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Laura Corona

Professor Huerta

English 1

The Reality of American Families

Throughout history the model of a picture perfect family has remained relatively the same

despite the changes in structure of a real life family. Although the typical model of a nuclear

family - a heterosexual married couple with dependent kids - might seem the most common to

many people, it isn’t necessarily the reality we live in today. In fact, this idea is antiquated and

unreliable when speaking of an average American family yet politicians and other authoritative

figures seem to be stuck on this idea of these unerring “family values” embedded in children

through their nuclear family. Although when politicians speak of traditional families they don’t

include single parents, families in multigenerational households, or undocumented residents, it is

the reality many live in as present day Americans. Turning a blind eye to the actuality of these

families and their choice in parenting because they are not what is historically traditional will

only hinder our growth both as a society and as a country.

This myth of the model family can be traced back to the post war life of the 1950’s where

women had to stop working in order to stay at home with the kids leaving the men as the primary

breadwinners. One of the most explicit ways this family structure was displayed was through the

sitcoms of that time which families looked at to see a representation of how they should be and

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gain optimism for the future of their families. Although to the outside world the nuclear family

seemed to be perfect, that wasn’t necessarily the case. In the study What We Really Miss About

the 1950s Stephanie Coontz further explains this myth and analyses how people perceive it.

Coontz also teaches family studies and history at the Evergreen State College in Olympia,

Washington in addition to being an award-winning writer and an internationally recognized

expert on family. When referring to the interviews she conducted Coontz says, “When I talk with

modern parents, even those who grew up in in unhappy families, they associate the 1950’s with a

yearning they feel for a time when there were fewer complicated choices for kids or parents to

grapple with, when there was more predictability in how people formed and maintained families

, when there was a coherent “moral order” in their community to serve as a reference point for

family norms” (25). With this statement Coontz does more than just explain the nostalgia for the

family values of the time, she also states that there were unhappy families and kids who grew up

in those families but they were just never discussed. This proves that the myth of the perfect

nuclear family is just that, a myth, not something for us to model our lives after or compare

others to and as a result isolate them for not fitting the fictional mold.

Despite the negative connotation behind having children out of wedlock because it doesn’t fit

the mold of a traditional family, it is a situation that is becoming more and more recurrent.

Although having a single parent can be seen as a disadvantage it actually provides kids and

parents with a lot of cultural wealth. Through their experiences, both parts of this household

learn how to be independent and make the most of what they have. In fact, through my personal

experience having a single mom I have learned to aspire for more out of my life and seek to

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further my education in order to provide for myself without the need of marriage. In addition to

that, I have also learned to observe things with an attitude of cultural relativism in order to both

expand my knowledge on dissimilar cultures and also create a better environment for me and

those surrounding me. Therefore politicians are exercising a double standard when they ask for

more out for the younger generations yet go on to conclude that their values aren’t accurate

because they come from an unconventional household.

This double standard leads to the independence of kids and single parents being seen as the

contrary of having family values because of the lack of male superiority in a predictable

marriage. It is because of this longing to see heterosexual marriages that it has become a

common belief that single mothers don’t value the idea of marriage when in fact it is the

complete opposite. In Kathryn Edin’s study Promises I Can Keep she discusses single mothers

that society believes have given up on marriage due to their financial disadvantages. In one of

her interviews with a participant named Jenn, Edin realizes that these single mothers haven’t

given up on marriage and argues, “We found few who had given up on the idea of marriage. But

like their elite counterparts, disadvantaged women set a high financial bar for marriage,” (626-7).

Edin goes on to state that these disadvantaged single mothers find themselves only considering

marriage if a white-picket-fence lifestyle can be maintained and a safe loving home is guaranteed

for their children. This is an indication that contrary to popular belief, disadvantaged women

actually cherish family values so deeply that they cannot commit to marriage if there is even a

slight chance of divorce.

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 Furthermore, single parenting has also generated an increase in multigenerational households.

Despite them being stigmatized for a lack of traditional family values they actually maintain a

very tight-knit bond with those they love. As a matter of fact it is because of the extra help from

their extended family that crucial family values in their culture are enforced. This is another

reason why different families and their values should be acknowledged, it is these families who

display a large appreciation for family and the values passed down through generations. As

stated in the article “The Color of Family Ties: Race, Class, Gender, and Extended Family

Involvement” by Naomi Gerstel and Natalia Sarkisian the non-nuclear families display a more

communal way of life. Gerstel and Sarkisian say “Even if they don’t live together, Blacks and

Latinos/as are as likely as whites - and in some ways more likely - to be supportive family

members”(47). Nothing says family values like the loyalty and readiness to help when your

family - immediate or extended - needs it. With their statement, Gerstel and Sarkisian show the

perfect example as to why the old idea of family values only being valid if they are from nuclear

families is antiquated.

Along with multigenerational households, undocumented residents are also looked at as an

anomaly for their lack of documentation. Regardless of their efforts to be socialized into

American culture, undocumented residents are often thought of as living in the shadows, always

in despair and never content with their life. This narrative opposes the actuality in the everyday

lives of many undocumented residents. Robert Warren and Donald Kerwin from the

Center for Migration Studies make it their point to tear down this false account of how

undocumented residents live through their study Mass Deportations Would Impoverish US

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Families and Create Immense Social Costs. Warren and Kerwin state “Three-quarters of a

million undocumented residents are self-employed, having created their own jobs and in the

process creating jobs for many others”. With just that single line, Kerwin and Warren obliterate

the single most common way undocumented residents are vilified, the constant allegation that

they take away jobs from hard working Americans. This fact not only erases that assumption but

also changes the narrative that all undocumented residents are lazy people who have everything

handed to them. In reality, undocumented residents spend their lives contributing to society and

to the economy of the country they consider to be their home.

All in all, in the 1950s the only race to fit into the mold of a nuclear family was the white race

implying that in some way they were superior. Despite the changes throughout time many people

still refuse to welcome people of color into the definition of the ideal nuclear family. Denying

these very real but different families the chance to be considered an accurate definition of a

family is both demeaning and needless in the reformist time we live in. The power politicians

have to dictate what are the “correct” family values is simply a social construct. The longer we

let them believe they have a say over how everyone should live their lives, the longer they will

continue to vilify anyone who doesn't fit their fictional mold. It is in times of great distress, like

today, that we must change the narrative, accept the diversity surrounding us and stop idolizing

the notion of having the perfect nuclear family.

Works Cited
1. Coontz, Stephanie What We Really Miss About the 1950s; excerpt from Colombo, Gary,

Rereading America: cultural contexts for critical thinking and writing. Bedford/St.

Martins, 2004.

2. Edin, Kathryn, Promises I can keep: why poor women put motherhood before marriage.

University of California Press, 2011.

3. Gerstel, Naomi and Sarkisian, Natalia, The Color of Family Ties: Race, Class, Gender, and

Extended Family Involvement; excerpt from Colombo, Gary, Rereading America: cultural

contexts for critical thinking and writing. Bedford/St. Martins, 2004.

4. Warren, Robert and Kerwin Donald, Mass Deportations Would Impoverish US families and

Create Immense Social Costs, Journal on Migration and Human Security, vol. 5, no. 1,

2017, pp. 1–8., doi:10.14240/jmhs.v5i1.71.