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Jason Smith

5/12/2016

Eng 1B L01

Professor Sheffield

Father of the Year

“Be more than a father, be a dad. Be more than a figure, be an example.”

–Dr. Steve Maraboli

A father figure is looked as someone who is responsible, caring, and as an amazing

support system for his family. There are many different ways on how to become the perfect

father, but everyone may not do the same things as a dad. The concept of being a perfect

father may be looked upon differently, depending on everyone’s perspective. According to

Dictionary.com, a father is defined as a male parent, who exercises paternal care over other

persons; paternal protector or provider. The article “10 Ways to Be a Great Dad” states, “Being

a good dad starts with being a good husband. It starts with getting involved in the entire

prenatal process, so if you really want to be a good dad, make darn sure you’re a good

husband, because great husbands become great dads.” In the novel “A Thousand Splendid

Suns” by Khaled Hosseini, Jalil, the father of Mariam, showed many actions as to why he was

not a good father figure because he was not responsible by owning his obligations, he did not

truly care for Mariam, and he never gave any sort of support system towards her when she

desperately needed it. In the article “Society and Norms –Family and Family Life: Overview”

says that Family is an importance in the Afghan culture; however, because of Jalil’s actions, the

idea of family importance as it pertained to him seemed questionable. Jalil had a conflict with
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his relationship with Mariam, when she was young. It is clear that he does have some affection

for his daughter when he came to visit and gave her gifts, but it does not compare to what

actions he made as a father. He was never there for Mariam when she needed a support

system. To be a great father, they need to be responsible, caring, and being able to be a great

support system. Near the end of Mariam’s journey, Jalil tries to reach out to her to forgive him

for what he has done, but it is too late when Mariam goes through many difficult experiences

on her own and does not need her father Jalil.

There are many responsibilities when it comes to being a father, such as taking care of

his children. No matter what, fathers should embrace the responsibilities they have. They

should be able to provide to their children financially, emotionally, and care for them. In the

article “Fathering in America: What’s a Dad Supposed to do?” by Marie Hartwell-Walker says,

“Once you are a father, you are a father for life. The knowledge of fatherhood changes a man. It

can be a source of pride and maturity or a source of shame and regret.” Jalil’s actions towards

Mariam showed that he was ashamed of her because he abandoned her on her birthday when

they were supposed to spend time together. He was a very wealthy man, and he could not take

the time to take Mariam out for her birthday. He even suggested sending someone to take her

out for him to go watch a movie. “I’ll tell you what,” Jalil said. I’ll send someone to pick you up

and take you. I’ll make sure they get you a good seat and all the candy you want” (26). Young

children need to be able to have their parent’s support. Research has shown that even infants

know and respond to their fathers differently than they do to their mothers “(Hartwell-

Walker).” Even though Mariam’s mother took care of her when she was young, what she really

wanted was to feel accepted from her father Jalil. He could not fully accept Mariam as his
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daughter, because he was ashamed of her. When Mariam’s mother died, Jalil had the

opportunity to take action to be a great father figure by taking her into his house hold. He had a

responsibility to take care of his daughter, but instead he married Mariam away with an

arranged marriage with Rasheed. Jalil tried to reach out and reunite with Mariam; but he was

too late because he neglected his obligations and responsibilities in the beginning of their

relationship.

A father is always to be caring for their loved ones, with any situation that they go

through with their families. Many children are faced with parents separating or a mother

passing away, which is why it is important for fathers to stay on top of their caring affection for

their children. Jalil was not fully engaged with Mariam when her mother passed away. He did

not care for her because he is ashamed to accept her into his household. In the article “The

Importance of Being a Good Father” by a HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer says, “Children whose

fathers are highly involved with them in a positive way do better in school, demonstrate better

psychological well-being, and lower levels of delinquency.” Even if children do not live with

their father, they still need that bonding dad time. When Mariam was young she did not have

the opportunity to live with her father; but when he came to visit, it would mean the world to

her. According to “How Dads Affect Their Daughters into Adulthood” by Linda Nielsen says, “An

emerging body of research suggests one more way that dads may shape their daughters’

mental health and relationship in adulthood.” Mariam was neglected and felt that her father

did not care about her when she waited for him outside his house. “But mainly tears of a deep,

deep shame at how foolishly she had given herself over to Jalil.” (35). Mariam had to be strong

and care for herself through her touch times, where she really needed to have her father. At
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the end of Jalil’s journey, he started to realize how important family actually was to him. He

could have done so much for Mariam by giving her so much caring attention, but did not step in

as a father to do so.

The traditional concept of a husband to their wife is to love them through the good and

hard times. No matter what, it is supposed to be all about their significant other and no one

else in between. A husband is to work together with their wife to help their children be

successful for their future and helping them grow along the way of their journey. When a

husband is having an affair with another woman, the concept of cheating comes up and looks

upon as a horrible action to do. According to Dictionary.com cheat is defined as to defraud;

swindle, to deceive; influence by fraud, to elude; deprive of something expected. In Afghanistan

some husbands have more than one wife that they are married to, and in their culture it is

looked upon as a norm in their daily lives. In the article “In Afghanistan, Polygamy on Rise” by

Letta Tayler says that “Women’s advocates say polygamy, which is permitted under traditional

interpretations of Islam and is practiced in most of the Muslim world, has increased in

Afghanistan in the past decade.” Even though this may be a normal tradition in Afghanistan,

Jalil was a horrible husband towards his wives; because he had an affair with Mariam’s mother

Nana when she was working as a house keeper for him. Even Mariam’s mother knew that Jalil

was a horrible father since the beginning of their relationship. Nana would tell Mariam the

stories about how he was not even around when she was giving birth. “He wasn’t even there!”

Nana spat. “He was in Takht-e-Safar, horseback riding with his precious friends.” (12). Jalil is not

even close to being a great father or husband to begin with because of his actions towards

Mariam and his wives.

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One of the greatest gifts that a child can have; is to have the loving support system from

their parents. “Kids whose parents let them know that they are worth their parents’ time and

attention are kids who grow up healthy and strong “(Hartwell-Walker).” When growing up

Mariam never had a support system from her father. She had to fight her own battles, and even

though it was tough, she got through them without her father Jalil. He was never there for her

from the beginning of their relationship. “In study after study, kids’ consistency say they would

like to have more time with their dads “(Hartwell-Walker).” Jalil visited Mariam every other

week and gave her some sort of caring affection, but it was not enough. Jalil was everything to

Mariam when she was young; she looked at him like he was the most amazing father ever. He

was not a good father figure because he never supported her when she was growing up. A

tradition wedding that is usually thought upon is that a father is giving away his daughter to her

future husband with loving support. In the article “Who Give This Woman Away? A timeless

Father and Daughter Wedding Tradition” by Sarah Malburg states that “It is more of a symbol

of his blessing and wish of good health and happiness to the couple.” Mariam’s marriage

experience was not even close to how a tradition wedding should be. In Afghanistan most

marriages are arranged when a younger female has been arranged to marry an older male;

whom they sometimes meet for the first time at the wedding ceremony. Unlike women in

America who have more freedom on who they get to love and who they want to spend the rest

of their life with, the women in Afghanistan do not have a choice on who they marry. In the

article “Forced and Early Marriages Still Common for Girls in Afghanistan” by Cornelia Walther

says “My parents say they do not care if I’m happy or not. They want me marry and that’s it.”

Jalil gave his daughter away to some stranger she did not know. He was not supporting his
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daughter, but supporting the decision of removing her from his household. Fathers giving all of

their caring support to their children can mean so much to them and can affect them in the

future in a positive way.

There is no right way on how to be the perfect father figure for children, but at a young

age children look at their father like they already perfection. When they are responsible, caring,

and giving their full support is just a few basic things that create a great father and husband. In

the article “Why Kids Need Their Dads” by Skye Loyd states “Children of involved fathers are

more likely to achieve higher levels of education, find success in their careers, have higher

levels of self-acceptance and experience psychological well-being.” This is something that Jalil

did not do and failed to be an amazing father that Mariam needed and deserved. In the novel

“A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini, Jalil, the father of Mariam, showed us many

reasons why he was not the best father because was not responsible and did not own up to his

obligations for his daughter. Even though he did take her in into his household, it was not a long

visit before he married her off in an arranged marriage to Rasheed, he did not truly care for

Mariam because he was ashamed of her, and finally he never gave any sort of support system

towards her when she desperately needed it. Throughout Mariam’s life, she goes through many

hard experiences alone. For example, Jalil was not there for her when her mother committed

suicide. The death of a mother is a hard concept for children to understand and handle, but

having the caring affection and loving support of their father can help them. There were many

opportunities that opened up for Jalil that given him the chance to be a great father, but he

never achieved it. At the end of Mariam’s journey, her father tried to reach out to her and ask

for forgiveness, but it was too late. Jalil did not deserve to have a strong daughter like Mariam,
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and she did not need someone like her father in her life. She was strong enough without him

being there when she went through so many hard obstacles throughout her life.
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Work Cited

Bell, Deirdre. “The Importance of Dad’s” Boba. Web. 7 May 2016.]

Hartwell-Walker, Marie “Fathering in America: What’s a Dad Supposed to do?”

PsychCentral. Copyright 1995-2016 Psych Central. 7 May 2016. Web. 7 May 2016.

HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer “The Importance of Being a “Good” Father.” HealthyPlace

America’s Mental Health Channel. C2000-2015 HealthyPlace.com, Inc. All rights

reserved. 2 Nov. 2008. Web. 7 May 2016.

Hosseini, Khaled A Thousand Splendid Suns. New York: Penguin Group Inc. 2007. Print.

Kelby, Scott “10 Ways to be a Great Dad.” Parents. Web 7 May 2016.

Loyd, Skye “Why Kids Need Their Dads.” Modern Families + Fresh Ideas Parenting.

Copyright 2016 Meredith Corporation. All Rights Reserved. Web. 11 May 2016.

Malburg, Sarah “Who Gives This Woman Away? A Timeless Father and Daughter

Wedding Tradition.” Bright Hub Education. C2016 brighthubeducation.com – All rights

reserved. 28 Jan. 2015. Web. 7 May 2016.

Nielsen, Linda “How Dads Affect Their Daughters into Adulthood.” Family Studies the
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Blog of the Institute for Family Studies. 2013 Institute for Family Studies. 3 June 2014.

Web. 7 May 2016.

Tayler, Letta “In Afghanistan, Polygamy on Rise.” WorldWide Religious News. 20 Jan.

2002. Web. 7 May 2016.

Walther, Cornelia “Forced and early marriages still common for girls in Afghanistan.”

Afghanistan. Copyright C Unicef. 17 March 2010. Web. 7 May 2016.

“Cheat” Dictionary.com. C2016 Dictionary.com, LLC. Web. 7 May 2016.

“Father” Dictionary.com. C2016 Dictionary.com, LLC. Web. 7 May 2016.