Nobody Asked Me But...

By Joe Bruno

With apologies to Jimmy Cannon...Nobody asked me but...

...Since when has former President Bill Clinton become a W.C. Fields lookalike? When you
watch Slippery Bill do an interview on television, it's almost impossible not to stare at his bulbous
nose. He looks like he's on his fifth martini, and the words coming out of his mouth confirming that
fact.
Hell, I guess if I were married to Hillary, I'd be hitting the booze a little hard myself...

...Is there a more despicable politician in American than New York City's Mayor Michael
Bloomberg?
First he was a Democrat, until he couldn't get the mayoral nomination in 2002. As a result, he
became a Republican, so that Rudy Giuliani could rubber stamp him as his successor as mayor. The
truth is, before Rudy mentioned his name, nobody had ever heard of Bloomberg in political terms. (I'm
sure Rudy is very sorry now for backing this slug.)
Midget Bloomberg served the maximum two terms as mayor, then he used his political capital
(his millions in cash) to get the rules changed, so he could run a third time. He won the mayoral
election by a whisker against Bill Thompson, a man who was not a household name, not even in his
own household.
Then, because of his liberal tenancies, Midget Bloomberg knew he had no future in the
Republican Party. So guess what? He then became a registered Independent.
Midget Bloomberg recently backed the building of the mosque at Ground Zero. Then, to show
he's consistently stupid, he backed the burning of the Koran by some moron minister in Florida.
The gossip says Midget Bloomberg is now, like Don Imus likes to say, Obama's butt-buddy, and
is edging for a position in Obama's administration.
Midget Bloomberg proves one thing for sure. If you have billions, you can get elected to almost
any position you desire.
What's next? Donald Trump as Secretary of the Treasury?...

...Are there any worse announcers in the history of baseball than the Tampa Bay Rays duo of
Dewayne Staats and Kevin Kennedy? I live in Sarasota and have the MLB Baseball package. But when
the Yanks pay the Rays (19 times a year), no matter where the game is being played, my New York
stations (either YES or MY-9) are blacked out and I am forced to watch the game on the local Florida
Sports channel.
This is cruel and inhuman punishment.
Staats, who was fired as the Yankee announcer in 1994, obviously has a grudge against his
former employers. On the other hand, Kennedy is the former manager of both the Texas Rangers and
Boston Red Sox (no wonder he hates the Yankees). Both announcers complain on almost every pitch
that seems to go against the Rays. And God forbid there's a call that goes against the Rays on the bases,
then they both get absolutely apoplectic. If the bad calls go their way, well, they ignore it completely.
Real professional, huh?
I was a sportswriter for 15 years in New York City, from the middle 70's into the 90's. When
you're a sportswriter there's one iron-clad rule, “NO CHEERING IN THE PRESS BOX! NO
EXCEPTIONS.”
If some scribe were to dare even clap his hands for the home team in the press box, he would be
banished to a seat somewhere in the bleachers, maybe even in a different town. I guess this rule doesn't
apply on the west coast of Florida
Prime example. Last week, in a game during a tight pennant race at Tropicana Field, Derek
Jeter was given first base wrongly, when the pitched ball actually hit the knob of his bat, instead of his
wrist. Both Staats and Kennedy went on a three-inning rampage against Jeter, the umpire's eyesight
and integrity, and Major League baseball in general. Any other announcers would have noted the bad
call once, and maybe twice. Then move on to call the game that was actually happening in front of
their eyes. But not these two idiots.
Then on Tuesday night at Yankee Stadium, Jorge Posada got hit in the ankle on a bouncing
pitch by James Shields. It was a close call and the replay was inconclusive. But you could hear the
smack of the bouncing pitch against Posada's ankle guard. So if I had to guess, I'd say the pitch did
indeed hit Posada, however so slightly.
Yet Staat and Kennedy went ga-ga again. Kennedy said, “I guess in New York, if you can act,
you can get to first base.”
Then, in the height of idiocy, the Rays network showed the replay of the Jeter incident from
last week, three times in quick succession. And to compound their stupidity, they ranted about both
incidents for the next 20 minutes, barely commenting on the game, which the Yankees were winning
and eventually won.
Unbelievable.
Obviously, Staat and Kennedy's homer-antics are approved by team owner Stuart Sternberg,
who recently said, “Baseball will not work long-term in St Pete (where the Rays play).”
I have a great idea Stuart. Move your team to Las Vegas, or Arizona, or Utah, or maybe even to
the moon. Then at least when the Yankees play the Rays, I can watch the New York feed on the MLB
Baseball package. That way I can hear unbiased play-by-play, instead of listening to those two
irritating dithering dolts you have on your payroll...

...Would you believe Fox Baseball's Tim McCarver is not the great guy he portrays himself to
be on TV?
Last week, I ran into McCarver standing at the JetBlue check-in counter, by the gate, on my
flight to NY City. He was doggedly trying to get something done with the JetBlue attendant (he was
there a good 20 minutes). It was probably a seat upgrade, since he was finally seated in the first row on
the aisle. I guess he doesn't like mingling with the masses and wanted to get on and off the plane, with
the minimum of personal contact.
Like a jerk, I tried to make small talk with Tiny Tim.
“Going to NY City,” I cheerfully said.
He looked at me and my Yankee ring like I was turd on the bottom of his shoe. “No, I'm going
to Boston!” she snapped back. Like, duh, I'm at the gate taking off to New York City, you moron.
Where else could I be going?
Now if you know me, you know I don't take spit off anybody. So I cracked back, “That was a
statement Tim, not a question.”
Then to show him he wasn't better than me, I told a JetBlue attendant, while McCarver was still
haggling with the first Jet Blue attendant about a first row, aisle seat, “I'd like to upgrade my seat to
one of those extra legroom seats you advertise. On the isle, if possible”
She said, “Yes sir, I have a 10th row aisle seat available. That will be an extra $35.”
I said, “Great. Hook me up. I have no problem mingling with people.” Then I glanced at
McCarver, who was standing less than a foot away from me. “I'm not like some people I know.”
Tiny Tim shrugged, like “screw this peon.”
McCarver did get the seat he wanted and he continued the rest of the JetBlue Experience to
New York City, sitting in the first row, aisle, with his head buried in a newspaper, not speaking a word
to anyone. When the flight was over, he bolted from the plane like the Lone Ranger, without his trusty
sidekick Tonto.
What an absolute a-hole...