Cohen​ 1

Arielle Cohen

Mrs. Everett

Honors American Literature

29 August 2017

God Damn It, America!

Before I begin my story, I want to set a few things straight. First of all, I don’t hate

religion or religious people. In fact, sometimes I long to be a member of a religious group, to feel

the sense of community, to be consoled by the belief that after I die, my spirit will continue to

exist. Having said that, I also want to say, (to be blunt), that, when I’m around extremely

religious people, it freaks the ​hell​ out of me. Lastly, I feel I should also add that I’m not good

under stress, so I beg of you not to blame me for the way I acted in the following situation. And

so, the story begins.

This past June, I was standing backstage at my vocal coach’s annual recital, waiting to

perform. I was going over my songs in my head, staring blankly into space, when a group of five

men, one of whom was a pastor, came rushing in carrying a teenaged girl. The girl was heaving

and crying, unable to breathe. She had just finished an extremely intense dance and her

boyfriend, who ran in after her, said that she had asthma. The Pastor told the men to place the

girl gently on the ground and rest their hands on her body. Then, while she was still flailing

around, trying to breathe, he led them in a prayer. “Dearly beloved, holy father, we pray that you

restore this girl to all her health and heal her in the name of Jesus Christ… Amen!” This went on

for several minutes.

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The girl was thrashing and crying, and no one picked up a phone to call 911. As I

watched, feet stuck to the floor, anxiety was rising in me like an overheated thermometer. I

wanted to run and break their prayer circle and get someone to call the paramedics. But I stood

still, eyes wide, horrified. Fear held me back. I was terrified by the fervor with which they

conducted their praying, like nothing could stand in their way. And, yet, for one split second, I

was envious of their sense of unity in having one common belief. I thought, ​who am I, but an

outsider, not willing to take part in their teachings?​ At this moment, I was also acutely aware

that a religious America was the America in which I lived. In the end, someone called the

paramedics and they revived the girl. However, the event shook me to the core.

This is not the first time that I have been afraid of people who did not share my beliefs as

an atheist in America. In 9th grade, I decided to do a research project on religion. I called up a

local Catholic church and asked the female receptionist if I could speak with the priest. Then,

being the naive ​soul​ that I was, (and still am), I asked the woman if I would be meeting with a

male or female priest. She responded harshly, “I think that if you want an interview with a priest,

you should probably know that only men can be priests.” Her tone was so righteous, as though

her truth was the only truth. I felt as though my naivety was a ​sin​ and a sign of disrespect. This

inhibited me to even broach the subject of my own beliefs as an atheist when later interviewing

the priest.

Even in my adolescence, during the time officially known as Bar/Bat Mitzvah Season, I

would always pretend that I believed in Judaism because I wanted to feel a part of the religious

social club. I could get away with it, being that my last name was Cohen, a very common name
 Cohen​ 3

in Jewish culture. To have a group with whom I could be a part of was ​heaven​. But at the same

time, I felt like I was not able to express my true beliefs.

I cringe every time I have to capitalize the pronoun, “Him,” referring to God. I still feel

the need to tread lightly when talking about religion so as not to offend others. I am confronted

daily with the sight of “In God we trust” on every dollar bill, (I try to use my parents’ credit

cards as much as possible, don’t tell them). I still feel that queasy feeling every time I say “one

nation under God” in the ​Pledge of Allegiance​. I want to say again, that I do not hate religion by

any means, but the point I want to get across is that religion rules in this country, and that

non-believers cannot speak their beliefs freely, even if they are polite, for fear of insulting a

religious person with their beliefs. I have always believed that America is the land of the free,

but is it really if I am inhibited from expressing my beliefs publicly? I want CHANGE, ​god

damn it​! (And notice, I didn’t capitalize the “g”).