Insessional Academic Writing Course 2014

Faculty of Life Sciences

Session 2 – Aspects of Academic Style

Task 1
Make a list of features which should be avoided to maintain appropriate academic writing style.

 Contractions (You’ll, don’t weren’t etc.)

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Task 2
Identify the problems with style in the following sentences and then rewrite them.

1. I subjected the mean score for the two trials to multivariate analysis.

2. These results point to the indispensability of the adrenals for the full expression of
aggression.

3. Scientists need to come up with valid reasons for such results.

4. The precise mechanism responsible for this antagonism cannot be elucidated.

5. These findings show that removal of the adrenals raises the level of ACTH.

6. Measurement of the internal diameter was performed by the probe.

7. The formulation of this method is a massive step forward in the treatment of obesity.

8. Reversal of the membrane potential from 15mV, the inside of the cell being negative, to
around 40mV, the inside of the cell being positive, was achieved by replacing…

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Insessional Academic Writing Course 2014
Faculty of Life Sciences

Aspects of Academic Style

1. Sentence length and complexity: too much information

A reader can only absorb a certain amount of information in a single ‘unit’. It is therefore essential
not to overwhelm the reader by introducing too much information in each sentence. Information is
more readable and easy to assimilate if it is presented as several ‘units’.

2. Long sentences, short sentences, sentences of varying lengths

A common feature of scientific and technical writing is the joining together of strings of ideas of
approximately equal weight to form long compound sentences. This often produces unmanageable
chunks that readers can not absorb comfortably. Much better readability is produced by the use of
comparatively simple sentences, of varying lengths, and consisting of a main statement plus at
most one or two qualifications. However, going to the other extreme is also undesirable, producing
a staccato effect of short, simple sentences.

3. Information load: subjects separated from verbs

We must keep in mind constantly the information load that our readers will be able to accept in
each sentence. Since scientists are trained to be cautious in their observations, there is a tendency
to attach conditions and reservations to statements. This may result in complex sentences with
subjects well separated from main verbs. Readers can not hold in mind comfortably the amounts of
inter-related information they are given in single statements.

4. Vocabulary and expression

The aim should be to write plainly and comfortably, avoiding stiff formality of expression. Writers
must first convey meaning accurately. If this can not be achieved with any other word or phrase, a
long, unfamiliar or technical word must be used. However, if meaning can be conveyed accurately
with short, familiar words then this is preferable.

There are 3 main reasons for this:

 Shorter words have fewer syllables. This helps reduce the heaviness of the writing.
 Familiar words cause the reader no hesitation, whereas unfamiliar words cause a
momentary pause as we work out its meaning. These pauses have a cumulative effect.

 Choosing words which are longer than they need to be results in a text which seems
inflated and pretentious.

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Insessional Academic Writing Course 2014
Faculty of Life Sciences

Taken from: Kirkman, J (1992) Good Style: Writing for Science & Technology

Task 3+4 is to re-write the text to make it more appropriate academic

writing style.

Aspects of Academic Style

Task 5: Achieving clarity

Look at the two descriptions of an experiment. Both were submitted to 1,580 scientists from
industry and the academic world. Based on the evidence of the text alone, 75% of the scientists
surveyed concluded that one of the writers had a better organised mind and was more competent
as a researcher than the other. Sixty nine percent also found his text more interesting and
stimulating. Which one is it?

Text A
In the first experiment of the series using mice it was discovered that total removal of the adrenal
glands effects reduction of aggressiveness and that aggressiveness in adrenalectomized mice is re
storable to the level of intact mice by treatment with corticosterone. These results point to the
indispensability of the adrenals for the full expression of aggression. Nevertheless, since
adrenalectomy is followed by an increase in the release of adrenocorticotrophic hormone (ACTH), and
since ACTH has been reported (Brain, 1972) to decrease the aggressiveness of intact mice, it is
possible that the effects of adrenalectomy on aggressiveness are a function of the concurrent
increased levels of ACTH. However, high levels of ACTH, in addition to causing increases in
glucocorticoids (which possibly accounts for the depression of aggression in intact mice by ACTH),
also result in decreased androgen levels. In view of the fact that animals with low androgen levels are
characterised by decreased aggressiveness the possibility exists that adrenalectomy, rather than
affecting aggression directly, has the effect of reducing aggressiveness by producing an ACTH-
mediated condition of decreased androgen levels.
Text B
The first experiment in our series with mice showed that total removal of the adrenal glands
reduces aggressiveness. Moreover, when treated with corticosterone, mice that had their adrenals
taken out became as aggressive as intact animals again. These findings suggest that the adrenals are
necessary for animals to show full aggressiveness.

Nevertheless removal of the adrenals raises the levels of adrenocorticotrophic hormone

(ACTH), and Brain2 found that ACTH lowers the aggressiveness of intact mice. Thus the reduction of
aggressiveness after this operation might be due to the higher levels of ACTH which accompany it.

However, high levels of ACTH have two effects. First, the levels of glucocorticoids rise, which
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Insessional Academic Writing Course 2014
Faculty of Life Sciences

might account for Brain's results. Second, the levels of androgen fall. Since animals with low levels of
androgen are less aggressive, it is possible that removal of the adrenals reduces aggressiveness only
indirectly: by raising the levels of ACTH it causes androgen levels to drop.
Turk, C. & Kirkman, J. (1989). Effective Writing. London: E. & F. N. Spon.

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