Reflections

Emotional Intelligence
1. “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” – Robert Brault
2. In this session, we went through the ‘Emotional Intelligence Self Evaluation’ sheet, which has questions on how one
responds to a situation. It is used to evaluate individual’s tendencies and abilities within various areas of emotional
intelligence.
3. We started by discussing a situation and how we felt about it and most of us responded by saying ‘good’, ‘bad’ etc. We
came to know from the session that these were not feelings but rather types or quality of feelings. We possess a very
weak vocabulary of feelings. To have better command over our feelings we must be able to name the feeling. Being
emotionally intelligent means being observant of our feelings. Amygdala is a small part of brain which is responsible
for our emotions and survival instincts. It makes us to either fight or flight. Being emotionally intelligent means having
fewer amygdala moments.
4. I have observed that when I feel very strongly about something, and others are not too receptive of the same idea or task
or approach, I begin to feel restless. I feel that the other person is purposefully doing so. It may sometime translate into
anger which takes a lot of effort to control. I think the thing that I learnt from the class was to be observant to such
triggers as well as the feelings that they develop within. Once we are observant, we already know what is going on
inside and whether it is right or not. Our brain is then able to automatically have a better command over those feelings.
5. I have recently developed a feeling that my boss is hiding something from me and that he has some other plans. I am
not very sure how to deal with it. All I can do is hope for the better and be positive. Such emotions may come out during
my talks with my boss, however, now I can be watchful and try not to have an amygdala moment.
6. I think the key thing is what can I do with this feeling of ‘there is something going on’ and further my relationship with
my boss. I do not have an answer, but I think better communication with more informal talks with the boss may help
him open-up with me and I may get more information about what he feels about me.
7. When in job, insecurity may easily creep in. While it is correct that upgrading skills may help me, but it will take time.
We have seen that many times such insecurities come when there is a leadership change and not due to a lack of skill.
8. My previous boss’s boss became COO, so my boss got a new boss after which my boss left the organization as a result
I ended up reporting to my previous boss’s new boss. The new boss brings with him his new trust circle. He does not
know me and thus my feeling is that whatever rapport was created with previous set of leadership is washed out and I
need to work on it afresh. An amygdala moment for me would be to quit the job which I am trying to avoid. (Request
confidentiality on this point).
9. It is a tough situation to be in specially when one is in a senior position. I think the way it will work with me is when
the communication is more frequent and informal. Today, the physical distance between two of us is causing infrequent
discussions. Calling him over phone all the time won’t be a good idea. However, if he was in Bangalore, I would have
just dropped at his desk to say hello.
10. If this also does not resolve the situation, the next step would be to work on getting a back-up job offer to have a job
security. That would give better negotiating position to me. I feel my boss will give me time I deserve once he learns I
am ready to leave.
11. I usually do not burst with emotions from outside, so I can say that from outside I am in control. But these emotions
take a lot of my mind space. I am not able to concentrate on other things currently.
12. The session helped me reiterate my position with regards to my emotions that I need to be watchful of them. It has
helped me know that there is something called amygdala moment and that others also go through such a moment. But
it is better to avoid it and take rational decisions with emotions in control. I would probably take a break to have some
of these emotions in control.
13. My key learning from this session is that ‘be watchful of your emotions, being watchful will keep them in check, decide
a future course when you are in control of your emotions’.