living through
personal production.
2. Identify your product. If you work for
someone and are not sure what your
product is, ask your boss what the most
important thing you do or can get done
on a weekly basis.
3. Find three ways to increase your
production speed. Use your ideas until
your speed has increased.
I learned from my DOG
• When loved ones come home, always
run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a
joyride
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
• When you’re happy, dance around and
wag your tail
• No matter how often you’re scolded,
don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout, run
right back and make friends
• When its in your interest, practice
obedience
• Run, romp and play daily
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
• Be loyal
• Never pretend to be something you’re
not
• When someone is having a bad day, be
silent, sit close by and nuzzle them
gently
"A life spent making mistakes is more
useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~
George Bernard Shaw
Some people say there are no mistakes in
life, only lessons to be learned. When we get
clear of the lesson, we grow. When we don’t
learn the lesson, then it will repeat itself
over and over again until we get it. It is one
of those immutable laws: what we resist
persists. Being ‘abundantly human’ isn’t bad;
after all, it is what life is all about – learning,
growing and playing. Giving our selves
permission to do something differently, to
approach something from a new perspective
is not only healthy, but also necessary for
continued growth. Until we learn the lesson,
we will continue to do things in the same
way we have always done. That does not
make us wrong; we are right given the level
of awareness we have at the time.
What lesson is presenting itself to you right
now?
What is it that you need to learn in order to
move forward in your life or career? Where
are you stuck? Is there something that keeps
repeating itself in your life –
like finding yourself in the same situation at
work, or in the same types of relationships?
Life’s lessons are great gifts. They offer us
the opportunity to be human and explore
our humanness. Humans are not perfect –
we are perfect only in our humanness. When
we strive for perfection, everything becomes
heavy; we place an unnecessary burden on
ourselves (and others) that causes stress and
steals us of time and energy. Perfection is
rooted in fear and control. Eliminate the
perfection trap. What do you gain from
being that way? How does that behavior
serve you? What need are you trying to fill in
your life? What do you lose by the pursuit of
perfection?
Shrinking and playing small to avoid life’s
lessons does not serve you or the world.
Examine your fear. What does it feel like?
Where does it come from? What are you
really afraid of?

Learning the lesson means we can move

forward in life to the next lesson.
This is how we cultivate success, by being
willing to experiment and eliminate the ways
of doing it wrong.
Some lessons we cannot avoid, like the
stages of life and the passing of the years.
How we integrate our time on earth with our
approach to living and our willingness to be
open to receive the lessons presented to us,
will determine how we create success in our
life. Doing the same thing over and over
again expecting different results is the
definition of insanity. And it keeps people
stuck, making it impossible for them to
achieve their goals for success. Our
experiences shape who we are at this
moment. Be willing to explore life’s lessons
from different perspectives. Share your
lessons with others. Listen to others’ stories
as well. After all, you don’t have time to
learn all of life’s lessons in your lifetime.
When you share your lessons with others,
you give them permission to be human as
well.

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Ways to Overcome & Cure
Procrastination
Procrastination can put a complete stop
to your life. Putting off things to do, only
leads to more overwhelm down the road,
and thus creates a state a paralysis,
where nothing ever gets done. You can
learn to overcome procrastination, here
are a few tips to help you:
Divide and conquer. A big task can look
too big to tackle at times, as it is so
intimidating and overwhelming. This is
why you have to break the task into
smaller, more manageable ones, and go
through them one by one, as if each one
was an important task on its own.
Use the reward system. To give you an
incentive or a boost in motivation to do a
certain task, give yourself a small reward
if you accomplish it on time. Whether it's
a certain food you treat yourself to, or a
gift you buy yourself, it doesn't matter, as
long as it inspires you enough to get the
job done.
you feel less overwhelmed by all the
papers and such lying around your
space, and cleaning creates a discipline
that can help you when it's time to do a
certain task.
End of day preparations. At the end of
each day, go over all that you have to do
the next day, creating a schedule, and
thus making you aware of what's to come
tomorrow. This will mentally prepare you
for what's ahead instead of being
surprised and feeling in over your head.
18
Don't waste any time. Sometimes, you
may not do something because you feel
like you don't have the time to finish it.
Try looking at such a situation from
another perspective. Tell yourself, 'how
much can I get done, in the time I have
left?' Do as much as you can in the time
you have, and soon, you will notice that
you're not lagging behind that much
anymore.
Have a "to do" list. It's always better to
write things down then to have it just
sitting there in our mind, where it can get
lost with all our other thoughts.
Therefore, write down all the things that
you are putting off, and keep this list in
clear sight, so that you are reminded of
it. Then, as you do each task, cross them
off, and go down the list. You will not
believe the wonderful feeling of
accomplishment as you cross all the
items on your list!
Clean environment = clearer mind. Try
putting things in your office or home in
order, and keep it tidy and clean. Being
in order helps to cure procrastination, as
4 simple steps toward being more
successful:
1. Take time to reflect and learn
from what you are doing now.
2. Evaluate who you are in
comparison to who you want to be.
SELF MOTIVATIONAL IDEAS
• The line of least resistance is often
the line of most resistance.
• Nothing works but working
• LUCK- labor under constructive
knowledge
• Its not easy to take the easy way
out
• Doing gets it done
• Start by starting
• Present pain for future gain
• Little gain without pain
• Hard as it is to do, its harder not to
• Short run sacrifice is a small price to
pay for long range gains
• Do I want to feel better now or for
the rest of my life
19
3. Plan specific actions that reflect
the person you want to be.
4. Do one of the actions everyday.
• People who run from pain are likely
to suffer more pain
• The first step is the hardest
• I can stand what I don’t like
• Get behind yourself and push
• Do it as if you like doing it
• inspiration comes from perspiration
• if I’m waiting for something to turn
up, I would best start with my
sleeves
• forget “yes but”… and get off your
butt
• doing decisions are better than
taking decisions
• walk the walk rather than talk the
talk
• don’t wait for the tomorrow that
may never come
• put one foot in front of the other
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