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HOLLY HIGH

University of Cambridge

Melancholia and anthropology

A B S T R A C T n the south of Laos, family relationships can be understood in terms

I
Relationships forged during ethnographic fieldwork of a key ambivalence: One valence (nurture) is positively charged
are often ambivalent, if only because of the tension and pursued, and the other (abandonment) is negatively charged
between “being there” and departure. Following and rejected, but both are ever present and in tension. This ambiva-
Freud’s argument that ambivalence in relationships lence is one of the compelling factors behind the continued repeti-
lies at the heart of melancholia, I argue that tion of overt demonstrations of gifting to living family members and also
ethnographic ambivalence can result in disciplinary to deceased ones through merit making: Gifts are manifestations of ide-
melancholia, as seen in calls for a more ethical alized familial relationships that emphasize nurturance and “shout down”
anthropology and in the pleasure of these appeals. I abandonment (although, as central motifs in Laos, donations to family and
reach this conclusion by continuing a narrative I temple have many motivations and cannot be thought to stem from any
began in this journal in 2009, in which I describe one source). Buddhism plays an important role by facilitating ongoing ex-
my “entanglement” in familial relationships in my changes, even after death. Understanding the ambivalence that matters in
field site in southern Laos. Here I focus on the this context, then, can shed light on the charged and passionate engage-
central ambivalence of Lao familial relationships ment with Buddhism in the south of Laos.
(between nurturance and abandonment), especially In his attempt to apply the insights of psychoanalysis to supernatural be-
in terms of how it informs understandings of death, liefs, Freud (1913) employed what was then a neologism: ambivalence.1 He
ghostly agency, and Buddhism. I contend that the suggested that during an infant’s long dependence on caregivers, the sat-
central ambivalence of anthropology (between being isfaction of needs gives rise to affection but also hostility toward the care-
there and departure) likewise informs disciplinary giver because of his or her occasional absence or denial of care. Competi-
debates about the ethics of fieldwork, collective tors for the caregiver’s attention—such as siblings and other adults—also
culpability, and moral positioning. [ambivalence, become the objects of ambivalent feelings of affection and hostility. Freud
ethnography, fieldwork, death, mourning, ethical suggested that this ambivalence is present even in overtly affectionate re-
anthropology, Laos] lationships: Indeed, the greater the solicitousness, the greater the hostility
because overt and self-conscious declarations of affection are, in fact, at-
tempts to “shout down” the inevitable accompanying hostility.2 He argued
that this ambivalence could also be seen in mourning, wherein “excessive
self-reproaches” were the neurotic return of the repressed hostility to the
deceased.3 In a similar vein, Freud understood the depiction of recently
dead kin as malevolent ghosts as a projection of the repressed hostility held
by the living toward the deceased.
Although this interpretation is intriguing, it is easy to see its
weaknesses in cross-cultural analysis: Freud adopts from his sources

AMERICAN ETHNOLOGIST, Vol. 38, No. 2, pp. 217–233, ISSN 0094-0496, online
ISSN 1548-1425. C 2011 by the American Anthropological Association. All rights reserved.
DOI: 10.1111/j.1548-1425.2011.01302.x
American Ethnologist  Volume 38 Number 2 May 2011

(including James G. Frazer) a social-evolutionary typol- people become mother and child virtually in name only, ex-
ogy that at times posits a sharp contrast between civi- changing occasional visits and gifts. But very often, these re-
lized and savage minds, and yet he also seeks to claim that lationships of nurturance involve an intimate sharing of the
there is a universal form that ambivalence takes, that is, an difficulties and windfalls of daily life: living together, main-
ambivalence between hostility and affection. In Laos, I sug- taining a homestead, sharing work in the fields, caring for
gest, there is, indeed, significant ambivalence in familial re- the ill, eating meals together. In this rural area, membership
lationships and that it does provide a compelling under- in a household is widely considered to be beneficial, if not
pinning both for family dramas and for engagements with essential, to life and health.5 These are very real relation-
ideas about the supernatural, including ghosts and Bud- ships of mutual indebtedness, and the care that is shared is
dhism. However, its key nodes are not affection and hostil- thought to be literally life-giving and life-sustaining.
ity but, rather, nurturance and resulting obligation, on the To be meaningful and effective in this sense, this care
one hand, and the possibility (often repressed) of abandon- must be continual. Family relationships are established and
ment, on the other. (importantly) sustained through ongoing exchanges. Bio-
It is a common insight that, for the Lao and the nearby logical links, certainly, are recognized, but “true” family are
Thai, relationships between family members are under- those that one nurtures and is nurtured by. This conception
stood through metaphors of nurturance and resulting debt of relatedness rests on continual symbolic work of nurtu-
and obligation.4 It is through material care for one an- rance and provides a number of “subject positions” com-
other that people become family members for each other mon in the Tai region: the dutiful daughter, the mother who
over time. The primary metaphor is that of the nurturance virtuously provides for her family, the son passionately loyal
a mother provides to a helpless infant. The mother gives to his parents, the husband and wife who cooperate like
the child life, rice, and shelter and, later, support through two legs on a single body.6 But this ideal is disrupted by
school, access to farmland, and an inheritance. In explicit the possibility of abandonment. The figure of the divorced
articulations of ideal family relationships, this nurturance woman, the young mother abandoned by the progenitor of
engenders a sense of debt and obligation in the child. The her child, the unwanted spinster, the good-for-nothing hus-
child responds through return gifts, particularly when par- band who squanders scarce money on alcohol and women,
ents are elderly, but with the explicit articulation that one the orphan, the aging parents with no one in the house to
can never fully discharge one’s debts to one’s parents. care for them: These are all key figures in the Lao imagi-
This central idealized image of care and debt forms the nary.7 They recur in pop songs and literature and as char-
basis of other relationships that become familial as well, acterizations of particular people, either in gossip or in in-
such as those between spouses, siblings, grandparents and terventions to “help” such unfortunates. They are subject
grandchildren, and so on. It is not biological links but en- positions too, although not desired ones.8 They express dif-
during relationships of nurturance, indebtedness, and re- ferent formulations of familial failure, a failure of care and
turn gifts that are emphasized. Even biologically based re- nurturance. The tensions between these two sets of sub-
lationships must be actualized by nurturance or they grow ject positions—the idealized versions of care and nurtu-
cold and meaningless or perhaps only meaningful as a void, rance and the dystopic ones of the abandonment of right-
as a sin, like the sense of loneliness and pity one has for an ful obligations—are telling of a Lao formulation of the more
old couple with no children in the house to care for them. general problem of ambivalence in familial relationships.9
The phrases bo mii khon yuu huen (there is no one in the In the south of Laos, newborns are fed rice in the first
house) and bo mii khon bung mee (there is no one to look af- weeks or months of life (parents chew the rice for the new-
ter mother) are particularly poignant phrases in the south of born before placing it in the child’s mouth). This is con-
Laos because they indicate the jilted loneliness people feel sidered a milestone, and when one asks after a newborn,
when others do not remain to care for them. the standard question is “has he or she eaten rice already?”
Because of this ascendancy of nurturance over biology, When the reply is “already,” it is generally uttered with pride
adoption does not provide a contradiction in the south of and accompanied by details about when and how and how
Laos. Adoption is common. It is possible to adopt parents many mouthfuls. This practice is a cause of grave concern
and siblings as well as sons and daughters and for an in- for development workers, and there is currently Australian-
dividual to have more than one set of parents at a time. government-funded research and a UNICEF public aware-
It is not necessary to officially record or ritualize such an ness campaign aimed at stopping it because it is thought
adoption, although it is possible to hold a su khwan (call- to detract from breast-feeding.10 But this opposition misses
ing of the souls, a very common ritual for generalized well- the point. Rice is not the staple food for newborns in the
being) to mark the occasion. But, most of the time, to ac- south of Laos.11 Rather, rice is provided in my experience
cept someone as mother is to offer her the kind of material in extremely small amounts because it is the staple symbol
care that a dutiful daughter (or son) would provide. There of nurturance.12 As in so many other Asian languages, the
are degrees of this care, of course, and in some instances Lao word that means “to eat” also means “to eat rice,” and

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the word for “hungry” also means “hungry for rice.” Feeding It is usually a precursor to death. However, to my knowl-
rice to a newborn is the metaphor itself for feeding, and thus edge, death is not a common outcome of kidney stones.
nurturance. To eat someone’s rice is to receive someone’s I did not have any way of knowing how serious the situa-
care, and thus (over time) to enter into relationships, espe- tion was. “Have you taken her to the hospital?” I asked. “We
cially familial ones.13 It is possible to speculate that the first don’t have any money,” he replied. I said I would send some
feeding of rice is an important milestone for the family of a money but that I did not have much. “I just thought you
newborn because it is a firm step toward consolidating this should know,” Cit said before the phone cut out. It is expen-
newcomer as a family member with a need for nurturance sive to call Australia from Laos, and he had probably run out
and the obligation to later make return. It is telling that the of credit, but I did not call him back because it was already
symbol of such nurturance is rice rather than mother’s milk: late and I figured that what he wanted most was money,
Again, it is sharing the product of (often household-based) which I would send when my next pay rolled around.
labor, rather than a sharing of biological substances, that is When my pay came in, I put some of it in an envelope,
emphasized as the basis for close kinship. along with some money I had borrowed from a friend (al-
Death provides a conundrum for such familial rela- together, a couple of hundred Australian dollars) and sent it
tionship, because it is potentially interpreted as a depar- to Laos. That evening, I tried to call Cit to tell him to look
ture with no return: an abandonment. I argue below that out at the post office for my letter. I could not get through. I
the rites surrounding death, the powers attributed to ghosts tried calling other people who lived on the same island, and
of family members, and the efficacy of Buddhism in con- I eventually got hold of a schoolteacher. I told him that I had
tinuing nurturance after death are all elements of an at- heard that Suaay was sick and that I wanted him to tell her
tempt to “shout down” such an interpretation of abandon- family that I had posted some money. He interrupted me
ment through an excessive intensification of symbolization and said, “Tay leew”—“She is dead already.” We ended the
of nurturance and care of the dead. conversation rapidly, and I found myself alone in my office
in Sydney.
It was late, maybe 10 p.m. My first thought was to
Loss and an anthropologist’s self-reproaches
look for photos of Suaay. I sorted through the hundreds—
In my previous article in this journal (High 2010), I re- perhaps thousands—of shots that I took during my first
counted how, despite ambivalences of my own, I had been fieldwork, seeking out the ones in which we were both
adopted into a Lao family, largely because I shared so many younger and she was so strong and ambitious. I realized
meals with them. The kind of explicit linkage of nurturance through this process how few photographs I had of her. I
and resulting obligation that I experienced was unfamiliar, had no portraits of her at all. I knew I had one photo of her
and I wrote of how it made me feel uneasy: I feared I could sitting, relaxed, on the kitchen stairs that I had framed and
never make adequate repayment for the family’s generosity, kept in my bedroom at one point. But I had moved home
both material and emotional. In this article, I return to the and office so many times, and now I could not find it. This
phone calls that ended that previous article, calls that inten- was the photo I wanted of her: smiling with her rough sense
sified through the months that followed. They were, I was to of humor and bravado, seeming not to care what others
learn, the first dripping evidence of what would be a critical thought. And a shadow too of her frailty, of how quickly that
turn of events. bravado had evaporated when she felt unloved or unsure, as
The phone calls were predictable in format: My Lao it had the time I took her to Thailand to seek medical care.
family wanted money, but I felt that I could spare little or I had had two cameras during that first fieldwork, both
none. I felt keenly at the time that we had, once again, film cameras because digital had yet to become common.
encountered a genuine difference, despite our mutual at- One, an SLR, could capture the most beautiful outdoor
tempts to forge bonds. I had chosen to buy a flat for myself scenes, but it required manual focusing and had no flash.
and to commit to a mortgage; to commit, if you like, to my So, for more casual times, I also had a small automatic.
own life project. This is normal behavior for a young pro- Mine were the only cameras on the island at that time, and I
fessional in Australia, and my Australian kin unhesitatingly sometimes lent out the auto for events and festivals. I would
supported my decision. But it meant that I could not satisfy walk the island with my SLR, seeking to capture print-
expectations of Lao kin, and our relationship was strained. quality scenes that I thought would be of ethnographic
Sometime in September 2009, I received a call late at night interest: threshing, gatherings at the temple, harvest, an ad-
from my Lao brother-in-law Cit. He told me his wife, Suaay ministrative meeting, and so on, with all the absurd strug-
(my “sister”), was sick again with an illness she had had for gles to capture the “lifelike” quality that Roland Barthes
many months now: kidney stones. “Bo cak khon,” he said, parodies.14 In these rounds, when the camera appeared,
meaning, “She does not recognize anyone.” I have seen what people wanted, in contrast, was a portrait: the up-
people in this state before—unresponsive, eyes glazed over, per part of the body, the face in even light, unsmiling and
not engaging in conversation, lying prone or unconscious. looking directly at the camera. Portraits of the elderly were

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particularly sought because they were intended for use at the profession that leaves the young professional trans-
funerals, to be displayed during rites and, if the family formed (Sontag 1966:71). All clever ironies aside, I accept
was moderately well-off, placed on the thaat (stupa) where that first fieldwork is powerful precisely through its—often
the bones were finally interred. As I flipped through my painful—transformative capacities. Gillian Cowlishaw de-
copies of the prints, then, I was confronted by a melange scribes those one encounters in the field as “people who
of sometimes-absurd “everyday life” ethnographic shots, are likely to change your mind” (2009:7). Fieldwork changed
happy snaps, a smattering of baby faces, and a swag of por- not only my opinions but also the patterns of my thought.
traits of the elderly. Although I had many photos of Suaay in And Suaay was the one who made it all possible. And, thus,
happy group snaps, I had no portraits of her alone. I realized she had made my current life project possible: my job, my
with shame that we, her family, would have no photograph students, my colleagues, and my home. But what of her
of her to place on her thaat. life project? Why had I not been able to make her aspira-
Perhaps the absence of her face in my photos was be- tions possible? I think my self-reproaches arose partly from
cause she was such an important part of my fieldwork, but a sense that, in a fair world, we would have facilitated each
not as an informant so much as a facilitator. She looked after other equally.
me, took care of that pesky question of what to eat each day And those telephone calls earlier in the year, asking
and how I was to survive in a material context so very dif- for money—they were specifically calls aimed at recruit-
ferent from my own. It was she who taught me how to use ing me into realizing her life project. In my previous ar-
an oil lamp made from an old sweetened condensed milk ticle (High 2010), I noted that Suaay and Cit were in the
tin. It was she who showed me how to use alum to make process of building a new house on land that had been
the silty Mekong water settle before boiling it to drink. She given to them by an elderly couple that they had recently
patiently showed me how to light a charcoal fire using that adopted as parents. In Laos, houses are usually built on
delicious-smelling resin, how to regulate the heat by adding stilts from wood, bamboo, and grass thatch or iron roofing.
and removing the coals, and how to steam the sticky rice— The upstairs area is the more formal space used for enter-
all this before finally taking over, saying that I was too waste- taining special guests and storing valuables. It is kept very
ful of water, rice, charcoal, and other resources and that she clean. Most daily life occurs below in the dirtier but cheer-
would simply cook for me. That way, she said, I could do my ful galang area underneath the house. Here fires can be lit
work. She understood my work as few others did. She sat for warmth in the cold, or the heat of the day can be escaped
with me as I translated documents in the heat of the day, in the shade.
quizzed me when I returned from marathon meetings, and But Suaay was determined that her new house would
filtered village gossip through to me so that I was never too be nothing like this familiar model. I had shown her pho-
much in the dark. And she knew I hated being in the dark. tographs of my ancestral home outside Dubbo in rural Aus-
And lest you think that ours was an easy, satisfying re- tralia. I had chosen pictures of this particular house because
lationship, let me be clear: I loved her but with the kind of my mother was living there at the time, and, as a student
love that Piers Vitebsky has described as “not so much an with no permanent address of my own, I thought it was the
emotion itself, [but] as the enabler for a gamut of feelings best approximation of “my home.” I thought these photos
which may include anger, resentment, and guilt as much would help to reduce the gulf between us, give her a lit-
as tenderness” (2008:200). Entanglement is perhaps a bet- tle insight into who I am personally and in terms of Aus-
ter word for it. Often, her watchfulness over me, her insis- tralia’s past. Not so long ago—in my mother’s generation—
tence on caring and providing for me, produced a sense of our family had been farmers too, and the generation before
intense oppressiveness. I found myself avoiding her com- that had lived without running water, cars, or electricity in
pany at times when I lived on the island, feeling somehow their youth. But Suaay surprised me by taking these pictures
smothered. I felt that the bonds of care and affection were as a sign not of a quaint past but of modernity. Suaay said
the bonds of unfreedom too. she wanted a house like the one in my pictures, built on the
You might be able to see now why, when I heard Suaay ground.
was dead, I felt guilty. As Freud noted, self-reproach is a As she and Cit continued with their house-building
common form of mourning, although he also suggests it project, they often explained it to me in terms of wanting to
is neurotic. But perhaps fellow anthropologists will under- build a house “like your house, like your mother’s house.”
stand the kind of guilt that I felt. It took the form of a Perhaps she was seeking here to simplify for my sake,
creeping, indigestible suspicion that the strength of my own to articulate her ambitions in terms she thought I would
life was parasitically and vampiristically built on the weak- understand. Or perhaps something had been lost in trans-
nesses of Suuay’s own. First fieldwork is a turning point lation: the house treasured by my Australian family as a
not only in the career but also in the life of an anthropol- nostalgic symbol here interpreted by my Lao family as an
ogist. Anthropologists have, tongue in cheek, likened first example of the kind of modernity and radical change they
fieldwork to an initiation ritual, a hazing, an induction into were after. In either case, Suaay articulated her aspirations

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in terms that neatly captured the parallels between us: our was too small, and the idea of the two of them construct-
mutual recognition of our difference from each other, our ing the house piece by piece by themselves sounded like a
mirrored attempts to lessen this divide as part of larger per- recipe for structural weakness, waste, and tragedy. Figure 1
sonal projects of transformation. is a photograph that I took of Cit outside the house in
Her desire to break free of standard Lao architecture October 2009. The structure was small and windowless, and
may have been a sign of her “outsider’s sense of her own I imagined that, if it was ever completed, it would be hot and
culture,” as Sidney Mintz (2000:175) noted of his collabo- uncomfortable, a haven for mosquitoes, and hard to keep
rator “Taso.” Once I came to know her well, Suaay began clean. Thus, even when I offered help in realizing fantasy
to emphasize her own peculiarities—her childhood in the life projects, it did not mean the desired transformation was
city, her spell as a cook, her cutting critique of Lao politics guaranteed.
and economy, and her sense of exclusion from some of the In the first weeks after her death, I reproached myself:
social networks that I was taking some part in through my I could have sent more money, sent it sooner, cared more,
research. Perhaps the bond we formed grew in part out of been there. I had let Suaay down, disastrously, when I chose
this mutual recognition of each other as outsiders with as- my life project over hers. These were painful thoughts. Fur-
pirations for change. Her project, with her husband and ex- thermore, I felt that it was right for me to feel the rawness
plicitly for her children, of building a new house that would of these self-reproaches and that it would be wrong for me
be the center of a new prosperity was a particularly potent to avoid them through self-forgiveness. That would be a de-
symbol of her ambitions. The couple’s hopes for the future nial, I thought, of the often-huge gulf of inequality that ex-
seemed invested in it. ists between an anthropologist and her informants, a gulf
When I was in Laos in 2009, I had been impressed by Cit that often facilitates fieldwork. In my grief, I reasoned that
and Suaay’s drive to complete this new house. They made not only should I open myself to the pain of this pitiless self-
noodles and alcohol and carried them to distant villages to reproach but so also should anthropology more generally.
sell or to exchange for rice that they then sold to traders. When I spoke of these disciplinary self-reproaches to
I gave them a few hundred dollars toward the purchase of some fellow anthropologists in Australia, they disagreed.
building materials. Suaay thanked me but was clear that she Each of them gently reminded me, in his or her own way,
thought the amount was rather small and, although she un- that anthropology can bear witness but not responsibility:
derstood that I had a mortgage, that she would like more It would be an inflation on a massive scale to imagine that
contributions in the future. I found it hard to be enthusiastic anthropologists had the capacity to either condemn or save
about providing additional financial support. I thought the the world. Our role is as the world’s watchers. “The folly,”
house was a folly. The plot of land she and Cit had secured as I have come to call the half-built house, recalled for me,

Figure 1. The house that was begun by Cit and Suaay.

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then, how the small gestures of help that we are capable of And, from the level ground at the top of the bank, I feel
can be frail and ineffective. It reminded me that, although another child reach down to take my right wrist. The
failing to “help” is a painful breach, “helping” is itself often clump of grass collapses and I slip down the bank and I
fraught and does not guarantee a solution to the ambigu- feel Nooy weaken underneath my left arm. But the grip
ities of fieldwork, obligation, and inequality. I argue in the around my right wrist tightens. It is unexpectedly solid,
like a clamp, and it pulls me up so that I can scramble
concluding section of this article that self-reproaches, such
and stumble onto solid ground. Then the grip releases
as the ones I experienced during my own mourning, may
only to be replaced with a full body hug. And it is only
appear more broadly in the discipline in repeated and com- then that I realise that it wasn’t a child pulling me to
pelling calls for a more ethical, public, or engaged anthro- safety. It was my mother, Mother Phong, 80 years old or
pology. Counter to Don Kulick’s description of this litera- more. She is tiny, her head resting on my chest and she
ture as “masochist anthropology” (2006), I argue that it may is crying.
more simply represent “melancholic anthropology,” that is, “Holly” I hear her say, “there is no one to care for
a kind of anthropology characterized by moral and ethical mother.” I can feel great sobs shaking her body. I hold
anxiety provoked by the return of the repressed in times of her tight for a moment. There does not seem to be
mourning or crisis. First, however, I describe the mourning anything I can say. We walk arm in arm to the house,
that I shared with my Lao family. Mother Phong wiping tears as we walk, me trying to see
through glasses that are now wet not only from the rain
and the condensation but from tears.
Abandonment and return
Oh, we miss you Suaay. It is simply too weird for words. I
A few days after I heard news of Suaay’s death, I received a keep thinking you will walk around the corner or chime
phone call from Cit. He was deep in grief. He said, “Some- into our conversation. I keep feeling that something is
times I think I am going crazy. I just sit and cry and think missing and I try to think what it is and then I realise it
of her. We had such hopes. Now I just have to set my heart, is you, and now you are gone and will never be back.
decide—it’s for the children now.” He said he did not know In this diary entry, you can see that my mourning at this
what to think about the future now. His hopes, like the folly, stage was shaped by my sense that Suaay was gone. For me,
seemed abandoned without her. death signaled the end. She had ended and so too had our
Through the help of my colleagues and the forbearance relationship. But I was to learn that, even though my Lao
of my students, it was agreed that I would return to Laos friends and relatives were grieving too, their grief was of a
for two weeks so that I could visit the family. The following different nature. They grieved with a sense that the efficacy
is drawn from my diary and describes the final leg of my of a person extends beyond the lifespan and that the mu-
journey to the island just as the rains of Typhoon Ketsana tual obligations that exist between friends and family per-
hit:15 sist and are, indeed, heightened at death. This is a point I
develop below but, first, I return to the story of my arrival in
The boat trip lasts perhaps 40 minutes. I am so relieved
this scene.
when I make out through the streaming rain the famil-
On that first evening after I arrived, I toweled myself
iar shape of Don Khiaw island on the right. As the en-
gine of the boat cuts and we coast to the steep muddy down in the room where a bed had been made up for me,
bank, I hear the voice of a boy. “Meen,” he says, mean- and then I sat there for a while with Father Khong, my dead
ing “yes,” meaning yes it is Holly, this boat is bringing friend’s father (and mine). I gave him some dark chocolate
Holly. I recognise the voice: it is Wan, the eldest son of I had brought for him—the very bitter stuff—and I listened
my dead friend. I can’t see him because I am wearing to him talk as other household members came and went.
my glasses and they are covered with spots of rain and I could not understand all, or even most, of what he was
furthermore have fogged up because of the heat and saying, because of the typhoon rain drumming on the iron
humidity. But I know he must be talking to his siblings, roof, and because he looked away from me while he talked
calling them to come and help me ashore. and he muttered. But I heard him say that Suaay had asked
I cradle my book bag and lean forward to catch the to see me as she was dying. She said that she wanted to see
heavy weight of my backpack, and stand up carefully. me one last time, to see my face. During Suaay’s funeral, the
I drive one bare foot into the steep mud bank that rises coffin had been displayed in the room where we were sit-
on my right. Wan’s sister, Nooy, is there now by my
ting, and the monks who came to receive offerings to mark
side. She steadies my left elbow as I drive a second foot
her passing had been seated in a long line under the win-
into the mud wall. I lean over to hug her, smiling invol-
untarily at how much she looks like her mother now. dows. I made out a display of photographs on the wall. Fa-
Through the haze of my glasses I study the mud wall ther Khong explained that these photos were mounted here
before me: there are clumps of grass here and there for the funeral.
and I choose one about half way up to wedge my foot On the left were the portraits I had taken of the elderly
on. Nooy is pushing me from below under my elbow. couple, Mother Phong and Father Khong (Father Khong is

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Figure 2. Photographs of family members on display for the funeral.

also featured in Figure 2 on the far right). I had taken them ther Khong’s much-admired and successful son, or any of
at their request, with the specific understanding that these Suaay’s children, or any of their other adopted or blood kin.
prints would be used at their funerals. But I had taken no Did I have such impact on their lives in my time with them?
such photo of Suaay, so the family had used the compos- Can I be considered one of the most important members in
ite image of Cit and Suuay transposed onto the setting of this family group? And then I thought, well, why not? In Aus-
an imagined mansion (I discuss this photograph in High tralia, I frame my life around being an anthropologist. That
2010). Cit said, as we discussed this display, that he was sad is my primary mode of imagining the significance of my ex-
that Suaay looked so thin in this picture: He wished that he changes with my Lao family, and in that capacity, have I not
had a picture of her in the days when she was strong. The thought of them daily? Or at least thought of the experiences
photo showing the man in all-white clothing is of Father that they enabled by hosting me? Have I not written and re-
Khong’s brother. And in the middle, beside the one of the flected constantly on those experiences? Do I not feel that
dead woman, is a picture of me. these people have changed my mind, my self? How surpris-
It is a picture that I had had taken as a joke. When I ing is it, after all, that I would mean so much to them, when
lived in Vientiane in 2001, some friends and I visited one they mean so much to me? Only the metaphor is different:
of those photo studios where Lao middle-class couples go For them, the metaphor is family, and for me, anthropology.
to get their wedding photos taken: The studios have props The two photographs in Figure 3 do not capture the
and costumes on hand to produce the image of the uber- truth in any simple way, nor are they pure illusions. Instead,
traditional Lao groom and bride. We had fun pretending to the jolt from viewing them comes from the blending of the
be a music band and posing with a stuffed tiger, all the time believed and the make-believe. The artifice in these pho-
dressed up as Lao princesses. I had lots of prints made, and tographs is clear: In the one, the faces of the couple are ob-
I gave one to Cit and Suaay, as I did each of my Australian viously artificially projected onto the mansion scene; the
relatives. I had not seen it for years and I had forgotten that mansion is quite clearly not a mansion at all but a draw-
I had given them one at all. So I was surprised they had not ing of a mansion. In the other, my costume is synthetic,
only kept it but also framed it and that it had now emerged held on with safety pins behind my back. The hair bun is
at a funeral. Father Khong told me that, during the funeral, fake and attached with bobby pins. In these photographs,
many guests had filled the house and looked at the pho- we were each trying something on: me trying on being Lao,
tos. They had asked, “Who is that girl?” and he had replied, “Laoer than thou,” as one of my colleagues put it, and Suaay
“That is my daughter.” and Cit trying on a house, “just like your house,” as Suaay
I was humbled. Did I really mean so much to these peo- would say so often, but excessively larger. Our entrances
ple? They did not display photos of Mother Phong and Fa- into each other’s worlds would always be informed at least

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Figure 3. Detail of the funeral photo display.

in part by such fantasy. But in this play with difference, we consensus on the cause of her death. Numerous illnesses
also made out a mutual recognition: We were brought into were attributed to her, including malaria and diabetes as
the same display. Here, those who could not be copresent well as some illnesses I could find no translation for: I had
in flesh could be copresent in the fantastical realm of pho- not been aware before this that she had suffered these mal-
tography. Both Suaay and I had departed: Suaay by virtue of adies, apart from one called “khoo kin luad” (the throat
her death and I by virtue of the injunction made to anthro- drinks blood), which she had suffered for some time. Most
pologists not only to go to the field but also to leave it, as people agreed, however, with the doctor she had consulted
careers unfold not in the field but the often far-off academy. at the clinic on the mainland. He explained to me that she
In both cases, I was to learn, my Lao family and I were “had so many illnesses,” and one had triggered another so
working to make assurances that our departures were not that no medical treatment would suffice. The descent into
abandonments. vagueness about the cause of death seemed linked to an ab-
As Father Khong discussed these pictures with me, on solving of guilt: We seemed to be reassuring each other that
that night of my arrival, he said that he missed me often and nothing more could have been done for her by any of us—
wanted to see more of me. I am his daughter, he repeated. doctor, family, or friends. I heard how Suaay’s eldest daugh-
His wife, Mother Phong, interjected once to say, “I told him ter had remained by her side for days, tending to her every
it is a long way and it is not easy for you to come,” trying to need until death, the image itself of care and virtue. Some
deflect, I think, some of the guilt that she thought I might, doubted this discourse. One woman, from the other side
or should, feel after such entreaties. of the island, told me in shocked tones that Suaay’s malady
had merely been malaria, which could have been treated in
a hospital, although at great expense, if anyone had cared
Relationships with ghosts
enough to treat her. When she said this, I felt it like a physi-
Over the next few days that I spent on the island, I heard cal blow, triggering again my self-reproaches, my guilt over
much talk of Suaay’s death. My sense was that I had stepped abandoning my friend.
into ongoing debates: People were not only trying to ex- A second topic of conversation was the success or oth-
plain to me what had happened but also trying to influence erwise of the mortuary rites held for her. A relative from
more generally the interpretations surrounding her death. a nearby town had brought a camera along and shot two
One of the main topics was the cause of her death. Dur- rolls of film on the day of the cremation. Prints had been
ing his phone calls to me in Australia, Cit had sounded sure given to the family in the set of plastic sleeves that the print-
that Suaay had kidney stones. When I was in Laos with her ery provided. On the night of my arrival, I was shown these
friends and family, however, it emerged that there was no photos as the family and I discussed the mortuary events.

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Strikingly, almost all of the photos showed action scenes. The family did not, however, have any photographs at
There were a handful of posed scenes: Mother Phong, Fa- all of the subsequent ceek khaw (festival to distribute the
ther Khong, Cit, and the children arranged in front of the rice). The ceek khaw is held after cremation to inter the re-
coffin. But the majority of the shots were documentary in mains (described as kaduk, bones) in a final resting place
style, lingering on the main features of the rites, the num- (in this case, a stupa, or thaat, on the temple grounds). Be-
ber of monks and the presentations to them, the attentive- fore the ceek khaw, the deceased is described as hungry. He
ness of the crowds who had been present. The crowds were or she haunts the family by joining them at mealtimes and
always pictured focused on the funeral, never posed for the seeking to eat alongside them. The ceek khaw is thought
camera. to satisfy this hunger by providing the dead with food and
The dead are considered very much present at least un- merit via the mediation of the monks. Usually, the ceek
til cremation, and various acts after death attempt to man- khaw takes place in the dry season, years after the death, as
age this presence. The body is washed soon after death, and the family saves the resources needed to hold it. On this oc-
this is said to remove the spirit (described as phi) from the casion, however, it was held only a couple of weeks after the
body. When the coffin is removed from the house, it is car- death because the dead woman’s father, Father Khong, was
ried over a fake ladder that is then burned with the coffin already elderly and facing his own death. He did not want
so, it is said, that the spirit will not know how to retrace to contemplate his own death while his own dead daughter
its steps to reenter the house and haunt the living. Craig was still hungry for rice.
J. Reynolds notes that doctrinal Buddhism does not pro- In this short period between her death and the ceek
vide a contradiction with a belief in ghosts.16 Patrice Lad- khaw, dreams of Suaay abounded. One particularly vivid
wig suggests that the deceased are though to be “simul- dream was recounted to me: Suaay was seen making a kind
taneously here and there, active ancestors involved in the of noodle associated with festivals, khabun, and when the
life of the living but who nevertheless are incorporated into dreamer asked her why she was preparing this food, Su-
samsara and move in the Buddhist great chain of beings” uay said it was to take to her new house. The dreamer con-
(2002:132). Mother Phong was particularly keen to show me cluded that her new house was the stupa where her bones
the pictures of the monks who, on the day of cremation, were now housed, and the festival implied was her own ceek
had received gifts such as mats, pillows, and rice. She ex- khaw. Others dreamed that Suaay was going on a journey
plained that the family had arranged these donations be- or walking through the neighborhood sharing food that she
cause she was “afraid” that Suaay would not have pillows had made. These were interpreted as evidence that she un-
or mats where she was now. These rites were intended to derstood she was dead and that she was leaving peacefully,
transfer gifts directly to Suaay, to satisfy her needs. But they calling on friends and relatives as she left, with final gifts of
were also described to me as making “merit” for Suaay. The food and care.
power of the monks, here, was to transform worldly gifts Yet another dreamer said that Suaay told her that she
into otherworldly wealth, either through direct transfer or would not be leaving because she had work to do look-
merit generation. Thus, monks become conduits for con- ing after her parents and children. “I won’t leave,” she said
tinuing exchanges between kin after death. in this dream. Rather than nurturance, the theme of this
The camera lingered on the crowds, and Mother Phong dream was the strain of obligation. The dreamer thought
commented on the relatives and friends who had traveled that it suggested Suaay was destined to haunt the living and
to be in attendance. In subsequent conversations with the was interested to know if I had had any dreams of her my-
family and others in the village, talk continually returned to self or if I was disturbed by strange noises in the night as I
describing the great overflow of attendees. There had been slept in the dead woman’s house. Many people (not close
so many visitors that they had filled the large house, and a kin of hers) asked me if I had been haunted at night by a
neighboring abandoned house had been opened up to shel- strange scratching sound as I slept. This was an unfriendly
ter guests. When this was full, a neighboring shed that had suggestion because the ceek khaw had been completed by
once housed a rice mill was also opened. The massing of this time, and Suaay’s immediate family were working hard
people I was told, at times explicitly, was a sign of Suaay’s to shore up the interpretation of her as a meritorious per-
extraordinary qualities. “She was no ordinary person,” one son who had died a timely and inevitable death and had
neighbor said, “she knew a lot of people.” This interpreta- passed on to the afterlife, and whose only presence in this
tion of Suaay was also evidenced through uncanny events. world would now be as a well-disposed ancestor, a spirit
Her husband, for instance, pointed out that, although Suaay who might be able to offer care and protection, not a grubby
had died during the rainy season, on the day of the crema- ghost harassing people in their sleep.
tion and subsequent rites, the rain had miraculously cleared Dead kin, then, are thought to be able to extend pro-
so that events could proceed. Also, when her bones had tection to, or, indeed, harm, the living. By virtue of a great
been recovered, they were a bright white, indicating that her store of merit, a dead relative can extend positive influ-
death had been timely. ence to ensure physical safety, good luck, and ease for the

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living. By recounting evidence that Suaay was “no ordinary called each other,” he explained. After the monks had left,
person,” some people were actively engaged in portraying we went to visit some friends nearby. After some cheer-
her to me as someone who had this kind of merit, this kind ful conversation, Cit walked off unannounced. After some
of potential for a benevolent influence in our worldly af- time, I sought him out. When I found him, he tried to ex-
fairs. This store of merit is thought to be enhanced through plain: “My friends try to joke with me, to cheer me up. But
the gifts that the living regularly send to the dead via the sometimes I can’t stand it.” He described his youngest child,
monks. a five-year-old. “He does not know, he sometimes asks when
In the regular calendar of Buddhist festivals, there are she will come back, he is too young to know.” He seemed to
several opportunities to make major merit for dead ances- be acknowledging his wife’s death as an at times unbearable
tors, including bun khaw salaak (a festival dedicated to abandonment of him and the children.
the dead) and ook phan saa (end of the rainy season re- Mother Phong, the 80-year-old mother, was in despair
treat), which is associated with the bun hua fay (festival of lit during my visit, in a kind of emotional free fall of grief and
boats), when bamboo boats are decorated, filled with can- fear about the future. She said one day, “When you leave,
dles and other offerings to the river and ancestors, and sent take me with you to Australia. I am mut mat with Laos [I am
to drift down the river. It is also possible to transfer the merit over Laos].” I had never heard her say such a thing before,
made at more mundane events, such as the Buddhist Sab- even in jest (and such jests were common). Does it matter
bath, by pouring merit-charged water onto a leaf in the tem- that Suaay, the daughter she had lost, was not her own bi-
ple grounds (yard nam). ological child? That Suaay had, like me, been adopted by
It is significant, I think, in these merit-making dona- Mother Phong through a long process of ongoing care, obli-
tions and also in the ceek khaw, that rice plays a central gation, and return? One theme that this story demonstrates
role. The daily merit-generating act for the majority of the is that, in the Lao context, this was not a key distinction:
lay population is not praying or meditating, but feeding Mother Phong grieved the loss of Suaay as a true daughter.
the monks. Likewise, ceek khaw means, literally, “distribute Daughterhood, for her, was composed of the kind of nurtu-
the rice.” Rice, as I have argued above, is the key symbol of rance and obligation that she and Suaay had shared.
nurturance and thus of the foundation of familial bonds. I On the night before it was time for me to leave, I wanted
suspect that is why, in Laos, ghosts are described as hun- to give some money (AU$1,000) to the family. I had gone
gry. Satisfying them takes the form of giving, primarily rice to some lengths to gather this money in Australia because I
but also the other necessities of life like mats and pillows. was worried about them. Suaay had been a productive pow-
These are symbols of nurturance. They shore up the inter- erhouse and, without her, I knew money would be more
pretation of family relationships as ones of mutual care and, of a problem than ever. I was worried too that Suaay’s el-
in that sense, “shout down” the interpretation of death as dest child, Nooy, had been removed from school to do the
abandonment by either the living or the dead. Feeding the work her mother had previously done. But I found myself
dead is a sign of these ongoing relationships and a reaffir- in the awkward position that night of not knowing who to
mation of them. give the money to. I had always given it to Suaay before.
Added to this, there was an outsider in the house (other
than me), a woman named May. I could find no consis-
Parting ways
tent answer to my questions regarding this woman’s sta-
Despite the sense that ties can continue to bind beyond tus. Nooy, the teenager, confidently reported to me that
death because of ongoing care, let me reiterate that this May was just there to help with the harvest and would be
does not make death somehow easier to bear or mean paid with a share of the grain, a common arrangement.
that the possibility of abandonment is absent. Suaay’s hus- Mother Phong, the grandmother, spoke of the relationship
band, Cit, was troubled during my visit. He had developed a in glowing terms: “She sees our trouble, she pities the chil-
new habit of walking off on his own, sometimes abruptly. dren with no mother, and has come to help.” Cit, the dead
A couple of weeks after Suaay’s death, his newly adopted woman’s husband, refused to speak of the issue at all. May,
mother on the mainland (who had donated land to the for her part, seemed either too shy or too suspicious to
new house project) had also died. He and I went to visit speak directly with me. Eventually, I found a time when May
her widower (Cit’s new father) and make merit for her with was away from the main family group. I called the grand-
the monks who were visiting the widower’s house that day. mother, Mother Phong, over to sit with her son-in-law Cit,
They would visit every day until the funeral rituals had been the teenager Nooy, and me.
completed. Cit confided to me that there had been talk “I have some money for you,” I said. “It is from my fam-
and speculation—had Suaay died young because her new ily to your family. I don’t know who to give it to. Usually I
mother, so elderly and weak, had wanted to take her with would give it to Suaay but she is not here,” I said. I left the
her into death? Or perhaps it was Suaay who, after death, envelope of money on the bedclothes in the middle of the
had returned to call her new mother as a companion. “They circle that we had formed.

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The boys had been watching TV, but they turned 0.40 apiece). May looked up cheerfully and said that this
around now as the adults started asking questions. “How was money for the ook phan saa festival (end of the rains re-
much is it?” “[How much] in Thai baht?” treat) the following day. They were going to make merit for
It was Mother Phong who eventually took the envelope. Suaay. I realized I had managed to give my gift to the house-
She fumbled with the unfamiliar seals. I took it back briefly hold on the eve of one of the major festivals when merit can
to open it for her, and when she saw the crisp thousand- be transferred to the dead. I thought it was not the best time
baht notes inside, she said, “Het bun,” then raised her hands to raise the issue about my own intentions for the money
in a gesture of wai, hands pressed together at her forehead, and left.
and looked at me meaningfully. I was surprised at this ges- Mother Phong came to find me as I sat near my bed
ture of formal respect in our intimate circle. Nooy hurriedly preparing for sleep later that night. Wordlessly, she showed
explained that Mother Phong was merely prompting me to me that she had concealed the envelope of money I had
make the gesture: She wanted me to take the money be- given inside her blouse. She told me softly that it would
tween my palms and raise it to my forehead, as we would not be May but Cit who would go and tell the whole village
do if we were donating the money to the monks. I did this about the money. During my visit, I had sensed the increas-
then gave the money back to Mother Phong. She took it and ing antipathy between the old couple and their son-in-law,
said she would give it to her husband. He was sitting in his but I had not felt able to ask any of them the reason for it.
private chamber at the other end of the house with May. Be- Taking what I thought was an opportunity, I explained
fore Mother Phong left, I entreated her not to let May know slowly and carefully that the money was for caring for the
about the money. I said that I did not want the whole village children.
talking. “I am not keeping it for myself!” Mother Phong ex-
After she left, I was disturbed by her two words het bun claimed, apparently hurt at this unintended implication
and those gestures, in mimicry of temple behavior. I be- that she would abandon the children in some way. “It is all
gan to wonder if she meant het bun in the sense of “you for the children. Everything—the buffalo, the house, the rice
have done a meritorious thing here” or “this will be donated fields: all of it I am keeping for the children.” Large, splash-
to the temple to make merit for Suaay.” Perhaps Mother ing tears began to fall down her cheeks again, as they had so
Phong had interpreted this money as my contribution to often during my stay.
the money given to the temple by kin at funerals and subse- Finally, I let go of trying to explain myself and the hard
quent festivals to make merit for the dead. I had not made distinction that I saw between giving to the temple and giv-
any contribution to the merit making for Suaay other than ing to loved ones. In the silence, she began reflecting on
the money I had earlier sent by post. And when I had be- her relationship with her grandchildren. “I am afraid for the
gun explaining the money, I had said that ordinarily I would children,” she said. “They will become poorer—they don’t
have given it straight to Suaay. In my mind, this was now have a mother to care for them. We will get poorer and
impossible, as she was dead, but I realized my Lao fam- poorer. We have no merit.” I was not sure what this could
ily might not necessarily share this assumption, because mean. Did she no longer believe that merit could be gen-
monks are able to transfer such gifts to the dead. My heart erated? Or, perhaps, in a moment of self-reproach, she be-
lurched, and I stumbled over my Lao words as I tried to ask lieved her own poor store of merit had brought poverty and
Cit, Nooy, and the boys, in as polite terms as possible, if they death to her family.
thought that Mother Phong planned to give the money to She spoke on, saying that her son, who lives on the
the temple, and to explain that I had intended the gift to be Boleven Plateau and is a comparatively prosperous coffee
for daily, practical uses in the family. Cit replied that he did farmer and entrepreneur, had asked her to go and live with
not know how Mother Phong understood the money. The him there. But she felt she could not go because she had
boys dismissively suggested that she probably did not un- to look after the children here: They have no one. I remem-
derstand me, that she probably would give the money to ber Suaay saying similar things: that she knew she could not
the temple. Cit suggested that I try to explain to her just to leave this village because she had to care for Father Khong
be sure, by saying the money was for Suaay’s family, not for and Mother Phong. And now Nooy, her daughter, had been
Suaay herself. removed from school so that she could care for her aging
I waited anxiously for about half an hour, failing to grandparents and her young siblings. Here, Mother Phong
concentrate on the Thai soap opera on the TV that was run- had admitted that other, often repressed, expression of fam-
ning from a car battery in the living room. I went to Fa- ily bonds: the desire for, the attraction of, abandonment.
ther Khong’s room, thinking that I would explain things di- She had said earlier that she wanted to flee with me to Aus-
rectly to him. The door to his chamber was open, and I tralia. This crisis seemed to have brought into open expres-
saw him, Mother Phong, May, and Nooy around a kerosene sion a fantasy of flight: the desire to leave these obligations,
lamp counting money: not the money I had given them but these duties, these gritty bonds. Perhaps Cit’s new habit of
many small bills of 1,000 and 2,000 kip (about AU $0.20 to wandering off unannounced was an echo of this: the desire

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to leave, which had constantly to be shouted down by ever- concept of reincarnation, using the Buddha’s many rebirths
greater expression of the mutual nurturance of family mem- before enlightenment as illustration. He said, however, that
bers, even beyond death. it was impossible to know when or where Suaay would be
Because of the threat that abandonment will find ex- born again. This was the only explicit mention of reincar-
pression, the opposing valence, nurturance, requires con- nation that I heard in all the talk related to her death. Back
stant and loud reenactment if it is to be convincing. Family at the homestead, I packed my bags, and Father Khong tied
bonds here are created through ongoing acts. They require a string on my wrist, wishing me long life and health, that
being physically present (at least occasionally) and offer- people would help me wherever I went, and that I would
ing care. If they are removed, the specter of abandonment return to see him again. I silently accepted this binding of
quickly fills the gap. Small wonder, then, that deceased fam- good will and obligation. Mother Phong tied one on as well,
ily members, who are the focus of such intensely ambiva- making similar wishes. As we walked to the boat together,
lent feelings, are described as hungry, as needy of gifts, and big tears splashed down her face again. She repeated one
as accessible via material donations. And small wonder, too, phrase as she held my forearm in that firm grip of hers. At
that the religious activities of Laos incorporate such con- times she seemed to search for other words, but the same
spicuous gifting to deceased family members and that the phrase came out again and again, which made the boys
dead are thought to be able to return this care through smirk impatiently. Even as I boarded the boat, all she could
ghostly agency. say was, “I don’t see Suaay’s face, I see yours.”
The next day, my final day, we went to the temple for
ook phan saa, the end of the rains retreat. We donated cash Anthropology and melancholia
and food to the monks, although I did not inquire how
much the family gave or the source of the money. We trans- Mother Phong’s words here again drew Suaay’s face and my
ferred the merit generated to Suaay, and asked her to join face together, just as the photo display had and just as our
us on our travels. (See Figure 4.) I donated some of my own adoptions by the same parents had. This was perhaps an-
money to Khubaa Wong, an old friend of mine and a monk other attempt at the assembly of a family despite absence,
in the temple. He gave me an amulet that he said would pro- an effort to shout down the interpretation of departure as
tect me from gunshots and offer general protection during abandonment. In these events, it had been people in my
my travels. When I showed it to Cit, he said Suaay is like field site, and specifically those who had adopted me into
that for me now: Her great merit means that she can pro- their family, who had made an identification between me
tect me wherever I go. He then told me about the Buddhist and themselves. Kulick (2006) has provocatively argued that

Figure 4. Suaay’s thaat. Her daughter is transferring merit to Suaay generated in the ook phan saa festival and asking Suaay to accompany her and me on
an upcoming trip. If we had had a portrait of Suaay, it would have been affixed on this stupa to the small door, here painted gold.

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an anthropologist’s identifications with the people that he reproaches” (Freud 1915:155). Freud notes that the return of
or she studies are manifestations of a masochistic desire to the repressed is often accompanied by an exaggerated sense
align with the oppressed rather than the oppressors. Kulick of the patient’s ability to have caused, failed to avert, or in
notes the “pleasure” of reading anthropological accounts some way been responsible for the events that trouble him
in which the author sides with suffering, marginal people, or her. Scheper-Hughes’s electric pleas for a more moral and
either by taking their lives and struggles as the analytic fo- ethical discipline conform closely to the kind of compelling
cus or by pushing a step further to argue that anthropol- anxiety that Freud predicts will emerge when repressed de-
ogists have a moral obligation to side with them to allevi- sires return during mourning. It seems significant that the
ate suffering. He suggests, in a complex argument, that this works of Scheper-Hughes to which Kulick refers linger on
masochism arises from a repressed and guilty desire among actual deaths of people known and apparently loved in the
anthropologists for the power of Western capitalism (Kulick field.
2006:942). Left out of this intriguing analysis, however, are Certainly, I felt such self-reproach when confronted
the formative relationships made by fieldworking anthro- with a death in my Lao family. In my case, I suspect that the
pologists with people in the field and the direct experiences repressed element that made a return was a fantasy of aban-
of pleasure, desire, and guilt that they entail. It is here that I donment. During my months in the field, my diaries often
think a framing of melancholia is useful. recorded a strong desire to physically leave and be alone:
To illustrate his case, Kulick uses three examples this, despite my overt sense of honor at the opportunity to
but lingers on the work of Nancy Scheper-Hughes (espe- conduct this fieldwork. I persistently daydreamed of cook-
cially Scheper-Hughes 1992 and 1995). He quotes Scheper- ing my own meal, as I liked it, and eating it alone. I believe
Hughes’s statement that “three-year-old Mercea died aban- now that this was a muted expression of a repressed wish
doned by both her mother and her anthropologist during to regain my individuality by refusing the bonds of field-
the Brazilian Carnival celebrations in 1989” (2006:940) and work and family. My repressed wish was not, as Freud would
claims it contains an elision wherein Scheper-Hughes iden- have it, to actively harm Suaay but to stop caring. My guilt
tifies herself not only as an anthropologist but also as Mer- was over the harm that I feared, or suspected, may have
cea’s mother, thus revealing a fantasy of identification be- resulted from this repressed wish to abandon.17 Although
tween the anthropologist and the poor and suffering (see these repressions and self-reproaches bear resemblances to
also Kulick 2006:943). Importantly, though, this statement those that I have described in the Lao milieu, and although I
also identifies Scheper-Hughes as someone who had a duty may have partially adopted a Lao sense of obligation, I sus-
of care that was not fulfilled and who thus contributed to pect that these sentiments spoke also of an anthropologi-
a death: this anthropologist’s self-reproach is that of ne- cal ambivalence. There is a hesitation in the anthropologi-
glect bordering on the criminal. Rather than represent- cal gesture: to look, touch, and record, as Scheper-Hughes
ing a masochistic pleasure, I suggest, this writing reveals puts it, but also to withdraw, reflect, and write. The ambiva-
a melancholic self-reproach born of mourning generated lence of this position, particularly when the anthropologist
in the very real intimacies of the field. In a 1995 article, has entered intimate relationships in the field, might help
Scheper-Hughes uses the rawness of such experiences to ar- explain the exhilaration and pleasure evoked by exhorta-
gue for a more ethical, engaged anthropology. Not to do so is tions for a more engaged, ethical anthropology that Kulick
hostile, she writes: “Not to look, not to touch, not to record so perspicaciously notes. These calls come repeatedly,18 de-
can be the hostile act, an act of indifference and turning spite equally persistent evidence that anthropologists (at
away” (1995:418). Her article can be read as a plea to repress least some of them, some of the time) do engage in political
hostility in favor of an intensification of solicitousness and projects that assist people in their field sites and have done
contentiousness in the form of a primarily ethical anthro- so since the inception of the discipline.19 This evidence does
pology. Her experiences of death and mourning, then, con- not seem to stem disciplinary self-reproaches, just as evi-
tribute to a critical, reproachful position on the discipline as dence of innocence does not stem the self-reproaches of a
a whole. melancholic.
Compare this to Freud’s explanation of melancholic My argument is not that anthropological ambivalence
self-reproach at the death of a loved one. The melan- (being there and departing) is the same as Lao familial am-
cholic exhibits guilt, “as though he had committed a seri- bivalence (nurturing and abandonment) but that the over-
ous crime.” The therapist agrees by “reminding the patient lap and distinction between them can yield insights into
that such a strong and persistent feeling must after all be each. It is notable that my Lao family did not seem mired
based on something real” (Freud 1962:99), that is, repressed in self-reproaches. Mother Phong and Cit showed some
hostility. Excessive solicitousness and loud proclamations muted signs of self-reproach, but, at least in the intimate
of love and care are the first evidence of this repression. But, family circle, any suggestion that we had abandoned Suaay
crucially, “the vanished affect comes back in its transformed was quickly “shouted down” through religious donation for
shape as social anxiety, moral anxiety and unlimited self- her, through narratives of how we, her family and friends,

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had done all we could to help her, and through accounts to understand its origin quite clearly. It appears wherever, in
of how she would now help us. Understandings of Bud- addition to a predominant feeling of affection, there is also
a contrary, but unconscious, current of hostility—a state of
dhism and death here created a distinct form of mourning.
affairs which represents a typical instance of an ambivalent
Melancholic anthropology, by contrast, is characterized by emotional attitude. The hostility is then shouted down, as it
articulated reproaches that identify the anthropologist as were, by an excessive intensification of the affection, which is
abandoner (through withdrawal) and then call for redemp- expressed as solicitude and becomes compulsive, because it
tion through ethical engagement. My argument is not that might otherwise be inadequate to perform its task of keeping
the unconscious contrary current of feeling under repression.
melancholic anthropology is pathological. To the contrary,
[1913:48]
I find calls for an engaged and ethical anthropology com-
pelling and important. My intention, following Kulick, is to At other times, Freud uses the term reaction-formation to describe
work toward a self-aware account of the pleasure of such the form of repression characteristic of obsessional neurosis. In
“Obsessive Actions and Religious Practices,” for instance, he ex-
accounts, identifying how they gain their compelling force
plicitly draws parallels between such neuroses and religious ritual
and what repressions of their own they might entail. What practice, noting, “In the course of the repression . . . a special consci-
does it mean to identify withdrawal as a hostile act when de- entiousness is created . . . but this psychical reaction-formation feels
parture is such an entrenched part of fieldwork? And what insecure and constantly threatened . . . It may thus be compared
does it mean to favor solicitousness when attempts to help to an unending conflict” (1907:124). In “Repression,” he explains
again that the distinctive form repression takes in obsessional neu-
have their own follies (Figure 1), imply their own imposi-
rosis is “reaction-formation,” which he defines as an “intensifying
tions, and provoke their own tears of reproach or fantastical of an opposite” (Freud 1915:157). In this article, however, I retain
familial dramas (High 2010)? his notion of “shouting down” because it is more clearly indicative
Virginia R. Dominguez (2000) calls for an anthropology of the ambivalence and ongoing struggle that lies at the heart of the
based on love between the anthropologist and those he concept.
3. Freud provides his definition of melancholia and ambivalence
or she studies. Freud, using love as a starting point for
in this passage:
his interpretation of the human condition, identified a
complex array of possible developments, including am- When a wife has lost her husband or a daughter her mother,
bivalence, hostility, repression, anxiety, and guilt. I agree it not infrequently happens that the survivor is overwhelmed
by tormenting doubts (to which we give the name of “obses-
with Dominguez’s sentiment: There is much to be learned
sive self-reproaches”) as to whether she may not herself have
through love. I only add that in embracing an anthropology been responsible for the death of this cherished being through
of love, we need to be frank about the complex and often some act of carelessness or neglect. No amount of recollection
ambiguous terrain to which it leads. My Lao encounters of the care she lavished on the sufferer, no amount of objec-
have taught me the gritty, guilt-ridden potentials of such tive disproof of the accusation, serves to bring the torment
to an end. It [melancholia] may be regarded as a pathologi-
bonds.
cal form of mourning, and with the passage of time it gradu-
ally dies away. The psychoanalytic investigation of such cases
Notes has revealed the secret motives of the disorder. We find that
in a certain sense these obsessive self-reproaches are justi-
Acknowledgments. There was a time when obituaries of key in- fied, and that this is why they are proof against contradictions
formants were published in anthropology journals. This article is and protests. It is not that the mourner was really responsi-
not an obituary, but it is dedicated to “Suaay” in partial and always ble for the death or was really guilty of neglect, as the self-
inadequate recognition of her generosity, ambition, and teachings. reproaches declare to be the case. None the less there was
This research was facilitated by the University of Sydney, Interna- something in her—a wish that was unconscious to herself—
tional Program Development Fund (IPDF). It was first presented to which would not have been dissatisfied by the occurrence of
the University of Sydney Anthropology Society (AnthSoc), in Octo- death and which might actually have brought it about if it had
ber 2009; then at the Senior Seminar, the University of Cambridge, had the power. And after death has occurred, it is against this
in February 2010; and finally to the “Religion and Morality in South- unconscious wish that the reproaches are a reaction. In almost
east Asia and Beyond” workshop, the University of Cambridge, in every case where there is an intense emotional attachment to
May 2010. It has benefited from the insightful, challenging, and en- a particular person we find that behind the tender love there
couraging comments of the participants at those forums as well as is a concealed hostility in the unconscious. This is the classical
the reviewers and staff of American Ethnologist. Many colleagues example, the prototype, of the ambivalence of human emo-
lent assistance by discussing with me the events described here. In tions. [1913:59]
particular, I would like to thank Gillian Cowlishaw, Sebastian Job,
and Rohan Bastin. Freud also discusses this ambivalence in his “Mourning and Melan-
1. Freud attributed the new word to Paul Eugene Bleuler, a Swiss cholia” (1917).
psychiatrist who is also credited with coining the terms schizophre- 4. Neils Mulder writes that, in Thailand, the mother is depicted
nia, autism (Rycroft 1995:6), and neologism (Sheehy et al. 1997:72). as “the primary symbol of moral goodness” (1996:36) in her self-
2. Freud writes, sacrificing extension of food, love, and care, engendering a sense
of debt and guilt among children that contributes toward hierar-
The occurrence of excessive solicitude of this kind is very chical relationships. M. B. Mills (1999:76) writes of the “debts of
common in neuroses, and especially in obsessional neuroses, merit” that offspring are thought to owe to the bunkhun (virtue)
with which our comparison is chiefly drawn. We have come of their parents in Thailand. This debt creates, ideally, lifelong

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gratitude and respect on the part of the child that is actively evi- guided science on the part of Lao mothers, in contrast to the correct
denced through labor, gifts, and support. scientific knowledge of unnamed “experts.”
5. The common saying kin khao phu diaw bo sep (eat rice alone, 11. Of much greater concern is the rearing of children on milk
then it is not delicious) articulates the pleasures of eating together, substitutes, often sweetened condensed milk. This usually stems
but it also indicates the dangers of eating alone, as it echoes the from mothers needing to work away from the home and child.
phrase kin khaw bo sep (eat rice, it is not delicious), which means a 12. The IRIN (2010) article mentioned in the text inadvertently
loss of appetite, a symptom of illness. gives further evidence for this interpretation. The Lao mothers in-
6. Mills (1999) uses the concept of “subject positions” (Moore terviewed for the article agreed with the project’s message that
1994) to suggest that the migrating women of Northeast Thai- mother’s milk was a primary food for newborns, but they also re-
land negotiated positions such as “good daughter” and “modern peatedly insisted that rice sates a hunger and need in the child that
woman.” Henrietta Moore outlines how individuals take up a va- milk cannot provide: that is, I suggest, rice does symbolic work that
riety of subject positions produced by sets of discourses, and, she milk does not.
notes, “in this context fantasy, in the sense of ideas about the kind 13. The importance of food in forming kin relationships has also
of person one would like to be and the sort of person one would like been noted by Mary Weismantel (1995) in the Andes and Janet
to be seen to be by others, clearly has a role to play. Such fantasies Carsten (2004) in Malaysia. It is notable that their contributions
of identity are linked to fantasies of power and agency in the world” (among others) were offered in the context of a debate concern-
(1994:6). ing the role of biology versus cultural construction in kinship. I do
7. The Lao term for “abandoned” is haang. A divorced woman not wish to buy into this debate here, but I note that one of the
is mee haang, literally, abandoned mother. Allen D. Kerr defines key contributors to it, David Schneider, argued that U.S. kinship is
haang as “1. v. Leave, abandon, desert, let go to ruin; separate, di- symbolized through an overriding reference to biology—Schneider
vorce. 2. adj. Deserted, desolate, haunted; divorced. 3. n. Desert, ventures so far as to claim that “this definition says that kinship
wilderness” (1972:1205). The one word, then, spans notions of leav- is whatever the biogenetic relationship is. If science discovers new
ing relationships of care, the decay and eeriness associated with ne- facts about biogenetic relationship, then that is what kinship is and
glect, and the wildness and infertility associated with places uncul- was all along, although it may not have been known at the time”
tivated and uninhabited by humans. (1980:23). If Schneider is right, and if this insight can be stretched
8. In one transcription of southern Lao singing courtship poetry to Europe as well, then the ambivalence between affection and hos-
(Compton 1979), the singers repeatedly express not only extrav- tility that Freud noted in his European patients may be linked to
agant promises of material care but also reservations phrased in this particular understanding of kinship: If biology is imagined as
terms of abandonment. The male singer promises to provide for the final word on relatedness, and if biological links are indissolu-
his beloved’s every desire (including preparing rice for her), and ble, then the only escape from a kinship relationship is to dissolve
he assures her, “I’ll never abandon you or flee from you” (Comp- the biology itself, that is, for one party to physically perish. Per-
ton 1979:28). The woman claims that she does love her suitor but haps it is not surprising, then, that Freud’s European patients ex-
convinces herself, “you will abandon me, and take a new wife” hibited repressed fantasies of physical violence toward their loved
(Compton 1979:39). In reply, the man conjures even more inven- ones. However, I argue that in Laos relatedness is not symbolized as
tive promises of how he will care for her—for example, he will be primarily biological or indissoluble. Rather, nurturance is the pri-
reborn as the clothes on her body, her pillows, or her mosquito net, mary motif of relatedness, and its opposite (abandonment) does
existing only for her comfort. Yet his fears of abandonment grow not require physical death. It requires only the withdrawal of mate-
more elaborate as well. He sings: rial support, care, and interest.
14. Barthes, like Freud, employed the term ambivalence in re-
I’m only afraid that you will abandon me lationship to death, but his topic was photography. He suggested
In the middle of the village to roll in the dirt; that a photograph has a deathly quality because it insists “this-has-
Abandon me to drink water which makes me thirsty, been”: It always contains at least a reference to the photographed
Mixed with poisonous tubers, in the middle of the forest; thing or person now in the past. The ambivalence of a photograph,
Abandon me to sleep on a tree branch, then, is between life and death, particularly in photographs that
To shout and cry like a gibbon. [Compton 1979:58] are intended to be lifelike. “Nothing would be funnier” he wrote,
“than the photographer’s contortions to produce effects that are
9. Anthropologists have found cognatic kinship to be ‘lifelike’: . . . As if the (terrified) photographer must exert himself
widespread in the region and have noted a related conundrum. the utmost to keep the photograph from becoming Death” (Barthes
On the one hand, social relationships are generally hierarchical 1982:14).
and emphasize the importance of familial loyalty, so in that sense 15. I have revised this excerpt to make it clearer and shorter;
kinship seems extremely rigid. On the other hand, these societies however, the sentiments remain unchanged.
are also known for their fluidity, as people are observed to move 16. He writes, “One kind of spirit (peta, P.: preta, Skt.) that dwells
away from previous roles with apparent ease (see, e.g., Embree below the terrestrial level between demons (asura) and the animals
1950; Evers 1969; Hanks 1962). Viewed in terms of a foundational is none other than phi or ghosts of the departed dead in popular
ambivalence, however, these features are not necessarily at odds. In Siamese Buddhism. The merit-maker dedicated the merit accruing
this apparent contradiction between expressions of familial loyalty from his donation to the comfort and betterment of his or her de-
and actions of fluidity is the manifestation of a tension between ceased relatives” (Reynolds 1976:207).
idealized versions of nurturance and obligation, on the one hand, 17. Although hostility and abandonment share important ele-
and repressed but ever-present possibilities of abandonment, on ments and abandonment may be hostile, these concepts are not
the other. identical. In deploying Freud’s concepts of “ambivalence,” “re-
10. For a related article, see the humanitarian news and analysis pression,” and “return,” I do not also subscribe to the view that
website IRIN (2010). Although the article admits that only 5 per- they always imply the same valences (hostility and affection).
cent of Lao children are never breast-fed, the small amounts of rice Rather, my effort is to seek out and identify the ambivalence
present in the diet are presented as the pathological result of mis- that matters in each case. In Laos, it is between nurturance and

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abandonment. In anthropology, it is between going to the field and Metapsychology and Other Works. James Strachey, ed. and
leaving it. Among Freud’s patients, apparently, it was between hos- trans. Pp. 141–158. http://www.pep-web.org/, accessed April
tility and affection. These examples share a pattern but not neces- 2010.
sarily content. I suggest in N. 13 that this pattern of similarity and 1917 Mourning and Melancholia. In The Standard Edi-
difference may explain the important difference between the kinds tion of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund
of family dramas that Freud observed in Europe and the kinds I ob- Freud, Vol. 14 (1914–1916): On the History of the
served in Laos: namely, that, in the Lao context, kinship is under- Psycho-Analytic Movement, Papers on Metapsychol-
stood such that abandonment is sufficient to dissolve the bond of ogy and Other Works. James Strachey, ed. and trans.
relatedness, whereas among those with whom Freud consulted, the Pp. 237–258. http://www.pep-web.org/, accessed April 2010.
kinship system meant that abandonment would achieve no such 1962[1926] The Question of Lay Analysis: Conversations with an
thing: Dissolving the bond required, instead, outright hostility. Impartial Person. In Two Short Accounts of Psychoanalysis:
18. I have space to deal with only one example here, but Kulick Five Lectures on Psycho-Analysis; the Question of Lay Analy-
looks in some depth at two others and mentions many more. I sis. James Strachey, ed. and trans. Pp. 89–170. Harmondsworth,
might add that recent examples of disciplinary reproach might in- UK: Penguin.
clude those coming from public anthropology (Borofsky 2010), cri- Gonzalez, Roberto J.
tiques of the military use of anthropology (Gonzalez 2007), and 2007 Towards Mercenary Anthropology? The New US Army
calls for activist anthropology (Hale 2006). Counterinsurgency Manual FM 3-24 and the Military-
19. One thinks, for instance, of Lewis Henry Morgan’s (admit- Anthropology Complex. Anthropology Today 23(3):14–19.
tedly unsuccessful) legal campaign to assist the Seneca in retaining Hale, C. R.
their land (Tooker 2001). 2006 Activist Research v. Cultural Critique: Indigenous Land
Rights and the Contradictions of Politically Engaged Anthro-
pology. Cultural Anthropology 21(1):96–120.
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