GURU SISHYA RELATIONSHIP

Guru Purnima Lecture by Swami Paramarthananda

Transcribed by Sri VLN Prasad

NOTE: Swami Paramarthananda has not verified the transcription of talks.
The transcriptions have been done with Swamiji’s blessings by his disciple.

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Guru-Sishya Relationship
sadāsiva samārambhām sankarāchārya madhyamām
asmad āchārya paryantām vande guru paramparām
One of the unique faculties of human beings is the capacity to form
relationship with other human beings and trying to have an enduring,
lasting relationship. We don’t find that development in the animal or
plant kingdom. This is one of the unique features of human life.
We all know that any relationship requires two people. It is always
between two human beings. And this human relationship between two
human beings can be categorized into three types. The first one is the
ideal type of the relationship which is a rare one. And it is the
relationship between two wise people.
A wise person is one who is happy with himself or herself. Therefore,
he never forms a relationship to gain happiness. At the same time, a
wise person is one who enjoys relationship with everyone. Therefore,
because of this reason, there are no strings attached in that relationship.
It is a relationship between two free people, two independent people and
both of them do not expect anything from the other. And both of them
do not try to manipulate or influence the other. Both of them do not try
to change the other.
Since the relationship is not for the sake of happiness, there is no
anxiety to retain the relationship also. In-fact, the relationship continues
without a struggle either to form it or to retain it. This is the best
relationship. This is the most ideal relationship and the rarest
relationship also. This is one extreme.
Then, the second type of relationship is between two ignorant people,
two “other-wise” people. Otherwise is the opposite of wise. Who is an
ignorant person? An ignorant person is one, (I mean a self ignorant
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General Talks Guru-Sishya Relationship
person) who is not happy with himself. Therefore, he wants to strike a
relationship to get or to acquire happiness.
Unfortunately, at the other end of the relationship the other person is
also ignorant. Therefore, he also wants happiness from the other person.
Both of them are beggars of happiness. Imagine two beggars joining
together, each one trying to get happiness from the other. You can
imagine the problems that can come.
It is like two beggars coming together with an intention of borrowing
money from the other person. Or it is like two unsteady people trying to
hold onto each other and trying to become steady. It never works. So, a
family psychologist nicely says that the biggest mistake that people
commit with regard to family relationship is an arithmetic mistake.
He says that the people think (especially, husband and wife) that
husband is one half and wife is another half. And they think that two
halves put together will become one. This kind of logic doesn’t function
because husband is one half means one is incomplete and wife is
another half means the other one is also incomplete.
Incomplete two or incomplete three or any number of incompletes can
never become complete. It is the biggest arithmetic mistake committed
by the people while entering into family life. It is because of this
arithmetic mistake a lot of family problems come.
The psychologist says, instead of half plus half, what happens is when
two halves come together and the result that we get is half X half.
Therefore, before the relationship, each one was half. After the
relationship, what have they become? - More incomplete. It has become
one fourth.
Once the child is born, it becomes one eighth and the multiplication
creates more problems than lesser problems. Therefore, when two
dependent people, ignorant people, incomplete people come together,
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that relationship is called Samsāra. The problem is because each one
has got a lot of expectations from the other.
The reason is because the relationship itself is struck to gain happiness
but not to give something. No human being can fulfill the expectations
of the other human being. It is impractical and it is impracticable. And
you can only imagine what happens if this relationship continues for a
length of time!
The expectations keep on mounting. And the most of the expectations
are not fulfilled by the other. Therefore, the fulfilled expectations are
lesser and lesser and unfulfilled expectations are more and more.
Therefore, that relationship is no more viable, profitable, and working.
In-fact, there are a lot of complaints rather than joy.
If such a relationship continues, it is only a question of somehow
managing rather than an enjoyable relationship. It is a something like
our UF Alliance. You know, somehow the struggle is to keep all the
parties together. No party has the time to think of the progress of the
nation.
So, there is no question of working for progress or improvement
because the maintenance of the very relationship is a struggle. That is
why when asked how life is, many people say Chalta hai, it is just
pulling on etc. This is the relationship between two ignorant people.
This is called Samsāra.
There is a third relationship which is not ideal but which is beautiful.
You can guess what the third possible relationship is. It is between the
wise and ignorant, the wise and the other-wise, Gnyāni and Agnyāni. It
is not the ideal one because I have told that the first one is the ideal
relationship.
The third one is the beautiful relationship because it can lead to the ideal
relationship. In the first one, there is no goal at all. It is an end in itself.
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The second one is neither an end nor it is a means to anything. It is the
perpetuation of Samsāra, whereas the third relationship between the
wise and the ignorant, between a Gnyāni and Agnyāni is not an end.
It is not a Samsāra also but it is the means which can (I won’t say which
will) lead to an ideal relationship. Therefore, it is very interesting to
study the relationship between the Agnyāni and Gnyāni, the dependent
and the independent, the free and the bound.
When an Agnyāni, a Samsāri, an ignorant person who is tired of all
other relationships because it is full of manipulation, struggle etc, meets
a Gnyāni for the first time, without knowing that he is a Gnyāni, the first
thing that strikes him is the independence of the Gnyāni.
That independence, that freedom expresses in the form of freedom from
all expectations. When I meet such a Gnyāni, one great relief is that he
does not expect anything from me. That itself is a great relief because I
need not perform and I need not struggle to do anything.
Secondly, he does not want me to change at all. But if I want to change,
he is ready to assist me or help me provided, I want to change. He
doesn’t have any complaints about me. That itself gives me a great relief
and relaxation. Since, he does not expect anything from me, he does not
expect me to change I am not even worried about losing the
relationship.
It is because that person accepts me in spite of what I am. Therefore, I
am not worried at losing my relationship or putting up a front in front of
him to retain the relationship. So, I can be natural in front of that person.
Because in the society, I have to always put some kind of a front to get
acceptance in that group or acceptance in that institution.
I have to put a physical front and I have to maintain a status, decency. I
find I can be natural in front of this person. The very opportunity to be

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natural in front that person makes me at home. It is like a person who
has to go for a business meeting in the summer, in the month of May.
And if I have to be accepted in the group, I require a dress code. So, I
have to wear a pant, banian, shirt, coat and a tie. All those things I have
to do. I have to present myself to be accepted in that even though, it is
very uncomfortable.
Imagine that person comes home from that meeting and throws away
the tie in one direction, coat in another direction. He wears a simple
dhoti and is bare bodied. How comfortable he feels! He is himself
without presenting a front.
Similarly, in the society, I have to put lot of Vēsham from dress code
onwards. And I have to keep a false smile all the time. So, many things I
have to do to have acceptance. But I find that in front of the Gnyāni, the
wise man, I am at home. I can do whatever I like. I need not bother
about my words. I can smile, I can cry, I can discuss any topic.
That very freedom makes him at home with himself. It is like removing
coat, tie and all of them. Therefore, even though he doesn’t know the
details, something which he is not able to define, something tells him
that I am very much at home and I am very comfortable in the presence
of the Gnyāni.
He is like a summer resort like Kodaikanal during May in Madras. So,
all the relationships are straining but there is one relationship which is
not only, not straining but is very relaxing. And most of the people just
like to only enjoy that relationship and they become devotees and make
use of the Gnyāni only as a resort.
They just come once in a while and relax. It is like going to an Āshram
or going to a temple. They just use the Gnyāni as a temporary resort to
be myself, to relax myself and to come back to face the other terrible

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relationships. This is called devotee relationship of an Agnyāni with a
Gnyāni.
But there are some perceptive Agnyānis. They don’t want to just come
and have a temporary relationship. They begin to study the nature of
that Gnyāni and they are impressed by the personality of that Gnyāni.
The first thing that impresses them is that independence and freedom.
I am happy to have the relationship with Gnyāni. In-fact, I am anxious
to maintain that relationship because I am dependent on that
relationship. On the other hand, Gnyāni enjoys that relationship but he
is not anxious to maintain that relationship. There is a total relaxation,
total independence.
Relationship is wonderful, no relationship is also wonderful. He doesn’t
want to hold on to me. He doesn’t want to keep me as his permanent
client which we see in business circles because there is a competition. In
fact, this can be found even in certain other cults.
The cult head always wants to keep the devotees in their group only.
Even that shows the insecurity of the head of that group. But the Gnyāni
is not like the head of the cult or like the head of an institution or certain
fanatic religions or groups. He says if you are finding some other place
more comfortable, fine. You come to me, fine. You continue, fine.
This independence begins to impress. Therefore, he wonders if he can
ever become independent and free like that person. It means that I
should enjoy the relationship but I should never form a relationship for
happiness. That is called Samsāra.
Once that desire comes, he is no more interested in temporary comfort
as a devotee but he wants to become as independent and as free as the
Gnyāni. Such a devotee has now become a Mōkshārthi. Previously he
was Sukhārthi. So, Sukhārthi Agnyāni will gradually get converted into
Mōkshārthi Agnyāni.
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Then the teacher says that if I am independent, that independence is
purely because of the self knowledge that I enjoy. It is because of
discovery of the self independence which is my nature. Therefore, what
you require is Gnyānam. Ātma Gnyānam is required. Therefore, don’t
be my devotee which is permanent dependence.
Try to become a student. Therefore, once he becomes a Mōkshārthi, the
Gnyāni converts him to a Vidyārthi. You should become a Vidyārthi.
What should I do as a Vidyārthi? Just don’t bask in the relationship.
You have to study the scriptures.
Therefore, Gnyāni puts such a Vidyārthi to the study of scriptures as a
Vidyārthi. Here also, there is a lot of problem to convince that student to
study the scriptures. It is because the first thing that comes to the mind
is I want to know the self.
Why should I study the scriptures? After all, scriptures are Anātma and
what I want to know is the Ātma. What is the use of the study of
scriptures? At each stage, there is a lot of resistance. Some people say
that scriptural study is an intellectual gymnastics which will take you
nowhere.
Some other people will say that scriptural study will lead to arrogance.
Another person says that the scriptural study is turning towards Anātma.
He says you are becoming more and more extrovert. What you require
is turning introvert.
Then the Gnyāni has to convince that turning towards the scripture is
not turning towards Anātma, an external thing because the scriptures are
like the mirror. When you are looking at the mirror, are you looking
outside or inside?
From the distance when you see, when I am looking at the mirror, I am
extrovert because I am turned outwards. But really speaking, the mirror
is putting the direction of the eyes towards the face itself.
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Therefore, the eyes are not seeing the mirror but through the mirror, the
eyes are seeing themselves. Therefore, looking at the mirror is not
extrovertedness. Similarly, the study of scriptures should never be
thought as an extroverted pursuit. It is looking at my own independent
self.
Then, the teacher says that you should know how to properly use the
mirror. Also, if there is dust on the surface of the mirror, that dust has to
be cleaned. When we use the mirror properly, and clean the mirror
properly, what does that effect go to? For clearer and clearer perception
of your own face.
Similarly, while we study the scriptures, there also many impurities are
possible. Those impurities are incomplete understanding and wrong
understanding. Incomplete understanding and wrong understanding are
like the dust because of which I can never look at myself clearly.
Therefore, you require systematic, consistent Vichāraha or enquiry.
Adhātō brahma jignyāsa enquiry is required. What is the enquiry? -
Rubbing the mirror. Every reasoning, every analysis, every word that I
enquire into is the removal of the impurity. It is not an intellectual
gymnastics and it is not an extroverted pursuit.
It is making the mirror finer and finer. The more I understand every
word, the more I understand that I am free. I don’t require anything to
be happy. When this Sishya-Guru Sambandha; until then it was only
Devotee-Gnyāni Sambandha. When the Sishya-Guru Sambandha
continues for a length of time, the Sishya knows how to use the mirror
properly.
When he looks at himself, he discovers the free independent self and he
understands that I don’t require even the teacher to be full, complete and
happy. He gets freedom from the Guru also. Not that Guru created any

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problem for him. He gets freedom from the dependence on the teacher
also because the teacher has given him the mirror.
The relationship has become the ideal relationship between the Guru
Gnyāni and Sishya Gnyāni. Guru-Sishya Sambandham is the ideal
relationship. Both are free, both are independent and both enjoy being
together. At the same time, both are not anxious to be together also.
Therefore, the conversion of the Agnyāni, dependent Sishya to the
Gnyāni independent Sishya is the benefit of the third relationship. And
that is Guru-Sishya Sambandha. After discovering this freedom, the
Sishya whenever he looks back to the Guru-Sishya Sambandha, that is
his Sambandha with his teacher which he enjoys, it is no more a heart
burn.
This is one relationship you enjoy all the time even when it is present
and even when it ends. That is why in the olden days, after the teaching
is over, that Guru gives Sanyāsa to the disciple. At the time of Sanyāsa,
the Guru himself shaves the head of the Sishya.
As a Brahmachāri, he had the tuft and Guru becomes the barber there.
What a role! He becomes the barber and cuts the tuft. Do you know what
the tuft indicates? It indicates three types of relationships - Ēshwara
Sambandha, Shāstra Sambandha, and Guru Sambandha.
These three beautiful relationships are indicated. It was a relationship to
get out of bondage. Now the Guru says, ‘hey Sishya, you don’t require
me, you don’t require even Shāstram because you have become
independent’. To symbolize that, he cuts the tuft.
Therefore, every Sanyāsi wants to remember his relationship with
teacher and how he became free because of the relationship with the
teacher. He remembers all the times. He is grateful to the Guru for that
but he wants one day just to remember and enjoy that.

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That day is called Guru Pūrnima day. It is generally celebrated by the
Sanyāsi because the Sanyāsis remember that time of Sanyāsa because
Sanyāsa symbolizes this freedom from all the relationships including
the Guru Sishya Sambandha.
na shāsta na shāstram na sikshō na siksha
na chatvam na chāham na chāyam prapanchaha
swarūpāvabādhāth vikalpa sahisnuhu
tadēkō vasishtah shivah kēvalōham

But even though, he doesn’t require the relationship, he wants to

remember the relationship with gratitude because gratitude makes a
human being a human being.
ā jīvitam trayam sēvyam vēdāntō gururīshwaraha
ādou gnyānāptayē paschāt krutaghnatva nivruttayē

We have to always worship three things - Vēdāntaha, Guruhu and

Ēshwaraha (the Lord, the teacher and the scriptures). Initially, they are
worshiped for gaining Gnyānam and after gaining Gnyānam, they are
worshiped as an expression of gratitude.
Therefore, on the Guru Pūrnima day, every Sanyāsi or every Sishya
whether he is a Sanyāsi or Non-Sanyāsi, remembers the teacher and
says, ‘you are wonderful’. And the Guru says, ‘don’t tell me that I am
wonderful. I have not done anything but I have only shown you the
mirror. Even the mirror, I have not produced.
The Shāstra tradition, the Vēdic tradition has been coming. I don’t have
any credit at all.’ The student says, ‘at-least you cleansed the mirror by
teaching how to look at the mirror’. Then, the Guru doesn’t want to take
the credit for that also because even how to teach is not my own
method.

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There is a proper method of communication. I did not discover that. It
has to been given to me my Guru. Shāstram and Sāmpradāya -
Sāmpradāya is how to study the scriptures without incomplete
understanding and the wrong understanding.
So, every Guru says, Shāstram is not mine, Sāmpradāya is not mine but
I got it from my Guru. Then, I want to respect my Parama Guru
(Guru’s Guru) and he says I got it from my Guru. Thus, instead of
worshipping one Guru, we worship whole Guru Parampara –
nārayanam padmabhuvam vāsishtam shaktim cha tat putra asmad
gurum or sadāsiva samārambhām
Better learn this particular thing. Even though, the entire Guru
Parampara is worshiped, in this Guru Parampara, Vyāsāchārya is given
importance. It is because he codified this tradition of teaching and
presented in a comprehensive form for the first time. It was more an oral
tradition, an unwritten tradition.
Vyāsāchārya is the first one who codified this method and presented this
method of teaching through his famous Brahmasūtra work. Therefore,
for all practical purposes, Vyāsāchārya’s Brahmasūtra is taken as the
standard key to open the Upanishadic book and get the wisdom.
Therefore, all the Gurus are worshiped and Vyāsāchārya is given an
extra position. Therefore, today is also called Vyāsa Purnima, or Guru
Purnima. On this day, they have this tradition of worship. And the
Sanyāsis start the Chāturmāsya Vratam also because generally, the
Sanyāsis are supposed to move about without staying in one place.
During this time, because it is rainy season, they don’t move about as it
is inconvenient. Therefore, they stay in one place, start the Pūja and
there afterwards, during the four months, they just share the wisdom
with the people around.

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Therefore, the Sanyāsis start the Chāturmāsya. The other people take
this opportunity to thank the teacher. Therefore, this is Thanksgiving
Day to the teacher. That is why we also thought that we will have a Pūja
expressing our gratitude to the entire beautiful Guru-Sishya Parampara.

Poornamadah Poornamidam Poornaath Poornam Udachyathe

Poornasya Poornamaadaaya Poornameva Vasishyathe

Om shanti shanti shantihi

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