CHILD 210: Child Development Online Brigham

Young
Unit 5: Dear Abby Letters University-
Idaho

Your name: (Beatriz García de Ackermann)

Instructions
Respond to three letters from each chapter, giving appropriate advice. Draw information from the
chapter while formulating your response, and make sure to use correct terms and definitions. Reference
information you use from the textbook by citing the page number in APA formatting. If you use
information from outside the textbook, make sure it is credible and generally supported by the medical
and scientific community with appropriate citation for the website or video. Avoid anecdotal evidence or
opinion. Your written responses should be 2200-2500 words minimum, no maximum, cumulatively
(Including the original Dear Abby letter). This word count is for the entire assignment (NOT per
answer). You will answer a total of three questions per chapter, so nine in total for each unit.

Dear Abby,

I have twins—a boy and a girl—that are approaching puberty. I want to make sure I prepare them
for events that will come. What is the typical age of menarche? Do boys have a similar pivotal
event? What is important for them to know about the transformation of puberty? I remember
when I was experienced puberty I felt embarrassed, moody, and afraid. I want to make it easier
for them.

Maturing in Manhattan (Chapter 14, Letter 1)

Dear Maturing in Manhattan, you have some very good questions. As parents we want to prepare
our children for the things they may experience in life as best we can. It is important to prepare
them for the things they will experience in the transition from childhood to adolescence. I
commend you for your efforts in trying to learn when and what changes your children will go
through and what you might be able to do to help them. The process of puberty normally starts
sometime between ages 8 and 14. Most physical growth ends about 4 years after it starts.
Although some boys especially might continue to grow until age 20. Menarche is a girl’s first
menstrual period, signaling that she has begun ovulation. The average age for menarche is 12
years and 4 months. Sperm Arche is the pivotal event in puberty for males. Sperm Arche is a
boy’s first ejaculation of sperm. I think it is important to understand what changes they will
experience physically as well as the hormones changes they will go through and how it might
feel. When they are aware that they are moody due to hormones it might help combat that
moodiness and other strong emotions. I think if they are prepared for what changes are going to
happen and know that they are normal as well as feeling like they can come to you to talk about
those changes and how they might feel will help the confusion and embarrassment that comes
with puberty. I think that it is also good for them to understand what the other gender might go
through some as too not cause attention or embarrassment to the other about their changes. I
would make sure there was open communication and that my child felt like they could come to
me with any questions they might have, and not be embarrassed about it. I would tell them that
they my feel embarrassed and uncomfortable about these changes sometimes and that is okay. I
would explain that the other gender also goes through changes and what those changes are. And

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Idaho

that these changes are good and not something to be made fun of or be embarrassed by.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

I know there is variation in when children reach puberty, but I was shocked to hear on the news
about a nine-year-old who was pregnant. How is that even possible? Can she still deliver a
healthy baby or are there likely to be problems? Why do children so young get involved in sexual
relationships?

Curious in Carson City (Chapter 14, Letter 2)

Dear Curious in Carson City, Thank you for writing. I am sure many others were shocked by
news like this as well as curious as to how it is possible. The process of puberty normally starts
sometime between ages 8 and 14. Most physical growth ends about 4 years after it starts.
Menarche is a girl’s first menstrual period, signaling that she has begun ovulation. Now
pregnancy is biologically possible. Although the average age for menarche is 12 years there are
several factors that contribute to the age of menarche. As stated previously puberty typically
occurs at ages 8 to 14 and although rare it is possible for a 9-year-old to have experience
menarche and puberty already. Girls usually experience puberty before boys. Genes play a factor
on when an individual may experience puberty. Body fat also plays a considerable role in this as
well. Girls with higher amounts of body fat often experience menarche before those of normal
weight. Hormones contribute as well as stress. The increase amount of stress in a child's life the
increase the rate of puberty. There is considerable risk for a 9-year-old to be pregnant. They
include the mother's body, if the mother is very small she will have problems carrying the baby
to full term as well as delivering the baby and will most likely need a C-section. She also will
lack the proper nutrition as what 9-year-old is mature enough to eat right and get enough
nutrients for her and a baby. She has most likely come from a hard life, with a background of
neglect or abuse as to why she is in this situation to begin with. Many teenage pregnancies result
in preterm births, underweight babies, and C-sections. They are considered high-risk
pregnancies. Hormones play a key role in sexual behavior in teenagers as it increases the desire
to be intimate sexually with others. Girls who have lower self-esteem are also more likely to
engage in sexual behavior to cope with their feelings of self-worth. Some statistics show that
boys are more influenced by hormones and girls by culture.

Sincerely, Abby

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Dear Abby,

My 15-year-old daughter is very athletic, but I’m worried because she’s been slow to develop.
She has not even had her first period. I wonder if she is pushing herself too hard. Her finish times
in her cross-country races have dropped significantly, and her endurance has improved. But I’m
concerned because she seems to always be tired. She’d sleep until noon if I’d let her. I’m also
bothered a little by her eating habits. Should I be worried about her?

Overdoing it in Oakland (Chapter 14, Letter 3)

Dear Overdoing it in Oakland

Regarding your daughter is period “on average girls start between 12 – 13 years of age (411) &.
But do not panic, that is an average” which means girls start younger and older. For girls, puberty
is visibly starting with nipple growth, ten a few public hairs become visible, peak growth spurt,
followed by the widening of the hips – finally period (411). This in average. These as you may
know, are just the visible changes of puberty. The unseen ones, sounds a lot like what your
daughter is going through. Hormones are the body is chemical that regulate hunger, sleep,
moods, stress, sexual desires, immunity, reproduction, etc (412). This may explain why she is
always so tired and her eating habits have changed. Here are some signs of eating disorder: Diet
deficiencies can consist of iron – deficiency (which would explain why her cross – country times
have dropped) (412) Anorexia nervosa is a disorder characterized by voluntary starvation that
leads to death by organ failure or suicide for between five and 20% sufferers. If she, loses more
than 10 % of body fat in a month or two, her BMI is 18 or lower, she refuses to maintain weight
that is at least 85% of normal BMI, she as an intense fear of weight gain, disturbed body
perception and denial of problem and of absence of menstruation, anorexia is suspected (422).
One in three of female teenagers and young adults in the United States. These people over eat
compulsively, eating thousands of calories in a hour or two then purges via vomiting or laxatives.
Most people are close to normal weight. Serious health problems include, damaging their
gastrointestinal systems and cardiac arrest. Symptoms are bingeing and purging at least once a
week for three weeks, uncontrollable urges to overeat, and a distorted perception of body size.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

I’ve heard that the brain continues to mature throughout adolescence. If that is the case, why do
so many adolescents do risky things and make unwise decisions? It seems they are worse than
even younger children. I sometimes think my nine-year-old is smarter than my teenager. What is
going on (or should be going on) in my teenager’s brain?

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Frustrated in Fremont (Chapter 14, Letter 4)

Dear Frustrated in Fremont

The teen years can be very dangerous if parents are not cautious. Adolescent prefrontal cortex is
the last to mature, this part of the brain is in charge of planning complex cognitive behavior,
personality expression, decision making and moderating social behavior. Basically, this region
oversees thoughts and actions in accordance with internal goals. A lot of teenager just “do not
think”. Therefore, their actions are often risky and sometimes dangerous.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

Are the teen years really as dangerous as the media makes them sound, or is it just a myth? My
own adolescence seemed fairly mild. I don’t remember any major rebellion—just a little
exploration. My son seems much the same. He has been to a few parties, but I’ve never seen him
drunk or stoned, so I think he understands moderation. I’ve talked with him about safe sex; I
know that boys will be boys, but with reasonable preparation and education, it seems that a little
exploration can help them grow up. What do you think? Isn’t experience the best teacher?
Should I be concerned or just go with the flow?

Myth or Madness in Myrtle Beach (Chapter 14, Letter 5)

Your teenager may start his first romantic relationships during high school. Here we describe
what you can do to help them have healthier and happier relationships, and how to deal with the
responsibilities that accompany them - such as self-control and communication issues.
You must clearly choose the risks of having sex at a young age, young people are vulnerable to
sexually transmitted diseases, both for biological reasons and for behavioral reasons. In fact,
worldwide, the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases that have been reported are among
young people between 15-19 years and 20-24 years. In detail, two thirds of sexually transmitted
disease infections were reported among men and women under 25 years of age.
Apart from this, there are the risks of pregnancy and this has psychological, family and social
risks for adolescents. Not to mention abortions, which still entail more risks, such as the death of
the adolescent and the psychological trauma that will drag throughout her life.
My advice is to talk with your teenager to wait until he is responsible adult to have sex, before it
is not good for your physical, mental and emotional health.

Sincerely, Abby

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Dear Abby,

My daughter was an early bloomer. She has always felt very self-conscious and dissatisfied with
her body. She has received attention from boys that she is unready for and does not welcome. I
think she just wants to be a little girl again. She eats, but I’m concerned she might be developing
an eating disorder because it looks like she is losing weight. What should I look for to know if
there is anything that she needs help with? How can I help her feel better about herself? Are such
experiences common for early bloomers?

Nervosa in Nashville (Chapter 14, Letter 6)

Dear Nervosa in Nashville, What a difficult time for you and your daughter. It is normal to feel
uneasy and concerned about your daughter. I am glad you are aware of what changes she has
been showing as well as trying to learn what you can to help her. Early maturing girls tend to
have lower self-esteem, more depression, and poorer body image. They also might have older
boyfriends that can lead to problems such as drug or alcohol abuse. It also puts them at an
increased risk for an abusive relationship. I would talk to your daughter about the changes she is
experiencing and explain that they are normal, and everyone will go through them at some point.
Explain that is it okay to feel out of place an uncomfortable because a lot of people feel that way
at times. Let her know you are there for her and that she can come to you anytime without
judgment. Talk to her about her body image and about eating disorders. Know the signs and
symptoms for an eating disorder as well. Her weight change could be because of puberty but it
could also be a sign of an eating disorder so keep an eye on it. Most importantly build a good
relationship with her and love her. She will get through this. Best of luck!

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

My teenage daughter is the worry of my life. She doesn’t seem to consider the long-term
consequences of her decision. She drives fast, participates in thrill-seeking activities, and I
wonder if she is sexually active. I’m terrified that she is going to end up pregnant, with an STD,
or worse yet, dead. Is extreme adventure just part of the current generation? How can I help her
understand that she is not invincible?

Extreme Terror in Tallahassee (Chapter 15, Letter 1)

Dear Extreme Terror in Tallahassee, being a parent of a teenager is often a long and terrifying
journey. Most parents experience the same feelings, concerns, and worries you are experiencing
right now. Luckily this time will eventually pass. Your daughter is just trying to figure out where
she belongs in life and who she is. Judgment at this age is very cloudy with the opinions of
others and the desire to fit in. Adolescence hold high value to what others think of them and

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often think about how they might seem to others. They are constantly worried about the opinion
of their peers and have a sense of everyone watching them all the time. They might gain what is
called the invincibility fable. That is an adolescent’s egocentric conviction that they are
invincible, that they cannot and will not be harmed or defeated by anything such as unprotected
sex, drug abuse or high-speed driving. They may even seek out these activities as to seem “cool”
to their peers or to experience the adrenaline with these activities without considering the
consequences. I think that having open communication and helping your child think through
ideas and what might be the natural consequences of them. Help them learn from their mistakes
through love and respect and showing them how to correct them and avoid them in the future.
Talk to them about being responsible and thinking before they act. Explain that they should not
do something that they would not do in front of you. That even though it might seem cool or fun
in the moment that there could be long term irreversible consequences in the future because of
those actions. Letting your child know what is considered risky and what might the
consequences be. Also by letting them know they can come to you with their problems and get
help. Luckily this phase of her life will pass but it will take a great deal of love and patience.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

My house is full of teenage drama. A bad hair day is a catastrophe. My daughter is so self-
conscious of every zit, of her clothing, and what others might think of how she looks. I fear that
she might develop an eating disorder. She seems very concerned about what others think of her. I
try to comfort her, but she acts as if I grew up on another planet and that I have no idea about
anything. Is this typical behavior for adolescents? What should I do?

Mother from Mars (Chapter 15, Letter 2)

Dear Mother from Mars,

Being a teenager is extremely tough. Adolescents are going through many changes at that time.
They are getting older, trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be. They are
trying to gain their own identity and independence. They are going through new things and care
about what others think of them. Their bodies are changing. They are getting a whole new slew
of hormones and emotions along with their brain still developing. It is a time where you question
everything. You are trying to figure out where you belong in this thing called life, who you want
to be, who you are now, where you want to go from here. This exploration of self-causes
egocentrism in all teenagers. They believe all eyes are on them and that everything is about or
has to do with them. This created an imaginary audience in the minds of many adolescents.
Making them self-conscious and aware of everything they do and how they might look to others.
Know the signs of an eating disorder and keep an eye on her. Do not push her to open to you, let
her come to you in her own time. Create a relationship with trust and love so that she feels that
she can come to you if she wanted to. Realize that the opinion of her friends and peers is more

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important to her than your opinion is so she might not want to hear yours and may be why she s
rejecting your comfort. I would try to tell her stories about yourself she can relate to, that will
build trust in your relationship.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

I feel I have lost all influence with my teenage son. He used to listen to me. Now he questions
and debates everything I say. There is always some hypothetical situation or contrived example.
While I appreciate his idealism, he is so naïve about things. For example, he believes that there
should be absolutely no laws that curtail our religious freedoms. He also oversimplifies the
political problems in our country and believes a few correct decisions are going to fix everything.
If teens are better able to think abstractly, why are so many of their ideas so naïve?

Naïve in Nebraska (Chapter 15, Letter 3)

Dear Naïve in Nebraska,

The relationship between a parent and a child drastically changes in adolescence. The influence
of parent change in that they are no longer important. Peers are far more important and
influential to an adolescent than their parents are. As you go from childhood to adolescence your
view of your parents might be shattered as well. When we are younger we view our parents as
superheroes and as we get older our perspective changes and we see that they are human and
have flaws. This shattering of perspective causes you to question everything your parents do and
taught you. Causing you to seek answers outside of your family unit. Adolescence seem to think
that the world is them self and think often only of themselves. Although they think a lot of
themselves, their cognitive processes are limited too as the prefrontal cortex if the last to develop
and that is developmental to wiser logic as they learn from experience. Allowing them to
embracing idealism by this new ability with analytically, logically. Make sure they are open and
communicating. By setting boundaries and rules allowing your child to understand what the
expectations are and what the consequences are if they are broken. Good luck in trying to
overcome this and building your relationship with your son.

Sincerely, Abby

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Dear Abby,

My husband is hoping our son will follow him into the engineering field, so they can build a
business together. My 13-year-old son just doesn’t seem to be the engineering type. He’s not very
analytical and doesn’t seem to reason with deductive or inductive logic. Is it his age? Or should
we just start preparing him for another career?

Analyzing Adolescence in Austin (Chapter 15, Letter 4)

Dear Analyzing Adolescence in Austin

To help your child you must understand something, that children between 4 and 10 years, the
vocation is determined by the fantasy that expresses the child's basic needs (being a teacher,
being a doctor).
The interest comes to the fore between 11 and 12 years. Here we do not talk about needs but
tastes. The interests leave their place to the capacities between 13 and 14 years. The skills that
we recognize as our own at this age are a function of school training.
Between 15 and 17 years, the choice of roles will be exercised on the basis of fantasy. Between
18 and 21 years old, there is a greater consideration of reality that allows confronting needs,
tastes and interests with the opportunities offered by the real situation.
The majority of those who consult are within this chronological age range. After finishing high
school, young people seek to insert themselves in the field and how to channel their vocation in a
tertiary or university career, if they are interested in continuing to study.
You must give your child the necessary time to discover for himself what he wants to do and
avoid generating frustration in his future.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

I’m a bit frustrated with our secondary school system. My middle-schooler seems to be rushing
from one class to another, while trying to understand the growing list of rules and regulations.
What happened to caring adults and learning? High school isn’t much better. They teach to the
test and forget about critical thinking and discussing and solving challenging issues. The ACT or
SAT scores are everything. My children are bored and feel disconnected from the learning
experience. School isn’t supposed to be that way. Am I just too sensitive? Am I overreacting? Or
is something happening in our schools? What recommendations do you have?

Secondary Schools in Syracuse (Chapter 15, Letter 5)

Dear Secondary Schools in Syracuse

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A lot of children is issues in school are due to many things, but studies have shown that in middle
school academic achievement slows down and behavioral issues rise. Puberty does play a large
role in this along with transitioning to a new school with new rules, set up and teachers
. High school test does cause lot of stress because often they can mean graduation or failing.
Therefore, teachers tend to, like you said, teach the test. The average graduation rates have been
growing up, but your child may not have teachers who do their best to engage all student which
increases desires to learn and be at school, be social, etc. Talking with your child about
participating more, talking with your child is teachers about how to help your child, etc. (466)

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

We live in a very ethnically diverse area. I’m worried that prejudices or discrimination might
impact my children’s educational opportunities. Is that common in such areas? I’ve heard of the
concept, “stereotype threat.” How is that different from direct discrimination? What problematic
signs should I look for? Do you have advice for safeguarding my children?

Prejudice Problems in Pueblo (Chapter 15, Letter 6)

Dear Prejudice Problems in Pueblo,

I believe that growing up in an ethnically diverse area can help the child to grow up knowing the
real word (not being protected and away from any danger, fear, problem, etc.) if it is a problem
of discrimination that affects the learning environment of your son, then you need to talk to the
principal or the teachers to solve it. If your child begins to show discrimination against someone,
that is not a good sign. Try to explain to your child the problems of prejudice and how they are
degrading and horrible. This can help your child overcome group pressure by waiting to disturb
or hurt other peers, talking with children clearly helps them focus and understand reality.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

My teenage daughter is so obedient. I hear horror stories from other parents about their teens
pushing the boundaries, exploring new fads or activities, or participating in risky behavior. While
I want her to be wise and safe, I sometimes wonder if she is too cautious. She seems content to
adopt our values, work in the family business, and carry on where we have left off. Should I be
concerned? Or are we just fortunate parents?

Happy in Harford (Chapter 16, Letter 1)

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Unit 5: Dear Abby Letters University-
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Dear Happy in Harford,

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young woman with a sound belief system and a firm
foundation. Behaviorist would say that your daughter has identity foreclosure. Identity
foreclosure is a stage of self-identity discovery in which an individual has an identity but has not
explored other options or ideas. Most common in young adolescents, in this stage the individual
has just adopted the traits and qualities of parents and friends. This is not necessarily a negative
thing. It is something that occurs as to prevent role confusion and makes them feel comfortable.
You can encourage your daughter to think about what she believes what she believes. As well as
help her think about complex ideas and what are different perspectives. By encouraging her to
explore she can gain a better sense of self as well as independence while also offering her to
strengthen her beliefs. You are doing a great job! Keep up the good work.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

My son is like a chameleon; he seems to change his skin depending on the environment. He
attends church with us each week and talks about his faith. But I know when he hangs out with
his football friends, he acts like a completely different person. Around his girlfriend he is still
another person. Who is my real son? Why is he so flakey and fake? What should I do?

Chameleon in Cody (Chapter 16, Letter 2)

Dear Chameleon in Cody

I'm sorry you're so worried about your teenager. But I am pleased to answer your questions and I
hope this letter will help you. Let me explain some things about psychosocial development in
adolescence. During this age, adolescents seek their identity. That explains why he is acting like
a chameleon. He is probably in the role confusion stage. Adolescence can be a confusing time. It
is a period of transition when adolescents are forced to ask themselves difficult but important
questions about who they are and where they are going. One of the most influential psychiatrists
in personal development was Erik Erikson, and in 1956 he exhibited his eight stages of
development, a theory that is still considered valid today.

The crisis, during this stage of development, adolescents ask themselves the question, "Who am
I?" To obtain a satisfactory response, the adolescent must face a psychological crisis. Erikson
describes the crisis in this stage of life as "Identity versus role confusion." The adolescent must
find an identity, or experience confusion about his role in society.

Identity, your identity is how you look and how you feel that the rest of the world perceives you.
During the adolescent stage of identity development, a lot of thought is directed to your identity.
A teenager tries different characters, listens to different types of music, and spends time with

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different types of people. The more the adolescent learns what he likes and does not like, the
closer he comes to assuming an identity and psychological maturity. But there is still a need to
adapt to others, so it can be confusing to try to figure out what it really is, as opposed to who you
want to be seen.

Role confusion, as it is so important for teenagers to fit in and have friends, there is a lot of
confusion about who they really are. If you do not succeed in discovering your true self, you run
the risk of being isolated and confused. The confusion of roles is the negative side of the
adolescent stage of identity development, and is the consequence of not discovering their
identity. The confusion of roles can also be promoted by adults forcing adolescents to
compromise an identity from the beginning or by limiting the exploration of the adolescent's
identity.

Rebellion, during this period of exploring the adolescent's identity, he may find himself rebelling
against a variety of concepts or lifestyles while testing and rejecting identities. It is also an
important moment for the adolescent to throw away beliefs that no longer serve him. The
adolescent can assume new political beliefs, self-expression techniques or career ideas. Many
times, these new positions in life inherently have an opposite side (for example, politics or
ethics) and, in turn, force the adolescent to rebel against the idea of opposing to further
consolidate his position before his own identity.

The moratorium, Erikson believes that during this process of searching for a new identity, many
adolescents, especially those who live in situations of middle or upper class, can afford to
withdraw from normal responsibilities. This "moratorium," as Erikson puts it, is a time when
adolescents can pay more attention to what they are as a person, and less to what they do to earn
money or achieve academic goals.

Transiting into young adulthood, if the adolescent successfully established an identity or at least
is comfortable with who he is as a person, he can begin to move toward adulthood at the right
time (usually around 17 or 18). However, if the crisis of "Identity versus role confusion" was not
addressed and the adolescent does not find his identity, Erikson believed that he would lead to
this confusion of roles in adulthood and possibly even for the rest of his life.

I hope this helps you,

Sincerely, Abby

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Dear Abby,

Is parent-child conflict inevitable during the teen years, or am I just doing something wrong? I
know teens near adulthood and need more independence, but with all the crazy decisions, they
make it seems quite obvious that they still need a lot of help and guidance. How can I remain
influential in my teens’ life while still helping them grow? What advice do you have for parents
and/or adolescents during this challenging time?

Stressed in Savannah (Chapter 16, Letter 3)

Dear Stressed in Savannah,

Thank you for writing to me with your questions. Many changes happen as individuals reach
adolescence. They are getting older, trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be.
They are trying to gain their own identity and independence. They are going through new things
and care about what others think of them. Their bodies are changing. They are getting a whole
new slew of hormones and emotions along with their brain still developing. It is a time where
you question everything. You are trying to figure out where you belong in this thing called life,
who you want to be, who you are now, where you want to go from here. Parent- child conflicts
are common and inevitable. It typically peaks in early adolescence and is more common between
mothers and daughters. They begin to question the role parents play in their life as well as the
independence of them self. They seek the approval of their friends over their parents causing a
rift in the relationship. Keep working on communicating with them and accepting them through
their changes. Be understanding of their want for independence and journey of self-discovery.
Being there for them and spending time building a relationship with them will be important now
as well as in the future.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

In early adolescence, my daughter had more friends than she does now. She does have a few
close friends, but I’ve encouraged her to expand her friendship group. How do friendships
change during adolescence? When do most start pairing off with the opposite sex and spending
less time with their same-sex friends? Is there anything parents should know about friendships?

Few Friends in Fillmore (Chapter 16, Letter 4)

Dear Few Friends in Fillmore

The adolescent must face many changes in this stage of his life, both physical and psychic.
It is here that he begins to question the rules of adults more fiercely and progressively loses

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his dependence on his parents. It is easier and less embarrassing to consult your doubts
and concerns with your friends, given the empathy you feel when experiencing the same
thing as him. The structure of friends changes according to age. In preadolescence,
friendships are usually homogeneous. Adolescents tend to choose their group according to
very elaborate criteria and look for people who have values, ideas and attitudes like their
own. The sociocultural level is like that of childhood friendships. Conversations with close
friends help the adolescent to know himself and to understand the changes that are
happening to him at this stage of his life.
At this point parents of teenagers may feel the need to want to help their children to seek
good friendships that will have a good influence on their children. Although the need for
independence increases in adolescence, the importance of the family in its development
remains the same. There will be times when he seeks this support from his parents,
siblings, and always has to find it, it is also important to try not to belittle his friends, the
teenager perceives it as an attack against himself. Inviting them home is a good way to get
to know them and show interest in their lives. Teach them to differentiate "appearance",
what we try to be or what we are asked to be, the "identity", what we really are. That will
help them cope with peer pressure.
Monitor the use of the Internet and social networks. Placing the computer in the living room
and limiting its use at night will facilitate control. There are times when teenagers look for
friendships on the web, a very dangerous issue because you never know who is on the
other side. - Maintain communication, with an open and safe conversation, so that the
adolescent does not lose confidence. I hope I have been helpful.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

Help! My daughter is dating Scar. He has no ambition, has tattoos all over his body, and he wears
clothes with disgusting messages. It seems the harder I push, the harder my daughter pushes
back. How can I help her drive Scar away without driving my daughter away?

Bad Boys in Boston (Chapter 16, Letter 5)

Dear Bad Boys in Boston

It seems that parents help shape the behavior that predisposes their children to revolve around a
particular group. This means that you will not be able to choose your child's friends, but by
providing a good moral foundation, a good example, and a proper relationship with him, you will
be shown a safer path to choosing your friends. And if your child is already involved with a
friend who is a bad influence, what can he do?

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Unit 5: Dear Abby Letters University-
Idaho

Dialogue is the right path. The attempts to forbid the friendship of his son with that friend that
considers bad influence for him, could be unsuccessful; so that a dialogue, open, frank, without
falling into signs, could be the right way to make him see reason, giving his opinion and his
reasons but, at the same time, allowing whoever makes the final decision is him.
Get to know this friend of your child a little more closely. Do not judge by appearance, allow
yourself to know this friend a little more in depth, and then draw conclusions. However, if you
really consider that this person is being a very bad influence for your child and may involve you,
or has already done so, in criminal or self-harm behaviors, such as drugs or alcohol intake, you
may be inclined to:
A change of residence, educational institution or even city, in search of a more conducive
environment for your child.
Search for a program or therapeutic help, to guide you on what to do.
Do not turn your back on your child, your support is indispensable; Give her reasons to stay
together with the family.
Pray. God is our quick help in the tribulations, and more when it comes to making changes in
other people. Do not stop praying each day for the restoration of your child. In this article you
will find ideas on how to strengthen your child's faith.
The value of friendship is a legacy that a father leaves to his son, even the first friendship
relationship that he experiences is what he maintains with his parents. For this, one last
reflection, is that relationship of friendship that we have established with our son is healthy,
lasting, and is based on respect and honesty? If so, you can rest assured and trust that you will
make great choices for your life, and that it will be a good influence for others.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

About a month ago, we had a young person in our community commit suicide. It seems to have
impacted our community, including my own children. I hear stories about suicide pacts or
copycat attempts. Are such things really common during adolescence? What should I look for as
a parent? How can we heal from the awful pain experienced by our community and move on to
greater optimism and joy? Are there gender differences in the risk factors, methods, or
intervention strategies?

Still Hurting in Hannibal (Chapter 16, Letter 6)

Dear Still Hurting in Hannibal,

Suicide is something that affects everyone. It is a tragic event that makes people think about why
someone would do that and what could have been done to prevent it. Suicide is the third leading
cause of death for 15 to 24-year old’s and the 2nd cause of death for 24 to 35-year old’s. Cluster
suicides is a term for the occurrence of several suicides within a group over a brief span of time.
Talking to a therapist, getting on depression medication, talking to loved ones, keeping a
gratitude journal, going to a support group can all help those who are experiencing suicidal

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Unit 5: Dear Abby Letters University-
Idaho

thoughts or depression.

Sincerely, Abby

Dear Abby,

Are teens really involved in more delinquency and criminal behavior than adults, or is it just a
myth? If such activities are higher during adolescence, is it representative of a life-long pattern to
come, or is it just a passing phase? I guess I’m just wondering how worried I should be about my
own son’s mishaps with the law. What advice would you give to parents? Are there effective
intervention approaches or do we just wait it out?

Delinquent in Delaware (Chapter 16, Letter 7)

Dear Delinquent in Delaware

There are two types of offenders, life course persistent of offender’s adolescence, limited
offenders. Life course persistent offenders are people whose criminal activity typically begins in
early adolescence and continues throughout life, a career criminal. Adolescence – limited
offenders are people whose criminal activity stop by age 21. Some of the causes of delinquency
are, short attention spans, hyperactivity, inadequate emotional regulation, slow language
development, low intelligence early and sever malnutrition, autistic tendencies, maternal
cigarette smoking and severe child abuse. But just having a low self esteem and/or anger issues
can cause delinquency. You can wait it out and hope that maybe he will want to change, but there
are intense treatments you can find too. (495, 496)

Sincerely, Abby

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