Engagement and Marriage 1

ENGAGEMENT AND MARRIAGE

Engagement and Marriage

Siddra Rehman

Islamic Online University

Dr. Muhammad Anwar Sahib Al Madani

FQH 202

November 19, 2016

 Engagement and Marriage 2

ِ‫الر ْح َٰمن‬
َّ ِ‫الرحيم‬
َّ ‫ّللا‬
َِّ ِ‫سم‬
ْ ‫ب‬

Alhamdulillahirabbil-'alamin was salatu was salamu 'ala ashrifil anbiya wal-mursaleen nabiyina

Muhammad wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'in. Ammaba'ad

Introduction:

One of the greatest signs of Allah is that He created spouses, so that they can find tranquility and

peace in eachother. This is Allah’s greatest blessing that He has placed love and Mercy between the

spouses. Allah says in the Quran:

“And among His signs is that He created for you, from yourselves, spouses that you may dwell (in joy

and security) unto them, and He set between you love and mercy; surely in that are signs for those

who reflect.” (Quran 30: 21)

Marriage is from the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAWS). It is one of the sources of safeguarding ones

chastity and preserving human beings, especially Muslims. In this essay, we will be discussing about

engagement and marriage, and the hadeeth of the Prophet (SAWS), in which he says to look at a

woman, whom a man intends to get married to.

Hadeeth Of the Prophet:

The Prophet (SAWS) is reported to have said: “When one of you gets engaged to a woman, if he

can look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so”1

Meaning of the Hadeeth:

1
Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawud
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The above mentioned hadeeth clearly indicates the permissibility of looking at ones ‘to be wife’,

in a secretive way, what is usually apparent of her body. One must note that it does not imply to sit

with her in private, alone; as he is still a non-mahram for her. This permission is only for the man

who thinks that his proposal will be accepted.2

The Islamic Jurists say: “It is deemed allowable for a man who intends to get engaged to a

woman and believes that she is likely to consent to look at what usually appears of her body

without privately sitting with her, provided that he feels secure against temptation.”3

What Does ‘Induce’ in the Hadeeth Imply:

When a man intends to marry a woman, then it becomes permissible for him to look at her or

ask someone to look at her for him. The meaning of induce here implies, to look at her as much as

it is usually possible for him, to look at her in a way that will help him to be attracted towards her,

as he has to spend the rest of his life with her, so that he can make the right decision, whether to

marry her or not. And to be comfortable with her looks so that he can have her as his wife. 4

It has been narrated from Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (SAWS) when a man came and

told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. The Messenger of Allah SAWS) said to him,

‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the

eyes of the Ansaar.”5

Difference Between Engagement and Marriage:

2
A Summary of Islamic Jurisprudence, Dr Salih Al Fawzan p. 358
3
Ibid
4
The Quest for Love and Mercy, Muhammad al Jibaly, p. 38
5
Muslim, Daraqutni
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In Islam engagement and Marriage are two different terms. Firstly, Engagement, in Islam, means

that a man requests a woman’s hand in marriage.6 If the man’s proposal is accepted then the woman

whom he proposed is known to be engaged to him. It is a mutual pledge for marriage. 7

Muhammad al Jibaly describes engagement in the following way “When a man finds a woman of

good attributes for marriage, his next step would be to propose to her or her family. We call this

“courting” or “Khitbah”; it is the act of asking for a woman's hand in marriage. Depending on the

situation, the interested man may personally approach the woman or her representatives, or may ask

some of his relatives or friends to represent him in that. If a man's proposal is accepted, the woman is

considered “engaged” to him. This “engagement” counts as a legally unbinding attachment that

precedes the full and binding attachment of the marriage contract.”8

There are examples of engagement from the life of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS); it is narrated

that the Prophet (SAWS) had an engagement with ‘Aa’ishah9 and in another narration it states that

the he (SAWS) also got engaged to Hafsah10.

Secondly, in Islamic texts, the word used for marriage is nikah. In Arabic, linguistically, it means

'intercourse'. Later this word was used for marriage agreement/ contract, because marriage is the

means of intercourse.11 Marriage is a blessing of Allah, in which a man and a woman enters a binding

contract through which they can enjoy each other and have a good family life.

How to reconcile between this hadeeth and other ahadeeth which prohibit looking at the

opposite sex:

Allah commands us to lower our gaze and forbids from looking at the non-mahram opposite gender,

6
Al Fataawa Al Jami’ah li’l Mar’ah al Muslimah, 3/914; (islamqa.info, Fatwa no: 20069)
7
The Quest for Love and Mercy, Muhammad al Jibaly, p. 35
8
Ibid
9
Bukhari
10
Ibid
11
Garments of Love and Mercy, Dr Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips, p. 2
 Engagement and Marriage 5

this is for the purification of our souls and to protect our honor. Nonetheless, there are certain

exceptions in which it is allowed to look at the opposite gender, out of necessity. One of these

exceptions is the case of proposing someone for marriage, due to the fact that marriage is one of the

most important decisions of one’s life.12 This can be exemplified from the following Ahadeeth:

It is narrated from Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allah: “The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: ‘If one of you

proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead

and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I

could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’”

According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I

saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.”13

The Prophet (SAWS) also said: "When it comes into a person's heart to court a woman, it is

permissible for him to look at her."14

From the above mentioned Ahadeeth, it may be deduced that when it comes to marrying a woman,

and being serious about marrying her, it is permissible for a man to look at her. This is a different

case from the case of looking at a non-mahram woman without any reason. There are certain

conditions which imply when looking at a woman for the sake of marriage:

1. One must be serious about marrying her.

2. The woman should not be alone with him.

3. There should be no fear of temptation.

12
islamqa.info, Muhammed Salih al Munajjid, Fatwa no: 2572
13
Abu Dawud
14
Ibn Majah, Ahmad
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4. It should not be against the limits of sharee’ah, meaning, looking at what she usually shows to
her father, brother and other mahrams.15

15
islamqa.info, Shaykh al Waleed al Faryaan, Fatwa no: 5503
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Bibliography
al-Faryaan, S. a.-W. (2000, May 05). Retrieved Nov 18, 2016, from IslamQA© 1997-2016: https://islamqa.info/en/5503

al-Jibaly, M. (2000). The Quest for Love & Mercy. Al-Maktab al-Islami

al-Munajjid, M. S. (2002, Aug 14). Retrieved Nov 18, 2016, from Islam Q&A - Questions & Answers 1997-2016:
https://islamqa.info/en/20069

Al-Munajjid, S. M. (1998, Nov 22). Retrieved Nov 18, 2016, from IslamQA© 1997-2016: https://islamqa.info/en/2572

Fawzan, D. S. (2009). A Summary of Islamic Jurisprudence. AL-MAIMAN PUBLISHING HOUSE SAUDI ARABIA.

Philips, D. A. (n.d.). Retrieved Nov 18, 2016, from Kalamullah.Com: https://www.kalamullah.com/family15.html