Misunderstood Chapter 4 Notes

Leaving and Being left

 Two sides to of a goodbye
o The one who moves away and leaves everything behind
o The one who is left behind
 Transition fatigue
o The TCK is emotionally exhausted with having to say goodbye so many times in
a lifetime
o Weariness
 Sometimes TCKs who are left behind become quite skilled in befriending new arrivals

Good Goodbyes
 Promotes closure and makes it easier for TCKs to engage well with new people.
  Elements of Good goodbye
o Acknowledge relationship will be different after the goodbye
o Realize what each person has meant to the TCK
o Express this recognition
o Allowing oneself to be sad about the loss.

Leaving School
 It is common for TCKs to leave the country after completing High School.
 Sense of leaving family and whole life behind.
 Sense of finality
 These kids need space and time to grieve
 As parents, make time to listen to any fears or worries that may arise
 Allow the TCK an opportunity to make memories before leaving.

The Unexpected – Tragedy and Crisis

 Shock and grief is common with an unexpected change
 Grieving from a distance- Sometimes tragedy happens far away
 Tragedy in an international setting – death, divorce, illness, burglary, assault, etc.
o These situations are more complex when they happen abroad and can have a
traumatic effect on a TCK
 Offer support
o Contact the embassy
o Contact the insurer
o Offer translation
o Run errands
o Provide meals
o Provide child care
o Create safe place for children
 Repatriation – returning to one’s passport country after living in another country.
o Causes a shift in identity
o Local to foreign; foreign to local
 o Time of great loneliness, feeling that no one understands the pain they are
experiencing
o Personality change and anxiety
 Home Assignment- temporary repatriation common among missionaries
o May have difficulty building relationships
 Four Stages of Starting Again
o RAFT – tool to teach RCKs how to transition well.
 Reconciliation
 Affirmation
 Farewell
 Think Destination
o Common experiences among TCKs in adjusting for a new situation
 Isolation- frustration of lack of shared experiences
 Investment- making friends, attending events while still feeling
disconnected
 Enjoyment
 Settling- being at rest at the new place.