Blog # 6

Can We Replace Toxic Masculinity with Progressive Masculinity?

In modern times, Americans and citizens of the world are constantly being reminded of
toxic masculinity in our culture. There seems to be a new headline everyday. Harvey Weinstein,
Louis C.K., Kevin Spacey, and Donald Trump to name just a few. Mr. Trump has been accused by
at least nineteen women of sexual misconduct (Ford, M. 2018). He has made deplorable
statements about women and chalked it up to “locker room talk.” Mr. Trump is a center stage
example of toxic masculinity in our culture. Because of his behavior, Mr. Trump has mobilized
women to engage in our democracy in a new and meaningful way. It is estimated that 2.5
million people marched in January of 2018 to protest Mr. Trump. Nearly 4.2 million people
participated in the women’s march during Mr. Trump’s inauguration (Lopez, G 2018). There are
many reasons we are experiencing a rift between masculinity and femininity. The pay wage
gap, the glass ceiling, perceptions of gender roles, sexual harassment, and sexual assault are a
few. How do I perpetuate toxic masculinity? How have I been socialized in American culture?
What experiences have shaped my behaviors and beliefs? While it would be impossible to
accurately pinpoint the deepness of my experience, I would like to take this opportunity to
scratch the surface.
I am a white, cisgender, middle class, heterosexual male. The Eurocentric systems that
are in place in this country permit me to access privilege on a higher level than women, people
of color, the LGBTQ community, and people with disabilities. While I am beginning to
understand my privilege more clearly, lets explore how I have been socialized in our culture.
New sexism is a term coined to explain how gender roles affect men negatively. In our culture,
men have a difficult time expressing their emotions or asking for help (Harley, D. Jolivette, K.
McCormick, K. Tice, K. 2002). Another iteration of this idea is the male gender role conflict. It
explains traditional masculinity and how men are socialized to act in our culture. It focuses on
four patterns that include: success, power, and competition, conflict between work and family
relationships, restricted emotionality, and lastly, restricted affectionate behavior between men
(Hays, D. Erford, B. 2018). I feel and have internalized the effects of each individual category.
Throughout my life, I have always sought to improve my professional status and income. While
I will never work at a corporate desk, I have been willing to accept extreme amounts of work to
marginally improve my financial status. I always prioritize my work obligations over my
personal needs or romantic obligations. I have an extremely hard time asking for help, and
difficulty dealing with a ‘negative’ emotion. I have very few deep and lasting intimate
friendships with men. I have seen many men in my travels around the world holding hands. In
India, or Tanzania, men will hold hands as they walk down the street together enjoying
conversation and company. It is such a beautiful sight, but thinking of doing that with my
friends feels uncomfortable and taboo in our culture.
While I have experienced sexism through socialization, I still have an very traditional
view of my gender role. I want to be a provider, I want to fix problems with tools, and I want to
carry all of the heavy items. There is still a space in our culture for this traditional role. While
collaboration may not be what I learned in my youth, I seek a collaborative relationship with a
woman. I seek a partner, and an equal. How can we teach boys to work collaboratively? How
can we teach respect towards women? How can we expand our gender roles? How can we
combat toxic masculinity? As a master’s student in a school of education, I say we teach boys
how to become respectful and respectable men. Maine Boys to Men is a program that
operates as a vessel to teach middle school and high school students how to take a different
approach to being a man. They offer curriculum that challenges traditional gender roles for
men, and ways to confront traditional masculinity. It strives to teach boys how to be
emotionally healthy (Friedman, J 2018). It uses different mediums and curriculum to live into
their mission which is to “reduce interpersonal violence, specifically male violence against
women and girls, and support the development of emotionally fluent, civically-engaged boys.”
When we interact with other humans every single day, it seems pertinent to provide curriculum
on how to interact with others peacefully and respectfully. While I continue to work through
emotional challenges, difficulties asking for help, disappointing my partner because of work
obligations, and an expectation to be excellent in everything I do, I haven’t used calculus one
time in my adult life. Let’s teach young boys how to grow in to responsible, kind, and respectful
young men. With any luck, progressive masculinity can replace toxicity.

References

Friedman, J. (2018). Building Better Men: how we can begin to redefine masculinity. The
Guardian. Retrieved From: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/12/masculinity-
gender-men-sexual-assault-rape

Ford, M. (2017). The Nineteen Women Who Accused President Trump of Sexual Misconduct.
The Atlantic. Retrieved From: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/12/what-
about-the-19-women-who-accused-trump/547724/

Lopez, G. (2018). A Year After the First Women’s March, millions are still actively protesting
Trump. Vox. Retrieved From: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-
politics/2018/1/23/16922884/womens-march-attendance

Hays, D. Erford, B. (2018). Developing Multicultural Counseling Competence: A Systems

Approach. 3rd Edition. Boston, MA. Pearson Education Inc.

Harley, D. Jolivette, K. McCormick, K. Tice, K. (2002). Race, Class, and Gender: A Constellation
of Positionalities With Implications for Counseling. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and
Development. Vol. 30.