‫ﺑﺴﻢ اﷲ اﻟﺮﺣﻤﻦ اﻟﺮﺣﯿﻢ‬

 ‫اﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺻﻞ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺳﯿﺪﻧﺎ ﻣﺤﻤﺪ ةآﻟﻪ وﺻﺤﺒﻪ وﺳﻠﻢ‬

Ramadhan Reminders with Aida Azlin & Fadhilah Wahid 
#ramadhanreminderswithAAnFW 
(Episode 11 - Suspended by a Handspan)

A: As Salaamu Alaikum ladies. Thank you so much for joining us in the 11th episode of
Ramadhan Reminders by Aida Azlin and Fadhilah Wahid. So, let’s jump straight into the
hadith for today

F: Alright! The hadith for today is: bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim,

‫ و اﻣﺮأة ﺑﺎﺗﺖ وزوﺟﻬﺎ‬،‫ رﺟﻞ أ ّم ﻗﻮﻣﺎ و ﻫﻢ ﻟﻪ ﻛﺎرﻫﻮن‬: ‫ ) ﺛﻼﺛﺔ ﻻ ﺗﺮﻓﻊ ﺻﻼﺗﻬﻢ ﻓﻮق رؤوﺳﻬﻢ ﺷﺒﺮا‬:‫ﻗﺎل رﺳﻮل اﷲ ﷺ‬
( ‫ وأﺧﻮان ﻣﺘﺼﺎرﻣﺎن‬،‫ﻋﻠﯿﻬﺎ ﺳﺎﺧﻂ‬
‫ﺣﺪﯾﺚ ﺣﺴﻦ رواه اﺑﻦ ﻣﺎﺟﻪ‬

What does it mean Aida?

A: Ok, so the translation is, The Messenger of God ‫ ﷺ‬said, "The prayer of three (kinds of
people) does not rise above their heads more than a hand span: (number 1) A man who
leads a people (in prayer) whilst they are averse to him, (number 2) a woman who retires
for the night whilst her husband is angered by her; (and number 3) two brothers who
sever ties."

Ok, so just to clarify that the term prayer here means 'solat'. So it’s not du'a but prayer -
prayer, like the solat. So Faddy do you wanna elaborate on some of the Arabic terms I the
hadith.

F: Alright, so when the phrase '​laa turfa' (‫)ﻻ ﺗﺮﻓﻊ‬, ya'ni, it does not rise above their heads,
what it actually by it is that the prayer is not accepted by Allah swt, and another word we
can elaborate upon is the word '​saakhot ​(‫')ﺳﺎﺧﻂ‬, which means when with regards to the
husband and wife, it means that the husband is angry with the wife and he's not redha
upon her.

A: Hmmm... I feel like this hadith is very interesting because there’s obviously three
categories of people mentioned in this hadith right? So there's the leader - the leader or
the imam, and then there’s the wife, and then there’s also the two brothers, you know,
so in terms of like, it can be brothers and also sisters; so friends and family or anything
like that. And we, at the very minimum fall in at least one of these 3 categories. Some
even in more. For me, I fall into the category of the wife and also like a brother and Faddy
falls into the category of a leader and also a brother, right.

So I think why these 3 groups of people mentioned is probably because, you know, for a
leader, his role should promote love and tawadhu for the sake of Allah, and when he
 doesn’t do this, you know, then his prayer wouldn’t be accepted. As for the wife, it’s very
very praiseworthy if she promotes obedience and respect to the husband. And for the
third category which is like brothers and kinship. It important for us to always strive to
promote good relations and you know, not to fight with one another and to place Allah's
redha above all else.

F: Ya, I mean, the interesting about the solat right... Everyone just take a solat for granted
usually. It’s something that you just do in motion, that kind of thing. But interestingly,
that solat, it may or may not be accepted for all of us. So there’s a hadith of Rasulullah
‫ ﷺ‬where he said that, “a solat, half of it may be accepted, or one-third, or a quarter, or
one-fifth, or even one-tenth. And another solat may be folded, like an old dress, and be
thrown back at the face of its owner."

For me it’s like, it might be that we have, all of us make solat, we have reach the phase,
the time where solat is ok for us to do. It’s nothing like burdensome but then it goes to
another level of wondering and thinking about whether our solat is accepted. So it’s
important to know this because in the akhirah, the first thing that we will be asked for is
our solat. And if the quality of our solat - for the fact that our solat is not accepted, then
that is a point to ponder about, you know, in our lives.

A: It’s scary though, like you said is true. You know, we don’t find any problem making our
solat but are they really accepted - that’s something that we have to ask ourselves. And
in this hadith, it gives 3 reasons to why our prayers might not be accepted.
So the first one is the imam, right? Do you wanna elaborate on that?

F: Basically this part shows that when a man or a woman leads a prayer while knowing that
the congregation behind him - the ma'mum - dislikes him or strongly opposes him, then
his prayer will not be accepted, and I think for me this is basically because it shows a lot
of ego on the imam's part, that sense of entitlement. You know like you ​syiok sendriri,
like you know the people behind don’t like you or dislikes you kind of thing, but you still
wanna lead them in prayer and which is very silly I think.

A: Ya, and it’s also very selfish because imagine if you’re angry at a person right and he is the
one leading you in prayer, it is very hard to have khusyu' or concentrate in your solat.

F: Ya, I mean, if you think about it from the ma'mum's point of view right, if I was in a
congregation, the person who is leading me must be someone who I look up to and
respect. I mean, if you think about it, you know in the past when the ​Quraysh they were
rebuilding the ka'bah, and the last of it, they wanted to put the black stone into the
ka'bah. So all this different tribe leaders, they were squabbling on and disagreeing about
how and who should have the honour of putting the black stone into the ka'bah. And
then someone mentioned, how about the first person who walks in into the compound,
that person will decide who puts the black stone into the ka'bah. And when the Prophet
‫ ﷺ‬and this was before the time he became a Prophet, so he came in and everyone was
very happy that he came in because they knew he's someone who was trustworthy and
he was fair. So whatever decision that Rasulullah ‫ ﷺ‬made - and it was a very good
decision - so whatever decision that he made, all of them are redha with him. So it really
makes a lot different of who is leading you.
A: Like you said, you need to look up and have a lot of respect to the person who is leading
you. Just like how the Prophet Muhammad ‫ﷺ‬, he's the best leader among all leaders
right? We should take him as an example as to how to be the best leader in our
community.

F: Ya, and I mean, I think it is also partially a matter of adab. I mean there are people who
truly understand the meaning of leading a prayer right, and these are people who
actually can and qualified lead the prayer. In Rubat Singapura, my teachers; they have
like studied the deen for like 10 over years, 8 to 10 years that kind of thing, and they can
lead the prayer but I heard of how one of them every time he enters a masjid, and he
knows that there are people in the masjid who will make him imam, but then he himself
when he sees like other ustaz or people who are senior than him, so are in the masjid,
he will actually hide himself so that he does not be imam, because in case when he
becomes an imam, because he is young, or if that elder person is not like happy with him
being imam or things like that you know. It’s all a matter of adab and humility.

Sayyidina Abu Bakr right, when the Prophet ‫ ﷺ‬was sick right, he could have just said
'Ok, I'll take over Rasulullah. I'm his bestfriend, you know. I know everything. I spent
every time with him," you know, but instead he refused to lead the prayer. He really
really really dragged being the imam, and then there was a point of time where
Rasulullah ‫ ﷺ‬was really sick and then he was about to lead the prayer and then
Rasulullah ‫ ﷺ‬actually went out of his room and the moment Sayyidina Abu Bakr saw
Rasulullah ‫ ﷺ‬go out of the room, he abandon his post and he said Rasulullah should
lead the prayer, but Rasulullah ‫ ﷺ‬was the one who motioned that he should lead the
prayer.

You know this kind of adab and etiquette of leading - you should not want to lead but
you should only take it up when you're asked to take it up, I think.

A: That’s true. Sometimes the best and the most qualified person is the most shy to take up
the role, like you said, but you know, the one who's like super enthusiastic and like "Yes!
Let me be the leader," he's probably like the least qualified.

So, that’s the first part of the hadith about the imam. Moving on to the second part of
the hadith where the hadith mentions about a woman who retires for the night whilst
her husband is angered by her. What the hadith is saying, when you’re angry at
someone, it means like something major - so something that is like an unsettled business
or a misunderstanding that requires some form of resolve. it’s not just like petty
arguments that every husband and wife have.

Why is it so important to make peace before you go to bed? Before you sleep? Because
we feel like sleeping is just like dying. Our soul gets taken away and if you think about in
that sense that you might actually not wake up the next day. Wouldn’t it be better and
wouldn’t it be more beneficial to resolve any form of argument before you go to bed.

F: So basically, now that we know that it is very bad for a wife to go to bed when the
husband is angry with her, and there’s also hadith I read about how the angels actually
 curse the woman who cause some kind of discord at night before they go to bed you
know. So, if this is how important it is for a couple to actually go to bed at night happy
and content with one another, what can actually be done Aida? I mean, you’re married
and I’m not, so maybe you could share with our readers.

A: Umm... Apologize even if you think you’re not wrong because like the hadith we
mentioned you know, going back, do you remember? The first person to apologize or
leave the sake of arguing for Allah has a house in Jannah. Do you remember the hadith?

F: Aiiiwah!

A: See? So, if you wanna house in Jannah and you don’t wanna angry husband and you want
your prayer to be accepted - just say sorry! Your reward is with Allah, not with your
husband.

F: Ya, and sometimes the other party just wants you to say sorry.

A: Ya! Because when you say sorry right, it breaks the ice.

F: Right!

A: And then he also says sorry, and then OK... finish! Instead of having like a prolonged
argument about I don’t even know what.

F: Ya. So, the first one we have the imam and second one we have the wife, and the third
one is for the brothers who sever ties. So the last part of the hadith mentions, the
brothers who sever ties, these are the group of people whose solat is not accepted. And
when we say brothers, we also mean the sisters.

So, Rasulullah ‫ ﷺ‬actually mentioned that, "He who believes in Allah and the Last Day
should unite his ties of kinship." And also it’s very important for all of us to instead of
cutting off our relationship with people, you should mend them and fix them and strive
to have close relationship with others. Sometimes it’s very hard to have good
relationship with others when you know there are things which are tense and you have
problems to solve and thing like that, right?

So there was this story which a very nice story I’ve heard. I think if it’s not mistaken, it
was in Tareem. There was actually, in Tareem, there’s a lot of, like, wells. You know
places where you can get water in the middle of the streets. It’s like a water cooler but
the third-world country version ah.

So basically because it’s a desert, so people actually put up these wells in order for other
people to take benefit from water and they themselves get the pahala, you know. So
what happen was, there's this one man - this one shaykh, he actually created a well, but
everytime after he created it, he will find that the next morning, someone has actually
destroyed it in one way or another or dirtiedit one way or another. So this happened
after he repaired it, someone broke it he repaired it, someone made it dirty things like
that. So it went on for couple of days.
 So what happened was, he got one of his helpers to actually hide in the night to see who
is actually doing this thing to do well. So the helper, went to like you know, sleep near the
well and he found that the person was doing it was actually the relative of this person
who built the well. So this man, instead of, you know most of us will be like, "What on
earth is his problem man?! We're relatives and he's doing this...blablabla..." And the
story goes on, get so upset and it became like a family feud you know. But this guy, when
he finds out, when he found out about what happened, the first thing he thought about
was, maybe there was something that he is supposed to do for this relative that he is not
doing it. He got his children around and he asked 'how is your relationship with this
uncle?' And then the children are like, 'we don’t really visit him ...." So this man, he
realised that maybe he's not giving the rights of this relative of his.

So what he did was, the next day, he and his children and all of them went to the
relatives house and then you imagine, this fellow who destroyed the well. He saw this
family coming you know, and he was scared. So the guy knocked on the door and the
destroyer of the well, he comes down and he opens it, and he was shaking cause he was
really scared because he knows what he has done. But the man who built the well, all he
did was, he entered the house, he asked the guy, 'How are you doing?’ and he talked
about good things and then he gave the guy gifts and not once did he mention anything
about the well at all. Not once - not once at all! He just displays a good character. The
only intention that he had was to give this man the rights that he did not gives because
he says, he's the one who's at fault. So he gave gifts, he asked the khabr - how are you.

The next day, he asked the helper to go and find out what happen to the well at night. So
the next day, the helper came and the helper told him, the helper was laughing - 'the
man who destroyed the well, tonight he came and he actually cleaned it and he
perfumed it.

MashaAllah, it shows that you have to, what we discussed in the previous hadith, "​wa
atbi'is sayyi'atil hasanah tamhuha - ‫”وأﺗﺒﻊ اﻟﺴﯿﺌﺔ اﻟﺤﺴﻨﺔ ﺗﻤﺤﻬﺎ‬, you have to just replace the
bad deeds with the good deeds, and things will be good, Insha’Allah. It mends the ice
instead of breaking them

A: It’s so beautiful how he used that opportunity to reflect upon himself, because the he
asked was 'what did I not give to this guy or was there something I did to this guy for him
to act like this'

F: I think a lot of us, we have this needed reaction when something happen, the first thing
we say is 'what did he do wrong.'

A: Ya!

F: But usually it’s something we did...

A: ...that triggers...

F: ... that makes him...

A: Correct.

F: Aiwa.

A: It's a very wise. So if you think about it right, all these three reasons why our prayers
might not be accepted, it all kind of roots down from EGO. Like the problem of being too
arrogant or having immense ego, and I think we need to ask ourselves, which one is more
important to us than; is it being right but not having your prayers accepted by Allah or
losing the argument in this dunya but winning in terms of gaining Allah's pleasure
because He accepts your prayers. Usually people sever ties out of anger, out of ego, and
these are all very dunya things.

F: I mean, in the end, for me right, this hadith right, even though it’s kind of like a warning,
it’s like Allah telling you, 'if you do this, you prayer will not be accepted,' but it is also a
gift because it helps to put you into perspective of your life decision, like, 'ok my husband
is angry with me, what I should do? Should I follow my ego? Should I want Allah's redha?'

Like this relative, he's like totally destroying my well, what should I do? Destroy his
house? No! I should give him gifts. I mean, it goes into perspective on what you should do
and what is the next step.

A: Correct.

F: And I actually just purchased this book called 'Ego is the Enemy' by Ryan Holiday, and he
details why the ego is so dangerous to man generally. And this guy is not even muslim. So
he goes through case studies of men in history and how their ego has ruined them. For
him because, because he is coming from a secular perspective, he does not even touch
on the damage ego does on the spiritual side of things. So I generally find that the books
by Imam Ghazali or Imam al-Haddad tend to make you reflect on how inflated your ego
is, and they will always give u a reality check on who you are, and what you can do to
weaken your ego, for the sake of Allah swt.

A: Hmmm... I think we should talk about this in like maybe a post-Ramadhan reflection
podcast. How do we weaken our ego for the sake of Allah?

F: Oh man...

A: Quite interesting right?

F: Interesting but...

A: ... heavy heavy heavy...

F: ... we have to ourselves....

A: I know! We have to check our egos

F: Insha’Allah! Insha’Allah!

A: You know, all these three scenarios that was detailed or listed down in the hadith, it deals
with human interactions, so; a leader with his ma'mum, wife with her husband, the two
brother. You know, it involve us interacting with other people. I think this hadith very
beautifully shows, you know, when you live I this world, you have to interact with. No
man is an island! So it’s important that you take very good care of your relationships in
this world and not just carelessly think, 'Oh if I take care of my solat, if I pray 5 times a
day, if do all my ritual obligations, it doesn’t matter if I’m like mean to other people.' No!
because Allah says that your prayer will not be accepted and that is scary.

F: Ya, I’m reminded of the hadith that we went through previously as well about how the
woman who does her prayer, who does fasting, who did charity but she annoys her
neighbours. So this whole thing about your relationship with Allah, is tied to how your
relationship is with the people. It’s very interesting for me.

A: Ya. It just shows how Islam is, a very wholesome and complete religion right. So beautiful.

F: Aiwa.

A: Mashallah

F: And with that, we complete our podcast for today. So thank you all for listening to the
11th episode of Ramadhan Reminders with Aida Azlin and Fadhilah Wahid. Please
remember to use the #RamadhanRemindersbyAAnFW if you want to share anything with
us. Insha’Allah we will see you in two days time, ya'ni, on Wednesday, Insha’Allah.

A: Ok. As Salaamu Alaikum! Bye-bye!

F: Bye! Peace out!